QAA Podcast - UNLOCKED Premium Episode 152: Ukrainian Travis View feat Olexandr Serdyuk

Episode Date: December 21, 2021

Years in the making. The Ukrainian face of "Travis View" on twitter (via stock photo) reveals himself to us and guests on the podcast. An interview and Jake story ensue. Olexandr Serdyuk is a comedian and member of an absurdist theatre troupe in Kharkiv. Subscribe for $5 a month to get an extra episode of QAA every week: http://www.patreon.com/QAnonAnonymous Olexandr: https://twitter.com/Kolmen1989 / https://www.instagram.com/koulmen_s.s.s/ / https://www.patreon.com/needjuice Olexandr's troupe: https://www.instagram.com/inarodnyi_vorobushek/ / https://www.patreon.com/inarodnyi_vorobushek Episode music by Roman85 (https://doomchakratapes.bandcamp.com/album/roman85-the-house-you-live-in-the-house-you-look-at) and Nick Sena (http://nicksenamusic.com). Editing by Corey Klotz. Merch / Join the Discord Community / Find the Lost Episodes / Etc: http://qanonanonymous.com

What's up QAA listeners? The fun games have begun. I found a way to connect to the internet. I'm sorry, boy. Welcome listener to Premium Chapter 152 of the Q&ONANANANANANAS podcast, the Ukrainian Travis View episode. As always, we are your host, Jake Rockatansky, Julian Fields, and Travis View. Folks, it's finally happened.

many, many episodes ago. You may remember us talking about my attempts to find the man behind the stock photo Travis View was using as a profile photo on Twitter. Eventually, I figured out the company that had produced those photos, and I reached out to them, but they never got back to me. So, years later now, I'm older and stupider, and I have not made any progress on this matter. However, through the magic of the internet, the man in question has revealed himself to us. So without further ado, the guy behind Travis Vue's Twitter profile photo is 32-year-old Ukrainian man Alexander Serjuk, a comedian and member of an absurdist theater troupe. So first of all, Travis, you know, what is your reaction to this?

I'm just interviewing you on the street. What is your reaction to this, Travis, coming out of the courtroom? And could you explain how you came to use the photo and how it may or may not have gotten you in some trouble? Yeah, yeah. So this was a surprising development for a lot of reasons. So, I mean, you know, I first used the photo. photo, basically because on one day back in 2017, I was sick of getting my social media fix with Reddit.

It was boring me for some reason. So I thought I'd give Twitter a try. And, you know, I thought I'd open up a, just a throwaway anonymous account because, you know, that's, that's just what I usually did. So I came up with a fake name and I came up with a, uh, uh, a, I wanted to have some sort of profile photo. So I decided to go a little bit of an unorthodox route. I searched for the word confused in shutterstock, which is just a database of stock photos.

And I browse through all the stock photo models who were told by some photographer who paid them probably next to nothing to look confused. And I came across Alexander's photo, who I now know to be Alexander at the time, who is just one of the many anonymous stock photo models that were there. So I thought, hey, I liked his expression. He looks very bewildered. His general vibe in his face kind of matches how I feel trying to make sense of the news day to day. So I just download the photo and upload it to my profile, and I just stuck with it since, and I stuck with it even as, you know, I guess my follower count continued to grow. Now, of course, obviously, in a healthy world, who is in my stock photo, sort of profile picture on Twitter, wouldn't matter at all, but we live in a really irredeemably broken world. in which some anonymous dipshit can get some clout by talking about how horrifying and broken

and wrong and damaged people are and the many, many ways in which, you know, things have failed us and the ways in which people believe in nonsense in ways that are very much affect the real world. Well, let's not make this about you, Travis. Let's not. Okay. Of course. It's not about me. But, yeah, so that's just what happened. And I decided to stick with the photo, just because I kind of recognized that, like, as I got more like notoriety, it became increasingly absurd that I was using this stock photo, but I guess it came to a head one day when a friend of Alexanders posted a video of Alexander requesting some orange juice and as compensation for using his photo, a video of him. So that's how I was first notified.

I just wanted to shine a light on the ultimate power move of continuing to use. the stock photo, even after the Washington Post, a very reputable publication, published Travis's real name and real photograph. Well, I'm actually in a DM with Alexander on a different platform than Twitter, and he is using the photo that Travis sent to the Washington Post so they could publish a real photo of it. So he's using that as his profile. Which is only fair.

And it has caused me today to send it like two messages, like, hey, Travis, could you check and take a look at this? Oh, wait. Sorry, Alexander. So it's bad, folks. Everything's going to shit. So the ultimate meta has been bestowed onto us, which is only fitting, I think, for a show this bizarre and melted.

So, you know, we deserve this, I think, to a degree. Let's take a look at the first video that Alexander sent. Hello, Travis. I'm Alexander. You have my face in Avatar. Thank you, man. Thank you. It's a big pleasure for me. me and HBO serial my face too yeah yeah this is my card come on come on I need money I need very big money or one orange juice okay incredible so I mean Travis obviously you were probably very intimidated

at this point but it's not until he posted a second video that Travis responded so let's see what threats Alexander levied at Travis in the second video hello guys if Travis don't talk with me and he don't give me orange juice I have a cashelok

I like to say it am a net in Ukraine so if you want that I drink juice come on in Ukraine juice cost two dollars oh man

you know I mean obviously seeing the face is just incredible, seeing the face talking to me, you know, the AVI of all these years. But yeah, so Travis, what was your response to this very threatening message? I mean, my response was to subscribe to his Patreon, which requesting juice. So, yeah, yeah, so I hope he got enough for his juice, actually, yeah. It also, of course, led Alexander to be invited on this show, of which he is a guest this week. And so in this episode, we're going to explore how Alexander came to get in touch with us. I guess, broadly, through Vlad, his friend, and what the real Travis views life is like in the

Ukraine. We also touch on a wide variety of topics like American band Bloodhound Gang and Alexander's relationship with Hunter Biden. Now, one thing that may be worth noting before we jump in is that Alexander's English is a bit limited. I'm not trying to diss you, Alexander, I love you, but as such, the episode is sometimes a little, let's say, weird, disjointed, strange. Also, he's using his laptop microphone, so, you know, if you're like an audio nerd, you might be like, oh, well, but whatever, okay? This is straight from the Ukraine, the raw uncut stuff. Having said that, uh, you know, we had a great time, I think, and we hope you do too. And after the interview, of course, Jake has prepared a story starring both Travis View

and Alexander Serjouk. Okay, great. Let's head into the interview with Alexander. We are sitting with Alexander Sarduk, the stock photo model in question, the absurdist actor and comedian all the way in the Ukraine. Welcome to the show, Alexander. Woo-hoo. Hello, guys. Hello. Oh, Travis, Julian, and T. You're good. Jake, yeah. Yeah. It's very weird. Check, check. Yes. Okay. I got to say, yeah, I used to work with, you know, a lot of like stock photographs when I worked in marketing, but I never met the subjects of any of them

because it did really matter. This was a different circumstance. Okay. So tell me, Alexander, how did you first find out about Travis Vue? I don't know about you anything. My friend, my friend, Yuri, Urious, sent me screenplay. Man, you on HBO. I'm going, okay, okay, and then sleeping.

