Quick Question with Soren and Daniel - QQ ep 76 - Sex, Love and Wicker Men

Episode Date: February 12, 2021

In this STEAMY episode of Quick Question, Soren talks about his HUGE vertical leap, and Daniel talks about his ENORMOUS issues with telling people its his birthday.  As always big thanks to our sponsors.  Thanks Raycon!  Go To buyraycon.com/qq for 15% off your entire Raycon order.  And thanks to Audible, Visit Audible.com/qq or text qq to 500-500.

Hello again and welcome to another episode of Quick Question with Soren and Daniel, the podcast where two best friends and comedy writers start with a Q and end with an A, so you might as well call the show Quesadilla. I am the non-dairy part of that equation, fisherman, slick as Dan, and twisted fan of the Wicker Man, Daniel O'Brien, and I am joined as always by my co-host, Mr. Soren Bui. Hello everybody, I'm Soren Bui. I am also a TV writer just like Daniel. Well, not exactly. It's not TV. It's decable. I am a kid who in middle school

found out from a third party that he had been regretfully traded to Lindsay Plant by my girlfriend Christina in a boyfriend swap. But before I get to that, you're a big fan of the Wicker Man. Or did it just happen to pay down nicely?

I got caught up in a rhyme. Yeah. I think to give myself some coverage, I called myself a twisted fan of the Wicker Man. So it's like ironic when I like it, you know? Yeah, that's cool. You're kind of like, you got like that twisted sense of humor. Yeah, I'm a lot like the Joker. Well, that's, it's, I haven't even ever seen the movie.

All I know are the bees, the bees. And of course the original, where somebody burns to death in a big giant effigy of a man. Yeah, the original, which I uh in no way interested in seeing the wicker man was uh it's there are like a few scenes that just stick out in my head from that movie that i watched on like a sunday afternoon with my brother and uh like you should never see a movie that bad when like the sun is creeping through the windows it's just bad news doesn't make any sense because you're not in any kind of right mood for it not that i think there's ever a mood where like it makes sense for a haggard nicholas cage to walk

up to a woman dressed in a bear costume and wordlessly punch her in the face and then like continue on with the rest of his day i don't think there's any good time for it, but it's certainly not Sunday afternoon at 2 p.m. Yeah, there's no good right time, but there's a wronger time. Yes, that's correct. Well put. Thanks to Raycon for supporting Quick Question. Raycon earbuds start at about half the price of any other premium wireless earbuds on the market. Raycon's offering you 15% off your entire order, and here's what you've got to do to get it. Go to buyraycon.com slash QQ. That's buyraycon.com slash QQ. Thank you, Audible, for supporting our show, Quick Question with Soren and Dan. Now is the best time to try Audible because with the President's Day event,

you are getting one of our best offers of the year. Visit audible.com slash QQ or text QQ to 500-500. We're going to get into the show. We're going to talk about Valentine's Day first. Love, sex, hearts, candy. So the reason I'm doing that, A, is because Valentine's Day is coming up, and B, we had a meeting with our absent CFO businessperson Michael no last name given sometimes known as bacon we met

with him yesterday and and he let us know that if we can put something in our titles that is vaguely related to sex or something else grabby, then it increases the amount of people who listen to this. And like, I don't want to lie to anyone. So we're going to talk about sex. We can put sex in the title because I've mentioned it now three times. I'll just say the idea of sex on Valentine's Day, it makes about as much sex to me. It makes about as much sense to me as sex on Christmas.

Like, I don't like it. I don't like the idea of, hey, look look this is the sanctioned day for fucking right um i don't like planned sex i want it impromptu okay i don't know i just want to go on record saying i think it's so yeah that's that's fine uh i i have nothing to contribute to that side of the conversation because I mean, again, publicly for branding purposes, I've always been single. But specifically, let's say Valentine's Day have always been single. And this began. I don't know if I have told you this on the podcast or in real life. But my I've had several very fun Valentine's at chili's with my childhood friend joe it started

as an ironic thing that became like a fun tradition like let's just go to chili like wouldn't it be funny if we went to chili's on valentine's day the two of us and then three years later when we're like 19 years old it's like hey it's almost valentine's day you got you want to go to chili's right you're gonna go get chips and they're going to give us ranch for the chips? Yeah, it's on your calendar, right? But there was my first Valentine's Day that would have been with a romantic person. It was, I think, a junior. I must have been a junior in high school.

And I wouldn't call this person my girlfriend. We had gone on several uh high school daniel dates which were uh we go to chili's or fridays and a movie and then we would drive around for a long time uh probably while i explain why i like certain songs i was a terrible person to go on dates with this person great uh maybe because if you've been dating 38 year old-old women, or I guess me, that sounds wonderful. Right. Well, tell that to 17-year-old me. But we'd gone on several dates that

fell into this nice rotation of like, hey, it's Saturday, and Saturday is when I borrow my mom's car and take you to dinner. And we'd done that, I think, like three times. And then it so happened because of the way time works and calendars that what would have been our fourth Saturday going out together

was a Valentine's Day. And over AOL's messenger, I reached out to her and I was like, hey, so it's almost Saturday, which is our agreed upon day of of going out on dates together um i realized that it's it's valentine's day and i wanted to make sure that you were aware of that as well uh we can go out and it can be a normal thing where we don't acknowledge valentine's day at all we can decide not to go out period and just like have this saturday be a day that we don't

see each other because it's too soon into whatever this is to have a conversation about this we could also go out and acknowledge that it's valentine's day and let this be our valentine's day uh and like soren and listeners believe it or not i actually kept talking i was like so these are the three options as I see them. If you know of a fourth option, we can discuss that. I just want you to know that I am equally fine with all three things, which is a stupid thing to say. Why don't you decide for us?

