Quorators - Celebrity Quora Book Club w/ Claire Parker

Episode Date: March 24, 2025

COME TO OUR LIVE SHOW IN BROOKLYN ON APRIL 26TH OR ELSE https://www.eventbrite.com/e/quorators-afternoon-delight-tickets-1290256224099 --- Comedians Clare O'Kane, Alex Ptak, and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: Why does it stink like fart everywhere where lazy Gaga popps up? Should Family Guy writers rewrite all the characters into good heroic people? Did Melania Trump have plastic surgery to make herself look Asian? --- Follow Claire Parker on Instagram @ https://www.instagram.com/clairethescare Get even more Quorators when you support the show @ patreon.com/quorators Send quoras and qommunicate on our discord discord.gg/7pPYuKuYCr Watch the show @ youtube.com/@quorators

Hey there, Quarators superfans. Are you tired of waking up at your job for the bake shop at 2 a.m. every morning, going to work for 12 hours, and coming home exhausted at 3 p.m.? Then, boy, do we have the show for you. Saturday, April 26th at The Gutter in Brooklyn, Quarators Afternoon Delight, with doors at 3.30 p.m. and a show at 4. You can be drunk by 5 p.m. and it will be appropriate for this event.

We want to see you live reading Quoros. I'll see you at the gutter. I feel very, I feel like so immune to my face. I've really given up. Like I used to, do you know what I mean? Like I just have to look at it all the time to the point where I'm like, yeah, they're going to catch me.

I'm ugly. They all found out already. I've blown it. Also, I feel like everything is on video now. Everything's on video and in HD and I'm already on TikTok where everybody's like, you're a hag. And I'm just like, I don't know, man. It's over for you.

I can't do it. I hate it. You're doing great. I'm going to start wearing a mask. That would be cool. Like a marshmallow. Marshmallow. Who's Marshmallow?

He's the Marshmallow DJ. Or Sia. He shows up in a song. Oh, does Sia wear a mask? Well, she used to. She used to do hair over the head. oh right she's spooky and then I think she was like

wait a minute I'm actually addicted to the fame of it all and then she showed her face and it was quite unremarkable and I think she's actually now no one even knows what she looks like looking right at her should have done the damn hair helmet I had it nailed with the hair helmet

Slipknot like mess Slipknot has the real thing going where like no one knows exactly who like each one is but they're like I love the whole thing no one's ever done that for a podcast like Daft Punk style where they all have little helmets i think we should start doing that then we could say whatever we're too late yeah finally we can say all the racist stuff do you guys know demois sure she was a she did a podcast with a voice changer and we all went that's a bit fucking

far does demois do stuff other than like collect stories though she has an empire i don't know if it's still profitable but she had a book that came out that was like a lightly fictionalized version of her own life, and then she sold it to HBO. Oh my god. And she has a podcast, and she has the Instagram. I don't know if this is Alexander Dumont. This is an Instagram account

where you can tell that when you see a famous person walking around eating a bagel, you can be like, I saw this dumbass eating a bagel. Jay Leno blew his nose at Nobu. It was gross. Yep, that kind of stuff. I went to a party hosted by her, and I had to sign an NDA.

Wow. Really? Yeah. And her lawyer, I don't even know if this is on or not, but her lawyer. Should we not record this? No, no, no, no. I just didn't know because I, you know, when you're like not recording at all, but you're like talking like it's being recorded and then you feel like an asshole. But the lawyer was the husband from Real Housewives of New York. Does anyone here watch that?

Aaron Leach's husband. Anyway, then we got there and she, we had signed an NDA to say that we wouldn't say what she looked like. She looked so much like the driving instructor from SpongeBob, but with like a long brunette wig. She looks like Mrs. Puff? Mrs. Puff. Folks, it's Quarreners.

