Quick Question with Soren and Daniel - There’s a Tooth in This Wallet | Ep. 349

Episode Date: September 23, 2026

Soren finds a lost wallet and decides to personally return it to its owner, only to discover an adult human tooth hiding behind the ID. His good deed quickly becomes a mystery when the owner refuses to explain the tooth — and Soren absolutely refuses to stop asking. Daniel tries to convince him that sometimes being a good Samaritan means knowing when to leave.Follow the guys on Bluesky!https://bsky.app/profile/danielobrien.bsky.socialhttps://bsky.app/profile/sorenbowie.bsky.socialBonus episodes 2x/month at patreon.com/quickquestion OR Apple Podcasts

question for you all right I think you'll have a great question for you all right I know we can talk tonight So what's your favorite How did you get I think you'll have a great time Yeah

So it's the podcast I got an idea Oh it is Oh gosh It's right now I know we don't got We don't like to get too political On this show

No we don't got too political We don't got too political. But I had a pitch for you and your show an American dad. Okay. And it's a touch political. Oh. But there's this guy Donald Trump. Okay.

He's doing all these crazy things. I don't know. You'd never. It's going to knock your socks off. In a different world, one of the crazier things that he has done is renaming. a bunch of stuff. This is the world that we're in. So the actual craziest stuff that he's done has been like the militarization of the state to attack its own citizens. So that's like a real crazy. That's going to be filled with drones and snipers. But like in a world where he still

has the same wants and needs and obsessions, but just a little bit less power. The crazy thing is he's doing is like, I've officially renamed the Gulf of Mexico, the Gulf of America. and I think I'm going to name Lake Ontario, Lake America, and he just keeps doing these things. And South Park, the scamps that they are at South Park, this season have renamed their show South America in honor of President Trump's obsessions. And I think your show, American Dad, for one season, Gulf Dad.

It's a couple of zags away from start. I like that. Gold's dead. Yeah. So will you take it to Roger? I'm going to take it to the top, brass. You're going to take it to Stan? I'll take it all the way to Stan.

Wow. See what he says. But yeah, that's very funny. Here's the problem. South Park, they write an episode. That episode's out in a month at the most. Yeah. We write an episode.

I think it's like eight days to air was a documentary or six days to air or something like that. Yeah. We can round that up to a month. And it will air in a year if we're lucky. And so it's entirely possible that we would do that. And we'd be like, this would be really funny. This is going to be great. And Trump is dead by that. or like he stopped doing that or the world's way worse.

I think, yeah, less likely than dead, more likely that like, look, we can't, we cannot mention anything that would make people think about him. Because it's such a bummer that we can't,

like we can't even, Stan can't even live in America anymore because America reminds people of Trump. And what he has done in the last year is so much worse than the other stuff. Yeah. We just got a, every show takes place in a void now. Yeah. And in some ways, that's really freeing for our show because we're never beholden to current politics because we'll just, it will end up screwing ourselves if we even tried. But in another way, there are things that come up like COVID, when COVID came up and we're like, we can't touch this.

We can't do anything about this because by the time, we don't, we have no idea how long this thing is going to last. And if we start an episode even now, when we're all, we just left work and we're all in our own houses and the world. seems terrible. That episode won't come out for another year and change. Forgive me. Have you done, have you guys not done anything a little about COVID? Just like a COVID episode? We did not do a COVID episode.

We did an episode where it gets, it's a joke. It's a throwaway joke in one episode. Wow. Where Roger has COVID. But it's not even what the episode's about. It's not even a run. in the episode. It's just a blow to a scene where he gets a call.

He's like, yeah, uh-huh. Okay, thank you. That's my doctor. I got COVID. He's just sitting there some other people. I had, I've been very sick because I have a baby, so I'm constantly sick. Two sicknesses ago, I had a dentist appointment, and I called them, and my voice was trash, and I just called the dentist, and I was like, listen, I need to be.

reschedule our appointment. I don't know if you can if you can hear my thrill, but I've got like a really nasty cold and the receptionist said, can I be honest with you? I was like, of course, immediately, of course. What a, what a refreshing way for a conversation to go. I would love for you to be honored. She said, you have COVID. I was like, fuck, this is how they tell us now. She was like, I don't know for sure, but like, we have so many cancellations from COVID right now. So it's like, I know you think it's a cold, but it's COVID. She was wrong. But it was a very fun, like, just this woman came in hot. I was like, I'm sick of these motherfuckers calling me and telling me that they have colds.

I'm going to set this one straight. You have COVID. Yeah, get yourself figured out because you've got the worst thing. Yeah. I go to the dentist as well, and I've gone to the dentist sick before. Like at the end of a cold or whatever. And I'm always like, there's no hiding. There's no hiding it from a dentist.

They're in there. Like they're in the back of your throat where all the telltale signs are that I can usually hide from society. But they get to see it all. And they have never once said a thing about it. They're not like, whoa. You're looking pretty rough back here. I think this might be strep? Right.

