Quorators - Can An Adult Survive On Human Breast Milk Alone? w/ Hesse Deni — QUORATORS LIVE 8.5.23

Episode Date: August 14, 2023

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Please welcome to the stage, your hosts for the evening, Jeremy and Alex! Welcome to the Quarators Podcast. I'm Alex, this is Jeremy. Yeah, how's it going? How's it going tonight? Give it up for yourselves. Yeah. Give it up for yourselves.

This is the only podcast where we ask the question, what is Quora? The show is dedicated to finding out, and we do that by reading the Quoras. Are you good, Alex? I haven't jumped around very much. I'm usually on a couch. There's not as much, like, furniture to chew in the space,

but it's gone really well. Yeah, thank you guys for coming. Has everyone here, have people listened to our podcast before? Yeah. Okay, has anyone not ever listened to this? Okay, cool. Hands raised. Very polite crowd.

Cool. Yeah, so we're just going to read a bunch of chorus and say they're dumb. It's not like super complicated You know, unless we find one that isn't dumb It hasn't happened yet They're out there, there's a lot of them The show's premised on there being a lot of them

Well, we're excited to get right to it We have a very special guest for you I'm going to settle in over here All the way from the Seeking Derangements podcast Welcome, all the way from New York City The one and only Hessa, everybody Welcome back to the stage please take the chair that's all you this is it this is the show we're just gonna read them now

oh hell yeah baby i'm ready i'm excited now we usually start by answering the question from our last podcast yes but uh we did such a bad job no one answered it yeah and then i believe the mods of Quora deleted it, which does happen sometimes when they're worried about their reputation. Well, but I can answer it right now. Okay. I'll pull it up on the screen. Let's see if I can pull this off.

Wait. Jeremy's new at the show. We're seeing if he's a good fit. Okay, the question was, why are people not sexually attracted to pilgrims? I think they can be very sexy. Uh-huh, honey. And zero people have answered it.

And then they just were like, no one answered it, but here's some similar stuff. And then it's not even a little bit similar. It's just a picture of Amanda Bynes. Famously not a pilgrim. Not a pilgrim of any kind, Jeremy. I had an employee years ago who was very beautiful. She looked like Amanda Bynes circa Disney years.

That's a good question. Is this even Amanda Bynes, or is this just this guy's employee? That could be the employee. I'm not going to read all that. She's very beautiful, just like Amanda Bynes. Similar question. Do older men find older women attractive? Not similar at all.

Yeah, doesn't really... First of all, to circle back to the Pilgrim question, I can't answer that. You asked an unanswerable question, and I think that's why it was deleted. I don't know if it was deleted. I think they just don't like it. Well, every episode is a new adventure,

and we have some great questions for you, Hessa. I'm so ready. Kind of some experimental stuff. So sometimes on the show, we'll try to do a theme. if there's a bunch in a row famously we did an entire episode that was just questions answered regarding master chief uh the alien space gun guy um we're trying to keep going with that theme and a phrase that we saw coming up a lot uh in unrelated topics was as a straight male and so i put that word in the search bar and there's a lot of good options here this these

are three questions we found with the subject, as a straight man. Killing spree. Okay, so this is the first one. It's, can a straight man wear an open-back blouse? Let's pull that up here. And what do we think, first of all?

As a show of hands, if the answer's yes, clap, clap. Clap. Okay. If the answer's no, clap. Not a soul. trying. Okay. We have Hessa and one shameful person

in the back. Yes. You know, it doesn't come up a lot, but I'd love to see how it plays out. This is a gorgeous blouse. Oh, he tore. I worry a little bit about just scrolling through Quora on the big screen. Nah! It's okay.

Just because it's like half fetish material. What's the worst thing? Okay, wait. Scroll up. Scroll up a little bit. This guy has white chest hair, I think. This is an older man, an older gentleman, and he's tearing. He had time to find the good one. I'm so proud of him.

This is a gorgeous sash. I like that this guy was like, yeah, they can check it out. Of course he can. Check it the fuck out. Eight upvotes on that. Of course he can, but he must be prepared for some odd looks

and perhaps even hurtful comments, and that's quite true. Absolutely. And not one of these answers is porn Which is a real achievement, not only for us But for everyone involved Wait, this one is really cool Sure, why not? Clothing is just that, clothing

You ever hear the story of the heavy metal singer Ozzy Osbourne? That's great He dressed like a woman so he could get drunk That's cool Whatever it takes to really let you unwind Alright, let me find another one of these The next one is

why would a straight man not date women? That's a really good question. Sphinx's riddle. I think this is a Buddhist koan, right? Why would a straight man not date women? Because he's gay!

Ladies and gentlemen. Well, this guy, his answer is because I'm married, which is a real like, I'll tell you why. You could see an angry 55 year old pool filter salesman huffing and then

typing in, I'm married to a woman. Dearest Cora, I am married. Oh, if I was free. Oh, if I could turn back time. We can stalk this guy. His name is Dr. PDB. This is Jeremy's favorite thing to do, by the way. This is my favorite thing to do.

This is how you find the good shit. Dempsey's sexy man bits right under there. Just answered a question whether a guy is looking better with or without armpit hair. I will say this guy, he did answer a question about why he's not dating women as a straight man. His first thing is, what men does he find attractive? Hairy muscle daddies, classic cult men, masculine, fit, strong. Okay.

This man hates his wife. He is sick of her. He's a husband, he's a father, he's a son, he's a brother, and he's a friend. It's funny to call yourself a son. Yes, it is. That's default. I'm no one's son. i like what i like about core is that people just put like their whole shit on there like i get to

see where this guy went to school like you never like argue with someone on twitter and then you click on their thing you're like you're from dallas texas and you went to school in 1999 it's great and he does ai engineering can we reveal that blurred picture is that possible you can it's not like twitter it's not gonna be like daffy duck or something uh it's on dempsey's Sexy man bits. This is probably just a penis, right? You're in a dangerous area. I think it's probably going to be a hairy armpit.

