Quick Question with Soren and Daniel - Ep 58 - How to Win with Class (And Anxiety)

Episode Date: September 25, 2020

In this episode the guys talk about the useful life skills they've retained from all of the jobs they've had, and Daniel wins a second Emmy! And as always a big thanks to our sponsors.  Go to hellotushy.com/qq get 10% off your order. And make sure to visit MyBookie Online today, and use the promo code qq when creating your account to double your first deposit.

Hello again and welcome to another episode of Quick Question with Soren and Daniel, a podcast where two best friends and TV writers try to solve all of the world's problems, assuming that we all agree that the world is a stand-in for me. I am one half of this podcast, comedy writer, author of books, aspiring magician, and guy who responded to the first girl who kissed him with thank you, Daniel O'Brien, and I am joined as always by my co-host Mr. Soren Bui. Soren, say good morning. Good morning, everybody. Welcome to the show. I hope your breakfast is going well. I'm a comedy writer as well. I have a family. I didn't really plan for this one here, Dan, because I'm a little thrown

by something you said. Wait, we can dig into that in one second i i just have to to backpedal a bit uh i love that you said i hope your breakfast is going well well because you said like i hope you're i know like i i know the the morning part of it but like um no one checks in with someone eating breakfast is like oh i hope this is going well because it's usually just like yes i'm eating breakfasts like like standard breakfast yeah that's never like it was at the start and then things really went off the rails i poured syrup into my coffee and now i don't know what to do i well i was anticipating like a big breakfast like that they they're like i they know the podcast is coming out that day

they wake up early they they put together a big breakfast one of those breakfasts you would see in the sugar cereal commercials we're like yeah yeah and like your boss is coming over for breakfast your boss and his wife is coming over for breakfast yeah so it really needs to go well it's one of those situations and it's going i'm hoping it goes well that's all i'm wishing them well uh say your and i've forgotten it say your thing again um i gave you a lot uh podcast we're two best friends and tv writers try to solve all the world's problems assuming that we all agree that the world is a stand-in for me loved it i'm gonna have this podcast comedy writer author of books aspiring magician yes and god oh that was the one stop okay stop um are you have a way of of putting on a new hat occasionally and deciding that that's your new life course. I'm just curious, is magicianhood one of them?

Close up hand magic is certainly a thing that I think about all the time. Yes, good. Completely by myself. Oh, I hoped it would be this. I don't practice card magic or anything like that too often but the sadder thing that I'll do instead is like use my imagination and pretend I'm very good at it so like I I will just like move my hands and then like imagine that I had a thing in my hand and like wouldn't that

be impressive if I could do it I've seen people do it wouldn't it be cool if i did it it's all in uh in support of um making my nieces and nephews believe in magic more yeah like like that's that's my entire goal is like i want to to be able to pull candy bars out of nothingness and pull cards out of nothingness and keep the spirit of impossibility alive in the world for as long as I can. That's a noble cause. I thought that you were doing it because you were like, I bet people would like me if I could do magic. No. I was getting very excited, just like gearing up my inner bully. Right. If I was like, man, three years into this job at Last Week Tonight, I don't really feel like I'm fitting in. But like we don't have a magician. So maybe that's the role I'm going to fill. Folks, we love doing this show and we get a lot of support to do this show if you listen to it and download it and tell your friends to listen to it and download it.

But we also get to keep doing this show because of our wonderful, wonderful sponsors. And today we are talking about Tushy. Thanks to Hello Tushy for supporting Quick Question. Hello Tushy is a sleek bidet attachment that clips onto your toilet and sprays your butt clean with fresh water. And it's the best thing you can do for your butt. And it starts at just $79. Go to hellotushy.com slash QQ, get 10% off your order. Thanks to MyBookie for supporting Quick Question. Winning season returns to MyBookie. Winning season means Survivor, Super Contests, and Squares. Invest in your intuition. Use promo

code QQ and double your first deposit. New players get up to $1. Invest in your intuition. Use promo code QQ and double your first deposit. New players get it to $1,000 in free play. I used to be, obviously, I think every comedian for some reason, when they were very young, thought I want to be a magician. Correct. And I can remember going to parties with my mom where they're like work parties or whatever. Somewhere I was going to be bored was going to be me and a bunch of adults. And I would bring a quarter so that I could practice my quarter tricks in my hands and like, just get used to the feeling of like having that quarter in my hand. So I always knew where it was and like, and I could move it around. And at the time it was very similar to what I just proposed, which was like, maybe this is the thing that makes me popular

or makes people like me. Which is weird because if you acquire a bunch of close-up hand magic skills, that will backfire as an icebreaker. If you're trying to make friends in a new group of people and you start doing tricks i don't think people will like you for that they'll be like why did this guy bring a card to the a deck of cards to the bar i don't understand but i've had you at house parties back when i lived in los angeles and i've always had decks of cards around. And when you're mostly comfortable with this group of people,

you would pull out cards and do tricks. And it's very cool. It's very appealing. It's people who already like you, and now they like you more. And it's like, oh, Sorin is now entertaining us. So you have to continue doing the same indoor pursuits of studying magic, but also have the social grace to know when to deploy it, which is,

is near impossible. It's tough. And I'll tell you as a kid, it didn't always work out for me. There, there, there were times where I was very much like someone sitting on a park bench and I was like,

