QAA Podcast - PERVERTS Episode 1: Gooning feat Jesse Farrar & Mike Hale of the Your Kickstarter Sucks Podcast

Episode Date: December 5, 2023

A podcast where Liv Agar and Julian Feeld venture into horny online subcultures and take you along for the ride. Gooning, Gooners, Goonettes, the Goon State and Goon Caves. Is it just copious masturbation? Is it the overconsumption of pornography? Is it a tantric state? Is it a solo or group thing? Is it gay? Is it an online community? Why not all of these things, all the time, everywhere, forever? This first episode of PERVERTS we are joined by Jesse Farrar and Mike Hale of the Your Kickstarter Sucks Podcast to discuss. For the remaining 9 episodes of the series as they come out (+ all miniseries + all premium QAA episodes) go to https://patreon.com/qanonanonymous and subscribe for just $5 a month. Your Kickstarter Sucks: https://patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks / https://twitter.com/yourkickstarter Go Off Kings Twitch Stream: https://twitch.tv/gooffkings Theme by Nick Sena, additional music by Pontus Berghe. Editing by Corey Clotz.

Sex. Both me. Both me. Both me. I'm Levegar. I'm Julian Field. And this is the perverts podcast, where we venture into horny online subcultures and take you along for the ride. In the deep mudslick tunnels of our collective unconscious, where the glistening worms tangle up,

in blind pleasure, an endless mumble of lustful prayers escaping the quivering mass. There we gather to record the first episode of perverts about gooning, gooners, goonets, the goon caves, and the goon state. And joining us in this goon cave, for the first week and the pilot episode of perverts, we've got Mike Hale and Jesse Farrar from the Your Kickstarter Sucks podcast. Welcome, guys. What's up? Hello, what's going on? So does the Kickstarter suck you Or do you suck the Kickstarter?

Well In a perfect world The Kickstarter would suck us We had our druthers Yep druthers We don't have our druthers sadly There was a time where we experimented With something on the show

Called embarrassingly the long suck Which I think we leaned maybe too hard On suck being something you would do To a weiner And I think that's like too I don't think we should have And I think we smartly dropped it But the idea I think was to

focus for a long period of time. I know listeners of this episode will be enthralled to hear this. Focus for a long period of time on a single subject, except for instead of sort of like a blitzkrieg of pussy and ass, it was like, yeah, it was like a dog bowl that's like a square or whatever.

A wireless dog bowl. Yeah. You ever think of how much of a better place Poland would be if the blitzkrieg was of pussy and ass? I don't think about Poland a lot. I don't, I know that was a thing. There was a thing on TikTok, like, ask your man how much he thinks about Poland. I don't really think about it that much.

Yeah. Julian first episode, are you in trouble for his pussy cost joke? No, no. She's referencing the pussy, the cost of pussy. Sex workers, we're positive, we're sex positive. Moving on. Goon State Origins. On October 19, 1938, in glorious black and white, Popeye crashed a boat on a strange island.

He was searching for his long-lost father, Poop-Deck Pappy. Popeye soon made the acquaintance of a very strange creature. Oh, I don't like the looks of this place of told, huh? If sailors is too quaint or out here to suit me, that's all I got to say, huh? I wish me old man could have got lost someplace else besides here. Wow! Oops, New Island, you mean's keep up. I wonder if they mean me. Goons be a goon from Goody Island, I guess.

Goons! They are slack-jawed, racist caricatures of island savages, seemingly walking in circles with their shoulders hunched and their arms hanging loose, making rhythmic grunts. Uh, Popeye, by the way, it does, I think this is, like, pretty consistent among, like, cartoons of that era. And I'm really not sure why, but they give him that about to nut voice. Like, oh, yeah, I'll do an island. He's walking around, yeah, jig the whole time. Oh, I'm going to bust a nut here. That would make sense The spinach is like stuff you can buy

From the gas station too, right? That like gets your talk like super hard Or whatever that is Grab it and go Why the gas stations have that? They have the spinach Have the little section of like food That's like marked up like 400%

Yeah I know why they do it No let's get into it Why do I can buy food at the gas station? Why is everything so expensive in here For stuff today People need necessities Why are they

Well, because people like you need to eat, Mike. What are they going to make it to the supermarket during opening hours? That's true. I did, I recent, this is not about whacking off the porno, so sorry for the brief derailed. I went, I went to the corner store, and I had to get a jug of milk. And it was, you know what I did, what I found so distasteful about it? They didn't do the thing where they have, like the, that was the one thing. It was basically cheese in there.

I just, yeah, I slugged it back, but it wasn't what I wanted. You know how you go to a corner store, you go to an off-brand market or whatever, and they have like a different brand. They have the courtesy to re-badge the milk, I least, so it's not, so in your mind, you're like, oh, I'm getting, this is from like a different farm than the milk I would get somewhere else. So I don't have to like price compare. But the guy didn't even do me the favor of pretending it wasn't from Sam's Club. He just got the Sam's Club milk and put it in his fridge and charge me two more dollars for it. And he knew. Big Dick move.

He knew that I had to go home and like look up how much it was at Sam's. to see how much more money I gave him for the convenience of stopping by the store pain in my ass. How well does he know you to know that that's what you're going to do? Because that's not the average human's reaction, I'd say. No? We don't go home and look up the supermarket

price. Okay. To be like, I fucking just got ripped off $2 an hour ago. I hope you're enjoying the milk in there, kids. You know, I got ripped. Daddy got off two bucks. Well, it defeats the purpose of buying the members mark brand, which is you're buying in bulk and therefore saving money per unit.

Yeah, he's buying in bulk. Jeez. But we're here to talk about a different bulk and a different milk. Mommy's milk and the bulge, the bulge in our pants before we open our zippers and start jacking off. As a quick history lesson, Goon did mean kind of like big, dumb person, just in general. Then later it got that whole connotation of like maybe these people are criminals, like they're henchmen. In fact, to this day, gooning was the kind of definition or word used for kids being like abducted to be brought to like reeducation camps when they're like too into drugs or very antisocial. So like you got gooned as like dude showed up in the middle of the night for like that intervention where they throw you in a van, your family waves and goes, we actually pay these guys for this and they abduct you, which is very questionable.

Do you think anyone's been gooned for gooning yet? Oh, I bet they have. Honestly, yeah, probably. Yeah. Yeah, if Mario was still around on TV, that would be like a whole week of episodes, right? Yeah. He was gooned for gooning. And then they bring out, like, the mom, it's like, yeah, he was jacking off for eight hours.

He was jacking off nine, ten hours a day, Murray. He's in there all day long looking at his screens, Murray. They think his name's Murray. Murray Purvich. So I thought to kind of track back why gooning is now associated with masturbating, I thought we would look back on, you know, historic posts to the famous Urban Dictionary.

So in 2005, we have a post from Jack and Jason. Jesse, would you like to read this first definition of gooning? Yeah, absolutely. Gooning, the act of a very, you know, somewhat there should be verb. It needs to be verb. They're missing the whole dictionary part of being a dictionary. That's fine. I'll put up with... Well, this is the dictionary of the streets, man. Don't come here with your professorly conduct. Uh, gooning. The act of a very addicted or chronic masturbator, getting so into masturbating or jacking off, that the dude becomes

the total goon, becomes stupid on his own cock, can think of nothing else but busting a nut. I thought the example we could, we could play it out. So, Mike, would you like to play big bro? and I'll play Lil' bro? Yeah, yeah. Dude, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were jacking off. I'm not just jacking off, bro. I'm fucking gooning on this dick.

I'll give you a thumbs up. That one actually does feel like, because it's written, it's sort of written like a play, it's a dialogue, and it does, that one actually does feel like one where if you got the monkeys on the typewriters,

I think they would actually do this one. Like, I don't know if they would do the Tempest, but I think they would. do that one eventually. Yeah. So that was 2005, and I think for most people, the connotation of, like, jacking off with gooning is probably just like a couple years old. Like, from talking to people about doing this first episode just out there in the wild,

people are like, oh, yeah, what is that? That's most of the reactions, and they kind of know that it's people who jack off in some way online. But even this definition in 2005 doesn't really have any of the later stuff. Like, it doesn't have the pornography. It's not really about, like, reaching a state of, like, almost. tantric ecstasy. It's really just like

you're beating off like really hard and I guess there's already a focus on the dick, right? That's what's so sad is that it's become memed now.

