Quick Question with Soren and Daniel - Work Stinks, We Know

Episode Date: September 3, 2022

Soren provides an update on his birthday party planning, and Daniel learns its ok to use bad words!  And as always big thanks to our sponsors. Thanks to Jiminy's sustainable dog food made with cricket protein. Save 25% on your first purchase, go to jiminys.com/QQ25 and use code QQ25 at checkout. Thanks  Magic Mind! Go to magicmind.co/QQ and use code QQ  at checkout for 20% off. Thanks  Avast.com! Go to Shopify.com/qq for a FREE fourteen-day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features.

I've got a quick, quick question for you, alright? I wanna hear your thoughts, wanna know what's on your mind I've got a quick, quick question for you, alright? The answer's not important, I'm just glad that we could talk tonight So what's your favourite? Who did you get? What do I be? What's it up to? Where did all that go? Do we know? Oh, forget it.

I saw a movie, Daniel O'Brien. Two best friends and comedy writers. If there's an answer, they're gonna find it. I think you'll have a great time here. I think you'll have a great time here. So hello again and welcome to another episode of Quick Question with Soren and Daniel, the podcast where two best friends and comedy writers ask each other questions and give each other answers. I am one half of that podcast, senior writer for Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, author of How to Fight Presidents, and guy who in eighth grade was legitimately booed by most

of my school live on stage, Daniel O'Brien, joined as always by my co-host, Mr. Soren Bui. Soren, say something, Soren Bui. No, I have to have the story. So, eighth grade lip sync and talent show. Yeah. I performed. Go on, I know it. I know it well.

Yeah. I performed with my band at the time. I believe we were called the dizzy cubed for no clear reason. We were a three piece and we played all the small things by blink 182. And in anticipation of this performance, I ran it by the Spanish teacher who was throwing the event. I was like, Hey, there's like,

like a kind of a curse word in this song. Am I allowed to say it or no? She's like, What's the curse word? It's like this lyric where they say, work sucks. I know. I was just getting in my head being like, No, there's not. And she thought about it. And I didn't even like give her an opportunity to say anything. I just said, you know what? You know what I could do? I could change it to Work Stinks if you want. And she was like, yeah, sure. So I changed the lyric to Work Stinks, I know. And the middle school was not happy. They weren't feeling it. They wanted socks. They wanted to hear you say socks. Yeah. Oh my God, that's so funny. You even went to them.

Yeah. That's such a dad O'Brien thing to do. No one forced me to make this change. I volunteered the idea of changing it and then I pitched a solution.

Before they could even say no. Don't worry, I got to tell you, it was so punk rock. So in the spirit of Blink-182. Yeah. This episode is brought to you by Jiminy's, maker of sustainable dog food made with cricket

protein. Cricket protein is a superfood that is delicious, nutritious, and easy to digest for dogs. Save 25% on your first purchase. Go to Jiminy's.com slash QQ25 and use code QQ25 at checkout. Thanks to Avast for supporting Quick Question. With Avast One, you can confidently take control of your online world by helping you stay safe from viruses, phishing attacks, ransomware, hacking attempts, and other cyber crimes. Learn more about Avast One at avast.com. Thanks to Shopify for supporting Quick Question. Shopify

is a platform designed for anyone to sell anywhere, giving entrepreneurs like myself the resources once reserved for big business. Boo! For a free 14-day trial and full access to Shopify's entire suite of features, go to shopify.com slash QQ. Thanks to MagicMind for supporting our podcast. MagicMind is the world's first productivity drink that helps you fight off stress and keeps you dialed in not wired go to magic mind.co slash qq and use code qq at checkout for 20 off oh man work stinks so um my that's crazy that you are so worried about it my so my brother i remember going to his talent show when i was a little kid he was in elementary school and he did a, they did a Wilson.

Like, I think they did all of parents just don't understand, which at the time was like a, he was huge. And it's three songs basically. And they did all of them together. There's three kids. And like each one of them took a,

basically a song. And then the rest of them were like the people in the song. And that, that sounds rough. I mean, there's like at one point he steals his parents' car and then the rest of them were like the people in the song and that that sounds rough i mean there's like at one point he steals his parents car and then finds a girl and like khan is like hooking up with her in the car and then police get on his tail and then they take the car away he finds out that the girl was 12 years old and like yeah it's like first of all will don't if that comes up i, don't reveal that in the song.

Yeah, and also don't then turn it around and be like, man, can you believe these parents? No, no, no, Will. Not the villain. Yeah. It's so surprising. You're choosing the narrative here. You're the one who gets to make the song up,

and you're like, how old should she be? What if she's like, what if she's really young? She's like 16. No. And DJ does. Jeff's like, what about 12? But anyway,

I, when you said that there was like a lip sync competition, I immediately was like, yeah, man, I did Lisa Loeb and like, and, and just,

yeah. Eighth grade. We did a lip sync, basically like battle the bands type of thing but it was just all lip syncing i don't even remember how this all happened it was just like i don't know if other grades did it ever but we were just like this is what we're doing this is the competition here's the trophy and i on the day i was like oh i know i know a lisa lobe song i could do. That would be very funny. And it killed because I'm a boy, Dan. Yeah, no, I know.

