Quick Question with Soren and Daniel - QQ ep 99 -Daniel and Soren, MONSTARS

Episode Date: July 23, 2021

In this episode the guys talk about which professional sport they could last the longest in, and there's also a weird new bit!  And as always big thanks to our sponsors. Thanks to Hawthorne. Take your quiz and get 10% off your first purchase at hawthorne.co with code QQ.  Thanks to Skillshare.com/qq and one-month free trial of  Premium Membership.

So, hello again and welcome to another episode of Quick Question with Soren and Daniel, the podcast where two best friends and comedy writers ask each other questions and give each other answers. I am one half of that podcast, author of How to Fight Presidents, staff writer for Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, and just for the week, a make-believe homeowner, joined as always by my co-host, actual homeowner, Mr. Soren Bui. Soren, say hello. Hello, everybody. I'm Soren Bui. I'm a writer for American Dad. And I wrote a book as well, but it never got published. I had a literary agent for a tiny bit who was very excited about

the book and wanted to sell it. And to her credit, she really did send me some publishers and stuff. And I'm realizing now later in life with some hindsight that she probably was just trying to sleep with me oh she would say things like six months from now we're gonna be we're gonna be cheersing champagne to the the selling of this book and like that kind of stuff and like she kept wanting me to come out to new york um for meetings and stuff like that and i was like you know obviously not doing that because i was a kid and i didn't have any money kid i mean i was like 25 or something like that when i wrote this and uh it was uh still fully broke you stay broke so much longer than anyone prepares you for and she was she was very nice but i'm realizing now like she talked a lot about like my my arms and stuff

in a way where i'm like oh maybe that wasn't appropriate and oh this was a weird power dynamic and i think that this was just somebody who is maybe not interested in the book yeah i think that that reinforces a decision i made early on in life which was to be completely unfuckable that way if anyone ever wants to read my work, I know that it's pure. I know that it comes from a place of like, this is inescapably good art. That's smart. That was really smart. I thought it would open a lot more doors for me if I tried to be handsome.

Yeah, handsome and talented. Wrong way to go, man. Well, I gave up on both of them. So I think I'm fine now. Thanks to Skillshare for supporting Quick Question. Skillshare empowers you to accomplish real growth. Do something today you couldn't do yesterday with classes designed for real life.

Skillshare is an online learning community with so much to explore, real projects to create, and the support of fellow creatives. Explore your creativity at Skillsharehare.com slash QQ and get one month free trial of premium membership. Thanks to Hawthorne for supporting Quick Question. Hawthorne is a premium grooming brand that tailors your personal care routine

to your unique profile. Take Hawthorne's quiz today and get started on your personalized self-care routine at hawthorne.co. That's CO like the abbreviation for Colorado, baby. And use promo code QQ to get 10% off your first purchase. Did you want to ask me about my temporary home ownership? Yeah, so let me see if I can guess what this is.

I think this is just your little bucolic hovel down in New Jersey, right? It's close. It's a different part of New Jersey. I'm house new jersey i'm my brother and sister-in-law oh damn that's so exciting for you it's it's more suburbs and like my my sister-in-law wrote uh because because really they have a uh a nice house and a good yard for jackson and a pool and i knew they were gonna be out of town so i was like hey do you want me to like take in your mail and use your pool and like water your plants and use your pool and like swim in your pool?

And they gave me a list of like things to do in addition to the mail and the pool and the plants. And my sister-in-law immediately texted me the next day and she was like, I feel so bad. I want you to enjoy your time. I gave you a list of all our dirty work. And like, I can't tell you how much I've been enjoying skimming the pool and watering plants and feeding pets and just like pretending I live here for a while. It's

such a dream to be like, all right, time to empty those skimmer traps. I was going to ask, like, are you planning to do something for the house? But it's so nice to have somebody tell you these are the things that need to be done. This is like the this is the grunt work because, oh, what a dream. Yeah, it's been it's been such a treat. And they've been really good about like, if you don't want to do this, it's fine. Like, no, no, no, no, no. I'm going to cosplay suburban dad in nice house for a week and

uh that's gonna give me enough positive energy to get me through a few more weeks in new york city it really is i think people play those games like homescapes or gardenscapes there's like mobile games where the whole point of it is that you're just like fixing up a place yeah and i feel that my home is a mobile game basically we're like i'm trying to install a new chandelier in our where the whole point of it is that you're just like fixing up a place. And I feel that. My home is a mobile game, basically, where like I'm trying to install a new chandelier in our guest bedroom, which is just like this hanging light that I think is very cool, but had to take off a fixed light that was on the ceiling and realize that underneath the plate,

it was all like it's too shallow to install this new thing. There's like lots of issues with trying to fix or figure it out. My son's right there. And so out loud, I'm going, oh, God damn it. I'm going to have to get a new electrical box for this. I'm going to have to pull this old one out, figure out how to get it out of there. Oh, boy. But in my mind, I'm going, yes, this project just got complicated.

All right. This is going to be the weekend. Should we get into the show where we ask each other questions and give each other answers? I think that's a good idea. Do you want me to go first this time? Sure. This time. Yeah, absolutely.

