Quick Question with Soren and Daniel - Miracles of Affliction | Ep. 283

Episode Date: May 6, 2025

The guys have more ideas to make medicine better, as Daniel recounts a peculiar encounter with a faulty heart rate monitor and an unnaturally consistent heartbeat and Soren had a fun time at his cancer screening appointment. Thanks to Shopify for sponsoring this episode. Sign up for a $1/month trial period at shopify.com/qqThanks to ASPCA Pet Insurance for sponsoring this episode. To explore coverage, visit ASPCApetinsurance.com/QUESTION.  The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance.

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If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor for your charge. I've got a quick quick question for you alright The answer's not important I'm just glad that we could talk tonight So what's your favourite? Who did you date? Who would I be if I remember? What's the answer? What did I do?

Who are we now? Oh forget it Sore and booby, Daniel O'Brien Two best friends and comedy writers If there's an answer, they're gonna find it. I think you'll have a great time here. I think you'll have a great time here. I'm just worried I'm working on something big.

Oh shit. I'm working on something big for the podcast. It's gonna put us on the map. I don't have it yet, but I just want you and our listeners to watch this space. But I'm going to create the boundaries of a zero to one, one to 100 scale of fame. I'm reinventing, I believe, the star meter.

Thanks to Shopify for supporting Quick Question. Shopify is a platform designed for anyone to sell anywhere, giving entrepreneurs like myself the resources once reserved for big business. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash QQ. Thanks to ASPCA Pet Insurance for supporting Quick Question. To explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com slash question. This is a paid advertisement.

Insurance is underwritten by either Independence American Insurance Company or United States Fire Insurance Company and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency Limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. But it's going to be, if we put like, I just need to set some boundaries and a couple of other benchmarks. But if we put Donald Trump as 100, meaning this is the most famous person alive right now, which I think is fair. I think he is the most famous living person. Do you think he's more famous than Taylor Swift?

Yes. Oh, okay. And then we'll find someone at one. And it won't just be like, the rules are we'll still have to be a famous person. It won't just be like one on the bottom of the scale is my neighbor, because this is a scale of famous people. But someone who is like...

A lot of people don't even match the scale. A lot of people don't know who they are, but they are not anonymous. Like, perhaps a... Chaz Palminteri is... No, like a writer for a TV show that was like, oh yeah, I know who Stephanie Robinson is. So she's not nobody, but she probably can go anywhere

in the world without being stopped anywhere. So we're gonna create this scale with very clear benchmarks. And then from time to time, we can check in and I could just say, when we're talking about, let's say Michael B. Jordan, and I just say, when we're talking about, let's say, Michael B. Jordan. And I can say, Soren, where is he one to 100? And we could just figure out who is where on this scale. And I think occupy a lot of air time.

Yeah. Oh, that's the problem we're solving. I was like, this is great. This is awesome. I can't wait to do this. This is like a game. Why are we doing it? Oh, yeah. the problem we're solving. I was like, this is great. This is awesome. I can't wait to do this. This is like a game. Why are we doing it? What are we solving? Just like killing time.

Okay, all right. But it just gives you a good qualifier of like, you can fit, once you get like a real scatter plot of people, you can see who fits in between like Kevin Bacon and Kingsley Amis. You're like, oh, okay, I see where they sit. It's not exactly similar to, but it reminds me of a game that our pals at College Humor used to play in their office. And I might get the exact number wrong, but the game was,

Who Is 57 Years Old? And they were just from time to time without Googling it, just try to think who, which celebrities do we think are 57? It's a great number, especially with celebrities because it's never clear how old any given celebrity is. Oh man, I love this. It's a lot of fun. Ethan Hawke.

Well, we're not playing that now. Sandra Bullock. No. I just hadn't seen her in a while. I didn't know she got there. I can spoil it now because- Winona Ryder. It's never gonna happen,

but I had these big dreams of doing, of tricking you into doing a live podcast like in front of an audience where you would go and you would think we were doing, I put so much work into this thing that's never going to happen. You were going to think we were doing just a live episode of this show that we do where we bullshit and then you would get there, and I would reveal pretty early on, I would pull a curtain down and reveal a sign that says, it's time to play another edition of Soarin'

didn't know this was a game show. And I was gonna have a whole game show with different challenges. You were the only participant on it. And we were gonna, and the audience would be in on it. Everyone would be in on it except you. That's what would be participant on it. And we were gonna, and like the audience would be in on it. Everyone would be in on it except you. That's what would be fun about it. And one of the games I planned on playing is I would,

I was going to introduce a panel of 20 women. And I was gonna be like, this is Samantha Brooks. She is from this place. Her job is this. Her favorite sports team is blank. And she's like, introduce 20 women and confuse you with a bunch of facts. And you would think like, oh, I need to memorize these facts.

And then once the panel is all assembled, the actual question would be, Sorin, which one of these women is 50? And you would just have to pick. Tell them. Can I say it? Can they all close their ears? Can they all? No. You have to look in the eye, the one that you think is 50. But I'm looking at all of them because I have to look at their face. I don't know if this speaks to a real health in my self-assuredness or a pretty upsetting narcissism, but if that game actually happened, I would be very excited to see how I do. I know. It would be a lot of fun.

The idea, the prospect is not terrifying. The prospect is like, oh, fuck yeah. Let's see how I measure up. Let's check it out. I don't think, if you got it wrong, I don't think you would be like, oh, I'm so sorry. I thought you were 50, but you're actually 45. Forgive me. I think if you got it wrong, you'd be like, ah, fuck!