Oh, no, it's armpit. Just answering a question asking whether guys look better with or without armpit hair. All right, click one. Just for the night, just click the first one. Does anyone object? No problem if you do. All right, I'm clicking it.

Okay. Wow. It's just the chest. What is this? Whoa. This is like a Rorschach painting. That's like an x-ray of a ball sack He has wings on the front

He's a muscular guy That's like Dr. House would be looking at that Like his kidneys are failing Can we look at the questions this guy's asked? Sure, I don't know if he's asked any questions It says up top, eight questions Now a lot of times if you get this far You can find out where they live and go to their house

That has not happened yet How many straight guys on this space like to jack off while working from home? Yeah, shout out. Who here likes to jack off? Seven answers. No one answers your Pilgrim one, and seven people answer that one.

I know! Well, to be fair, a lot of people are just like, yes, I like to jack off. Yeah, yeah. What are some early curious encounters you've had? So this is just like, you can do just penthouse letters on Quora. Yeah.

A lot of Quora is people just asking questions that are obviously trying to get someone to write a story about their fetish. So it'll just be like, we saw one recently that was like, what could happen to a stepsister? What could happen? Any ideas?

I'm totally blanking right now. This guy asking like, what if I was gay, what would you do to me? It's also another very important phenomenon that this was under the question, as a straight man, what do you do when you don't date a woman? and then everyone ignored it

and said their own shit they wanted to say anyway. That one, what is an actual real hot sexual encounter have you had with another straight bi or gay guy?

Finally. That seems too good to be true yet you were lucky enough to have lived it. Please share in detail. You can tell before that he watched like 20 disappointing porn videos

and he was like, this isn't real. I need to put Quora to work. This isn't real enough for me. I'm sick of all the liars online. All right, we got one more of these as a straight man one. So the last one is, what is the least gay way for a straight man to get an eyebrow wax? Okay.

Okay, wait a second. I actually have inside knowledge of this one. Okay. Because the place I go for not waxing but threading is actually right down the street on Essex and, like, Rivington. Shout out. And I see, shout out to Maya Threading. They do a good job. But they, straight men come in there all the time.

Great. There's so many just like weird, like, not weird, but, you know. Uh-huh, honey. Maya Threading. Are you answering questions as me right now? I'm waiting to be banned from here. Posted. Great.

Great. Awesome. What's your credentials on this one? I got a credential. Transgender. That's under education. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You had to fill out a form.

You had to fill out a form. Get out of here. I'm trying to find out about eyewaxes. Former transgender. Why did it say former? Alex. That's just going to be on all of these. Why did it autofill former?

You're calling me out immediately. It really hurts my feelings. That's so weird. That is a killing spree. I would call that a killing spree, Jeremy. I think that's a killing spree. Okay. Former.

Former transgender. I would like to see the answers on the eyebrow wax, please. Okay. I'm going in blind. My eyebrows are a mess. We have but one answer. Okay. Get into a bar fight where someone cuts your forehead.

Do it again! I gotta get it waxed! They're swinging at you. You lean back just enough to carve the eyes. Act mad when you go in after that. Be like, oh, I hate this, but I just got into a bar fight. They caught my eye.

I guess I gotta get it waxed. Will there be an answer with flame? At the beginning of quarantine, I accidentally set my hair on fire. I felt very masculine at the time. Wait, did you read that or did you say that? No, I just said that. How did that happen?

That just happened to me in 2020. I was lighting a bong too close to my head, and then it really goes up. It gets out of control very quickly. All right. I like the idea of, like, the first one, someone taking the first guy's advice and getting into a bar fight and losing an eye.

Oh, my God. And then having to resignedly walk into an eyebrow-waxing place and just be like, with an eye patch on, be like, I just want my eyebrows waxed. Hey, just do what you can. I just want my fucking eyebrows I don't want this This is a question from 11 years ago

It's like all the answers are like 11 years ago, 12 years ago, just now Yeah, I'm just now commenting on this I like this Nick guy who's interested in Bitcoin and the future Oh, hell yeah He's probably a millionaire Oh my god, look how fucking long this is

Boom If he's interested in Bitcoin and the future he is a millionaire. Fucking downpoured. He doesn't need it. He knows a lot of words. I like that his ends with dot dot dot with flawless eyebrows.

That's how every book and story should end. Okay, without reading any of the rest of this, remember alcohol is your best friend on this mission. Stop getting so tense during your eyebrow wax. Well, that's because you've got to have your friend cut you with a broken glass.

Yeah, I got my eyebrows waxed. Andrew W.K. style. All right, that's enough of that one, I think. All right, so let's do... We've got a bunch of segments. This first one is Quaranting. It's our parents' section. Hit the Quaranting button.

That's enough. Extremely loud. Parents are loud. That's how it is. That's enough. Okay, so there's a lot of concerned parents on Quora. Yes. And they have a wide variety of problems.

What do we have today, Jeremy? Okay, this question is, a 25-year-old told his father... Sorry, a 25-year-old son, he's a son, told his father, bitch, I'm grown, when the dad tried to offer him some advice. The dad simply pulled his car over and told him to get out.

How do parents deal with similar situations? Bitch, I'm grown! So this guy is like, I'm asking this for a friend, but, you know, someone told my friend, someone, my friend's son told him, bitch, I'm grown. What do I do?

No one would ever say to me, bitch, I'm grown. Yeah. I don't know how you recover from something like that. You just have to part ways. It's the only way out. Alex has been saying bitch or grown all day. Hey, all my brothers thought they were grown. The women in my family are short.

I'm the second tallest at 5'4". My brothers were teenagers and considerably... Oh, my God, this is long. Everyone up here is writing a fucking book. I think I know who wrote this one. Yeah, I think I know the guy who wrote it. Dragon Child. Yeah, you don't know Dragon Child?

