Quorators - Animal Madness w/ BriTANick

Episode Date: February 12, 2024

Comedians Alex Ptak and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: Is it possible to kill all the rats in NYC? I think my pet fox has autism because all he does is scream and is very unaffectionate with us. What should I do? Is it bad to live in the forest, with animals, and in nature? ----- Get even more Quorators when you support the show @ http://patreon.com/quorators Send quoras and qommunicate on our discord https://discord.gg/7pPYuKuYCr Watch the show at https://www.youtube.com/@quorators Be sure to check out Britanick on youtube, patreon, and in a comedy venue near you

you're listening to core raiders season three a new beginning colon a new start a new hope uh it's the show where we read quora hello i'm alex and this is jeremy how's it going um another exciting week here in my apartment the cat was here and he left Updates to come on that. Very special guests this week. From the Britannic hit sketch comedy duo, we have Nick Kocher. Hello. Hello.

And also Brian's coming later. And Brian is late. We told him, just drop in, homie. Yeah. You got it. We all got it. So Nick actually knows Quora pretty well. Yeah.

I have immediate strong negative opinions about the website and how it's designed. That's correct. Few people have positive opinions, and that's something we're looking to change. Yeah. We've been hired. Is that the mission statement of this podcast? You know what? Yeah.

People do tag us and shit for Quora. People will be like, at Quora, at Quorators, you need to mods. Get rid of all these weird creeps. Your website is promoting pedophilia. We're like, we're a comedy podcast. We do not run the website. You get accused of being industry plants, but for just Quora.com? Yeah, exactly.

That's correct. I don't know that I totally understand the idea of an industry plant. An industry plant is like, okay, so you're the next hot young act, like a Frank Sinatra, and I work for Big Whiskey, and I'm in the audience, and I think I'm seeing if you got it. I'm less clear on what it is now. I thought usually it's an accusation about punk bands, where they'll be like, you're not really punk. I've only heard it about comedy podcasters, but also I don't hang out in any circles where punk bands are being discussed.

The idea of a comedy podcast industry plan is funny to me. The closest I can think of to this is sometimes you see clips of people where a guy is just like, honest to God though, what's your body count? And then the girl will say,

and then you'll watch the clip and you'll be like, I can't believe that's a podcast. And then what it turns out, there is no podcast. There's only a clip. And if that's not a plant, what is?

That's crazy. Is that that thing? There's some podcasts that I'll sometimes see where it's like a room and there's 14 women and then like one guy who's like calling them all sluts. He's the king. Yeah.

It's called King of the Sluts. It also could be like a ton of these podcasts. Because I don't retain if it's the same one each time I see this. There's one per slut. His words. And there's only 15 sluts. We got to work on these numbers. But this is a perfect transition to a new segment we've added.

Oh, yes. In an attempt to become a more popular podcast, we've started a new segment called Tips for Men where we give advice to men. Tips for Men! Thank you for coming, by the way, Nick. Hey, of course. I love the...

Should we talk about this now, right after the segment? Yeah, sure. Oh, great. Well, thank you. Yeah, it's a pleasure to be here. It's very humbling, I have to say, to sit in a chair where your knees are higher than your butt. It makes me feel like a child.

Sure. You've been bad. And we want to know your tips for men. oh yeah you don't have to have one oh do i wait so the segment is the the okay men listen up you gotta brush your butt that's fine that's good that's good we did wear a suit was the first one that's usually just something like that it's a quick segment yeah yeah men can't really focus for that long that's something we're trying to get around to but But after you get a few of these in you, you'll start really improving.

You'll see the light of it. You got to hear more specifics about these. Is that the tips? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, sure. Once you follow our advice podcast, you'll become a true man. They're men.

They're confused. Any tips? Any women listening? You're doing fine. You're doing great. So no tips for women segments. No, they're doing great. They're killing it.

I mean, we don't have all day. It's a Quora podcast. I don't see how we're going to get around to it. Okay, all right. Well, in the meantime, we like to... So every week in season three, colon, A New Beginning, we've started theming the episodes. Because we used to just fire around on Quora

and just wherever you end up, you go. But to create a story, you need a beginning and an end. And we've done that through our theme. And our theme this week is animal madness. Oh, yes. This is, of course, a tiger. This is a tiger. You like that?

You've given a whole lot of real estate to that tiger sound effect. It's about as long as the Tips for Men segment. This is why we can't edit the podcast. It's covered in sound effects. It's like a beautiful song. It has to flow together. It's like an orchestra. So this week will be Animal Madness,

but we start every episode with the quarrel we ask at the end of the show. Yeah, that's right. You won't be there for this. You'll be gone. Well, Brian will be all over it. Maybe I'll be here. that's true yeah um but what did we ask last week uh what is wario's religious background okay and we got one answer from phil lockray and he says oh fuck off hey don't talk to me like that

that's fine sometimes we get no answer but what what are some other answers you've gotten do you ever get an answer to the question sometimes yeah i think so let me see i think you're going to be more acquainted with quora by the end of the thing because they're all like this there's like one guy yelling at you and that's all you get on it my issue with Cora as I was saying to you guys beforehand is that it is the bewildering number like how how not simple it is for the simplest idea in the world of you ask a question we answer the question it's like you do that and that here are 70 other similar questions not the answers then a bunch of ads mixed in and then i can't it finding the just like show me the 10 answers that have been given

and i don't know how to do that do you know what your problem is is you're seeking this from an answers perspective and this is a questions website gotcha so the question is the answer okay so it's just more just a receptacle for questions yeah it's um it's the beginning so that you can find the end if that makes sense it doesn't i found one question that did get an answer that we asked a while ago which was um is venom two guys or is he one guy and also the venom and eminem song is it about venom if so which guy and we got a very long answer about the difference between venom two months later we are ready to explore we did get that so if you're looking for which chorus have gotten answer you have to ask about venom i guess that's good well so well it

tells me a lot about your audience i think that's true this is just strangers oh these are strangers well yeah yeah yeah a lot of venom heads on the internet and it is a problem for our show specifically that we get sucked into venom discourse nick and it just never comes back yeah it's tough it's it's a symbiote yeah well there it's like i feel like it's he's really like a comedy duo yeah like at this point like that's all of the scenes that i've been fed on TikTok and stuff have been hysterical exchanges between Eddie Brock

and the symbiote. It's, I want to eat his head. Oh, you can't. Yeah, right. No, why I ought to? You know, stuff like that. If you eat his head, who's on first?

You know, stuff like that. So as a member of a comedy duo, do you see yourself as the Eddie Brock or the Venom? Who am I? The Venom? I'm definitely the Venom. Sure.

I'm definitely the Venom. That's the good one. That's what you want to be. You don't want to be Eddie Brock. That's why everyone's not here. Journalist. Yeah. Right.

I work at Vice. Who cares about that? Does he work at Vice? He works at his own version of Vice. It's pretty much Vice. He works at like Eddie Brock TV. The second I said it, I was like, he's watching TikTok clips. He doesn't know the lore.

I don't. Yeah. He's got like, it's supposed to be Vice, but it's his own channel, I guess. Sorry, you're in a web of our wires. A web. That's right. Very fitting. Venom.

