Quorators - 10 Rules For Men

Episode Date: September 27, 2022

Comedians Alex Ptak and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: 10 Rules For Men 32 Things To Tell Your Son I Just Found Out That My Uncle Is Also My Dad's Brother. What Will That Do To Our Family Dynamic?

Quar-a-tors Quar-a-tors Quar-a-tors Quar-a-tors Welcome back to Quar-a-tors The show where we ask What is Quora? What is Quora?

What is, what is this? what is what is quora what the hell it's the show where we open our phones and go what the hell it is a website for questions and answers that's undebatable jeremy and that's what we're going to be tackling today yeah and every week this is the theme of the show is what it is is what is quora It makes me laugh every time I say it. Ha! Well, let's get into that. We're your hosts, Alex and Jeremy, and I'm Alex.

And I'm Jeremy. And that's Jeremy. We didn't decide who does what up top yet. It's week three. Will this be the third episode people listen to, though? Stretching our legs. TBD. Yeah, did episode two suck because I took too much Adderall?

We'll find out. I love that aspect of early podcasts. so you listen to the first episode they're like welcome to week 15 you're like oh they had a rough start we we didn't know what was good we didn't know how to use the search bar for the first 13 episodes first 10 episodes we forgot to record you know what's really locking us in here though jeremy as we approach uh this exciting third episode is uh we have a weekly segment already we do where we ask a question and then see who answered it and so far uh but what's not locking us into this uh this relationship is that so far no one has answered no one has

answered the question as of yet but we did get one comment i was so quora has a uh so when you click on the bell in quora it brings up your quorafications sure is that actually what it's called or are we no well that's what they you can see your up quora's down quora's and your quorafications okay i just just to be clear i feel like we should we should imply or say that what we these are pitches to quora they should be calling it quorafications and up quora's down they really don't know what they're doing they don't they are that's what we need to start the podcast because they're saying what is quora and then everyone is saying yeah what is quora and uh we've been leaving really intelligent questions framing them in the language of the

the franca lingua of quora and how they'd be talking over here and um last week we oh so this is a comment on our first question which we put in forbidden not oh no this is our second week's question i'm sorry it was the same question twice i forgot as it has been look behind the camera two weeks since we recorded episode two yes uh our question was newly married here has anyone ever married a cryptological beast such as a yeti or skinwalker and we put this in forbidden knowledge because forbidden psychology was pretty empty it turned out sure there wasn't really much there and um quarry the quora members quora users uh the quora community the core community that doesn't work uh the quora community said this knowledge is forbidden for you

you shouldn't know uh well they did okay but that we didn't get a comment though oh we did we got two followers i don't know what that means okay so they're following the question i don't think they're following us and it to the question has anyone married a skinwalker or yeti uh somebody said never married but have dated shapeshifters slash skinwalkers so but they said it right after we posted it so it's been two weeks okay so somebody slammed that reply button but there's no clarification there's it's just yeah i've dated one yeah i didn't all right well that's good information we now know that we have to ask a follow-up yeah that's how was the experience there's nothing like that skin wussy

good wussy do hit different it'd be trans gripping like transforming i don't think i really clocked the way i attended this is the final episode we get canceled yeah i'm gonna leave after this one i don't think i'm doing too good at talking but yes this person has i do we say their names or not is it a breach of contract all right so pharaoh zamon which i'm assuming is not not their given name is never married but has dated shape shifters skinwalkers and uh we're gonna add a quick reply we'll do a new question today sure to just keep the ball rolling see if we can get more responses we want to reply to this person but we're gonna say uh why didn't you lock it down yeah what was the deal was it good was a good experience yeah okay we're not

interested in the skin walker so much as we're interested in like how the relationship right i want to know what it's like like who does the dishes you know like you eat dinner together and then just like a fox is outside your window with glowing eyes and you're like you said you said you'd do it the box just runs away that was jennifer jennifer do not skin change it's yelling help in the distance all the skinwalkers videos i've seen they yell help and you're the i i've never heard of skinwalker videos before you join tiktok okay so we're going to talk about that for a minute but i am going to add i'm going to do the reply first yes please why didn't you lock it down how was the relationship that's what we're asking right

Is there anything I'm missing? I don't want to be weird to Feyre. No, no, no. I don't even, I don't even, I mean, we could ask more about the Skinwalker, but I kind of just want to know what happened, what went wrong. And another thing, too, is like, do you ever have a conversation where someone asks you like four questions, and you're like, I'm not answering any of these now? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm just going to do, you know what? With that said, I'm just going to do, why didn't you lock it down? And send. Blast it off. And blast off. And we'll do another one today. Okay. I think we should do it at the end, though.

At the end. That's how we end our podcast. Everyone knows that. Everyone knows that. It's week three. If you're listening to the podcast, extensive camera work being conducted here. Oh, yeah. I'm curious to find out how it works.

We don't know how much of this is going online or not. We have no idea. We don't know. It's an exciting time. No one's ever tried this before. I keep doing gym faces for probably nobody. yeah never married a shame shifter alex put my uh microphone in jello yep uh from the office yep jello from the office battlestar galactica yeah yeah okay wait so i gotta talk about yeah

i feel i don't want to confuse anybody this is an accessible podcast that everyone can listen to and everyone should listen to yeah and a skinwalker is a beast that god has forgotten and they're very popular on tiktok specifically under the horror talk angle because i am on tiktok by uh compulsion as i am trying to work in entertainment so i have to be but i don't want to watch any of the comedy stuff there i really just want to watch weird things yeah and uh in the corner of horror talk which is where they share horrific videos or videos that make you scream uh there's a very popular genre known as skinwalkers which are foxes or like a deer or But it'll usually be a man videoing a deer being like,

did you see that? Did you see his eyes? But you hear the TikTok voice, too, where it's like, do you think this is a skinwalker or a dog? And then it's just a dog. That's no dog. The last one I watched was a guy going in the distance, help! And he's like, look at it.