Why don't we try that? See how it works. This was inspired by one of my favorite podcasts, The Flagrant Ones, with Carl Tartt, Hayes Davenport, and Sean Clements. Theirs was focused purely on basketball, but I wanted to broaden ours out. But first I want to ask you, what sport of the big four sports, I guess we could say hockey, the big five sports, do you think you are best at?

Football. And that's going to sound crazy because i'm not built for football do you do you mean uh football no i mean actual football wow okay i know uh what what is your what position are you most confident in a quarterback corner yeah corner okay so in this scenario you are on the broncos at your level currently exactly where you are right now at your level of athleticism and there have been enough injuries on the team that you were playing cornerback and you have to play the entire game well hold on hold on we're playing in pads i assume yeah see now i'm no longer confident that this is my sport okay i've got no idea what my peripheral vision would be like in a helmet

or like if i could even get my arms over my head like i in a blazer i can't even get my arms up where i want them to be shoulder pads feel like okay well the where this hypothetical goes is to find out how long you think you could last playing in a professional sport so if you want to change your answer now you can i'm changing it to soccer okay that's what i figured so you're whatever position they don't matter to me and midfield midfield okay and you have to play the entire game and you have to at least look like you are participating you can't like you're not going't stay here on this play and wait for it to come to me because I have a feeling.

You have to really play. How long is the regulation soccer quarter? No, half. It's halves and the first half is 40 minutes. Okay, so you're playing at your level now with a

standard American soccer team, Galaxy, let's say. And how long can you make it before it lights out for you? Before you're either vomiting or you call in a bomb scare or you pass out? I think the first thing that's most likely is i'm gonna pull something yeah uh i will probably pull a hamstring in i would guess first 10 minutes okay let's say you're blessed and you're not gonna get injured and it's just like how long you can go i think that i could survive a half now wow it would look bad i mean like i wouldn't they'd be stealing the ball from me constantly if anytime that i get a touch on it like i'm gonna get rid of it as fast as i can

but there's no way i'm taking the ball from anybody there's no way if somebody's it's me and somebody else on a sprint they're getting away from me and uh if i get the ball like yeah i may get a few passes off that would make me look like, okay, all right, he's doing all right. But like certainly not scoring any goals or anything, but I think I could survive a half. 45 minutes. Yeah. How much, how long is a soccer field? About the size of a football field.

I wonder, I'm going to see if I can quickly Google it. Like how much mileage a person runs in a standard soccer game and it's like not just it's sprinting yeah uh because that uh the answer is somewhere between seven and 9.5 miles that's that's how much a soccer player runs in a given match. Yeah. So it's half of that. That feels completely doable. I think 3.5 miles. And it's not all at once, right? So like if I'm right half, then there are times where the ball's just like on the other side of the field or it's a striker's got it up front and I don't need to necessarily

keep up. I think I could do it. I almost never watch soccer. Is there like what could be considered recovery time? Because that's what it comes down to. If anytime you're moving, you're sprinting and not just sprinting, but a lot of side to side movements, which adds so much extra energy and pain uh there is recovery time yes yeah there's a lot of time where you're at i mean i shouldn't have picked halfback i should have picked something like striker but like there's a lot of time where you're just sort of like walking on your side of the field okay but man there's like there's so many other elements that's like i could i wouldn't know how

to like develop a play or anything like that like If somebody wanted me to shoot downfield or find a lane or something like that, I wouldn't be able to do any of that. I would be useless, basically, but I could at least run that much. Yeah, you're allowed to be the worst player on the field. You're just not allowed to be bad on purpose, really. You're not allowed to tank it to rest. You have to try your absolute hardest the whole time. I would do it.

I would do it for 45 minutes. I think I could withstand 45 minutes of Galaxy football. I don't think... I picked basketball. Okay. That's a lot more running, by the way. That's you're running three miles in a game. But it's a lot more like you're on the move constantly.

Yes. That's where I think, that's why I don't think I would make it a full quarter. I think I am throwing up at some point, like pretty early on. And again, like I'm not, I'm not expected to score. I'm expected to play with the goal of winning.

So I'm like definitely playing on our team, but I don't expected to score. I'm expected to play with the, the goal of winning. So I'm, I'm like definitely playing on our team, but I don't need to, to score. I don't need to steal. I just need to be trying the entire time. And I still think just low expectations, trying my best.

I'm not making it 10 minutes because the thing that I, I draw from is like this hit class, high intensity interval training class that I used to do where there's so much sprinting and then your recovery time is like lightweight bench press or lightweight curls or something like that. But you're still, here's a minute and 40 seconds where you're sprinting on a treadmill and then you break for 20 seconds and then you're sprinting again at a faster clip or at uh like a uh an incline a raise and then your recovery time is always like okay now now i can just i can rest over here by doing push-ups like that's my my

version of rest and i can do that class doing everything that i'm supposed to do for an hour but i don't i don't think there's enough recovery time in basketball like i would just be praying god i hope they fucking foul yannis so i can just stand here and breathe for 13 seconds and i don't have to do anything and just like try to cram in all of the recovery that I need because when you stop sprinting you don't you don't feel good you still need to like breathe and recover

and I think the amount of sprinting and the amount of lateral movements that I've been doing I'd be doing and if you factor in if I ever have to dribble that's that's more exertion well there's way more than that there's like you're gonna have to play against somebody if somebody's like like getting boxed out getting like pushing off of people like that stuff is really exhausting yeah trying to stand your ground against somebody who's like bumping back into you

is yeah that alone i'd be like winded afterwards. Yeah. And I really feel myself going maybe seven minutes is pushing it. And by seven minutes, I'm throwing up and taking all my clothes off and lying on the court. And they all have to play around me at that point. I'd say, well, seven minutes, Dan, that's about six minutes and 50 seconds longer than I got to play in my eighth grade basketball games. So that's pretty good, I'd say.