And they also, because dentists know that we lie to them about all the other stuff, they know we're going to lie about this too. So they can look in there and say, are you sick? And you can be like, thank you for asking. No. No, because I've been flossing every day. You can't get sick if you floss three times a day, as I do. Three times a day. The dentists, I think about the shit the dentists and like hair cutters,

barbers and salon workers have to put up with. Yeah, I, I. Yeah, those maintenance workers, the hair cutters. Is it a barber if it's a woman? Um, no, I think it's a stylist. Stylist? All right. Yeah.

These are people that are so close to you and you're so disgusting. And there's not that same kind of like, well, this is why I went to medical school. I signed up to get to get all your juices and all your weird stuff all over me. Dentists didn't, didn't sign up for that same thing. Barbers certainly didn't sign up for it. And you still have to just like be so close to these swore. wetty, wet, disgusting heads all the time. And you'd be like, it's fine and I love it.

I mean, I think wet is best case scenario. Yeah. The worst thing is that you go there or you're a barber. Somebody shows up and sits in your seat and you're seeing just piles of dandruff in there that's just falling out as you're cutting their hair. Or you're seeing something worse. You're seeing something worse. You're seeing lice or you're saying something like that. And you just got to be like, I'm just going to cut your hair and I want you out of here. But I'm not going to say a word about this to you.

I think I told this story on. Daily Zeitgeist six years ago. So forgive me if you're a super fan and you've already caught this. But I was getting my haircut in L.A. back when he used to live there at Route 66 or whatever, that barbershop. Floyd's? Floyd's. That's the one. Thanks for knowing that. And I was getting my haircut.

And then there was a guy next to me getting his haircut and like, God bless him because he didn't want this either. But he sits down and he and he talks. to his stylist and like first things first he's like the the stuff on the back of my neck is not contagious oh shit so like of course i'm side-eyeing what is this going to be and it's like not like dripping blood but like like an open wound where like i feel like if you if you touched it with your finger and you pulled your finger away you would have some blood on your finger it's weep like little like weeping things like a few of them on the back of his neck and a little tiny bit of pus and and he is also on top of everything else the sweatiest

man I've ever seen and he's like I'm so sorry about my sweat too and the the stylist she's just like you're fine this is great and she's like doing all the right stylus stuff and I'm like man you don't get paid enough for this you didn't go to school for this specific thing this is fucking crazy you should be able to say no this sucks your clippers at the end of that you can't just keep using those and you're going to get all kinds of other stuff in those clips At that point you've got so much topography to the neck That like other stuff is sticking up That's going to the clippers are going to think his hair

And there's going to be like chop chop chop chop chop I also went in recently for a Cancer screening Now they did sign up for this because they know the job They know bodies and stuff But it is a real moment of vulnerability Where you were standing there with your arms out Like Jesus Christ himself

As they are wandering around you with a jewelers loop just like, hmm, this looks good, this is good, this is good. And all the, everything about your body is on display in a way that it is not with any other human in the world other than your significant other. And then at the end, when they

don't recoil in horror or they are not like, hey, here's some things that you're doing wrong. When they're just like, yeah, that's a normal human body. Part of you is like, I think I just fell in love with you. Yeah. You've accepted me as my, as me,

and I think that now I owe you something. Like I certainly diet and exercise and run all the time and I try to look good and get in shape. But what I really want is normal human body. And no one ever says it to me. That's the implication after somebody does one of these exams, they're like, everything was good. And you're like, everything?

You wouldn't change a thing? So you will. You look at this and you accept this? Let's get together. I wish one person said that to me in high school. Would have changed a lot of things for me, probably. It would be nice for me to put on a bathing suit and walk around. And for somebody to do like the.

those commercials were like they tipped their sunglasses down and they're like wow somebody who is wasn't had no sex on the mind but when they saw me they were like and now I like that body oh well I would ride that

for the rest of my life yeah just someone who like loses their train of thought for a second oh god that would be amazing um that's it's fine I've come to accept that that's not happening well Daniel I have a way

Did you have, do you have cancer? No cancer. Six. Hell, yeah, darn. I did. I, I had something on my forehead that I was like, it was kind of like up near the scalp. And it was sticking off in a weird way, in like a witch's way. Yeah, I thought so. I was like, is this a, what is this thing that's, it's like, like, oddly shaped and like more tall than it was wide.

So I was like, what is this fucking thing? And they're like, that's a skin tag. And I was like, a what? I had a skin tag Well two of them right up here At my scalp had two little skin tags That were pretending to look like hairs And they chopped those right off for me

It was really nice Huh What causes skin? I guess we don't need to get into What type of skin tags? I don't know you're just like you're You're so good at growing skin that it just keeps growing It like it

It just keeps growing in one particular area Yeah Gets really tall Let's read out the medical stuff And then we'll jump into your thing I had I gave blood because I was due give blood every...

Are you O? What are you? O positive. Oh, you're great. Well, you're not universal donor. O negatives or universal dope. O negative is universal. I have the blood where I can do double donations of blood and the platelets, so I do that. It takes a very long time, and it's a specific machine.

And they... It's the same place that I've been going to for years, and I think they got some new meat on it this time, and they fucked up one of my arms pretty bad at the injection. whatever site.