Always caught in such webs. we won't say whose they are we won't say whose they are although I will say we are stuck in Venom's web again

because we are talking about him two months after the question came out keeps happening and that's just something that can happen with

animal madness is that the cow I don't know where it is I think I've put it back on there's 32 sounds there's 32 sounds

they're not all labeled you've got only what eight buttons there there's four banks there's multiple pages oh there's banks Hit one of those pages.

The colors change. Uh-huh, honey. So we know that's not the cow. So we got 30 more. I hope not. I know this is Killing Spree. Killing Spree. From Halo.

And I know where the gunshot is. And then after that, we're in the darkness after that. Let's take a stab in the dark. Okay, if I'm going to find this cow. I don't think the cow's on there. I think we deleted it. That's enough. All right.

maybe there's a sort of hard-boiled grizzled cow there yeah there was a big commotion with the cow because uh the original sample had like a three second delay where i'd hit the button we'd all just sit in the silence waiting for the move right which we then removed and people were upset about where's the cow i love the cow is funny that was preface was there was a big commotion our listeners were upset that we removed the delay because it was part of the integrity They don't want me to win. I have a bunch of questions for us from Quora.com. This week's theme is animal madness.

Okay, hit it. This first question is, is it bad to live in the forest with animals and in nature? Oh, baby. Yeah, I think it's bad. Is it bad? Is it bad? To live in the forest with animals. With animals and with nature.

And in nature. I mean, I would argue, what is bad? Okay, see, that's just a different Quora. Right. The Bill Quinton defense. Is it bad? Is it bad to live in the nature? In the forest with the animals?

It depends how you're doing it. Some people really pull it off. I just saw the new Tarzan from 2016 last weekend. He's really looking good. You saw it last weekend. Walk me through how you chose to see this movie. I saw it in theaters. You did?

So you're still blown away. Yeah. It's the thing where you're with a group of people and no one could agree on anything. We're just like, Tarzan's here. We're just going to turn on Tarzan. Tarzan was with you guys. Was it on a streaming?

And you were like, let's watch his movie. Him, Tarzan, none of us, Jane. That's a joke for Tarzan heads. Yeah, was it free? Did you purchase it? It was on Netflix. It was like the front page of Netflix. That was a better reason.

I should have gone with that. Our first week writing for SNL, Margot Robbie was the host. and so I wanted to be a good little boy and I went to go see Tarzan which was the movie she was promoting and we wrote a Tarzan sketch and it bombed so hard at the read through it was like

I was like oh is that like we don't we shouldn't try to be good little boys and write like promotion for the movie it was what was the pitch of the sketch if you remember it was so great I mean we got sucked into a venom web we're gonna get sucked into a Tarzan web there's a scene

in Tarzan the movie Sure. I haven't seen it. You have. Tarzan. So if you haven't seen Tarzan, his webs are kind of vines. Yeah. Sure.

Put it in web terms. He's basically Spider-Man. He does a lot of Spider-Man-like things. Yeah. That is true. It's pretty much like we haven't come up with Spider-Man yet, but this would be the beginning of a good idea. Yeah.

Yeah. Was that what the sketch was? No. Yeah. Framing Tarzan. That's pretty good. On a scale of one to Spider-Man, where is Tarzan? uh no so the sketch so in the movie there's a scene where i think it starts off like it really

assumes you know tarzan lore it's kind of like i believe it starts off where it's like he's a civilized man living in man town and then he goes back to the jungle at one point okay and all the animals come out to greet him and somebody i think somebody someone's like what is he doing because he starts nuzzling his head against a lion and someone's normal for him well and someone goes that to someone who's like what's this guy's crazy and then another person was like that's his brother he hasn't seen him in a long time or something like that or like this is his best friend or his cousin or something there's something like i believe they do that with like a couple animals sure so we wrote a sketch that was basically like that exact scene which

again nobody saw this movie it's not out yet when she was right right hosting so no one could have seen it and then they later didn't they sent you a sneak dvd that you used yeah i think they i think they did or maybe maybe it was out also in new york like things come out early well they would also for snl they'd show you a screening okay they would do like a screening of the person's movie wait i gotta hear where this is going yeah sorry so all the animals are coming out to greet him and he's like nuzzling his head and it's like the exact dialogue from the movie like that's his brother and then it's like there was one hippo who's like played by keenan or something who's just like hey man where have you been you owe me money or something like it's like some guy from

his past who he's had things are weird with i don't remember guys are weird to him what i remember is the sound of 200 people not laughing for the first week of work. Yeah, maybe it was too soon. Yeah, that's what it was. It was kind of just like... It was too edgy. Yeah, with Donald Trump and everything.

Yeah, yeah. I'm not sure if it's time for a hippo sketch. Well, I'm interested to hear if the comments are for or against nature. Brooklyn Johnson says, living in the forest surrounded by animals and natures can be a unique and fulfilling experience. If it is Brooklyn fucking Johnson.

Brooklyn Johnson. She might be AI. She's so beautiful. From City Man. She is glowing. She's an AI-generated image of a woman. Oh, Brian's here. Oh, exciting.

I'm so excited to fill him in on Venom. This thing does rock. I'll send you the link. You can play sound. Test, test. Oh, you can. Oh, yeah. Oh, baby.

Okay, are there only eight sound effects? We've been through it. There's banks. There's multiple banks. This is why we can't do this. Does everyone do this when they first see this thing? Everyone is pretty impressed. Most people don't like it.

Most people don't like that? These don't come on it. You've got to find these. Nick was anti-sound effects. Why? No. Just kidding. No, you must be lying.

You're the wrong Nick. I enjoy sound effects. Especially multiple banks of sound effects. I think you like sound effects more than most people. Really? How much does the average person enjoy a sound effect? Not as much as you, my friend. Actually, that's a good question.

I have no idea how to even rank that. How much does the average person like a sound effect? I think most people love sound effects because if you watched a movie without any foley work, it would be very bizarre. Oh, people love sound effects more than they think they love sound effects. Especially if you watch, like, Planet Earth. Because those bugs don't really make those sounds.

They have been sitting on this opinion for a while. You said that with such intensity. Are you serious? Those bugs don't make those sounds. I've looked at those bugs. How would you capture that? How would you get, like, a little marmoset going, snickle, snickle, snickle?

So do you think it's a guy? Yeah, I think they have, like, an Andy Serkis. I thought the whole point of Planet Earth is you're really seeing true Earth, and if they're adding in a bunch of guys, like, crushing grapes and stuff to make it sound like a snake. Whatever. Brian's never seen a real snake.

We should explain the show to Brian really quickly. We're going to read Quora. Yes, we review sound effects and the idea of sound effects. Three out of ten. Yeah, they're not all as good as that one. We're going to read you Korras, and then we're going to read the answers. And Jeremy may have found an AI woman named Brooklyn Johnson. And if you ever hear the cow sound effect, it causes a lot of commotion.

All right, I think this is the Godzilla breath, but it may be... Yeah! No, no, no. That's a Godzilla sound effect. It's a big breath. That's the Japanese version. Yeah! We simply must move on.

Oh, and don't get caught in the Venom web. Have you been on Quora.com, Brian? Have you ever been to a podcast with so many obstacles? Because there's a lot in this one. Physically with these wires and also mentally, because I don't know how to get to the subject at hand here. How excited are you for these callbacks that you weren't here for? Oh, man.

