Quorators - Brushes With Death w/ Mike Drucker

Episode Date: April 14, 2025

COME TO OUR LIVE SHOW IN BROOKLYN ON APRIL 26TH WITH SPECIAL GUEST BEN DOYLE (JET LAG: THE GAME) https://www.eventbrite.com/e/quorators-afternoon-delight-tickets-1290256224099 --- Comedians Clare O'Kane, Alex Ptak, and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: Is it true that martial arts are useless in a street fight? Duel to the death. Sword or knife? Can you legally kill a bald eagle if it's attacking your family or your animals? --- But Mike's book "Good Game, No Rematch" @ https://www.harpercollins.com/products/good-game-no-rematch-mike-drucker Get even more Quorators when you support the show @ patreon.com/quorators Send quoras and qommunicate on our discord discord.gg/7pPYuKuYCr Watch the show @ youtube.com/@quorators

Holy moly important news! The Quarators have a live comedy show Saturday, April 26th at 4 p.m. at The Gutter in Brooklyn. They are comedians. They read crazy questions from the website Quora and make fun of them. And tickets are 15 bucks. Again, it's The Quarators at The Gutter in Brooklyn, April 26th, 4 p.m. Check it out. I think we should start with a song. A clean start. How about that for fucking once? Okay, ready? Let's go.

With the sound of the robot, you're back on Quora Doors, America's premier Quora-based podcast with Alex and Jeremy and Claire. How's it going? What the hell is up? We got a doozy of a week for you this week. A episode that may test your ability to live. But that's tipping a hand on the theme here, which we will get into in a second.

Everyone knows it because it's in the title. It's the title of the episode and we also kind of talk about the same stuff every week. I would say every day I'm testing my whatever to live. Yeah, whatever. Fine. It's fucking fine. We got a great guest for you. He's a comedian in the new exciting book we have.

Comedian Mike Drucker, all the way from New York City. Mike? Hello, hello, hello. This is my voice, folks. Straight from New York City. Straight from New York City. I took the R train all the way over here. Is that a euphemism?

It is a euphemism. It is a euphemism. Now that Trump is back in office, we're all taking the R train all the time. Did you hear about that guy who was fucking a corpse on the R train? I did. I did. But it was in Queens, and I live in Brooklyn, so, I mean, not my problem.

You were on the other end of the line. Wait, what? Claire, way to stay on theme. Yeah, a guy brought a corpse. He stole a corpse. Luckily, he didn't kill a live person. So he's a thief. It wasn't his corpse.

He stole it. Yeah, he stole it. You have to buy your corpse. And, yeah, I think he had sex with the corpse on the train. On the R train. Yeah, on the R train. And the picture of him, he just looks like a normal guy. Was this recent?

Fuck a corpse. I think it was like yesterday or the day before. Yesterday or two days ago. You know, I don't like to judge other people because, you know, everyone's one bad day away from stealing a corpse and fucking it on the R train. For real. Somehow the more offensive part to me is doing it on the R train. Like it should be stealing a corpse and having sex with it. But my problem is just the public aspect.

I'm trying to get to work. Maybe on the R. Come on, dude. And you know the R trains, those are going to be updated last. Yes. Nobody gives a shit about the R train. No. Is the R train also where the guy, there was, like, that shooting?

Is that also the R train? I think it might have been. Where this guy, he shot up a subway train, but he didn't kill anyone. He missed everybody, right? Oh, like, two years ago or whatever. That might have also been the R train. That might have been the R train. Dude, curse train.

Yeah. Don't get on there. That happens to me. But so convenient. Yeah, so convenient. I could never live in New York City. It's too dangerous, and there are too many brushes with death, which is our theme for the Quora's this week.

We are going on Quora and finding deadly questions. Now, Mike, before we get into it, have you been on Quora? Do you know the deal over there? I know the deal on it. I've never actually asked a question on there. I've stumbled across it while looking for real answers. I don't think I've ever found a usable answer on there. But it still pops up, and I'm like, oh, that's interesting.

I should just burn my Macintosh to fix it. Yeah. You don't want anybody finding the things you've seen on Quora. Unless you're broadcasting it to YouTube.com. But there's occasionally very specific knowledge there. And what's interesting about Quora is I feel like the people who mainly use Quora are not on the rest of the internet so much. Yeah. So you're like in a new class.

I will say that Quora always feels to me like old internet. Like it feels like trash, weirdo internet. Yeah. I used to say they're like in a 10-year-behind culture war over there where they're like just getting woke now or whatever. I feel like it may be farther back than that because it feels like perpetually 2012 every time I'm on here. Is it like Facebook for curious people? Is that like what it is?

Yes. It's Facebook for curious people. And there's Reddits. Facebook, but there's Reddits. It has the Facebook element of full names on it, which is really great because like on Facebook, you know, it'll be some guy's full name or whatever, and they'll be talking about politics. On here, it's like, hey, I want everyone to know that my fetish is that I like eat cum

and I like rub it all over my body. And it's like, my name is John, and I live in Minnesota. This is a photo of my dog. This is my job at this place. Again, to emphasize, I cover myself and come until I look like a snowman. It's called snowmanning. It's called snowmanning. It's fun.

There will be a space called Quora.snowmanning, and you'll go in there. I would think it would be called frostied. Frosted. There's two different forums that debate that term. Yeah. They argue. I don't want to be partisan here. I think they're all great words.

Well, I thought with the theme this week, it would be appropriate to go back to one of our favorite spaces. We have been there before, but we like to kind of dip around there all the time. People are always sending in Quoras from here. So we're going to go to the Space of the Week, which is Advanced Street Survival. Space of the Week.

I do feel like it is my duty to point out that Alex missed his stop on the train today, and my wife said, he's so spaced out, he's Space of the Week. No, I'm not Space of the Week. If the train was Express, Claire, other Claire who's not on the podcast. I would think I'm with Space of the Week. Yeah. I spaced out. I feel like many of us are Space of the Week.

This is a space for learning how to be safe and prepared no matter where you are in any city or slum. It doesn't have to be a city. It could also be a slum. I think this is forever my favorite space that we've ever found. So I'm happy we're back here. I'd say like a third of the ones we read are on here. Yeah. Are you happy about this, Mike?

I'm very happy about this. I don't have a lot of problems with cities, but slums are my bane. Yeah. Before we get too into this, did you expect this to be the episode where you'd plug your book about video games? Yeah. No, no. I mean, like I knew that I might mention it at the end. I didn't expect that this would be about me.

i mean we could have easily we we looked for video game stuff but it wasn't it wasn't really happening no no no i know what this podcast is i wasn't like we're gonna talk about me and interview me and maybe hit one question on quora um okay this question is how do i stop being afraid of fights anytime someone bothers me i stay quiet i never fight back i fight internally with full aggression but never externally in real what should i do about myself now i read that question i go mike drecker would be perfect for this we need someone who fights in real externally i think i mean i mean my answer i don't know if you guys are looking for answers but my answer would just be to uh you know you turn that inside

anger into cry anger and once you do that cry anger you can fight anybody you know that like when you're so mad you're crying but you're also furious that's what he needs to do you never give me the fucking respect i deserve you know like that you know where you they're the ones where you start like windmilling yeah exactly like the shoulders get into it in a windmill yeah A deadly windmill. I would like to hear the answers from the psychos who are on here. Okay, Leonard Roberts, who is a former self-employed book reader. Same.