Look at it. Its mouth isn't moving, but it's saying help. And then that, I guess, is proof it's a skinwalker. I don't know why we're supposed to be scared of the skinwalkers. It seems like they need help. They must need. They're always saying it. Yeah.

Did they must? I mean, and I don't want to come out as a skinwalker, like, amateur either. Pharaoh's already dated one. Every time they had sex, you would just hear help in, like, the background or something. From, like, 40, like, throwing your voice. Yeah. Dude, my girl's so loud in bed. Oh, my God.

And then she's like, help. from hundreds of feet away she's transformed into a deer and has galloped across the prairie yeah but in all seriousness they are dangerous well we have all kinds of exciting topics to cover today i don't want to get too stuck on skinwalkers which i have covered ad nauseum on other platforms yeah if you want to hear more about skinwalkers follow tv's alex patak on tiktok on tiktok.com that's tiktok.com tiktok yeah that's good um okay so we have like 45 rules for men to read we have a lot of men content today so this is this is maybe a stretch but we're hoping this podcast um is listened to by men

yeah which can be hard for me as a content creator i feel like i attract many women women desperate like the beatles walking down the street when i do a podcast yeah you hear screams it's just slightly farther away and i'm like who is that and it's it's women who love me and uh so uh we found a bunch of kind of interesting stuff that'll teach you about manhood how to be a man jeremy do you know how to be a man uh not really i'm clueless about this stuff this is my fourth podcast yeah that's fair i mean kidding aside about the idea that like only women follow us every now and then i'll get like one of those like social media reports where it'll be like hi jeremy did you know that 98 of your following is men from the age 20 to 23 and you're like oh

all right all right shut up we'd be alone are you bullying me hey jeremy facebook here real sausage party in the followers huh don't hold a live event jeremy it will be threatening um although we are having a live event later today we are and there was and i said this on stage last time but more women than you would guess then everyone acted like i was a bad guy for the video game themed comedy show whatever all right so this is the 10 rules for men uh that what are your 10 laws of manhood this is post under human mind readers would you say these are commandments i don't think you list things as tens unless they are commandments right yeah yeah right it's a biblical um imagery put it on a tablet it's like how moses wrote down the 10

rules for men and they were like do not steal moses was the original like uh influencer like andrew tate style yeah fellas i know you're coveting your lady's wife your neighbor's wife she's looking fine she's looking stay away from her thou best not be stealing he has such an uncanny voice yeah he switches between half cockney and half like new jersey bro i hate it he just watched like too much jason statham that's like his main role model is the transporter movies he doesn't whisper enough for just i like jason statham so much more than andrew tate but then yeah regardless regardless these are her 10 laws for men by entrepreneur matthew cooper who is it also says a blogger since 2016 right that's huge number one

never look at a menu for longer than 90 seconds oh my god you gotta know what you're eating now as a man i'm looking at a menu for some time why do you think this is a dude women they can't make choices but men they're like i want a freaking burger yeah yeah i used to work with this guy who got a hamburger every day delivered for lunch with a sam adams light and i thought he was a psychopath but apparently he was just aware of the laws of man yeah he didn't look at the menu for more than 90 seconds this is i think this is go like what you were saying it's like you have to be decisive yeah you have to be the head of the house know what you want women make decisions too long you have to get them in a van across time tonight i haven't seen the transporter is that

what he does oh um yeah sort of he the idea is like he has to make a package get to like another a very expensive package wherever it gets to another place but he can only do it in like cool cars that's kind of gay and then I think

in the fourth movie the package is whoa a young girl oh oh no that's a weird movie that's drama though

oh yeah I mean if you're a guy who transports packages there's nothing messing up your day more than opening it up

and finding it's a young girl your traffic and children there's a scene in that movie I think where he fights a bunch of goons but he does it

the whole time while taking his clothes off yeah that's the women's gaze Hey, guys, I'm sorry I called the transporter gay. I wasn't really cool, and take it back. I'm learning and I'm growing. Rule number two, the average male gets 378,432,000 minutes in his lifetime.

So I guess that's 37 million. That's a rule. The rule is the average male gets 37,843,200 minutes in his lifetime. you don't really want to spend them on snapchat he posted on quora the blogger entrepreneur the the cadence of the the first part of that though is like a board game where it's like all right average man gets three million uh minutes you get four little house pieces and then every turn you have to roll the dice yeah don't spend too much time on snapchat yeah yeah yeah that makes sense i agree with that okay so it's kind of like doing a ben

franklin thing but then making it about snapchat um are you on snapchat i've never had a snapchat i'm not on snapchat it's one of the laws of man because we're men number three beer pizza and barbecue is an acceptable payment for another man that's what it says that's one of the rules wow wow so this so men have created some sort of bartering system but we uh monetize quaraders if i pay you a lot of barbecue you can't be mad at me because that's an acceptable payment that's number that's commandment number three it's just gonna be too much food it's gonna be like you're on a survival show and you killed the bear on day two it's just going bad in your house oh man uh okay number four do not roast a man in front of their

kids what happened to this guy do not roast a man in front of their kids you know that this is like something something embarrassing happened to him one time that he got roasted in front of his kids and he was like this is a commandment this has to be one of the walls this is after the barbecue thing i take all my homies out for beer pizza and barbecue and it ended badly they're all saying that's not an equitable payment for a loan for ten thousand dollars and then they roast me in front of my son i don't know what the words they're using are but some kids said i'm chuggy in front of my son this is directed at another kid yeah maybe a child stop roasting me i'm a powerful entrepreneur

you know those laws for men you all love well guess who wrote those yeah remember those stone tablets that you live your life by as a man you have them under your bed you have to take them out every day and read them it takes like 20 minutes um well don't roast a man i agree with that yeah it seems like a mean thing in front of their kids homie i can only live by this as i know no one with children yeah wait that's not true i know i know one guy with children but his baby is too young where you're allowed to roast him yeah it's cool to roast that's i think one of the clauses that the baby can't understand roasts the baby has not developed full lingual i don't know if i agree with that you know because they say like if you play like um classical music for

