Quick Question with Soren and Daniel - Soren & Daniel Have an Authority Problem

Episode Date: March 12, 2024

The guys are jumpin' and swearin' like a couple o' scofflaws as they discuss the things they do as adults that were forbidden for them as children. Plus Daniel got pulled over & Soren makes wild claims about license plate laws. Thanks RocketMoney.com/qq. it could save you hundreds a year.

I've got a quick, quick question for you, alright? I wanna hear your thoughts, I wanna know what's on your mind I've got a quick, quick question for you, alright? The answer's not important, I'm just glad that we could talk tonight So what's your favorite? Who did you get? What do I be? What's it up with? Oh, forget it I saw a movie, Daniel O'Brien

Two best friends and comedy writers If there's an answer, they're gonna find it I think you'll have a great time here I think you'll have a great time here So hello again and welcome to another episode of Quick Question with Soren and Daniel, the podcast where two best friends and comedy writers ask each other questions and give each other answers. I am one half of that podcast, author of How to Fight Presidents, senior writer for Last Week Tonight, and Scofflaw Daniel O'Brien, joined as always by the straight edge Soren Bowie. Soren, say hello.

What's up, everybody? I'm Soren Bowie, and I'm, for the purposes of this episode, straight edge. What's Scofflaw? You know what Scofflaw means? Uh-uh. Oh, it's like you scoff at the law. Is that a real? No good, Nick. You know what's occurring to me that uh this is a word i learned for the first time years ago from michael swaim which it's always touch and go

if that's a thing that he made up or if it's like no i read it in a 17th century book somewhere that's no it's a real thing a person who flouts the, especially by failing to comply with a law that is difficult to enforce effectively. That's just like a step dorkier than ne'er-do-well. And ne'er-do-well is pretty bad. Scoff law is such a funny word. It is. I think because it has the built-in definition, as I just gave to you, as Michael gave to me many years ago, you scoff at the law. But also just the sound of it and everything.

The shape my mouth makes when I make it and everything. It's such the opposite of like a dangerous person. Yeah. Thanks to Rocket Money for supporting Quick Question. Rocket Money will quickly and easily identify your subscriptions for you so you can stop paying for the ones that you don't want. Stop throwing your money away. Cancel unwanted subscriptions and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash QQ. All right. You're a scoff lot. Did you do something?

I got pulled over today. Oh, Dan. Yeah. Okay. I do need to, like, this should be, we've talked about this on the podcast before, just wanted to front load this with caveats that insofar as I could be aware of my own blind spots, I do feel like my white privilege is never more clearly on display

than when I'm thinking or talking about run-ins with police officers. That's why it's not a fun topic to talk about. Decades ago, it was like a fun icebreaker thing to talk about, to swap stories about getting pulled over in high school. But there's too much information now. We've seen how getting stopped by a cop for what is allegedly a routine traffic stop has resulted in people getting fully murdered because of their skin color. So it's like, I don't want to spend too much time talking about how easy it is to be white when you're getting pulled over by cops, because it's such a world's different experience. But that was mine this morning. Just getting.

but that was mine this morning just getting i found with you is that you are while you are a pretty good kid uh i'd say a good apple that you you do have this weird um hatred ire for the authority in a way that was like really surprising to me that you are when there is somebody who is clearly supposed to be in a position of authority you will subtly try to challenge that at every single turn i it's that's very well observed i love rules i'm a big fan of rules and structure i don't like authority figures telling me what to do and them feeling that power because I think rules are incorruptible, but people are, I guess is what I thought as a child. We did that episode of After Hours about police officers. And when I was writing that, I was originally, I wanted you to be the character who was like, really hated the law,

like hated police officers. And then it just, because of the way who was like really hated the law like hated police officers um and then it just because of the way i was going to shake out with the arguments i was like ah he can't be that because it was so on on the nose for you i had to make it katie instead but like i think katie is a more interesting choice and i i and i also feel like based on the character i played in after hours and like just what I, uh, look like and represent, uh, it's, it's harder. It's a harder buy-in for me to be as anti-authoritarian as, uh, as I actually quietly am in real life.

Yeah, it is. It's a, it's a, I was, I was blown away by it when the first time I saw it, I was like, Whoa, I do think a lot of it comes from uh my grandmother who worked as a secretary for the the chief of police for years like my entire life she hated cops she had just i mean like she loved her co-workers and everyone loved her there and they treated her great and like it was it was whenever i ran into a cop for whatever reason i ran into cops and i would mention her name they would light up so it's it's like a good relationship but i think she had just seen too much of like the bullshit and the bureaucracy and uh cops getting in their own way and cops getting in citizens ways that that she was just

just like on a dime mad when she saw a cop somewhere out in the world man okay so give paint this picture for me yeah so you're flying right your front wheels are off the ground no no i i it was like a confusing light situation where there's like a stoplight and train tracks and another stoplight on the other side of that train tracks. So these stoplights are in lockstep. One would never be green when the other was red. So I assumed they were essentially the same situation, even though I was stopped at the front one and you could turn right at that one, but that was like turning right basically into a train station, which I didn't want to do. So I hung out in that lane and when the lights turned red i went straight through it over the train tracks and turned right

at the next light which was maybe 10 yards apart away from the initial light uh then i got pulled over maybe a minute after that and like truly had no idea what i had done at that point. That was a right turn only like where I was. I had no idea. And I also was like- Emotionally, are you just feeling like great? Because I am- Like you're like so self-righteous. Yeah.