So maybe he can read Mike's book. Nice. He says, first, it is totally all right to be afraid of fights. That is the sane reaction. Psychopaths have no fear or very little fear of fighting. Bullies are not afraid because they pick out victims weaker than themselves. Those who like to fight turn fear into excitement. most of the rest of us

are forced to fight the fortunate turn their are forced to fight the fortunate turn their fear into anger and or energy. I don't know what that means. The fact that you don't

respond to the bullies is smart not cowardly. You will win nothing by fighting if you don't absolutely have to do so. The fact that you control the anger and fear

within you is excellent. I believe that if you are forced to fight someone we'll be very surprised. Does that answer the question? I think you'll be surprised if you fight them. Next answer.

I just want to call out that I love the term fight the fortunate. That's my new game show. Mark Norwood says, Malcolm X said, be kind and nice, courteous and fair to all,

but if someone puts their hands on you, send them to the cemetery. Wow. I do remember Malcolm X saying that. This guy is a former cemetery worker.

Oh, so he knows. Oh, he's got that Chronicles of Riddick picture. He does. He's kind of the Malcolm X of space That's like a drawing though right That's not a real picture of Vin Diesel What's sad is I think that's the image from Butcher Bay

The video game spinoff of Chronicles of Riddick That's not the real Chronicles I told you Mike would be perfect To spot any Riddicks that come up On Wednesday someone asked Why does King Donald Trump get so much hate And Mark said he is the lowest of the vile Smallest victory

Who asked, why does King Donald Trump get so much hate? We can find out the answer to that question with only several clicks. First, we have to go to the question log. I'm not sure it's worth it. It was by Dale Daleson, bisexual Lord Donald Trump worshipper. Who had that on their bingo card at home? His bio says, I am attracted to Lord Donald Trump, especially his rump. I am also highly intelligent as well.

I think this guy is having a laugh. I want to say spelled intelligent wrong. I think you're either absolutely right or never more wrong. Well, he's a fan of anime diaper space. He's got a lot of pictures of Trump getting spray tanned orange. So I have to imagine. He has a lot of Brandons as well, though, to an extent where you would think he is perhaps a liberal undercover. I can't tell what side Dale Daleson is on.

He's unpredictable. He's totally off the spectrum. Why is Dale Dale so obsessed with Donald Trump? Wait a minute. Can we go back up on that scroll? Because there was one non-political thing, and it is a picture of a man wearing an old-timey underwater outfit with the tube from his farts going into his head,

and it says his name next to it. I like that illustration. His spaces are the Church of War Donald Trump, anime diaper space, Democrats are communist and racist Pants pooper group Poop and toilet guy This might just be a guy with a poop fetish

He's having too much fun He might be crazy If he was in a slum or a city He'd probably be gutted the moment he walked out onto the train He knows about make America great again Parentheses campaign slogan That's good to know Not the concept

Is that what it says urine therapy I'm not clicking it Everyone was so mad at us last week for the poop episode but I don't think we can do any more of that. Yeah, I don't think we can do any more. I'm over poop now. And now this is coming directly from the street. What was it?

What was the space of the week? This is advanced street survival. We got kind of carried away here. Well, that was actually because of Mark Norwood. We got distracted by Mark's picture of Vin Diesel. We don't know why this guy is so angry inside and not angry at the people hitting him. Do you guys fight?

Would you ever fight? Yeah, I fight all the time. You fight people, Alex? Yeah, all the time. I get on the train and I fight. Do you ever fight internally? I fight internally more often than externally. Externally, there are harsh repercussions for fighting.

It's illegal. Did you know that? Well. Even if you win, you go to jail. That's true. Even if you win. There was this comic I used to do bikes with who was just like a really big angry guy. And he punched a guy outside a bar in Philly because he's from Philly and that's what you do there.

and uh that guy went unconscious and uh sued him wow wow so i'm like oh wow this seems worse i'm gonna fight last i had a similar thing in upstate new york where a comic got heckled and the comedian just beat up the heckler i've never seen anything like it it was like he didn't have a clever comeback he just beat the shit out of it i'd want to watch that on tiktok i'm tired of like just i'm tired of pithy comebacks i'm tired of like oh i shut him down i want just to see someone go okay and just beat the shit out of a heckler so it's like that who's a hack now i wasn't done with my story now get him out of here oh man i feel like the angriest comedians are always the silliest ones like the ones with an elaborate character it's like i'm dan flowers

dale daleson or dale daleson would have been a better example uh can i read this interior fight one and then we should move on probably so this is from alba kunku subaru kuroto great pronunciation and he said that's the authentic pronunciation i'm impressed by it is uh he says get up stand up stand up for your rights there's double ellipses i'm trying to give at the appropriate amount of time. Bravery is not the absence of fear, but the acknowledgement of it and acting despite its existence.

You will never truly stop being afraid. These are all ellipses. It's self-preservation, but you can learn to conquer it by understanding that whoever is bothering you can be bothered right back. Three ellipses on this one. Wow.

It almost looks like Morse code if at a distance. It's like in college when you're trying to quote a giant paragraph. You can't use all the words. He'll use the ones that matter. I'm going to get to the core of this. So the best remedy to aggression is more aggression, super regression.

That's what Alba says. And then Greg Pfeiffer's got to make it political. Yeah. Greg says, and Republiars can't win elections without help and cheating. Oh, what you wrote reminded me of Republiars. I also like Alba says, cowards die many deaths, but the valiant only face death once. Oh, I didn't see that towards the end he says motherfuckers. He says M-fuckers with a V.

So it's Latin. Yeah, he's like actually from Rome. Okay. That's enough of this question. The answer is you got to kill those guys. Here's another question. What are the non-lethal body places due to self-defense with the... Wait, what?

What are the non-lethal body places due to self-defense with a firearm? So, like, remember the Joe Biden shoot him in the leg thing? This is like, I have a gun. I'm going to shoot it. Where's some good spots? None. Foot. Shoulder.

There's so many beautiful veins in the human body. It's hard to not be lethal with a gun, I think, right? Because they're pretty bad. I feel like hand right in the middle of it. Oh, yeah. Stigmata. Shoot them through their hands and feet. They're holding up their hands and you shoot them right through each hand?

Yeah. This is a fuck you. Are we assuming this person has like a sniper rifle? Or a handgun? because I feel like accuracy with a handgun isn't one-to-one. I was kind of picturing like a Devil May Cry situation. Two desert eagles, they're firing into a crowd. While flipping.