Are you sure? Get her driver's license out. I wanna see it. Fuck, somebody else do the math on this. I can't do that. But Sorin, speaking of health and narcissism, oh, unless you wanna continue talking about this, I have pages of notes for what-

This rules. What Sorin doesn't know it's a game show would be. I was so excited about it. And there's just, there are too many reasons that it can't happen. Well, there's one main reason. Don't feel like it. The other subsequent reasons are difficult to pull off.

Yeah. We don't do live shows ever. It's just not a thing that we do. And yeah. I love the idea. Those were the two main reasons until we got the third reason of I spoiled it here. It's here.

I mean, I thought the same thing. As soon as we found out we were having a bachelor party for you, I was like, this is the perfect opportunity to give Daniel and his best friends a taskmaster. And I started watching the New Zealand one because I was like, there's going to be some shit in here. First of all, that he's never seen. But second of all, it's probably pretty low rent because I can't imagine the show is very successful. And I was like, I can probably come up with some

stuff from this. And as I was writing it and coming up with games and stuff, like I have like six games ready to go and some of them are drinking games and it would have been perfect. But I was like, what do I hope to accomplish? I'm pulling people away from the bachelor party one by one. I'm not enjoying the bachelor party. I'm only pulling people away to come do some tasks that they're going to fucking hate and then sending them back. And then later it's not filmed. So like the whole, like the payoff of it doesn't exist. I would at the end get everyone together and be like,

okay, here's how Joe did it. Here's how all these people did it. Here's how your brother did it. And it wasn't good. It was pretty funny. He did this one thing that was pretty funny. Okay, why is everybody going? I'm not done orating on what happened.

What do you got? You're taking kayaks out on the lake? Get back here. I'm giving you the scores. I have to tell you the funny thing that Tommy did, but we probably kind of had to be there to see. When you start a podcast, your first thought is always, what should the podcast be like?

What should we talk about? What would be fun for us? What requires the least amount of work? Well, it turns out for that last question, it gets pretty complicated because there's all kinds of other stuff you need to do in the background of a podcast. All kinds of work. It's actually a business, which, ugh,

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Yeah. I have a quick health update. For our show. Possibly a non-update. Quick health updates with Storm and Daniel. Going along with my back pain, which listeners has been going on for almost a full calendar year now, but I've really only been investigating it for a few months of physical therapy. And I went today to get injections for my back and we'll talk about

how that went. But just to get something, the main thing that I want to talk about is I get there in the morning and they put a blood pressure thing on my arm and one of those things to monitor my heart rate on my finger. Now real listeners of this show know that I'm confident about very few things, especially when it comes to mastery over my physical body. Yeah. But if there's one thing I can do, it is get 60 resting heart rate, like fucking clockwork, like nobody's business.

I am at 60 at all times. And if I'm not, and you tell me that, I can get there. It is the only part of my body I have any real control over. And I'm very proud of it. So as I'm sitting- Do you think that's a result of meditation, that you can do that? Perhaps.

Or it's just- You feel like a Buddhist monk. I was born with so many physical foibles and frailties that God in his infinite wisdom was like, let him- Give him a thing. Give him something. He'll never be able to throw a ball.

He's gonna trip a lot, but like, man, this thing that won't ever come in handy, he's gonna be the best at it. Yeah. And I am. And so when I'm sitting there in this office, the nurse puts the thing on me and she's doing my blood pressure

and she's doing the heart rate. And she says, do you normally have a low heart rate? It's reading 47. And I said, that's incorrect. And then we just moved on. And then I'm- You told her she did it wrong. I told her that's incorrect. And I didn't elaborate. And then I'm placed on a table. It's a spinal injection. And you need to put some numbing agents on it. So I'm on a table on my belly with a pillow like under my abdomen.

And my shorts pulled down to reveal just like a demure amount of ass cleavage, just like- Not a funny amount? Not a funny amount, no. And they are giving me injections and I'm still hooked up to this finger machine. And the doctor who's in there now, he looks at the reading and he says his heart rate is really low. And the nurse says, yeah, it was like that before too. And he is speculating.

He's like, is it the finger? Is he cold? Are his hands cold? She goes, no, his hands aren't cold. It's like, maybe, he must be cold. Must be something. They're not talking to you. And I love that nobody trusts this nurse either. The men are like, no, you probably did it wrong. Something is wrong. But from my position at the table, my position reminder, face down, ass up, I try to say over my shoulder, this is gonna sound strange

and you have no reason to believe me, but I promise you, your machine is broken. And then the nurse said, you know, it was giving me the wrong readings yesterday too. Which feels like vindication. A hundred percent I was right. Of course I was right. The fact that you thread that needle is incredible

because that, if I was her, I'd be pissed at you. Yeah. You're like, no, you're probably wrong. Cause I bet that's what people come into the doctor's office all the time doing. And they're usually the fuck-ups, but you were right. And I'm never that person. And in fact, sometimes when I've been with a doctor

or a dental hygienist or whatever, and they're doing something that hurts me, and they ask is everything okay, I don't want them to think they're doing a bad job. So I will lie and say yes. But this is a case where it's like, I know my business and I'm gonna fucking stand on it. And that machine is lying.

And I was right. The machine is broken. Your resting heart rate is like 62, you said? 60. It's like a perfect 60. And she was getting a reading of 47. And I don't know how insane that is, but it's- Well, okay.

If I was, if my resting heart rate was that different from my normal resting heart rate, I would 100% know about it. If it was off by 13 points, then it just, that's an amount of, that's a distance that anyone would be like, you know what, it's off because I'm very nervous or it's off because I'm freezing or it's off because I'm like crazy horny,

but I was feeling no different as I'm sitting there like mentally counting my heart rate. I'm like, no, the machine is wrong. The machine is lying to you. And you, if you need me to stick around and have me test other people's heart rates, I can do that for the rest of the day because I am more finely calibrated than this Costco SS heart monitor, whatever machine. I've just checked mine, Dan, my resting average, 52. Wow. Are you cold or nervous?

