Quick Question with Soren and Daniel - The 2% Better Boys

Episode Date: November 7, 2023

Daniel bought a new car! Him and Soren have a lot of thoughts about it - including how the buying experience has changed, how insane new car features are, and how to keep that promise to yourself that you are NOT GOING TO EAT IN IT. They also tackle the question “If you could choose to be 2% better at anything, what would it be?” and Daniel tries to sit Soren down on the confidence couch.Follow the show on socials: https://www.linktr.ee/QQPodcastSoren Bowie: https://twitter.com/Soren_LtdDaniel O'Brien: https://twitter.com/DOB_INC

I've got a quick, quick question for you, alright? I wanna hear your thoughts, I wanna know what's on your mind I've got a quick, quick question for you, alright? The answer's not important, I'm just glad that we could talk tonight So what's your favorite? Who did you get? When do I be remembered? Was it awkward? Worded over? Are you ignored? Oh, forget it.

Saw a movie, Daniel O'Brien. Two best friends and comedy writers. If there's an answer, they're gonna find it. I think you'll have a great time here. I think you'll have a great time here. So hello again and welcome to another episode of Quick Question with Soren and Daniel, the podcast where two best friends and comedy writers ask each other questions and give each other answers. night author of how to fight presidents and owner of a brand new car daniel o'brien joined as always by my mr co by my co-host mr soren buoy soren beep beep hey it's me mr co-host coming at you from my own sedan um so hold on you got a new car that's that means you also yeah so i assume like the license like getting a license was just you that no bumps there. You learn how to drive.

No, I did. I did that famous thing. I put the car before the course. So I got the car and then I'm going to I'm going to figure out what to do with it later. Okay. Can I guess what kind of car you got? Sure. I need to I have to ask you a few questions.

Is it a plug in hybrid? Is it a is it a electric? No. Okay, good. few questions is it a plug-in hybrid is it a is it a electric no okay good i'm doing my part to uh preserve our very fragile power grid in this country that's so kind of you you're keeping those coal miners in business and i applaud you for that um okay i am thinking no kind of car you've had previously. You got a, I have three guesses. Honda CRV. Next guess. Okay. A Kia, a Kia, no, a Kia Telluride.

Next guess. Fuck, it's smaller, isn't it? It's something smaller. You wouldn't, you wouldn't go as, dare go as pedestrian as a Camry. I should swing for the fences with this one. You got a Sebring convertible. No, absolutely not. What did you get?

I thought you were on the right path. Oh, I was? Okay. Yeah. When you said the CRV, I was like, he's going to get this in three. He's going to go. Oh, I started veering off. That was a huge mistake.

It's the Subaru Forester? Yes. Oh, they're so close. Spiritual cousins. I know. And like, truly, when I look at it in my parking spot, it's, apart from the color being different than the car I've been driving with the last few years, it's apart from the color being different than the car i've been driving the last few years it's it's basically a hyundai santa fe which is i've been driving a santa fe

since one of two different santa fe since 2006 uh has been my car up until the present and it's not uh to the untrained eye a wildly different looking car but but for, it's such a world like, I didn't need a 2023 car, which is what I got. Because anything that can do Bluetooth in the car is already a very futuristic version of a car to me, because I've been driving around in the 2007 for very, very long. And I got all these bells and whistles that I don't need, because I get in the car and I'm like, it talks to my phone. It's all very exciting for me. It's actually really nice when you, there's a huge gap.

You take a big technological leap where like you miss a bunch of the iterations. And then you're like, you're above everybody else. Like you're at the peak of technology, but your previous thing was basically a horse in a carriage. peak of technology, but your previous thing was basically a horse in a carriage. Right. I mean, at this point with phones, there's almost no new iPhone that can come out that's going to be completely game-changing for me because I keep up with them within a few years of every new iteration of the iPhone. But with car, because there was such a gap for me, I'm so thrilled. It doesn't feel like it's for you, does it? It feels like you're like, oh, I lucked into this technology. Yeah. And they were like the, the woman who was going through the

car for me, uh, one of the like four people that are involved in this process now that I don't understand what anyone's job is, but there's like the salesman, there's the person who comes out of the room to tell me how much money it's going to cost. There's an additional money person who is the real money person. And then there was this other woman who was like, now I'm going to show you how your car works and tell you what all the buttons do. And first of all, she assumed I knew so much because I'm an adult in 2023. And so she breezed by a lot of stuff that I probably need. But for another one, she was like, and here's what this feature does. And here's what that feature does. And just knowing how I am with and what I need from cars, I'm just like, oh boy, I'm not going

to use any of that at all. It's going to take me three years to get used to this, this camera that shows up when I back up. I'm not going to need this button that I'm supposed to press if I'm sleepy. What are you talking about? You have a button that you press when you're sleepy. So it's not, I, this is probably crimes because she is describing a version of cruise control. That was like, if you're ever on a major highway,

like it's not going to work in back woods, streets or anything like that. But if you're on highway or a parkway, uh, you can press this button and it will make sure that you don't accidentally veer into the other lanes. The car will stop you from doing that. I like to use it if ever I'm like really sleepy when I'm driving. What a reveal. It also keeps you a certain distance from the car in front of you, right?