Yeah, because he could hit anywhere he wants if he needed to. Yeah. This top comment here says the ear should be fine. It'll hurt and scare them enough to stop, but shouldn't kill them. This is assuming you're a pro who has trained hundreds slash thousands of hours and never panics in high-stress surprise situations and has a firearm that reliably shoots to the exact POA every time and can also hit the exact spot you want on a target at seven yards

or so in a split second when it's suddenly flipped or swinging. Let us know how things go. I shot a guy in the head. It went bad. I missed. I missed the ear. You'll never believe it. Ear is such a bad pronunciation.

Ear sounds pretty good to me. Yeah, ear's not close to anything. This is what happened to Trump. Oh, that's true, and he was fine. It was very non-lethal. There's a comment under this that's like, not advised, only center of mass and hedge lethal forces only.

Now, that answer's from Don, you say? No, Don ain't here. Don ain't here, so it's not Don, because he ain't here. Oh, my God. Don ain't here. Who's Don ain't here? He lives in Starfleet Academy.

Whoa! That's hard to get into. Even Chief O'Brien didn't get into the academy. Where is Don? And he graduated from SUNY New York. Where else could you get shot? Where could you get shot? I always think the leg, but there are a lot of big veins in the leg.

There's that big artery in your... Guns will put holes in you. Yeah, it's not good. Not stomach. You don't want to get shot there. Stomach's really bad. This is the last one to do, really. For all your organs are.

Honestly, tit. Tit? Tit from the side. Blow their bloody tits off. Like non-heartside tit. Right. Non-heartside tit. The person's in profile and just shoot their tit.

There has to be an exit wound. We have a crossover from America's Gun Club, our other favorite space. Oh, yeah. Read it. And this is what we've been saying, which is essentially zero. There are none.

The two things that cause death as a result of gunshot wound are neurological destruction and blood loss. This is so long. Neurological destruction. I want to see who asked the question, actually. Just somebody whose mind is blown by getting shot. A related question on the side was, is abortion self-defense? That might be us.

I've heard that before. Wait, is that our question? Didn't we ask something like that once? We used to ask a question at the end of the podcast, and a guest put one of those on, and then we got one million people trying to kill us. The guy who asked this question, his name is Alexei. Cool. That's his last question, is what is the non-lethal body places to shoot someone?

So it didn't work. Well, let's move on to the rest of our questions. I just wanted to see if you had a lot of questions that were like, if I wanted to kill someone. You can learn a lot from the questions people ask. Is it true that martial arts are useless in a street fight? Sorry, Chloe, what were you saying? No, go ahead.

It's not true. They're actually very useful and they're really cool. Oh, this is by WikiEyed. We like that guy. Yeah. We follow him. WikiEyed. And he's like an army guy?

I don't remember. They're all army guys. They're not all army guys. Some of them are lying. Is it true that martial arts are useless in a street fight? I think no. No, it's not true. Haven't you seen the game Street Fighter?

Yeah. They're all martial artists. They should all know different techniques like turning into a ball and being electric. Right. I think, assuming there's no weapons, I feel like it's probably the most useful thing, right? Right. If your body is a weapon. The daredevil does it.

What's this answer here? This is by Rob Howe. He says, here's the truth. If you've never been in a street fight, any kind of training will help you. But the most important thing they could teach you in formal training is how to de-escalate most situations. This is very long. I actually don't want to read it. I'll take it back.

The answer is that you lose when you join the fight. And so no martial arts can help you there. Yeah. I think you're going to be fine if you have martial arts. I think you should learn it. I can't imagine it hurts. There's no downside to it. And you get to go to the YMCA more.

Yeah. So should we be teaching our kids karate or gun play? Or gun kata, like in that movie, Equilibrium. I mean, you should do gun kata first. What's gun kata? It's karate with guns. Yeah, I think it's the 2000, was it Equilibrium in the movie? It was Equilibrium, is correct.

It's where emotions are illegal. Christian Bale and, is it Taye Diggs? I don't know. But essentially they're like secret agent, they're like government agents, but they use this new martial art called gun kata, and it's just karate with guns. That's all it is. When is this supposed to take place? The dystopian future?

The future. Just like the future. It's Fahrenheit 451, but for like having feelings is a crime. So they send the gun-cotted guys after you if you have too many feelings. It was like the movie that like if there's like a jock in your high school, but they were emotional, that's like the movie they'd watch. They're like, it's deep. It's deeper than you think, man.

Like Friday Night Lights. Yeah, but with guns. More guns. It's more accessible than Friday Night Lights. Gun karate. I think you should teach your kid goncada, Alex. I will do my best to arm them in every way that I can. You know what?

I would teach my kid how to shoot a bow and arrow. That's good. That's actually pretty good, probably. Do it, then. It's good strength training. But then they wouldn't have any friends. Oh. I think you can have friends with bow and arrows.

Yeah, but then all your friends would be like 50-year-old guys. Live in the woods. Did you ever go to a bow and arrow birthday party as a child? No. Am I the only one who's done any of those? I did not. There's like an archery range, and you go and you shoot them, and you go, oh, I'm so bad at it.

We had a McDonald's birthday party. That's fun. Same thing. Yeah. I had a Backstreet Boys birthday party. They were there? No, they're just themes. Backstreet Boys, Parency's Appreciation Birthday Party.

Backstreet Boys Appreciation Party. We all discussed the ones you like the most. Basically, they were on the cake. Which one do you like the most? I liked Brian the most. He was the lead one, wasn't he? He was the one with the most talent. Yeah.

But honestly, the least charismatic. When you look at these boy groups, it's very obvious how stacked and certain favors some of them are. NSYNC is very Justin Timberlake and J.C. Chazet heavy. Right. And as the music goes on, they emphasize that. And they sing all the main stuff, and then they put the other guys in the background. I don't want to go off here. My question is, Claire, why was the one the most least charismatic?

He seems safe. Oh, okay. I think because I had a loud, loud father and I needed a sort of a quiet presence. That makes sense. I need a quiet boyfriend. I get like being like, they're the approachable one. I can have a crush on them.

Yeah, yeah. That one's for me. They're not going to take me to Hollywood Squares like the other. What? I don't know if you dated Nick Carter. Nick Carter was on Hollywood Squares. You would be put on Hollywood Squares

because you're dating a famous man. Oh, yeah. Who's pretty much a number one celebrity. We're going to do our incel section, the quoter. Oh, great. Hit the button. These questions are from the dark side. Oh, this is also from Street Survival.

It is. I meant to get us here sooner, actually. I'm sorry. How can I create a full body armament to protect me from being gunned down by the police because of the false accusations I am constantly subjected to? Preach, brother. That is almost like a novel in one sentence. okay a full body armament is a fallout style power suit is that what we're discussing i think

we're yeah or at least like yeah as much kevlar as you can get right like uh just a hard shell like like in the hurt locker maybe yeah oh yeah yeah um so probably by raiding a military installation of just join the military and then steal it but he wants to create he wants to be created that's what i was gonna say i actually i i ran over the question the question is how can i create the full body armor so it's just doing arts and crafts yeah i think if you layer enough cardboard it should stop a bullet you should look at how much cardboard someone must have asked this question how much cardboard does it take to stop a bullet that's a quora if it's not on there yeah we got to write it that's a quora how much cardboard does it take to stop a bullet uh sorry

i'm just i'm just looking at the guy the questions from this the guy who asked it his name is tim yeah uh-huh um and after this he said something about why should people trust schools as being safe with their new policies when they have a blatant disregard for civil and criminal laws. Do we think this is a child? No. This is a crazy person. This is a commander of the military and you need to respect them.