I don't, does nerves do it? Oh, you know what it does is if you're, Wow. Are you cold or nervous? Does nerves do it? Oh, you know what it does is if you're, when you are feeling like lightheaded a lot of times, like when you get, when I'm around blood, sometimes my heart rate drops. The interesting thing about this is as much pride as I have over my resting heart rate, enough that it's like the core of my world, the center of my universe around which everything else operates.

As the nurse is reading over, it's like, and your blood pressure is da-da-da over da-da-da, that's kind of low. I'm like, yeah, whatever, shut up, who cares? I don't know, that's none of my business. My new watch gives me, it tells me a lot about my body, I think, but it could just be making these numbers up.

But the other day I had just gotten done at the gym and I was about to run home and I was like trying to like set it so that it would clock how far I was running. And this big notification came up and it said, your body age has dropped to 36. And I was like, bless your fucking heart. At this rate, Sorin. Look at you. Look at, and I was like, I was gonna ride that for the whole week.

Cause I was like, my watch just de-aged me. Yeah. And I have no idea if it's true, but I love seeing it. Yeah, I'll take that. I'll switch to whatever app that is. I had a potentially teachable moment yesterday because I knew I was getting the shots this morning and I didn't, there's not supposed to be any real side effects, but of course what I had going into it is the doctor whose favorite thing in the world to

do is put needles into people's backs. The doctor who was the needle back doctor, he was like, there's a little bit of risk of infection or bleeding at the puncture site, but in my 30 years, I've never seen it. The spine needle doctor thinks spine needle medicine is the best way to go. My occupational therapist brother, when I told him this, my brother who deals with so many traumatic injuries every day of his life, when I told him this, my brother who deals with so many traumatic injuries every day of his life, when I told him the story about how in 30 years this guy's never seen

it, he goes, well, there are a lot more things that can go wrong. There are way more things than bleeding and infection. I don't like his attitude. I went forward with this anyway. I wasn't expecting anything to go wrong, but just in case yesterday I was like, well, that's worst case scenario. Say I'm not going to be able to run for a very long time if something goes wrong. Let me get in a good run.

So I put in over an hour of running without really looking at distance until the very end. And I have my running app that tells me all this information and I stopped running and I hit stop on the thing and then I'm like walking and cooling down feeling great in my run and I pull up the app and my run has Disappeared from the app and the way this works is you hit stop when you're done running and you could either resume save or

delete yeah, and I wasn't seeing my run immediately and I was Zoom, save, or delete. I wasn't seeing my run immediately, and I was panicking. I was Googling around how to retrieve this run, and the web answers were like, if you save it and delete it, you can find it. But if you don't save it, it doesn't go to the servers and it's gone forever. And I was walking the quarter mile. Your sweaty fat fingers fucked you again.

I know. I was walking the quarter mile back to my house and I was like, okay, why did we run today? We ran, we didn't run to get it saved in an app. We ran on the off chance that we wouldn't be able to run again and even without that we run because we love to run. We had so much fun in this hour plus of running. We listened to our favorite songs. We meditated. We disassociated. We broke up the monotony of a day with a great run that felt good in the sun. Whole body feels good.

This is why we run. I don't need it saved so the three people who follow me on this app can see, whoa, he had a big run for the first time in a long time. Let me give him a thumbs up. Let me give him kudos. It's gone. It's okay.

This is not why we run. It's fine. And then I pressed another button and I found it. And it felt awesome. I was so happy. I was like, ah! I was like, ah! Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, podcast, no, I love my dog Jackson. He is 13 years old. I have had him since he was six months and we have gone on a number of adventures together.

He is at this time enjoying sitting outside because the weather has turned and it's warm now and all he wants to do is lay in the sun just like his papa. He's the best thing in the world. I don't want anything ever to happen to him. One time my brother was scratching him behind his ear and he yelped and we didn't know why and it turns out there was a tick inside of his ear and we had to rush to an emergency vet to get it out of there and give him some medicine and he is all better now thanks to the great work of vets. Vets are great. Taking care of your pets is important and vets help you do that.

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The SPCA is not insuring, it's not engaged in business insurance. Yeah, yeah. I've had similar experiences where like this new watch, it has to connect to my phone to get GPS. So it'll track my steps. And it has like a kind of a sense of how far I run, but I'm, it doesn't understand my stride.

It doesn't know that I am a goddamn gazelle. It doesn't know that I am off the ground more than I'm on it. Like that I can just spring forward. And so it always undercuts me. It's like the watch is jealous of me. It doesn't want to believe that I did that many miles. And I have to get it hooked up to GPS,

otherwise that doesn't work. And occasionally the GPS will just crap out on it and it will just continue on and be like, it's cool. I got this. I know how many strides he's doing. I can feel it. And then at the end of my run, I'm so angry. I know the distance. I'm not running like new routes all the end of my run, I'm so angry. I know the distance.

I'm not running like new routes all the time. I know exactly how far I went. I know how much time it took me, but I need the watch to say it. I want it. It has to say it, not me. And when it doesn't, I'm pretty mad to the point where, yeah, I got into the app on my phone and I was like, it gives me this option of like, anything you want to say about this run. And I was like, fuck this watch. It's wrong. This watch is a waste of time. Why doesn't it even have its own GPS in it?

This is stupid. Every other watch does. And the app is like, just a reminder, this is only for your notes. This is not going back to the flagship. Not for anybody else. But just like, something needed to know, someone. And in this case, the phone was the closest thing I had.