In the next day, I say my friend in theater, guys, look, I'm HBO, he told, okay, okay, and this all. But my one friend for this, my theater, send, send, send, yes, yes, send message through my screenplay in Vlad Ketaini, who right now in Tampa. And he found Travis Twitter and told me. Hey, man, do video. Do video. Okay, but I don't have a Twitter. Last week, I don't have a Twitter. Yeah. And he sent my video on Travis. Yes. That's why we were very confused at first, because this guy called Vlad was posting videos, but it was you speaking. So once we figured that out, and, you know, thanks so much to Vlad for all of his help. Vlad, who is in Tampa at Walmart, currently trying to purchase something.

So, you know, everything is normal and good. So, okay, so you find out about Travis Vue, you find out by HBO. And then at that point, you have to find out about QAnon, right? I don't know about QAnon, too. But I see you have a Twitter, QAnon, and I do QAnon too. That's all. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, Wikipedia or another document. Okay, QAnon, QAnon, okay.

Yeah, okay, so you don't, you're not, okay, so you don't watch Nazi documents. That's good. Oh, no, no. I see three, three first series, if about the serial we talk. Or we not about serial talk. Oh, the, the HBO show? You saw? Yeah, three, three, three, three, first three series.

The first three shows in, like, the six-part documentary. It's fucking crazy guys and Travis. I can understand this serial. That's, that's, that was the first draft of the name of the show. Crazy guys and Travis. No. The story of QAnon. Q&N.

Okay, so tell us, like, you know, why, how did you end up taking so many stock photos? Do you regret now having all of these photos of you available to anyone like Travis who wants to take your identity? In a little, little story when we do this photo. Five years ago, we've been a, we don't have money like theater. Right now we two don't have money because it's the Ukrainian theater. But we do my friend Huudik, this photograph, who did this do this photo. He told me, guys, may I photo you on a theater and you pay me for photo on stock? Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, Tray.

Oh, Hoodic, okay, do. And in the next five years, we have an actor Oleg, this big guy, not Kucharashka, a big guy. And B, he's been in an adult swim channel, he's been in a Russian serial, he was dead on monument, like a new Russian, new Russian bandit. He was dying and he had monument and he took, no. And all ketchup, my face, been in ketchup. Oh, amazing. And we don't have money for this. in five years we see

face forever. For American cereal, for QAnon, for Travis, for Ken. So wait, so people are stealing you and your friend's identities in the Ukraine to sell random

stuff? To sell ketchup. No, no. We have a crazy guy, not Travis, a Yura. And he's seen all content in the world. All content. He likes this guy from Matrix

in a white white room and Grant Oh yeah yeah Yeah many many And he see everything And gotcha Oh yeah

Alexander, it's you HBO Olegh Adult Swim Oh come on So he's just catching stock photography everywhere

And he's also The guy who took the photo Guy to talk to photo don't know about this anything We We We

After this after five years we don't see in each other we don't know maybe he's dead well good good well at least he did his work before he left

so that we could find each other so you're an actor and a comedian in the Ukraine can you tell us a bit about what kind of work you do because I saw you have a character who has a big penis on his t-shirt

and with headphones oh it's not me it's my alter ego it's like a fight club right right David Fincher Chuck Palanick it's my

it's my it's my it's my bad it's my bad soul it's it's a it's a shit guy it's a fair yeah it's a he's your he's your Brad Pitt

yes yes yes maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe too guy yeah Norton Ed Norton yeah yes but it's like

one man and he Donald Trump and George Bush Jr. It's one guy. Oh, nice. A combination of those two. It's very bad.

So, okay, so wait, so you're doing political like theater about politics. No, no, no. We don't have, we hate politics. Because in Ukraine, we have many, many

not good comedian club. And he, like, all, all, all 16 years he talked about politic, politic, politic, politic, Yanukovych, politic, Yanukovych, politic, it's not good. And we do

another humor. We like this. Because in Ukraine, we have or politic or a stupid, stupid sketch. Like a wife go on maybe Las Vegas and he husband go a prostitute or like this.

When he go away, wife, come back. He leaves his wife. Yeah, and see prostitute and your husband, it took 20 years. Yeah, the normal stuff where it's like, ha, gay people are so funny looking or, oh, look, this man is very fat. Oh, yeah, we have. It's very big, yes. Wives complain so much. We have this also in America.

Yes. Do you know this guy? You know, Jeff Foxworthy? Jeff Foxworthy. Yeah, Jeff Foxworthy. He has little puppets, but he also has a line of jokes. He does jokes where he says, you may... Doc, a little, okay, aiming him.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's this guy. He does the little dog. No, he does all kinds of stuff. He does one that's a terrorist, and it's very racist, of course. He does, but he does a bunch of jokes about you may be a redneck if, and it's, you're, first of all, you're mixing up two comedians. One is Jeff Foxworthy, and the puppet comedian is. Jeff Dunham.

Okay, well, they're both stupid and American, right? I don't, I know one guy is Michael J. Fox and another Fox it's not, it's not yes, yes. That is, if you're going to know one American

actor who goes by the name of Fox, Michael J. Fox is the one to know. He's the best. Two, two, Jimmy Fox or, yeah, who play Ray Charles. Yes. Yeah, Jamie Fox,

another, another great performer. Do you tell me, do you like the Back to the Future movies? Of course, of course. Of course. Who doesn't? All serious. All three serious. Christopher Lloyd been two years ago in Ukraine.

Oh, no way. On Ukrainian, when guys, closers like a serial hero for Superman, Comic-Con. Oh, yeah. We have Ukrainian Comic-Con. Oh, Comic-Con. Oh, that makes sense. Wow, he came for Comic-Con. And Christopher Love has been in Ukraine, yeah.

And so your theater, you say it's not. political. It's not stupid, you know, kind of like just cliché stereotypes. It's not that. So it's, what is it? It's more of like in the line of absurdist theater. Like, do you know Wittkevich? Yes, yes. Yes, we know Wittkevich. But we like more Monty Python, British guys, Barat, and... Oh, yes. The Mighty Bush. Mighty Bush, yes. We very like Mighty Bush. Julian Barrett and Noel Fielding. I love him. Yes. Oh, that's so cool.