Ours was the first lip sync talent show in our school's history. It was, that was, I don't know if they kept doing it after us because I was in eighth grade and, you know, pretty clearly burned that bridge. But it was like a big deal for us and especially a big deal for, for my little outfit, because we were the only, everyone, as far as I know, I, my memory is not perfect. Everyone did lip sync. We were the only band, the only like group of kids playing instruments in the whole thing. So we closed the show, which was very exciting for us. Um, you had to't win though i don't think an award was given okay it was just for fun yeah so it is

i was thinking about this the other day that when there's a whole group of people that they there wasn't like an escalation where they were hating you hating you hating you and then this was the the straw uh this was like they were probably into it yeah you did one thing and they all went no yeah they were so excited to see a band and this was uh 1998 1999 so all the small things by blink 182 was like a a massive song it cannot be overstated how big that song was and for for kids to to to see what felt like a punk rock band right in their school playing instruments and singing and and there was there's fucking drums and everything and then uh the student council treasurer says work stinks i know that everyone is like no come on so the reason i've been thinking about this is because apparently a concert just

recently in dc lord was performing and she's in the middle of her songs when she's just like bantering with the audience she's like i wanted to get a feel for dc so i took a swim in the potomac and everyone goes, Oh, boo. Boo. And like the crowd just immediately turned on her people who paid money to come see Lord. The minute she said that she wanted to get a feel for the city. And so she's less sway in the Potomac.

They were immediately booing her. And I don't, I mean, I don't know. I don't know the rules of DC. I don't know why that's bad or good, but I just thought it was very funny that one little thing, the audience is like, nope, no longer a fan. At my friend Jacqueline's wedding that we went to recently, she's notorious for pulling pranks.

She's a real life person who pulls pranks. And in her speech at the reception to her husband, she said something to the effect of now i know i promised you no pranks at our wedding but i do have one more surprise for you and she's gestured to a spot on the dance floor and there was no one there and she goes i'm just kidding there's no prank and then the bride gets booed at her fucking wedding. It was awesome. We were all so disappointed that she didn't have a prank. Everyone wanted it. It's not for him. It's for us.

Oh, that's great. Well, I'm sorry you got booed by your school, Dan. That's okay. It seemed like... So a thing I don't know if I've mentioned on this podcast or to you ever is that I didn't swear until college. I didn't say a curse word. Because like our parents said, don't swear.

And like I imagine almost all parents do. And I'm the one idiot who like stuck to his parents' rules. I'm sure we've never talked about this, but I imagine my brothers probably would like swear privately with their friends or in their their minds in a flight of fantasy. But I was like, no, I don't. Parents, mom and dad said don't swear. So I just won't do it. And I even asked my mom one time, I was like, so when did you when did you first start swearing? She was like, I don't know, probably college. Probably I went to college and then I would swear when I got home and my mom didn't bat an eye about that. I was like, okay, great. So that's the rule.

I will abstain from swearing until college. And that is like a thing that I stuck to. That's fucking wild, Dan. I know. You're such a good person. I'm so pathetic. My parents. You're looking at this wrong.

I think you lay. I, so I have a son who's a rule follower and I just like, I just trying to keep the world from hurting him. He loves the rules and he loves the idea of rules. And when people don't follow the rules, it's such an affront to him. Like he's bewildered by it.

He's not even mad. He's just like, but why, why would they like the rules are what keep the world coherent. And, uh, I'm just at every single turn, I'm trying to like, make sure that he's going to be okay. Cause he's such a sweet kid and he wants to follow the rules. And I think that you're probably, you were very similar. There's nothing wrong with that. I mean, that's what, if we all followed the rules, Dan, your logic was sound. If we all did follow the rules, then everything's great. I do think the real hero in this story is all of my peers who begrudgingly accepted this lifestyle choice of mine. Yeah. Wow. Because there were plenty of conversations where I was like, yeah, I just, my, my parents don't

want me to swear. So I don't. And there were, my friends were like, yeah, I just my parents want me to swear So I don't and there were my friends were like, yeah, my parents don't want me to fucking swear either you goddamn idiot But I'm gonna do it. They're not around. What are you we're all just trying to survive. Don't you realize that and Eventually when they realized my will was too strong. It was like Alright, fuck it. Dan doesn't swear. Okay Fine, I guess we're gonna we'll just keep this friendship going with this weird loser. So in place of an expletive, was it like an Annie Wilkes from Misery type of thing where you'd stub your toe and you'd be like, cheese and crackers? No, I wasn't a cartoon character. I think I just wouldn't say a swear.

I would just like stub my toe and then be unhappy about it um oh you internalized it that's yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it became a growth inside of me yeah that makes perfect sense actually um but yeah uh speaking of of my son daniel yeah um i i teased on this podcast that I was going to be throwing a birthday party for him and that I was doing it quasi-illegally. Yes. Do you remember that? I do, yeah. You were, like most criminals, softly hoping to get caught.

You announced your plans into a microphone. You announce your plans into a microphone. I really, the party had gotten beyond my control. Like it had come off the rails with the number of guests that were coming. And like my deepest, most private hope was that we'd immediately get shut down. I didn't have to do it. We had to buy two cakes. There were so many people.

Jesus. So I was just as like, let me back up just a little bit. So we, the deal was, is that the parks in the city that I live in have it, or they have a new ordinance. There's like a new rule that says that vendors have to have this outrageous insurance. It's called, it's like a $3 million per occurrence insurance, which means that whatever happens that they're covered for $3 million per incident. Now that's, that's like a crazy, crazy amount. Um, and no vendors got that.

And that's every vendor has to have that. So that means not only that you can't do like a jumping castle or the things that you would think people would get hurt in. It's also, if you wanted to have Ray from star Wars, come to your kid's birthday, that, that person has to have a $3 million occurrence insurance, which is crazy and wild. And it means that no one will ever do. They can't do tacos or any sort of vendor, any vendor at all.

So it's all ice cream, anything. It's all, you can't do it. So I was complaining to them about that. And this is something that was handed down from City Hall, as far as I understand. I don't know what the top brass are, whatever those people are assemblymen. And they, I was like, what is this? Is they just trying to get rid of parties and parks and the parks that wreck people who were like lower on the rung? We're set. We're like, we don't know. We don't know what they're doing. It's really ruining everything. Nobody's having parties in our parks anymore.