Yeah. And she was there and she did a thing and I'm, you know, reading my book and squeezing a thing with my hand and thinking it really hurts, but I didn't want to be a pain. And then she brings over like the top brass and as soon as he looks at my arm,

he goes, oh yeah, that's bruised. And I said, what's up? And they both look at me like, nothing. We're just going to take this out and go to the other arm now. I wasn't fucking talking to you. And then they did the other arm. And that wasn't great. great either and I had like huge really gross bruises for a couple of days from it but they got my blood

and I get a tote now you were you looked like somebody who was brand new to heroin hadn't quite figured it out yet right like I have to go and pick up my son from daycare now and I can't have I can't have this I can't have two huge bandages on my heroin spots please ignore these well I mean it's great that you give blood it's good we're in a blood crisis

I talk about this all the time that the American Red Cross has declared two blood crises in I think the last maybe it's in its entire existence

and one of them was during COVID because no one was giving blood and one of them was this summer I think we might be out of the woods at this point but wait why were we out of

blood people donate less blood in summer is one thing and I forget what the other reason was I'm sure the Red Cross

was I'm sure it's like distantly political I'm sure it's distantly like either mistrust of medical science

or maha or something like that but they were American Red Cross. They were going as far as to like, if you donate in August, you will get a $15 gift card to the movies. You can go see a movie. If you donate in September,

we will give you a $15 Amazon gift card. We need blood. You're going to run out. And I don't think anyone wants that to happen and no one thinks about it. If I was in charge of their marketing, Sounds like they have it Because you're somehow in the loop

I would do like a Hey It's summer Why not lose a little bit of extra weight Give blood this summer Get that bathing suit body going It's got it It's

Because I didn't Used to give blood Regularly I started doing that a couple years ago It was just like A thing to do I have it Why would I give something to charity

It's Exactly. And I'm always looking for ways to fill my time. I'm so annoying to my wife. Just to get me out of the house for an hour or so. It sounds constructive. I think you're doing like the right thing. You're not doing drugs or anything. No. But but before that, I mean, it's just trying to conceive of how the Red Cross does it. It seems like a fucking miracle that we ever have blood in the first place. Because I gave blood when I was in high school for the first time. They're just like, hey, Kids,

shut up, kids. We're doing a blood drive. You can miss class and you can get a cracker and a gatorade. Just shut up. You're not in charge of your life. Just give blood to this person in this room. But then beyond that, like, I guess you're at the mercy of where I am now, where you, once you get in the system, you get texts every few months that you're allowed to donate again.

And it's... You're good again. come back in. It's easy to go back in. Or your workplace has regular blood drives or your college or what? Or like, I don't know. I don't know. You can give blood any time.

But there's never like a good PR push the way there is for like flu shots and COVID. You know? Like you see flu shot signs everywhere. And I get texts when there's a new COVID boost. from CVS or Walgreens or wherever I got the last one. But blood drives is something that's like, they need it all the time. I don't know what they can do to spread the word about it.

Our podcast. We're doing it right now. We're doing it. Again, you have heroically done something brave. Hell yeah. Told everyone how important it is for them to donate blood. I won't be doing it. I'm terrified of it.

I know. But for everybody else, I think it's super important. I think it's something you could do if you don't have the phobia. I also, before you talk about how good and brave I am, I opened by saying they fucked up both my arms. And like, my veins aren't hard to find. I'm a regular goer and I'm just letting you guys know that it could go wrong. You're not dealing with the top medical doctors when you're donating in a tent somewhere in a parking lot. And it occurs to me now that I have been sick for weeks.

So I don't know if these things are related. They pumped you full of something You got the jab, Dan Yeah We accidentally gave you blood We're so sorry We need that back

And we need the blood That you were gonna give us back to Here's the real kicker My whole family Wife and children and me We're all O negative Which is very It's rare

But like it's a universal donor Because anyone can take it The problem is you can't get it From O negative is like bad news In terms of if you get it From somebody else there's very few blood transfusions you can get.

It has to be O negative. So also, when your wife is pregnant with a child, you don't know what blood type the baby will be. And if the baby is a different blood type than the mom, if anything happens in utero where the baby bleeds or something like that. And the mom's body just starts attacking it. So it just makes pregnancy that much worse. But I don't want to talk about pregnancy, Dan. I want to tell you a story that happened to me. Surely I should try and couch this into our show somehow.

Daniel, oh, you know, you're actually the perfect person to talk to about this. For anyone of our listeners who don't know this, Daniel, when he finds even keys out at the beach or something like that, he keeps them with the understanding that at some point the technology might exist where he could find the owner of them. That's right. I don't, I have been told not to do this. but something comes over me.

I see a key and not only do I pick it up, I really stress about it. I see a key and I immediately, it's like, this is my responsibility. If only I hadn't seen it, but I've seen it. So, of course, it's my responsibility to make sure this gets to its rightful owner,

which I will do by taking it and throwing it in my drawer of keys in my home. Really? You're just... Anyone who loses a key? there's no hope of ever finding it again because Daniel has collected all of them. Yeah, go ahead and retrace your steps. You're not going to find your key.

