Quick Question with Soren and Daniel - QQ ep 57 - Our Sleeping Beauties

Episode Date: September 18, 2020

In this episode Soren describes a bench he made, and the guys discuss some everyday activities that they hate being watched during.   As always big thanks to our sponsors. Thanks to Postmates.  Use code qq and get $100 of free delivery credit.  And make sure to visit MyBookie Online today. and use the promo code qq when creating your account to double your first deposit.

Hello again and welcome to another episode of Quick Question with Soren and Daniel, a podcast where two best friends and TV writers basically invite you to be a silent guest at one of their lunches. I am one half of this podcast, last week's Tonight Writer, How to Fight President's Author, and the last unmarried wife guy, Daniel O'Brien, joined as always by my co-host, Mr. Soren Bowie. Soren, say hello. My name is Soren Bowie.

I am the other half of this podcast. I'm an ex-climber, ex-kyaker, ex-actor, and ex-boyfriend to the girl who played Jenny in Forrest Gump. Child Jenny, not Robin Wright. Both. It's weird. Oh, wow. Wow. Yeah. What a coup.

And then also old Sandra Bullock. I mean, not Sandra. Oh, damn it. That would have been Sally Field. Sally Field. Sandra Bullock. I mean, not Sandra. Oh, damn it.

That would have been Sally Field. Sally Field. I mean, I guess I want to say like the age that Sally Field was at the time. They aged her up. No? Oh, yeah, that's right. She died old. All right. That's fair.

You said ex-kayaker. You're never going to kayak again? No, I hated it. Yeah. I did it in high school because everyone else was doing it. That sounds really funny. I was kayaking in high school because everyone else was doing it that sounds really funny i was kayaking in high school because everyone else was but oh yeah same as my high school too bro same as raritan high school in hazlitt new jersey all the cool kids were kayaking down fucking off the key oh so this is also river kayaking this is like whitewater kayaking

this is like no joke i'm gonna die kayaking and i hated it i was scared of it i don't like water sports but i pretended to like it because all my friends were very into it and they'd be like oh we're gonna go boating or we're gonna go boof that's what they called it uh because when the boats hit rocks they make a boof sound so like we're gonna go boof and i'd be like yeah yeah me too and they're like what's wrong when do you when do you get in your boat i'm like i soon man i man. I was at Summit yesterday, and I was going to get one. And the last second, I was like, oh, I don't have any money. And I just didn't want to do the sport.

I hated it. Okay, so this is actually very helpful to me. So at his confirmation hearing, when Brett Kavanaugh pulled out his calendar and said, on this day, me and Soren and these two girls we've been slumming it with are gonna go boofing that was kayaking fretton oh that's totally innocent well wow and then we kayak to this little like island in the middle of the river and then we would do whatever the dirty stuff was yeah okay all right that makes more sense but yeah we would they would they would go boofing and they would go boofing in the winter. And I hate it. They

put on their wetsuits and they go to... The first time I ever kayaked was in the snow. It was snowing on that day. And I was like, why do we do this? And then I've also had more experiences where I got pinned on rocks upside down, which is the river's moving pretty fast. You're not supposed to hit a rock sideways. I hit a rock sideways and got flipped over. And when that happens, the force of all the river is pushing you against the rocks. You can't get off. And so I was just stuck there and I had a harrowing moment and, uh, decided this was not the sport for me, man. I'm also like, I've done like very safe, timid kayaking before. Uh,

I have a scary version of kayaking that is on my fishing bucket list that i i'm i'm still too nervous to really attempt but like i watch these videos of these fishermen who just fish off a kayak they've got those usually like those uh pedal kayaks um and they go out with those and they're just these guys who are in like deep waters in the the out of like san francisco like pacific ocean and they've got their nets and they've got their cameras and they've got usually two or three fishing poles going and they're fighting big fish out in the middle of this water and it's so scary to me like i'm i fall under the best of circumstances. I crash into things all the time. I'm a very clumsy person.

And I just know me on a boat strapped into this tiny banana kayak fighting a fish, I'm gonna completely lose my shit and fall over and possibly die. But it's still a thing I really want to do because there's something so like pure fisherman about it to me, just like person in small boat, catching a fish with their own pole and then catching it with their own net

and then like dragging it back to shore to, to clean, cook and eat it. Yes. I understand the romance of that. And I am on board with that. Like a sea kayak where you head out on your own and if there's no motor, so it's quiet out there, you're self-propelled and then like yeah you you find the food to sustain yourself bring it home and cook it up um yeah my son understands that as well because we watched a video just on like finding muscles just he loves tide pools loves the idea of them and wants to go to tide pools constantly but because of this one youtube video we saw this guy in on the i don't know the english coast somewhere uh was finding mussels and clams and crabs and things he knew what all of them were he knew you had to pour some salt down these little holes to get one of the clams to come up and then he

cooked them all up right there on the beach and my son was just like yes and and now every time we go we i take him to tide pools uh and he every time we go he's like let's cook this and i'm like we can't we're not we're not allowed to i don't know what any of these things are i'm sure many of them are toxic. Thanks to MyBookie for supporting Quick Question. Winning season returns at MyBookie. Winning season means Survivor, Super Contest, and Squares. Invest in your intuition. Use promo code QQ and double your first deposit. New players get up to $1,000 in free play.