They've got one million content views. This one, I saw a sentence in the answer that literally looked like it was from a William Faulkner novel. Right there, weights go up a little bit. So she waited until fall. The days were gorgeous, but at night, at night it got cold.

The fuck is this answer to this question? She turned to me and said, bitch, I'm grown. My 25-year-old son was wild that day. It's a hard age to raise, by the way. You should be saying that to your wife before you go to bed with her. Exactly.

Guess what, bitch? I'm grown. Bitch, I'm grown. I'm an adult now. I'll walk home. These are all so fucking long. Yeah, is there one person who had a helpful answer? This one's a quote. This is what they're saying you should say. It ends with betterhelp.com.

Okay, then. I want you to get out of the car. You heard me. I'll say it again. Get out of the car. When you get back to the house, I need you to pack your bag and get out of my house. I need you to realize that you're 25 and should have been on your own already. Your mother and I don't have to have you in our house. And on top of that, disrespecting us the way you've been. So until you realize it's not okay to talk to us that way,

you're no longer welcome to this house. Now walk. The cat's in the cradle of the silver spoon. It's important to understand this scene occurs at the end of Act 2. So there's a lot of history. There's a lot of context that you're missing. There's rising. There's falling. We're young. We're 25.

We're grown. This is a guy who's in the military who says he feared his parents would never say that. These are all too long. I feared my parents. I'd have done the same thing. There's no excuse for rudeness like that. Thank you, Chuck Sears, who is from Houston, Texas,

and I will soon tell you his job. That's enough. And he is a former transgender. What? What is happening? Just kidding. He's a sequel server. Is a fetus comparable to a chicken egg? Not really. Not really.

Can a transgender man turn back into a woman? She's already a woman. Oh, uh-oh. They're not all safe. It's a dangerous thing to pull up on a screen. I'll admit it. I don't know that Chuck Sears from Texas

kicked his son out of the car because no rudeness can be excusable like that. I'm moving on from parenting. Please, it's too real for our live show. This is the stuff we edit out. Okay. Okay, this next one is our religious segment,

Corbid and Fruit. All right, I got this one. Now, there's a lot of questions like this on Quora about what you would do if you met a Christian baby. And we found another one of them, because there's all sorts of situations for that. Yeah, babies go through all kinds of trials and tribulations. So many babies are Christian!

They're born that way. They're dunked in the pool. They have no say in the matter. Yeah. Okay, so this one's a pretty standard situation we might all find ourselves in. Atheists, imagine you and a Christian baby are teleported into a flower forest filled with killer bees, and there's only one flower-scented suit that will mask presence to escape.

Will you use it or let the Christian baby? Whoa. Whoa. The person who wrote this, they were like, I'm about to end atheism. Forever. In the world. with this question, because no atheist will be able to read this.

This is a popular format, the atheist Christian baby format. Is this really? Yeah, look at this. On the sidebar, this is six more questions. Imagine you're on a railroad track. Are these all asked by the same person?

I think it's all different people. People want to know what atheists will do while confronted in several fantasy scenarios with a Christian baby. Sometimes the babies talk. Why is there a related question that's the exact same question? Two down. It doesn't have the flower-scented suit?

Imagine you and a Christian baby are teleported into a flower forest filled with killer bees and there's only one flower-scented suit that will last. It's a common situation. It happens more than you think. The other one, they're teleported to the moon. So that one's a little bit different. You've only got one space suit.

There's only one space suit. There's no killer bees. Be thankful you're on Earth still. Okay, and I love how the atheists are coming out in force. They're not helping this baby. Fuck that baby. They don't take this lying, eh? That's my flower-scented suit.

I would save myself. The Christian baby. I don't know why I keep doing this accent. I'm on Quora. The Christian baby can pray to God for salvation. I don't know if a baby can pray to God. I don't think it has the language facility. You don't get to ask anything of the baby.

That's not part of the question. Yeah. There's only one flower-scented suit in the killer bee forest. It's a very common situation. BugMD is going hard for this what is the safest way to get rid of bed bugs question.

That's been on the last five things that we've looked at. Yeah, fuck you, BugMD. BugMD, fuck you. I don't support throwing the baby to the bees. Are we throwing the baby to the bees? Christian babies do not exist. They aren't fully

indoctrinated yet. So babies are atheists until the parents and family indoctrinate it. Does the suit fit me and the baby? I like the size of eight babies. How big is this baby? Oh, that's a good question. Yo, I don't want to brag.

Is this a huge baby? Because if it's a baby that's massive. Right. It's an abomination. Maybe its parents are like giants. And I don't want to piss them off. Right. I think I'm holding my arm like this.

and I'm putting the baby in the other arm. I'm just letting it kind of dangle. And I'm walking around and there's just a baby like flapping around. Also, don't bees love flowers? Yeah, that's what I'm confused about. Right, but they're allied with them. So one person has to put on the flower suit

and attract all the bees. Jeremy is correct on this baby nook solution. Bees will not be able to deal with that. Why do the bees... It's really on the bees. Why do they hate the Christian babies? I've done nothing. I say this all the time.

This is really on the bees. Are the bees Catholic? Are they Christian? Yeah, right? Do the bees believe in Christ? I think I would just not get stung. The queen bee is, in a way, the pope. I'm a very quick...

I'm very quick. What? I will not be elaborating on this. Yeah. No, that's true. Have you seen the movie Jupiter Ascending? Yes. Bees detect royalty.

Yeah, that's true. We've all seen Jupiter Ascending. We've all seen Jupiter Ascending. Wow. Bees, they know royalty. They detect it. Yeah. That's the one where Eddie Redmayne is in it,

and he only yells or whispers. He only yells or whispers, yeah, the entire movie. Yeah, he's like, I will not save this Christian baby. Yeah. I will not save the baby. All the Jupiter Ascending fans in the crowd go wild right now. They're going, yeah.

