Quick Question with Soren and Daniel - What If You Married An Axe Murderer? | Ep. 324

Episode Date: March 17, 2026

Soren Bowie and Daniel O'Brien figure out how they'd react to scenarios in which their significant others confess to crimes or affairs. In the process, the guys sus out the upper boundaries of their capacity for love, selfishness, and pride. Follow the guys on Bluesky!https://bsky.app/profile/danielobrien.bsky.socialhttps://bsky.app/profile/sorenbowie.bsky.socialBonus episodes 2x/month at patreon.com/quickquestion OR Apple Podcasts

It's a quick question. It's a quick question for you tonight. It's a podcast. It's a quick question. It's Daniel. It's the podcast. I'm Daniel. The other voice you'll hear is Soren. We're going to get right into it. Soren. I'm looking at a blue sky tweet of yours. A bluesky? A skeet? A bluesky? Yeah. Yeah. You skeeted this.

We're looking at a picture, a framed picture of John Wayne. Or it might not even be a picture. It maybe is... A painting? Is it painted? Yeah. And you said, fandom used to be so weird. You could have a lovingly framed picture of a movie star next to your family portraits

just because you liked watching him run around a desert shooting guys. It actually seems kind of nice. Am I talking myself into? commissioning a portrait of Timothy Shalame. Good skeet. It got me thinking a lot. And at first, I thought, these boomers are,

are so crazy. Because it wasn't like a novelty piece that, that, like, Brandon Bird made or something. This was like a real honest of goodness garage sale. Someone had a framed painting of John Wayne, dressed as a cowboy, in their house because

they liked his movies so much. Or maybe they liked his horrible politics. much. Loved his ethos. Just like generally the idea of John Wayne was appealing enough that they're like, it's going on the wall. This is part of me. Yeah.

Yeah. I want people to walk into my house and see John Wayne on the wall and know everything they need to know about me. And when I saw that I thought this is like such a boomer thing, people would hang John Wayne and worship him before the internet, before we learned. Like we are my generation. We are far too sophisticated for that kind of thing. But then Soren, it did make sense to me.

And I don't know if it's necessarily just people worshipping John Wayne because he was shooting people in the desert and telling other people that they should send their kids to die in Vietnam. I think, because another thing happened this week, which is that Britney Spears got a DUI, troubled gal. I think you're going to say a bunch of people got shot in the desert. That's different. No, totally different.

We're going to different way. Brittany Spears got a DUI. And in her, in like the police report where she fills out what her job is, she wrote Celebrity. And it made me, you're doing it too. You're smiling and you're laughing. And I was smiling and I was laughing. And there are people in the comments who are like absolutely hell yes, queen.

And she should put diva. She should put Britney bitch as her celebrity. And I was just so, like, thrilled. Not thrilled. Do you guys are, are very bad news, obviously. But I was so ready to join in

on supporting and elevating Britney and ready to almost say she did nothing wrong. Not say that, but almost. And I think about this. And I think about how, like, she wasn't even one of my people.

She wasn't even someone that I listened to a lot. I had one album of hers because a friend in middle school got it for me because she thoroughly misunderstood what it was that I liked about Britney Spears music videos at that time in my life. And like I know a bunch of her songs because they were inescapable. She's not, she wasn't on mixed CDs. I wasn't blaring her music in my car or anything like that. But because of my age, she is, I'm ride or die, Brittany. She is Mount Rushmore pop royalty for me because at a certain point in time,

I don't have favorite music from the late 90s, early 2000s anymore. It's all mine. All of it belongs to me. All of the stuff that I didn't even listen to is mine and it's part of me. And seeing someone have a painting of John Wayne makes a little bit more sense to me, that I am now like, I'm going to march on, I guess Las Vegas City Hall to tell them Brittany did nothing wrong. Brittany, an artist, I don't even really care for that much just because she represents a time in my life.

And I don't know. And I get it. I get the boomers on John Wayne. Okay. I think I agree with you on Britney Spears in a lot of her ways. There was a, I do it with, and I'm the same boat as you. I was not into her music when it came out. But again, inescapable, inescapable to this day.

It was just toxic. on the radio the other day at the gym. But I don't... Oh, also there was a... There was a Rolling Stone that was very formative for me. A Rolling Stone magazine that came with her and made me utter my catchphrase where the police when I saw it because I was like, I'm allowed to have this. Thanks.