It's meaned and it's lost all meaning. It used to be good. It used to be good. Gooning used to be good. In 2012 we have

a man, are these people making these accounts just to like because every okay we had Jack and Jason and now we have

funky jerker. Yeah, but if you're on Urban Dictionary probably most of the stuff your defining is about jacking off and porno and stuff. Like, well, that's all there is on there. So you're getting a lot of use out of it probably. That's true. So this is the 2012 definition of gooning. Liv, would you like to take this one? Absolutely. In quotes, gooning may be most simply defined as that state usually achieved after a prolonged edging session when a man becomes

completely hypnotized by the feeling radiating his penis. Not radiating from. I think they mean from, yeah. Since a gooning state can only be achieved after edging, the man's dick will have become mightily aroused at this point, and every caress the male genitals are subjected to will trigger potent elation. As the man keeps edging and less keeps experiencing intense pleasure, he enters a state of trance, where his mind intimately merges with his cock, the gooning state, where he and his dick become one. To be even more accurate, when the gooning state is achieved, the man's body becomes, for all intents and purposes, an appendage to his erection. When this state is achieved, the male becomes freed of all social codes of conduct, and his arousal alone dictates

his reactions. As a result, a gooned-out man will become very expressive and demonstrative. He may become very vocal, while his body and face might take on undignified expressions and poses, all in response to the intense, exquisite caress his penis is exposed to. Hence the term goon, since at this point the man effectively looks like a silly, foolish, or eccentric person. I'm really liking the the thesaurus technology busting it on here yeah and you were saying that they weren't formal like this is a very i feel like this is a redditor uh really making their strongest attempt to write a high school essay this kind of sounds like a scientist yeah and there's an addendum at the bottom gooning is not a narcissistic manifestation narcissism is extreme selfishness with a grandiose view of one's

own talents rather gooning is closer to a meditation experience with the mind and the body alone line. Focus on a single thought or feeling in this case, which is good because I had that question whether it was a narcissistic thing. Yeah, is it narcissistic to jack off alone for hours? Of course not, because your dick is actually the main character and it isn't you. It's absorbing you. It's wearing you. It's selfless. It's like your dick has a person. This is like, um, there's a, there's a category for this, for this word or this part of speech or whatever where you, there's something that exist and then you look backwards to like fill in the definition of it. You know what I'm talking about? Like I don't think, I don't think they're expressing this idea. You're talking about they,

they retconned. They retconed gooning. Yeah, I didn't want to sound like a fucking movie YouTube guy. But yeah, like I guess, I guess that's what I'm thinking of, right? It's like, I think maybe like this part here where it says, hence the term goon, since at this point the man effectively looks like a silly, foolish, or eccentric person. I think that's kind of convenient that that is. He's saying it's about it's about it's about it was about jacking off first and then the meditation stuff came later. I just I just I think I think it's called gooning because it's a silly word that nobody

used for any real reason. I don't think it's because you look crazy when you do it. I think I think that's like a cute that's like you're I don't know like you're on trial for something. You had to come up with some like specific reason why you use the word goon. I just don't know I don't freaking buy that. I don't buy it for one second. You're on to these.

guys. You're not getting one past old C. You're not just nutting over my shoulder, okay? You're hitting me square in the mind, and I'm thinking. I am thinking. But this was interestingly in 2012, which is like 11 years ago when it was definitely not yet a meme. It definitely wasn't like a thing that people wrote articles about because all the articles I could find are kind of in the last three or four years. I don't know, Liv. Do you think that's accurate? I think so. I think the porn I checked shows up like six or seven years ago for the most part with titles but even still it was before that the porn you checked cool you know yeah for the podcast so that was researching so the next definition comes in 2016 gooning for males the act of becoming completely self-absorbed with your penis

and masturbation such that your face and mannerisms takes on the personality of a goon tongue out vacant expression grunting muttering men gooning often prefer hours of edging slas erection to actual release slash orgasm, an artifact of modern times and plentiful porn. After smoking a huge bull, Andy looked forward to the hours of gooning that followed. And this was posted by Urbano Turbano, which I guess is the first one that isn't just openly

a masturbation reference in the username, too. His name sounds like one of those sex moves they make up. It does, yeah. Her face when you do the Urbano Turbano. I clicked on Urbano Turbano's profile. The other definition they've left is not too good. Is it good? It's not good.

It's not good. I'll leave that for the listener. Well, just maybe give us the name, not the definition, but what they define. What's the word? The word is no head. No head. Yeah. Well, that's an alternate definition for Gooner.

It's really a lot worse than that. Oh, God. Okay, so moving on to the 2019 definition by Gilgabob of gooner. So this time, the person instead of the act. A person who commits the act of gooning, in more extreme cases, many people choose to go so far with gooning that they willingly develop a porn addiction and base their life around it. To them, porn is everything. There is no ultimatum greater than porn, and many even seek out other gooners just to discuss how amazing porn is, as their life spirals into complete. Depravity. How someone goons to porn and the process of forcing themselves to turning into a porn addict isn't wholly clear cut. Some prefer to refer themselves as a pornosexual. Gooners are often total weirdos with bragging about being addicted and call porn on stars goddesses. Moral of the story, porn this, porn that. Just do whatever pleases you, even if it means being a gooner. There's no room for that kind of editorializing in a definition, I feel like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It turns defensive. You can't have a moral of

this story when you're defining a word. Like an Andy Rooney turning in the camera or something like that. It's Jack how you want. Yeah, there's going to be like a freeze frame. You may wonder how I got here. And it's just a guy about the nut after eight hours.

You're like, ooh. Yeah, that's me. This was, so this definition was from Gilgabobab, which In an effort to catch up with the definition on Urban Dictionary, see if he had written anything else. I inadvertently typed in Gilgobabob to the Urban Dictionary Search, which is itself, I think, a porno-related term, which I've not heard of. Oh, okay. It's, I don't know, it's kind of, I honestly can't really parse it.

Maybe you can, after I read it, says, one dope human after another, fucked depravity roping in them clouds and showing off what he's proud about, always ready, always on some type of go. even if it's just going to the fridge for a beer or heading into town for the council because we're always ready to build especially Gilgabob the metaphysical master. It's a crazy guy. I think it might be just one of them classic crazy guys. He's posting.

He's using this to just post. Like this is his bio. He posted his bio. Yeah. Incredible. Well, good for you, Gilgobabob. I did want to play out this scene. So, Liv, would you like to play Chad or Brad?

I'll play the other. I'll play Brad. All right, so I'm Chad. Fapping to porn on three monitors. Walks into room. Hey, Chad. The mail just came in. Oh, my God. Dude, that's disgusting. How long have you been doing this for? I woke up at 6 this morning, and I've been jerking off since, man. Wait, what? It's 3 p.m. already. I've become a gooner. All I want anymore is porn.

Oh, he's got good sleep hygiene. Good friend. Yeah, this chronic masturbator has better sleep hygiene than me and Mike. like it up at six oh my god that's how you know someone loves porn as they set their alarm for it getting up like you're getting up to work that's sad when gooning

starts to feel like a work that job yeah it's not fun anymore that sucks what have I become listeners will not be able to see it but Mike has been doing the Ahegao face and sticking out his tongue

I'm not that good at it No, you're good, man I was about the bus just looking at it I'm serious You're not just a podcaster man We've got one final definition to get through before we move on And this is for gooning

The Act Who has not read a definition yet? I guess everyone has read it It's back to you Jesse then Perfect Gooning Masturbation is so intense That it becomes a state of meditation

That consumes you and provides endless pleasure you either pair it with over stimming, coming as much as you can, or edging, trying not to come for as long as possible. There is not one way to goon, they all just have one goal, be consumed by your masturbation into bliss. It is almost always, but doesn't need to, paired with porn, or surrounds itself with porn. It is also known at baiting. A few errors here. Let's give this another look.

I guess maybe you were busy while you were typing this out. Fucking jack it off. Yeah. A lot of these is that. It's like, how smart can you sound while you're using one hand to do the obvious? For all I know, this is part of the fetish, is like acting, like being stupid while you're doing definitions about your masturbation. That's probably part of it. So the how to use it says, I was gooning for several hours last night. I'm such a baiter. And then, oh my God, yes, look at you serving cunt. You are such a gooner. So this is an interesting one because for the first time it has like basically queen. coded, like language, which actually I found out is a thing, like, live. There's, there's a whole subsection of gooners and maybe even like early, early kind of gooning culture is like really

built into queer culture, basically. There's even like some stuff we'll read from where it's kind of like, this is ours. This is our term. We're kind of, you know, we're kind of proud of it. I am confused. I don't think anyone has said, look at you, Servic, Kant, you were such a gooner before. I think that is a new sentence. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. by three mate l'amol. And this, this wasn't voted up so, so much. So it just shows that at this point, people are just having fun. It's 2023.

Everyone knows what gooning is. And you got the late comers doing their little, doing their little dances. I think maybe, maybe the, like, OG gooners don't like the idea that it's about coming a lot. Like, they want to hold on to that. Like, no, I don't come at all. Return. Return. Retain.

Yeah, there's nothing much more return than, like, eight monitors with pornography. Like our ancestors used to So this is like I guess kind of just to show that this is evolved I mean people do not agree on what it means That's the bottom line Like even the people who are in on the scene Don't agree

Some are like this is actually spiritual Some people claim you can goon While having sex with somebody Like someone was saying like I can goon Like I'm gooning And someone is sucking my penis at the same time But a lot of people are like no Gooning is like a solo activity

They relate it to like almost maybe if Tantra were completely stripped of spirituality, if it were completely tied to consumption where the porn never ends, it's like the supermarket that never closes and you're just constantly just window shopping and you're never reaching the state of coming. You just kind of suspend yourself at that heightened state. And then people describe usually 20 minutes to an hour to a bit more maybe. They'll reach a place called the goon state, which is where you want to get to. And that's a bit like tantra, where you're like, basically, you claim that you're reaching a different type of orgasm, and then you're extending it way beyond the possibilities

of, um, you know, the relatively open and shut nature of the male orgasm. For a lot of them, it's like solo, but with other people. So they're like, we want to get up, we want to like get together and jerk off and appreciate being in the goon state, like, you know, with my boys. Yes. And people are getting turned on and they're getting into the goon state by, they're getting aroused by the idea that they can't stop masturbating, they're getting aroused by the idea of the goon state and how it possesses them and takes over their body. Is this funny to you, Mike? I was reading a book of jokes. I'd love to hear one. You think this is like a joke or something? It is, I don't know. I don't know if at the end,

are we going to give a ruling at the end of this if we think it's okay to do or not? Is that part of this is passing judgment on the people who are doing it? We're rating the kinks. Have you baked that in, whether we're shame or praise on the kink? Like a five-star rating? You know, this is something I've thought about. Perverts is going to be one of those relative

five screens all playing pornography. And if it has four out of five, it's still five screens, but one of them just has stalks on it. You know, that is something that we definitely have been thinking about with perverts it's like you know who are we to kink shame i i'll speak for myself and all of you we're perverts we all have our own shit and uh we're probably we don't we might not share it with you but i think like you know what yeah we're gonna make fun of all kinks and we're also going to enjoy them whatever because they are objectively funny and if you're offended

technically if you're a gooner you might be getting turned on by the fact that we think uh little of you right if we're telling them like wow what a waste of fucking time this person and they're They're not even, like, beyond those first two or three words, they're in the goon state. They can barely hear the rest of our sentence because they've reached it just from our disrespect. So who knows, you know? It's like if people accuse us of kink shaming, we'll just say, well, my kink, I get off on kink shaming. So don't shame me for shaming you. You're nutting.

