Quick Question with Soren and Daniel - Breakfast Sushi and Scotch

Episode Date: October 31, 2022

This episode the guys guide you on both how to act in a premium airport lounge AND how to properly eat a kiwi. Their range is unmatched! And as always big thanks to our sponsors.  Go to EthosLife.com/QQ to get your FREE life insurance quote today. Get $15 off your first month’s subscription plus free shipping:  Nutrafol.com/men promo code qq. Go to Shopify.com/qq for a FREE trial.

I've got a quick, quick question for you, alright? I wanna hear your thoughts, wanna know what's on your mind I've got a quick, quick question for you, alright? The answer's not important, I'm just glad that we could talk tonight So what's your favourite? Who did you get? What do I be? What's it up with? Oh, forget it I saw a movie, Daniel O'Brien When will I be remembered? What's it all about? Where did all the guard wings go? Oh, forget it.

I saw a movie, Daniel O'Brien. Two best friends and comedy writers. If there's an answer, they're gonna find it. I think you'll have a great time here. I think you'll have a great time here. Quick question with Soren and Daniel. Known for being long. Famous for frequently not having questions. The hosts don't think much about it, so let's have some fun.

Let's find out what is Quick Question with Soren and Daniel. Hey there, folks. Welcome to a whole new podcast episode. A podcast all about why two hosts are not as interesting as they think they are. My name is Daniel O'Brien, and I'm not alone. Joining me today is Soren Bui, a television writer for American Dad, a very funny stand-up comedian, and a father of two. Soren, has this bit overstayed its welcome?

Just reeling. There's a Chicago accent happening as well. I'm really trying. I think maybe you might have just let this, oh, it felt very impromptu. It felt like you started reading and you were like, you know, this just this just fits oh yeah no i did with it i wasn't trying from the beginning you're absolutely right that i i it's hard to do the cadence of that without slipping into a borderline offensive impression of alex schmidt i'm coughing laughing yeah

that was it okay i know exactly how you're channeling that now that makes perfect sense I'm coughing, laughing. That was okay. I know exactly how you're channeling that now. That makes perfect sense. Yeah. New intro. I like it. Okay.

I think we could keep experimenting though. Okay. All right. That sounds good. That's a great note. How are you, man? It's been a couple of weeks. Really brutal. Really brutal.

Brutally honest version of our podcast. Thanks to Ethos for supporting Quick Question. With Ethos, you could get life insurance in 10 minutes for as little as $10 a month. Get a free personalized quote at ethoslife.com slash QQ. Thanks to Shopify for supporting Quick Question. Shopify is a platform designed for anyone to sell anywhere, giving entrepreneurs like myself the resources once reserved for big business. Sign up for a free trial at shopify.com slash QQ. Thanks to Nutrafol for supporting Quick Question. Nutrafol is physician formulated to be 100% drug free. They use natural medical grade botanicals in consistently effective dosages.

You can grow thicker, healthier more specific to our show. Because his whole shtick is the world is more interesting than you think it is. And ours is here are two people that should be interesting because they they're they're comedy writers in the entertainment industry i bet they've got some stories uh but the truth is we're not we don't have stories about the entertainment industry today we're going to talk about just as easily it's right we could have just as easily named this podcast is anybody liking this like is any are you getting anything out of this yeah we don't know yeah uh you know if you want us to stop just uh drop us an email just say subject line that's enough subject line that's enough uh no reason to fill out the body of the email

we get enough of those and we'll stop yeah this is not we did actually talk beforehand this is like the most work we've ever done on a podcast where we kind of like decided we could do like a themed episode if we wanted to yeah we're not doing it on this one oh okay well we'll save it for next time

put it in the hopper before we get into the show, do you got anything? What's going on? Can you talk for a little bit so I can take a sip of La Croix? I'm living my best life right now. Oh, great. Yeah. I got better from COVID and now I'm just like, I am out in the world.

I am in circulation. I think I was reading about you in a science magazine. You lost your sense of taste, but since you've recovered, you now taste 110%. You taste more than everybody else. You get all these bonus flavors that we don't have. It's what I do. I've started to, in a very daredevil way, is I just close my eyes and feel my way through the world through my taste buds. And I can like, I get this, if I could describe it to you, like, it's basically like I'm seeing sonar, but with taste around me. Just mouth open. Just like deep inhale.

It does require me to have my mouth open. Like Kirby, just like pulling in air around you and be like, everyone around me, I could tell they're nervous. It does require me to breathe in deeply and make a gasping, haunting noise. And my tongue has to be out of my mouth the whole time. But other than that, it's a fun way to kind of get from A to B. Yeah. Are there things that you weren't doing before you had COVID because you were nervous about it? Oh, yeah.

Yeah? What's the big one? Movie theater? I didn't go to the movies. Are you allowed to go to the movies other than in the middle of the desert by yourself? Yes. And I've been going to the mall. I go to like stores in the mall, things that I've been like me.

I would ordinarily just order on Amazon. I was like, no, I want to see it in person and I can now. And so I'll be in the mall and then doing impromptu things. Like I'll be at the mall and be like, I'm hungry. What if I just went to the food court and ate here? Uh, I rode, I went to a, uh, LAFC game, which is a soccer game, soccer, football, playoffs game, uh, in a cool new stadium here. So I was in this big stadium and I rode the Metro there, which is at rush hour. I'm riding on a train packed with people that we're all, you know, we're crushed in there at a point where nobody's sitting down.

