Quick Question with Soren and Daniel - QQ ep 72 - Swipe Right on A Sexy Northern Pike

Episode Date: January 15, 2021

In this episode the guys talk about how kids only stay kind of stupid for so long, and what type of "guys" they're finding out they unfortunately are.  Also updates on Dan's birthday present, and as expected, they are frustrating! As always big thanks to our sponsors.  Thanks Raycon!.  Go To buyraycon.com/qq for 15% off your entire Raycon order. And big thanks to  Postmates.  Use code QQ and get $5 off your first five orders.

Hello again and welcome to another episode of Quick Question with Soren and Daniel, the podcast where two best friends and TV writers ask each other questions and give each other answers. I am one half of this podcast, author, writer, marathon completer, and former marching band clarinet player Daniel O'Brien, and I am joined as always by my co-host, Mr. Soren Bui. Soren, I forgot to come up with a couch gag for you on this one, so just say hello, please. Hello, everybody. My name is Soren Bui.

I'm a writer for american dad i'm a a builder of worlds of sorts and slightly inferior worlds for my children which i also have uh because let's face it they don't know the fucking difference they're kids that is true kids are foolish it's fun actually i might we do these things where i tell my son a story every night before he goes to bed i mean you know you read to him all the standard stuff but then he's like now tell me a story and when i was goes to bed. I mean, you know, you read to him all the standard stuff, but then he's like, now tell me a story. And when I was in my younger days, four years ago, I was like,

ah, yes, this will give me a good opportunity to like, just weave a story for him. And now I'm just sick of it. And he doesn't know the difference. So the stories have, they don't,

they used to try and have like a moral to them. They used to have like, it was like a fable essence to it. I don't do any of that shit anymore. Now it's just like him at Hogwartswarts and that's it great uh my my nephew who i spent a lot of time with uh he's uh wonderful he's about to turn four um he is uh outpaced all of my adult tricks at this point i was with him not too long ago and we were seeing up there like he loves construction equipment so we saw a bunch of like tractors and, and he liked to watch those things go.

And then he saw, like, a golf cart thing that he calls buggies, and he was like, Uncle, why isn't the buggy moving? I'm like, well, they don't actually need it right now for their task. And he goes, no, that's not right. I'm like, oh, shit. Oh, no. Yeah, because the next answer is, I don't know why they're not using that, man.

I used to be able to lie to you. It's very interesting to watch children grow into appreciating the magic you try and fill the world with and then growing out of it again, because there's this point early on where they don't have any sense. Like I try and do some sort of like magical things for my daughter and she is just like, it's the whole world is magic to her. So it's like, yeah, there's another thing. There's another thing where you can suddenly like, I'll do this thing where I put both

my hands on a doorframe on the side, then poke my head through and you can look, you can like get very, very tall that way and very, very short. And it looks like you're just moving along sideways along the doorframe. It's a fun little trick and it does not register with her. She's just like, yeah, I guess sometimes you just walk on the walls and that's, that's how it is. does not register with her. She's just like, yeah,

I guess sometimes you just walk on the walls. That's how it is. I wonder, like, I hope it'll change when I'm an actual parent because I feel like my level sort of caps out at right around three years old. Like, I feel like I'll do a magic trick where I make a Kit Kat appear out of thin air and then my nephew will be like,

that was in your pocket. I saw it was in your pocket. I'll be like, where's your little sister? Yeah, it's very fun. Where's someone who appreciates me? Someone who gets me. It's very fun with quarters and coins and stuff, because you can plant them on the child very easily, too,

and they don't know. It doesn't register. They're not aware of their own body enough. As you're doing the trick, you can draw their attention somewhere and then just plant a quarter in their shirt pocket or whatever and then they find that and they're just like you can watch their brains explode but that's you know you got a window of about a year for that to work i know thanks to postmates for supporting quick question postmates isn't all just burgers and sushi i can order anything from toilet paper to phone chargers from stores like walgreens and 7-eleven and a post mate

will drop it right outside my front door download the post mates app and use code qq thanks to ray con for supporting quick question raycon wireless earbuds start at half the price of the other premium audio brands raycon's offering you 15 off all their products and here's what you've got to do to get it go to buyraycon.com slash qq that's buyraycon.com slash qq we're going to get into the show where we ask each other questions about all of life's problems and what not but

I had a quick update before that for you Soren and for so I don't want to say D.O.B.'s devotees or the sworn swords of Sorin. No! What are we... Are you looking for one for me? No, I'm looking for one for, like,

for both of our fans. Because, like, I've got my listeners and you've got your listeners. Yeah, of course. And, like, in just the middle of that venn diagram right who i know that we came up with like a thousand of them anyway i'm addressing those people uh it's crazy the qq fans the crispy quesadillas is what stuck with me because that was hands down the worst one yeah just unforgivable um but this is for you qq fans out there this is is just another little Q drop.