Right. This isn't a trap. I promise this isn't a trap, but you decide. No, it's not a trap. And just know that if you tell me, yes, we're going out together on Valentine's Day because we're boyfriend and girlfriend, or if you say tell me yes we're going out together on valentine's day because we're boyfriend and girlfriend or if you say no we're both staying home my mood in theory stays the same so just know that that's just that's what i'm coming at you and i are both deciding we believe me right uh and i was the only reason i was putting a clock on this business to

begin with was because i needed to know if I should ask my parents for the car. So again, no pressure. Here are your three options. Decide now. For car purposes, I'm romantic. And she was like, hey, idiot, of course we can go out together on Valentine's Day. And I was like, great. This is such tremendous news.

I'm so excited. And fully did the hey mom i'm i'm i'm gonna need your car on valentine's day for sarah and uh don't wait up backseat mom yeah by which i like don't wait up probably means like uh may i stay out till 11 please and keep your work papers at the office because i'm looking to get busy also uh could you please fill it up with gas because i'm using my movie theater money for dinner take the grocery canvas bags out of the back and please leave them in the house i don't want any reminders that you own this car also what are some good places to go on dates where do you and dad like to go before you get

busy uh and then valentine's day rolls around and uh or the friday before and i was like hey are we still set for tomorrow she's like no i i can't um go uh because i moved And then I never saw her again, Sorin. Wait. How far away did she move? She moved. So we already weren't in the... We didn't go to the same school together. We were already not in the same towns. And she, as far as I know, moved to a town that wasn't like the neighboring town.

It was a faraway town that was like still in New Jersey, but felt like an insurmountable distance. And even if it like even if it wasn't, I don't think my move after I'm broken up with by being told surprise, I moved. I don't think she was leaving the door open for me to say what is it like 40 minutes 45 minutes okay yeah we can make this work I think right now that she'd made it clear what the boundaries of this relationship were some good emotional intelligence on your part not to press any further and be like I could make the drive I could get there I could get you there to see you because crazy thing to do moving is rarely a thing that you do you find out you're doing three days before you do it yeah or a day before you do

it so i mean she must have known she was moving for a while and was just like well maybe i can just get out of here without him noticing yes that's rough it's fine not my worst valentine's day probably but it does lead into what my actual uh question for this week's episode was which was a quick question hey sorry quick question go ahead do you have uh a worst birthday uh ideally one that's not like when you're a kid because i don't think those count um somewhere between i guess like 18 and the present yes okay cool um well i've talked about one of them on this podcast before. One of them is I went to Costa Rica and got so sick that I threw up blood on my birthday. Yeah. That was terrifying and scary.

But I assume you're talking about a reason that a birthday would be depressing as opposed to life-threatening. Either, I guess. I mean, I have two, if that helps you at all and neither of them are really life-threatening one of them was because um this this will be a quick one is uh the first couple years that i was out in los angeles i wasn't telling anyone when my birthday was a because i don't really like once you enter your 20s i think it's it's silly to care about your birthday and to to make a big hairy deal of it uh you and i disagree on this point and that's fine it's one of the only things we disagree on um so i just wasn't really telling anyone or doing anything about it uh and i think i was like it was my 24th

or 25th birthday and i actually went out the night before with our friend ben ben joseph friend of the show we went out to some bar to celebrate someone else's birthday and i was like this is i thought this is nice i can i could be around celebration without bringing any attention to myself uh which is exactly what i want of a 20 something birthday to be and then when i gave my id to the person at the bar he said happy birthday so that alerted ben to the fact that it was my birthday and then that became a joint celebration and then there were lots of people who wanted to buy me drinks and it was a big drunken ordeal that part the night before my birthday was fun and fine my actual birthday is the morning after and i had uh i was a guest on our friends web series so i had to show up early

on set and and and then perform and uh my my my body for all of its many many flaws uh has a pretty good understanding of when the stakes are high and i need to be able to function yeah and so like it allowed me to perform completely hung over for this for this web series about fitness and i just like did that and they were none the wiser that i was dead hung over and then as soon as uh the shoot was done and i was away from uh people and society my body was like okay good we're gonna shut down now i gave you that last bit of adrenaline you needed and now we're gonna shut down and uh the way it chose to shut down was i needed to vomit out the side of my car while i was driving home and like had to pull over and pull the window down and puke out the side of my car.

And then like clean off the side of my car with whatever was in my car at the time. And I had, again, because I never tell anyone when my birthday was. It's not like I had any plans or anything like that. But it was just such a bummer of I'm hungover wiping vomit off the side of my car. Knowing that like the day won't get better after this i'll just go home and be hung over somewhere else that's rough that's a rough one that's uh because then the other thing about that is like the people who do know about my birthday they're gonna call after that you know that's when my parents are gonna are gonna call and like

sing happy birthday to me on the phone, which is a lovely tradition that they do. But it's also like, I have to tell them that I'm having a good day. I have to come up with something that I'm doing today that sounds like fun, or they'll be worried about me. Right.

The silver lining of this is how extraordinary the human body is. That it knows and it understands when you've got stakes and it's the same with like uh you're getting a cold or something like that like you you there's always like finals you'd cram for finals and during it like you were not taking care of yourself you're you're you're like slamming away going all night reading you know whatever whatever you studied and then sure uh right after the final, it seemed like your body would just shut down

and you would get the flu or you'd get the cold and your body would fall apart. It'd be like, all right, we did it. We ran on empty for as long as we could. We got the thing done. It's time for us to just shut down for six weeks. Yeah, which I really respect. I like that my body has a one for you, one for me policy.