We're all standing and I'm not even wearing a mask and I'm feeling great about it. That's awesome. I'm really happy for you, man. Thank you. Yeah, that's pretty much my update is that I am, I'm just like, and I out in the world and it's not super safe because i also have my children with me occasionally and like i'll just be in the store i'll been in the store for 45 minutes getting groceries or whatever and then i'll look down and be like oh fuck you're not wearing a mask

i should have put a mask on you that would have been smart well there's always next time uh why don't we get into the show? I've got a quick question, Soren. Oh, great. Yeah, let's get started. What's up? I'm not going to word this correctly. I'm going to hopefully explain it by the time I finish talking. I want to know what's something fairly, something that you really aspire to as a child that

as an adult you've realized is fairly banal. And banal might not be the best word for it, but I'll just start with my own story. When I was a kid, it was very aspirational to me to be able to walk into a restaurant and have a waiter or waitress ask if I wanted the usual. That's just something that I had seen in movies and TV. And I was like, that seems so cool.

As a kid, I was like, how do I, how do I do that? How do I achieve that, that status? And adult me realized that, uh, it's, it's only as difficult as going to the same place over and over again and never varying your order. Um, right. And, uh, it was still like so novel and so cool to me. And I achieved regular status in multiple places in like high school and college and was still just like really thrilled about it.

And I have very, I had like a trio of buddies that we all had the usuals at my regular diner. And then I would, as like a real a a trio of buddies that we we all had the usuals at my regular diner and then i would as like a real thrill for me bring other people everyone's like i brought my friend uh my friend katie in high school uh i brought her to my usual usual diner sometime in high school or college and we sat down at our table and the waitress comes over and says the usual and i said yes carol thank you and katie closed her eyes and said, you're so fucking weird. And she's right.

Katie has always had a very internally conflicted relationship with me where she liked hanging out with me. She saw value in it. But there were certain things about me that she just absolutely hated. And this was one of them. And it was shocking to me.

I was like, don't you think there's something mayoral about this? Is this not impressive? Couldn't you see me in a sash doing this? Yeah, I get what you're saying i mean when i was young like the idea of having your spot yeah and that was like where you would go and i liked the it was so the idea of even going out to eat was very romantic to me as a kid where i was like if on a friday we were gonna go down to town and go eat i was like fuck I'm going to get a soda. It's going to be awesome. I was into it.

And to have them in that place where you go so regularly that they're just like, even with the turnover that you'd have with waitresses and waiters and stuff, like they'd still, everyone there knows you and you walk in and they're like, hey, you want the usual? Chuck Klosterman talked about that when he would go into restaurants, into bars and they had the witty Chuck, which was like a drink you could order named after him. When I used to live in New York, I lived above a restaurant and I would go there all the time. Some weeks I would go there every single night and just eat and work from my computer there. And I had since moved obviously, and then went back sometime in the last year to meet a bunch of co-workers and i said oh let's go to this restaurant that's very nostalgic for me and we went there and the restaurant was packed there was like a private event and then

the owner came up to me and i was like hey if if there's no room for us there's that's that's no trouble at all we'll find somewhere else he goes no let me see what i could do and he cleared out the table that is reserved for employees to like roll silverware and do their accounting and stuff yeah and he guided my party over to that table and i felt like the fucking man and my co-workers were like wow and then i realized yeah i spent like fourteen thousand dollars in here i don't know i've lived above this place for two years if we ever if we ever start some sort of business where we're customer facing, we should have a rewards program that offers that kind of thing. Every business has got a rewards program, but it's always about discounts. But instead, the rewards program should be, when you walk in, first of all, we're going to call you by your first and your last name.

We already know who you are. And you're not even going to give you a menu we're just going to come up to you and say uh do you want what you usually have or do you want the usual like there's different things you can like swing for and yeah and if you spend enough money there that's like one of the perks is this it's just this familiarity yeah and one of them is like if if you're clearly there on a date, then they have like an actor on standby who comes out and pretends to be the chef and asks you how you liked the food and talks to you about it. That's, man, fuck. Now you're making me think like that is a really cool thing that happens

sometimes where like the waitress will come and tease it. If you go to the restaurant with the right person, the waitress will be like, hey, hey oh you're here yeah uh benny would really like to see you i'll tell him you're here yeah and you're like who the fuck is benny like oh it's just it's the he's the chef he's that chef and like throughout the meal like you're kind of hearing about it and then all of a sudden at some point in the meal benny comes out and he's like hey how you like it are you is it good is it good and uh and honestly part of that admirable that is if you bring out like literally anything like give me a a piece of ham on toast with a little bit of olive oil on it if you just like bring two small plates of those out it's like

benny wanted you to have this it's on the house it's just it's just it's not on the menu it's just from benny thrilling absolutely thrilling doesn't matter what it is a couple of handy snacks oh god yeah i so i have a friend who for a while ran a sushi restaurant in aspen really and when we would go back yeah when we would go back we'd go to this sushi restaurant uh calling a night and it was it was amazing to go like you go to try it and like the host if they didn't recognize you'd be like try and seat you at a table and he'd from the sushi bar like no no no sit him up here sit him up here he's like okay do you have any dietary restrictions and we'd be like no and he'd be like okay i'm going to make you a meal and he would just like get to work and he would just start making things and like putting them out.