I'm nutting. That's not awesome get out of jail free. Yeah. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, you get out of jail free by saying I'm nutting to this, actually. It's like a fringe on the flag situation. That's really smart. I have a couple of parts of articles that I dug up that I thought we would kind of get through

before we jump into a very elaborate rabbit hole that has been constructed for us by Live that involves memes, Reddit threads, and I'd say kind of like a Hunter Thompson-esque exploration of gooning where you can feel free to goon along with us. Wow. We're gooning down the rabbit hole. It would be like a 65-beat-per-minute song playing. Make sure to just time your strokes with it. And what if it was the rabbit's hole?

Okay. I don't know. I don't know. Is that okay? Is that not okay? I'm just saying I'd want to fall down it a little more. Here is from a vice article by Samantha Cole from 2023. Benny has a PC that connects to four monitors that he plays his favorite porn clips on in a loop.

An iPad and iPhone arm extension is mounted to the headboard of his bed so he can keep the most intense. tense scenes right in front of his face, hands free. He keeps it dark in the room to obscure everything in the room that isn't porn, and a large-breasted sex doll without a head or limbs stays close at hand. I thought that was a pretty interesting, just, I don't know, just to imagine a kind of like what it is to be in the goon state, in the goon cave, and the image of a large-breasted sex doll without a head or limbs staying close at hand is something else. As I've gotten older, I think I was always told as a kid, like, when you get older, you'll, like, you'll become more conservative in your viewpoints. You know what I mean? You'll, like, understand, like, wanting to keep more of your money and, like, being distrustful of, like, taxes and whatever, whatever, like, more intolerant or what I guess that was the prediction for me, like, as a kid in the South, like, you'll become more conservative. I don't think I had.

You're going to be real racist. They said to you, they said, you're going to grow up real racist. They sat me down. They said, you think you're racist now. I said, yeah, of course. But I think, like, I don't think that's true, but I think I have, like, I think I have sort of, I've tried to, to remember the amount of times I've said, oh, that seems stupid. And then I do it. And I'm like, oh, that's not stupid at all. You know, Stefan on the Goff King's making me play a video game. I'm like, oh, that looks stupid. And then I like it or whatever.

I'm trying to keep more of an open mind about stuff. But I think there are some things that I feel comfortable saying I'll never be a fan of. And I think it's the large breasted sex doll. without a head or limbs that I think I think I'm just out I think I just get a head on the goddamn I what do we yeah what's the head what's the head not being there what does that do for you put the head on it well I mean personally you know when I'm with a naked woman I always feel like what are you supposed to do with like the head part or the arms or the legs like there's it's just like I mean and also like it's not that easy to just

set it on a desk yeah yeah why is this why is why are these genitals looking back at me. I think that all that's done. You're right. You know what? I got to keep an old mind. Once again, I was wrong. Thank you. Yeah, what is it? It's like, if you're not a socialist at 20, you have no heart. And if you don't think it's okay to have a sex doll with no head and no arms and no legs at 40, then you've got no brain. So, smarten up. Smarting the fuck up. Beyond the Goon Cave by JV. Marks for Zipper Magazine. Undated. And this is, this is basically a defense of gooning as something queer that, you know, one should be prideful of. So I was thinking, yeah, Mike, you're gonna love this one. So yeah, it's like, so you. There's basically a script at this point. The eyes cross, the tongue hangs out, the brow furrows, drool puddles, the mouth opens wide. Stupid pleasure radiates in a cringy smile. Why is nobody talking about this? They groan. They moan. They do something called penis babble. And speak. in tongues, talking about jerking off. It's usually primal, see also monkey baiting.

It's usually stupid or embarrassing. It's intentionally cringe. See also loser baiting. All things that shouldn't be horny, but somehow totally are. Gooning is about taking off the shackles of what's a polite and acceptable expression of pleasure and really going ham with it, allowing that pleasure to manifest in the face, body, and voice, thinking with your dick, thinking with your pussy. being dumb, being an animal

A lot of clippable stuff I'm reading No, not at all Thinking with your pussy I don't encourage listeners To clip this and then leave Answering Machine messages To the YKS podcast And we animals are social

On camera in person Dudes will flex at each other Show off for each other Point at their penis And yes we say penis Not dick, not cock Gooners use intentionally cringe puberty speak language for jerking it making my peepee go bounce bounce up and down on my weiner bro

pulling pud up and down my fuck stick my rigid phallus etc etc gooners encourage one another coach one another copy one another call back and forth like some penile stick omithia they record themselves this guy's a scientist they record themselves show off on line or do it together in person, and like, yes, whatever, some of these dudes are straight. But the point is that they're doing it together. Gooning's existence is only made possible through a homo erotic context. I'm always saying that, by the way. I'm always saying that.

Gooners aren't finding each other online by accident. Gooners goon with other gooners. They goon for other gooners. They goon to other gooners. And yes, some of them goon to girls, even if the girls are calling them, you can't read that. It's on, like, the pages messed up. Okay, wait, let's switch to live for just the word. So take the sentence, live will say the word, and then you can continue with it.

Faggots and cissies. And they goon to guys fucking girls. Call it heteroflexible. Call it gay. Call it whatever. They're sharing it with other guys online. This is Bader culture, a homoerotic third space. Dudes being dudes.

But this kink didn't just come from nowhere or the pandemic, like some suggest. It stems from platonic homo erotic rituals between men when they come of age. You can't have a community of masturbators or completely develop some complicated masturbation kink if there aren't dudes jerking off together in the first place. Guys jerk off together. It's pretty normal guy stuff. It's definitely on the gay side of the fence. I thought like honestly reading this, I was just happy that my generation's version of this,

which is like, you know, gave us the band name Limp Biscuit. That was all about humiliating each other. Like, yes, we're going to jack off together, but it's all so we can. can punish, you know, the last guy who comes, he has to eat the biscuit. At least they just did away with that. They're like, no, we're enjoying the process. You know, they're really being in the moment. That's maybe because, you know, we're the first generation that can't afford homes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The first generation that born after 9-11. Yeah. So true. To really see the world for what it's really fucked up place it is. After 9-11, maybe no one has to eat the

biscuit. Look, this piece humanizes agooners for me quite a bit. I think that what I find distasteful, not just the biscuit, is how the reporter twisted your words. That's what I didn't like about it. That's absolutely right. I just think like, you want to crank yourself and you want to crank your buddy or you want to be in the same room, you know, and no skin off my nose. But I think what I, what I don't like about it is all of the invented vocabulary and all like the, and I also don't like the comparison to monkey stuff. all the time. The other thing that did this that really drives me crazy is a, well, they just

made the movie about it. Dumb money. The GameStop thing. The meme stock people, which it's like, I don't want to have to decide if I like a Reddit stock guy more than a hedge fund manager. I don't want to like have to come up with like whose side I'm on during this.

What I really don't like is you going like Ape together strong. We're we're aping some puts Hoddle. I just don't none of that stuff. Just keep it to yourself. or just like talk normal and do whatever you want. I don't get, you could be the most... No monkey business.

You could be the most evil bastard on the planet. Just talk normal, you know? I just don't want to hear it. It's weird. So not making my pee-pee go bounce-bounce. Yeah. I think if you just said that like a regular way, it would be fine. So before we transition to into the Gunosphere and, you know, look over some of the data collected by Live, I have a little confession.

I listen to a lot of your Kickstarter sucks. It's probably my number one most listened to podcast, as in I will always have an episode kind of playing in the background. I like to fall asleep to it. I listen to them when they come out. And I'll tend to kind of listen to like a, let's say from a certain year set of episodes and then hopefully forget what's in them and come back to that later and stuff like that. So with the amount of time I spend kind of like listening to the show, there's a non-zero chance

that at one point I was listening to the show and I got distracted online by something sexual and I started to masturbate and so technically it's possible

that I've jacked off to your podcast. A lot of people do. A lot of people do. We encourage that. We foster that. Look, I mean, I take it in the spirit

in which it's given. I know this is a confessional so I want to say no judgment but I want to say you are not the first. and by God, you won't be the last. I hope someone's jacking off right now as we speak. It's not a YKS episode, but I hope that our powers combined to really help somebody bust a real thick one or whatever the point of it is.

