Quick Question with Soren and Daniel - The First Week of Fatherhood | Ep. 325

Episode Date: March 31, 2026

Soren Bowie debuts his brand new baby (a garage), while Daniel O'Brien shares what actually happens when you bring a real human baby home. From sleepless nights and mysterious crying to hospital chaos, labor stories, and the sudden realization that you’re responsible for another person forever, this episode is about the first week of parenthood. The guys reflect on the anxiety and joy of fatherhood, the exceptional talents of hospital staff, and the sheer awe inspired by watching your partner give birth.Thanks to Butcherbox for sponsoring this episode. Go to butcherbox.com/qq for $20 off, free shipping always, and your choice of chicken breast or top sirloin for a year OR ground beef for life, new subscribers only.Thanks to Mint Mobile for sponsoring this episode. Make the switch! MINTMOBILE.com/QQThanks to ASPCA Pet Insurance for sponsoring this episode. To explore coverage, visit ASPCApetinsurance.com/QUESTION.  The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance.Follow the guys on Bluesky!https://bsky.app/profile/danielobrien.bsky.socialhttps://bsky.app/profile/sorenbowie.bsky.socialBonus episodes 2x/month at patreon.com/quickquestion OR Apple Podcasts

Hello, hello to a new episode of quick, I'm going to know what's on your mind. The only episode where two best friends and comedy writers call each other from opposite coasts, just to talk, just to catch up. I'm one half of this podcast. I'm Sor and Bowie. I am a writer for American Dad. The other half of this podcast is Daniel O'Brien.

He is a writer of books. He is a writer of a show called Last Week Tonight. You can find him here right now on this podcast. Daniel, please say hello. Hello. I thought you were sitting on a scoop. So anyway, here's the deal, everybody. I have some big news.

There's some big news that I want to get to. I want you to first hear Daniel's voice, just so when you hear it, you're not surprised. some big news. I am a new father of a beautiful new garage. Wow. It is. I'm going to just give you a little like tilt around so you can kind of see everything.

There's a fridge over there. Do you need time to get it set up to make a camera ready or this? This is it. Oh, so this is, oh, then good. Yeah. So it's new, obviously, brand new. It's a baby. It's a baby.

And it's like a baby. I still need there's some work that needs to be done. needs to be kind of flushed out a little bit more. I'm realizing, I also have a new desk here, and I'm realizing that when I touch it, it moves. Yeah. But, you know, this is part of being a new parent. This is just part of being a new parent.

It's like finding the grooves and, like, figuring out how to, like, get in a good situation. So anyway, I'm very excited. I haven't been getting a lot of sleep. It's been, um, it's been a little tough. Yeah. But, uh, I, you know, couldn't be more thrilled. And thank you, everyone who's been reaching out,

being like, when are you get, when is the garage you going to be done? When are you going to deliver that? garage. What is, is it, is it, um, like late at night the noises that the garage makes? I've heard that that's the case sometimes that like just certain noises that it makes. You're like, oh my God, is the garage choking on a car? Yeah, it's a, it's a, it's me worried. It's just me worried. I have, I have fears in the night that the, that the garage is in the bed with us and that it's fallen out of the bed. Yeah. So anyway, it's a, I'm in it right now, guys. I'm really in it. And, but feeling good, feeling pretty good about the whole thing.

I couldn't be. I'm blessed. Thank you for making the time to do the podcast. I know it's tough. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fine. You know, I wasn't going to do it, obviously.

We did, you may have noticed that we didn't, we had a week where we were out where I was just like, I'm just a little too overwhelmed. And now it is really nice that I could be back in the saddle. You know, sometimes it's nice to just get away and be with you again. Is it true? We were out for a week? Did we? That's for real? Yeah.

Yeah. So we, I didn't line up anybody. I thought for sure that you were sandbagging me because we talked about this two weeks ago. And I was like, hey, I have to go away for a week. Do you have somebody? And you were so quick with, no, I don't have anybody. I'll look into it and maybe we'll go dark. You were so quick that I was like, he's lying.

And I thought I was going to tune into the. podcast this week and you would have replaced me with with my brother or my wife like some real out of left field surprise guest and I was like I'm not going to say anything because I want him to have his little fun and do his little surprise well that would have been really nice to me here I'll tell that I did have somebody in mind that I was like trying to get for it but I didn't want to say anything because also it wasn't like for sure and then it fell through and I was like that I'm glad that I did not say anything. Well,

anything happened on your end, Dan? Quick question. Anything happen on your end? Just want to make sure you, you, it's kind of a newer trend, but if you follow on Instagram, people are burping their houses now. So just like, make sure you burp your garage

from time to time. Yeah. Oh, God. I just, I realize there's all this stuff that I don't know yet. I know. And I'm just sort of learning on the fly. The delivery of the garage, I'll say, was tough.

Man, listeners are mad. All right, well, let's get into it. Let's get into it. Anything, Daniel, you want to cover real quick, I think we still have a little bit of time before we get into the actual show. If there's any news you have. Yes.

From your life. The bit that I'd come up with very quickly while you were talking, and it'd be a shame to waste it, even though the timing is not right anymore. I'm just going to go and power through and do it. I thought you were announcing the huge scoop that you were.

were ghostwriting my autobiography because when you said you're a writer for American Dad, that's me. I'm an American dad. And that's the kind of thing. That's sort of how many cylinders I'm firing at right now. But you are. Congratulations, Daniel. We had our baby, everyone.

And it was great. And everyone's healthy and perfect. If you follow me on Instagram, we're putting pictures of the baby on Instagram. I'm sure you shouldn't, but we're doing it and we're happy to do it and people are loving the Instagram post. So pretty excited about the virality factor of the baby. I'm wondering if I should put pictures of my garage up.

You should probably post pictures of your garage, yeah. I mean, the concern is that you will train AI to recreate garages without your... that like are reflections of your handiwork but without your permission or anything like that that's the concern but if the garage is cute enough you just got to throw caution to the wind and put it up there dog i think you're right i think i mean yeah it's it would be i don't i'm worried about my garage being tracked obviously the biggest concern across the internet i don't want my garage ending up on any of those sites where people share pictures of garages with one another illegally and there's certainly the chance that like a strange will be like garage garage i'm a friend of your dad sorens and like when you're you the garage is coming home from school and the garage doesn't know any better. And so it just like goes with the stranger. Yeah, of course, these are the fears. But you just got to be careful.