Well, yeah. And I'm also thinking about like the first time I'd been pulled over when I was 17 or 18 years old and was definitely speeding and was also like, you know, I didn't think my life was going to be over, but I did think like, this is, I am fucked. My parents are going to find out that I got pulled over because the cops are going to call my mom or my grandma. And, uh, I don't know if I can afford a speeding ticket. I don't know what points you're going to do for my license. But now as a 38 year old person, when I get pulled over and I have no idea what I did and was like,

this is going to be fine. There's no way this is, this is like horrible. It was either a mistake of this poor cop or it's a mistake that I made that I can pay for, uh, right. Easily.

Right. And, uh, cause I'm, I'm very lucky, but I'm just sitting there waiting to, for the cop to show up thinking like, like honestly, genuinely curious what it could be because I had, I

had just come from getting my cars oil changed and tires rotated. So I thought like, oh, maybe there's like something dangling off the back of my car. I know because of the person that I am, that there is, this is going to sound impossible, a 0% chance that I was speeding. I am, that there is, this is going to sound impossible, a 0% chance that I was speeding. I am never speeding. So like, like even, even if I didn't know what the exact speed limit was, like at the time of the cop pulled me over and said, how fast, do you know how fast you were going

or what the speed limit is? It's like, no, I don't. But I'm, I'm positive I was coloring within the lines. Yes. No matter what, like, it's just what my body does. I've driven with you before. It's a nightmare. So I was waiting on the cop who is, it's interesting.

He's 14 years old because that's how I make cops now. He was like, you know, you went straight on a right turn only. And I was like, really? Crazy. He's like, really? Crazy. He's like, yeah. And I gave my license registration and insurance. And he was like, I'm just going to check this real quick. But like, is your license good?

It's like, yeah, it's great, actually. Look at it, man. It's fucking awesome. It's awesome. Perfect shape. It's been sitting in my wallet my whole life. Look at the guy on it. He fucking rules. Look how chill he is. See that little bubble there that says donor? do you have any idea what that means uh and he's like do you have any points on your license i said no he's like have you ever gotten a ticket before and i said oh yeah years ago and he goes cool he goes back to his car and uh yeah i don't know why and he doesn't give me

a ticket this is like, like cringy stories to tell when I have too much information and I'm very aware of how much scarier a situation like this is for a person who is not me. Not only scarier, but even the fact that like, I'm not getting a ticket for a thing I did wrong. And I don't know that everyone else has afforded that kind of luxury. And on top of like not getting a ticket for the thing I did wrong, because I'd given him my license and registration, my glove compartment was open. And the license plates for the front of my car were in the glove compartment. And so he saw that after he's giving my license back and saying, you're free to go. You're fine.

Just, you know, don't do that again. And here's all your stuff and he sees the license plate and he goes also just so you know you have to put that on the front of your car and and again the same way as i reacted when i broke the first law i go oh really crazy and he's like yeah cool all right bye crucially aware of of of what uh whiteness affords me in in these situations it's it's it's tempting when you're telling your own story and and self uh mythologizing to pretend that white privilege doesn't exist or any of our blind spot privileges doesn't don't exist but like this is the clearest shiniest i get pulled over for a thing I did wrong and I am not concerned that anything is going to go wrong for me at all.

So you didn't give him any lip at all. You were just like, you were straight with him. And did you smile at him? Treat him like a human being? I didn't smile at him, no. I guess I treated him like a human being. I wasn't like

how you doing today buddy did you see the oscars last night yeah there is like a weird so i i don't remember where i saw it somewhere on the internet and like doom scrolling where someone was like there are two different types of respect and and this is never more apparent to me than with cops which is one type of respect is like i will show you respect and. And that means like, I will treat you like a human. And the other person is saying, I will show you respect when you show me respect. And they mean, you will treat me like an authority. Right. And so like respect can be two very different things.

And like, so if you don't treat them like an authority, they won't treat you like a human. And that is never more clear than like with cops. I, I'm the opposite of you i am every time that i am that i'm dealt where i'm forced to interact with somebody who represents the law or some sort of like they're in a position to get me in trouble i show nothing but deference i am the kindest sweetest gentlest person because I'm so scared all the time. There was even that time I got,

police came to my house and, and tackled me. Yeah. And for anyone who doesn't know, I wrote a column. Well, I don't think you need to clarify about how at like two in the morning, police came to my door at my apartment long ago and trying to flashlight

through the keyhole. So I couldn't see who it was. So we just didn't even answer the door. They didn't announce police that we just stayed in the house. And then my wife looked through the blinds and they saw the blinds move. Cause clearly like flashlights went to the blinds. And I was like, fuck whoever it is out there knows we're here.

