Quick Question with Soren and Daniel - The Birds and the Bees and the Gerbil and Richard Gere

Episode Date: July 18, 2023

The guys talk about the rumors and urban legends that permeated their childhoods, like the dangers of Yellow #5, Britney Spears’ infamous trip to the hospital, and Richard Gere's gerbil incident. Plus Soren almost died in a Lyft and Daniel's now in tech. Watch this episode at https://www.youtube.com/@QQPodcast Help us grow the show by following us on socials and doling out some sweet, sweet engagement: https://www.linktr.ee/QQPodcast

I've got a quick, quick question for you, alright? I wanna hear your thoughts, I wanna know what's on your mind I've got a quick, quick question for you, alright? The answer's not important, I'm just glad that we could talk tonight So what's your favourite? Who did you get? What do I be? What was it I could wear? What are we not? I'm over? Oh, forget it. Saw a movie, Daniel O'Brien.

Two best friends and comedy writers. If there's an answer, they're gonna find it. I think you'll have a great time here. I think you'll have a great time here. So hello again and welcome to another episode of Quick Question with Soren and Daniel, the podcast where two best friends and comedy writers ask each other questions and give each other answers. I am one half of that podcast. I'm one half of that podcast. Senior writer for Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, Author of How to Fight Presidents, the book.

And third thing, I didn't even... Yeah, usually you do a little special thing there. I do a third thing, and I didn't do it this time because I jumped without seeing if there was something to land on. Daniel O'Brien, joined as always by my co-host

Mr. Soren Bowie. Soren, say hello. I'm off to a rough start, man. It's okay, man. It's fine. We're just about equal level now, and I'm happy about that. I'm Soren Bui. I'm a writer for American Dad, and I don't have a second thing even.

We wouldn't even be in danger of me getting to a third thing. You're a father. You're a climber. You're a jumper. You're a rhymer. Yeah um there's songs about me um don't know if you're familiar with steve miller that's who did that song yeah which song oh i'm a joker yeah um i said i told somebody the other day there's a guy who on the picket lines who is a climber And he was talking about going to one of the climbing gyms that's near where I live. And, uh, I started talking to him about climbing.

He's like, oh, you climb? And I was like, yeah, no, no, I don't climb. I haven't climbed since my son was born. I haven't climbed in like eight years. That's, I am not a climber. I was at one point in my life, but that's not what I do anymore. Yeah. I'm a climber and a musician and a 22 year old right yeah it's like people still ask like where are you from and i'll

be colorado oh you mean where have i lived for the majority of my life los angeles yeah i on the the ride over here had a chatty lift driver and i just didn't want to engage with him and he was asking me about stuff around the area. And I just said, oh, I don't know. I don't know that restaurant because I'm not from here. I know the area really well because I used to live... Where I'm staying is like blocks from where I used to live. I know the area really well.

I just didn't want to talk to him about Westwood, Los Angeles or anything around here. Or anything. And I thought like this will... The headphones didn't work. But me saying I'm not from here will shut him down and we'll have nothing to talk about. And I said like, this will, the headphones didn't work, but me saying I'm not from here will shut him down and we'll have nothing to talk about.

And they said, where are you from? I said, New Jersey. Like, I grew up in Jersey. Where do you live? And they're like,

fuck! Then he starts naming, like, do you know, where you live near Margate? I don't know. Where's Margate? I hate this.

There's so many burrows around. I want to tell you a story. Actually, thatrows around. I want to tell you a story. Actually, that reminded me. I want to tell you a story. And I've been meaning to tell you. Wait, I'm not finished yet. Oh, I'm sorry. I had a list story.

No, it's okay. It's still in the same list. And I'm glad that it was thankfully short. Because I was engaging with him a little bit. And I was like, so what brought you out here? He was like, oh, the weather and my job. I was a video editor out on the East Coast and then I was sick of how cold it was. So I was like, get me a video editing job out here. And I got a job at Paramount and we're not working right

now because the writers are on strike, which I understand and I'm totally fine with, but so I'm doing lifts to make some money. And my my brain i'm so trained at this point i uh bring up the strike and our talking points about it yeah at the drop of a hat i will tell anyone about the strike and how important it is and why we're doing what we're doing uh for this broader labor movement and as soon as i said writer striking and that's why i'm not working right now but that's fine i understand it was just like if you ask me what i'm what i do i'm gonna say i'm in tech i'm not i don't even want to talk about it gave me the biggest opening to talk about the only thing that i feel like talking about and just like yeah man that sucks

