Quick Question with Soren and Daniel - QQ ep 34 - Quarantine Episode 1/?!?

Episode Date: April 1, 2020

Hello again and welcome to another episode of Quick Question with Soren and Daniel, an advice and friendship podcast hosted by two comedy writers separated by 3,000 miles who like to get together from time to time so a bunch of strangers can essentially listen to their phone calls. I'm your co-host Daniel and I am, what am I, the youngest of three boys, an author of books, a certified reverend, an unmarried, childless writer with no romantic prospects on the horizon, and most of all, a fisherman, joined as always by Soren Bui. Soren, describe yourself, as I have done. I'm Soren Bui. I am the youngest of two boys.

Grew up out in the woods, mountain lions on my deck in the morning. And I am married. I do have a child, another one on the way. I am married. I do have a child, another one on the way. And I don't feel like that makes me a more well-rounded person, honestly. Really? Not even the mountain lions part? Well, that might help a little, but having a family. I mean, I don't know that there's anything like, I can't think of a circumstance in which I could do something more than you could just because I have a family. Oh, that's pretty sweet. I don't think I can beat you at anything because of it,

which is what I'm always thinking about. I mean, certainly just for starters, a family three-legged race for sure. Well, I don't know that I could because you probably have the advantage of only having two legs to work with. That's right. But that disqualifies me. Oh, okay. Well, I don't know all the rules yet. I haven't talked to the commissioner. That's right. But like that, that disqualifies me. Oh, okay. Well, I don't know all the rules yet. I haven't talked to the commissioner. Right. Um, once again, we're

quick question and Soren has, uh, kindly decided to, uh, take up the mantle of reminding our listeners what they prefer to be called. And so he's going to do that. Yeah, of course our audience as they refer to or prefer to be recalled. You know what? Let me try that again. Our audience, as they prefer to be called, burning the quick at both quest ends. Wow. So burning the wick at both ends.

Yeah. And you added quest, like quest end is question? Yeah. That's a stretch of question? Okay. And wick at both ends yeah um and you added quest like quest end is is question yeah that's a stretch of question okay and wick is quick no i got that um i've never actually heard burning burning the the the wick at both ends i'd heard it doesn't exist it's candle but okay yeah but i i didn't know what you meant that's what i was going for yeah do you want me to do a different one? Would that one not work? No, you'll have to do more in the future. So, you know, don't burn anything. They're all good.

They're all equally good. I'm deleting all of them right now. I feel terrible about these. We're going to get into the episode in a little bit where we ask each other questions and we get answers. Before we do that, we had a little bit of house cleaning that we wanted to do. As some of you can probably notice, and we get answers. Before we do that, we had a little bit of house cleaning that we wanted to do.

As some of you can probably notice, we have not had Bacon on the show for two episodes, and this will now be the third episode that is Sans Bacon. And it's for a very good reason. He recently got engaged to his partner, and we're very happy for him. Yeah, hooray Bacon.

And quick question, LLC has a very generous engagement leave policy. So anyone who gets engaged is allowed to just like take four to 11 weeks off and Bacon is somewhere in the middle of that.

Speaking of that, I've been meaning to talk to you about paternity leave. How to, what exactly am I looking forward to here? If you can confirm that you are the, the,

the main parent, that doesn't mean the one who's going to spend the most time with, with your new daughter, but just like. Just the best one. Yeah.

The best one. Yeah. If you can confirm that you're going to be the best one, then yeah, you get 20 weeks. Oh,

that's a big chunk. All right. That's great. But Colleen, Colleen would have to go immediately back to work. Hmm. Okay.

We'll have a conversation tonight. Oh, that's good. I like that you're thinking about it. Any other bit of housekeeping I wanted to, because we don't call out reviews from our listeners anymore because I forgot to do it. But we did have, I saw anecdotally a bunch of engagement on Twitter for our last episode where I admitted that I didn't know how to blow my nose and faked it.

And the responses are perfectly split of people who are saying, oh my God, I did the same thing. I thought I was the only one. Thank you. This is so great. And people who are like, Dan, learn how to fucking blow your nose now. Like people who have found an ally and people who are very mad at me. Yeah. People who are aggressively angry about it. Well, that's, I'm actually surprised to know that there are so many people out there that

don't know how to do it. That was, that was very walking around in my privilege for all this time thinking we were all doing the same thing. And meanwhile, you were all just trying to keep up with the rest of us. Yeah. We were tricking you and you had no idea. Think of what other cons we could pull on you. You mark? I'm sure you do all the time. That's all I think about. How I'm getting gypped.