They're going, though, with Chowski heads. Saturday night. They're not watching it, though. Wait, okay, let's scroll up for one second. Which one? What's your biggest financial regret? not having an exit strategy for my crypto and NFT investments.

Oh, no! Damn. That's a damn shame. They should talk to that guy that we saw interested in the future in Bitcoin 11 years ago. Oh, here's something interesting. The guy who asked this is named Mark Snickerbrain?

Mark Snickerbrain, you ask a lot of silly questions with Christian babies since months, but you never seem to read any of the answers. You're just supposed to be a stupid little twat, get out of the basement in your parents' house, and play with other 13-year-olds. Wow. Let's go Cutoff Jack,

whose job is goes commando in torn cutoffs. Okay, we have to click on Cutoff Jack. We have to know more about Cutoff Jack. I feel like Cutoff Jack really wears what he's about on his sleeves. Alright, this is our favorite game. Is this a fetish? Yes! Yes! Absolutely! Yes, Jeremy! Are you kidding me? Yes, Jeremy!

Look at his gifts! He's rolling in the mud! I love to wear ripped and dirty cut-offs, but I also have fun playing in mud, wearing my favorite torn jeans. Oh, wait, wait, wait! Look what he's a space of, Alex! Our old friend, Swimming in Clothes. Yeah, dude!

Wait, okay, my favorite thing about the Swimming in Clothes fetishists, because there's so many, and it's like an entire subsection of a generation ruined by their friend's hot older sister pushing them into a pool at a pool

party when they were in first grade. And they're sexually destroyed for the rest of their lives. It's crazy. The people love it. They love swimming in quotes. Alright, I'm sorry. I didn't realize everyone was going to be upset about it. I didn't realize. You're familiar with this unrelated to Quora in this program? This is a thing people

know about? I'm familiar because I follow a lot of freaks on Twitter and YouTube. There's a bunch of YouTube channels of guys being like, set up the pool in the front yard. Just like waiting in, you know. There's, you know. It's very funny, like, that wasn't sexual at all.

It's just people who are wet in clothes, but everyone knows to be grossed out by it because they're jacking off. Yeah, they are. They're into it. So into it. Bitch, I'm grown. In the YouTube ones, if you look at the comments,

all the comments are like, oh, it's sticking right on your legs, brother. It's, like, so gross. It's really amazing. You're going to have to change. Leave your phone at home. Well, cut off. My son won't stop watching Ice's video.

What the hell is that? This is a fake account. This can't be a real account. It's cut off, Jack! My 12-year-old son got a 99 on his math exam, so I destroyed his phone and PC. Was this reasonable? Oh, man.

Oh, wait, he answered that. Yeah, he's taking them to town. Cut off, Jack's on it. He's taking out the trolls. He's taking out the trolls. His pants are full of holes. He's cut off, Jack. All right, we're going to stop reading

whatever racial shit. I just saw, yeah. I just saw, though. All right, goodbye, Cutoff Jack. Goodbye, Cutoff Jack. I didn't know Quora was so... No, yeah, you shouldn't

just roll around on here with a big projector. It's a big... You're gonna run through the problems. Everyone we find is just some weird pervert who's just like,

oh, no, so I'm a racist. And by the way, I have some thoughts on other races. Ask me my views on World War II. Okay, do we have anything else to read about this?

We want to read some collapsed answers real quick or no? We can't possibly. What question are we on right now. This is the baby one. The baby one. The baby. I read that as I'd let Jesus

save the Xtina baby. I thought it was about Christina Aguilera. If the baby was Christina Aguilera, I would also save it. You gotta. If your baby's really a genie in the bubble, you have to rub him the right way. Yeah. It's one of her famous songs.

A great poem, Alex. Thank you. I don't regret the decisions I've made. There's like 30 questions. Wait, that one is so... Atheists, imagine you were in a room with a Christian baby slowly filling with water. Would you stand on the baby's shoulders so you could have air longer?

That can't buy you an inch. All right, you know what? I'm a Christian now. I have to be. I simply must. That solved my atheism. You know, it sounds ridiculous, but in the water,

I bet maybe the baby can kind of carry more than its usual weight. Thank you, yeah. Yeah. How do you tell your friends? They're like, how did you get out of that? And you're like... All right, so you remember that baby we all knew?

I am stunned by the amount of these questions that are about a Christian baby. Atheists, imagine you and a Christian baby are teleported into a group of ninjas who are throwing shurikens, and there's only one metal umbrella to deflect them. Oh, this one's really good. Atheists, imagine you and a Christian baby are being mugged.

The criminal is mad at the Christian baby and decides to shoot it. Whoa. Wait, what is happening with this one? Okay, so it seems like the criminal is maybe also an atheist, and you could probably connect with the criminal on that level and ask him, hey man, maybe don't mug us,

don't kill the baby, let's just chill. Suddenly it cuts into slow motion and you're able to jump in the way of the bullet. Would you save the baby? Suddenly it cuts into slow motion. Suddenly it cuts to slow motion. These all have to be one guy. And Alex was requested to answer

this. We simply must move on. There's so many non-baby related question. This next segment is five quotes about police officers. It's most of Quora. This is not a real police car. If you're listening to the podcast in traffic, this is not a

police car. You don't have to pull over. You're totally fine. This is on advancedstreetsurvival.quora.com and the question is this is about, I guess, safety. Is that the gunshot? Yeah, it's kind of base heavy. There we go. Sick, dude. It's all

I can afford is the pistol. It's a gunshot in like a Rockefeller Records studio. Yeah, it's the real deal. Bass boosted. This question is, why don't we have gladiator fights anymore? Wouldn't they help to eliminate those willing to hurt others?