I have it. Something different happened while you weren't around. So I found a wallet. I was walking to get some lunch and there was a wallet in the street. There were a few things. There were a bunch of cards on the ground, an open wallet.

There was also some envelopes and stuff. And I was like, oh, this looks like somebody's car got broken into right here. and they went through it, rifled through everything and threw it out. So I was like, it would be good of me to, at least I would want my wallet back. And I look in there and there is an ID in there

and I was like, that's like the thing you need the most. So I'm putting cards back in this wall. I'm making sure these cards all belong to the same one, but I'm putting the cards back in. It turns out the envelope is like insurance papers for somebody else entirely. And I was like, well, we'll see.

I was really, this would have been huge for me. I lost my wallet in California like 16 years. years ago. If it was your wallet? Yeah, my social security card was in there and a couple other like, like, memento things. And I would just love to get my hands back on those, those puppies.

Social security cards, especially. I'm pretty sure this wasn't yours, but I'm going to get to the, what there was a momentum in there that I want to talk to you about. Okay. But first off, I found this wallet. It's a nice wallet. And I was like, well, man, it would be like good of me to try and figure out who this is. So I see the name and I'm like, I don't actually know.

what to do here. And I was like, maybe I can find them on Facebook or something. Sorry, Facebook or something. And I look up the name. I find this guy on Instagram because I can see videos of him and it looks just like the ID. I'm like, this is the dude. So I message him and I'm like, here's my phone number. I have your wallet. Don't hear back from this guy. And as I'm kind of going about my day, I was like, if only there was some other way. And I was like, well, hold on, There's an address on here. What if I just go to this guy's house? So I'm like, well, that might be weird showing up.

Let me just look at the Instagram. I pull it up. One of the first things is a tribute to Charlie Kirk. Then there are, yeah, I don't know if it was his birthday or what just recently, but this is a big tribute to Charlie Kirk. I believe the world. lost Charlie Kirk on 9-11? Oh.

Again, I keep forgetting things that happen on 9-11. I have a hard time never forgetting it. Okay, so it must have been that. It must have been in remembrance of him dying. So then I'm like, oh, fuck. So I looked through some of the other posts, and this guy is MAGA, for sure MAGA. And at that point, I was like,

and now I fucking have to take this to him. Like I have to, it's even more important for me to get this wallet back to him because my impulse is to just throw it back on the ground. Which what is it? What would that say about me if I wasn't willing to help anyone? Yeah. If I was going to make like a decision based on what I saw on his profile, I'd be like, oh, well, this person doesn't deserve to have this. You got to show up to his house with the balls to the Tim Walls t-shirt that you ordered off Facebook from my targeted AI ad. And so I was like, no, it's super important.

And I wasn't going to do it because I was like, it's going to be weird showing up at somebody's house. I was hoping he just get back to me and he wasn't. And I was like, and now I have to. It's like even more important. I'm even more dedicated to the cause of getting this man his wallet. So I pick up my son from it. He's got tennis lesson. And I'm like, hey, we're going to go to this house.

And I'm going to bring this wallet. And he's like, okay. And I give him the option to wait in the car. He doesn't want to. we start walking to the house and I'm like well let me just take out the ID and take a picture of it in case there is anything weird that goes on here

and as I take the license out of the wallet behind it is an adult human tooth listeners an incisor like a front and center tooth oh no yeah an adult human tooth is in there and when I see it I go oh there's a tooth in here

And Ronan goes, can I wait in the car? I was like, yeah, absolutely, man. That's fine. I knock on this door and from somewhere in the house, somebody shouts like, what is it? And I was just like, oh, fuck. I was like, hello. This guy comes up. I have your tooth.

I can't really see him because it's like this grated metal. And I'm like, hey, does this look familiar? and I was like, is your name? And I say the name on it. And he's like, yeah. And I was like, does this look familiar? And he's like, oh, man. Oh, where did you find it?

And I'm trying to explain to him where he got it from. And he's like, okay, well, yeah, man, thank you. And he's like, good. He's got my idea in it. That's great. And he's like, there's no cash in here. And he looks at me like, there's no cash in here. And I was like, bro, I did not take your cash.

But I can't fucking let it go. And so as I'm walking away even, like, I take a few steps away afterwards because he's like, I don't have any, basically, another part of him was like, I don't have anything for you. And I was like, that's, I don't want anything. Just glad it got back to its owner. There's a tooth in there. Good, good.

And he's like, what? He goes, what? And I go, there's a tooth in there. And he's like, I don't know what you. And I was like, pull out the ID. There's a tooth behind it. And he's like, oh, yeah, this is from one of my little ones. And I was like, that's an adult tooth.

Oh. Well, now you, store, now you can drive. I can't. I want to know what the tooth is about. At a certain point, you need to be polite. The man doesn't want to talk about the adult tooth in his wallet. Didn't want to talk about the tooth in his wallet, which made me want to know all the more about the tooth in the wallet. He built you a bridge to get out of town. I built him a bridge by bringing this wallet to him, and now I want conveyance of information about the tooth brought across the bridge. All right. He doesn't answer the question. He's like, I don't know. I don't know.