Yeah. Thanks, Universe. And that was... And you can surely... You can quote the interviewer. from that Rolling Stone. Like, when you say it was formative for you and it stuck with you, it's,

it's, it's because of what you learned in that cover story. Yeah. And it was like, when she was speaking, it was like jazz to me. It was like the thing she wasn't saying were also very important to me. They were just showing up.

Yeah. So anyway, I'm in the same boat as you. Christine Aguilera falls in that same boat for me where I'm like, I could not have cared less. In fact, I probably did not like her. either one of them when they first came out.

But now I have ownership because it belongs to a generation that is mine. And I'm like, no, fuck, that's better than the stuff today. Yeah. I'm going to do that. But that's with hindsight. Like, that's with time. This John Wayne portrait was not, I guarantee this book, John Wayne portrait was not made in anywhere from 2000 to now. Like this thing is from the time of John Wayne

It's got This is how old it is It's canvas behind a frame And there's no glass And then it has that kind of like Decorative Oval shape Yeah Around the actual picture itself

Which is so indicative of it being made At the time when John Wayne was probably At the height of his popularity It would be I mean I can't even imagine I used Timothy Shamillet Timothy Shammley Just move past it

As the example because It was fun to of him because he shoots guys out in the desert in his movie. Yeah. But I was like trying to think of like who is the funniest person to have that of right now. And I was like, I guess it would probably be someone like Kiefer Sutherland. I just have a photo of Keper Sutherland in my house. Right, because it's got to be like, it's got to be like a masculine icon of now too. You know, it's got to be some kind of strong silent, which we barely do. Like I would almost say Jason Statham, but I don't think you could have

a Brit, I think it would need to be the rock. I think you would need the rock painted on your wall. You have to be doing it without any sense of irony whatsoever. Then yeah, you probably, then it couldn't be the rock. You're right, because even the rock is like, it's kind of funny that it's the rock. His name is the rock. Yeah, it's a... Isn't that goofy?

It would be if I was really into Vin Diesel. And it was like not, not a bit by any stretch of the imagination. I was just into Vin Diesel enough that I had this painting that probably cost me upwards of $50 to celebrate him. And it goes right on the stairs, you know? Yeah.

There's the family all in jeans. There's Christmas photos. There's wedding. And then there's him. Right. In a place where it's not your office. It's not like I have this painting of Star Trek next generation behind me. That is like not part of the tour.

you want John Wayne, you want Vin Diesel, or Liam Neeson that's like next to your wedding photo. Right, right next to the family. It was baffling to me. I really enjoyed seeing it out in the wild. I was tempted to take it, but I was like, I'm not using it for the right purpose,

and I think that that's wrong. The best thing about this, well, there's lots of best things about this painting that you got me, that hangs behind me, this Star Trek custom painting that you made. one of the best things is it's an inside joke that we both love and it shows how thoughtful you are and it's one of a kind and I appreciate it and that's great.

A stealth good thing is my boss Tim noticed it in a meeting and had a specific very observant question about a Crusher who I believe is one of the characters who is on the painting. I think it's the girl one. and I couldn't answer him when he was talking about it in the Zoom meeting and it's an added layer of funny to me because it's really hard for me to explain to someone

that I'm not a huge Star Trek fan when there's a Star Trek painting hanging behind me it's just a fun little side effect of having this but the final funniest layer that I'll never get to enjoy is one day I'll be dead and this will be it in a garage sale Yeah, but you can dream of that day. No one's ever going to understand. It's fun to fantasize about being dead.

Oh, yeah. And what that will be like when somebody finds that. So when he asked you that, you texted me about it. And I was like reminded of the process of the years of work that went into that painting with the artist. And that it was something that I specifically asked for. I was like, oh, oh, yeah. Let me get me Tim. the horn. I will talk to him. I'll tell him

why that's the case. Why Gates McFadden is sitting there like she's not having any of it. Because I think it adds a layer to it. If people just listen to this podcast, which I don't know why you'd watch the video, but if you're listening to this podcast,

it's John Luke Picard. Everyone on the team is on the deck throwing Gatorade over him like he just won a big victory. And he is loving it. He is smiling like this is the best thing that ever happened to him. I wanted somebody there who was like, it made it clear that he,

that John Luke Picard has asked for this. That's crucial. He's also not, he's not surprised. He is not startled. He's not leaning forward because he's suddenly splashed by something. He is,

he, it's perfectly done to capture, uh, what you must imagine was the moment right before this, which would be him standing there and saying, okay, I'm ready. Now.