i'm a dentist yeah i don't know about that we rarely strike the old dentist union um that's like it just having a chatty left driver is rough yeah it's like as soon as you get in and there's like you get the initial questions, which that's fine. Like this happens a lot where you're like, hey, where are you headed tonight? Or like, oh, did you just start your shift? Or like, I will talk to a Lyft driver for the first part. And then there's like this acceptance. The social norm is to just then you just stop talking to each other. And like maybe something else comes up,

but in like, you can also tell if somebody else is engaged in the conversation. And when somebody else has their headphones in, like, that's a big sign that please don't talk to me. He turned off his music at one point to better communicate. Like, no louder,

put it back, please. But I got in a lift and I had the opposite problem recently. You were the driver. I was driving. I got in a lift and this woman, I had the opposite problem recently where you were the driver. I was driving. Uh, I got in a lift and this woman didn't say anything to me. And then we were going to the airport and on the way to the airport,

I'm just like looking at my phone and I'm doing things and things are feeling great. And then I, I'm like, we've been stopped for a while. And I look up and there's just a green light and we are just sitting at a green light. And I was like,

that's weird. And I look in the rear view mirror and I can see her eyes and she's just a green light and we are just sitting at a green light. And I was like, that's weird. And I look in the rear view mirror and I can see her eyes and she's like this. And I was like, Oh, she fell asleep. Oh no. And I'm like,

should I wake her up? And then she kind of like wakes up and she sees it. She starts driving, but she didn't wake up like, Oh my God, I fell asleep. She woke up like, Oh fuck,

here we go. And she was like, so like, it's still like, this is not, this problem is not over. It's so scary. Yeah yeah so like we get to another light and like she starts to drift off a little bit but like she hears the engines rev around her and she i see like the head even not pop up and she drives i'm like this is a bad situation uh i'm gonna give you some context she is 60 maybe older and um i i assume that someone who is working lift at that age like they need the job so i'm like i'm gonna just it's fine it's fine and then we get to there's this turn

sepolvita right by the airport where like it starts to hook and she's like she's got her wheel the wheel turned just enough that like she's got the she's gonna make the turn and i think that maybe that like made her feel real safe because she was like i get a little shut up and she just she just like drifted down like this and i so my reaction surprised me too but i didn't like touch her on the shoulder be like hey excuse me i clapped in her ear and went hey like wake up and when i did that she looked up but like it didn't register yet what had really happened and then she turned around like starts like it's i could watch it all cascade on her like what had just happened yeah and she looked at me she's like don't you do not distract the driver you do not distract the driver and

started like yelling at me and i was like like, well, I didn't expect this. Like, this is a crazy new thing. And she was getting very, very angry at me for having woken her up. Did you say you were sleeping? Yes. Okay. And then I was afraid within like 10 seconds of us like fighting like this, I was like, I'm going to get kicked out of this lift and I need to get to the airport.

So I shut up. And she, but she was like, obviously awake after that. It's like everybody at some point has almost fallen asleep driving and had like a little bit of like a jolt awake where you're like, Oh shit. Yeah. Like I was not in control there. And then you're like, from that point on, you're not going to sleep that night because like now you're like the adrenaline's going and you're good.

So she's up, we get to the airport and she puts it in park. And as soon as the car's in park, I'm like, you got to go home. Like you cannot be out here. Like you're a danger to everybody. You got to go home and get some sleep. And she's fighting right back. And she's not ever addressing the fact that she fell asleep. Yeah.

