Quorators - Advent of Clare

Episode Date: September 9, 2024

Comedians Clare O'Kane, Alex Ptak, and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: My daughter's name is Patrick and my son's name is Finland. Was that a good choice? Is becoming a literal eunuch (and taking hormone replacement therapy afterwards) the only guaranteed way for me to have sex with fertile and potentially fertile cis-women without ever worrying about being forced to pay child support afterwards? Why can't a man control the darkness in his heart? --- Get even more Quorators when you support the show @ http://patreon.com/quorators Send quoras and qommunicate on our discord https://discord.gg/7pPYuKuYCr Watch the show @ youtube.com/@quorators

what you're hearing now through the smooth sound of the kansas quaraders america's favorite quora based podcast hosted by alex and jeremy what's up hello um special announcement everyone take their seats you may be familiar with the change of quarators as by season if you follow the youtube where there was season one alex's house season two cracked not alex's house season three fired from cracked back at alex's house season four jeremy following a very strict location-based paradigm well we are no longer using this paradigm because there is a major shift today in that we have listened to the scores of adoring fans sending us feedback, and we have added a third co-host

who is here to stay every week. Claire O'Kane is officially the third host of Quarators. It is the advent of Claire. Season five. What's that from? Spooky sound effects, YouTube. sped up twice as long because it was too long

before that. Wanted elevator. That's like your sound though, right? Do you play that when you go on stage? I bring my own garage door. You know how a theater

will like ask you your intro music? They'll be like, what do you want before you go on? And then you just have an elevator open in front of an island's child.

so claire is here now it's season five also jeremy's house part two of season five having of claire and uh there's gonna be a lot of changes around here um number one this is the last uh last week on quaraders segment yeah that's it no more you can't be trusted you're all in trouble you guys are out of control if you have been writing in with the little code word thank you for doing that it was very nice of you but uh if uh everyone in america listens as they will then it will not be a manageable segment so we're going to answer andrew's question from last week which is of course why is ham the state meat of virginia yeah that's right that there was you said there was one answer on there's a really long answer from like a meat expert okay okay show y'all wang

you okay pause this person first of all pause um is that a real name or is it like an internet that is 100 show your way an internet name it could what do you know from this i don't know if anybody from the bar has that name for real won't you feel silly if it's actually this guy oh he's trying new things with eggs no this is one of our listeners oh this is the one who's answered only our questions this is a real person and chef yeah who just who's who's answered two of our questions this is a point of contention for a long time of the show you can listen to this show and be a chef scrambled eggs in the bio

AI image follows us. That's not a real guy. That's not a real guy. I want you to read their answer anyway because it seems like they knew a lot about eggs. In the late 1970s Virginia Governor Thomas Cowboy was renowned not just for his

political acumen but also for his unusual culinary obsession ham. Every morning Governor Cowboy would start his day with a plate of scrambled eggs and ham a combination that he claimed fueled his sharp decision making and boundless energy. That's the first um paragraph alex you thought this was a real story well it said that they were a phd in culinary science at cornell university which sounds like it could be a thing this segment is

over it's done forever well it is sadly the last one but i doesn't it seem detailed and really informative it's fake it's a joke oh it's definitely fake but show your wang scrambled eggs show you wang isn't a real guy no i fight for my life every day on this program everyone is out to get me anyway it's a great example of why we are no longer doing this thank you for writing in show you wang you got me you really showed your wang you really showed my wang live on cam caught in 4k oh baby thank you wario wario is still here no change to wario Do we want to continue doing advice? How do we feel about this?

We have an advice segment we can do. I didn't even know that was a part of this. We've been doing it. Tips for men, women, or non-binary people. Oh, right, right, right. Yeah, yeah, it changes all the time. I was planning on taking that one out, but a lot of people wrote in that it's their favorite part of the whole thing.

Is that true? Yes. Which is tough because there's a whole show after that. Yeah. Damn. So I guess we're still advice heads. Yeah. You got to go with what the people want.

All right, Claire, you're doing advice today. What do you want to do? Tips for women. We're doing tips for women. Everybody think of one right now. Oh, boy. With video editing, it'll seem like we thought of it really fast. Do you have a tip, Alex?

Yeah. Okay. So when you go in for an ultrasound, sound if the if this is what i did this morning if the baby is stuck in like a corner of your womb of your precious womb okay you you can um pop chua some chocolate and that will rotate the baby chew on that thing pop chua the chocolate okay sort of like a doctor advice this is a show that you can show women I keep looking at YouTube analytics

and they tell me I'm wrong but everything changes because it's season 5 Advent of Claire AOC yeah that's right connections are being made you two can't both be on at the same time

great time to reveal our guest this week who we have not let speak we didn't introduce you yet shut up we really like go on about claire for like a long time aost is just waiting silently did you see her take down jill stein i know that was that was wrong of her what did she say about jill she said she was cringe she said she was cringe she said that she was like um an edgelord basically wow now i have voted for jill stein in every election I've ever voted

and so I will not be taking AOC's side on this but she is still welcome on the show at any time and her boyfriend and her boyfriend Anders said looks like him no he's like twice as big as Anders

he looks like a beef very desirable I love the idea of Edgeward Jill Stein just posting like 9-11 memes kill yourself Wrong take, bitch Thank you for walking me into my Jill Stein impression It's really good

It sounds just like her This is going to be an important week for the show Because we're going to really hone this dynamic It's going to be a lot of setups I'm going to bring up the news And then you guys kind of go off We can have you with a paper in the corner it's kind of