I'm going to make the world better for them. And I go do something. And then they're like, oh, okay. Thanks, I guess. All right. Do you want money or something? Do I owe you money for this now? No. All right. I sensed early on, I had a bunch of different magic books and things that I was like, I'm going to really, I'm going to, this means something to me. I'm going to be good at this. And very quickly learned, oh, this isn't cool. This isn't cool. I got to stop doing this. I was on this same vein. Um, cause I was a little bit into magic, but didn't pursue it cause it seemed hard. And now that I'm an adult, I'm pursuing it more. Um, but along the same vein

as a kid, uh, I got into ventriloquism. Like I got a ventriloquist dummy. Did you do that? No. Oh man, that's good. It sounds like you lost your virginity before I did, but I like, like was super into the idea of having a ventriloquist dummy and getting good at it. And I never got good at it because it is also very hard, but I just

like had this fucking dummy that I would practice with in the mirror. And this is early nineties. The, like, I couldn't just YouTube ventriloquism as I imagine people can do now. And like, uh, again, nineties ventriloquism just wasn't as sexy as it is today so i didn't have a ton of icons to look up to no jeff dunham wasn't around yet i just had like one episode of doug where they had ventriloquist dummies and that was my model and uh like having no mentors or no way to to get better at this i eventually abandoned it but i was still just like sitting in there's there's nothing stranger to me than i mean like it's very hopeful i i i have a lot of love for my young stupid self that i thought even if i have no teachers even

if i have no books giving me the very basics of ventriloquism, I bet I could figure it out if I just sit alone with this dummy for a while. And I'd be like, all right, I use this string that works the mouth. All right. I can make that open and close. That must be half the battle. Now, that's the hard part. Now, now for the rest of it. I think, yeah, you mentioned that on a podcast before of how freeing it is to have the idea of watching a set with somebody who has a dummy on who's rude and obnoxious and you get to do all that you get to do all that insult comedy when it's not really you and like you get to be removed from it um i understand the appeal of that as a kid but still i think even when i was young i understood that a dummy was not cool.

Yeah. Again, I've given lots of shout outs to my parents for indulging in all of my stupidest hobbies. And like, God bless them. The year that I put on my Christmas list, ventriloquist dummy, nothing else. And they indulged that. They made that happen. It's good parents. it's great parents and they they they know that there's a rough road ahead of me for that but it's still just like

let's give him what he wants and let him find out on his own yeah because why this is wrong yeah who's that it's not for us to tell him it's not gonna work work. And like, who knows? Maybe he'll be one of those famous ventriloquist guys. Like, huh. Huh. Well, he's a pioneer in the field then. And who knows? Maybe he'll make it sexy. He'll do like the punk rock ventriloquism.

Yeah. This will be the next Howdy Doody. I'm not even sure I'm old enough to understand that reference. Yeah. That was, I thought you were going to stop me enough to understand that reference. Yeah. That was, I thought you were going to stop me at the next part of my intro, which was a guy who responded to the first girl who kissed him with thank you. No, that tracks. Okay.

Absolutely tracks. That makes perfect sense to me. That tracks, but magician doesn't track? Well, current magician. I was getting very, I was like like just like cracking my knuckles and like moving my head around to my shoulders getting real ready colleen hold my calls i gotta i gotta just destroy this boy um should we move on to the show are we we done with the intro? Yeah, let's do the show. Okay. This is when we normally check in with quarantine updates. I don't think I have any...

I think, sadly and broadly, I've just been getting more comfortable as New York is getting more comfortable. Yeah. But I know it's only a matter of time before things get worse. Right. It's going to be, yeah, as soon as you have a cold snap at all, you're all fucked. And not in the same way that like everyone's going to get COVID immediately.

Everyone's going to think they have COVID and suddenly your hospitals will be packed because everybody's got the flu or they've got a cold. Anything that people get this flu season, they're going to immediately assume it's COVID. Yeah. The doctor's office that I go to here in New York sent an email to, I guess, every patient they've ever had that was like, just letting you all know it's cold and flu and allergy season. So here's what allergies look like. Just reminding you that this might not be COVID.

You've lived through this before. Just chill. If you sneeze, please don't ask for a COVID test. Because they're prepping for a bombardment of people. Right. So now that I've been tested, that could be my COVID update, actually. I'll tell you what it's like to get tested. It's crazy.

I've been tested. What's crazy about what you did? We're in a car culture. It's a drive-in hospital. Oh. Did you go to Dodger Stadium or somewhere else? Somewhere else. I went to UCLA. UCLA, their somewhere else, somewhere else. Okay.

I went to UCLA, their baseball stadium for whatever reason has a great big parking lot and it's near the, it's like the veterans hospital puts it on, but it's all these cones. It's all these cars driving through and big zigzags. You get through a certain area and then you get to these tents and it really does feel like a pandemic because it's a bunch of people in big suits and it's these pop-up tents everywhere, like E.T. almost,

but without the accordion tunnels going between them. And they hand you a bag with these clamps, you know, like you pick trash up off the ground with. They give you a bag with those and then you go through a new section and you roll down your window a little and they explain the directions. They shout the directions to you from 10 feet away. You do those swab in your mouth and then put it all back in, do exactly what they say. And then you go throw all this in a trash bin. It's, it's the whole,

it feels like a ride at Universal Studios or something. Cause you're just moving from one section to the another where someone gives you the narrative like what happens next sure the the movement part feels like a ride that ride where you universal studios where you take a swab and you tickle the top of your mouth right remember when jaws from six feet away shouts at you it's not a good ride but like most of the ones at universal aren't um that was my experience was uh wait how was how quick was the turnaround for the results for years 24 hours oh wow okay well that's a difference mine i did the the they jam the q-tip up your nose and into your brain and uh they remove the part of you that remembers how to drive

and then they take that to a lab somewhere and you get your results. And I got mine in like eight days. Oh, that's way too long. You sit there and they jam a Q-tip up your nose. Yeah. So I watched that in Hard Knocks, which I don't, you are at least familiar with. The football show. Yeah. Yeah. you are at least familiar with the football show yeah yeah it's on it's not on tv it's on your thing um and it's uh what they do is they they all those guys get tested every single day they have to sit in a chair and they get tested and these are football players who are you know at this day and age when you're a football player you know the consequences of being a player, like you are getting beaten the fuck up out there and it has lasting consequences on your body. And you're willing to do that. But these guys are such cowards getting their tests. Like they are very, very nervous. And every time somebody comes at them

with a swab, they go, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. Just, just give me a, let me, let me just get ready. And you watch them emotionally and mentally prepared to have a cotton swab in their nose every single one of them man it was um see i feel like i feel like people are gonna think i'm some uh like very specific form of of pervert if i say this but it was pleasant i didn't mind it because i've i maybe it's because i heard so many stories of people who were like this was awful they jammed it so far up and i and they swirled it around and i hated it and it it felt very like like i'm not prone to jamming q-tips or cotton swabs up my nose generally speaking and uh dob's devotees of this podcast uh will be happy to know that i've i've since learned to blow my nose

successfully and that's and that's what i what i normally do um covet update but this this sensation of like a cotton swab getting jammed up there and like clearing a path through a thing that rarely has a path cleared to it and then coming right out there there's like a release to it that is um very pleasant in the same way that i imagine getting like a huge amount of wax pulled from your ear is pleasant. Things that I know from knowing you that you would enjoy. Thinking about it right now. Yeah.