Thanks to Postmates for supporting Quick Question. If you're like me, you probably start thinking about what to eat for dinner while you're eating lunch i love food so much that's why i love using postmates and for a limited time postmates is giving our listeners 100 a free delivery credit for your first seven days to start your free deliveries download the app and use code qq that's code qq uh let's get into the show where we ask each other questions and give each other answers before that as we've been doing since march we like to do a quick check-in with the the quarantine and covid and how that's going i have i i got a quarantine update covid update yeah at at what phase of california's reopening is it safe for Bacon to come to your house and start doing his fucking job of being on this podcast again? What's

Newsom's take on that? Phase 11? What are we doing here? At the very least, he could buy a mic with the exorbitant amount of cash I'm sure we're earning with this podcast. And get to work from his own little hovel that

I've been to. I shouldn't call it a hovel. He's really got a manse of sorts. It's like three bedrooms. It's really nice. Yeah. Sounds like one of those rooms could easily be a podcast. There's one that exclusively is that.

There's one that's like that for that and then his Star Wars Lego ships. And honestly, I can't imagine he's filled that entirely up with just legos i'm and and records i'm sure i'm dragging him because i miss him and i i want him back on this podcast and uh also because like hey man we're doing it you should have to too yeah i would love to have bacon back on here. I value his assessment of things. When we can't come to a real solution, we check in with him, and he's very sage. Yeah. Well, Dan, I've got a quarantine update as well.

Mine is... Yes, thank you. I hesitate to even tell this because it's not it's not fun. But I'll give you the rundown of like how it happened. And maybe that that will help. Maybe I can I can make it a little funner. So my son's birthday was recent. We went to a cabin out in the middle of the woods because I want to take him camping. But there's not really good camping in L.A. where you can get the good distance you want from people and not have the kind of hygienic opportunities you would have in an aerial four wall house. So a cabin in the woods felt like the next best thing. We went to a really

nice high elevation cabin. It was cool. In the middle of our trip, we drive into the town and we actually have cell phone service. And we both get a text from our nanny who we had been having a nanny come um since my son can't go to school uh to take care of him or to take care of my daughter when uh we need to work and she contacts us we call her she's got covid yeah so we'd just seen her not that long ago we'd seen her like four days ago and i know this is this is uh about your family i'm very interested in that how is she all right so that's that's the thing she's not dead or anything she got very very sick uh it was really hard on her it was hard on her husband also got sick enough that he had to go to the hospital so we for a while while we were trying to check in, because we, none of us like, we waited a long time in that cabin. We were just like sitting in this cabin,

deciding if we should go back home, just trying to decide what we should do. And just sort of like waiting for somebody out of the four of us to get sick and not going into the town anymore, like not getting groceries, just living off of what we had. And we didn't. And then we came back, we got tested that week. And then we got tested again the next week. And we all came back negative. And during that time, we'd been trying to contact her

because we're trying to like find out what she needs. We know that the house that she lives in, it's further West, but it doesn't have air conditioning.'s pretty common in in la like houses in santa monica and stuff just don't do air conditioning yeah because normally the the ocean breeze is enough you can have a fan and open your windows and it's it's generally pretty cool but we also had that terrible heat wave recently and so we knew she's her fever was spiking and she was staying in a room that didn't have air conditioning. And she's staying in her room because she has a daughter who's now a grown woman, but living with her who was taking care of her while her husband was in the hospital. But she didn't have COVID. And so like basically she's just bringing food to the door.

And then my nanny was opening the door. She would get the food and go back in. But she was getting so weak that she couldn't like go to the bathroom and then my nanny was opening the door she would get the food and go back in but she was getting so weak that she couldn't like go to the bathroom and things like that so it was a very scary time when we were texting with just her daughter because after a while even she couldn't text and we weren't sure what was going to happen we weren't sure what's going to happen with her husband it sounds like they're both on the men now, which is really nice. They're both getting better. And, uh, she were actually texting with her again. And she was like, it was really strange.

She was like, um, I assume you've found someone else by now. And I understand that if you don't want me to come back. And we were like, no, are you kidding me? Like take, take as much time as you want. And we were trying to bring her things that but she did she was like refusing everything she didn't want us to come by or anything like that even to the house um because she was so scared she was so scared that she'd given it to one of our kids and uh now she's on the mend i imagine we'll see her probably in like

20 days or whenever she fully recovers but there was a really weird time where we didn't know how she was we were lost in the woods and just sort of all of us sitting around like is that a tickle in my throat what do i feel am i am i out of breath because of the elevation or because i've suddenly got something yeah you can talk yourself into anything and it's really psychosomatic you start to feel bad i mean you start to think no i've got something i have something and then you get the negative test you're like i feel great yeah right like the morning i'm going to visit someone for the first time i wake up and i was like, I think it's possible that I contracted COVID sometime into the night alone in my bed. That seems like what's happened. I'm shaking and sweating.

Yeah. Couldn't possibly just be nerves. Yeah. And I swore that the last day we were there, I was like, it's getting worse. I had a terrible headache and my throat was a little sore and i was like god damn it i could feel something coming on and it was a very like a zombie bite moment where i was like do i tell my wife and scare her or do i just try and muscle through this and and hope that i don't turn and uh it was all it must have just all been in my head or it was altitude sickness. I don't know what it was. Yeah. Oof.

