Quorators - A Gang Of Children Mowed My Lawn...

Episode Date: December 5, 2022

Comedians Alex Ptak and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: What Is The Cruelest Insect In The Animal Kingdom? Can A Cop Pull You Over For Crying While Driving? I'm pregnant with triplets but I think I can only take care of one. Is it wrong to give two of them up for adoption?

Uh-oh, master chef in the studio. Do you want to look at any of these chorus before we start? Should we just start cooking? Yeah, I think we have to just start cooking because that's how a real MC does it. Let's go. Welcome to Quora-ators, the only podcast that asks, what is Quora? What is it? I'm Jeremy. I'm here with Alex. Alex, how you doing?

Thanks for having me back in the Q-Zone, Jeremy. Can't wait to scrounge up some more of these great Quora's. Sure, yeah. Should we mention that you're in a bit of a daze? you've been dazed like a like a pokemon or something this is my third podcast today i've had extensive polite conversation my brain is very tired and i'm not putting sentences together the best i've ever done it and that puts me in the perfect state of mind to go on quora.com that is true media site i i would say that that's probably the state of mind of every quora user

yeah um if you are a big super fan of the show you're looking at this you're noticing uh-oh just the boys in the kitchen today empty seat next to these boys oh what special guest is gonna appear in there when snoop dog gonna come out from behind the curtain well he's not gonna come out from behind the curtain because the thing is we're conditioning you like a dog to accept that sometimes it's just the boys cooking it's just the boys cooking we're in the kitchen we're in we're literally in your kitchen we are literally in my kitchen cooking up chorus you can you can call me the Hamburglar because I'm mooing for more.

I gotta get that to go faster than it does. It doesn't work the way I want it to. We should say though, if we're going to bring that up, we should probably mention that we have been reaching out to Snoop Dogg and he seems very interested in coming on. Snoop is so busy.

It's really hard to get through to him. And we won't do it over Zoom because he'll be like, oh, I'll do it over Zoom. And we're like, that's just for Will Medeker. That's it. yeah snoop you are not at that level my friend i'm sorry but uh you would love to have them in the kitchen we try to do it in the kitchen because you need the cooks in the kitchen yeah you gotta at the end of the day that's where you gotta do it i think most quoras are about the kitchen is

that not right um you know somebody sent me or sent us rather uh this this they sent this to my private email they sent this to the corators email corators.com uh they sent us a sub quora that is just about swimming in clothes swimming in clothes yeah it's just people it's like as far as i could tell not a fetish which i was shocked by but it's just like a wholesome like when you say sub quora you mean like a quora community yeah we gotta assign definitions to these words they are free floating sure sure i just got confused and scared my my way of talking about core is i just pretend it's reddit and i say quora instead of every other word oh i know i said reddit last episode yeah yeah uh anyway so there's a quora community that's just about people being

like is it okay to swim in regular clothes and then all the people are like oh it's more than okay it's actually really good for you what does that mean uh i'll find okay more and more americans are asking this question can i swim in regular clothes or is that going to be something that gets me in trouble this week we open a quora to find out can you swim in those clothes or is that the problem can i do that i hope i can my name is sarah konig can you swim in your normal clothes i hope so uh this is a question in this sub quora sorry for a community uh is it possible to go swimming in my main clothes or find a man like me doesn't want to get exposed to nasty in my main clothes. It's best to keep my

whole body covered. Who talks like this? Someone who has done three podcasts. And then the top comment says, not only is it possible, I would wholeheartedly recommend you try it at least once in your life. It's extremely

rare I wear, quote, normal swimwear and never in open water. This is so strange to me. So, have you ever, like, fallen into water when you didn't intend to be in it? Yeah, it's not fun. It sucks. It doesn't feel like, oh, this is how it's supposed to we must return to khakis in water there's another comment from this guy our ancestors would bring their photos into the water and that's what made them so fast to

catch the fish i eat raw meat and i wear a t-shirt in the pool i'm a man there's another version of the liver king who's just always wearing damp full business wear i'm obsessed with the liver king he looks so weird for those who don't know the liver king is an extremely muscular man who claims that He eats just, like, liver. Yeah. And he's a TikToker, and he'll just, like, he'll show up in your TikToks, and he's very muscular, and he'll be like, it's me, the liver king.

I'm going to go chase a puma. And then he just, like, runs away. He's, yeah. He claims he eats, like, bull testicles. Well, and he does it. He does it on video. He eats raw meat and is like, this is good for you, and that's why I look like this.

And then there was a big revelation this week that's, like, surprise, the liver king is on steroids. It's like, did anyone not think this man was on steroids? He looks like Rocky Ford. There's no way eating uncooked liver does this for you. He's the king of liver. No one is debating that. I feel like he is like blown up.

And like, I know other podcasts have like talked about him, but I remember seeing him just like, I don't know, several months ago on TikTok and just being like, what is this man? What is he? He went on the Joe Rogan show, like a private jet. and they were like but the liver king you you're not returning to anything you took a private jet here and he's just like hey you gotta do what you gotta do i love him yeah uh anyway real quick uh on this open invitation um yeah oh please i would love to have the liver king liver king

what is that that's a guitar solo oh i like that a lot i thought it was a sonic the hedgehog song at first it kind of is um i would love to have the liver king on by the way last game boys show yeah we have a live comedy show in new york you should come to it if you are listening to the game boys we don't do plugs on here at all so i wouldn't be surprised uh but they did escape from the city oh yeah like adventure battle 2 soundtrack but like a hip-hop remix of it that sounded so good i was like how do i know this song i was like wait who is playing sonic the hedgehog who sings this oh right it's sonic he's such a beautiful voice the knuckles songs in that game um all of them are from the perspective of knuckles do you know this i did not know that

Those are all like the hip-hop. Yes. All the songs in it, each level has their own theme. Sonic is the hip-hop character. No, Knuckles. Knuckles is the hip-hop character. Sonic is the hip-hop. All of the Knuckles songs are literally like,

I'm swimming through the water looking for emeralds. It's extremely funny. It's the kind of thing where if you played it for me, I'm sure I have committed it entirely to memory deeply in the back of my brain stem, but I couldn't say a word of it. No, I don't know it either, but the lyrics are all about...