I guess. I just put it right out of my mind because I'm not going to, I'm not going to need those features. This is what cruise control is now. Cruise control is like way better now where you can, you, your, the car can tell if you take your hands off the wheel, but basically you turn on your cruise control. It will always keep you at the speed you want to be going, but it will also keep you a certain distance from the cars in front of you. It will make sure that you don't veer into other lanes. So effectively it can drive itself.

front of you it will make sure that you don't veer into other lanes so effectively it can drive itself if for instance you have my car which uh it's it's by weight that we know on the steering wheel so if you had a full can of coke an unopened can of coke and you happen to put it on the steering wheel the car will drive itself uh out on a freeway and it's yeah this woman also explained it to me it's like whenever there's a cop behind me i press this button on too and i just think i think we're i think we're making cars too idiot proof i think this is bad does it drop a bunch of tacks in the road um okay i have a couple questions about your car first of all do you have is spotify included in the car does it have its own spotify uh it might have its own spotify i do apple carplay

so it just mirrors my phone and does exactly what my phone is okay so yeah so you can pull up anything you would ordinarily pull up on your phone on your dashboard right except slack which is uh the app that i use for messaging at work um and it technically shouldn't matter that I can't get my work app on my car because I'm always at work when I'm supposed to be at work. I am never driving to a different location. I'm always in front of my computer. So it doesn't, it's actually good that Slack is not on cars. I was fiddling with mine the other day and I was just like going through some stuff. And my kids were both in the car and I was like, I have YouTube on here? Oh, really?

I just ran a light and I pull up YouTube. And I just like the first thing that it recommended to me was this Peppa Pig thing. And I put it on and both my kids like their heads pop around the corners. And all of a sudden we're watching TV on my screen in my car. And I was like like this is not a power i should have is it because you have youtube on your phone or just come with your car no so one of the updates youtube just became an icon i can use like an app that i can use on my car so my car has its own internet and it's like spotify works on it a bunch of different things

work within the car but then also occasionally like I'll do an update, come back out to my car and something brand new will be there. And in this case it was YouTube. Oh no. I am constantly looking for more stuff that I can do while I'm driving. That's bad news. I, I will be nice for my kids.

I think if I could, I don't even know if I'm allowed to drive while it's on. I hope not. But if I could like on a road trip or something, then I don't have to set up the iPad in between the seats or whatever for them. All right. My other question for you is, are there, and maybe you haven't even noticed yet, but if you go into your car, maybe up above the rear view mirror, or maybe on the bottom of the rear view mirror, are there just three nondescript buttons. I have not checked. Okay.

These are, these are the buttons for my, for my theoretical garage door for your theoretical anything. Oh yeah. They can do all kinds of stuff that you can program them to just about anything. So I thought that they always say like, yeah,

that's your, for a garage door, but you can program them for your, like, let's say you have a home alarm or something like that. You can program to turn or open your front door when you push that button. They can do like anything that's programmable, like anything that has a remote to it. You can program it.

You could effectively, you could turn on your television with it. Not that you'd want to. But when I found out about that, I was like, oh my God, the possibilities are endless. Yeah. Everything in my life is by remote. When you can customize it, yeah. I don't think I would need that because I immediately downloaded the app that allows me to start the car remotely with my phone and within truly five minutes did it accidentally

and had to run out of my apartment. I know there are fail safes and the car won't drive away and no one's going to be able to break into it without the key. But I didn't know that at the time. Yeah. I just started my car in my pajamas. I was like, oh no, pause the movie. I have to go. When I first got our Volt back in 2014, there were a few mornings where I woke up and thought that my car had been broken into. And what I had done accidentally is that I had had the app open on my phone, had pushed some buttons in my pocket and all of the windows had gone down on the car and it had unlocked. Let me ask you a question about your car when you got it.

Because I want to see how, how crazy I am. Did you, so your 2014 Volt, you got a brand a brand new that's that's not the most recent car i've gotten but okay yes uh so tell me the most recent car you've gotten in 2021 we got a i think it's 2021 we got a volvo xc40 which is fully electric okay and that it that, you got a 2021 in 2021. Yeah, it's new. We're, just be gentle with your reaction if I reveal too much about myself. Did you have a hard time not smiling and waving at other people who had your car. Because let me tell you, buddy, I'm trying to make friends and I don't think the other foresters out there know that we're in a brotherhood. Oh, I'm sorry.

The lesbian's not waving back to me, Dan. I get so excited when I see there's like, especially if it's the same color as mine, because then you have to, then it's not weird that I'm waving and smiling at you. But even if I just see another Forrester in a different color, I'll still like light up and try to get their attention. If I see a Subaru Crosstrek, I'm like, well, we're still cousins. There's nothing wrong with that. We can, where are you going well, we're still cousins. There's nothing wrong with that. We can... Where are you going? Should we get together this summer?

Right. That's so funny. Yeah, you see Outbacks and stuff. I do... Subaru's... There are certain types of cars that does foster a community. Right? Like Jeep. For whatever fucking reason, people who have Jeeps all like wave to each other

did you know that that is no yeah so like the no door jeeps people they they all like each other it's it's very this is a new superpower of yours because i wave at all the subaru drivers my sister-in-law has a subaru and once i told her i got this car, she said, welcome to the Subaru family. You're never going back now. And Shay is in the market for a Jeep right now. And she is seeing Jeeps everywhere. And she's part of that Jeep family. And that's okay. I mean, it's 2023. It's, she can be a Jeep family and I can be a Subaru family. It's okay. Yeah. You guys, it doesn't have to be nuclear anymore. Yeah, it is like there's a community of Subaru owners. When I growing up in Colorado, everybody had a Subaru in this mountain town. It was like that was the car of choice for families because it was all wheel drive.

