Quick Question with Soren and Daniel - This is Our Hair Episode

Episode Date: September 10, 2024

Hair! Bachelor parties! Much more!Even more much more on Patreon, where you get an extra episode twice a month for $5. patreon.com/quickquestionFind Soren & Daniel on Bluesky:https://bsky.app/profile/sorenbowie.bsky.socialhttps://bsky.app/profile/danielobrien.bsky.socialFind the show on IG: https://www.instagram.com/qqsorenanddaniel/Thanks to Shopify for sponsoring. Sign up for a $1/month trial period at shopify.com/qqThanks to MyBookie for sponsoring. Go to mybookie.website/QQ and use promo code QQ to sign up for free and double your first deposit up to $2,000 plus a $10 Casino Chip.

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Please gamble responsibly. Gambling problem? For free assistance, call the Connex Ontario Helpline at 1-866-531-2600. Bet MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. I've got a quick, quick question for you, alright. I wanna wanna hear your thoughts, wanna know what's on your mind I've got a quick quick question for you alright The answer's not important, I'm just glad that we can talk tonight So what's your favorite? How did you get it? How do I be remembered? What's without you? Oh forget it I saw a movie, Daniel O'Brien

Two best friends and comedy writers If there's an answer they're gonna find it I think you'll have a great time here I think you'll have a great time here So hello again and welcome to another episode of Quick Question with Soren and Daniel, the podcast where two best friends and comedy writers ask each other questions and give each other answers. I am one half of that podcast, senior writer for Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, author of How to Fight Presidents, and itchy boy Daniel O'Brien, joined as always by my co-host

Mr. Soren Buie. Soren, say by my co-host Mr. Soren Buie. Soren, say hello. Hey everybody, I'm Soren Buie. I'm a writer for American Dad. And as you can see, I could, at this point in my life, grow a beard. I'm just choosing not to. Oh buddy. I don't think they can see that.

This is like eight day old stubble that I've got going on here. And it's just like proof that like the real estate's all full. I mean, at this point, there's not, if I continued to grow this out, it would look like the beard of a, say a man. Yeah. Thanks to Shopify for supporting Quick Question. Shopify is a platform designed for anyone to sell anywhere, giving entrepreneurs the resources once reserved for big business.

Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash QQ, all lowercase. This episode is sponsored by MyBookie, an online sportsbook with live betting. Get started today by going to MyBookie.website.qq with promo code QQ to sign up for free and double your first deposit up to $2,000 plus a $10 casino chip. I think what I have learned about my own facial hair situation is that there isn't a consistency to it. And there never was a consistency of like, it was never like, a full beard. So I understand that. But in trying very diligently to pay attention to

how long it takes to get a certain look going, because I'm thinking ahead to the wedding and Shay and I are constantly checking in like when it's at a certain level that we both like words like When was the last time you shaved let's figure that out. What kind of shave did you do? And there's no like actual consistent pattern to it like some days sometimes Four days. I'm like this is starting to look like weird and greasy I need to get rid of this. And some days, that doesn't happen until 10 days into a growth. So just in all of the ways that a man's facial hair could go wrong, mine has gone wrong. It's patchy, it's very mustache

forward in the beginning. It gets curly and wiry and puby, and it's unpredictable. None of the things that you want if you're ever trying to plan your life around something. Don't count on my face. That's amazing that it grows at different paces depending on seasonality. Yeah. Okay. Well, good luck.

I assume you want some sort of beard for the wedding. Is that right? Not beard, just not clean shaven completely. I know that that's a sharp look. It just hasn't been in vogue in a very long time, I don't think. I want some kind of action there. Yeah, I also do, I do, mine is also mustache forward. And then it also, by the time I got to the point where I can actually grow, for a long time up around this area, up around my jaw line,

those seeds could gain no purchase. There was nothing happening up there. And it's just coming to fruition that like in my life, I could grow something that would look like an in sync type of beard. They're like, they're just the very edges produce hair now. And if I did that though, it would be almost exclusively gray. And there was a while at my job where all the other, I looked around in the writer's room and all the other boys had beards. And I thought, I'm supposed to have a beard. And so I just started growing one

and the facial hair was taking, but it was all very gray. And my wife was like, I would like you to shave it. And I was like, why? It's like just starting to turn into a beard. She's like, it makes you look old. And I was like, I'm shaving it right now. I can see myself falling into a winter beard pattern and then get rid of it when it's when it's warmer weather. And also I might do a month long mustache. I haven't really decided yet, but that the genesis of that was last year.

I did a thing that a lot of guys I know have done when they've had like a lot of growth. Shay was asleep so I shaved everything except the mustache thinking I'm gonna surprise her in the morning with a mustache like, haha, look at me, I'm different. And as soon as she sees it she was like, no I like it. I was like, ah. Well I guess that means I'm a mustache guy for a while. And Look back at pictures from that period of time and I'm just like, yeah, I guess like if you're if you're doing it on purpose It's not Terrible and it just you know Just an interesting way for me to keep track of the seasons. I'm not in school. I don't have a normal job I'm never in a job at a place. I'm almost never school. I don't have a normal job. I'm never in a job at a place

I'm almost never anywhere. So like a Mustache or a beard will be a good way for me to know. Oh Christmas is coming up like otherwise. How will I know? The thing about a mustache is and I guess this is true of having a beard as well because you have the mustache as part Of it a mustache for about a month or two is pretty painful. Right in the corners of your mouth, it's really like in the growing process, it doesn't feel good. And I get a lot of complaints from my, when I use these old soup coolers to kiss with the Mrs. She doesn't like it either.