It's the same. You know, it's the same with pooping. Like I remember as a kid when I would get off the bus and like the whole day didn't even think about it. And then you get off the bus and you walk into your own house and your body's like, you know, it'd be good right now. I waited a long time for this. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to worry you,

but I got to go. That's a bad one. That's a bad birthday for this. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to worry you, but I got to go. That's a bad one. That's a bad birthday, Dan. I'm sorry. But I will say it's also your own fault a lot of times if you have bad birthdays because you don't tell people it's your birthday. Correct. If you're anything like me, this is how your day goes. You wake up and you look at the tiny screen and then you put the tiny screen down to

Look at the medium screen and then as a treat later You look at the very large screen if you're still anything like me You're getting sick of all these screens and your eyes are starting to hurt and you need to detach from all the screens One of my favorite ways to rest my eyes and still get the content that I'm fishing for Putting in my Raycon wireless earbuds. I can still consume all of the things that I get from the screens, but my eyes get a nice little break and I can listen to something great, whether it's a podcast or a book or anything else that I want to fill my ears with. I could do that and I do it with Raycon wireless earbuds.

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free to grab a pair and a spare that's 15% off at entire Raycon order. So feel free to grab a pair and a spare. That's 15% off at buyraycon.com slash QQ. Buyraycon.com slash QQ. I started to like my own birthday after this very depressing birthday. Or like insisting that people celebrate my birthday. You know how I am around my birthday. I will, as people sing to me at the office, I will go grab people from other departments and bring them in as the singing's going on so that they also have to sing sing else sing to myself it's i i want everyone listening at home to know uh it's incredibly charming it sounds it it might sound insane but but like it's uh it's weirdly refreshing for an adult who is

like it's my birthday everyone come on get excited right it's a fine line to walk because you can't be too into it you have to be into it in exactly the right type of way where you're like it it's you're it's tongue-in-cheek. Everybody knows, okay, he's celebrating it, but he's not being Veruca Salt about it. Right. It's crucial that you, whatever the birthday version of Bridezilla is, you don't throw a fit if things go wrong.

No. But I do really like the idea. It was the idea of an adult who was very into their own birthday was something that was very appealing to me, and it just became a thing where I was like, well, why not? Let's just do this.

Let's do this from now on. And it happened because my birthday's in the summer, and I went home from college to my hometown. I was there on my birthday. I was far enough into college that I had sort of lost touch with most of my friends from home. Also, my birthday is very, very close to the 4th of July. And that tends to be when people travel because they get a big long weekend. So I thought I didn't really plan anything coming up to my

birthday. And then I thought, you know what I'll do? I'll just hit the town. I'll go to the poor house, which is like this local bar and restaurant in my town. And I was like, I'll just see who's there. Because I can't stress enough. This is just one street, my town and i was like i'll just see who's there because i can't stress enough this is just one street my town like people are going to be passing by or they're going to be at this bar on a friday night right so i go there and i don't know anyone and it's like a bunch of bar flies who are all 60 plus and i'm like oh okay this is this is more depressing than i anticipated and then i was like i'll get a beer and just sort of like hang out and see what happens i uh showed the bartender my id and he was like hey happy birthday drinks are on the house for you tonight and i was like that's oh what a bad time for this

and uh got my first free beer and just sat there by myself and sat there. I finished that beer. Started to try and like call a couple of friends. Nobody was around. And then he came back. I was like, you want another one? And I was like, yeah. And so by the end, I drank probably like four beers at this bar by myself. Not much of a meal beforehand.

So I'm feeling a little bit buzzed too. And now I'm at a point where i can't just go drive home because i've had four beers on an empty stomach and i'm like okay well i i just sit at this beer now i mean this is at this bar now and sat at the bar and drank three glasses of water for another hour by myself on my birthday and then went home and realized that day, like, no one gives a shit. That day is just another day on the calendar to them. It's not your birthday. It's not anything. Nobody remembers. And like, if they happen to find out it's your birthday, they will make a big show of it.

They'll be like, holy shit, it's your birthday. We didn't tell us like that kind of stuff. But nobody actually cares. Right. And so when you, after that, I decided like when you insist other people care, it becomes very funny. Yeah.

That's, I can't not think about the bartender going to his regulars, watching you drink the third glass of water and be like, it's his birthday. I thought, I swear someone I thought was going to show up. Now now i i don't know do we sing to him this is rough we don't have like treats or anything i got his license and i you know what i didn't even check his name i don't know his name i don't know what we do when we got to that part of the song it would be is it worse um i want to tell you i'm gonna call him sport my my brother also recently had a very bad birthday that I think is worth telling on this.

I don't think he'd mind if I told you. Sure. He moved from New York to California not too long ago, but an area of California where he knew no one. His wife is a school dean. And so she moved every, she moved the family. They were ready to move from new york anyway and they didn't know anyone and i have one friend who lives up there from college and so i put them in touch and this was like my brother's only connection was one of my friends who he'd never

met before but they sort of like hit it off and they the first time they met they liked each other they the what they're both their wives liked each other it seemed like oh we could actually be friends with these people the next weekend was my brother's birthday and he was like i can't be like will you come to my birthday it will just be us so he didn't tell them that it was his birthday he had them come over for a barbecue and they're in the backyard all hanging out and i don't know this is going on and i call my brother on his birthday facetime so we can our kids can see each other and stuff. He answers it. And I immediately go, happy birthday.

And I hear my buddy go, shit, it's your birthday? And my brother is like, yeah. And he's like trying to explain it while he's on the phone with me. I just, I don't know. I couldn't tell you guys because I didn't know if you'd want to come. I mean, obviously you'd want to come. And it was really funny to watch, but it was my brother and his wife had tried to pretend that it wasn't his birthday so that they could get to know some new people without stakes that were so high.