Your guy's comedy is, it's funny you say Monty Python because we watched, I watched a couple videos. I think maybe they were on Instagram or I can't remember a couple of your sketch comedy. And I couldn't understand any of the words, but I was laughing just because of the physicality and the camera switch. I mean, you guys, I mean, I was just really impressed that, you know, with there being a language barrier, I still kind of got the humor and got the jokes. And that just means that you guys are very good at what you do. So maybe you have Ukrainian soul. I do. Well, yeah, I'm I, I'm half,

I guess I'm half Ukrainian. While you were gone, uh, we were talking with Vlad and, and, uh, Jake says, you know, my, you know, my grandfather's Russian. He was born just outside of Kiev. And we were like, we said, he's very stupid. Jake Vlad is very stupid It's my pimp It's my pimp But he

Not good For Well I mean I obviously do want to join you An insulting Vlad But here we're talking about Jake who thought His grandfather was from Russia

Next to Kiev Yeah I said he was from Russia And then I said he was outside of Kiev Not realizing that Kiev is the capital of Ukraine Yeah His grandfather is Ukrainian I guess

So my My grandfather Now deceased Rest in Peace He was born in outside of Kiev in the 1920s and he moved

to, he took a boat to America in like 1920 or 1924 to escape the pogroms that were killing killing Jews in his hometown. Oh yeah, it's no good. And so yeah, that's how I'm here

because he escaped and so I do have a little bit of Ukrainian soul. So maybe that's why I like the humor. Okay. So tell us about your troupe. You know, tell us the name of the troop and yeah. In the Rodney's

Theater of Absurd Sparrow, we call it. Yes. That's awesome. We have 13 people, one in this year dead. It's Dada Jena. Yes, yes. It's a big crazy guy. He was 68 old and he

played in theater. Yes. And this year day for oncology oncology die but we have another grand McColley Ivanovich it's 70

74 and he he have Nicole trouble with health he has two

oncology in a in a not after winter what go after winter fall spring spring

yeah and he he wants two oncology and coronavirus. Oh, boy. One time. But he lived. He survived. Cancer and the coronavirus.

Two cancer. Oh, boy. Two cancers. Yes. Jesus. This is very important, you know. This is the first thing you tell us about your theater troupe. Yeah.

It's actually, actually news. We also play in League of Smecha. It's a project president of Ukraine, Vladimir Zedensky and we in this year we win in this game congratulations congrats

thank you there we have one million grievin it's like $30,000 yes oh my God that's a nice prize

yeah yeah yeah but we have many guys many girls in the group it is a 100 dollars we have yeah

also we do a festival of absurd Sutula Sobuckie Chann Sutula Subbaka This is a dog

Who have a Oh yes It's this A hunchback A hunchback Yeah No no no Dog who

Okay You understand Like an old dog Old dog Oh dog Yeah Oh dog Jackie Chan Yes

Oh dog Jackie Chan Yeah And we do In one day One day we do Seven Seven seven comedian stuff one day in another place and another another performance on 70 i.m. or

p.m. in the morning we began and nine o'clock of night we do the same performance in one town wow and after there yes and after there we do musical musical stage on a on a beach and play anybody collective musician if you make com 8 June

8 in June in Harkiv and we play six performance and musical night Okay We gotta make it to Harkiv

by June Yes but if Huylo Putin don't kill Harkiv Yes So I mean

You have You have worn a brick suit And I you wore a MAGA hat as a joke, so I mean, people do want, that makes people wonder what kind of, you know, political beliefs do you have? Or is it just mockery of all politics? I'm not a politics. I've 32 years. I must understand what about politics do in my country. But five years ago, I said, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm tired for war. I try for politics.

But right now I understand it's very important because Ukrainian people it's a my word don't don't change anything I don't my house is on the back

no no no and we have all all presidents in Ukraine it's like like performance five years like like we had Yanukovic

we have Leonid Kuchma and and it's like stand-upers It's like comedian. But we cry when he joked. In America, we have similar thing, except not stand-up. It's just, it's Q, yeah, he's stand-up. But Trump is reality television host.

So it's a bit of a different role. But why you? It's Texas? Do this about America, George Bush or Donald Trump? It's Texas, yes? or who did in this joke or mistakes? What do you mean to elect these people? No, a lot of Americans like very stupid people.

I'm sure it's the same in Ukraine where people just fall in love with someone who has no good qualities as a human. Yes, yes. And, you know, I don't know. People like to hurt themselves, I think. Yeah, he's very loud and brash and already famous and he had built a self-image of a very successful man

who knew how to make deals. And people love that. Yeah. And he had also, he had been on reality television for 10 years. And so he was a very public, public figure who pretended like he was an outsider, you know, not a politician. And, you know, there were a lot of people in America who were, you know, so fed up with politics, you know, like you were saying in Ukraine, all my vote doesn't matter. Nothing, you know, the president isn't going to help me make more money or change my life. And so I think. think they were willing to try anything, even if it was this sweaty, you know, businessman who had no business being the president. So obviously this is an audio, this is an audio setting, but Alexander has put a bag of hat on. So I think we're working backwards towards none of this meaning anything. And I like it. Yeah, it would be, we would be better off if nothing meant anything. Oh, people don't see this. No, no, I would never say it and they won't see it. And we

can keep this secret between us and okay okay so my my donald duck you don't see this okay okay okay he is now holding a rubber ducky of trump that is demented by any standards i'll bet that duck doesn't even float in the bath i'll bet it sinks sinks right to the bottom of the tub so if you if you were to you know you said for example in your country uh that The president is like a stand-up, and he tells jokes, and you cry instead of laughing. All presidents, yes. Yes. That's a good point.

But if you were to replace, you know, you're a comedian, you're also an actor, if you were to replace Travis View, doing his work covering QAnon, what would you, what would be the direction, what would be, how would you do that? Because we're thinking of replacing him with you. Ah, if I beat Travis, it's a serious guy. It's, yeah, I am. Yeah, it's fair. He just imitated Travis putting his hand under his chin and being serious. That is so, you got him, dude. That's Travis.

Look at him. He is furious. Yeah, it's fair to bed to furors, yes. You both, you both actually have very similar facial hair. He's got a very well-manacured goatee. You too have a very well-manacured goateeatie. His hair is a little bit longer. a little bit more like George Washington.