I was like, okay. But I'm also backing away at this point because I don't like that there's a tooth. I don't like there's bones in his wallet. Yeah. And I'm backing away. And I don't want to be at a good running distance where if I need to make a break for it, I can.

He's never going to answer this question. But I'm like, okay, see you later. And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks again. And goes back inside. And Ronan goes, what happened with the tooth? And I was like, he doesn't, he won't tell me. He's not going to tell me.

So now I drive past that place sometimes. I mean, it's on our way. He doesn't live that far. And I'm just like, there's that house. There's that house with that guy who keeps bones in his wallet. I really hope this guy doesn't kill you. He has my phone number. For sure.

I think about him being Dexter. and seeing you as a loose end. Like, he doesn't know that you're just curious. He's trying to figure out if you're a PI who's onto him. And it's like, I know this Soren doesn't fit the code, but like, he knows something. He saw my trophy and he knows it's not a child-sized trophy. He's just got to go. Can't have this loose end out here.

What's he going to do with this information? He doesn't know you're not going to do anything with it He doesn't You're going to bring it here to me Like I'm going to help The nice thing I think is that I have his license information That's maybe the only thing saving me at this point

Yeah I have it It's in my phone If I disappear My wife will be like I can tell her right now Hey if I disappear it's toothman That's probably what happened

When I told her this story She was like Why did you talk Why did you ask about the tooth because I live a curious life Colleen I walk through the world curiously and I think that that's important

because Ted Lassow told me to do it Yeah Things are safe for in London though It's easier to be curious over there They don't know carrying fucking AK-47s The other thing was he was not super specific About how he lost the wallet Because I was like, somebody steal this?

And he was like, ah, I don't know. I was like, what? How did you lose it? So I wasn't getting a lot of interest from him. I mean, when I lost my wallet, I don't know how I would answer that question. I had it and then I didn't have it anymore. And I checked my car and everywhere else. Probably fell out of my car when I opened the door and was in the street somewhere.

I tried to give him the other stuff too. I was like, there's insurance, the car insurance stuff here. Is this yours? He's like, nope. And you didn't even look at the name on it or anything. He just looked at the envelope. I saw it there was a white envelope on my hand. He's like, no, not mine.

I was like, okay. Right? I'll throw this away because I'm not doing this again for somebody else for car insurance papers. They can print those out. But an ID, here's the thing. I gave him, I knew how bad the DMV was, but I also didn't like this guy. And it means that I was, I wouldn't wish the DMV on my worst enemy, it turns. out. I've put that into practice. I was not going to make anybody go to the DMV.

I cannot wait for this podcast record to be over so you can send me his Instagram and I can look at all the stuff and see what I can learn. I do feel like this is probably not a Dexter situation. I think that maybe there's an embarrassing story behind the tooth or maybe there's an emotional story that he doesn't want to tell. It's like this is my father's tooth and the I can't possibly explain to a stranger what my family's thing with teeth is

but like this is, you just have to trust me that this is the most precious thing in the world to me. And when someone is handing me back my wallet and was like, I hope they don't bring up the tooth. I hope they don't bring up the tooth. I don't have a good answer. What's with this fucking tooth?

Okay, what's a reasonable thing to say? It's one of my kids' teeth. No, it's not. Man, you had so many chances to not ask me about the tooth. I hope it's his dad's tooth, so much so that I, maybe I'd just go back. You should go back. And you shut the door. Is it your dad?

I figured it out. It's a family heirloom thing. You love your dad. The only thing that you both ever agreed on was the teeth are good. I see now. My first consideration was that it might be one of his. But when he answered the door and he smiled when he got his wallet, I was like, Those are real.

You counted, yeah. Those are the real ones. Man. You didn't have that little gap that you get when you wear indentures or something where there's like just between the gum and the tooth. You can tell. Yeah. He didn't have that. Yeah.

So anyway, got this guy his wallet back. Did a good deed. Now I'm going to die. Yeah, probably. I mean, I don't know why you didn't put it in the mail or put it in a mail box. I guess there's always a chance that he. moved and didn't update his license so you want to see him face to face so that makes sense. I one of the things I do because like because again I don't do anything with keys.

Keys are are in a jar in a drawer. I do whenever I see a debit or credit card. Yeah. I call that bank immediately and I say I found this. Here's the name. Here's the number. if it's not shut off, you should shut it off. And I am going to cut it up into little pieces. And I'm going to put the pieces in different trash cans because that is what I would like done for me if one of my credit cards or debit cards was lost because that gives me a real great peace of mind

that no one is going to steal my money with it. And that's the good Samaritan part. It's calling the bank, letting them know what's happening. and I'm going to destroy the card. No one has to worry about anything. The other part of me is always like, and you have to tell the bank customer, you have to call them and tell them that their card is deactivated

and tell them why. Invite them into the bank and I'll be there too, and we can just talk about it. Give them my first name? Give them both names. I just want to make sure that you're not just going to call them and say, we deactivated your card, you need a new card. Tell them that they were saved.