I'm sorry, we're getting so off track, but let me just say real quick that they're in this swimming thing here yeah there's a man who has like several photos of himself swimming in full clothes oh word it says uh it's absolutely possible and much more enjoyable than swimming in swimwear it's best to keep your shoes and socks on for the full effect and then he's just like a 45 year old 50 year old man he posted i don't know 20 photos have you ever fallen into a pond have you ever been standing on ice and the ice gives out and you fall into a little pod and you go i'm a dumb ass that's what this man is encouraging i once walked into a pool

in high school trespassing in someone's house but not house but like we we like this is illegal i shouldn't say this but we trespass what crimes have you committed we trespassed we went to someone's backyard and uh i was shot uh no i accidentally walked into their pool anyway uh it was miserable it was sad did you break your phone or was this pre-phone times oh i don't remember i fucked up my shoes though like i permanently soaked my shoes i feel like oh no uh that's what they're click on um under under quoker click on the last one so you can see this and then we'll put it on the video or whatever yeah and by we i mean you'll do that yeah i will then look how many photos this man has put this looks like stephen king first of all this man is

like undercover stephen king and he is just inflatable pool he did a photo shoot for this he's got two he has two sets of clothes there is a picture of him diving into this pool that is very much like a sexy presentation you can see the outline of his ass crack yeah it's really like take me in the pool i i wrote it in 1982 his name is james shuck james shuck james shuck he is he has given 2.5 thousand answers 16 photos in this how am i gonna put this on our video you don't have to put all of them. How am I going to put all of these in our video? Just one of them would be great. There's so many. I don't want to miss. I guess

I'll screenshot like three in a row five times or something. I mean, look, if you're watching on YouTube. My Sunday is gone now. If you're watching on YouTube right now, you will know before Alex and I currently do, whether he did that, whether Alex did it. I think you just put one or two. I don't think you need

to put all of them. There's just so much to enjoy. He's coming out of the ocean in full clothes in this one. So this is a whole community, though. If you look at related questions on the side it's like have any women gone swimming fully clothed who likes swimming fully clothed why can't you wear underwear while swimming what do guys wear when swimming there's like 50 of these what happens when you wear a swimming hoodie good lord this is just a woman in a bathing suit who's just like there is no right or wrong answer what's

important is going in the water and then just like an only fanster strap on quora um oh sorry I misread this. I saw this question said, what happens if you wear a swimming hoodie? And the answer said, well, in many cases, you get arrested. In my case, I get turned on. But I realize that they're answering a question about swimming naked. And I got so confused. I was like, nothing gets me hotter than putting on a hoodie.

We are really off the rails. OK. We should also. Can we just start the show? Yeah, we haven't even started the show yet. Let's start the show. No, we did play the theme song. We did play the theme song.

Did we do the guitar solo? we haven't read the quora oh this is good yeah it goes for like 90 seconds so i'll just leave that as it is uh we didn't read the quora the question we asked last week yeah i'm interested to see the answers so if there are less views on this than there could have been my bad because for some reason it did not post until like tuesday there's something very because so you messaged me and you're like the question did not post so i had to repost it like yesterday right and i looked and i saw that it did post and someone answered it so you now we have two answers one on each post i'm just not gonna use quora anymore you are in charge of the quora

i am 150 years old and can't figure out how it works uh and not like the sexy guy who goes swimming in his clothes who's all over quora he totally gets it um now so last week we had Will Maniker on of the Chapo Trap House podcast. And we asked, I'm considering joining a gang. Hold on. When I hit show statistics, and it showed all of our posts but this one, it had posted it? It says posted on the 18th, November 18th.

I'm so upset right now. I know this bothers you. I don't even want to tell you because I know it deeply upsets you. It's a professional of me, but I'm ready to end it all. Okay. Well, what did they say to the gang question? uh the question was uh do you think it will be fun and cool now i don't know if this is just the the chapo fans the crazed chapo fans or what but we got two answers that i i almost wonder if they're

jokes okay what are they so the first one is from melvin j sneedly who is a christian that sounds like a real guy and he has answered like a thousand questions okay so that uh that's probably not it seems like a real dude like a fan but it says from personal experience no not if you're talking about a criminal gang yeah the work the risk of ending up in prison or worse is almost a certainty brotherhood evaporates once shit hits the fan and shit is uh censored many long nights doing tedious or dangerous work for low income minimum wage pays better no one with half a brain thinks that being on the road is quote fun or quote cool being on the road sure you have some adrenaline right we didn't say like what's it like to join the pixies in 1987 it's not fun or cool

to be in a band everything rocking every night is easy think again uh it says sure you have some adrenaline fuel you have some adrenaline fueled moments with your boys but it's way better to just play a team sport right or start a podcast yeah that's kind of what we were doing here is You joined a gang of podcasters. I think so. Sounds like you have a choice. So this person thinks we're asking. Like, I might join a gang.

No, but we're saying, is it cool and fun? It is not a life for people who have a choice. Do yourself a massive favor and please don't go through with it. This person is pleading with us and saying, do not join this gang. That's responsible. This person thinks that we're like, hey, I have the opportunity to join a gang. I'm about to get sexed into the bloods. Is that going to be fun for me?

So that's a real question. That's a real answer. I think you're right. Okay, great. What's the other one? This is the other one that I'm curious about. It says, maybe at first, but absolutely not, three exclamation points, not in the long run. Do you want to end up like Al Capone or El Chapo?

And that's where I'm like, come on. El Chapo is, I mean, he had a great run. He did. So did Al Capone. Al Capone did die of syphilis. Al Capone was living large. Yeah, I mean, he wasn't really brought down then. in the new york city in the new york city comedy community if you heard of someone who like

lived as long as he did made as much money as he did and then eventually was arrested and died you'd be like he killed it yeah that's like a good career if you live to like 29 and have a special you've made it in comedy and i think it's similar parameters for gangsters gang life the thing about the comedians is they don't have a choice no they don't it's because of the circumstances of their lives being born very wealthy to support their family they gotta yuck it up um this person also says gangs mean violence violence means two things and two things only prison or death or torture even it's not worth it that's three things uh this is scott olinger who this is his first ever answer i think this is a that sounds like a yeah i don't i don't