I bet it'll change next year. And so I was like, okay, well, what, what if my hands are tied? Like, I can't have a party in your park. What do I do? And they're like, well, you just can't have a vendor. And I was like, well, what does that mean? Like, well, you could have a friend. And I was like, then you don't say anything else. Goodbye. So then I contacted this company that does bubble soccer and you're familiar with bubble soccer, right? That's where you get in a, a big inflatable ball and your legs stick out the soccer and you're familiar with bubble soccer, right? That's where you get in a big inflatable ball and your legs stick out the bottom and you can run around and just plow into people and roll over and do whatever you want because you cannot be injured. Oh, I see. I see. I work for John Oliver. Around the office we say bubble football.

Oh, right. Sorry. Yeah, of course. So I got this guy to do bubble soccer. I'm like, but we're buddies. And he's like, yes, I understand. We're friends. You'll pay me through Venmo. The guys that come and oversee it, they won't even wear branded t-shirts or anything like that. He was very cool about helping me out. And also I found out that when you rent out a space at the park, you only can have like 25 people. That's your max. My party had about 70 total because when you invite 17 kids or like, uh, your class, your son's class, you're actually inviting, you're at each child represents about five people. It turns out because everybody's's got siblings everybody's got parents and they all come introducing the miller optics 2kw handheld laser welder it's so simple to use

even a rookie can weld like an expert allowing you to boost your shop's productivity up to five to ten times more than with traditional arc welding processes expand your workforce so you can start doing more and making more get the optics laser advantage now and start changing the welding game um these stupid not broken households where everyone is there so we had so many fucking people at this party and um the bubble soccer like they start setting up and this immediately there's a parks and rec person there and she's like what's this this isn't on my on my manifest and i'm like oh no shouldn't be these are just my buddies we're setting up and she's like you're friends huh and i was like yeah she's like all right i gotta call this in and i was like fuck here we go that's it we're done and uh she went

over like by herself by her van called and then came back she's like all right here's the deal they asked me a lot of questions they said are you personally setting it up i said yes they said are are these guys like their van is's like, did they come in a separate car that has like an actual vendor on it, like indications of a vendor on it? She said to them, no. She's like, so this is, I'm going to let you go here. She was just like being super cool and like very, very helpful. And I was like, great. This is, you're being very wonderful.

She's like, here's the other thing. When I do this, there's generally more than one party at these parks. Like somebody can rent out another section. They're going to see this happening and then they're going to be upset and they will call it in because they couldn't have what you've got. Yeah, that's some rule following shit. That's some work. I know shit. Absolutely.

I am team other party. She's like, they're also going to probably come over here and they're going to want to talk to you and figure out how you did it. Here's what you say to them. And I was like, this is the best. You are like, I was like, I, I want you in my general life. Like, I want you telling me here are the rules. Here are the ones you need to follow. She's your first phone call for sure.

When you're in prison. She's so, she was so cool and so rad. And she was so overworked, too. Like this was her 10th party that morning that she was going around and like putting up the paperwork for. So she really hooked us up. She set it all up. We had a huge party. I mean, so many people.

My son got injured in the middle of it, not by bubble soccer. There was also a giant where the park that we're in has like this vegetation cliff basically that the kids all decided, yeah, we'll climb that. And so they just were like tearing down this cliff. Nobody actually fell, but my son came barreling down. His friend came barreling down behind him. My son stopped on the basketball court and this kid just plowed through him, just turned my son into paste basically. And he fell on the ground and was immediately bleeding out of like four places and the party stops and like i go and my instinct is to like pick him up and hold him for a little bit and like get him to calm down take him somewhere shady but he's also bleeding all over the front of his body so i have to turn him around and kind of like pick him up in a seated

position and that makes it look like you've got somebody with a broken bone basically. And so everyone's freaking out. The kids are freaking out and stuff. And I'm trying to be like, no, no, it's fine. It's fine. And like them getting riled up was also making him more riled up.

He's just bleeding a ton. It's like people like bringing stuff to me. And I'm like, no, please just back up, back up. And finally I get them all cleaned up. It's nothing.

It's like these little scratches on his elbows and his knees. And then, but then we have immediately after that we did cake so the footage from the party the video that I have of us saying happy birthday to him he could not look more unhappy or just like upset he's not crying anymore but there's still tears rolling out of his eyes he's just staring at the candles as everyone is saying happy birthday around him. And then we stop. There's a pause. He sighs and then blows out the candles.

Blows out the candles on one of his two cakes. Yeah. Yes. And I did look around and like clock some other parents and the good ones were all like really laughing at this, acknowledging the hilarity of the situation. And the kids love the bubble soccer. It was like a huge, huge hit. Every other parent was like, why does everybody jumping castles? They should do this.

The kids didn't even touch a ball. They never tried to put a ball on a goal. All they did was run around and run into each other and try and do flips in these things like big somersaults. And it ruled, I mean, everybody, even adults,

they brought two adult ones. So like adults were doing it. It was so much fun. Um, and yeah, then of course, yeah, we had two cakes.