Nope. Nope. I'm taken. Okay. I bought a step stool for my kitchen so I can reach my high shelves. I would have preferred you got a credit card, but this is a great start. This is part of a larger process of looking at the things in my life that I personally can fix and fixing them. Just like really trying to undo generations of what is clinically been described as being Irish.

And I think a lot of it stems from like I listened to our podcast podcast over our break and I find this Daniel host character quite unlikable. I listened to his complaints, which are non-problems and I'm like, buy a fucking step stool, you idiot. And so I did. And now my life is better. It's interesting you should say that because I've listened to a few episodes, found them intolerable

and then I didn't like my character on the shit either i was like because after we just talked about how much more earnest i was on this i started listening to it i was like i don't think earnest is the direction for you man honestly this is it's not a good look you're i don't like who you are so maybe we'll try something else see i think this is why we we strike a good balance with each other as both hosts and friends because if I listen to this like detached as just a listener who is not at all part of this

the Daniel character one of his best qualities is like well Soren likes him he can't be that bad that's like when Dr. House is nice to a little kid it's like oh he's not really a jerk because the kids like him. That's good.

Oh, well, he's petting that dog. So what if he steals some drugs? Yeah. Russell Crowe in 310 to Yuma. He draws birds. He's got the soul of an artist. Yeah. I think the moral of the story is do these and then don't listen to them ever again.

Forget that it ever happened. I think that's good. I will keep everyone updated on the small fixes in my life and see how long that sticks. That's great, Daniel. I'm glad that you did it. Me too. Do you have any updates for me? Yeah.

This is for our listeners. You and I haven't talked in a while this is our first uh record of the new year yes and uh time has passed soren you got anything well in the same vein i i had a lot of people uh on twitter unsolicited advice about password safes that i could use giving me information on like passwords and how easy it was to create your passwords and stuff a lot of stuff that i you know espoused to you when i first got really into passwords yeah and thought that i was a password guy from now on uh i didn't enjoy any of it i have not gone through and figured out my

password situation but everyone suggested last pass to me So I guess that will be the one that I use from now on. There you go, everybody. Leave me alone. I'll use LastPass at some point. Other than that, I've been watching a lot of shows that are not supposed to be sad, but I'm crying during them. Oh.

I watched... Soren, as your least emotionally available friend do you want to talk about it I'll tell you no only because it's funny I will tell you otherwise I wouldn't give you this information I watched Big Night if you're familiar with that movie it's got

oh oh Daniel for a movie buff like this is this is like one that somehow you're blind to that you will love. Ooh. Yeah. It's got a lot of your favorite people in it. Stanley Tucci.

Albert Brooks. Nope. Stanley Tucci. That's right on. And it's got Minnie Driver in it. You're a huge fan of her. Tony Shalhoub. Let's say I am, sure.

All right. Love it. Love Monk. Bring back Monk. And Mark Anthony is in it, and he's great in it. Mark Anthony, the singer. J-Lo's ex? Yes.

Wow. He's awesome in it. He's wonderful. And it's about these guys who are trying to save their restaurant, these two brothers. And there's a meal in it that's called the, what is it called? Hold on one second. It's called the, what is it called? Hold on one second.

Okay, they've got a meal in it that's called the timpano, which is basically this Italian meal that's a, all of these things packed into this one pastry kind of thing. You bake all these pastas and meatballs and sauce and cheeses and boiled eggs and everything, and it's gigantic. It's like the size of a wedding cake. And you just cut cut into it and it's just layers of all these great Italian things. And I'm watching it and I watched them unfurl this thing for the crowd that they're cooking for and they all start eating it together and they're all really like loving it. And it's just supposed to be a scene where you watch and you're kind of salivating for it. And I'm just in tears and I'm

like, they're so happy look at them all and i was like why why is this having such an effect on me and i think the reason is is that it's a bunch of people together all feeling something together and it just like it really threw right it was not something i anticipated but like just seeing people in you that kind of like um emotional unison was like, Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Like movies going to the movies, like that kind of stuff.