Wait, hold on, hold on. Before you do this, should I cut all of that? No, I think you keep... I dare him to sue me. Okay, great. Oh, wait, but I actually have comedy relevance as part of this. But now it's going to be bad. Wait, you should keep in the she looks like Mrs. Puff,

but you don't have to keep in anything before that. I just mean because you said I signed an NDA to say I would not say what she looks like, but here is what it is. my podcast is a big believer that ndas are fake so every day we're testing them interesting they said they'd sue me for one million dollars barbara streisand effect come for me yeah honestly i could use the yeah for real i could i could use a little post on a demois but do you want to hear the comedy thing she did that was so crazy yes so she posted anonymously that a comedian was being looked into for murdering his wife and she had posted it that day and so i would

go to this party. And she's like, anything you want to know? And I was like, yeah, who are you talking about? And she goes, Patton Oswalt,

but we all know it's fake. And I go, if you all know it's fake, then why are you like genuine, like people who follow you don't know that you're just posting knowingly fake things. You shouldn't accuse someone

for murder. Yeah. That's like QAnon people think that Patton Oswalt murdered his wife. Who's looking into that? Yeah, it's just like psychos.

Why does anyone care? But it's like, I didn't care until I saw that there was this rumor that I was like, what comedian murdered his wife? Whoa. asking you to take their wife please but no one has the volition to do it themselves take her out

take her from this world hello it's quarators america's favorite premiere comedy quora based podcast hello i almost ended it at comedy but that's not true uh folks it's another week it's alex claire and jeremy back again the weather is around 40 degrees but sunny hey that's march for you i don't want to get stuck on it we have a very special guest today all the way from the celebrity memoir book club podcast claire parker is here claire thank you so much i agree it's too cold but not bad for march not bad i would love to circle back to the weather please yeah yeah uh see the thing is it's gonna be like 60 for a day or two in a way where you're like maybe it's summer now but you go out there and the low light will give away that it is in fact an infringement

on God's plan. That's climate change. It's going to be over before you know it. So you might as well enjoy the afternoon. Dusk is a dangerous time in these parts.

Absolutely. Yeah. Brooklyn. I'm afraid of bats flying into my apartment. I'm afraid of the wind. Well, that's enough on that. Claire, do you know

what Quora is? Of course. I'm a child of the 90s. I had questions once. I found answers. We've all had questions once. no more it's the website google sends you uh when you're not sure uh exactly if you want like a good answer or not yeah yeah yeah it's a top hit it's a top five hit absolutely um so you you talk about

celebrities on your show and we have been slowly mining more and more hollywood-based quoras slowly over the course of a year and i can never quite find the time to do them so this week is a celebrity Quora book club and we're going to go through all of the celeb questions here on Quora. Sounds good to me. I can't wait.

I'm afraid this is going to reveal to me that I am in fact a celebrity expert in a way that I never intended to be but I have now read over 200 celebrity memoirs.

If you're not then who is? Do you like I don't know do you know that feeling I feel like when you find out your parents are just people or something

you look around at the mountaintop and you go surely this isn't the peak. It's me. I thought like who's going to get me in trouble you know what I mean?

You're the one who knows about marshmallow. This podcast, I hate to say it, is the peak. So we're going to have to deep dive into it. I feel that way. Before we do it, Alex, are these celebrities like real celebrities or are these Quora celebrities? Because they have their own little ecosystem. I tried to get like e-Hollywood entertainment style questions,

but it does kind of derails itself somewhat a little bit. I took care of the ones that were just, you know, about like, hey, celebrity spotting, my narc is back. Sure, fair enough. The guy gang-stalking me is in my window. If I'm a celebrity, I'd be gang-stalked. Demons are real, and they're famous. Okay, well, let's do, we go to a space every week. Space of the week.

the length of it gets me every time this is celebrities.quora.com sorry celebrities1.quora.com celebrities was taken and this is i don't know this is a space about celebrities it has 41 000 followers and 200 contributors you can explore and know your favorite celebrities from all over the world now i found as a trend exploring the celebrity space it is mostly one guy uh talking about not celebrities and kind of getting you to click on his little posts. Sure.

There's stuff here and there. You can be surprised. I respect the marketing hustle. Yeah. You got it. You're already in his space. I mean, why does he have to

follow the rules? Who would have guessed that celebrities was a space that nobody was thinking about these days? Who would have guessed that was just like a website waiting to be hacked?

Also, you can't see it on the TV, but the background of these two masks, like the tragedy and comedy mask, is the like PNG in Photoshop.

Oh, great. A checker box, which I think is funny. I think that kind of looks like a classic dramatic stage, the checker box design. Sure, why not? You think stages are checkered? Yeah, like I think drama... Alex is sort of blind.

You're confusing a stage for a kitchen. Oh, yeah, I was thinking of a kitchen. Isn't it a kitchen where all the great dramedies of the world are enacted, though? That's true. The domestic stage. Claire's the only one who has my fucking back on the show. He brought his own Claire this week.