Bill Maher style yeah nuke war does anybody else have a tip for women oh oh if you're at the club

and you get a little tips yeah and then you go outside and there's a guy with a camera asking you a question go up to him

answer it you could be the next shock to us it's just that easy just open your mouth and let let it flow out whatever's going on yeah yeah because she just she just unleashed on that guy

i like that the guy who interviewed her is like pissed that he's not more wealthy now from it it's like what did you do you provided nothing you didn't spit on anything you've never spat on a thing in your life she spat on the mic everyone loves when you're spitting it's crazy that that has become more lucrative than like women um girls gone wild style showing their tits or whatever oh yeah women just saying crazy stuff it's kind of more subversive in a way it means that everyone's listening to us now more than ever and that's good feminism win the octuagirl is famous you need a thing for feminism win i got a bong drop we can we can get that you should get one where it's like

i already have 40 sounds what's coming off no it's season five we're getting new sounds season five 60 sounds i think that's fine yeah totally i've i've never had a problem with it one time and i will never label the soundboard my advice for women is to move on to the next segment space of the week move on.org to space of the week space of the week welcome to space of the week where we look at a space on quora this space is darkest secrets so i didn't click around on here at all but i love the concept of it um these are just people so what is this it's darkest secrets and stories facts and dark secrets it's got a picture of a guy

and a brain like people's secrets or just of the dark darkest secrets oh is it just me that has a love-hate relationship with life zoom enhance no answer yet on that i think it might just be you yeah something's wrong with you tucker carlson being right what if this is just a tucker carlson chorus space the dark secrets of race click to see his putin interview have you ever had a sad airport experience two answers i would like to know what that is zoom and enhance yes period sometimes during our lunch breaks while working at night a few of us would walk the terminal for our exercise around 2 a.m no we often saw passengers stranded for the night

sleeping in the terminal on one occasion there was a young mother with a child of six years old the child was crying uncontrollably i went over to ask what was wrong the other young mother said they hadn't had anything to eat since 9 p.m jesus well this is just a sad story i guess that answers the question what have you ever had a sad airport experience this is a that's what yeah they have they had one that sounds sad sad he does say it ended up being a glad story but i don't really want to read all the words to get there i received two hugs is how the last final paragraph i received two hugs so they turn it around that's good i've been seeing a lot of women with just their with their kid sometimes with a kid and a dog traveling alone on planes lately oh they're running

but it just looks like it's like why would you choose to do that what do you do are you running from something but it's happening a lot i'm seeing it every time i go to the airport Often it's an it follows Yeah I think it's an it Because it can go on a plane or wherever you go I've not seen it follows It's just like there's a monster that follows you It's like a sexual

It's a sexy Like if you have sex with somebody Who has the it Then it turns into them And it follows you and then it jacks you off And then I think you die I don't remember the movie that well It's kind of a win lose

It's like a succubus You do get to fuck the demon. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, there are people who probably would take that trade. Yeah. I'm misremembering the movie, though. Do you get to, like, do you get all the sex, or is it you just, like, die and they've tricked you?

I forget. I think it's, like, you have to have sex with somebody else to give the it away before they kill you or something like that. Or else they follow you. It follows. It follows. It follows. It's what it does. As married men, we would be doomed.

You can really only faithfully have sex with the one person to give the It Follows monster and then they can just pass it back to you No one wants to hurt anybody's feelings I don't know, fingering counts or anything like that Loophole for fingering That's how you get around the It Follows monster Just do hand stuff

Okay, let's read some Quora questions I like Stark of Secrets, I thought it was a good space It's beautiful, let's read the Quark place okay here we are in the quirk place what if you overhead your co-worker talking to someone over the phone and the conversation is about different ways to kill her husband would you contact the police would you warn her husband oh damn between the two um by the way this week's theme is moments oh yes moments of doubt so would you you would have a moment of doubt after you overhead this Do we think that this is the person who made the phone call and is just like,

I just want to get ahead of this just in case someone overhead me? Or what's this? So this is the person who asked the question, Tarina Husbands. Fascinating. What if God and Satan were on the verge of drowning? Okay, I'd like to point out that show your wang was an instant fake account, No, but Tarini Husbands could be anyone's game. She asks, what are the ingredients in making cocaine?

I think this is a real person. It's just that raw bam, right? Why would somebody lie and ask questions like, what are some of the movies you like the most starring Vin Diesel? Oh, so Tarini Husbands really overhead this. I wonder what they did. Conversation about different ways to kill her husband. Would you contact the police?

I don't know what I would do I feel like realistically I'd be like that's none of my business Yeah I'd probably keep it to myself And then read it in the newspaper and be like I did nothing I'm the problem He deserved it sounds like I'm assuming it's a John Tucker Must die scenario

Another movie I haven't seen He died because He had too many girlfriends And they got mad at him And then he must die So that's probably what was happening here But yeah, I'm definitely not calling the husband. That's for damn sure.

Best case scenario, I'm like an undercover agent for the police. And I'm like another unfaithful wife. Another murderous wife, police. You're calling the police over the husband? I feel like I'd call the husband before I'm calling the cops. What do you know this guy? I'm calling the husband. And I'm like, hey, just so you know.

He's just going to kill her first. Yeah, I guess that's fair. what if he's trying to fake his own death and he's like actually trying to they're in on it together they're in on it together and he has to be like oh no so he has to kill you to keep the information from coming out yeah i don't want to be anywhere like the thing about calling the police is it kind of removes you from the equation and enters a squad of killers yeah then they go and kill the husband right right and maybe everyone dies yeah that's your tax dollars at work have you ever been into in a police station and filed a report i've been arrested twice yeah yeah i have

not have you i have and it's like it takes forever it's gross in there yeah how we're we're giving them so much money and their shit looks like shit their furniture's falling apart they spend all that money on tanks oh right you know what's annoying is uh so there's like the shitty police department you can go to like if you get arrested in new york it looks like the 70s in there and you go yeah it does or you get the other option which is even worse which is like your local town blows the entire town budget on the police precinct and it just looks like a beautiful library you go to jail in yeah that sucks i hate that that money could be anything what was the kind that you went to alex when you went to when you were arrested well i'd like to