Would a morbidly obese incel crying to let out the pain while working out to lose weight be worth watching on Twitch? Alright, so he's got a business plan. Oh my god. Oh my god. Where can I go for sport without being

gaslighted or made fun of for having mental illness. Probably a podcast where people bully you. Let's read where he lives. All right. That's enough of Tim. Get off of Tim.

Let's answer the damn question. Okay. You talk about making an Iron Man suit. Yes. I like your guys' answer of just doing as much cardboard as you can get.

Yeah. I think that's nice. Cardboard is free essentially. And if it doesn't work out you can go to like Comic Con or something. Right. Someone said wearing

that much armor is not only impractical but makes you a bigger target. Key is always staying calm if approached by police. Don't make any sudden movements and be polite. ask for a lawyer and stay silent.

No, get body armor. I'm going to have to give credit to some of these responses. It seems like a lot of them are like, stop it. Calm down. Don't do that. Don't do that, man. There's some rational thought on Quora. Yeah, and then there's a few that say stuff like,

steal yourself a three-inch steel line, two feet thick walled concrete in case you never leave it. Bullets will never reach you. That's a promise from Quora. I think if you make yourself a wall, He's saying to lock yourself in a room, right? He's saying two feet. Two feet thick walled concrete in case room never leave.

So that's like a panic room. Yeah. There might be some flaws in not being able to leave a small room. Have you seen any of these pictures of Elon Musk with really bulky bulletproof vests on his white, white shirt? No. I have not, but he doesn't seem like he has a lot of room left under those shirts. He's a dork. i'll be the first one to say claire

fucking dork somebody somebody asks in the comments what is your motive and then tim says to live oh i'll put in that that's pretty cool good answer tim i'm starting to get worried for you this should have been space of the week hold on cops what really goes on seven exclamation points i was a street cop for 30 years then retired i love answering police questions this guy's name is anthony sangiamo no one has ever had more of a cop name than that it's really funny i will give honest answers they won't be sugar-coated all right what are the questions uh why don't police officers give me the drugs they confiscate from drug raids for

free because you're a moron grow up dude to be clear anthony talks in all caps always he's like tyler the creator of the police why am i being why am i better at being a police officer at one years old so people are just trolling him yes this is good this is good are there any real questions for anthony uh how is it when that when being approached by police for anything they say we got a call is that not hearsay what no it's not i've never heard that uh read a book he says free tip turn hand signals are not optional stop thinking of only yourself and let the other drivers know what you're about to do by using your turn signal hand signals like on a bike no like when your turn signal is broken and you have to put your hand out the window

you're not supposed to drive the car when the turn signal is broken i also don't know if that's like top-notch police advice i feel like that's just normal yeah you're supposed to he just got annoyed that day yeah um how much of what's in the film police academy is true and what do cops think about the movie zero they think zero of the movie they hate that uh impression of a helicopter He said on Tuesday. On Tuesday, he said the corrupt cops are being dealt with on a daily basis. What about the corrupt judges? Why is no one complaining or worrying about them?

And then his justification here is driving 120 in a 30-mile-per-hour, chasing a murder suspect at 2.30 p.m. Oh, that's when school lets out. Yeah, it's also a dentist's favorite time. So true, Jeremy. You were right on the ball with that one. He lives in Denver. I'm following him.

No, he's going to find us. no community crimes then he's retired he has the time okay well i'm ready to move on to the next question we'll see if anthony comes back up what is the best way to handle local goon or hooligans in india in india oh man that's tough that does change the question for me on account i have never been to india i think in india is a red herring really i think because it doesn't change the way you handle well you've been to india i have been to india did you meet any hooligans and i can i can tell you the hooligans are handled the same way there as anywhere else which is with iron Would you say there's more goons or hooligans?

It's far more weighted towards hooligans, Mike. It's not even close. India has a different class system than us where goons and hooligans are more strictly defined. You're either born a goon or a hooligan. It's barbaric. I would like to marry into a hooligan family, though. Yeah.

If possible. Everyone thinks that, but you can't handle the antics in a hooligan family. what is this answer is so weird dealing with local goons or hooligans in india or anywhere else requires a careful and strategic approach to ensure personal safety and legal compliance shut up assistant bot no it doesn't did you guys when you're growing up did you have local hooligans i don't think like a group of kids or a weird guy on the street who always like no i mean there was like one or two assholes in my high school but they weren't like bullies in

the sense of picking someone to be mean to they were just assholes all the time right i think that is closer to the definition of what a hooligan is is it not yeah we had hooligans for our we had like a really good hockey team and then there was a group of children who would go to the games and like throw an octopus on the ice or something they were like well their hooligans were there an octopus all the yeah they threw i think it was dead i don't think it was a live is that a detroit like a red wings thing i think i don't know what it was i was scared i was scared for my life. A fucking octopus.

But I know some hockey teams, like the Florida Panthers, they throw toy rats onto the ice during a goal. So I think that's like a thing that happens. So it wasn't a real octopus. No, this I think

was a real octopus. I think it was dead. But it was dead. Yeah. Octopuses are so smart. I didn't endorse this behavior. These were hooligans. To be thrown onto the ice

in a hockey game is so sad for the octopus. I might as well have been in a dark alley in Mumbai for what was happening. That's sadder than a fat man on Twitch Well said, Claire Thank you

Good point Octopus on ice Ragugvier says Hi, nothing to worry now for help What's at me on 827-886-3314 Should we call them? No, this was four years ago So much has happened in four years

Yeah, you're right They're dealing with COVID in this time You know, with Trump back in office I don't think we can call Raggu right now These answers are all so long. Should we read this one from Aniket? Aniket Jaiswal? Sure.

We'll read until we get bored here. Okay. Read it. Aniket says, yeah, there is a way, and trust me, this is the best one. I mean, by this method, you can avoid future risks to you and your family and stay away from judiciary. Situation one, let's suppose there are three to four guys in your area who create havoc for girls, families, et cetera.

Claire, that's you. Solution, gather your apartment members. Listen up, listen up. Discuss it. Plan it in one random day in nighttime or early morning. Go wearing masks along with your friends and apartment members. Make sure you carry self-defense items and two nails. Fight those three to four guys.

Lay them down and break their eyeballs. What the fuck? Parentheses, makes them blind. Oh, okay. Oh my God, that escalated. Advantages. If by some way police catches you to take help of your apartment members to prove that those boys were goons and after many days of creating havoc, there was a fight between your apartment members and those guys during which they got hurt on their eye by some shark object like Bengal or something else. You will be discharged for self-defense as you didn't make him blind willfully instead in a self-defense.