So it was like, well, I can't tell a stranger. So I'll just tell this. Wait, hold on. I actually have questions about your epidural, Dan. Okay, great. Did you get to see the needle? No. They didn't even show it to you.

Okay. And then before they show it to you. Okay. And then before they did it, the only thing he said was this is the, he gave you like one little sentence of like, here's what could go wrong and then they did the process on you? That's what, the here's what could go wrong was his pitch when I first saw him for a consultation

and I gave him the MRI. That's when he explained that. And then this time around, I get in and I talked to the nurse about traffic for a while. And she says, looking at my chart, it's like, and it's in your right side and it's your back and your glute and there's no tingling in the legs. And there's information that she had and she knew. And I was like, yes, that's all correct. And then the doctor comes in and he goes, right side, left side? I go, oh boy.

It's the right side. I wish someone prepped you. It's the right side. And then he's like, all right, you're going to feel just like a couple of stings from the anesthesia. Just not going to, that's just going to numb you. And then another sting maybe from this iodine going in that's how we can see on the camera what we're

doing and right side it's like yeah it's like a bit I so my wife had an epidural that's which is also like a needle in the spine when she had our first kid. And the amount of time that they sat there and talked to her about all of the possible things that could go wrong was startling to me because she's in the middle. She's not in any condition to be hearing these things. She's like in and out of contractions. So she can barely listen.

And when she goes into a contraction and seizes up, he just continues on, but does not look at her, just looks to me like, you'll pass this information onto her. And I'm like, oh, I'm responsible now. No, no, no, no, wait till she's done. Then you can tell her these things. But like the number of things that could go like

horribly wrong from an epidural, I was like, well, maybe we, have we ever, should we think about this? Should we just like cool off for a second? But I imagine that that's true of anytime they're like touching your spine with stuff, like taking stuff in and putting stuff out of your spine. Taking stuff in and putting stuff out.

Good story. And so I'm curious, like when they did it, could you feel, I know they numb the area around it, but can you feel it like when it, like at touchdown in your spine? I want to say, no, I couldn't feel touchdown in my spine, but I will say that my left hand jerked at one point in a way that felt very much like- Involuntary. Yes. 100% someone hits your knee with a hammer kind of thing

where I'm just sitting there being in complete control over everything over which I have control. And then just like, a weird little spasm that was like, oh no, someone else is driving. The driving instructor is using his little brakes on the side. Fuck. This is a real... What a horrifying feeling that is.

When it was like no pain, but all of a sudden, you're not in control. Yes. Well, I'm glad that it... Did it go well? Did they... Well, it went well in the sense that there doesn't appear to be any infection or bleeding, but as far as like... They didn't do any extra damage.

They didn't do any extra damage. No, the pain is still very much there. And in the beginning, the nurse, when she was prepping me, she was like, and yeah, and you're going to feel instant relief. And there might be a little soreness, but it'll be instant relief. And then when the anesthesia wears off, you might feel X, Y, Z, but yeah. And then we'll schedule a follow up sometime next week. And then when the actual procedure was done, you might feel XYZ, but yeah. And then we'll schedule a follow-up sometime next week. And then when the actual procedure was done and I got off the table, she was like, all right, how do you feel? How does your legs feel?

I was like, well, my back still hurts. She's like, well, there's no, there's sometimes like numbness in the foot, but you can walk around. Walk around. It's like, no, no, no, my legs are fine. The pain that I came in here with is still there. And now her story changes to, well, sometimes it takes a couple of days.

But yo, we'll call you next week and we'll schedule up a follow-up. And she's like, you. Did he do the left? He did the left, didn't he? Did you do the left? Yeah. And I suppose it's certainly possible

that in a couple of days, the medicine will start working tomorrow. We're in 48 hours. I don't think so. I don't want to be doomed, say, or anything like that. But I've heard from some people that the first injection doesn't do anything, and you've got to get a second one. And that's the one that's going to fix your pain. I don't know.

I wasn't super bullish on anything ever stopping my pain to begin with. Yeah, man, but still, you get those little glimmers of hope and then they're smashed away and you're like, well, shit. I also went and took some proactive care of myself, Daniel. I went and got a cancer screening. screening. Yeah, where you stand like Jesus and they wander around your body with a jeweler's loop and they just look at everything on you. And I'll say the first couple of times that I did that, I think I wasn't supposed to actually

do it. I think I was like, I've been doing it not so annually, but like every like three years. And the first couple of times I was probably in my late 20s, early 30s. And the doctor barely had to be in the room. The doctor came in, circled around me once, just did like a lap. Didn't change her plane or anything like that. And was like, you're good. And I was like, whoa, that was fast. And then this was the first time where I'd been in there where she was like really every single thing, she went up to it with a little microscope and she like looked at it. She is looking for moles and growths. Yeah. Aberrations. Yeah. Little things that could indicate that I've got skin cancer or like pre-skin cancer. And so she was going around to every little thing and it felt

thorough in a way where I was like, this is what I wanted. This is exactly what I was hoping for. I was like, this is what I wanted. This is exactly what I was hoping for. And as she went, she did the coolest thing, which was she would, anything that I had, she'd be like, are you curious about this? And I'd be like, yeah. She's like, that's an angioma. Like I have like a little red dot on my chest.