Yeah. I murdered one. I was a terrible cutter. I shouldn't have been a cutter. I've talked about this before. I love Jiminyy's and more importantly, Jackson, my dog loves Jiminey's. If you care about the environment and have a dog, then consider reducing your dog's carbon paw print with Jiminey's sustainable dog food and treats made from cricket protein. Jiminey's is sustainably made because cricket protein uses less water and land to produce

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control of your online world with Avast One. It helps you stay safe from viruses, phishing attacks, ransomware, hacking attempts, and other cyber crimes. Learn more about Avast One at avast.com. I'm really surprised about the Parks and Rec person because I imagine she has to do this exact thing all the time. So why do they go through that whole song and dance every time? Why does she have to call and then do a spiel when she can just be like, yeah, I see what's happening. It's fine. Yeah. So I think that she hasn't experienced it like this yet. Cause I spent a lot, a ton of

time trying to figure out how to get around these rules. I think generally they have somebody who's just like, we're just going to show up and set up. And like, it's better to ask for forgiveness than for permission. So like they just go set up a jumping castle. And in those situations, it feels more like an affront probably to them, to the parks and rec people. And they're like, no, shut this down. You don't even have this space reserved. Like it's, it's like you didn't even try. And it was so clear that I tried. And she was really appreciating the effort. So she was like, all right, I get it. These are your friends. Uh, I, this is all, this is fine.

It's also, um, like more minimal impact to do this bubble soccer thing. You with a jumping castle, it's big. It's got branding all over it. It's got a generator that goes along with it. Yeah. And like, there's a giant truck that it has to travel in bubble soccer was way easier and way more discreet,

I would say. But it was, man, it was so cool. And all the kids, every single kid was into it. Like it wasn't like it was a broke down by gender or anything like that like every kid was like yeah i want to get in one of those and do some flips awesome

well congrats on a successful birthday thank you it was you we forgot to give out the party favors for like seven of the kids seven of the families that was a real i how how what the party favors were in a box that were kind of like away from the party because they didn't want kids just digging through this because they it's that you know some of those kids are that kind of kid there was one kid who just came up and stuck his hand in the cake and i was like okay that's no we don't do that um but uh so then when like family started to leave already colleen and i were like well this is the downhill like home stretch here and we completely forgot to give them

the party favors and so when I finally figured out what was going on I was like oh my god and just started like throwing them at children I spent so much time putting these together too they're like not the kind where you just like get a bag that's full of erasers and stuff I was like I don't want useless hunks of shit

I want to have this be cool so I got them I got I got them. I got everyone a Ford Taurus. It's a reliable car. It's not flashy. I got these backpacks that have baby Yoda on them. So it looks like you're carrying baby Yoda, sort of. Oh, nice. Not a huge backpack.

Just like the ones that have little drawstrings. And inside there was, uh, inflatable lightsabers that were, that were just sick. Like we, my son still plays with his inflatable lightsabers. There's tattoos.

Uh, this is a star Wars party. Yeah. Tattoos, uh, star Wars tattoos. And there was, uh,

Oh fuck. I don't remember anymore. Probably some useless shit. Honestly. C3PO erasers. Yeah. After I just, uh, but it was, they all got theirs. And then the next day I had Ronan bring some to the kids at school who didn't get them. And I was like, just be cool about it when you give it to him because not everyone went to your party and I'm just like, want you to be a little discreet, just go hand it to him. And so Ron was like,

okay, got it. And I watched him get into line at school. He like clocked this girl, Abigail. And he's like, Oh, I got to get her. So he digs in his backpack,

goes over to her and he's like, this is cause you came to my party and ran away. And all the kids around her were like, what the fuck? Oh, Ro. We'll work on that. Yeah.

I also had some family time this past week. Soren went down to North Carolina to see my parents and my brother and sister-in-law and my niece and nephew. We were all down at the same time. And I've mentioned on the podcast that I'm trying to get into golf because that's what my brother and dad do. And they're both gotten really good at it. And I secretly started taking golf lessons and hitting the driving range almost every

day because I was visualizing this moment of golfing with them and getting to my first tee and taking my first swing and both of them going, who the fuck is this? This guy showed up. Someone's, something's different. And I would like very- And then they would love you. Yeah. And mock humbly, I would be like, I guess I took a couple of lessons so the first hole that i'd visualized for so long uh i beamed two balls directly into the water and then quit that hole i'm out of balls was i supposed to bring more than two i was like nope too mad can't keep playing this one i'm gonna i'm to sit in the cart and regroup. And I will...

The game starts on the second hole for me. That's what I'm doing. And I didn't really wake up as a golf player with all of the stuff that I learned in my lessons until about the eighth hole. Then things started to turn around for me. I'm still not good. I'm not competitive with them.

But I'm clearly better than i was a year ago and they both noticed something was different which is great and i i did get to tell them like you know i i had to sheepishly volunteer the information and say you know by the way i i took lessons and have been going to the driving range to impress you guys. And they're like, no, yeah, we noticed. It's like, well, you didn't say anything. So you came alive in the back nine. Yeah. Somehow that's even better, I think.

Well, not the way that you had described it, but like you like suddenly coming alive would be, that's even better because then you don't even say you get lessons. Then you're just like, I think I'm getting the hang of this. It's like, oh, I get it. Forward and uh-oh, we're aiming for the hole. I see. Okay. Yeah, this makes sense now.

I found in my own life that when people believe me to just be preternaturally good at things, it goes much further than when they think that I've practiced it a lot. Well, Dan, did you ever have any drives where you just hit the ball and it just felt good and the ball just disappeared into orbit? I just went far, I mean.

Oh, yeah, yeah. One that went so far that we never found it and I'm convinced it was a good shot. My brother was convinced it went into the water, but there was no time to litigate that because there were people behind us. And you never went looking for it? No. Okay. Yeah. Well, then it probably was a great shot. Maybe it was in the hole and you just didn't know. It was really, I had to go like,

because I took lessons a little bit ago and I had to bite my tongue on this podcast because I was like, I don't want to, I don't want to, I had stories about taking lessons, but I didn't want to say it on the podcast because I didn't want them to hear it. And then no, yeah, I certainly couldn't. It would be all over variety. The Hollywood reporter, senior writer, Daniel O'Brien taking golf lessons, biggest scoop of the fucking century.