Well, I'm glad that they seem to be on the mend. If there's anything that I or the QQ listeners can do, let us know. If there's like mounting medical bills that need to be paid, I'm sure we could do a GoFundMe or redirect some of our Patreon funds towards that. I actually don't know if we can legally do that. This is

our family will deal with her family. I feel fine with that. Well, that's a bummer. Should we go to the show? Yeah, I think so. I was thinking of ways to make it better, but there's just not really a good way to say that I know someone who almost died. Yeah. But it was very scary. It was scary in terms of like not because we were concerned oh well what does that mean for me it was scary to know someone who had it and was

that you care about who was suddenly very sick and you couldn't get in contact right it makes it very personal anyway yeah let's get into the show uh i can i got a question for you dan okay it's covet related do you know anyone who uh my question for you is uh and i know that you have this because you're the same as me in this respect what's the public place you found during this covet uh during the pandemic that makes that you feel like is undiscovered, that it's like it's just yours? It's not undiscovered and it's not just mine, but there's a spot along the Hudson where there's like there's a bridge that you walk along, a small bridge and there's's water on one side, and there's often water on the other side of it, and then there's grass and a sidewalk. And in the middle of this water, there's what normally, depending on the tide, looks like

just an island sitting there, just like a tall piece of earth with some concrete on top and some grass poking out of it and if you get there at the right time when the tide is not there you can climb up that thing and then just sit on it and then the tide comes in and then you're sitting on a nice little island and it's just yours and i i've gone there to do yoga i've gone there to read and i've gone there to just like sit and, and be a thing that, uh, even if the water doesn't come up and I'm, I'm just sitting alone on this, on this tall column, everything about it communicates.

Don't come near me. I'm, I'm like, I'm, uh, I'm climbing distance away and it's very clear that no one goes up there to be, cause I'm not the only one who's ever been up there but no one goes up there to be like come on it's a party we're all partying on this fucking tube of earth that juts up into the sky it's very very obviously like i'm i'm on this pillar surrounded by empty space respect do. And do people know whatever comes out there? No. Every once in a while

you'll see people who usually people who want to take pictures up there. You can always spot them. And they'll like they'll make sure they stand in your eyeline to communicate

hey we want to turn too. And as frustrating as that is I try to respect that because I don't own the land. I don't own the space or anything like that. But it's also just like, I've never done that. If I saw someone in my spot, I wouldn't stand there and be like, I'm not putting my quarters on the pool table to be like, I got next. I just think like, okay, I don't have my spot today. So change your plan and go somewhere else. Take a long walk, come back, see if it's open then. Yes. It's interesting to me that in big cities like the ones we live in, that you still can't

find these little tiny places that do feel like yours. And I mean, that's not just specific to the pandemic. That's something I know you would find here in LA. That's something you found in New York before it. That's something I always hunt out. Um, and it just means a lot more now that there's the virus because you need to get outside and you need to go do something, but you also don't want to be surrounded by people because it just makes you so anxious. Um, I've got one that I go to with my family. It's a tide pool that we found down in San Pedro, which is like a bit of a drive from LA. But you go down, I don't know if people are familiar with the geography, but those are the main ports of Los Angeles. Everything that comes in through LA comes through San Pedro. So as you drive down,

you look out onto the water and there are what look like these giant brontosauruses out there that are the cranes that move all of the shipping crates. And if you drive past those, you can go down this little coast and there's like a car culture down there. Every time I go down there, there's a bunch of people in old timey cars and they kind of cruise this one grassy strip. But if you hike down below the strip, there's actually a hole in a fence and you can go down a hillside down to like the cliffs down to the water. It's just these cliffs and then water. So it's really tough to get down to them. But there is one way where it's a pretty steep. I put my on my shoulders generally, and we can kind of like skid down to the water and then you're down on the rocks and the water and there's maybe

for like you can look in a mile in each direction you might see two other people while you're there and it's just our spot and we go there a lot we go there and we see all kinds of floral and fun like we see um anemones and crabs and then the other day we went and there was just this seal sitting on a rock like hanging out and seals are very funny when they sit on rocks they're not like sea lions that have those wrists where they can like prop themselves up seals are always just perpetually on their back like like somebody like lying on a couch who doesn't have the energy to get up to say hello they're just like oh yeah they're they're every one of them they're it's like just a uh a herd of homer simpsons collapsed on the beach it's always amazing it's real fun it's always like i'm not really sure you're getting back in the water from this you don't look like it seems like

you've been here for a while and you and you lack the upper body strength required and their fins are like just like hugged to their body so it's like it's almost like a t-rex on its back like they don't they're not there's no way they'd have to roll in there's no other way for them to get into the water and it's really fun to watch but the thing i the thing i respect about them is that they've always got a look in their eyes that is like i don't need help i'm content to die if that's what's gonna happen they kind of look at you with these big black eyes and then they just roll their head back and they're like, I'm just waiting for it to come and get me.

But yeah, we saw seals. Every time that we've been there, we've seen something new. Dead stuff. Like it's real fun. And he's way, way into it. And it definitely feels like everyone in LA is trying to get out of their house and they're trying to go somewhere and they're trying to go somewhere that's fun,

especially families. And to have discovered a place that no one else goes to, because it's kind of a little dangerous to get down to it is just like the thing I needed the most. Yeah. That's nice that you, your thing to get away still involves your family. Do you miss having, is there anything that is like, and now it's Soren's time, like I'm going to go work on the hot rod, like in Home Improvement? Or do you crave like dad time by yourself somewhere? No, I, well, not anymore. Because it's like an interesting, you framed the question is like, where do you go just to be by yourself for me?

And your answer for it was, I take my family on a magical trip to the sea. Yeah, I don't, I used to need that a lot and I don't as much anymore. And I, the way that I fulfill it for myself is just like projects around the house that I know that my son will be bored by. My wife doesn't want to do, but it's still investment in the house. Like she wants me to be doing it. So I don't have to feel bad about like, like I've been building a lot lately, especially now that we thought we had to quarantine for two weeks because we weren't sure if we had COVID. I was just like building.