Just like the doctor jammed a cotton swab up my right nostril and she was like, that's it. All done. And we're like, oh, you're going to leave the left hanging like that? Come on. Give me some balance feel so yeah you walk out of there with your head kind of to one side you wait it down hey listen up you use water to clean your body right time to do that to your butt that's what we're talking about today it's butt cleaning go to hellotushy.com slash qq and you can get 10% off of your Hello Tushy bidet. It attaches right to your toilet and it cleans your butt. It's hard to believe in this country, most of us wipe thousands of dollars. The Hello Tushy modern bidet attachment is here to

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slash qq your butthole will thank you thanks dan um well dan speaking of hard knocks i i have a question for you okay is it about um it's a quick one is it about me returning to football because i'll do it i will no you keep it eli manning eli manning is gone they need someone stupid and bad at throwing footballs to carry them and i'll do it it might you might have that in daniel jones you should really come back just to watch him. It's pretty fun. I mean, he could throw some darts, but he's also, he's got the same like Eli curse where he just doesn't want to be there. Anyway, what I'm actually talking about is that Daniel O'Brien, too humble to admit it himself, has won his second Emmy.

Yes. All right. Congratulations, Dan. That's really huge, man. Yeah. Thank you. I'm, uh, uh, I'm, I'm happy to admit that it, it, uh, it filled the hole. It's finally there. You finally filled it all up. It's good. The first one didn't. Uh, but now this one was like, Oh, Oh good. I'm, I'm fulfilled now. That's great. Now I want to hear what it was like, like not cause now you've been to real Emmys and you've been to COVID Emmys. Yes. And I want to hear the differences.

There are certainly pros and cons of both. The obvious pros of going to the real Emmys, I got to fly myself and my mother first class. I got to stay in a nice hotel that was populated with the cast of Game of Thrones and other HBO stars. There were lots of fancy parties full of fancy people with nice free drinks and nice food. We were in a big ass theater and I got to stand on a stage with a tuxedo and hold an award. And it all very uh surreal and uh all of those parts all the things that you think of when you see the event are true and were felt um the things that you didn't see

the cons of this is like it's super hot you are you you get up early to like shower and get dressed and then just sort of sit around and wait for your cars to take you. And then you walk in like the red carpet is very long and it's very hot. And no matter what you did to get yourself ready, it doesn't matter because you're sweating fucking bullets. And you're just trying to get in to this ceremony where you hope there's air conditioning. And it's you're there from like two in the afternoon until. I don't know what felt like eight o'clock at night, so you just have to eat. Quickly at home because, you know, you're not going to eat for another six hours and. at home because you know you're not going to eat for another six hours and uh you're spending at the ceremony itself you're spending a lot of money on like concession stand drinks if you want to

drink and there's a lot of sitting around you just sit quietly during the commercials it's very weird and, uh, uncomfortable. And, um, so on the flip side, we're like, like the, the, the COVID version of that, that I, that I truly loved was I was going to watch the Emmys from my apartment. And, uh, I showered 20 minutes before my friend, Kay, my coworker Kay, was coming over to watch them with me, I showered 20 minutes before, put on a short-sleeved shirt and shorts, and could use my own bathroom whenever I wanted, which was like, honestly, a huge plus for me. Were there honestly sleeves on that shirt? There were sleeves on that shirt. Okay.

It's fall in New York, Soren. I just don't think I've ever seen you in a short sleeve shirt. It's the difference of being in like a full tux and being nervous all day in a new area. And like if you're me, stress farting, somebody help me in Morse code, uh, versus being in my apartment where I feel very comfortable and I can just like spend the day relaxing and then watch it. Obviously the, the, again, the, the cons of that are clear. I didn't see any, I didn't hang out with any famous people. Uh, and I didn't get to fly first class or treat my mom or any other date to a fun Hollywood experience. The other weird thing is like we were zooming

the ceremony with pals and we hadn't figured out a way to like have a nine person grid zoom and also share one screen that was just the emmy ceremony oh so by the time our like we were like bullshitting and chatting and then by the time the category that that we were looking out for came up um we had to mute my tv because now i'm listening to the the audio of the ceremony from nine different zoom accounts through different computers and like everyone's internet connection is different so like some are lagging so you're just hearing nine different like delays of the same thing and I'm trying to to magically focus

my ears to be like which is the which is the most current one? Because I can't, I don't know. It's all chaos right now. And you're just waiting for someone to say, if you're hoping to win, you're waiting for someone to say last week tonight. But because there's a delay, you hear last week tonight as named as a nominee, like eight times.

And I'm like, is that it? No, it's not. It's not. Okay. All right. All right. And you're just like staring at a screen. At that point for me, I'm like, is that it? No, it's not. It's not. Okay. All right. All right. And she was just like staring at a screen. At that point for me, I was like, I'm going to wait till someone else reacts because I

can't, I can't focus on the sound. I don't really know what's going on. So like, let me see if one of my coworkers smiles. It's like, okay, good. Yeah. He smiled. All right. That means us.

That's good. Oh, what a weird way to experience it. It was very weird. And like, it's... Were you nervous all that day at all? I was nervous all the day. And that takes me to like the thing that I, the main thing that I wanted to say about the Emmys.

And I think I said some version of this before for the WGA awards. And I know it's going to sound like performative humility or whatever, but it's, the whole thing feels very strange. And I don't love the whole idea of awards for work that we're doing. And like, I'm not going to pretend that it's, that it's not exciting or that recognition isn't nice or that it doesn't feel cool or that my parents being proud of me, isn't a good feeling.