So I have a million new questions for you, Daniel. Great. What? It was a boy. Did I say that I have a son? I'm a father of a son. Father of a boy. That's very exciting.

What kind of temperament are you dealing with at this point? He's really chill. He's pretty chill. I'm still learning, I'm reading a thousand books at once about new fatherhood. And they're very clear that you start to get a sense of what each cry means. You can tell the difference between cries. And I've heard parents say that before,

whereas like this is the cry that means they're gassy and this is the one that means they're hungry. This is the one that means they're just tired or they're uncomfortable because they're wet, whatever the different reasons that a baby cries. I don't have that yet. There's a lot of just like crying. That is like a universal crying sound. And for the most part, everything just means I'm hungry and I want to be with mama,

which is. But that's great. It's great. There's only two things that a baby or like three things that it could be at any moment. It's like getting a Farm Bill notification. You're like, well, there's only like there's, I'm not going to be thrown by. any of these things.

There's only so many things it can be. We do all of them and the baby will stop crying. Dave Barry said there's three states of baby. It's about to cry, currently crying, just finished crying,

and your job is to keep them in that third state for as much as possible. That's great. I like that, and then I was reading like a book that used that as an intro and the book was like,

but there are actually six states of a baby. I'm like, no, three is better. Three is a better comedy number. I, I have some questions for you. Did your baby peel? Like feet and hands are peeling.

Yeah. Yeah, it's weird, right? It's not the chief gross thing. The chief gross thing is the remnants of the umbilical cord, which I have many thoughts about the umbilical cord. It's a little stump of a thing that stays on the belly button for going on a little over a week now, because my son is a week old. And they say you're not supposed to do anything to it.

You're not supposed to get it wet. You're not supposed to clean it. You're not supposed to treat it. You just let it be. And then it falls off. And then you just move on with your life. And it is just this blackening, rotting piece of dead something that is just, it's the only part of my baby that is disgusting right now. And it's just, and even just the idea that it falls off, that one day I might step on it or encounter it somewhere thinking it a roach or some other thing.

It's guts. Yeah. It's real nasty stuff that they, it's a very strange, yeah. You can't plan for. Guts hanging out like that. And there's a couple of different stages of it because the first stage is they put a little chip bag clip on it. Yeah. And so you have this like big piece of plastic hanging off your baby at all time.

and so like you're trying to do tummy time with your baby and that thing is deeply uncomfortable to have grinding against you. I'll say that once that part comes off and it's just the scar, I'm the scab of the belly button, which is like stage two, that's not super comfortable either. That's a big callous, callous piece of guts. And it's touching you all the time. And that's it's unnerving and it doesn't feel good. And you have no idea what kind of belly button your child has. as yet. You don't, and nobody knows.

And nobody knows how to do it right in a way where it's like uniform. Because you look at human beings as they're adults and you're like, oh, man, everybody's got a different one. Look at all these. That'd be a fun skill if you can like look at the belly button and spot guess who the person's doctor was. It's like, oh, that's Windsor. Yeah, I know that doctor. I've seen this work before. Yeah.

He does outies, but you know what? I think he does them right. Carves his initials. Okay. My other question for you is, when you were in the hospital, surely there was a moment during the recuperation where the baby was there with you. By the way, the baby sleeps in a plastic bin in the hospital. On wheels, if they can like take it away every once in a while. They're just come in and scoop your baby. There was like 9 o'clock at night one night where someone came in initially to like either take the baby's vitals or take my wife's vitals, like a standard.

people are coming in and out of the room all the fucking time. Yes. It's just like constant knock, knock, knock. People are coming in to do things. And one of the nurses was there for a routine vital check and then felt the call of the wild. And she just said, the pediatrician has summoned all of the babies into the hallway. And then she just took for a meeting. Yeah, fuck whatever she was doing.

She just took the baby with all the other babies. They all just like marched down following the siren song of the pediatrician. And we're just like, okay. Well, please bring him back when this pediatrician whom we've not met is done. Please

bring it back our boy. I love it the pediatrician was just like a meeting of the babies and what we're going to do is we're just going to move a few and we're just going to see how that shakes out. Because right now I'm going to be honest with you, some of the families are not happy with what they got.

So we're going to do a reshuffle. See what we come up with. See if we can come up with. Come with a solution before you all leave here. Well, it's spring, ladies and gentlemen. Congratulations. You made it. You made it through the winter.

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or ground beef for life. Plus $20 off. your first box and free shipping always. That's butcherbox.com slash QQQ, all lowercase. Don't forget to use our link so they know we sent you. Yeah, the pediatrician at our hospital was, I was surprised with how careless she was with the baby.

Because they're so used to handling babies and you are not yet, because you're like, you're as delicate as can be. She's just like throwing this baby around. And she's just like grabbing it by the face and holding it that way for long periods of time and we're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. When they burp them in a position that is not the one that I've seen on TV and movies, and I think in real life, the one I've seen is put you the baby's head like on your shoulder,

belly to my front, and then they're patting the back, and it seems like a fairly gentle affair. What they do in the hospital often is they will hunch the baby forward and put their hands like a chin strap on the bottom of the baby's head, which looks a lot like strangling the baby and then patting it on the back. And that's just padding. Like, they're like really giving it to the baby. A newborn. Like, they're like, well, let's just see if there's any loose parts in this thing. Yeah.

And they're just hitting it. Well, did you, while the baby was in that little plastic bin that was its temporary bed, there were moments in the night, I'm sure, where you woke up because you're sleeping on what is effectively a window sill. You don't have a bed. You don't have your own bed. I have a pretty, a pretty crappy chair that turns into a worse bed is what I lived on for four nights. And during that time, you wake up a lot.

