Quick Question with Soren and Daniel - QQ ep 101 -100th Episode Mail Bag Part 2 Wow!

Episode Date: August 6, 2021

Wow! the Second part of the mailbag episode! Just like we said. This one is great so everybody definitely needs to listen. And as always, big thanks to our sponsors. Thanks to Honey,  Shop with confidence — get Honey for FREE at JoinHoney.com/qq . Thanks to Hello Tushy.  10% off + free shipping HelloTushy.com/qq

So hello again and welcome to another episode of Quick Question with Soren and Daniel, the podcast where two best friends and comedy writers ask each other questions and give each other answers. This is part two of our hundredth episode mailbag edition where we answer questions from you, the listener. I am one half of this podcast. Daniel O'Brien, I was going to do a whole thing about my accomplishments, but I, I, uh, I bailed. And I'm joined as always by my co-host mr soren buoy soren say hello hey everybody yeah you sort of blew your load on the other episode and i honestly the fact that we're doing a part two of the hundredth episode makes me think we could just carry this through the whole season and just do the hundredth episode all year long

oh yeah that'll be fun nobody's done that thank for no and i i i don't love the idea of eventually having a 200th episode. No. And this way we avoid two birds, one stone, I feel like. Yeah. Let's thank Honey for sponsoring this episode. Let's do it right now. These days, it feels like online shopping is the only shopping we really do. That's where Honey comes in. It's the free browser extension that scours the internet for promo codes and automatically applies the best one available at checkout. Go join honey.com slash qq thanks to hello tushy for supporting quick question keep your sweaty crack clean all summer long with the latest in butt cleaning technology water clean your butthole with a bidet get 10 off plus free shipping and get your butt

clean at hello tushy.com slash qq um let's get into these questions or do you have anything uh to say before that no we have any updates we just saw each other in person it was really exciting it was good to see daniel he looks great by the way i don't know if we talked about this on the podcast but dan has lost a bunch of what 18 pounds dan yeah and you've been exercising and uh and eating differently and i noticed you weren't even drinking while we hung out no um you look great and thanks man you too it was uh it was really great to see him he came and he played with my children for a while and they were i've got a baby as i've talked about on this podcast she doesn't trust anybody and but she was really

getting a kick out of dan he was making her laugh and that was great it's uh it's very fun to find a game that works yeah and i i found one with your with your wonderful daughter where she would high-five me and then i would react very uh dramatically and physically and she enjoyed that and it's and it's it feels like a real easy win as soon as a kid likes one thing. It's like, oh great. I'll do this 900 times in a row. Sure. Yeah.

Yeah. You do a victory lap each time you got a high five from her. Yeah. And it was like a very celebratory victory lap. And she was, that was really making her chuckle. And she's got a fun little laugh. So it was, it was nice for all of us. And then of course, Ronan likes you too.

Yeah. And I saw, I saw your house. You, you, you and your wife made dinner for me. It was nice for all of us. And then, of course, Ronan likes you too. Yeah. And I saw your house. You and your wife made dinner for me. It was great. It was a wonderful time. No regrets. Great. Oh, and turnabout's fair play.

You said I looked good. You looked great. And I think a real testament to that is when we were at this wedding we both attended, someone that worked with us, it had to we both attended someone that uh worked with us it had to have been not even worked directly with us but like worked in the same building for the same company but whose paths we never crossed uh this must have been a decade ago she immediately saw you and said are you soaring from demand? Because you look exactly the same as you did. Yeah.

Meanwhile, I have a portrait in my attic that's just deteriorating and turning into a monstrosity. All right. Well, we're going to do another mailbag episode where we've taken some questions from all of you because it turns out you're better question askers than we are. The stuff you're asking us, we thought, oh, actually, I would like to answer these questions, and this won't be a tedious chore. Instead, I might enjoy this episode.

Yeah, I think we've settled into a rhythm where we barely ask each other questions anymore, and it's mostly just like, I have a self-indulgent story that I want to tell. How do I get there? It's either that or it's us revealing terribly honest things about ourselves and the other person being like,

I know you want me to say that's okay. It's not okay. It's a little weird. Yeah. You don't like how much gummy bears I eat and I don't either. And there's nothing either of us can do about it. Yeah, it's troublesome.

Hands are tied though. What are you going to do? Yeah. All right. I think our first question is from Least Haunted Podcast. At Least Haunted, I like that name. Least Haunted Podcast asks, what is an everyday blue collar trade

like a plumber or a roofer or a mason or electrician that you feel like you could easily slide into? This is slip into. I want to respect the words of the author no period at the end though yeah or question mark i guess um i can go first here dan yeah please do i got two i think that i could god i really feel like i could make a business out of carpentry or woodworking there are things that I make where like a dresser that I feel like I could sell on Etsy for easy. Like I could sell it for 200 bucks and make a profit. The amount of woodworking that I've done and with the limited tools that I have makes me think I know enough about this trade. I know what I'm capable of and

what I'm not capable of. And I could make some stuff for people that they would be like, yeah, this looks like furniture. I would pay for this. And some of it's like the really popular stuff, like gas piping, that black piping on furniture where you make bookshelf out of it, or you make a coffee table out of it when then a combination of wood and the black piping. That's like the easiest thing in the world to make because all those pipes are pre-measured. You rarely have to make custom pipes and thread them.