I built a bench that I think is very cool for the front of our house. And then it's building it and then it's sanding it down and priming it and then painting it. And like that whole process is mine and I don't have to share it with anybody. And that's where I get that. Yeah, that's pretty good. How many times have you been watching a game

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Double your first deposit. Use promo code QQ to activate your offer. Visit MyBookie online today. That's M-Y-B-O-O-K-I-E. And don't forget to use the promo code QQ when creating your account to claim the bonus bet win get paid I got a quick question for you unless you wanna keep talking about benches it's a nice bench man and except I can't lift it it looks great I saw you sent me a picture of it

and it looks painted it today I can't lift it i need help okay um i can't this weekend but uh maybe january if we have a vaccine okay yeah no i think that's well i think that's fine um and then i can give you your your birthday present too no it's not done i should check in with him and see if it will be done by then so i've talked to people in my real life who listen to this podcast very disconcerting by the way to know human beings that listen to this podcast oh it's the worst and shout out to my mom and dad i love you guys and uh they're like is that just a that's just a bit right you don't actually have something for him and i'm like no i definitely do and they're like, is that just a, that's just a bit, right? You don't actually have something for him. And I'm like, no, I definitely do.

And they're like, well, just tell us what it is. And I was like, I can't because it can't possibly get back to him. Right. And it would get, if you told one person, it would get back to me. Yeah. I've got, I've got my birds everywhere. I don't know who to trust. I don't trust my own kids.

All right. I got a quick who to trust. I don't trust my own kids. All right. I got a quick question for you. What's something you never under any circumstances want someone to watch you do? Masturbate, poop, cry. Okay. All right. So let me keep talking. It's not like a bathroom thing and it's not a sex thing or like a traditionally embarrassing thing.

Like I have a short one to illustrate this and then I have a longer thing or like a traditionally embarrassing thing uh like i have a short one to illustrate this and then i have a longer one that i'll i'll dip into like the short one is at some point in the evolution of phone technology uh they've they they've stopped taking into consideration people like me with stupid fat thumbs and Homer Simpson fingers. So one of my nightmares, like I like actively think about it is if I am in like a college lecture hall and I'm sitting in the front of the lecture hall doing the crossword puzzle or texting on my phone and then projected behind me is everything that i'm i'm typing

because there are are so many typos because i'm i just can't i can't quickly text anything or or manipulate these these numbers and letters uh in an efficient and slick way and so the nightmare is it's all projected and like my closest friends and family are watching me do it. And they're watching me fill out the crossword puzzle. And it's like, uh, wrote cat in the hat. And they see me typing Dr.

Soups. And they're like fucking roasting me from the crowd. Like, Oh, was it Dr. Soups? Was it Dr. Did Dr.

Soups tell you that? I'm like, stop it the letters are close together so my i i clearly know the answer i'm sympathetic to that i have a hard time typing on my phone and i have spelling errors all the time and my strategy has just been to leave it to just say it as you know because when we text i'm just like uh he'll know what that means yeah and i do and that seems and that's like a much more uh confident and reasonable approach to engaging with this new flawed technology but i will i'll go back and fix typos and it makes all of my texts take way longer than they need to. And it's, again, even worse with the crossword puzzle because I'm going for time at this point.

I'm trying to get the Monday puzzle done in like 13 minutes. And the idea that anyone could see how long it takes me to write Oreo is just devastating. Well that O, the O and the I for whatever reason. I know. It's just like a nightmare up there in that corner. And the difference between text and crossword is like their crossword won't autocorrect for you. They will let you spell Oreo, E-R-E-O. And then when you try to solve the puzzle at the end, they'll be like, not quite, buddy.

You screwed something up. So does it? You called her Princess Diaca. Is there a time limit that they set? Can you do a timer on the site? Are you doing that? Is that your own thing? They just tell you

when you're done how quickly you finish the puzzle i hate that yeah and like it's easy like they do so the the new york times crossword puzzle has two puzzles every day there's the mini that is like like a five by five or a six by six thing like a very easy puzzle and the goal for that is always finish this under a minute which i generally do and then the rest of the puzzles they they start out the easiest monday the proper puzzle and they get increasingly harder until they get to sunday and i i fuck off lose sunday all the time but my monday and tuesday puzzles i'm getting to like 13 and 14 minutes and that's a a good spot for me um the guy the guy Rex, Rex, uh, Parker Tillerson, the guy I talked about in a previous podcast who Rex Tillerson, yes. Um, uh, the guy who like

reviews the crossword puzzle, he does these in like five to eight minutes, which seems super human to me. And I'm not going to come anywhere near that, but I'm happy with my 13, 14, 15 minute completion rate for my Monday and Tuesday crosswords. Imagine just having that arsenal of words at your disposal that you just, and you know how they're filed in your brain and you can just pluck them up from any time, any one time you want. Yeah.

I'm so jealous of that. Anyway. That's a good one. I would say that the one that uh i've always had is i get i'm very uncomfortable with the idea of anyone seeing me sleep really because you sleep well i guess you do it secretly yeah but like when we've been on long film shoots you, you've slept. And I squirrel away somewhere.

Yeah. Where no one's allowed to see me. And I only tell the second AD, this is where I will be and I need you to wake me up when it's time. Right. You climb up into the rafters and then like pull up the ladder behind you. So no one can get there.

It's very important to me that no one sees me sleep. It's such a vulnerable thing and you're not in control of yourself at all. And so I do a lot of those jumpstarts. You see people on planes do every once in a while when they fall asleep on a plane. Oh, yeah. I do that all the time. Suddenly their arms like fling in the air. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry, everyone. And I also, I can't, my mouth hangs open and I snore, which is like my greatest shame, snoring. It feels, I've been, I don't think this is from me, by the way. I think that it's been instilled in me from different people. They're like, snoring is something that gross people do. Yeah, that's like a TV thing. That's like Homer Simpson snores. Marge does not.