I felt a little guilty about this, but then I found an episode from a couple years ago. I think this is Jesse speaking. If you put this show on and you start going crazy on yourself, that's okay. I'm consistent. That feels good. I was so terrified you were going to play a clip that was me saying don't jerk off to the show. Yeah, they have to walk it back.

Gotcha, journalism. I've got a second clip here. Oh, I think I'm going to. Whatever. Oh. Whatever it is you're doing. That's fine. Was that the same, was that the same context at least?

Yes. Okay, good. Well, maybe it's never come up again on the show besides. that into the gunosphere all right the first the first link i have is just like platonic ideal of gooner i was going on this website called fet life which is the first time i've said that sentence to be clear sure um and there's like a fairly large gunner group i looked at one of the older ones and there's a post titled question is it too much if it goes on nonstop or 12 hours every single day And then in response, in a couple replies, this username Sealed One responded to this.

And his profile picture is his own flaccid penis. I masturbate as much as I want and can. As long as I'm doing other things and getting things done, I'm usually masturbating. I love the feeling of my penis being engorged in balls hanging low. Usually don't have pant on, so it makes it very easy to give my penis a stroke or two. I don't like stopping either. I usually don't wear pants so I can masturbate as often as I want. Took a conference call yesterday and masturbated through the whole call.

Even came once. I have to mute it when I came, but started over again right after. That's what your boss is doing. I like the, in this also, I like, I like that he hit enter and started a new paragraph. And he said the same thing. Like, I already know you don't wear pants. I got it, dude. I don't, is this is basically a confession to doing something illegal.

I'm pretty sure. If you're on a work call listening to, like, coworkers and you're jacking off and you're muting yourself only for the coming part so they can hear the kind of potentially hear the rhythmic fapping? I like reading stuff like this because it's like, there's a whole world of people out there who are just jacking. Like some guys like, I work in a toll booth and I jack off all day. Like, what, dude?

Then I looked at the bio for his account, and it's very, very interesting as well. He's a steamboat operator. I'm just your average guy. I love to masturbate. Sometimes five or six times a day. I sometimes even wake up at night holding my stiff dick just slowly stroking. I love the feeling of the skin going over the edge of the head and then slowly stroke back feeling the ridge again.

Edging is a passion. Maybe several hours a day. Since I work from my home office, I can edge for hours. Usually no pants. Come on. You really wants everyone to know. I don't even own pants. Usually no pants, since that would be point.

The last summer, I had a 30-year-old housemate. See, this is like, it's like, oh, wait, I think he's in on it. Never mind. I was going to say, like, this is where you become a sex criminal. Exhibitionist type stuff. And the two of us would walk around with no pants, usually sporting nice hard-ons. Was a great summer. Sitting out on the back deck at the apartment, slowly stroking nice cum, leaking hard cocks,

while others just walked by not knowing we were stroking our cocks and having hits of rush. I also love long drives with my cock out just slowly stroking. Sometimes I'll just take the top down on my Miata and just cruise around. Love when it's warm and my balls hang low out of my shorts. That's always fun to see who is crotch watching as you drive by. Okay, so this is a sex crime. You can't just be fucking jacking off and, like, hoping people look down into your car. Is that a crime, really?

Yeah, there's a non-zero chance that you're driving by a child. But sorry, go on, tell us, Jesse, why you think it might not be a crime. It's a Democrat-run cities. I just think it's just interesting in your own personal vehicle. And by the way, I'm not driving. I'm traveling. So that's a big difference there. That's my son of, right?

I just love the idea of a society of people driving meadas with the top down, and they're all fucking jacking off. I mean, imagine if this were the world, you know, if this were just, I mean, I guess, I guess it's better than road rage. Road love. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I think it is. If I were to pick between a guy pulls me over and shoots me with a gun because I, like, merged slightly ahead of him on the highway here in L.A., which is, you know, totally possible.

And a guy pulls me over, gets out of his vehicle, has no pants on, and it's just insanely arrest. What the hell are you doing? What the hell are you driving like that for? Are you crazy or something? He's jacking off while walking up to him. Trying to fucking drive. You crazy asshole? I'll take that over the gun.

It's like, what's the worst it's going to happen? I'm going to get hit with a cum shot. I'll take that over a bullet. I can recover a hell of a lot faster from a load than I can. Nine millimeter. Now for the geeky nerd side. Very much into electronics, computers, and mechanical technology, and I hold a number of patents. Currently working on new devices to make life easier and more fun.

We'll be starting to design a masturbation device, something like a fleshlight but not hand-operated should be a lot of fun. Love the outdoors and hiking around the mountains. Love going to nude beaches and generally being naked outdoors. I have been to nude beaches and clothing optional beaches, and one thing that I do like there is that it's essentially kind of a desexualized space. I know a lot of people imagine that that's like a, I don't know, a place where people go to be horny, but when you're surrounded by naked people of all ages, you have a tendency to kind of just start to feel very differently about the human body. You're just like, oh yeah, like, I don't No, like it takes away the whole, oh, clothing half on, half off.

Like, it kind of desexualizes it. Now, will there be a guy like this in the bushes? Sure. Jacking off to, yeah, it does happen. But in general, like, I don't, this guy going to nude beaches, there's, like, families there and shit. I don't know. Like, it's pretty chill.

Yeah, this guy shouldn't be allowed to leave his house for sure. I just think, I mean, I think you're on to something. I'm not been to such a beach myself, but it does seem, it seems obvious to me that a bikini is sexier than like a rag, which is what you have to carry around so that sand doesn't get in your pussy and ass. So I think it's like, wow, look at her. She looks awesome in the, in that new, in the strappy bikini. Wow, that's amazing. And then some guy's like, has like a bath towel under his butthole. Like, of course that's not. It's all dirty. Yeah, that sucks. I had a pretty rough mental health summer, I think, when I was about 20 and about to graduate. And my

money ran out as well and I was selling mushrooms nude on the beach. I guess that's the end of that thought. Sorry, was this the nude beach? Yeah, clothing optional beach. Did you have a rag for your asshole? I didn't, no, no. Damn, didn't even have a penny to his name or a rag for his asshole. I was literally nude on the beach with just a, like a tote bag over my shoulder in which the mushrooms and any clothing I came down with was put in. Yeah. Well, you're at work, so you're not sitting down on a towel anyways. You're like constantly moving.

Got time to lean. Yeah, amen. The surprising ones were the, there were quite a few vendors that were Daffy ducking it. So you'd have a guy selling like empanadas and he'd just be wearing a t-shirt. Got to have somewhere to wipe your hand. Well, you don't want to get a sunburn on your back. The Vintipanata is really good, though, I will say. That is a...

Did you sell a lot of mushrooms to this? the old people that were there? Yeah. It was a kind of, the beach was, you know, there's a lot of selling there. I mean, you guys might be familiar with Vancouver if you'd be in there. You have some, like, colleagues maybe who live around there. Yeah. There's this famous beach called Rec Beach.

And my campus was right there connected to it. And you cross the road and you're off campus. You go down the stairs deep through the forest and you get to the beach. And it's a wonderful place. I mean, I know, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I did have a kind of sales pitch that was very, in retrospect, very funny. Portobello's for your cerebellum. Wow.

Magic mushrooms. Get your magic mushrooms. Well, of course, they weren't portobello's. No, that was just to make the... Because those mushrooms don't have the quality that you'd be paying such a high price. I assume you got a pretty penny for those crazy mushrooms. Oh, it was a saturated market.

I'll say it was the damn ocean. Okay, Liv, we can move on. We also have some status updates throughout the US room. And I'm sorry, these are screenshots, so you can see his profile picture. Oh, that's his limp dick, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's okay. We have a flag in our Chrome profile that inverts the colors so that we can type onto a black background instead of a white background.

So we're actually seeing like a photo negative of an infrared flasted penis. I'm looking at his dick like the predator, so I don't know, it doesn't bother me. I love when you find, like, a porno guy in, like, the replies of some Spambot or something like that. And you know you got a good one because his profile picture is his dick. And his name is his whole email address. You know you got a fucking good one. That's so good. And from his perspective, he's like, there's a guy downloading my stuff called Dog Boner.

That's the normal guy in this whole situation. And then he's showing it to his friends and making sure they get banned. from YouTube on their podcast. It's about Kickstarter and has nothing to do with porno reply guys. All right, the first one. Enjoying a baseball game and masturbating. It's really the only way to watch it in sport.

End sport. Unsport. Yeah. Well, those baseball guys do a lot of squats. They have some bubble butts. I'll say that. But is that the sport you'd want to masturbate to? I mean, not to sexualize the athlete's bodies who are

not consenting to this, of course. What is the, what's the sport that's most easily masturbated to? Baseball is so long. And I know that's the point for some of these guys, but a baseball game. What's that, what's that Olympic sport where, like, one of the girls surrenders at the end? And then the other one uses the strap-on on her. Oh, yeah. That one's pretty easy to jerk off to, I think.

Well, what's all those sports that they do in that, like, big gym building in San Francisco? Right. The armory? That looks like a castle. Yeah, a lot of swords. I guess. Yeah, it's like a medieval sport of some sort. All right, another update.

Must masturbate more. Great day to just pump penis. Taking a break to post this. You're wasting precious time. You know how sometimes you'll say like, okay, so great, when someone says great day, like you often think like the weather outside is really nice. But then if someone says like, great day to stay in and read a book, you think like the weather is not that good.