Now. because he is he is not shocked. He put a tarp down. He got everyone there. There was a, Wharf couldn't make it at first. And he was like, well,

then we'll simply reschedule. And, and so everybody's there. They're doing it. And it does look like a formality on every other person's part. There are some people who are grinning along, trying to,

like, they're doing that Marco Rubio face where they're like, I'm part of this. This is fun. I think this is fun. And the, but at least one of them has to be like, What are we doing?

Yeah. Why do we keep indulging him? Anyway. This episode is brought to you by Spreaker, the platform responsible for a rapidly spreading condition known as podcast brain. Symptoms include buying microphones you don't need, explaining RSS feeds to confused relatives, and saying things like, sorry, I can't talk right now, I'm editing audio. If this sounds familiar, you're probably already a podcaster. The good news is Spreaker makes the whole process simple. You record your show.

upload it once, and Spreaker distributes it everywhere people listen. Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and about a dozen apps your cousin swears are the next big thing. Even better, Spreaker helps you monetize your show with ads, meaning your podcast might someday pay for, well, more microphones. Start your show today at spreeker.com. Sprinker, because if you're going to talk to yourself for an hour, you might as well publish it. Anyway, but Soren, thinking about how I would write her. die for Britney Spears, a person I don't know and whose work I don't

indulge, uh, got me thinking about today's quick question. Hit me. Let's say you found out that your wife murdered someone. My wife? Got a, yes,

got away with it, uh, Scott Free. And it's like she told you about the, the murder. She was never even close to being a suspect and you did some Googling and you you see that this is that like no one is no one is investigating this any further this is not not closed it's a cold case they don't know who did it um but they're also not looking anymore what do you do if your if your wife tells you that

soren this is before i i met you i don't want to get it too into detail but i did murder someone and i got away with it. Did Shea murder someone, Dan? No. Okay. All right. But I'm so... Thank you. And like here's what... I'm going to go first because I... Because my brain is...

I'm curious if my answer will eventually change, which is why I'm bringing this to you. Because right now, if Shea came to me and said, hey, I murdered someone 15 years ago, got away with it. my brain jumps to two things. It was an accident, or he had it coming, maybe both of those things. And I immediately am just like, honey, that's fine. This was, I don't know why it being before she met me matters. It was like, it was a long time ago.

I also did some weird stuff in the mid-term. I lived in Hollywood for a while. but I am no question this is fine it's not your fault even if you're telling me it's your fault I'm still I'm still weirdly okay with it this is okay for us both to know

and take to our graves forever maybe let me like I think that there are some circumstances you could learn that would make you do you not want to know more is that what you're saying? I don't want to know more

unless you wants to tell me more. Okay. Like, pretend I'm Shea just for a second. And I'm like, Daniel, there's something I have to reveal to you. I, oh, God, this is hard. Before I met you, I killed somebody. Wow. I've never told anybody.

I killed somebody. Thank you so much for trusting me with that. You've never told anybody? It was a child. It was a child. Oh, no. That's, well, I don't like that. I wasn't a kid.

and I kill a kid. On purpose. I shot a kid. I think the... I put a kid in a freezer. The thing that... The thing that... Why I brought it to you is...

I don't know if the answer changes. If you have children. We might have a child tomorrow, as of this recording. But even then it's still going to be a baby for a while. But like right now in our pre-child days, I feel like, yeah, this is a secret. I am going along with you and letting this be our secret until the day we die. For some reason, I'm thinking my answer might change when we have a child because I want the... because what does what lesson is it telling to the child if i keep this secret forever that laws apply to everyone except our family that blood is thicker than than whatever like this this i can be okay

she can murder as many people as she wants and that's fine i don't you're an adult you can take it yeah i don't want the the kid to find out one day mommy's a murderer and dad knew about it and help cover it up. Every day he's telling me to do the right thing and what the right thing is, the difference between right and wrong, all this stuff, ethics and morals and all these things,

but he doesn't practice what he preaches. He should have turned her in. Why didn't he? And I, because the truth, unborn child is, because I didn't want to, because I guess I'm okay with my wife being a murderer. I like her a lot, yeah.

It's got you thinking, hasn't it? well, here's what I'm thinking. And I thought you were going to go a completely different direction that when you have a child, you're like, well, if she's capable of murder, could she do it again? Like, is she going to, is now my, am I in danger? Is my child in danger? Was this an ex-boyfriend? Like, I want to know, like, some more details. I want to know if this was an intentional murder. And if it was an intentional murder, I might change my mind.