But I know, and I, I know that losing wouldn't diminish the work that we did or the feeling of pride that we took in it and If I buy that which I do then I also have to buy that winning Wouldn't enhance the work that we do or mean that it was better. I go into this knowing that the work that we did is good and the work all the other people in our category did is also good and None of that would change in a night. I know this. I worked very hard to get myself in a mental place where I accepted that and yet I woke up so stressed out of my mind. I woke up like two hours before my alarm so like 5 30 in the morning I'm just up vibrating with stress and I was thinking about it all day and like knowing that I keep telling

myself that it doesn't matter it's it's a it's because it's like it's a strange probably unhealthy mantra that was repeating in my head which was i don't need to win but i really don't want to lose uh which sucks and there's like an anxiety that you can't intellectualize away about that because like i i truly do believe that i i don't need to win this award and we don't need to win this award. But it's also, again, like losing never feels good. No, like period. And when I think about how much stress I'm under on a day that is supposed to be exciting, I just think, why am I doing this?

And also like, why are any of us doing this? Why? We all got into everyone in our category, we all got into this to write jokes and make people laugh and do a thing. And then once a year, there's this other thing that is like, now we're gonna pick who's best. And I don't think it picks who's best. I think there's a thousand reasons that people win. And it's a very strange thing and i recognize that how it sounds coming

from my position because what i'm essentially saying is like now that i have two emmys we should stop having emmys let's stop doing it which you know i i don't totally agree with but like if i had my druthers which i don't i would be like let's just stop submitting ourselves for the emmys honestly because it's it's such a needless stress inducing thing like we don't need to do this. And like, I would rather us just not be eligible or me personally, just not be eligible then to have a day where I think about, first, I think about how sad I'm going to be if I lose. And then I think about how sad the people who lost are if I win, which is like, like that again, sounds like performative humility, but it's, it's, like that again sounds like performative humility but it's it's it's true because i can i can see people in our category who are dejected after it and it's like you're talented you're good

you shouldn't this this this shouldn't be a bad night for you i i i hate that we have to do this um does that all sound insane no i is that a wrong answer to how was the emmys sort of yeah well so i think that you your your perspective on it is probably a very healthy one and but i think you're also ignoring that there are individual moments that you experience in your life sometimes that are going to open a bunch of doors for you going forward or close a bunch of doors for you going forward. And you can be aware of them in the moment that's actually happening. And that's very rare because usually you only see them afterward. And this is one of those ones where if you're

an Emmy award winner, that's a very different thing on your resume than Emmy nominee. And so even if it doesn't matter to you, it matters in the grand scheme of like professionally what other people think of you and it shouldn't, but it does. And so it's when each time that you win an Emmy, it's just money in the bank. That's a very crass way of putting it, but it's, you're guaranteeing your job further and further each time this happens. Shows that win Emmys rarely get canceled. Even if they do get canceled, you're now an Emmy award winner that can move on to another show. Like this is just polish on your career in a way that I think very few people get to experience. And, uh, that's great for you because you sh you shouldn't just feel lucky. You earned it.

And I'm proud of you, Dan. Thanks, man. I appreciate that with uh like the romantic writer at heart that has decided awards don't mean don't necessarily mean that i am good at this yeah I guess like like career-wise certainly there's there's no question that doors are open career-wise because of Emmys but like you're not allowed to say if I lose I'm still a good writer and my work is still good you're not allowed to say that in the same breath as saying, if I win, it means I'm better.

Like those two things are irreconcilable to me. Right. Yeah, but I mean, it's still, it never feels bad to be recognized. And it's like, you could, somebody you don't want to date is attracted to you. You're flatter by that. You're not going to be like,

no, no, no, you shouldn't be. What do you mean? Who is she? Who says I don't want to date her? What's her deal? Does she want kids? Does she want five kids? I don't know, man. I'll ask her. She's in my Twitter feed trying to get ahold of you. I think that, yeah. And like winning, it doesn't matter if you earn a win winning in general feels good. Just that's like an, uh, what is it? A priori.

Sure. An a priori thing like that. Yeah. A priori. Like that's just inherent in us is that like being named the best, whether or not you think you deserve it or whether or not you think other people do, or whether it's going to hurt somebody else still feels really good. certainly moment there's there's no question that you don't have to feel bad for that i was happier that they said they the name of our show

than if they'd said the name of a different show that objectively felt great and we were like yay you know you know how how things feel great every once in a while remember when things felt great i do this was one of those times and then you got to just like sit there for the rest of the show knowing you won another emmy yeah and now you're gonna get to get one somebody's gonna mail it to you yeah if the uh if the the postal service is still a thing then we will eventually get get emmys did you get this time around did the emmy send stuff to people's houses or is that too complicated um so they used to send stuff to your hotel room yeah so hbo sends stuff i don't know if i'm allowed to say what hbo sends but hbo sends stuff to the nominees um as like congratulations for your for your nomination and the academy sends stuff to the nominees as like, congratulations for your nomination. And the academy sends stuff

to the nominees as well. Like our peer group, people who are in our category who were nominated got together with the governors of our peer group and the governors decided things to send us. So we've got a couple of care packages sent to us, which was nice and thoughtful. What I'm really looking for is, did they give you any fondant this time? No. Fuck. I know. That was my favorite part last time.