Am I allowed to say that word? Is gypped okay? That's one that I've heard is like a racial slur or not strictly speaking racial, but because it's, it's tied to gypsy, but that's one that forgive me, anyone listening. I've never actually looked into. I've just taken the first time someone said,

Oh, we can't use that word anymore. I'd be like, good note. Good to know. Thank you. I never will. But I didn't,

I haven't actually looked into that, which, and, and, and dear listeners, I won't. Let's get into the show. Like I, like I said, it's going to be a very, uh, different show because this is, we are, uh, talking to you now from, as of recording for me this is day 13 of self-quarantining obviously because of the the coronavirus i think the last couple of episodes we released were recorded before quarantine was in place and i'm in new york city obviously which has a uh the self-quarantine shelter in place orders that have been given so So it's just been just about two weeks of working and living in my apartment. I mean,

living in my apartment is not different than what I used to do, but staying in my apartment all the time, unless I'm walking Jackson or going to the store to get essential things, or I've been running to avoid going stir crazy and to get some exercise but uh that's that's been it we our office sent us home early a couple weeks ago this is i'm not telling any tales out of out of school because there was a confirmed case uh in the in both the building where we work and write the show and the studio where we film the show, they were confirmed cases. So we've all been home for, for weeks now and films, uh, our,

our most recent episode in like a, uh, a white psych, a white screen space that is not our normal studio. And yeah, and we're going to be going forward. We're going to be, uh, coming up with some creative ways to keep doing the show and sharing it with people because we want to, and thankfully, we can do a lot of the show remotely. But yeah, that's been my life here in New York. It's just been locked in my apartment for a couple weeks. How about you, Soren? There's also the element.

Your show is different than mine in that there's the public good element of your show. Like people sort of need it. It is how a lot of people get their news. It's how a lot of people at least digest the news that they're bombarded with. And it's coherent. It thinks things through all the way.

And it gives people like a good arsenal of arguments at least for the good guys. We try to. And we also do with our our most recent coronavirus episode and i can brag about this because i i i didn't come up with it it was someone else's idea but uh as much as it was like all informative plus some plus some jokes uh we added a bit where it's like you're allowed to take like some amount of time to mourn the petty things that you're upset about like you like humans are capable of holding two things in their mind

right you can uh complain about the the petty small very personal selfish thing that the coronavirus cost you while also being very aware and sensitive and sympathetic to the larger global disastrous tragic problems that are facing everybody whether it's it's job loss or loss of loved ones um but we still included in the show take 30 seconds to just vent about the small petty thing uh which was personally for me very helpful to like internalize and uh intellectualize john spent that time complaining about his favorite football team, soccer team, being denied a championship. I'm so dumb about soccer that I don't even know which team it is.

I think it's Liverpool. Liverpool is his team. Okay. Yeah. And so he spent 30 seconds just very upset that they're not going to win this championship. And it's a, it's a petty thing with no stakes, but like, it's also a thing that is, that is felt. And so I enjoyed, like, I did that same practice with myself of like, I had a vacation that was planned for last week that I had to cancel and, and just like gave myself just 30 seconds to be really mad about this very, like, completely minuscule loss.

And I think while always keeping in mind the big losses and the big problems, you can, again, just for 30 seconds, indulge in the shittiest parts of yourself and what you're sad about. I think that's a really good thing. The worst thing is feeling like your emotions aren't legitimate. And that haunts you every single time you feel something in a very big way. That thought is always in the back of your mind. Am I being crazy? Or am I being selfish? Am I a bad person for feeling this way? And so it is really nice to just have the freedom to say, it doesn't matter. I'm feeling this thing and I need to feel it. Yeah. Yeah. And I ended up really laughing to myself about one of my complaints because it's very out of character for me. And it's one of the um privileged things i've ever been able to

say but it just so happens that i had uh opera tickets for la traviata at the met and they closed the met so i didn't get to see it and i just felt like fucking fraser crane being like this wretched virus closed the met i was just gonna say ohiles, I'm so sorry. But yeah, Frasier is probably a better pull. Oh, man. How are you dealing with quarantine? I've also been out for 14 days. Mine has been a unique 14 days in that I, exactly 14 days ago, I went out on script, which is you have two weeks in which to write a script.

And so I would be spending it at home alone anyway. But going out and doing things throughout the day to make myself feel normal that I can't really do anymore. And then also I've got a four-year-old who's home with me. And fortunately, I also have a wife who can watch him a lot of that time that I need to be writing, but it's a really tough thing to do. And it's especially tough to write comedy at a time when everything is sort of up in the air as far as the future of the world. Right. But it's been,

the quarantine itself hasn't been terrible. We find a lot of fun things to do. I'm finding fun things to do with my son and then supporting restaurants, things I would ordinarily be doing anyway. I'd be like getting, uh, Postmates or I'd be, um, I'd be going for a run, these types of things that I, I don't want to interact with people in the first place. And so with a family around, it's actually very, very easy, I think. Um, but I am curious. What is your, uh, quick question? What is your uh quick question what does your um what is your son