But that wasn't because you were puking. No, it's because that was bad. I think if I was trying to win this hypothetical game i would probably i want to say i'd pick baseball because yeah so that was dumb of us not to pick baseball no but you the i started with what do you think you're best at and then you have to answer based on that but even baseball like i feel like my my issue with baseball is there's a lot of standing which is good for me but there is no single position in that sport that i can handle i'm not i can't throw for shit and i can't catch i'm scared of baseballs and so even if i'm like right field where i was buried my entire little league career

uh because the ball is not expected to come there. In professional baseball, it does sometimes. And I wouldn't be able to catch it. And if I did eventually recover it, I can't throw that to anyone. I can't hit my cutoff, man. Yeah. But that's okay.

I mean, you don't have to be good at the sport, right? Like, you know who Bartolo Colon is? Yeah, he's a baseball player. Yeah, you can look him up. He's the only reason, like truly the you know who you know who bartolo cologne is uh yeah he's a baseball player yeah you can look him up he's the only reason like truly the only reason that i know him is because he is referenced in a volpec song oh really yeah called joe dimaggio well uh he's a heavyset gentleman he's a bit on the husky side and no one has ever given you more confidence that you could be a baseball player um i think he he's probably i think i don't know what his record is for pitching i'm sure he's probably a good pitcher because he's lasted in the league so long but he is just a heavy guy who like just doesn't give a fuck that he's a heavy guy um and it makes me think oh you

know what maybe like kirby puckett was my favorite player when i was a kid and that man was about 300 pounds um and he played outfield and i was like maybe i could do this maybe this could be my sport and you're it's basketball you've got five people out on the court at any given time you're gonna touch the ball dan at some point and that's a terrifying prospect you could maybe go a whole game of baseball without touching the ball. If you're not playing the infield. Yeah. I think you could go a whole game.

But then I have to bat too, right? And I can't do that. You can't bat. Oh, it's terrifying. The idea of, like, what's a standard batting cage speed? No, like 70 miles an hour, maybe. Yeah. And these guys are throwing well above that.

Yeah, they're throwing 90 to 100. No one's ever pitched at me at a way that like oh that hits me that could do some real damage also a base like in a batting cage the ball is just like it's coming for no surprises there yeah whereas like a the same pitch a pitch can be a fastball that like takes a certain trajectory and like looks exactly the same as a sinker and all of a sudden like at a certain point the ball just disappears off your radar uh yeah i don't maybe baseball was the wrong choice i guess batting i didn't even consider yeah every human was born to create whether you last picked up a paintbrush yesterday or in grade school you can explore your creativity and be inspired. Skillshare is an online learning community that offers membership with meaning. With so much to explore, real projects to create, and the support of fellow

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You can excavate your true desires through mindfulness and mantras, unlock creativity and joy by developing a self-care planner, which I thought was silly at first, but I absolutely live by now. And you can build a sustainable and crave-worthy routine. Self-care shouldn't feel like a chore. It should feel fun. You should enjoy it. And Jonathan Van Ness and his class, The Ultimate Self-Care Playbook, is going to help you to do that. Explore your creativity at Skillshare.com slash QQ and get one month free trial of premium membership. That's one month of premium membership at Skillshare.com slash QQ. Hockey, I couldn't do. Can't skate backwards. Forget it. Well, hockey is like, that feels like the most exhausting of all of them. That's football

and ice. You're wearing all the gear and that's non-stop moving and it's this got the same problem as hot as basketball where there's just like there's five of you out there yeah and like i can't tell where the puck is when i'm watching from the sky on a giant tv and there are announcers telling me where it is. Yeah. I never think about that, but in games like football and stuff, where if I was, with football,

I've got something constantly on the screen that tells me what down it is, how far it is to go. I would not remember any of that. I wouldn't even know the score throughout the most of the game. I'd be like, are we winning? And then like, where's the yellow line? Where are we supposed to get to?

That's why I was so excited when you initially picked football. Because I really wanted to know how long you could last in professional football. I feel like not long. Is that fair? No, yeah. I don't think I'd even make it a full series of downs, honestly. Especially corner. That's such an exhausting position.

And I have no context for like wearing all that as well and knowing what it's like to have all that gear on it's just like carrying a backpack and playing a sport um so i think i think i would get absolutely torched for two downs and then yeah same thing where i'd be throwing up and just lying down and be like do this one without me so many injuries that i would fake and then the medical examiner would come over and be like no you're fine you're cleared to play i'm like buddy what's a lot of money to you because it means nothing to me just tell me i i so i used to play a game called ultimate frisbee I, so I used to play a game called Ultimate Frisbee. And I'm just going to hold for applause for people at home.