If you try to fight them, Princey's goons by hand, they may run away and come back with the entire gang. Instead, you break their eyeballs, which would ultimately make them disconnected with this colorful world. Jesus Christ. The sorrow of losing eyes would break them completely. Jesus Christ. That is so fucking funny. These guys were just gooning around. Not anymore.

Now they experience the sorrow of losing eyes. To continue, this would be the end of their terror. No change of retaliation. Your family would be safe, but make sure they don't recognize you, so wear a mask and cover your face. right and now this is twice as long do we want to read yes i want to absolutely hear situation all situation one is great it's like william neeson and take it beating the shit out of someone and being like and there's so many colors in this world you'll never see red again jeez louise situation two they have lethal weapons then try to do an accident at night

make sure the area is quiet and no one enters take help of society along with friends apartment members go and fight and during the fight pierce a piece of bangle in their eyes make them blind so no matter what you want to make them blind that's your move leave them there for a few hours make sure enough blood loss happens so they lose their eyesight then take them to a nearby hospital and drop them in the police station slash NGO. I would say NGO. Take their phones and throw them away. Once a person loses his eyesight,

he can't fight you because he can't see you. And you made sure that he didn't see you while his eyes were blasted. I got to look up what a bang was. Eyes were blasted is one of the funniest phrases I have ever read. That's so grim. That's insane to me.

Okay. In this way, you can stay anonymous towards the goons. and teach them a lesson ultimately of police enters the and jeremy you scrolled down oh sorry i know it's a lot longer there's the case the society would help you saying they were goons and fought with everyone and every day if the police takes the bayan words that you know that helpful parentheses there yeah that's the first time of goons they would come up know that all this happened during a fight and a bangle caused all this not you guys police can't catch you because of self-defense,

make sure no one speaks in his voice so that those blind can't even recognize the blaster's voice. Then live happily. Yeah. Then repeat the same. Accident, fight, help, break eyes. They don't see you

and connection with the colorful world is. And then there's a scissors emoji, sword emoji, cut. Now they can't do anything in life. Not their friends could help them. When they would be left betrayed, then they would think of committing suicides or live a life of no colors.

Best solution. That's great. Make sure they don't identify you. I love live a life of no colors. And all this happens in nighttime. Or, this is the final sentence, or you can even enter slash invade their house at night and try to create a fight during which you blast their eyes.

I feel like this guy just wants some eye violence. He's ready to blast. I need to go out this guy's profile. This is his only answer ever. He never used Quora outside of this one post two years ago. It has four upvotes. No, actually, it has five upvotes. That's right.

I mean, it's a great answer. It is. I do fear he went to jail immediately after posting it for eye-blasting. This is the only way to solve someone creating havoc for girls. It's the only way to fight that. The local police were like, how do we catch the Bangladesh eye-blaster? And then they went on this quorum. We're like, I think it's this guy.

Too common a name. Also, there's different levels of goon or hooligan. Like, if they're knocking over the mailbox, you don't need to maim them. It's going to be hard to knock over more mailboxes without the color in your world. You'd be too depressed. You'd commit suicide. He's like a Frank Miller character. Wow.

Best answer I've read in a while. Thank you, Mr. J. Swald. Yeah, you nailed it. No one else is going to even come close, so I think that's enough of a question. The answer is you blast their eyes. You just blast their eyes. Easy. Okay, here's another question.

Duel to the death. Sword or knife? I don't have a sword sound. Wait, I just want to read the first line. I practice both. Let's go. So he would know. This is a French guy, too.

This is Frank Gelly or Frank Jelly. Frank Jelly. Frank Jelly. Frank Jelly French guy. Practice with the sword and the gun. He says sword. Definitely sword. With a knife, even if you were far better than your opponent, chances are you'll get hurt.

Swords give you range, power. You can end your fight quickly or defend yourself from a safe distance. Swords are the best tools for duels. And if I have some choice, I can use dual wielding. I am not too bad at it. You know what I'll say?

You can't trip over a knife. Can't trip over a knife. There's nobody that's younger than 16 than the person that wrote this. I can dual wield. Okay, no one says that. I practice both, actually. You can't dual wield with a double bastard sword.

Would you believe that this guy is anti-feminism? Oh, no. What? We need a strong feminist with a sword combat experience. Yeah, he's answering a lot of stuff. He has 6,000 answers, 40 questions. He's got a lot of questions about Warhammer 40K, Vulva Spaceship.

What's Vulva Spaceship? Do I even want to Google that? I think it's like Jefferson Starship, but all women. He says, what is the golden penis syndrome? What is the golden penis syndrome? It's the answer to the Volvo spaceship. He answered himself. He says, beware, the original article was pretty successful

until someone labeled it as hate speech. In my opinion, this tells a lot about the current atmosphere. Great. So what is the golden penis syndrome? Ah, that. It's a funny story when you think about it. You see, there's actually a lack of men in higher education. Really.

What is it? Which means less and less and better going to higher education. Okay. But here's the thing. girls and women are used to have plenty of potential suitors and can get quite picky about them assholes it's generally easy to find someone beautiful stallion for sex but when it comes to date and or relationship women tend to hate to go below them in other words they want educated men as partners aka rich oh baby and in higher education the pool of potential suitors is

shrinking, which means the power of balance is switching. And suddenly what was perfectly normal for boys and men, a hard struggle to have any relationship, becomes unbearable when it happens to women. He doesn't explain it. He says, those bastards, how dare they do what is perfectly normal

and even empowering for women, being picky. So he doesn't explain the golden penis. It links to a New York Post article about the golden penis. This is now Quarrior's Plus because we're reading the New York Post again. I hope this has a funny pun at the top. Men with golden penis syndrome are ruining sex and dating for women.

Now, on our bonus podcast, we often read the New York Post and try to guess if there's a pun first sentence. Does anyone have a guess of what the first sentence is for this? It's hard out there to date. Oh, that's pretty good. You know what I mean? 24-carat... Sure.

Shit. Cock. Cock? Question mark? The first sentence is 24-carat cock question mark. This is the joke I go to every time, but my brain just goes to bite into this penis and see if it's fool's gold. Hey, that's pretty good.

Patreon.com slash quarried. Beware of the college grad cad. Shut it up. Who had college grad cad? Ours was better than this. You cad. Men with college degrees have become so cocky that they're ruining romance for their female counterparts.

Wait, so it's just that because they're so cocky. An arrogance that stems from the assumption that a steady supply of females will be sexually interested in them. That's the golden penis syndrome. Has led these smug males to engage in dastardly dating practices such as cheating and ghosting because they're confident that another woman will always be waiting around the corner. I don't think cheating and ghosting are new based on my mom's dad leaving. You must have had the golden penis. So, I should have had breakfast today.

I don't fully understand. This is like the one New York Post article that doesn't make sense. See, if I was going to name something golden penis syndrome, it would be like someone has a good dick and therefore they have too much confidence or something. Yeah. Like unearned confidence otherwise. Not like because they suck so much they have a golden penis.