Tell them I saved it by destroying it. Let them think about how lucky they were that I found it. You know what? It's totally possible that that's all I wanted from this. I'm not good. It doesn't seem right, but accepting that because it didn't even occur to me to mail it. It wasn't even like, Is that for real?

Yeah, into my mind that I would mail it to this person. I was like, well, I know their address. I'll just take it to him. And obviously, I was pretty magnanimous when he opened the door and I was like, does this look familiar? Like, hey, buddy, she's come home. Yeah. You've been missing this thing and it's back.

Does this look familiar? Yeah, so it could have just been a situation. where I wanted that. And also it helps explain why I couldn't let the tooth thing go. A lot of things are coming into a clear picture for me now. I also didn't even occur to me that I would do that for somebody when I found their debit card. My first instinct would always be to find the person whose card it is, as opposed to just be like, fuck this card. Hey, you should you should cancel this and get it sent a new one.

Well, I'll do that from now on. I've got to cancel that as soon as possible and call the bank. this had cards in it well in a whole wallet with an ID I think that's a different story I've just come across like a random credit card in the dirt yeah I look down too much

well you're looking for bugs good bugs good bugs I suppose that's true well yeah I'm going to send you his information so that you can send you his Instagram the other thing I'm realizing now

is that I don't, I'm going Instagram and I don't know that I would get notifications from Instagram. So it's entirely possible that he has messaged me back by now. Yeah. And sometimes Instagram messages from people you don't follow go into a little hidden folder that you, that not everyone knows they have. That makes total sense. So he might not see that message for a very long time.

I didn't know how to navigate it at all. Never have I felt older than trying to get around Instagram be like, how do I send this man a direct message? I didn't I took me a lot of little pokes at my phone to figure it out what was his house like and and how was he dressed and tell me everything about this person okay uh he has he lives in a complex it's not an apartment complex where it's like tall but it's one of those ones where it's a bunch of bungalows basically yeah kind of looks like a motel yeah and there's no front yard that's like enclosed but there is a courtyard right there that you walk in through and then there's a sidewalk that splits off different places. It's got a metal door on it and a regular door. You know that type.

It's like the screen is like a screen's not going to cut it. We need something a little bit more fortified. And the inside looked like just from what the little, the peak that I could get, a grandmother's house. A lot of stuff all over the walls. a lot of deep, deep carpet, dark. It had kind of a grandma vibe feel. The phone lines around here are lighting up. Our listeners want to know what his race was.

I'm not going to ask. We're not going to do it. That's not the show. We're not going to do it on this show. He was Hispanic. Folks. A scoop. Did you see that coming?

I did not. I, yeah. I guess I didn't either. I mean, I knew it when I saw the license, but I did not expect it when I was going through the Instagram. Yeah. Maga, tooth, Hispanic, grandma. So basically what I'm doing here is I'm documenting the occurrence.

Yeah. So that when something inevitably happens, when you get textured. This is the first place you all go and look. Because he's going to, he's going to free me. He's going to discover me somewhere. and he's going to be like, what I should do is chop this up into little pieces, put it into different places so that nobody finds it and uses it again.

That's right. That's exactly what he's going to do. And I'll call the bank, the blood bank. We've read it full circle, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, but too bad we still have about 10 minutes. We have so much time left in the show. Well, I do want to ask you a quick question, Daniel, that maybe, I don't know if you're going to be able to answer it here,

but I'm going to tell you mine, and then you can think about it, or if you've got it, just like at the hip, go for it. This is a question I thought of with my wife, which is 20 years from now, if you could see one fact, something that's guaranteed going to happen,

you can't change it, but you could look at one fact 20 years from now that has happened over the past 20 years, and it would inform what you do going forward. What would that fact be? Like, what would you want to see, something specific from the future? I have immediate, very useful but possibly bad answer.

I think you're going to have answers that are going to make me rethink the question entirely. But money is top of mind as a new father in an industry that's dying. And I think if I could find out when does last week tonight go off the air, whether it's through cancellation or just. just retiring of the show. You know when to get all your ducks in a row. I don't know for sure that I would be employed right up until the end. I don't know if I would leave before then or get fired before then or downsized or whatever it is.

So this is not the most useful information in the world. But if I asked the future question and they were like, oh, season 14, that's next year. Or if they said season, you know, any number is. is useful to me. Helful. Even if again, it doesn't mean I'm there the whole time.

It is still like, all right, this show exists and I have a chance of employment for this amount of years. It's more helpful if the cancellation news is soon, then I can like immediately start getting my ducks in a row.

But any answer is something that I could do something with. Now I worry that like, would it have been a better question to be like, Do we have a second kid? Because that is other, that is. Well, but that feels like something you'd try to change. That's the information that you would try to alter. Even if you knew you couldn't, you'd immediately try.

I thought about that too. I was like, what am I want to know the, are like, are my kids alive or like something like that? And I'm like, well, but no, I don't because I can't change it. So things that are like personal feel more dangerous. Obviously with money, you could just be like, what year? and what team, what year was it that a team that was the least likely to win the Super Bowl wins? And like, who is it?