has he intellectualized this what does he think is going on or is he not even at an age where like he can notice too much of a difference i don't know uh how child brains work no he knows because because when we go near people and stuff i we're not telling him you have to give them we tell them how much space like you have to give them a crocodile and that's adorable and so you he knows like you're not allowed to you can't we saw the other day he's on a scooter and i was on my skateboard and we passed some kids and he was like i want let's go play with them and i was like we can't do that you know we can't do that why can't we do that and he was like because the coronavirus oh and so he gets it and he knows that we're spending time indoors he knows that he's washing his hands a lot more and a lot more thoroughly than he used to because he sings

happy birthday while he washes his hands and then um he it doesn't seem like it's phasing him much and then every once in a while he'll do something like i'll be like all right we're gonna go we're gonna go for a walk we live right next to a cemetery and i'm like we're gonna go for a walk at the cemetery and he'll say no i'm not going and we're like why and he'll say because uh because the germs are out there and i'm like oh okay uh there is something going on inside of him emotionally like he's sort of grappling with that's hard for me to to tap into and be like and reassure him right it does sound tough is he happy that you're all around more or is he like this is not my style okay good he loves it this is the fact that he doesn't have to go to school and that we just hang out every day is like a dream come true for him. At his age, is there any homeschool curriculum that they send you?

Because I know like for older kids, there's, I've seen a lot of online classes, like virtual classrooms are happening. And some schools already were prepared for this because that's progress, I guess. And my friend's sister in her school, they were just given like packets with this is the information for the rest of the year. Here are your homework and lesson packets for like each student to take home and learn from for the foreseeable future. Is that growing out of the age where like you're actually learning in school or is that still too early? Yeah, but it's a little looser with preschool.

The stuff that they're learning is they are sending videos to us. They're sending videos of like walking around a grocery store and being like, this is lettuce, lechuga. These are melons, but they also are sending videos of – so preschool has this whole philosophy of like you don't teach without giving the context for why the kids need to learn it. philosophy of like, you don't teach without giving the context for why the kids need to learn it. And so a lot of what they're learning now is they're going through pictures of faces and being like, this is, and they're saying it in English and Spanish, like, this is worry. Like this is what worry looks like. And it's just a child who looks very, very worried and talking about like what worry means. And then be like, this is calm. This is happy. And going through a different emotions and putting, just putting names to emotions,

because I think maybe that's probably what he's dealing with the most is that we first time you feel anything, it feels like you're the only person in the world who's ever felt it. And so establishing that there it's, this is common that everybody else feels this thing. And here's how we all master it is like very reassuring for a kid. Yeah. All right. That sounds pretty good. Yeah. Well, I, Dan, I have a quick question for you. Oh, go ahead. I was thinking about this this morning because I watched the show Alone. Do you know what that is? It's a show? No.

Oh, yes. I'm just going to stew in this moment for a moment where I know a thing about pop culture and you don't. It feels so good. Alone is a show on the History Channel. You can watch it on Hulu if you have that. And it's, it's what they do is they take contestants, 10 contestants, put them out in, um, the first two seasons are British Columbia, and then they go to Patagonia, but they put them on out in the middle of the wilderness. They're not together. They're all separated by about four or five miles. And it's impossible for them to hike or swim to each other too. And then these people just survive out there with 10 items of their choosing for as long as they can. And they have a satcom that will let them call in if they get injured or if they want to

come home. And the last person standing gets $500,000. And so these guys are, a lot of these people are prepared for this. This isn't like survivor, where it's just like you pick the, you pick the people least suited for this thing to do it. Right. Uh, everybody is very good at this. They've been doing this kind of thing their whole life. And so some of them build amazing things out there. They build boats and yurts and things like that. And one guy built a guitar. they are dealing with black bears and mountain lions the whole time that you can hear wolves but i've never i don't think anyone's actually dealt with a wolf so far and what happens is as soon as they get everything kind of situated like they fall into a groove

they know what it takes for them to get their food in the morning they know what it takes to boil their water how to start their fire get their food in the morning. They know what it takes to boil their water, how to start their fire, get their shelter in order. Then they just have this time to think. And that's when most of them go home because it's like this fine balance of having enough to do so that you don't have to spend too much time with yourself. And I started thinking about Dan, my friend Daniel, who is in quarantine right now, doesn't have a significant other in his place with him. And what's it like to be, and what are you filling your day with so that you don't have to just sit there and listen to your own thoughts? Great question. And I have lots of answers.

And part of it is, and I don't mean this in like a sad way, I'm very accustomed to being on my own. I have not had a roommate since 2008. I've lived by myself since then, and I've just gotten very good at it. and have just gotten very good at it. Uh, and I've also over the years had so many struggles with stress and anxiety that I've, I've over time built up a lot of tools to reduce them, whether it's running, whether it's meditating, whether it's, it's reading or just like, you know, you, if you live alone for as long as I have and are prone to anxiety and stress, you, you, you learn to, to, to deal with it. You learn to just be comfortable with silence and be comfortable being yourself and being by yourself. Um, that said, this is, uh, more time than I'm used to. Like, even if I feel like I'm coming to this situation, uh, as prepared as I possibly could be for a situation that requires almost total isolation for weeks.