But, but check, I have money for a barbershop. Yes, that's true. That's true. Yeah, you can afford a shave, unlike Travis. Yeah. Yes. Travis spends all of his money on Civil War reenactment gear.

That's true. My God, those uniforms, those rifles, not cheap. That's why he has this beard. He's kind of doing, you know, a general, one of the generals, one of the Southern generals. So what would you do? Do you shut down the podcast? Right.

What do you do if you become Travis? Yeah, how do you cover? I have a family, yes, Travis, too? Yes. You both have families. Yes. I also have a family, yes. You would have two families.

A wife and a daughter. Donner. Okay. Okay, okay. So maybe we go in all together. San Francisco. Okay. You would move to San Francisco. Yes.

Sure. I'm looking in a miracle, in a mirror, and told, a guy, you have a 49 year. What you do? You speak about crazy conspiracy. You have a daughter. You have a beautiful woman. Come on in San Francisco and we've been a king of crack. You're a family of crack.

My daughter, daughter, my woman. we don't smoke crack. Come on, guys. Go in San Francisco. Okay. Fuck you are known. Fuck, Twitter. Go away in San Francisco.

Like, ta-da-da-da-da-a-da. Yeah. Like, like... With a car. With a car. Okay. And we go to San Francisco and smoke crack. All right.

And this end. Okay. After there... Okay. Yes. Yeah, we throw my phone away, drive to San Francisco. We're all smoke crack together. That's a point.

That would probably make you feel better than studying QAnon, I've got to say. That's smarter. That's actually a pretty good. It's career advice, I think we're getting here. No, no, no, it's a debt advice. Yes, yes. But if I be in Travis, maybe I do a podcast with musical stars who don't people remember. Like East 17, like six guys on band.

street boys or yes I think that would be a special that would be a good podcast washed up

musical artists yeah that's going to be a great great great term for the podcast

alexander what what American artists do you like musicians oh you have a

good good American musician yes it's Dave Grohl yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but he's one more time

please go in Ukraine Why he does this? He's a good guy. I don't know. If I, yeah, if I run into him, which I won't, I will tell him to bring the foo fighters to Ukraine. Okay.

Did you listen to his first band, Nirvana? Yeah. A little. I have one one album in utero. In utero, yeah, yeah. One of their most famous ones. But if, sorry, if it's been in when I've been Travis in 1993, We smoke crack for daughter, my woman, and Kurt Cobain.

All right. So you smoke crack with Craig. I think Kurt was more of a heroin guy. Yeah. I don't know. I think Kurtu was doing anything. Okay. Tell me this.

Have you heard of a band called Weezer? Oh, of course. Of course. Abus Tramble Maker, travel take. I love it. Okay, that's my favorite band. So that's all I need to know. So we're best friends now.

Yes. We have a, in my first comedy group, I have a musician, he's song, this group. It's been like a soundtrack of arts. Oh, amazing. It's troublemaker, yes. I'm a troublemaker, I don't need a faker. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. We have never given up

We have a trouble maker Not a double taker I don't have to pay it's just to keep me on the other I picked up of the time We have a channel enter In Ukraine and all day we listen That's so funny Yeah, but what I know

Cure is American or England Who? The Cure is British The Cure England, yeah They're great All good music in England in American Brussels.

Yeah. But I Trent Reznor. Yeah. It's very good. Yeah. And many, many. We have.

Oh, all old, old stars in America, he go in Kiev. It's, yeah. But they come. They come to visit you when they get old. Yeah. Marilyn Manson, he, he'd been in Ukraine five years, five, five, five times. And last concert, he'd been a, oh, he go sweet drives, and he goes to do to do, to, too, put him in, have a knife in hand, and, okay, another song, he has another weapon, and he has a song in, no, it's not good concert.

He, I don't, it's very bad. So when American, when American musicians get old, they go to Ukraine and they threaten. audience with weapons. Very dumb. Also, we love in Ukraine and Russian. It's Dr. Alburn, Ace of Base.

See, he go, every garbage in the world, go to the Ukrainian and Russian. Oh, garbage. I love garbage. Oh, yeah, garbage. Yeah, they're great. Yes. He's been in Ukraine, too. But my favorite group is Deppisch Mode. Oh, hell yeah.

Great band. Great band. Nice. So, what do you know about Ukrainian musician, guys? Man, not too much. I mean, who should I look for? I mean, who should I find on Spotify to watch? No one? I like a tattoo.

It's Russian. It's Russian. It's Russian mistake. Okay. But it's good, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes, yes, another no, you don't know. Dachabraha?

Dachabraha, no. How do you spell that? It sounds familiar. Yeah. Dachabraha, it's a favorite group of Matt Grohny, who did in The Simpsons. Oh, interesting. Many times in being on concert on Dachabraha, but security, don't, he want to, he wants to say, hello, I made Groening, it's Daka Braha, but security.

No, no, no, no, no. They don't let Matt Groening in. That's good. Yeah. Matt Groening? You don't know Ukraine? No. Mike Roney, yes.

Oh, yeah. We know, yeah, we know, we know Matt Groening, but we know nothing clearly about the Ukraine. Dachabraha, yes. Dachabraha, we will check it out. I guarantee you. I send you a couple. Yeah, we're all friends on Twitter now, so we can trade music. Yeah.

So I have a more serious question for you. When you and Hunter Biden were hired by Ukrainian natural gas company, Burisma, Holdings. What was your official job? I've been his P-I-N-P. Yes. He don't say on interviews, but I have a good clothes and he like women. And we go in Kyiv's street and he stands. and I'm sitting in my cabriolet and when guys or girls

want sex, I talk about if he have trouble, I go Hunter, slow down. $25, $25 one hour. I'm BIP. Okay. Yeah, I mean, I heard he had a, I heard he was making like, you know, a lot more money

than that, but, but maybe he's doing two jobs at once. He don't listen to our podcast, yes? No, Hunter Biden doesn't listen to us, I don't think. I don't think. He might. He could. He could.

It's on the Internet, so he could stumble across it. I have on this podcast talked about how I have seen that man's penis, including one where he puts candy on his penis, many little candies. Who? Biden guys? Hunter Biden, yeah. Hunter Biden, yeah. Yeah, it's a, it's a, it's a $25, $45, if you want a sex, you make it. And after there, sex.

Right, so first you have to suck up the candy and then you get to. If you want, if you want sex, yes, he, he, he, all, all penis he do in a, in a, in a, in a, in a candy. You don't see penis, yes. You must, you must, you must make, you must make four hours, yes, and after there, you have a sex. It takes, yeah, it takes four hours to get to the center of the candy, the candy-coated penis, and then you can have sex. That's your reward for eating. If you won't have a Biden, smack, yes. Make, please.