detail all of these stories and as much as i can but uh one was in new york for a protest and then another one i was found with drugs in maryland and that one was a bit of a rinky dink assignment i gotta say they could really have brushed up the place new wallpaper maybe like a goofy goof troop wallpaper for the prison there was a guy cleaning the the glass door for a really long time and he just seemed he was just dressed like normal and everyone just like referred to him as like tim or whatever and he was just kind of shuffling around the police station cleaning the club he's one of the gang what's going on here it's just like he showed up and started doing that and they just let him do it that's so weird let tim work he could be casing the joint

i would be so worried if i was like doing any kind of menial labor at a uh police station that they just like get mad at me for no reason and then i'm just in there they just throw me in the tank everyone else there has a gun but you um real quick i want to read this answer i was just like yes this guy ken parnell says you only heard half the conversation and you're assuming you they aren't talking about a plot line for a story now if his wife is murdered then call the police not until see if she's murdered wait till after she is killed why is she getting murdered are we assuming that she wants to kill her husband because he's going to kill her first it's like a who's going to get their killer be killed someone says notify hr that's the worst thing you could

do of all hr nothing's gonna happen if you do that do they also have a gun what are they gonna do um that's something you wouldn't talk over the phone about especially in an audible voice that can be overheard well they did yeah you're a truck driver jeff webster you don't know about office politics okay and then there's like a bunch of oh this guy's a ghost historian oh well he probably wants the husband to die so he can study more ghosts yeah that's just one more ghost in the world for him former i am a ghost historian brooke says tell the husband to have the cops waiting for her when she gets home tell him to have his say before the cops arrive and then you get to have a little like law like uh front yard law procedural this

is brooke hi brooke a lot of her answers are call the cops why is a below age teenager contacted me she says call the cops on the teen yeah this is what you do after you're a ghost historian as you join the precinct what's her questions why does everyone not talk about happy things instead of despise and death. You're a ghost historian. Does anyone from South Australia want free sex? Does anyone want free sex? No old people?

Anyone want the free fuck? I'm so horny. Now, horny is spelled with an E-Y. Can anyone help me contact Mariska Hargitay as I have some information about her mum, Jane? Followed by the next question, how can I contact the real Mariska Hargitay? Is that a person I should know?

Is that a famous person? It's the Law and Order. The Law and Order lady. Also spelled incorrectly. Do you know Jane Hagerty? Hagerty? Hagerty. That's her daughter.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I like this question too. She says, you need to fuck off if you don't like what I say. Get the fuck off my page? All right. Question mark?

Okay. It's like she can hear us through the TV. I don't like this. One more. Why are you asking me all crap I don't watch? More give me a crap about. Oh, crazy person. Damn, Brooke.

You want to read another Quora question? I do. Yep. I think we found a solution. Parenting. Okay. Alex, you're a parent. I'm not a parent yet.

You're becoming a parent. It is apparent. I will soon have a baby. That's Godzilla. Okay. I changed the color on the parenting sound. That's enough. That's enough.

This question is, what if I don't ever want to see my parents again? They weren't ever abuses. I'm abusive. I'm just disgusted by their love for me. So I thought of removing myself from the earth itself. Thoughts? You probably just like never see them then if you don't want to do that. Yeah.

Just sort of drop out. Seems like your problem's in the mirror, baby. This is like a child who wants to kill themselves. And Alex is like, look at the mirror, baby. Looks like the problem's coming from inside the house. oh there's a lot of life coaches answering yeah that's right master life coach this could be my next move to be a life coach after ghost historian this is coach success experience life that's their real name hey and thank you for asking for my suggestive thoughts in regards to your current

state being what are the why are the thoughts suggestive if you don't ever want to see your parents again due to disgust of the display of their love for you honestly i can somewhat understand it it sounds like you're having a difficult time dealing with your family and you're at a point where you've had enough it's difficult and most challenging trying to create and maintain a content content and satisfying i only read it as content now and satisfying relationship with anyone blah blah blah yeah yeah it's hard being a parent this is a long answer from coach success when that is so long damn um well i'm assuming the child lived and the child live how old is this question this is from uh august or july oh okay so pending yeah

we don't know i guess i can go to their profile around just do something to make your parents not love you as much yeah get a bunch of like tattoos tattoos that's what my wife's parents get really mad at her about experiment change religion yeah change religion to their least favorite one it's really easy this is from uh elizabeth theania tigress that is her real name show your wings friend so she has asked questions since the parents one okay we can assume that she's still around still kicking a lot of questions about music a lot of questions about why it's wrong to reject god so that's somebody who's taking our advice in advance why is it so wrong to reject god um how is it not justice if a woman's murdered for blowing off court and disrespecting a judge

since neither the judge nor the murder murderer liked her or what she did so when children find quorum how do you like interact with it like you just like start throwing questions out there until you like find a community or like i think so or they just like learn a bunch of big words and then they're like how do i put this online how do i get people to think i'm an adult people are gonna like this word this is a place where people will think i'm adult um okay a lot of interesting personal details here and elizabethiana tigris um a lot of stuff about hating her parents what if no amount of love my parents have for me will ever be enough i hate my mother so much well if no amount is ever enough is it too much or not

enough if a guy killed the man slash woman who was a jerk to you and everyone else would you thank him for doing you a favor oh that's a good question well i don't know what that means so someone's a jerk to you like let's say i uh i uh you know i call your shoes a fam or something what yeah i do something really mean to you you really are becoming a father huh you're gonna walk out walk out the front door with your shoes looking like that like a damn fam what's a fam it's it's an expression that people say is when they're being jerks i think are you do you mean like when people are like yo what's up fam yeah but it's it's like that oh fam those shoes but um yeah so i'm very rude to you and then i'm immediately

like killed by the punisher okay how do you feel i'm definitely thanking the punisher right yeah Because I've, like, betrayed you in this scenario. Yeah. I think that's great. You called it, she's fam. Yeah, well, I have to. I mean, you should see these things. Okay, well.