Single senior writer, Daniel O'Brien taking golf lessons, biggest scoop of the fucking century. Single senior writer. So I, I, I didn't say anything. And then even when we, when I got down to North Carolina, there was, my dad hurt his shoulder at one point. So there was a chance we wouldn't go golfing at all. And my brother was like, would you be bummed if we didn't go golfing? And I had to like, And I had to like do my best to, to express that I did want to go golfing, but, um, in a way that, that seemed casual and normal, because if this were any other year of my life, I would say, no, I don't care if we don't go golfing. I would be fine if we didn't go golfing. But this year being the year that I practiced, I'd be like, ah, you know, uh you know like i have i bought a couple of new

golf outfits that i specifically got for this trip be nice to try yeah i mean it would be it would be be a waste of time waste of money so sunk cost at this point so yeah we should go golfing a little bit i tried i had to play it cool the whole time just so I can make my grand debut of fucking doinking two balls in a row into the water and quitting. I'll be reading in the cart. Yeah. Just show up there and, and soak two balls and then say, thanks guys. I'm out.

This cost me $250. Plus the outfits, of course. Well, Dan, while you were playing, were you overwhelmed with the joy of competitive sport? Introducing the Miller Optics 2KW Handheld Laser Welder. It's so simple to use, even a rookie can weld like an expert, allowing you to boost your shop's productivity up to 5 to 10 times more than with traditional arc welding processes.

Expand your workforce so you can start doing more and making more. Get the Optics Laser laser advantage now and start changing the welding game no let me here's here's why i ask i stopped playing sports when i had children um yeah i was way into sports i love competitive things as you know and i stopped playing because there just wasn't really time it It wasn't fair to my wife. I was going to be like, oh no, on Saturdays, I'm going to go to this. There's like a pickup, uh, ultimate league or like do the winter league or whatever. I can't do that.

And so I stopped and then I went to Christmas's ago. I played golf and I hadn't played in forever. So I was also very bad and everyone else around me was very good, but just competing in anything. Like I was, my first thought was, I think I really love golf. I think golf is like, this is so much fun. And then I started like, I started to wake up a little bit to what was really happening. And I was like, oh no, it's just being competitive in any capacity outdoors is something that I genuinely love and don't have in my life anymore. And I'm putting all of that on golf right now.

I see. No, not for me, but I also think like my brother and dad can be competitive with each other. I am so much worse than them in every aspect of the game that I'm not like a win for me this time around was to look like I was playing golf, which is what I was doing. I was I was driving the ball far and like keeping pace with them in the golf course. So it's not them 200 yards down the course and me, uh, forcing the ball up with sheer tyranny of will 70 yards at a time, just muscling it down the field like a lunatic. I want it to look like I was playing the same game as them and I accomplished that, but I, I am, I'm not at a point yet where it makes sense for me to, to keep score of myself.

Okay. Yeah. Once you get above kind of like six, you just stop counting. Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't say boat. I'm not a good golfer by any means,

but what I like the way that you can really hold your own is off the tee box. If you can really belt one straight and just knock the shit out of it and like send it 20 yards past anybody out of it and like send it, you know, 20 yards past anybody else. Everyone is like, Oh, nice,

nice. Oh, this is, you are, you do golf. I mean, at this point I want the ball to go high and far. And I want,

uh, to make that sound you get when you, when you hit the ball off the tee with a driver. Yeah. Get that, get that sound. That was like, Oh, if I were, if a blind person was sitting here, they would think I was playing

golf. That's what I want. Yeah, of course. Um, we also had the, I had the weird experience where when I played with basically family, I mean, some of the, one of them is a brother-in-law, one of them's a sort of brother-in-law. One of them was cheating. I was like, who is this for? Oh, well, there was a consequence. If you lost, if you were last, you had to jump in this pool. It was December and there was a very, very cold pool at the house that they were staying at. And when we got back, it should be around

sundown, you had to jump in this terrible cold pool. And like, that was even better for me. Were they cheating in like a pretty loud way of fudging their own score or cheating in like a, there are a lot of formal rules to golf that many people might not even know cheating in a very, if you didn't even know golf, you were like, no, that was not, you did not have a bogey there you had like a triple bogey where they're just like he could get done with the

hole and he'd be like uh got a four you're like no you didn't and uh i wasn't clocking it for a while but then the other brother-in-law like as we were like walking back to the carts he was like he was cheating i was like yes and then i checked it like i the carts, he was like, he's cheating. I was like, he is? And then I checked it and I started paying attention. He was like, yeah, he's cheating. You don't need to name names. This is just for me. Is the brother-in-law who was cheating, is it the brother-in-law that I met?

No. Oh, thank God. Okay. This is my brother's wife's family and extended family. Copy. Yeah. I don't know that that brother-in-law that you met, Marty, I don't think he plays golf. I didn't peg him for a cheater.

That would be very surprising. No. Yeah. He's like the nicest. He's also a rule follower. He's one of the good ones. Yeah. But I love golf.

I do love it. I think. Maybe I just love sports. But I'm going to play again this winter, I think. Maybe I just love sports. But I'm going to play again this winter, and I'm so excited about it. I loved it. You know what I loved, and this should come as no surprise to listeners of the podcast who I've already talked about Spanish classes and boxing classes and dance classes, taking golf lessons is great.