Like she's not saying when I'm saying you fell asleep three times. She's not saying, no, I didn't. She's just saying, you do not distract the driver. And I was like, I was distracting you from falling asleep. And so like, then I'm like ready to fight. And she's like, get out of my car. And I've seen enough Lyft videos where people don't get out of Lyft cars where I was like, I'm not going to be that either. So I get out and I was like, please go home. And I was like, you're lucky that I'm not going to call the police about this, but please go home. And she was just not having it. And it's very angry. Had she not done that, I think I would have at the end of it just been like,

as she'd been like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Or whatever. I'd have been like, it's okay. It's happened to all of us. Let's just move on with our lives. But the fact that she fought back, I was like, well, Lyft's going to hear about this. And then I became like a, just a prick where I was like, Lyft's going to find out that she fell asleep and she's going to get in trouble. And, and so I told Lyft what had happened. I was like, it's not safe for her to be out there. And they were like, okay, thanks for the note. And that was the last I ever heard of it. Yeah. But it was wild. It was wild to be in a car where somebody else is responsible for driving you somewhere. And they were just like, i'm just gonna take a quick quick nap there's something really

satisfying when you have a bad experience and you are asked to rate how your how your time was like lyft is always asking you to to like give some kind of star system i don't like to do it with like a person like a waiter or anything like that, like a human being. But if I had a bad experience with Hertz rental car or a hotel and they're like, hey, just checking in, remember to give us some feedback,

take our service. Like, don't mind if I fucking do, Hertz. Yeah, you're going to hear everything. Everything I got to say. Yeah, we, that's always, that's always really nice. Especially when it's not like somebody in the service industry, when it's a product where you're like oh you're gonna fucking get it i

had a wagon like that for my kids where i was like you're gonna fucking hear about this it's much less satisfying when hertz writes back they're like hey thanks for your feedback really sorry you had a bad time and we're like no but i actually what i really wanted was a free car, please. For anyone just listening, I just hit myself in the face with a stationary microphone. Should we get into the show? No, I want to tell you one more thing. Tight. It must have been a confusing experience for her because she had this bad experience with this person person she was embarrassed and then fought back because she was embarrassed and then didn't know what was going to happen

and then immediately got a 20 tip because i can't bring myself not to to tip somebody where i was like well she obviously needs the yeah it's still tough out there it's probably i don't know how many more she's got in her because of the situation. I'll tip her. Was it one star? Yeah, I gave her one star. That's also very confusing is to get a one star and then get a 20%. Okay, now we can start the show.

Quick question. Great. Do you have one for me? Because I't have one for you i got a quick question for you okay uh i want to know what passed around childhood myths you remember from growing up i have a very specific one to get us started that uh was told to me by some school kid and uh spread around to other school kids and everyone i knew growing up had heard this and believed it without question and it was the spit test where if you're standing on something high like you're the the the tallest bleacher at a football game if you spit over the

side of the railing and you hear the sound of your spit hitting the ground that means it's not so high that you would die if you jumped and landed there if you can't hear your spit don't jump that rules then you'll die that's and the first time i was told that i was like oh yeah duh obviously because it because because you can hear it that means it's it's close and you can't reach terminal velocity means safe and it and like it really landed to me as something like yeah obviously that's probably how like before before science that must be how native americans could tell if something was too high to jump off of they would do the spit test and and that's why we still do it today now we have machines that measure height and death but before all that yeah you had to know man would be like i bet I could jump off these bleachers. Well, well, well.

I could. Yeah. Can you hear it on the concrete down there that we just invented? Yeah, because depending on what sort of surface it's landing on makes a huge difference. And it was so, no one questioned it. And it was so widespread that like kids from other schools, this would come up. We weren't like swapping it to compare who's heard this story yeah but i'd just be like hanging out somewhere looking over something tall and someone another kid from a different school would spit and we

would hear it we'd all be like oh yeah yeah that's fine this one would be okay if one of us had to jump off it for whatever reason i've never once heard that that's amazing yeah that it made its way it was uh in all the schools yeah it wasn't like one kid with bad Intel sources around to the school. It was like central New Jersey at least was like, yeah, this is how you know. Yeah. Those. Yeah. I, so we had a sheltered myth.

I don't know if it made it to Jersey, but does when you were eating candy and you looked at the back and you saw that yellow number five was in the candy, did that mean anything to you? No. Okay. Our engineers are both nodding. Yellow number five, when we were kids, the rumor was that yellow number five would shrink your penis. Is that true for engineers? Okay, good.

It's the same rumor. Yeah. That it would shrink your penis if you ate, consumed anything with yellow number five. So it was like- What was it in? Okay. That's a great question. Thank you.