Uh, they're still just like, yeah, how do you, how do you fill your day? How do you, how do I replace the, the, the walking to the office and talking to coworkers part of my day? How do I replace drinks with friends or going to a coffee shop or just like shopping any of the the things that were like well this will occupy an hour of my time uh and i've found uh i've certainly done what a lot of people do which is like watch a bunch of fucking television and uh in like not a productive way just re-watching things uh i've gotten really into jigsaw puzzles i've been working on this puzzle for uh most of the quarantine started reading a new book and uh probably the the the trashiest uh oh no i'll do a good one first i mean i've been running and cooking a whole lot more i've gotten into a really good groove with both of those things because that's when I have a busier schedule.

Those are the things that fall off first. But now I've been doing a lot of that, both of those things, and that's good. And the trashier one is I've gotten super into video games, Soren. Do you know them? Yes. I have too.

I've had a Switch for a while that I only really used to play super Mario world, the old SNES game. And, uh, then I was like, well, I've got this thing and I've got so much time. Like is that, does that predate super Mario? What is that? Super Mario world is the super Nintendo version. I don't know that character.

Is that, Oh, fuck you. I'm not going to say it. that character is that oh fuck you i'm not gonna say it um but i but in addition to being uh working from home last week we had a planned hiatus week anyway so i didn't even have work to distract myself as i do now so i was like well i have a switch and uh i might as well just like play some games on here and i'm just they, they're really good and fun, you know? I've been playing a whole lot of Mario Tennis and it fucking rules. It can really absorb so much of your time too, I realize.

Video games are just like, I don't mind living in that world for a little while. And I do genuinely feel like I live in it. I'm the perfect person for video games and when i lose in in mario tennis it just says hey do you want to retry i'm like well of course i do because i just lost and i feel bad about losing and then if i win like do you want to keep going like of course i do i feel great i'm on a high now oh yes i wonder if being in a situation like this actually makes you more susceptible to the addicting elements of video games.

Because it's still the work. You're doing the work that you would be doing in an ordinary life. What I mean by that is you're collecting or you're solving puzzles. You're figuring stuff out. But the consequences are so much lower there. That scratches that itch for you where you're still doing these things that are innate to humanity but you don't have these overwhelming consequences if it goes wrong and it just feels really nice to do that and i bet that's like right now for everybody it just feels like the perfect time to be playing video

games right well i'm sure for a lot of people it doesn't feel like the perfect time to be playing video games which and i don't because i think a lot of people are sad and scared i don't need to call you out on that um yeah i just mean in terms of like getting away from the sad and scaredness right yeah yeah that's fair um what else have i been doing i've been uh there's been such a jump in conversations and communications with with people in my life which is nice like certainly I've been on the phone with my family, I think probably the regular amount where we're a pretty communicative family that way. Cause we've been separated by States and distances for a while. Um, but also just like friends that I've known forever. We now have a weekly zoom chat where we get together and, and like catch each other up and boost each other up and uh have some like a virtual happy hour i have one of those with co-workers and it just uh

and of course just text and instagram private messages from people that i haven't talked to in a while because it's it's funny to try to get a sense of where you stand with a person based on how long it took them to reach out to you during the quarantine. Because there are some people that I was talking to immediately and then someone like six days in where they're like, hey, stranger, what's going on? And I just thought, oh, wow, you've exhausted all your other phone contacts. That's cool. That's cool. That's cool. When I went on a Bumble date in 2017.

Yeah, I'm trying to think. I haven't really reached out to many people. Some people reached out to me. I'm actually very thankful that they did. There's people who used to work on Cracked. There's a Discord where we're all kind of like, we just go in and we talk to each other about whatever. And I didn't, at the time, I thought,

when I was invited, I was like, oh, yeah, okay, fine. I'll accept this. But I've done what's at before. I do it for a day and then I'm done with it. I've done that kind of stuff. And this is the first one that I actually go to every single day and I check in on how people are doing. And like, it's really nice to have. It's a very comforting thing to have these people all going through the same thing as you.

Yeah. And it's, it's I won't call out anyone on, on that discord, but it's certainly, it's brought up vulnerable sides of close friends that I'd never seen before that I feel very privileged to be exposed to now just because we're all going through this thing together. And like,

I've, there are people I've known for 20 years and we've talked about you know just about everything under the sun but uh you get into these these this strange like global pandemic and suddenly these people that i've known for so long are just like i'm in a low place right now and i need help and we're all like talking to each other and boosting each other up and so like you know you think of of casual friends and even some close friends just like this this is oh it's a party when we hang out it's always fun and now you just like get this this new glimpse into a person when they're they're they're scared and confused and like i don't i'm trying to make it not sound like i'm an observer of this.