And I was like, yes, I would pay $100,000 for this. I want that service at every restaurant too. I want to go to a McDonald's and like sit at the counter where like all the cash registers are and just like have my special stool. You want the kitchen table. Yeah. The table in special stool and i get the kitchen table i yeah

the table in the kitchen where you like you get to be in the hustle and bustle and i just tell the 15 year old chef i'm like oh mcasa please just just whatever you recommend just bring it out whatever you're liking right now yeah give me that um have you heard the story about don rickles and Frank Sinatra that's similar to that? No. Okay. This is amazing. Don Rickles was at, I don't know, it was one of those restaurants, like a famous steakhouse back in the day.

Don Rickles is at the height of his career, but he's still nowhere near Frank Sinatra, right? Like Frank Sinatra is way higher. And Frank Sinatra was there and Don Rickles was on a date. And he kind of had met him a couple times um and so at one point he quietly went over to frank sinatra and like introduced himself again and it was like hey i don't know if you're willing to do this but it would be really nice if uh you came over at some point and just said hello that would like make my day and it would like it my date would go crazy about that because he wanted to just look like a big timer he wanted frank sinatra to come by like oh hey oh good to see

you don and uh frank sinatra was very magnanimous and was like yeah i'll do it and so 45 minutes later whatever don rickles is eating his meal with this woman and frank sinatra's on his way out so he stops by the table and he's like, Hey Don, I just wanted to say hello. And Don goes, I'm fucking eating here, man. It's like, it's the best way to play that.

I think. It's like, just treat Frank Sinatra just like another fan. It's just bothering you. It's your meal. Hey, if you're hearing this ad, we've got some good news for you. That means you're alive still. That's great news.

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Making your idea real opens endless possibilities. I love how Shopify makes it easy for anyone to successfully run their own business. It has never been easier to start and grow a business thanks to shopify go on charging try shopify for free and start selling anywhere charging sign up for a free trial at shopify.com slash qq go to shopify.com slash qq to start selling online today that's shopify.com slash qq um i think i have one i think uh growing up the idea of an admiral's club or a club at an airport was so enticing to me. It seemed like the coolest thing in the world. And it seemed like something that was not achievable by anyone but those who are the most successful in life. What I realized

later in life was it was the people who have to travel and be away from their families for 200 days a year are the ones who have access to these Admiral clubs. It's also, a lot of it is so frustrating that it does just come down to who can afford it. Like, it's not really, unless I'm mistaking the Admiral's club, it's the same thing of like driving down in my parents' car and like seeing a limo and thinking, as a kid, I'm thinking, that's gotta be Jordan. That's gotta be Michael Jackson.

That's gotta be like, who could possibly be in a limo? And then smash cut to renting a limo for senior prom and just being in the back of a limo with a bunch of my stupid friends. And I was like, oh, it was just us? It was just us who pooled our money together? Fuck, that sucks. what a bummer the tinted windows it was endless possibilities in there like somebody had come to your small town and you're like are you fucking kidding me there's a celebrity

here yeah uh and and then you you find out later when you win a Book It award that you're allowed to go get pizza in a limo. Like, oh, it's just some other fucking nine-year-old who won an award at school because he sold the most magazines. Yeah, it's a kid who's going to go to the Pizza Hut and then do one of those collect call scams to get a ride from their mom to come home. Where if you say in the name spot, hey, mom, I'm ready to get picked up. I'm at the Pizza Hut. Then they don't charge you for the call and you don't have to pay the quarter.

She gets the message. Yeah, Admirals Clubs. And I've since been in one. I'm sure that Admirals Club is like a proprietary name. I'm sure that there's some, one of the many places that's u.s airways or whatever but like yeah you know what i mean in general like there's always a club associated with any airline and it's always like this frosted glass you walk in there and my assumption was it was

an old school boys smoking social club like there's just like libraries of books and there's these, there's mahogany everywhere and leather chairs. And, uh, and everyone's just like, you walk in and they're like, Soren, let us know when you'd like to take off and we'll go. Yeah. Yeah. Will you be having cigars or women today? Um, and, um, I, I just figured it was was like it was the coolest thing in the world it must be it must be in there and it was a place where you could get away from the riffraff yeah of an airport and it's not i mean it's just it's shitty it's just as shitty in there as it is except sometimes they have honeydew melon yeah did you what was the uh occasion for you that i got in there yeah it was my credit card the the credit card that i currently have is a rewards card that i got

because it's really great for flying from los angeles to uh aspen yeah it's like they do direct flights and because i had it i was like in an airport spending too much time there got with a delayed flight and i was like i wonder if i can just go in here and so i went in i showed it to them they're like yeah yeah come on in and i was just like chilling in this place where i was like oh you know the cheers are only moderately more comfortable than they are out there i think i paid i paid extra one flight to get into uh i've ended up being like weirdly inexplicably brand loyal to united for no clear reason okay so whatever the united club was which might just be called the united club i was like i'm here i i