Interesting point, Jeremy. I actually agree with this one. We should bring him back. It would be pretty sick. Let's hear the police out on this. We do. They're not advertised. They're not planned. What? We do? There's street fights, and there is

close to gladiators. I love the going to new lines for extra severity in this one. People even die in them. Often at the hands of weapons. Everybody in this is down. They're all just like, yeah, I guess we should. I agree we should. Throw some in the Coliseum.

Make them fight a lion. I don't want to be the guy who says there shouldn't be gladiator fights. I know. Ballsong. There's a guy named Ballsong. The piece of shit who want to hurt other people are way too cowardly to actually fight

with someone who knows how. Can you upvote that list? Thank you, Bali Song. I like this one. These piece of shit. As much as I love the idea of gladiators punishing people who are truly guilty and admitted to their heinous crimes, the modern rules of human rights all come into play for criminals. Unfortunately,

we have to not brutally murder criminals with a sword. I'm so sick of this. This world sucks. The woke agenda won't let us kill people for sport. Cashmore. We never did.

And it's kind of unethical to force people to fight to the death nowadays. You're going to have to unblur this one. No, this is just a guy who's... Ah, it's just MMA. All right. This is just a bloody person. It's going to be someone

whose leg is bent back the wrong way. We're not clicking it. I take it back. I met Tom Hanks at Best Buy. He was in line in front of me with a cart full all by himself. I just blurted out, Forrest Gump is my favorite movie,

like a creep. And he turned around and... We don't know. And we don't know. And he said gladiatorial combat. Slam that gunshot. He threw me a short sword. He turned around and he said...

I wasn't ready for that. Steven the Stag Skelly. Some of these people's names... This website is awesome. He's a mixed martial artist and kickboxer. We can see a photo of him. Is he fighting a child in that picture? That's actually a modern gladiator

It's his brother We could watch a video of this guy fighting someone His brother We don't have sound but we don't want it This is so funny Sparring live with a Christian baby Which one is supposed to be trained And which one is supposed to be us

Oh look at that Well he's wearing a shirt that says stag on it If you watch the control it's very impressive England is one of our best allies Oh yeah these guys are British Look at the houses. Look at how British those houses are. This is definitely...

My untrained brother spawned with me a few times. Oh, you kicked him. All right, that's enough of that. Will they make every daft mistake you could ever... Quora! He's pointed at it. Honestly, I'm doing this all the time. I can't really joke.

All right. Okay. Would you guys ever have a Quora, like, big shot on the pod? Like Stephen the Stag, Kelly? I would love to talk to Steve in this stag. The one weird person who became Quora famous is Jordan Peterson. That is where he got his start, apparently.

People were like, what should I do about my bedroom? He was like, let me tell you. I got five rules. I'm sorry, I have to type this through my tears. I need to pick up your clothes. In this situation, your baby has committed a breach.

It's no longer part of the community. Step on the baby to get the air I hate that situation I pray it never happens to me What is the water filling the room If not the chaos of womanhood Should we go to the next one of these? Please

What ethnicity is best at MMA? We're all wondering We don't need to click it We don't need to click it Okay the next one is CoraMD Okay, okay No one judge me if it's the wrong one What is the best point in my gym bucket?

Nope, okay It's QuoraMD It's the questions, they're medical questions It's the main reason you're on Quora Are you sick? Yeah, you are sick You have cancer You're very sick, it's for the best if you stop

Alright, let's see Oh, this is my favorite one, I think I have a lot of thoughts on this question Whoa, that's a really cool related one What's the question on there? How can I train myself not to freeze in a fight or flight situation? I live a comfortable civilian life

Does playing horror games help? Yeah, that's what it is How much Starcraft do I need to have played? You can't do Protoss If you go Zerg, you will eventually be able to fight But if you go Protoss, it's not going to work That is not something I want to endorse Alright, this question is

Can an adult survive on human breast milk alone? Now the answer, of course, is yes. I don't know if I want to know the answer to this one, but... Many Marines have been in this exact situation. I just pray it doesn't happen to me. There was the question we saw that was like the guy on a hike who had to drink his friend's breast milk to survive.

Okay, one of these answers really scared me for a second. My grandson is 13 next month and has no other intake than cow's milk all his life. Okay. Why? It's not breast milk, which I was really afraid that it would be, but why do you not feed him...

He's 5'5". He's probably fucking huge. His bones are made of steel. He is Wolverine. It would now be almost impossible for him to swallow food. And he will not

attempt it. This is the most Quora person who's ever lived Nutritionists have monitored him Over the years and do not seem Particularly concerned about his future However I know of no Other person with this condition in the UK British

Imagine this man's teeth Imagine his soft milk teeth British alert Milk tooth Imagine this poor kid like going out with friends And being like sorry I have to get You're at a restaurant Like do you guys have milk

What kind of milks do you have? Milk shake? Milk. What's the most powerful milk? If it's a shake, I will die. Don't shake the milk. Well, I think, yeah, man.

I just saw this. Sorry it's so late, but no! So this is from Tuesday, but this question is from at least seven years ago. It's been seven years! It's been seven years! I've been drinking milk! I'm just running. I'm so sorry.

You're going to get diarrhea. Oh, fuck. You probably know all this by now, but this is going to fuck you up. How old's your son? Extra thick. That is the man's grandson. Diarrhoea.

He spelled diarrhea wrong in the way he said it. Wait, that's like a medical website. Is that just how British people spell diarrhea? That can't be true. This is a very important... I permit you to leave Quora. Click on diarrhea. Diarrhea.

You have full license to leave Quora. Diarrhea. Oh, here it is. Australian. A few days. If you have diarrhea for a few days, that's... You're basically dead. You're done.