It was safe. It was big, like it was big enough that you could get stuff in it, but it wasn't a suburban. So Subarus were like a huge deal. But that also meant that because everybody had it, there was no sense of like family because everybody has the same car. Right. But I could see how like out in the wild like here, it would be the same as like if I saw someone with a Bronco sticker on the back of their car. I'd be like, oh, oh, catching up to that guy. Hey, hey, hey, Broncos rule.

And he'd be like, hey, don't no they don't they're terrible what are you talking about uh but i i will so my volvo it's very easy to tell the difference between a volvo that is fully electric and a volvo that is either gas or plug-in hybrid because there is no grill the front is just like this cool plate. And if I see that out in the world, I do, my instinct is to be like, same, same, same car, same car. But I don't, I can stifle that pretty quick. I've never, I've never once waved to somebody in another Volvo. I think they don't understand the, the idiot narrative in my head, if I see a car that looks like mine, in my brain, you also just bought it two weeks ago. And you're also just as excited about it as I am.

And there's no way for me to know that. They could have bought this 10 months ago, and I'm just some goober waving at them. And they're probably thinking, this used to be a car for cool people. Now they're just giving them to these fucking hillbillies it is a cool car my parents had one for a while and i like driving it i love it i'm i'm i'm very happy and it's uh leagues safer than a 2007 hyundai santa fe and when i i still have the santa fe i'm gonna sell it to one of those uh one of those places that like humanely kills cars so no one else can drive it ever again but when i yeah you can't give that to somebody else otherwise they're gonna be listening to sublime every single day absolutely

is that what's stuck in the cd player i can't remember uh yeah 40 ounces to freedom uh but when i went to the dealership and they're like, do you want to trade in your car? I was like, do you, do you want that? And I pointed to it in the parking lot. And I was like, it's 2007 Hyundai Santa Fe.

And he was like, what is the, what does the odometer say for the mileage? And I was like, it's complicated. I was like, all right, does everything,

what about as long as there are no like lights or errors on the inside i'm like well it doesn't register that there's gas in the car so you have to write down your mileage oh my god to know and he's just like he puts his hand up he's like maybe five hundred dollars i can give you for that oh man you did the that was a huge mistake on your part i didn't give it to him yet you haven't sold it to him no oh okay great when you do like what in buying a new car now buying a new car has changed over time in that like yes and i want to talk about it a lot of the uh a lot of the old tricks and stuff are are dead because there's so much accessibility to everybody online to know how much a new car should be and like yeah a lot

of that doesn't matter anymore the only place that they really like the last vestige of hope for a used car salesman like somebody who like wants to like grift you is in the trade-in so like whatever you're giving them like they are going to try to bottom dollar you on your trade-in yeah i don't see any reason to go back to the dealership with the car because it's not it wasn't it's not also subaru obviously and there are just so many we buy junk car signs around all over the world it does feel like it can be a bit of a seller's market yeah i think because they understand the value in those cars in a way that I never will. But I know that $700 is more than $500. So why not try to get that?

You'll get more than that even. Yeah. I think you could get over a grand for that car. Really? Yeah. Look at the Kelley Blue Book value. Because you and I are buddies. I'll give it to you for $950.

Go look at the Kelley Blue Book value for your mileage and everything. And then don't expect that from it, but you can like from that then deduct how much you think it, the car should actually be worth. And I guarantee you it'll be, if it's still running fine and there's like no transmission problems and no engine problems, then that car is worth over a thousand dollars easily.

It's one of the funniest businesses in the world that i'm not interested in understanding or exploring because it's so like it's nakedly desperate and accommodating in a way that makes me feel like no matter what i'm still the sucker in this situation because the signs couldn't be simpler it's we buy junk cars and if you look into them they're just like we'll we'll come to you wherever you does it not run we'll take, they're just like, we'll come to you. Wherever you, does it not run? We'll take it. We'll tow it.

And we'll give you money for it. And we'll tell the DMV about it. And it's fine. And I love that they're going to do this and like make this as hassle-free as possible. But part of my brain is like, is there, should I be doing something else with this car? Like you guys have clearly figured out a way to make a profit off of this pile of garbage that smells like 20 years of farts. Is there a smarter thing I could be doing with this?

Or am I just going to put my hands up and say, yeah, whatever weird thing you're doing, you earned it. You deserve it. I don't know. I wouldn't use one of those it. I don't know. I wouldn't use one of those services. Why? Because they have figured it out.

They know what their overhead is for making this business profitable. And it is taking advantage of you. Right. So you have to go to somewhere... I think if you did the research on your own car to see how much you thought it was worth you could bring it to somewhere like carfax or something like that

or i'm sorry like um is that even a place or is that just the thing that tells you how much cars are worth uh one of those big big big places and say this is how much i want for it and then you have to do the awful part which is the negotiation where like you just sit there and you're like i want this much and like we can only give you this much and you're like but it's worth this and you try to give them the reasons then and then they're like let me let me take it upstairs and then they like come back and like oh this is the highest we can go and like then you're just like the negotiation which i is a thing i am very bad at but i know know it's possible. I guess. I mean, I feel, I expected nothing from this car. Okay.

I expected to drive it until my feet went through the bottom of it. And then it just stopped moving completely apart from what I can, Flintstones with my own power. So anything that anyone offers me is fine. And if you're telling me I have to negotiate, well, then that's adding stress and taking time that I don't want. Okay. Yeah. I guess that's what it's worth to you is it's like, oh, I would pay a grand not to do that. Then it's like, yeah, okay, great. But speaking of, I did want to talk about the

car buying process because the first time I bought a car before this was right out of college 2008 when I bought my 2006 Hyundai Santa Fe and it was such a long process and it was so stressful but it was also like what I had been told buying a car was like you tell them what you want and they they sit you down they get you coffee, they take your information down. They quote you at a number that is higher than what you said you wanted to pay. Then they're like, all right, let me go. I'll disappear for a while. They run to some other room.