a baby it makes them smarter one day like if you just roast their dad in front of a baby they might understand it they'll take it in more than ever yeah and when they get older 100 roasts yeah when they're like 15 they're like why do i think my dad's a little bitch why why is my father a little purple shoes have an ass yeah don't do that you got a feminine lean why do i want to draw a line on a photo of my parents to show who has better posture all right uh number five is if you wear cologne no one should smell it from five feet away or five minutes after you've left yeah that seems like a good rule for everybody does deodorant

count as a cologne no i don't think so i ask this is a man no i don't think i've worn cologne then i'm not even against it it's just i haven't explored that i think cologne i haven't either but i believe it's just like perfume should we get into cologne we should get so we should both be yeah yeah if you're not watching the video feed these are two cool guys who need to get into cologne guys who married their high school girlfriend masculine men like skin walkers um yeah what would be your smell uh if i had cologne you mean yeah not if you made one like if you just if you're gonna pick a smell i think uh apricots oh cute all right no i'm doing it wrong i'm doing it wrong uh steel yeah the smell of steel enters the room no smell steel wow i'm

the least sexually aroused i've ever felt all genders just feel the machine entering um i'd probably be a lumber lumber is good you ever been in a home depot like i could just smell around there i don't know how to install a goddamn thing but i love smelling the place you know it's a good side of like our generation is is less uh you know quote unquote manly than the rest though the ones above us is like my dad when he goes to home depot uh people always think that he works at home depot and then for our generation is like have you been to a home depot ever before i noticed your cologne is of steel it's kind of a threatening uh onyx like aura a steelix aura yeah you remember we have the steel pokemon steel that's also our other thing is like when we think of metal our

go-to reference is a type of pokemon well he's so much steel he's a factory of steel but he moves around it's true it would be so scary i remember watching like the third episode of pokemon they brought onyx out and i was like clearly it's not gonna get better than this this is terrifying he's a bunch of rocks this guy if you a bunch rocks moved around and they have eyes and shit i would you'd have to send me back home that's like triangle eyes send me back home put me in a body bag we've only got through half of these sorry yeah we have like 40 more to go good okay good there's a lot more quaras and we can spend romantic time learning i also feel like we know nothing about how to be men as we've gone through these i didn't know that we're very bad at that

all right number six be especially kind to bartenders baristas taxi drivers anyone else who is often looked over oh that's that's a nice one good advice i've noticed many men many women are strong men in this rule rules for men tip your waiters do as would be done unto you this is again just becoming moses tablets have no false idols take down your life-size steelics you have put up in your house but i worship him take him down he is a sin pokemon are pagans pokemon are pagans and if you're listening that's a rule for men the camera turns are my strong suit uh number seven number seven

number seven if riding a bus doesn't incentivize you to improve your station in life nothing will that's not a rule i don't even know what that this rule is don't ride the bus i think it's like if riding a bus doesn't depress you it's like yeah don't yeah you don't want to be on a bus because there's there's men on there how are you as a man riding a bus to get to more men Fellas, is it gay to be in a bus? Fellas, is public transit a little sus? Nothing's straighter than owning a car. Oh, yeah.

Or taking a taxi where you can be kind to the driver and they're more especially manly. That's true. If you're kind to a bus driver, that's nothing. No, that's women stuff. That's something women do when they all get on the bus together. Reading their menus. They're getting on...

For 91 seconds. yeah they're just trying to get used to it so they can get to their job at uh driving children around on their magical school bus i will say re you know about menus yep uh i think only women only women are people who i know who like will read the venue beforehand i don't know any guys who do that nope not one because when a man picks it up they just go burger hamburger but i hamburger for men sure i just feel like my wife will be a much quicker menu reader than me because we'll get to a restaurant and she'll be like, oh, I looked this up a week ago.

Oh, wow. I'm a man. And I go, oh, no. Unfortunately, and I hate to give any points to Matthew Cooper, entrepreneur, blogger, 2016 president, but my wife does take a very long time with this. And I oftentimes do help her pick a thing. Aw, that's cute.

But I just like eating all food, so I'm just like, this is a thing I'd like, and I'd like them all. And here's what I do, is I pick a food I'd like, and then I order that one, and then complain the rest of the meal about how good the other one would be. And I will look around and see if I can see it. And I go, oh, look at it.

Oh, I made a mistake. And then everyone goes, that is such a man. He knows how to quickly get through a menu. What a man. Okay, rule number eight. This is for men. Good relationships are absolutely not 50-50. Oh.

Oh, they're fluid things. That's also good advice. That is good advice. So what does, what does, what does he mean by 50, 50 though? Does that mean like, I think he just mean I, the genuine version of that is like, you know, it's not like I do the dishes and you do the laundry. It's like, you know, you do things for your partner here and there.

