Quick Question with Soren and Daniel - QQ ep 41 - The Oppressive Reign of the Animal-God Tom Nooks

Episode Date: May 22, 2020

In this episode the guys dive in to Animal Crossing and why the revolution is upon us.  Also more weird quarantine meals!  And as always, big thanks to Postmates.  Use code qq and get $100 of free delivery credit

Hello again and welcome to another episode of Quick Question with Soren and Daniel, the writing, comedy, and friendship advice podcast. I am one of your hosts, writer, comedy person, and someone who occasionally checks out online recipes with the express intention of roasting them and not in the way you're thinking, Daniel O'Brien. I am joined as always by Soren. Go ahead, Soren. Hi. Hey, how's it going? I'm really glad to be here. Woo! I wonder if I should tell you in advance that you should do something to introduce yourself.

Yeah. The theme would be nice. Right. Because they each kind of got their own thing. Yeah, this one, the only thing that I knew was the line with the express intention of roasting them and then parentheses Catskills voice

and not in the way you're thinking. And we've done that. Catskills voice? Yeah, like hacky comedian kind of. What's the origin of that? Like in the Catskills, in the place, the Catskills? Yeah. Why is that?

Like Marvelous Mazel comedian folks were born. Oh, okay. I think. I don't know. I'm just talking. Hey, Dan, this is maybe a lofty question, perhaps too early for questions, but did you get screeners

as part being a member of the guild? I do, yes. Writers Guild of America sends screeners yes and writers guild of america send screeners for uh around november december they send all the movies that are nominated for writing screenplays uh just you get like dvds in the mail and then later in the year you get the shows that are going to be up for like the emmys and stuff so you get the marvelous miss m Maisel screeners, I assume. So you own now a little pink suitcase that's full of poker chips and some coffee holders, right? Right.

So I can speak to that. like fun themed cases that like could work as storage for something else or just like a conversation starter just like some piece of show associated branded thing that you'd be like look this case i got it for madman or fucking whatever or marvel smith is mazel and i her dvds came in this pink tube this year that i had uh absolutely no use for whatsoever but thankfully uh a woman named jill twist uh connected me with another woman whose name escapes me at the moment who collected all of those pink cases from any writers who didn't want them and they converted them into pencil boxes for kids in schools wait so that i thought for sure i got a suitcase this year from them oh you're right it was a suitcase it was a little makeup kit yeah yeah uh the pink tube was posters

i think that they sent the year before anyway miss mazel is always the one that has like the most pageantry to what they sent they send something that's big and kind of ostentatious and you're just like okay i don't i don't know what i'm gonna do with any of this stuff right it's very strange because it's a show that streams on amazon yeah and i don't i don't know what i'm gonna do with any of this stuff right it's very strange because it's a show that streams on amazon yeah and i don't own a dvd player yeah so like please stop doing this to me one of those unrelatable gripes but i want all all these screeners if it's a streaming show please don't send me anything yeah or just if it is a screener show let's say it is a a movie put it on a zip drive or like just give me anything. Yeah. Or just if it is a screener show, let's say it is a movie,

put it on a zip drive or like, just give me a code and I will go watch it. Yeah. Thanks to Postmates for supporting Quick Question. If you're like me, you're probably starting to think about what to eat for dinner while you're eating lunch. I love food and that's why I love using Postmates. For a limited time, Postmates is giving our listeners hundred dollars of free delivery credit for your first seven days to start your free deliveries download the app and use code qq um we're gonna get into this show where we ask each other questions and give each other a very relatable show we wanted to thank you our listeners uh who prefer to be called inquire questival of all wait wait wait wait oh okay i'm i'm there i caught up yeah you couldn't you couldn't tell that inquire was spelled with a y yeah no i'm there i that's a good one dude thanks um before we get right into the meat of this show let's uh do our recurring segment of checking in on each

other during the quarantine for about two minutes. How's that going for you there, buddy? I told you it's over, man. It's been great. I've been going to the movies. I've been standing in lines. I don't even know what they're for. Just like getting in lines with people, mixing it up. Well, good for you. Yeah. How's yours been going? You good good in New York is everyone dead in New York everyone's dead so it's very peaceful they're like

it's scary but also quiet in a way that is very pleasant to me as someone who just doesn't like city noises it's like oh this is this is slightly better I wish I could enjoy it by walking around places the other thing I've noticed about myself is like my schedule makes no sense to me anymore. And I found myself this week out loud asking my apartment, what meal do we think this

is? This soup that you have at 3.50 in the afternoon every day. What meal is this? What do we think it is? It's consistent. Yeah, the patterns that I've developed, not necessarily even around food, but just like the chores I've established for myself are baffling and somewhat embarrassing. Yeah, speak on that. I want to see if they're more embarrassing than mine.

So I have fake grass now in my backyard it's an artificial turf but it gets dirty uh i think and so i go and i water it and by water i mean i just like spray it down hoping that i all the dirt comes like runs underneath and out. And I rake it and I water it. So if someone was to peek over my fence, they'd see a man watering plastic grass. I see. That's embarrassing, but not in a way that I thought you were going to be like a dirty trash person who left stuff around. But you're doing just madman cleaning.