And she was paid off. Sick of all the shit I deal with on here. Sort of yin-yang. I found some examples in the doc if you want to cut to those. And now these are all mostly East Asian celebrities, it seems like. No, no. I don't know. These are just posts.

Okay, so this is what I was talking about before. This one's about this guy's wife. This is Kure Garba. My wife found the sweater she needed for our grandkids at a thrift store. I don't think she's a celebrity. That's an AI grandma. Is it? I don't know.

I think it is an AI grandma because this one man posts with a thousand different backgrounds and is like, my kid says I should kill him. Is that wrong? But I'm interested in this guy specifically, like his profile, because he has a very interesting flair. If you click on it, his name is Corey Garba. Corey Garba is a sailor. As an avid true crime enthusiast, I have an insatiable curiosity for unraveling the darkest mysteries of the world. Okay, well, I know what's happening here already. he does have a murder

he's planned and he's just like workshopping the perfect alibi because that grandma post he was like my grandma found the sweaters she knit for our grandkids

at the thrift store and she's heartbroken and he's kind of like would you think she's allowed to murder now? Do you know what I mean? He's just like using He's mining

He's content mining but it also says on his profile he's the third officer at Shell Oil Company It does say that Which sounds very well paid He lives in Nigeria

I mean of all of the officers He's also the admin of murderous stories okay okay and barbara o'neill's health wisdom who do you think that is do you have you guys already just asked that question to quail absolutely not i do not know who barbara o'neill is so everyone on this show is in their 30s do you ever just find that new celebrities can be named whatever and you don't know who they are no barbara o'neill is not a new celebrity she is a fictional old woman of kids talking about barbara o'neill and her health Carpenter and her candles created Barbara O'Neill.

We get it. Barbara O'Neill is so grippy. She's so cool and pog looking up. She's an Australian promoter. Okay. That doesn't sound like a health care promoter. Why do all of her pictures look like this? I would love the word practitioner over promoters.

She's not actually in the business of she's just a consultant. That's helping do their social media. She's like the Flava Flav of alternative medicine. She's like anti-vax, anti-fluoride. Oh, cool. She looks like awful. I will say. Every picture's a mugshot somehow.

I've never seen a more aged person, so I do believe she's keeping it natural. She is decaying like a leaf on the street. It's not working. Would you want to listen to this woman be like, don't drink toothpaste. Teeth were only meant to last 38 years. You're an abomination if you have them until you're 60.

She's literally using these natural teeth whitening. She's doing something. A lot of teeth stuff, actually. We kind of nailed it on the teeth stuff. I will say, though, sorry, ladies. She is married to Michael O'Neal. Sorry, lesbians. Don't even try to pick up Michael O'Neal in Australia.

I like under known for on Wikipedia, it's dangerous and obstantiated alternative medicine claims. What do you think has happened over there in Australia? Because we were just looking at the apple cider vinegar thing, So I guess it's a whole island of people who have flown so close to the sun that they're like, mortality, is it real? Let's find out. It's an island of danger.

It's a desert hotspot full of dangerous and venomous animals. Sunburnt freaks. Haven't both of you Claire's toured there? Am I wrong about this? No, I've never been there. I thought you were there once. No. Too scared to go.

I went in September and I have to say, being in Sydney, I was like, it felt like a Greek myth. because you're like you could live in the happiest most beautiful hottest and i mean that sexually country in the world but all you have to give up is like the rest of the planet or you can live in the rest of the planet and be miserable do you know what i mean it felt very island of the locust and that's why in my mind i'm like of course they've gotten here because they got too comfortable having a great life they all have health care nobody shoots each other with guns so it sounds like you had a wonderful time in australia i had like apologies to australia yeah but in a way that

You know how in New York you're like, suffering is good for you. You go to Australia, everybody's working out at 6 a.m. They have a whole culture of watching the sunrise every morning together. What? Like the way we go get drinks, they're like up at dawn. This is not my impression of Australia. And they have Christmas in the summer? Come on.

Yeah, I mean, it's a crazy place. And that's how I understand Barbara O'Neill in a way. Spiritually, maybe you guys can't connect. I can't. That's why travel is so important. That's true, to understand other cultures. In the U.S., her name would be Barbecue O'Neal. Woo!