So what is coming up for you and the absurd as sparrows? What are your next projects? Are you going to do more shows as your alter ego or more group stuff? My alterica, it's a musician. He plays chanson. It's not good music. Underground present music, yes. Yes. My first album, this Ivgeny Konstantinich, had name No Time to Bullshit, but I found.

Yeah. And so do you perform that? And what instrument do you perform that with? All band, on balance, synthesator, bass, guitar, guitar, and a drum guy. Yeah, and my guy is vocalist. Sorry, one second, please. Oh, yeah, it's good. So for you, the brick suit is about the prison, the walls of prison?

Yeah, it's not the wall of Trump. Vlad is a joke guy, no. But, again, Konstantin, she's sitting in a present seven years. He's like a Bronson in Ukraine. Yeah, he's the Ukrainian Bronson. And is he ever getting out of jail or is it just jail for the rest of his life until he dies for him? I don't know. He has 107 old.

107 years old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like Christopher Lumber. The Highlander. Yeah, Highlander, yeah. In my project, Sparrow, we must have to do. YouTube because all people 10 years talk about, guys, you need YouTube. Oh, come on.

No, no, what is it, YouTube? And right now we do YouTube because in Ukraine, very, very problem with YouTube show on YouTube content. We have many, many good guys and girls who do nice content. But humorist content, it sucks. In general, yeah. Yeah. That's the same thing everywhere. I mean, most comedy everywhere sucks.

Let's be honest. But I wanted to say that I'll put the links in the episode notes so people can go and support your troop on Patreon and there's also going to be a link to your orange juice Patreon. Oh, yeah, thank you. And the cash up too, okay? Come on. Yes, ketchup too?

I don't know. Cash app. On the cash app. Yeah, we'll link to all ways that our listeners can support you. Of course. Because I do right now building my flat and building my mom. He's a problem about, what is it? Pack.

You're back. Yeah, he like Terminator today because he has a metal, metal plate. Yeah, metal plate in his back, yeah. Your father? And I, huh? Is your father? It's my mother. Your mother.

Oh, because you were saying he, so she. Oh, sorry, yeah, she, she, yeah. He, my father's dead. Yes. Okay. Sorry about that. Yeah, no, it's good. It's good. He, he, he, many drunk and he don't like leave. It's normal. Fair enough.

Okay. No. But I won't save him and he won't, but he's on oncology and save. But I give him on the last, I say, it's a last talking with my father, not last, but I say, look, I have a, water marijuana or like one guy told to marijuana help with

cancer and I talked father if you want to be a good health you must do this or you die but you die in a happy yes because he don't

smoke marijuana he don't only alcohol and so yeah so people should contribute to for orange juice and for the metal back of your mother So I totally I agree with that

Maybe maybe I buy it a new telephone because my Huawei is dead Oh yeah In the last week I go to the El Kravchuk It is a great great song Ukrainian It's like George Michael

In a world In Ukraine it's El Kravchuk And I go to the interview With him And sitting on taxi And go but I don't see my telephone. I talk, taxi, stop, go

away, and see my telephone on a road. And one, one car go on this telephone. Oh, no. Yeah, yes. So, yeah, new telephone

as well. Yeah, we need juice, new telephone, help mom with her back. Yeah, yeah. Help comedy. I mean, these are all incredible, incredible causes. to support.

Help Dave Grohl go to Kiev once more. Yeah, help Dave Grohl go to Kiev. In my flat. Yeah, Dave Grohl, personal concert in Alexander's flat. Like MTV Unplugged in Ukraine. There's actually a really good,

if you want to see good Nirvana, there is, in the 90s, they did MTV Unplugged. And it was amazing concert. Yes, yes. Do you want to, you know, you have Travis now. He's in front of you. He's, like, he's sleeping.

No, no, this is how he is. He's sleeping, I see. This is him participating. Scotland guy, he's sleeping. It often seems like he's sleeping, but it's just a ruse. It's a clever... He's sleeping right now. No, it's not of sleeping.

Just that everyone else likes talking a lot more than I do, which is very strange since I got a job talking. Come on, job talking. Okay. So he wants a job talking, too. Okay. How are you, Travis? I'm doing very well, Alexander. And thank you for being such a good sport

about me using your stock photo. Oh, it's nice work. Yeah. Yeah. What you study? What you have a study at a university or institute? Yeah, I studied English at university. English literature.

Literature. Oh, okay. Yes. You like Byron? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I read Byron. I enjoyed it. Yeah.

I mean, yeah, I suppose I studied a lot more like, you know, 20th century literature. I really liked, you know, the Enlightenment poets like Alexander Pope, that kind of stuff. But, yeah, it was good experience. Okay. Are you writing a book? No, no, no, no. Or are you dreaming about that? By dreaming about, like, writing a book, no, not like a fiction book, not so much.

Out of college, I got a job in writing online content for e-commerce sites, and then I basically kept doing that until this podcast started getting so popular. I was able to do it full-time. But I have a good name of your book, Travis Life. Travis Life? Yes. Okay. Yeah, and then the subtitle could be, room with a view.

Room with a view, yeah. Yeah, all right. I'm down, I'm down. Sure, why not? Or Travis, Travis, Travis. Travis, Travis. I mean, it's descriptive. Travis, Travis, Travis, too.

It's like Die Hard 2 and Travis 2. Yeah, that's the second book. Try it, yeah, it's the second book. Oh, what you work? What kind of work did I do? Yes, yes, yeah. Before the podcast. What kind of work do you do now?

What do I do now? No, no, no, no. It's it. Now I understand. You're sleeping. But in your life, what you work. In my life, yeah, no, I worked writing online articles that help sell various things. It sell basketball hoops.

I helped sell pool tables. It helps make online guides. I sold online background checks for, like, data brokerages, which was like, yeah, basic. So, but, yeah, I sold online products for most of my adult life. What you do, wife you work to or not? No, no, no. She's actually, she's, she's, she helps raise our daughter. No, she, make our home. Oh, you are, you are a sexist, okay. Okay, okay, okay, I understand. In Ukraine, in Ukraine, it's good, yes, but in a world, if you know, it's not good, yes. Abuse or it's not good. Think about that. I will. No, works out. Nice, nice talk to Travis, nice talk. I love you, Travis.

You do you? It's good. Yeah. Yeah. I love four people. Yeah. What was that? So, he loves four people.

Travis, sport or spot? Spot? Do you do any sport? I don't. Oh. Do I play any sport? I like to go hiking. I live.