Yeah. Yeah. Fine. We have gotten a little more feral. I'm leaving a lot of stuff around. Are you really? Yeah. That doesn't strike me as you. No, it doesn't.

I have no real excuse if someone surprised me right now to explain why. I just haven't gotten around to putting the vacuum back away in the closet. Because I've been so busy with what? With what? Where could I have gone? Yeah, I think it's just a matter of like. Having stuff to do in the future. Like I'll do my laundry in several stages of like, obviously, washer than dryer, and then I'll just let it sit for a while in a pile somewhere after it's been washed it's like well i'm not gonna then what will i do tomorrow if everything's always clean what will i do is is how i tell myself

yeah things have certainly slipped for us we've gotten a little more feral around the house, especially with the kids. I don't bathe these children much anymore. There's no real reason to because we're the only ones smelling them. So I will wait until my son, I can see caked on sap on the bottom of his feet before I'm like, okay, at the very least we need to wash your feet. And they don't wear clothes.

Obviously the newborn doesn't wear clothes because nothing fits her yet. She's very, very small. But my son does not wear clothes unless we've like, we have to leave the house for something. Then we will say, okay, Ronan, we're going to go look for owls. You've got to put on some clothes. Does he like that? The not wearing clothes? He loves it.

Loves it. Yeah. And did you guys find any owls? Yeah. Oh, I haven't talked to you about the owls in my neighborhood? No. Oh, Dan.

So I live on a street that doesn't have any streetlights. It's strange at first because at night it gets very dark in the middle of the city, but it's a great place for owls. And there's some barn owls that live in the trees along my street and they come out at night it gets very dark, but in the middle of the city, but it's a great place for owls. And there's some barn owls that live in the trees along my street and they come out at night to hunt. So in the middle of the night, you just see these white streaks, silent streaks flying

through the air. That's awesome. Yeah. It's great for a kid. Yeah. That's a, you're, you're creating so many expectations with him for what life is like that make it seem so much more magical than it is. Yeah. It will either backfire horrifically or it will make his life better. Yeah. And I don't know what the percentage is on either of those. It's a real gamble.

Yeah. Hey, so quick question. Okay, go ahead. And this will also explain why some of my chores have fallen to shit. What do you know? Why don't you tell me what you think the game animal crossing is about? Oh God. Okay.

You must have some awareness of it because it's been the game of the town for the quarantine. When I say, Oh God, it's because it's so many people are talking about it in discords and things like not even just publicly out in Twitter. I'm in discords with people where I like want to talk about things and they're busy talking about fucking hats that they wear or some guy named Tom Collins or some shit. From what I understand, it's a, you, you get your own little Island and on your Island, you get to design it any way you want. And maybe you're an animal and you get to wear different hats and things like that.

And you also, you dress up every day in different stuff and you get to build a castle. It's kind of like Minecraft in that you get to build a castle or whatever you want on your island. And then you might say, oh, I think I'll head over to Jason's island today. And you can go visit him and see what's going on over there and catch him by surprise. Yes, that's the never catch him by surprise because people need to have their gates open to have visitors. But that is a basic thrust of the point of the game. You are wordlessly born on this island that I believe to be purgatory.

And it's not Tom Collins. It's your indifferent god, Tom Nooks, who gives you assignments. And they start out small. It's like, hey, you live in this tent. And I think you'd be happy if you caught some fish and then showed them to me. And I'm like, I'm a baby and he's my God. So

I'm like, that does sound like it would make me happy dad. And like, if you want to make a, if you want to show me fish, cause it would please me, you need to make a fishing pole. And if you want to know how to make a fishing pole, I could teach you, but you have to go around the Island and gather sticks first. You need those sticks. So a large portion of the beginning of the game is just walking around the island, shaking trees and getting and collecting sticks to give to my cruel god Tom Nooks. And he teaches me how to build a fishing pole. And then I learn how to fish and I present him with fish and it pleases him. And then after a certain amount of tries, I break my fishing pole. He's like, that's okay, you can make another one. And then he eventually teaches me how to make a better one. And the game expands onward from here,

gathering things and learning how to make the tools that you need to gather more things, to make more tools and pieces of furniture and eventually build a house and then spend your days in the debtor's prison. That is Tom Nook's island scam. Because when you build a house, it's like you can build a house if you want to. A house will make your life a lot easier. You'll just have to give me 97,000 bells, which is dollars. And I owe $848,000 to my cruel god, Tom Nook's. I have a house with three rooms.