For a second, there it was. Okay. So I played Ultimate Frisbee and we played exclusively tournaments. So the way it works is that for a Saturday, you go to a field and there are a bunch of different little games set up. There's a bunch of different fields set up. And you're going to play maybe four games that day. And that is nonstop in the same way that

soccer is. Except probably, I would say about probably the same amount of running as soccer. It's just the games last less time. And you're playing to a certain point number, so there's no time limit. You're not checking the clock every once in a while and being like, okay, I only got to go another five more minutes you have to go

another five points and then there's soft caps on the games which means that you have to win by a certain amount before the game is over if there's just one team that's up by one point you could get from like say the game's supposed to end at 12 points you could get all the way to 21 if nobody ever gets ahead by two okay and it's a lot a lot a lot a lot of running and then you do after you're done with the game you play another game and then you play two more after that and looking back on that i'm like there's no fucking way i could do that in my adult life like it was it was exhausting it was so so hard you're out in the sun you're not really eating much because you've got game after game you maybe have a break sometime around like two o'clock where It was exhausting. It was so, so hard. You're out in the sun. You're not really eating much

because you've got game after game. You maybe have a break sometime around like two o'clock where you go and like, they have bagels at these things generally. And it's like, that's all you're eating. And it's just, it's madness. It's so, so, and people are sprinting away from you. You got to cover up people.

So like you have to run that whole time and it's there's no way i could do it again yeah that's when i was like 19 and a camp counselor there was once a year uh we would plan a day where after camp all the kids were were gone all the counselors would form teams and play dodgeball against each other tournament dodgeball and the idea of doing that now freaks me out. And that's not even as much running as ultimate Frisbee, it sounds like. But it's still, it's a lot of lateral movements. It's a lot of running.

It's a lot of jumping and dodging and like throwing yourself on the ground and also throwing balls at people. And even then, even at 19, just a few years after my physical peak, I was still, when we would win a game, I was like, okay, so the reward for winning is... We play again? Great. Okay.

All right. It seems like the reward should be I go home, but sure, we'll just keep playing. This isn't my quick question, but a related one. When was the last time you jumped on a trampoline? It was probably for... You were there for it was like a joint birthday celebration yes when i was 28 years old with a friend of the show daniel campana who

designed our podcast logo and friend of the show justin veyer who was the initial director of after hours uh we have a birthday around each other so instead of the embarrassment of one person person having an adult birthday party we would always combine and it was always physical thing during the day and then drink somewhere at night and one time we went to this trampoline zone place i know you know this so and i'm telling the folks and yeah uh like a sky zone or whatever where the floor and the walls are trampolines and the second i get there i'm like this is gonna be fucking great like your first bounce after not bouncing

for many years you're like i got the hang of this we're gonna play dodgeball on trampolines this is so incredible and then like truly three minutes into that and my body is like hey we haven't used our uh jumper muscles in quite a while and and uh we gave them like the rest of our life off so they were not prepared for this and you're gonna be sore in some pretty surprising ways and and like there's no as far as i know there's no like recovery position on a trampoline you're constantly engaging something yeah i would say i don't even know if i could jump for three minutes straight on a trampoline i think i'd get so winded immediately i mean i so my neighbors have one and my son goes over and jumps and then one

day they were just like they were playing and then they got sick of the trampoline so they fucked off and did something else and i was like well old Soren will get on there and do a couple of laid out backflips and reminisce on my old days. And got on the trampoline, did one trick. And I was like, and that's going to be it. I don't think I'm good for the day. I feel a little hungover all of a sudden. And like just jumping, just the act of jumping that much. It's like you get out of breath immediately.

And then there's also a lot of like movement that you're not used to in your ordinary life that gives you something similar to car sickness. Yeah. Where like you're jumping and you're kind of spinning a little bit or just the, the movements your body isn't used to like being on a swing again. And you're like, fuck, I don't feel good. Do you get like upset stomach yeah not nausea upset stomach which is like digestive upset stomach problems no I get nausea yeah I was wondering cuz there's this thing that I'll get occasionally and I don't have the

strongest stomach in the world but it's it's a runner's stomach or runners got joggers gut where if you're putting a whole lot of mileage, no one knows why exactly, but it's like these 10 plus, 15 plus mileage where for some people after the race and sometimes during the race, you'll just, it's immediately like, you need to be evacuated.

Yeah. I like that your body is just like, all right, this is fucked up. We're taking it where everything evacuated. Yeah. I like that your body is just like, all right, this is fucked up. We're taking it where everything's going. Yeah. We're dropping. It's like a cargo plane that's like flying too low. It's like, we got to drop everything.

Yeah. I also love a thing where when I Google it, I love when people don't really know and they're just like, yeah, we think maybe it's just like you're fucking, like you're inside. You're just bouncing around too much. Maybe it's a dehydration thing. Maybe it's like whatever you ate fucking like you're inside. You're just bouncing around too much. Maybe it's a dehydration thing.