Please go hide in the closet, Colleen. And then I went and opened the door. And the minute I opened the door, I got tackled. And then they got pulled out into the hallway, Colleen. And then I went and opened the door. And the minute I opened the door, I got tackled. And then they got pulled out into the hallway and handcuffed. Turns out it was a big mistake. But they didn't like the fact that someone was home and wasn't answering the door.

That didn't feel good to them. So even in that circumstance where I was wronged, and and again wronged for a white guy like there this could have gone way way worse for a lot of other people oh absolutely and it went only this bad for me i even in that circumstance like as soon as they took the handcuffs off and i look at the guy who had me handcuffed and i see that his name tag is a little skew and he's a little sweaty. I was like, this poor guy was so scared. Cause he didn't know what he was walking into. And like, and like didn't even by the time they left and everything,

I didn't even think about it until afterwards. I was like, you know what? I don't think that they said that they were sorry, man. Those are different reactions. I mean, like I,

I didn't give my, this cop any lip. I was, when I was much younger, so much more def. I mean, like I didn't give this cop any lip. I was when I was much younger, so much more defiant and like and prickish. But this guy, as soon as he came, I didn't there was no good morning for me or anything. I my eyes immediately from some kind of Internet training was like, look at his look at his name tag and memorize that name tag because there's no like badge number on display. So I'm just like, look at his name tag and like have it in my brain for when this fucking guy does something yeah did you consider recording no i didn't consider doing that because that's obnoxious yeah that's a pretty good way to get a ticket yeah um but i did it's it's fun because i

had not thought about my own anti-authority streak until you brought it up on this podcast. But the other, the epilogue to this particular cop morning that I had is I drove from my car tune up to the car wash. And I get my car washed every two weeks because I heard on a podcast, this one, that that's what you're supposed to do because you told me that. And this is where I get my information from. So I learned on the podcast to get my car washed every two weeks. And every time I've gone to this car wash, which again is quite often, there has been at least one cop getting their car washed. And today was no exception. And this time I went to the guy at the counter who I'm friendly with at this point. I was like, let me ask you something. Every time I'm here,

there's a cop getting their car washed. Do they get it for free? And the guy was just like, yeah. I was like, okay. And immediately I'm mad. I was just, I just got away with doing two functionally illegal things, scot-free. And immediately I'm like, these fucking cops think they can get whatever they want and do whatever they want.

They're just getting the, you got money. You're one of the last jobs with a pension, you fucking asshole. And you're going to get your free car washes. I'm never putting that goddamn license plate on. Okay, so where are you? That's another question I have for you is you don't have your license plate on. Do you know that where you are there's cameras in all like the pay lanes like the lanes okay is that why you don't have your no i don't have the

license plates on because i think it looks stupid i really like the look of my car i think it looks cool and i think the license plates are dumb and when i got the license plates put onto the dealership i asked do i have to put it on the front? And they said, no. So I was like, that's great. And then I told my dad that story. And then he immediately texted me an article that said, the law requires you to put license plates on the front of your car. I was like, well, I'm going to carry on doing what I'm doing until a police officer tells me to put my license plates on. And Soren.

That happened. Turns out I'm a liar. If you think you have a lot of subscriptions and you can't remember all of them, well, you might also be a parent. This will be my new Jeff Foxworthy routine. You might be a parent if you've got a bunch of subscriptions you don't recognize. Every time that my son goes into a new class, I got to get a new type of app. I have to have a new subscription to some sort of math learning gaming system. There's a lot of different programs that the schools use and rely on me to also get a subscription for. And in the end, I end up with subscriptions to things that

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customer service for you. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using the app's features. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash QQ. That's rocketmoney.com slash QQ. rocketmoney.com slash QQ. That's rocketmoney.com slash QQ. rocketmoney.com slash QQ. So in California, I had a neighbor who, in California, you don't have to have a license plate on your car at all.

That can't be true. It's true. You don't need a license plate, any license plate. You're allowed to drive around without a license plate for like a certain amount of time. If you get pulled over for it, you have to fix it in a certain amount of time and they've got you in the system now and then you've got to do it but i have a um i had a neighbor who wouldn't put a license plate on his car because he loved using those types of lanes

and also at the the intersections where uh that it takes a picture of your car if you go through a red light. He didn't ever want his car on the grid, you know? Yeah. And so he had a license plate for it. It was registered. He just never put them on the car. And then every time that he would like get pulled over and stuff, Kosti would be like, you got to put the plates on.

And he'd be like, okay. And he just wouldn't do it. And it wasn't like they were logging him or anything he just figured out this this hole in the system where he was like driving in the pay lanes for free and stuff i would never had the courage to do that yeah um there's no way i would do that but uh i i wanted to quickly tell you a story that you just reminded me of and i can't believe i didn't bring it up on the podcast i i do this thing on street. My street's a dead end street and people come down my street a lot thinking they can get through to the other, other road and they can't. And then they get angry and they drive back up.