What are your favorite basketball team? Favorite basketball team? They never really followed basketball. I got to be honest with you. I guess I used to follow, I guess, the Lakers when I was a kid, because that was the closest basketball team to me. growing up to Southern California. But, yeah, I come from San Diego.

So, yeah, I used to follow. The sport I really followed, I guess, as a kid was like baseball. I fell the San Diego Padres, Tony Gwynn. But, though, I didn't really follow sports. I mean, like, when I was in high school, I played tennis. I really enjoyed.

Big tennis or... What was that? Big tennis. Ping pong or he's asking table tennis. Oh, yeah. Tennis, yeah. Real tennis, big tennis. But also, Travis, weren't you in plays?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I also, yeah, I was, yeah, I participated in, yeah, our drama club in, in high school. And, you know, we did stuff like, you know, there was this 15-minute hamlet. That was a lot of fun. I played Laerties. Oh, Learthe. Oh, yeah. And, yeah, we did, you know, different sketches and stuff. So, yeah, that was a lot of fun. Yeah, it's a good.

It's a good book story, Travis. You must write in this, Travis' life. You know, I play in ping pong, I play in theater. I don't know. There are many fascinating facets of this world, and my own life story, I don't think, is the most shining example of them. But, yeah, sure, I'll give it a try. Oh, I remember a good story. You know Terry Gilliam, it's your guy.

Yeah, of course, of course, yes. Yeah, he's been in Ukraine in these years in Odessa, and I go in, in Odessa to see the legend, and we make photo with him. I won't kick your face on chicken, but he ha-h-ha-ha. And after that, in a night, been a closet festival, and he's a biggest mistake, it's very bad. He'd say, thank you, Russia.

Maybe it's dimension, maybe I don't know, maybe we're very old. But we think he's joking. But no, he goes on microphone two times. We have one, one, one country, one country. And Terry Gilliam don't go in Ukraine anymore. Canceled. Thank you, Russia. Thank you, Russia.

It's very fucked up. Swiss tell me, you have a, this star, maybe you will see a star people, musician, or in your life. Like I have, I have met some famous people, mostly just from being in L.A., because in L.A. there's a lot of random famous people. We actually, we went to the house of Tom Ardold, familiar with them, from True Lies. True lies? James Cameron

Oh, James Cameron It's his movie Yeah, with Schwarzenegger, yeah The other guy You see Schwarzenegger? No I have worked with Arnold Schwarzenegger I used to work

Before I did the podcast I worked in Hollywood On television sets And I met Arnold Schwarzenegger And he was awesome He was awesome He's huge He's like six two or six three

He's the king of California Yeah And he is. He's the king of California. And you know what? Of all of the actors that I saw, Arnold Schwarzenegger was one of the most prepared. He knew all of his lines. By heart, he had memorized all of his lines. He hit his marks perfectly.

I mean, just a real professional. Yeah, great. Travis, you seen any stars? You know, I, you know, one time when I was like 13. I went to this concert. It was basically an opening of the All-Star Cafe, which is this gimmicky kind of like restaurant down in San Diego.

And at the time, one of the opening bands for this little concert was Dog Star. And Dog Star is the band in which Keanu Reeves is the bassist. So I saw Keanu Reeves. I know, Dark Star, yeah. Keanu Reeves. Okay. Kiana Reeves is a good one.

Yeah. That is pretty cool, yeah. And you? And you, Julian? Um, uh, do you know Michael Moore? Oh, of course. Well, I, I, I was in a theater in New York watching Mission Impossible, the one with the building in Dubai where they're climbing the side of the big building. And I leave the theater and I'm like, oh, shit, I forgot my cap back inside.

So I'm going back in and I almost run into Michael Moore. And, uh, and I said, oh, you know, I said something stupid. Like, oh, I'm a big fan of your work, you know, and he's like, oh, it's not good. Thank you. And I was like, bye. My friend, it's a Ukrainian group. He has a concert in America. And the synthesator man in this group go on Las Vegas and see drummer, you too.

Oh. Oh, the edge? The edge. No, no, no, no. It's a guitarist. Drummer, drummer, drummer. Oh, the drummer. I don't know.

It's James, James. James Johnson. And he go to him Say thank you for music And this guy is say my friend Fuck off man It's Irish Irish talk

It's great to meet your Irish stars My buddy I was just hanging out with him the other day And he told a story of A friend of his was at a gas station In the valley in Los Angeles And he was pumping his gas and he looked across, you know, through to the other pump, you know,

because there's two sides, two pumps. And Sean Penn was standing on the other side of the pump. He was filling his car. And the guy, you know, like, waved at him to be like, hey. And Sean Penn just went and flipped him off and left. Oh, Sean Penn is a king of LGBT. Yeah. He's been in Ukraine.

He been in Ukraine two years a week ago. Oh, really? He do film about Ukrainian Revolution, about Zimbabas war. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, he'd been two weeks ago he'd been in Ukraine. I don't know why, but I don't like him. I don't like his face. I don't like his personality.

Maybe you like Madonna. Yeah, yeah, Julian's a big fan of the Dick Tracy movie with Warren Beatty and Madonna. I am. Oh, sorry, no, not that one. Al Pacino. It actually is kind of a good movie. I thought you meant Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Oh, I love Who Framed Roger Rabbit.

Oh, yeah. That's a great movie. But that's not actually Dick Tracy, right? Bob Hoskins. One story and we go or maybe sleep or another question, but one story is in Odessa being Bloodhound Gang. Yes, that was my first concert when I was a kid. I used to love them. Yeah. That was my first concert.

Ten years ago, I go in Odessa all bad, but time in Odessa for American artists. He do a concert, play, play, and Evil Jared go to the scene with the Russian flag and say, hello. And all people, fo, fo, fo, fo, and he goes, another, go to the Ukrainian flag. And all people say, fine. And evil Jared said, if you don't like this flag, he do this, Russian flag, he wiped his ass with the Russian flag. And yes. After that, in the next day, he'd been in Russian and concert don't be in, because people see when evil Jared do with the flag. It's been a scandal.

Yes, he fight with a Cubanian kossaki in airport, and he go away and he don't be in Russia and Ukraine too. Because in Ukraine, he's a golden rain doing the flag. Yes. When I watched Bloodhung Gang, they did two very stupid things. One of them is they got a teenager on the stage and they made him drink a whole six-pack of Coca-Cola without stopping. He was sick after that. And then the second one was they tried to get any guy who would go on stage to just go on stage and show their penis. Oh

So the first guy shows his penis But his penis is very small So they pushed him off the stage They pushed him off the stage And they called another guy Who had a more Acceptable penis size Oh

And then I did crowd surfing And they stole my shoes Oh Why? I don't know So are you excited to Have a role in Jake

In a Jake story It's a big pleasure It's a big pleasure for me Do with Travis a show, it's good. Do a show with Travis. Well, listen, doing a show with Travis is you learn that different people love in different ways. Like, for example, it may seem that Travis doesn't make eye contact and it's very silent. But actually, that's a form of love.