Great day to pump your penis. Stay inside and pump your meat. My weird neighbor. You also think bad weather day. Stay in and pump penis. Looks like clouds now. Yeah. Pull up a chair.

Put some screens up. Tug on that penis. This is the online version of like wandering out to your front porch to take a break, have a cigarette, and maybe say something to your neighbor before you wander back in and do some more work. Yeah. But he's just saying it out on the internet. On the same day, he says, nice day to just kick back and keep the penis on the edge.

Masturbating is awesome. No pants day, so it's just too easy to stroke. Missing an O in one of those twos. Is this Facebook? What is this? Yeah, what platform are we dealing with here? These are status updates on Fat Life, which is like a key app or website. Well, that's more appropriate.

At least he's not just like doing this in like his daughter's volleyball group on his aunt is on here. I haven't seen you in a while. We've got another one here. Looks like another day of edging and masturbating. Going to get deeper today. Huh. Was a great day yesterday.

Should be better today. Why is that? That's a nothing update. That's, yeah. Yeah. Give me something. You said that yesterday. You jack off.

What's going on in your life, dude? What's happening with you? Let's connect. Well, here it is. Beautiful day to just be outside masturbating and drinking wine in the sun. Very hard to beat that, pun intended. So maybe Maybe good day to jack off is good weather

Because he's doing it outside too That's what you don't know about this guy You can't pin him down It's fascinating He probably leaves his house more than me This guy's got a pool Everything He's got the setup

He's got wine He can drink wine Because he didn't have to go to rehab He's not on probation He doesn't have to blow to start his car He's got a jack to start his car though no pun intended so I went on a bunch of subredits

to look at the goon state is like very like sought after for these guys and there's a subreddit there's a subreddit called edging talk that's basically like a Q&A sort of they talk about their experiences and there's a lot of people who are looking for this kind of mysterious goon state

because they're like oh I've jerked off for like six hours I didn't really feel it like am I doing something wrong Like, how do I? It's a bit like the prostate orgasm for men. Some guys, like a friend of mine, looked for it and just couldn't find it, despite having enough olive oil and relatively long fingers. Okay. So wants to read this one.

The title is, Best Advice to Edge slash Goon for Beginners and Prose. Edging. It's basically like pumping air into a balloon, but the balloon has a small hole to release the pressure. Your job is to maintain. the shape of the balloon. Pump too much pressure, you'll burst the balloon, orgasm. Not enough pressure, you'll lose the shape. No pleasure. It's about adding in enough pressure

when needed to maintain the shape, maintaining the pleasure. Be very aware of where your come is at. The more you don't leak or ruin, the better. Once you can do that, next is to master the goon state, constant pleasure. Next is having the will to stop and save your come for the next session, as much as possible. Reason because, when you come, that is it. When you don't, it gets more intense. I know where my cum is at. I'm pretty sure I know where my come is at. I don't think that's a problem for me.

You think you can control it? We'll see about that. I'm coming over there. I'll have you spilling your beans within five minutes of me getting in your door. I don't understand. I don't know how helpful the metaphor about blowing up a balloon is. I don't think I need it like explained to me in like a philosophical sense

what it means to not blow my life. I think I can wrap my mind around it. I think the problem is, is I want to do that. Inventing the mysticism around, like, not blowing your lotus so funny. It is really funny. Just don't jack off, dude. This is what, we don't have religion anymore. We have this instead.

Is this any of you guys like this better? You sure you don't want to go back to church? You hate church that much? You came up with this? Not too hard to what the priest is saying, and you'll hurt your neck. Don't nod enough, and you'll seem like you're not pious. Here's a bonus lesson here. There's a bonus lesson.

Weed for vibrant state of mind. Edibles, if you want the exception. stream don't consume a lot caffeine for focus and awareness five hour energy does the trick don't overdo this guy's a trucker yeah goon state separate your consciousness from your mind to stop racing and wandering thoughts separate meaning your mind isn't you it's a tool that you control you're a higher form of awareness and your mind and body is an extension of that your job is to focus your mind being aware of the porn and what's going on and focus how your body feels try focusing on both areas This guy's doing like an outer body experience watching himself jack off.

It's very metaphysical. That's trippy. I think that Nietzsche, when he said God is dead, like, there's no way he could have known where it would end up. Nietzsche was a seaman retention guy. Really? He was, yes. He was on that, so. Well, really?

Does he have like a thought piece on this? It's like in his diary or something. He's like, you don't come because then it goes into your bloodstream and you can get stronger. Oh, wow. Wow. Well, God bless. So there's been a lot of guys who have been like this throughout Western history. Some of our most brilliant minds, many say. Even the Lord himself, J.C. Don't spill your seed. Didn't he say that?

That's in the good truth. Yeah, somebody did probably. I think J.C. was like, yeah, just come. You can jack, but don't, don't nut is what he said. JFC, just fucking come. And then there's another post here of a very excited, enter. I just entered Goon State for the first time.

I was just going through the motions, just stroking my needy cock to copious amounts of hentai and it just happened to me. I was in it for a few minutes and when I snapped out of it, the first thing I saw was a puddle of drool on my shirt. I had to stop that and there because I almost

came after realizing what happened. I want to do this more. It's all caps, so. Thank you for doing that one so I didn't have to do. I hope there's at least a few techno tracks made from our podcast today. I love the feeling of my penis being engorged. We put that on there, maybe. No, we don't have to put that one on there.

Wait, did Mike play that as a clip? Yeah. I love the feeling of my penis being engorged. Yes, yes, yes. So it's kind of like a Nirvana thing. They're like chasing it and they get it for a couple seconds. And so on the same subreddit, there's the, this post with the title, goon state as a form of spirituality in the description.

Gooning firing the super blue moon got me thinking of edging as a spiritual ritual. My desperation and need is a form of raw energy that keeps building and building. I want to offer it to a goddess. Does anyone know of any connection between edging and spirituality or paganism? To which one commenter replied, yes, many ancient cultures believed in the spiritual essence of edging and practiced it as a way to cultivate the divine within themselves. I regularly practice this as a way to establish a connection to the spiritual and build up chi, especially right now with the super blue moon.

What is the super blue moon? Do you know what that is? I think it's maybe an astrology thing. Well, super moon is like a thing where the moon seems to hang. It's an actual moment where the moon, I think, like, ends up closer or something, and it seems to kind of hang lower and be larger. Right. I like my balls.

And blue, I don't, I don't know why I would, maybe that's the thing as well. Well, it's like your balls. That's, a blue moon is the term for when we see the full moon twice in a single month. Okay. That's what NASA, and NASA doesn't say anything about your balls. Oh, have you typed that in? Goon caves. Yes, this is a very important aspect of the Gooniverse.

Absolutely. Is a place where you can go and just jerk off like crazy. This is a post to Reddit, R slash GoonK, with the title, Enter If You Dare. This is like the top Goon cave. This is the one that everyone wants, you know, the Cadillac of Gune Caves. There's two different projectors for the ceiling. There's still porn filling in any of the blank space. And the most horrifying moment is realizing that this.

person sleeps in the middle of it that they're just in a fucking just like a pornodrome and then that also they have a bunch of clothing just like messily strewn on the bed everything else is set up perfectly but then the person can't just like put their shit in a laundry hamper why does that bother me more than like the 800 million dick sucks and penetrations fucking flashing on the walls i don't think i would like this even if it wasn't you know if a set up for movies or If it was anything, I don't think I'm, I'm not, like, into any of this stuff. Like, you ever see the, you ever see the guys who have, like, their full rig set up to be, like, a trucker, but it's in their bedroom or whatever? Like, I don't, yeah, I think I just, I'm not into it.

Like, I would, if someone said, check out my trucker rig I have all set up. I don't even think I would say, cool. I might even just go, huh. Like, I don't even think I could, I don't think I could even, like, as a polite, I don't think I could issue something like an approval over, like, a cool trucking rig. If your friend was like, can you grab my shirt out of my room? and you went in his room and it was like this, you wouldn't be like... You have an interesting room style.

What if all like the screens and the posters and stuff were just like affirmations and pictures of your family? Yeah, I mean, you got me. I don't know anyone like that, I guess I'll say. It's just all like megachurch preachers doing sermons. there is a gooning video playing, like the main audio comes from this style of gooning porn where it's like essentially a porn star of some sort or performer, kind of speaking to you as if they're leading you into the trance and like encouraging you to get lost in the goon state,

right? Yes, yeah, goon hypnosis, I believe, is the... So what, you did a whole episode for QAA about sissy hypno pornography. I mean, I feel like there's a bit of a connection. here like there i've read a few things and seen a few pieces uh of uh video content that seem to be kind of like the guys are getting off on on being like you're pathetic like you're you're just like a little like gooned out you know um slave of of some kind there's a lot of crossover i think and there's a lot of this has transformed like a lot of it um which might just be because there's a lot

of transport but i think there is like another connection there i did go to like a gooner reddit and And I was surprised by, like, how consistent the format of content was slideshow of images, question to the gooner. So, like, gooner, like, pick your favorite or, like, gooner, what are you gooning to? And then it would be a combination of straight, trans, and gay porn. And some of it is like, there's like a sissy angle to it where, like, you go to your straight bro's house to goon with him and then you become a woman and have sex with him. Yeah.