Yeah. Because I got to eat all your fondant. Right. We walked into the, my mom and I checked into our hotel room for the Emmys last year. And they, someone, I don't even know if it was the hotel or hbo or the academy or fucking what but someone had spelled out emmys in delicious fondant and soren ate it you you can't take it with you man um you gave it to somebody who needed it more than you did. It's also like just hearing the things that they do for you, like that, that all these different

groups, cause there's the pageantry that goes along with it. And you don't get a lot of that same pageantry, obviously, because this pomp and circumstance is gone with the, everyone getting together for it, but you're still getting some of that. And all that feels really good. The same way that we're, I mean, I've worked at companies before that I didn't like, I didn't care about, I didn't care about the job, but occasionally at the Christmas party, somebody would put together a video montage of the things that had happened that year and the people who worked in the office and like little clips of them celebrating certain things. And you're watching it and you can't help but be like, yes, I'm a part of something. I'm a part of something good. Somebody took the time to make this,

to show all these things that we've been working for. And just being acknowledged for the work that you do just feels so good. Yeah. I mean, that's what the money is for. Yeah, but also the awards, man. You can have your cake and eat it. You can have your fondant

um anyway congratulations dan thank you yeah i i i don't want it to be so much of a downer like i don't want to seem too cool for school about scoffing at the emmys it's it's uh it feels really incredible it's just it's hard for me to divorce the idea of winning with the idea of the people who lost who i don't think are boo fuck them i don't think they're worse than i don't think they worked less should have tried harder oh god almighty uh no man you deserve it you're don't don't worry about them okay just revel in this for a little while you're allowed to do that all right there's no shame hold on give me uh eight seconds of of silent reveling okay all right well i'm hard as hell's next? You have any questions for me?

I do. I think it's a leading question because I already might know your answer and I'll lead you to it. Any like jokes or bits that you've written and had for a while that don't have a home yet but you know you want to use it somewhere I know one of yours is about traveling to Newark it was something that you

had written show agnostic article agnostic it didn't have a home anywhere. It was just like a beat in a thing that you knew at some point, I want to write this exchange of dialogue into something. Oh, yeah. I remember that.

Yeah. Well, I mean, I assume every comedy writer has these, by the way. It's just like a notebook filled with these moments that you'd like to put in something but you don't know what they belong in yet right like i feel like when when people talk about comedy writer notebooks they have like they assume it's it's like jotted down ideas like what if a hamster was president or or what if the the what if flowers could scream um but i most of the comedy writers I know do have those things, but also just like person A says this, person B says that, person A says punchline. Yeah. It was for me, that one that you're thinking of was a man standing at a kiosk at an airport asking for a flight to

Newark. And the woman says for business, the woman, sorry, the person working behind the counter says for business or pleasure wow and the woman actually was a doctor and it was it was the guy's mother and that's why you didn't know what was going on you fool you sexist fool the woman let's just say she's a woman for business or pleasure i know so the guy says he's buying a ticket to newark she says for business or pleasure and he says it's newark and that was just like a thing in my head where i was like yeah yeah that's gonna go somewhere yeah and never i've never put that in anything and then i started to like the other thing with these things is that they feel a little like snowflakes where

you catch something and it's very pretty in the moment that you see it and you're like yes this belongs somewhere and if you don't use it right then it melts and you don't like it anymore yeah like it loses that beauty to it pretty pretty quick for you and then you hate it right um but yeah that was that was one that i had did you do you have some i have some i have a thing that i've been thinking about for a while that i i don't it's like it's uh an exchange of dialogue that that is is so specific that it couldn't like drop in anywhere but it's two guys in some situation where uh a pastor is speaking these are two guys who are not familiar with religion at all and a pastor is is doing like a very stereotypical um lead into a story about jesus where it's like i want to tell you about a man who had some pretty radical ideas and people thought he was wild and people thought

he was pretty cutting edge and you know like like you've seen this before that like a youth pastor who's sitting backwards on a chair. Yeah. Talking about Jesus in a surprisingly cool way. And as the two guys are listening to them, one of them is insistent that he's talking about the Matrix. And the other guy is like, no, it's not like, it's like, I knew a guy one time. This is going to be about the Matrix. No, it's not going to be about the Matrix. He had some pretty radical ideas.

$10,000 on Matrix. And he had a pretty wild name this is definitely matrix and his name it's gonna be john matrix was jesus and the guy's like ah shit and the guy was like did you think his do you do you think the lead character of matrix was named john matrix and the guy says i don't know what i think and that's it that's the entire exchange that i have because i like the idea And the guy says, I don't know what I think. And that's it. That's the entire exchange that I have. Because I like the idea of the guy being wrong. I liked him thinking the Matrix lead character was John Matrix.

And I liked him being offended at the idea that someone would ask him what he thought. Like he didn't want to be held responsible for his thoughts and was mad about that. I think's great but i don't find a home for it where the fuck am i gonna put it i don't know yet um we're gonna workshop this dan okay i'm gonna find a spot for it all right um like right now or some other time? No, some other time.

Okay, cool. I'm just trying to think of some other ones that I have. Because I used to write them all down and now I just have them as a thought or like I try and fit them into a tweet and then I'm like, and then I'm done with it. I don't ever have to think about it again. I really liked the idea around buying a house. We,

you deal a lot with like your credit and everything. And the idea of a couple that rekindles their relationship by destroying their credit together, like how dangerous that is. Like they love the idea of living that dangerously and the danger is it becomes very sexual to them. Like that's how they have to have sex is like by ruining their own credit scores. And so they're doing things online or going places that, I guess going places wouldn't really work. See, I haven't workshopped this yet, Dan.

That's fine. But just a couple who that's all they get off on is like their fico score checking their fico score and seeing it's gone down 15 points and being like oh that's gonna be so hard to fix that's oh that's so bad that's so bad and uh and that's that's love do you do you uh do you still get ideas for sketches yeah yeah i do but not it's not the same way it's like my brain doesn't work the same way anymore That's love. Do you still get ideas for sketches? Yeah. Yeah?

I do, but not the same way. It's like my brain doesn't work the same way anymore. Yeah, I feel like my brain shuts down when I start to think about sketches because sketch doesn't exist anymore. It really doesn't. I mean, I think You Should Leave feels like it could be a revival. Yeah.

But sketch in general, internet sketch, I mean, sketch that I would be capable of doing. Right. It's gone. It's over. All right. I don't know. My brain doesn't really work that way anymore. Occasionally, I'll think of something like, oh, that would be interesting.

