QAA Podcast - Premium Episode 194: Elves (1989) Movie Night (Sample)

Episode Date: December 21, 2022

"Oral. Santa said oral." It's a Christmas movie that dares to center incest, nazi breeding experiments and a cast clearly paid in cocaine. Thank you, Brad, for this Christmas delight. Keep in mind last year was "Babes in Toyland." Be grateful. Subscribe for $5 a month to get an extra episode of QAA every week + access to ongoing series like 'Manclan' and 'Trickle Down': http://www.patreon.com/QAnonAnonymous Brad Abrahams: https://twitter.com/LoveAndSaucers Editing by Corey Klotz. New Merch / Join the Discord Community / Find the Lost Episodes / Etc: http://qanonanonymous.com

What's up QAA listeners? The fun games have begun. I found a way to connect to the internet. I'm sorry, boy. Welcome listener to Premium Chapter 195 of the Q&ONANANANANANANIS podcast, the QAA movie night Elves episode. As always, we are your host, Jake Rockatansky, Brad Abraham's, Julian Fields, and Travis View.

Welcome, folks, to what I can definitely say is the most demented movie night we've ever summoned from the depths. Elves. Elves. Except there's only one, but... Elf. The concept of elves. Not the Will Ferrell movie.

Definitely not the Will Ferrell movie. But maybe they took a little bit of inspiration from this. I don't know. This is a 1989 movie that is certainly a cult movie for people. You know, B-Movie Connoisseurs, specifically in the kind of schlocky horror category. I found no evidence that this film premiered in a movie theater. I don't think it did. There's no way.

I think this was the original. It would have to be rated triple X just for, like, the themes, not even necessarily for what they show. The film has a PG-13 rating. Come on. It does. All right. Well, nobody agreed to watch it. Or in the late 80s, everyone was so coked up.

They were like, yeah, I'd show this to a 13-year-old. I mean, Poultergeist was PG. Also, their rating system back then was... It's PG-13, but if you believe that the women in this are actually teens. And you know what? They don't look at day over 28 for high schoolers. So, yes, so today we're going to be exploring the very Christmassy, very lovely movie, Elves. A real delight, a normal movie, and I can't wait to get into it with you guys because I was at every turn shocked.

And by the end of the movie, after an hour and a half approximately, I went to bed like I had been hit with like a sledgehammer or something. I was just dazed by the experience. So can't wait to share this with everybody. Maybe our most demented. Definitely our lowest budget. But maybe our best. Maybe the best movie we've ever talked about on this show. Probably the best movie.

and I'm starting to think that it's because Jake had been picking the movies all along. You know what? I've been I watched this, I watch this with a kind of half-cocked grin like a child, you know, like a child experiencing a movie for a first

for the first time. I do miss movies being so clearly, uh, like a drug smuggling ring of some kind. Like, just the, the availability of narcotics on this set must have been so high. Well, I mean, look, I think we're hitting a little bit of a pattern here because the last

movie that we did for the holidays was the 1986 Babes in Toyland, which was most certainly a drug smuggling ring. I mean, almost certainly was. But there was like such a higher level one. They had to like try to pull off like a family friendly movie, whereas this, they have zero interest in whether you can watch it with your Nana, your grandpa, your family who's over for Christmas. This is an anti-Christmas movie and the characters, I mean, say as much. It's an anti-everything movie. It's great in that way

that it's a supremely cynical movie that just wants to have a lot of fun. It's an anti-humanity movie, honestly. Pure misanthropy. I really relate to it. So, let's just jump right into it. Elves. My God, man. Where do we even start with this movie? So Elves was recommended by our very own Brad Abrams, who has a real talent for finding the most bizarrely-pilled content floating around in the ether. Yeah, I just want to

say, like, since I was the first to watch it, I immediately regretted recommending it. And I tried kind of frantically on signal to offer up alternatives, but you guys, you weren't hearing it. Why? Why? It was too good. No. It's brilliant. It was too good. I sense that, too. I was like, oh, I was like, Brad is, Brad has started to watch this. He regrets his choice. He is worried about the judgment that will flow his way upon the three of us watching the film. You know, it was my first recommendation, so I was understandably nervous.

The only real critique I have is that the sound was so badly recorded that it was sometimes hard to get the amazing lines to your ears so you could understand just how great the writing was. because the writing is, it's just people having fun. Whatever happened to people having fun. Yeah. My wife was sitting behind, I was at the computer watching this, and my wife was sitting behind me watching Happiest Season, which is the gay Christmas movie with, what's her name, the girl from Twilight. I mean, Christmas is always gay. The girl from Twilight and Dan Levy's, and it's actually really funny movie.