That's enough of this. So, hooray. Anyway, this guy does a bunch of content finding. Let's read one question from here. The one question I put on here. My daughter died, and my grandkids' dad won't let me see or talk to them. My grandkids need me now more than ever. I'll be in Oregon.

What can I do so that I can see them? Who else is in Oregon? Is that relevant? Or he's just like, in case anyone wants to meet up. It's if you're in Oregon. This is on the celebrity's space. Did you find one celebrity or is this just... I found them not on this space.

Okay, so this space is just unrelated to celebrities in any way, as far as we can tell. Actually, that's not true. There is one question we will be reading later that was from the celebrity's space, but it is mostly content mining and that one woman whose child is dead. My daughter died.

Oh, this is a woman. This is a grandmother. Her mom's dead. R.I.P. to that unlucky lady. Something I am learning is apparently people are just dying all the time. And there's a lot of grandparents out there. And I do think that that's a real problem. That's a big fact.

That there are a lot of grandparents out there? Don't you feel like nobody's dying anymore? I don't feel that way. It's crazy I've never felt less that way. I feel like thousands of people died just right now. I low-key feel like all of us will one day die. You would hope, but I don't know. I feel grandparents, they're alive now more than ever.

I guess you're right. Wouldn't you put it that way? And that's why you should vote for Cuomo to be the mayor. Kill those grandparents. And out with the old and with the new situation. I don't know if this helps our situation, but the woman who asked this question is named Dana, and she's asked two other questions ever.

One of them is, if someone is shot in the head and the bullet goes straight through their head, will the bullet raise up in the air? Okay, she's getting revenge. And the other one is, how do you know that someone has died a painful death? Jesus. I'm sorry.

This is an answer that she gave, but still weird. By the way, I'm in Oregon. Was it bullet-based? Was the answer bullet-based? Oh, no. She says her daughter was shot in the head. Well, that makes me feel bad. Okay, well, I think I figured out what happened here.

A lot of people are being shot in the head on Quora. It's kind of crazy. A lot of people are just this one woman's daughter. Damn, dude. You know, I don't often feel bad clicking on the people, but this one really blew up in our faces in a big way. Oh, yeah, but not intended.

We all had the same thought. Here's another post. Yeah, the other two are Coray Garba's. Sorry. Coray says, during my last flight, I served a couple in business class. Oh, my God.

So he's the third officer at Shell Oil Company and a sailor and a flight attendant. Money never sleeps. I guess if you're commuting so much for work and you can't always be in the sea when you're in the air, you might as well get paid. You might as well get paid.

Might as well. That's Buddy Bindset. He says, they were just disgusting pigs mocking me and I barely made it to my destination. I breathed a sigh of relief because right after the flight, I went to my mom to meet her future fiance.

But get ready for this. In the middle of the room was the same man from the plane standing hand in hand with my mother. I begged my mom to believe me, but she didn't even listen. I decided right then to teach him a lesson. details in the comments.

Okay, head to the comments. We need to find the details. This rude man is my dad now. So I guess in this story, it's this woman talking? Yes. So it's not him. Corey Garba is many people.

It's for illustrative purposes only. In case you've never been on a plane, but you're on Quora and you want to be able to imagine. So this is actually an article on healthzone.blogspot.com. I didn't know Blogspot still existed. It kind of feels like this guy

is just writing his own erotic fan fiction about serving. And you know what's fucked up? If he was like an old woman in Utah, he'd get billions of dollars in a movie deal.

But unfortunately, what's his name? Corey Garba. Corey Garba. We don't give any respect to the sailors. And we don't believe they have any artistic ability.

And he's stuck just fan ficking from Cora. Just because he's an officer at Shell Oil Company, he's left to work in the mud like the rest of us. I'm going to read this last. Oh, this is another one.

I told you they're all curry garbage. My cousin used me as a free maid for months. My dad's lesson to her was perfect. These are all just like weird fake Reddit stories. Look at this horrible kitchen he had to clean up. It's for illustrative purposes only. Is that what it says? Oh, it does say that.