The strange part, though, is that usually they just use, like, cis. under heterosexual porn for it, we can scroll down. Yes, we can always scroll down. Now, this I got to see. Yeah, this stuff is really, the hypno-becoming gay, trans. I was reading that article the other day about the J-O. Buds again. I forget who, I think Jesse, somebody brought it up in the chat about the guys who hang out, the southern, predominantly southern, I guess, conservative guys who hang out and jack off with each other,

fuck each other or something like that, but they're not gay. To be clear, you were talking, you were saying that I brought it up in the chat. not another Jesse who you are in a chat with the author of the piece you're not hanging out with to be clear he was giving you an out I'm trying has everybody read my piece he said in the chat so you wanted us to look at this bud stuff yes the butt so this is one post to our slash goon caves where it's just two guys jerking off together I don't know if you need to you can probably use your imagination it's three screens They're jerking off to straight porn.

Oh, yeah, they are, yeah. I will click on it so we can all see it. It's been another Friday with my wank butt in his Gume Cave. Oh, it's a video. Oh, I thought it was a photo. It's a video, and they are definitely jacking off together. There are three screens going with straight porn. Cable management is on point.

One of the porn's, though, is two guys, like, next to each other, a bit like the masturbators. So they're watching two guys next to each other in one of the screens, and the girl is, like, having sex with one and sucking the other off as kind of straddling both oh yeah for sure yeah i love the the normal comments just taken out of context what do you do you do you come at the same time do you smoke wheat do you pass out in bed together how did you both start what's your protocol it's just trying to get somebody to talk to him so you can jack off now that's how you kick off a weekend stroking cox with another horny bro for hours yeah it's so cool my weekends are are pretty lame, I'm realizing.

The interesting thing about this guy, though, you can scroll a bit more down. Like, he's posted a photo like of just like on R slash cock compare with that, with his jerk off bro and they're like, the dicks are right beside each other. And then I saw in a thread to the suburb of R slash goon arranging like local meetups, he posted in it 36 male Perth traveling to Melbourne,

Geylon, late November, early December, looking for like-minded straight buds for hotel wank session. And it turns out there's a lot of guys in these threads that are like... Yes, this is a group thing. They do it on Discord sometimes. There's a part of a Mel Magazine article that I wanted to read by Michael Stahl from 2020. It's actually somewhat common to link up with masturbation buddies in the gooning community. Reddits R slash goond even has a local meetup thread for this very purpose.

Quote, I have a goon buddy that I've had for five to six years at this point, says Christfister. Quote, after about a year and a half of jerking off together online, for honestly four to five hours a day, we decided we should meet up. The two coordinated a trip around common vacation time, with Christfister booking an Airbnb for the pair and buying a plane ticket to meet the man. At the Airbnb, they, quote, made awkward small talk for maybe 30 minutes, Christfister recounts. Eventually, the man told him, well, should we get down to it?

Two minutes later, they were naked next to each other on the couch, jerking off to a sister-wives porn parody. Quote, this basically carried on for the next week with some video games and skiing, thrown in he says well la di da you can afford skiing thanks for rubbing it in so a lot of these guys at least seem to report that they're like straight bros they're not interested in doing any gay shit but they just want to jerk off to some porn together for like eight hours a day i just i very honestly and this is just me but if i did this i would end up wanting to suck the guy off and maybe he like we could we could put stuff into each other's stuff that feels like the logical

conclusion of jerking off to porn with someone. Presumably. Maybe some people have, like, better, because it's like I've set up so much stuff. Yeah, it feels like you're already there. You're at the goal line. Yeah. Just go for it. What do you mean? No. I took off work for this.

Yeah. What do you mean? No. I'm all for this. And I do think, like, there is, you know, being a little bit more serious. I do think that there is something about like guys not knowing how to hang out. Like, I have a friend. who I spend long hours on Discord playing video games with.

And like for a while we were playing a game together. So like we'd both go in to like escape from Tarkov and we'd play, you know, in the same game. And then we figured out that like single player Tarkov was like better because there's less cheaters and it's less annoying. So then we were on Discord talking to each other but we were both playing single player games.

And recently we've just been on Discord without the need to really be playing games. So I'll just be surfing for music or something for a DJ set. or like reading some bullshit and sending him links. And really at the end of the day, it's like, I would like to have my legs kicked up and be a high school girl and be on the phone for five to six hours,

like in the evening and just, you know, maybe after two hours of talking about video games, I'll say something personal about my life that I've been meaning to get off my chest. This one just seems like it's tailored to not knowing what to do except masturbate. That's where I kind of, it's like I don't have time to masturbate this much. And also, I feel like these guys are going to age their cocks beyond repair.

Like, this is, you're going to have, like, a 70-year-old cock, like, by the time you're 35, if you're beating off, like, five to six hours. Earlier, they were talking about overstimbing or whatever, over-stiming. Yeah. You can't be just pulling on the damn thing, you know what I mean? That's a physical problem, I think you could probably develop. Yeah, I really do. Yeah.

I don't know. I think, you know, look, sexuality, of course, being a spectrum and none of it being my business anyways, I don't care. What I think what I think is a turnoff for me about the whole situation is I think that it's a fantasy that they're playing out and part of the fantasy is me going, oh, these guys are just straight bros jerking off to the same porno. And what I don't like is like now I'm involved in their fantasy. Like I don't want to be a part of it. So like me acknowledging, well, they say they're straight and they're jacking off together in the same room. That's kind of interesting.

Like now I'm in their fucking, I'm in their whole thing. It's like a lady with a dog on a leash walks up to me at the park And it's not a dog, it's a guy And she's like, give the guy a treat And shove a treat up his butt Like I don't want to do that Like I don't care what you do

I just don't, you know I'm like trying to eat a sandwich I don't like being a part Of their little sex play, you know I think you already were In cream to join this episode Could you like say that But like a little bit slower

And maybe in like a lower register? Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course, yeah. Hypno slash becoming gay slash becoming trance. Yeah, a lot of these posts, again, it'll be like a cis woman having sex with a man and then the title is. With this one, for instance, I swear I'm straight, but ellipsies, I wish I could be heard in this gif. Same, dude. Like, imagine your bud just thrusting down your throat.

For real, it isn't gay and I can prove it. Are you going to prove it by coming in your bro's throat? And then the other one, it's a gif of you straight sex. And the title is, how to be a good bro to your jerk buds. Video of cisgender woman sucking a guy's dick with captions. A good bro always helps a buddy in need. A good bro always lends a hand or a mouth. A good bro can always be dependent on for anything.

Most importantly, he swallows like a champ. She's wearing a ball cap backwards to sort of indicate that she's a guy. She's the bro. Yep, that's what guys look like. I think a gay guy would be attracted to that. I think that works. okay I am looking at it now

and it is again a video so I'm always unprepared because I'm like oh we're just reading a Reddit post but no no no Liv has found straight up pornography I mean I did type it out for you but you decided this is a girl background hat

girl back I'm gonna calm down for a second just relax describe this scene I'm chill okay I'm just gonna describe what's happening in this scene yeah so this girl Well, she's wearing a backwards cap and a jersey, I suppose.

And she's eating the guy's ass and licking his balls while she jacks him off. Yeah. And I'm going to say I like this a lot. She's a good-looking lady. The backwards cap doesn't obscure that for me. You can put a backwards cap on. I still think you're a good look. I got this vision.

I can tell even when there's a good-looking lady there, even if she got a backwards ball cap on. I just got this eye. I usually don't like when ladies wear hats. But this one knocked it out of the park. I really like this one. well if you're wearing it the right way around it's going to be like touching the dick oh yeah that's true you get like a piece of fuzz on it and you're like ugh we have some comments here uh dick fillet says hmm and uh commercial count responds suck it baby talking about

the dick there yeah i don't know that that's actually kind of up to the reader yeah okay um i yep uh yeah yeah pornosexuals some part of this i think the jerk off together is that these guys really do just love porn. They want to talk about porn with other people. So I found this blog by someone who is using a pseudonym because they did not want to post this under anything identical or anything identifiable. The title is I like porn better than real sex. This is a heavy confession to make, I think. If I had to choose to have one or the other for the rest of my life, I would choose porn over real sex any day. Now, I know this sounds crazy, But hear me out. I'm not even exaggerating when I say that porn gives me the most intense orgasms I've ever had.

The visual and mental stimulation are so powerful that sometimes I almost don't need to touch myself. Not only does it instantly make my dick as hard as a rock, it also gives me so much pre-cum down there that it looks like I just poured an entire bottle of lube on it. And you guys, it feels amazing. No real woman has ever turned me on that much. I would describe porn this way. Go on. Guy who doesn't know what porn is. Okay, I'm listening.

Imagine your perfect sexual partner. Imagine that everything about them is specially catered to your specific tastes. Their face, eyes, body, hair, demeanor. Everything is exactly how you like it. Now imagine that their sole purpose in life is to please you sexually. That is literally the only thing she wants in life to satisfy your needs. She wants you to move her, bend her, touch her, use her, and fuck her in any way that you want. That is what porn is like.

He's describing commodification of the human body. I think there is something to be said here about like, I want everything to be under my total control as in behind a screen that I get to stop, start, you know, and I get it. The fucking world is a weird out-of-control place. And not everybody you cross is, you know, hot enough for you to jack off to. So that must be really boring. But surely this is not the answer. This must be on some level mentally damaged.

to start to see the entire world this way to the point where you start to just want porn more than human connection because I don't know. He's complaining about like, I hate you when bitches have like hobbies that aren't fucking. Yeah. That's negative.