Yeah. That's so tough because I know that move. There's that weird, like, on the one hand, you don't care about your birthday, but on the know that move there's that weird like on the one hand you don't care about your birthday but on the other hand there's there's a strange pressure to do something yeah and i've certainly done that in los angeles like getting dinner with michael uh abe and katie willard uh and a similar situation where no one knows it's my birthday until the waiter looks down at my id he's like oh happy birthday by the way and then like your friends are not they're not happy surprised they're angry yes yeah especially because like like i i it wasn't a big planned thing for them i woke up went to work that day i was like you know it'd be fun if we all got

dinner together after work just real casual yes like no. Like no big deal. Yes or no. And they say yes. And then find out this is your birthday dinner. I'm like, yeah, I'm sorry guys. I tricked you into celebrating my birthday. That's it. It's such,

it's so scary to pretend like it's not your birthday generally, because somebody is going to find out. And then everyone around you will be like, what the fuck? Like, yeah. yeah. Who are you hiding this from? So I just don't do it. I tell everybody it's my birthday and I make them celebrate. That's smart. And it's, it's, it's very fun. I've never been mad at you for doing that. I never thought it was a childish thing. It was, it was, there was probably some level of envy in it. Uh, but it did not change the way I

acknowledge my own birthday. This is also, this subject is top of mind just because I had a birthday recently and it was very bad for different reasons. So, our friend, Caitlin Large, has, I don't

think, since she's known me I don't think she's missed my birthday ever. And this year we were FaceTiming a week or so ago, just catching up. And she was like, oh, my God, did I did I miss your birthday this year? Did I not say happy birthday to you on your birthday? And I was like, no, but it's fine fine do you know why you didn't say it it's because this year on my birthday domestic terrorists stormed the capital yes it was a a crazy thing and like and like already i don't care about this day i'm well into my 30s and like i'll i'll my parents will say happy birthday to me and it's great and i'll facetime with my brothers and sisters-in-law nieces and nephews

and exchange a few texts with people and it's not like i have anything riding on it uh that said it's a real it's quite a sensation when you log on to twitter on your birthday and your the date is trending and it's like worst attack since 9-11. No one's going to forget this day. Like, Jesus Christ. There will be a day of remembrance next year on this day. It makes it very tough to feel festive. Yeah. Yeah. It was a tough, tough year for your birthday this year.

I say this, Dan. I was thinking about it on the day, how I do actually miss punishing you on your birthday. For not celebrating your birthday. For people who don't know, when Dan and I worked together, I would go to elaborate lengths to make Daniel very angry on his birthday and then make all of that anger, turn it all around into what turns out to be a big surprise for his birthday

so that he has nowhere to put any of that anger because somebody has done something very nice for him and remembered his birthday and uh he just has to swallow it and eat it yeah it's it's the kind of anger there's there's there's no worse feeling in the world than impotent anger you know it's it's it's getting cut off by someone in the road and just being like oh i'm so mad at this person and then you pull up and it's like a little late and it's like ah and she's yeah she's apologizing out her window right she's mouthing i'm sorry and it's like ah fuck she's got now a head scarf on because she's clearly going through chemo yeah now i'm gonna go home and punch some tree so i would do things things like convince Dan that we had a meeting with other parts of our company

that I knew he didn't like and things that he knew would be that he'd think were a waste of time. And I knew it would make him angry. And then it turns out that everyone who's in the meeting is actually an acapella group who sings a song to him. Or I would convince, I told everyone else in our office that I was going to be, it was Daniel's birthday. They should all bring gifts that are very specific to Daniel, but give them to me because it's my six year anniversary at the company and came in, got a balloon. Usually at the office,

they would put a balloon on the desk of the person whose birthday it was. Dan had a balloon on his desk. And I was like, I think that's for me, actually. It's my five year anniversary here. And Dan was like, oh, okay. And very nicely put moved the balloon over and throughout the day people would just come by both of our desks and hand me gifts that meant nothing to me like uh dog toys or like a cd that they'd been meaning to burn for Daniel for a very long time and instead gave to me uh and then at the end there was a cake that said happy birthday Daniel all that was crossed out and it said happy anniversary Soren down the side of the cake

I was and am stupid enough that as that was going on I was thinking poor Soren these people don't know anything about him he went out and got me a card for my five year or six year anniversary I got you a lottery scratch off too I think so I was like shit I gotta get him something I guess you get people presents for this day and so yeah you left and got something

for me it was uh god it was a real treat yeah anyway um yeah i've had a i've had that bad birthday and i don't know i think that i think you would try it sometime try enjoying your birthday you have a new group of people that you're around and just see what it's like to be a guy who celebrates it well i mean at this point the next time it it it rolls around i'm pretty sure we're gonna have vigils i know i don't might add to it dan like might be even funnier i mean like just sending emails they're like look I know we're all gathering in Central

Park today and we're all going to have candles but like that's not going to go all night so what do you do afterwards look whatever you're in the mood to listen to Audible has you covered they've got every genre you can think of they've got content to

entertain to inspire and to inform you can if you're in the mood for comedy hey They've got every genre you can think of. They've got content to entertain, to inspire, and to inform. You can, if you're in the mood for comedy, hey, they've got it. Romance, suspense, true crime. You can even do fitness and wellness. You can squeeze in a workout or a guided meditation without having to go to the gym because Lord knows you can't go to the gym right now.