Best attempt at Australian saying the word diarrhea. Jeremy. Me? Oh, God. Diarrhea. That's not bad. Whoa, that was perfect. Cool

I can't top that That's our show It's not the show Nobody leave Anyway, this guy says no Scott asks, he says No, human breast milk is fine for babies six months and below But adult can only live about two years on breast milk alone

Okay Whoa, that is crazy specific I feel like he has experience I like to think that if you're drinking breast milk for someone who really knows you're only going to live off that and they're eating the right nutrients you need. It's coming through. Like in an alien abduction

situation. Sorry this is so late. I've been testing this hypothesis. But no! I nearly died. Hair loss. Changing their nails. This is the guy who did Super Size Me. He spent six years

drinking just breast milk. From the source. If so many Americans and by that I mean babies do this and surely I can. All right. You and a Christian baby

have no food except one breast. Yeah. You and a Christian baby have one breast. To suckle on. I would suck the breast. I want to find a guy

who says yes. I want to find the mom. We could find it. Oh wait, we found it already. I would only make an educated guess that it would be sufficient

for an adult to live entirely on breast milk. Steven Wright. Oh, this one's really good. This is from comedian Stephen Wright. Oh, yeah, I love him. Comedian Stephen Wright. I wonder on that, too.

I'm 55 years old, dying to try breast milk. Straight from the breast myself. Oh. And that's famous comedian Stephen Wright. In the 80s, that was like the funniest you could be. I'm 55 years old. It was just that. Dying to try breast milk.

For long periods, yes. But not forever. Okay. Then I don't want to hear it. Not a single soul is saying yes on this You know the person who asked this Is scrolling past every single one Waiting for one yes

From the one psycho This is the section where Cora says Answers that need improvement The first answer is 100% wrong Why does this need improvement? They have numbers and shit From 10 years ago Cora's like, if you have a source, get the fuck off our page

We do not need you It is not that kind of website Why do people just sing, like, I'd love to try? Okay, wait, because that answer says yes. Which one? Oh, yeah, they can. You'll have to reset your body by doing a 30-day fast. Mikhail Baryshnikov says,

I'd like to conduct some extensive research on that matter. Okay. All right. Let's see Mikhail's page. Why do I keep attracting questions? He knows about two things, sex and fetishes. Let's fucking go, dude. has asked zero questions

because he knows it all. We can see three answers here. One about anal lingus, one about attracting fuckboys, and one about Vegeta. Vegeta. Our good friend, Vegeta. How does masturbation affect one's concentrating power? That's the Vegeta one.

Well, it's actually a lot like Vegeta. Oh my god, wait, he literally, it has a profound effect. For instance, if your concentration is a power factor of, say, 72, rubbing one out will typically put your concentration at Power Factor of around 9,000.

Are you guys familiar with freaking memes? I don't know if anyone's ever heard of the internet. I don't like this. I don't like the things he's posting. I thought you loved Dragon Ball Z. I don't know where you heard that. That's crazy. How do I get rid of my foot fetish?

Why the fuck would you want to get rid of it? Great answer, Mikhail. I like that it's like 90% weird fetish and then just like, I don't like this Donald Trump fella. Or no, he does like him. No, he says, why not just read the article? Seriously, man. Asking this question on Quora

when you've already read the reasons from the source? This guy rocks. He's all about the truth. Alright, that's enough of this guy. Here you go. He says, that being said, President Trump is not even remotely stupid and is really quite smart. Also,

if you have a foot fetish, do not get rid of it. Do not get rid of it. Do not get rid of it. It's so sad to see someone posting, like, can I get rid of my foot fetish? He's like one of the people who believes in the white replacement theory, but just for people with foot fetishes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Our numbers

are dwindling. Alright, that's enough of this guy, I think. What do we got next? This next one is forbidden knowledge. Okay. So this is our segment where we kind of tackle the unknown. No, this is the police. You're not being pulled over.

And you're not being pulled over. All right. Okay, the unknown, the mysterious, the untapped. This one might not fit in this. Why does the B in LGBTQ not stand for black if it's supposed to represent the socially unaccepted? I can... Yeah, I'm kind of a misdirect there.

My bad. I can take this one. I'm kidding. I love just the great minds at Quora just being like, just really trying to figure out what's going on We don't have to get too into it Why does yell not stand for loser?

I'm the admin, let's let this through I just like all these people just being like the letters don't represent race Bi is bisexual These are going to be very politically correct answers very, you know, I feel like these are

I feel like if you ask an LGBT question on Quora, a lot of the top answers are going to be, I assume, are going to be people being like, okay, this is a child. This is a Christian baby. I need to explain to this Christian baby that

race isn't involved in this. Here's a fun Quora answer. Is it so wrong to learn online? My life is kind of Asian focused. Yeah, that's what I, this person's like, hey, this is what LGBTQ is. It's actually not about race at all. It's all about sexuality. Also, I like Asian people. White

supremacists are not socially accepted either. Wow. There you go. And that's why the plus stands for white supremacists. Yeah. Alright, well, that's that question. Alright, this next one is our animal segment, Cora

Gone Wild. Okay. Those are animals. You got it. I think we all understand what the segment is. The question is, if a turtle was outside, how would its shell do against bullets? I can answer

this one poorly. Not good. I don't know about that. I've never tested it. We see Mikhail in the comments again. I would love to test this hypothesis, honestly.

That is the bullet. That's famously the bullet. By the way, that's the bullet. I had a friend, which is a very concerning start after not good. I had a friend who thought a headrest in a car would stop a bullet. Nope, it's either plastic or white alloy metal, not bulletproof. And then he goes on to talk about something else. This comment section.

What happened? This comment section, all the bullet people. The most tragic dumb guy story ever, which is, I bet if you shoot me in the back of the head from the backseat of a car, it would be fine. Then I could finally get a haircut without people thinking I'm gay. This is a guy who watched mob movies and was like, why would the headrest not suck?