Right. Yeah. Everyone's fluid thing. Yeah. It's not about, there's a spectrum of chores. You cheer me up when I picked the steak, but i wanted a different thing and didn't think about it long enough this is just like a just a normal relationship advice thing they're fluid things and they're for men um number nine you

cannot have a love affair with whiskey because whiskey will never love you back honey listen to that whiskey would never love you back do not leave your wife for whiskey do not try to get a wet evening in at a motel six with a bottle of jack whiskey that's a boy's game a bunch of boys get a sleepover out they all they call out of school they say oh get the ouija board and some whiskey yeah we're gonna get black out and so we're gonna talk to grandpa uh yeah i would agree whiskey can never love you i might have written this one in myself that's a hundred percent true whiskey hurts me so bad when i have it yeah i've tried i've read other man lists where they're like have one sure you bitch for me it's all about beer pizza and

barbecue oh yeah and you could pay me in that and as stand-up comedians we often are i have no money but you're rich in barbecue oh yeah big time the chicken legs at your house i mean we're probably in the top profession for being paid in beer right it's like this was written for us and then not so much for some of the other ones but yeah the whiskey one i feel like is directed at me because whiskey doesn't love me back even when i get the bigs you know the big cubes you can get uh yeah they take up the whole glass so the whiskey doesn't look so small because small things are for women and big things are for men yeah yeah look at that big ass ice cube yeah the ice cube is big like a man is it's a whiskey stone it's not a cube it's a stone that whiskey

that whiskey stone looks like it could be part of an onyx i got this from my mind where i dig for onyxes all day long uh is that number nine that was nine so we're at the final commandment for men right which is what's the 10th like uh commandment commandment uh chill vibes only chill vibes only i hope it's something like that and this is so some editorializing here it says in my favorite last one rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men no wait what rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance

of wise men. So at first I thought it was saying like, don't follow these rules. But then it was like, unless you're wise. Well, you seek them for guidance if you're wise. You don't obey them. So you don't have a love affair with whiskey, but you

have... You might kiss it once or twice. You give whiskey a long stare at the office. Send a 40 text and then feel bad about it. Yeah, you go bowling with whiskey and you tell your wife you're going out to sure nothing happens but it is wrong yeah you shouldn't you're still lying which on a different list is bad

uh and then sends at the end uh my first answer here give me an upvote if you like these and that's entrepreneur shit and then it has a picture of upcora wait very important this then has a picture of johnny dip oh sick dude who is a man yeah he is with some beautiful woman here So that's pretty cool. And it's not Amber Heard, who I think this is kind of like in response to. Is it really? That's insane. Yeah, Amber Heard, do not roast a man in front of their kids.

That was the big point of the trial. Not in front of their kids, little homie. Oh, and then in the comments, never go to Quora to learn any of the rules of being a man. Oh, roasted. And then his kid's reading that, and he's like, no! no turn off your ipad right now tommy tommy tommy what's your go-to little tommy tommy i think of a cool old man okay yeah i think of one of um not buck rogers buckaroo bonsais band sure would be sure i think there's one of them named tommy my um i'm so old

how old are you i'm 31 well i just referenced buckaroo bonsai i've seen that movie i could not watch that movie it was too much for my dad loved it i watched it every week it was not it's about how doctors are cool it's it's not good well you got and you know what the weird thing is so buckaroo bonsai is a film about a band where all of the members have to be surgeons and they also from outer space or well they find aliens in addition to that okay with the extra time they have right but you know what maps onto this almost perfectly is the offspring all have doctorates um so how does that match onto this well map the maps on the buckaroo bonsai didn't match on that okay fair enough isn't that kind of crazy they're kind of like real life

the band the offspring yeah not the kids who are watching i thought you meant like the kid the children of buckaroo bonsai i was like that seems like a normal thing to happen No, not a lot happens at Buckaroo Balls, to be honest. That movie is one where people are always like, it's the craziest movie ever made, and then it's like, not. I couldn't tell you a thing that happens. I've seen it hundreds of times. I remember at one point he goes, wherever you go, there you are,

and then a bunch of women cheer, and that's the only thing I remember. That's kind of like one of his rules of being a man. Well, that's interesting. I learned a lot from that. I learned a lot about what to do with my children. uh there's another man thing yeah do you want to read those so i am worried with how long that took us that this one is 32 instructions to teach your son this might be an episode of just a thing things to to to learn as a man episode three is rules for men yeah and then we could save some

of these for future episodes i posted like 20 in here and that are all for men no no no no some of them are for gynecologists we're gonna have like a six month residence of men no i think this is the last men one we rebrand to being like a men's podcast but the first few episodes are all about quora they don't really talk about men at all in these it's obviously about uh cryptids okay um oh i disconnected my headphones but i'm sure that i'm still in there you hear me these are shorter but um yeah these are 32 rules for men okay do you want to read these ones sure you want me to read them yeah i'd like to all right learn and listen um these are instructions slash rules to teach your son and then there's a crying laughing emoji oh i thought you put that in i thought you

thought it was funny no i certainly did not i didn't even read them and this one is by a woman this one is by rebecca who's uh it says just another human being but she is an admin uh do not mistake her as an ally she's an admin on quora is this also like a um is this in the category For humans? Humans, colon, instructions, brain emoji, note emoji. Okay. These are really important rules. For humans.

So those were rules for men. If you're not a human, you don't need to turn those off. No, if you're not a human, get out of here. Right. Buckaroo bonsais after you. Skinwalkers included. These are rules for children, though, for your son. Although I guess a son can be an adult.

Oh, damn. I'm looking at these quickly, and I've broken many of them. Okay. Let's go through them. number one never shake a man's hand sitting down yeah i do that all the time i do it all the time it's the coolest thing you could do number two don't enter a pool by the stairs okay i agree with that really yeah because you gotta flop in that thing is that not what she means so no i think that is what she means but sometimes tell your son to flop more your kid's a pussy do a

cat and ball or you're a boy the kids at school been talking about how your son takes the stairs into the pool it's not good they're all bullying him for slowly walking in doesn't he know that his balls will get cold he's he's he's gonna end up in a serious relationship with whiskey um number three the man at the barbecue grill is the closest thing to a king so we're all agreed on barbecue then yeah men love barbecue men be loving barbecue and i agree and i think that's right but do you think that the man at the barbecue grill is the closest thing to a king i would say a president is close yeah i was gonna say also modern role currently kings there are some kings there is there is as of like a few days ago the queen died and there's a new king