know i could see both of those being real the first one was definitely real we will have to be on the lookout as the show grows for fake trolls fake quora users who are just in it for the clout yeah who just want the next the big thrill of having their quora red oh yeah live on air well scott you got us you got scott also follows you scott's definitely just a guy god damn it scott god damn cut this from the podcast i'm trying to figure out if i should join a goddamn gang uh and now we don't know and now we don't know wait so i asked the question a second time yeah that's the first so so what uh the first person asked on the first time and the second person asked on the second time okay well one answer i asked quite twice i don't think it's

a bad thing because i don't understand how to use the app and i'm not getting better at it if anything i'm getting worse i think you're too hard on yourself i'm a piece of shit and they wouldn't want me in the pyros anyway riding red till i freaking dead i think that's true um am i talking normal as i would normally talk as normal as you normally talk okay great um next quora so so yeah um we i think we can keep this theme going we have a new segment called judge quora yeah we could be like true crime is one of the preferred yes yes yeah we could be girls who talk about murder absolutely i'm soy facing all the time did you see that someone said that my ears in a bun right now that is true somebody said i know it's like cringy to

talk about comments or whatever but someone said our podcast was just my brother my brother and me but what five percent less soy yes and apparently there is a real thing where my brother and my brother and me reads quoras never heard the show i didn't know that seems like it would be different because we are not brothers thank you and neither of us is travis if you walked into my mother's home uninvited i'd kill you then and there strike you dead with my staff i i listened to them a little bit in college and they just did yahoo answers back then so really they're ripping us off they did the like genuine general improv podcast i thought it was like a comedy bang bang thing they uh i think they they do segments and i honestly heard the way they talk and i was like

not for me well we talk like them apparently 95 no they don't know that they're just saying that we read quora okay okay you're maybe right maybe right quora we are we invented quora and we don't use the app and it's our show now get over i don't care whatever dude there's like 50 podcasts about watching the sopranos or whatever there could be two quora things that's true and we could answer questions about the sopranos that's the kind of flexible format we're working with here and we'll have lin-manuel miranda on too and we'll ask him questions yeah what was it like working with tony soprano that's true he was on that show oh it was fun oh what fun i was a mobster and i got shot in the face that's a really good lin-manuel miranda thank you uh i worked really

hard on it okay yeah give me the next crime okay so this is from uh donovan donovan from radio free tote bag are a friend of the pod yeah donovan ayer yes um a gang of children mowed my lawn without my consent and are now demanding payment their parents are threatening legal action what can i do that's interesting that i this is a very the thing is the questions on this website are often very suburban and this is maybe at the top of that chain yes just like i am a property owner yeah i am afraid of children but these two spheres have to connect it for me in a way that makes me feel unsafe i'm threatening legal action just like everything about this though a gang of children a gang of children mowed my lawn did they think it would be fun and cool

they wanted the thrills of doing bumps and taking lumps what would you do if a gang of children mowed your lawn i i want to say i'd thank them I don't like mowing the... The thing is, you pay a guy to mow the lawn. Why not just pay these kids? Why do you got to be so... Why don't you support the community you live in? Yeah, yeah.

Did you ever do kid stuff like that? Like, I would shovel people's driveways as a kid. I... And I'd trespass. Yeah. The thing is that I was so averse to chores or labor of any kind that I was really only doing it for my lawn and my house when I was forced to at gunpoint.

By the way, my parents, they weren't a gang and they would force me with their gun. yeah and uh so i did all of these things but just for my house and but okay i'll say this the thing about mowing lawns is if you wait like a month between doing it it is tough yeah yeah yeah it's like doing a shit it's like uh shaving a shaggy dog but with an entire ecosystem of bugs underneath it right you holocaust your way through um yeah so i i would just pay the kids i don't know if anybody just pay them pay kids give money to children i'm reading these answers and nobody is saying no no all the answers are like call the police immediately arrest these

children send them to juvie i feel like they're lawnmower gangs if you live in like the suburbs and you're an adult you should just be giving money to the children in your neighborhood all the time like if they have lemonade stands you should be paying ten dollars for a cup of bad lemonade like do your part you know they're kind of set up that way on purpose yeah that's like the point of those i guess it is kind of like annoying because you're like well you live here too your parents probably have money to have a house i don't feel like paying you for this but anyway i'd like to get some real legal advice let's read some of these answers uh the first one says call the police and explain the situation and demand that they be charged for this attempted extortion

then called cps slash dps whatever your local social services slash child protection agency is called and report the parents for not only encouraging but also taking part in this all caps felony that these kids and parents are trying to commit against you also make sure you let everyone in neighborhood know about this situation as you may not be their first victim i have not i feel like everyone else answering this has more information on the situation than i have because their parents are threatening legal action if the way this is written a game surgeon mowed my lawn without my consent and are now demanding payment their parents are threatening legal action sounds like they were hired to mow the lawn sure you're right now this

guy's trying to get out of it the parents thing is weird well the fact that the parents are involved makes me think that it was a legitimate deal they're reneging on right right uh but i guess in the chance that it's a child gang with parent prisoners then yeah you have to get cps involved because they have dogs and guns you can sick on children yeah get the dogs to attack that's what First thing you need to do is get the dogs out. Performing unsolicited work and then demanding payment is an old school mafia scam. Don't be a victim here. Fight back.

This person also said, hopefully this trash hasn't tried to scam any elderly or disabled people, but they probably have. Let's not throw the word trash around. Someone called my, so there's this new thing that people do where they call grandparents up or just old people in general. and they say like hey grandma it's me johnny your grandson like you owe me a thousand dollars and then all these old people are like oh my god johnny yeah you can trick old people really easily yeah and my grandma who's i love her very much but she's the meanest person i ever met right and someone called her up as old as time someone called her up recently and was like grandma it's me your grandson and she said i don't have a grandson and hung up the phone but you're her

i know so your mother's your grandmother's just more tech savvy than your average either she's tech savvy or she was tricked and did think it was me and was like you're dead to me i wouldn't buy you out of jail no um no grandma's the thing the thing is like grandma's be getting fooled grandma's be getting fooled and they lose in their jewels that's the third podcast every week it's the third podcast of the day um i get around five to seven fake yeah scam you pick them up a day i haven't picked up a phone call in a long time which is bad because i get real many right the same thing for me i'm getting so many that when i get them the caller id says scam on which seems like if we can do that there has to be a

next step of like filter yeah remove yeah scam don't have those go through cease and desist i don't get the ones that say scam that mine are all um the numbers are always my area code yeah which is like the thing they do um that wouldn't fool me at all living in new york city because yeah that's true we are home to many scammers yeah um i uh yeah i got a lot of calls and i i haven't i just haven't picked up my phone in like three years i think which is probably bad i call you all the time you don't really answer usually yeah i just don't i'm bad at it i i do feel like the oldest millennial in the way that i prefer making phone calls and people i'm so bad at it how did you get here i honestly i just never have my phone on like it's always on silent so i just

always miss it yeah it's just that i'm always ambiently looking at my phone at all times sure Because I'm brainwashed by technology the way we all are. And so in that way, it's kind of like curtains for me. My problem also, and I'm sure you've heard this, is that I got a phone. My first time I got a phone was in middle school, in like sixth grade. So my answering machine is like, Hi, my name is Jeremy. Please leave a message.