CinemaSin! She doesn't go on. She doesn't say what happened to the friend. He's just dead. There are going to be two kinds of people in this comment section. It's bullet experts and turtle experts. I'm very interested in hearing about that. If the turtle only drinks human breast milk,

he will be able to survive. Oh my god, wait. I thought the next one, unless they're Colibri. Colibri. Airsoft or BB-1s. I thought a Colibri was a turtle. We all thought it was a turtle. That couldn't be farther from the case.

If you go to your local pet store and ask for a Colibri, oh boy, will you be disappointed. Does anyone here ever have a turtle? Tortoise? This crowd is going wild. How rough that shell? It's a little rough. What if it was drinking human breast milk?

And what if there was a Christian baby in another turtle shell? And you only have one bullet. What if they learned how to fight from the stag? What if the stag punched your tortoise? That'd be even worse than the bullets. You see how he kicked? It was like...

That video was amazing. He was holding back. That was his brother. That was him, dude. I hope he was holding back. He didn't want to hurt his brother. There's only three answers on this one. Is it wrong that I want to know?

The answer is it would die. I don't know. There's other ones. There's way more. This is a video of a slow motion bullet. Okay. Do you want to watch that? Is there a turtle involved? I got nothing going on.

It's just a bullet going through some wood. Alright, now what if it was eight turtles? God forbid that situation. It would be really funny if one of the replies was like, it can go through four turtles, but the fifth one's shell will stop it clean. If you had to stand on that fifth

turtle. Yeah. They go right through the shell. Don't love the confidence in that one. What a stupid question. Downvote that one. Unhelpful. Not helpful. That's a nurse. Former nurse. A former registered nurse. Kicked out

for killing all the Christian babies. for euthanizing Sorry, for audio listeners, I wrote fuck you to the person, to Harold Vale. I've never said that. It says your name. It's disparaging me.

I can see you said it. I want to see Harold Vale's deal. Eh, whatever. Whatever. He sucks! If water is not permitted to extend, like a man... Oh, I thought that said cock. This is a lot less interesting.

Would be a better question, Harold. All right, well, let's see. Simplest answer. If the shell's made out of half an inch thick titanium, it would do quite well. The simplest answer is that the tortoise would most likely die. The tortoise won't be okay. There are two main reasons as to how a tortoise may die in the UK.

Dogs and bullets. It's a huge problem. Are dogs a big problem in the UK? Yeah, well, if you don't have guns, it's just dogs. I know they got those little pudgy British pull dogs. They have turtle chomping teeth. Dogs might just be British slang for the guys. It could be anything.

Yeah. You know, you like the lights out, all the birds are gone. Turtle could be British slang for just short gay guys. Yeah, exactly. Nothing more dangerous than some turtles. And his shell is like, what can that put? Like the big jacket, the puffer jackets that they wear. And the question is, could you shoot one of those people?

The answer is probably no. You can shoot anybody. You're allowed. Gun expert here, you can shoot anybody. Whoever you want to shoot. We have one more of these core romance questions. This is a wild ride. But I could find more, depending on what time it is.

But let's read this one. This is core romance. Slam that button. Okay, yeah, yeah. Unless you have more turtle stuff. Wait, wait, this is a real good. If turtle shells could stand up to gunfire, we wouldn't be ordering millions of tons of iron

to make tanks and tank armor. We'd be raising and farming turtles. Thank you. I don't know if that's true. That's like literally someone commenting on the new Minecraft update. It's like, actually, now the turtle shells can stop bullets. Iron is useless.

If you nerf turtles, I will stop using them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That guy's ex-military, Brian Baker. Trained a lot of people how to use a firearm safely. Hey, I'm sorry for the disrespect. Yeah, dude. As a soldier. i'll do better next time that's a turtle that's a turtle that's been shot brian baker

okay uh up next we have our romance segment love amorousness kissing these are all things covered in our core romance segment what do we got today jeremy okay this question is from quora.com my friend's girlfriend got manipulated by another girl into being gay what should he do? A lot of gay questions on this. He should find a guy to manipulate him into being gay. Also, fight fire

with fire. Guess what, Bethany? People don't like this one. You cannot be manipulated into being gay. New voice alert. This is just a thing girls can do. They're very persuasive. Has anyone here ever been

manipulated into being gay by someone else? Raise of hands? No one. Not a soul yet. Just me. That literally does not happen. We're getting a lot of negativity in the chat here. We need someone to answer this guy's question.

How did this happen? How did this happen? I remember in high school, my mom one time, just very distinctly remember my mom saying to me in high school, like, yeah, my friend says that all women are a little bit gay. No, I'm not. And I was just like, okay, Bob.

Fine. Check, please. Lisa. I'm sick of people trying to trick me into being gay. I was like, can you just bring me to school? Bras make me sick. Also, can you leave, Dad? I'm not. I'm not gay. I'm sick of the question.

Sorry, I'll scroll through these. My friend's girlfriend got manipulated by another girl into being gay. And that friend, me. Friend's girlfriend. Yeah. I manipulated my friend's girlfriend. What should he do? I like the question, it's just not even like, could this happen?

It's just, what should he do now? Now what? Now what? Oh, crap. You can't manipulate someone into being gay. These are all just people saying no. We need to find someone who says... We need one yes.

We need someone who instructs. We need one yes. I refuse to believe this is a Quora page without one yes. Tell him to love them both. Who knows? Maybe they'll like each other. I wish I had two ladies I could hang out with like that. You should hang out with them.

Let's go! Healing! I wish it was me! Thank you, healing. He should become gay and join her. Thank you, Hans. Hans Probsting. Hans. Hans is on our side.

He agrees with us. Hans Probsting is the stupidest name I've ever... Come on. No way that's a real... He's a former road and traffic engineer. He's an old dude. Do the Democrats actually have the guts to put Trump in prison? No.