so he's probably closer than the guy but if he if he ever barbecues though this uh then he's the closest to the little fingers oh oh yeah he has like deeply swollen hands yeah that he could use but then you know what the issue is he's at the barbecue he looks down how are the sausages going oh no i've been roasting my hand on both sides for a half hour and that's what makes fun of him he turns around and prince williams there and he's like not in front of my son oh the the land the realm would collapse should this ever occur um irish terrorists are listening to this episode that's half our audience they have a brain emoji and a notepad emoji okay well there's 32 of these so we can't take too long in a negotiation never make the

first offer that's a good rule even for daughters yeah i don't even daughters could learn that i bet the list of these for daughters is fucking insane we gotta look those up next week next week we have to wear the we'll have a guest on and we'll do like women's week and it'll be our strongest episode oh yeah will we have a woman guest on yeah a woman guest on i love a woman guest oh yeah is there anything softer than a woman guest we'll give her a venue just to see how long she takes yeah we're like we're podcasting now you got to put that thing down please we're trying to do the show i know you don't want to just close it uh what's that after just order something it all says like the menu is just like riffs long-term improv read a post back

okay uh number five request the late checkout um sure i it could be rewarding to wake up early sometimes but i'd tell your son that anyway yeah if you're a girl uh number six when entrusted with the secret keep it keep it secret that's just good advice thank again women could hear that one but sons need to hear it sons need to be opening their damn mouth as they walk into the pool stairs first that's true some of these rules could just be things that girls don't need to learn because they know intrinsically oh and all girls are like always request the late checkout oh you're gonna want to sleep man um number seven i disagree with this one hold your heroes to a higher standard seems like a recipe for disaster well yeah but i mean i feel like your advice is

just not to have heroes in that case because if they're held to a normal standard then they're not heroes hold your heroes to a normal standard hold your heroes to pay your heroes in pizza i'm having a stroke um return a borrowed car with a full tank of gas that's just a rule you have that's a nice thing to do okay pay money if you like rent a car you heard number nine play with passion or don't play at all get in there son number 10 when shaking hands grip firmly and look them in the eye this could have been with the other shaking hands advice but make sure they're standing or lying down it's just a business meeting begins and everyone goes prone to make sure they're the smallest hitbox sorry never played this game before

oh that crouch damn it uh number 11 don't let a wishbone grow where a backbone should be This is an advice for doctors or mad scientists, I feel like. The human centipede. I was going to also say the human centipede for some reason. Because I think he grows bones. What are we up to, 11? No, 12. He molds bones into the shape of a centipede.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Have you seen the human centipede? I have seen the human centipede. Me too. It's a very funny film. Good film. They have fun with it in the film. They have the Japanese guy in the front, and his whole thing is he says,

shit, I need to shit. That's funny. And then I think the second one is about a guy who watched the first movie and decides to do it. And then does it? Yeah. That's kind of meta. I like that. It's a good idea.

You know what's kind of weird is I'm pretty sure the human centipede is just supposed, the doctor's supposed to be just like Shiro Ishii. Oh, yeah. The like war crimes guy from World War II. Oh. And they were just like, what if he did bog stuff? What if he was not as bad? And then they have fun with it, which was the problem everyone had with the situation.

People were like, this is ignoring Japanese war crimes. A bit dry. um number 12 if you need music on the beach you're missing the point um i guess sons need to hear that uh number 13 carry two handkerchiefs the one in your back pocket is for you the one in your breast pocket that's for her all right i'm not sure i agree with this one how many how many handkerchiefs you have on you right now well i mean right now we're recording a podcast i took them out well i have napkins a lot of times like none of them are for you well because

in restaurants they always give you more napkins than you're going to use yeah like i'm always using napkins i take those with me sure i usually put them in a bag i'll just have a nasty squirrel drawer full of napkins just stolen napkins but they're not anchor chiefs they're grosser than and who are they for was there for whoever i definitely are they're definitely not sorted locationally i'll tell you that right now number 14 you marry the girl you marry her family we're both married yeah i find that to be true yeah that's literally true i mean it's not literally true you don't literally marry your family wait what you're not supposed to do that you don't have to like kiss her dad i i have to talk to a lawyer yeah you got tricked i have to

go you got tricked into multiple marriages um number 15 say it be like a duck like a duck remain calm on the surface paddle like crazy underneath and have a corkscrew penis yeah rule number 16 practice practice practice and take a left you're getting generic is yeah man all right let's go through i know about the duck one all right 16 experience the serenity of traveling alone yeah all right 17 never be afraid to ask out the best looking girl in the room it seems like a reductive way to phrase that but sure number 18 never turn down a breath mint has anyone ever offered you a breath mint no no one's ever offered me ever my wife people have been like you smell like shit

but no one's ever constructed disgusting you're always talking about onyx all the time and you smell um number 19 a sport coat is worth a thousand words always said that oh this is rough number 20 try writing your own eulogy never stop revising what does that mean every day you should write up a little sent a paragraph uh of what it would be like if you died okay yeah it seems weird never stop revising if so it's like the song the rest is unwritten that everybody used to listen to where your today is the day your book begins but instead it's just like right your eulogy begins your eulogy today is the day your eulogy begins if my friend told me that um he writes his own eulogy all the time i was like that's fucking insane that's a young man i was told to do this

who said this you said never stopped revising i'm sorry about that song reference i just watched this traveling pants oh right i just watched it and you know what i would have watched it even if it wasn't for a podcast because that's how much I'm learning and loving. That's good. But yeah, anyway,

there's too many of these. Sorry. Yeah. Number 21. Think a veteran, then make it up to him. Not going to look into that. I'm going to look into

what that means. Kill someone abroad for a veteran. Commit murder. Well, make it up to him. And this is my brain going there,

but it's like, it's always trying, they're trying to give me a good sloppy toppy to a veteran. And I'm not going to just do that. I'm not going to just do that.

I don't need to explain myself. It's over the line. They have PTSD, Alex. Just give them a little bit of blowjobs. They have PTSD. You could PTS my D. Oh, wait. I can do this.