I highly recommend it. Uh, when you're, especially if you have been doing something for a while, uh, by yourself, and then you meet with an expert to correct some things there is, uh, you you're, I will never have as many complete game changing lessons as I do right in the beginning. There are so many easy, obvious things for a professional to correct at this point that immediately make my game better. Just there, there's like a, a list of things that would take me six months of practice to fix myself that he could just diagnose in 30 minutes and and it's it's you know it's like seeing a a new color for the first time it's and again that's not going to happen like two months down the line but i i know that the lessons

will not like improve my game by 40% or 50% every week. But in the beginning, it's just, there's, it's just fun. There's so much stuff that he can correct and make better. And I love learning new stuff and getting better at things. Yeah. It's nothing but improvement. And like creating that, that, that polished work, that muscle memory of, you know, that you're doing the thing right.

And like just honing in this one very specific movement over and over and over again until it becomes second nature is such a joyful thing. I don't know. It's hard to explain, but it's, it's like beautiful. It's great to, to, and when you see other people doing something where it's like, oh no, that's polished. Like that's, this is something that they've done over and over and over again. You, you were immediately in awe of them. Yeah. Even that little smoking kid do you remember that viral viral child that like was smoking a cigarette and he's like two years old but he can like the way he's twisting those cigarette around his fingers and stuff you're like oh yeah that's good he knows his shit what the fuck are you talking about i'm sure everybody's got to know this i'm surprised that you don't smoking kid

smoking child indonesia maybe oh remember this kid yeah yeah i do and he's just like great with a cigarette indonesian baby smokes 40 cigarettes a day 35 million views on youtube i don't know maybe we shouldn't have filmed this. I don't know why that's the first thing that I use. This is my example, but like just polished work in general and anything. Um, uh,

just one second. I'm going to Michael Shannon. Um, there's a cooking video with Michael Shannon where he's, he's like, he's doing part of this like class basically. So he's not a chef by any means, but there's a professional chef that's coaching him through something. They're like, all right, now crack your eggs and put them in.

He cracks his eggs on the table with just one hand. He does an egg in his hand, cracks it on the table, not on a corner, solid on the table, and then splits it open with one hand and throws the egg away. Immediately, the chef is like, where did you learn that?

Because he's not a good cook at all. But then Michael Sheen is like, oh, I was a line cook in this play at one point. And it's like, I had to learn how to do it. So he has this one very specific knowledge point about cooking that makes him look like a professional if you only saw him do this one thing.

Man, that is one thing that I think is really cool. A fun side benefit of acting. Most of acting I think is stupid, but was reading an interview with Ayo Edebiri, who's on The Bear right now. She's very good. And she was talking about taking a bunch of cooking classes to understand the character and like make the cooking that she is doing look convincing yeah uh and that's such a what a cool aspect of your job that you to prepare for a role you could just take classes and things and learn a new thing to to effectively fake it i would love to have that kind of freedom, that kind of room where it's like,

all right, I'm going to be, I'm playing a dancer in this movie and most of acting is pretend bullshit. I have to do something to justify how much they're paying me. Okay, I'm going to take a dancing class for six months to prepare for this thing. Or all those actors who like go to bootcamp,

all the top gun maverick guys who went to flight school for a little while it's just like all these like little tiny things that you get to add to your arsenal of skills that you know it's so cool it's i mean i think being a dilettante is completely underrated something just kind of good at everything i i think it's yeah it's in the same way where like if you learn one really cool dance move you're like if you have that in your repertoire it's the same with driving in golf like if you can if you can drive off the t there's just like this one thing where everyone's like yeah okay he plays golf he passes you feel like this one move on a dance floor yeah

you like spin on your back everyone's like oh no he's a fucking good dancer people just remember you differently because you have like a one thing it's weird he only dances when this one song plays i i just assume it's his favorite it certainly wouldn't assume he learned choreography committed it to memory and busts it out it's why people have a karaoke song where they're like, this is the song that I do. And if I just perform this one song, everyone will think that I have this huge talent behind it all.

And that's not true. It's just a facade. Yeah. Cha-ching! Do you know that? Do you know that sound? I love that sound. That sound makes me smile. That sound makes me smile.

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Do you know? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. But you don't, do you know how long you went from? No, I remember kindergarten. I don't, I have no reason to assume I didn't go to preschool. Um, I can't remember the name of the school or, uh, who crossed me while I was there. Both my children are now in school. Gilly just started school yesterday, started a preschool. And I thought for sure this was going to be an easy thing for her because we, she's so outgoing in a way that nobody else in the family is where she just, we go into a new space. She can't find us immediately for like at the beach or at a dinner or something. And she's like lost her way.

She's just like, oh, this family looks good. And you just sort of like watch her mosey up to another family and be like, well, I'll be with you from now on, basically. And it's very charming. You look like a mom and dad. This looks nuclear.

I could be a part of this. I know how I fit into something like this. But she, she was, she's very, very much like that. We even took her, there was a day where we could just go and like hang out at the school to get her familiar with it and to kind of see it while we're there with her. And she's very, very much like that. We even took her, there was a day where we could just go and like hang out at the school

to get her familiar with it and to kind of see it while we're there with her. And she immediately walked away from us, went on this bear hunt with, with everybody else. They're doing like that. We're going on a bear hunt. We're going to catch a bear. It's a book. Uh, and she was into it. She was immediately into it, playing with the other kids.

And we're like, oh, she's going to be fine. And I even talked to her about it before we went. She's so pumped about school. Cause Ronan goes, she always says my school. And we're like, yeah, you're going to your school.

Now listen, I'm going to drop you off. And then I'm going to go away. And she's like, yeah. Okay. So I won't be there. She's like,

yeah. I'm like, okay. All right, let's try it. And so the first day I brought her to school, she marched right in. And I's like, yeah. And I'm like, okay, all right, let's try it. And so the first day I brought her to school, she marched right in. And I was like, this is great. I gave them all the stuff that I need to give them, changes of clothes and stuff.