Barney will snore the second he falls asleep. But like Troy McClure will not. It's always been associated with like slovenly people. It's a moral failing that I snore. Yeah. And I can't help but internalize that. And I know that I snore and I know that I snore loudly. And so I don't like sleeping around. I have like, I have to be in one very specific position not to snore.

And I can't always achieve that if I'm in somewhere like on a film set. And so I need to be somewhere where people don't see me with my mouth hanging open, potentially snoring with like my put my arms flinging around and i also will occasionally wake up to drool and yeah i it's just so humiliating to be that vulnerable in front of another human being that i never i never want other people to see me in that circumstance right they're they're seeing you in a place where you have no control and you don't like that. Oh, it's the worst. I've engineered my life in such a way that very few people see me sleep. So, who wins here?

Problem solved. Checkmate, sir. Do I snore or scream in my sleep? No one knows. Oh, that's the other thing, is I occasionally wake up from dreams trying to scream, and I can't, so it just comes out as like a little whimper. And it's like you can tell that I'm trying to do something,

but I can't. And I imagine it must be sort of horrifying to somebody else who sees it. But that's very embarrassing, too. And my wife is over it. She is like, she doesn't wake me up. She's like, oh, my God, are you OK? Are you OK? Everything's all right.

Everything's all right. She's like, you're doing it again. You're right. I'm so sorry. Let me let me just turn into the one position I have. And this is how I will sleep the rest of my life. That's a good one. Soren, I have a Postmates story for you. Yes.

So I normally, I reserve Postmates for like a dinner thing. Like it's the end of the day. It's a treat but i recently won an emmy and uh the next day i wanted to absolutely treat myself uh because we were deprived of the normal uh emmy festivities and so i did a thing that i don't normally do i ordered an extravagant sushi meal from postmates for lunch and it couldn't have gone better. I put my order in, it showed up promptly and I ate delicious sushi from my favorite sushi place and I loved it so much and really felt like I was a king in my own little kingdom. You really have to trust your delivery service to deliver a huge plate of sushi. I know. And like, and like the order that I got, it's like literally on the menu called trust me. So, and it all came through the food came through and the, the delivery

person came through, uh, and it was so great. And it's opened up so many doors. I mean, it's opened up an additional door. So now I'm doing Postmates for dinner and lunch. Yes. That's the door that's opened. And speaking of which, if you're like me, you probably start thinking about what to eat for dinner while you're eating lunch.

I love food, which is why I love using Postmates. And I actually love them even more right now because I can get food delivered without even leaving my apartment. I don't even have to open the door because what's going on in the world, they do this new non-contact deliveries. So now when I order from local restaurants to support them or my favorite sushi place, everything gets left right outside my door. Obviously, I don't leave the sushi out there for too long, just a day or two. They also have Postmates Pickup, which I've been using to order takeout

from my favorite local restaurants. Hey, listen up. You guys need to be supporting your neighborhood spots right now. I've only been ordering local because it's a great way to support my community, which is, like, I know I'm aggressive, but that's actually a thing I do.

I don't want any of my restaurants that I go to to close, so I make sure a couple of times a week I order from them, and I go through Postmates. And Postmates doesn't just deliver burgers and sushi. They've actually made my life easier by picking up everything I need from Walgreens and 7-Eleven and dropping it off outside my door. This is another true thing, that I had a road trip that I was doing and it was coming right at the tail end of a work week. So I didn't have time to get like, I wanted road deodorant and

chapstick and like all the things that you want on a long car ride in a small bag. And so I just went through Postmates and got them all delivered from Walgreens right to my house, saved me a trip. It was great, super convenient. And I want to pass that convenience onto our listeners. And I can just download Postmates on iOS or Android, find your favorites and get anything you want delivered within the hour. And for a limited time, Postmates is giving our listeners $100 of free credit for your first seven days. To start your free deliveries, download the app, that's Postmates, and use code QQ. That's code QQ for $100 of free delivery credit for your first seven days when you download the Postmates app. Anything you need, anytime you need it, Postmate it.

I have another one this is another thing I did that I didn't I was humiliated to learn it it was a thing that I didn't know I was doing that you actually pointed out to me years ago and it was hard no so sorry this is gonna no no it's fine this will be a bit of a story so we all had many jobs jobs at crack.com when we worked there. And one of yours for a time, this is all for our listeners, you know this, was inexplicably running our entire merch store. And part of your responsibilities included handling photo shoots for staff members to model cracked T-shirts for ads.

Because we thought people would see prominent cracked fixtures wearing shirts and would then buy them i guess um so i'm modeling some of our shirts and there's a photographer and you're barking out orders for what looks and poses you want me to give and do and and in my memory you're honestly you're doing everything a person in your position is supposed to be doing which is insane because like you had no training in this but you're complimentary and you're positive and you're you're doing everything you can to make me feel attractive and comfortable but it's still like a very deeply weird thing and neither of our lives were set up to land on this destination where you're like, you're giving me money, Daniel,

come on. Where you are a model and I'm a photographer who is like, right. We're just fucking you with the camera. Right. This was not either of our plans. And, and we're both trying to do our best.