This kid seems like he's going to kill one or two of his parents. Should we call her husband? She's fine. She didn't use the word death or die anywhere. She's cool. Someone says just move to another country. That's another option that you have. What if you're 12 years old?

I like this answer. Dumb question. Yeah. Thank you, lords. Yeah, you can go ahead and copy that one to the keyboard there. Yeah, we can just use that. Let's read another one of these. All right, another parenting question.

My daughter's name is Patrick and my son's name is Finland. Was that a good choice? Now, it's not really up to me. I don't like Lady Patrick. Finland, I'm more neutral on. Hello. I like Finland. I'm kind of like Sweden when it comes to Finland.

Are you going to name your child after a country, Alex? No, I'm going to name them Patrick. Poland Patak. Even though it's a girl. I have a lot of name ideas, and I'm keeping those off cam. That's fair. I'm happy to knock down other people's names that have been foolish enough to post them online. This is already after the fact, though, right?

So, like, this person's kids are not, they're not like, oh, I want to name my son Finland. They're like, it's too late. I'm assuming this post is to resolve a debate of some kind. Yeah, that's true. Someone was like, you shouldn't have named them that. Like, you fight with your wife, like, 10 years later, and she's like, and those aren't even good names. And you're like, oh, yeah, let's ask Cora. See what the people say.

Patrick is good for girl, right? Anything goes with Patrick. it really is i think of spongebob patrick yeah that's the only patrick i think of who could be any gender that that he or she wants to be the uh starfish from the starfish yeah do starfish have gender uh they they reproduce asexually right yeah so maybe they don't so anything goes with that anything goes patrick's got a lot of curves oh mama i'll say that patrick i've always thought of as sort of like a curvy woman yeah kind of uh every man's desire pink curve um but uh yeah i say it's not a good choice is there are there any other discussions and answers here um this

one person named my baby says that they like patrick but they don't like finland oh no that's a space name my baby is the space oh this is a space this should have been the space for the day Please name my baby Can you imagine going on Quora to ask for a baby name? It seems crazy Enter now for your chance to win, it says You get the baby What is the winning?

If you guess the baby's name, you win Oh my god I'm looking at questions Should I name my baby Encarta.org? Yeah What do you think of the name Daniel Magic Mendoza? Damn, these are all dumb There's not one good one

Would you name the baby boy from the episode of The Amanda Show where Amanda buys 400 pretzels and gets a free baby at the end? Yeah, I would name it. Sure. Baby needs a name. Pretzel. I mean, you're taking it home at the end of the day. Good pull from The Amanda Show, by the way.

Is the name Barbara Black a good name for a girl? That's mostly an interesting last name choice, I feel like, than anything. Usually you don't get to choose a last name. I don't know. This is a weird Quora community. I like it. should i name my baby oh is that an emoji some sort of emoji of like a thing walking a guy walking how soon do you think it'll be until people start naming their baby's emojis um oh

that's interesting yeah probably pretty soon any day now what emoji would you throw into your baby's name i would do the one where it's um cry laugh cry laugh yeah it's like jessica cry Cry laugh. Patrick, cry laugh is a girl. I would do this one. Arm muscle. I think it would be pretty cool to have the gun emoji in your name. But they'd probably keep switching it because they had it was a real gun,

and then it was a water gun, and now it's a real gun again. It's a real gun again? On Twitter, Elon brought it back. Thanks, Elon. Mr. Elon, that was very based of you. I'm naming my child this. It's just the gun emoji. Pow, pow.

Okay, well, I like this community, and I'm happy to visit it at any time. Everyone loves Patrick on here, by the way. Someone says, yes, an excellent choice. I'm an all-man out. That's fine. I don't care. Patrick is one of my favorite names. Pat.

It's Pat. Someone does say, OMG, why on earth would you name your daughter Patrick? It's clearly a boy's name. Finland for a boy is okay, I guess. Didn't HER, all caps, MOTHER have a say in this? If you scan a baby name book, it will explain the meaning and origin. Scanning baby name book. Patrick.

10,000 names analyzed. Okay, more people now are upset about Patrick. Okay. I was beginning to feel like I was a real Republican about this whole thing, but I stand by it. It's just confusing. I would bully them if I was other kids they went to school with. Yeah.

Yeah. I would too. And that person's name is Essence. Cool. Nice. Pretty cool name. I mean, I would understand why you would bully them. You have a cool name.

Hurt people hurt people. Patrick Phineas. oh patrice they say it should be instead of patrick yeah there's a lot of well this is the thing is there are already uh feminine patrick names and so you're really just throwing the book out the window with your whole naming choice and i'm mad as hell about it um sir dread says fuck you know you stupid bitch i therefore crown you dumb bitch that's kind of what i'm saying Feminism, win. Woo!

No, get with it. Okay, here's another question. Why are teenagers cynical? Why can't their parents raise them to be more mannerly and kind-hearted like small children? So this is assumed as like, it's your fault. Your kid's annoying because you did it. I think teenagers are cynical Because they're probably on that shit

You told them to stay out of your cabinet But they found it And now they're on that shit They're on that shit The shit being pills or something I told you to stay away from it Your shoes are fam You made me do this

I know I bought you the shoes They're cynical because you won't Buy them the good shoes Yeah They're always just wanting better shoes. I'm trying to think about what I was mad about as a teen. A lot of video game opinions. Sure.

So maybe that has more to do with it. Like people having bad opinions about video games? Or just like, I can't get enough of these things. You weren't mad when pubes started growing? Oh, yeah. It pissed me off so much. Did that hurt? When it was like...

I loved it. I thought it rocked. What, pubes showed up? I really needed any kind of ball going in my court back then. Right. Were you a late bloomer? No. You got into it early?