I wonder how I can make that into an episode. Right. Like stretch that little silly idea into an entire episode. Got a silly idea about kangaroos. I wonder if I can somehow turn that into an 18 minute last week's night piece about how there's not enough regulation and oversight in octopus farming. Yeah. I want somebody to describe a woman as like, she's a 40 year old divorcee from Tempe who does who dissects owl pellets on her youtube channel like there are very specific people i want and i know already like i'm like yeah everybody knows who that is yeah but i i just i can't pull the trigger i don't know where

it goes uh winning season returns to my bookie that's news because it's football season that's exciting daniel i put some bets down on this last these last uh sunday you want to hear how it went A winning season returns to my bookie. That's news because it's football season. That's exciting. Daniel, I put some bets down on this last, these last Sunday. You want to hear how it went? Yeah. Tell me about it. Yeah. I didn't do so well, but that's my own fault because I thought I, I thought I was going

to do some crazy science with it. And I thought for sure, for sure, Washington will lose for sure. The Jaguars will lose. And I'm a dummy. I shouldn't be betting because I don't know what I'm doing. But if you do, then trust your intuition. Winning season means Survivor, Super Contest, and Squares. That's why my bookie is always the right play.

You bet, you win, they pay. Here's the thing. There are games that are going to be on that frankly are not that exciting. There's going to be sometimes, you know, the Jets are going to play Miami and you just have to live through that. But if you want to make the game more exciting, bet on it. At MyBookie, winning season means

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traction as I was hoping. No, it was a bad question. Do you have anything for me? Yeah, I'll ask you a question. Daniel, quick question. Go. What was a job that you had that you hated, but now later in life, you've realized how it gave you the most valuable tools you could have professionally or like in the rest of your life. That's sort of a complicated question. But what I mean by that is a job or an aspect of a job where at the time you're like, fuck this, this is so pointless. This is not what I want to be doing. I hate this. And then every other job you ever had after that, you were like,

oh, thank God I did that. That, that all that grinding really helped to get that, to make this so much easier for me. Um, I'll go first if you want. Uh, no, uh, I, I want to start by saying that, like, I, I don't have a great answer for that because this is going to sound silly, but I've like truly enjoyed every job that I've ever had. I think because I was in a rush. Keep winning awards for all. I know. Of course you enjoy them.

That's what it's all about. I was in such a rush to grow up when I was younger. I was very excited about having part-time jobs, all jobs. It's all I wanted to do was like, I want to be of legal age to work according to the New Jersey state government and then do it. So I started working at 15 at a movie theater doing the least glamorous part of working at a movie theater, shoveling popcorn at the concession stand and just being like stinky and covered in butter all the time.

But I loved it. I was so excited to be doing that work. And that continued to every part-time and full-time job I'd had since then. I'm just, I guess, a born worker and there's no way around it. But to answer your question about a skill that I acquired that question about a skill that I acquired that has been useful in not only this job but in most of my life and like socialization I worked at sports 30 for a number of years I start out in the fishing and camping department which I was not qualified to do at the time and was not super invested in it and it was just like, those are the vests that you want. Those are the fishing poles. Do you want to ski?

I'm also in charge of that department. Those are the skiing things. Hey, I'm 16. There's no way I understand what I'm talking about, but I can point to where things are. And then from there, I was transferred to the footwear department. And the major change from fishing and camping to footwear at Sports 30 in the early 2000s was that in footwear,

you worked on commission. Any shoes that you sold, you put your sticker on if you sold them, and then that sticker got scanned, and then you got a certain amount of money from that so it's the difference between working minimum wage new jersey at movie theater and starting at sports 30 which is anywhere between 5 15 and like 6 25 an hour till you're making commission which could sometimes end up being 13 to 18 an hour if you were good at it and i wanted that money so i even if I wasn't like the most knowledgeable person about shoes, I learned sales techniques. I learned how to sell people on things. And as palatable, stomachable, as in a not skeevy way as possible just like charm a person and

uh disarm them as much as you can and make them like you enough to want to buy these shoes it's the art of the deal man absolutely oh my god a mentor for sure um and uh it didn't i would never do it in a way that felt like I was scamming someone. Like I wasn't, I'm never, I'm never going to grab someone and be like, you're looking at that shoe. Fuck that. You want this, this piece of shit shoe that is super expensive because my commission is more.

You want these Skechers shape ups. Right. Kim Kardashian says you're going to lose 90 pounds if you buy these shoes. Eat these lollipops. Has Joe Montana lied to you before? Buy these big, weird scoliosis moon boots. But I would do some research into the shoes and try to connect with the people and genuinely entertain and sell them on things.

And I was very good at it and made money doing it. And even though I hadn't had a sales job since then, I took those lessons of like, like any salesman, any car salesman will do. Well, they will find something. They'll ask you questions until they find some way to connect with you and and bond with you in some way that makes you like them and i've applied that to every job i've had since then and a lot of like interpersonal relationships that i've had since then i'm just like i i early on had a couple of years learning how to figure out what a person wants and uh give it to them even if i'm the one who's deciding what they want yeah yeah you don't these things you didn't realize you were cutting your teeth yeah

at the time i think that's a good one it's helped me it's it's made me um i don't want to say good but decent in any job interview I've ever had. I haven't had many, but like, it's, once you do something in like direct sales, it seeps into your brain. Like you see it everywhere after that. You see everything as some version of sales because you're always selling yourself or selling something or selling

an idea. Is that too? Am I like nihilist Don Draper? No, I think that's like a super valuable thing. In fact, mine's like a close cousin of that, which is that I, for a while, thought I wanted to be an actor and went on a lot of auditions. And so I was not working a job that was actually a career. I was working a job that would let me go audition so that I could try like, it was like scratching lottery tickets. Like I was going to get rich this other way if I just get the right one. And I would go on these auditions and they'd be like for, let's say it was for Pizza Hut. I'd have to drive two hours to an audition. I'd wait in a room with a bunch of guys that looked exactly like me. They'd bring in three of us at a time. Uh, one of us would be a disembodied head and another one would put it