I might not be as supportive. I might be like, okay, well, I'm going to need to know the details of why. And then I, as a sworn judge, will determine whether I thought that was justified or not. But I want to know why she murdered. I want to know. I can't just accept that she murdered somebody. And if it was an accident, hey, I'll take that to my grave. Because it's not going to matter with your child because there's so many things you aren't going to tell your kid.

There are a lot of things that your child never knows about you. And that's for the best. Yeah. You tell them to not ever lie and things like that, and they can tell you anything. But it doesn't have to be a, it doesn't have to be reciprocal. You don't have to do that with your kids.

And there are going to be times where you are not being emblematic of the ethos you want to, your child to live by. there are times where you are not being a very good dad and you just have to be like oh shit I've got stuff that I didn't fix in me and now I'm sorry that you're getting some of this

and you can apologize to them about that stuff but like you're you're giving them some stuff that is not so hot as well by accident yeah so what so so your wife accidentally ran over here's how it came up is that you you you wanted to go to Maine.

You wanted to plan this surprise trip for her. And she's like, I really don't want to go to Maine. And you're like, why? She's like, I was driving with some friends. I took a little road trip there in college and I killed a guy and pushed him off the bluffs or cliffs or whatever they have in Maine. And it's fine. No one can trace it back to me.

It's not like I'm not allowed Maine. I just don't want to be there because it makes me sick to think about it. Oh. So it's not premeditated. She just killed a guy in Maine. Yeah. But like really chose to kill somebody in Maine.

Yeah. But she seems to feel bad about it. Yeah. She doesn't want to go to Maine. It doesn't sound like it's an authority situation where she's worried about the people there who might catch her. She's just like, I got a bad memory there. This is how you found out that she killed somebody.

It's because you were like, honey, got two tickets to Maine. And she's like, are they refundable? We can go to Georgia instead of Maine. I would probably be like, my darling, I forgive you. I'm so sorry that that happened to you. I'm sure that it was terrible, terrible for you,

and this has been a secret that's been a burden for you for a very long time. Do you think it would be cool if Ed went to me with me because I already got the BBB? Ed didn't murder anyone in Maine, and if he did, he'd be fine. He'd be normal about it. It wouldn't be all fucking weird about it. Yeah, I think, see, I cannot accept that it just happened.

I wouldn't be, I'm not as forgiving as you. I would not be like, hey, say no more. It's okay. It's okay. Everything's fine. I will keep this secret for you and I will hold this burden with you. I won't just do that. I'm going to give me all of the details now.

You brought this up. I want, I need to know. what exactly happened, and it might change the way I feel about you. What if your brother said he murdered someone and got away with it? 100%. I'm kidding that secret. I'm not even going to ask what happened. Not even going to look up from your video game?

No. Well, I'd be mad at him first. I'd be like, why the fuck did you tell me that? And I would probably get in a fight about why he would even load me with that. but it would never come up why. He didn't. This episode is brought to you by Spreaker, the platform responsible for a rapidly spreading condition

known as podcast brain. Symptoms include buying microphones you don't need, explaining RSS feeds to confused relatives, and saying things like, sorry, I can't talk right now, I'm editing audio. If this sounds familiar, you're probably already a podcaster. The good news is Spreaker makes the whole process simple. You record your show, upload it once, and Spreaker distributes it everywhere people listen.

Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and about a dozen apps your cousin swears are the next big thing. Even better, Spreaker helps you monetize your show with ads, meaning your podcast might someday pay for, well, more microphones. Start your show today at spreeker.com. Sprinker, because if you're going to talk to yourself for an hour, you might as well publish it. Does it change for you? Does it change for you between your significant other and your brothers? I'm in both cases, I'm pretty right or die. Yeah, you had your reasons.

Like, I don't think I'd pry, especially if it's the specific setup of this thing happened years ago. I got away with it. There's no heat on me. I'm just letting you know to like unburden myself in a little bit, a little bit. I think in both cases, pretty immediately. I'm like, that's crazy.

Okay, I can swallow that. I mean, I've known you. And it turns out I've known you as a murderer, and that's fine. Yeah. You're still the same person. I might start trying to piece things together. I might be like, okay, well, when are there circumstances? Like, did we ever talk about me and she got very cloudy or like, what actually happened?

I think that if she told me that she stabbed somebody to death, I might. be turned on. I do. Oh, shit. But she had it in her because that's a horrifying thought to actually have to do that. And that takes a lot of will to put a knife into somebody, probably multiple times

because you don't just get like one stab and they die, like in a movie. It takes some work to stab somebody to death. I might be like, wow. You must have really wanted it. Yeah. Felt the passion of the moment.