You can change that. I know, and I just haven't. You can change it. I should. My dad told me a few weeks ago, he's like, you've got to change your phone thing. It sounds like a baby robbed you. You sound like a baby robbed you.

it sounds like a gang of children mowing lawns extorted your phone as one of their mafia tricks i can't believe how many of these say call cps cps have these children taken away the first one sent to a prison stand your ground this entire website is just full of adult babies who are extorted by teenagers do you see this one that says you sit back and document everything in a notebook liver literally every time you're contracted by a parent or give a shitty gave a shitty look by a parent or child while coming or going write it down date and time every time you think about the situation get upset write it down you feel anxious sad mad write it down journal entry style keep this notebook handy and fill it up remember i don't where is this going

this is so long you're gonna need it in court i think is yeah but like every time you think about it you're gonna need that in downtown that's a good one are there any sound effects i haven't heard yet um there's i got theme music for waffles but he hasn't appeared in a while he was here every episode for like five weeks and then the second i went and found music for him he fucked right on off because he's a piece of shit um yeah i don't feel bad for the things say about waffles waffles is made waffles is your cat i'm up to he yeah for those listening any newbies any any newbies who are starting here and are like wow it's really unfair the way alex is talking about his cat his friend waffles i should call cps and take this cat away because he is

nothing but trouble a gang of kittens has attacked your podcast he's mowed my lawn without your consent and is threatening to extort me one of the answers here says this gang of children is operating precisely like a government oh man i love libertarians yeah and they're all on here it's very good i i wouldn't be surprised if most libertarians see all children as some sort of like oppressive force in a way all children are government that's why the second amendment is so important in case of children mowing your lawn the thing about children is um during the gestation they sort of lock down the pussy and in that sense they are in many ways like the federal government um i think i've said all i need to say here let's move on to another quora i just

want to say real quick um the question where you said that they're acting a government did you read the rest of that the rest of this four paragraph answer is specifically about how the government is bad like it's like 500 words later he's like it's the year 2022 how on earth does anyone still endorse the evil concept of government that the question is children are lowing mowing my lawn why does no one know how to respond to a prop on this website i love adult libertarians god damn it i mean we don't we don't this could be one of the children in the gang for all it's true it's true okay um we have another we have one more uh judge quora segment if we want to top that off you're never safe this is sent in by dumb cube thank you guys so much for sending in keep sending

in those curators curators at gmail.com i hate using the computer alex is struggling with it i am 175 years old and i've aged 25 years since the podcast has started yeah yeah that's true thank you for listening um i have a question for you alex ah can a cop pull you over for crying while driving uh and is that maybe if that happens this sounds like the name of like a taylor swift song or something can a cop pull you over for crying yeah if she enters her brand new phase of like 15 word long um i would say a cop can pull you over for anything at any time because that's just effectively how the law works so yes there's um something like 100 answers on this on every

single one of them says yes but there's a lot of different ways it could yes most of them are like yes you can get pulled over and you probably will because cops care so much about you they just want to see if you're okay cops love beautiful which i assume you are if you're posting here hey baby it's okay it's friday night baby why are you crying let me put these handcuffs on you i'm so lonely here are my cop car um this is a new character i'm debuting lonely sexy cop stripper cop who's actually still a cop we you i saw you crying um a lot of these are just stories of people being pulled over by cops i'm crying watching you drive away girl that's basically what happened to this girl yeah we're

assuming it's a girl by the way well this one is alicia it's her name it says the cop came up and told me i was driving the way i was driving looked like i was either on my phone or drinking so i told him the truth and apologized why did she get sad i looked like i was on my phone or drinking what were you doing uh i was driving in a cartoon homer simpson s shape when i was randomly pulled over uh well she was crying i guess because i don't know why actually it doesn't say why you don't need a good reason to cry uh that's so true i mean i can't cry because i'm dead inside but sometimes i'll still drive erratically as a man uh as a man uh i wear all my clothes in the pool i drink raw testicles and i do not cry and i never got pulled over yeah not being able to cry

really is the wearing your business clothes into a pool uh but it says the cop looked at me and got super sweet and had me follow him into a parking lot this is so dangerous sounding and told me to call my mom and says uh i was upset he watched all the bad lieutenant together uh yeah so people you know they're like yeah if you're crying the cops can pull you over and cops are in charge for being such a cute little girl. Cops are in charge of making you feel good. That's what they're there for. That's the main thing cops do,

is they make you feel better about your life. Turn that frown upside down! Get on the ground and turn that frown upside down! Let me see that beautiful smile! Oh, Jesus Christ. I love sound effects. These are a whole crop of new ones.