I was trying to do that Venom one. I was like, something's going on here. I've got to figure it out real quick. I think you could kind of just do whatever with that, and it would still work. It would still be okay. I've been to Quora Quora's where you ask

wait is that the one where you ask questions and people respond yeah mostly like my hypochondria and stuff and I'm like these people are fucking idiots

what am I doing here but yeah often when I have a question to the internet Quora will come up at one point and I'll be like oh there's a place

where people have asked everything and yeah I'll go through it for a bit until it makes me mad it's the questions website Brian is that it's tagline

that's our tagline for it it's Brian and Alex Alex Alex is like the George W. Bush of taglines. When we were at Crack, he's a huge war crime. I'm the president of taglines. I whisper into his ear that another tagline has fallen.

And I look shocked. That's kind of how it works. When we were at Crack, you coined Crack, Tom of the Fact, and they refused to use it, and then we were fired. They didn't print it. They didn't put it on shirts. Are you doing a Trump impression? I have grievances.

And when you have them, they do come out like this. Right, right. When were you at Cracked? They were very unfair to me. A week ago. No, two months ago. Season two. Okay.

So people are still working at Cracked. So not like back in the day when we used to be. No, no, no, no. Although I did write for them back then, but not enough that it would matter. When I was in high school and college. Oh, cool. Temporally, it's closer to now than then.

So Cracked existed. They fired everyone you like. Yes. Okay. Then I don't know what happened. Then we were brought in Then we were fired You pitched the tagline

Home of the fact Because of all the facts Because they had so many facts And then we said too many truths It wasn't really pitched so much As I just kept saying it on video But it didn't catch on like we were hoping No it didn't catch fire

And by the way also the theme this week Is animal madness Welcome to the show Of this episode Yeah. Oh, he's got an arm. That is the problem with Samhain Banks is that he takes about four lives. Also, if you accidentally fat-figured the gun, it sounds like you killed the tiger.

I try so hard. It doesn't matter. They're just so far away. All right. This is definitely working, this microphone? Yeah, we hear you loud and clear. Great. You have the heavy one.

We think you're stronger. Thank you. I can go. I'm just going to move on to another one of these questions. Okay, question two. Question two. What was question one? We can't talk about that shit.

It was, is it good to live in the forest with the animals? Is it good to live in the forest with the animals? You can't just give a yes or no to that. It's gone to your head. I don't even get to answer this. It took too long. I think it's good, too. I don't think it's everyone's path they should take.

And now we're on question two. Great. There we go. Should I start using steroids if a chimpanzee wants to fight me next week Wednesday in a street fight to the death? Yes. Boy, does that escalate as it goes on. Yeah, yeah. I think definitely, right?

I don't think you should use steroids recreationally or without a lot of thought. But if your life is dependent on it in a week, yeah, use steroids for a week. Absolutely. I don't think the steroids are going to do enough. Also, I'm more curious about how this chimpanzee is able to schedule something. He probably got a manager. Everyone's got a fucking manager.

Yeah, the chimpanzee. Yeah, or maybe not. I don't know. I don't know if a trainer would be like, oh, that's great. Like, does steroids, what does it do? What do steroids do? It helps.

It aids. It gets in you. Is it recovery? It helps you with recovery? Like, are you going to be that much stronger in a week if you start? I know, not in a week. There's two kinds of steroids.

There's the anabolic steroids, which did the bodybuilders one, I think. and then there's the other one that they give you when you're very sick. Does he mean that kind? Does he mean the sick kind? The sick kind. He must be sick in the head if he's going to fight this chimpanzee. Do some to the applause.

It's so far away. We'll give you a call. Thank you. Now, on Quora, the opportunity to fight a chimpanzee comes up quite frequently, but the question is not should I fight the chimpanzee, it's should I start taking steroids now?

and it's your best chance in a street fight it is also a street fight and you're asking what kind yeah you gotta you gotta do everything you can if steroids helps you

just an inch great take it and also start like I would work on like my field kick kicks like just like run and kick

kicks cause that's just gonna be your only chance is that first punt right cause he's gonna rip your arms off he's gonna pull your fingers off and eat your eyelids

and like rip your nose off rip your face off you don't stand a chance against a chimpanzee not without steroids that's right you know what that chimpanzee's gonna say

he's gonna say I got your nose, but you're going to look and it actually is your nose. What I would do is I would use that time to home alone your body. You'd outsmart him with a lot of booby traps on your own body. Oh, okay. Oh, I see what you're saying. I thought you meant like put Michael Jordan on a train. You've got like –

You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, well, that could work too. And then he thinks that's you and doesn't – Yeah, and he would because he's a chimpanzee. How do I begin home alone in my body? You like put ice on your arm. What parts is he going for? Well, as Brian said, you can start with the train and the Michael Jordan standee.

That's on my arm. Yeah, yeah, that's on your arm. The train of a coca-cola is on your own arm. You're going to make part of you really, really sticky. Sure. Yeah. Easy. So they stick to you?

They don't want that. I do that all the time. I guess you probably wouldn't want it to stick to you. Well, you can grease yourself up. Make yourself really slippery. One part's sticky, one part's greasy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They slip into the sticky part.

and then you start throwing bows a little bit you gotta be working here's how you can home alone your body you use your body to befriend an older man

with a heart of gold and a big shovel to come in and save you a shovel will do wonders in this engagement if you can get one of those really any weapon on the table

that's what everyone on Quora says yeah get a weapon they all say just buy a gun you never should have agreed to this with the chimpanzee

I wish you came here first We need to talk before you make agreements like this I love you so much That's what all the Quora questions say One guy says Don't bother with steroids You need to get right with your god Because Wednesday you're going to meet him slash her in person

The chimp is going to grab you by the neck and rip you off He's going to rip you off He's going to rip you off He's going to take five bucks from you One guy says troll alert Come on Chimp alert just

he will kill you troll alert that guy's like wait I don't know if you guys think about I mean think about this question

really carefully I think this guy might be troll or he's a troll and it's troll versus chimp and the steroids

work that kind of trolling is interesting and a week versus chimp war I'd watch that movie when was that the famous troll

chimp war god gotta be I think it was like Wednesday at 2pm next week wait when what was the date on the question

we can't see the question date but we can see that all the answers are from December 28th, so we can assume it was around then. Okay, well, can we click on his profile and see if he's asked another question or if he was killed by the champ? It's cool on the website where you have to sign in

to keep reading the answers sometimes. You have to give them your email, and then they keep sending you stuff, so you come back. Well, we've discovered that this question is from Bicky M., who is a rapper. Oh, cool. 32-year-old male,

enjoys and loves writing poetry slash rap. Can we pull up one of his SoundClouds or something? This poet stands no chance against a champ. I would... He's got a lot of, like, unhinged photos. He posts photos where, like, the color reversed, so you see he's, like, in a black hole. But maybe this is one from his, like, telltale battle raps

that he's using where he's... This is the guy. Wait, you can post a video to Quora? Here, too, we discover videos. Oh, God, just another social media we've got to post our clips on. This is Rass's rap. Anyway, that chimp's going to kill us, man. The chimp is going to fuck this guy up.

If he was better at rapping, I think he'd do better, but no, this is sadly the situation. Cool. Well, all right. Sorry, Big E.M. Yeah, Big E.M., you're toast. Yeah, I don't think this is going to work out for you. I wonder if I can...