Maybe it's like whatever you ate in the morning plus the constant shaking. But like, yeah, it just happens to some people and it's bad news. I found out about that from in college at my then girlfriend, now wife ran cross country. And the first meet that I went to to go watch her. Basically, when cross country, you're not watching them the entire time. You're standing somewhere and they run past you. and then you move to a new location and they run past you again and uh i was doing that and there was a girl on her team who just disappeared like she ran past us at one point we all cheered we got to the next location and she wasn't there

and she wasn't anywhere in the group and it's because of that where like at one point we all cheered we got to the next location and she wasn't there and she wasn't anywhere in the group and it's because of that where like at one point she just was like oh and pulled off of the the course and just squatted down and just let it out yeah there are like famous pictures of uh people who have finished marathons with shit like pouring down their legs because they refuse to stop and they're like, victory is more important. And as someone who doesn't remember what race this was and what place they got,

but does remember very vividly this woman covered in shit, I don't think victory is more important because one of these things is iconic to me. Yeah, it's Paula Radcliffe. Here it is. Hawthorne is a premium grooming brand that tailors your personal care routine to your unique profile how do they get your unique profile you may be asking well you give it to them folks you take a little quiz it's very easy and it's also

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With their subscription options personalized to your usage, you never run out of these essentials. And listen, this summer, it's been easier than ever to fall behind on your personal care routines. You're not going out as much. They're reissuing mask mandates. Things are trending in the wrong direction. But listen, Hawthorne makes it easy for you to stay on track throughout it they're reissuing mask mandates things are trending in the wrong direction but listen

Hawthorne makes it easy for you to stay on track throughout it so you can come out of this thing prettier than everybody else and in the end isn't that what's most important I took their quiz and it asked me a couple of questions personal questions but I thought you know what in the spirit of getting this right and knowing what I should actually be using on my hair as opposed to head and shoulders, which I've used the last 10 years of my life, let's give it a shot. And it was super valuable. They asked me what kind of hair I had, if I thought it was oily, if I thought it was

dandruffy. And I said, yeah, sometimes get some flakes on my shoulders. They said, no problem. We got the thing for you. This conditioner, this shampoo. And hey, Soren, what about your armpits? How do those sweat? And I said, pretty good. Pretty good. And they said, all right, well, we got some deodorants here. What type do you think you'd want? Do you want one that's all

natural? And I said, yes, please, that one. I've heard about aluminum problems that I don't totally understand. And they gave me one that was perfect for me. So take Hawthorne's quiz today and get started on your personalized self-care routine by going to hawthorne.com co that's hawthorne.com co and use your promo code QQ to get 10% off your first purchase. That's H-A-W-T-H-O-R-N-E dot C-O promo code QQ for 10% off your first purchase. Yeah, that's not something I've ever experienced and maybe it's because I've never pushed my body in a way that these people are pushing it to the edge. And I'm okay with that, I think.

It's fine. You are... I should be the one listening to my body who is like, hey, I don't think we should run this much. And I'm like, no, I think i'll just deal with the consequences like no no no no we're i i don't have an agenda and there's no political sides here i'm telling you what the body can handle i'm like nah it's great oh god oh god i'm just like now i'm down a

hole i'm looking at pictures and and it also is bringing up like any sort of visceral torture that happens during running and another thing that i've never encountered before but i know people who have is there's a guy here who's just got streaks of blood running down from his nipples nipples yeah that's never happened to me like that's that's certainly the fear if you're running long distance and like you especially if it's a shirt of a different material that you're not used to like a lot of people will will buy new shirts for race day and if you don't have like nipple armpit and chafing vaseline uh then you run the risk of so much chafing just rubbing your nipples raw and there are there are a lot of pictures of of champions bleeding from their nipples.

Rivers of blood. Oh my God. So armpits too, huh? Yeah, I've never bled from running, but like the last half marathon I did a couple of months ago, the whole last like two and a half miles, there was so much chafing from the open, it was a sleeveless tank top. So there's so much chafing from the open it was a sleeveless tank top so there's so much chafing from like the oh no ridge of the tank top with under my left arm that i like had to keep my arm out farther to the side because every time i i rubbed it against the shirt slash

my body it would hurt so much and if you're running 13.1 miles in the sun you like if you can remove something else that hurts you do it so i just had like this terrible stance where my left arm was just like hanging out yeah that affects your time yeah and also uh you put the vaseline on your nipples, around your armpits, and where your thighs would meet when you're running. Because that's where a lot of chafing occurs. Well, I mean, what an awful way to exist, though. I mean, that's got to feel terrible. Yeah.

We used to, at the high school I went to, as you know, it was very outdoor oriented. We did a lot of hiking trips. And there was one girl that I went to school with who just blistered very easily just like the type of skin she had didn't matter what kind of boots they were and her solution finally was that every single morning when we'd wake up pack up our sleeping bags and everything she would just lube up her feet like and then and then put a wool sock over it and then put it in a hiking boot. So gross. And I couldn't even imagine,

just like, I mean, the feeling of having, like tripping in a stream or something like that and having to walk around with a soggy foot all day, having to do that on a hike just seems like it's not worth it.