I don't get that. Let's just say that they have earned their confidence because they have degrees. Because they have degrees. I see, I see. And they're like, well, there's so many men out there who aren't smart like me, so the woman will never not want me, golden penis.

I think the implication is you'll be rich so then they can't resist you and your golden penis. I feel like the threshold to meeting a woman and having sex with her is so low. And all they have to do is not do this. That's all they have to do is just not be like this. But women, ladies, if you're listening, if you ever have sex with a golden penis,

what you want to do is take it and then put a bag of sand there. So that it doesn't trigger any traps. To answer your question, sword beats knife. I don't know. Oh, man. Let me see if we've been recording for four hours already. I agree.

I think that in a knife fight, even if you were good, you might accidentally lose. I do think you want to go sword. I think sword is probably better because it has more range. I don't think so, honey. No, I do think so, honey. We can't say that on this podcast. What about like throwing knives? Like if you're really good.

Throwing knives. Okay, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? But then if you miss, if they block it. Then you have no knife. I'd have three on me. Oh, well, in that case. Or if I'm at like a restaurant, I grab off the table.

Oh, that's pretty good. I just feel like swords are so cumbersome. Yeah. Oh, my God. Come on. I'm getting so pissed off right now. I'm with you, Alex. Remember when that guy, wasn't there a story of that guy who like killed an intruder with a katana?

That's right. Yeah. I always think about that guy. I'm not sure about that. He's sort of my hero. That could be me, but you play it. There's a lot of pictures of swords, is what this Quora answer is. Well, if you have a shield, it's unfair.

Yeah, that doesn't count. Well, they both get one because it's a duel. It's a duel. Pick your weapons. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah, I got you. I don't think you get to have a shield. I think that's wrong.

Sometimes in Viking culture. Okay, this is enough of this. The answer is sword. Next question. Do you want to read this answer? Yes. Read it, Claire. So hard to choose.

pouts lovers embrace on soulmate intimacy what such a hard choice with a sword I have distanced at a good chance

of spectacular damage heavy breathing oh my god this is an italics ah the crunch of bone the wet slurp of sucking flesh and the wails of anguish

followed by the thud of flesh and the hard crown what a rousing time I don't know what buttons they hit for this with the knife though shivers. Oh, it's intimacy feeling the last

pulse of blood hot and thick over my head. The sweet coppery tang as the blood meets the air. The shuddering of muscle misfire and the last sighs they languidly fall into slumber. Sighs! Such a hard choice.

I'll vote that, Jeremy. This is the most perverted post we've ever read. Jesus Christ. I want them all to be like this. That was from Joshua Millins, who is a history buff, but mostly a warmonger and weapons enthusiast, and he lives in Canada. I don't think you should date a warmonger.

No. They shouldn't be rewarded for warmongering. He knows about creative writing. This is a picture of him, if anyone was curious. Oh, he's pretty cool, huh? Yeah, that makes sense. He looks like what I thought. A two-handed bastard sword.

This is probably a photo from like 2004, and he has a big sword. You know, I think there's nothing sexier than a man with a sword taller than him wearing sweatpants. He doesn't need to build pants because he doesn't have to get close to you. With a stripe on the side? Anyway, cool. Good for you.

This guy rocks. Joshua. Follow Joshua. We're following all sorts of great people. I liked reading it. It made me a little uncomfortable. Very poetic. Let's go to 5 Quo Police Quoras. And for those listening, this is not you getting pulled over. This is a sound from

the podcast, so don't worry. It's fine if you're in your car. But if you are getting pulled over at the same time, we can't be... We can't be held liable for that. Guys, I just found out what movie we're about to write. This question is could the mafia make a pact

with a school principal? God, I hope so. It's never been done. Honestly, I would watch this? Mob principal? What are we calling this? Mob principal. Principal for the mob?

You have detention with the fishes. I was going to say something like that. School's out. School's out? School's out. Sure. Parentheses mob theme. I just don't know why they would make the

pact with the high school principal. Is that a vacuum that's happening? No, that's probably a motorcycle. No, that's a vacuum upstairs. They're vacuuming. That's the most powerful vacuum I've ever heard in my life. It sounds like a Dyson. I have to assume that my neighbors all hate me

because we have a podcast in our apartment, but what can you do? They're so jealous. Don't live in Brooklyn then, I say. You'll never guest. Yeah, exactly. Anyway. not sure what kind of a pact a mafia member or a crime family would have with a school principal

unless the principal is involved in criminal activity can't respond any further due to the lack of details what if you have a crime prodigy in your school and say they need to make a pact with the principal to protect their uh upcoming asset this is just ideas for the film we're making i'm imagining this is a question by a child whose principal is being really mean to him and he's I was like, this guy's in the fucking mafia. He hates me because I'm Italian. He's probably the godfather, and that's why I have detention this week. Do you think when the school principal confiscates all the hot Cheetos and stuff kids bring into class,

the mafia's like, okay, we know how many. Just hand them over. Yeah, it's a mob deal. Is it like breaking the legs of the other football team? Something like that? Maybe. Honestly, yeah, for gambling purposes. Yeah.

I need you to give me 10% of every Cheetos you confiscate Cheeto I do think like a Freaky Friday where a school principal and a mob boss

switch bodies could be great that does sound good that's the movie the thing is though you can Freaky Friday almost any two people except for twins

you can't do a Freaky Friday movie with identical twins it wouldn't make sense because people would just be like yeah whatever they're the same we have an answer

from an Afghanistan veteran please read that that's what I want to read on all questions he says what do you mean a pact this is an interesting choice of words which this is from someone who is secretly asian apparently it's a secret asian man is this qualifier uh do you mean could they have a sort of personal or clientele relationship anything's possible so he's asking the same questions we're asking just like what do you mean what are you talking about

what the hell why are you asking this question you come to me who asked this question the day of my daughter's graduation. Very good, Jeremy. It's anonymous. I'm just trying to fill the air. I keep trying to think of a happy reason they're doing it, and I can't. I just want there to be something

fun. They're fixing up the school, or they're helping with the rec center. Sure, yeah. But somebody's legs are getting broken to help with the rec center. Yeah, and it's because they didn't hand over the math homework on time. I want to promote education in this down. What if it's like

it's like the all mob children is it's a TV show. It's an animated TV show and all the children are in the mob. Oh, like that one movie that musical. What is that called? Air Bud. West Side Story. It's a bunch of little kids and they're playing like gang

50s gangsters. Lil Bush. I actually don't know. I actually don't know. Wait, are the kids Bush? And the kids aren't Bush. Because that's Lil Bush. Is one of them Dick Cheney? Wait, okay, I have an idea. Okay, so the crime boss comes to the principal,

and he gives them like $20, and he says, I want you to get them hooked on phonics. That's good, too. That's good. That's good. Write that down. That's good. That's very good.

That's the movie. That's the movie. We're doing a lot of references for people who are 35. Bugsy Malone. Bugsy Malone. Is it a musical? Look it up. This is a 1976 film, a gangster musical comedy,

written and directed by Alan Parker. So all the kids are playing adults, basically. Oh, Jodie Foster's in it. And Scott Baio. And Al Capone. No, he's not in it. But he's a character in it. Okay, well, this was an interesting musical to find out about.