And then you can just go and just, you know, at the beginning of the season, put a million dollars on that and then, and then be fine. Then you don't have to worry about your job anymore. But that and Colleen's ideas were like, okay, well, there's going to be things that you're going to know that are going to be valuable to know monetarily. Yeah.

There's a stock market crash or something like that. I also think that I would be, this is just because of like my understanding of movie law and dramatic irony is that I would, would find out when is the least likely team to win the Super Bowl going to win the Super Bowl. And I'm going to put a big bet, a big sum of money that year. And they're going to, the, the wizard is going to tell me it's six years from now. I'm like, oh, I can't wait six years from now. It's all I'm going to think about. I'm going to stockpile money for this one bet. And it's going to change my life.

And then, like, the day before the Super Bowl, someone in my family will die. And I'll be like, oh, I should have asked when all of my family members die because I spent all of this time collecting money for this fucking bet. That's a real gift of the Magi situation where you didn't spend the time with them. Yeah. My first thought was immediately, I want to know when the worst natural disaster happens in. Los Angeles because if I can

if I know when like a big earthquake is coming or something like that I can get out in front of that pretty easy and that's not

I can't change that that feels inevitable but I can at least handle out how I deal you can change what it does to you for sure yeah fires

something like whatever than that and if there's nothing that seems super substantial to where I live does not seem likely I'm so sorry

sorry we could turn it around maybe we're going to be fine. So then I know when to expect this kind of thing, and then I can get out in front of it. I feel like that's going to be the most helpful in terms of saving my life and saving the life of my family. But I mean, there's so many other things I want to know that are personal, that are, you

know, do my kids have jobs? Like, what are they doing? What are they like? But none of that's super helpful and obviously can't change it. Yeah. I can't come home from asking my one question to the wizard and be like, honey, you're never going to guess. He plays French horn.

We thought drums or piano, but it's French horn. For a couple, I mean, he doesn't, he's not good at it. He doesn't stick with it or anything, but he picks it up for a while. I asked the wizard what he plays, and the wizard said lacrosse. I was like, instrument for sure. Wow. Anyway, no son of mine, though. Bullshit, I can't change it.

So anyway, I signed him up for French horn lesson. We're going to find something before. He's going to get an instrument under his belt, for sure. Currently, my son is still at an age where he wants to, he doesn't really care about sports much. He plays baseball, and when he's in it, he's really in it. But the idea of, like, getting back into baseball or doing anything that requires any bit of work to do a sport.

He's like, no, please no. And I'm like, this is the only thing I'm going to force on you. I'm going to make you, you don't have to do competitive, but you have to get the foundation for these sports because if you do have that socially, like just health-wise, the rest of your life is going to be so much easier if you have these things. But, you know, that's always at the sacrifice of something else. I mean, kind of trying to get instruments under his belt, trying to teach him how to play an instrument.

But again, we're not working very hard at that. And that would do the exact same thing for him. I think, I think sports is more valuable, truly. Like getting a baseline interest in enough sports. Yes, very good. Just because the, this maybe maybe. playing two into stereotypes and I'm an old man and I'm going to be wrong about this

and wrong about everything, whatever. Ronan, you're going to grow up, you're going to have friends that are guys and friends that are girls and a lot of the friends that are guys are going to like sports and want to watch sports and want to talk about sports and want to play sports after school.

Even if you're not competitive, you just, you everything's just going to be a little bit easier if you can get yourself to a level to play to these sports enough because that's where your friends are hanging out and then when you get older and you're not playing the sports if you can muster up the energy to give

just like enough of a shit that you're not asking questions when you're hanging out with your friends for Sunday night football or it's playoffs and everyone you know is going to a bar to go see the thing it's just it's it's it's just so you're at the beach and you've got a bunch of friends who are going to like now they're going to play football are you going to be like oh i don't know how to play yeah are you just going to jump in and do it because it's life's so much better when you can just jump in on the sport i'm so close

to getting a few of the men in my life to do an and patchett book club with me but like I'm 40. I've seen way more fucking football games with these guys than we've talked about books. It's, you might get there. It's just going to take a while. And if you want to see your friends, you need to do the sport thing. I'm bashing my head against it now for the golf thing, because that's the next evolution of you have to, if you want to socialize with your friends who are guys,

you have to learn this and do it a little bit. yeah you have to be you have to have enough of a knowledge about it and be able to do it enough that it's not humiliating and impossible when you're doing with them and so like my daughter she's like oh I don't play soccer and my kids

will be playing soccer and she's like oh that's not the sport I do and I'm like you're six there is no sport that you do you're bad at everything like just this is such an opportunity for you to be this age because no one expects you to be good at anything

So just try the things. It's not the sport that any of them do either. None of them have a thing. At most, they've been doing it three years, which is nothing. And I guarantee those first couple weren't good. Like, this may be the first year that they're kind of turning it on. And you can catch up so fast. But, yeah, there's any way that I can instill in my children, the idea that this is the time to try everything.

Yeah. Do everything you can think of. and then it doesn't matter if you like them or not. Do all of the things and continue to do them until you have a baseline mastery. And then you're fine. After that, do whatever you want. I'm crazy about the life of my niece at the moment. Because I don't see her much of the year.