It sucks. And the whole reason that I got the game was because of the thing that you talk about where every discord every slack people are talking about it and it's just like well i can't tell them to shut up so i have to i have to join the game be part of this world and then ruin it from the inside i have so many questions based on what you just said. Yeah. It takes time. I don't like it. I want to start by saying I don't enjoy it. There are people who are so good at it and their islands look great. And they've got a bunch of different residents and they've got like cobbled streets and,

and cool stuff to show off. And their little avatar looks like them. And they clearly put a lot of work into it. stuff to show off and their little avatar looks like them and they clearly put a lot of work into it i'm never gonna put enough work into it to to make it the game that the game wants me to make it i'm always going to do my own thing but it's still like even my own thing requires me spending a few hours every day gathering things and fishing so i can sell the fish to the failed clones of tom nooks so i can get bells so i could try to climb my way out of this fucking debtors prison only to be thrust

back into it when i try to build an extension to my house eventually and i just do that like i fish and i break my fishing pole and so i build another fishing pole and then i fish and then i catch bugs until i break my net and then i build another net and i go back and forth to all the different spots that i'm allowed to go to because you another thing you can do that makes the game better is you talk to your your neighbors every day and so you just like you have a bunch of tasks laid out for you of things that you can do every day that will help you on your journey you don't have to do them you don't have to you could still live in a tent the whole time if you want but the appeal to the game is that you will like i know what my little guy has to do when he wakes up he needs to gather and fish and sell dig for fossils to donate them to the museum buy new clothes to keep the economy going and to and to like you know buy fancy outfits and

feel feel cute you know. I get it. Are you an animal? No, I'm a person. Where are the animals? All my neighbors are animals. Okay, so the neighbors aren't other people that you're playing against. No. Your neighbors on your island

are like computer-controlled things. I can also, with online play, go to my friends' islands and see them or have them come over, And they're all people too. And do you have to create game paths for these animals? Where's the crossing coming in? I don't know. That makes me angry.

It's not immediately obvious. I don't have to create game paths for them. I have to talk to them. Sometimes you give them gifts. I was feeling threatened by one of my residents, so I had my friends come over to the island and beat the shit out of him. And then he moved. What?

Yeah. What? You can't, like, actually hurt someone. Like, it's not a violent game. But you can hit someone with your net. And they surrounded him on a bridge and all took turns beating him with their nets. And he got really frustrated. And then they all left.

And he came up to me later. And he was like, I was thinking of checking out another island i don't know what do you think and i said yes i think you should go and then he left and i was very sad because i'd i'd grown accustomed to him what was the source of your guys's animosity before that point well for a while there was only um three of us on the island it was flip the the weightlifting monkey and pashmina this this this hot goat creature that i like a whole lot you can google it she's real cute um and i was feeling threatened by his presence and he's very condescending and he only talked about weightlifting and and one night i saw him fishing and he said that he was going to catch the biggest and baddest fish in the whole ocean and then i googled not this exactly but can i burn someone

houses down in animal crossing you can't okay uh so your god tom nooks tom nooks is he a man or is he have you seen him he's a raccoon yeah okay so there's a raccoon that's telling you what to do every day and you have to do it i don't have to do it that's the thing um but like it's because there's not really a way to win the game you just finish it when you when you're out of debt and even then you can still like you'll always be able to buy more stuff or change the exterior of your house or meet new

cartoon animal residents and like when you finish one type of mission where it's like okay I found materials to build a house to lure another resident to come to this island which for some reason you've convinced me i wanted to do and that's why i did it so now i'm done and i did that thing and he's like great really love that you know i bet if we had 10 residents on this island and like a really nice like landscape with a bunch of cool

things i bet this famous cartoon dog thing would come and hold a concert at our island just something to think about and like now i guess that's what i want yeah he puts it in your head yeah now i really just want to fish all the time, which I could do, but... But Tom Nooks isn't one of your neighbors, though. No. Okay, is there a chance that you could get Tom Nooks alone on a bridge and beat him to death with a net? There is not.

He doesn't walk around the island. He stays in resident services, unless we're having a ceremony. But even then, I can't control anything. I just have to stand and take a picture with him. So he's untouchable. Yeah. And all he does is convince you that you need to accrue more things. Yes.

And is he ever displeased with you? No. Well, then what? Then, I mean, who cares? This god loves you no matter what. Soren, why are you going? this god loves you no matter what so why i haven't really been able to explain what this game has done to me it sounds to me like you've got a you've got a good god it sounds to me like yes he's giving you

uh things in your life to shoot for. He's giving you goals. And yes, maybe they're materialistic, but he also doesn't sound like he's like vengeful or that he doesn't like you or that at any point you can displease him. This island was supposed to be my vacation. I mean, it's not explicitly purgatory, but man to man, it's purgatory. But it's built in the game is like, this to man it's purgatory but it's it's built in the game is like this is your you're retired now this is your island of paradise and it's quickly turned into i'm the only one on this island who works

and everything costs money and i i lose bells which are dollars i lose them and uh in exchange i i i earn nooks miles for like fishing and catching bugs and chopping wood and breaking up rocks. And the miles I can exchange for different goods and services. Could you get another island? I never wanted the miles. I want the bells. Bells are better. Can you get more than one island?

No. Okay, you just have your one. Yeah. I'm looking at some of them right now and other people that you know have come to your island dan yeah they they fucking roasted me so i don't like i don't i don't allow visitors anymore you closed your gates yeah because my island is such trash and i thought they would be nicer but they were really mean uh and one of them trapped me in a hole for a while which is a skill that i don't even have, so I can't do it back.