I didn't get a ton of hair very early, but I grew to almost my full height pretty early, which rocked. Wow, you're quite tall. I was the tallest in the whole grade for a while, and then everybody else caught up, and I was like, this sucks now. I liked being a monster, you all know.

um i'm trying to see there's a number of important reasons first and foremost they're under heavy pressure to learn to be responsible boohoo they should be like small children i don't think small children are that nice is the thing i don't know i am not yet a father they're very honest like they're honest they keep it 100 but like um they're always like trying to lie down on the train and stuff yeah they're annoying too yeah they're annoying they're just like less verbose about it they'll write on quora about how they hate their parents yeah disown them want to kill them because they are loved too much if you're gonna be a child try living a longer period of time and knowing more stuff oh someone says as a teenager because it's because we're gaining

independence so this is a teen writing teen here being rude and disagreeing and questioning what our parents say it's all about growing up yeah what do you know you give teenagers space to breathe it comes to terms with the fact that they're growing up and their bodies and minds are changing constantly, they will grow into a polite, matured young adult most of the time.

You don't know that because you're just a teen. You might end up being down as a shim. It's been four years. They're probably an adult now. I'm 15. Five, well,

now they're 17. All right, there's two years ago they said that they're 15, 5'1", and 54 kilogram. Okay, so we could probably

find this person. They've only answered two questions. Those are the two. Okay. That was how long it took them to find out this is not like

a teen website. they did two questions and were like i'm going back to reddit.com yeah it's mostly for like weird adults oh this is just pedophiles and me it's a trap it's a damn trap for people named brook who take pictures of themselves sort of lying down it's just me and on duty police ghost historian all right we got a good answer from brainstorm pony i'll tell you exactly why the tooth fairy the easter bunny the boogeyman santa claus you can be anything you want to be you can do anything you want to do by the teen by the time a kid gets to be 12 or 13 they've come to realize that half

of what their parents have told them have been outright lies do you think this is a teen who just found out that like santa claus how many of my heroes have you lied about why are teens mad i don't know maybe because the world is bullshit it's a bunch of horse shit and uh also there are no giant bunnies not to the size i'd like them to be and where are my fucking teeth have you seen how big rabbits get this is a completely unrelated tangent but they get quite large they can get really big if you get like three feet long let them go two feet long i've seen some i had my friend had the my friend's girlfriend excuse me had a very sad uh finnish giant bunny in uh her basement apartment in bushwick and it looked like it was in guantanamo every time i saw it and it

was so fucking big and uh it eventually died of a broken heart but my point is they get quite large kind of a broken heart i was wondering why you were specifying friend's girlfriend originally but now i realize you want to distance yourself right right and i never trusted her i never liked her i knew she was running abu grabe down there poor bunny if you don't have a good house don't get a pet yeah yeah that's for real bunnies are tough too i feel like they don't really like i don't know if they respect you the way that other pets do i don't think they're like looking to you for anything either they can't you can't like train them to go in a box or whatever so then you have to like keep them in a cage and then

this is a bias i have against all rodent pets in general it's like look at this fluffy thing i keep in prison i do not let it out because it poops everywhere all the time and it's always fucking fucking always fucking that's if you have two of them oh yeah i mean that's trouble whoa yeah wait this looks good all right so this is another teenager okay my parents don't actually have anything to do with my cynicism but here's a fun list of life experiences that have made me that way get them okay this all happened in elementary school number one happened still one being taught what to do if someone decides to shoot up the school that being drilled in on it every month oh so the shootings they do that shit every month remember when that only

happened like once a year i know we gotta turn back those policies yeah figure that out um then they say having my school actually get shot up when i was in first grade okay so you're kind of burying the lead there where you're like stop making us do these trainings yes one time someone did try to kill all of us good thing i had it memorized uh knowing my parents were struggling to feed and clothe me during the 2008 financial recession yeah i mean how young is this child 2008 financial recession oh quick podcast math they're 19 okay says it in their podcast listener podcast listener yuki listen to the podcast if you're listening to this we think you're really cool when we look at your account we're like this is the good one blind i before you ask yes i was

born blind lesbian visual arts major it says lesbian that wasn't claire just calling because they're blind that would be really ignorant i'm not trying to be like rude but there is an interesting uh thing here where it's i'm yes i've been blind my entire life i am studying visual arts. That's interesting. Who am I? Maybe they're being funny. Maybe.

Maybe they are. I don't know. I can't say. I daren't dabble on this page because it's full of children. They know about being a teen and they know about LGBTQ and they know about disability.

Although technically 19 and legal adults. Legal adults, feel free to cyber bully. And podcasts. This is the thing I want to start saying on the show. Don't cyber bully anyone on here.

Are they cyberbullying you? They haven't cyberbullied anybody. I'm worried as the show gets larger that it will get out of the control of the trained core professionals that we have on the program. Because you have to know how to interact in these high-velocity situations

that we end up in, clicking around, finding the space, and reading the space. Yeah, I definitely feel like we've done stuff where we've been like, look at this freak on the internet. And then people will go to that person and be like, Jeremy told me to say hi to you.

And I'm like, I didn't say that. Don't do that! Jeremy is using his training to assess a weird guy. Yeah, we had to do a bunch of courses. The damn OSHA. All right, get out of here. Okay. We don't need to read more.

Anyway, yeah, like, okay, so this person saw a lot of murders, and that's why they were cynical. Yeah. To answer your question. Hate crimes. And also the attack on the Capitol shook them to their core. that's a funny one to put at the end of this list of like really horrifying stuff when i saw that guy from mr show locked up in i knew there was nothing good in this world why did paul

have to storm the capital okay that would have been funny if he was there if it was him instead yeah or both or brian posain fake friends won't even storm a capital with you um brian posain might be the funniest person to do it i think yeah i'm just looking for farts that's something he might say maybe uh okay here's the the quoker hit the naruto freaking button this is our incel and manager segment where all of the lonely hearts go to love is becoming a literal eunuch and taking hormone replacement therapy afterwards the only guaranteed way for me to have sex with fertile and potentially fertile cis women without having to worry about being forced to pay child support afterwards?