They come flying down our road and then they go a little faster at the other direction. And because I'm now, uh, I guess my father, I will, I will see a car come out my window and like flying down. And I know that I've got about 30 seconds before they're going to come back up. And I'm like, great. And I will,

I get excited. I put my shoes on, I go out the door and I go wait for them. And when they come back, I charge their car a little, not in front, their side, their side door, like as they're flying up and I'm like, Hey, Hey, slow down. And like using my hands to like signal, like slow down. Yeah. I'm, I'm my father's son. So I also, I love telling the cars to slow down. I'll put, I'll do that. Like just like hold your hand out horizontally and like ease it down a few times. Yeah. That's both of them. I use both. And I, I just do like a, like a, Hey, I'm under arrest hands up and then down.

Both. And I just do like a, like a, hey, I'm under arrest, hands up and then down. Like, and I did this recently, saw a car come flying, like one of the fastest ones I'd seen. And I was like, yes. And went outside, waited for them to come back up. They came back up even faster than I anticipated. It's like when I charged the door to say, hey slow down it took me a while to register as you're stumbling out of your like one shoe on one shoe off only one pajama leg in my pajamas your whistle around your neck struggling to get my reflective vest on

i i it took me a while to register that there are three people in the car. All of them were wearing, not like COVID masks, real masks. One of them was wearing a ski mask. The other two had on thermal masks, which means that, you know, just the eyes are, are visible, but there's no, like, there's no cloth in between the eyes, like a normal ski mask you would expect. They're all wearing these and their car does not have any plates on it. And there's clearly like these gentlemen have a place to be.

And immediately I'm like, this was such a dumb thing for me to have done. What am I doing? It's one of those things that you do when it suddenly becomes scary and you realize oh this was always a dumb thing for me to do it's always been a risk every time i've done it i just didn't know until right now until right now now fortunately they didn't do anything like they just kept they didn't stop or anything but then they did slow down but like i walked back to my house and say i can never do this again that was insane like that was so dangerous um and i think that probably they did slow down because they were like let's not

make any more noise like let's let's just like keep this low profile but it was like a movie it was like i come out and there's these guys who are clearly on their way to commit a crime or have just committed a crime. Maybe this car is stolen. I don't know. But they go past me and they all look at me like, what the fuck? I was like, I don't know either. This was a bad idea. I'm imagining that those are guys who thought they had this whole thing planned out.

And then they're realizing their driver didn't map the route, and now they're going down a cul-de-sac, and now they see just some random authoritative-looking guy telling them to slow down, and they do slow down, and then they get to the end of the street, and they're like, I don't think crime is for us, guys. I think we're lucky that the bank was closed on Sundays. We should have checked in advance, but like,

this is, this is probably a blessing. Just drop me back off. They were pretty young too. I think that you, you still have that voice of authority that like, it's just innate that kids will listen to. Like they look like they're probably like 16 or 17. And yeah,

I, I do it occasionally when I'm like coaching baseball too. And I, my kids are on the base path. Let's say they're running and there's a pop fly. And the thing that I'm trying to drill into them was, hey, if there's only one or two outs, freeze on a pop fly, stay on the base,

and then tag up and go. Just stay on your base. And so there's a pop fly in a game and I go, freeze! And all the kids, including the kids on the other team stop and i'm like oh i'm so sorry no i only meant that for mine um i'm so so sorry i i never should have used the voice on all of you yeah and so i think that when i came out with like that kind of confidence that i'm so because i'm already like it's worked so many times in my past. I'm just out there like, this is my weapon. And I was like, hey, slow down.

Like, I came at it with such authority that I think that maybe even there's still like that element of kidness was in them. And they were like, oh, the adult says slow down. We should slow down. Right. Even if they're in like, even if they're like 24 years old, they see you coming out of the house. They're like, oh, shit. He owns a house. I wonder if he's a principal.

Everybody cool it. Yep, I'd be my dad's boss. Yeah. So, okay. If he asks us our name, we have to tell him. I guess I, you know, we talk a lot about how our white privilege and everything you did i imagine you got this too i was hassled by cops all the time when i was young like just being a kid meant that you were hassled by them a lot like we certainly they would pull you over for being

young like i would have my license plate light out a lot but that was no that was never the case like they'd be like on close on closer inspection you do seem to have a license plate light it's just a little dimmer than most let me have your license and registration yeah and then also go ahead fully searched my car when my brother david and i got pulled over years ago doing like uh an incredibly wholesome thing and again like even this story where we're hassled and they and they conduct an illegal search of my car with no cause. Uh, even then I'm, I'm very aware that that could have gotten much worse and, and has gotten much worse for people who don't look like me, but they, they pulled us over for, uh, some kind of nothing, like maybe, uh, uh, a month expired insurance. Cause I was like back from freshman year of

college and it was my first time driving my car in a while I remember the story very clearly now so I hadn't I didn't know that my uh my new insurance tags came up because I wasn't living at home your registration tags yeah whatever whatever I need to stick on my car um and they pulled me over for that and I was like oh I didn't know I this is my first time with the car in months i haven't been at my home address so i haven't been getting any mail about the car but i will do that now and they just like we were we pulled over into a parking lot so they had time they weren't blocking traffic they were bored and we were like very uh easy to fuck with teens my brother and me and they and like we were as indignant as o'bBrien boys are with the police.

And they were still like, just like, you guys have any fun tonight? Like, no, we just, we just dropped my friend off at her house. We were having coffee.