And then I fucked up. I went, okay, hey, Gilly, bye. And she was like, what? You're not staying? I was like, no, we talked about it over and over. And she freaked out and like came, ran at me. This is something that we had to deal with with Ronan for like years. Whereas at every single drop off, it's these, it's him trying not to cry, but like being held by somebody and reaching out for us.

Jesus. Yeah, it's heartbreaking. It's like, it's heartbreaking. It's tough. It's really, really hard. And I thought, maybe we won't have to deal with that with Gilly. First two days, it doesn't look likely.

It looks like maybe it's going to be even worse. She feels things even a little bigger than he does, and she was losing it, like it was life or death, trying to push away as much as she could from the teacher and just like grabbing at me and like trying to grab my clothes and like not letting go and screaming. No, no,

no. And then when, when I finally pried her tiny hands away from me and shut the gate, I could hear on the other side saying, daddy, come back, daddy, come back.

Even in my car, as I'm driving away, it's loud enough that I could hear it in the car. And I was just like, Oh, I don't, I don't know that i have the will for this it's so hard the parental instinct to resist that is the most confusing thing in the world to me uh but i it's it's the right thing to do you're doing the right thing but I don't know how any parent does that. I like just visualizing any of my nieces or nephews being held back and reaching out for me. I feel like I'd be like, you know what? It's fine. I'm just going to, I'm going to take him. And, um, and he'll just never be away from me for the rest of both of our lives. I'm going to,

I'm going to raise an incredibly weird son. Uh, and that's my choice. And that's what I'm doing. It is. I think I'm going to homeschool And that's what I'm doing. It is. I think I'm going to homeschool him or not. I'm just going to keep them here. It's so rough. And you think about like, you start to waver. You start to think about what sort of emotional damage you might be doing

with this because they really are. It looks like they're never going to see you again. And they feel that in their hearts. Cause they're like screaming and be like, don't go to see you again. And they feel that in their hearts because they're like screaming and be like, don't go, don't go. And you're like, no,

this is good for you. And you're like, is it good for them? But ultimately my son is now great at school. I mean, he just goes and walks in. He's he's awesome. And it's because he's had all this experience with having to go to school

and knowing that parents come back at the end end that it's actually more fun to be there and i just like want to fast forward to when she's figured that out because man is it rough can i tell you what my what tragic thing my godson said to me in north carolina when we were down there yeah please this was unprompted my five-year-old nephew said, uncle, he calls me uncle, uncle, I'm worried about you sometimes. And I said, why? He said, because it's just you and Jackson in that beach house alone. You don't have any people. Oh, my gosh.

That's devastating. Absolutely. And I was like, you don't have to worry about me. And I think it's an amazing trait of his that he thinks about that. Because at five years old, I didn't assume he thought about me at all when he couldn't see me. I thought really it was just like, oh, Uncle's here. And when Uncle's not here you know you know who gives a hoot now i'm i'm playing with legos or whatever he stops existing somewhere yeah um but uh so i

wanted to to like let him know i was like no no no i've got i've got uh i've got this this uh neighbor that i hate and i've uh there's this guy down the street joe and i i fucking hope he chokes but i see him every day. I'm leading a rich life. And just, just letting him know that there are like people and friends in my life and things that I do and that he doesn't need to be worried about me. But at the same time, I'm also thinking like, uh, I guess I could, I guess I should, uh, get married and start a family right now.

Yeah. I don't want him to worry about me. Man, that means that it's just in these moments unprompted where he's got some time to just ponder things. You come to mind and he's like- I know. It's so sweet. I'm worried about my uncle. Yeah. And his parents, my brother and sister-in-law, tell me that that's a very common thing for him if he's reading a story with like main characters. And then there's a random side character that gets that gets mentioned and then sort of dropped. He's very concerned about the side characters like well, who's gonna who's gonna pick up the side character from school? Why don't we know about the side characters, mommy and daddy? And he's just, he's just, he's got such a big heart and he cares for everyone. And me as a side character in his

life, I also get that treatment. Right. Oh man, that's so sweet. I know. I don't know how you could comfort him though. I think you have to be like, no, you're right. It's just us yeah if something happened to me jackson would probably eat me eventually yeah he would poop everywhere eat me resent me and then i would eventually be found by that neighbor i hate so you, everything's fine. Yeah, I don't even know how I would help him through that. So my son's six. How old is he?

Five. Okay. It's like an age where they start to get some kind of complex ideas and start thinking about things in a complex way. And it's very interesting and fun to watch it happen to my son and to hate to i can start giving him a little more details about actual life that i had previously where we'll be reading a rick jr magazine that's like a sort of like highlights but for animals is that are they trying to jump on nick jr no it's ranger ranger rick is like the older kid version and then there's a rick jr okay and it's that's some that's some

some kirkland nickelodeon shit if i ever heard it do you guys have rick jr oh man you're poor yeah it is like the select uh of these magazines but uh we're reading it and we get to like this there's a really good one that just came out that's got like here what amphibians are here what reptiles are here what birds are here what insects are here what mammals are and we get to the mammal page and i'm like trying to get pull it out of him being like what do you think a mammal is like what separates a mammal from other animals and he's good he's like they have they have hair and i'm like yeah okay what about dolphins and stuff he's like oh and and and then uh we get to the idea of uh mammary glands i'm like there's they all they're called mammals because of mammary glands so they all have nipples and he's like what where

he's like are you telling me that elephant has nipples yeah he's so charmed by the idea of it and uh then i started telling him about birth and like mammals give live birth and that they we all have belly buttons because they were all connected to a placenta and he's like what on earth is that it's like i'm explaining to him like what a placenta is and him trying to understand it is the cutest fucking thing in the world. Him. He's going, okay. And so what does, what happens to the rest of the cord?