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anywhere. Tunnels? Doesn't matter. your basement where you're doing your workouts doesn't matter these are yours now the audible app is free and can be installed in any smartphone and tablet you can listen across devices without losing your spot you can use them right away or you can save your credits for up to a year and then binge on whatever you want to listen to and if you're not loving your selection you can just swap it for another one now is the best time to try audible because with the President's Day event, you are getting one of Audible's best offers of the year. Only $9.95 a month for your first six months. For a limited

time, in addition to accessing one title from Audible's premium selection, you can download and stream thousands of all-you-can-listen audiobooks, originals, and podcasts for less than the regular membership. Go to audible.com slash qq or text qq to 500 500 well i have a question for you okay cool um daniel what is there an idea that you have in your head that you're sticking with that goes against consensus reality like a thing that you believe to be true even though the scientific world everybody else says no that's not true like a flat earthers are a very good example of that yeah i have two okay do you want me to go first you want to tell me one me one of them? Let's do a little sandwich. I'll do one of them first. One of them

comes to me by way of Reply All. Reply All, hosted by PJ Vogt and Alex Goldman, Alex Goldman friend of the show. They did a fantastic episode where they dug into this mystery of whether or not our phones

and internet, whether our phones are listening to us all the time. And not just like when you're calling someone, but just the idea that a phone's microphone is constantly on, you're constantly being monitored, and that information is being sold and shared to other companies that will target ads to you. It's not anything particularly nefarious.

It's just like,'s uh spookily accurate and the case study that they they had was a woman was going to visit her son she was traveling out of state to go visit her son in san francisco she realized when she was uh at the airport or possibly even flying that she had forgot to pack her perfume and then when she landed at in san francisco went to to hang out with her son and went to look online for this perfume her specific brand of perfume and found that uh she was already get or her son was already getting targeted ads for this perfume and like she hadn't spoken to her son about it this was just she uh talked to her friends about it at some point i'm gonna need this perfume

when i get to san francisco and then she's in san francisco and the ads are showing up so a reasonable person wouldn't be out of line for concluding that the phone is listening to and tracking these people down the phone companies of, of course, deny it. And then the podcast, because they're like serious journalists working this podcast, they found out that it's not as simple as someone just listening to you and stalking you. It's, this is a woman who, because she has a location tracker on her phone, her phone knows that she is in San Francisco. And because she has a Facebook account that lists her family the phone guesses that she is going to be staying with her son because hey look you have family in san francisco you travel to san francisco

we're going to connect these dots and because she on her own phone or her own computer googled this perfume at some point that was enough for the the all of these phones and computers and addresses to get together and serve the sun as that would be relevant to his interest based on this information it's still like functionally identical to someone listening in to all of your conversations and all of your thoughts somehow and letting that follow you everywhere but there's uh it's pretty ironclad in terms of like deniability from the phone companies yes they're not they're not just like your phone's not just listening to you while you talk in your house no they found uh found it. People suspected it was. People were doing tests. They were like, my husband and I are going to pretend

we're just going to talk about baby stuff even though we're not having a baby and see if we get served those types of ads. Because that's what people thought. It was like your phone is just listening all the time. Yeah. Which, I mean, again, functionally, it might as well be because the outcome is the same. But it's just literally not

doing that. and so now i have two things i have one the phone companies are saying no we don't we don't listen to you you're safe don't worry we're not listening to you in your house all the time to a thoroughly researched and vetted podcast explaining why it feels like you're being listened to when you're actually not and i took all that information and i went nah they're being listened to when you're actually not. And I took all that information and I went, nah, they're fucking listening to me. I don't care. They're doing it. They're real smart about it.

They're not smarter than me though. I mean, I'm kind of with you. I know that my phone is constantly checking the air with its video camera to see if my face is in it. So anytime that I just pick up my phone and it's dark, if I turn it around, turn it any direction, it doesn't go light again. And then if I turn it to my face, it will light up and it will automatically try to unlock. So it's just like, I don't know if it's using that information for anything but i know that the camera even when i'm the screen is dark is always just sort of checking to see if my face is around yeah which i don't like at all and i mean i i i think i should be angrier than i am

uh i i think the reason i'm okay with it is because a i believe that i'm being monitored at all times yeah uh by either my phone or by google um but b i'm okay with it because what they're doing with the information they're gathering is like more effectively targeting ads to me it's it's like I'm on the phone with my dad talking about, oh, I just moved to this area and I'm looking for stuff to do. And then I turn on my computer and it's like, hey, there's a running club within two blocks of you. I'm like, well, that's great. Thanks, big brother. Right. You're not robbing me or anything. You're making my life better. That's what I wanted. That's exactly the thing that I needed. Yeah. I'm kind of with you. I don't mind being served things that are more focused and tailored to me.

But I'm also not doing anything that I'm scared about. I'm not doing anything in the world where I'm like, I don't want other people knowing that I'm doing this. Right. Same. So I don't know. We're a slim minority i think um i don't know dan i don't know if that's a crazy thing that consensus reality doesn't agree with i think you'd find a lot of people do agree with you i i think they i i think i would too but it's it's uh i find it out of character for me because i'm i'm really uh easy to convince of a lot of things

uh specifically via podcast like if someone lays out an argument that makes sense to me i'll just be like okay yeah that's how i feel too like like i i uh i love for people to tell me how things work and what my opinions should be that's fucking great uh it's rare for me to tell me how things work and what my opinions should be. That's fucking great. It's rare for me to hear something that makes logical sense and is very consistent and then go, nah, I like my version better. Yes. So mine is a little weirder than that. I watched a documentary. I guess it was like an ESPN sports thing when I was in high school.

And Muggsy Bogues, who was a player for the Charlotte Hornets. Yeah, little guy. I can't remember how tall he is. Maybe he might be like... 5'4", 5'3". Yeah, I think he might be even shorter than that. I want to look it up because it's good. Okay, while you're looking it up, I can tell people.

So he was one of the players who got their essence stolen in the original space jam he became his power was stolen by not the red monster n-a-w-t not took mugsy bogues his power so the players were larry johnson mugsy bogues sean bradley charles barkley and patrick ewing crazy that two charlotte hornets made it onto this Monstars team. And two New York Knicks. That's true. Yeah. Because those teams were not wearing titles around that time. Yeah, no.

To this day, the Knicks are committed to that bit. So Muggsy Muggs is 5'3". You're correct. All right. And he's a very little guy, but he can dunk. And in this ESPN sports thing, they're just like tracking these players as they're all stretching out on the court. And it becomes fun. Like Larry Johnson is giving Muggsy Bogues shit because Muggsy Bogues can't touch his own toes. He's got super tight hamstrings.