I was something I missed and didn't realize I missed. Yeah. I found myself getting not choked up, but like problematically emotional because we're back to work this week. The show doesn't air until we don't come back on the air until mid February, but we're in pre-production right now. And so we're pre pre-production right now.

And so we're prepping a bunch of stories. And I'm working on a story right now and going through a lot of the footage on it. And it's bad stuff. It's all very sad stuff. It's people who are talking about, you know, I can't really spoil what's in the show, but like, some company did something and now people are sick and very sad about it. But a lot of this news coverage is from like 2018 that I'm looking at. So just seeing news coverage where it's like three sad people gathered around a table. I'm just like, look at how close they are to each other.

That's so nice. And like they're sharing their sadness together. And I'm like, oh, 2018. If I put this on mute mute then this is very heartwarming yeah i've i've been feeling a lot of that i watched i am way behind on nathan for you but i've watched the now nathan for you movie which is like finding francis or like that episode that's over an hour long and uh i don't know if you're familiar with it it's a he helps okay good um just in case our audience isn't he helps somebody who was previous on the show a guy who's like over

70 he helps him find this long lost love or tries to help him find this long lost love it is very um sentimental and more so than any of the other episodes and nathan reveals a little bit more about himself in it but there are scenes in it that i know are constructed and i'm still like it's just like killing me i'm just in tears watching it man yeah well i'm gonna move us right away from that okay into my my first quick question that uh a you might not have an answer for and b might require a ton of explanation sure are you ready these are my favorite by the way yeah um so i'll start first with just the question have you ever found out that you are a type of guy and before i explain that does that mean anything to you yeah i mean it does i've somebody called me a fuckboy once and it really

hurt my feelings how okay wasn't fuckboy invented like three years ago yeah you've been married since the 80s yeah i don't know what it well i think it was just somebody who was thinking they were didn't say like hey you're a fuckboy they were like and then we got like fuckboys like soren and they i think they just meant a type of person like i was an archetype in their mind that was fuck boy okay and uh didn't didn't care for that there's i've i've found uh that with accelerated by the internet types of guys just seem to be uh increasing like they're just like more niche things that i'm i'm i'm seeing pop up in the world uh like we we've lived through the emergence of fuck boys and reply guys on twitter and there there's there's two categories that i've recently stumbled upon that i'm i i don't even know what to

to do about it one of them was this came up at work a little while ago where um someone in like our group slack shared a picture that someone who we don't work with but like is like an internet figure that we all broadly don't like uh look at this look at this look at this picture that this jerk shared and uh it's just a guy who took a picture of a bunch of books somewhere in in his apartment and one of the women that i work with was like oh and he's one of those guys that takes pictures of all the books that he has. And like, no. And like, you can see the Slack notifications of people being like, I agree with this, like thumbs up or checkmark. And like, is that a type of guy?

Because that's definitely. I have lots of books and I've taken pictures of them a lot. Like every time I move, I pictures of the the boxes of books that i have with some degree of pride and it's also like the only thing that i own that makes the the that has made multiple moves with me because i get rid of furniture because i'm i'm lazy and weak but like i have all my books and send your sourdough starter for all your breads right i have no like clear um design sense but if you were to walk into my apartment uh and try to like guess what the vibe is the vibe is books i have books like as decoration everywhere all over the place

and i was uh horrified to learn that a that's a type of person and b we don't like that type of person yeah that's a that's a bummer to realize um i i've started to wonder if i was a wife guy um i think you are but you know the type of wife guy that i'm talking about like it started like the bad like the bad type of wife yeah curvy wife guy and so that was one that was clearly a mind that i was didn't anticipate being under me that i was like oh i have to avoid this from now on um because i am proud of my wife and like i want to like tell people about her and stuff but i i i think that's not an okay thing to do yeah i don't know i i think there are good versions of wife guy like i think seth myers is a good wife guy john mulaney seems like a good wife guy be like those

guys yeah it's just the problem is that i can't tell the difference and that's a big right big red flag so i'm going to just avoid it altogether i think that's fair the other thing this uh came up on a on a podcast that i was listening to i forget which one it was um but it was a woman host who was talking about all of her interests and they the a lot of her interests fell into like traditionally this is you know not ideal way to describe this, but traditionally masculine pursuits. And someone on the podcast pointed that out. And she was like, yeah, all I need is a picture of me holding a fish I caught. And then I'm every guy on every dating website.