It's a love language. Oh, love language. It's my next album, Love Language. I'll right, know what your eyes look like. So, okay, well, let's, let's, you know, Again, if you want to support Alexander, we'll put the links for all the different stuff that he's been up to. If you want to go check out his sketches online, we'll put all of that in the show notes. So please go check that out.

And we are now going to hand over the episode to Jake for a story of his creation. I'm assuming late last night and probably high. No, I wrote, I outlined. I mean, this one was really important, right? I mean, this is kind of a weird culmination after four. years, we have the real person behind Travis's avatar on the show. I didn't want to fuck this up. So I outlined this most of the week. And then yesterday afternoon, I wrote it so that I could try to get the script to Alexander because I know he's an actor and I know that, you know, it helps

to have the script ahead of time. So this one actually, a little bit more prep went in to this guy than, you know, my normal stories. But this is what I do on the show, Alexander. I sort of make satirical little plays that sort of make fun of whatever we're talking about or that sort of thing. So, yeah, this is it. Travis View pulled at the hairs of his mostly well-manicured goatee, lost in a daydream. He gazed at his reflection inside a large ornate mirror, standing on the far side of his spacious corner of.

office. The mirror had been purchased in an auction. It had been used as a prop for the mirror of Eresed in the first Harry Potter film, one of Mr. View's favorite movies. Also in the reflection were shelves filled with various journalism and media awards, arranged perfectly on the wall behind him. He chuckled to himself just how far they had come. What began essentially as pointing out how people were very wrong online had now become a multi-billion dollar industry, with QAA information solutions debuting on the NASDAQA and just under $70 a share. It was a lot to take in.

Travis reached into one of his desk drawers and produced a small bottle filled with blue capsules. He shook a couple into his hand and swallowed them before washing it all down with a swig of bourbon from a highball glass positioned near him on top of the desk. He looked out through his glass office walls at a sea of employees happily clattering away on their keyboards, retweeting misinformation experts,

well-respected journalists, and just plain dunking on people online. Travis remembered the days when he had to do that sort of dirty work himself. As much work as it was, those were fun days. He reminisced about his now-deceased podcast mates. Julian Field had died in a horrible greenhouse fire after a still-lit spliff had ignited his entire crop, and his other co-host, Jake Rockatansky had disappeared in a ball of light a couple of years back, never to be heard from again.

It was lonely at the top, as many of Travis's favorite rappers had suggested. But fortunately for him, he still. had a loving family, a roof over his head, and thousands of employees to diligently wade through the muck of bogus information flooding the internet. Life was good. A commotion at the far end of the floor snapped him out of his daydream. There were three men wearing black suits and sunglasses, with earpieces coiling down into their shirt collars, standing on the far end of the cubicle banks. Travis's curiosity turned to fear as he saw one of his employees talking to the suited men, turn around and point directly at him. The men locked eyes with Travis and began making

their way towards him, their hands on their sidearms. This seemed like way more drama than Travis felt like dealing with. Well, it's been a good run. He reached into his desk drawer and produced a second bottle of pills. This one filled with red capsules. He shook a couple into his hand and gulped them down. He waited. Nothing. Travis began to grow impatient. Come on, make with a new reality already. As soon as the words left his lips, the room began to breathe. Next came the giggles. Travis was overwhelmed with a peaceful sensation of utter meaninglessness. He staggered over to the mirror of Erosid to check out his pupils, and they did not disappoint. But then Travis noticed something else. The mirror began to ripple, as if the glass was turning into liquid right

before his eyes. He gently pushed a finger into the soft goop. It dripped off his fingers like the remains of the T-1000 in Terminator 2, but with much higher fidelity visual effects. Travis glanced over his shoulder. The agents had made their way across the office pool and were closing in on him. It was an hour never. Travis plunged himself through the mirror of Aresed,

expecting to wake up in a large egg covered in pink goo, but he quickly discovered that reality was nothing like the movies. Travis found himself in a small wooden cabin. It was warm. The heat from a nearby stove felt good on his tired face. In one corner of the room sat a man with short brown hair and similar goatee. He barely noticed Travis as he worked a grease-stained rag over a small revolver that sat in his lap. After a minute or so, he stood up and placed the revolver down gently on one of the shelves in the cabin.

So, Travis, for you, we finally meet? Travis was perplexed. This man seemed to know who he was. Is this the real world? You know, like in the Matrix? The man laughed. My friend, you have your movie's confused. You came through the mirror, yes?

Travis nodded. That's right. The man scratched his goatee. Yes. Very powerful magic. Mirror shows you what you want most in life. Author of Harry Potter books look into it and... How do you say?

Alienate entire fine base. Travis nodded, knowing that was true. Interesting. The man continued. However, You, dear Travis, I think what you want most in life is to know who you really are. And I guess that's me. There was an eerie silence in the small cabin.

Travis took in his surroundings. If he was being honest with himself, the cozy cabins settled underneath the frozen rain did feel more authentic to him, way more so than a massive corner office with three assistants and a Humvee parked in the parking structure. So, I guess the question is, Who are you? Travis thought for a beat. Well, I study QAnon. The man's eyes perked up.

And what is this, QAnon? I mean, it's a lot, but it's an online conspiracy theory that claims that most of our politicians and Hollywood actors are satanic pedophiles part of a secret elite club. The man paused before asking, This is not true? Travis sighed. Well, I mean, yeah, sure. It's true to an extent. but I guess in some cases literally.

But the crazy part is that they also believe that Donald Trump has been working behind the scenes to expose it all. The man furrowed his brow. Donald Trump? But he is no longer president. With no Twitter or Facebook, yes? Correct. So how he going to, as you say, expose it all?

Well, they believe he is actually still president. This make no sense. Some of them also believe that JFKJ, Jr. is actually alive and will run for political office in 2024 as Donald Trump's running mate. But if he's still president, why does he need to run again? That's a very good question. GFK, this man was very popular American president, no? Well, it's actually JFK's son. He was the president's son. The man looked confused.

Why they want son instead of actual president? He will be better for the job, no? Well, I think that JFK senior might return as well. And why this is impossible? Well, because they've both been dead for decades. So, dead father and dead son return from graveyard to rule our United States with Donald Trump? Precisely, yeah, yeah, that's it. And they will be kings. Yeah, basically, yeah, you got it.