got to the airport stupid early uh so let me just let me kill my time in this let me get a couple of martinis in the lounge and i walked in there and like exactly the same experience as you i'm like oh all right do you guys do you guys have wi-fi or uh i don't even think it might have been early enough that that wi-fi wasn't a thought for me it was mostly just like do you guys have games or something is there you have like yeah a n a Nintendo Wii I can fuck around on for a little bit? Is a Street Fighter stand-up arcade game in here somewhere? The one thing that I did love about that that I recommend for that experience is they ask you when your flight is and they tell you when you need to go over there. So I don't have to listen for anything and i don't need to wait for too long there's like okay uh mr o'brien

you should start heading over to your terminal now it's like great oh that is nice yeah i found that there were a lot more people on their phones in there too like there were guys who were just like they felt way more comfortable to be like finally a quiet spot where i can talk on my phone and they weren't they weren't using the customary lowered voice. They didn't seem humbled while they were doing it. And I was like, well, this is shittier. They were just very loudly shorting stocks or whatever it is that people do in animal lounges.

Yelling business, business, business into their phone. I have lots to say about airports now. I was at, this is a thing that I've been trying to work into this show that I haven't found a good way into. But the last time I flew from Newark to Los Angeles, must have been for the Emmy Awards. I was waiting at the restaurant bar outside of my terminal, eating my breakfast. And another guy came here's a thing that that you might and certainly our audience won't know about the newark airport terminal they made a change a couple years ago with the ordering system that was great where you can sit at either a bar or a restaurant or even

at the like chairs at your terminal waiting area. And there was an iPad and you could order food and drinks from the iPad. And you can, you can cruise the internet on the iPad and you could play games on there. You could do trivia and it was great. You didn't have to talk to anyone. If you didn't want to, you could just like punch in your things and then swipe your credit card. It was so convenient. It was so great. That was a couple of years ago. They have since was so great that was a couple of years ago they have since upgraded in a new way where they still have the ipads at all these stations but you're not allowed to order from them all the ipads do is they show you a qr code that you scan with your phone and then you order with your phone and instead of swiping your card because you can't swipe your card on your phone you manually input

your number of your credit card into your phone and that's how you order it's it's much worse and it's it's not entirely clear i i am a uh fairly tech savvy person and i was still like i'm not really sure that went through and you can't talk to anyone who works there because I think part of the hook of doing the system is airports are so short staffed that they can't. They're like staffing these bars with people who are beholden to these systems. When I'm asking like, hey, did my sausage and potatoes come through? They're just like, I mean, I won't know until it comes out. Someone else will hand it to me, and I'll give it to you. But I figured out the system with enough time,

and I sit there long enough that you watch everyone go through basically the same situation where they're like, I don't order from the iPad. Oh, I have to to it's my phone okay can i just can i just order from you no can i see a menu no okay all right and you know i i help whomever is next to me because i'm like i just went through this it's it's it is annoying but like this is what we have and then there was one guy who came and was so mad and refused to do this system. And he was like, when the, it was one of those kiosk bar restaurants where there was also like guys making sushi.

And when the waiters weren't helping him, he was going to the guys making sushi and was like, my man, my man, what do you recommend? What do you recommend? And the sushi guy's like, I'm not allowed to say anything to you. And the waiters are like, he can't help you. You have to use your phone. Fuck the phone. Fuck QR codes. I hate this shit.

I hate this fucking shit. Give me a menu. I'll give you money. And he's like taking out cash. And the employees are like, we can't take that. We can't. Everyone else is just doing this. And he's so mad.

And he's like stomping his feet. And he really thinks if he just swears enough and yells enough, eventually this is going to get fixed. And I almost says, I mean, he was crazy. So I wasn't going to say anything to him. But I almost did because he's such a, he was very fascinating to me. Especially as someone myself, I've talked about this on the podcast before we're like i can get angry sometimes i could lose my temper and it's a thing that i'm always working on through meditation and running and he is a great example of like that's what it looks like once it's man it's not cool when someone's angry man no he just looks nuts he just looks unreasonable he looks like a big

adult baby and i want to just be like what how you're in an airport how angry do you intend to get in this airport there's not none of us actually want to be here we are all waiting here so we can go somewhere else that's the whole design of this place it is a top to bottom inconvenient experience for all of us We all take our shoes off and wait in lines and get here early because it's, at the end of the day, the best way to fly across the country to get 3,000 miles away from here. But, like, we're all, the agreement is

we all just, like, sit here uncomfortable for a little while and then sit in a plane, uncomfortable for a little while, and then we're in the place we want to be. And isn't that nice? And then sitting in a plane, uncomfortable for a little while. And then we're in the place we want to be. And isn't that nice? So, like, can't you just join us and be, like, kind of unhappy, but, like, shut up about it? And he wasn't going to do any of those things. He's just, like, he's just screaming and he's yelling.

And the waiters and waitresses are just like, there's another restaurant down at the other side of the terminal and he's like they take cash they have menus they go no but you can you can go to that one and he eventually like left and was still just like stomping down the the the terminal going like fuck this fuck this shit and i still thought like to what end what is the i don't know man especially like i also don't i'm i'm so pissed that i had to manually type in my credit card number into my phone multiple times because it's an imperfect system it's it's so inconvenient i almost went without breakfast but it's also like this is what the restaurant said i had to do so So my options are to do it that way and get the thing I want

or not do it and don't get the thing I want. And I don't understand. I know where you're coming from. Pitch me on his side. I think it's really, I'm always, I always get a little excited when there's somebody in a circumstance

that like I've been putting up with the shit that I've been forced to put up with because this is just how life works. And there's somebody who walks into the situation and is like, no, absolutely not. And I could just quietly kind of be on their team. And I mean, the way they're handling it is really poor, but I want that. I want to see somebody come into that situation and brand new to it and be like, this is absurd. And like really throw their hands up and get upset about it because there's part of me that's like, yes, it absolutely is. And I want to see how this plays out. And it's not me. I did not have to deal with the consequences.