Look at that. I missed that. What does that mean? It means that he has a sense of decorum and privacy. He knows that you would be making, but he's just using this free tool of Quora, but he knows sickos like you look into other people's lives for their personal entertainment

because you lack empathy. That's true, I do. So this is like a watermark that's just like, don't make fun of my kitchen. It looks like shit. Don't be mean to me. First you made fun of grandma

whose daughter shot in the head. Then you make fun of kitchen. I feel so bad about that. There's no way to edit it out. It's too much. It's too much, but I'm so sorry to that woman. Now that you're a father,

That was really sad. Okay. All right, let's start the celebrity questions, please. This was a nightmare. Let's move on. All right, start the show. Here we go. It's our first segment, Quinsel Town.

Today's Hollywood Stories. Premiere of Glamour. This is a crazy question. This is really funny. Make sure you read it right. Why does it stink like fart everywhere where Lazy Gaga pops up? Lazy Gaga is such a perfect burn on Lady Gaga. I've never heard that.

Do people think she's lazy? No, I don't, and I'm mean. She's lazy as a log. That just feels like a typo. She's lazy and she smells like shit. I feel like even if you hate Lady Gaga, you have to admit she's doing a lot of work. Yeah, she was. She put all that meat on her.

Oh, yeah. Well, I don't talk about women that way, but I think she works hard. Doesn't she always wear crazy costumes? Yeah, she's all caked up. She wore a meat costume once. Absolutely. I understood where you were coming from. No, I just thought you were being a pig about her body.

I thought you were making fun. Meat dress. Remember the meat dress? I saw a replica of it in Las Vegas in a hotel. Yeah, there was a whole exhibit, and I said, for an exhibit, you couldn't even get the original, but they had replicas of a lot of her outfits, and I thought, this feels low budget for the aria. Would have stunk, probably.

That's probably why she smells like fart. It's because of the damn meat dress. Okay. Bob, who lives in Australia, said, the fart smell is from you talking BS. Lady Gaga is incredibly talented and beautiful. You're jealous. I guess the question has to be, like, how often is this guy in the vicinity of Lazy Gaga? Because, you know, he who smelt it felt it.

That's true. Maybe he's hoping this. Maybe he is, like, Lady Gaga's assistant, and he is farting all the time, and she is picking up on it. And he is hoping to, like, gaslight her, put it out in the ether that she goes, I'm hearing that I smell like farts. To try to keep his job. This is actually a woman. and this is Twin Flame Queen who asked this, who has feminine power.

Oh, yo. I think we have another question from her later, but this is, Twin Flame culture is rampant on Quora. Do you know about Twin Flames, Claire? I was actually just talking about Twin Flames yesterday. It's, what is it? Could you clarify for me?

I knew it existed. It's like when you, it's like soulmates, but it can refer to any kind of relationship is my understanding of it. Like if you're two best friends, you can be Twin Flames. I think it's like cult version of it though, right?

It's like people who are so into their soulmate that it's like on a molecular level. Well, there's a twin flame, what's it called? You know, program. Yeah. And sometimes someone will disagree. They'll say, I'm not your twin flame. And they'll say, I'm stalking you now. And you have to divorce your husband and date me because we're twin flames.

Oh, I hate when that happens. Yeah. What do you know about it? I was under the impression it was like an indigenous place. I understand why you think that. Because of two spirit? Fire element. That's what I was mixing it up with, two spirit.

It's different than two spirit. What if we just were really racist? You were right, and we were just like, yeah, they're crazy. Well, I kind of thought it might have gotten the spirit animal effect of like, my spirit animal is Dobby. You know what I mean? Twin Dobby. That's a really bad spirit animal to have.

You do not want to be Dobby. Well, that's why she's on Quora looking for help. My spirit animal is a magical slave. A boy owns him. a sad elf maybe one day he'll be free um there's another question here that might uh help explain she says why does it smell like fart everywhere where lady gag pops up and my tiktok hashtags are manipulated suddenly you know i think she's misspelling on purpose now lady gag she said pops with two p's i had never thought of all the ways you can make fun of the name lady gaga i

always thought it was a foolproof thing but that i just feel like page six is slipping yeah lazy Lady Gaga is like a Trump-quality Lady Gaga burn. Lazy Gaga. They call her Lazy Gaga. She hasn't made a movie since 2022. The star is not born. She tanked the Joker, people. She showed up and she ruined the Joker.

Her dad is Andrew Dysclay. Your impression is really scary. Jeremy is like a horror movie type. He's like, he's going to get you. He is going to get you. Can I say, and a star is not born? That got me. I really thought, whoa, nailed her.