What did they say about your island? And if it hurts too much, you don't have to repeat it. No, just that it was clear that for the amount of time that I had been playing the game, I should have a much nicer island at this point. They just walked around your island and shit on it? Yeah. That's rough.

Yeah. I'm so sorry, Dan. Whenever when I hear people talking about this in threads and stuff, they're always saying like, oh, and then I did this really cool thing where I built... Does anybody else do this where we build your mansion up on top of the hill and then everybody else has to build down below you and then you're basically like the king of that kingdom.

I've done that. Yeah, yeah, that's what I did. That's what I'm going to be doing. And I'm going to let the rest of the world fall to shit. And I'm going to have, once I get, once I just fucking make my nut, man, and finally complete this house and get out of debt and I'll be on the top of the pyramid with Tom Nooks and we'll be partners uh then i can i can stop the game but it's only when i like

really build up my perfect mansion on top of the hill and and watch the people suffer below me only then i think i'll be happy i then i wish you luck in that thank you buddy yeah if that's what your dream is then i i hope that you get it yeah either that or or hack the game and kill the mad god tom nooks yeah i'm looking him up right now i only see tom nook do you have a different god than everyone else no it's same it's just what I call him. Okay. He's just like a sleepy raccoon. I haven't invented a backstory for this game that is not considered canon. And so is there any way that you could die?

Is there any way that the game can hurt you? Are there any antagonists or anything? Sometimes you can get stung by wasps or bitten by a scorpion or a tarantula, and you pass out for a little bit, but you don't lose any time. You suddenly are warped back to your home. Oh, that sounds actually kind of nice. Yeah, but

I had a mission, and I wasn't trying to get stung by wasps. I was trying to get sticks so I could make a fishing pole so I can make a better fishing pole so I can catch a tire in the ocean and I could turn it into a thing that you could sit on to please your God. Yes. Well, good luck,

dude. Thanks, man. Yeah. We again, love our sponsors and want to thank them for supporting the show. And this week we're talking about Postmates. I love Postmates. I've made no secret of that on this show. I order it once a week as like a special treat for myself now because it's

like the end of my work week and I've earned the right to not have to make my own food and have, have something nicer than I can make brought right to me last week. Uh, meatballs. I went to, I got Postmates from a place called Meatball Shop and got some spicy pork meatball sandwiches. I love that you do it as a treat to yourself because Postmates is like, I just need it. I need it as like a, I do it maybe like four times a week. I just, in the middle of the day, I'll be like, I have food in my kitchen, but I deserve

fast food and I will just get Postmates. Well, that's what's great about Postmates. It serves both of our different but valid needs. That's nice of you to call mine valid. Now I'm somebody who starts thinking about what to eat for dinner. Not even when I'm eating lunch. Like I'll be eating a snack at four o'clock and already be like, all right, what is this a precursor to? What am I going to have for dinner? Because I love food. And that's why I love using Postmates. And I especially love them right now because I can get food delivered

without leaving my house. And as we all know, don't leave your house right now. Postmates is like saving the day. These are like the unsung heroes, you know, the medical community and people who are delivering your food to you. These are the essential workers. They created a new thing. They're doing this non-contact delivery thing where you don't even need to interact with another person because they'll just bring the food right to your door and leave it there for you. Now, when I order from local restaurants, I just open my door and surprise, there's some food. And no one has touched it. They've, in such a short amount of time, created such a flawless system for getting you everything that you need. And it's not just restaurants either. You can order from grocery stores and you can even order from convenience stores.

That's right. And in these times, it's a good way to get food for yourself while also supporting your neighborhood spots because you can pick the restaurants and you can keep money flowing through your community even if it's not just by going to the restaurant you can still support them so just download postmates on ios or android find your favorites and get anything you want delivered within the hour for a limited time postmates is giving our listeners 100 of free delivery credit for your first seven days. To start your free deliveries, download the app and use code QQ. That's code QQ for $100 of free delivery credit for your first seven days when you download the Postmates app. Anything you need, anytime you need it, Postmate it. Dan, quick question for you. Yeah, go ahead. I know that you like to cook a lot and i imagine that you're cooking quite a

bit during this quarantine have you discovered any new meals where you're like fuck this is fire i can't wait to serve this to somebody no i wonder if i should have been doing that I think when I did like my big bulk shopping at the very, very beginning of this, I got lots of pastas, lots of soups, lots of frozen meals and some things I can make in the crock pot that I've made before because I wasn't thinking. Especially right, like in the early days of shopping for this, when it was chaos in the grocery store, I wasn't thinking like, what if I did like a Spanish night? It was,

it was all very, just like, let me get what I know I can make right now as quickly as possible. And then over time, uh, I have enjoyed cooking less and less cause I've been doing so much of it. It's become, it's become much more.

It's a burden. Joyless now. It killed it for you. Your one hobby, the quarantine killed it. Yeah. I'm sorry to hear that. Okay.