Like I'm at a, I'm, I'm at a zoo seeing something for the first time, but it is because I do feel lucky to, to see it and be part of it. You're just like your barriers break down and you're, and you're seeing new sides of people that you've known for a very long time that you wouldn't necessarily have seen otherwise. Not that I'm trying to silver lining this or anything like that. Like I would much happier, I'd be much happier if there wasn't a Corona virus and I didn't see my friends sad,

but yes, if this was a movie, the trailer would talk about how the less you see of people, the more you see of them. Like I know exactly what you're saying. That's a very good punch up of whatever i said that i don't even think had a period in the sentence you are you're you're more uh there's so much more revealed to you about the people that you know in this in these circumstances even though

you don't get to actually see any of them yeah uh that's beautiful Yeah. Oh, I've also been... Quick question. Go ahead. I'm going to describe something that I've been doing. And you let me know if someone needs to come pick me up and take me somewhere. If someone needs to come pick me up and take me somewhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So one of the things I noticed about myself in the beginning of the self-quarantine was I'd worn the same sweatpants every day for three days. And I was still like, obviously, I have to leave the apartment to walk my dog. And I'm feeding him and feeding myself and cleaning my apartment. and feeding myself and, you know, cleaning my apartment. Uh, but I still felt off and weird about like just the acknowledgement that it doesn't matter what I wear right now. That was like striking to me and upsetting me in, in, in a, a very noticeable felt way. Uh, and so I, I made the decision, well, you're definitely, the rule is you get up, you take out Jackson, and then you shower, and then you get dressed.

Then I took it a step further, and I've been wearing a suit every single day since the self-quarantine has started. I don't have a different suit for each day. I'm still cycling through the same few suits that I own with full shirt and tie and like product in my hair sometimes just to be like better get dressed up and order steak on postmates or something just the the normal things that i'm doing just like vacuuming cooking dinner walking jackson getting groceries, full suit. Holy shit. I'm not sure if it's... So sometimes, Soren and listeners, the way my brain works is that I start doing a bit

before I completely know what it is. That that that's like that's normal that's that's normal thing yeah like you hear all these things about m night shamalan who was writing the sixth sense over and over again and the last thing he figured out was the the twist at the end of the movie that bruce willis's character was dead the whole time um and that seems like that's hard to to think about because that's so vital to the dna of that entire movie and this guy's entire career um but it makes sense to me because like something in his brain always knew that a thing needed to happen even if he didn't know what it was yet he knew a thing needed some the the art part of his brain knew that this big twist needed to happen and he, and the rest of his brain just didn't catch up with it yet. And that's how I think about a lot of strange long running bits that I've done in my life where I start doing a thing and then trust some part of my brain to eventually put a theme or a name to it. put a theme or a name to it.

So I might be doing that. I don't know. Okay. There's a part of this that could be a bit that I just haven't figured out yet. I haven't completely isolated what's funny about me wearing a suit every day. For no one else but you. For no one else but me.

No, the area's funny. Yeah. It also generally feels good. I've never had to have a job where i had to wear a suit all the time or or indeed needed to be dressed up at all i've been a comedy writer for my entire adult life or garbage um so i only wear suits at like weddings funerals uh no i wore a tuxedo for the emmys okay sorry sorry um the wga awards yeah yeah yeah uh it feels really good to wear a suit you know i'm sure if i had to wear one every day like if i was if i was a lawyer or or or i don't know a butler i'd be really bummed to wear a suit every

day but like every time i put one on it's like all right feeling good looking sharp ready to take on the world this feels great what time are you taking the suit off um let's see well full disclosure i'm it's 7 11 my time p.m and i'm still wearing it so uh right before i go to bed, I like that last, my last like 1130 PM walk with Jackson. I still like to have the suit on for that. And then I'll, uh, I'll, I'll put it away. Plan, plan my look for the next day. Okay. I mean, you're on thin ice here. I think it's okay. Yeah. It's a, it's a, it's a little, I'm going to say it's a little weird. One of the things that the part of me that thinks this this is a fun bit for for mostly no one is um there's been such an uptick in surprise facetimes

from friends and family and i love as soon as the phone clicks on and i'm in a a three-piece suit talking to our old friend rosie who's like actively putting on deodorant in her filthy apartment and i'm i'm jacket vest and tie it's like there's something funny about that that's that just the person on the other end of the phone trying to piece together why i might be wearing a suit honestly i think that's the bit i think that's really funny yeah i mean if it's just for you then it's it's uh i don't even know i don't know what to call it because i don't want to say sad but you're but i can tell you're certainly somewhere in that area if it's just for you then like i mean i've i've done things like that in my life. I remember as a child, I grew up in a log cabin in the woods.

So you're trying to figure out kind of who you are and like, what are the things I want to do just for me in this world? And you start doing a thing and then you're like, okay, this isn't it. This definitely isn't it. I'm not going to tell anyone it's my birthday. I'm going to celebrate my birthday alone. And then you do it and you're like, oof, this is nothing without witnesses. I don't know what I'm not going to tell anyone it's my birthday. I'm going to celebrate my birthday alone. And then you do it and you're like, oof, I don't, this is nothing without witnesses. I don't know what I'm doing here.