She's like, that's an angioma. It's like a birth blood vessel, but it doesn't go away. Are you curious about this white discoloration? I'm like, yeah. And she's like, that's a way this is a spider it's uh native up to central california there it goes but she was like you freckle white some people freckled brown some people freckle white and some people freckle both and you freckle white and so she's like telling me on my arms i have

like these like white spots and she's like that me on my arms, I have like these like white spots. And she's like, that's from not putting on sunscreen when you go outside. I was like, okay. She's like, so I would encourage you to start doing that on your arms. And I was like, I do it on my face. I do it on my face and neck.

And she's like, yeah, but you gotta do it all over your body. And then she's like going around, she's like, I have this thing that was like right here that like stuck off. It was like a mole that had like some topography to it. And I was like, what is that? She's like, that's a skin tag.

Do you want me to take it off? And I was like, okay. You won't be able to return it. And so she was like, all right, I'll take it off right now. And she took it off right there. And she's like, she's just like finding things where she's, that's elective. It's all like, it was so fun.

It wasn't like concerning, it wasn't bad. She like went around and she does this thing on, cause you're in, to describe the scene, you're in just your underwear, but they give you like a paper robe that you put on. It's not like a hospital robe cause the front is what's open and you put that on. And then as she's doing it,

she just fast like fumble around this paper robe a lot. So I was like, do you just want me to take this paper robe off? She's like, yeah, that'd be helpful. I was like, okay, yeah, we're already here. The tact is gone. It's just me and my underwear. So yeah, that is just standing like that.

She looks at my back. She's like, anything in the groin area? And I was like, absolutely not because it's never seen the light of day. It does not know the sun exists. Even though I'm very curious what that would feel like in my imagination, it seems like it would feel great, but there just hasn't been an opportunity. Yeah, now that you're saying it,

I think maybe that could be fun, but I have not explored that yet. It does not know the sun. It has lived in a prison its whole life. I found no beach quite remote enough. She's like, all right, we'll just do an inventory of if you find anything in that particular area and just let us know.

And I was like, there's no need for that inventory even. I promise you, this is baby skin. Like this skin, it is probably the best part of me because it has never seen the light of day. It's never seen a single UV ray in its entire life. But yeah, having her go around and like very, just like having a doctor who's so patient and like, do you wanna know about this?

Do you wanna know about this? And I love, that was like the first time that I've had a doctor who did all of that, who was like, not just like trying to like usher me out. I granted there's also like two students standing there as well. So I don't know if this was entirely for me, but she was like-

Med students or like econ? Yeah, one of them econ, one of them might've been sales. I think. Oh, cool. Yeah, there's like a trade school associated with it as well. Yeah, no, they're little doctor students. And it was so fun. It was so fun to get a cancer screening.

I would love that. The only, I've gotten like mouth cancer cause they throw that in at the dentist every couple of years. They're like, we're going to have you swab something and spit it out. And then we're going to, it's $50. And then you don't need to get checked for mouth cancer for another three years, which seems insane to me.

And it was like, oh, you didn't have it in 2019, so you probably don't have it in 2021. I don't know exactly how the cancer math works, but I've done those screenings, but I haven't, I don't think I've done any of the other ones. And I do spend a lot of time on the sun, so I probably should. And maybe you've noticed this, but like when you go to a physical now, I don't know,'ve done any of the other ones. And I do spend a lot of time on the sun, so I probably should.

And maybe you've noticed this, but like when you go to a physical now, I don't know, you remember when you were younger and you would have to, the doctor would like cuff your testicles. Yeah, like cough. Clench, like yeah, like cough, yeah. Bear down or whatever.

They don't do that anymore. I know, when that first happened in my young adulthood and the doctor was just like, he, this is a New Jersey doctor, he was like, your jewels, they okay? I picture him smoking. I was like, my jewels, he's like, yeah, your family jewels, they okay? You're not in berries. And I'm like, I mean, I think they're great.

I think so. It's like, all right, good. Then we don't need to bother with any of that stuff. You're good think they're great. I think so. It's like, all right, good. Then we don't need to bother with any of that stuff. You're good, you're good. If you're worried about them, we can do a check. Oh God, it was on you. Yeah, and I was like, oh, well, that's terrible news because I'm never gonna be so worried about them

that I ask you to check them. The whole system works because I didn't choose it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, do you know why they don't do it anymore? Because of me too. Yeah, it's because of you. No, oh me too, yes. No, because when you get over like 40, they stop doing it

because you're not as high a risk. Apparently testicular cancer is a young man's game. Oh, good then. Yeah, I think that you're kind of like out of the woods on that front. But Soren, you just ran yourself back about six years. So now you gotta get checked again. Oh fuck, I gotta go back.

But yeah, you opened the door to all the other cancers, I think. That one shuts and then it's like, oh, but look at everybody who's here now. There's prostate, there's seminal vesicle, and all these different ones. Have you gotten colonoscopy yet? No. I have not. I think you're young for it. I am.

I think 45 or maybe 50 is when you start getting it. I have a friend. Me too. Somebody who works at Family Guy. And he started getting colonoscopies like annually. And he's pretty young for it too. And he's like, well, my grandfather died of it. And so when you see how-

He's tired of getting too many colonoscopies. When you start, when you have a, you start getting them, like if it's genetic or like, it's possible that you're like more prone. So he started getting them annually, which I think is pretty often because it's a nightmare apparently. Like the lead up is like the prep for it is really, really awful from what I

understand. You have to be near a toilet. You're taking this medicine that is basically flushing you out. So let me tell you all about it. Okay. Well, hold on. Let me finish this real quick. He'd been getting them and then he's like, talked to his mom on the phone one day. He's like, I got my colonoscopy. And she's like, why are you getting colonoscopies? That's early. And he's like, talked to his mom on the phone one day. He's like, I got my colonoscopy. And she's like, why are you getting colonoscopies? That's early. And he's like, yeah, but your dad died of it. And she's like, my dad died of a heart attack. And he was like, what? He had no idea apparently, somehow in the miscommunication

and how his grandfather had passed away, didn't understand it. And it's since been like really bullish about getting colonoscopies. I am shocked that a doctor would go along with an annual colonoscopy. I think even when you reach the age when that's normal, they don't say do this every year. Yeah, maybe they found polyps or something, I don't know.