She doesn't live in this state. And you really get a lot of time around Christmas. and that's also when it's like, what is she into right now? These are the books. We're going to get her, and, like, gymnastics is the thing. So we get, like, gymnastics outfit, and we go there and we watch gymnastics stuff on YouTube, and she's in classes. That was last year. This year, it's piano.

And I was like, yeah, man, just fucking be a Jill of all trades. Just do it. Just, like, throw your whole self into a new hobby every Christmas, every year, and see what you like. And I know it's expensive for the parents and the reality. I just like do it. You can't. Yeah. It's, I'm not allowed to do that.

I'm not allowed to be like this year for my birthday. It's just saxophone stuff. I'm really trying to make a go of saxophone right now. I don't even know if I like it. The way I am is set. I'm not allowed to be new anything anymore forever. No. This is just it.

No, and starting a brand new thing as an adult is deeply humiliating. Yeah. There's no good. way to do it. So you have this age where there is no expectation of you and you can learn everything and you can be you just show a minimal

amount of excitement in it and I'm going to support it wholeheartedly. I'm going to give you everything you need for that whatever you want to try. So when I'm like hey do you want to do fall ball this year and Ron's like no I'm like well what you have to play a sport what do you want to do? And he doesn't know and I'm like what about tennis?

And he's like okay and I'm like all right that's the best that's the most enthusiastic we're going to get. That's what you're doing. This is probably a fun time to be a kid watching tennis. Who's that really exciting player? Ben, the guy who just lost. I don't know.

Oh. I don't fall tennis at all. I don't even know tennis. I don't really either, but it was just the U.S. Open. And I was, we were watching it just because it was something to put on. and this I was listening to another podcast that was trying to I almost stole this idea for us but didn't just trying to like who are the like top five current coolest athletes like young and really good at the sport and like clearly having fun doing it the kind of athletes that will get kids into the sport like Anthony Edwards in basketball comes up a lot because he is just so fun to watch and. And he's cocky. And he's also just like fucking thrilled to be there.

He can't believe he gets to play basketball. He's having such a good time. And this other guy, Ben, this tennis savant, he is also really fun to watch. He's having a good time. He doesn't beat himself up too hard when he makes mistakes. He is really exciting to watch. And he, you know, smiles and he's competitive. And he's just like, just a cool looking guy.

Yeah. but I don't might well maybe I mean I guess I didn't even consider the possibility of showing my son professional tennis The main reason I chose tennis for him was that it is not a sport it's a complete blind spot for me I'll play it if I'm like I'm at an Airbnb and people are like hey there's a tennis court here I'm like okay Let's see how goes but uh I am I don't understand how scoring works I don't totally know what's going on I don't know this US open thing man this that's this that's their game and I'm going to use the wrong words

their game the entire time that they played together him and this this Russian monster over three hours of just tennis nonstop they just kept doing tennis

and it's and it was too much tennis not always clear to me when we would be close to done because there's there's each the whole series is uh best of seven and then within the seven that the seven that we're talking about is also like seven sets or matches within there it's some absurd amount of actual like

there are so many opportunities in there to win and lose and then like okay you've you've lost three of these so then you've lost one of these. And then don't worry, you have so much more tennis. And when I don't totally understand when people score always, like, how much that it's worth or even like sometimes it's worth nothing. And then also, I mean, I do like that love means nothing in it. That's something I would encourage other sports to adopt, like an ethos. I would encourage other sports to adopt.

But, yeah, I have no idea what's going on generally. But I think that's part of the reason that it would be good for him is that then I'm not breathing down his neck about. it. Like baseball, I think I've made some mistakes along the way where I'm just, I know the sport too well. Yeah. Where I'm constantly like fixing things. And I think that that's not a good, that's not always the best way to enjoy a sport. So here's a sport I know nothing about. And I was like, this will be yours. And maybe you can teach me. We'll see. Well, check out that guy, Ben. He's really good at tennis. Even though he lost to this guy that I call the Russian monster, it's entirely possible. He's from Australia. I don't. I don't know. Make sure you give blood. What else did we cover in this episode?

Return wallets if you find them cut up, debit cards, if you see them. If you're listening to this episode and you're worried that Soren is on your trail, he is not. No. Do not kill him.

Don't kill Soren. I go by your house sometimes just to see what's going on. Whatever happens you, you man. I don't know what to say. All right. Thank you,

everybody for listening. This has been a quick question with Sorin and Daniel. knew that. If you'd like a video version of it, you can find that on YouTube. If you want more of it, we do a Patreon exclusive every other week. You can listen to that and watch it. And if you like the theme song, that's by me, Rex, if you like the way this podcast is put together, that's McKenzie Mazzell. She's The Glue Here, and she has a podcast of her own called Don't Make It Worse. You should check that out. Thank you. Goodbye. Bye.

I've got a quick, quick question for you all right The answer's not important, I'm just glad that we could talk tonight So what's your favorite? Who did you get? When do I be? Two best friends and comedy writers. If there's an answer, they're gonna find it. I think you'll have a great time here.

I think you'll have a...