Did the chimp write an answer to that question, by the way, that was like, no, no, don't take steroids, that won't work. Make sure to lie down and not do anything in the fight. Don't get a lot of sleep the night before, is what I heard. I fucking knew you would cheat, by the way. I knew when we set up this fight, you would cheat. He says recently he's been writing comedy skits. Oh.

What, Bickie M? Yeah. They're not on the channel, though. It's just his raps right now. I want to see Bickie's comedy sketches. I mean, it's a funny question, so maybe he's got the goods. That's right. He could be, what it takes.

I am kind of scared of him after the song. He did recently ask, how strong and complex is the human body? That was another question he asked? Another one was, how do you bury a chimp? What have I wrought? Will God forgive me? What have I wrought? Just that alone.

Let's go to the next one. We got a long list of these animal madness questions. Okay. This is an animal-themed episode. Hit it. Oh, God. You got to. If you could just send me some notice in advance.

Send it to you? Yeah, just an email, just anything. I'm going to need the tigers soon. Okay, cool. This question is, I think my pet fox has autism because all he does is scream and is very unaffectionate with us. What should I do? So you do not want a fox that does that.

That is an alarming sign. Why was their first go-to autism? Well, the second part I kind of get, scream all the time. Maybe it's a fox. My fox keeps biting small animals. It must be autistic. The first rule online is do not self-diagnose, so we don't know what is wrong with the fox.

You're commenting, your fox has bipolar disorder. Now, if the vet says the fox is neurodivergent and looking to focus on communities and sub-interests, then maybe that is the issue, and you just need to give it, like, Minecraft. Shouldn't you not own a fox? Yeah. Is a fox something you can have as a pet?

Why not? I think you can have anything. Are there pets that are illegal to have? There must be some. What are you, God? Like, if I had a wolf, would the city be like, you can't do that, even if the wolf was... If they found out. But, like, what if the wolf was a good wolf?

So, they got a list of, like, no-no's, and I do think wolf makes a list. I feel like... If you have a dog, you can have a fox. If you got a grizzly bear, but he's a good boy. You know what you really can own are germs. What are you talking about? Oh, right, because no one can own them? Oh, sure.

Like, if they catch you with streptococcus, like, in a petri dish... Oh, yeah, that's true. You're going to get really in trouble. Especially if you say it's a pet, because they're just like, that's weird. If you have a petri dish of strep, then you're going away. But if you have it in your tonsils, well... If you have it in your tonsils, you're fine. Sure.

But if you had, I mean, maybe not strep, but like a disease. So it's a classic cop situation where you hear them knocking on the door, you swallow all of it real fast. Yeah, you just get it in a petri dish. Put the strep inside. Just eat this Ebola. And they get on the plane. Yeah.

They will assume you are a biological agent of some kind. Yes. A disease maestro. One of the 12 monkeys. Who has, is it like people in a lab creating stuff? Is it scientists with these germs? What are you talking about? Who's got germs in a petri dish?

Yeah, scientists. Scientists have them. Oh, like in their house? Or terrorists. Oh, terrorists. Yeah, I forgot about that. There's a lot of literature about COVID you could read. I could send you.

Yeah, Jeremy has some good stuff for you. I have all these websites I've found. we've learned a lot on Quora yeah I became radicalized about doing this podcast do you feel like

you're learning things or do you feel like you're being drifted into madness I think I'm definitely becoming worse at talking yeah I have no less things

than last year at this time do you feel like you'll be in conversations with people and they'll be like oh I heard an interesting fact recently

and then be like wait a minute no that's just a thing that a crazy person said on Quora and it's in my brain now any instinct I have to explain about ghosts

I just gotta stop myself demons because I have not verified sources at all Jeremy's always trying to bring a demon on the show. I really want to summon a demon. You want to, like, do it. So, I was raised Jewish.

Alex was raised Catholic. Okay. Right? This is relevant. Hold on. Hold on. I love where this is beginning. And we're in love.

You want to summon a demon on the show. What do you mean by that? I want to, like, do the... I think it would be funny to do the steps that you have to do to summon a demon. But, Alex, I think there's some percent... Are you actually scared? ...that doesn't want to do it. I just don't think it's a good idea.

I think it's, like, what's the payoff here? We get the demon on Quora? The payoff at the end is like we go, all right. Okay, and what's the downside? We're haunted and killed by a demon? You think the risk is too great. It's far too great. I've seen many films about this exact situation.

Yeah, risk versus reward. I mean, I guess the reward would be pretty, well, I think it'd go pretty viral. If you wanted to hire like a shaman to demon, I would be here for that. So it's like the same reward as like getting ninja on. Sure. Maybe not as big.

Ninja would be a little bit more of a pop for us Yeah and there's a lot of posts Carefully explaining how to do it The way you get ninja on Is the same way you would get a demon Because it is a summoning and a ceremony You do have to I think specifically ninja

The Fortnite guy If you're his brawless He also started a podcast recently We're co-workers now Is that what it is? You're a co-worker that has a podcast? He has turquoise hair We are all peers in this great, honorable work that we do.

It's us, Conan, Ninja, Andrew Tate. We're all just great guys. That guy with the 15 women around the table. Yeah, whatever, that podcast. I don't know what it's called. We were talking about it earlier. I don't understand it. And I don't know if there's many of them or just the one.

Yeah, I don't know what's going on with that podcast. Some of them are fake. Some of them are fake clips. Some of them are just clips. Clips from a fake podcast. There's no podcast. It's just for TikTok. Those whatever clips of the guy and the bunch of girls?

Yeah, sometimes. Is this your theory or what you know? Well, not that specific. Whatever you're talking about. Now we're just explaining to Brian a conversation we had right before we got here. What do the people think about the fox? Foxes are wild creatures. I mean, I think, take the autism aside.

Sure. If this fox is too difficult for you to handle, then, yeah, you can find it a home. And you should not be with the screaming fox. I think that's going to be harder than you think. What, find it at home? Hey, would you take this fox? Yeah, don't give it to your neighbor in an apartment building. Go find a zoo or something that would take it.

Yeah, give it to Animal Crossing or something. Yeah, give it to Animal Crossing. Put it somewhere a fox goes. Give it to Dora. Sure. Feed it to Venom. The Explorer. To clarify, not my friend, Dora.

Yeah, I don't think you can have a fox. I don't know if you can in New York. I would love to look it up but we would have to leave Quora if anything we'll remember for the end of the podcast our question this week is can you have a fox that was like Eric Adams big thing when you were mayor it was more weird animals

we're going to stop all the foxes anyway this guy says foxes are wild creatures that do not have thousands of years of domestication in their genes they don't really make great pets you should probably get a hold of a humane society near you see if you can get the fox to a place where people who know about wild animals can introduce it back to its environment

That's from Brian, I think. Well, I'm going to hit this button, but I'm sad. All right. Someone else said, stop posting stupid shit on Quora. Hey, shut up. That's the lifeblood of the show. It's also most of the website. Don't act like this is the one problem.

All right. Here's another question. Can it be assumed that all cats are descended from the first cat? Yes. Yes. Yes. I think so. Wait, hold on.