So right off the top, no, but I think it might be, I like that the, they have so much, like they've done so much reading about the, how to become a eunuch that they know about the hormone replacement therapy afterwards. Like this is somebody who's done like a three days research and is like, well, I'm going to do it but just last check before we go through with this although i've read recently that you can't have sex with a eunuch even though they don't have balls isn't that kind of interesting how um i guess they can still get hard they just um i thought eunuchs were no dick no balls it's just no balls it's just no balls i think you there's different kinds right the no dick can

be like if you betrayed a king of some kind. Right. And then they have to make a lesson of you. Would you rather have balls, no dick? Oh, this is such a good question. Oh, dick, no balls, no question. I want a dick to be smooth for me. Going just balls, though,

is a funny... Just balls is the worst one. ...design choice. Then it's like you're filled with the urge to use the penis you don't have. Uh-huh. Peeing is hard. Something they'd... Some guy they'd meet at six in the city. It was just balls.

Just balls. Smooth, but just balls. This city is out of control. I'm never going to the Lower East Side ever again. But it's a great way to avoid the It Follows monster because you can just do fingering. You can just do fingering or ball dipping. Just ball stuff. You can only do ball stuff.

Well, this guy I assume is going dick no balls because he still wants to have sex. Right. Right, but this is, what's the snip called? Vasectomy? Vasectomy, that's the one, get the vasectomy. Okay. That's an obvious one. Yeah, that does make more sense than becoming a, quote, literal eunuch.

You don't have to have anything chopped off physically, I guess is what I'm saying. So he wants to have sex and not get anyone pregnant? Yeah. He's worried that... He's worried that his cis women are too fertile. Yeah. so that he the blanks he'll be shooting may potentially be looting the egg store yeah sometimes i feel like i got bars waiting in me just waiting to get out

i've actually i've thought of one i'm waiting to spring it on you later but i'm not gonna oh really but you won't know until it's happening you think alex is so cool for springing really cool words on me it's the galaxy circle um yeah these cis women are too fertile yeah that's your problem yeah yeah uh that's a very funny worry to have that you can't have sex without having to eventually pay child support you're thinking of the economy of it yes it's not sustainable this is a brilliant businessman uh what answers do we have mr jeremy um someone says no of course it isn't dna test is not required to prove in order to prove that the man is the father of a child woman can lie in court what what does this have to do with anything due to god's choice women can lie

he gave them that option the only way to 100 ensure that you will never become uh never become after for child support payments is to never sleep with a cisgender woman and also never marry or even possibly but less likely have a long-term relationship so this guy says you should only have sex with men he says being gay with only cisgender men is another option so men or trans women okay is what this guy suggests i don't think that's a bad don't cut off your balls there is hope keep your balls poor dads who don't pay child support is that another space hyperlinked where is this oh yeah poor dads who don't should i click it yeah this is urban.org I'm very afraid of where this is going.

Theurbaninstitute.org. This is like a research paper? This is bad. This is a report. This is already bad. Deadbeats are disadvantaged. Do not download report. This website is one page with a blue button that says download report.

And I do not want you to click it. Should I be downloading report? It's only 117 kilobit, but do not anyway. This is brief. Even though I can... About... Wait. It's from 2001.

It's outdated. 11 million fathers in the United States who do not live with their kids. About 7 million do not pay formal child support. That's really messed up because they've got to pay that, but also don't click on that. This is from April 2001,

so maybe 9-11 changed this forever. Oh, yeah. 9-11 probably got them to pay that. Milo is here on the show, by the way. That's my cat, Milo. Why are your eyes so big? He only has one lung. Yeah, he's got a lot of fucked up stuff.

So he's always like, He's a very cynical teen. yeah ever since january 6th you really was not cool with that it was really funny all the other examples were like i saw saw my neighbor shot to death with a gun in front of me and the other one they're like my favorite show is off tv you're right i'm trying to see if there's any other answers here some odd people say um just have a vasectomy which is what we said vasectomy was a word. I like this one. Patrick O'Neill says, an odd question, but the practical answer

is no. Anaphylactectomy and proper condom use will render the chance of you fathering a child effectively nil. I wouldn't call it nil. Yeah, there's a little chance. Nil is probably lower than the accurate assessment. Yeah. Do you ever like

saying the word nil? I haven't said it in so long. It feels pretty good, right? It's really fun. Practically nil. You know what I've been saying? Moot. Moot is Nil is moot version of zero. Zendaya is meechy, nil is moot. I like that ants have a moot.

And now we're just discussing words. I can't imagine just any questions about like transgender bodies on Quora have to be like a shit show. Yeah, absolutely. I'm sure it's crazy on there. Well, we know the other accounts are all very informed. So this person's account, the person who asked this, name removed. They're a writer, hypnotist, gamer, and spiritual dabbler. And they know about sex, profanity, online multiplayer gaming, sexuality, polyamory.

Multiplayer online sexual arena. Oh, he's bisexual. Then why are you so worried about this? Just have sex with exclusively men from now on. Just be gay instead of that. That's what the guy said. Grow up and be gay. Do you have any more fun questions or no?

Not really. As a polyamorous person, what are your dreams for the future? Flying car. That's what I was thinking, right? Flying car, two girlfriends. Probably getting domed in a flying car and it crashes and I explode. Fall like a thousand feet out of the sky and die instantly. Let's read another question.

yep what do i do if i broke up and the next day i just uploaded a snap saying these hoes ain't loyal but i didn't mean ho as prostitute or a slut i didn't mean that at all i just wrote it because it's a line for banter and now my girlfriend is pissed so you gotta take that back wait yeah you gotta say that you didn't mean that and you won't say it again you broke up who cares not girlfriend oh yeah maybe you're i don't know maybe you're in your flying car with two girlfriends, but if it's the same one, then you're fine. Maybe if it's their next girlfriend who's pissed.