And even that only costs like 30 bucks to do. So making that kind of furniture is so easy and it's all over the place on Etsy. And I feel like I could make a real business out of it. I don't think I told you this, but I told someone else to contact out of it. I don't think I told you this, but I told someone else to contact you about furniture. Oh yeah. This is, this is not a business that you like offer or anything like that. But I was working out with a friend of mine while I was in LA. She just bought

a house recently and was talking about how expensive, you know, just like stocking a house full of furniture is. and i was like email soren he'll build a table for you he'll build whatever you want and he'll do it super cheap and he loves it i'm so excited i've my next project is just shelves and shelves are so boring um and so i would love to do something like that uh i also think and this is maybe a surprise to you dan i think i could hop right into a career in turf maintenance and be fine that is a surprise to me yeah turf maintenance is those are the guys who work on golf courses uh and they are the ones who like they know how to make the grass grow they know like how much

water a spruce tree needs they know uh how many holes they're allowed to put in a green before it starts to really fuck up the bermuda grass grass. And I know all that stuff now because I worked on golf courses for so long when I was younger. And while I wasn't majoring in turf maintenance or anything, I definitely stuck around long enough to see, uh, how all these guys handled those situations when like the grass was just like not viable and how often you had to recede and stuff like that. So I feel like I could do that. And it would take maybe like a week of, of, uh,

like brushing up on everything and remembering it all before I could really hop back into that career. Uh, I feel like both of those things require some pretty real skills that I do not possess. I feel like the, the, the blue collar or blue collar adjacent

job that i could do i don't even know if this is a job but like moving boxes i can elaborate on that um i uh volunteer weekly at my local food bank, not handing food to anyone, but just like moving food from a truck into the church. And it's really easy, fun work to do. And I like the people that I volunteer with. We're a little squad there now. And it's the act of like repeatedly moving boxes from one place into another is very soothing and therapeutic to me

uh but a thing that i'm i'm recognizing is like there's a lead guy who determines um the manner in which we are stacking the boxes because we're putting them onto pallets so they can be transferred somewhere else at a later time and he is always he And he's got very specific ways of lining up the boxes in a way that he thinks will make them more balanced when stacked together high. And I defer to him and his wisdom because he's in charge and I'm not trying to overstep or anything like that. But I have notes I don't love the way that he's choosing to stack boxes I think it's very chaotic and

aesthetically unpleasant and I just think if I if I were in charge I would do this better and I would I would make us more efficient and, and, uh, I think a little bit safer because sometimes his stacks fall down. Uh, and it's, it's just work that I, I feel like I can do well and would like to do more of. Interesting.

Stacking boxes. You, yeah, your career, you want your career to be the guy in a law and order episode. Who's got some information about the missing girl yeah and i'm way too busy to talk to stop what i'm doing and talk to the detectives you just you just keep going i'm just like bits and pieces where i'm

like yeah i seen her and then i put a box on the shelf and the detectives are like it would really help us out if you just like gave us all the information in one yeah in one blast i'm like yeah i seen her blonde hair yeah excuse me i got work to do is that everything detectives um okay stacking boxes not not necessarily something you go to trade school for no but but like i've done it enough that i know that there is a good way to do it in a bad way to do it Yeah, I I took some real pride back in the day when I was a bellboy at uh organizing and carrying luggage and like how many pieces of luggage I could carry at once but also in the Placement of luggage so that you could make it the most secure in the back of a golf cart. Uh

But I like really It was such a simple thing, but I enjoyed the process of lifting heavy things and then getting them just right, like a Tetris game. Yeah. So I feel you on that. We all shop online and we've all seen that promo code field taunt us at checkout. It makes us feel small.

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million members, over $2 billion in savings. Ah, what did Honey save me money on? What didn't it save me money on? I'm not going to cover that part. I bought an inner tube because I was house-sitting for my brother and sister-in-law, and I broke their inner tube in the pool because it was meant for children and not for Daniels. So I had to quickly buy them a replacement inner tube, and I went online, and I used the Honey promo code on a website to save money on it, and it saved me $3 on that inner tube. If you don't already have Honey, you could be straight up missing out on free savings. It's literally free and installs in a few seconds.

And by getting it, you'll be doing yourself a solid and supporting this podcast. Doing me a solid. Get Honey for free at joinhoney.com slash qq. That's joinhoney.com slash qq. Our next question is from Dami G. Dami G says, oh, Dami, we actually have the full name. Should I do the whole name here or just Dami G? Yeah, I'd like to hear you pronounce that last name.

Okay. Next, we have one from Dami G or at Dominic M. Guillen. Guillen. Well, how would you do it, Dan? Guillen. I think Guillen, M. Guillen. Guillen. Well, how would you do it, Dan? Guillen. I think Guillen. Yeah. Guillen.

Yeah, like Ian, but with a G. Yeah. Okay. He asks, is Jackson being a good boy today? Well, Dominic, I don't know because I haven't seen Jackson in years. So there's no conceivable way that I would actually know that. If you listen to the podcast, you know that Daniel and I are on opposite coasts i don't go to new york i'm i'm weighed down by the pandemic and children i can't get on an airplane so how on earth how on earth would i know how jackson is

you fucking idiot that was a dominic not you okay uh jackson is being a good boy today. He's, I, when I was just traveling, I was in LA and I use a kennel service that I put him in. And it's always very funny. They text me updates every morning that is like, he's eating all his food. He slept great. And he's playing with his friends. And I appreciate those texts very much. But I also, what I love more than anything else is that this company posts pictures of the dogs that are in their care on Instagram every day. And Jackson famously hates getting his picture taken and makes it so difficult. every time every time i i log on to instagram to check this this company's account it just tickles me that they either don't have a picture of him or they get like a picture where he's clearly

in the middle of walking out of frame i love that he is frustrating whatever fucking employee is tasked with taking pictures of all these dogs all these dogs every day and it's just like can you just just you're such a good boy you know how to sit you're you're you're behaving the whole day and you're staying in one place as soon as i take a camera out i just need to take a picture of you and now you're leaving and you're trying to get like under the camera and away from the camera just please settle for this picture i love that jackson's not doing it and and making someone's day harder yeah that's that's nice are you you're are you do you ever when you work just like you have like a really tough day coming up do you ever put him in a doggy daycare no okay uh i think it's

important especially if i'm if i'm working i like uh forcing myself to walk outside and take him with me oh yeah that's a good like that that that structure is important to me yeah i guess it's not i i think about that with my children at the beginning of the pandemic, I had both of them home every day, all the time. And just like thinking of ways to keep these kids entertained and doing things and how distracting that was from work and how liberating it was when all of a sudden I had, uh, somebody to take care of my daughter and then also sending my son to preschool. It was just like, oh my God, I'm just allowed to do this? I'm just allowed to send my kids away?