And like, there is for sure a picture of me proudly holding a fish I caught in one of my dating profile photos. I'm confident that stung for you. Yes, it really did. And I dug into it a little bit and i've seen it since then like like women complaining why does every guy have a picture of them holding a fish they caught why do they think anyone wants to see that it was like i don't know because it's 2021 and i don't think a lot of people fish that much. I didn't think it was like a huge thing, especially like as a digital identifier, like as a characteristic of people roughly my age.

I didn't think, I thought it was like a niche thing for me to do. Like, oh, look at that guy. He's got a fish. That's for grandpas. That's interesting. I want to talk to him about fishing. It will, I'll occasionally, because I don't listen to terrestrial radio anymore. I don't have a real good finger on the pulse that's that's for grandpas that's interesting i want to talk to him about fishing it will i'll

occasionally because i don't listen to terrestrial radio anymore i don't have a real good finger on the pulse for popular music right now and i will occasionally find a song um just like i'll create a spotify playlist or something or i'm sorry a spotify radio station and i'll just leave listening something new will come up and i'll be like i like this this is great and then i will go look up the actual song and it's got 26 million listens to it and it's like it's a very popular song that i had no idea about this feels very much in the same vein we're like i i could i've taken my finger off the pulse and keep wandering into being completely basic like all over the place and that these well-trod territories that i thought i were niche to me that like i thought i was a pioneer in everyone else is like no not only has everybody

been through that same place you've been through but also we don't like the type of person who's there right i'm like oh we're all sick of it we know your game i don't i oh no my whole my whole life i've been uh like a year and a half behind everybody else somehow yeah i feel like i do really well in canada i feel like i could be like at the the this tipping the spear point of culture in canada where everything feels like maybe it's a you watch hgtv and you're like, I can't tell if this show is from 10 years ago or it's in Ontario. Like it's one of the two. If you're like me, you start thinking about what to eat for dinner while you're eating lunch. I love food, but sometimes getting into my kitchen and cooking something delicious to eat just

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this episode that's pretty good um well i have a question for you daniel oh wait no let's uh let's talk about me some more um should i because i'm not going to get rid of my books i guess i just won't talk about them um should i get rid of the picture of me with a fish on my profile? The only thing I changed, I added a caption, I like fishing, I hope that's okay. I think that's great. Man, that was a long pause, though. Well, because I was starting to think that, well, it's just so unfair,

because you are a man of the sea, and I think that a lot of people that put that on their profile are just like, they're trying to, it's a notch unfair because you are a man of the sea and i think that a lot of people that put that on their profile are just like they're trying to it's a notch in the belt for them they they're like well what would be something cool that i could show oh i remember i went on this trip down the river once and we fished for a rainbow trout and i caught one and uh that shows that i'm not only out goes outgoing but i've like I'm good in the outdoors. I'm capable. I caught a fish.

And so I think there's people who fished once in their life and still have the picture. But it's a regular thing for you. So I think it's part of your personality that if you didn't put it up, it would almost be like you were lying. Yeah. I like this. I like hearing things that I already agree with. This is great. I'll change nothing i'm gonna throw out that step stool i think the caption is good though i think that's a perfect

edition um uh i mean you might even want to say i'm a fisherman dude is that is that even fair to say um i don't think so okay give me another year especially if the pandemic has made me very uh rusty because there's just not a lot of action yeah i can imagine i i wish that we could really explore more of that on this show for you fishing no the other you on dating websites you going on zoom dates you asking for second dates that kind of stuff i'm very curious about uh especially for you oh yeah i was gonna ask are you curious because you've been so there there are three possible things is it because you've been out of dating for so long is it because of zoom and like pandemics dating specifically or is it is it me

it's a little of both but i wanted to qualify well i named three things well the first one no the first one is just like general curiosity about what sex is now but the other ones are like yeah i am i'm curious from a journalistic standpoint on like how people are dating now but also like way more curious on how it's affecting you because uh i care about you and i want you to be happy and not that you have to find someone to be happy no but i just yeah it's a it's something that i know that you like the idea of and i want that for you thanks man yeah that's always been true of you in our friendship you've always you've always really wanted me to to find love with someone it's very like sweet uh endearing quality

of yours and the show would have been canceled had you ever found it so like for us to be friends i think you have to be alone forever oh don't worry um daniel i don't know if you're if you're ready to move on or not yeah i'm ready okay i have this is not a question i've prepared you for or like talked to you about but i need to ask it of you your present your birthday present could be done pretty much right now shut the fuck up yeah is it uh i mean you you're you're clearly you're ramping up to something i'm just gonna let you go go ahead okay the person who's creating it is not happy with it he's considering starting over from oh my god but he's given me the option to take what he's created he'd like finish up what he's considering starting over from scratch. Oh my God. But he's given me the option to take what he's created. He'd finish up what he's created and give it to you.