Let's just go home. I, for most of my life, anytime I've gone snorkeling, it hasn't really taken. Like water will always get into my mask or not most of my life. I guess most of my adult life, water would get into my mask and it was just an unpleasant time and you try to clear it as much as possible and then you just give up. You stop snorkeling. And then one time when I was in Hawaii a couple of years ago on a snorkeling trip uh the woman who was guiding it was like it's your mustache your mustache is going to push

the mask a little bit so you have to wear vaseline on your mustache parts and so now i just like slime up my fucking mustache before putting a mask on and it works it like closes the thing and makes suction happen but it just it's so unpleasant just be like no you guys go ahead i have an extra step to do before i get to go and explore the ocean just like coming home on the boat with a slippery mustache with like this slimy greased up thing where it's like the hairs are sort of like split apart a little bit oh that's that's great um dan i have a question for you and it's actually not too dissimilar um it's a sports sports-ish question um because my story is going to be sports-ish but uh what's something that you see people around you doing wrong or that you've seen people doing wrong

and like there's just like you would be the only person who would step in and be like there's a different way to do this i the first thing i think of is like going in public transportation you got to ride down pretty steep escalators and i'll very frequently when somebody either gets to the top of those escalators or the bottom they just stand there for a second and they're like okay let's see where is my platform or like they get to the top and like, well, where, which corner am I on? Let's see what street. And there's just like, there's a group of people coming up behind them that cannot stop.

Like it. And so when somebody stops at the very top or a home tours, like you go, when somebody's giving you a tour of their home and you're a group of people of like four or five, someone will just stop in the doorway and there's people behind them. And it's like, no, we don't, we know you have to go into the room so that we can see it that type of thing yeah um i can go first if you want no mine is is quick and similar to escalators mine's elevators because i take them so frequently because there's an elevator in my building that's how i get up to my floor and uh i have jackson with me all the time uh and i understand that that can be like a confusing thing to throw in the mix.

But he's not jumping at anything. He's just like another thing that is there. And even without him sometimes, someone will open the door to an elevator to get off. And they'll look and see a person or a person and a dog. And you could see in their eyes that they hadn't anticipated this as a possibility. They forgot that there were more people in the world than just them and so they just freeze getting in the elevator or getting off the elevator in this case and uh i i never say anything but always my my brain i want to be like no you have to move now you can't freeze freeze isn't one of the answers you have to do something

yes yeah they do it getting on too like when the door opens and they see someone else is in there and like that was not they were picturing an empty elevator and then it opens and there's people in there and that's a game changer and i'm just like yeah but like the world keeps moving so like adjust on the fly either run away or get in the elevator now please right yeah somebody places where it's imperative that somebody leaves through a door before somebody else can enter it is like it's always too long i'm always waiting too long who's on the other side like just have a plan i can't continue my day until you do your thing. Have contingencies in mind. Surely after this moment, this will never happen to you again, right?

Right? I need you to promise me. So I had a crazy experience happen recently. So I'm back at the gym. Equinox? Yeah. I'm back in it because- Too expensive?

Very expensive. Not worth the price. I'm back in it after my surgery, feeling good. The only thing that was weird was some pull-ups because it really stretches those abdomens a lot. But I'm back in it. And before I left, I noticed that our gym had just gotten battle ropes.

Do you know what those are? There was only one thing they could be in my imagination. It's those giant ropes. Yeah. They're like the ropes you climb in gym, except they're horizontal. Yeah. Now you tell me how you think battle ropes are used. Great.

There's always two of them and they're attached to the wall or something else that's grounding them with weight. And I grab one in each arm and then I make my arms go silly and like up and down. Like doodly doodly dood. Like I'm doing an impression of someone I don't like. Yeah, you do. Yeah, you get down, you kind of like squat down. Your knees are apart. Your hands are between you. There's a couple of different ways you can do it, but you're basically just throwing your arms up and down. It's like drumsticks, basically. You're treating them like drum drumsticks and you're just creating that like that little wee that wave

that goes through the ropes yeah and uh that's how i always assume they were used because i guess you can also do like arms to the sides too so they're like clapping against each other um but i because i saw a subway commercial five or six years ago with RG3 in it, and he was using those. And I was like, got it. Locking that away forever. I know how to use these now. So Battle Rope showed up at my gym. The second day that they were there, I saw somebody uncoil them because they're nicely coiled.

Because it's Equinox, everything's aesthetic. And so they're nicely coiled. And I watched this guy uncoil them all the way out till they're straight. And then kind of like hang out for a second. And I'm like, oh, he's just like prepping to get to do it. And then he coiled them right back up. And I was like, oh, he maybe didn't know how to use them. Like he just pulled them out and was like, ah, I don't know how to do this. I'm just going to put it away.

So he coiled them back up. Then he did it again. And that was the exercise. Oh my. And I was the exercise. Oh my. And I was like, oh, oh, that's a strange development. Could you notice like a consistent form that he was doing? Like, like this was a real plan of his? Wow.