And so I had that in the background, bleeding. through my headphones which contained elves and it really was uh it really was a spiked punch Christmas I mean yeah this felt drunk after after watching this that is one thing that this movie is not is homosexual this is like one of those like deeply cynical movies that like it's 1989 but like the sexual politics might as well be like late 60s early 70s you know this kind of I don't even know just just the reveling in the The depths of heterosexual rolling around in the mud and hay. Yeah, Santa, both Santas in this movie are definitely not gay.

Everybody's horny as fuck. Everybody is super horny. And this was like an era where I'm pretty sure sexual assault was just like cool kind of. It was not that bad. It was how you knew, look, it was just kind of how you knew you were dealing with a bad guy. Right. You know, it was a very easy way for filmmakers to be like, this guy's a real. real piece of shit. A little bit, I guess a little bit of, yeah, of a warning there that there's

going to be some talk of sexual assault and maybe some animals are going to get hurt. Yeah. Oddly enough, both premiums that I've prepared to record today, I have sexual assault in them. So not a great way to head into the holidays. But I've rarely seen a movie treat it so gingerly. Like, they are, they are not shocked. Nothing can shock the people involved in this movie because they are like scar-facing cocaine between shots. As you'll see, I mean, The assaulter does pay the ultimate price at the hands of the elf. Well, everyone basically pays the ultimate price in this movie. Yeah.

Anyways. Everybody. Yeah. I don't know if there's one person who gets out okay. No, not really. Maybe the little brother, he's a piece of shit, too. He's a piece of shit right off the bat. Right off the bat.

I've got that clip, of course. Maybe the funniest line I've ever heard of a fucking movie. The little kid was the best part. Yeah, that was unbelievable. I cannot imagine. You know what? You know what's so cool is that he was allowed to wear Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle pajamas while he delivered the most fucked up lines as a child? And I'm 100% certain.

I saw three things in that boy's room that I myself owned or wore. Oh, yeah, for sure, yeah, because like I was born in 83. It's 89 when they make this movie. He has a framed Ghostbusters 2 poster in his room with the no ghost with a P-Sign logo. infamous. Awesome. And I was like, oh my God,

I had that. I was like, I had the Ninja Turtle pajamas. I had the R2D2C3PO sheets. At least this caused Jake some icy I like. Which is one of the major emotional

tenets of Jake. Jake you see, Jakey like. I'm going to like mine as well. Oh, man, this is going to be so fucking fun. There's no way to even discuss this movie without chain smoking.

I fucking loved this movie. movie. Chains smoking is a part of this movie. We'll talk about, we'll talk about, we'll talk about Santa's smoking. That's a very big part of his character. Oh yeah, huge part. He never doesn't have a cigarette. Oh, he never doesn't have a cigarette. That's a great way to write a character. I'm pretty sure it's because the actor is unable to breathe without smoking at that point in his life. And he's just like, no, I'm not going to shoot a movie if I can't chain smoke. There's a scene where he's like running out of a library after like, you know, doing some research. And he's just like, like running to his car and I was like surely surely he's not going to have time to

fucking smoke one in this like scene and he gets three three steps down pulls out a lighter puts like what looks like a half like a half smoke like Ricky butt into his mouth and lights it up and he's puffing it as he's running to the car very very frankly that that character is amazing I love him so much and I wish Santa Claus was actually like that he's bringing you a fucking carton of palm malls fucking cool in the movie He really is. He's so chill. He has such drip.

He's cool. His drip rules. He looks sad all the time. He's wearing mascara. Now, okay, so I think you can gather by now that I really liked this film. I think it did some interesting things. This is the first time. I agree with you, Jake.

I think it did some interesting things. It is a totally melted holiday take on what I would categorize as a thrasher film. I think it actually is in a week. weird way, like less, less paranormal and more kind of in that thrasher style. What is thrashers? Thrasher is a guy with a knife terrorizing young teenagers. That's slasher. It's Michael Myers.

It's, uh, you know. He's mixing up slasher and thrasher. What did I say? Thrasher. It's like a skate movie or something. I said thrasher. I didn't say slasher. No.

I meant slasher. What did I write? What did I write? Well, it doesn't matter. It's more of a thrasher film because it's not, it couldn't, it couldn't acquire the rights to be a slasher film. I know why I wrote Thrasher, because you guys will see in a second. Oh, there's a lot of thrashing around, you know, like you're doing, smoking Siggies.

I'm not. He's lying. You have been listening to a sample of a premium episode of QAnon Anonymous. We don't run any advertising on the show, and we'd like to keep it that way. For five bucks a month, you'll get access to this episode, a new one each week, and our entire library of premium episodes. So head on over to patreon.com slash QAnonanononon. and subscribe. Thank you. Thanks. I love you. Jake loves you.