Or he could start over and we would have this gift, maybe 2030 or something like that. My instinct is to, even though it's not perfect, and I wanted it to be perfect. I wanted so badly for it to arrive and for that to be the first time that you see it. But I'm wondering if I should show it to you to decide if you want it or not, as is. This is your gift to give to me, and I want you to follow your gut and your heart and your balls and your hog.

My instinct is wait till it's perfect i like a because that's very exciting to me as as a concept and be like you know let's let's stretch this out until podcast sweeps weeks or whatever this is this is this is now becoming it like a very exciting running subplot of this podcast for me there are a lot of people who don't believe it's even real there are people i know in my life that's exciting too who are like why are you teasing him with this i would love it if like season seven of this podcast we just pull a lost and like at the beginning of that season you just like it's clear that you never really had a plan but like you you, you invent some new mystery.

And it's like, as long as I resolve this part of the present, then, then that's all I feel like I'm responsible for. Yeah. Well, what was all that black smoke? What was that all about? Oh, no, no, don't. That was nothing. Forget about that. I got this other thing.

I got numbers now. You got to stay away from the numbers. So, I mean, anyway, I'm looking at a picture of it right this minute. And I'm going to save it. I'm not going to give it to you. And I'm going to message you back. Just to make this, are you disappointed by my answer, by the way? Well, here's the thing.

I think it looks good, but it's also not, it doesn't look complete. And it's also because it's not complete i don't know if once it is complete if i'll then be like i still it still looks not like i want it to or if it would be like yes yeah he nailed it um but uh god it's uh it's just tough it was a tough decision and so i wanted to incorporate you is it uh costing you more money to have this person start over again no but it would be good it would be cheaper than i originally was going to pay if we stopped now hmm hmm let me just look here i mean i still i feel like i want to i still want to stick to that first thing i said as final answer. Good. Let's do it. I'm going to save it.

Is there, in the interest of making this just like an even deeper and wackier mystery, are there any details that you can give to any little cue drops that our audience can, can obsess over and like find meaning in. Yeah. Part of the issue was that his medium wasn't working the way he wanted it to. And he thinks that the final product is the wrong size. Excellent. Oh God. That fucking rules. Hey, it's a new year.

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slash QQ. So we'll move on from that. That's fine. I have an actual question for you. Good. Shoot. From just like somebody who was walking into it for the first time. What's something, what's like the,

the non-sexual, but creepiest thing that you do in your life? I can go first if you want. Yeah, sure. Because that might, I might soften my real answer if if you're if yours is like i fart when no one's around then then i'll absolutely i'll move the bar i about once every two months call my friends my friend from growing up call his aunt and just talk to her for like an hour i have not talked to this friend in probably a decade but i talked to his aunt regularly wait i thought this was this was like a like a gross thing oh no i just something that's like creepy like something like that's a weird thing to do that i i she doesn't call me she never calls me

but i call his aunt just to talk to her what do you talk about uh and stuff her kids and uh the good old days and like camping trips that we did. And she asked about my family and that's about it. Why? Well, I discovered, so yeah, so here's like, it needs an explanation is that I donate donate to my high school it was a we know what my high school was now at this point that barn yeah and she works the front desk now i guess so i called once to uh make a donation to my high school and she answered the phone and when i

said my name she was like oh yeah of course i'm so-and-so's aunt and i was like oh my god lolly and we started talking and it was really niceso's aunt. And I was like, Oh my God, Lolly. And we started talking and it was really nice talking to her. And then I was like, that felt really good. Like it walked away from it feeling really good. And I was like, I'm going to like, when I donate from now on, I could donate online. I could do it any number of ways, but I actually donate more. And I do it this very specific way where I call the front desk first so that we can chat for a while. do it this very specific way where I call the front desk first so that we can chat for a while. And then I can, and then I'll have her like put me over in, uh, alumni relations and then I will make a donation. But, uh, it's, there's just something I enjoy, like the simplicity of it and