Incredible. Here's one of the ways that we're built different is that I don't think I ask more questions out of self-preservation. I think if I learn more than I might be more inclined to turn her in. And I don't, at the end of the day, want to do that. I want to live with my murderous wife forever because I feel like if I was like, honey, you killed someone. And I would immediately think like, this is a lot. is a violent ex-boyfriend or this was an accident and like I'm totally on your side. If she was like, yeah, I don't know what came over me. This, this woman at work and I'd be like,

oh, you, it was, you killed a girl? Oh, no. Honey, that's no good. Or if it was stabbing or like, or like, yeah, I, I just sort of blacked out. And then I, I came to and my, my hands were on the throat. And I'd be like, oh, no, strangling. Uh, I, I, I, you should, you should, you should, should have just said I killed someone and then I would have I could have spent the rest of my life assuming it was a dirty cop or something. She found out. She did some digging and found out that there's a detective on the force that's

taking money from a drug dealer. So I don't know that it's even a question that I would turn her in. It would certainly feel differently about her. Yeah. You wouldn't turn her in, period. Well, no, because at this point, it makes my life a lot harder because I have two children. And I need somebody else there with me. And, like, it would be bad for them.

It would be, to not have a mom all of a sudden would be really rough for them. It would be very disruptive to our lives if she went to prison right now. Sure. So then what are you going to do? Well, because if you're not going to send her to, you're not going to turn her in, you're It doesn't sound like you're going to divorce her because that's a similar inconvenience for you.

Yeah, I will feel differently about her. I don't know how it will change the way that I interact with her on a daily basis, but I would not, I don't think I could go to the police with it. I think I'd have to just keep it. I might tell somebody, ooh, who would I? It would be good for the podcast, wouldn't it? Yeah. If I could come in and be like, Dan, quick question.

what should I do? Yeah, I mean My wife murdered her teacher when she was in third grade Patreon for sure Yeah, yeah, yeah Just because we make people pay for that Make people pay for it, just like tease a really juicy thing Yeah

I don't know, I guess, yeah, I guess yeah, it's completely out of the question That I turn her in it unless I found out that it was multiple people And I found out, or I found out that She was an adult and she killed a child I would be like, I can't I can't live with you anymore. Never even entered my brain that it would be a child when I invented this hypothetical. I guess I just, I guess I eat it for the most part.

And then I have to, our relationship changes. It doesn't like, I just keep it and then we go on like we were. that feels so impotent to me find out your wife's a murderer and you're like okay I'm not going to turn you in but there's going to be some changes around here

it's like no there's not buddy no she'll kill you then I'm sleeping in in the mornings you're getting up with the kids from now on promise me starting now no more murders can you look me in the eye

promise me. You're not going to kill one of us or this in or anyone else. Yeah, that's tough, man. Do you think there's any circumstances when she'd turn her in? Because I'm saying kids. Oh, you're saying if she murders kids. I guess I feel like in for a penny, in for a pound. If you're going to murder, you're going to murder.

And I can't. I don't really want to draw the line there. it's it's odd that my brain only went for when we're raising a child and we want the child to have a full and robust sense of justice and morality. I don't think it's any crazier than me saying, I can't tell my wife in because I still need her help with my kids. I think yours is less crazy, actually. Maybe it's made her who she is. My wife is very altruistic. Her job and everything that she does is all work towards making the world a better place. Maybe that's why.

Maybe there was a switch that flipped when she killed somebody. And she's like, now I have to do good. Yeah. I'm like, oh, then it was probably for the best. I don't know. That does kind of suggest that there is an amount of good that she can do. And then her coffers are full. And then once there's balance, what does she do?

Yeah. Ah, got that out of that way. You know what? In fact, I earned a little bit of extra just so I could do this. Stap. Here's where this was actually born from. And I don't know if this will be more fruitful conversation. But Taylor Tomlinson, very great comedian.

That's a special that just came out. And she described a fight that she had with her boyfriend, where she asked him, if you found out we were cousins, would you break up with me? And he said yes. And then she reached out to a bunch of her, successful couple friends

and asked the same question and all of them said no. Yeah. You're on team no. I'm on team no for sure. They were on, I think there was like qualified team no.