on the table. And then that one on the head, the little head on the table goes pizza hut it's for me or whatever the fuck it was. And that was it. And at the time I was like, I don't think I want this. I don't think I want to be an actor. I hate this. Uh, I hate doing all of this. I hate when, and even when you go in for real roles, like you go in for the lead in something, the things that they would ask you to do, like, you're just, you're ready to jump on board with whatever they want because you just want them to pick you. And I learned during those, there's like a moment where you just chat with them at the beginning. Before an audition starts, you walk in the room, they ask you how it's going, whatever. And how many people fuck that part up? How many people, that first impression of like trying to talk to somebody and you come off as like way too strong,

way too aggressive, too try hardy. Like there it's so easy to just mess that part up where you first meet somebody. And I used to mess it up all the time. And then I started to get better at it and better at it and better at it. And you just sort of like learn these tools that you keep in your arsenal that then you can use on any interview you ever go on. Anytime you meet somebody new that are so invaluable that I was like, oh, I was really learning an actual skill here when I thought I was just wasting my time. But there's something you have to do to not only like separate yourself from the group in the first 30 seconds of meeting somebody, but also separate yourself in such a way that they remember you fondly as opposed to like, yeah, that guy just came in juggling or doing close-up magic.

It was very strange. And so, and it was very strange, but like kind of sexy though, right? What else can he do with his hands? You know, that's what they're wondering. can he do with his hands you know that's what they're wondering if he can make a card disappear what else can he make disappear i don't even know what that yeah okay all right good i'm glad you know um but uh it was i hated it i didn't like doing it and i would drive two hours back to a job that i didn't particularly like and so i was was like, what the fuck am I doing during this time? And what I realized was like every interview I ever went on that, I was, I think that I came across better than anybody else. Like that's, that's, it sounds arrogant to say, but it's like, it's not, it wasn't necessarily

me. It wasn't like me being like genuine, like, this is what you're going to get. It was me being the version of like, this is going to be memorable enough that you'll be like, Oh, I like that guy. Yeah. And so, and you could do that throughout your entire life. I mean, nobody, if you're not totally the same person you were when you met somebody for the first time, it doesn't matter. We're so forgiving of that. As long as there's somebody who feels genuine and charming and, and that make their memory, make their, their memorable to you, then like nothing else really matters. And that's what I learned along the way. I learned another thing. This wasn't from a job, it uh informed my management style and i'm still not

a good manager but this was like one of the only things that i was somewhat decent at as a manager and it came from man if the close-up magic stuff didn't get these women fucking sliding out of their chairs then this is gonna do it in my acapella group in college uh right when i just give everyone a second to climb back into the chairs maybe clean up dry off ladies uh the president and founder of my acapella group like right after i joined it he messaged me on aol instant messenger. If our audience doesn't know what that is, fuck you. But he reached out to me

and just asked me a couple of questions, like, not about myself, just like, hey, I was thinking about maybe trying to do a Guster song for our acapella group. What do you think of these songs? And Guster was a band that i knew and loved and i was just like yeah i mean i like these songs they're great guster like has built in

there's there's always great harmony in any guster song um and this is early guster so they didn't they weren't using a full drum kit yet obviously and so i was just pointing i was like it's cool but like for vocal percussion it's gonna be weird because they just use bongos and i don't know exactly the best way to translate that into vocal percussion which is just like me fumbling with something to say because someone who was a a senior in college to me as a sophomore and be like a head honcho at this acapella group i was just like i want to say something to say something and he was like yeah that's a really good point thank you for pointing that out that's good and like that was the extent of the conversation and it mattered so much to me that as i was starting

out in this group someone important was talking to me and asking my opinion and listening to me and like nothing came of it but it was still just like this made me instantly like bound to life to this guy and to this acapella outfit and that's a thing that i tried to bring into management once i was in charge of people at cracked was like if there's a new person find find a private time to reach out to them and talk to them and make them feel heard and make them feel special and like it's not it's not completely performative but it's a little performative it's just like you you you you can hook someone early if you know that, you are coming into something with a position of power and authority and you

meet someone as a peer when they're new, it goes a long way to instilling loyalty or, or like, man, there's, there's, there's no weird, there's no non-weird thing to say devotion affection what's yeah fealty

that but it's good and like i actually like followed up with him a couple years later uh the guy dave who was running the acapella group is now a successful businessman obviously and i told him this specific thing i was like hey when you reached out to me and asked my opinion of this this guster song a week into my time in this acapella group it really um made me feel more engaged and more a part of this group that's it's good and he was like yeah no i know i did that on purpose that's like that's business that's i i do that with everyone and and and now you have that tool yeah but man if they if you catch somebody else doing that if you catch if somebody does it for you and then you catch them doing it for somebody else that's genuinely like their idea sucks or

whatever it's just devastating you can really fuck somebody up though. You have to be very careful with that power, but you're absolutely right. You were a pretty good manager. I'm just thinking back. If you ever did that to me, that is not something I genuinely did with people. I was never like, I think I didn't, I think it did it when people would generally had good ideas and we had really good people working at the site so i was like yes that i like but i i can remember being in meetings where would be kind of like a soft pitch meeting where people would be like talking about stuff and somebody would suggest something and i'd go no that doesn't work and at my new job i've learned don't do that don't ever do that to somebody um but i was young and dumb oh you're a good you're a good manager though i think you did a great job

thanks man i think things went really well until everyone got fired under my watch but well first video got shuttered and then everyone got fired they moved you and then all those people got fired yeah well i don't know you shouldn't have been a manager anyway none of us should have been no we shouldn't have been responsible for other human beings never want to do it again for the rest of my life um yeah we just about wrapped up here do you think or what do you have anything else anything more to say no i'm done okay let me just track down the social accounts while I'm doing that Soren what's the best thing that you cook and be explicit with the recipe please okay so I'm I'm the type of guy

who in every aspect of my life I do this thing called pushing it to the edge. And what that means is... Immediate nonsensical start. I love it. Go on. Pushing it to the edge means I'm really good at allocating work to other people or other things. So when I have an opportunity, when I have a job to do, I know how to... I know, oh, there's somebody

who'd be better at that. I'll give it to them. And in this case, I give the job to my, uh, slow cooker. Okay. And you think I was going to say my wife, uh, it was touch and go there. I'm still, uh, I'm, I'm holding my breath. That slow cooker. Isn't a nickname for someone, you know, I'm holding my breath that slow cooker isn't a nickname for someone you know it's an actual slow cooker yeah and here's the deal I don't eat beef and so I eat a lot

of chicken and chicken kind of sucks after a while like you can grill it and it's fine you can cook it in the oven it's alright but if you can slow cook it and then shred it you can make make some really, really good chicken. And so I have a recipe for barbecue chicken that I do where I take chicken breasts, put them in the slow cooker and add some salt and pepper. And then I put in, I take some Worcestershire sauce, some barbecue sauce, some brown sugar, some mustard. And I think that's it.