And did you find yourself waking up and thinking, oh, no, I'm responsible for this thing forever now? I have that more now at home than I did at the hospital. there's advice that everyone gave us that we didn't think we were going to take, and then we ended up taking, which is when you're in a hospital, you stay two nights after the baby is born. We checked in Saturday and left Wednesday because our baby wasn't born until very early Monday morning. And they say that the nurses will come and say, if you want, we can take the baby into our nursery at night. Oh, right. So you can get sleep, and it'll be sort of a feeding on demand. man thing where when the baby is hungry we will come and wake you up and you will feed the baby

and then we'll take the baby away when this was first presented to me months ago before we got before we had the baby i thought there's no way we're not going to want this thing out of our sight we're going to want to get started practicing sleeping in the same space with it as soon as possible everyone in the world told us not to do that they said take advantage of the nursery while you have it, you're not going to have the nursery again. You will, it's not like you're going to get a good night's sleep, so you don't have to feel guilty about anything, but just get a few hours of sleep, the two of you,

and let the professionals wake you up when it's time to feed. And really, the, I wasn't concerned about not getting enough sleep. I was, I wanted someone more experienced, to be in charge of making sure the baby is sleeping correctly this whole time. Because if it's not, it's not about waking up to feed. It's about like, I would just like perch and stare and look at the baby's chest and make sure it was breathing constantly. The fact that there's a team of people who were on top of that was very reassuring to me and allowed me to mentally sleep. I see.

But now that we're home. Yeah. Sometimes the baby is asleep because the baby's sleep. And my wife is asleep because being a mother. is an exhausting miracle. She's very draining. Our body's been through trauma. She's recovering.

She is already recovered to an insane degree. We will have a separate chapter of this podcast devoted to my amazing wife. Or we won't because I might cry. That's not good podcast content. They could be. But sometimes they're both sleeping at night. And then it's just me who is listening for everything. and that's very scary.

That is still like I will get up and check the baby's breathing and I will hear that is breathing and I will instead of saying like oh that's the sound of breathing I can go back to sleep now I will say that's the sound of breathing

or like gas escaping its lungs maybe it's not breathing and it's making a sound from wind passing through its folds so I'd better put my hand on his chest to get a two-step confirmation that my baby is alive And then when I get that, I will go back to bed and wait for the third step of the baby like crying or squealing or squeaking or something. Yes.

Yeah, I found that moment in the hospital. We did not have, we did not take advantage of the nurses, whisking the baby away, which we should have. But when I was in the hospital and I would see this baby there and I was like, every time I will, I wake up just a little bit for the rest of my life, I'm going to, the first thought is going to. to be of this thing. And I had to go check on this thing. And I was like, well, that's going to be new. That's not a thing like I thought about a ton was every single moment of every single day for at least five years, this is, I'm going to be within proximity of this child. Yeah. And making sure it's okay. And not only is it your job. It's also, uh, my wife and I hoped and prayed and nine months later, we gave birth to our kryptonite. We, that's a thing that that has,

stuck with me is that not only do we we're in charge of this thing which is obviously an important but it's also I see him and it's just like oh no we made something that I'm not strong enough to survive without I was strong enough to survive anything and now and now we've we finally found that we made it we made this thing we made my own we made my kill switch oh no yeah I mean like a lot like a garage in that respect it's just a new way for the world to reach you um people are always saying that like having a a baby is a lot like getting a new garage. But you know what? I feel like that's a little bit offensive. A wonderful thing is that... It's a little offensive because garages are a little tougher in my opinion. They're just like, I don't

think those people that are saying that, maybe they have children, but they don't have new garages. And I don't think they realize what it's like. Yeah. I don't know. I'm just tired. Yeah. Go on. Go on. You had something you wanted to say too. I don't know about you, but I like keeping my money where I can see it. I don't totally understand money. it turns out. When it's in a bank, I don't understand why it's better for the bank to have it than for me.

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Well, you talked about how the world's going to hurt you, and I just want to shout out the labor and delivery nurses who are just the most incredible people I've ever met in my entire fucking life, and I can't even stand how good and kind and competent and fun all of them are. And this was, I don't know, what was in the water or the air or what was going to going on, but this weekend saw a lot of births. Really? From what they would tell us, um, that it was controlled chaos one day and then chaos

chaos, another day, and then a more normal chaos the third day. And we don't see any of that. We just like hear it from the nurses who would just come in every once in a while and be like, sorry, took me a second, we're a little bit crazy today, we're a little bit backed up. And they were so good at making us the person who are just, priority when they're in the room that it never felt like things were crazy. But they, we found out that a lot of them, like some of our favorite nurses, um, were not even scheduled to work that day.

They were just called in because there were so many babies. There were so much stuff going on that they would just come in for a few hours, go home and sleep and then come in for another ghost shift a few hours later. There was a, um, like a hospital administrator person who was working in payroll, but because of her experience, she got pulled in to a delivery at some point. It's fucking crazy. People are being drafted in the hospital. People are being drafted, yeah.

Enough that I thought like, because I was, again, we, it was a scheduled induction for anyone who doesn't know what that means, means that we are past, we blew through our due date by a week. And once you go past your due date, they're like, we're going to, we're going to have you come in and we are going to induce labor. We're going to make you go into labor through a variety of methods. And so we got there Saturday. and even then it wasn't like

they don't flip a switch really and then you're in labor there's like we're going to give you this and then we're going to check back on you in 12 hours and at the end of 12 hours we're going to give you this and we're going to check on you in four hours and then we're going to give it to you again we're going to check on you in another four hours

and these four hour things could happen six times so this is it's a lot of time in the hospital before we have a baby and that's just my wife and I hanging out in this uncomfortable room eating snacks. And I'm walking around a lot. Like I'm going to get ice chips.

I'm going down the hall to go downstairs and get snacks. There's a cafeteria. I'm just wandering around. And I thought, I'm going to get pulled into one of these rooms. They're going to see me. I'm familiar enough. I'm waving to the staff. They're going to see me and be like, oh, thank God.

We need you to help with this. Catch this baby's head. Yeah. That didn't happen to you. I wonder what it was. I wonder what... Well, Friday was Friday the 13th. I don't know if that does anything.