Maybe. Or early ones. But anyway, yeah, tell me the process. Yeah, so listeners know that I've had persistent stomach issues for a very long time, that I'm on a lifelong quest to diagnose exactly what's going on in there, and none of the blood work has ever yielded anything, none of the allergen tests have shown anything

that we didn't know from- Healthy as an ox. Everything says you're healthy as an ox. Dairy and egg, yeah. And just going back and forth with my gastrointestinal doctor he was just like, I mean, you're young for it, but if I could do a colonoscopy and just see if there's anything going on in there. He's like, yeah, you know, we'll look for everything, turn over every

stone. Let's root around the crawl space, see if that's where the problem is. The prep is unpleasant, there's no way around it. I would imagine I am a dream patient who took this more seriously than any of the average patients because I've talked to other people about this too. And there's like a list of foods they recommend staying away from like a week out. And there's a list of foods and stuff they recommend staying away from like three days out because that's when they really get into crunch time. And I stuck to the-

They just stick more? These foods? Yeah. And I stuck to what they told me to avoid like religiously. No one was following this diet to the letter better than me of just like clear liquids, no leafy greens, not a lot of grains, no red Gatorade, whatever like very specific thing that has since lost my brain. But I was like, I'm going to start this diet six days before your procedure.

I am going to start it eight days before my procedure. I'm going to leave nothing up to chance on this. Everything else that I was reading about it was, you're right, the day before is when you start drinking some kind of poison that flushes out your entire system. And I was doing as much Google research as I could about like, what are some tips for prepping for a colonoscopy? There's no beating around the bush on it. The most professional medical grade tips are like, bring a book into the bathroom, man. Charge your laptop and bring it in there.

You're spending all your time on the toilet. I was so not really understanding what, other than knowing that I was to be evacuated, I didn't know what it was going to- Your Saigon colon. Sound or smell like, and I was at the time sharing a one bedroom with my fiance. And I was so nervous about like occupying our bathroom for who knows how long and ruining our shared space that I got a hotel the night before the colonoscopy. And I was like, listen, honey, I don't know what'm just going to like sit, truly like a sad, funny, sad evening of just like, I'm going to be in a hotel room, but I can't do any of the things that I like about being

in a hotel room. I can't order room service or get like safely drunk here. I have to sit, drink water, drink poison and go back and forth to the toilet all night long. And that's what you're doing. You bring your book. It's not, I will say, if you follow all the rules to the letter like I do, it is not a painful experience. It's not like the worst diarrhea you've ever had, where it feels like the biggest emergency in the world, and you're really having a bad time. It is just flushing everything out, and you never feel like you're done, and that's it.

That's just the experience. It's very easily something I could have done at home. I will not get a hotel room 10 years from now when I have my next colonoscopy. You do all that prep, and then you go there, and they knock you out, and they put you on your side, and they put a camera in you, and then you can watch the footage later. And there were two things, I was waiting for a while, you get into your medical gown, and then you're in a room with other people who are going to get their colonoscopies done.

And there was a TV on in the room playing one of the bad moms movies. And you're following like 40 minutes of this movie where either Mila Kunis or Kristen Bell, one of the moms is running for PTO or something like that. And my first thing that I said when I got out of the colonoscopy, I was like no longer under anesthesia. You're like, wake up, what's going on?

How are you feeling? And I prepped this in advance. As soon as I came to, I was like, did Mila win her spot on the board or what happened? Did she get it? And I said, what? I said, from Bad Moms, the movie that was on. I don't know.

And then I texted Shay, I'm all done. No one likes my bits. Come pick me up. It's not going well. I want to come home. And another just for any of our listeners who are like parasocially concerned about my health, the good news, bad news that I was kind of expecting

was they didn't find anything. The bad of expecting was they didn't find anything. The bad news is like, they didn't find anything. And it's seemed like another great day for my doctor who was like, all smiles like, hey man, we did a perfect bill of health, nothing wrong in there. All right, so long. It's like, but, but tunnel is clean. But please. But I'm still hurting.

You telling me the story is reminding me that now that there's even yet another job in the medical industry that I wish to exist, which was somebody who screens you, they do like a pre-check, like a TSA pre-check, but at hospitals. For the people who are gonna, they're good. They know what they're doing. You give them advice and like, here's good. Like they know what they're doing. Like they're doing, you give them advice

and like, here's what you should be doing to prepare for this. You do it to a T. Like you're gonna give them everything that they need. That I'm not going to a hospital unless I really actually do, like something is genuinely wrong and I've been dealing with it for long enough

that somebody in my life was like, you need to go. Like there should be some sort of pre-clearance for like, so that we don't have to go through the rigmarole of like, you get treated like the lowest rung on the chain where you are the, because there's people coming in there who are not doing anything and are like, my foot hurts. You're like, well, did you do anything? When I was in the waiting room with all of the other future colonoscopy patients and they were going like person to person, they have their questionnaire

and they're asking people like, so when is the last time you had solid food? And they're like, oh, you know what, I did have a bar for breakfast. Like, okay. And they're like, when is, and when did you take the medicine that you were supposed to take?