After, yeah. So then what I noticed was like, cause he's definitely like, he's using his legs to do it. He's getting down real low so that his back is straight and he's just uncoiling this thing. And like, kind of like walking like a, I would imagine a chimpanzee would walk where like he hands on the ground,

move it and then move his feet over hands on the ground, move it and then moved it back. And I was like, Oh, I don't think that's how you use that. Um, I come back the next day and somebody else is doing something very similar somebody else somebody else has it now and they're like it's no longer in coils it's

now like in a pile but what she's basically doing is she's putting one over each shoulder and she's walking away with it pulling away till it's straight and then dropping them and then like boiling it back up and then doing the exact same thing again uh taking like a little water break in between and i was like this cannot be fucking real i i see it see myself in in this woman because there's plenty of been plenty of times that i've been at the gym especially early on where i'm watching other people because I'm too afraid to ask anything. And I just see someone do something and they do it with confidence.

I'm like, okay, well, as soon as he's out of this room, I'm going to do that. And then it's going to be part of my workout routine forever. I think that's exactly what happened is maybe there was somebody who I didn't originally see who went over, was like, well, let's see what these are all about. Pulled them out and was like, I, let's see what these are all about.

Pulled them out and was like, I'm out of my depth. I'm going to put them back. And this other guy saw it and was like, I could do that. And he started doing it, but like add little flares to it so it looked more intentional. Then this woman also caught,

this is just like this big game of telephone with this tool nobody knows how to use. And I should also preface this by saying for some reason that week, the trainers were out, like even their cards were not like their little, usually there's a little card that tells you who his trainer was, like they pulled them. I don't know if there was a strike or what was going on, but the trainers are just not in the gym. And so there's no help anywhere. It's just Lord of the flies with all these people who don't know what they're doing. And the, and so that's where I think this like caught seed. Now I went away for a little while because I had to get some guts taken out. And

then I came back and when I came back, Oh, had it evolved, Dan, it was now people were, there was a woman who had, I don't even know how she did it. She had wrapped the ropes around both her waist and her shoulders so that she was essentially just like carrying it like a backpack no longer connected to anything now it's just on her and she was doing lunges around the gym so she's like treating it like a weighted vest

okay but just like carrying 40 feet of rope strapped around her like for all of the mistakes that one could make at the gym that seems like they were there must have been even for a novice several red flags throughout that process like once you're detaching them from the wall or the ground or whatever something in your brain should be like i don't think there's this many steps i think i think let's let's see if

there's let's brainstorm other things you could do with the rope before you coil it around your body why do you suppose this was attached to the ground and the air conditioning is fairly strong in here that'd be related um so like the way to watch this evolution of confusedness was really fun for me um to the like because early on my first instinct was to be like oh i could do i could just show them like i'll just watch me watch me i'll do it um but i didn't and i'm so glad that i didn't because to watch how it evolved to the time when i came back and maybe i'm just i'm an idiot and maybe this is something that was in men's health recently

but uh no it wasn't the most recent men's health was uh vin diesel talking about okay meeting spielberg and how he told spielberg to put a camera up in a second story window and spielberg was like all right and that's how they got a great shot the best a big article about the best white t-shirts at h&m um and so this is to now see how it's been detached like now the rope the idea of like even doing anything with the rope other than just wearing it has faded. And I'm, I'm just so excited to see where this goes.

That's, I mean, you can inject more chaos in that too. And just like coil it around yourself real tight and then like spin real fast out of it. Yeah, I think so. There's like it's such a fine line with gym equipment where people know when something is wrong generally if somebody's

doing something weird they're like no that's fucking weird i don't know how you use that thing but that's not that can't be right and so you have to make it look so intentional and like i think also it requires somebody who's in fairly good shape to do it first before everybody else is like, well, I give that a shot. That's fine. It's like doing, putting up dumbbells up on their sides and then doing pushups down on them. Yeah. Like that type of thing where you're like, oh, I never even considered that. Is that helpful? Is that good? And then you do it and you're like, I mean, I guess. That's a very specific thing. When we used to go to the same gym that I think you saw someone else do. And then you did it.

And then because of you, I started doing it. I haven't done it in a while, but it was a thing that was like, I don't know. Because it's, you stand the dumbbells up straight and then you do a pushup with your hands on the flat parts of the dumbbells. And then you bring your feet in and under yourself right you bring them over to the side you're like you bring one knee up to the side basically and touch your elbow yeah and then put it back down now they're doing it up on the i'm really like i since then i've realized that getting that low like that's what you're trying to do is get real low in the like lower than the ground would be in a pushup. So that you're, I don't know, like using more of the muscle, but I think it's

super bad for your rotator cuff. I don't think it's very healthy for you to be doing that. It's certainly one of the things that I did for years based on this game of telephone of one guy doing it, you doing it, now me doing it and like really falling in love with it. Cause it was like, doing it now me doing it and like really falling in love with it because it was like this sure looks cool it's like a workout but like with weights with extra weights where you wouldn't expect them you know it's like like boxing with a five pound dumbbell in your mouth it makes me think that you'd be so easy to just go to a gym as long as you're in shape enough go to a gym and just come up with one like really think about it beforehand come up with something that looks polished but a little weird

and just try it and then see if it takes seed and see where how it evolves um well dan uh i've been thinking about this show as as I always do. Ours? Quick question? The quick question show that we do. Oh, yeah. You know it? Yeah. We've got our 100th episode coming up. We should cancel the show. The 99th.