It's in a lot of stuff. But the thing that it was most common in was Mountain Dew. Okay. So kid drinking Mountain Dew, everyone, that fucker would never live that shit down. I had heard, we didn't get into the ingredients of things, but Mountain Dew shrinks your nutsack was- Shrinks your nutsack. It's going to do both it's gonna do for sure in jersey it's doing a lot of damage not do because but yeah with the yellow number five and shrink your penis and not the other ingredients shrink your testicles but at least the ratio is right yeah it doesn't look weird then and that was certainly a fun thing when

you see someone drinking mountain dew and you're like, that's going to, that's going to shrink your, your ball sack. And you're like, yeah, I heard that. It's just, I like it. I like Mountain Dew. I'm, to this day, I'm like, if Yellow No. 5 isn't something, I'm like, nah, can't, can't take any more losses. Ate a lot of this stuff when I was a kid. But yeah, we would at recess or like somehow just candy gets

like disseminated throughout the school and you every kid be like lemon heads you'd be like no way man not having a lemon head I fuck that must be so funny and confusing for the teachers when kids are like yellow starburst what is he looking at do you just look at the ingredients why did he ask for the ingredients for that starburst

just eat it you're 10 did he just check the ingredients? Why did he ask for the ingredients for that store? Did you eat it? You're 10. Did he just check the calorie count? What's he doing? Little boys, like, no, the things in here are not good for me. But, like, it was even brutal because the girls all knew it, too. So, like, if you were, the worst thing that could happen is, like, Valentine's Day or whatever, you have candy in the room, in the classroom. it happen is like yeah valentine's day or whatever you have candy in the room in the classroom and like you're eating something and a girl sitting next to you takes your box and like hearts just chalky hearts or whatever and looks at the back and then puts it down looks at you you're like

oh fuck and now she it wouldn't matter my dick's gonna shrink and it's based on the details of the story valentine's day and it's it made no sense because it was also like elementary school middle school so like no one was gonna see you take for like another i'm gonna be honest 22 years no one's gonna like it wasn't gonna be in it you were in you were like pre-puberty yeah and it could not have mattered less but everybody cared so much right we were like pre-puberty. Yeah. And it could not have mattered less, but everybody cared so much. Right. We were like locked in on that at least that like dick size mattered when we were young and we were like, okay.

Even if it wasn't going to like materially impact your life for years and years and years just to like, eventually I'm going to know why I want it to not shrink. You don't totally know why yet. This will become clear. Yeah. You're like, I mean, I imagine having a really big hog is tough for sports, so I'm not totally sure why it's beneficial yet, but like,

I, I guess it's what I want. Yeah. Um, that was one for us that was, but like, then there are the ones like the urban legends that get passed around that I didn't,

that felt like they got everybody. Yeah. Um, yeah, we had, we had a fun urban legend and we, we talked about this a little bit before we were recording, that sometime when I was in high school or middle school, everyone was passing around the idea

that pop star Britney Spears had consumed so much semen in a day that she needed to be rushed to the hospital and have her stomach pumped. And we were all like, that's crazy. And then years later, I was telling our former boss, Jack O''brien about that and he's a little bit older than us so he's like that's nuts when i was a kid it was rod stewart who consumed so much semen that he had to get his stomach pumped and for me my geographic location it was little kim yeah that we all had

heard had to have her stomach pumped from that and so so somebody's just spreading this rumor that you can get so much cum in your stomach that you have to have it pumped like alcohol. Right, that's certainly part of it. And there's something adorable and charming to me that the story evolves and gets passed down generation to generation with a more relevant superstar in the place.

Now kids on TikTok are like, did you hear Noah Cyrus consume so much? that's a person right i that's what i want to i like i want that to be a game where like whatever the urban legend was when you were a kid who is it going to be supplanted with right now like you have to guess and you're like well because there's certain people that's believable for and other people that it's just everyone's like no i want to do a sketch about a time traveler who can't uh pick exactly when he goes back like he's trying to stop 9-11,

but he has no control over what year he goes, so he just transports him somewhere. You, you boy! Who do you think consumes so much semen that they have to get their stomach pumped? FDR. Fuck! Too far back, too far back. Yeah. Another one was Richard Gere.

Obviously, Richard Gere. Did you have this one? Gerbil up his butt? Yeah? Gerbil up his butt or hamster up his butt? Yeah, gerbil up his butt. And that was such a confusing one for me as a kid because I was like, but how? Because it's a soft. I've held gerbils. This isn't like something rigid that you could actually like shove into a butt. I was like, but that would the hamster would die before it got in.