Are we jumping too quickly here? It's definitely not the second cat. Well, how? I mean... Because the second cat is presumably descended from the first. He's from the first. This is a chicken and egg situation. Wait, who's the first cat mating with?

A mole? A very brave mole. Yeah, I mean, I guess it has to be true. I don't know. I don't know. It gets so complex back there in those times. The first cat, he probably went crazy. I mean, it's definitely...

Hold on, hold on. I want to hear how he went crazy. He's probably digging up all kinds of stuff. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's making really cat behavior. That's what's crazy about it. They make their own rules when you're number one, baby. It's like an ancient lion or something.

But if it wasn't descended from the first cat, what that implies is that there was a first cat who died without breeding with anything, and then another cat popped up out of nowhere. Okay, so there's a premise that there was a first cat, though. Do we believe in that? And the answer has to be, right? Well, yeah.

But what does that mean? I premise... This is just a chicken and egg question. It really is. But I do like the idea that it's not the chicken or the egg. There was an original chicken who just no one fucked, and it died. Yeah. And then there's a second one.

And God was like, yeah, I remember how to make that. I'll just make it again, get this going again. Right. I know God's involved. Sexier this time. God's involved somewhere here. He's definitely part of it. But yeah, I think this is like an evolution thing.

of like there's like a half quarter cat right 99 and it never stops fucking and it's always fucking but then there had to be a first like full cat right and did it fuck another full cat it probably went like 90 cat for a little bit and it's like honestly it's a step down for me but like together we're gonna make all of cats there was a very first time that two full cats fucked that was that's crazy that should have been beautiful which one was the first real cat On screen, Mr. Mistoffelees and all of America. This is, by the way, one of the complaints people have of our show, is it's just cat fucking conversation.

What do people here say? Does anyone have a good answer to this? Gerald McDonald says, no. Remember, it requires at least two, but the Bible says that created various species of each kind. That's not correct. So there were probably various species of the cat kind, those that were to be large cats and others to be smaller cats.

Yay! Which I think is what we said. It doesn't matter. Even if that's God, they're still connected to that cat. What if you made them both at the same time? It doesn't matter. They then made it. Are you saying he can't do it?

I guess that second cat is the one cat that is not related to the first cat. Wait, what? It's cat Cain and cat Abel. I'm so upset you're not immediately getting this because explaining it is going to take a year off of my life. If the cat has a symbiote. Their first was God. Granted.

I'm not sure I'm into your premise. I said I'm Jewish. Well, then the Jewish God, he created two separate cats. Okay, so there's two. Yes. He said there's a land and a sea, right? Worst case scenario. Worst case.

You could do light at that point. There's this second cat that is not related to the first cat. And this is worse than the other case. What do you mean? The second cat. Why are you getting this? I hate talking about this. To save their genetics.

I've never seen Nick this frustrated in my life. It's a big eugenics cat. Most cats are related to the first cat. There's at absolute most one cat that's not related to him. Wait, what? And this is the gattiest cat we all descend from. Either the cat pops out, either God created two of everything. I see what you're saying now.

Yeah, so there's all cats except one came from the original cat, is what you're saying. Assuming a belief in God, which is a big old thing. And this is the worst case scenario. It's my worst case scenario for my life, which we're currently in, which is me explaining this. I pray it never happens. which will do cats there's no whole thing it happens

it happened or it didn't I pray it wasn't like that I hope we don't circle back around to that we're getting a lot of pictures here

on the corner this is too long a question don't read that one but that's okay we got a bunch more of these it's funny

skip that it starts with scientists know for certain that all domestic never mind shut up go away

where's God I don't get it I'll do another question okay this is our segment the quoker which is our incel and manosphere

segment. This is still animal related though. This is my song I made. It's called The Joker's Theme. You like it? Yeah, I mean it's a little bit like foresty for the Joker. You never know where he's going to be.

You mean like the Batman Joker? Yeah. Or sort of like the Steve Miller band Joker. Sure, sure, sure. It sounds like ancient a little bit. Well, it's It's a song I made. It's the Joker's theme.

It's also shared by the child ninja, Naruto. And this whole segment is for people who... This joke will fly over your head if you've never heard of Naruto. I've heard of it. Okay. That is the Naruto theme. Oh, Nick, you got it. I don't know the theme.

Hold on. You want to play it? Yeah. Can I hear it? Wait, this is the Joker theme. Oh, this is the Joker's theme. Yeah, but they share it. Oh.

That's cool. Yeah. I've never heard of two things sharing a theme before. Yeah, you can do whatever you want. Wow. On a fox, even? I think you can. I am interested to learn if you can.

This question is, is it possible to kill all the rats in New York City? No. Okay. Yes. No way. What yes is possible? You can even kill the rats in your house. You can nuke New York City.

So who is the you, I guess, is the question. Like, I can't. It's possible for all life on Earth to go away. Nick is correct. He's always saying this. He's talking about it every day. He texts me. There is no you in the question.

Just says, is it possible? Is it possible? Yes. The thing is, can you do it? Is it possible while keeping all of us alive and integrity? That's not the question. Okay, you're right. It's not.

Yes, it's possible. You could nuke the earth. If you make life... That's the right attitude for Quorra. Unlivable. I think if we all got serious about it, we could just wait like 30 years. You won't kill all of them. Short of a nuke, you're not going to kill them.

I just want to say again, you can't kill all of them in your house. And you want to very badly. Yeah, that's true. There's all these little critters and they're living in this city. But I think if I had a couple guys with me, we could kill them all in my house. Or a nuke. We don't even know where most of them are in New York. They're hidden in crazy places.

There's like a hundred of them in the walls of every building. It's like, you think you're going to get them all. If you get two left, an original rat and a new rat, they're going to fuck. And then... Oh, no. Everyone's going to be related to that one except for the other one. Is that what you want? Is that what I want?

Do you want to play the cats out all again with rats? I'm trying to understand the question. Is that what I want? Is what I want there to be an original and a second rat? A new original and second rat where they're going to get babies, where everyone's going to be related to the original rat. This is post-nuke, I think. The second rat won't be related to any other rat.

So we're dead. Sequential rats are begat of the first rat. Yeah, no, it's not what I want. Okay, me neither. Cool. What does Quora think? As a species, rats are smarter than people. I'd like to see your citation for that.

I don't think so. I'm so fucking smart. In any capacity. Like, what do they actually mean? Like, one metric. I'd like to listen to one rat podcast. Like, crossword puzzles for sure were smoking the rats. That's what I'm saying.

Like, what are rats better at at all? Like, smarter than us. Smarter. I guess making a king. Maybe. Okay, if they put all their tails together, they make one big one. If that's, like, a competition. They are better at making one big tail than we are.

The rat king. Yeah, like, I don't think I could make a human king. No, they'd have to tie our arms together. You should put a crown on a guy's head. What are you talking about? That doesn't make a human a cat. I think 100 rats would have an easier time assembling themselves into an overcoat. Sure.

Rather than 100 humans doing the same thing. Oh, yeah. Rats are better at assembling 100 of themselves into a human-sized overcoat. Also, humans would have to create a very large overcoat to make that work. Rats, a normal-sized overcoat would work. You know what? We're describing the same thing, and the rats are so good at getting information. Yeah.

That's right. They are good at that. Yeah. Does it make you smart, though? Yeah, it's got to do something. All right, all right. I'll give them one. Other than that, I don't believe.