At that point, me and the other betas at the breakfast bar had already joined our side of the consequences. At that point, me and the other betas at the breakfast bar had already joined our side of the war because we started the same way as him. We were also like, but I don't want to use the iPad. I hate QR codes, but I don't want to use my phone. This is inconvenient. Oh, well, I'll do it. So now when we see someone who is too good for the thing that we all did, then it's like, all all right you pick a fight with the waitress you pick a fight with all of us because we're brainwashed and you know what in fact i think the system's good i love qr codes i love my phone i wish all restaurants did this you piece of shit i i've been in a bank before where i don't even know what the dude's issue was but like

he started shouting it's my money and uh he getting, he was getting kind of nasally and like high pitched and stuff. And he was like, it was so, it's such an ineffectual fight. He was trying to throw down and had no power in the situation. And, but he was still like shouting, stamping his foot and saying, it's my money. And at a certain point I could hear the woman, the teller say, money. And at a certain point I could hear the woman, the teller say, sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. And he goes, he like stops for a minute and goes, no, no, you're going to have to take me out. He didn't want that either. But at this point he's like, you're going to suffer somehow. I'm going to figure out how to make this hard on you. Somebody's going to have to carry me.

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get your you know 8 30 a.m scotch that you you seem to really want to go with your breakfast sushi, you fucking maniac. Best case scenario, everyone bends the rules and you get that. Worst and more likely scenario is security comes. And this isn't getting kicked out of a restaurant or getting dragged out of a bank. You're in the airport because you're trying to get somewhere. You had a whole plan. You need to be in another state today. And if you get in a fight in the airport and then like you can't fly anymore,

that ruins so many of your plans and it's so expensive. Yeah. And there's other people surely involved in that in some capacity. And then you have to what? You have to call your mom or your business partner or your son and be like yeah bad news um i punched a 15 year old at the airport bar because he wouldn't give me sushi he wouldn't take my money so i hit him they made me they made me nosebleed they made me show my my phone to the ipad screen so i need a security guard in the groin

and now i'm not allowed to fly delta anymore i'm not allowing any chilis to go uh yeah i mean i i do i do i genuinely do like it when i see people that like it is an unfair system it's a system where i've been like all right well fucking this is just the way it is and there's somebody who just comes in and blows it up. And they're like, absolutely not. I'm not dealing with this. And I have been that guy. I'll say like a more patient way at, I don't know, you go to a gym now, right, Daniel? Hell yeah.

And when you go there, do they make you, do you have to like have an app on your phone and then you pull it up and then you log in that way? You don't come in with a key fob or something anymore. I do a key fob, yeah. You can do it on the phone if you want. Soren, you are famously a former disciple of Equinox or whatever they call you in that strange cult. You have to understand, I go to a very cheap filthy disgusting gym i i so yeah equinox is the worst offender and that was where i raised a stink was because i

also felt like i deserved it there i felt very entitled but equinox is like their their system is you you don't even talk to the person at the front desk as you get close to the the gym, you just pull up the app and then you log, you say like, oh, I'm checking in. And then you push a button and then you just walk past the desk and they look at the, they might briefly look at the laptop that they have there and it'll be like, hey, Soren has checked in. They're like, hey, good to see you, Soren. And that's the only interaction you have.

You don't do anything else. And now I'm at LA Fitness and it's a similar situation where like you just come in and you do have to pull it up on your phone, but then you scan it from your phone. Nobody gets key fobs anymore. Nobody gets, you don't do a thumbprint or anything like that. And I'm at a point in my life where I'm like too many companies want me to put an app on my phone. Oh, I certainly do an app for everything.

I certainly hate that. I really can't stand that because I have my like normal gym and then I do Orange Theory, which requires an app. And then my boxing gym also requires an app. It's crazy. Any minute now, the thing that happens once every couple of months is going to happen. And my phone, that I also don't understand, is going to be like, hey, there's too much stuff on your phone. I was like, I know. I don't want it either. but it's the only way they let me buy groceries now. So you just have to deal with it. The phone needs to change. I have to have an app for where my kids get their haircuts. Like that's the only way I can do that. I have to have an app for every single, uh, every single service that I can chart, like plug my car into. Yeah. Like I have an app for every single service that I can plug my car into.

Yeah. Like I have an app for, there's so many, just in case I ever go to an MLB game again, I have to have ballpark app just so I can put my tickets on it. That's also another thing. I have so many, like there's so many times where like someone has transferred concert tickets to me and that required me to download an app. And so I create an account. I download the app.

I get my tickets. I go to the concert. I delete the app. I move in with my, move on with my life. And then 10 months later, I'll have to use that same app again. Forget that I did it.