And I'm like, what do you mean? He's like, you cut it from the baby where the rest just hangs out of the mom's butt. Like, no, no, it's connected to a little organ and the organ comes out. Yeah, it does. Can I see it? I mean, okay, we'll look at pictures of placentas. It's like, and then where do they go?

Like, where do they, what happens to them? If I was a six-year-old learning about placentas, I'd be like, why don't I fucking see them all over the ground? What's going on? Yeah, how come we're not kicking through these on my way to school? Why are we slipping on placentas every day? Like, why am I kicking through leaves like an idiot when I could be kicking crunchy old

placentas? And I was like trying to explain to him, like, I don't ever know how much to give because I'm like, I want to be honest and I don't want to like seem squeamish around anything. So I was like, well, some people eat them. It's like looking at the sky like what and i'm like i know that's kind of how i feel but i i don't want to like give you that just yet i want you to like make your own informed opinions but there's people to get it put into pills i know a woman sort of a hippie-ish woman back in my hometown who turned it into an

omelet not everybody eats them some people just throw them away or they use them for science. And trying to explain all this to him and that all animals, he's like, well, what do the animals do with them? I'm like, yeah, they eat them. And he was like, no, all animals? I was like, yeah, man, it's just us that don't eat them. Man, you've thrown a lot at him that he's sitting on the stoop with his head in his hands being like, okay, so elephants who have nipples eat placenta. A lot more nipples than we do. I'm going to sleep.

I'm going to sleep. I know it's four in the afternoon. I'm going to sleep. I've had a day. That's enough. It always is clear to me when I've given him too much because he stops talking for a while and just stares as he's like trying to like just compute it all just trying to get it all through his brain and it's really funny to watch it's like I've just given

him too much at a time yeah but anyway I really enjoy doing it I think it's really funny to see him try and tackle all these big heady concepts but sometimes he brings it on himself like he wants to talk about he's like what's that place you go when you die and i'm like i don't know the ground he's like the one uh where

god lives and i was like where is this coming from yeah heaven he's like yeah yeah heaven and then like he wants to talk a little bit about heaven and he wants to talk about it in a tangible like uh and that's where i'm going right and I'm like, how much do I give you here? Some people think so. Yeah, man. Listen, Ronan, we haven't yet decided if we want to raise you that way yet. We don't know. We don't know if we think you're going to heaven.

Yeah. He has told me the animals he's coming back as, and I'm like, yeah, that's fine. You believe in incarnation yeah that's fine you you believe incarnation that's fine because the reincarnation that we talk about is you're reincarnated as something else but you have no memories of your old life so you don't even know what you were previously which means you wouldn't know what you were previously at this point which means that effectively when you die you just die and that's fine and that definitely lets you off the hook too like you have no memory of your past life including this conversation so yeah so yeah be a raccoon that's fine yeah i hope you'll have a great time um but yeah he's he's at an age and like gillian gillian it's so clear

she has no idea ever what's truly happening like i try to have any sort of conversation with her where i'm like something like we find a dead possum or something like that i'm like not everything lives trying to like explain that to her and it's just not it's not getting through to her and she's like to the point where like she doesn't even know what we've just encountered like later she'll be be like, what did you see on your walk? She'll be like, a doggy. Doggy lying down sleeping. I'm like, that wasn't even a dog. That was a possum. What are you? Yeah. That's what I think about the many fears I have of eventual parenthood. I think the single biggest one for me is that I'm going to raise a weird kid

because I will keep so much of reality from them i'm just going to raise them in a fictional town like in the village movie where i completely feed them whatever i want and then the kid's going to go to sixth grade and be like how am i just learning about death like ah i'm sorry death is such a bummer i didn't want you to know about it are the other kids making fun yeah they're really making fun of you for it. Yeah. That's my fault. I'll talk to their kids.

Would it be nice if I talked to the other kids for you? No, dad, don't talk to them. Um, well, you know what? That's it.

Great. Yeah. This is, this has been quick question, which you already know. We have a theme song, really great theme song. It's by me Rex.

And you can listen to more me Rex music at me. Rex. Dot band camp.com. You can also follow Dan or I on Twitter. You can follow Daniel at DOB underscore Inc, or you can follow me. Soren is Soren underscore LTD. You can also follow a quick question at QQ underscore Soren and Dan.

If you have a burning question for us, you can email us at QQ with Soren and Daniel at gmail.com, or you can join our Patreon. We have a Patreon. It's Patreon slash quick question where you can ask your question. And there's a very good chance that on our after hours version of this, I shouldn't say after hours version of this, because it already has some weird connotations to it,

that we have like a hours version of this because it already has some weird connotations to it uh that we have like a a separate version of this podcast it's just for um our patreon subscribers in which we answer your questions so you can go and ask a question there we have after hours is coming back in podcast oh god oh please no you can uh we no. We have a producer, sound engineer, and editor, the incomparable Gabe Harder. And not currently on this podcast. Instead, on this podcast, we're using Jacob Weinstein, who's also been really great. I'm not going to say inconquerable yet because I don't know for sure yet, Jacob. So far, you've been great. You're batting 1,000. But we just don't know each other well enough.

I think that a few more of these under our belt and maybe I might start calling you inconquerable. Wow. I was really happy to let you spin your wheels there. Yeah, you really let me go. Dan, it's good to talk to you. This was a pleasure. Goodbye.

Bye. I think you'll have a great time here. I think you'll have a great time here.