I got my own ratio. But I mix that all together. And then I pour it over the chicken. And it does the job for me. And then I take it out. I shred it up. Shredding is a, like, don't. You got to be in shape to shred. Okay. Don't, you got to be shred to shred. Yes. Mario Batali, bounce a quarter off

that ass. Well, then these guys aren't slow cooking, man. They're not doing it right. I want all those bits. I want them all about the equal size. And then you put it back in the sauce and that gives you a lot more surface area. And it gets all over that chicken and then i take onion buns cut them in half put some coleslaw on top and what i like to do with my coleslaw is i'll just get like a regular old fuck off ralph's or whatever your grocery store is version that has a little packet in it and then i mix in a little mayonnaise to get it okay kind of creamy and i also don't like how sweet that dressing is a lot so i got i want a little savory. And then I take crispy onions, like French's crispy onions.

Yeah, yeah. Put them on top of that. Put a pickle on it. Coleslaw, the top on. And these things are messy. And you got to, this is not a thing you want other people watching you eat. But it's so delicious. And I barely had to do a thing.

Okay. You did save it at the end. I like your approach to it that feels pretty scientific. And you know what you want. And that comes through. And that's very good. You should know that the whole beginning sounded like a kid doing a book report for a book he definitely did not read. When you're like, here's the thing about me.

I push things to the edge. Much like, looking down, Charles Dickens did. And another thing you should know about me is that I didn't like beef. Which reminds me. Oliver Twist. He wants beef. That's his main thing. That's the difference between me and Oliver Twist what's his he wants beef that's his main thing that's the difference

between me and Oliver Twist is a desire for beef he's wanted some more sir I think that's him in conclusion give the kid his beef

don't give it to me Soren Bui A plus please I once did a report on a dream catcher, like how a dream catcher works. Are you familiar with a dream catcher? Like a Native American but co-opted by white people symbol of catching dreams, like a tennis racket looking deal that sits over your bed? That's the one.

Okay. I did a report at the front of my class about a dream catcher. Well, I had made one and didn't use a pack. It was like prepaid packages for those. And I just went to an arts and craft store and made it. I can't remember what it was for. And then they're like, well, how does it work? Catching dreams. Yeah. But I mean, I, well, okay. Yes. Yes, Daniel. And, and so I had to describe how a dream catcher works and just did that, just made it up as I went and talked a lot about other things that didn't belong there. Like how you dye yarn and things like that.

There's no yarn on it. And really just, just like threw it out my ass. And then at the end I was like, I think that went really well. And afterwards the teacher pulled me aside. I was like, that was pretty offensive. Oh really? See, I was going to assume that you were good at it and maybe we should save this for a whole other podcast. But like, I, I excelled at pulling things out of my ass in middle and high school. Anytime the assignment didn't involve like handing in a hard copy of your work at all when it was just like for this thing you need to explain something to the rest

of the class i fucking zoomed i would do no prep and i would just like very confidently walk up to the front of the room and be like today we're going gonna learn how to make a movie monster now there are three essential components to making a movie monster who knows what they are and kids would be like lighting like yes and i'd write lighting on the board and just like just play this classroom like a fiddle and always did well it was always like an engaging seven minutes of time wasting which is i imagine what the teach like that's what I'm getting the A for, is the teacher being like, yeah, I mean, everyone but you was quiet. And I got to look in the newspaper for other jobs.

So, yeah, you get an A. But I was thrilled any time they were like, extemporaneous speaking, just go and teach a lesson about something. I'm like, fucking great. I could do it tomorrow whenever you want yeah you want me you want me to talk about um the elements of drama or how to play bass i'll do it that's like true power i'll just like get up and describe it it feels so good to just be able to wing things and everyone around you be like yeah that sounds right yeah but i don't i don't get that a lot in my life. No, I was much more effective at it when I was dealing with children.

Less so now when anyone asks me anything about anything. Yeah. But that's going to wrap up our show. You can follow Soren on Twitter at Soren underscore LTD. You can try to follow me on Twitter at DLB underscore INC. My tweets are protected now because I'm moving slowly towards not having a Twitter at all anymore. So I can spend less time in front of a computer. But until then, you can sort of follow me.

You can email the show at QQ with Soren and Daniel at gmail.com. You can find the show on Twitter at Twitter.com slash QQ underscore Soren and Dan. That's honestly the most effective way that you can reach me if you have any questions about the show. You can find and hire our producer, engineer, editor, Gabe at GabeHarder.com. producer engineer editor gabe at gabe harder.com if the site is not up he assures us it will be up uh when when the time is right and we trust him on that uh we also have a patreon and you can donate to that patreon um all of that money uh i think goes to gabe this point, Soren and I have not seen a dime of money from this show. So all of the money goes to Gabe, which is to say all of the money keeps the show going.

So if you like the show, donate, if you like it, but you don't have money or don't want to spend it on us, that's totally fine. Just tell your friends to listen to the show and download and like, and subscribe. You're rich friends.

Yeah. Yeah. All those things. Um're rich, friends. Yeah, yeah. All those things. I think that's about it. That's got to be it, right? No, it's good, Dan. Okay. You winged it and it was just wonderful.

That's great. Now, there are three essential components to subscribing to this show. Who in the audience, who knows what they are? Having a telephone. that's correct having a telephone that's that's what we call them people still say telephone so you're you're correct young man all right oxygen okay yep that goes on the board too. All right. And then the third one was again, lighting. Yeah. Lighting. Very important in podcasts. All right. Bye. Bye-bye.