They have PTSD, and that is plum-tuckered dry dick. Yeah. Well. The last. No. SD is Suck Dick. And PT is the first two letters of your name. Of my last name, yeah.

So there's something swirling around. I think what I said was right. In its own way, maybe not spellingly. Number 22, eat lunch with the new kid. Eat lunch with the new kid. That's nice. Number 23, after writing an angry email, read it carefully, then delete it. I disagree.

Number 24. Send that baby out. Ask your mom to play. She won't let you win. What does that mean? What does that mean? I'm trying to think of a game I played with my mom where I haven't won immediately.

That's the thing. She's not letting you win. I guess above us. Yeah, she's not. She just doesn't know how to play Catan that well. Maybe this advice is like feeling bad about yourself. Want to win an easy round of Catan? she tries to build longest road every time don't worry she's not letting you win it's not an

effective use of resources she just piles up on sheep she likes them because they're soft 25 manners maketh the man 26 give credit take the blame i just want to give a shout to the word maketh yeah yeah yeah very shakespearean doing doing all the heavy lifting number 27 stand up to bullies protect those bullied in the future we shouldn't read things that have 32 yeah this is on me 30 28 right down your dreams how many lists this is this episode is 42 pieces of information for men one of the rules should be like don't give men too many rules or they will stop listening to your podcast if you spend 90 seconds reading rules if you read rules sitting down what are we up to 27 28 write down your dreams and your eulogies 29 take time to snuggle

your pets they love you so much and are always happy to see you sure you got to tell yourself snuggle your tell your son to snuggle they always forget oh and it's important to add that the picture at the bottom of this yeah the picture is insane beef cake with a little boy and they're wearing matching gray sweatpants the beef the beef cake his pants are falling off they're falling off and he's just like this man has like escaped a romance novel to be with this child yes and looks kind of confused

about it yeah he doesn't realize that he's like about to enter a porn well he's looking at the of his face as he's looking at the boy is like we gotta get this kid out of here we got about I gotta go blow a veteran

they did so much for me and i haven't given back it wasn't enough that you went to school for free no um be confident and humble at the same time there's two left 31 if ever in doubt remember whose son you are and refuse to just be ordinary refuse it you read a list uh 32 the final advice for sons in all things lead by example not by explanation that's what we say every week and that has 2.8 million views that's real and 38 000 upcores yeah that's a lot i'm not sure that i would upcore this for its length i'm upcoring it for you oh we're on the same account aren't we oh but you're not

logged in you stupid idiot you thought you could up quora for me the dawn the closest thing to a king you know i'm the big man sitting at the barbecue podcast all right so that's that has been 42 pieces of advice huh i feel really secure in my masculine yeah how do you feel do you feel like you now know how to be a man i i've never been more confused about how to be a man. But I also feel like I'm just refusing to be ordinary, which is rule 31. That's true. That's a good rule.

I really liked the stairs one. Yeah, that's a good one. I feel very strongly about that. How much time do we have left? We have around 15 minutes more of Quora time. Okay. And that was two articles. Let's do

one or two more, maybe, and then write a question. Yeah, let's mix it up a little bit or is there any other can we continue the theme or any more about men i have one about family it's a little weird okay i'll read me the family okay this one confused me maybe you understand this better than i do i genuinely couldn't figure out what it was saying okay and maybe it's more sinister than i'm realizing but but this is um the question what are you what's up i'm adjusting my headphones okay um okay so the question is i just found out that my uncle is also my dad's brother what will this do to our family dynamic what isn't an uncle by definition

your dad's brother this is the problem that i was having with this question right that's what that is what did they think it was before i don't know this has 6.8 million views and the person who answered it does not make it more clear to me so this is the answer from bruno walter sazzy who uh it says i'm picasso with words which is not a good description um this is a very serious situation oh no cases like this are usually hard to deal with but lucky for you my friend i was in a pretty similar situation two years ago mine was a bit different in a way but yet so similar to yours so he's gonna talk about a completely different thing i'm just this is a trend with quora i'm spotting so i think it's actually this one is the opposite it's so similar that it makes

no more sense in summer 2018 i found out that my aunt and then it says not in all caps aunt a n t to my american friends in case you thought that they meant a bug oh right i always think women are bugs that's one of the stories that was a rule i was taught at a young age uh i found out that my aunt was in fact my mother's sister and oh boy did the entire family freak the fuck out yes we all did fortunately there's a few things that could be done to preserve your family's chemistry and dynamic are any of these like are these trolls i don't know i don't know they have two pieces of advice for people who have this problem okay number one i would recommend you log off the internet because you obviously have too much time maybe you could do something

with it number two refer to number one that's wow that's number one and two yeah do you think this person's making fun of them i don't know i don't know why the original poster asked the question and the follow-up to the question has made me more insecure about my entire perception of the situation i i do uncles and like aunts mean what i think they mean which is the brother of a parent i don't know all right well that's good that's good for men to hear about um i just I feel like this is a good example of our question. What is Quora? What is Quora? How many of you are

for real on this thing? Maybe this was written by a skinwalker. Are you doing a goddamn bit on me? Because I'm doing a Quorator podcast. We're trying to Quorate you. We're not trying to read your bits. No. We're trying to read weird questions to the public. Yeah. So we can find

answers and also slowly learn how the website works. Yes. Like from a functional aspect. I got another good one for Ben. Okay, please. I got a good one for Ben. Please, please, please, please. All right, so this was the question, what ruined actor Daniel Craig's personal life? Okay, yeah, this is very important

because Daniel Craig is a man. As we all know. His life is ruined. Yeah, he's got nothing going on anymore. James Bond, he can't show up in public or people throw stones at him. Yeah. You stole this from an onyx.

Sorry, I keep going back to this well. The thunder type Daniel Craig takes extra damage. We're doing a video game comedy show later tonight. Is there something about Daniel Craig I don't know? Does you know what he's talking about? Yeah, he's a disgraced man. It has a picture of him in a pink suit. Oh, no.