And I guess, cause you don't have the joy of giving it to somebody else. That's, I guess it's like a pretty big part of cooking. Yeah. Um, well, uh,

I haven't been cooking a lot, but I have found a couple of new meals. And then also I've been baking and not breads. I'm not, I'm not on that bandwagon. Yeah. Uh, I don't want to associate myself with those sourdough sourpusses. I have been baking cookies and there's a woman that we both know, uh, Moana who showed me a recipe for making cookies and they're, it's fucking incredible. Like it's so much better than

the Nestle Tollhouse recipe I had been using my entire life. Okay. It's incredible. It's so much better than the Nestle Tollhouse recipe I've been using my entire life. It's incredible. What kind of cookies? They're chocolate chip cookies. They're basic chocolate chip cookies but they're better. I would say what's a run of the mill? Like a Panera. I can make a better

cookie than Panera. Is that good? Shots fired. One of the secrets is that you make it on parchment paper it helps out a lot in the cooking process you can get them really thin but you can also get them still very very chewy at the end and then also just in how you mix the ingredients which i didn't i didn't know there's like an alchemy to it like how hot you want your butter how warm uh or what shape you want your butter in before you add it and whether you use mixers or you just use a big

fuck off wooden spoon and uh i've really narrowed it in and i've made these incredible cookies i've also been doing a lot of crock pot meals and just like trying out new stuff and landed on something that i think is very very good and it's so easy to make i take chicken thighs put them in the bottom of a crock pot and then i pour a whole thing of salsa over the top of them and then i pour in a packet of taco seasoning i mix it all around maybe like some i i don't know if you're a cilantro no you hate cilantro that's soap to you uh then like some parsley or something like that in there too uh probably dried because it'll get wilty and an onion and then you just cook it and you got to make sure that every the chickens

all fully submerged but then you shred that chicken you put it all back in the pot and mix it up and it's so good it's like uh it's like restaurant quality it's delicious it's so easy it does sound good i was thinking about making a crockpot minestrone soup this week there's uh carrabba's uh an italian restaurant chain with like a southwest kick to it uh they have a really great minestrone soup that i've been trying to reverse engineer for a couple of years. And they have like copycat recipes online, but I don't think they're exactly right. You took us to a Carrabba's and I can't remember, you had like some sort of secret menu item that you like to do. Oh, it was just like, they always have fresh, warm bread in the beginning of the

meal with an oil with like 12 or 11 herbs and spices and it's great for dipping the bread but if you also say you want a side of house dressing for the bread that's where the real money is their in-house parmesan dressing is fucking fantastic with that warm ass bread right that's right that was really delicious and it became one of those weird like like and it became one of those weird like like inner circle caravas thing where if you went to a different caravas and asked for that they knew that you worked there because that was like an idea that was born by waiters in the restaurant oh interesting yeah and that's why that that's why that man kept winking at you. Yeah. Okay. Yes. Things are all coming to place for me. Another reason that I haven't been doing fancy or ambitious cooking is that I feel self-conscious at a store now doing something where I'm clearly getting ingredients for a fun meal and not like like just for utility like yeah one night a couple

weeks ago i wanted to make uh scallops with linguine so i'm going to the seafood and getting fresh scallops and just feeling like no one here thinks that i'm this doesn't look like an essential trip to anyone i know i'm buying food but like it's not it's clearly fancy night food. You know, I'm getting five fresh scallops for a meal and I don't want to be seen at a grocery store just like Jon Favreau and chef just mulling over all the ingredients until something speaks to me. So just geographically, when you're what does it look like you go to the store on foot and walking home on foot? Yeah, I'm like a block and a half away from a grocery store. And is it a substantial grocery store? Is it one of those little bodegas that New York is exclusively has? It's a substantial grocery store. Okay. All right. So then the trick is that you do, you're like, all right, there's going to be

one experimental night of the week. And I'm going to shop for the week and I'm going to shop for the week. I'm going to get all the regular meat and potatoes type of stuff. Uh, and then I'm also going to have this one night. And so you're getting the scallops in the mix of all of that stuff. Then what I do is I eat early. I eat like five o'clock and then I know that I'm going to have this meal done by seven. So that way when it sucks or I blow it, I'm not furious and I, I'm not panicked because

I don't actually have a meal anymore. Wait, you eat by five o'clock and get the meal done by seven. What are you talking about? I eat something else. I eat another meal at five. If I know that I'm going to be eating two hours later, like if I know that the experimental meal I'm making is going to be two hours later, this is like a thing I learned a long time ago when I would go to try new restaurants. It's, it's such a gamble to try a new restaurant because if you're starving and you get something

that's not good, it's like it could ruin your whole night. And so I would eat something before I was going to go to a new restaurant that I knew I wanted and that I knew I would enjoy. something before I was going to go to a new restaurant that I knew I wanted and that I knew I would enjoy. And then like two hours later I could give or take a meal. And I'm, that's exactly the, that's right where I want to be. That's my zone. Cause then I can eat something. And if it's not good, I can be like, eh, no big, no big loss there. No skin on my, my teeth. I understand. I share that mentality for dates and I'll explain about that in a bit if I can remember to do that. But I don't understand it with food. How are you not full at 7?