I mean, this is basically what Riffa got, so it was good to know. Yeah, sorry, the movie's been made. Yeah, in the 70s. This happens all the time. My big break. Yeah, it's not going to happen now. Oh, well. We'll find something else by the end of the episode.

Let's do another one. Okay. Can we do animal questions? We have three, so sure. Great. This is Quaragon Wild. Okay. It's been a while.

It's been a while. This first one is, can you legally kill a bald eagle if it's attacking your family or your animals? So you're at the park with your dog and a bald eagle descends and tries to take it away. Can you shoot it in the head? I think so.

I mean. I don't know. That's a good answer. What's a productive? No, this is America. It's a national bird. If an eagle takes your baby, sorry. So be it.

Oh, you hate America? What is this button? View one comment. That's new. What is this button? This is a new button we've discovered three years into the show. If you write this, there's a button that says view one comment. When we click it, does it not just show us the comments?

What else would we be trying to see? mason bell says i don't care what the law is if i get swooped it's going down which is how i feel about it on every question has there been a secret comment on every question this whole time well i think you can normally click it on the left side too where it says view comments wait the endangered species act as an exception for personal defense this is the best answer i've ever read okay yeah that's actually extremely relevant to this extremely relevant so you can get attacked by an eagle or like a shark is an endangered animal,

you're allowed to defeat the shark in combat. He's quite mean to cats, though. He says, animal? You may consider Mr. Wiggles the cat to be part of your family and an individual, but it's not clear if the law will see it that way. Come on, man. If a bald eagle and bald eagle tried to carry away Mr. Wiggles for lunch

and you were to shoot said eagle, you might have a problem. It would be incredible, first of all, that you would pick off an eagle on its way away. Oh, there's a picture of a bald eagle stealing a cat. I like that. Wow, geez Louise. It's not even AI or anything.

No, it looks like it was made in 2002. That really happened. This was the day after 9-11. I think if I was attacked by an eagle or an animal, I would not seek vengeance. No?

I would say, yeah, that makes sense to me that an animal would want to attack me. That's my fault. So be it. That's on me. I was asking for it.

Would you find it hard to not see it as some sort of metaphor? If you were attacked by a bald eagle? I would find it very easy to see it as a bald eagle. I'd be afraid

of a political cartoonist labeling me like our civil rights or something. You're right. That would suck. I don't want to politicize my death that way.

Don't meme me. Don't put me in the cartoon. I'm just a regular guy who was murdered by an eagle. Let's not make hay about this.

Somebody has written income taxes over your chest. Shit. I just happen to be wearing a t-shirt that says income taxes. It's a cool shirt.

A lot of people are asking questions about my income taxes shirt. My shirt that says the American middle class. Mr. Wiggles. So you can kill it if it's a person but not if it's an animal. Have you guys ever seen bald eagle in real life? I have.

It's so amazing. They're really great looking. And they have hair too. And by hair I mean feathers. We went to Alaska as a kid and then we went to a bald eagle sanctuary and there were like 10,000 bald eagles and I was like, this is too many, actually.

That's too many. Now it's, I actually don't care. You see one bald eagle, you're like, this is the coolest thing I've ever seen. You see like a thousand, you're like, well, I mean, it's just a bird. What am I, in Lord of the Rings? Yeah, exactly.

Oh, great grief. Why didn't you bring the ring to Mordor? Cowards. The eagles, Claire, have a great conflict in Lord of the Rings. Ask Nick about it. They're neutral. I've heard the band.

it's not related i would kill that i'll kill them if you are attacked by a member of the eagles or it is attacking your pet why didn't the member why didn't any of the band the eagles help uh defeat sauron you can just fly there on their private jet if a grizzly bear raked me across the belly would everything spill out yes mike um my guess is yes um but you know you should try it like just to see i guess the raked is like with their claws they uh drill holes in you and you know you go like no my organs they're spilling out oh brother so the question is how deep is the cut from a grizzly bear's claw as it swipes you and the answer is quite deep my friend unless you're just so away oh look at this

interesting picture of a AI bear wearing this is like the Black Panther outfit yeah and he says I don't know she says this is XO redheaded damsel XO which we do have to go on her profile because I don't know are you a human or

a Terminator that wires may come out if this happens hope you can fight back at least and then there's a drawing AI image of a bear Black Panther bear with a watermark on it by the way can I just say Wakhan bear forever is that okay XO, red-headed damsel XO,

a down-to-earth person who likes to be respectful to others. Finally. That's real shit. I'm just a simple writer who loves to help others. No judgment with an open-armed yet honest policy. So please ask away. Please forgive if I'm a bit late, but I will reply. No matter who you are in your story,

I will try my best to be straightforward. Do not ask me for photos or anything beyond this site. Do not come into my inbox testing me with questions for very personal details. not here for conversations we're trying to be friends at all you ask me something that can be searched i will reply google it all right just here to lend a helping hand and if you are disrespectful or rude hashtag blocked hashtag muted don't come into my inbox and try to threaten slash disrespect me the outcome won't be in your favor disrespect me or my posts i will playfully

disrespect blocked or ignore you r.i.p to my beloved santana which is from july 5th 1987 to august 30th 1922 it's not the guy 2022 2022 well it's not the guy's intent no no no i think that might have been a human being ask me anything stupid and i will not reply or simply get smart no debate spam comments or arguments allowed add me it's up to you just be polite and kind thanks cuties these are unreasonable yeah this is such a scorpio thing to post you can't have a quora rule that's like don't ask me questions or try to be friends i don't know what else i would be doing on here but just so you know it says 14.1 000 answers yeah she's answering a lot of stuff oh you should see the ones who are and it's answered a million yeah oh my god crazy on

this website she has some uh questions but did your narc ever did your narc ever try to tell you what you're doing as if they're micromanaging you how did you feel i felt micromanaged by my narc should we ask her a question she's gonna tell us to google she's there's so many ways that we can I just don't know how to follow her rules. She loves to help others. Wait, okay.

Ask her for photos of herself beyond the site. Ask if there are like photos on her Twitter or something. She knows Spanglish. Also, look at all these faces she's in.

Damn. Robert's page of recovery. This is a chorus of users. Come and sit with us. Wow. My body shiv. My body shiv. Sorry, I misread that.

Some of these are normal and we're just reading wrong. Come and sit with us is also about narcs. Yeah. It's about narcs and how to heal from abuse. Well, narcs wouldn't sit with you. Oh, narcissistic.

This is another person who is obsessed with the narcissistic personality disorder. It's kind of a large portion of Quora. It's about narcissism. The hard thing is when you get to an account that is very, very interested in narcissism and you can't tell if they are someone who used to be with a narc or they are a narc. Right. I think this is someone who was once dating a narcissist. We need a different term.