You're doing a better job of it than I am. Um, and there was a certain look like there's, there's some things that I could certainly do where it's like, look like Daniel in after hours. I'm like, got it. I can look nervous. I can look like inquisitive or thoughtful or whatever, but there was something that you were trying to get me to do. And I didn't understand it. I didn't know what you were going for. There was like a communication breakdown where you couldn't exactly get what you wanted out of me. And now for a bit of context, there was a girl

who worked in our office, but not with us. So she worked on a different site and I had a little crush on, we're going to call her Kelly and we would harmlessly flirt every day. Uh, context established. Now, when you were getting me to do what you wanted and it, and it wasn't working, you said, Oh, I know. Stand the way you do when you talk to kelly in the morning with sort of your hands like in your belt loops and i know what you were trying to do you wanted me to look confident and and dare i say sexy and you recognize that posture in me when i was talking to a girl I liked, but I was so mortified that I, because I was like, oh, you can see me when I do that. And you know what I'm doing. And like, do you think other people, do you think Kelly sees me? Do you think she knows that I'm, I'm like,

I'm trying to do confident, sexy guy pose. pose. I never would have done it if I thought anyone would see that. It was like a truly devastating moment because I think there's like movies have done this weird thing where they make flirting in a movie look really cool. Like you're very charmed by people who are hitting it off in a movie. But in real life, anytime I've been at a bar with my friends and be like, Hey, look over there. Mike's flirting.

It's weird, right? Look at him. That looks stupid. It's like, I don't think anyone in real life from a, to a third party observer looks good when they're doing what they think sexy.

It looks like when you watch somebody else eat when you're already you're like yes absolutely really is that what what we're all doing and it's a thing that like once you're in it you don't you you assume it's a private thing shared between you and another person even though it's in a public space and the idea that like, you know what I looked like when I thought I was being sexy is devastating and humiliating. Okay. Well, let me cross-examine the witness for a second. So I remember this and the minute you said that we had these jobs, I was like, I know what he's going to say. Because you did, like you wore the devastation after that. And I, the minute you said that we had these jobs, I was like, I know what he's going to say because you did like, you wore the devastation after that. And I was like, I shouldn't have said that because I just fucked him up. Like now I'm not going to get it at all. And the reason I was asking you to do that is because it's so hard to like, you look at the

models on t-shirt websites and stuff, which I have something i had to do weirdly for my job and there's a confidence to a model that's very hard to achieve and that's why they have the jobs that they have is they're like they can look so natural in an environment that is not natural at all and they continue to like it's not just for that individual moment there's 50 shots that don't work they look natural for like the entire shoot and like they this is where they belong and yeah that's a confidence thing it's like i belong here is the confidence of it and you have a a great confidence when you are flirting and that's what i was trying to get from you is like you when you're i know like your posture i know the way that you move and it works dan like it's a good it's a good it's a good flirt and so but no one's no you're not supposed to know that and so i was like i know that's the that's what i want is that

and i wasn't going to be like trying to trick you into it i was like just give me the thing that i know you have and then when i said it and you knew it existed and that I was aware of it, it just got locked away in a box forever. Yeah. It was a thing that I was like, oh, does that mean my boss knows that I was being flirted? Does the whole world know that I was flirting? And like, this is what I think flirting is supposed to look like. Good God. But you're, that's, you're right though. Like that is how it's supposed to look like you weren't doing anything wrong. That's what I wanted that. I wanted to like juice that out of you.

I know. That's what I was trying to say. Like, I know what you were trying to do. You, you were, you were trying to get me to look confident and, and but it's a thing that I didn't think I was broadcasting to the world around me, which in retrospect, I should have known, but it felt the same as like, if we were doing a photo shoot and you were like, let's see, oh, do you remember two months ago when you were having sex with that girl

up against the wall in your apartment do that do that and i'd be like oh my god you saw that that was for us there's a there's a thing that happens now there have been a number of sketches that we've done where for whatever reason i have to simulate sex yeah and i've always been for whatever reason I have to simulate sex. Yeah. And I've always been. For whatever reason, I mean, look at the slim pickings on the ground, man. I've been always hyper aware of how it looks because I'm for obvious reasons,

but also because of what you betray about yourself in those moments. And everyone is aware of that, whether like consciously or not, they look at it and like, that's how he fucks. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I can think of nothing more mortifying than having to simulate sex in a movie or sketch or anything.

Like, OK, now just pretend you're having sex. Like the nightmare is I would start and then the director would be like, that's funny. But no, like for real, like actually pretend you're having sex. I mean, like, oh, no. And the reason i know it is because i used to be in a sketch comedy group i one of my really good friends was in the group we did a uh i can't remember what the sketch was but he ended up coming out in like a black unitard and he had to do like this dance this grinding dance like he was having sex

with the air and it was so we would we were rehearsing it and i remember watching it in our living room and thinking oh that's definitely how he fucks that's that's weird that's a weird thing i will never do that i'm always gonna i'm gonna mentally remember from this moment forward that this is something i need to avoid and so if i'm ever in a circumstance where i have to do this i'm just gonna make something else up right i feel like there's no acting in my future uh and certainly no one would want to see a dramatized sex scene from me but on the off chance that that does happen uh i i know i'm going to in the room pitch like wouldn't it be funny if he was like bad at sex or weird at sex i think it would be better for the story if I was like over the top wrong at sex. You know, let's do that.

And then just. So I'm in on the joke, too. And then just do what you would ordinarily do. And if they say, that's not weird. You could just be like, that's thank you. Thank you. Win win for all of us, I think. That's what I told her, too.

Yeah. I. I think that, that yeah you just have to i mean because acting is so much of it is trying to be honest in the moment is like you're tapping into something else i'm not we're doing sketch comedy so there's not like some we're not doing any performances daniel but we are still trying to be as real as possible because that's what makes stuff funnier. And so much of it is very vulnerable where you're like, you're trying to be as real as possible and what you would ordinarily do in those circumstances and make them as real as possible for yourself, you know, as fantastic as they are. And I could see how you fall into the trap of being like, yeah. And so if I want this sex scene to look real and passionate, I have to do it the way I would know how to do it.