I'm like a baby, Dan. Every two hours, I could eat an entirely new meal. Really? Yeah. I got a fast metabolism. Man, sometimes I worry I drag my feet on that 350 soup, and I won't be hungry ever again until like the middle of the night. Oh, so let's say you eat it at like four o'clock or like 410. It's going to last you all the way through nine o'clock? Yes.

Oh, how many bowls are you having? Just one. Just one can of soup. Oh, I'm so jealous. Maybe I'll crunch up some chippies and throw the chips in the soup. I get very anxious around food in general because if it's not good, it's bad news. Suddenly I'm in a dire situation because I'm very, very hungry and I don't want to eat what's in front of me and I get panicked. and I don't want to eat what's in front of me, and I get panicked. It seems like it would make more sense to make the planned meal,

and if it's not good, just heat up a frozen thing or something else that you already have that you know you like. That's the order I would do things. I won't do it, though. I've tried it that way. If I have the other thing,

and I know it's in my freezer, I'm like, or I could just save it for another day and scarf this bullshit down. And, uh, and so I won't, I won't ever make the other thing. But if I eat beforehand and then I make the meal, God, it's just like, it's all gravy at that point. This is just going to be icing on the cake if this meal is also good. And then I can make it again when I'm actually hungry. Well, I mean, you seem happy and you're in good shape,

so I'm not going to, I don't think there's any flaws in this plan. It's just, oh, since quarantine, I've gained 200 pounds. Oh, okay. That's, that's fine. Yeah. I have been eating a lot of ice cream. I've really turned to sweets during this quarantine in a way that I didn't anticipate.

I've been messing around with sorbet because that's dairy free and like i i initially got it because i got um i got a blender because i never i never had a blender before because it didn't appeal to me um but there's a lot you can do with one this is a sponsored ad for blenders uh not not a particular brand just like get a blender big blender yeah um but i got an immersion blender uh to make smoothies and one of the ingredients for the smoothie was this raspberry sorbet and i had some extra so i just like like it they they do in movies i just sat on the couch and ate it with with a with a spoon i was like oh this is nice because i'm not like a guy who has snacks around and certainly i don't have sweets around that often but uh this is nice because I'm not like a guy who has snacks around and certainly I don't have sweets around that often,

but this is one thing I think I'm going to take from the quarantine with me to the rest of my life. That's great. I, the only time I fuck with sorbet is like as a, as foreplay, like I'll eat sorbet or I'll eat frozen yogurt for like a week or two. And then I'll convince myself,

Hey, you know what? This is pretty good. And then I'll convince myself, Hey, you know what? This is pretty good. And then I go back to ice cream and it's like, Oh God. Oh, this is, Oh, this is so much better. This is delicious. Anyway, let's see. This is one of our quieter podcasts.

It seems like. Yeah. Well, you need some of these, right? Yeah. You don't want all highs? No, certainly not. Did I have another question for you? Did you even ask me one question?

I asked you about Animal Crossing so I could talk about Animal Crossing for 23 minutes. Have you ever been invited to speak at your old high school or college? Yes. How'd that go? Okay, with two instances. I think maybe I talked about one on this, where the kids from high school that were going to be going to college came to my college, and I did a little chat for them.

I was at the front and realized that I didn't have anything really planned and just shot the shit, sat on the desk like I was the cool teacher, did all the cool things. But the other time was I spoke at my graduation in college and then went back the next year to speak at their senior night. They asked me to come back and just talk about the world, like being out there because I had gained so much perspective. You know so much. Listen, kids, I'm 23. I had been, I had been testing DVDs in a

cubicle. I've been watching wedding crashers over and over since the day I graduated. And, uh, I went back to talk to them about the world and wrote a i thought a really great speech a very very funny speech it got some good laughs and everything and then afterwards they were like you talked a lot about adderall and yeah it was a great right it's funny and they're like you can't please don't do that and uh i got in a little bit of trouble for my speech wow i it's been a dream of mine for a long time to speak at either my high school or my college because i have great memories of both and like i want to support and without blowing too much smoke up my own ass, I think an argument could be made that I'm a successful alumni member.

And but I think an argument could also be made that I'm not because no one had asked me to speak. But I was just like sitting on my hands for years being like, should I just email Rutgers and tell him I won an Emmy? And I want to talk to, I want to, I want to talk to the kids about it, tell them about writing.

But like, I didn't want to seem too thirsty. So I never did that. And then finally last Monday I did a, a zoom Q and a session with a teacher from my old high school that I never had because, because it's the future now. And the,

the, this was, they're teaching uh like four different levels of film and tv writing in my old high school it's insane we never had anything like that and i was really pumped to do this this q a and i kind of think i blew it oh it's i and i do i I do want to blame the quarantine just because like. It's just like a bummer of a time and a lot of the the the. The questions ended up like turning my brain to. Like the bummer parts of things, one of her because I was explaining my whole career was like, yeah, so I left and after I graduated college i moved to los angeles uh by myself and she was like oh was that hard was it scary i'm just like yeah it was lonely for a very long time i think one of the things i don't tell

you is that like even the architecture is different you know everywhere you look you're just being reminded that you don't belong here and it was it was tough and then like getting into writing questions i'm so focused on what i think uh i want to to hear about so i talk about all of the very unsexy parts about writing like yes it is like the networking is hugely important if you want to be a professional writer you need to learn how to network and that doesn't necessarily need to be a bad thing. Like networking isn't just like ass kissing and schmoozing, but you do need to spend some time getting to know people that are going to be in this community so they can one day recommend you for a job because that's almost always how it happens. And, um, then you'll get the job and it's a, it's lots of hard work.