That guy's nuts. They're so much smarter than humans, I can't believe it. We're all generally on the same page, rat-wise, I feel. Okay, good. I think we're smarter than them. I mean, what has a rat done that's in any way smart? Yeah, it's proof in any capacity. Like, they can't even do tricks.

They can get cocaine by hitting the button. I know that. That's true. They can do mazes really well. Everyone's doing that, though. I've never done a maze. Wait, are we talking about like a flowers for Algernon type of rat? Sure.

That rat's real smart. Yeah, sure. Or a ratatouille rat. That one can cook. You can't give the whole group that. Does this include ratatouilles? I don't think it includes any fictional characters. Okay.

Ratatouille would still die in the nuke, I think. They should have said ratatouille excluded. Sure. Also, to be clear, the rat is not named Ratatouille. Right. The dish is named Ratatouille. Yeah, we know. Great movie.

So what is the point of this controversial figure? There is a rat for every human in New York City. They subsist on the trash that we throw out, even though we have been steadily better at recycling it. And for their size, they are muscle-bound mofos who can squeeze inside a hole that's the size of a quarter and whose jaws can gnaw through concrete. I view these fellow New Yorkers with fear,

loathing, and no small amount of admiration. Fellow New Yorkers. That's right. We love New York. That's a good Quora answer, honestly. They're usually way worse than that. I upvoted it. Gave it a little upvote.

Should we follow him? Sure. Yeah, see what else he's got. He's been banned. They're all banned. He unfortunately was banned. Is this common? Yeah, I guess so.

Yeah, usually it's like we'll be like, let's follow this guy. He's a perv, and then they're banned. But this guy just- He's a Buddhist. Too much truth. Columbia, NYU, CUNY alum, New Yorker, InfoSec slash DevOps, martial artist pursuing the dream of peace through the study of war. This guy sounds insufferable.

He's calling rats, my fellow New Yorker. I love how we both agree this guy is insufferable. This guy is studying Buddhism. We're like, no. I think he's just in a three-letter agency now and had to delete his Quora account. Went to a lot of schools, too. Yeah. Three.

To learn how to do war. Yeah. Columbia was the first indication this was. I'm studying war at SUNY. I actually got my grad degree in war at Columbia. They do teach it there. I minored in war. Why?

To study peace. Oh, shut up. Peace major, war minor. Unless they'd know my enemy. I had a lot of crossover credits with math. It was just easy to do. Does he have any other questions? He hasn't done anything in six years because he's been banned.

shaking my damn head but he has asked two questions and um i don't know one's about vietnam how do you do peace with war i'm trying to learn uh no his question is what is your attitude towards the hackathons that the city sponsors to improve the city in which i participate is it amateur hour don't hold back and it has no answers it feels like he thinks it's amateur hour yeah if you're asking the question what is a hackathon uh i think that's like when you have to make an app or something? You gotta make an app.

To make the city better? I don't know if it does that. I think it's like a game jam. Well, that's what he says, right? Yeah.

Like a hackathon to make the city better. I just like, don't hold back and then no answer. That's so embarrassing. You're too scared. That was probably

when he deleted his Quorum. It was right after that one. Yeah, I don't know why he did it. R.I.P. loser. All right, this is our religion segment.

Corbid and Fruit. Hit that religion sound. That's our religion sound. Yeah, that's a good one. Here we tackle the questions you're afraid to ask. Oh. We've already talked about a few things. We talked about the original cat, the new original rat.

Well, you'll love this question. Great. Atheists, do you believe in any of the following? Elves, trolls, witches, goblins, ghouls, angels, fairies, zombies, djinn, unicorns, ogres, cyclopses, dragons, poltergeists, leprechauns, centaurs, mermaids, werewolves, vampires, banshees, or griffins? Huge shout-out to Cyclops getting in there.

Hiccups, really. Jumped in. No. No. Obviously not. How dare you? It'd be wild if an atheist was like, no such thing as God, but gin. I mean, I guess poltergeist is the one that's like, maybe?

Also, this person's also insufferable. Call them genies. Yeah. Gin? Get out of here. When you really are into them, they're gin. Is gin the, like? It's the same thing as a genie.

I got in big trouble for saying that on an episode of this very show once. They're different. They're different. I said genies, but it was djinn, and people were all like, how dare you? What is the difference? I don't know. I'll have to check my YouTube comments. They're like an Aladdin.

Genie's like an Aladdin. A djinn is like a spirit, I think. I would like to issue a challenge to these people. Come for me. I want you in my comment section. Leave Jeremy alone. Leave out of this. Leave them alone.

Bring it the fuck on. I'll meet you in my comment section and argue about the difference between genies and djinn all day. Here are my tour dates. Yeah, I think religious people are more likely to do that. Intellectual destroys woke elite genie and djinn. That's a sketch comedy show. That's a sketch comedy show. We whip up a sketch just about how stupid this person is.

Those are all from wonderful, different little beliefs. and if you're an atheist you can't have any beliefs you've killed God and you eat of your own spiritual food no yeah but a lot of these

are just like from fairy tales and stuff that's right even from beliefs well you can believe in a fairy tale you can believe in fairy tales

is anybody just all in across the board like yep all of them exist all of them what's funnier to me is if you're half in I bet you there's

some people like fairies definitely centaurs are you fucking crazy right like that's gotta be insane the mental gymnastics you have to do

I bet there are people though we came across that goblin rights guy. I bet he's probably particularly goblin. He claimed to be a goblin scholar and his name was Dr. Big Man.

And to goblins, he is one. So it makes sense. How do you study a thing that is not real that you can't study? I couldn't tell you. He's really into goblin rights. He claimed that he was. He met him joking, but if he was joking, it's like his whole

thing. And it wasn't funny. What a great character to go all in on dr big man of like the goblin scholar it's like neil hamburger and then dr goblin yeah i really respect what he does but i bet he is very anti-banshees for example griffins because he sees them as a joke about his true beliefs he's less popular mythical creatures that goblins exist and are endangered yeah unicorns is always the funniest one to me because it's like this is just a horse man you can't be happy with 90 of this being a real thing Yeah, where they put a horn on it and call it a day?

That's a unicorn, right? What do you need the horn for? If you believe in goblins, I bet you also believe in orcs. For sure. Like goblins, orcs, trolls, ogres, dwarves. Lord of the Rings canon. Yeah, all in the Middle Earth dwellings. Here's the one I kind of want to be real is Bigfoot.

Every time people say something, I'm like, I hope there is a guy. I hope there is. Where would he be, though? Because by this point, we have satellites and stuff, and I just think we would have caught a Bigfoot. Yeah, well, there are some jungles in the rainforest where it's like we're still discovering tribes of people that we didn't know.

So maybe... When it was really big. But the Northwestern water ape, Bigfoot, is most likely in like a Portland... I like that you said that like you were like a Pokedex. I've done a lot of research into this motherfucker. And he's too big. He's probably not here.

What's his deal? Does he do anything? He walks around all blurry. He's too big! It was too quiet when I did it. His thing is he's too big. He's too big. It's really the whole thing, and that you don't know.

Normal guy, but larger. Yeah. Unknown number in the Pokemon. I have no powers. He just hangs out, I think. So he's not really magic, per se. It's just like an undiscovered species. He's been alive a long time.