We're like a morning radio show. It feels good to play them. oh man uh yeah i think everyone on the entire internet is on the same side as us here yeah that they are allowed to and they should and that it's totally okay and that's part of their duties they're lonely and i think you should marry them a nice police officer boy why aren't you gonna bring home a nice police officer has anybody ever said that i guess cop families like the families of blue bloods sure blue bloods i've heard of it i've never seen it but i understand the concept yeah yeah yeah their families and their families the cops i think so which makes

they ask jewishly when are you going to bring home a nice police officer boy you never have any handcuffs around the house i hear 60 of every night and that's a fun little statistic you can look up well back to the chorus yes uh do you have a good one you want me to find one uh load it load up another one here okay i'll get one for the next one um i fired an employee but he refuses to leave he's still coming to the office what should i do this is from the quark place oh what's the sound effect for the quark place you think um we got cereal again that's not quite correct maybe like a tiger oh okay or maybe austin powers we didn't get to the second roar yet that's okay i just wanted to get there okay uh yeah so you

fire someone they keep coming back yeah what do you do this actually happens in felicity if you've ever seen felicity what is felicity it's a show for girls about going to nyu i watched it like two months ago it's got um did you find it relatable johnson from uh yeah i did i found it extremely it's funny because they can't use the words nyu so really they have to say like here we are at university of big city town where all of the buildings look like the empire state building that's so weird why can't they say nyu is that like a copyrighted big yeah i don't know this fucking the mods mods won't let felicity go to nyu the gang of tis children um no the pink power ranger from the original crop power rangers is in it oh cool

interested yet yeah i mean absolutely we watched it for like a season and then it became very clear that this nothing is going to happen on this television and stopped watching it fair enough um but anyway it happens in felicity and so what i can tell you um well what happens is felicity keeps trying to fire this guy at her Starbucks job that she works at and he just keeps coming in and then eventually he becomes her boss. So that's like a running joke

there. But I think in real life you have to call CPS. You have to call police. Start keeping an emotional journal of every time they've made you feel weird or cry. Take them to court and sue them and also send them to jail. Kill them. What does it say on the court? Killing

spree. Killing spree. um killing spree that's my impression of the killing spree guy we have a sound effect for that killing spree all right there it is switching the boards takes a second i'm so sorry no no it's totally fine okay um okay so pam dungeon i don't know if it's not it's that's her given name there's no n in there but it looks like it says uh dungeon um this has 1300 upvotes sorry up chorus locking you down with her logic and says be kind to him please all caps be kind to him this man clearly apparently clearly identifies himself first as an employee of yours even before he identifies himself as an individual with choices to make that's bad

i just love the idea of just like i don't even see myself as human anymore i am merely an employee i work at geico this is like that's like an anime character thing to do that's like full-on what so would say it's extremely cartoonish um i hope that you can fire them if that is how they see their entire life although i guess there's a risk of maybe self-harm in that situation right yeah if you were to eliminate that's such a strong i didn't like i see myself as the host of core raiders first and then a son and husband second i feel like when i read this question at first i was like it's a guy who like he's just pretending not to be fired because he like wants to stay at this job but this is like he's just staying there for the pussy he's just staying

there for the pussy probably honey and uh but this is like a man pam is assuming this is a man who's like all i have is this job yeah it's my only identity uh so she continues says i've seen this happen in several men of various occupations who were forced to retire because of an age were from a job uh that meant the world to them they weren't able to cope with the abrupt cessation of their chosen profession and that problem often had a sad and abrupt ending for their family this is like a fucking brooks in uh shawshank redemption situation yeah things are getting very severe he doesn't know the outside world oh he knows his accounting you just got a k in his ass homie get him out of there i love the idea this is like a retired man this this person's

like i can't retire i love work too much sometimes old people do this yeah you know have you heard of this is like above a certain age people are afraid to stop working because they think they'll just die is that a thing yeah if you don't have like a purpose to keep living for like a lot of people retire then go back to working because they don't actually have any passions interesting and so uh your day-to-day just becomes like i guess i'll hang out and then your body's like oh good safe to die now not everybody gets as into bird watching as they should be so my grandma to bring her up again she only retired shout out granny uh honey she only retired from her job because her boss died oh so she was like i guess i'll quit so do you think

your grandma was having an affair with her boss um i don't probably not she's a pretty miserable person my grandma who again i love very much yeah uh has been saying my whole life that she just wants to die yeah and yet she is not dead she's not dead huh that's exactly what my mom said irony of it um yeah her hate has crystallized her body uh i was telling her that like betty white when betty white died i was like here betty white 99 my grandma was like because of how long that was yes yeah because of what a long life she was like not me couldn't be me though for real yeah sheesh you gotta teach your grandma more like tiktok slang yeah i can make her a tiktok no cap no cap jeremy is she always uh is she a cigarettes grandma

not really no maybe she should start yeah i mean okay if you are like ready to die you're 90 years old you're not dying no yeah why not get started with a fun new hobby like cigarettes that's not even like when people are like old people why don't you start doing molly or acid or whatever they might not be ready for that kind of experience smoking cigarettes is just a fun little slutty way yeah why not if you're fucking 90 why not hey i'll say this on my influential platform smoke cigarettes go out there hurt yourself with cigarettes if there's any children listening to this we had a whole extended conversation at pod damn this week about how much fun smoking crack would be and then i just had like 10 minutes walking back like but

don't yeah i mean it's um it's bad for you unless you're 90 years old and want to die then sure fuck it there was a twitter thread going around recently that was like the stigma against crack is so bad like crack changed my life for the better that's why we talked about okay never mind then again i'm just recording my conversations all of your podcasts are mixing together i need to be thrown off a cliff um oh sorry pam dungeon says here's the deal your former employee desperately needs counseling do we need to keep reading this if he survives this period he'll thank you later according to pam uh is there another is there another one um it's just a lot of people being like thank you pam dungeon for this beautiful response no no reason to answer

here pam knocked it out of the park so it said i was going to call i was going to say call the police and have him thrown in jail but he'll just uh you know this is this is a much better answer so okay but what if you need to fire him though and you can't keep you can't keep paying this person then you could it's not an option just keep them around like no it's an insane thing to do um i do believe wally on dilbert does a similar thing oh no it's george on seinfeld oh well that's bald man so that is a real larry david story he quit snl and then he just came back the next day and pretend he didn't yeah man if i ever had a good job i would also do things like that too you'd quit and then just come back i would quit and come back anytime there i was

like i thought i fucked up really bad i'd be like no i didn't yeah there you go there i am back at my desk i mean look here i am with michael jordan writing a hilarious skit about what if uh mango sucked his dick or whatever lord if you're listening lord if you're listening i don't need to make excuses for lauren for his 1995 behavior he was there i can't believe we had a former snl writer on our podcast and didn't pitch him this this sketch idea oh right um yep anyway oh well missed opportunity there thank you to pam dungeon it's not a real name but who cares the moo is so slow jeremy the moo is unreasonably slow i gotta like wait for you to start talking the sentence will organically end and then the moo will come out

let's do another quora okay okay i have one pulled up please okay i'm pregnant with triplets i'll give birth to them all but i think i can only take care of one is it wrong to give two of them up for adoption so let's say you got three little pups and only one teat oh that's so sad yeah um honestly though how i mean if i if i was pregnant with triplets i would just be like come on you kidding me man i asked for one if you went to the store and you asked for one loaf of bread and they gave you three and you had to send those loaves of bread to college? Come on now.