Probably doesn't. Just a weird coincidence. Psychologically, maybe. Yeah. Well, yeah, so we found also the labor and delivery nurses were outstanding. They're so kind and incredible and all have a great bedside manner. The doctors, I didn't agree with that. But the nurses were incredible to the point where, like, I think it's a really good idea.

And I don't know if you guys are already planning on doing this. You send something to the. labor and delivery nurses afterward. We don't know what to send. They're like everything online there's like yeah there's there's like give them snacks and stuff but it's it doesn't it doesn't feel like enough doesn't feel like enough to to thank them and I've I feel like I will never thank my wife enough. It is truly insane more than more than anything because there's so much talk leading up to

having a baby where it's like you're going to meet this kid and the kid is going to change your life and like you're going to love that you're going to have so much love for this thing more love than you've ever had for anything and you're going to be different and all of that is definitely true I don't I wasn't prepared for the new shades I was going to find of

Shades. Shades. That's right. Very good. Shades. Shay. I see it. I thought you did it on purpose. I was just calling it. I was pulling it out for you. she was just so she's so good she was making the staff laugh the entire time

of this this husband-wife duo where one is a comedy writer and one is not and she was cracking everybody up the entire time her spirits were up and she was like present and and joyful and I had my head going into this in advance that like

she'll have an epidural and she'll be in a lot of pain so maybe she'll be like loopy and she won't be thinking about what she's saying, and maybe she'll be, you know, da-da-da-da-da-da. And it will be me, the rock, who has to be the steady presence. And it was just absolutely not that.

She was the rock and the steady presence, and she was so focused and present. And I introduced myself as Dan instead of Daniel, which I never do because I was, I was panicked and out of my mind. And she was the steady one. and it's and all of that is like separate from the actual

like watching a person give birth is so cool so insane and I'm watching and I'm seeing how long it takes and there's a machine that charts her contractions so I see what's coming down I see what's happening I see like how they're

spiking I see how much pain that translates to and I see her just doing it and just pushing and the nurses say, I think five more pushes, and they're lying, and we know they're lying. You got done two and a half hours. Yeah. It sucks.

Especially because, like, for a while it was me and one nurse in the room. Because at some point they were like, oh, we're going to start having a baby now. We're going to teach you how to push. The doctor was there. A nurse was there. We're teaching Shay how to push. And then the doctor gets called into another delivery, and that delivery turns into an emergency C-section. So she is just gone.

And so we stop pushing. They have the power where they just be like, well, yours isn't as urgent. So you're just going to wait now. So the doctor is gone. We wait. And then we start pushing again, me, this nurse, and my wife. And I'm holding my wife's leg as we're pushing and we're counting and we're doing these things. We do that for kind of a while.

And I really get it in my head like, this is, we're going to do this. The three of us are going to be the only ones here because this baby's come. Like you can see the head. Yeah. Like this baby is coming. And I'm here. No one else is here about this nurse. And like, let's go.

I'm ready to do this. Like, surely there can't be any more steps to this. And the nurse, this is when the nurse is saying, like, I think like five more pushes or three more pushes. And we're like, okay, this is happening. Let's, let's pop it out. Low through three and five more pushes. And then the nurse recognizes something. And she goes, okay, we're ready for the doctor now.

And then four people come in. The doctor is there. Tacks are there. They break the table in half. and they raised the bed up, a table, they break the bed in half and they raised the bed up.

And it was like, oh, we were, we were never going to have this baby the three of us. And they all, they all knew that. They knew, they know how far we are

most of the time. But anyway, I'm watching my wife push and get this false intel that she's three or five pushes away. And I think about myself in those shoes. And I think I'm calling it.

I'm throwing in a towel. Me with all of my great strength and stubbornness, I am not doing this. I get to, especially if someone said five more pushes, and then we did five pushes, and there was no baby. Then I'm saying, no, the way that my brain works is you tell me something and I do it. And if you break the deal, then this baby's staying in here.

Yeah. Now you're having a baby. Yeah. Guess what? Now this is yours to have. And my wife, she's not even complaining, let alone screaming. She's just pushing and doing this impossible thing. and I see so much like strength and power that I hadn't seen before.

And it's so hard to articulate because it's you know someone and you know them really well and you love them and you see so much, so many size of them and so many things they can do. And you really think you've got a handle on all of it. And then you watch them give birth. And it's not like it's not like finding out someone, knew really well could secretly paint this whole time. It's like finding out they could secretly fly this whole time. Yes.

Because it's just, it's a completely different layer of like, holy shit. I am nothing. I am a small ingredient in this. And my wife and all these labor and delivery nurses are incredible rock star machine monsters. And like more positive versions of, of description. descriptions. It made me like small and humbled and and so in love and so in awe of her. And also in quieter moments, thinking about like every shitty like Andrew Tate and Pete Hegseth, any of these like super masculine fucking alpha losers. And it was like, like watch, watch someone give

birth. Watch watch a woman give birth. And then try. to act like you're shit because you're not shit. This is, you, we're just, we're so much smaller and weaker and less consequential. It's amazing to see, yes, I felt the same thing where it was like, there's a moment where you're, there's something super heroic about it where as they're doing it, there's another gear that your significant other is capable of that you are not. And not only are they capable of it, they're good at. at it. Like, they're like, they go to this other place and you're like, oh, shit. You are, like, phenomenal stamina, phenomenal ability to stick with it. Like, and like, they're not panicking, like, that they're just working through this thing where you're like, you can see how painful it is. You know exactly how painful it is. You know exactly how long it's taking. And at a certain point, you are sort of like complicit in the torture of your wife because you know it's now five more pushes. And you're like, nurses are right, five more. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And.

And watching your significant other do something absolutely extraordinary is like you feel very, very tiny. In a good way, though. Like in a way where you're like... In a great way. She's got this. And also thinking, at the time, I'm just like very present and very focused. And then afterwards once... Again, not only does she deliver this baby, she doesn't pass out or start...

crying. She's just like, give me this, give me my baby. And like, she's like talking to it and saying his name and and cooing and like bonding with bonding with our son already. And I'm still sitting there and was like, I, uh, honey, I got you a necklace. I realize now that should have been a house or a dynasty of some kind. But a few months ago when I had When I got it, I thought this will be an equal thing. Yeah, here you gave me a thing. And it's important that I gave you something of what I assumed at the time was equal value. Listeners of the show will know that I have a cat.