Yeah, I think like, you know, like I said earlier, I haven't grown more conservative, but I think a somewhat conservative belief I have is you should have some shame about stuff. I think shame is like a useful tool at times. And I think it helps in this case here where it's like, wow, I'm really loving. jacking off the porno and then you start to think well like hang on should i be doing something

else instead oh this is kind of like i should like do i should like get up and like walk around that's like shame acting in your benefit like i think like i have a brain where if i walk into a casino i am like animalistically encouraged by the lights and the sounds the prospect of like getting something for nothing like it appeals to all those base instincts i have as just like a you know like a simple creature like i'm just stupid and i know all the things there are on me in this specific way, right? To jack off? Yeah, and I, I wander over to the Ellen slot machine, and I go, all right, it's time now for me to do my little show. But, like, at a certain point, I go, like, hang on, I'm feeling too good. You know what I mean? Like, I'm feeling this is too

exciting for me right now. Like, I should, I should go take a, I should go get a $400 steak or whatever the else you do in Las Vegas. You know what I'm saying? Like, you have to be able to pull yourself out of the fucking, you're lost in the sauce. I think at the, at the point where you're personifying pornography or humanizing the act of like orgasm or lust or something like that. Maybe you've gone over the... When you start talking like Joe Pesci and with honors about why porno is so good. I think we all get it. The real question is, are you scared of commitment or are you going to get married to the porn?

That's, yeah. I think this guy is married to the porn. Wow, there's a lot. This is a full treatise on porn. Yes, go on. Go on. And the beauty of it is, if you get bored with her, this is the real insidious part. You can change her in any way that you want.

You can change her height, hair color, her race age, what she likes and doesn't like in bed. You can even change her level of experience if you want. So I ask you, when all of this is just a click away, why would I bother with real sex? I could think of a couple of reasons. Yeah. It's game over for all women. You've been replaced. Pack it up.

It is kind of sounding a little like porno, Willy Wonka-ish. I guess now is the time when you all start to tell me that you can get more than just sexual pleasure out of IRL sex. You get romance, connection, intimacy, but most of all you get this thing

I keep hearing about called love. Oh, God. I hear you people talk about love a lot. A lot of people have some good things to say about it. Others say not so good things. Dear Lord. Oh, God, save us. We need another flood.

but honestly do you really need love show of hands how many of you are in love right now he's not you're not in front of a fucking audience some people in the room raise their hands huh a lot of you are also you're also doing the audience you're all alone in every way of imagining you're all alone good for you but let me talk to the ones that are not currently in love turns to all the single people let me ask you a few questions were you alive when you woke up this morning? Yes. Good. Did you feel sick at all? No. Okay. Good. Good. Were you in love when you came out of the womb? No? Didn't think so. Now he's got you. Okay. You've posted yourself into becoming Tom Cruise and Magnolia. This is like a Sorkin script about jerking off. Yeah. Except there's no one

walking with you. It's not walk along because you're all alone. And there's fucking footsteps in the sand and it's a porn star's feet. So really, do you need? love to survive? I don't think so. I mean, I've lasted 24 years without love. That's a gut punch. Oh, God, this is a horror story. And I'm doing fine. Well, okay, that's not a hundred percent true. You're posting this on Reddit. You are not doing fine. I guess I was. You workshoped this. You edited this. You are talking to an imaginary audience on Reddit. Sorry. You're right. I think you should take apart the Reddit guy. The 24-year-old Reddit poster.

I guess I was in love once with a girl I dated for about a month, two years ago. I'll spare you the details. But suffice to say that I never felt anything like the way I felt for her. And she came along a couple years after my last, not to mention first and only girlfriend. I have to say it was really good to feel something like that again. We never got to the point where we were exclusive or official, but I really thought that we were going to end up there soon. She didn't feel that way.

After only a month of casually seeing each other, she ended it. When I asked her why, she said all the right cliches and gave a plethora of sensible-sounding reasons why we were ending. But everything she said was bullshit. She was just trying to cover up the real reason why she wanted to leave, which was simply that she got bored. After a month of dating, she got she wanted out of me and tossed me aside. Now, before you all start saying that I just need to get over her, that there are other fish in the sea and we all get dumped every once in a while, you should know that I've dated plenty of girls in the past couple of years since her and I broke up. I've even liked and had fun with a couple of them.

But they all ended up leaving, not by my choice. At some point, they all want to leave me. And that point always comes at the same time, roughly 37 seconds after I start to think that we could have something real. Sad. It is sad. He does sound very hateful and resentful. But some of these guys turn out to be worse than this even.

Yeah. This is maybe the best case scenario. This guy getting dumped a bunch and then turning to becoming a porn obsessive is maybe like not, yeah, the worst possible thing that can happen. You see, with porn, it's just easier. With porn, you don't have to deal with the whole song and dance that is dating these days. You don't have to worry about coming on too strong or not strong enough. You never have to worry if porn likes you or not. You never have to wait and hope that porn will text or call you, or if porn will return your text or call. You never

have to worry about communication. Porn doesn't care about that. You don't have to spend time learning about porn's wants and desires because her desires are exactly the same. is yours. That's the real part of it, right? You don't have to spend time because you get what you want right away. Yeah, yeah. I really feel for this guy. Basically, what you're listening to is like, I feel objectified. I feel like I was cast aside as soon as I was boring. Now, you're projecting that because you basically listened to what she actually said and said, no, that's all bullshit. What you really meant is that you were bored with me, that I was a product that lost its shine and now I'm going into a drawer. And so the result of this is like, my answer, okay,

I'm going to objectify everything then. I am going to buy into the very system that I just described as incredibly hurtful to me. And I'm going to buy into it so violently, so deeply that I'll never have to feel again. But guess what, buddy? Every day you still have to get up and feel. Sorry. Sorry. You can't kill your heart with your dick.

Yeah, he's very obviously, like if he didn't say he was 24, you probably would have guessed he's 24, by the way he's writing, right? Yeah, but also you don't worry about not being in a relationship for the first, like, 10 or 12 years. So I was kind of assuming, I guess I didn't, like, assume he was 24. Oh, you think he did the math? No, probably not, I guess. I think he's a Reddit guy,

so he's, like, being very literal about everything. Yeah, yeah, I suppose so, yeah. Sorry. No, I won't, I won't. Yeah, I would just, I would just shut up. I would just shut the fuck up. You don't have to call porn after a date to tell her that you had a lot of fun.

Some of this stuff just seems like, you know, you just added it in here for a fact or something. I think at this point he's just riffing. You don't have to open the car door for the porno. What else? He'll to go to the pumpkin patch with the porn. The porno never maxes out your credit card. Oh, wait.

You don't even have to call her to say hi for no reason at all. You don't have to share your bed and cuddle with porn at night. But I think he is, like, doing that probably. You don't have to hold porn when she cries, she never will. You don't have to make porn laugh when she's having a bad day, even just because you want to. Porn doesn't expect you to do anything special for Valentine's Day or any other holidays.

You don't have to take long walks on the beach with porn or watch the sunset with her or hold her hand. All things that we agree sucks. Like cuddly, sucks. Walking on the beach, fucking sucks. Having someone to hold hands with, bullshit. Fuck you. Yeah, I feel like probably, you know, I don't have the context of the Reddit thread in

front of me. I don't want to click under a link in case it is just hardcore porno. But I do wonder if, like, the top comment on this, was just like, yeah, but porn will never take care of you when you're sick. And porn will never do whatever other stuff you're supposed to do for people when you're in a relationship. You know what I mean? Like, it feels like a very Reddit guy to go like tit for tat with what you're not getting out of your relationship with porn. And then this guy deleting his original post, which is why maybe it's on archive.

It's on archive.org now. This is a blog post. So he had his own little blog where a couple of it was like, who's my favorite porn. Oh, okay. so it's not a red it's not red it's his own blog so that does kind of take it from thought catalog you remember thought catalog from a couple years ago yeah it's a good pull tic-tok slash celeb gooning yeah they they love gooning to just every you think you would only be to porn but it's also just to anything wow that they find sexually suggestive they love to create like

a gradient where they'll they'll have like kind of just uh someone at like an event and then it'll be like someone being kind of sexy on their social media and then they'll put like some softcore porn and then they'll put like hardcore porn and they look at it all at the same time so you can really feel like yeah this is like whatever like ariana grande doing this this horrifying thing that's on the screen all the way to the left or all the way to the right yeah this this one post on our slash worship ariana grande which i assume is you know unconsensually jerking off our slash uh celecum tributes And this is just like their own goon cave.

But for Ariana, I guess, with just a bunch of photos of her. Print it up, yeah. Another really important part is TikTok. So there's a lot of references on like the big gooning subreddit for just jerking off to normal TikToks of women. Yeah. TikTok sluts create goon addicts. Cool. Yeah.

The gif is taken down on this one, but there's a bigger video of, like, Like, as Julian described, some of it is just random women on TikTok who are posting, like, you know, slightly suggestive. Beside it, it's just like hardcore pornography. That rocks. Oh, wow. Oh, geez. Yeah, you clicked. I'm watching the ultimate TikTok PMV right now is what I'm watching.

Yep. Yeah, it's a, all right, well, might as well click it and show it to everybody then. Yeah, this is some porno as well, for sure. And this guy is in his editing bag. Oh, yeah. Welcome back. You may have heard about the popular social media app called TikTok. As Matt Stone tells us in today's cover story,

those videos are winding up in some very disturbing places. Busy. Bust it. Funky. Full shots. Funky. Bust it. Bust it.