I didn't mean ho like ho. I meant ho like cool, amazing woman who's smart. Feminism wins. I meant women aren't loyal. You misread it. Beautiful women. All they do is betray.

Okay, Ed DeLoach, former U.S. military police, says, if you broke up you have no girlfriend and that's the army's official stance but it is a different subject

calling any girl or woman ho is bound to piss them off it's their weakness it's like their kryptonite the leech okay if you broke up with her

then you kind of look like a dick yeah that's true now if she cheated on you or did some sneaky shit then that's okay if she didn't do

anything wrong your fault if she's actually a bitch that fucked with your head then go full at it my guy And that's Mike Wilson, former entrepreneur. Former entrepreneur, crazy reference to have.

I'm looking at Ed DeLoach. We're zipping on Ed for military research. If I masturbate, there's a 25% chance it's going to hurt. How do I reduce this? Too high of a percent. See a doctor. One every four times? Ed also says see a doctor.

That's bad. It's not supposed to hurt. it seems that ed almost exclusively answers questions about porn and uh masturbating cool um someone said he answered this question has any boy or man ever sucked a guy's cock while their classmates watched he says ever probably oh yeah is it common gonna go with a no one i would say it's not common i have never seen it but um yeah probably everybody's watching some of the time crazy people are putting their full names on here yes it's my favorite risk isn't it they'll put their full names in like address like

this guy he lives in georgia uh-huh he went to georgia southern university uh-huh we know so much about this man ed deloach there's probably like three of them in georgia ed deloach's yeah his space is the gun discussion yeah he's a contributor contributor he did not found the gun discussion we don't know that he could have although it is quite an active space it's very Popular, 50,000 members. 1,300 contributors, so they're our legion, Ed DeLoach. This is so over my head, these gun questions. Can we ask a question in here?

Yeah, sure. You guys, do we really need all these guns? How do I do that? How do I ask a question? I feel like it's hypocritical. You probably have to follow the space. We just retired our question segment. Oh, right.

Literally moments ago. We don't have to check the answers, but I just want to say it. How do you guys feel about knives? Oh, here we go. Yeah, that's a great question. The amount I am more up for this now that it's not a picture of me and my name is so much higher. Screw guns. How do y'all feel about knives?

Now you're going to get some flack for that. Who the fuck are you? I've never seen your name in my fucking life. Don't bring that to a gunfight, asshole. No gay guys allowed in here. Knife heads get the wall. Do you want another question? Yes.

Okay. Oh, this is a really good question. Why can't a man control the darkness in his heart? Kind of a moment of doubt, isn't it? Feminism, when? Don't do the bong sound, Alex. So often it's because of women. Next question.

Yeah, that's true. It's because of their constant betrayals. The women have taken the control over your heart and the darkness within it. They fed us that fruit. These hoes ain't loyal. In a good way. These girlfriends ain't loyal. Do we have any good answers on this?

I feel like there's got to be a good answer on this. I don't know if there's a single real answer to this because all of them are answering similar questions. Like, why can I not put an end to the darkness in my soul and spirit? it oh this guy has a meme that says learn to meditate okay nice holy smokes if you can't control your brain what do you expect to be able to control oh my god sounds like a british person holy smokes hit the button alex we have a button for this how about no that wasn't it that wasn't the button all right anglo spotted eric jones is their name oh they live in massachusetts oh that's close one of the first colonies new england

still anglo anglo and spirit make spacecraft parts for nasa boeing oh so this is a kind of blame maybe meditation ain't good if you're trying to make a engine that doesn't explode mr books wants us to meditate um yeah this is probably the guy who killed all those uh whistleblowers right totally yeah he's their assassin he's got a picture of r2d2 as his profile that's not r2d2 we have r2d2 at home r2d2 at home that guy's gold do you think it's a dalek i don't know you don't know about robots the way i do i'm one of the most advanced robot experts in our field okay this guy says this is due to a lack of divine knowledge yep that is the reason god comes to this world in human form to preach and uplift you so you

can learn divine knowledge from him directly and can clarify all of your spiritual doubts That's honestly one of the prime reasons about men's darkness. There are so many questions about men's darkness on the bottom. Yeah, there's a lot of men's darkness questions. How can I decrease the darkness in my heart? Why do I feel like there's a deep hole in my heart and I'm controlled by demons? What things make you feel that the dark side of a human's heart is horrible? I feel like there's some word for editing that into a shorter sentence, but I get you.

Okay, so meditation is probably it, and also it's women's fault. And that's kind of how that one goes. Sorry to this guy who's controlled by demons. That sucks. Jeremy's on the demons question now. Sorry, I'll move on. I feel like there's always someone controlled by demons on Quora. Yeah, demon behavior on here.

Demons, when they get control, often have questions. Yeah. They're taking over people's bodies and then immediately going to Quora to ask about stuff. I need my daughter, Patrick. that's a very demonic thing to do is to name your kid finland yeah it's chaos um okay we're gonna do one or two more yeah we got some good i put some religious questions on there what are you feeling like alex i haven't read any of these

um okay give me uh let's do korgan wild okay animals let's do this one yeah yeah that's a good one okay is it possible to get gregnant with a goat uh so i was reading this to my wife as i was preparing for the show as i do with my warm-ups would you say that i read the question out loud and say isn't this a crazy question and she said oh gregnant like goat pregnant that's what i thought as well i thought it was just a typo pregnant i didn't think it went to that level i think it's goat pregnant how far is the p from the g on the keyboard pretty far pretty far pretty far asd p's in the on the right and then g's all in the middle because i was trying to visualize the keyboard i can see jeremy she's doing like

minority reporters when i see gregnan i think of like a guy with a t-shirt that's like any One of your gals One of your gals is gonna get Greg-nit And on the back it says I'm Greg I am Greg By the way I am Greg Greg's big birthday t-shirt Alex would you say your wife

Is pregnant or Greg-nit Oh I would say she's pregnant I would never say Greg-nit She's not pregnant from either a Greg or a goat No Maybe she's like Alex The guy who asked this question is named Sir Gregnart.