And it clicked in my mind. I was like, I think the tight hamstrings make you jump higher. And so because I have a crazy vertical leap, it doesn't make sense. My vertical leap, um, for a while I could dunk. I don't think I could do it anymore, but, um, for a while you could dunk. Yes. I can't palm a basketball. So if it's something that I can palm, I can dunk it like a volleyball or a little basketball. I can, I could dunk those. I could get a full hand above the rim and I have very, very tight handstrings in a way that I think it's almost genetic where like I tried for a while to stretch them out and

couldn't, couldn't do it. Like I, it took a lot, a lot of work just to be able to get a hand all the way down to my toes without bending my knees at all. Famously, famously tight hamstrings. And I can jump crazy, crazy high. And I thought that's a thing that Muggsy Bogues and I share. And so for the rest of my life, I've just sort of assumed that tight hamstrings are associated with jumping very high.

And I haven't told anyone because I don't want anyone, everyone else jumping on board this wagon. This is sort of like my thing. Sure. Could you imagine the people with tight hamstrings find out they could dunk? There'd be fucking anarchy. It'd be crazy.

What would the NBA be then? I don't even want to, shutter. And I just sort of assumed, you know what, this is my secret. I can jump higher than everyone because I have tight hamstrings.

So I can confirm, I've never seen you dunk, but I can confirm that your vertical leap is striking. It doesn't make any sense to see. I think the first time I saw it was your 30th birthday. That's going to be the theme of this. This episode is not going to be about sex, goddammit. It's going to be the theme of this. This episode is not going to be about sex, goddammit. It's going to be about birthdays. It was your 30th birthday and

you were very drunk and in a wonderful mood and we were just walking down the street and you were, you saw something, some ledge that was very high off the ground. And you were like, I bet I could jump up onto that ledge.

That's me. And Colleen and a lot of your friends were like, come on, Soren. Because the night was over. And we were all wrapping up and trying to go. We were walking to either get tacos or to go home. And Colleen was like, no, no, honey, it's time to go. And I was like, bet you can't. And you laughed and then like shot up in the sky and did it.

Yeah. For a long time, I did a bit where I would be a velociraptor. I do like a very good velociraptor. And like, you know, that scene where they jump up on the table once they figure out how to open the doors and they get in that room. Sure. One just like hops up, no problem on that table table that was like a thing i would do i would pretend to be a velociraptor and then i would both legs at the same time jump up onto something that

was out about like nipple height to me yeah and so people would be like oh it's a really good velociraptor holy shit what whoa uh so i'm i'm curious have you ever is this a thing that you googled to confirm or are you not interested in ever finding out the truth no i don't want i don't want that you don't even want that information out there in a google search i know that people buy google searches as well and i don't want other people being like oh maybe there's something to this except now that i put it on the podcast but you know what My career as a jumper is over. I've reached a point in my life where I don't need that anymore to separate myself from the group.

I could retire my jumping jersey at this point and feel good about my career. Are you... So I imagine you don't want to put too much pressure on your son, but I also imagine that you're curious to see if he can also jump. Are you, have you,

uh, done any like innocent tests to find out? Because I know like Colleen's got your number. If she sees you setting up a bunch of high boxes in, in a room with Ronan, she's going to know you're, you to know you're scouting him for jumps. And I'll not have you do that in this family. Daniel, of course I have.

I put together a whole video of my, like there's shot like a skateboard video of my son just jumping. He's got the skills uh he first of all it's not his vertical i'm not so i'm not so sure about yet because it's really hard to practice that and get him like to jump up on things because it's gonna be so painful to not make it so instead just in like playing with him i can get a sense of him being able to jump over things as he's running and like him jumping in stride came very effortlessly to him in a way where I was like, yes. Like, you know, like it's not a lot of kids like run up to something. They plant both feet and then jump. But he would just take off of one foot.

And I was like, this is the beginning. This is good. And he can jump very, very far. Okay. And I very far. Okay. And I like it. Yeah. What opportunities are there for jumpers? Okay.

There's long jump, high jump, those things, obviously. But then in just about every sport with a ball, you've got to go up for things. There's contention in the air. So basketball, football, I don't, I mean, I don't want to play football, but in general, like as a kid, I don't mind him playing. And that helps out a lot. I think in your life, when you are good at sports and that, uh, uh, an in the air contest is like one of the earliest signs of whether you're an athlete or not, like whether you can come down with it because it requires so much thing, so many things to go your way. You got to

like, you have to be, you have to know when the ball's coming to jump at the exact right time. You have to know how to use your body to box out the other person. And you still have to have the focus and concentration to catch the ball, even when it's being tapped or batted by somebody else. And I feel like that's, that's like, even if that's not his career and I when it's being tapped or batted by somebody else and i feel like that's that's like even if that's not his career and i hope it's not his career it's still very very helpful when you're in school yeah oh it'll absolutely make things easier for him uh for the first certainly the first like 15 to 18 years of his life. Yes. As someone who played sports because for a while there's nothing else for little boys to do in the 90s in the past.

Yeah. And as someone who's bad at them, I can confirm that like, okay, the ball is coming to me. I could put my glove hand up and I could put the other hand up because I know I'm supposed to do that. Oh, but I'm also supposed to get under the ball. Oh,

and I'm supposed to like close my hand when it comes. All right. Well you get, you get one or the other. I'm not, I can't put all of these things together. It would also make for a really, you're ideally suited for dance as well.