I'm sorry. I can't have narc refer to two very different things. You're either a narcotics officer with the United States government and you're operating undercover in Mexico or you just are rude to your girlfriend. And those are the two things you could be. I think that's enough of this woman, right? I'm done with you, exo-redhead damsel.

Do we want to read any more questions? Have you guys ever searched your name on Quora? I know Alex and I, there are some listener questions about us where people make fun of us. Can I read one of those? We're not bad at it. I don't know if we should read them. Who would win in a fight

to the death? Alex Patak or Jeremy Kaplitz? Both are bloodlusted. Two weeks prep time. What's bloodlusted? It's when you have a lust for blood. The answer is Alex 100%. I think Alex wins that pretty easily. Can you put my name in, please? Why I'm even more bloodlusted.

Someone said, I think Jeremy. So there you go. I'm not going to read the rest of it. Put in Claire O'Kane. Oh, I'm scared. Jeremy spelled, for the listener at home, Jeremy spelled Claire O'Klane. It was a typo. He thinks her name is Claire O'Klain.

That's you. Wait, do you have a Quora profile? This is Claire. This is your picture. This is from September. It's September 2020. Oh, I must have wanted to see an answer or something. You set up a profile.

That's a picture of you. But that's through my Google account. So maybe everyone who has a Google account is happy. You might be getting perfect blued on here There might be someone trying to wear your skin There wasn't any others I need someone to be asking a question about me Somebody ask a question about Claire, please

None of these are you, right? What about Mike Drucker? Yeah, you can search for Mike Drucker I don't know that we really have the kind of clout To kind of be discussed Did Ben Shapiro just get owned by Mike Drucker? Oh my god This was four years ago

I know exactly what this is Wait, did you, did you pwn him? I, like, right after January 6th, I forget what it was, but he basically was like, they're not carrying, like, twist ties that do this. He was trying to be, like, split hairs on what the twist ties all those people were carrying were for. And I think I made a joke about him, like, his wife tying him up while she fucks other people.

I'm actually hearing that you made a crude, rude joke that added nothing logical or factual to the discussion. That's true. That is true. That is true. My favorite, one of my favorite comments I ever got on a post was when someone said, it doesn't sound like you're problem-solving. It sounds like you're problem-mocking.

And I was like, okay, well. I guess I am problem-mocking. No, Mike Drucker let the whole world. What a wanker. Hold on, let me get the body. This guy doesn't know anything. He's a filled wanker. Anglo spotted.

That's an Anglo spotted. That's an Anglo if I ever heard of it. Well, that's great. I don't think Mike is a wanker. I mean, you know, it depends. No, it's mostly just people making fun of me and alex did alex patak get jeremy cab with anything for hanukkah or is he an anti-semite i did not get you anything for hanukkah so i guess how did the host of number one quarter

podcast where does jeremy have was an alex patak who managed to lose video of their guests it does happen a lot we don't know it's only have been a few times i think wow justin wang was entirely pov well that's that let's do our final segment where we listen to audio everyone's new favorite segment is that okay is that okay if you are listening to the show you can write us a quora that we will

answer if you keep it under 30 seconds and send us a voicemail at quorators at gmail.com we'd love to hear from you this week's is that okay why is this so hard for me this is Brian from Texas first time long time big fan of the show I love y'all's little running

bits like when alex pretends he had a baby it's funny my wife and i have a similar bit but you know we aren't the podcast it's just between the two of us in the irs anyway point being uh down here in texas we have a uh a lot of religious scholars who are willing to say a lot of things but they won't ask the tough questions so i was curious if y'all could put this to core for me uh can you circumcise a duck follow up should you anyway happy core rating y'all see you later thanks for the question there uh can you circumcise a duck don't ducks have like corkscrew penises They have, like, weaponized genitalia. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's also double fake vaginas that the duck ladies have, so that if you're attacked in a duck scenario, then you might not carry the predator's genes. Watch out. Because they went in your decoy vagina. So I don't know if they have a flap at the front. Yeah, that's my question. Well, I guess, should you?

Right. That's another question. Oh, that's, yeah. Like, for religious reasons? Yeah, if it's a Jewish duck. If it's Jewish, it should because then it has been chosen. Is the question can someone circumcise a duck

or can we do it? I know I personally can't. But could a professional do it? I've got too much going on. You'd want a doctor to do it, but he might turn out to be a quack. That's a swish. Slam dunk. Now Ben Shapiro feels.

Read my lips. It turned out to be a duck. What an interesting question from an equally interesting listener. It is. We do love to hear the details of your life. But also, you could just go ahead and just ask us the question, your question. That would be okay, too. You didn't like the preamble?

No, I liked it. I didn't question the fact that you actually do have a baby. I don't know if I believe it. First of all, I do have a baby. I've never seen this baby. This doesn't sound real. You have seen my baby. You saw my baby Wednesday.

Anyway. I saw a baby. I got lunch with Alex, and the whole time his wife complained that Alex was eating a rice ball over the baby and getting rice all over the baby and it went into her neck folds and disappeared but that was actually the second time i've done that because there's no other way to really eat with something strapped to your chest and then using it as a plate that's fair i think that's all right put a hat on put a hat on the baby why don't you get your baby a plate hat you get a hat with a little dip in the middle you can put dip on their head you know what i mean like

Do you remember when they invented at Burger King when they invented the chicken fry thing where they put in the sauce? That was really smart.

Imagine a baby that's got a bunch of napkins sticking out of her hand. Yeah, that'd be awesome. We gotta end this podcast. You gotta make your baby useful.

I don't think you should circumcise ducks. Please send us your questions quarriors at gmail.com. All right. Wait, wait, wait. Mike, tell us

about your book. oh yeah uh my book is called good game no rematch it is a book of comedy essays about video games and sort of how i've humiliated myself throughout my life with them wow that sounds really relatable to both of you guys if you ever wanted to hear about me getting uh shot in the nuts by a paintball gun at nintendo of america that's the book i'd like to read that yeah i for one will be buying this book and getting it from my local book retailer uh thank you again for coming on mike Is there anywhere our listeners can find you at home or abroad? You can find me on blue sky at Mike Drucker or something or other.

Instagram at Mike Drucker is dead. Tick tock at Mike Drucker is dead. Gmail at Mike Drucker is dead at gmail.com. Vicious rumors about Mike Drucker. You know, the name was taken on a couple of things and I was like, I'll just go. I'll just lean in. I'm dead. Yeah.

I don't think I've ever heard someone plug an email. Yeah, I don't know. Wow, that's cool. this is a first I don't know guys I don't know what to do anymore I'm giving up

I'm 41 now Claire at claireokane.com I'm not giving you my email Alex Alex no baby at gmail.com

you'll never guess our emails it is Alex no baby at gmail.com what you can guess is the link for our Patreon

website where there are new episodes every Thursday where we go on the New York post and read today's hottest news

and that is patreon.com slash coordinators we are entirely supported by listeners like you and when you donate it makes me smile

haha come to the live show we've got Ben Doyle on it yeah hopefully Tazon Day is shouting us out at the beginning

of this episode but you never know with him okay that's it for this week everyone question everything bye bye