Oh, my cat. Her name is Bethany, which is a tough name to call out in the middle of the night when your cat gets out. And everybody else is asleep. It sounds like you're shouting for a human. It's like you're shouting for an old lady. when I go out of the street and I go Bethany Bethany it just doesn't roll off the tongue

that's part of the reasons we like the name so much it's like naming your dog Janice well we have a quick message from today's sponsor the ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program you know your pet is part of your family you do pretty much anything for them right but those vet bills they can add up quicker than you think that's why it's worth checking out the ASPCA

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dot com slash Amazon terms for more info. This is a paid advertisement. Insurance is underwritten either Independence American Insurance Company or United States Fire Insurance Company and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency Limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. Yeah, it's pretty incredible. To the point with Ronan, my first son, my first child, what he took a long time. It was active labor was so long.

like 12 hours long. So it was a very long time of pushing. And she dutch, my wife transcended somewhere else during that time. And it was amazing to see. And while this was happening, I stopped remembering that I was having a child at the end of this. It was just my wife was working through this thing. It was like watching somebody run across the Sahara Desert or something where you're just like, you're in support of them and they're doing this amazing thing. and you're like, you're doing it, you're doing it, this is amazing.

I didn't think the human body could even do this. And then at the end I was like, oh my God, you did it. And I'm just like, it locked in with her. And I'm like, like, and then they bring a baby over and I'm like, oh, yeah, a fucking, you get a baby at the end. That Alex, what's his name, climbing, the Burj Khalifa, free climbing. Yeah. It's just like a news program where it's like, all right, let's check back in with him. Yep, still climbing.

Pretty amazing that he could do that. All right. Oh, on the next thing. Let's see what's going on with weather. Yeah, it was a surprise to me. I was getting a baby at the end. We had one hour of active labor. And again, we checked in Saturday night,

and there was like this whole process of getting to induction. And it really, so the whole leading up to it, for some reason we had it in our heads that the baby was going to come early. We just, because we wanted to meet him. We were excited. And there were also, like, certain stressors. Like, there was, I was in New York to see a show. She was in New York for work.

I was here. You know, we had different concerts of things. And there were so many things that we were thinking, like, just don't go into labor February 18th when I'm in this show. And I can't check my phone. Just don't go into labor February 20th because that's an inconvenient time. We had a blizzard. I was like, this baby is going to come.

during the blizzard. I just fucking know it maybe was going to come during the blizzard. Didn't come during any of those times. We're like, okay, good. We didn't want it to come early. That's good. But like, now all of our stuff is done. So we're ready for this baby. Like, our parental leave doesn't start until the baby comes.

And we're both fucking done with work at this point. So we just need to, like, have this baby. And we're doing every old wife sale in the book, spicy food and dates and stretches and walks, foot rubs, everything they say to try to induce labor at home. And none of those are working. And then our due date comes. And not only does the baby not come on our due date,

but like there's no, She doesn't feel any different. We're not having any contractions at home to speak of. We go to the doctor. The doctor is like, you're not really close right now, but we'll schedule induction. We still are thinking, let's have this baby before scheduled induction.

That doesn't happen. Induction day comes. that's when they tell us. Okay, 12 out. We check in at 6 p.m. We'll check again in 12 hours, which at that point would be 8 o'clock Sunday morning. We're like, okay, so we're also not having this baby tonight.

And then Sunday rolls around. And like, we're going to check in in four hours, check in in four hours. And at one point, we're like, we're watching the Oscars because it's Sunday night and a nurse telling us, like, we're going to do this thing. and then this should start contractions

and then you'll have your baby, Potocin, yeah, you'll have your baby, we're gonna give you an abdural, go to sleep, you'll have your baby tomorrow. And I was like, tomorrow. So like, looking at my wash and she's like, not midnight, like midday tomorrow. And I was impossibly convinced

that we were just gonna be pregnant forever, that nothing was gonna be wrong, but that Shea would just continue growing this baby until they were 18 and we would come up because we were expecting it, expecting it, expecting it, and it just kept not happening. And it just seemed so at a certain point

out of the realm of possibility that we would ever have a baby in our arms. And we started to settle down after you're going to have this baby tomorrow midday. And then they check in with us at a little after midnight. And they're like, oh, you're getting close. and then they come back an hour later

and it's like, okay, you're ready, we're going to start pushing now. And I was like, oh, but we had discussed midday. And I guess I convinced myself that it wasn't going to happen. And now you caught us off guard, even though this was scheduled

and we came here for this purpose. I was still like, oh, and then we're going to have a baby? Oh, I thought this was just another step. This was another another step in the process and we'd come back next week. And you also like you get there and you're like, you're starting to learn names of people immediately because you're like, I should know these people. They're doing a very important thing.

You're going to lose that shift, man. A whole other shift is going to come on and you'll never see those nurses again unless you take, you're there for like you, like you're there for like the full of a 24 hour period before you even have a baby. You're going to see them again maybe a little later. But it's going to be not for another 10 hours or whatever. Yeah. We cycled through a bunch of different nurses for the different shifts and some who were just like, all right, I'm leaving for the day and, um, I don't know, maybe I'll, I hope I'm your nurse tomorrow. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow.

We'll see. Yeah. I already put your name down in my little labor journal. Okay. I have some questions about things that you have written down. Did you have a written down birth plan and how close did this stick to your birth plan? We didn't have a written down birth plan. We looked at the, like, not a quiz, but like a questionnaire that you can fill out for yourself.

And it stuck mostly to that. I mean, the, the two things about that. The chart that I think we even handed into the hospital did have stuff like, what do you want to do for lighting in the room and for sound in the room? And we had answers for those questions that were just not a doubt. dressed. The lighting is hospital lighting and you get what you get and that's it. It's a lot of it's bullshit. I realized afterwards and I also found out that they, especially if you bring in like your own custom late, your custom made birth plan that you've typed up yourself, nurses take that back to the teacher's lounge or wherever they fucking hang out and they read it together and they have a nice laugh. They have a nice little laugh at what people think they're going to get. Even in our postpartum room where we were like the heat wasn't exactly working.