Oh, if you can jump very, very high. So it's just, it's just opening doors for him. And you know, am I? Is that true? Yeah, very, very important for dance. Why? Well, for like classical dance, like baller, like being a ballerina, you, you need to be able to get a lot of vertical because there's these moves that you're doing

in the air that require you to be in the air for quite a bit of time and uh the more time that you can spend in the air the easier you make it look to be doing the stuff that you're doing okay sure like that kind of impressive like athletic dancing yeah like it doesn't like like good jumpers aren't just immediately great dancers no but you think about like um interpretive dance too There's a lot of like that big jumping where you, you see them do this kind of barrel roll things where their body is horizontal in the air, but their legs are twirling over the top. Like there's a lot of just jumping and leaping involved.

My daughter, I hope that also has it because if she's got it, I feel like she could have a real athletic leg up and Right, that would don't go a long way. I think How do you how can you tell already that she's she's a jumper no no I can't I'm just okay. Oh, okay Got it good to know just hoping um Let's see was there anything else I wanted to say about Muggsy Bogues before I go to my oh, yeah I think there's like something tragic and very funny because i know that um michael jordan

like ended mugsy bogues's career by calling him uh an offensive term for a little person like in the middle of a game in a way that like got into mugsy's head because uh a that probably must have like followed him his whole life and b it's michael jordan right he is just like being really mean to you in the middle of a basketball game and uh it like shook his confidence for the rest of his basketball career um i didn't know that uh larry johnson was apparently giving him shit about not being able to touch his toes it's like tragically funny to me that because anytime you have like a very specific thing that people are going to uh that like a stranger on the street can point out and make fun of you for it or or or like call

attention to it you have to know that that has dogged someone's entire life like he didn't he didn't realize he was shorter than average because michael jordan pointed it out to him this has been going on forever the and the fact that like he made it to the nba by all rights one of the most elite basketball players yeah on the planet at his time because he's made like this is this is where you go if you're good at your sport this is where you go and people are still like short can't even reach his toes and it's like i'm i this is the thing i was supposed to do to prove all of my bullies wrong what the fuck yeah what a horrible realization it is when that thing you think is gonna fill the hole in your heart doesn't and yeah because there was someone calling

him short when he was 10 years old or dwarf or something like that something something offensive was like i'm gonna show him i'm gonna play i'm gonna defy all odds i'm gonna make it to the nba i didn't even pick a sport where smaller than average people are favored I picked one of the taller sports and I'm still gonna thrive and I'm gonna be in movies with Michael Jordan and Bugs Bunny and he was and it didn't matter oh my god you're still the person in your sport that you revere the most was like you you're short you're fucking short ah it's tough man it's wild and sad and funny uh the other one that i have that i i truly believe based on nothing is um uh fishing back when i used to actually go out on boats with people

before covid and could like take new people who hadn't gone fishing before. Let's just go out and fish together. One time someone caught me like thumbing the line as it's just like, like hanging out because we're deep sea fishing. So you just sort of. Hold on. I don't know what that means. Just like it's what you think it is just sort of like pulsing the fishing line with my thumb. So you drop the line in and you're deep sea fishing so you're not uh you don't need to like

jig it which is bounce it uh all the time and you're not reeling it in you're just like letting it sit there and waiting for a fish to come and and and get it i would like like you're strumming uh guitar idly with with your thumb You're making a dance in the water. Just pulsing really. Okay. And, uh, the person I was with was like,

why are you doing that? And I was like, well, it, um, simulates a heartbeat. So, uh,

the, the, the bait will seem more like live prey because the, the, the, the fish that you want does want live prey and can tell the difference so this like simulates a heartbeat in the water and will attract the fish and then the fish will go for it and the person was like is that does that work and i said yes and i don't think it's i mean

like i don't i don't think science would back me up on that. They would back me up in the sense that, like, it's more effective to fish with live bait because it's just like, it obviously behaves differently than dead bait. The science, I think, is pretty quiet on the subject of, like, if I strum the line, will it simulate a fish's heartbeat in a way that another fish will be able to detect in a way that is altogether different from the way the line moves with the wind or the waves or whatever the fuck else is going on underwater like it's not gonna in my heart of hearts i have the feeling that it's not gonna send out heartbeat waves that's going to attract like a big fish. But I feel it.

It feels right to me. It also assumes that the- And it's like a cool, it's like, it sounds like an intuitive thing to say to another person who knows less than you. Yeah. Okay. That's fair. It's funny to think that the fish understand tempo.

Yeah. that the fish understand tempo yeah like they're they're like they know that bum bum bum bum bum is different than boom boom yeah just like the wind or whatever the wave is moving it that they have isolated ah i know that that's four four that's a heartbeat is very funny well maybe you're right maybe you're right. Maybe you're right. And maybe that's going to be your edge. I mean, I don't catch more fish than the people around me. But that's one of the amazing things.

Perhaps you're a worse fisherman. Yeah, he's doing everything right. He just sucks at it. But there's something he's doing out there that's leveling the playing field a tiny bit yeah he's getting closer he's definitely circling it but oh that's a good one dad i wonder if they do these things like what are you putting on their worms um usually bits of uh the last time i went out bits of squid okay and this is a crazy question those things have hearts right squid yeah do all animals have hearts yeah probably

i guess they must they've got it's blood vessels the more that i'm talking about it the more that i uh like this is not a thing that holds up to the slightest bit of scrutiny because what i'm talking about fishing with bits of squid it's like squid that you can buy at a bait shop certainly but also if you went to get squid to make calamari at ralph's this is what you would get like i will go to the store and get the kind that is like that sliced white bit of squid and i put that on there and then I give it a heartbeat because I think, I think the heartbeat will fool the fish. Yeah. And he, but even if I'm right and the fish is like, is that, is something beating over to my left?

Oh wait, there's just like some weird slab of white meat dangling. That can't be it. I'm not so stupid that I'm going to think that ghost has got a heartbeat. I've just discovered that squids have three hearts. Ah, nice. That triples my chances. Don't check that. Two pump blood to the gills to take up oxygen. The other one just pumps the blood around the rest of the body.