But the fact that you have these witnesses is really great. I think that's actually might be the bit is that you do have these occasional moments where somebody will just surprise zoom you or whatever. You can just be the guy in the suit. All right, good. I stand by it. Well, I mean, who knows knows who knows how long this quarantine will last and walking the dog too i think that that's a really good element to it yeah i'm surprised that

the the front desk people in my building haven't asked any questions about it yet because they've seen me for about a year and a half now looking like total shit all the time. And then suddenly when everyone's quarantined, I'm walking my dog in a full suit. No questions from them. And I know they must have them. I mean, I have a, I, as you know, throughout maybe the last decade or even more of my life, I've hid rocks in every single building I've worked in. That's right. That's correct. I've hid rocks in every single building I've worked in. That's right. That's correct.

That's not, that has never culminated into like a, and here's the punchline. It's just a thing that I started doing and thought, I, this feels good and I'm going to keep doing it. And it is, uh, to, to your credit, even if you don't think it's culminated, anytime anyone has learned that about you, it's been a great reveal. It was very strange the first time, I guess, when you finally had decided that we were close enough friends that you climbed up inside an elevator, punched open the ceiling and revealed a bunch of nice rocks that you'd hidden there to show me. I was like, this is a very weird thing. But then on the drive home, I was like, that's really funny. That's a patient man with a patient bit

who hid rocks all over the world, not knowing if anyone would ever see it. On the last Zoom that I was on with coworkers, we met just for drinks at night which uh at first when they suggested that i thought that sounds stupid and then we did it and it was very fun yeah to be able to see everyone and talk to them and my the i had this thing where i my son has a stuffed pygmy goat it's like like a stuffed animal, but it's very realistic looking. And I put it in my lap just low enough that when I move, sometimes you would see the top of its head in the horns thinking surely at some point people will ask about this. It never once came up the entire

time. I never revealed it more than that. And that was the end of the bit. And it was just one of those things that like, I thought, well, maybe this will culminate in something. We'll see. It didn't. All right. Well, on to the next one. Yeah. I've had I've also had some quarantine bits that we can get into.

And part of that was the Zoom thing that I did with my childhood friends. We had like a friend's drink last Friday and I knew. OK, I'm going to be on camera, so obviously I'll be in my suit and let me throw in a pocket square too. And let me frame this. So the background is, uh, the window of my apartment. So behind me, you're just seeing like a bunch of, you know, uh, skyline New York city skyline stuff. So it very much looks like I'm doing a news report. you know, Skyline, New York City Skyline stuff. So it very much looks like I'm doing a news report. Like everyone is comfortable in their homes and I have this very serious setup.

And also thinking beforehand, I was like, well, what's a thing that I can take advantage of here that I can't normally do? It's a video and you're looking at everybody's faces at all times. And so it's gotta to be something visual. You can play with visual things to punctuate jokes. So I just got a bunch of index cards and in advance wrote individual words on index cards

for things that I thought were going to come up. Weird things like I wrote down butts. I wrote down horny. I wrote down poop. I wrote down a bunch of things. I wrote down a couple of names of my friends who I knew were going to be in the chat and just like had them in front of me off camera. And then if something came up that necessitated me to hold an index card that said boobs to

the camera or butts to the camera, then I would do that. And it was a fun bit that played really well. the camera, then I would do that. And, uh, it was a fun bit that played really well. And the joy of it is, is no one sees me write anything and no one knows how many cards I have at any time or what the cards are going to be. And I'm, and they just know that at some point something might prompt one of these weird visual cues that I've set up because, uh,'t know i think we've talked about this before so often the the the preparation for a joke is the joke to me which i know which is why i i am a failure as a stand-up comedian because no one goes to a comedy club to laugh at the preparation that i've done yeah it's like i i this reinforces my belief that uh everyone who gets into writing in their life started their life wanting to be a magician instead

like i wanted to be a magician as a child because it's so much fun to do to like to do so much work to make the world just magic for somebody. Yeah, of course. That sounds too cloying, but it's, you know, I don't know an edge here way to put it, but that. Sometimes you just want to like just mind freak the world, you know. You want to surprise somebody with just like a ton of work on only their behalf. And they're like overwhelmed by how much you've done for them. Yeah.

In a way that is not helpful. It's just sort of like surprising. Yeah. And it involves a whole lot of time sunk into a thing that might never pay off. I've got a long running bit at work that I've been doing since I started. And I don't want to spoil it in case any of my coworkers listen to this podcast, which they don't. But it has not paid off and it does take a bunch of effort to do it.