Bust it. It's your fucking fucking. Full shots. Funky. to the club so come and throw a bed on face time

I don't never be on no tender and I don't never be on no day line told me I can help a couple racks shit so the mama need a bell

eight nine got a nigga you never seen yet this ain't never rid them in a date sign now watch oh

okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay

okay so the it's very well edited I'll say that much as in every beat is a thrust and it's also

very probably morally questionable because you are definitely people who have not consented to be in porn with the most hardcore porn. There's moments in the techno track where, you know, for a moment, there's like a silence or a drop in the beat, and that will usually be paired with cum, dribbling out of a vagina.

Mm-hmm. They did a great job with it. Yeah. This is so funny. I meant to do, I meant to do Control W to close out. I did Control D to Bookmark. So I'll have to remove that later out of my, off my browser here. You should control your D, Mike. Another TikTok-related post on the gooting subreddit as a title. Have you ever been curious about gooning to TikTok but didn't know where to start? If you like non-n-nude goon fuel, TikTok is a goldmine of girls just like her. And it's just, you know, sexually suggestive TikTok. Oh, yeah, my TikTok account gets me goon so quick.

Add me so we can send each other goon material? User name is same as here. Another comment, TikTok is the best for gooning. Another comment, TikTok is creating a whole new generation. of sluts. I love it. That one's bad. That's not good.

That's not good to have as a thought, yeah. Well, the problem is that this is paired with that general, fucking awful cultural trend of being obsessed with body counts. So you're like, I want to jack off all fucking day to people who, like, have a lot of sex, but then I also want to, like, look down on them and make them feel like shit. Like, if, you know, it's, I think we are, we are at the end, right? This is, like, I mean, just, like, both of, like, not. Like, near the end of the episode, but also, like, culturally, like, we're, yeah, we're there.

We're there. We're on the precipice. And our lives as well. I never feel, I never feel quite so mortal as when I do get up and turn off all the screens. Okay. Well, that is a real splash of cold water in the face. I'd be done before I even turned on some of the screens. You know what I'd already busted my shit by the time I.

Followed by a splash of cold water on my cock. And we're done. I just mean, not to be too serious, but being able to sense that this type of porno, just by virtue of it's associating with TikTok for number one, but also like the vocabulary and everything else surrounding it, just being painfully obvious that this is intended for consumption for people at least one decade, my junior, if not more so. Like, I just feel so far out of step with jacking off. I don't know.

What's happened to my precious. just jacking off. Now it's like this whole other shit. The world went and got itself in a big damn hurry that guy from Shawshank when he comes out of prison. That's what it feels like. Everyone's jacking off all different. There's an extremely worrying comment

before we move into gooning recovery that says, I use TikTok to goon to my sexy IRL friends. Nah. And see, that's like high school was hard enough for everybody involved. for everybody involved. We need to go back in time.

Yeah, no screens till you're 18. That's a rule. Yep. Liv, you didn't follow that rule, though, you know? No, yeah, and it turned out great. Gooning recovery! It's interesting because there are some, like, relapsed gooting, like, subredits and communities. But most of the, like, goon relapse subredits are just, like, fetish things that actually, like, if you click on them, it encourages you to jerk off more.

Yeah, so they're jacking off to the idea that they can't stop jacking off, whereas some people are then also going, I actually can't stop jacking off, and now I'm scared. So this one has a title, I can't go one day without watching porn. I've been told I'm sick. What should I do? You've comments like, you should give in and keep watching porn. Only porn matters. Another one. That's another one titled, porn destroyed my relationship. And then attached is like a woman in a bra. She's like bouncing her boots. he don't don't i am having the fight of e life to overcome porn and i feel like i'm always asking

to be pushed deeper comments that's awesome porn is so much easier and you'll actually be happier another person amen to this to many people think like if they goon and jerk off all day they're losers and so they get sad but they shouldn't be sad because godess porn loves her little losers and she wants us to love ourselves so we can be happy and content which is what she wants for all of us. The thing that I, that I have to say here is that, like, the one thing I rarely feel after jacking off to porn is content. You may feel like, I don't know, a sense of physical relief or release, but you don't go like, wow, my life is better now that I'm done with that. There's no actual deeper contentment here. There's never an end. You scratch it and the itch

gets worse. It's like a mosquito bite. And then you're, then you're scratching all day. And then you're scratching through your body. That's why you personify it and say that you're giving a gift to the goddess Mm-hmm. Gift is just your sweaty forehead and your ruined pair of boxer shorts. Merry Christmas,

which is coming up. Porn has ruined many relationships and that's the beauty of it. Porn always wins. Oh, man. I really genuinely hope it doesn't. And I'm not anti-porn, but this is pushing me there.

It's hard to know. I'm sure most of them. bits but you never you never know how it's all mixed in now you can't like it's just like the you know people on twitter it's like can't tell who's like a dumb guy it's like a real guy who's annoying it's annoying yeah like someone could could post something like if i met a young conservative i would push their head under the water and hold it there until they stop breathing and like you'd be like is that person actually a murderer yeah it would be hard to tell come on you don't really mean this i'm replying to that guy come on i don't really mean that

And then if the guy follows up and says he does mean it, is that also part of the joke? Is that a joke? Okay, we have got to finish this episode of perverts. And we will finish by watching this clip of Finkelstein. And I see a title here that I'm supposed to read, I guess, Goon Madness slash Paranoia. This is Norman Finkelstein, who we thank for his work on the Palestine-Israel conflict. Intellectual Titan. Did you guys email him to see what he thinks about gooning?

No, this is, seven months ago, this is his own volition. There's an expression, I don't know, they coined it, or whether it's a commonplace in your generation. The expression is gooning, G-O-O-N-I-N-G. G-O-N-I-N-G. G-O-N-I-N-G. It means basically being transfixed with porn, video porn, for like 24, 48 hours straight. Straight's the right word there.

And it struck me, now I know this is gonna sound harsh, but it struck me that even though this crowd considered itself bohemian, and even though this crowd considered itself, what would you say, anti-establishment, it struck me, this was a, This one's exactly the crowd that would go over to fascism. Are Gooners really anti-establishment?

I don't think so. I don't think they're thinking about the establishment. Jack it off for Palestine. Look, if you take it face value that he knows what this stuff is, and the comment that we were reading earlier from the guy who definitely was giving off in-cell type of vibes, it obviously had a misogynistic streak to his job. justification for what he was doing. I guess that's not like the craziest thing to say.

He may be on to something. Maybe he's accidentally right. But I think there's something to that, don't you think? Yeah, I mean, I can see that that fascism tends to stem from the same frustrations that also fuels some of these people, essentially, which is, you know, the loss of community, the dissolving of the bonds between people and meaning in culture and perhaps not living in just a endless catalog of content. and products that make you feel like a consumer instead of a human being.

Yeah, sure, there's a connection there. Not sure it's really relevant enough to bring up and spell out on someone's show when you're a person who has other better things to focus on, but sure. It is important to note that a lot of these gooners are having a great time. Like, there's not that many, like, gooning recovery subredits or people. They're all just like, they're in it. They're happy. I ostensibly.

Yeah, ostensibly happy that I relate. So, I mean, this is going to throw me off from masturbating for at least two hours. It's interrupting the sash? I'm going to suppress this one for a little bit, definitely. Mike, J.F., where can people find your content? Well, hey, we are in the same podcasting minds as you all here, so give us a search. Your Kickstarter sucks. YKS can pretty much get it everywhere, including places we've specifically asked to not have

our show available on their websites. They continue to keep it up in spite of our best efforts. We have a Patreon show as well where we like to get, we like to get a little crazy Mike, Mike, we are jacking off on there. We, well, look, Mike talked a little bit about some porno guys.

We did recently do a porno guy refresh. We go through his little page and checked out what some porno guys are up to, whether it's giving their debit cards to Jennifer Aniston bots. Or sometimes putting sometimes putting guns to their heads and jacking off. There's all kinds of porno guys out there

that you can see, and we talk about those frequently on YKS. You can also watch me and my co-host Stefan on the Go Off King stream on Twitch, twitch.tv.tv slash go-off kings. So what's the Patreon? It's patreon.com slash your Kickstarter. I want to say that's what it is

unless they've changed it. Hey, maybe they change their branding up and it fucked up the URLs. Who's to say with those guys now? But I think that's what it is. I really recommend it. It's one of my favorite podcasts, and I'm really glad that we got you guys on. So thank you. Thank you. Well, thanks so much for having us. This was fun. This was episode one of Perverts. I'm Liv Egar. And I'm Julian Field. If you want access to the next nine episodes of this miniseries, plus previous QAA miniseries and the entire archive of premium episodes, go to patreon.com slash QAnonanonymous and subscribe for just five bucks a month. That's right, Liv. And here is your moment of Goon.

Sex. Oh. Oh. Oh. Check. Shack Shack Shack

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

So Hey Gooner's, I need you to goon, all right? All the island boys goon all the time, okay? And we're talking that popular alcohol called goon and should drink that shit up. I'm an island boy and I am lit. Love gooning with my best make. My brother, too, we gonna be goon. Please subscribe to the goon case ready.

Hey, consider your gooning with us. It's alright, we have fun. Goonin' is lit. Please come goon with us.