Some people, I think, think it's one guy. Well, that implies that there's only one. Right. Well, if there was two. Then, which was the original. And then we're really back in the weeds. The one that's scary to me more, I just saw the new Godzilla movie, Godzilla Minus One. And I was watching it, and I was like, oh, shit, Godzilla could be real.

Because he comes from the bottom of the ocean. He's in that movie. And I'm like, and he's in that movie. But like, I was like, oh, right. Any day now, a creature could have been walking for 10,000 years to get to land and just show up. And we're like, oh, my God, it's a tower-tall lizard. It's never going to get to eat. It's never going to get to eat.

What I liked about that movie is they started with Godzilla pretty big, and then he gets hit with that nuclear bomb, and he gets far larger. Yeah, he gets way larger. God bless him for the things he does. I do tend to like big things. Yeah, bigger is better. You talked about this. You like the big thing in town. Yeah, the big thing in town I always like to go see.

What is that? Godzilla. Well, it needs to be pretty big. No, like a big rock or a big ball of yarn or something like that. The bean. What big ball of yarn? The bean's not big enough for my level. It's kind of a size queen about the bean.

I'll give you it's a big bean. Wait, what? I've never seen you really chase after a big thing. What I like is to feel small. Oh, okay. Where's this come from? Now it's a sex thing. I do have a friend who has a fetish that is just like this.

It's not a sex thing. It's a spiritual thing. Because if you stand by the ocean and you feel small, it's like, oh, your problems are also small. You're like the fucking peace Buddhist now. By the big bean in Chicago, I'm like, I'm about as big as this fucking bean is. I could be this bean.

My problems are still pretty big compared to the size of this silver bean. So you're talking about like a mountain range. Sure. Or a big enough ball of yarn. There's a big ball of yarn in Minnesota. Is that what you're talking about? Yeah, but I can't be bothered to go to Minnesota.

So you've never even seen this big ball of yarn. Yeah, but it, well. You just like it in concept. I guess my question is, is the ball of yarn bigger than the bean? I think it is. Jerry Seinfeld. I do want to know how big the ball of yarn is.

I'm genuinely curious. What is the deal? What is the deal with this ball of yarn? It's much smaller, usually. But beans are normally quite small, though, and I'll judge your size. No, I'm giving, I'm acknowledging, Don't get me wrong.

I'm acknowledging it's a big bean. No, you like to feel small in the universe. Do you like stargazing and that stuff? Chicago also has bigger things around it, whereas the yarn probably doesn't. There's probably not as many big buildings near the yarn. Compared to the buildings, the bean is, in fact, very small. This year's tower is a far larger bean.

Yes. Yeah. They've always said that. Yes. Do we have any good answers to this, or is it a bunch of fucking horseshit? Yeah, Brian seemingly answered this one, because someone said, you forget about Bigfoot?

Yes. Okay, wow. That was very insightful. Basically everyone on Quora. You really tapped into Quora. I guess so. And if the Sasquatch is not a Bigfoot people want to come for me, you're absolutely welcome in my comment section as well.

Is Sasquatch different? Is that a thing? I thought there was a thing. I'm going to say it's the same exact thing. That's what I thought too. And there's the Yeti, which is like the snow. Which I think is also the same thing. Oh, the snow guy.

Snow version. That's just when he's cold. Snow Bigfoot. All right. Well, I'm going to move on to another question. Agreed. This is our politics segment of Quiz Course, so get ready for Quora Politics.

There are no sacred cows here in the Quiz Course. Just the one with the delayed sound. Where anything could happen. I don't know where it is. Stop freaking me out. Find that cow. I think it's God. That's the one that hit me all goddamn day.

You could also just edit in the cow sound. Use that with that. I haven't hit that in months. What did you say? That's like a... It's from Metal Gear Solid. that's from Metal Gear Solid

that means what? it means what? in Japanese oh Solid Snake could speak so many languages that's pretty cool

Al's a big anime guy he can say all kinds of things I don't know anything about anime so whatever you tell me I'm gonna believe

it's crazy I don't think you could make something up I believe that I believe that too so this is a politics segment I'm an atheist and I believe

that anime is crazy you said that everything started with God earlier. Huh? You said everything started with God and then we had a cat.

That was his cold, rational... In that argument, I was playing the character of someone who believed in God. I was playing the character of Dr. Big Man

who studies goblins. He's the goblin doctor. Who's the peace guy who studies peace? Belky? Belky? No, Belt. That guy's name

was like Derek or something. I don't remember. Oh my God, we're getting all confused. Okay, there's a question. Chimps that wander into the territory

of another group are mercilessly ripped to pieces. Does this explain why Democrats are so mean to MAGAs? Chimps that wander into... What I love about

everyone on any political side is they just... You flip the side that you're talking about and the argument always works. Like, you just... And this does work. Yeah, it does work

if you flip it at both sides. I think that's not even Democrats and MAGA. It's just every group of people in the counter group. What are we but a bunch of chimps? A bunch of chimps trying to rip the arms off.

Wandering into the wrong part of town. Telling MAGA people one week, Wednesday, don't do steroids. We're coming for you I do need more information on the walking into the wrong territory getting mercilessly ripped to pieces part

Emotionally do they mean? I don't think anyone's getting actually ripped to pieces Chimps are bad guys Chimps would but not Democrats Certainly the Democrats aren't ripping the MAGA's arms off I don't think they have the core strength for that Yeah, trying to get chimp across

The thing about chimps is all of the bad rap that dolphins get for all of like the mean human activities. That should all go to chimps. The bad rap that dolphins get? Dolphins have terrible PR.

Don't people love dolphins? I thought dolphins are like the smartest ones, like smarter than rats, for sure. They are smart. And people fuck dolphins. This is the other one.

Well, people say dolphins wait. They take that same statement with a negative spin on it. Fucking dolphins? Yeah, because sometimes the dolphin fuck you. But sometimes the chimps fuck you too,

and the chimps are more evil in their hearts. Do chimps fuck people sometimes? They do all the bad things. It's got to be a hard day. I feel like I hear about them ripping dicks off a lot. Oh, no. They go right for dicks.

Yes. Ripping dicks off? Makes sense. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's very rippable. Jesus. They think it's a door. The first 10 seconds after your dick has been ripped off by a chimp and you realize what

happened must be a really bad moment. I'm apologizing right away. I'm like, this was a misunderstanding. I need a bag. You're like, why didn't the steroids work? I guess I can punch him now. I feel like I lost the fight already. oh my god this goes right back into the chimp fighting question yeah um it's a more interesting

question it is kind of a way to explain why democrats hate magas just with how weak dicks can be i think so um this is i'm gonna take a wild guess and say this is a a hot uh um comment section yeah a comment section full of tension it's not really though because pretty much everyone is just saying like actually you're bad like this one says democrats aren't mean to maggots it's the the other way around. They're trying to rip it apart. You can flip it. Did anybody respond to that?

No. Someone said, it explains that you're far less intelligent than a typical chimp. Okay. So shots have been fired every which way in this podcast. And then someone else said,

damn, this place is insult central. Insult central? Has he been nowhere else on the internet? This is two insults. That's from Jim Zwen. This is not why I come on Quora. Who has a BS from California Institute of Technology. Cool.