being reminded of these fun times. And I'd say now she's probably 65 is my guess maybe a little older maybe 70 and uh i just really really enjoy talking to this woman i think maybe it's also that i don't have anybody in my life who is other than my parents who is that of that like on that team you know so i don't know i really enjoy it has has she ever um like what what are things like on her end if it like i'm excited to talk to you again soren or is is she ever like honey you don't need to keep doing this you know you can just donate online there's a lot of the latter there's a lot there's just a 70 year old woman being like you know if you have venmo you could just do it from your phone you

could do it from do you have venmo i can have one of my kids install it on your phone i'm very selfish in it like she'll be like oh my god the the phone is lighting up and i'll be like oh tell me about it i know that's like at your job oh yeah when you got like all these things to take care of i got a bunch of irons in the fire as well lolly anyway so do you remember we went to uh god what was that lake called what was that lake where we were skipping the road and i won't let her go i i sort of and i call she's like oh hey soren in a way that's like either oh yes there's there's that guy or oh boy here we go we got a 45 minutes ahead of us man reminisce i wonder i wonder if she talks to talks about you

to her friends that's that's why i asked this question because it just occurred to me this week that i was like holy shit she's telling people about this she's guaranteed like my friend knows that i'm doing this now like that she must have talked to his parents and been like you know who i talk to a lot is soren and they must have been like oh what and then and then i'm sure that that through the grapevine it's made it's my it's way back to my friend and he's probably like what the fuck is he doing and and the friend has not reached out to you at all i think you said that already no we haven't talked in a very long time fascinating i want to get her on the podcast and bend her i mean like i feel like we meaning you have already taken up too much of her time but i would still if she gets a

night off working the desk of this of this this fucking lean to that you you learned climbing at if she ever gets some time off i would love to talk to her yeah i i am curious objectively like how she feels about it but it's just the conversation feels so easy and like good and fun that i like i keep doing it i think i can't remember if i my answer is something that i might have talked about on this podcast before um and i can't throw too much judgment at you because I do the same thing. Certainly more in my old apartment in Los Angeles. I liked to collect the old men in the building. i there are certainly like people my age and and like and like cool tastemakers or whatever um but i always found myself like gravitating towards the like retired 70 something year old men and just like i like talking to them in the elevator i like walking my dog and talking to this guy barney who was walking his dog and just like long conversations i would see them at

the coffee shop and talk to them just these old guys that uh i i i guess i just find like these are more my speed like these are the kind of conversations that i want to have because it's a it's it's generally stuff like like about the weather or about construction or about coupons and it was like yeah this is like some some some very simple fucking uncomplicated mundane shit that i live for i i love talking about construction in los angeles and how they were never gonna finish that park across the street from our apartment that's wonderful it's i don't know i like the explanation that i gave just gave you is the best one that i can do and i don't know if it if it if it carries any any water really i just know that like whenever i would have someone over to my apartment and we were walking the halls and jerry or barney would be like hey daniel how's it

going we're like hey jerry hey barney and be like, Hey Daniel, how's it going? We're like, Hey Jerry. Hey Barney. And whatever like age appropriate person I was with was like, why do you, why do you know them? Yeah. You know, you don't know any of the,

any of the 20 something hanging out by the pool. No, no, I don't, I don't talk to them. Oh, gross. No,

that's a, do you remember judge reinhold's character in uh in seinfeld who is like hanging out with with jerry's parents yes he takes them around new york and like has a great time with them like jerry thinks he's doing him a favor but really this man just genuinely wants to hang out with his parents and like they can't figure it out and it is very it's objectively creepy it's like objectively creepy when somebody from one generation is like no i insist on spending time with the the with anybody from another generation yeah it's it's we hate it as a culture nobody's comfortable with it no you go up or you go down it doesn't matter it's weird if you insist on spending time with this person about a boy is a very weird creepy thing that he's doing

hanging out with this child but you need the whole context to kind of get it i guess i have old people now too in my current apartment they're just they they they they went away for the pandemic they just like like like fled to california i miss them so much oh right i didn't think about that yeah you what a weird city it must be i'm sure a lot of the people who were either affluent or like uh older all just left yes certainly wow uh well that certainly won't have any ramifications socially or like geopolitically at any point. I'm sure. I mean, socially,

it's already kind of ruined my friend group here in the building. I can't hang out with Moe and Janie anymore. Yeah. What a bummer, man. Who's going to play shuffleboard with you? I don't know. It was like,

it was incredibly depressing, uh, months and months ago, just watching, uh, their copy of the washington post just like pile up at their door oh yeah it's oh that's hard because you're also and i'm like stacking it up neatly for when they come back because death is interested at them at this point i mean they're they're at an age where you see that happening and your first thought is that person is dead yeah well damn dan well i think that's fine i think it's fine that you're collecting

old people yeah just maybe don't say it like that yeah that's fair i think that's a that's a reasonable thing to do i don't know when it started or why i do it oh well um i think when when you prepped me for this question, I did think it was going to be like, let me see if I can track down exactly what you said. Yeah. To see if I'm an absurd person here. Because the answer I prepped does not fit this at all.