It doesn't feel very good against somebody else's mouth. And so I don't know, you have to really commit for a while to some genuine pain before that mustache actually comes into fruition. And it might not look great. It gives a very good chance it won't look good. And even great mustaches, like I worked with a guy for a while who had a mustache, and he was like a 20-something guy. And it wasn't like, it was everything you wanted a mustache to be.

It wasn't like wiry or patchy or like didn't overhang in front of the mouth too much or anything like that. Didn't get caught up in things. But I was still like, yeah, you can. But why? Why do it though? Why just do it all the time? It seems so strange. It does seem like also, maybe just because you're used to seeing a mustache on

people, but people who have mustaches, it does seem to genuinely change the form of their face. Their upper lip gets smaller somehow, like it gets flatter. I don't really know what's going on there. Somebody who has like a great mustache beard combo, I think is Anthony Jesselnik. Have you seen his? Oh, yes. I don't think I connect his face with a mustache. I've seen like beard. Well, he's got a beard, but he's got a beard, but he's got like the mustache portion of

the beard he keeps a little longer, almost like, um, uh, an 18th century apothecary. I don't know what else to, or a bartender, I guess. Sure. It's the mustache is just a little bit longer and I'm like, oh, that's a good look for a blonde guy. Maybe I could do that. Yeah. Gotta do something. I know. I was so, I can't remember if I told this before, but I was so... everything about my young life was in a rush to get older and to look older,

because I was a late bloomer and I was very focused on, I want to get to college and I want to make money and I want to be in my 20s and I want to be older. All that stuff. And part of that involved I want facial hair to age up my face and to feel like an older person. So once I got into college, I just went without shaving for a while, like a long while when I wasn't when there was almost nothing happening. It was my sophomore year of college and I was and like everything was patchy and weird and worse. And I just looked like someone who was going through a tough time. That was the only look that I'd accomplished. And there was another guy on my floor, this guy, Jeff, who had pointed out my soul patch.

He called it Dot. But that was like the only thing that was pronounced of everything that I had been working on for, I don't know, two months. And he was like, oh, nice dot, man. And I was like, thanks. And then I got rid of everything except that. I was like, great, now I know what I can focus on. I know what I can have that is gonna be my facial hair.

And if I only work on this one thing, then people are going to assume I can do everything else, but I am choosing this for fashion reasons. And he called me out on it almost immediately. Like he noticed it the next day and he's like, did you shave everything else because I commented on your dot? It was like this explicit. And I was like, hey, Jeff. Yeah, I did. I see why you chose it. I mean, you're still deciding whether you're going to be a bassist or not.

Like that's a real aesthetic for a bassist. I had for a while just like the chin because that's all I could grow. And other and let that grow out. And I've got some pictures from a wedding that I went to where I have that. And I'm looking back on that at, you know, hindsight's 2020, but I'm like, it wasn't good. You shouldn't have done that. It was not a good look for you. No, but I'm like, it wasn't good. You shouldn't have done that. It was not a good look for you.

No, I shouldn't have ever done a soul patch. I think part of it, like, I was so, it's my Jurassic Park moment of so focused on if I could, never questioning whether or not I should, that I never like investigated with myself. But do you want to be a guy with a soul patch? And if you do, then you have to change other things about you too to match. You can't also wear sweaters and a collared shirt with stripes and your Weezer glasses. You have to make the rest of it make sense.

This needs to be the centerpiece around which you build the room, otherwise you look like complete chaos You have to start buying blouses Sure, you're gonna have to look a little flowery and yet you have no choice. Yeah Well, Daniel speaking of clothing I oh yeah, I I went to a fair this weekend Oh yeah. I went to a fair this weekend. There's a fair in Culver City.

It's basically, you could qualify as just like, it looks just like a state fair. You've been to every fair there's ever been. You know what the aesthetic is. Yeah. But the nice thing about a fair for me is that that's like my real window into teen culture because they come at their very best to the fair.

The fair is a very big deal if you're a teenager. If you're especially like middle school where you can't drive yourself, it's hard to get places. And it's hard to get places where if you're a boy where there are also girls and likewise for girls that they're also boys, assuming that that's your sexuality. But like, it's just hard for them to find each other other than in school. And when you have an occasion in which you're going to see one another,

and there are less rules than there are at school, like you go out. It's so exciting. It's like, you're going to wear your best clothes. You're going to try, you might try something brand new. You might try a little dot on your chin. You don't know what you're going to do. And so I get to see kids when they, first of all, acting, there's a lot of pageantry to like the way that they hang out with each other because they might be seen. Yeah. You know what I mean? And so like, they're like doing a lot of piggyback rides and stuff like that. And then I also get to see what they choose to wear. And I'm going to tell you, Dan, they're fucking ape in my style.

From back when I was that age, you know when we were kids and all of us wore the big ass pants? Yeah, yeah. And we wore, and the girls all wore little tube tops and the guys all wore like bowling shirts or big t-shirts. Yeah. They're not even like doing their own spin on it.

It is just our childhood and the hair, the haircuts, it's like bowl cuts with a part down the middle, kind of like feathery and, and the girls are doing the two, the ponytail with two long strands in the front hanging down their face. It is It's it's you go out and it's 1994 again. It's crazy. That's fascinating. There's a lot I have to say I'm gonna start with the hairstyle thing because that that's on trend right now But that's very surprising to me because I I look around and I feel like the trend and maybe I have My age is wrong. Maybe I'm thinking too old or too young, but I feel like the trend and maybe I have my age is wrong. Maybe I'm thinking too old or too young, but I feel like curly mullets have come back in a big way where

there's this sort of that Paul Mescal look where it's very tight on the sides and kind of long in the back and curly on top. I see that everywhere. I think it's an atrocious look that has never looked good on anyone in any time in history. And once I see that people are doing it more and more, it's like, boy, this is going to be an ugly decade. All right, I guess we'll get out. We'll, we'll just have to wait for this storm to pass and then we'll, we'll, you know, it doesn't affect me. I'm not going to change my hairstyle to move with the times or anything, but, uh, you know, you know, we all share this world. We all have to look at it. I'm like, oh, that's dog shit. That sucks.