I feel like that's not the first time he's called something insult-centric. We'll go to his profile and see. I don't see if he says that anywhere. Most of his other answers are about, like, engineering. So maybe he's just not used to it. I feel like he said it in person, though. And I feel like if people didn't get a big enough laugh, he repeated it later on. And then people were like, all right, let's, like, laugh at this.

And he'll stop saying this is insult-centric. Well, am I late for the train? I thought this was insult-central. Yeah. Write that down. write that down just to try to hammer it in later um yeah he's approaching this question from an engineering point of view yeah he's kind of like an engineer guy yeah um well i think we've got to the bottom of that one do we want to do one more and call it uh what time are we here we've

been recording for one hour if you can believe it pretty cool my god i just sensed that okay so the next segment we're gonna do is core romance oh this is not from naruto it's beautiful This is the Joker's theme. What's happening in the Joker's life right now? Joker's theme reprise. He's meeting Harley Quinn. Oh, that's sweet. His little lady.

Yep. Okay. I love you, Harley Quinn. It's like a Tarantino's version of the Joker. Misunderstood. This question is, I told my husband to call me every hour. Will this stop him from cheating? No.

This will drive him away to cheat. Yeah. If you're saying, will this stop him from cheating, you have lost the war. He's already cheating, and now you're being really annoying? This is really going to... You're wondering how this fits in the animal madness episode, and it's because this man is an animal. He cannot be controlled.

It also implies, what do you think? He can't have a minute-long phone call and then go back to cheating on you? Is that what you think? This is the main use of AI. Can he have a 59-minute sexual conquest with someone? Sure. I'm just trying to think of what you'd have to say to keep him from doing it.

You'd have to do it in a reward. I'll tell you one thing. You'd get a chimp to rip his dick off. That's the way. You can stop him from cheating for sure. If I maim my husband using an animal, will I have him forever? The calls aren't going to work, though.

We're all agreed on that. The calls aren't going to work at all. The calls aren't going to work. They're going to make him cheat. He has to now. Yeah, yeah. The comments are saying no, surprisingly. Is there anyone who's saying yes?

I found one comment that does say, how long does it take to have sex? 59 minutes or less. So, Brian, again, on the money with this. I'm right there, man. I think like the people. There's no answers that say yes. Someone says you cannot control his actions. You cannot become his warden.

He's doing what he wants to do. Someone says probably do the opposite. Oh, well, why would you make someone do this? Can you become your husband's warden? Which would be call me never. Yeah. I guess that is true. I wouldn't like that either.

That actually is good advice, is just to break up with your husband who's cheating on you. Yeah, I mean, that's... The whole situation. And that will, in a way, stop him cheating, because he will no longer be in a relationship. That would just be normal. You're normal when you're not in a relationship. I agree. I meant normal, not cheating sex.

But finally, he can be back to his own self. Are all three of you married? Jesus Christ. That's right. Feels good, doesn't it? Let's combine our rings. Put them together. put them together

Jeremy get in there I'm making him touch what a lame superhero we would summon just a faithful superhero Captain Husband congratulations to all you guys Captain Husband

is for sure cheating on his wife Captain Husband anybody who's insisting on how much of a married guy they are by calling themselves

Captain Husband is cheating like crazy if you make it that far up the military ladder of being a husband you're doing something wrong yeah General Husband

You gotta get married It just makes me It's so sick bro It's the coolest thing in the world It's so sick It's so much fun The calls bro Yeah how often

The hourly calls The hourly I gotta do this shit Never stop What's up Same stuff as last time That kind of stuff It's the little jokes like that

Oh man Sounds horrible The married by side Oh wait It's good for rent huh That's good for Hold on I'm changing my opinion You pay half of rent

That's great You can either get married or incorporate. Yeah. It has improved my taxes immensely. Yeah. There's a lot of payoffs here. I think you should look into it. What happens to taxes when you get married?

They cut them in half. Really? You definitely get a break. You get a huge break. Really? My thing is I have lots of... What the fuck am I paying for being single? This is very boring.

It's insane. I should be paying less. Single people are basically oppressed. Yeah, you're pretty much like an animal to the government. It's insane. The government wants you to get married Yeah We both

Does not own a fox We both married our high school girlfriends Really? Yeah And I did not know him then This is just a freak accident That we started a podcast Oh

You guys are like The good boys Yeah we're like Captain Husband You guys are like Captain Husband So you're a problem actually With our powers combined Yeah

That's kind of like us Alright well We're gonna have to End this discussion soon Before I divulge Too many tax details So that's for the best Brian and Nick

Thank you so much For coming on the Quarriors podcast That's our theme song You missed it Brian Oh sorry We did this earlier Oh man

We danced Yeah but do a quick Get a call back to Venom Venom It's Oh you know We actually do have A question for you

Because I asked Nick The same question But in Because Nick said Venom is basically A comedy duo Yeah In your comedy duo

Do you feel that You are the Eddie Brock Or the Venom I don't know These references Alright never mind So you get to be Venom That's Eddie Brock

Eddie Brock's always like are you talking about you gotta see this film one is a big black goo that likes to eat people and the other is a journalist for like a vice

he works for like an independent who do you think it's him I'm definitely the big black goo I think voiced by Tom Hardy and written by Tom Hardy

he wrote it he has a story credit I think on Venom is he good at writing Venom 2 the critics would say no

but online gay fandoms do like it a lot because they feel Well, that is a gay rom-com between Tom Hardy and Venom. And in a way, Venom is married to Tom Hardy. That's right. Another husband.

Captain Husband himself, Venom. We're getting distracted here. Where can our listeners find you at home and abroad? Well, it depends on where they live. You can always find us on the internet. We have a sketch comedy duo called Brightanic, and we're all over YouTube. And we also have a Patreon, which...

With a weekly talk show that is edited heavily. this will not be and then we perform live and we're performing live in New York tomorrow and we're doing London in a month is this airing right now

if you live in Mumbai India we'll be performing in June perhaps there is that true yeah that's really cool all of August

we're going to do Edinburgh again yeah yeah come see us that probably applies come see us in Edinburgh that's how you see these buzz without the edits

yeah that's right finally uncut Scotland real stuff during the fringe alright well

that's gonna be it hold on real real real quick at the end we ask a question do you have a question you wanna ask Cora at the end we ask oh we ask a question

to Cora I was like what are we gonna do this whole time this is how Venom came up at the beginning this is how we end up talking about Venom

because someone will be like let's make it about Venom and then the next week we'll be here with fucking whoever I don't wanna mention Venom in the question we're definitely doing that

we're just going back into it again do the Fox question or Tarzan or something Dude, can you own a fox in New York City? Sure, there you go. No, no, would Venom own a fox in New York City? If Venom could own a fox, would he do it in New York?

If the guest wants us to put Venom in it, put Venom in it. All right, fine. Can you own a fox or a Venom in New York? I smell a troll. What is this, Insult Central? Then write back, don't hold back at the end of it. What did he say specifically? He said, no, don't hold back.

My name is Don't Hold Back. Don't Hold Back. All right, that's that question. If you want more of this show, we have bonus episodes every Thursday where we go on other websites. That's patreon.com slash QuoraTours. And until next time, that's been Quora.

All right, bye. Bye-bye. Goodbye, everyone. Goodbye.