This is wonderful. And I didn't know if you'd get the same sort of exhilarating rush from sending your dog away, but I guess it's different. Your dog just sleeps most of the time. And I also, I always think that I'm going to really enjoy not being tethered to him and his schedule of, of bathroom and food, but it, but then I ended up missing him. Like when I was in LA recently and I wake up in the morning, I'm so accustomed to the

ritual of taking him out in the morning that when I don't have that, it's for a brief depressing second. It's just like, why am I awake? Six o'clock in the morning. I don't, I don't, I'm not in charge of anything right now. No one expects me to be anywhere. No one is counting on me for anything. I guess I could just sleep again.

Yeah, I guess it would be once you have the responsibility and then you don't, it'd be very easy to spin out. Yeah. You see those people like go to bachelor parties when they've had, they've been with anyone with a new baby at a bachelor party is fucking trouble like that guy is going to be the real problem that night because he this is like his one chance to let loose

he's just like I could do I could do anything I'm free and then he's going to do it all and that's going to be a problem you suddenly forget what you even enjoy we could we can get what did I used to do cocaine strippers no you didn't do any of those things no we're at a nice restaurant you just gotta cool it i want to get in a fight

tonight stop man stop uh all right this next one is from jared flacker jared flacker s nope sorry this next one is from Jerf. A Jerf type. Jerf asks, Dan, specifically, when you think of New Jersey in regards to food, what comes to mind? First of all, it's Soarin'. God, it's like these people don't even listen to the podcast. Second of all, why the fuck would I care about New Jersey? I don't live there. I've been there once, a couple times when I was a kid to Ocean City.

But if I had to answer the question, it's fat sandwiches all the way. Oh really? Yeah sandwiches with fries them I feel like that was born in New Jersey It was it was born at Rutgers was it at your college your old stomping grounds. They created the fat sandwich Do you think that anything that you did in your life might have influenced the creation of the fat sandwich because that's recent No, it was before my time so i don't i don't think i had anything to do with it and the way the legend goes is a guy was at a pizza shop and couldn't decide what he wanted and so he just asked the the pizza professionals to put uh can i just get like chicken fingers and french fries and bacon and this other ingredient can you just like put that all on a sandwich and the pizza place was like sure seven dollars and then multiple

people in the restaurant were like i'm gonna have that too i want that exact thing yeah that's how the legend goes the guy's name was daryl and they called it a fat daryl and then this sandwich institution was born the fat sandwich took off it's it's it's infiltrated fast food at this point jack in the box does basically a fat sandwich do they really yeah they do they've got their midnight munchie meals and it's just like this toxic menu of weird ass shit and some they rotate stuff in and out but for a while they were doing french fries and gravy on a burger oh i have from time to time tried to recreate my own fat sandwich at home yeah almost nothing sadder than doing that

it must be really also that they when it just doesn't work out like that your ratios are off because then you're eating a 2000 calorie thing and you don't even you don't even like it you're just like well i made it i really when you're cooking it yourself, you're really confronted with the amount of different ingredients you're working with. And it's very unpleasant. I'm just like quickly cooking a meat patty and also like keeping my eye on some fried chicken happening. Like this isn't what dinner is normally like. I'm not supposed to see how this happens.

Oh, I burned my rye to fries. I'm supposed to just get like my sandwich. Yeah. Yep. I don't think i would ever try that but i do like the very idea of a fat sandwich is very uh yes i like that a lot uh when i think of jersey i think of pizza a whole lot because it has my favorite pizza in the world mac and mangos mac and mangos and i think about that i think about giuseppe's pizza which is pizza where i grew up uh and they're very good and just like my what i think pizza should be like a very easy simple slice pizza um i also think about bizarre regional food wars. Like there's a longstanding debate of whether you call it pork roll or Taylor ham, and people are very passionate about it. food loyalties for Wawa sandwiches versus oh god

they would kill me if I said that Wawa hoagies versus Subway sandwiches elsewhere in the state and it all it all felt very tedious to me I think growing up in central New Jersey where you're kept out of a lot of these pointless

regional fights and then you go to South Jersey like i did for a year for college and then north jersey for the rest of college and then you're suddenly exposed to all these regional food brand loyalties it's like just get a fucking life i i it's something that uh it's like a very specific uh reality for central new jerseyans to be confronted with someone being like is it pork roll or taylor ham like i don't want to get involved this is right that's a you fight i'm not interested in in being part of this um i do i have a question about new jersey cuisine for you daniel there's yeah there was an article in slate uh a while back like

a few years ago actually i think um but they they did an article that was about the difference between sauce and gravy and within even new jersey there's like a real discrepancy between the people who call the sauce that you put on ordinary pasta just like a marinara sauce whether you call that sauce or you call it gravy and like people like live and die on these hills when you were growing up did you call it sauce or did you call it gravy we called it sauce okay anyone in your world like anyone in your your peripherals even like call it gravy i've uh yes and i don't know if it was a jersey thing or an italian thing because i'm part ital and I took Italian in high school and I definitely I I it's the same thing with with people having strong opinions on Wawa hoagies or

Taylor ham versus pork roll I remember people having very strong opinions on whether you call it gravy or sauce and I remember, thinking the whole debate was tedious. To me very clearly. And simply gravy is brown and sauce is the other stuff for pasta. Yeah. And the, the, the conversation should go,