Yeah. I know the haircut. You're talking about like that alpaca haircut where it looks like there's like a cumulus cloud resting gently on somebody's head. Yeah. I feel like that's actually on its way out. I feel like we're even past that now. That's good. That's very heartening. But we are back to the Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Jonathan Brandis, that was his name, right? Rest in peace. RIP to that guy. And, oh, oh, oh, like, okay.

So I watched a TikTok where this mom who was about our age was talking to her daughter who is maybe 11 or 12 and showing her pictures of different boys from, they were heartthrobs. Like these are like Tiger B regulars from our age. And the daughter is ranking them. And she's going through, she's going to like Freddie Prince Jr.

When he had like a very specific style, it was like kind of like spiky black hair that kind of went out in all directions. And she's not into it. She's not digging that. And like the boys who had like their own kind of like their own kind of thing going on, she's not into. But then she'd get to picture like Nick Carter and Nick Carter was so cookie cutter, zeitgeisty, 1998 or like whatever time he came from. Where if you think about Nick Carter, he had the bowl cut blonde, he had like a puka necklace, probably a bowling shirt at all times. And she is smitten with Nick Carter. And she's like, when, like, when is this? Because it's so confusing to her because it

looks like this picture was taken yesterday as far as she's concerned. And she doesn't understand why this style already existed. And it's wonderful. But I think that along the way, we pick up fashion recycles. And we pick up new things. I remember a time when bootcut was very popular in jeans. And it was very reminiscent of bell bottoms almost, because it got really flared at the bottom. We did a couple of things.

We dabbled with mustaches for a while as men. And we always like, we pick up things that like older generations did a little bit, a butterfly collar, that kind of stuff. But never in my mind has it been such a direct ape as this current fashion. I feel like my parents when I was in high school would disagree with you on that count because when I, the hair transition from my middle school time to my high school time, basically everything around when the world changed, pre and post 9-11 is the era that I'm talking about, where a lot of us were doing the part in the middle bowl cut kind of thing, or the Caesar cut where it's pushed up in the front a bit, and then for reasons that I don't quite remember,

all of us guys decided together to start looking like shit. We all grew our hair out in insane ways post 9-11. It still wasn't related to that, but wasn't it? And that's when I grew out my like giant curly afro that I had for almost all of high school, was just like this big floppy afro. And my brother David David who was in high school at the same time as I was he like for forever was like a pretty clean cut Captain America kind of suburban guy but he also grew his hair out he didn't have like a big afro like I did but he had there's like pictures of us uh in our in our rock and roll days when we were in our band, Lunch Made Criminals, check us out on Bandcamp, but not Spotify, because I don't

know how. But there were pictures of us and he had just like long sort of like Rob Thomas Matchbox 20 shaggy hair. And like there was a while where we all kind of looked like that in my high school in New Jersey with like whatever your hair did when it grew, we did that. And some of us had the curly fro like I did, some of us had like just shaggy and some of us did that like really curly but still parted it down the middle in a disgusting way. And I feel like I remember- It falls like Gary Oldman's Dracula kind of like that.

Yeah, exactly. That part down the middle with the hair still sits way up. And to us, it certainly felt like, if not explicitly rebellious, then it certainly it felt like you were taking some kind of control after, you know, years of my life after, you know, years of my life that had consisted of me going into a barbershop and being like, I will take a boy's haircut, please. And just like doing a very standard, whatever was fed back to me. So then being like, no, I'm not going to cut my hair. I'm going to grow it out. And like, this is, this is what I'm doing. I have decided I have a style now and my style is carelessness and control over the one tiny aspect of my life that I have a style now and my style is carelessness and control over the one tiny aspect of my life that I have control over.

And my parents at the time were just like, this is... You look like we did when we were in high school. Like my mom was not impressed with this this whole vibe. She has pictures of her brother with a giant afro and pictures of her and her friends with like bell-bottom pants and that kind of like hippie flowery style and just seeing a bunch of kids with afros and long shaggy hair she's just like yeah this is we did this already what are you guys doing confused high school look yes 100% yeah i know exactly what you're talking about because i did the same thing where but mine was more forced know exactly what you're talking about because I did the same thing where but mine was more forced upon me.

So this is a thing that maybe listeners don't know about, not even the connoisseurs was that I was even in high school, I was trying to be an actor. What do you mean they don't know about this? In high school, I only came out to LA for pilot season when I was a kid. And I think it almost led to my parents' divorce. It was a tough time and it was a tough thing to be responsible for when you were young. But I had an acting teacher in Colorado who at that time was also very connected in Los Angeles and she was like, I've got this group of kids that I want to bring out because I think you could all be very successful. And I was in it. I was like, I was so excited and I needed to do it. And I was

insisting upon it. And she was like, Sorin, one of the things I need you to do is grow your hair out. And I was like, I don't think that's a good idea. And she was like, no, like that's what they want. They want somebody who has long hair so that whatever they want to do with it, I don't think that's a good idea. And she was like, no, like that's what they want. They want somebody who has long hair so that whatever they wanna do with it, they can. Because if it's short, they can't choose what to do with it. Yeah. And so I spent- Weeks hadn't been invented yet

and wouldn't be for years and years. A good portion of my sophomore year, just letting my hair grow to the point where it got like down past ear length and I would wear a hat most of the time. So it all kind of be back and it would it was like it hung pretty low and let me tell you that is not a good look for me it is I've got a really fine hair it's like mouse fur almost sure and so that kind of hair just lays flat and it naturally

does that kind of part in the middle but it's very very feathery and straight straight as I mean it's very, very feathery and straight, straight as an arrow. I mean, it's very helpful whenever you come back from the woods and I'm checking you for ticks. It's so easy. It doesn't take me any time. I don't have to worry about them being buried anywhere. It's just really, the problem for you is just like,

did they find their way into your ears? Then I have to really check that. But otherwise you could see like at a glance, I don't even need a comb, I can tell. No, you don't even use your fingers. You just do a gentle, gentle little blow and all the hair just sort of moves out of the way. Right. So it was a really bad hairstyle for me. And it was one that I was forced to keep for a while.

