QAA Podcast - Premium Episode 202: Jake's Takes (Sample)

Episode Date: February 28, 2023

The loosest, stupidest, most fun we've had in a while. Jake, Liv and Julian sit down to experience some listener submitted nonsense. Evangelical strongmen, murderers who believe in time travel, giant mechs, hog calling competitions, fake babies and presidential minecraft deepfakes. . Welcome to what will surely be a recurring episode type: Jake's Takes. Subscribe for $5 a month to get an extra episode of QAA every week + access to ongoing series like 'Manclan' and 'Trickle Down': http://www.patreon.com/QAnonAnonymous Liv Agar: https://linktr.ee/livagar Editing by Corey Klotz. New Merch / Join the Discord Community / Find the Lost Episodes / Etc: http://qanonanonymous.com

What's up QAA listeners? The fun games have begun. I found a way to connect to the internet. I'm sorry, boy. Welcome listener to Premium Chapter 202 of the Q&ONONANANANANANAS podcast, the tentatively titled Jake's Takes episode. That's right, Volume 1. As always, we're your host, Jake Rockatansky.

Live A-Car. And Julian Fields. That's right, folks. The three smartest members of the QAA outfit have been executed. And while it is sad that Travis, Annie, and Brad were forced to walk the plank, you, dear listener, will reap the benefits. I also want to say that them being the smartest is based on outdated tests that are often multiple choice. There's been many studies proving that they're actually the dumb ones. Well, Liv just finished your thesis, too.

So you're probably up there in the smartest thing. But for the purposes of this episode, Jake thinks your thesis was on you being smart. I'm done with my thesis. This is a no books allowed podcast. I finish with all that. Oh, my God. I feel like we all, the most important thing that we share that this group shares, it's not that we're the dumbest ones.

It's that we're the most burnt out. We feel like maybe it's time to lay down in a blanket and go to sleep for a little while. Maybe the bears have it correct. Maybe I should be storing nuts the rest of the year. So I can take three months of being in the vat that they put Luke Skywalker in with like tubes. I just want to be like encased in like a gel and hovering. You know that they had to write all of that in because Mark Hamill got into a really bad car accident in between a new hope and the empire strikes back. So they wrote in that he was injured.

That he was injured, yeah, to make up for the fact that he was still healing. he had a lot of cuts on his face and they really put him in that vat and it really worked and they're hiding that technology now and mark hamill went on to become you know a great a great guy like he does you know he does tons of voiceovers he interacts with all of the fans he never he never gets prickly about stuff he really accepts his his sort of role in popular culture he like doesn't understand how tweets work was this something we're looking at live where he doesn't understand how tweets works so he accidentally does transphobia he's like he likes it's very funny I was liking the thing that was screencapped by the transphobe. Like, he doesn't understand who posted something and he keeps getting in trouble. That's how Luke Skywalker ended up on that island, dude. In the apology, he didn't even clarify who he liked. He was like, I like that tweet because of the realness in it.

But he meant like the person being screencapped, but he did not clarify. He's fucked it up again. He fucked it up again. That is so fucking funny. You can't expect Luke Sky. The man has one hand. it's robotic how he's going to like and retweet a tweet properly he needs someone to run that account i mean it's like everyone everyone likes hamill but it he did disappear for 30 years let's not

pretend he had some sort of vibrant career no no but he was doing he was doing voiceovers he was you know he was famously voices the joker in the batman animated series does he does he does amazing and everybody loves it i mean that's like one of the hit the favorite things that people people like from his career all right all right respect it's definitely a solid number too in his career. Yeah, definitely. I am Luke Skywalker from Star Wars. Also, the voice of the Joker in the Batman animated series.

That's true. Yeah, his resume is kind of like, it hits so hard that what are you going to do afterwards, right? I mean, I get it. You know, everyone kind of was a wreck after that, except Harrison Ford who went on to, like, you know, really fucking kick it out of the park. But that's because he was the vampire. He was there to feed on the sexual energy of what's, who plays Princess Leia.

He was like dating her and being horrible to her. And then, so he took all the energy. That was, why am I blanking on her name? That was, uh, uh, she wrote the book. Princess Leia. An alcoholic. Yes. And her daughter is like a big actor now.