Try to create an account. And they were like, Oh, we already have an email address with that, with that account. I'm like, Oh, well,

I don't know my password. Cause I thought I was one and done. Well, show what is the account? Show me what the account is and they the app is like i'll never tell i'll never show you like you gotta you have to put in your password like if i had to guess my password was probably something like fuck this shit uh and so i would at equinox i was like they're like you got to put an app on your phone i was like oh what if i can't do that they were like oh um i guess you could come in and give a phone number like they're like trying to figure it out too like this has never occurred to them that somebody would do this and i was and so that made me like dig my heels in even more

that they were so obtuse about it so whenever i would come i would stand there at the front desk until someone was like can i help you and i was like yes i need to log in for that i need to check in and they're like you can do it on your phone i'm like i can't on my phone and then finally this dude pulled me aside when i came because he at that point he got to know who i was because every time that i come in i would ask to do it through a phone number and he finally was like soren let me ask you something what what is keeping you from putting the app on your phone and i was like it's an old phone i insist on having an older phone because i don't want to be on my phone all the time and unfortunately it just

doesn't like i'm making up a bunch of bullshit yeah on the spot yeah just to be like i'm not doing your i'm not living your life i'm not putting the app on my phone it's always tough when situations force otherwise honest people to become liars because you're not allowed to say i just don't want to do it you have to be like well my my grandmother's dying wish was that I keep my flip phone. So that's why. Yeah. So I came up with this big thing about how like in order to keep my, so that I don't spend so much time on my phone, I use an older phone that doesn't allow me to download anything.

And he was finally like, okay. And let it go. At a certain point I did cave and I put the Equinox out of my phone and it was way better. Like obviously the system was way more streamlined and designed for that. But then I've got five pages of apps on my fucking phone. That's too many. And it's also, I mean, like we are complaining about this.

I hate when I get at all social or political or serious, but we're complaining about this from pretty obvious positions of privilege where we don't want to have apps on our phones because we don't feel like doing it. uh, if they were struggling at a, struggling at any point and they're trying to get jobs or join a gym or buy food, have food delivered to their, to their house, just how the world has bent itself so thoroughly that like, oh, you need to get an iPhone or an Android phone or like one of these other smartphones. You can't, you're no longer allowed to live in this world without a phone it's a depressing depressing truth about the state of things you're absolutely right i it i think about that sometimes when i go to restaurants now because every restaurant requires you to do a qr code now like they don't even bring you a menu in la and um here too i think it's everywhere you're fucked i mean you're if

you don't have a a phone or like even a modern phone you're fine you can't even like go to a restaurant in the world yeah well let's sit on that for a while i guess um dan i have a quick question for you oh good yeah if you want it uh yeah sure i guess okay what's a thing i think we've talked about no i guess i could start i could start uh pineapple uh okay good one ceiling unfortunately not right though fuck cactus yeah the right answer was cactus oh good all right good uh what's the thing that you think everybody else is doing wrong like you've you've unlocked a way of doing things where you're like why is nobody else doing it this way uh and i'll start because uh i have one that i want to like i want to proselyt. I want to get out to the world because I see everybody doing it wrong.

Well, two things. I'll do two. Great. The way that everybody cuts avocados, what is your strategy for cutting an avocado? I put the avocado on the table. I take my biggest, sharpest knife. I hit just far enough to hit the seed on the inside, and then I rotate the knife and avocado around each other,

separate them, and then whatever side has the seed in, I then take my knife and I jam it into the seed and wiggle the knife around and pull the seed out because I've now got the seed. The blade is about halfway into the seed, and that's enough that I just pull the seed out whole, and then I have two perfect halves of avocado avocado and I scoop them out with a spoon and I throw it in the trash. And how often would you say you're either holding that half of avocado with the seed in it or it's on the table?

And like you hit it with the knife and it's not exactly perfect blow on a sphere. And so it glances off and just digs into the avocado or digs into your hand or hits the table and makes that terrible noise how often would you say that very often and the quickest of tangents for this is because it's almost always in my hand like an idiot and one time I was at Michael swames house and I was grilling in his backyard and I used his knives which were unfamiliar to me and I brought the knife down into the seed. And I was like in front of people and showing off. And the knife was so good that it cut straight through the seed, straight through the skin of the avocado.

Directly into my hand. Slicing open my hand. And I was like, I have to go now. I can no longer be in charge of cooking. Because I've sliced my hand like they do in the movies i'll say there's nothing that feels better than when you get an exactly right shot on a sphere like that and you're like you it digs in and you're like you feel a bite and you're like yeah i mastered it and then you caught that fish yeah for sure but uh i got to the point where i

was like this is insane i'm i'm gonna. I've cut myself several times doing that. And then I was like, well, let's put it on the table. And when I do that, then I drive the knife into it, and immediately the avocado shoots off the table. I'm like, well, what the fucking? And then I look at it, and it's got now these wounds all over it from where I dropped it and then also where I cut. The knife missed and went into the flesh of it. There's a way better way to do it that I discovered,

which is you just take that half of avocado with the seed in it and you reach around to the backside of the seed on the skin. I mean, you're on the outside of the skin, and you just push with your thumb. And when you do that, it just pushes the seed out. It's so easy. It's like the easiest thing in the world. If there's maybe like a quarter of an inch of flesh right there on the avocado, pushes the seed out. It's so easy. It's like the easiest thing in the world. If there's maybe like a quarter of an inch of flesh right there on the outside,

sometimes maybe a little more, but like there's just enough that like when you put pressure on the whole thing, the seed pops out. That's one. That makes total sense. No, I'm just thinking very thoughtfully about that, that like, yeah, what did I think? Because there's no like membrane keeping that seed in there. No.