Fortunately, at a time that like, trend wise, everyone was like, yeah, he's doing that on purpose. He's doing that. Like, that's like what we're all doing. Yeah. But I, I absolutely hated it. I hated having that long hair. And then at some point there, my rebellious moment was, I mean, you could picture in a movie putting on Huey Lewis in the news, hip to be square and cutting all my hair off. I mean like I'm going to be part of the system now. Yeah. Oh, it feels so good. I had my inspiration. I mean, there was, there were plenty of reasons for me to cut my hair. And it was a multi-step process of one summer

being at the beach and coming out of the water and my long hair flowing down my back. And my brother, one of my older brothers, seeing me from behind and seeing this long, wet hair on some body in the distance. And you know, I've also got my big sweet ass. And then I turn around and it's me. And my brother was like, you need to cut your hair. I'm sure that like, he saw this silhouette and thought something and then it's me.

And he's like, oh no, this mistake can't happen again. You need to cut your hair. But I still, I didn't do it after that. I just got frustrated one day. I was working at a summer camp and you're outside all day and it's so hot and your hair is just so sweaty and heavy and your head is just wet for so long that without, it wasn't a plan. I just on the way home from work drove myself to get my hair almost all chopped off.

And then I went to a store and I bought a bunch of hats because that was my two twin problems were it's so hot with all this hair and also there's so much hair I can't wear hats and I miss hats I want to wear hats again. And so I solved both of my problems cutting my hair and then buying a bunch of hats and just like strolled home like, hello, it's me. It's a new season of the same show that we've been watching, and I'm different now.

It is, it's, I mean, I imagine this is probably true of girls as well and women, but for guys, it takes a very long time for you to land on what actually is a haircut that compliments your fucking face. Because there's a lot that complements your fucking face? Because there's a lot that don't. And you'd think there's only so many styles for men, but there's variations of the style

that can really do a lot of damage to you. And it was a thing that I had discovered early on, which was I thought bowl cut was my thing when I was in middle school, high school. And the problem was if I clipped the sides too short, if I wore a hat with blonde hair I looked like I might be in I Might have leukemia like I looked there. I have okay. I had I was completely

It looked like I was bald basically. Yeah, people would like take your habit. Did you shave your head? I'm like no, it's just a the bowl cut like the world do it Did you shave your head? And I'm like, no, it's just the bowl cut like we're all doing. But if I had to like very intentionally after, you know, a year of doing that, be like, okay, I can't let them cut. I need to know the number of the clippers that they need to do on the side so that I don't look like a cancer patient every single time I get a haircut. Right.

I love how much we've talked about hair in this episode. This is our hair episode. I know. Folks, I want you to do me a favor and just close your eyes and think of your favorite business. No, you cannot choose risky business. You cannot choose business time in the bedroom. I mean like a brick and mortar business. It can also be online. This is getting very convoluted. I'm going to pick mine.

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Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash QQ. All lowercase, go to Shopify.com slash QQ to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash QQ. What are you doing with your hair for the wedding, Dan? I don't know. That's another thing that we need to really figure out. I've got, um, the... I've got two more haircuts in me, I think, before the wedding. And I've got, like, a clean-up right before the Emmys. And I think that's...

From there, we're gonna... We'll make some real decisions about what we think looks best. And we're going to go through old pictures and fully just bring it to my barber that I've been working with for four and a half years. And he'd be like, you see this picture of me when I was 32? Do whatever you can to make that happen again, please. Bring it back, please. Bring it back. Please. That's exciting. And so how is, how is, sorry, I hope there's nothing else you want to talk about because

I have some questions about your wedding. How's the wedding planning going? It's going well. We're, we're, we're getting pretty down to the wire where there's a lot of stuff. We talked about this before where we couldn't pull the trigger on things until we got unofficial headcount, and we still don't have 100% of responses in for headcount, but we're still trying to find ways to make them fun and just sort of like take things off boxes. At this point Instagram knows everything that's going on in my life and like before I even started searching for wedding stuff its algorithm was feeding me cute wedding

ideas and that's I I feel like if I was if I didn't have Instagram and if I was just like planning a wedding in a vacuum, I would have like, oh, obviously you're going to need this, you're going to need that, you're going to need this and that. And now Instagram, there's like such a community of Instagram wedding influencers where you're scrolling through your feed and then someone's like we found the cutest custom wedding sign for our bathrooms I'm like fuck now I need one of those like they like all these things that you don't actually need but Instagram shows you like the cutest one that was made on Etsy and it's like well now now not, now not only do I need that, I need a custom one,

I need the best one. And it's just, you know, really exposed you to just how much of, I don't want to say racket, but I don't know a nice word for it. Yeah, what a racket. Just what a racket it all is. I mean, I feel that way anytime I walk into a store anyway, like any clothing store or Yeah, what a racket. Just what a racket it all is. I mean, I feel that way anytime I walk into a store anyway, like any clothing store or store like a home goods store where I'm like, oh, fuck, we could be doing all of this. I could also just do some of it and then I would still, I would know in my heart that I didn't do all of it.