Yeah. You go to any parties? No, I, I gave the information and they were asking about what was in the backseat of my car. It happened to be, um, a souvenir that my friend had given me,

uh, from Ecuador. Just like a little, like a gun, like just had given me from Ecuador. Just like a little like... A gun. Like... Souvenir gun. Just like a pound of cocaine because she knows I love it.

No, some little like noise-making tiny drum thing. And they're like, what's that in your back seat? And they went and they like opened the back doors. I didn't know at the time that wasn't something that cops could do.

So I didn't like yell at them or tell them they're not allowed to do that. And they just like went and started like rifling through my CD wallet and like picking through the seeds to see if they could find any, anything that like, I'm sure they were disappointed by how lame we were in real life that they were, they see two shaggy haired teens who are driving together at night. And they're like,

I mean, there must be something in the car they're not allowed to at night and they're like i mean there must be something in the car they're not allowed to have and they're like fuck no this really is like a souvenir from ecuador what a loser they don't have a single doesn't even smell like weed in here it smells like coffee it's this these kids are doing the wrong thing i think it makes them mad honestly yeah i think they don't they're. Yeah. I think they don't, they're not like, I think that they don't think you're a dork or anything. I think they genuinely get more angry when you don't have something wrong.

Right, because I mean, like, part of what your pride as a cop needs to, I mean, you're so prideful as it is, part of what your filthy pride needs to be based on is you've uncritically bought into this myth that you have an above average ability to spot crime and criminals right and when that doesn't bear out as i imagine it doesn't more than it does you get very annoyed and you think surely this criminal is fooling me surely i'm not my crime dar is not poorly calibrated surely this 18 year old is a super

thief yeah we're like my gut told me and so there's just something that my eyes are missing because my gut knows right i went to cop school and the cop school told me that my gut is right that's why i don't think about all that stuff I did. Whoa. I really hope cops don't listen to this. Because we're not, we have not been kind. What are they going to do?

Oh, we're going to be on the lookout for someone in New Jersey. Where's my fucking license plate, piggies? You can't find me. I don't exist. I'm a fucking ghost. Well, speaking of our childhood, i do if you're if you're up for starting the show now at 30 minutes i'm really fired up honestly i want to ask you a question about your childhood is that okay yeah all right okay uh quick question what's something

that you weren't allowed to do when you were a kid um and now you do all the time maybe it was like even arbitrarily that you weren't allowed to do it when you were young and now you do it constantly partially because you weren't allowed to do as a kid i will i'll go first sure um i i jump i'm a i'm big into jumping you know this about me yeah um it's uh it's occupied more air space on the podcast than i think anyone ever saw coming. Right. Yes. Air, like jumping. Excellent. but I could touch that pipe. I do this thing where I jump and do a little 360 in the air. A lot.

I just, jumping is a big part of who I am. And continues to be. Even my kids who are also can't keep their body still will be like, dad, why did you just jump? Oh man, I want to see if I can kick off that wall and see how high I can get. Dad, where are you getting this energy from? You have to go to bed. You're keeping me up.

So I don't know if this is like a log cabin thing or if this is something you had to deal with when you were a kid. I was not allowed to jump in the house. We had like a very specific no jumping policy. And it happened. We had to create the policy because when I would walk through doorways, I would try and touch the top beam every single time. It was like, I was just small enough that it was like really out of reach. And I wanted to touch it really badly. And I knew which ones were higher than others. And I would, every time I came through a hall, I'd jump up and

try and touch it. And my dad'd be like, the floorboards can't take it. Like, you can't keep jumping in the house. And if I was in my room and I did some jumping. You think we're made of joists in this family? I remember as a child jumping in my room a bunch. I don't think there was like a game to it or anything. I was just jumping. And my dad was like, led me downstairs by the hand to my brother's room

which was right below mine and he's like look at the bed look and there was like sawdust all over the bed he's like every time you're jumping you're knocking this shit down and uh and so there was like everywhere in the house the house was made of glass or something like we it was so fragile and i was not allowed to jump in it and i I couldn't stop myself. I, when I was really young, I occasionally did things that got me spanked. But, uh, as I got older, like even past like eight, I was not getting spanked anymore. And the only time my dad threatened to spank me was when I couldn't stop. But I just like, uh, went through a room, jumped up and tried to touch the beam. And my dad came and grabbed me and he's like, you do that again. And I'm going to spank you. And I was like,

okay, I've got, I'm really trying, man. I'm going to try. I'm going to try. And now, uh, that I live in my own house, which is, I guess, made of stronger wood. I, I jumped like fucking crazy. I jump at work. I jump in my house. I jump in elevators. And my kids are allowed to jump anywhere they want. I know a lot of people are like, kids cannot jump on the bed. Don't let your kids jump on the couch. I let my kids jump on fucking anything.