Then they come back with a different number. And you go back and forth over and over again. And like, I'm 22 years old. I don't have money. So I can't negotiate. So all I'm doing is getting stressed and getting my hopes up because this guy just keeps saying, just tell me what you want. Tell me what you want. Like, this is the amount I could put down. This is the amount I can afford per month. If you can't give me that, I won't be upset. Just tell me so I can leave. And he's like, okay,

I understand what you want now. He disappears. He comes back with two numbers that are not the numbers that I want. I get stressed. I walk out out of the building he chases me out of the building tries to get me to come back in we can't get a number that we want i leave the building he calls me 10 minutes later and says all right i could do that number if you come back right now and i come back right now that is how my first car went when i was buying it with my dad, who was the one who told me, don't go far. He's going to call you in 10 minutes. And true to form, he was right.

This time, now that it's the present, I go into the dealership and I say, I've been looking at this car. I pointed at the Subaru Forester. I said, I haven't really done a lot of research, but this is the car I want. I've been thinking about it for the last year. I am now post-strike in a position where I can buy a car. So I'm pretty sure I want it. I just wanted to drive it around and talk to you and see if there was a different car you recommend. And the guy was the most like chill, casual, didn't take down my phone number or anything like that and i drove the car he gave me

the numbers or some other guy gave us the numbers of what what it would cost and i was like great uh no matter what i was never gonna walk away with a car tonight uh but i'll be back in two days and i will buy this car from you i'm'm not, I'm not interested in like shopping around or, or like making this a whole process. So I'm sure I'll be here in two days. And he's like, all right, yeah.

See you in two days. He doesn't chase me out. They don't do any followup calls or anything like that. He didn't even have my number if he wanted to call. And in the, the two days I called around to a couple of other different Subaru dealerships. And I was like, I'm just doing my

due diligence this is the number they gave me at this Subaru and the other dealership beat that number so I called my initial dealership and I was like hey they beat the number that you gave me and he was like what all right I'll do that number just come in and get it and it was so casual and weird and there was none of the the stress or the chasing or the things that i'd become accustomed to with buying cars and well i didn't know what changed if i just had a really chill guy or or if it's like you say that there's just so much access and information out there right well it's two things it's yeah you the msrp for a brand new car is very easy to determine.

And it's like brand new cars. There's very little wiggle room. You, the first car that you bought, you bought two years after it was new. Correct. So it was a used car, I'm assuming. Yes. And that's where like, that's when they live in those gray areas. So like trying to buy a used car, I think is way, way worse.

They have a lot of potential to like, they have like, it's such a big window for like what this car is worth. Yeah. And so I think that's where it gets really awful and terrible. But I think with a brand new car, it's, it's much easier. It's because what are they going to say? What are they going to market up like 30 to mark it up like 30 then you just go somewhere else because you know what the msrp is market standard retail price i think thank you i was never going to get there uh i'm glad you got a new car that's so exciting dan and it's is it is it does it feel like you don't deserve it like is it that nice

yes yeah good it is it is that nice and in fact one of the reasons that i was happy to have uh the santa fe because the real reason that i didn't immediately turn in the Santa Fe was because I had done no research at the time on what the right process for that was, what the due diligence was, what you do with the place and the DMV, all that stuff. So I was like, I will kick that can down the road and figure that out later. But another part of my brain as I was buying my nice new car was thinking, I'm going fishing in a couple of days I don't want to drive this car and like come back with my smelly fishing clothes and my tackle box in it all right so now very briefly I was a person who was like well I'll just have this this other car just for like if I'm gonna be stinky This is the car I drive to the gym.

Yeah. Have you eaten in it yet? Yeah, I did. But for, only because I had like a four and three hour drive this weekend because we had a little weekend trip

that we went to. Right. But before that, I would, I had gone to the gym and then showered at the gym, even though I didn't used to and I didn't need to, and changed clothes so I wouldn't be sitting in sweaty clothes. And then I went to a grocery store and I was so hungry after the gym

and shopping that I impulse bought a snack and then stood outside of the store and ate the snack for a snack and then stood outside of the store and ate the snack for for you know a snack amount of time and it wasn't a so fuck so and it wasn't like a protein bar it was a bag of those little like twizzler nibs that's i don't know that's perfect for you it's a good chewy fruity candy yeah and i'm just sitting there with my headphones and standing outside of a grocery store staring at the lot, eating Twizzler nibs to completion, nodding at people who are walking by. Because in my head, I'm like, if I nod at them, I'll seem less suspicious. And I don't think that's true.

You're a nearly 40-year-old man loitering. Yeah. A nearly 40-year-old man loitering. Yeah. And if police came, I would have to say like, well, I don't want to get, I don't want to spill this in the car. And they were like, what do you mean spill? They're like physical pieces of matter. Yeah, but if I lose one in the crack and then it gets hot, I don't know what it will do.

You don't understand. I don't want to set a precedent for me because then I'm going to use that against me later. That's why I was asking. It's like every time I buy a car and when I say every time, the two times I've done it my whole life, I'm like, well, this is an opportunity for me to become a new human. Like I'm going to be a guy who does not eat in the car, doesn't allow food in it. I'm going to be clean. I'm going to wash it every week. I get so ambitious.