Let's go! Let's fucking go. Quit it now! My 12-year-old son is sex? This is some sort of troll. Let's not reward Sir Gregnart. Can I be Pregnart after... Wait, what is the question?

Can I be Pregnart for five years? This guy pisses me off, honestly. I'm pregnant with my 12-year-old sister, question mark. Is SpongeBob real? please please i gave you so much respect for coming up with gregnant i make you the star of a premium program help me please sir greg nart i don't know what the

fuck you are talking about i don't know what your problem is okay so this guy john says a lot of people who own goats have gotten pregnant but that is not your question is it how did you get How did you get the male goat to cooperate with you to place his sperm in you? Were you hoping that you were not going to get pregnant? You won't. Didn't you ever take biology? How much did you pay the goat? That was from a pastor.

Okay. Former pastor. Well. He was fired for trying to have sex with a goat. Yeah. He does not say that on Quora. This isn't a question of how dare you. This is a question of, no, I'm seriously asking, how did you get him to get the sperm in you?

I'd like to know what you said to the goat. I assume you mean pregnant. Yeah. I also assume you mean the goat watching you and your wife. What? Goats can watch. That's what you assume? That doesn't make any sense.

So if you have a pet, sometimes you can't get them to leave when you're having your intimate time, and then they've got to go under the bed or whatever. If you're a farmer with a goat, how often is the goat sitting in? For when you have sex Yeah like How close is the goat pen To the bedroom Cause you got more land

Yeah Than like a one bedroom apartment Yeah I imagine you have more room To have sex You have to invite the goat in Which does sound demonic As I say it

Yeah it does Absolutely Yeah Jeremy hasn't seen the vivage But that's pretty much The plot exactly Oh sure If the goat's close

To the house Someone's gonna get Greg Go close to the house Watch your spouse Yeah Is that the rhyme you had? No. It's way better than that.

I'm waiting for it to organically come up. We're running out of time here, Alex. Maybe it will be on the next episode. Should we read one more question and call it an episode? Yes. Okay. Also, it's not really a rhyme so much as a really cool thing. Final question.

How big would a rabbit need to be to carry a 9-foot, 1,040-pound person on its back, or at least approximately how big. I'm desperate and it's midnight. What I like about this is there is like a math answer you could go do some research and get. Yeah, you could figure out using like physics or something. Oh, we got to eyeball it. I'm going to say it'd be big as hell.

That'd be a really big one probably. This question is from at least August 27th. So I imagine that this person. This is a recent question. Revy Castle. Oh, this is their only post. Oh, word. You have to assume that they weren't able to pull it off.

They didn't get the rabbit big enough. And then there's nothing else. Their picture is a blurry chicken. Their picture looks like one of those pictures. It's like this was the last image of this chicken before it was kidnapped. It's a chicken on a skateboard. It is on a skateboard. I didn't even notice that.

Oh, okay. It's a very cool chicken then. So, Revy Castle, if you are 9 feet and 1,040 pounds, you probably have some kind of medical disorder. I think that's reasonable to say. I don't know. You probably don't need a rabbit to carry. You need, like, a car. You need a Kia.

What you need is a Kia. You need the Kia hamster. Yeah, I don't think a rabbit's going to do it. Kia hamster would definitely do it. Y'all remember the Kia hamster? Just a couple Kia. Maybe rabbit means something we don't realize. What is it called in track

when people pace somebody in running? That's a rabbit. Sometimes they have the little dog track. They have the fake rabbit that goes around the track really fast. The point is it can mean other things. What else could rabbit mean?

It could be a person who's pacing someone for their mile time in track. Or encouraging dogs to run fast. How big would it need to be to carry a nine foot still pretty big yeah big as hell

is the answer still really really big I'm desperate and it's midnight what is the context for this it's gotta be like some kind of werewolf

situation yeah involves the moon directly maybe they're gonna turn into a big rabbit but they control how big they're gonna be

okay it's a Wallace and Gromit movie yeah it's the curse of the were-rabbit I don't remember it that well but I'm pretty sure a lot of movie references

it's kind of a half remembered movie podcast for cinemaphiles okay um cameron hack says i weigh about 230 can carry half of my weight for a short while so perhaps a 2100 pound rabbit could carry this person um not sure that math holds up but good try a rabbit's arms are too short to hold the person on his back like this but let's not overthink it thank you cameron if you don't overthink it you're not going to find out the really answer oh this guy likes uh he likes doing math problems about animals he does like uh farm based solutions uh he's very simple someone says like which animal was not native to north america before the arrival of columbus and he just says horse horse period horse great job cameron you

nailed it you nailed it dog and that's been the show the tv turned off let's round out here and And now we don't have to ask a question at the end, especially because we already asked the gun club, but what about knives? Yeah. I feel really good about that. That's a good idea. Plugs for our show at the end.

If you want more of this show and you would like it to be on other websites because you actually hate Quora, even though you listen to the Quora podcast, you should go to patreon.com slash Quora Raiders where we go on other websites. Been doing a lot of wiki haws lately. I don't know what's coming up next,

but learning a lot about wiki haws. there was a lot of demons in the last one I got a bunch of reddits for us hell yes okay that'll be fun alright we'll see you next week then it's season 5 advent of Claire bye bye