Like the whole house is their jungle gym. And it's mine too, to be fair. And I love it. I don't ever want them to have to deal with that where they have to stifle their jumping i have so much to say i wish i had taken notes i'm trying to keep an index in my brain because i for for starters yeah you saying that there was a no jumping rule in your house yeah is the funniest fucking it's so funny that i didn't even laugh at it i just like i got mad as a comedy writer as like god that's such a rich character text that's one of those very dense throwaway 30 rock details like kenneth parcells oh i come from a no jumping county we were not allowed as just like yet another detail in the

bucket of weird character details the fact that you said i don't know if this is a log cabin thing or not but we had a no jumping policy. And I know very clearly that this is not, not only is it not a normal childhood thing, I don't think it's a log cabin thing either. I think you are the only family with a no jumping policy. You were allowed to just treat your house like a jungle gym? Like you could just jump around in it? No one was jumping enough for paperwork to ever get started on this issue okay all right

we were not allowed to like jump on the we would jump on the bed every once in a while like hey knock it off don't jump on the bed so much um but it was never enough of a problem that like there needed to be like an actual all hands to discuss the do's and don'ts and when it's okay to jump. That's like a whole system of laws that was built because of you in your household. I remember specifically as a kid. Just your poor parents meeting up with other parents like, what do you guys do to stop to keep your kids from jumping? What?

All the time. Because we're thinking, you know, we're thinking of like putting spikes on our couches the way they do to keep homeless people from sleeping on benches, you know? But we don't know like where do we sit then? That's the problem that we're coming up against. And the other families are like, what are you talking about? I remember vividly my parents the first time they were like, you don't need a babysitter. We're going to go to the movies and you are going to be home alone. And the first thought in my head was, I'm going to jump.

Well, that touches on the other thing that I wanted to bring up about this, because the question was, what is something that you were not allowed to do as a child that you do all the time now? It doesn't sound like you didn't jump. It sounds like you didn't jump. I had a real hard time. It sounds like you jumped a lot. When I was with them and we would be out and I would get in trouble for it, jumping downstairs and stuff. My parents would be like, stop jumping. And so I felt very stifled as a kid and didn't understand the rule. I was like, it's a dumb rule.

When they're not here, I'm going to be doing it. And that was part of the reason why I struggled so much with not doing it when I was with them because the habit was already formed. But it was everywhere that I was with my parents. It was like, you're not allowed to jump. And so jumping became like this fixation for me. Right. I know that. like this fixation for me right i know that uh and i and long-time listeners i i i don't have to go too far back to hear stories about you jumping because i think it was just a couple weeks ago

that you were talking about why i started doing legs again doing legs again so you could jump more yeah while the while your upper body withers away and you just become all trunk but another story that i'm sure our listeners are are screaming about right now is, refresh my memory. Was it your first date with your wife or your first date with someone else where you broke your ankle jumping down the stairs? My first date with my wife, I broke an ankle and sprained the other one. So between your parents and messages sent by god you've been warned about jumping yeah and it hasn't taken no it continued to jumping will someday i'll die jumping that will be a life well lived uh if you if you can remember this, because I probably won't write it down, just make sure that when I die that my tombstone says, died jumping.

Okay. Absolutely. He died as he lived. Yeah. Jumping in the air. You're such a precious creature. You were a competitive international trampolinist in college. Yeah. You're just such a singular focus. Jumping on sandwiches. I can't believe you're a real person.

Objectively, a a real person. Objectively, a really boring person. But I mean, given like where I grew up and everything, like you'd think I'd be so interesting. My life is focused exclusively on finding the place with the best turkey sandwich and how high I can get when I go there. Like how much jumping I can do. Oh, God bless. I don't know what it is. And like, I'm still,

even my coworkers are like, what the fuck was that? Because I'll think I'm alone in the hallway and I'm going to have a little jump and touch something up high. And they'll be like, alone in the hallway and I'm going to have a little jump and touch something up high and they'll be like, someone down the hallway stop, let me catch up to you, hold on what was that? I was just having a jump

are you mad at me? no, I mean I'm not, no one's allowed to be mad at you anymore not allowed to be mad at me I like the sound of that so your kids are allowed to be mad at you anymore. Ah, not allowed to be mad at me. I like the sound of that. So your kids are allowed to jump everywhere on everything. Do they, is that exciting to them?

Yes. Are they big jumpers? Okay. Yeah. And it's like the pendulum has swung in the other direction. They will jump off of bunk beds. Like they're going gonna jump like crazy and to the point where like i've seen them come down really hard come down and like hit themselves in the in their chest with their knees and their wind gets knocked out of them and like they used to have like a panic when they can't breathe and stuff i was like oh i wonder if that'll stop them

from jumping and no no they're undeterred as well. Okay. They both caught it. Great. I guess that's great. I don't know. It's a different world. I,

I'd surprise. I don't know why. I guess. Yeah. I climb. Climbing makes a lot more sense to me than, than jumping. We were climbers for sure.

And there was always like, I want to climb that tree. I want to climb that statue i want to i want to we would try to um not like little little kids we were we were older would try to uh find different ways to run up the wall and climb onto the roof of the elementary school that was down the block from where we grew up. So we were obviously out of elementary school at that time. I want to say this is all middle and high school and like well enough into college that it was unacceptable. But we were always like trying to work up speed to run up the wall as many steps as we could and then like grab onto a windowsill and pull ourselves up on that and then try to shimmy up a corner up like two storm drains if you could, any way we

could to get on that roof. And we weren't very successful. Occasionally we would get up there and be like, wow, it's filthy. And then we would come down. be like, wow, it's filthy. Yeah. And then we would come down. Yeah, climbing was certainly important, especially, so my house was an old log cabin. So it has like splits in the wood and stuff.