And they're like, ah, geez. Touching their pockets. I don't. I think this morning. And it gets to take. And they're like, ah, geez. I don't- Touching their pockets. I don't- I think this morning, and it gets to me, and it's just like, I haven't eaten solid foods in three fucking days, because that's what your paperwork said. I can tell you the minute that I drank my poison,

because I had an alarm set on my phone that said, drink poison now. It was timed to this moment. Why do you, what do you mean? Why am I the only one? And all it would take is like, you just go in on a day off, maybe it is at the airport

and you just go answer some questions. And like they get the sense of the kind of person you are. Like my son right now is going through orthodontia. So he's got Invisalign. Cause he just doesn't have enough. There's just not enough real estate in his jaw. And so like they're trying to like create some for these teeth that you see on the x-rays are just looming.

They're right around the corner and there's nowhere for them to go. It's a bad city design there. And so we're trying to create some more space, but they're so adamant. They spend so long telling you about Invisalign and what what to do with them and like how to take care of them and make sure that you don't lose them. Like you don't give them a napkin when you're eating and stuff because that napkin will get thrown away. Like you're getting all of that.

And even after we left, they really spooked me because I was like telling my son, I was like, listen, along the way, you're gonna lose some of these and it's gonna, you're not in any trouble. Like it's okay. Like it's just, you're nine years old and you're being expected to deal with this. And that's a lot.

No, he's fucking more on it than I am. He is so good at keeping track of it and like taking care of them, knowing exactly how often they have to be in. Be like, even when he's interrupted, like we have all these kids on our block, we'll be eating dinner and he's like, he'll finish quick and like run outside.

And then 30 seconds later, he'll run back and he's like, I gotta finish quick and like run outside. And then 30 seconds later, he'll run back and he's like, I gotta find my Invisalign. And I'm like, yeah, you do? Yeah, that's a kid. Like, I'm not the one telling you. He just knows and he's so good at following directions. Kids love responsibility. Who could have used someone like that

when I did Invisalign and I had to keep going back to my dentist and be like, yeah, I need another one. What happened? I took it out in the middle of the night while I was asleep and my dog sleeps in my bed with me and the dog chewed it up. I ate it, yeah. So again?

He knows. Yeah, again. Of course, I'm not gonna ruin them a second way. He's so good. And when I go to doctors, like I do it, yeah. Whatever they tell me is like the strategy. I'm gonna do it. Yeah. I'm going to, whatever they tell me is the strategy, I'm going to do it. If they were like, it would really be important for you to shed weight for this resurgery or whatever. I'd be like, fuck yeah, let's do it. And I'll be a wrestler in there. Covered in saran wrap on a bike. Yeah. Let's just do it. I'm so goal-oriented

and I want to please people so badly that when a doctor is like, we should do this, I, it's such a, I'm so goal oriented that when, and I want to please people so badly that when a doctor's like, we should do this, I'm like, then that's all I will do. In fact, I'm gonna surprise you by how far ahead I am when I come back here. And there needs to be a line for those people. There needs to be a separate hospital for those people. I would say separate hospital and separate doctor,

because I'm the same way as you with doctors, and I'm doing everything that I was supposed to. I was avoiding all the things that I was supposed to avoid all week and even beyond it because they say no Advil leave or whatever for three days before your thing. I had a terrible headache four days ago, but I was like, no, let's just stay with this pain because I don't want a shred of this medicine to interfere with that medicine. And I do everything that I'm supposed to do. And I show up on time and the doctor goes, right side, left side, fuck this. Get me someone as prepared as I am who has been really training for this moment. Yeah. Give me somebody who came to this with

the same level. Yeah. It's like being doing a podcast with somebody and they're like, so what is it you do? And you're like, you fucking could have the barest amount of research. My name is so rare that I am the first 100 results if you went into Google. Like the barest minimum, please. I prepared for this podcast. I know a lot about you and you're the fucking host. Especially a doctor, that would be so nice to just like, there's a special type of doctor. They also are, they're prepared for you to come in and say, I'm dealing with this pain. And they're like, well, where would you put the pain on a scale? And you'd be like, four. And then they look at like a list and they're like, well, this is the type of patient he is. Oh, that eight He actually means an eight but he's saying a four because he's trying to downplay it like somebody who's prepared for that

I just need somebody to just like focused on a guy who's just trying to be helpful and good at the hospital I got there and the nurse was like now we're gonna get you on the table and like, oh do you have a Bring a belt. No, I'm not wearing a belt. Okay, so when you you on the table and like, oh, do you have a, uh, I bring a belt. Like, no, I'm not wearing a belt. Okay. So when you get on the table, um, you're just going to have to like, uh, unbutton or unbuckle your pants so we can slide them down. Like I'm wearing joggers that don't have a buckle or a zipper for this reason. For this reason. For this reason. Ha ha ha ha. I ha ha ha.

Who did you think was coming in today? Yeah, who are you dealing with here? Who the fuck do you think I am? I am not the other guy. You should have written that down somewhere. Ha ha ha ha. Ah, I want this badly. I want this for my whole family.

Man, uh, we've been really giving it to doctors on this podcast. I know, I have a brother-in-law who's a doctor who I think occasionally listens and he doesn't appreciate how hard we are on doctors. And to his credit, I don't see the other side. Like I'm sure that he's absolutely right that there's a lot of reasons we can't do all the things

that I'm suggesting on this podcast to make my specific life easier. Sure. Period. That's all I'm good. Sure. Just want to put that out there. Doctors do a great job. Here. Hooray, Madison. Yeah. You're doing it. You're keeping us alive. I wouldn't be here where I am today without it. Thank you. No, I wouldn't be where I am today without it. I don't know if that's true. I didn't qualify. I think I had a seizure when I was young

and I had to go to a hospital. And so there you go. Maybe I wouldn't have been here. I suppose I wouldn't have a fully functioning wrist after I broke it, if not for the doctors who perform the surgery on that wrist. But also, I don't know. I don't know.