Like it would just smash around the outside basically and so as a kid i was just like i don't get this one i can't possibly be true and then somebody's like no he took like a tube yeah put the tube in there and then like and then i don't know put fire at the other end something to like smoke it out or smoke it in it's funny how little uh any of us knew the details of that story it was like richard gear gerbil up his butt and any follow-up questions were not answered it was like but then so is it still in there no shut up no but like did he like did it die in there did he poop it out is that part of it why do we know listen the headline is richard gear gerbil up but what else let's come on why do we know about it like yeah did he have to go to the hospital

they're still letting him act so it doesn't seem like it slowed him down any it's just a thing we all know all right yeah um another one was that daniel from halloween and from True Lies. Her name is Jamie Lee Curtis. Jamie Lee Curtis. That Jamie Lee Curtis had male sex organs inside. Like she didn't have a penis, but she had like, oh boy, here's, here we go. Get ready. Vans Deference. That's got to be one of them. Okay.

Just like shit. I, whatever like men have internally. This is a really rough moment for me because i can't name a single thing uh that she had that instead of like a uterus and uh fallopian tubes ah i know women hey um kind of weird you got the egg sacks ovaries i think they call them um it just it all looks like a ram's head you know like it's just you are sweating a little bit

so yeah the rumor was that she had I definitely heard that as well and so like I remember as a kid watching True Lies and just like looking at her stomach and being like what's in there I remember knowing that rumor

watching True Lies the scene where she does her sexy dance for Arnold Schwarzenegger and whatever age I was just being like I don't care let her have it

it's fine it's working it's good and what a good lesson for you to have learned at that age it was like it does not matter

it literally does not matter thank you I'm never going to be impregnating Jamie Lee Curtis or wanting that so this sounds great thank you i'm never gonna be impregnating jamie lee curtis or wanting that so this sounds great thank you michael bay who did true lies i don't actually know i think i'm gonna say michael bay thank you michael bay it's a great movie the richard gear thing has me thinking because the the world has changed so much hot take, that if there was a celebrity,

if that rumor was started about any celebrity today, I don't think anyone, if they would be like this just in machine gun, Kelly said he put a gerbil up his butt. Everyone would be like, yeah, good. Yeah.

He does that. Of course it does. Yeah. We've, we've certainly, and those rumors were always around sex because sex was such like a scary, dark thing and deeply shameful. And like anything outside of the realm of like normal sex was that everyone was like, OK, that celebrity does it.

Yeah. Fuck them. the reason they're so, they're all so believable is because you will not ask follow-up questions or scrutinize because then you will reveal how little you know.

And no one wants to do that. So when someone was like, I remember in middle school someone being like, Samantha rubbed cum all over the bathroom door. I'm like, cool.

Yeah, that's, that's hot of her. Yeah. Awesome. So what did she do with the rest of it? Did you, did you see it? No.

All right. No. Of course. No. Who would see it? General. Did it smell different? I got a lot.

Yeah. You can't ask any of those questions. You have to just be like, oh, man. There was a rumor that had gotten spread just locally within the Roaring Fork Valley where I grew up, but it did make it to other schools within that area. I shouldn't say his name, but there was a boy who was- Joe Biden. Who was sexually active before everybody else was.

Like he was just one of those kids who matured quicker and like had gone through puberty by like sixth grade. Is that normal or bad? I think bad, probably, yeah. So he was, and he had had sex and he'd had sex with a girl who was a year older than us and the rumor was that it got passed around school was that he had sex with her so hard that her boob turned blue and all of us were like yeah he did sounds like that was pretty must have been pretty hard yeah wow so i'm gonna mentally put that away yeah that i don't

want to do that in the future that if i'm having sex real that away yeah that i don't want to do that in the future that if i'm having sex real hard i have to remember don't do it so hard or at least like check check in right because like what if picture day is coming up and that'd be humiliating for her check it on those boobs and make sure that that one of them's not like there's you're not getting like a new hue or anything but yeah that he had like i guess in our thought process it was that he had had sex they're so bad that are so hard that it cut off circulation. Or like blood hat, like when you fall in a pond, like a frozen pond, like blood had to leave all the stuff that wasn't vital and just like get to the good organs to be like,