It was too hot. We couldn't get it. Or the AC wasn't working. We couldn't get it cool to our liking. And a revolving door of nurses was like, oh, really? Oh, okay. I'll go tell them right now. And I thought, you know, I used to work in a movie theater and people would come out.

and say the theater was cold or the previews were too long and can I do something? And I'd say, yeah, and that I wouldn't do anything. I know the look. Yeah. Okay. You touched on it just briefly, but I wanted to find out from you. You said you held her leg for a while, which means suggests to me that she did try various positions. Is that true?

No. Okay. So in movies and stuff. When you're doing, when we had Potocin and the epidural and she's on monitors, they would rotate her every once in a while just for like her comfort and to, I guess, open things up a little bit better. But as far as like we are, we're pushing, that's one position the whole time. Okay.

We found that they, it's not like in movies where it's like, you know, two legs out, spread out on the back the whole time. Like, Colleen was all over the place. She was trying different stuff. She's like at certain points, like, she's like turning over and she's got her hands up on basically the headboard. And she's like on her knees and a doctor at that, or no, I think it was a nurse at that point was like, oh, please, please turn back over. And I was like, don't put it. Bro.

Let her cook. Let her cook. Like, she knows what she's doing. We tried your way. She's got a new thing of mine. And so when it was with Ronan, he progressed so. slowly that she was trying new positions constantly and she was and when she'd find she'd land on something and all of a sudden he'd progressed more and so it was just like wiggling him out basically

and it was a lot of me like yeah like I'd have like a leg that I'd be responsible for during contractions that I'm like holding like way up and it was just about finding the right position it's just like getting the key just right in the lock for it to turn let it just took a little while while to figure out what it was. We, uh, I don't know, lucky,

you're unlucky. We stayed in the one position and again, a long time in the hospital, but an hour of, of active labor. Yeah, that's good. Very grateful for.

We had a, because you're asking about birthing plan, we had a little speaker and I had a, I had three different birthing playlist. There was like an upbeat, kind of fun one with songs that,

that we like. and we'll sing along to, there was a calming, birthing playlist of songs that she loves that are relaxing or, like, nostalgic, reminds us of our wedding or early courtship. And then there was just like the straight up, like, noise bath, basically,

of just, like, calming sounds. And when we were going over the playlist in advance, I had come on ride the train song in the upbeat playlist. Like, come on ride the train. Yeah, yeah. And she loves that song, but specifically was like, I don't, I'm worried about the song coming on in front of people. And I was like, yeah, totally.

And at one point, we were playing the speaker and I had to go to the bathroom. And that song was on. And a bunch of nurses came in. And I was like, well, this is the thing. This is the exact, very specific scenario. This is going to be, it's going to sound like a, I'm sandbagging you. I'm not here. Question.

Did any of the nurses or doctors recognize you? No, not at all. And that would have been, this is going to sound like I'm trying to get sympathy. And I promise I'm not. That can't be the takeaway from this. They would have to look at me. Oh, I see. Yeah.

You are not the focus. No. And again, remember Saturday to Wednesday afternoon. That is our, that is, we lived in the hospital for that long. And I think it was Wednesday when we had the, the 14th nurse that we were going to have in this process where she came in and she was talking to Shay. And then she turned to me and she said, do you need anything? And she and I were both like, what? No one's ever asked me that before. You can see me? The cafeteria won't even tell me if there's dairy in the food. This is amazing. How am I doing? Not great. Yeah. I guess I do remember that pretty well.

I mean, the whole lead-up, too, it was like in when you go and you talk to the, um, your doctor, the OBGYN and the lead up and stuff like that. Like you are, you're,

you're just fucking, which is, which is good. It should be that way. I think I'm sure a lot of women do a lot of these checkups alone and go through labor alone. And I'm sure there are supportive husbands like you and I who are there for every single appointment and live in the hospital room for the entire birth. But I think no matter what, it still should not matter. like the I don't think it would be good or better if we walk into these appointments and for a nurse or doctor to be to be like sir it is so refreshing to see a guy like don't give me anything give me I'll eat the dairy and the egg I'll eat the poison it's fine don't we can't at any point make this about us yeah that's what our podcast is for um we tried so my my second child was

born during COVID in like in April of 2020 when even parks were shut down because no one knew how it traveled or anything like that. And it was going to be a situation where I might not be able to be in the room with her. We already had like a doula plan. They're like, no, fuck, you can't bring another person in this room. So we had to cancel that, eat that charge. And then it was a situation where we got there and they're like, all right, here's the deal. You can be there during the delivery, but you cannot be there during the like the recuperation

under the next couple days. And I was like, oh, God, this is rough. They ended up letting me stay. They tested me. They tested her. Between her, she delivered my daughter and before she delivered the, what's it called? Placenta? Yeah, yeah, sorry.

Yeah. And before she delivered the placenta, in between those two, they're swabbing her nose with those ones that go all the way into your brain. And I was just like, oh, this is bad. And then they swabbed me. They said that they had tested me and they're like, all right, you're good. You can stay. but you guys are not allowed to leave your room. So we're like locked in a room the whole time.

You can't go out, go to the bathroom or anything like that. Or wander the halls, which is what I wanted to do. Absolutely. And any same people would come in there in full gear. They're in full, like a full suit, basically. It was a wild time to have a child. I imagine, yeah. But brother and sister-in-law had a baby in COVID.

and it was tough. And something that he was telling me about the other day that I hadn't even considered is that, like, friends of theirs were sending formula because you couldn't even reliably get formula from stores at that time. So, like, anyone that he knew who saw some would just, like, get it and send it to their house. What a crazy fucking...

That's right. That's right. At the same time that toilet paper disappeared, formula disappeared. Yeah. It was... It was, yeah, very strange. Yeah. But it meant that, like, I was terrified the possibility that I wouldn't be there for her recuperation, basically.

Yeah. Where I was just like, the thought of that seemed so incomprehensible. And like, that I would be sitting at home? Like, what would I, I, I'd be going nuts. They didn't end up letting me stay. Thank God I got to be in that little chair. Man, that little chair. That little chair, it was really funny, facetiming her brother and sister-in-law after we'd had the baby.