I call it sauce. I don't call it gravy because I grew up calling it sauce and that's all I knew. And then the debate's over because it's just about like, no, this is just what we called it in my family. And it does sound like now you also have to call it that because that's what we called it that. Right. You don't need to turn everything into an opportunity to be a gatekeeper. Yeah. I didn't understand that at all. It seemed like people were ready to die on those hills all over New Jersey when I read that article. And I was like, this seems crazy, right? One New Jersey hill that I was really willing to die on

years and years ago was about Italian pronunciation of things. Because I'm sure you've heard the stereotype of this where it's a mozzarella, bruschetta, maragotta, you know, like the, yeah. I was in school told that's how Italians speak, that we drop the,

the real Italians will drop the last vowel off a lot of these common Italian words. And like, that's fully how I learned italian and uh kept believing that to be true for most of my life we met i met a person in los angeles this guy gill who was a producer that we both knew and he was like no they don't in uh you're not really supposed to say mozzarella. It's mozzarella and bruschetta or bruschetta and all these things. And I was like, when I learned Italian, this is what they taught us. And that's what I'm going to die on. He was like, okay, well, I lived in Italy for a number of years

and I spoke with Italians and they don't do that. And it wasn't until years later that i learned that um this this type of pronunciation is very common specifically to a subsection of people in new jersey because um a lot of the god help my god help my ancestors a lot of uh italy's poorest and dumbest people settled in New Jersey. And that's how they talked. And that spread out like this. It was essentially like, I don't want to throw any one region of America under the bus or anything like that. people with a very specific accent

and a particularly uneducated background, if all of those people went somewhere else and settled and then taught everyone to speak like they spoke, that's what happened with Italians in New Jersey. We all

learned the language from the dumbest pocket of Italy. Just these people who were speaking wrong, then settled in Jersey and taught us all how to talk. And it's this very specific, fun cultural quirk that for a while I was like, this is how real Italians talk. And then I learned, oh no, this is how uneducated Italians in New Jersey talk. This is how the dumbest colonizers talk. Yes. Perfect.

I do have one hot take from New Jersey cuisine, and that is that tasty cakes suck. Tasty cakes, that's a brand of snack cakes. What are you talking about? Yeah, a brand of snack cakes that is specific to the East Coast, I think. The only place I've ever had is in New Jersey. I guess Philly maybe too. But Tasty Cakes are- But I mean, that's such a large umbrella.

Yeah, but I mean, I'm saying I haven't had a Tasty Cake that I've been like, oh, I get it now. I hear people like, my mom grew up in West Philadelphia, born and raised on the playground. And she would say say as i was growing up she'd be like oh we're going to new jersey the first thing i'm going to do is get some tasty cakes and she would get the chocolate and peanut butter ones that have like real cake inside of them and uh i've i've tried lots of different tasty cakes i feel like they all they all just kind of suck there's nothing exciting about them i them. I'm looking at pictures of them now and I don't love what I'm seeing.

Which brand was... The one that my mom liked? No. Where did Yodels come from? Is that Hostess? Yodels. Drake's. Drake's made Yodels.

Hostess had Ho ho-hos that's right and swiss rolls no that was oh damn it that's the one with the little girl on it yeah i feel like i remember yodels not not being a thing in california no they're not i've never this is the first time seeing a yodel but it is basically just a Swiss roll. Although there's no cake in it. Is it just like a frosting and two different types of frosting? Yeah, it's just frosting and chocolate. Okay. Well, what I was blown away by with the tasty cakes is that there's like real cake inside of them,

but it's like bad cake. So it's just like some bread inside your candy. Yeah. I didn't care for that. I had such an affection for yodels that it was definitely irresponsible. Like as soon as we used to back in the day when you wanted lunch at school, you would hand in a lunch ticket that your parents paid for. And then you hand in this paper ticket and then you get your lunch. But then in middle school, my parents started giving me two dollars for lunch every day and as soon as i had cash in hand

and uh autonomy over my food decisions i was blowing the entire two dollars on yodels yeah and i would eat two dollars worth of yodels for lunch every single day and this came to a head when i i i think either between sixth and seventh or seventh and eighth grade, they jacked up the prices on yodels over the summer from 25 cents to 35 cents. And I complained about it at home. It's like they fucking jacked up these prices on yodels. It's 35 cents now that doesn't evenly split with the $2 that I'm given for lunch. I have all this extra change at the end of, of my day that doesn't equal a full yodel.

I'm furious about this. And my mom was just like, I don't think you should be getting that many yodels a day. We found a new problem to be mad at. Yeah. I think that's pretty common for kids to do that kind of thing. I remember eating a lot of oatmeal cookies with the frosting centers. they have cookie oatmeal cookie sandwich with frosting in the middle um from lunch and then also uh i found out that on wednesdays the city market which is the grocery store where i grew up had uh they're like unloading all their donuts they just like whatever donuts they've made the rest of the week that were now going stale they'd be like right these are just 10 cents and so if i could scrape together enough change, I could get, as soon as I got out of school,

I would go get like roughly like 14 donuts and just sit there and eat them out in the park. Have you had a donut recently? Yeah, I do a thing sometimes when I go during COVID, when I would go to the grocery store in the middle of the night so that I i wouldn't encounter anybody i would treat myself every once in a while by getting a profiterole or i would get a donut with chocolate frosting and then i would walk home eating it and just like feel my teeth hurt yeah i uh donuts are not part of my regular rotation of fish meat and gummy bears and when i was house when i was sitting

for my brother and sister-in-law uh her brother came to visit one day with his son so they could use the pool and i was like well i should i should get i should be a good host and get donuts because they're coming over in the morning so i got a bunch of donuts and that was the first time i'd purchased and like eaten a donut in years and i was disgusted by it i can't even tell you how unpleasant that was because you it shouldn't be a revelation but there there's just so much sugar i'm just sitting there like i'm gonna have one of these donuts why not and just like eating like morning cake it's disgusting i was ashamed and so unhappy and just like felt my teeth dying and felt the the like i knew where that donut was gonna go on my body and i was unhappy about that and i couldn't i couldn't fathom the idea of donuts being a regular part of anyone's

life even though i knew that like donuts used to be a thing that I would get and eat and enjoy. Yeah, for a long time when we would do table reads, somebody, whoever's table reader was, would bring in donuts that morning. And I would go and partake in a donut and think nothing of it. But you're right. Like when I would eat these last few nights when I've gone to the grocery store and I'm eating a donut on the way home, I'm thinking, oh, this is tough to get through.