They were like, do we have to tell anyone? And if they didn't need to tell anyone, then it was like, okay, then no, we're not going to tell. We're not going to break up. But if they had to tell people, they would. Yeah. These are like, not just boyfriends and girlfriends, right? There's like, there's real consequence to the,

breakup. Right. I don't think I could. Well, first of all, my wife and I look very similar. There's a possibility where cousins are already. So I think that I already within my mind, I'm like, eh, I guess that doesn't really bother me. Also, you can meet somebody, you don't hang out with your cousins necessarily when you're a little kid. It's not, the reason that like a sibling situation is so creepy to us is because you've known this person your entire life and it's horrifying to think of them in a sexual situation. Yeah.

It's not like it's just born in you, ingrained in you. If you met your sister out on the streets and you didn't ever know her and you fell in love with her, you'd be like, oh, fuck. Yeah. But there was a degree of cousin that I truly don't care about. Not not that I don't care about the cousins in my own life, but like I love all of my cousins. And we did grow up together.

But I do think about my people come from. Italy and Ireland and I think when I was talking to my in-laws at one point about where specifically in Italy we come from and I learned that some of that clan also

comes from the same county in Italy and I just thought I'm not interested in tugging on that thread because like what if we do find out some generations ago she is part of our family and I'm part of her family.

I don't care. That information is not going to be helpful for me. And I'm not going to do anything about it. Yeah. Yeah. I think cousins is fine. So I'll say full disclosure, I know some cousins that got married. That's for real?

That's for real. I know two cousins. Not mine. But yeah, two people that are cousins that. did grow up, I think, knowing one another, fell in love, and then got married. And I think it's possible I'm making this up. I think that they had to make an agreement when they got married that they would not have children. That sounds...

Right. That sounds correct. Yeah. That sounds not made up. But they're still... They are a generation above... They're my parents' generation and still happily married. And some of the best people I know, they're great. Well, sure.

So I think maybe that's also, I've been desensitized to it as well, where I'm just like, I don't know, cousin seems fine. Let it happen. And certainly like second cousin, already I'm like, oh, brother, easy. What does it even mean? Easy, yes. So, okay, what about this, Daniel? Let's go.

This is, what if you found out that your wife had, while you were together but you weren't married yet had had an affair then and she've told you now what would you do here is the double standard that I can't it probably it must speak to some like horrible

caveman part of my brain that if my wife had said hey I murdered someone and I would say don't give me any more information I forgive you it was totally fine if you said hey I have had an affair, then I would ask for more information and the information would change how I felt about it. Still, a very intimate act with another human being. Yeah.

But the first time she just covered her tracks, that was all. Yeah. But like, if there's an affair, the specific. of the affair shouldn't change how I feel about it, but it definitely would. And I don't just mean, like, was it someone I know versus someone I didn't know? I would need to know everything about this person. And if it was like, if she had had an affair with a woman, then I'd be like, sure, 100%. You wanted something that I could not offer, and you wanted to experiment with something that's like,

totally fine or if there's some if she was like something that you didn't offer I mean that's the reason no matter what it's going to be something that you didn't offer

or she had an affairs like I'm so sorry I saw Steph Curry and I shot my shot and it worked I mean like I understand we don't have like an official list but like he's on your

your list that's okay or she said like Idris Elba I think this is this is I'm I'm so different from Idris Elba

that that I'm not upset about this. You are indulging in a new experience with a different person than me. She was like, I had an affair with John Marco Seresi. I'd be like, well, hold the fuck on. Yeah. This is

unacceptable. What are you doing finding a different curly-haired, scruffy comedian? That's... What am I not giving you that John Marco was going to give you. I mean, what if she's like, I met somebody, he works at Best Buy. He went to his apartment.

He had vertical blinds and he had two-in-one conditioner and shampoo in the shower. I'm just trying to make like a very single type of guy who is not a celebrity. No. And the details are like, I know my wife hates two and one conditioner shampoo. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm also thinking like, what were you doing at Best Buy? We don't, what do we, what do we need at Best Buy? I wanted her to, I wanted her to have looked past an awful lot to have made this choice. Because there's so many, I assume during an adulterous situation that at every turn, the littlest thing would stop you from doing it.

Yeah. Like the littlest thing that reminds you that this is not a great idea or that you don't, maybe not like this person. And you have those all the time with every human, where you're just like, you're hanging out with them and you're like, whoa, is that Rosatia? I've never seen that before. There'd be different things along the way that you'd be like, oh, oh, okay, you're human.