And they king, they will punish the bad people, yes? Yes, they'll punish... Okay. So these people, they are communists, then? Oh, no, no, no, no. They think they are fighting the communists. They think that Joe Biden is actually a communist. Joe Biden?

Communists? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Are you fucking seriously? Yeah, I'm serious. I know. It's pretty crazy. The man wiped tears of laughter from his eyes. So what is the problem, then?

Crazy people believe in dead president becoming king of America. This is a harmless. Well, not really. I mean, like you remember January 6th where all those people stormed the capital? Many of those people were QAnon people. The man became very serious considering this. Hmm. Many politicians dies?

Yes? No, no, actually. I think actually most of the people who were injured were Q&N believers themselves. The man thought for a minute. Then why they do all this? Travis was beginning to sweat. Even though he had explained this a thousand times over, it wasn't lost on him how ludicrous the whole thing sounded.

Well, because a person who calls themselves Q told them it would happen. The man continued to look incredibly confused. And this Q, if people love him so much, why he not run for president? Well, because Q is like an entity that only exists on the internet and like no one knows exactly with total conclusive you know uh universally accepted way uh who it is oh i see yeah the man nodded deep in thought this seemed like uh very stupid conspiracy no Travis shrugged almost ashamed yes it is it is very stupid and you believe all this my friend you must see brain doctor or something Travis began to protest

test. Oh, no, no, no. I don't believe in it. I just report what these people believe and they're saying and they're doing. I guess I became one of the sort of the default experts on the subject. It's very weird. Oh, so you are like a journalist? I mean, kind of. I mean, journalists have like editors who check on their work. I don't really have a lot of experience with that. The man seemed even more confused. Hmm. You have no education as journalist? Yeah, that's right. I actually just used to work in marketing. The man was now more perplexed than ever. But the United States has so many journalists.

If the QAnon was all on the internet, why did they not look up for themselves? Why deep shit marketing persons become expert? Yeah, that's another really great question. Are the journalists not afforded computers and internet in your country? No, no, actually, usually their resources are at least at the high level, far, far greater than mine. So, how you tell the people the news? You have television program, yes? Travis shook his head. No, I just did it on Twitter. The man's eyebrows raised.

Twitter? Can you show me this? Travis reached into his pocket and produced his cell phone, called up his Twitter account, and handed it over to the man in the cabin. The man's expression shifted. These pictures, he looked like me. Travis leaned down and looked at the image of his avatar, then back at the man. Hmm. Yes, I suppose it does. That's very strange. The man handed the phone back to Travis.

You know, you never did tell me your name. Okay. I tell you my name. It's Alexander. Travis nodded enthusiastically. And what do you do, Alexander? Oh, I am comedian and actor. I have a comedy troupe here in Ukraine.

We name I like Sparrow. It's a very challengeish career. Oh, that's very cool. No. But Alexander slowly stood up from the table and began to pace around the room. But enough about me. My friend, tell me this. They pay you good money to be a fake journalist in America.

Travis shrugged. Actually, yes. Believe it or not. Reporting on wacky conspiracies turned out to be a very lucrative gig. The man nodded. And you tell the people who pay you? What? That Kenun believes a rescue operation by Donald Trump

and did President and son to save America from satanic pedophiles? And that they are wrong to believe this, no? Travis Maltz over for a second. Yeah, yeah, basically. Oh, that sounds easy enough. In one swift motion, Olexander, reached up and grabbed the revolver off the shelf, then aimed it right at Travis' view. My apologies, friend, but life in Ukraine is very difficult.

A look of sheer relief washed over Travis's face. The powers of the mirror were real. This was the thing he wanted most in life. Death. Thank you for putting me out. All right. Thank you for putting me out of my misery. You'll find the keys to my house in the center drawer.

on my desk. Best of luck to you. A single gunshot echoed out through the icy windows of the cabin and into the snow-covered woods beyond. Alexander tucked the revolver into his waistband and stepped through his side of the mirror. He instantly found himself in a large corner office. Three men, dressed in black suits, were looking around curiously. One was lifting up a corner of the rug, while another had stuck his head under the large desk in the center of the room. Without hesitation, Olexander drew his revolver and with three quick shots leveled all three of the agents.

Blam! Blam! Blam! They glitched and vibrated before morphing into three Washington Post executives. Alexander twirled the revolver around his finger before sliding it coolly back into his waistband. He plopped down in the expensive suspension chair behind the desk and let out a deep breath. The phone began to ring. Alexander reached over and picked up the receiver. Hello, this is Travis. 20 years later

Olexander, now in his mid-50s, looked out over his lush estate, below him on the perfectly manicured lawn. Travis's now adult daughter played with her son. He smiled as Travis's wife joined them out on the lawn. With a decadent-looking picnic basket, filled to the brim with expensive meats and cheeses. Olexander waved to them, and they waved back, smiling and laughing.

His phone vibrated. Some crazy person on Twitter had filled his replies with absolute garbage, and Olexander quickly owned them without breaking a sweat. As he walked through the art-filled halls of his glorious mansion, his phone rang. It was Jake Tapper. Again, Olexander quickly picked up. Hello, Jack. Yes, this theory is incredibly wiki, not base it in reality. You're welcome, man.

Talk to you later. Olexander traips down to his industrial-sized kitchen and flung open the door to his smart refrigerator. Inside was lined wall to wall with carton upon carton of organic orange juice. Olexander grabbed one and skipped back up to his study. He collapsed into his huge leather armchair, popped the cap off the OJ and took a long, thirsty gulp. He let out a refreshing sigh.

It is good to be the king. Unbeknownst to him, a small red laser dot was working its way across the floor of his study, up his desk, and finally resting square in the center of his forehead. On a faraway rooftop, two agents were perched. One was holding a long, high-powered rifle with an attached 9x scope. The other was perusing a dog-eared copy of the Washington Post. The rifleman spoke into his earpiece. Travis is in view.

Clear to engage? A shadowy voice blipped into their earpieces. You are clear to engage. About time, we showed this fake journalist, how democracy really dies. As Travis's wife and his daughter and grandson were sitting, having their picnic on the lawn, a single shot rang out. The end. Thank you for listening to another premium episode of the Q&On Anonymous podcast. Thank you for supporting us on Patreon.

We really appreciate it, and you're the reason we can stay advertising free and editorially independent. And for everything else, we have a website. It's Q&Anonanonymous.com. Listener, until next week. May the Deep Dish bless you and keep you. It's not a conspiracy, it's fact. And now, today's Auto Q. And we with him, two, on the street,

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