How do you choose, though? Do you do a little contest for the three of them as infants? Do you see which one passes the mirror test first? Get rid of the other two? You ask the infants what they would do with the baby they are disputing over and if they would cut it in half. Yeah, that's a good idea.

Yeah. That makes sense. They have to learn language first. so it's kind of a long test a classic king solomon-esque question um i think i mean a lot of people are going to say no you have to keep all three babies yeah because they're so locked in cringe or in the patriarchy yeah oh my god so true if they're all boys too it's like oh because they're boys and feed them oh yeah oh they need strong bones no they have to grow up and play basketball i don't want to do that put them give them to the

liver king um but yeah i don't know man i bet he did a baby uh let's read this response i know in sophie's choice what happens in sophie's choice she um i've never seen sophie's choice but no i don't think anyone has it is a reference that everybody makes well it's a really funny movie idea yeah it's almost like a joke movie idea it's it's a very hilarious movie for those who don't know it's a movie about a woman who uh is in the holocaust has to decide which of her two children survives to keep she picks the boy in it because um she thinks that he has a better chance of living patriarchy man oh thank you uh-huh honey uh-huh honey that sound bite was dedicated to sophie from sophie's choice okay so the answer to i'm pregnant with triplets i'll give

birth to them all but i don't think i can only take everyone is it wrong to give two of them up for adoption which is we're all assuming is a real question asked by a real person i assume so there's a a bunch of kind of emotional responses as a twin who is separated at birth my answer will be a bit emotional i knew from the beginning a part of me was missing get i'm out of here i got my own room i knew from the beginning a part of me was missing my mom lied about me being a twin when i did find out from the nurse who delivered us many years later that's a crazy story i was half crazy i've looked for my twin for years now i do not have a name all i have is our birth date a part of me will always be missing until we are reunited oh you're being

dramatic honestly that's kind of crazy though they don't they don't even know the person they can't even find them maybe i'm just speaking for my privilege as a non-twin and someone who does not have telepathy with anyone but like if i had a brother at the same time we wouldn't be like oh i gotta go to other cities right yeah i gotta go get on snopes what if there was a second alex though if someone if your parents said hey you actually are an identical twin yeah there's another essentially alex patak out there who's not named that i'd say good for him you don't want to find out like what that guy's up to though do we want to see like how big is our house not interested i i feel like i would i'd be curious i'd want to know is this guy is he a

comedian well it's kind of the thing where you like it's a nature versus nurture thing right no yeah let's find out in a uh in a what's the two lindsey lohans and they're separated oh yeah one's fancy and one's kind of a little street rat sophie's choice sophie's choice they have to get their parents back together yeah yeah and sophie chooses how much she would like her parents to get back together right there's um there's a movie called three identical strangers about or something like that yeah where it's a documentary about this um hospital who posed the same questions that we have posed and thought let's just do that and then uh they separated they they found all these identical twins and in this case triplets one of them and they the triplets there's three

very jewish boys from long island who were all like i found out i had a brother yeah and um they gave one trading cards they gave one to a rich family one to a middle class family and one to a poor family and then just studied them cool how'd it go not well two of them went to the same college and it got real weird weird when their um their roommates were like johnny that ain't you and then they're like two of the same guy yeah and then they're like what the fuck and then they found a third one than the other one uh they opened a restaurant for a while one of them committed a crime was it the poor one uh i think it might have been the rich one one of them died so that's nurture

i gotta get the details anyway spoiler go i just spoiled the whole movie but go watch it okay uh well the the rest of this post is pretty good my point of this post if you can't raise two then perhaps give up all three with the stipulation they are adopted as a sibling group. This will be better for them in the long run. Twins and more have a bond that develops in the womb. This bond is impossible to break. Uh-oh, single child privilege alert.

Not being a twin. I don't know about twin telepathy. Your triplets will know that there's missing pieces of them. A part of them will always mourn those that are missing. Wow. Do you believe in magic, Jeremy? Do you believe in twin magic? I believe in life after love.

I think it would be... My dad's a twin. Your dad's a twin? yeah but not identical but they sound the same on the phone that pisses me off when there's twins and they don't look anything alike and it's like why not wait yeah right why not just be brothers yeah whose idea was this you guys have to share bunk beds and stuff for life just because you needed so much attention yeah yeah it's silly is it are they similar they're very similar but like in a brother way and they're gross it's weird because i'll talk

to my uncle and it's like if my dad wasn't my dad and i'm like i can see why people like this guy yeah yeah yeah yeah but for my dad it's like had it up to here with this guy's a nut uh um i don't know if i was the mother that i'd want to give up all three though because i think the point of you take two getting pregnant you get rid of just one yeah get rid of just one just get rid of the weird one you have three one of them is going to be a little weird yeah if they're not identical it's an easy choice obviously the weird one you're rid of but if they're identical it gets tricky okay let's say you're john and kate plus eight okay and you have the octuplets you're the octagon you're giving those away like they're cats well cats do have like eight babies

and then you just keep you keep the good ones yeah and someone you post on facebook like hey i got six decent babies yeah they're all fine it's just more than i wanted yeah and i took two of them they're great quora said i gotta keep two because they'll always be missing a piece yeah Yeah, so every litter of kittens must feel this way. I think so. Wow, that's really unique in its own special way. I'm glad I read this, Quora. Slam that waffles theme.

It's on the other board. Well, that's okay. This is the waffles theme? Yeah. This is great. It's kind of an imperial march. This sounds almost like a Game of Thrones thing. It's kind of like you opened the Fire Emblem menu.