And the amount of time that it takes for all of those rules to break is a month, basically. Well, I imagine, I don't know how you get, I don't know how one gets a new car and has children. Because they, it seems like that would be difficult for them to understand new rules for new car and also their kids are going to spill things and make messes the minute we got it and you can't be mad at them for that I put a car seat in it, I was like I don't want to put a car seat in this

because it will indent on the seat and I don't like that if we ever take the car seat out and then as soon as I put my daughter in it she started kicking the back of the seat and I was like well don't like that if we ever take the car seat out. And then as soon as I put my daughter in it, she started like kicking the back of the seat. And I was like, well, don't. Take your goddamn shoes off or something. You're going to get all dusty back there. And so, yeah, I was embittered to my children for like a month too,

where I was like, they're not treating the car like it should be treated. And then after that, I was treating it like a piece of shit. So I cave pretty quick when it comes to new cars i always think i'm gonna be a new type of a good car owner i had a roommate in college who was such a good truck owner like he would he would miss class sometimes to wash his truck and like take care of it and he had clearly done a lot of stuff on the inside that was he had little like lovingly loving touches where the display was all this red he had like put like a new type of filter over it and he just liked his truck so much and i

was like and it is nice to ride in your truck james so i i would like the kind of car that when i pick up friends they're like oh this is comfortable as opposed to like oh shit you live like this yeah i could see it driving a person crazy honestly because i uh based on the normal driving i'd done plus the mini road trip this weekend i crossed a thousand miles on the car and was a little bit heartbroken about it but then i think like what like, what's the plan here? Your plan is to have a car that you can drive around and like get mud on it and it'll get dings and dens

from being a car that exists in the world. I can't own a car just so I can have people come in and sit in it and smell it and it'd be like the first time that I sat in it and smelled it. That's insane. We can't do that. And it'd be like the first time that I sat in it and smelled it. That's insane. We can't do that. Did it rain at all on your trip?

Yeah, not on the trip. No. I remember being in the car with first time it rained and being like, is this okay? Is this okay? It rained on the way home from the dealership. And I was so mad. Like, how could they do this to me?

And can I go back to the dealership and say, no, I will trade this one in for a dry one. Dry one, please. Whenever the rain stops, I will take a dry one, please and thank you. Wherever you store these, just pull from the back of the rack. Because also if somebody else touched it,

I don't want that either. This one's wet, so destroy, I suppose. Yeah, the first time I encountered rain, I was like, but it's, what if it gets inside? Like, that's the whole point. Somebody designed a car so that that doesn't happen. I know. But I'm irrational. It's the things that I Google now for the first time in my life where it was like, what's the, what is the best

car wash near me? And then beyond that, I also need to know like, what is the best, what's the, what's the secret nice thing that we're supposed to do with our cars that I assume I've been kept in the dark on for 37 years. But if some wash it, wash it with like, it's just things. You wash it and then you put a coat on it of something that keeps the water it's like a water repellent coat on it it's oh really yeah you can do that um most car washes just do that anyway but okay like the real all you got to do is just wash it pretty regularly and that doesn't even mean like once a week that means like once every two or three weeks and then as soon as you wash it have regularly. And that doesn't even mean like once a week, that means like once every two or three weeks.

And then as soon as you wash it, have just a felt like a really soft towel in the car that you can go wipe down the outside with. So you don't get those spots on it. Yeah. Your car will be great forever. Forever. And that's a guarantee.

Yes. Yeah. Forever. It's like the different things that damage your car is just the things that sit on it for long periods of time so like yeah bird shit or like berries from some tree that you parked underneath like that's the thing through it and if you as long as you constantly washing those off then your car is fine for a very long time the inside it's a whole different ball game but outside yeah it's really funny going from my

previous car washing strategy of how often do you wash your car well when i feel like it is a treat for me when it's been a while and i and i and i like sitting in the drive-through car washes and i have the time i'm gonna going to go listen to Let It Go and I'm going to sing it while I'm in the car wash. Isn't that something you do? I can't remember. Is that you? I listen to Everything's Alright,

the song you sing to your kids. That's right. Everything's Alright, yes. That's a great one to sing in the car wash. My kids love the car wash oh does your car beep when it when like there's if you're in reverse and there's somebody behind you it goes or anything like that i've so far not been uh oh like when i'm about to hit a curb yeah i don't know yeah you saying it was person i felt like i needed to quickly jump in

and be like i don't i would never put my car in reverse with a person behind me. Anything, like a car goes behind you. Yeah, any object. Yeah, for sure. Just wait till you get in a car wash, my friend. Your car goes fucking nuts. Because it's like, you're too close to everything. And I get a little bird's eye view of my car in mind when stuff is close to me, which is actually really helpful for getting into parking spaces and stuff.

I can choose to have a camera that's just like sees it from the top. And when I'm in a car wash, like immediately that comes on and it's just showing me all, it's like red on all the sides. It's just like, here, here, here, look out, six o'clock, four o'clock. I told you that I couldn't get out of my driveway when I first bought my car. You did. I remember that. Yeah. Same reason. I'm glad that's resolved.

There were a lot of things I didn't know. A lot of big mistakes I made with a brand new technology car, or a new technology car, is that I went to the grocery store and as I got there, it said, hey, the car wants to do an install. Like, there's a new software installation. I was like, cool. Do it while I'm shopping and then went inside didn't realize that it's two hour installation got back to my car couldn't even open it it's just like a dead brick

there's so many things i didn't learn about my car because they gave you that book with all and and i thought for i've wanted a car for a while. And through all that time, I was thinking, the next car I get, I'm going to memorize that manual. I'm going to know what every single light and button does and means and how to do the right maintenance on every single part of it. Those books are so fucking boring. I can't. Bad writing, honestly. They're not good.