And it's the wrong approach every single time. Don't ever do it that way. A little tip for all the young actors out there. Yeah. Young actors who are preparing for sex scenes, I guess, who listen to this podcast. I bet it's a bigger number than you think. All right. What else?

Well, I have a story for you that I want to tell. Oh, shit. All right. If that's all right. Yeah. I got nothing else. Okay, great. Now, a few weeks back, you and maybe some of the other connoisseurins will remember that.

Hey, I got to stop you. Yeah. I love that. Stay blessed. Okay. Thank you. There was a dog poop incident that happened in my alley where my neighbor came out and started yelling at a guy in kind of a whine about dogs pooping in the alley. Yeah, you did his voice and everything.

Can we hear the voice again? I don't have to show you the camera. I don't have to show you the – Fuck that guy. So I basically became that guy this past week. Oh. Yeah, there was a moment where I was working on the bench out on the side of my house, and I see this guy on his phone come by and he's talking on his phone real loud and he's got his dog in my, I have like a kind of a zero scaped yard.

Do you know what that means? It's all just like native plants. It's like grasses and stuff like that. And then mulch all around it. Okay. And it's like heaven for a dog to poop in. It'd be great. And this dog is like, yes, this is the spot.

And my mind was like, I know. All the dogs love it. And dog poops. And then the guy just starts walking away. And I'm standing right there. I don't know if he maybe doesn't see me because he's on his phone. And it's like I go out, look and see the dog has officially pooped. And I go, hey.

And I point at it. And he goes, my bad. And comes back and i stand there for a little while while he like keeps talking on the phone and starts unraveling a bag very slowly puts his hand in it like like this is a big effort on his part like with this this nice thing he's doing for me yeah and puts the poop in the bag and it's not enough for me. And I'm just- You want to see him eat it? I want something else.

I just, I'm mad that he was trying to get away with it. And then when he got caught, it was just like, yeah, my bad. And like, wasn't more apologetic about it. And so I was like, so I just stand there. I'm about six feet away from him and I'm just sort of like watching and making sure that he

gets it all he puts in the bag and he notices that he's just being watched by somebody's like are we good and i was like i don't know i guess so and he's like is there a problem and i was like i i just didn't think i'd have to supervise this kind of thing and then it becomes a fight and yeah uh because i've now escalated things and he's like what the fuck man and then i said uh i said you just let your dog shit right here like right in front of him and then you just walked away right in front of you he's like i'm having a bad day and he's still on the phone by the way and i was like all right all right whatever and then he starts to walk away and i start to walk back into my the side of my house and i was like by the way wear a mask and he wasn't wearing a mask just

because like i can't i just need him to hurt somehow right and now you know that you you have the moral high ground so you assume that extends to everything and it's like everything in life also vote also call your mom don't just text her, call her. I'm, I cannot help. Like, this is something that's happened with age. I think in my younger years, I would have just kind of let this shit go, but I'm, I'm so affronted by people when they do something. Oh, you know what? Another thing that really drove me up the wall was like that first one, he, we were kind of like having our altercation he goes i said i'm sorry and in my mind i was like no you you accepted accountability but you did not apologize but i wasn't gonna like try to make that argument and so i'm just sitting on it and stewing and then uh he when i i said

wear a mask he got very upset came up onto my property and like came up to me and he's like, you wear a mask. And I was like, it's my house. And then I did a crazy thing. Okay. Yes, I love it. God, I love when it gets super fucking hot in Los Angeles and everyone's just ready to goddamn murder a Capulet. This is awesome.

I did a crazy thing, which as I said, and this doesn't make any sense in hindsight but i at the moment i was like yes uh he came up to me he said you wear a mask it's like getting like pretty close to me and i said i'm i said i tested positive for covid i'm asymptomatic it's for your fucking protection asshole and and you lied about you completely lied about something that like is hurting thousands hundreds of thousands of people and like used it like like i could just pull it off a shelf at any minute and it was yeah and use it and i and at the moment in the moment it felt really great because he backed up uh in a way that was like

he was unprepared for that yeah it's also the mask is not for his protection it's for i should be wearing masks yeah absolutely you both should be wearing masks i mean it's your property so i understand you're not wearing masks but but if i did have covid i should not be outside without a mask on and so playing by the rules of the universe that you invented yes you should be wearing a mask and he walked away kind of like backed away and then walked away and we didn't say another word to each other but and at the moment i was like it was feeling pretty good and then afterwards i felt just terrible because i was like i just i just like used it i used this terrible tragedy and uh i didn't feel good about it dan and i felt like i suddenly became the guy in the in the alley yeah you uh you definitely shouldn't feel good

about it it's a very funny story um it's funnier to me if if he's the main character and when he says i'm having a bad day he really means it and now his day has gotten so much worse and he gets home to in this in the version that i'm creating he gets home to the two daughters that he's raising by himself because his wife died uh let's say of covid and then he's telling them and they're like, and they're like, daddy, daddy, daddy, what did you bring us? I'm like, I'm sorry, I couldn't. The shop was closed by the, like, I had it all timed out that I was going to get an ice cream cake for your birthday

because you're twins and it's your birthday. But I had to stop and clean up this poop. And then this guy yelled at me and screamed his COVID at me and he knew I was having a bad day. He knew that I, he didn't know the specifics. He didn't know that I got fired

for reporting on sexual harassment and trying to be a whistleblower. He didn't know those specifics but he knew I was having a bad day and he yelled at me and and like screamed his disease at me anyway and then at that point this the cake store was closed and the pharmacy was closed so i couldn't get your medication i couldn't get any of the medication get your wheelchair oil they didn't have any more of that yeah so that thing is going to be just like

creaking for i until the next paycheck honey i, I'm so sorry. Until the first of shoot October, that's going to be squeaking for your first day of school, which is virtual. I am so sorry. Here's the other part that I should have seen this guy's bench though. It was worth it. After I, so I went from feeling very high to feeling very low and then back to laughing when I considered what it must've sounded like on the other end of that phone call. Because he didn't hang up the whole time. So somebody else caught all of that. And we're just like privy to some weird thing that had happened where he hears on the other end of the phone, somebody hears, hey, off in the distance.