And it will be very satisfying to me if someone ever does catch it because it's, it's, it's sort sort of like the like you hiding rocks throughout every building you've ever been in in your life is that i can't i can't really tip my my hat at it you know i can't i can't show my hand in any way it truly needs to be an organic thing where someone thinks they stumbled on something they that was not meant for them yeah and i can't like leave a trail of breadcrumbs it just needs to happen and if it does happen it's going to be it's going to be great and silly but in the meantime i'm just it's well over a year now that i've been planting seeds a lot of times those backfire man

that you got a lot of people who as soon as they realize what you've done they're all they're almost a mad that you've spent so much time on it they're like you fucking try hard what are you what are you trying to prove to anybody do you have a specific for that sorry to put you on the spot um no not at the top of my head but i there have definitely been times where like i will force the hand where like i'll i'll be doing something for a while i know that i need several days in which to get it done and uh and then at the end of it i'm'm going to try to do some sort of reveal, but it's not working right.

And so I try and force fate, like force the narrative of the world to acknowledge what I've done. And it always ends up being somebody else. You just, you poison the whole thing. I've been doing this thing on Twitter lately where I'm suggesting different movies on Netflix that are different,

like streaming options for different genres, like rom-coms for while you're locked up and YA novels franchises that have been turned into movies and they're all made up titles that just sound like those types of movies there's no right like punchline to it it's just I'm making up movies that sound like real movies right I I've been watching them and and enjoying them and uh because you you really toe the line of like they all sound like they could be movies in that genre there's always you're smart enough to always do one that is like that should give a person pause yeah and and that's what tipped me off to know that this is a joke. And it's disheartening to see how many of your followers are nodding on the joke.

They'll either do a terribly bastardized version of what you're doing where no one could be fooled. Or they'll do a very earnestly sincere, like, or you could watch Love Actually. No, that's not it but i don't even know what it is so like i every single response that comes in i'm getting mad at the people and i'm like i don't even know what i'm making and so i finally just gave up on it because i was like this bit is not i don't know what this is yeah i've i've used the quarantine to find different places to hide bits like we have, friends and I have like a shared calendar for our birthdays. And also if we're going to,

we, we all live in different States. So if we're going to plan some kind of get together that goes in the calendar, that kind of stuff. Uh, and I've been just like editing the, the,

the titles of events in that calendar with various bits, uh, that either no one will see or someone will see at some point and be like oh okay that's kind of clever that someone spent time doing that like this is unquarantined related but i i a bit that i used to do um i've taught jackson so few uh tricks and commands. But in fairness, he hasn't taught me either. And we're equals in this partnership. He used to say who rescued who,

but I think it's pretty clear at this point. Yeah. But I did early on teach him to run as fast as he could with me in a direction, uh, with the command cheese it, uh, not cheese it like the snack,

like cheese it, like it's the feds or whatever, like, like the old timey burglar slang. Um, and it was because there was a park near my apartment in Los Angeles where people took their dogs off the leash all the time. Now I never do that,

but I did at the time because it was a, a safe park and the dogs knew each other and would play together. It wasn't like a proper dog park. It was a, it was a park park. And, uh, I taught him cheese it and sprinting because if there was ever like a park employee who, uh, would happen upon us or was like in the distance, we were breaking the rules, you see. And I taught him this trick so I could see a park ranger and then turn to like whatever stranger was with me. And I was like, oh no, we're not allowed to have our dogs off leashes here. He's going to be mad at us. Jackson, cheese it.

And then we both ran away. And it's like, that's, I don't even get to, there was never laughter. And I didn't even get to hear the laughter if there would be. This was just a joke. The joke is that I want a stranger to be thinking, did he teach his dog cheating? Is one of his command, like, did they train for like seeing the fuzz and needing to, like scram right away who is this strange person where you also have to at some point like slump back over to the person i feel like so anyway that's that's the thing i told my dog i wasn't gonna go all the way home because you don't have a ride yeah oh that's great

well um we should uh this is a thing that i'm self-conscious about just because we've we've made jokes and also talked about our lives in quarantine being relatively safe and in my case almost entirely unchanged in fact an argument could be made now that i'm wearing suits all the time that i'm doing much better and we want you to know that we know that this is a a serious and scary time and we debated between ourselves if we should address this at all knowing how it would sound to people laughing and making making jokes um we apologize for for any tone deafness and uh we're just gonna keep trying to do jokes and making you laugh etc uh and in the meantime we've certainly been in touch with our families to make

sure all of our families are safe and we've been well i don't want to speak for for for soren one of us has been donating um and you can do that too feedingamerica.org is good go to donate blood that's that's very needed right now i also uh uh liz moppin uh you can find her on twitter at liz m-a-U-P-I-N. She's a great writer who started this thing a couple of days ago where she had $35 to give to someone over Venmo. And that has since been retweeted by a lot of people. And you're just like one person giving $35 to another, $35 to another, and just like

spreading and spreading and spreading. So you can find Liz Maupin on Twitter and add to that tweet. And if you have $35 to spare, send it to someone. It's just helping someone with groceries or medical needs. Just different ways you can help out. Yeah, it's also a good idea. The businesses in your neighborhood that you particularly like to help them out during these really hard times is places you know you're going to end up spending money anyway. Go there now.