Not compelling at all. No. Bring it back to the room. Do you want to quickly do our show? Yeah, sure. Okay. I've talked a lot. No, that's okay.

There's a quick question that I want you to ask. Okay. Do that. Hey, sorry. Quick question. Yeah, go ahead. No, don't mind me. I was only talking about how much I've been talking

because I desperately wanted a water break and for you to fill some time. I'm about to. I'm about to. Okay, good. So this is this question. All right. What would you like to be one to two percent better at or about?

I've never really nailed the wording for this question, but I want to keep it fairly narrow, keep the percentage small, because the thing you pick, the design of this hypothetical is that the thing you pick, it can't drastically change your life in like obvious ways. Like if it was 10%, then you could say 10% smarter, that opens you up for better jobs and more money or whatever. Or 10% stronger has another like very obvious advantages. So ideally the change would be something that you personally would feel and notice, but other people, even those very close to you might not necessarily catch on to it.

I have mine. Yeah. If that helps you, if I do that first. No, shut up for a little bit and get some water. Mine is... Is tapers still? Is there a difference that... Are you in the car and does it offer water?

You learning new things? Yeah, so... I just rolled my window down and I'm talking to another Subaru driver next to me. What do you have? Maybe it's the same as mine. I love this question because you proposed it to me a while back and I was like, oh, I would love to think about that. And I've thought about it for a long time. And the thing I landed on is actually super, it's not really beneficial to my life in hardly any way other than a thing that i'm humiliated by

which is i would rather be two percent better at singing i would rather be able to sing just two percent better i think that first of all i do a lot of singing to my children and i'm i'm always aware of how that sounds especially like you go in the middle of the night and they're like snotty and everything and uh you lie down in bed with them. So you're lying down and singing at the same time. And it's, it's, it's coming out rough, man. It's like, I wouldn't want to listen to this. And then I, in movies and things, you always see someone singing to their child and you're like, and it's like this beautiful, angelic, melodious thing that has no accompaniment, but it doesn't need it. And I'm just like, I wish I could give them that. Also, just like selfishly going to karaoke or something,

or like sitting in my car, even when somebody else is there, like, I wish that I could be just a little bit better singer. I think that my life would, a little bit more confidence with singing. I think my life would be better. That's such a sweet answer. Because you're not even thinking like, if I was a little bit better at singing, I could really make a solid go of this singing career. I think because I know you, you've always, music and singing always hold like a special place of magic in your heart. They're really spellbound by singers specifically. And, and you look at them and they seem, uh, they're, they seem confident, they seem happy and they're creating so much joy and pleasure with their voice. And you just, you want to be part of that so bad and you don't have, you're, you're not flat or like an off-key singer or anything

like that. But you do what I do a lot of times at karaoke where it's like, I'm going to pick a song that's like funny or that I can, or that like a rap or something that is like you can talk sing because... It's so vulnerable otherwise. Yes. Yeah. 100%.

I get that. And I sing my sweet wonderful girlfriend that. And I sing, my sweet, wonderful girlfriend likes it when I sing and has asked me to sing to her in the car. And I still don't really go all out. Because even though an audience of one

already appreciates it, I'm still like, no, I'm not gonna. Maybe if I was a little bit better. Maybe if I could, then I could really sing if I was a little bit better. Maybe if I could, then I could really sing. Yeah. If I was just like slightly better. They're just like, yeah, they're like, there are certain songs that are just out of the realm of possibility for you. And it's not because like it's high or anything. It's just like, they're doing something different that you're like, I couldn't.

Yeah. I can't do that. And I don't have like the glossary of terms for like how it's different, but they're like, they're changing up a lot and stuff. And I, I'm just like, it's, it's not a, they're hitting things. I don't think I could ever do.

And if you had the, if you could do it, you'd be like, and I could just surprise people occasionally. And the joy that singing gives to people when you like surprise them with good singing, I will go back and watch, even though I,

I hate this guy. I will go back and watch Jamesames corden riding in a car with um adele and like the first time that he harmonizes with her and she looks at him like oh my god i'm like yeah like they make that moment for people or you go to watch people uh in concert and they will just like hand the mic to an audience member for a second. And if the audience member fucking kills it, like everyone feels better. Everyone wants them to nail it. And when they do, it's like magic. It's so cool. And if I just had just a little bit better at singing, I feel like it wouldn't be, there would never be like a catastrophe in those circumstances.

there would never be like a catastrophe in those circumstances yeah by the way uh how many videos of audience members being shit singers are we just completely burying how much money is going into making sure because we've all seen the concerts where it's like john legend gives microphone to 13 year old fan and it blows the whole crowd away what about like when he was in fucking barstow, California? It was like, nope, this one's a dud. Delete it. Yeah, big heart, but this kid sucks. I'm doing you a favor by not letting this get out there.

There are a few that have made it. There's one with Beyonce where Beyonce gives the mic to this woman who is basically having a panic attack because Beyonce is so close to her. And just butchers it. And Beyonce's face is so disgusted. You're like, Oh, that's like, you're going to live with that the rest of your life.