And then my bad. And then a fight start. Yeah. Right, in the alternate version where he's not the hero of the story and I'm the other guy on the, I'm the guy on the other end of the phone, and we're just like,

I'm having a bad day. I'm like, Jimmy, no, you're fucking not. We were just drinking at three o'clock in the afternoon. What are you talking about? Just clean up the dog shit. Hey, guy yelling at him. He's not having a bad day.

He's just an asshole. Right. That was my, after the whole exchange, I thought, I bet that other person on the other end of the phone knows this guy sucks already. And they're like, here he goes again. And that was my hope anyway. But I'm not, I'm not the hero of the story. This is one of those stories that doesn't have a hero. And fortunately, it would be nice if it did. And then here's the kicker, is that as I was feeling pretty good, I turn around and my son has to come around the corner. He's like, what was that?

And I was like, oh, like just the thought of having actual COVID was really... And having my son there and everything, I was just like, I feel terrible. He's just a guy doing his best son this is a guy who sucks doing his best yeah like all of us you'd be lucky to turn out like him because he's not a liar like your father he doesn't he's just lazy Use victimhood as his own weapon.

Anyway, that's it. Dan, I think that's pretty much the end of the show. I got to go find our outros. I shouldn't even call them that. They're just basically our social media accounts. But while I'm doing that, I wanted to give you an opportunity. I know that people who you like and love listen to this show. people who you like and love listen to this show and i want to give you a chance to tell your dog whatever you want something you want to tell him so that everyone in the world knows um do you have any more specifics that you want in here because like i can i can wrap this up easy

and just say like a bunch of sweet nothings about him that's what i want you to do i want you to have an opportunity to talk to your dog in a way that like it it changes it changes whether you're sitting at home talking to your dog that doesn't mean anything because you see each other every day but it means more when you do it in like a public space like this because you want to get it right okay so i'm gonna let you do that well jack, I've thought about this a lot because it's a common refrain, a common thought exercise rather for people who own pets is if you could effectively communicate with them, if you could like really speak their language, what is the thing that you would most want to impart on them? What kind of complex thought would you most want to instill in your pet? And for me, the thing I think about all the time is I want to establish the concept of time in your brain. We don't, I'm not saying we need to have like constant dialogue or anything like that. I'm not wishing for you to

have the power of speech. I only want you to understand the concept of time because I want you to know that I'm not leaving forever. Whenever I leave, I want to be able to say to you, I'm going to be gone for a few hours, or I'm only going to be gone for two minutes. And I, I want that to land on you because I, I can't begin to understand how scary the prospect of me leaving forever is and i i've i've i've seen it in your eyes before when i leave for work i've seen it when i leave you in the car with my parents when i'm just running off somewhere to get something and i hear the devastation in your wines because you think this is the end of our shared world and if i could change anything about the way you experience life it would be easing your mind by letting you know that i will always come back no matter what

that's nice daniel yeah no a good wish for your dog can people follow you on twitter can people follow you on twitter uh no okay i have to i i changed it so i have to accept people uh who like request access to follow me and um i don't do that it's not like i it's not like i reject people i just let it pile up because um like if it was a kind of thing where I got email notifications, then yeah, that's, that's enough of an annoyance that I would address it. But I only find out people who are trying to follow me if I decide to click like the more button on the Twitter dashboard. And so if I never click on that, I never need to know. And it feels great. Okay. Well, then I'm not going to tell people how to follow you anymore. You can follow me on Twitter at Soren underscore LTD. But here's the thing. If you've got something

to say to Daniel or like you want to tell him a thing, don't come to me with it because I'm not going to take it to him. That is honestly, it is, he'm not going to take it to him that is honestly it is he's not going to take me but that is the the closest you'll get don't do it don't that's not the closest you'll get there's surely another work around i'm not your guy i'm not gonna i'm not gonna help you um you can go actually i would go into make me bacon please and tell oh yeah uh follow me on twitter and make me bacon please make me MakeMeBaconPlease. Those are all Daniel-sanctioned tweets. You can also follow QuickQuestion

at QQ underscore Soren and Dan. You can email us at QQ with Soren and Daniel at gmail.com. And you can follow, find, hire our producer

and sound engineer and editor Gabe Harder at GabeHarder.com someday. Are we seriously not there yet? Hold on. I'm going to pull it up right now on the Internet.

Gabe Harder dot com. Get the fuck out of here, Gabe. What are you? What have you been spending your time doing? Gabe, I. Real talk. Love you so much. You're so good at your job and you're an amazingly calming presence to have here, but what are you doing? You can take like some time off from this

podcast to work on your website. A really good bit, I think Gabe would be if you came back and you said, all right, I think I've got what I want. And we came back to this. And instead of saying, get ready, something really cool is coming, you just had like a construction pit crudely drawn there. And it said like under construction now. Yeah. I respect this bit so much. That's it. All right. Bye.