Yeah. There's frosting on it and sprinkles. And I'm like, this is undignified. Who's going to deal with this? Also, we have a Krispy Kreme here in Los Angeles. And I find those donuts are tough to eat because they really coat those in a froth, in like a glaze. And then on top of that,

sometimes they'll also put like chocolate over the top. They don't even give you a chance to have like the standard. There's no plain. Dusty donuts. Yeah. They're like, it comes factory made, dipped in whatever that Krispy Kreme goo is. Yes.

They glaze it in those weird machines that you get to watch. And then on top, that's the base. After that, you can add whatever you want. Sprinkles and chocolate and powdered sugar and stuff.

But no matter what, you're getting that weird sugary glaze. And it's just rough. It's tough to even get through one of those. Hey, it's summertime. Hot, short days.

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to get 10% off plus free shipping. This is a special offer to our listeners at HelloTushy.com slash QQ for 10% off. HelloTushy.com slash QQ. Okay, we can move on here. This question is from Jared Flacker. i'm glad you're moving us on because in in that silence i was finding room to to ask what is this podcast what are we doing who is this for just it's best not to think about it as two two guys who aren't young anymore complaining about donuts complaining about

trying to remember who makes ho-hos and who makes drinks fucking chocolate swiss rolls it's a show where two comedy writers ask each other questions like when was the last time you had a donut god almighty all, we're moving on. Jared Flacker says, what do you think of the state of online comedy writing these days? Oh, that's a heavier question than I thought I was.

I came into that a little hot. Is this the day of websites dedicated to comedy writing? Oh, is the day of websites dedicated to comedy writing passed? It seems to me like I just have to scroll through the detritus is that the right detritus detritus is that really how you pronounce it yeah shit i think i've only

ever read that word i only know that because uh it is famously used as a lyric in uh the beetlejuice musical oh okay we're more than detritus we're finally alive carrie butler for the win go on soren it seems to me like i have just like i just have to scroll through the uh detritus of twitter and reddit until i find something that's and find something that someone might consider funny basically the question is is online comedy as a viable career is that over as a viable career it might be um which is a bummer i think i there was a a panel at uh stanley's comic-con kamikaze thing in la years ago uh with that featured heather ann campbell who was a fantastic writer and cracked still existed as a website at the time uh but she she was she could already see the writing on the walls that like comedy writing as an online institution was disappearing and she

thought the funniest people online at the time were making memes it was an idea that that terrified and confused me at the time but i do think that's probably true that like people funny people didn't stop existing um but there's less of an audience for but there's less of an audience for 2000 word articles about whatever comedy bullshit topic we wanted to make but meanwhile some of the funniest people are just like

really good at Twitter Brothi Gupta is a person I follow on Twitter she's now a Simpsons writer but she is like I find her her tweets as enjoyable as some of the the finest pieces of long form content we had back in the day i don't think it's it's it's it's a bad sign for like comedy writers that there are fewer and fewer opportunities to make a living doing this but i don't think it's a bad sign of like the state of comedy uh that

i'm enjoying funny people on twitter who are making just like really good tweets or really funny memes i like the wording of this of this question despite the fact that he embarrassed me by putting a word in there that i don't know how to pronounce but uh i think that it's he's not phrasing it as is comedy dead online like is there online? Are there no more funny nights to take the hill? Because it's not. I mean, there was always going to be funny people, and they're just doing something different now. Long form isn't really the thing that's going to...

Nobody's doing it because it's hard, and the reward isn't there anymore. The incentive to do something that big is not really there so like you can even see it mcsweeney's articles they're getting shorter and shorter and shorter and uh i like the onion i mean they're going to survive on their titles alone but i mean those articles are shorter and shorter and shorter and it's because nobody's got the patience i guess to stick around for that long with one article and that's fine that's got the patience i guess to stick around for that long with one article and that's fine that's just like the nature of things changing um i do personally

wish there were more uh this is gonna sound like a bit websites i i there aren't like too many great websites and i think uh the reason is that i don't think people consume the internet the same way that i do i think a lot of it is phone based and a lot of it is scroll based and you're just like it's like tailor-made for facebook uh for twitter instagram and yeah facebook and just like i want an endless cycle of uh things little little bits and pieces of things just titles that i can i can consume that's not how i consume internet content i still am living a very like 2006 2007 life where i wake up in the morning and i like go to websites i i fully sit in front of my computer with coffee and i check the ringer and I check vulture and, uh,

a few other sites to see like, what are the, what are the long form articles that have been written so I can, I can do my daily reading of things. And, uh, I just don't think, uh,

websites like that really exist much anymore because I, I, I think I'm the only one who still engages with the internet that way. I think you are too. I've certainly moved on. I get it. I just want that feed. I just want like collections of stuff to be force fed into me.

But I think there are some people still doing it and doing it successfully. I think that 1-900-HOTDOG is still really great. Hell yeah. That's Robert Brockway and sean baby uh sean riley they're doing uh an excellent job of keeping long-form comedy alive and it couldn't be anybody else right like sean baby and brockway were there at the basically the beginning of internet comedy right and they're like no look trust me this is this is funny this is still funny and you're and everyone has to begrudgingly agree no you're right if i stick around for this i do enjoy it and so they pick up this fan base that

just keeps growing and growing yeah they've been doing it very successfully i'm very uh happy for them because we know them as as people and i i like to see them do well i'm also happy that there is still an audience for well-written 3,000-word comedy pieces. Just long-form content about whatever these two guys think is funny. And Lydia Bug. And they've got a lot of great guest writers that pop in from time to time, too. Yeah. So that's a good website.

There's one. One's still doing it. I mean, i still enjoy mcsweeney's i will go directly to mcsweeney's and see what they've got on tap for me yeah i think now that there's been like distance between uh cracked and and the present it's it's interesting to me to think about it as a very strange fluke a phenomenon instead of like the direction that the industry was going because for a while i thought like writing comedy on the internet that's going to be a career for everyone forever uh and and no it was like this like we happen to live in this during this very strange time where in the early 2000s, a bunch of companies believed that internet comedy websites was a viable economic decision. Yeah. And we just happened to be in the right place at the right time where our very specific skill sets matched what the market wanted and uh it's it's it's cool to have been a part of a thing that uh is i guess

mostly gone now yeah it is it was it was great it was so much fun um and we did get very lucky to to build enough of a career there then we could do a podcast where we ask each other if we've ever had donuts all right uh this next one is from scott l barton what do you think that middle name is l lee uh man luther no okay luther luke lucas, a Lucas. Leonard, what if it's Leonard? Leonard sounds like it could be a family name. And I honestly, if it was Lucas, I think Scott would go Scott Lucas Barton. He'd be Lucas forward.