And that doesn't feel great either. I guess none of it. I guess I'm mad now and I'm'm gonna be mad the rest of the day. Now, obviously listeners won't know this, but we scheduled these podcasts to coincide with our schedules. And Dan's is getting very busy right now because the wedding is coming up.

And I don't even remember the stuff that has to come up. Like all the different things you have to do right before the wedding, because you lose it all immediately afterward. But like this weekend, like what is your weekend blocked off for? What are you doing? Uh, I don't know. This is my

Bachelor party weekend and I know no details about it other than wait a second. It is happening this weekend. What I Know no no details about it. I don't know anything. So it sounds like it's a surprise to you also. Well, I can't take any blame for that because I had nothing to do with anything. And it's, I can, all I can tell you is- You couldn't even, you don't even get to be like,

hey, just so you know, involve my very best friend, Soren. No, I could not. I had nothing to do with anything. In fact, initially, I didn't want one because it's a lot of attention, and it's a lot of asking people to give up. You know, it's not the old days where you could just rent a VFW or

a firehouse and it's one night and you get drunk and you go home. It's all like very event based now. And the people in my in in my life are like, fathers and family men and people with with jobs and responsibilities. So it's you can't, I didn't want to insist people take a lot of time off or like do a whole... To do something incredibly fun. Right. Especially because the... For a whole weekend. Asking people to give up a weekend basically for the wedding. And so I was like, no, I don't want to have a bunch of people or any amount of people give up a whole lot of time for a bachelor

party. As time goes on, I and Shay talked myself into it. I was like, you know what, because she was having a bachelor party. I was like, I guess I do kind of want this and it'll be fun. So I told my brothers like, hey, I think I do. I would like something. And I've been taking some notes about what I want. So I would love for you guys to plan something. And unbeknownst to me, David had already... The train had left the station. Even though I said I don't want one, he was like, fuck that shit. And he started planning one. And I didn't know... I still don't know anything about it. The only reason that I know when it is, is because I was, I'd been having panic dreams about it. Because for his bachelor party, we completely surprised him

10 or 11 years ago, whatever it was, where like there was a false... Pete Slauson I remember. Jared Sussman Your birthday, your bachelor party is going to be in Atlantic City on this weekend and then like three weekends before that, we kidnapped him basically when he got home from work. He got home and fucking nine of his turbocharged buddies were waiting in his house to shoot him with nerf guns. And a bag had already been packed for him by his fiance, now wife, and we just like threw him in a car and went somewhere. So I was so nervous about getting kidnapped and like really panicking about it for a while, even though it's a good thing. I was still like truly losing sleep over it months ago. Because I was looking around every corner, because the way my

job works, I can't take time off. My hiatus are just like built into a calendar. And so I knew any hiatus or any three-day weekend I had could be the weekend. And the lead up to every hiatus, I started to look around for signs that was like, is this, is there anything that I can glean from someone's Instagram or someone's text or like, if I felt like my fiance was acting strangely, then I would think, this is it, this is going to happen. And I was looking for surprise kidnapping around every corner. And it was destroying me. Like, it's not a level of stress, that is fun. And so I talked to David and I was like, I truly don't want to ruin anything that you have planned, but like, have to tell me if you can tell me when it is

Please so I can sleep And he was like ah and he told me he told me what it was and even then I was still like Is that part of it is that a trick to have a still until I'm actually wherever I'm supposed to be I'm still on like very high alert. It's truly... because I'm excited about it and the reason it's such a surprise is that I want to give my brother and whomever else is involved, which at this point I know is just my brothers, the only things that I know for sure. And I want them to, I want to give them the chance to do this exactly the way they want to do it, because that's a fun gift to give to them.

And I don't want to ruin anything they have in store. At the same time, I am still like, I don't want to spoil the surprise, but I am looking for clues everywhere for everything. Does Shay know anything? Did he talk to Shay about it? She does, yeah. Oh, okay. So he filled her in at least.

Yeah. And I have still been like, so I know something happens tomorrow. That's what I've been told. But even last week, I was talking to Shay and I was like, so I'm recording the podcast on Thursday. So, just in case this thing isn't happening on Friday, and it's actually happening on Thursday, if anyone needs to know that information,

you have to, you have to, you have to tell them. It's very exciting that they're also, that your brothers have chosen to keep me in the dark as well. This is really exciting because maybe I will be kidnapped. Or maybe you'll all show up at my house and it will be a big surprise for both of us. Yeah, however many of us there are just showing up at your house. I mean, you'd think that they would at the very least think to invite the DJ of your wedding. The guy who's going to be spinning. Nope. Nope. Nope.

For the wedding that, and I can't believe that they didn't. I, I, I mean, I'm, I'm obviously not asking for payment. I'm not going to want payment at the wedding for that work because this is my gift to you. We have a, we, we do have a band for the wedding. That's going to interfere a little bit with my plan. Do you wanna just have them do like some sets? So what I do is it takes me a while

to get all my jewel cases in order in between songs. So it's gonna be like- Oh, it's actual CDs in cases. Yeah, okay. I bring a Discman and then I connect it to the stereo. I've tried it a few different times. What happens generally is if the music's too loud it actually makes the disc man skip a little bit um but that's that i wonder is that is that real

uh when you say disc man disc man like it's a co-worker that you know is that it's a coworker that you know, is that? It's somebody's last name, Alex Discman. Yeah. My Discman is, it's obviously it works pretty flawlessly. I can put on that like rumble control that you get, you use for cars. And that helps out quite a bit. But I'm thinking that my jewel cases, they're not, I like to keep them in chronological order, not in like alphabetical.