We were in the postpartum room. and her brother has two kids. But I think his youngest is like five or six at this point, but he sees the chair. And he goes, Daniel, is that your chair? And I said, yeah. And I start to explain to him that it turns into a vet. He's like, no, I know that chair.

They have, it's, it's the same shit chair in Illinois as well. It's just this, this one horrible father chair, which we took a tour of the hospital before giving birth. and our administrator who gave us the tour was very nice and sweet. We love her and she answered all our questions. But she was also like, we have a bed for you. And the cafeteria gives the dad three meals a day. And all you got to do is make sure you're, you know, you want ketchup.

Tell them ketchup. You want fries with the chicken fingers. Make sure you tell them fries because they don't want to make two trips. But they've got that covered. And you're going to read stuff online that talks about what you got to pack for this. Bring a toothbrush. we have everything here. We got pillows.

We got blankets. It is the food is dog shit. It's cold. They do not bring the things that you say they're going to bring because they don't have the kind of flexibility because why would they? The blankets and towels are off. All their stuff is completely awful. It just meets the basic legal definition of a blanket. But I think it's mostly paper towels that have gone wrong.

then wasn't they made too thick and they're like what are we going to do with these we'll give to the hospitals yeah it's it's um it's not an ideal situation it's i would say a step below camping yeah and i certainly i packed light because i wanted to pack light for myself but did not have enough clothes for a four-night stay in the hospital um and the only i mean i thought it was I thought I was fine. I was sleeping in clothes and then I would put in my daytime clothes and then I would switch into my sleeping clothes. But I got some cues that I wasn't, I wasn't looking so great because I would go downstairs. The similar things happened twice.

I went downstairs to go to the Dunkin' Donuts when we were in postpartum and I got coffees for each of us and a donut. And I'm just walking around with two coffees and a donut. and someone says to me, congratulations. I thought, oh, I must really look like shit. You should have been like, yep, I beat it. That awful thing that made me look this way? This was a disease. Don't worry about it.

I beat it, though. I'm the after now. Yeah, I do remember leaving from my, I couldn't with my daughter, but leaving when my son was born to go to a fast food restaurant down the street because my wife was like the food is absolutely awful. I do know that there's this one that I like down there. Will you please go? And I was like, yeah.

And getting outside and being, this is going to sound silly, being shocked that the world was still going on. Yeah. That everyone was still doing their own thing. At one point, we also watched TV where we were just sitting there and it was two, we were two days in or whatever. And she's like, do you want to turn the TV on? And the fact that there was just like that anyone would, watch TV now.

Yeah. I was like, well, but, but no, why would anyone want to do this? Well, after you have a child, why are you doing anything other than focus on this, this little thing? My first world keeps turning and that's wrong, uh, sensation was today. Because we have, uh, we're both very lucky to have pretty robust, uh, parental leaf. I have eight weeks from my, my very generous bosses. Um, and. I went, I had to go to Whole Foods to get some supplies today.

And I was just thinking about how this is, I now am down a week. And it was so crazy to think like, yeah, eight weeks. That's a, that's a good long time. They counted the first week when I'm still like, getting my feet on it. That's, what are you guys talking about? Let's be real here. Let me, let me decide when leave starts. Right.

And don't bother me until then. or after. Yeah. Yeah. I was amazed that, yeah, that they wanted me to come back to work ever. But also that they, that when other people would come, I was very shocked and mad when people had advice for me off the jump. And I was like, you don't know this baby. I know it better than anyone.

And a lot of times, like, I'll look back later and I'd be like, oh, no, they were right. That was actually a good idea. When I actually tried it, that was a good idea. But the minute I would get unsolicited advice from anybody on a baby that, like, my wife and I, we know it. We know it better than all of you. We spent time, we spent a whole five days with this thing. And people would give us stuff. We'd be like, no, no, you don't know.

You don't know what we're dealing with. I do wonder if it's going to, if I'm going to start giving out advice because we've gotten plenty of advice from friends and family, which is reasonable and normal and solicited. but I've also found that like DMs from people on Instagram that have followed us and followed our careers for for a while guys would just be like

hey I saw you're bright congratulations geez let's see enjoy the little moments enjoy the small things they're going to go fast and it was like hey I didn't ask and you're a stranger and but like I wonder if it's a thing that's going to come over me

at some point where as soon as I see someone pregnant I'm going to be compelled to tell them to record the noises that the baby makes so you can have those forever. In addition to the pictures and the videos, make sure you get the little like coos and squeals. It's so funny. It's so funny because the way that that guy reacted that you just described is how everybody does react when they find out you're pregnant. Because when you're in it, there's so much that you're learning in those moments where you're like, why did nobody tell me this?

Why did nobody tell me this? Like, I'm going to remember to tell people this. but the way that your brain works in those scenarios is that by the time your baby is three months old, that shit's gone. Like, because you're in crisis mode, essentially, none of that stuff is sticking. And there's a bunch of stuff that just, it's a trash can full of information and you just keep pouring, pulling more trash on and the trash is just slipping off the top. And so, like, by the time somebody else is having a baby, you're like, yes, I did learn a lot. I remember that I learned a lot. I don't remember a single one of the things that I learned, though.

and the time you have the next child too it's like oh fuck how do we how did we do this I'm certain there will be like a thing or two that I latch on to that will be important but not the most important thing like someone came to me and said like hey we're gonna we're having a baby next month

and be like you gotta get one of those separate charging packs so you're not you're not just like completely plugged into the wall you're gonna want one of those packs that you can that's a battery that you could plug things into And then they'll leave and I'll be like, I should have told him to get tums because the hospital's not allowed to give you tums. That's important. That's more important than the charging, honestly.

But just. I have one more question for you. When your baby was born, did they take him over to a little table? Did they do that right away? Do they take him over like a little? There's like lights and they, well, the first thing I see them doing, They put him on my wife's chest. And they're also like blasting snot and shit out of his nose and mouth.