But Leonard, you might shy away from. Okay, yeah, he says, not your Cool Ranch Doritos. That's a fair question. Can I tell you a true, very stupid thing that i did that you buy doritos every single day do you buy doritos and then eat them in the middle of the night no okay uh i do that that is famously the only other snack that's not gummy bears that i will i will occasionally get um but i was in when i was in la recently uh i i i got myself some doritos and uh i was i was shopping downtown which i i'm never in

downtown and my brain is is a fucking scrambled egg and i just see a bag of doritos that's that is labeled spicy ranch and instead of doing just like a base level of investigation my brain went i guess that's what they're calling cool ranch now and so i bought it thinking it was cool ranch and soren it's not it's a totally different chip it's altogether spicier and as i'm eating it i'm thinking they they should have labeled this and they did i'm the only one who has this very specific problem that i see spicy ranch assume the package is wrong yeah and they mean cool ranch and then get it and then get disappointed

when i'm when i'm home eating it i i mean i just think the whole chip industry needs to take a little break from trying to make spicy combinations happen sure i'm really sick of it. The spicy queso, the spicy nacho, the jalapeno and barbecue are like all just cool it on the heat. Yeah. But to answer the question, cool ranch all day and in fact, if I

I will never certainly never buy the nacho cheese Doritos. And if they're like an available snack somewhere, I just won't eat them. Even if I'm hungry, I'm not going to eat them. It's so pedestrian. Nacho Doritos are beneath me. Cool Ranch is so good.

And I wish I could just eat like a soft ball of their seasoning well lucky for you occasionally there is one at the bottom of the bag yeah if you work hard you'll get one of those like a marble of just the the flavoring and the monosodium glutamate and you can just eat that i do want them to one day throw health concerns out the window and just be like we did it we made a cake of the seasoning and you can get it it's bad for you but you can get it there's no law against it just a solid moist brick of cool range dorito seasoning that i slice into every morning there's a weird thing with doritos i've noticed where occasionally i mean usually you get one a pack and they're kind of like they've got the big

bubbles in them they're airy they're good and then occasionally you get a bag of doritos that's every single chip is flat as kansas do you know what i'm talking about where there's like no no bubbling to it at all and the chips a little bit harder. It's like if I went into my kitchen right now with a corn tortilla and just threw it in a fryer. Huh. I haven't experienced this though. Oh, well, then fuck me.

But yeah, occasionally I get a bag and they're just like, there's just something different about them. They're wrong. They're like, every single one of them is completely flat and they's they don't they don't have the airiness and without that texture it's just the dorito is not worth it but certainly the nacho dorito is never worth it garbage can i tell you what i what i really love is that uh it seems like

and i've done no research into this. It seems like other chip companies have tremendous amounts of respect for Cool Ranch as a brand identity because no one else is even trying to do it. You're never going to see Ruffles. Ruffles is like, we have salt and vinegar and sour cream and onion and this Cool Ranch adjacent thing. No, they're not even trying it.

They know who owns that space. And I really like the deference that other chip companies show Cool Ranch. I didn't think about that. But yeah, you're absolutely right. Nobody else is doing it. It's the only one in the game. I wonder if Ranch is a... Is that...

Maybe that's trademarked. But they're not even trying to do like a buttermilk. No. Interesting. Yeah, good for them. This podcast sucks. No, it doesn't't here's what i was thinking dan here's what i was thinking to make myself feel better uh i used to do a radio show occasionally uh i would call into it uh on behalf of cracked and it was like a zoo our radio show it was called church of laszlo. Oh, yeah, that's right.

It was in St. Louis. They're a good show. I like them a lot, and that's why I would call in every week. But early on when I would call into them, they'd put me on hold for a while, and I'd sort of just listen to the show. And there were like these long silences that I'd hear. This was like this dead air.

And then occasionally I would be talking to them, and one of them I'd just all, just like this dead air. And then occasionally, like I would be talking to them. And one of them, I just all of a sudden hear him eating. And I'd be like, what are you doing? He's like, I'm having my lunch. And then I would have to pull back and say, is this a real radio show? And they would assure me that, yeah, it was. But that I think that this is just, I think it's because you and I don't listen to anything else we don't know that this is fine we're doing fine I guess I mean we're

definitely not going to stop doing it or anything like that but I I'm just I'm just so shocked that this is what I'm like that if you put me in you park me in front of a microphone and you tell me that people are listening to what i say and then i will like

enthusiastically talk about the respect that i think ruffles has for doritos that's what i do when i have total freedom and that's what like that's what i'm like sucks i i did a whole ad for roundels i did 15 minutes for roundels that was completely free for them all right this is this one last year one well one last year one are you ready for it that was completely free for them. All right. This is one last tier one. One last tier one. Are you ready for it? I am.

This is from Faithy. If you have an entire day to yourself with no plans, responsibilities, or obligations, how would you hope to spend it to make it your idea of the perfect day? I've talked about this a little bit. I've talked about my father's days here. Yeah.