Okay, so on Jake's takes, forgetting the names of famous women will be one of our ongoing bits. No, it's obviously we know her name. I was going to, I was going to be like, Leia, oh, yeah, Leia Organa. That's just the name of her character. She's the name of her character. No, Carrie, Carrie Fisher. Carrie Fisher.

All three of us, not misogynists. We are on record as being respecters. I was really upset the way they did her in when she died in... In the movie where they brought her back or her? Very strange stuff. The second one where she kind of gets blown out into space and then they use the force to like pull her like dead body through space and then they put her in some kind of of cryo chamber.

Boring! I was like, no one cares. And the reason that they had to do that is because she's holding some piece of jewelry or some, she's holding some locket that contains important information. So they needed to get the locket back onto the spacecraft for the story to make sense. And I'm just like, well, okay, but she's, she's Leah.

She has the force inside of her. What would have been such a better scene is she's kind of floating out in space. You think she's dead. Oh my God. It's so sad. And then her eyes open and she used. uses the last bit of force to push that locket back towards the thing. That would have been so much better.

He's miming all the actions. That would have been so much better. And then you don't have to have her like dead body being pulled through space and then put her in the thing. Half remembering Star Wars should be a recurring bit, but I will yell at you every single time. Did you guys know that Matthew Broderick killed a pedestrian with his car? We're not doing this. What were you going to say, Liv? What were you going to say before?

We're changing this foggess to Jake's movie take. That's what everybody really wants It's gonna be raw It's gonna be unfiltered They want to know what my rewrites would be Yeah So yeah What is this show again about

I think you you were gonna tell us Yeah I yeah so I'm down with Jake's takes Let me go Jake's takes to be clear This is not a sister podcast to QAA This is the enemy podcast Of QAA QAQA's born enemy

We are going to destroy it This is welcome to the resistance Welcome to Dark QAA I wrote Yes I wrote yes The three dumbest members of the podcast have decided to subject ourselves to your suggested content algorithm, and it doesn't look good.

We're going to regret this for sure, I think. So sit back, grab it uncrustable, position it delicately under your thighs, and get ready to avoid any meaningful conversation on this pilot episode of Jake's Takes. Title is a work in progress of the Q&Anonanonymous podcast. Not responsible for any of Jake's Takes rules and rates apply. Well, unless you dislike Jake's Takes, in which case, QA. is responsible for it because if we can

somehow bring down that podcast oh my God so many things would be solved never have to talk about that shit again

it's kind of stormy in L.A. right now the storm has arrived Julian and I both hydroplained our way to the studio he returning

from therapy I do not do not tell people that I have a healthy respect for my mental health I writing this episode up until

the last second and leaving late I talked about you the whole time. Did you really? Yeah, I was like, I have a, I have a problem friend. And he's my main, he's my main issue these days. Yeah, I'm a bad influence. I'm a bad, real bad guy. I would have my life together, but he keeps saying one last siggy behind the dumpster. One of my best, one of my best friends is, is like that. He's a Canadian, Canadian fellow. He doesn't listen to the podcast, so he'll never hear this. We did party with him when we went to, to Toronto. I've never

seen Travis get so drunk. He didn't even make me turn out like my, I had a joint over my ear and I was smoking a cigarette. And he's like, I was like, oh, just let me finish this. He's like, oh, dude, you can fucking blast it right in the car. Yeah, I'm like the, I'm like, yeah, basically the entire tour, Julian was dealing with like, Mama Jake, who was, who was like, Julian, you can't smoke in the rental car. Like, if we get pulled over, like, I could get a ticket or like, Julian, you can't bring this open container of alcohol into the car. You're, you're going to get me in trouble. I didn't do any of those things. The whole time I was really deported. You can't just list my crime.

But these were crimes in Canada. You can't get deported from a country that you don't live in. Julie, we can't purchase and then use LSD an illegal drug. Maybe we can get live deported just by association by proxy crimes. Well, maybe if you stopped a freaking man-terrupting her. What are you talking about? I hate getting man-terrupted. You have been listening to a sample of a premium episode of QAnon Anonymous.

We don't run any advertising on the show, and we'd like to keep it that way. For five bucks a month, you'll get access to this episode, a new one each week, and our entire library of premium episodes. So head on over to patreon.com slash QAnonanonymous and subscribe. Thank you. Thanks. I love you. Jake loves you. Thank you.