So maybe, I don't know, that sounds like a lot of heartbeats that maybe you're replicating. I don't know. That sounds like a lot of heartbeats that maybe you're replicating. But again, I'm realizing now that it's just one part of a larger show that I've also... I need to like... I don't know, draw a little squid face on it

and make it dance every once in a while. And if I think a fish is nearby, I gotta up the tempo of that heartbeat so the other fish think it's scared. I gotta put on a whole show now and like you'd be a really good lie detector in the ocean let me think about how that works hold on a second yeah okay no that joke doesn't work no that one doesn't work i am seeing though the very first thing that pops up is all animals have hearts and i feel like getting that tattooed across my chest okay uh i'll support you

on that let's see how we're doing on time we're done yeah we're done we're done with the show oh well i can read all of our our Twitter handles and things like that. Okay, good. Yeah, do it. The problem is I just don't. God, I should really remember to keep these with me. I keep them in my attic, which is very difficult to get to because I have to get out a step ladder or open it up, get up in there. It's easier for me to make room in my house.

Anyway, I got to go get that. In the meantime, maybe you can just answer for everybody even though this is specific to me dan when i made your dog sick were you mad at me yeah uh well no i wasn't here's like the god's honest truth about this and the reason that i stopped letting people watch my dog and started instead uh going to like trusted kennels where i was paying people is because i had so so the quickest possible version of this story for people is that soren was uh kindly watching my dog even though my dog can sometimes be a menace who will chew things up and and pee on parts of he peed in soren's bathroom which is like where'd you learn that from buddy but also

inconvenient for the people who have to clean up after him and on the last day of soren watching him he got he was throwing up a whole lot uh he had stopped pooping and stopped eating and those are like the the two big things if your if your dog is not pooping or eating that's that's a pretty bad sign that's that something is wrong that's worse than than vomiting generally um and i picked him up and uh the things i said to soren at the time were like i'm sure he just fucking ate something that he saw off the street and it upset his stomach and i said that to soren because it was true i believe that like he he is uh he's a street dog who like darts. He's very fast and he picks up stuff all the time. He could have picked up some rotten piece of fruit in the gutter or some other piece of nonsense in the gutter or something in your home. I think there's the

chance that he had picked up like the back of Colleen's earring or something like that. And maybe that was upsetting his stomach these are things that i would not blame anyone for they're all things that could happen to me they're all things that could happen to you the most vigilant dog walker on the planet uh is no match for jackson when he sees something that he wants just like dart and get so i knew in my uh heart and gut and hog and balls that if God forbid the worst thing happened with Jackson and he and he died it wouldn't be your fault it's a thing that could have happened to anyone but I also knew in my heart and gut and hog and balls that it would change our friendship yeah that like like I could

feel the my my my heart overcoming the rational part of my brain like both of those things could be true this is not soren's fault uh is true i will blame him forever right uh is also true and thankfully nothing happened to jackson he he uh is back to pooping like a champion and eating like a champion. This is years ago. He's gone through several different versions of being sick in the six or so years since you've watched him. But it was a time where as I'm

staying up with him and he's clearly uncomfortable, I'm thinking, he might die. And then I won't I'll never yell at Sorin. I won't ask him to give me money or do anything to make this up to me but like i know that our friendship will change dramatically yeah and i don't i don't want that to happen so i'm just never gonna have him watch jackson again not because i didn't trust

you i didn't have anyone watch jackson again it was like well i don't want something so bad to happen that like i i it ruins it taints a relationship in my life so now i make sure that he's at uh a kennel because i can be mad at those people right if he dies on on a professional's watch then it's like great well now i can sue you and i can leave bad reviews and i can like try to destroy your business and i can put this feeling somewhere uh in a way that i can't with soren yeah well i will say for your dog he very polite invalid he he wasn't feeling well it was clear like his stomach hurt in a way that he was like hunched up a lot and uh then it was like the night you're coming back that he got sick and he would he would he wanted comfort so like he'd come over and sit on your lap and yeah i just i'd pet him for a long time and i had a towel out and so every once

in a while he'd be on my lap he would get up and sort of wince like walk over to the towel and throw up on the towel and then come back over to me and i was like this is the best dog yeah i think he's he's very human when he's when he's sick in the same way that like if my stomach is upset sometimes there's just no position that i want to be in when i'm trying to sleep like and he'll try to curl up in a certain way and then i'll be like nope that's not it yep that's not doing it maybe i'm gonna i'm gonna stretch for a second i'm gonna walk around a little bit oh no i'm in a bad way i'm gonna i'm gonna pull over in downtown la and puke out the window yeah he's very nice about i would be petting him he'd be like yeah okay that's working a little

that's working a little it's not working anymore i'm getting very sweaty i don't like this um but it was very funny to for him to be like okay i gotta go hold on just give me a second i'm just gonna go throw up over here don't't watch. I would prefer if you didn't watch. It was very nice. Okay, everybody, you can follow Daniel on Twitter now. He's allowing it, at dob underscore inc. You can follow me at soren underscore ltd. You can follow our CFO, Michael,

at makemebaconplease, spelled P-L-S. And you can follow Quick Question at qq underscore soren and dan. Also, you can follow Quick Question at QQ underscore Soren and Dan. Also, you can tweet at any single one of those, all you like, to your heart's content. Our email is QQ with Soren and Daniel at gmail.com. And you can follow,

find, and hire our producer, sound engineer, and editor, Gabe at... Hold on. Gabe, do you have your website back yet? That's a good question. I'm going to check right now. Yeah, I go to GabeHarder.com and it says that my website is ready to go. Yes! Okay, you can follow him

on GabeHarder.com. Go follow his work. Bye. Bye.