So you could climb up the sides of the house and the insides, like the inside walls, like you could climb as high as you wanted. And that was only in service of feeling how high I was and being like, wow, imagine if I could jump this high. And then also jumping off of it. Jumping off of it was a big part of it too. That's really, really special, man. I think now it's like coming back to me that my parents got me a trampoline when I was like 10.

And from that point on, I spent all my time there. Like I would sleep on it and I'd be outside on it all the time. I'm wondering if that was related to them thinking I might have ADD because I was jumping around all the time. And them being like, well, we could put them on medication or we could try this. And they did the trampoline. Like i do my homework on it and stuff like i just lived on this thing um and other people get you because like i've got the nieces and nephews where the standing orders for birthday and christmas it's very simple to get presents because there's always like a thing that they're into so it's like a super mario or it's sonic the hedgehog and it's like just get them something connected to this

did you have relatives that had to be told like yeah he's it's another season he's really into jumping so like anything you see at cole's that is like jump pants or jump shoes a jump book would be great we would love to get him reading no because none of that shit exists right it's so singular uh no i'm a little bit with snowboarding and skiing because it was important that i got a lot of air uh snowboarding and skiing too so occasionally they'd be like all right wait what do you what are you into this year what do you want new bindings okay we'll ask for that um but no it other than that it was like we can't tell your grandma jumping we have to tell her something else that's the beauty of

jumping dan it's such a free thing anyone can do it it's for everybody jumping's for everyone except for me when i was young because i was against the law um so sorry that took a long time uh is there do you have something from your childhood that you weren't allowed to do it i do my my age is is way more boring and and way more obvious is is i was not allowed to uh swear as a kid and, no kids really are allowed to swear, I learned growing up. My parents, like, we wouldn't we were just raised not to. And at one point I, and like, I definitely

wanted to, but it was against the rules, so I wouldn't do it. And one time I asked my mom when she was allowed to start cursing and she was like, I guess college. I guess when I went away to college, I came back from college and then I started cursing and my parents was like, I guess college. I guess when I went away to college, I came back from college and then I started cursing and my parents wouldn't get mad at me if I cursed after college.

And at whatever young age I was told that, I really intuited it and took it to heart and was like, got it. Do not swear unless you're doing a play. Don't swear until college. And then I just didn't. I was just not a person who swore or cursed and like some of my friends would make fun of me for it until they were like well this is just who he is he says

heck and darn and freaking and sucks and that's like the the peak of his cursing and they're even like when people who weren't very friendly with me, uh, and like caught this tick where, where it was like, who's this, why is he saying what the heck what's going on? And I would, I would confide that it was like, yeah,

I mean, it's, it's, it stinks, but my parents say I'm not allowed to curse. And these other 12 year olds would be like, yeah, mine,

mine do too, but you just, they're not fucking here. You idiot. None of us, none of us are allowed to, but, but it's what we do. Shit, what do you mean? You're not allowed.

My parents aren't cutting here. I was just not a foul-mouthed person because it was against the rules and then really took to it in college. Enough that I swear way more than i want to than i that i i think is acceptable in in polite society and it's and i like i think probably a surprising thing from anyone who's been reading my writing for the last 15 years, however long I've been doing this, that there's never been a time in my life that I was writing in an even PG-13 voice, with the exception of the children's book adaptation of the president's book that I wrote. Everything has been more F-bombs than are allowed

in a PG-13 rated movie. That's just been the way that I've talked. I think probably because it was denied for so long. I'm like that high school star quarterback who wasn't allowed to do anything and then as soon as he got to college and was allowed to take a drug, took all the drugs and destroyed his life. That was me with swearing, where I wasn't allowed to swear

and then suddenly as soon as I had permission to, the floodgates opened and it's impossible to close them. Can I give you, I want to give you a little compliment here, Dan. In your writing and also when you're like telling a story, your swearing is really effective. Like you are aware of your swearing. Like you know when to use it really and like when it's going to be the most useful. And I don't think a lot of people do. i think because a lot of people grew up with it it's just like another part of their language and so like they just use it they use it as basically in place of a like it's like a crutch for them yeah um and you because you think about swearing and because it's it's it's I think maybe so exciting for you. It's like an indulgence that you are aware of when you swear and you use it

when you, when you, when it's going to be like the most effective. And I, that's, that's pretty cool. That's very, it is super cool.

That's very kind of you to say, I don't, I don't believe you. I certainly don't think i was always like that there was there the the jersey um is uh uh shorthand for saying fucking in place of um as like uh a placeholder while you're thinking of something was like oh he was down the street at fucking romeo's pizza place that's the kind of thing and that that became uh such a seamless part of my idiolect at a certain point that i think i've mostly gotten rid of that with age but i'm still much fouler than i'd like to be. That's a surprise.