It wants to pop out. Huh. It's slippery by design. I don't know by design, but it's a slippery little seed that just, yeah, it doesn't want to be in there. Yeah. The other one is, I think, this is another food one. I think people are eating kiwis wrong. Do you eat kiwis i have eaten kiwis before yeah i also know where you're going i brought this to the office yeah i think i brought this to the office and i want i want i want you to present

it to the audience before i i i mean i'll i'll be your your your dummy uh yes i eat kiwis i skin the kiwi and i eat the green part and I'm happy and I'm a normal American. You know a better way? Yeah. This is going to sound crazy to everyone at home. So I want you to sit down. If you're driving pullover, you got to eat the skin. And the way to do it is to get the right ratio of super good flesh on the inside to crunchy,

delicious, hairy skin on the outside, is you cut your kiwi into medallions. You cut off the ends, those weird little nubs that are on every single fruit on both ends, and then you just continue to slice into medallions. And now you've got a perfect little sliced kiwi. And around the outside is just a fair amount of skin, like just a tiny amount of skin. And the skin in that circumstance gives the kiwi this extra crunch that's so delicious and good. And the skin's very good for you too.

Like you should be eating the skin of kiwi anyway. And it makes the kiwi, it just elevates the whole kiwi anyway and it makes the kiwi it just elevates the whole kiwi otherwise kiwis are just sort of like this mushy sweet mess and with like a little bit of seed in the middle of it but if you have the skin oh man oh the whole meal is heightened go ahead dan tell me now why you think that's bullshit listeners when i tell you that this shut down our office you you i cannot oversell this we we lost our minds everyone was freaked out this was this is probably 2010 2011 so you have to understand context none of us knew that soren was insane yet we all thought he was normal and good and cool and did

normal and good and cool things and we were weird comedy goblins and like it slowly dawned on us over time that like oh no he's he's nuts as well but we belong to you yeah we didn't know that yet and then he like biggest smile in the world chomping on the skin of this kiwi and we all thought we should have we should have uh made sure that the the doors are open because i think we're all going to die today. I think this is how he kills us somehow. People were mad. People were upset.

Work stopped. We just stopped making articles and videos that day. And we got so furious with you and you weren't backing down. And then I tried one of your fucking kiwis with the skin on. And it's so good. it's so much better i'm even madder now than i was then it's so good it's like you understand i totally get why people be like you don't eat the skin because they're used to cutting their kiwi into wedges and then like it'd be like it'd be like in a soccer game where you have the orange

slices and the skin is still on you're like oh no i ate the whole thing people be like no you're a serial killer that's too much that's too much of that texture but when you cut it just into these medallions you get just like the right amount of skin on the outside and you eat it you're like oh fuck yeah this is delicious everyone should be doing this yeah it's crucial to let everyone know that soren is not like biting into these as one would an apple or anything like that right right yeah you don't want that obviously the ratio has to be right yeah but like when you do it it's like you realize like there's so much more to the fruit oh it's so good why did you why did you start doing that i'm trying to think i think that maybe my wife taught it to me

um i think colleen was doing it and i had this prim bb the same reaction where i was like that's not how you eat a kiwi you poor you poor thing you don't know how to eat this fruit let me show you but i i can remember like i don't we don't need a lot of kiwi anymore i don't really know why but we we used to eat a ton of it. It was like the fruit we would have every single night. And we'd cut them into medallions, eat them that way. It also maintains the integrity of the fruit a lot better. Because kiwis can be mushy.

I'm trying to even remember in what context. Because I'm not a big, I like kiwi, but I just, I never buy it. And it's not, it's not around that often. I feel like, uh, is it one of the ones that shows up in like fruit medleys? I'm trying to, cause I know I've had it many times, but I, I'm just trying to figure out like what context I eat Kiwi in. This is a good podcast. Is anyone getting anything from this?

I, I'm with you i'm it does feel like it's disappeared from my life in such like a weird way where i i'm like picturing the store in my mind and i'm like i don't even know where the fucking kiwis are anymore like i know because they're certainly not in the organic section we had kiwi in the office that's how all this started for us there was always like like fresh fruit in bowls around the the office cafeteria and uh now that i i haven't been in that office in five years i guess i'll never have kiwi again yeah that's that seemed like the only opportunity for me the only places i really think feel like it shows up are when i try my exotic juices from 7-Eleven or some gas station. Generally when there's like that, the fruit splashing into water on the front. Yeah. And I think I, there's like always like a little Kiwi in the corner that's like, don't forget about

me. I'll get fun Kiwi drinks for sure. And the other place I think like, like raw loose Kiwi shows up is like breakfast buffet bars. And then i'll have kiwi there for sure because already if i'm at a breakfast buffet bar i'm somewhere exotic that i don't i don't belong because that's just not a like yeah a regular part of my life so i'm like i just stroll up there it's like i don't normally eat kiwi but i'm also i'm also not normally eating a buffet for breakfast so why not yeah let's have some kiwi let's passion fruit i don't give a yeah i only live once let's see what yeah whatever they're offering i'm gonna take it because this is the experience a deviled egg for breakfast sure someone thought it was a good idea what will the sheridan think of next? This is amazing. Yeah.