And sometimes it's stressful. And sometimes you're covering things that are, that are difficult and you need to make comedy out of them. And I like giving these lessons that as I'm giving them, I'm just like, yeah, this is all true. I'm saying, I'm saying all true things about the grinding parts of this. And I'm saying true things about how we like to think it's a meritocracy, but it's, itocracy but it's it's

it's just not you know talent's gonna help hustle's gonna help but really it's it's there are a lot of talented people out of work children and it was just like at the end of the thing we talked for like an hour and a half and the teacher was like okay is there anything else that you wanted to say that we didn't get to touch on and i was just like yeah i made some of the best friends in my life doing comedy and like sometimes it just feels like all you do is laugh with your buddies and like there's no greater feeling than hearing my boss deliver a joke in front of an audience of people and they laugh and clap at it uh believe in yourself kids be brave please ask me these questions when i haven't been cooped up in an apartment for three months.

Yeah. I, the, the thing where I went and talked to a school about, uh, uh, the young kids that were coming into the freshman class about what it was like to be on the outside and, uh, how I got to my job and everything. And I didn't prepare for it all where they were like, do you need a PowerPoint? Like a screen for that? And I was like, Oh no, I don't have anything like that. And then I just shot the shit with these kids for a while. I was never invited back to that. They do that thing yearly. They have not asked me back. So it was a similar situation where I don't think I'm, I don't think I'm welcome. Um, but it made me think, Dan, I generally, when I get you a birthday present, I want it to feel a little

bit like a monkey paw curse like i want you to think it would be something you want but there's just an element to it that ruins it for you and i think that i could i could finagle it so that you go back to speak at emory what the fuck is emory isn't that where did you go to college before rutgers rowan oh rowan oh that would have been very strange had you gone to emory then where's emory i don't know it's a college man are you sure no emory university eat my ass atlanta georgia yeah that's where you thought i went well no no uh but it is a it is a university and that that's all the that matters oh it's a school of medicine you could have gone there dan oh but that follows your first passion but that is um another area where i just about screwed up uh doing this zoom q a thing and i don't know because i it was just me and the

teacher i don't know what the kids are gonna see when it gets edited but the true story of college for me is going to a school called rowan for a year and then transferring to rutgers and um i did have a lot of fun at rowan and made made some some great friends but like had some influential influential teachers who were telling me to get out of there because there was nothing for me there and i'm starting to tell this story realizing i bet a bunch of these fucking kids are going to rowan next year i but like the presence of mind for a teacher in that environment to be like you're you're bigger than this i know the size of this and you're bigger than it is really incredible.

Yeah, it was really very cool and very, very helpful. I think it ended up being the right thing to do. And again, I don't think the teachers were giving that advice to everyone. Yeah. And I don't mean to say that because like only the best. yeah and i don't mean to say that because like only the best i think it's just specific personality that that i had that i was like interested in theater a little bit and interested in writing more and more and more and uh a theater professor who was like this is this is a great school for for like developing a love of theater and like doing learning a bunch of experimental approach to

theater but it's it's small and it's not near anything and i had a writing professor who was mad that i wanted to do anything with theater and just wanted me to write and and pushed me in that direction and he was like be a writer and don't do it here and if it has to be theater be a playwright or something it's like right, Christ, Jesus Christ. It sounds like they really cared about you. Emery. Yeah, Emery was huge for me. It sounds like a really good school, honestly. It's great.

I love it. These teachers are giving you some quality time. I have one more question for you, Dan. Okay, sure. Did you get your tub fixed? I did, yeah. It was such a wacky situation so um remind people what happened here yeah the water was not coming out of the the shower head anymore it was only coming out of the faucet when

i pressed that that the button to make the water convert from one thing to the other yeah and then um i after having done nothing uh a new problem emerged where whenever I pressed that button, a horrible sound started happening and it felt like the walls were vibrating, like there was something like really backed up somewhere. faucet and the shower head and I tried to open the shower head but this is this is almost going to sound like I'm bragging about strength but I'm actually highlighting stupidity um I was pulling on it so hard that I didn't know if I was just going to break it because I couldn't I couldn't tell if like I'm actually opening this thing or I'm ripping it the fuck out of the wall um which is again like strong but also stupid like i should just have a better handle on how to fix things in my own home um so i eventually called the repair people at my building i was like i think i can i'm probably gonna break this if i try to do it and make it worse so let's have someone come in and fix it and uh one guy came in and seemed really scared

of the shower and like i explained to him the problem and he was like okay okay uh i don't know i didn't even touch it and he was like i'm gonna i'm gonna go downstairs i'm gonna tell the manager what I think, what my recommendation is, because this isn't the building that I normally work at. I don't know what parts they have. And it's worth it to

break out the aside that this is a tough time for everybody. It's clear that he's not a normal repair person around here. And it's like, it's, it's tough all over. A lot of people are doing extra jobs. I get it. Um,

but they sent a person who clearly was never going to be able to fix this thing. I was like, I'll go downstairs and I'll tell them. And, uh, maybe they'll send me back tonight. Maybe let's go back tomorrow.