So it takes me a while sometimes to get to stuff if my memory is not so good. Chronological of when they came out or when you got them? No, when I encountered them. No? Okay, got it. Yeah, when I encountered the songs. And so it's going to take a while probably. And maybe in between songs they could do like a little late night, like some five to twenty seconds of music and then we get right

back into Two Princes by Spin Doctors. Sure. Okay. I mean I don't want to spoil too much but that song will be played pretty on pretty heavy rotation. Oh alright that's good to know. Yeah. Gosh there's no real way out of this bit, huh? I think that was it. Okay, great. So yes, excited about bachelor party stuff, very nervous about bachelor party stuff. Me too. Still thinking at any corner, there could still be more surprises, even though I've

been assured that there's not. I think that's just the particular manifestation of my anxiety as I have been clutching the table and sweating for this entire conversation. Well, I hope that it's fun, Dan. Yeah, me too. You have a great time at the very last bachelor party I ever could have gone to. Dan. Yeah, me too. I hope you have a great time at the very last bachelor party I ever could have gone to. I'll tell you all about it on the podcast unless it turns out it's a thing I can't talk about on the podcast. Oh, what are the chances of that? It's no secret that I love football. I can't help myself. There are elements of it.

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And use promo code QQ to sign up for free and double your first deposit up to $2,000 plus a $10 casino chip. I'll say that I've been to bachelor parties of all kinds, including my own. Mine was fairly tame. There was not, there were no like strippers or anything like that at mine. I did go to the ER. That was exciting. Yeah, yeah.

But it was fairly tame except for the part where you almost broke your neck. Yeah, good siren. Great timing on those sirens. I've been to one bachelor party where, it was that like traditional type of bachelor party where there are strippers or like you go see strippers and it fucking sucks. I have never been to any bachelor party like that. Oh really? That's great. So far.

I mean, who knows? Well, we'll see. I don't know. I don't know what kind of lecherous brothers you have, where they're going to take you, but it's possible all four days are just in a strip club that happens to have a buffet and they've figured out, they've crunched the numbers and been like, we can technically eat there for every single meal. Yeah. We'll just stay. We'll just stay the whole time. As long as there's a corner of the strip club where I can I can read because I'm definitely

bringing my books. Yeah, I doubt that. But sure, go ahead. Maybe bring a reading light. Yeah. Well, you can I know I've heard tell that you can get if you pay extra, you can get a private room in a strip club. I will get one of those.

And then like, Excuse me, ma'am, please wait outside. I mean, she could sit there and you could read to her. I don't think she would mind that. In fact, that might be a nice change of pace for her. I think you could just pick any girl, sorry, any woman and be like, hey, I'd like to go to the champagne room or whatever. And then you get there and you just pull out Pride and Prejudice or whatever you happen to be reading and be like, sit down because I got a little bit to read to you right now. I hope you like the middle of books. Yeah, I hope you know the story because I'm jumping in in medius rest here. Okay, well, that's very exciting.

How much? Because I was at your bachelor party, yeah, thank you for the invite. Yeah, you're welcome much Say your control did you have over What happened cuz it was it was all things that you know It was people that you you like and love and there was we were all in a house together, a house with a very dangerous pool and a hot tub. And there was grilling on site and then a lot of standard Vegas, you know, the things you want in Vegas. We got a really nice hip pool party. One of your friends, our friends is very connected and accomplished the impossible to accomplish feat of getting 12 men into a club,

like a rooftop club with no cover. I mean, 12 men that objectively didn't belong there. Yeah. Paying no cover and had like no women as like, and this is what we're bringing to the table it was just like like a giant van pulled up and 12 men half of them comedy writers spilled out like we're here for the Playboy Club somehow got in yeah and and all of that plus like gambling whenever you wanted to gamble but but I, what, was it all planned by Eric, your brother or like, here's my list? Yeah, I like came up with who I wanted to go. And then my brother did most of the planning from afar. And so did Dan Campana, because he lived in Los Angeles at the time,

shout out to Dan Campana. So my brother and Dan, because my brother was not here, so they were like planning it together but Dan was doing a lot of it. And then like other people did, like Jason got the van stuff, but at no point, every single point they're like, what are the things you want there? And I was like, I would like this type of thing. But then, you know, other things came up, like our friend Justin was like, we could go to the, we go to this club at night. I have a connection there. And we were like, okay, let's do that. And that pool party. And so to describe, for anyone who hasn't been to Vegas,

they have like every single hotel also has a pool. And then the pool is just like an all day scene. And it's like, that the, everybody's partying, like there's house music playing, like dumping through it, like the water is vibrating to house music music essentially. You can, in the middle of the pool, there are generally bars. So like you wade over to the bar and get something. There's also outside gambling and these cabanas and stuff. So we go to one of those and it's clear that everyone who's there has spent probably the last whole season preparing their bodies for this moment. Yeah. Like people, everybody there looks just like a model. And they're tall.

Not everybody. And then, yeah, and then 12 little boys show up. And we are so pasty and hairy. And one of us is covered in bandages on his face. And yeah, one of us. He is not allowed to get his face wet. One of us has a very swollen, stitched up face. And we all take off our shirts and go sit in the pool in a circle. And it's like oil and water. You just watch everyone else sort of make way.

Yeah. The seas part. And not because they're like, wow, look at these showstoppers, but because they're like, I don't want to touch that. I don't think I'm interested in anything that's going on over there. Yeah. It's like, congratulations to what I assume are these 12 contest winners, but they're going to ruin our pool party. You mentioned Harry, and I don't know if this is... I hope he's not embarrassed by this but

listeners if you've never seen our friend, friend of the show, Cody Johnston with his shirt off it's really something. Whatever amount of hair you're imagining it's quite a bit more than that. It's majestic. When he gets scared or angry it changes. And so obviously he's in a pool in Vegas, it's not his normal setting, so he feels threatened, so it's up, his hackles are up, and he senses danger and competition. Yeah, and it has a sort of hedgehog quality to it, where it goes right up on end.