Yeah. And waffles is there. The cat. hail alex it is i waffles here to chew your wires oh hark as i disconnect the headphone and lie down behind the board in a way that makes everyone scared the podcast is no longer recording meow we need guests on this podcast yeah well i mean we're just kind of hoping waffles shows up there's always something to talk about i don't see him i've not i went to the bathroom before

and he was just laying out in the on the ground i had a step over a lot of shit about waffles earlier but i don't take any of it back um here's another good question please what is the cruelest insect in the animal kingdom that is a good one meow what's your guess i feel like probably one of those like those like um brood insects that like burrow into something's brain or those parasites or there's like insects that do that too right you make this up yeah you know what this is i made this up oh this kind of reminds me of my character the brood lord uh but the words insect probably my oc level 18 warlock probably miles fails prowler whose character is a lot like tails from sonic but with his tails they're all dicks and so he

can't do anything and he's miles fails prowler that's true hey tiktok did you know that miles per hour is a pun on miles per hour make that go viral use this sound to become viral and then there's just girls twerking to us yeah mentioning tails facts tails is one of sonic's best friends yeah let's sink that kids hey kids start twerking um all right no the answer is this gross bug so as you can see i've put this bug on the youtube screen wow look at that look at that that's disgusting should i look at this should i go find it here uh i can also just find you should find it because i hurt my hand by punching a chair right do you want to talk about that or just i got mad that i dropped a thing on my foot so i punched that chair down like striking down

like zeus upon a mortal like a superhero landing yes and the pain i felt from dropping the remote on my foot was then doubled or tripled by either breaking something in my hand or bruising it severely and now i can't close my hand so i'm in a lot of pain it seems bad and i am a shell of the man i was yesterday yeah and this bug it appears well it looks like uh he's got a he's got a big ass yeah he's looking like the friggin he's looking he's looking like uh he looks like a good bug though because he looks like he just got back from like the bug wars and he's like carrying all his fallen comrades on his back or something you're actually very close to am i the answer of why he's such a cruel bug okay so this animal it looks like several dozen ants held

together to form a ball but they are actually dead ants underneath everything is an insect that carries the carcasses like a backpack it is an ancathopus petax member of the red duvet day family of course inhabits east africa and malaysia like other predatory insects it hunts its prey by impaling it and injecting it with digestive saliva which causes paralysis and tissues of the prey to begin to dissolve it in the end it only sucks up the soup of insect entrails and then it carries them around like a backpack and uh it's essentially like a big meat shield that's pretty cool i don't know if that makes it the cruelest they're not i mean they're dead it's not like they're alive so it's not like the shrike or whatever yeah i don't know if that's

the cruelest do you know the shrike no what's the shrike up to okay so the shrike is a reference to hyperion which is like a it's a sci-fi book and there's an alien that takes people and he put he impales them on his pain tree and they live forever on the pain tree eternally damned but i guess it's actually a reference to a real bird i'm gonna look this up i guess i have to look it up on quora because i'm doing quarry is it one of those birds that uses the pain tree it is it's the bird that uses the pantry that's exactly what i'm saying all right if i quora the word shrike what am i gonna find okay i looked up one thing about the shrike and uh it so it essentially takes like bugs and puts them on a thorny tree and impales them to death on there

that's pretty cool yeah so that actually rocks but i would say that's crueler than this bug that is taking dead things i mean it's just it's eating them essentially it's we all eat dead things yeah that's like the point i mean except for vegans um yeah is it dead if it never lived i guess not what is not dead can never die yeah that's the the gray joys yeah what is dead can never die because they do their little um their bar mitzvah drowning about which bar mitzvahs the gray joys do they do a um for those who don't know this podcast is out of control i'm a big a song of ice and fire fan and alex is loopy so i can talk about it the gray joys are the waterfaring family i'm gonna start like a a period of quarantine before we record these where i go

into a a senseless chamber for 10 hours to make sure i'm fresh as a daisy when we record so this never happens again yeah the gray joys i should say i guess because i started that what they do is when you become to become a man what they do is they drown you and then they give you cpr to bring you back and they're like because what is dead may never die because you've died and now you can't die again it's like their baptism it's basically some sort of bar mitzvah or bar mitzvah i guess it's closer to a bar mitzvah it's like what makes you a man instead of reading the torah and have and sitting in the chair they drown you and bring you back it seems really unreliable to do the bring them back part yeah i think a lot of them die you lose like half of your boys i'm i'd

Look, the Grey Droids, they're not as sane as you might think. They take salt wives. They do take salt wives. They love salt wives. That's something we do not approve of here on the show. We only take one normal wife. We take land wives. Wives who are, they've never been on a boat in their whole dang life.

It's true. And that's something I've always said. You want to read one more, Cora? Yeah, we got more animal ones. Let's read one more. Okay. Do you have a good one pulled up? I would even do two more.

I feel like I could cut some of this and it would be fun. That's probably true. I found a good joke one. Oh, ha ha. Is it in the Quoker? Yeah, I found it. All right, hold on. I don't think the question is a joke, but the answer is a joke.

And I think it's genuinely like a solid okay joke. For Quora, at least. This is the Quoker, our insole of Manosphere questions. Welcome to the Quoker. My 14-year-old son wants to play video games. Are there any Christian video games which talk about Jesus and can help him grow closer to God? And there are, right?

There's one coming out that's like the Jesus RPG. I'm sure there are. There must be a Vegatales game or something. I think the amount of capital input it takes to make a video game is like Christians are not on these emerging technologies fast enough, so they are just getting around to it now. Because I'm sure there's like... They're making like Donkey Kong.

Yeah, they're doing like miniclip.com flash games. i bet there are a million christian ones of those but like they haven't made triple a you know assassins creed gamora edition sure it's just heli attack but it's heaven attack or whatever yeah yeah heaven attack too yeah uh pico's redemption we gotta shoot up a school of demons well so that's kind of what this answer is this guy says yes it is called doom in this game you play a holy man who through the righteousness of god goes to hell and liberates existence from sin and demons you can even defeat the icon of sin itself my son plays this game and i hear him quote the bible as he plays definitely a good choice that is the most school shooter adjacent

behavior i have ever played playing doom and quoting the bible as so many warnings yeah very frightful okay i i think that's a pretty do you think which part of that did you think was a joke i think this person is joking when he says she just is due which just suggests doom to to christian and i like the idea that this is a real question and the person really read it and thought that sounds great and it's not an incorrect description of that game he does go to hell and fight demons yeah and the thing is too i mean if you take any medieval conception of what christianity is it's allowed to be super violent like yeah so uh you know it's all yeah actually friggin uh the popes would love doom dragon quest is an important christian game

about murdering slimes i feel like most of those games those like jrpg games the the religious figure in them ends up just being an evil dragon or something yeah they do get a bit uh heretical in that way at any jrpg where you murder god at the end yeah it'd be a hard sell or maybe it converts them i don't know at the end of persona 4 you fight the spirit of tv i don't know if that counts and that's the same as uh poltergeist or whatever we'll circle back okay uh here's another great question we got sent in by user Schmism. Again, send us

in your Quora's, Quoraator's, a gmail.com. Thank you, Schmism. I hope I'm saying your name right. It's kind of like something I read and I go, I have no idea how to say this. This question is, how can I tell if my teen son is a communist?