You're another human and I'm now reminded of that. Yeah. It's not just a dreamlike scenario. And I think that it's amazing to me that people do have. adulterous affairs because I'm like, you had to choose the whole time. Yeah. The whole time you had to say yes to it. It's so funny when you's just the specifics of I met a guy at Best Buy immediately.

My brain is like, I told you we don't need a printer. We agreed. We weren't getting a printer. He said this one doesn't have built-in obsolescence. He said it's in cartridges, you get the full max out of your in-carriages. ever since. And you could do, they offer subscriptions now for ink cartridges. That's how they get you.

This is what I'm talking about. So I slept with a guy. Yeah, I know. It doesn't matter. Just, I'm the one who's going to have to change the ink. This episode is brought to you by Spreaker. The platform responsible for a rapidly spreading condition known as podcast brain. Symptoms include buying microphones you don't need, explaining RSS feeds to confused

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Start your show today at spreeker.com. Sprinker, because if you're going to talk to yourself for an hour, you might as well publish it. You also know now, you were in a situation where you, she had an opportunity to choose. She should choose because you were, you break up when you're a boyfriend and girlfriend. Sure, even if you've done it for a long time, like, that's still, wait, it's clean. That's so easy to do. Especially, I guess even if you live together, it's still very easy to break up at that point. It gets much, much harder the longer you go on in a relationship when you have.

have a family when you get married when you do buy a house together those types of things it gets more complicated but she had a opportunity to choose she momentarily did to try like maybe i can have both and then she chose you like ultimately she was like you know what uh this isn't worth it i i want you and even though she didn't explicitly say it to you now she's coming clean about it I think that the only reason you could be angry at that point or that I could be angry at that point is if I was like, but that's not fair. Yeah. That's not fair. You've got to do a different one.

Right. I don't think I'm probably hurt and insecure, but I don't think I'm not understanding. And I don't think it's a deal breaker in the relationship for me, honestly, especially when you lay it out that way. and I think about there's a John Lennon documentary where it details how he had like a wild year, some amount of time where he broke up with Yoko to just like do independent John Lennon stuff. And then came back to Yoko and was like,

this was my lost year. I needed a lost year and I got it and I don't, and I'm unhappy and here I am and I'm back. And as far as I know, there were no more problems for John and Yoko. And that's the kind of, a thing where if if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if,

by printer salesman, and I'd just be like, okay, but you, you know, I, I, I wish our communication was better that you wouldn't have needed to have a lost weekend with the best by printer salesman. Um, and we can work on that in the future. But I'm not like, you're, you know, you're here.

You're back here. because you you discovered that the life with the best buy printer salesman is not the life that you wanted. And yeah, I think, I think similarly, I would like, it's not going to end our relationship. But again, I'd just spin out quietly. I'd be like, what was I doing during that time that was not fulfilling what she needed? Like what, like, trying to like remember everything about that particular time period to be like, how was I not there? Like, what was I doing that wasn't satisfying? And like thinking about the different stuff that would have put the fractures in the relationship to begin with.

And even though like they were then covered up for reasons you didn't understand at the time, like at some point they were fixed. And you don't, you didn't ever know they were broken. But it would be nice to know what they were because in case things break again. Yeah. You want to be better. You want to be a better husband all the time. I also, I also see your point about unfairness. And I see that unraveling for me too.

where if I said that's not that's not fair that you had a weekend with the Best Buy printer salesman and she could say well right in the interest of fairness do you want to go and have an affair with someone? I should be like no. Yeah, it's so funny. I just want to fix this. It's so apt that we call it cheating because you think about cheating in school. If you saw somebody else cheating off of you. Yeah. You'd be mad about it.

but you don't really have a right to be anything other than that because it doesn't hurt you. It's not hurting you. It's like ultimately they're the ones that have to like live with the fact that they did it and all that shit that your parents always say that doesn't have a sure they really matter. But they they're the ones like it doesn't affect you at all. And so I'm like, oh, well, that I can only be mad because you got to do it and I didn't. Right. And I can't. I can't turn around to the person cheating on me in class

and be like maybe next week I'll cheat off your exam and they'll be like, great, then we'll both fucking fail, idiot. What's that going to do? Oh, good point. Good points. Yeah, I mean, I don't know what the pettiest part of me and I think this might actually be a really funny episode of a show would be for you to say, well, then I get to do one.

You got to do one and now I get to. and then will you please will you go with me yeah because it's going to be bad because like it's we please go with me to the bar where I try to pick someone else up because like you've always been better at starting up conversations with people that I have you know how names better how hard it is for me to get out of my shell also I think that in my mind I'd be like well you get you did what I was doing. And then if I went and even like, even tried for the first five minutes of meeting somebody else,

I'd be like, oh, no, no, thank you. I don't want to do this. I changed my mind. But then I guess, I don't know.