Yeah. I think, uh, I'm sure we've talked about this on the podcast before, but I, I remain very grateful, uh, because of the way my ego has taken shape that writing happens to be the

thing at which i excel because if it was any other thing in the arts if it was singing or playing an instrument you would all see me doing it all the time oh yeah like that's the thing like if i was a few percentage points better at singing and a good singer and confident and you would never get me to stop like i i when i think of people in my life who are good singers i'm just like why aren't you doing this all the time you're so good and it's so cool and people will like it i'm i fucking lost the lottery because the thing that i'm good at looks like shit when i do it. I think we're, I mean, we're notorious try-hards. Yeah. And so I think we are really lucky that it is writing because writing is such a thing where

it's like, you can pump out as much as you want, but there's no like, you're not doing it in front of somebody. You're not like, and then I wrote this thing on a napkin for you. It's a joke here. Do you like it? Yeah. Like that's not how writing works. So it's really nice that we get to hide it. We get to hide the fact that like, I have to keep doing this. I want people to read it.

I need people to see that I'm good at this all the time and get that feedback. Oh, no, I'm saying I'm grateful. I think it's really good for me that this is where my talent found purchase. Because if it was something louder or more showier no one would like me because i would be doing it too much in a very visible way what is what is yours what do you want to be two percent better at i would like to be uh one or two percent less clumsy this is this fits the parameters of of the hypothetical that i've forced in this this conversation because it doesn't it's not keeping me from any jobs or

anything like that it's not keeping me out of a better tax bracket or anything it's not uh like a big enough improvement in like my physical abilities as far as like, it's not keeping, it's not the thing that is stopping me from being a real force on the local softball team or anything like that. My clumsiness it's, I just, uh, as we've talked about on this show, I, I fall down a lot and I bump into things. I'm constantly dropping and losing things. Once more, I accidentally started my car five minutes after learning how I could do that with my phone. When I sent this email-

You're a rom-com girl. You're as clumsy as a rom-com girl. A thousand percent. And it's never like i'm not so clumsy that i'm driving my car into a tree or like i was gonna say i'm not so clumsy that i'm i'm breaking bones all the time i did just break my foot getting out of a car so i don't know exhibit a i've forgotten about that there's some health reasons but when i sent this to you as a question to see if it would move the needle for you at all,

in the beginning of October, and the example that I pulled for myself was, I was just in Florida with my girlfriend and her parents, and I accidentally, through clumsiness, dropped her sunglasses in the ocean to be gone forever. And I clarified in the email that that was probably the third or fourth weirdest and dumbest way my clumsiness has resulted in ruining sunglasses specifically. Since that email, I've ruined another pair of sunglasses in a different way. Since that email, I've ruined another pair of sunglasses in a different way. When they fell out of my shirt pocket onto a pad of sticky poison that you use to catch mice. Oh, no.

The glue. Glue traps. That's right. Oh, they're done. I know. And again, I still think my number one clumsy sunglasses story. And again, I want to make it clear to the listeners. We're just talking about ways I've lost sunglasses. So, you know, that this is, this is a, uh, a paragraph in a chapter in, in a volume of a series of books about my clumsiness, but I was in like eighth grade and I had my sunglasses on my head. I was in a hotel for a school band trip to Boston or something. And my arms were full of bags of

souvenirs for the trip. And the elevator in our hotel, the door was closing. I was like, I got to run to catch the elevator because I'm 13 and I don't understand that there will be another elevator. So I got to go and catch this one as fast as I don't understand that there will be another elevator. So I got to go and catch this one as fast as I can. And my arms are full of bags. I don't want anything to happen to the bags. I will use my head to stop the closing doors because surely there will be a sensor that senses my head and knows that it's one of the more important body parts. And so the doors won't close or touch me but that's not how the sensors work the doors absolutely make contact with my head so my sunglasses fall off the top of my head and land straight through the the the gap between the the floor in the elevator and the floor in the ground

outside the elevator this like yeah it's it's just as wide as elevator doors need to be and no wider so it's perfect for a 13 year old sunglasses and they went right down there and in a way it's one of those accidents where anyone who sees you it's so perfect that they have to assume that was your plan the whole time. He went headfirst into an elevator and then watched his sunglasses fall down the sunglass-shaped hole. Bravo. Well done.

There's no way you were trying to do anything else. That was as graceful as I've ever seen anyone move in a practiced thing. I mean, to an audience, 2% more sunglasses probably doesn't sound like a lot, but to Daniel, that's 200 more sunglasses than he has now. And it's not, I only use sunglasses again

as a comedy specific, but like I'm just clumsy and there's nothing sexy about it, of all and second of all it's just like frustrating because it's i don't think i have a clumsy brain but my body just doesn't cooperate and my my my this dumb physical lump that i'm shuffling around the world doesn't behave as gracefully and efficiently as I feel like I'm asking it to. Yeah. I'm sympathetic to that. The times when I am like, something devastating happens for no reason to me. Like when I broke my toe on a couch, just like walking past it, like knew where it was.

It wasn't in the dark or anything. Just my foot got too close. And then my toe dislocated on it. And, uh, after I did that, I was so mad at my body. I was like, are you fucking kidding me? What? We don't do this. We're not the people who do this. I scratch up against a wall and it's like my arm. I'm like, how did that even happen? I'm just bewildered that my body did this. Scrapes and bruises. And Shay asked me about them. And sometimes I'm like, yeah. So obviously I was trying to move this piece of patio furniture that we have.

And I tripped and I pinned myself between the wall and the couch. So that's why I have this bruise here. I know it sounds like an impossible accident that couldn't have happened to anyone, but it happened to me. And that's that bruise. And as far as the bruise on my elbow goes, I don't know. But this is what you get with me, either a highly specific accident or just could have been anything. That's just how clumsy I am. Honestly, I hit it on six things today. I don't know which one.