I'm going to engage with the question and answer it the way that I think the questioner wants. But at a base level, I disagree with the question because I love plans and responsibility and obligations. I do sincerely love building out my daily to-do list and my calendar and like having things to do so like even to get to the heart of this question involves the the temporary removal of jackson for example because he is an obligation and we've already covered on this episode that when he's not around i don't like that lack of structure

and purpose yeah um but i mean that's what she's asking if i wake up and there's no jackson and i don't have to go to work uh i'm assuming my bills are paid and my my apartment is clean i would like a place to start from i because i i like cleaning so I'm trying to think of a perfect day and a perfect day really involves it's not a lazy day it involves the accomplishment of a number of tasks oh no you're so small

you're so small minded I was telling you not in this episode about a time that I was working out with a friend when I was in Los Angeles that we had a plan to meet up at the Santa Monica stairs. That's something like 170 steps that people just like go up and down to work out. It was two miles from my Airbnb. So I ran the two miles to get there. And then she called right as I was getting there saying that she was going to be late so I turned two miles into 3.1 miles and ran a 5k before the steps and

I was thrilled because I was thinking on my run two miles is not a distance that I ever do it's very short for a daily run I'm gonna have to do something later to to boost this up and i was so jazzed that i had the opportunity to turn it into a uh a 5k before the steps and all of this was happening before like 7 30 in the morning and it was amazing to me crossing off these things on my list so i think a perfect day for me would involve a lot of stuff crossed off list it would it would i i can run early i can i can work out somewhere i can do do laundry it's it sucks it sounds like very like uh very boring but like my apartment would be so clean or i or I would organize something new in my apartment, just like

been meaning to change up my cabinets and turn one of them into like a full coffee station instead of just like you know, whatever's in there currently. I want to get little baskets and put sugar packets in the baskets and put little stirrers

in the baskets and then have like a nice looking coffee station this is i'm building a perfect day of just like a target run and cleaning my apartment yeah it's just a to-do list yeah your perfect day is checking off every box on a to-do list yeah it's not waking up and going to the beach and like sitting on the beach all day no disrespect to anyone who does that yeah no i don't think i want to do that either yeah that wouldn't be mine i'm not going to go sit by a pool even i don't i don't even get that uh as a thing i don't like being in the sun that long but i this is sort of a catch-22 but i would want somewhere within my day for spontaneous sport to break out where like

everyone's like should we should we play a game like of whatever uh like some friends we're all together maybe we all go see a movie together one of my favorite memories of like just like a fun day and i didn't even expect it to be so great was you and nick mundy and a bunch of other people uh we all went i think truly was there we all went and saw White House, White House Down. Hell yeah. No, wait, didn't we do, am I accurately remembering a movie where you needed to go to a prison in space

to save the president's daughter? Yeah, that was a real movie, but that's not the one I'm thinking of. But yeah. We did not see that together? Yes, we did. That's not the one i'm thinking of but yeah we didn't all see that together yes we did um uh that's not the one i think they break a man out of prison to send him to another prison in spit i can't remember but uh this one was white house down and then we like we went we watched this movie and then we all just like went to a little bar afterwards and just

riffed on the movie just like talked about it and it was so much fun and everybody was very funny and it was good and then uh what i would have happen after that is that everyone would just be like should we like play a game of basketball or like should we like what if we just all played ultimate frisbee right now like at michael's birthday one year michael really badly wanted us to all come over and watch freakazoid all day yeah and instead we we ruined his birthday and made a much more fun birthday for everyone involved except him and instead everyone came watched one episode of freakazoid and they went should we play something and i was like yes and so we all just went out of this field and played three different games i think we played some basketball and we played some ultimate frisbee and we might have even had a football i can't

remember but yeah the idea of spontaneous sport breaking out really appeals to me and then i mean i don't know how to squeeze it in but i would love to shoot something like be on set for something a real set where i'm only there i know everything like i already know my lines i know everything and uh it's gonna be good i like the thing that we're shooting and it's short and i get to sit there for a little while and people just tell me what to do there's food and all kinds of food there for me there's uh dr pepper because the ad knows i like it and uh and then the rest of the day is just somebody telling me what to do and then i do it and then a bunch of people go that was really good and they all tell me what a good boy i am and because i

did the thing that they liked and uh i i think that would be a lot of fun uh i could see that being fun for you i think if there was one other thing i i would like to do some kind of performance i don't know if it would be like like playing with one of my rock and roll bands or doing stand up or just just something where i can like be performative uh to the sounds of applause and laughter right but to have something locked in beforehand i mean it's so it ruins your whole day when like you're trying out a new set and you haven't thought like you're like well i don't even know if this works yet and you're just thinking about it the whole time. If you've got something that's locked in,

you know, is good. Uh, or it's a smaller group of people that you don't mind. Try experimenting in front of. That's why I thought like being on set would be fun because when we get out there to shoot it, you're,

you're going to try some shit. Like you're going to try some funny stuff out there. And when it works, like it's so clear, it works immediately from the people around around you and that feels really good this is something there's a a daydream that i revisit frequently um which is it's it's it's very cowardly that that i aspire to this specific situation but in this situation um it's But in this situation, it's karaoke, and I am around a bunch of my coworkers and people who know me in this iteration of my life, the present.

And I am against my will brought in to sing something. So there's no stakes of me saying, like, I think I good singer so i'm gonna sing for you now right it's someone is up there and they're like i want to sing uh light my candle for rent but i don't have anyone to be my roger does anyone know the lyrics and i'll be like i guess i'll do it and so it's so low stakes and that uh everyone is very generous when it turns out i'm a decent enough singer to pull this thing off and they're all really uh happy for me especially it's co-workers and like you could sing this whole time that's great oh that's a very indulgent and satisfying fantasy yeah um i would love that or like occasionally you to karaoke. Just someone on a plane being like, there's a disaster.

Does anyone here know how to sing Alex Brightman's part from a Documentary Now episode about the co-op? I'm like,

I guess if it saves the plane. Get out of my way. Yeah. You know what it's like? Sometimes you go to karaoke with somebody who's very bossy and they're like, no, you're not doing that. You're going karaoke with somebody who's very bossy and they're like, no, you're not doing that.

You're going to sing Lightning Crashes by Live. And you're like, okay. Or like they just like pick songs for you. No one should sing the word placenta to a group of strangers. Including Live. I think that you get those people who just tell you what you're going to sing. And if you can nail the song in that circumstance, oh, the audience, you have them for life.