Oh, what a baller move that would be. Oh, if this was the last one. Yeah, if we just ended it with like, and we're going to do something really special for number 100. Done. Canceled. You didn't see that coming. So anyway, I'm thinking of new segments all the time for the show and like things that we could do that would be fun.

And I wanted to think of something that would appeal to our fans, but also be accessible for any newcomers that we had. So I thought, first of all, what's our demo? And I realized that it was above all else milf's professional sports fans oh right that's right yeah and then obviously a close second would be political heads like people who are very interested in politics that's our show in a nutshell so i decided that i could create a segment that combined both of those things in like sort of a beautiful elegant way i think now i'm going to fully disclose here that i outsourced this. I got a big name in politics to do it. And I know that this is obviously your first time listening to this, but it's also my first time. So I'm sort of excited

for both of us. So without further ado, here is a new segment. Straight from the Los Angeles Mayor's Office, it's time for the QQ Weekly Sports Roundup. Hello, I'm Jeff Millman, Chief Strategist for the Los Angeles Mayor's Office, and this is your weekly quick Question Sports Roundup. Congratulations to the Milwaukee Bucks, or the Phoenix Suns, on winning the NBA Finals in a thrilling 4, 5, 6, or 7-game series. And an even heartier congratulations to one of the greatest athletes of our time on this, the 14th anniversary of his greatest achievement, the Clover Park Miracle. The superstar athlete in question is none other than Soren Bui.

In the waning light of a 26th birthday party for Colleen Callahan and Anna Berzins, a game of touch football was winding down and saw Soren's team losing to a bunch of untalented graduates from LA's private schools. Pinned back in their own end zone and on third and long, Soren's team faced impossible odds. The quarterback was flush from the pocket and tossed up a Hail Mary that not even the most gifted of professional athletes could realistically expect to catch. And yet, one man, dragging several defenders, shot downfield and hauled in the miracle catch with just his fingertips for the touchdown and the win. No extra point necessary. That man was Soren Bui. And I know because I was his teammate.

And most importantly, I was there to witness the greatness. This concludes our weekly sports roundup. Back to you, Soren and Daniel. Wow. I had no idea he was going to do that. wow i had no idea he was gonna do that so i mean i really really asked for it and i'll ask for it again with him is that he just concentrate on local i'm not local sports but like current sports and things that are happening now despite maybe some hall of fame achievements that have happened previously in the world that he might have witnessed you know i just he doesn't have to focus on those obviously he can just stick to current sports can i say what's what's what's worse to me than him dedicating uh an entire segment to uh a game of no consequence on the 14th anniversary by the way not a thing celebrated by anyone what's worse than all of that

is opening with congratulations to the milwaukee bucks or the phoenix suns well we so imagine any sports update in the world that just acknowledges two teams are playing well here's the here's the rub for us is that we this is sort of how the sausage is made ladies and gentlemen that we recorded these and he obviously recorded this before the finals were over. So we had to sort of hedge our bets by not hedging our bets. I'm confused. Did he record this before or after he helped the mayor use taxpayer money to travel the world for a presidential bid that he ultimately abandoned because he knew he wasn't going to win? Was that where on the timeline did that fall? I think it was after. Okay.

I mean, at that point, it's forgivable. He's got senioritis now, so it's forgivable. That's fine. That's fine. I don't know. And like that intro, I don't know who that is. I assume Eric Garcetti doing that. God almighty. It sounds really good.

Whoever's doing that Zuhari DJ voice, they're nailing it. It's weird. I don't even think I have this much venom for Garcetti. No, I don't think you do either. I don't know where he's coming from. And try to keep in mind this is my access to the mayor's office. This is my friend

Jeff Millman. And he's a good guy. Jeff sounds great. He's awesome. Yeah. A lot of people who are drawn to politics in not top roles are very often good people. And I think that's probably true of Jeff. And just his friendship with you alone speaks volumes of him. He's a good guy. He's a very, very good guy.

And I trust him implicitly. And I think that this next time he will do one that's more oriented know, more, more oriented on like what's going on currently in sports. Yes, that's probably, it's probably a misplaced anger on my part. I was probably annoyed that he didn't have more info on current sports and I'm pivoting to something else. I'm just like reaching for a mayor who committed Los Angeles to an Olympics, even though he wasn't ever going to be here in any capacity in 2028. That's fine. I think I nailed our demo, though, don't you? Athletic politics heads, yeah.

Yeah. Can't beat them. Well, I think that that's it. I mean, we got, that's our whole show. We've done enough. We're allowed to leave thanks for participating dad sure that's i'm processing a lot right now and i want to make sure i didn't burn any bridges with your friend

i think it's fine i mean it sounds like we banked whatever future iterations of this bit you have planned. No. No, I'm kidding. I mean, I don't know what he'll do next. I couldn't possibly say. As long as he just focuses on universal sports that we all care about, I'll be fine. Okay, great. I think we're going to be fine.

Play to birthday parties, right? Oh, boy? Bye.