save this body. Yeah. You can logic your way into it. And so it was just accepted that like, that's what happened. And like kids in Basalt knew the same story, man. And we were all like, yeah, man it's true i remember being in like fourth or fifth grade at a point where like everything sex related was the same the same bucket of mysteries for me that i didn't like it was all blow jobs hand jobs condoms they were all the same thing that i

didn't understand and couldn't ask about and that's why I didn't understand them and doing like some kind of volunteer garbage cleanup by the train station with whatever narc school group I was with and someone be like do you hear Joe found a condom by the railroad tracks I'm like he found a blowjob there yeah it was like just by itself like and my brain is going like, condom, is that balls? Joe found balls? And you just can't ask. You have to be like, oh, man. Hope everything's fine. See, I knew the glossary of terms I had because my mom was a sex ed teacher.

Right. And not even for my classes necessarily yet at that age, but she was very careful to make sure that we knew. Yeah. Like what everything was called. It wasn't until later that I would actually

have her in class where I'd watch my mom showing everyone how to use a dental dam where I was like, oh, this is not good. This is bad.

This is bad for me. She should have introduced herself with a different name. The nice thing was is that, yeah, so everyone in class is just staring at me. The only redeeming quality was that my mom would do both sex ed and she would also come and do the the pig heart and lung dissections and everybody lived

for that day in middle school like the day that we were going to dissect pig hearts and lungs everyone was going nuts and kids would they a big part of it was like you would take a straw at the very beginning before you cut into the lungs and you could put the the straw down the throat the trachea or whatever and you could blow through it and you could watch the lungs expand but then you had to get it away from your mouth real quick because the minute that you stop blowing in there like the lungs just start to sink and then the air comes back out and also like whatever viscera that is we didn't do anything like that oh oh well you gotta do that if your mom's a sex ed teacher she's gotta brings in some some horrible viscera for the children to dissect my mom my mom was a school nurse at a school i didn't attend but that also involved her teaching

sex ed so she was always available to me my brothers for for questions our actual sex ed teachers were gym teachers they were the same guys who were teaching us volleyball and then like one semester a year they would very begrudgingly and like furiously try to teach us sex ed and i really wish i had a better memory of it because at the time i was like this is kind of a fuck off class he doesn't't want to be here. We're all like laughing about it. And it's just like a time waste of a class. No one's going to learn anything in here, but it was, I remember thinking about it now, just some like beefy bro in a crew cut being forced to teach an entire class about menstruation yeah and just like not having the vocabulary for it not wanting to do it mad at everyone who laughed not like

creating probably some uh pretty bad associations with sex for a lot of people yeah doing some damage like yeah like making it just not creating a welcoming environment to ask questions because he just felt like you were trying to to humiliate him if you asked anything. And one very specific thing that I remember about his teaching. Well, first of all, like it was very abstinence. That is the only way to not get pregnant and to not get diseases is to not have sex. All of you horny monsters. Yeah. And one strange thing that I remember him bringing up

was about judgment and who can pass judgment on people, which is a strange thing to come up in a sex ed class at a public school. Oh, okay. It's like, there's only one person who can judge. We all thought, we were like, are you raising your hand for yourself?

He's like, God. God's the only one who can judge. all thought we were like are you raising your hand for yourself he's like god god's the only one who can judge i was like okay what have you done that's how sex works huh yeah also what did that guy do like what is he justifying he's like look there's a lot of different ways to have sex out there i'm not gonna give you all of them i'm gonna give you like a rundown of the basics like top three yeah but there's some other ones i just want you to know and no one can judge you for those oh thank god it's worth noting that uh we had a truly alarming amount of gym teachers and coaches and assistant coaches who uh were fired for having sex with students oh fuck Not him. Not the one who taught me to not have sex. He got away. That sucks.

Yeah, it was bad. It was like a really horrible traumatic time for all people involved and a really strange thing as kids to live through when like another assistant soccer coach was fired and sent to prison for having sex with

an underage girl. And we were all just like, they should ask that when they're hiring people. There's a crucial part of this hiring process that our school is not doing. Because if it happens once, what a terrible tragedy. If it happens three times, I'm only in this school for four years. That's too many. That's something in our screening process that is missing this important part.

That would be a fun part of the interview process to be like, okay, I want to show you a picture. This is our star forward. I want you to know she thinks you're cute. So what do you think about that? And then that guy has to be like, I don't like that.