Oh, this is good. This is important to know. How can I tell if my teen son is a communist? And again, the value of quora over other platforms is there is no further explaining what you mean by that yeah i feel like the answer to this is the the like old joke about vegans it's just like if your teen son is a communist he will tell you you know what i mean like yeah just say anything about the news just mention it and then see if it happens mention a politician and see if they get mad um where the

answer is going to be like see if he's trying to share your your dinner give him a bunch of candy and say that only some people can have it see if he tries to split it up give him a bone and send him to a river and if he sees another dog in the river and tries to take his bone he's a communist that's true i did that once i ate it when i do that okay so this is an answer answer by anthony kernis yadler who's a works at yonsei university in south korea a very anti-communist space in korea parents hold a special party to celebrate the first birthday of their child after being dressed up in manner anticipating how they will appear in the world when they are grown up girls and makeup boys in the customary hood of unmarried men and by the way loved that hood

i miss it every day of my marriage i can't believe i don't get to wear that hood i want to be walking on the street like gin kazama and tekken with my sick hood yeah i'm looking like qui-gon gin yeah single qui-gon gin new character on the show you will date me pick up artist qui-gon gin you have an incredible potential anakin i'm out here looking for strange i can use you to pick up babes now let me ask aunt beru is there an uncle sheesh i'd like to slide in there like a like you slide into your pod would you be would you be upset if i killed uncle owen

uh that's our character single qui-gon single qui-gon thank you and scene scene okay um back to this korean ceremony about finding out if your babies are communist they are placed before various objects a bow and arrow a jujube a needle and thread a book pencil and brush a ruler needle and scissors a knife money and cakes here is one interpretation of their meaning all right so you again to recap you put a bunch of objects in front of your baby and see what they go for this is kind of like the uh uh old kung fu movie thing about like choose the blade and choose the path of revenge choose the ball and choose death um okay bow and arrow the child will become a warrior or have a military career sense and that's too bad because i would 100 go for that and then

needle and thread the child will have a long life oh that's pretty good juju b the child will have many descendants book pencil brush the child will be a successful scholar ruler needle scissors the child will be talented with his or her hands knife the child will be a good cook money or rice the child will be wealthy cakes or other foods the child will be a government official sure this is answer to the question how to tell if my teen son is a communist? That's what I really like about this answer. It does not answer the question at all. See if your teen son

picks up the needle and has a long life. Big spoiler for the rest of the answer. It does not say. That's going to drive me insane. Okay. If I ever have a child, since I know he or she will become a philosopher, at least an academic, I'll place copies of Kant, Hegel, Heidegger,

Deleuze, and Frege in front of it instead. Unfortunately, I don't think I will have a child anyone i i think you could try something similar with a possibly communist teenager though you may have to be a bit more subtle this has 750 upcoras what the fuck this didn't even kind of answer the question i really like that they're like obviously my child will be a philosopher although i don't think i'll have one like what does that mean i decided why are you giving your child can't i'm just like coming up with little games um okay so yeah see if your kid picks up the bow and that means they're defecting to the north i hope this helped you and your question

yeah all of the answers just say give him a communist book and see if he picks it up why don't you see if he picks up the conquest of bread i really don't think that's a great way to see if your teen is a communist but the answer is what jeremy said would just be like are you a communist yeah this is what parents did in the 50s all the time i don't even think it's that they come up to their son they throw an empty bud light at them and they say are you a goddamn communist i think all you need to do if you're are you doing red dawn tell me tell me you'll be punished you're working with the cubans uh just start saying like words to try to activate them milkshake monorail quora i know i feel like the real answer at this point

is if like you have a 15 year old communist child who is probably like on the internet and listening to podcasts and such you just have to be like boy is joe biden a cool guy and then they'll say if they're a communist right yeah you know what i mean yeah say anything near yeah pay any attention to these children you have. Listen to your children. We say this every week. Unless they're a gang, in which case,

arrest these children. This is a big child episode. We talked about gangs of children. We talked about communist children. We talked about giving away children. I believe children are the future. Killing spree. The future of war.

Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Well, I hope that answered your question. yeah it was my question yeah i hope that answered your question guy or quora you think you're picking up the bow and arrow i think i'll pick up a knife i think if i if you give me a knife as a baby i'm i'm going you're going right you're picking up a blade first bleeding all over the table uh yeah bows are really cool aesthetically and i don't think i could resist it that's fair i think i dive right in uh well that's gonna be quarators for another week we gotta ask a question though what a great crop of quora's week oh yeah big time um let's do a little better this

week let's really like okay let's really turn some heads on quora should we ask a children question we should ask a children question um maybe okay let's do something a little provocative here and keep it about jail like um should i should i arrest my son for what is the worst thing your child would do before you send it to jail? That's a great question. Yeah. What is the worst thing your child could do before you send

it to jail? Okay, yeah, let's do that. Pronouns it, that, freak child. It is saying to it's suggesting to change it to him slash her, which no. Nope. It. My spawn. My creation. My

Frankenstein. These are the topics it's suggesting. The worst thing, which is an odd topic. Prisons and prison life. Children, parenting, experiences in life. Yeah, go ahead and click all those. I'm going to also do crime. Yep.

That is something that we think here about the children. Question asked. And that's another episode of Quarators, y'all. Thanks so much for listening. And every week we got the hottest quaras. You gotta come here and get these quaras. and you're on to youtube.com at quarators.youtube.com.gmail.youtube.com

And I'm here with Jeremy Kaplowitz and this is Quarators. I think it is literally youtube.com slash at quarators. No one knows what it is. Good night. Bye.