They're all probably contributing, honestly. Listen, you're asking a lot of questions about the bruise on my elbow. We haven't even gotten to the bruise on my chest. And that's where I really think you're going to want to focus on your concern. When you see it. Having children, you run into this a lot too, because they're not in control of their bodies yet. And their bodies are constantly changing. And then also just like they'll grow an inch in a week or whatever. And all of a sudden they're at a counter height. It's like where they used to run underneath the counter. Now, all of a sudden it just clotheslines their forehead. And so my, my daughter takes such

damage all the time. And if you look at her, she's got just from being at school each day, she's got bruises all over her shins and i'm just like i'll check in with her and i'll be like is that where did you get that and she goes oh i don't know okay okay yeah there's a lot that i'm not seeing even i'm only getting like i'm only getting a small percentage of your actual injuries here at the house right and also like you gotta sit her down and be like this listen it's okay i need to know where where they come from because someday someone might ask me about the bruises and i'm not allowed to not remember listen oh gilly we've got a physical coming up in a week and the doctor if the doctor asks i gotta know although i'm gonna make stuff up otherwise and you can't you have to back me up uh yeah so they're certainly with kids like you're dealing with it constantly where they're just like

and the funniest things like the funniest the most impossible things like they'll be like standing on the bottom rung of a stair and somehow fall down six like they'll fall up the stairs and then back down. You're like, how did you do that? It's like, part of it, you want to laugh, but they're crying. So you're like, I can't wait till you're done crying so we can talk about this. Because you watch them get down to that bottom step and then you're like, all right, great.

I can check out now because the potential damage is really minuscule at this point. They're like, we're checking out good and then somehow yeah they fall like up it and then back down and you're like well how did what you weren't even headed in that direction or like she'll sometimes she'll just fall down like we're just standing in a room together and she falls down which i which i also get and like we one of the times we had guests when we had Alex Goldman on the podcast, he is someone else who falls all the time. And I would have to revisit that episode. But as I recall, our conversation was just me being like, hey, I heard in an episode, you fall a lot. He's like, yeah, I'm always falling down holes. I'm like, fuck, yeah, me too. It sucks, right? All the holes out there that we have to deal with as adults, it's the worst.

Oh, no. What's everybody else doing? How are you guys dancing around all these holes all the time? Here comes a hole. Oh, no, I'm going to fall now. Oh, here we go. Falling in it. Just unavoidable.

Yeah, I forgot about that. I forgot that he's a hole faller. Just unavoidable. Yeah, I forgot about that. I forgot that he's a whole faller. He's my favorite kind of faller because he is aware when it's happening and has enough clarity and control to say, oh, no, I'm falling. Which is a thing that only people in like cartoons say. No one who falls speaks about it during it.

But he has just been around the rodeo a few times and he starts to fall and goes, oh no, I'm falling. I can't do anything about it. Like his brain is working so fast. Right. And like the mouth is doing great, but like the rest of the body is just a few days behind just a shakespeare character going oh drat i am slain uh yeah uh we should have him back on the show yeah sure all right but as far as this one's concerned i

think we're done are we done yeah you don't have anything a couple of things that i think are going to emerge from this episode uh one of them will be people telling me just sing to your goddamn girlfriend when she asked you to you idiot this is an easy win and another i i will preempt the commenters for you and i think it's you don't want to be a two percent better singer he's got to be two percent more confident, buddy. You've been telling me about confidence since I've met you. I sit you on the confidence couch. Physician, heal thyself. This is every day of my life you've been teaching me how to fake it and to walk into a room like I'm supposed to be there.

Just sing like you're a singer already. Yes, but the problem is I can hear it. I can hear it. And I know it's not right. Fake it till you make it, except for a couple of specific circumstances where you will never make it. Ever. Exactly.

All right. You've been listening to our show. This is Quick Question. Ever. Exactly. All right. You've listening to our show. This is quick question. You can follow Daniel and me on X. Daniel's at DOB underscore Inc. I'm Soren. Soren underscore LTD. You can also follow quick question at QQ underscore Soren and Dan.

Daniel and I are also on blue sky. You can follow me at Soren Bowie at blue sky at something, something, whatever it is it's just soren did you notice that i uh deactivated my twitter again for about two weeks no but also i there's a weird thing uh this is gonna sound personal there's a weird thing that happens where i don't get um especially even like replies from you show up in my replies oh i don't know why i have to like hunt out your tweets good everyone should you can uh email us at qq with soren and daniel at gmail.com we have a sound engineer editor and

basically just all around great guy his name is gabe harder you won't find him anywhere we have patreon treasure is not supposed to be handed out. You hunt for it. You fight for it. You beat others out for it. And then you enjoy it all the more. That's true. Yes, that.

You can also, if you would, rather see our faces as we do this. We have a couple of video versions of our podcast. One recently with Jason Pargin, where you can find those at youtube.com backslash at QQpodcast. And MeRex, who did our theme song, if you like that type of music, which I am a huge fan of, you can find their music at MeRex.Bandcamp.com.

They also have a new album out. The new album is called Giant Elk, and they have a music video for one of their songs, a song called Giant, Giant, Giant, and you can probably find that on YouTube. So go check out Merex as well. All right, bye. I've got a quick, quick question for you, all right I want to hear your thoughts, I want to know what's on your mind I've got a quick, quick question for you, all right

The answer's not important, I'm just glad that we could talk tonight So what's your favourite? Who did you get? When do I be remembered? Was it awkward? Worded over? Why do we not? Oh forget it

I saw a movie, Daniel O'Brien Two best friends and comedy writers If there's an answer answer they're gonna find it I think you'll have a great time here I think you'll have a great time here