I'm like, good. That's right. That's good. That's right. But he was like, oh yeah. How tall is she? Yeah. No, no. Wrong answer. You're hired. That's right. But he was like, oh yeah? How tall is she?

No. No, wrong answer. You're done. Even if before he answers, he's like, nope, you don't need a closer look. Put it down. This isn't a real judgment question. The picture was a trap. That was a trap.

If you look at the picture twice, it's a trap. Yeah. trap if you look at the picture twice it's a trap um yeah i i it was tough having my mom be a sex ed teacher at the school because she actually had a really good system which was she would because she knew kids would be they wouldn't want to ask the questions in the middle class for the same reason we didn't ask i don't want to say his name turn that girl's blue blue but so she would do this thing where she would have people write questions on a piece of paper they could put it in a shoebox yeah and then she would take it home that night and she would read them and then during the whatever the class was the next day she would come in and she

would answer the questions especially if there were like several of the same vein so uh the problem was is that she didn't always know all the terminology so like stuff stuff would just show up on there that she was like, what is that? And there wasn't the internet yet. And so on the way to school, we'd be driving to school and it would just be quiet in the car. And she'd be like, what is a queef? And I was like, mom, mom, no, I'm not going to answer these questions for you. And being just like humiliated. And then going to school, sitting in the classroom

where no one is learning a thing because they're all just looking at me. And they're like, this sucks so bad for you. Like, we're never going to let you forget this. As my mom's like, eyes up here, eyes up here. Does anybody need condoms and lubes at this point in your life? Like, does anybody, I don't want to assume,

so I'm giving you the option. I will give it to you. Everyone's staring at you knowing a kid's house is full of fucking lube condoms and pig hearts man this where do they even put their fridge when i was in high school she did gave me like a little paper bag where she was like uh i want you to just have this in case you need it i don't i hope that you wouldn't use it yet but if you do need it and it was condoms yeah and man did that those would never be condoms i would ever use condoms that your mom gave you like even if i had been like having a bunch of sex in high school i would have thrown those out immediately condoms but also one of those like a note that mom's

leaving lunchboxes too have a stellar day love you, sweetheart. I hope that you're proud of yourself. We had that write questions down thing. So high school was the gym teacher telling us not to have sex in a mixed group of boys and girls. Middle school, we had some, maybe the nurse come in and do a class just

with the boys and a class just with the girls. And she also did that. Write a question down on a piece of paper and I will answer tomorrow unless it's like obviously a joke question i'm not gonna do that and i remember uh one of the kids in our little like corner as a joke was like i'm gonna write down what is come and they all laughed about it i was like haha i'll do it dare me to do it because i wanted to know what come was and she didn't answer it the next day because she probably assumed it was a joke and i was just like i'm just never gonna know i'm never to know what cum was. And she didn't answer it the next day because she probably assumed it was a joke. And I was just like, I'm just never going to know.

I'm never going to know what Samantha put on that wall. I know what she put on it. Don't we both have it, I guess? So the other problem was that I would come in hot to these because I would think that I knew everything already. Sure. And so I would get surprised regularly. A kid like raise his hand and very timidly ask. And like that was a brave thing for him to do. It'd be like, when boys and girls have sex, does it hurt the girl?

And I was like, no, you fucking idiot. Everybody loves it. The teacher would then be like, because it was my mom and then this other woman as well. So whoever it was would be like, I mean, occasionally i mean occasionally yeah like you can especially for the first time and stuff and i was like what or or they would ask like so one of the questions was like when can a woman get pregnant and i was like fucking any day she wants man like you just have sex and then she gets pregnant that's the way it works and they're like now it's like a very specific time of the month that she's ovulating.

I was like, what? Hold on. What? Yeah, it's like three days. And I'm like, wait a second. There's like a three day period. Like, yeah, but then also semen survives for like 72 hours. Like there's actually the windows even bigger.

And I was like, I don't there's a lot of math here and I don't know what's going on. That's information that I don't think they even needed to give kids probably because enough of us are too scared at the thought of pregnancy to have sex. If you had told me like look you might get pregnant and there's a... Hell yeah! Yeah just like that is fine. I'll just hold it the rest of the time.