Just really going with those puffer sucker things and just go into town very quickly to just clear things out. And then did they hand you a pair of golden scissors? No, they gave me some like rusted sewing scissors, some left-handed. Something from staples. God Almighty. Some shears for spatch cocking a chicken, maybe. And it looked like it had done some spatch cocking in its past. They hand the scissors and they're like,

don't worry, you can't cut yourself. And he's like, yeah, I'm not sure I can cut the cord. I don't think these are going to handle anything. And they did take like a bit of real chewing to get through that cord. You're not good at it. I'll say. And I was also. your guts.

I was so mesmerized because I don't know where my idea for what an umbilical cord looked like came from. I don't know why I thought it, for example, looked like the neck of a turkey that comes when you buy a turkey for Thanksgiving. And it's just like this wrinkly, brownish, reddish tube. I was like, I bet that's what an umbilical cord looks like because it seems like the kind of thing that would come from a body. And then when I see this thing that I have to cut, it is blue. It is spiraling.

Rhymed. Yeah. Spirling. It looks like a telephone cord. It's fucking clean. It's Sussian. I couldn't believe this was, it's alien. I couldn't believe this was the thing.

and I was just so like, wow, that's the umbilical cord. And they're like, yes, you have to cut it now in between these, these things. I was like, no, but like, but like truly. Let's just take a minute. That's crazy. Let's take it in. Oh, you guys. There's so much going on that, that as they're going through everything, one of the nurses

turns to the other one and says, oh, the umbilical cord is not it. There's not in it. That's why, and the other goes, yeah. And I go, hang on, what? So what? So it's not it. And she just goes, that's good luck. I thought, man, that's not what they were saying.

No, there was something else happening. Something else. So I was very surprised. I guess they were probably brass or something like that. But they've got something that they handed me these scissors under that heat lamp that they've got your baby under. That looked like gold to me. And they're like, and here, now that you're a knight, you may take this and you may cut the flesh. And so I did the same thing.

And I was like, ah, it's really tough to get through. And then finally got through it. And then these scissors are just like whisked out of your hand. The baby is, they're whisking your baby every which way. Yeah. It's amazing. And then you finally get to hold your baby. And you finally get to hold your baby on your chest.

And it's incredible. I did. They gave it a Shay for a while. And I'm so stunned. And I'm just catching up to a lot in this moment of like it's, because we didn't know what we were having beforehand. So it's like, I have a son and it's out. And my wife is a superhero, and I didn't know that before. And I'm, and there's blood on the ground.

And I'm wobbly, and it's 417 in the morning. And I asked one of the nurses, I was like, can I touch? Yeah. Can my turn? My turn? Okay, good. I just want to make sure that I didn't need to, like, shower first. And I can touch the head.

Hooray. Thank you. Can I put my finger in its mouth? I guess so. The strange thing, and I don't know if this was our time. Again, we had the baby at 4.17 in the morning. And they wanted to move us to the postpartum wing to clear up rooms because this was such a crazy time for babies. And they wanted us out of that room before the next shift came in.

So they were like, we're going to move you. we're going to move you to postpartum now. And like our bags aren't packed from that room, so I'm just like doing a couple of trips down the hallway. And as we're moving, we face time with our parents first. And then they're like, we're going to take the baby now. And they take the baby. And they move us to our new room.

And we're like, we're exhausted sitting in our new room, panting, bags are moved. Doctor comes in like, all right, I need to do something important, something like schedule circumcision or schedule a vaccine. And she has her iPad. And she needs our. zip code to get into the system and we give it to her and then she says oh the system's down the Wi-Fi's down I'll be right back

soren we've not seen her since we will never see her again that's her wrap on on series guest star Dr. H she's gone we get like maybe 20 minutes of sleep

in the postpartum room and then we wake up and we they just don't give your baby back for a while Again, this is the thing that I don't know if it's because of a shift change or it's because this was between four and seven in the morning or if this is standard practice. But we get up and we're just like, okay. Can we this is, we again, we thought we were going to have this baby a month before we had the baby. So my wife and I have had a lot of final meals just the two of us together. We don't have anything to say anymore.

We want the baby now. We don't eat any more of this time. Well, that's so great, man. I'm glad that you, that everything went well, that your baby is healthy, that your wife is doing well. Just crushing it. It's so exciting. And I'm so, so happy for you. I can't wait until you are accepting guests.

It's going to be great. And that's all. That's all I have to say. Congratulations. Thanks, man. yeah thank you everybody for listening to this podcast unless you're something else you wanted to lead you wanted to end with some some sage words from a man who's just been changed i uh no i mean i i just i continued to feel like i'm not shit and uh in a really good way and i had all these

ideas going into it that i was i was the strong one and i'm not the strong one and that's that's by no means that's real fun not even close And not only then, but like, now because it's so early, I have games that I play with my son for like the eight or nine minutes of like act like quiet attention that you can get out of a baby. But generally I change diapers and fetch things. The baby only wants my wife, which is good and fine. So I was like pretty and essential in the hospital and pretty inessential now.

But to the baby. But to the relationship, you are, you're very key. Yeah. You're the gopher. That's right. And it's super important that you do your job will because if you don't, man,

that's a hard job to fuck up. And if you do, oh, she's going to start looking. She's like, well, let's see some resumes. Let me see what else there. is out there. Other people might want this job. We'll see. We'll see if she's on the phone with the police right now. I don't think it's illegal, but the baby is a week and a day old, and he's doing podcasting.

Yeah. None of the baby books mention what to do with podcasting husbands. Assume the husband's a podcaster. There's a better chance that he is than he's not. All right, everybody. I'm going to let Dan get back to it. Thank you. Thank you for listening to Quick Question with Soren. And Daniel, you knew that.

If you like our theme song, that's by me, Rex. If you want to watch a video version of this and you want to see my brand new garage, this beautiful new garage, you can do that on YouTube. If you are interested in more of this podcast, we do smaller versions of it over on our Patreon. You can get a Patreon member and get exclusive episodes of our podcast. Thank you also to Gabe Harder, our own baby, the baby that did. Dan and I delivered together and introduced to the world and has made the world a better place since. Goodbye. Bye.

If there's an answer, they're gonna find it. I think you'll have a great time here. I think you'll have a great time here.