The reason I also had to spin out about it is that, same, what I said before, like they had to make a choice the whole way through. They're like, it's not just one choice. It's like choices every single second to continue on. And that would really sit,

not sit well with me, that they were, that my significant other was capable of, of that. Right. That would spiral into, I need to walk into the apartment

of the Best Buy printer salesman. Yeah. And see like everything that she saw and she still kept going. Yeah. Yeah. Because your first instinct would be

you'd see stuff in there and you'd be like, this fucking guy. Yeah. Are you kidding me? And then that would just hurt you more because you're like, oh, God, this guy. What was I? What was the problem with me at the time?

Does she like lava lamps? Should I get lava lamps? No, she came home to me where there are no lava lamps. But maybe some nights there should be lava lamps? Taking all the wrong lessons from this. Oh, my God. It's, there's cat hair everywhere. He lets his cat up on the counter.

It's just walking over the food. Okay, honey, so you cheated on me and I don't feel great about it, but I'm learning and I'm listening and I got a cat. Is that what you wanted? So, no more running around. Yeah. Listen, I took the lessons that I think I needed to from this. I feel like a more mature adult. I got you a lot of cat hair.

you can put it wherever you like in the house. Yeah, so anyway, I think I would quietly spin out, but I would also, the biggest part of me would be like, it doesn't change anything because obviously this moment happened for you and you had an opportunity to make a choice and you chose me instead. That's good.

It's crazy. how big cheating is in movies and TV shows as as like a dramatic um uh, uh, incision point in, in a, in a plot when I just feel like if my wife cheated on me,

it, she is still the person. Like, like movies treat cheating as like a magic wand where someone gets cheated on and then they are different and then everything is different. And I just feel like, man, This is going to be a rough couple of fucking years of therapy of getting through this, but it's still like, she's my wife who I like picked and married and, and wake up every day with. And I, I, you know, I'm not waiting for her to cheat on me to throw that away. And it's just another thing to work through. I, so, yeah, the reason I also gave this to you as it happened before you were married is that because things start to compound and that the relationship gets tighter.

and tighter and is it tougher not to untangle? It's not necessarily the case that they're choosing in you. Well, it would be really rough for the children. It would be rough for our divorce would be bad. Well, I got to change my address again. It would be a complications issue. It's like a logistics problem to choose the other direction. So I don't know.

I don't know how I would respond. in marriage. I guess I never really thought about it. I guess I'd be pretty pissed. And maybe you'd be like, yeah, I think you're right. I think you'd have to just be like a lot of therapy. Yeah.

And be like, you better not do it again. I want to be clear because I know my wife was going to listen to this podcast. I'd be really pissed. I mean, I'm on the other side of it

in this hypothetical of like moving forward with you through therapy for the sake of our shared life that we want. But like, I'd be real mad at you for a long.

time. It wouldn't be pleasant to be around. Yeah. Yeah. Things would be different. There's a lot of stuff I do around the house that I'd probably let slip for a little bit. Just think about it. How petty and impotent.

That is. It's so funny. It's like, I used to sweep the floor every morning for you. You know what? Never again. Well, maybe for a month. I also like a clean floor. It's my floor, too.

I'm doing it, but I'm not doing it. But I'm not doing it for you anymore. I also don't like the feeling of crumbs on my bare feet. Okay, well, I'm glad we got to these hypotheticals. What an episode. Yeah. Thank you, everybody, for listening. This has been a quick question with Soren and Daniel.

You knew that. Yeah. If you liked our theme song, that's me, Rex. They're wonderful. Actually, you know what? I want to go back and listen to our theme song again because I really enjoy it. I like it a lot. We don't at the beginning of these podcasts, listen to it.

But they're wonderful. And if you want more of this podcast, we have a podcast. We have a Patreon and you can subscribe to that. We do another smaller versions of these podcasts. Today, we're going to talk about our walk-up music. MLB walk-up music. What song would you choose? Wow.

Because my kids are playing in the MLB, as we all know, and they already have their walk-up songs chosen. And if you want to watch a video version of this podcast, you want to see the picture in Daniel's room of Jean-Luc Picard. getting dunked on by Gatorade. You can do that on YouTube. And that's it. Thanks, everybody.

I think you'll have a great time here I think you'll have a great time here