We see it as a responsibility. Damn, dude. Let's fucking go. Let's go Probsting. Hans Probsting. Who lives in Australia. I was about to say, he lives in Australia. Why are all these active in German? That's like five of these we've looked at.

The Eurozone is a hotbed of questions. Whoa, the third one. Why isn't Barack Obama being acknowledged as the first homosexual sissy president of the United States? We know he was good, but he doesn't deserve that much credit. That's the coolest answer I've ever seen.

We gotta get Hans on the podcast. Hans is so cool. That was three hours ago. Hans is going off. Let's go. Can you get friended on Quorum? Are we going to get friended? I don't think so.

He follows people. This is three hours ago. We're going to be talking with Hans in minutes. You've got to get Hans on the pod. You have to get Hans on the pod. I would love to talk to Hans. I'm just afraid Hans isn't going to like me. Um, let's see.

He's, uh, I don't know. Damn, he's answering a lot of these, man. 14, we scrolled down to 14 hours. Yeah. Oh my God, if God doesn't exist, how is everything made? How could you not be aware of all the Made in China labels? Hans! Hans is so cool.

Got him! He's not even, he lives in Australia. How do Australians welcome African immigrants? G'day, mate. Boom! That is how they do it, though. We can laugh all we want. Oh, man.

All right. We're not even one day back yet. We've been scrolling. This is what it's like to find an endless gold mine. What is this picture? I must know. He's reposting.

It's just Donald Trump as the fucking emperor from Star Wars. He didn't work all day on Donald Trump's Sith Lord to not put it in a few different communities. You've got to say it once or twice. You've got to retweet yourself. You've got to get eyes on this shit. A fire tweet.

Okay. Oh, we do have one more. Because I've been threatening to summon a demon on this podcast for so long. Jeremy! How do you feel? Do you believe in demons at all, Haswell? I absolutely believe in demons, and I would implore you not to try and summon one on this podcast. This is what I've been saying for eight months!

Okay, because I know a demon is going to show up, and I know for a fact that it's going to be real. What are the pros and cons here? We have a laugh at a demon that follows us around for months? Sounds like a sitcom. Do you ever see any movies

such as Insidious or Insidious Chapter 2? This is also Alex's argument that in movies it's bad. Yeah, it's always on a comedy podcast live and they say, what's the worst that could happen?

And then they're all hereditary for years and years. But they seem happy at the end of that movie. They're all in a clubhouse. That kid was a bad brother, to be fair. Yes, he was a bad brother. Let's be real. Why would you bring your seven-year-old daughter

to a high school party? I feel like I'm a pretty good brother, but regardless. So it probably won't be bad. This question is, how can I summon a demon by just using words? I'm just reading the answers. I'm not going to do it, maybe. I'm hitting this sound but I'm alarmed

I don't think you'll want to summon something powerful There's no way to summon a demon with only words Okay, so that's good Wait, this is actually kind of true Because I had a moment where I was reading Demonology books And they read kind of like Pay to win

Video game Because it's like actually you need a silver Wand And a silver dagger and they need to be real and they need to have these symbols carved in them. Yeah, you're going to have to pay through the nose. I was like, wait, how much is a silver dagger?

It's like $500. You could grind it out. You could just go into the demon mine. If you go into the forest and hunt boars for a couple levels, you could eventually work up enough XP to make your own. Oh great, another nepo baby summoning demons.

Another nepo demon. With daddy's dagger. I'm going to mortgage my damn house to get Bahamut in my room. I've got to get a dagger. Okay, so you can't do it through speech. This is, again, talismans. We're going to talk about...

Oh, my God, be in a bad mood often. What the fuck is a queegee board? We're already there. One way to summon a demon does take a long time. It can take days, weeks, months, even years. Be in a bad mood often. Oh, and they listen to sad music. Get into fights with friends and family.

make everyone around you feel negative. This is like an emotional demon that they're talking about. They're like, you want to summon demons? Don't be nice to your sister. You're going to bring a demon home. Become the damn demon. An emotional demon is a very hurtful demon.

We shouldn't joke about it. This is just an ad for an upset woman. Yeah, well. I see you're looking at upset pros here. Candice says, no, simply put, there's more to it than that. Demons are kind of busy. And if you can't put in the time to learn proper protocol,

making introductions, or build a relationship, they're not going to show up. Just because you read some words you saw in Lesser Keys of Solomon. I'm so sick of people just saying, read Lesser Keys of Solomon. Dude, the first time I... I'm so sick of people. What about the Greater Keys of Solomon?

We never see that shit anywhere. Solomon wrote so many good books. He has so many keys. I'm so sick of it. The Florida Keys. He's pretty much the janitor of the demon school. He's got all these keys. Dude, I hate it when I summon a demon

and I get like 10 DMs that are like, who books that? I also, I love the idea that like to summon a demon, you have to go through like a LinkedIn greeting where you make an introduction and you build a relationship with them. How can I summon a demon? Should I say these words? No.

By saying either I do or I won't. If it's just words? If you say it with like enough conviction. Okay, but don't say the words. Upvote it, upvote it. Don't say the words. We have to see if it works. We have to see if it works.

All right. How many people here think that if I summon a demon, and it will show up and ruin our lives. Just one person. Let's go! We can all agree that will probably happen. Three people. It's just not worth the risk.

I think it's like a Harry Potter thing. You've got to believe it. Is that a Harry Potter thing, right? I think that's the movie Elf. All right, I'm going to try to summon a demon with my brain, and I'm going to say the words. Jeremy.

Which is clearly just a joke about getting married. Jeremy! All right, you ready? It's, uh, I want a divorce. Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Howdy.

I'm George W. Bush. It's not going to get better than that, everybody. Thanks so much for coming out. We've been quarreling. This has opened a door we cannot close. Give it up for Hessa one more time. Thank you. We'll see you all around.

Bye. Bye.