Good God. If fate had determined I needed to sing Marvin Gaye's Let's Get It On versus me choosing to sing that song, it's a night and day difference. It's huge. I will reluctantly do my best on this song. And then when it's good and will reluctantly do my best on this song and then and then it's and then what when like when it's good and no one needs to know that i've been practicing that song for decades it's a miracle it's magic yeah it's it's pure magic um okay i i like that fantasy i'm gonna

have that be my best day and i'm a good singer in that circumstance as well uh which is a tall order for me okay well we're nearing the end of our show dan but it is time for um what's become a fan favorite segment on the show um mostly because i i didn't i anticipated a lot of sports fans but from the the ringing endorsements that i've gotten uh and all the advertisers knocking down our door now, everybody's saying it's the political side of these that they really enjoy. They love having Jeff Millman on the podcast, knowing that he's a friend of the podcast. And just like politics heads from all over the world, I think in DC, like they break Congress every once in a while when a new episode drops just to hear this part.

Okay. So he's going to do drops just to hear this part. Okay. So he's going to do another sports roundup for us. Okay. So this is, again, to set it up, it's a person who works in the mayor's office in Los Angeles doing a sports roundup for our podcast. And he's going to talk about the world of sports currently. I mean, I talked to him and he got silent for a while. And the call was a little frosty when I said that, when I gave him any sort of criticism at all.

So I don't totally know what he's done here, but we'll see. Okay. Because the last two versions of this skewed towards the personal, I would say. Yeah. I asked him to steer clear of that. I asked, I said, no more. I mean, I know I've obviously there's a lot of great moments in sports history that I was responsible for, but that we should just try and steer clear of those.

Yeah. Okay. Straight from the Los Angeles mayor's office, it's time for the QQ Weekly Sports Roundup. Hello, I'm Jeff Millman, chief Strategist for the Los Angeles Mayor's Office, and this is your weekly quick question sports roundup. Fifteen years ago today, a secluded beach in Rosarito, Mexico, saw one of the greatest impromptu games of touch football ever played. The reason for its greatness?

The spectacular plays, the unprecedented agility, and the spirited sportsmanship exhibited by one man, Soren Bui. Where other players trudged through the loose sand, Soren seemed to float above it all, sweatless and yet still glistening, likely from all the sunscreen he uses as he burns easily. Soren combined three touchdowns on offense and two pick sixes on defense, tearing apart the competition of private school losers and demoralizing them so thoroughly that they never found their confidence ever again. Well, until they started their careers in private equity.

On this day, Soren dominated the game and cemented his place as the beach football legend of Baja. I know, because I was there and I was on his team. This concludes your weekly sports roundup. Back to you, soren and daniel not even i'm at a loss not even a glancing attempt to talk about any other sport well in past iterations of this yeah he is at least least winked at the idea of this being a sports update that was not entirely centered around a thing you did over a decade ago. I'm as mad as you are. But this time he went straight into it.

And it was even further back. It was 16 years ago. That's unconscionable. I think maybe he's upset and this is like some sort of revenge i don't know but wow i would say good revenge you know what makes me sad for you what's that it's uh his list of accolades for you one of them was um sportsmanship uh-huh That's fully, that's a parent talking man. That's good hustle.

I think it's underrated, honestly. I think that on the day when you're playing the sport, like, there should be an undercurrent of sportsmanship. And it's up to somebody to hold that up to a certain bar. And if you fall below it, like, it's all,

the wheels come off. You've been bowling and it's up to somebody to hold that up to a certain bar. And if you fall below it, like it's all, the wheels come off. You've been bowling with people before and when they just like don't even know it's their turn or they're like, their foot's not really in the game, that pisses you off. It makes you angry. There's like a sense of sportsmanship that everybody has to adhere to for it all to work.

And it just sounds like this guy, I can't remember who he said, but just sounds like this guy i can't remember who he said but this sounds like this guy was just the glue i also didn't like unprecedented agility surely there was precedent not in baja all right and it's what position did you play oh well everything so i was qb for some of it but really my my crowning achievements were my pick sixes as cornerback okay uh but i was you know i was a receiver for some of it and uh never really played running back that's not really my style there's not a lot of uh pageantry to be had running back it's just for like a grind position

and it's not sexy so i stayed away from that blocking too not not a thing i'm really i would say i'm not good at it but i would just be being modest it's really that i don't want to do it that's i feel like i'm the same level of sad for you as i am every time I hear Ice Cube's song about a good day. When he talks about playing pickup basketball and how the other week he messed around and got a triple-double. It's like, in pickup basketball, who's keeping track of those stats? It's so sad that you're bragging about getting a triple-double in pickup basketball with your friends.

And so the fact that you're 15 16 years later talking about two pick sixes jesus christ i'm not talking about them did somebody else was there and remembered it that's how influential it was like i changed the game what's uh what's your end of this favor that this guy is doing for you what what is he getting how does he benefit from this because i'm i'm certain uh he won't be like bragging about or promoting this show or using it to like pivot to his own podcast career so like what is how does he benefit what does he get i mean nothing nothing other than that he was there he was there and he was on my team and that was reward enough and so he all these years he's just been wracked with this tremendous guilt that he hasn't given back in some way like when somebody saves your life i assume and uh and you

just don't know there's no there's no way to say thank you you know and so he's just taking his shots sounds like so he's just you didn't you're not helping him move or anything like that? No. This is... What a sweet guy. Honestly, he's the nicest person I've ever met. This is a tremendous advantage I'm taking of him and his position. I never want to know the conversations leading up to it. Because it's very funny to just imagine them. That he's like, sure, can you give me some other

versions of segments so I know what we're doing? Oh, there are no segments on this show. We never do this. We're introducing a new bit and then we're going to end it. And that's it. Well, then I won't tell you how it happened. Well, that's it.

Okay. If that's the end of our show you can follow us both of us on twitter you can follow Daniel at dob underscore inc soren at soren underscore ltd you can also follow our CFO Bacon

at make me bacon please really if you have any questions about the show or comments or criticisms they should go to bacon because he will he'll check it um you can also follow a quick question at qq underscore soren and dan you can email quick question at qq with soren and daniel at gmail.com and you can find follow and hire our producer and sound engineer and editor gabe at gabeharter.com um yeah that's all true yep bye