It's not creepy. It's just gross. Yeah, like a gross thing that you do regularly. Yeah. Let me find your exact wording I'm gonna ask you tomorrow okay I'm gonna ask you tomorrow what is the creepiest non-sexual thing you do so that's I think it's reasonable for me to jump to something gross gross around the house yeah well let's do that then let's do one of those as well because I've got I certainly have one that I could give you that I've never told anyone about. And I'd be happy to spill the beans here.

Yeah, I'm fine with that. Okay. I have one too that I don't know how uncommon it is. has to be a very specific type of pen cap um one of the ones that has the little arm on it and the arm has to be flat and rounded at the bottom uh you know for like the arms that you put on your shirt you clip on with so a pen cap that has one of those little arms i will take that stick it all the way inside my ear and then just sort of like scratch it around in like a big circle like oh i've done that move it's so satisfying it's it's like i it feels so good that i want to only do it in private because it feels that good it's like i can't control the the like what my face is doing

while i'm doing this because no you're you're you're absolutely a dog being scratched on his neck where your mouth just sort of like fucking stretches to behind your ears and you tilt your neck and just like i might start peeing at any moment i've lost control because the pleasure is too great it's like you just hit these spots inside your ear that you didn't even know you had and you're like and you're just scraping that whole wall and then also there's the satisfaction of taking it out and finding anything on the pen cap okay this is why we're fucking twinsies because mine was the same thing it wasn't pen caps but i i have done pen caps before but like i know you're not you're not supposed to put q-tips like in your ear you're not supposed to jam them in

there i know that there are lots of warnings about it. I do it anyway. I don't care. I just go fucking nuts in there with Q-tips in my ear. And then the part that I don't know if it makes me extra gross or if this is, I'm going to find out from the internet that it's totally common. It's very important to me to then look at the Q-tip afterwards. Oh, yeah. And to see what has come out of my ear and it's it's it's a very satisfying thing because it's because like the color will be different or there might if you're if you're really lucky and you're just having a banner year you'll get like a like

a piece of something that has come out like some kind of chunk of wax and i'm like oh yeah yeah it's it's kind of like a leathery wax that emerges. And sometimes it'll maintain the shape of your ear canal, and that's very exciting. I get that all the time, and I love it. I love those moments. It's so cathartic to get those out. You know what's nuts right now? This is a very real thing, is as I was describing that,

I look down, and my right hand is clutching my table as hard as possible. And I didn't tell it to do that it's it's just a like a natural thing that happened because my like as i'm saying it it's like someone mentioning taco bell and then i know i'm gonna get taco bell later my body is like as soon as you take these headphones off i know what's what our night's gonna be yeah it's nothing it's like better than christmas to stick your finger in your ear first and realize there's a bunch of stuff in there be like oh my god yes yes yes all right let me get everything ready um i for a while when we worked at cracked uh i had what i think was impacted

or compacted earwax i don't really know what it's what it's called but uh i had had pushed my finger in my ear so many times, just like trying to get earwax out that I was pushing waxy. And I guess further, which is the problem with Q-tips to the point where I knew something big was in there. And, uh, when I would smile, like I could hear my ear pop, like something, it was like the wit, the skin or something was touching it and then popping off of it. Something strange was happening. And I was like, I want to get this thing out and had this realization one day that I would probably never get to see what was in there or like how big it was because it would come out in pieces over time. And so one night I was like, no, I've, I think I could get this.

And so I stood in the shower with the water, just pelting me inside my ear to try and soften out whatever it was. Then went outside out of the shower, took took metal tweezers and like put them in the ear to try and grab it realized that wasn't going to work and then just use like one metal side of the tweezers to try and get above it between my ear and the thing and then roll it out and it started to work and i could feel like the it got a tremendous sense of pressure as it started to leave my ear canal and like the space wasn't big enough. And finally like rolled this thing, whole thing out of my ear. It was the size of a marble or like a small gumball.