So they kept it broad like that. If Coach Sex had said got to be careful because you can get someone pregnant and that could like completely uh alter your life forever so that's why you shouldn't have sex in this three-day window and be like oh my god just like just keep track of when those three days this is such great news i didn't want to wear condoms this is awesome yeah i it it just you're absolutely right like kids should not know that there's like a window this is such great news. I didn't want to wear condoms. This is awesome. Yeah. I,

it, it does. You're absolutely right. Like kids should not know that there's like a window, like that rhythm method is a thing. They can just be like, no man, it's,

it can, it can happen at any time. Cause it really, it ultimately feels like it can happen at any time. Right. Certainly. But it was, it did scare me when I was young to the point where when I finally was old enough and I blossomed and had sex the very first time, like I wasn't even like, it took us like a running start basically. Like I wasn't going to have sex right away.

Like we, there was the opportunity and I was like, and now I would wear a condom. And what will you be wearing? Nothing. That does not sound safe. I think we should wait. And like, we'll just we'll scrap it for today we'll come back we'll retable it another day when we know better yeah uh i remember the only question that i i was brave enough to ask uh in middle school

sex ed classes uh because the the nurse was explaining or whomever it was was explaining uh how semen works yeah and where it comes from and she said and uh semen and urine will never come out at the same time and i was like how do you know why why do we know that and she's like it just doesn't yeah but a lot of people said that about things that my body does it just doesn't and moved on to the next thing but like as a kid who was learning about semen my immediate like genuine fear was like i don't want to accidentally pee on a girl yeah did you have in a girl and so like this like now that i understand what semen is and where it comes from i that's not what usually happens here and i i need to make absolutely sure because if I end up peeing on someone during sex, the school's going to know about it.

That's going to spread. Did you have it? You don't seem like you even know how it doesn't happen. Did you have a kid legend about like what happens if you pee inside somebody? No. They die. That was a big rumor at my school that if you if you peed inside a girl, she would die. I wasn't thinking

about death or danger or hygiene i was as as always my entire life thinking this could this could really embarrass me this could be humiliating for me it was the murder the murder trial like as soon as the idea of semen and urine being confused entered my brain i was like this is gonna be me well because you're just absolutely i'm gonna end up peeing all over samantha's cum the filthiest episode we've ever done but yeah like you're you're so you're like closer to to actually like not totally being potty trained than you are actually having sex when you start having these sex exercises so you're like there's that period where you're like i mean i just stopped wetting the bed like three years ago there's the chance i'm gonna pee there's the chance that when i'm having sex i'm just gonna do

it yeah and like but they don't explain like the logistics of like no like there's certain like valves inside of you that keeps that from happening trust the body the body knows like no i can't i can't trust this thing it has only let me down yeah it would have been nice had at least one teacher been like you know when you wake up in the morning sometimes and you've got an erection and you just your body's not going to be and you got to like wait it out that and you'd be like, okay, I get it. Yeah. All right. Good. All right.

Let's go have sex now. My one fear has been alleviated. Yeah. Thank you. That was the word that was not coming to me. So our episode about childhood myths and and sex is pretty done right yeah but i mean it's always those two had to be linked yeah the childhood myths are only about sex i guess now spitting spitting yeah yeah i'm gonna say that's like adjacent

thank you for listening to the show we are quick question but you knew that already you can find me on twitter at tlb underscore inc or soren soren underscore ltd you can also to the show. We are Quick Question, but you knew that already. You can find me on Twitter at tlb underscore inc or soren underscore ltd. You can also find the show on Twitter, or you can email the show at qq with soren and daniel at gmail.com. One is Soren and Daniel, one is Soren and Dan. Gmail is Soren and Daniel. Yes. Yeah.

Okay. Our theme song is by Merex. We are engineered, recorded, produced by Gabe Harder and Jacob Weinstein. I forgot that one last time. You sure did, you stupid bitch. They're right here. And you can support us on Patreon. If you've only been listening to this podcast,

you can also watch it on YouTube at the AccountQQ podcast. Our theme song is done by Merex, who you can find on Bandcamp and Spotify, everywhere you listen to music. Bye. That's all. Yeah, bye. for you all right the answer's not important i'm just glad that we could talk tonight so what's your favorite who did you get oh forget it

two best friends and comedy writers if there's an answer they're gonna find it i think you'll have a great time If there's an answer they're gonna find it I think you'll have a great time here I think you'll have a great time here