No, go ahead. I was just thinking that I don't think it, like, I think about fruit salads and stuff. It just, it does not make appearances. Yeah. Where is Kiwi? Google. That's a good search. Mine is not as, yours are like game changer things i don't think mine are are on that scale and it's it's something that i've given you shit about uh on this podcast earlier today in this

recording um going to the movies alone is in my brain far superior than any other movie theater going experience and it it took me until college to get there because like i when i was in college i always loved going to the movies and my college roommate didn't and my my only like movie buddy was uh she's come up on the podcast before my friend nancy my uh squash yoga emergency room movie buddy, Nancy. And she had a very specific taste in movies, which was bad. And so the only movies I saw was when she was like, we're going to go see Step Up to the Streets. And I was like, all right. I mean, popcorn will be nice.

I like a movie, so it'll be fine. And there were so many movies that I tried to get my roommate to see or I tried to get Nancy to see, and they wouldn't see them. So I was like, all right, I guess I just don't see that movie that I want to see now. And it wasn't until I was like a senior in college where I was like, I don't care if no one wants to see Atonement. I want to see Atonement right now.

And I went, and I went on my own time, and I went by myself, and it was great, And I have never looked back. I have friends. I am now back in New Jersey where I have lots of friends. I think like the most recent thing that comes to mind is when the latest Scream movie came out and all of my friends were going together. And I was like, that's great. I will also go this weekend and we can all talk about it later. I will not see it with you. I don't want to meet. I don't want to like do anything before or after.

I'm going to go to see Scream at four o'clock in the afternoon by myself. And it's going to be great. And I can't think of anything better to do with my time. It's so much better to do with my time. It's so much better to go to the movie theater on your own time and not have to deal with crowds and just treat it like anything else that you do on a Wim War. It's like, you know what?

I feel like what's playing? What's playing right now? Amsterdam? Sure. Let's do it. Let's see Amsterdam right this second. I'm totally with you. I love going to the movies alone and I love doing it in a way where like, I don't know what I'm going to go see. Yeah. Which is super rare in my life right now. I haven't done

that for years and years, but there was one night where Colleen, oh, we'd driven to Tucson and it was a nightmare. And Colleen was like, I got to fly back. There's no way we can do that drive back with Ronan because he was really young and he was freaking out the whole time. And so she was going to fly back with him. And it meant that I drove the car back, but I drove back a day before their flight. And so I got back and then I had a night for just me. And it was like the first time I had a night in so long. And I was like, all right, I'm going to downtown.

Like, maybe I'll just go see what restaurant I want to eat at. And just walked around. I was like this one. And it was great to eat alone. And then I was like, and now maybe I'll see a movie. And I just walked to the movie theater and I was like, had no idea what I was going to see, but I was going to see a movie alone. And I was so fucking pumped about that prospect.

That's the other thing that's great like I when I just mentioned before like I was playing Amsterdam I want to see that let's go see that you don't need to do that the last time I was in not the last time I was in LA because I was for the Emmys but a time before that when I was in LA I was out of my Airbnb my flight was still hours and hours away and I had a rental car so i just went to the ipic movie theater in westwood which is my my old neighborhood movie theater and a great theater very comfortable they bring food right to you and i just walked in there and was like what's oh the new buzz light year is playing okay and it's like you know it was the it was the nearest movie to when i had

showed up there and i was like yeah i i wasn't planning on seeing this, but I don't give a shit. I'll see whatever is playing. And it was great. I had a lovely time. That movie in my memory is now and will always be good because I had a good time watching it. Yes. I frequently talk about Rocketman. I'm not joking when I say like that's the best movie I've ever seen.

It was only because I went to like an AMC dine-in theater by myself. And I was like, good sir, bring me some seen and it was only because I went to like an AMC dining theater by myself and I was like good sir bring me some tacos and don't stop till I say so and I just ate alone in a dark theater in the middle of the day and I was like this is the best movie that's ever been the show is quick question but oh we both weren't gonna do it

let's do it at the same time it'll be fun you can follow Daniel at DOB we are recorded, edited and produced by the irreplaceable Gabe Harder Oh, we both are going to do it. Let's do it at the same time. It'll be fun. The show is Quick Questions, but you know that already. We are recorded, edited, and produced by the irreplaceable Gabe Harder. Our theme song is by the incredible Merex. Their digital album is available. Merex.bandcamp.com. You can find Soren at Soren underscore LTD. You can find me at D-O-B underscore I-N-C.

You can email us. You can find the show on QQ underscore Soren and Daniel. Email the show on QQ underscore Gabe Harder is our QQ with Soren and Daniel at Tmail.com we're on Instagram we're on Patreon

we also have a Patreon and our theme song is by the incomparable Merex you can find their music anywhere you listen to music

but of course at Merex.Bandcamp.com that's it we're doing that more that was great. Bye. Bye. The answer's not important, I'm just glad that we could talk tonight So what's your favourite? Who did you get?

When will I be remembered? What did I do? Where did all the good things go? Oh forget it I saw a movie, Daniel O'Brien Two best friends and comedy writers If there's an answer, they're gonna find it I think you'll have a great time here.

I think you'll have a great time here.