Yeah. So big that I wanted to wake my wife up and show her because I was so amazed by this thing. I was like, how can anyone not love this? It was so gross. but like fascinating yeah and then i had to of course split it open and see what was inside of it okay yeah yeah it's like uh like an owl pellet oh yeah yeah yeah um i i loved it it was like the best day of my life i wanted to save it and i never did. And I still think about it. I think about some, uh, both of my brothers growing up had, they would get like bad swimmers here. We would go to the beach and if they didn't have earplugs and sometimes even if they did, they would just like get like water logged, I guess, whatever it is where you get a

bunch of water in your head and like wax builds up. I never got that. It was just like a thing that's that, that missed me, I guess. And from the way they describe it, it seems like a very painful and inconvenient ordeal. And they would have to go to doctors and get like either a very strong, painful blast of pressured water into your ear to dig stuff out. And it hurt or a long silver medical spoon that they were just like, the doctor would jam in there and dig wax out. And even as a kid, I was thinking, that sounds fucking amazing.

I want that so bad. I wonder if I can fake this so I can get that too. Yeah, it's like, it's pretty gross to think about that for the doctor i'm sure it's not so pleasant but for you could there be anything more cathartic in your whole life i think that's why people are so drawn in by ear candling you know what's called things like that that are actually they don't actually work but it feels like it works yeah just like the the fantasy that someone would go in and like get rid of something that was in my ear and then suddenly i don't know i'm faster i'm lighter i like like that was the thing that was holding me back who knows yeah you're suddenly you're like you're not as hot all the time

there's just a little bit more breeze in there uh i obviously okay i should take a second to tell our listeners don't do this. Don't do what I do. Don't stick an entire pen cap inside your ear. I've done a lot of ear play, you see. So I've been doing this for a while. So I know the ins and outs of my own ear and I know how far to go. But you don't. Don't do it.

Don't do it anyway. No, yeah. I don't think it's going to be a problem because I can't imagine anyone is listening to this anymore. Like, who is this for? This conversation that we've had. I think you're going to find that there are like thousands of people who are like, oh, thank God.

Okay. All right. That have been doing this forever. Let's see. Should we wrap up the show? have we talked enough okay that's good um i'll track down our social accounts uh i don't have them in front of me i put them i actually put them away with my christmas decorations when i took those down which is a huge bummer so i have to dig those out again um while i'm doing that um soren, you are a television writer.

It is a job that can easily be done from home and even more easily be done not at all. And the world would keep turning. And because you know these things, I that you've been very uh patient about getting a covid vaccine you understand what tier you're in and you're happy to let people who are more essential to society get it first but i'm just curious excluding smokers anti-maskers and drug addicts what type of person do you believe shouldn't get the vaccine before you either a type of person or name names if you if you feel so inclined okay uh all right here's the deal if you're if you've got a car that's over forty thousand dollars you don't get the vaccine

before me okay i should have that before you and it is my right even if you're like a see because i think that we shouldn't be doing it necessarily just by age because there are a lot of very old very successful people who have these estates that they live on that they're doing fine they're going to be fine with covet for a little while longer they don't have to leave this place they have other people at their beck and call i have a young child too i have another child that's almost young and i can't leave my house and it's crazy it's it gets bad sometimes and i should be able to get this vaccine before you if you've got got that nice Tesla or you've got like a Range Rover or some Jeep that you tricked out. I don't know why you chose that.

You've got a weird aesthetic, but I should get the vaccine before you. Okay. You heard it here first, folks. If you have a 2020 Toyota Avalon or a Kia Telluride, you do not deserve a vaccine before Soarin'. Now, you can find Soarin' on Parler at Soarin' underscore LTD. You can find me

on Twitter at DLB underscore INC. You can find the show on Twitter at QQ underscore Soarin' and Dan. You can email the show at QQ with Soarin' and Daniel at gmail.com. You can hire Gabe Harder, our you can email the show at qq with soren and daniel at gmail.com you can uh hire gabe harder our editor producer engineer the beating heart of the show if you can find him uh i saw him for the very first time today on video chat so you're i'm i'm i'm just slightly more familiar

with gabe than you all are so do your best it just occurred to me that people are buying Kia's brand new never even really registered to me but that would have to happen for there to be a second owner sometime alright bye

see ya