I'm only here till four. And I was like, well, which, which will it be like, that's not really my area. It's up to them. And so he four. And I was like, well, which will it be? Like, that's not really my area. It's up to them. And so he left.

And then they called me from the front desk. And they're like, yeah, Repairman is going to be back tonight or tomorrow morning. And I was like, which is it? He's like, oh, is that timing not okay? And I was like, it could be. I just don't. Like, I understand it's quarantine, but like I've worked meetings and I, I, I have a dog that I need to walk sometimes.

And like chores, I don't know, just like give me a more narrow window than either tonight or tomorrow. Yeah. And they were like, oh, that's really all we can give you unless you want to like specify a time. was like yes what's that was on the table 10 30 tomorrow morning please and they're like okay great and then about 20 minutes later a different repairman showed up and fixed it oh solid this was yeah this was but like such a strange not i wouldn't say compelling story, but just like more proof that nothing is okay in the quarantine. We're all doing our best. I do love that they sent up a dude who didn't even touch her.

The minute he found out it was in a bathroom, he was like, oh, fuck. Stay cool. But the second guy walked in and I was like, I thought they were going to send someone tomorrow at 1030. And he was like, yeah, but I'm here now. I'm not here tomorrow at 1030. I was like, okay, perfect. Are they going to send that other guy at 1030? Like, no, that guy doesn't know what he's doing. And then he went and fixed it in like one second. Did he touch your shower head at all? Or was it all down in the diverter? It was all in the diverter. He just like tightened or loosened one thing and then it was fixed. Oh, that's the best. It's the best when somebody comes along and is like,

you're an idiot for not knowing this and they fix it right away. And you're like, that moment of shame made the rest of my life so much better. Yeah. But I didn't even get to see him do it because of six feet. Oh, right. You can't be in there. He was really insistent on like, okay, back up. I'm going to come into your apartment now and I'm going to go into the bathroom and then I'm going to leave.

And like, this is the distance that we need to be. Oh, Dan, I'm falling in love with this guy. He tells you exactly how it's supposed to go, how your interaction is supposed to happen. This is wonderful. I want to meet him. All right. Call him up again. I'll break your shower. I'll break my shower.

I'm glad you got it fixed, though. I'm glad that's not an issue for you anymore. Yeah. No. We're going to wrap things up now. I've got to track down the social accounts, but while I'm doing that, I'm going to need Soren to to vamp for a little bit i'm sorry

to do this to you uh i'll get you started uh earlier this week we lost a comedy legend jerry stiller passed away it's heartbreaking you tweeted then deleted finally do you care to speak to that Yeah. So I deleted it just because I wanted to be respectful of Ben, who is obviously a good friend of mine. But Jerry, I knew for a long time, wanted to see his wife again, who also passed. And I thought, now he's got that opportunity up there on that great stage in the sky. He will find her again, and I can't wait for them to have each other once again.

And while he's a loss to us, it would be selfish of me not to say on his behalf, finally. Well done. You can find Soren on Twitter at Soren underscore LTD or me at DOB underscore INC. Or if you're new to the podcast, this guy, Michael, that we know, make me bacon, please, on Twitter. You can email the show at QQ with Soren and Daniel at gmail.com and tell us something funny. You can follow the show on Twitter at Twitter.com slash QQ underscore Soren and Dan and tweet us something funny. You can find Gabe Harder, who is our engineer, producer, editor, and just like

an all around tech whiz that has made this podcast, which sounds like it should be easy. It's actually very difficult, but he has made it easy and he's made it work every week and we don't know how. You can find him at Gabe Harder dotcom uh we also have a patreon somewhere and i think that's it right i just gonna say yeah gabe is another person in my life just like that guy at your the can fixture shower gabe is somebody who tells me what to do when we get here i set up my stuff he tells me exactly what to do how it's here. I set up my stuff. He tells me exactly what to do, how it's going to work. When it doesn't work, he's like, I'll fix it. And I'm just like, this is the dream. These are the people you want to surround yourself with.

He's a very good communicator. Talk to me like a child while not making me feel like I'm being condescended to. But I'll think about it later and realize, oh, I'm the dumb one in this. Because you're like, okay, now look at the top right of your screen. Okay, great. Do you see a volume button? You do, that's good. And I'm like, I do see a volume button.

I'm clicking on it, Gabe. Yeah. He's not going to use any shorthand within the sound community that you wouldn't understand. He's like, look, look up in the top right corner. Are there three dots? They're going to be one on top of the other, not three dots in a line. Yes, I did wonder that, Gabe.

Thank you. Did you direct your eyes where I told you to direct them? Uh-huh. Okay. You should be seeing this. I am. All right. That's very good.

It is. He's great. Everyone should hire him all right that's our show we'll be back okay bye every week forever