One other thing I want at this hospital, by the way, I want a grade at the end. Give me a fucking, give me feedback. I know the hospital wants feedback. Give me some. What can I do better? What did I not nail while I was there because I can almost fucking guarantee you it's nothing I Did everything you asked me to do and more let me hear what I want to hear Which is we wish more of our patients were like, it's nice. That's or what we're doing here I would settle for a sticker. Yeah.

Just something they pop on me and they're like, good patient. And I'm like, yes, I was. This I'm not taking this off. This spinal center was not, not far from an Applebee's. I could have taken a gift card. Surely you can work out a deal with Applebee's. Just for your best patients, just for the ones who follow all the rules.

Just for the good ones, just like a dessert, a coupon. Not only do I follow the rules, I catch when your machines are broken. I love, so this is the question I love getting the most in the hospital is when I go in there and they're asking me questions, I'm talking to them about it. And I will say something like a medical term that I found online when I was researching the shit out of whatever's wrong with me before I begrudgingly went to a doctor where I'm like, when I'm talking about my daughter's throat, like she's got kind of like a little raspy voice.

It's like we go in and then we go to an ENT because my pediatrician recommends it. And I'm like talking about her larynx or like talking about her esophagus. And the doctor's like, are you in the field? And I'm like, about her larynx or like talking about her esophagus and the doctor's like are you in the field and I'm like no but it's all first of all it's on your fucking chart up there I can just look at it but also I did my homework I know it like so that we know what the other person is talking about when you broke your foot like you know what a metatarsal is you know which one's the first through the fifth like you know where they are because

what a metatarsal is. You know which one's the first through the fifth. You know where they are because you're prepared for the goddamn test. It's real. I mean, that's a gift of a question. Are you in the field? Because you can easily say, in a way, I prescribe what many agree is the best. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha funny and cute, don't you? It's so great. We went there, the doctor was like, yeah, he was like, it could just be her the way she screams and stuff. Like there's some things we could recommend. He's like, but in order to get a really good sense, we'd have to stick a, basically a camera up her nose that would go down her throat. And I was like, she's gonna have the voice forever.

She's gonna sound like this, she sounds awesome. Yeah, yeah, she has a very fun voice to listen to. It's true. And the other thing that I wanted to jump on is that I'm learning now that we do the same thing when they ask me what my pain is and I undershoot it, hoping that they know I'm being brave. Because they asked me this morning, they were like, what's your spine, your back, where are you at right now? I said, six. Thinking like, she better call the other nurse's stat,

like six, could you imagine? That's 15. Yeah. It's off the scales, yeah. Yeah, I want them to know, like, I can imagine a pain that's more than this. Yes. I'm in a lot of pain,

but I can imagine like three degrees of pain that would be worse because I have a spectacular imagination. Right. So let's all agree that I'm at the highest, but I'm gonna say six. Look, I'm not gonna say 10, because if it's 10, I'm dead and I'm not dead.

Yeah. So I'm gonna say six. Yeah, I don't wanna be dramatic, so I'm gonna undershoot. If I said how it actually felt, you'd think I was lying. Yeah, because I don't want you later to joke about this with your friends. Yeah. I want to be the one that was the brave one.

All right, we should end this. Thank you everybody for listening to this podcast where Dan and I just talk about miracles of affliction. All the problems our bodies are dealing with. Thank you. This is quick question with Sorin and Daniel. No questions this time around. All the poor listeners who started this show,

this episode, and are like, oh, they're making a scale of this, like a pop culture. It was like, ah, surprise. Gotcha. That was a teaser for an episode we, I bet won't actually do. We might do that. We could do that at some point.

It actually sounds like a lot of fun. Maybe next time. Tune in when we either talk about that or we talk about all the dyes still left in Daniel's body. If you liked our theme song, that's by Merex. You can find the music anywhere you stream or go to merex.bandcamp.com for full albums. I'd say thank you, as always,

to our engineer sound editor, producer, Gabe Harder, who does it all. And if you want to watch this podcast, you could do it on YouTube. And if you want a little extra, we do another version of this that's a little smaller, a little bit more untucked. That's a Patreon exclusive, but you can also get it on Apple Podcasts subscriptions, I think. Daniel's advertising his coffee again. If you want to do this video for him, you think. Daniel's advertising his coffee again. If you wanna do this video for him, you can see Daniel's weird root beer coffee. Get an eyeful of it yourself.

I think I picked the wrong thing, Sauron. After we recorded that episode, I went on Instagram. The Manhattan special Instagram account has like 900 followers and zero posts. I don't think I'm gonna get a lot of social momentum. Yeah, I don't think they've got a lot of spare cash to be thrown at you. Although it could be a perfect match.

Like a podcast with 12 listeners and a root beer coffee that also has 12 drinkers. Maybe that's exactly what they need. There's gotta be some overlap. All right, see ya. All right, bye. Bye. I've got a quick, quick question for you, all right.

I wanna hear your thoughts, wanna know what's on your mind. I've got a quick, quick question for you, all right. The answer's not important, I'm just glad that we could talk tonight. So what's your favorite? How did you get? Who do I be?

Remember? Words without words. Word it all the way. How do we know? I would forget it. We could talk tonight So what's your favourite? Who did you get? Who will I be? If you remember What did I do? Word and all Who do you know? Oh forget it Saw a movie Daniel O'Brien Two best friends and comedy writers

If there's an answer they're gonna find it I think you'll have a great time here. I think you'll have a great time here.