It can curl up into a ball in the middle of it. Yeah, it's, I would describe as majestic. He's got like beautiful body hair. Yeah. It was a very fun batch. I have nothing but good memories of it because I was talking about movies in the jacuzzi when you when you smashed your fucking face into the floor. Yeah, we're fresh to the ER uh, but I a big takeaway was just how Impressed I was by you to to not Let it ruin

Your mood or the weekend because it because it happened early. It wasn't the end of the trip kind of thing It was the first night. Yeah you and and for me that was just like, like physically would be painful and also would probably dampen my mood for the next 48 hours and like ruin everyone else's time too. But you were just like, nope, I'm gonna take my Advil, we're gonna go, we're gonna do all the things that we plan to do and you were in high spirits and I was like, this is, this is, this is so much better than whatever baby

I'm going to be if I stub my toe. They, yeah, I do remember, because that, we were at the ER until dawn and then I came back and I went to sleep and slept till, I don't know, like 11 or something like that. Got a few hours and came out and Michael was like, Michael Swain was like, okay, so are we leaving today? And I could see like a few anxious faces behind me, like also checking in. And I was like, no, yeah, no, we're doing all this stuff. And everyone's so relieved that that was still the plan. And it never even occurred to me that I needed to tell everyone that we were staying. I was just like, oh, that sucks for me. Let's go do all the things.

It was two identical moments for the guys in the bachelor party of being ready to do whatever you wanted to do and being relieved when you didn't want to do the thing. Because we were all to a man prepared to go home if that's what you, because you were the bachelor. And we were so happy when you didn't want to go. We were also quietly amongst ourselves, prepared to go to a strip club if that's what you wanted to do. And we were so happy when you didn't because, you know, you never struck me as a strip club person. And this is not a knock against struck me as a strip club person and this is not a knock against strippers, dancers, performers of any kind. It's not my thing and it didn't strike me as your thing either from years of knowing you, but I had never known you at a bachelor party and there's so much tradition with bachelor parties that like leading up to it I was like, I don't know, Soren's kind of bro-y, he's good at sports, he might just think I'm in Vegas, it's my bachelor party. You know, it's, sometimes

you see someone smoking a cigar and they've never smoked a cigar before, but like the context of a wedding or a bachelor party is like, or camping is like, suddenly I'm in this context and so I smoke a cigar. It didn't seem out of the realm of possibility that you would suddenly be like, well, we're in Vegas and it's my bachelor party. So we're going to a strip club. And we were all, every one of your friends was like, I don't want to, but if he says it, you'll do it. Right? Like we'll all, we'll all, we'll all do it and smile and pretend that we want to do this. We're like, yeah, yeah, we're all, we're all going to do this.

And then even you at one point was, you were like, do you guys want to go to a strip club? And we were all like, if you want to, boss, you're the captain. And you're like, I don't really want to go. We were like, oh, thank God. Yeah. From my perspective, it was the same thing where I was like, and then the second night, I guess we should go to a, I guess we should go to a strip club. I think people would probably be, if we're in Vegas, we're doing all of the stuff that have a traditional bachelor party.

I was like, I think that's part of it. I think we have to go. And so that night's a nice looming. And then we go out to a club and stuff like that. And we're all drinking and having a very nice time. And it's getting to that time where if we're gonna go, we gotta go. And I was checking in with

everybody. I was like, do you guys want to go to a strip club? And everyone was like, if you do, if you do. And I was like, okay, all right, let me check with everybody. Like ran around the circle and we got the same answer from everybody. And so I started to also feel it from my perspective where I was like, I mean, I don't want to, I don't want to go, but I also don't want this to be a bad bachelor party. I want my friends to have the bachelor party experience. And then finally I was like, I tested the waters with a, I'm not so sure I want to go, but you guys can go.

Everyone was like this sigh of relief as everyone was like, no, we don't want to go. I was like, okay, great. That's great. Yeah. It's, it was as we're, as we're all very happy to be at the rooftop of this Las Vegas famous hotel bar. We're all also quietly thinking, you guys remember how fun it was playing beer pong in the house, swimming in the house, grilling at the house.

We could hear each other, do you think? Maybe. We had two, that night there were these two women who were purportedly dentists at a convention there, who found our group. You are telling this story. Yeah. There are these two women, Brazilian women who, just hearing it now, it sounds so silly. And they were dentists.

And they were there for some convention or something. We're at a bar and we're at a bar early. And so there aren't a lot of people there. And when I say early, I mean like 10 o'clock. And so there's not a lot of people there. And these two women just like join our group. And they're just like, we want to hang out with you guys. And we were like, okay.

We are dentists and you are so, I just, we just lava the teeth and you have so much teeth in your group. That's exactly how they sounded. And so they, I don't know why. I mean, I described what we looked like based on when we were at the pool earlier. Like we are, even with our clothes on, we're 12 dudes. Like we're 12 guys and we are not, you can get the sense of what our bodies are like, even through our clothes. We are not yoked dudes. And we, these girls were just like,

we want to spend time with you. And so we hung out with them for a very long time. And then towards the end of the night, they even went to a different bar, or different club with us. Like they came with us for a very long time. And then towards the end of the night, they even went to a different bar, or different club with us. Like they came with us to a different club. And then after we did the strip club thing, where like everyone was like,

are you wanna go strip club? Do you wanna go strip club? No? Oh, thank God. Right on that time, I was like, all right, I think I wanna go back to the house. And our friend was like, are you kidding? Why? These two girls?