Or I guess you could postmates a gift card from them. Getting gift cards from these places that you enjoy that aren't like big box don't get it don't go get a gift certificate to target right now right like get a gift ticket to the restaurants that you particularly like in your neighborhood and and help them out during this time yeah i thought you were going to take the bait that I dropped down. That I am not donating to anything? Yeah. Do you want me to go through some things that I'm donating to with that help? No, that's fine. That I'm doing great.

It's fine. I'm doing good in the world. But yeah, it's a hard time kind of for everybody right now. So do what you can to help everybody around you. And it doesn't always have to just be money either. Like if you have neighbors who just check in with people and see if they've still got toilet paper, if they don't give them some, yeah. There's been a very nice thing. My, my apartment building has this, uh, the digital bulletin board I've mentioned before. And it's been, it's where people post like, oh, I'm trying to sell this lamp or hey, I need XYZ. Does anyone have it? Or I want to start up a poker game, etc, etc, etc. who is afraid to go to a grocery store, let me know.

I will shop for them. I'll get it and drop it off at your door. No problems. You don't have to pay me whatsoever. And it's just like a very nice, simple gesture that, you know, if you're set up and you can do it, if you have elderly neighbors and you're healthy and fine and this is a thing that you can do in a safe way, you know, do it and so on

i agree yeah and hey i think it's okay to in the same way that's okay to feel to indulge yourself on some some petty grievances during this occasionally it's also okay to indulge yourself on escapism to have like something like comedy or to take the time to laugh about something i feel like that's all it falls under the same umbrella where you, as you're doing it, there's a guilt behind it all. And I don't think there should be. I think you're allowed to take that for yourself and be the selfish in

there. Yeah. I've also found, Oh, and this, this is, uh, this also might end up turning into a bit.

I picked up my bass guitar for the first time since I broke my wrist way back. I just hadn't played. And now I've had all this extra time. So I started playing again and I'm very rusty. So it's, it's really funny to me to think about my neighbors who were like, Hey honey, did you know this whole time we've been living with this guy who a fucking

sucks at bass. Never would have known if not for the quarantine. I just see a man out on the fire escape. Honey, honey, you got to get over here. He's doing it again. Can you believe it? This entire time, we've been living next to somebody

who sucks at bass. It's Seven Nation Army. Anyone can play it. It looks up to him, apparently. Oh, God. army anyone can play it it looks up to him apparently he's starting the track over it's not the track's fault buddy uh all right well uh i'm gonna try and find all of our social media information here okay but before i do uh dan this isn't actually something you told me but other people told me about you um everyone i know or that we mutually know has they've raved about your bob marley impression and i've never once heard it would you be doing it i see i feel

like i did it for your 30th birthday party did i not do it then if you did i was too drunk to remember oh okay i guess i can i can dust it off um please yep this one love no no no woman no crime see here's the problem that i'm running into right here is that i don't know enough bob marley's music to even say words that i think he said without the lyrics it starts to get really racist really fast. Yeah, yeah. Like, I don't want to do, here's my impression of, like, Bob Marley at Subway. Because then I'm just on my own without Annette, and that's not good at all. Fuck close. I'm even looking at lyrics now, and, like, even if I didn't do a voice I'm looking at lyrics and like well I can't say that that word's off the table um I'm genuinely having a hard time finding our

oh here we go oh are you really okay I could sing more buffalo soldier then no that's fine you you were that was wonderful in fact i'm curious that you shouldn't have barbara marley in your apartment during quarantine and you know he's dead this joke doesn't work all right on twitter you can follow daniel at dob underscore inc what was that joke supposed to be that bob marley was actually there with you that i didn't understand that it wasn't just oh because my impression was going to be so good when i when i uh when i meekly mumbled dreadlocked rasta you were going to say wow is that bob marley right that's how did you get okay yeah and then it's going to be about how wise they're during quarantine and then it started to become a very long walk because i was like okay well what about what's it like being around

a dead body during quarantine and then i was like it's a very long walk because I was like, okay, well, what about, what's it like being around a dead body during quarantine? And then I was like, it's too far. Yeah. I'm going home. Yeah. Okay. On Twitter, you can follow Daniel at DOB underscore Inc. You can follow me at Soren underscore LTD.

You can follow Michael Sroar, assuming he's still alive, at MakeMeBaconPlease, PLS. And you can follow Quick Question at QQ underscore Soren and Dan. Our email is QQ with Soren and Dan our email is QQ with Soren and Daniel at gmail.com and you can

follow or hire or just see our sound engineer and our editor Gabe at Gabe Harder dot com assuming that site's built by now you would think that it would be you know I have all this time now but alas don't feel too bad Gabe is this the first time we've heard gabe's

voice on the podcast no he's been on before yeah so don't feel too bad gabe we've got a a website for this show and i went and visited it the other day and it's i don't know if you're familiar with the space jam website from 1997 that's still up. Ours is worse. All right. That's good to know. Anything else, Dan? Um, no,

I don't think so. Stay safe out there. All right. Bye.