Almost as if to say, look at this goddamn suit. It ruined it. Oh, no. Okay, here's his answer. It says, Daniel Craig says he prefers to go to gay bars and reveals an unusual reason. He's gay. Well, that would, I mean, if it said that,

that would still not answer the question. This is, by the way, under the humanity quora to uplift humanity. He prefers to go to gay bars in Rio's non-usual reason. Quote, I've been going to gay bars for as long as I can remember, Craig says. One of the reasons for this is because I don't get into fights in gay bars very often,

argued the Hollywood star. Oh, all right. Now, Daniel Craig, who are you fighting at these straight bars? which roaming heteros are you knocking on their ass the implication there's two implications here one is that he straight guys he just finds himself getting into fights with and gay guys enough of you slamming push when he sees a gay guy he's like we're buddies and the other implication is that he just keeps fighting women and he's like i need to go i need

to go to a bar that has fewer women because i keep getting into fights with them i look at them and i know i could win just like roundhouse caking yeah pov you're a woman at a bar well uh yeah he doesn't get in fights according to craig people were never bothered by his presence despite being homosexual heterosexual yeah that's you can i mean they're not gonna kick you out no they know they're probably pretty excited that he's there because he's famous you're a famous guy and you're in a bar you're also a famously handsome man so i'm sure that's good too uh but he had that scene where he walked out of the ocean shirtless that's a famous scene he actually has a whole movie about that if you like that yeah you should really check it out it's

pretty cool he's all like pow pow uh he's on a motorcycle for a lot of it uh so cool and uh the last sentence he claimed that no one ever asked about his sexuality in these clubs which made it a safe place to be okay now did no one ask about daniel craig's sexuality because he is in movies and has a wikipedia page i love the idea that like a straight bar people like daniel are you gay admit it dude i saw your velvet red suit on quora there's that scene where they hit your balls come on you love that you like that you like that you're a man slamming your balls That worked for you. This is why I go to games.

My Daniel Craig is all over the place. Slowly becoming Michael Caine. I know. I'm going to get you a game ball. My testicles were the size of a tangerine. Blimey. I can't have a martini here. Well, that's an interesting thing about Daniel Craig.

And I think a lot of men look up to him. So why is his life ruined? It sounds like it's fine. no it's ruined that's just something editorialized by the person who's like you've got to go to gay bars

his life is over he can't play big buck hunter as much i mean some bars have it but you know all the real big buck bars uh yeah well unrelated his life is ruined all right i

want to do one more i know it's gonna go it's gonna make us go a little long but i want to do one more um okay it may not be like the funniest thing ever i read 32 pieces of advice for your son i want to end with a bang here but uh this is what's the craziest thing throughout history

that has never fully been explained now i'm beginning to think that the emails quora sent me have caught on to the fact that i like history so you're also getting the emails yeah i'm getting emails quora digest everybody gets them there's no way not to get them okay just make it sure there's no way not to get them oh wait no this is a good one okay so this is on the strange phenomenon quora which i was not subscribed to somehow and it says yokai ghosts demons supernatural monsters spirits and anything frightening so this is different than the other skinwalker blog we are on and it says uh what's the craziest thing throughout history that has never fully been explained there's one story that has always absolutely fascinated me

zana of abkazia is the one that always does it for me she was an ape-like woman who was captured in what is now the country of georgia then a part of russia it was the year 1850 and no one had ever seen any something quite like zana and then there's pictures of the bigfoot and then somebody looks a lot like kramer and they're insisting like that's that's this ape woman sure uh it was a kramer from seinfeld yeah that's what i'm saying okay there's a lot of pictures that do not look like an ape woman on here including one that is clearly a stock image of a caveman it was a group of georgian hunters who first captured zana that fateful day in 1850 where she was an enormous person taller than any of the men perhaps six

six or six seven and much of her body was covered in thick coarse hair she had a large chest thick arms and legs and enormous hands larger than those of any man it took 12 men to overpower her and bring her to the nearest village love reading that sense love reading that sense yeah that's the thing you definitely want to be associated with clip it clip it put it online burn me alive um okay so do you think this like is a woman or this is a cryptid the ape woman well keep in mind she's stronger than 12 men sure and she looks like kramer from seinfeld she looks like kramer from seinfeld also a normal monkey also a distant image of bigfoot i think that she's a cryptid right it sounds like it it sounds like

it uh based on her skull shape which you gotta check oh yeah skull shapes are pretty important Get the calipers out. And her powerful physique, some assumed Zana was an offshoot of the Neanderthal, perhaps one of the last remaining of her kind. Oh, that's kind of interesting. Others thought she was a yeti, a magical creature. When did she die?

So this was 1850s or probably like last century. So this idea is that like one Neanderthal family was just hanging around? Yeah. And what if yetis are Neanderthals? You ever think about that? I haven't. You fucking idiot.

I'm a fool. You never think about yetis. I don't live a curious life. She never learned how to speak human language, although she was able to make herself understood with basic gestures. Wild at first, her behavior soon mellowed, and she was able to function somewhat within the village, doing basic domestic tasks like carrying things, grinding corn, and such.

So they got her a job? They got her a job. She was living on her own in the woods, and they're like, you need a job. You need upward mobility. You're like my mom. Go to grad school. Jeremy, I don't want to hector you, but you're an ape.

It took 12 men? My mom is Woody Allen. It took 12 men to bring you down. You're six foot seven. You've got hair out the wazoo. I don't know what to do with you. You're making ape-like gestures. You must learn a human language.