And we were like, no. What do you mean? Like, are you worried that we're leaving them in the lurch? Like that we've taken them to a different casino and now they don't know their way home? And he's like, you don't want to hang out with them more? And we were like, no, we're done. What did you think was gonna happen here? And so we left. Best case scenario that these are true Brazilian dentists who are into our weird bodies and bandaged faces and strange energy and and shoulder hair. Best case scenario they're real people who want to go home with us is still like if you didn't see any red flags before with this group of 12 guys, here's one more. You can come home with us.

You'll have to squeeze into our giant white van. Our five row van. It was a very strange... And then looking back on it, we were all... And it wasn't even like till months later, I think. It wasn't even the next morning. It was like later when we were like, hey, do you think that those girls were prostitutes? And everyone was like, oh, that makes a lot of sense.

That makes a lot of sense. Yeah, anyway, that was my bachelor party. Oh, and if anyone's curious why I went to the ER and you don't know the story already, I jumped into a pool and hit my face on the far end of the pool, split open my nose right at the very top in between my eyes and also my whole forehead.

And immediately it was like biting down on a light bulb. Like I heard crunching, got out of the pool and was like, oh, that was bad. I should go clean this up and went to the bathroom. And it was just a perfect storm of what would cause your face to bleed. It was, first of all, facial injuries bleed a lot. I was drunk and the water was warm.

And so I got into the bathroom and it became evident immediately that paper towels were not gonna do this job. They were not gonna suffice. Like they were disintegrating my hands in all the blood. And there's like, now there's like a, I love Lucy episode for those like, now there's like a, I love Lucy episode where there's like, now there's blood on the wall and blood on the mirror.

And like I'm slipping in my own blood. Like I can't solve this problem. We forget how violent Lucy was towards the end of her run there. Well, I mean, imagine her in a baking shop or whatever the fuck she's doing. And I got, it was so much blood, amazing amount of blood. And then I got it finally like kind of under control.

And I went back outside and I realized I had left a trail of blood into the house. And I was like, Jesus. And my friend, my friend Will Meade cleaned up all of the blood while I was at the ER. Classic one. But I went outside and showed everyone my face. I was like, is this?

And immediately my friends were like, you have to go to the hospital before I could even finish a sentence. They at the hospital opened it up to show Ed and Jason who brought me. They showed them like, here's his bone. Yeah. And then the doctor started telling me

about a good plastic surgeon in Los Angeles. And I started getting very scared. He's like, almost guaranteed you didn't get any plastic surgery for this. But I don't know, I feel like Wolverine. It's fine. Yeah. It was, uh, you were in the pool playing maybe fish out of water or some other game. Oh, it's a game. You had to, you weren't just like, listen, I know it's, I know how it sounds.

Drunk guy in a pool on his bachelor party splits his face open. It sounds very cliche, but it wasn't like he was just diving to do an impressive trick or something. It was a game where you need to avoid other people or else they'll tag you and then you're it. And so you would pushed off a wall to get under someone very quickly and you'd misjudged the depth for some reason and smashed your face in the pool. So you were in the pool doing that. I was in the attached jacuzzi with Michael and Cody doing

gun to my head a real-life version of an after hours mini episode where the three of us are just like talking about the Matrix or Target Earth video game from the 90s or something bizarre and stupid, really into the conversation. And then at some point, hours into the night, someone, maybe your brother, maybe Eric, was like, Soren's at the hospital. And we're like, no, he's not. He's in the pool. And we pointed the pool. There's no one in the pool. We've just very clearly completely missed this whole adventure where the star of the weekend gets injured and whisked away by responsible parties while we're sitting in this jacuzzi just being like, no, the thing if you're doing ariel monsters, if I'm crumb, I'm getting a hat that has little

seats for the eyes so my arms can just do whatever they want. Yeah. Yep. We didn't make a big deal about it. The game is called Stealth that we're playing. And Stealth, obviously we were all very good at it because we all left immediately and none of you noticed. Stealth is like Marco Polo if you ever want to play it.

Great game. It's just like Marco Polo, but nobody says a fucking thing. You're just listening to the sounds of the water lapping against either the sides of the pool and deciding if that's different than the sounds of water against a body. And so that's how you're deciding where everything is. And I had gotten out of the pool, you can still do a fish out of water situation, and somebody was coming right over and I jumped over them and down and smashed my face. Yikes.

Okay. Well, that's going to be our podcast, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you Yikes. Okay, well, that's gonna be our podcast, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for listening. Great. I hope you enjoyed yourselves. We are Soren and Dan. This is a quick question.

You already know that. You can find Daniel and I on Blue Sky, or you can find this podcast on X. You can also watch videos of this podcast on TikTok, on Instagram, or the whole thing on YouTube. If you liked our theme song, that's by Merex, you can find their music at merex.bandcamp.com or you can find Lunch Money Criminals on bandcamp.com as well. I didn't know that because I actually don't know if that's true.

It's possible that you can only find us on purevolume.com. I'm sure you can find me rex there too if you want to double up. And always want to give a shout out and a thank you to our sound engineer, our editor, our producer, the glue to this whole podcast, Gabe Harder. You will find him nowhere except occasionally his voice chiming in on this podcast. That's gonna be it for us. If you want to listen to our Patreon exclusive episodes, you've got to donate and then you're in. You're in the club and you can go listen to us talk for another half an hour if that's something that you're interested in. Okay, bye. Bye. Bye! I'll put an answer, put an order, I'll forget it

Saw a movie, Daniel O'Brien Two best friends and comedy writers If there's an answer, they're gonna find it I think you'll have a great time here I think you'll have a great time here