I'm surprised to hear that. You do. It seems like it's always very intentional when you do swear. I guess maybe not. Maybe I'll listen for it from now on. I don't know. I rarely listen to you. It's hard to say.

I want to tell you that my daughter swears. Oh, yeah? Yeah. My son never caught on like i will use swear words when i'm when i'm trying to be serious with him sometimes i will swear like when he's doing something i'm like you gotta cut out all this other shit like i'll use a word that he doesn't know so it's like oh i should be listening um so i do swear in front of them sometimes he's never gotten the bug.

He's not into it. He doesn't care about it. But my daughter immediately when a new word came out and it sounded like it was an angry word, she was like, I'll take that from my arsenal, but she's not a good talker yet. So it's like, I can't, it's when she swears, it's the funniest thing in the world. Cause she will say she doesn't get it right. She, a lot of times when she's angry and frustrated because she will say she doesn't get it right she a lot of times when she's angry and frustrated she wants to say god damn it because we do and we say it to

ourselves when we're really frustrated but she says god jamming and i can't bring myself to be like no that's a bad word please don't say that i'm like yeah god jamming absolutely that's a good one that feels good to say doesn't it that's it is something that i i've thought about with uh kids and raising kids because i i don't as an older person now and with the existence of the internet and uh like standards and practice codes changing across television in our lifetimes. I don't understand the exact value of raising your, your kids not to curse. I mean, there are certain,

obviously like, don't, you shouldn't call this person, this name like this, that, cause that's a, like a very mean thing to say to a person you should never you should never yeah but like a victimless swear right yeah there's there's not

like like damn hell ass shit that are only were only powerful to me because i wasn't allowed to say them and adults were allowed to say them i don't know why we're walking around not letting... Why the rules were in place when I was a kid that you were just not supposed to swear in polite society in front of adults and in school, but you could when you were older. Like, I don't know why those rules were in place. I don't know if they still are now or if kids are expected to be more adult these days. From my own perspective, and again, I only have a almost four-year-old and an eight-year-old. The only reason that we try to teach our kids not to swear in public is because

it reflects poorly on our family. It's almost always about how it reflects on the parent. It's like if my kid is at school swearing, that doesn't look like the home life is very good. It's like something, something is wrong at home. That's a red flag. Right. And so, and so I don't give it, I don't give a shit if he swears. He can swear, but he has not picked it up. It has never been an issue.

I don't care if she swears. In fact, I really enjoy it. But if she were to do it in public, I would be embarrassed. Yeah. How would it reflect on the family if you guys were out somewhere and you saw someone

littering and then Ronan said, look, a scofflaw. Is that more embarrassing to your family that the other parents are walking by like, these motherfuckers say scofflaw at home what is what books are they reading i think they're on par with each other i think what weird colonial literature are they teaching their kids that should be a bad word whatever that kid just said that's the new bad word that was disgusting obscene yeah i would be really i think i'd be embarrassed if my son called someone a scofflaw.

Gets detention and the teachers are like, we don't know what it meant. It sounded kind of dirty, but we don't. He's not allowed to say it anymore. He's not allowed. The way the S rolled right into a hard C, there was something weird about it. Yeah. He certainly said it with a lot of venom he really meant it well i think we should end it there okay we came full circle

didn't we yeah like every like every episode of this podcast oh speaking of circles and closure uh i also uh earlier i said that you use the voice um that is a reference to dune uh i've mentioned in the last podcast that i was not into that movie yeah and i think everyone's wrong i've since seen dune too yeah soren it fucking rocks it's awesome go? It's awesome. Go see it. It rules. Okay. All right. After we talked, I did watch Dune 1 and I was into it. Man.

I really enjoyed it, but I was like, that's it? By the end. I still think I'm right. I still think Dune 1 is not good, but Dune 2 just fucking rips. Okay. It's awesome. Well, you can follow Daniel or me on Blue Sky. Daniel posts maybe like

once a week it's great saves him up is what I'm saying he's like he only puts out the bangers and whereas me I'm more of like a throw everything at the wall and see what sticks kind of guy one time I got 30 likes over at blue sky I think that's everyone there I think everyone on the site

was like okay we'll agree this is a good one you can email us at qq with soornanddaniel at gmail.com. You can follow. No, you can't. You can't follow. We have a sound engineer, a producer, an editor in Gabe Harder, and you won't find him anywhere. He is a man with no license plates on him. Hell yeah.

You can follow or you can donate to our Patreon. You know, nobody's doing this. Don't worry about this part patreon slash quick question if you like our theme song though you can go check out that band that's me rex you can find their music anywhere you listen to your music or you can go to me rex.bandcamp.com for their full albums and you can watch a couple of these old episodes of old Daniel and really old Soren on YouTube at YouTube slash at QQ podcast. All right. Hey, bye. Bye. I've got a quick, quick question for you, all right.

I want to hear your thoughts on what's on your mind. I've got a quick, quick question for you, all all right the answer's not important i'm just glad that we could talk tonight so what's your favorite who did you get oh forget it two best friends and comedy writers if there's an answer they're gonna find it I think you'll have a great time here I think you'll have a great time here