Zana had an unusually strong tolerance for cold, could consume raw meat, and even spoiled food with no apparent signs of illness. She would leave rooms when they were heated, preferring the ice cold outside. zana was studied briefly after which she was neglected oh no zana any science that happened before last year was an abomination oh yeah uh yeah yeah maybe in just all science because there's that elon musk thing where he tortured 12 monkeys to make brain internet he didn't do that yeah yeah that was like this year yeah um all right she may have been raped no details of the fathers is known oh because she gave birth to several children i skipped sentence there uh in spite of her didn't speak any language i i don't how do you and this is rude to say

sure but just for the interest of the question okay how would one go about raping someone as strong as 12 like i know you could talk them into it in an abusive way but she doesn't talk so i don't know i don't know i don't know i guess it's like a weapon i guess with the way i don't you know what we shouldn't even discuss it because i don't want anyone to know how i just assume it happened because the past was terrible i worry that if we come up with an answer someone will be writing it down and they'll find their own ape woman sons will be learning it because this episode will be called you know 52 pieces of advice for men and then and then they'll be like well that must

be one of them it's not one of them i do not condone the treatment of sauna the first baby giant the first baby the giant wild woman gave birth to she tried to wash in an ice-cold river and it died shortly after this gets so sad yeah this is brutal what was the question what's the craziest thing this is a pretty crazy sure some guy was like i was so excited to talk about this yeah i can put this ape story here um i just put this on most answers you know and there's no reason to think that she was assaulted maybe she had a paramour um she couldn't even speak any language i don't know uh so it's an ape woman she was an ape woman subsequent babies were taken

in by other families after birth and survived so like your family would just have like five georgian children and then one half ape who's twice the size of the rest of them so i'm a quarter ape on my mother's side i can eat raw meat yes it does not make me sick no i do not have to explain that to you the first picture in this answer in this answer a collage shows a photograph in black and white of a man named quit who is one of zana's sons and then is that the one that looks like kramer quiet quit quiet quitting the workplace jeremy very good uh zana died in 1890. Her skull and that of quit were later studied, and their

shape was rather unusual for a modern humanoid. 1850 is when they were studying those shapes. Yeah, they were big into skull shapes. I mean, you can protest till the cows come home, but that's what they were looking at. That was their big move back then. Two grandsons of Zana became miners and were known for their unusual

physical strength. All were remarkably tall and hairy. All right. Well, that was the weirdest thing. And I want men to know about it all right we should we should write our own question yeah let's wrap this up so what's the question that we have that we formed over the course first you gotta find a community so let's go back do you want to do it on human instructions well should we do one should we do some sort of advice for men or should we do advice for women maybe

i don't feel like i'm in a position to give advice to women right now so we're asking it we're saying what's 32 pieces of advice for a woman let's do it under human instructions and then make it all about men okay i think that's the way to go yeah yeah uh human instructions what's a question we have as a man um there's something about peeing standing up okay yeah we can ask the ladies about peeing standing up and then make it about humans ladies is it weird to pee standing up if you're wearing pants that like pajama pants that you gotta pull all the way down do you stand up or sit down okay that can ask that word for word is that a good question you're wearing if you're a man

i gotta picture it now or i won't be able to ask the question if you have full length pjs yeah yeah with no fly and you gotta take the all those i put them all the way down you gotta p do you standing up little boy style or do you sit down like a girl i'm gonna start fellas when you're wearing oh there's a it shows you similar questions okay good well i'm gonna need to put my mic down so you just fill the air for a second here uh i think it's a good question for our listeners to know because sometimes you you be wearing pants that uh don't have a fly And you've got to make that decision on the fly. Am I going to stand up, pants around my ankles like a child?

I'm leaning in to say you're right about that, Jeremy. Or are you going to sit down like a girl, girl-style peeing? Are you going to let your butt get exposed to the air? Are you going to point it at the direction of water when you don't even have to poop? All right, here's our question. fellas when you're wearing full-length pajamas and you're at the urinal comma at the urinal it makes it to that like oh wait no i can't say see this is why we needed a spell check this is why we needed an editor at the toilet yeah now maybe we'll get more europeans because

that's what they say sure sure sure sure uh fellas when you're wearing full-length pajamas and you're at the toilet do you stand up or sit down to pee after you take those bad boys off Yeah, there you go. And add question. I think we're going to get a lot of good answers to this. And I think that this will be a good way for us to learn how to be better men. Okay, it's saying double check your question. Oh, wait.

It wants us to take out fellows when. Oh, maybe fellow men. No, it just wants us to say when. But I'm going to ask fellows when. Okay. And if it doesn't work, that's probably why. And we could put this in Quora pajamas, Quora toilets, Quora urination. Cool.

Those are all great. Urination is a great community that we would love to be a part of. Let's add two more. Let's do men. Men. Bathroom. Our bathroom. Or Quora bathrooms.

Forbidden answers. Man-Tolkien's universe. You know what? Why are we leaving that out? The kingdom of men. Aragorn. All right. They're included.

You must pull your pants down when you pee. you must return to the toilet you're my captain i would have followed you anywhere after the bathrooms to the urinals after you take those bad boys off you must stand tall all right you shall not stand the obvious one is piss yeah come on now come on come on now all right so like any topics that also describes this question manners and etiquette boom bathroom etiquette standing bathrooms clothing and apparel hygiene human behavior done done done done Don, we're getting an answer next week. We're getting an answer.

People are going to have good answers. They're not going to leave cryptic, oh, I dated a skinwalker, but I'm not going to talk about it. I'm not going to tag any writers. And then if this doesn't work, I guess we got to start tagging writers. Yeah, let's just start tagging writers

that are very weird questions. Hello, Steven. And if we're not getting answers, I think Chris Beecroft in clothing and apparel has to tell us. He gets like a fucking bat signal in the sky. Somebody has a question for me on Quora. Somebody wants to know about the fellas.

all right all right that one's for next week cool we'll check back for week four very excited to get to that uh thank you for listening to the core raiders podcast where we ask what is quora what is quora how does this are we doing this right is this a good podcast tbd i don't know i'm not sure all right well you'll have to find out by tuning in next week all right everybody bye bye christ is lord