He loves celebrity culture. She's not a star and she smells like farts. Her life sucks. I like the idea that he's really into that movie. Take off the meat dress. Why am I and my twin flame, Michael Jackson, be stalked, personally attacked for decades with hate, lied about, sexually harassed constantly

for teaching humanity twin flame details and providing scientific information. The hubris you have to have to think you are Michael Jackson's twin flame. You know what I mean, though? It's not like, oh, we're best friends. It's like, Michael Jackson is my soulmate despite being dead and we've never met.

Well, also just this idea that she's like, she apparently knows why they're being harassed, stalked, and lied about because she's teaching humanity and providing scientific information. If it really bothers you that much, then fucking shut up. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. A lot of people have been bullied into silence, and if you would just know your place and stand down. Also, I hate to pop off on generalities, but I wouldn't go around claiming to be Michael Jackson's twin flame because people are going to say you're a pedophile. If you have the same flame. I think she has different concerns than you.

She could also be a child. I don't know. Well, he's dead, so I assume she's younger. I know he died young, but like... I don't know. Maybe you should try having family power for once. I don't know how to get more info on Twin Flame Queen. She's only posted 24 questions, but has 5,000 posts.

Yo. I just want to see. Whatever. She's just yelling at people saying that they're weak and evil or whatever. We can't spend all day on Twin Flame Queen. Her daughter is going to be shot in the head. Her first question is, are there any other real Twin Flame soul cases out there with physical parallels for research? Huh?

No. I mean, she's doing research. Like, are you not allowed to ask a question on Quora? I kind of feel like you guys are penalizing these people for asking questions in the question asking machine. No, you're right. Thank you, Claire. She knows about ancient Egypt. Oh, that's kind of cool.

If you can't ask questions here, where can you ask them? Reddit? Screaming. My neighbors hate me. I feel very passionately about this website. All right, let's get out of here. That's enough of this woman. Let's go see more celebrities like Twin Peaks.

Please. Okay, here's another question. This is from Celebrities1. Did Melania Trump have plastic surgery to make herself look Asian? I'm going to go ahead and say yes. I think she did. That's just my own personal opinion. And it's wrong.

Oh, no. Or it's good. Duh. Melinda Gwynn says no. No. Great name. She had a facelift. Oh, that's good to know.

I love this painting of an Asian lady, just for reference. Geisha girl. This is what Asian women look like. If you're not on the YouTube, she has submitted a painting named Geisha Girl by, I think, some kind of white guy name. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. George something. george henry the whitest guy you could have and then a long discussion about monolid eyes so thank

you for posting that melinda oh lord uh scroll down we got one from dk hamilton melania trump had plastic surgery i do not know why she did but she looks like all the stepford wives that are down there in florida or whatever the fuck these women come from what a beautiful girl that is the next sentence is what a beautiful girl what a strange sentence that's honestly where we're all coming from um i know can you read it keep going because i love the way she gives provenance here this creation sucks kimberly guilfoyle the former mrs gavin newsome the former mrs donald trump junior fiance the president ambassador to greece i wish i had a i wish people were always like saying claire parker and then everyone i had ever dated in my current job

yeah you gotta work on your akas yeah i don't know she had bad plastic surgery i never thought she looked asian i've never heard this before this is a crank online opinion i love when people come up with new racisms invent a new way to be racist this is from john appleseed this is like when i very confidently say somebody looks like a celebrity and i just have face blindness um well these are these are all just weird racist questions all right we're now clicking on the uh john this is from johnny appleseed would jesus be considered a short king

yes maybe why not well he's the king of kings of the jews short king of the jews and that dovetails perfectly into can indians join the idf why not if they're from long island why not as long as they're from long island the jesus one is the only question that has answers on it i can't i can't yeah we don't need to read all the racist questions uh do you want to do another question yes and again these are celebrity i'm glad i brought my expertise i came ready to i studied for this you're the most qualified in the room by a country model so far so have you read melania trump's book does she have a book she does have a book i didn't read it it kind of came and went with

without much fanfare we try to stay away from political ones like we haven't done michelle obama's or barack obama's but we're thinking about doing eric adams sure and just so that then we could tell people who to vote for in the mayoral election because we're worried about our boy cuomo we're worried about all the sluts out there who are gonna malign him with their fat asses uh we have a very pro-car mentality and we uh hate the poor so well there's gonna be a Melania Trump Netflix documentary series coming out where she has final creative say. Good.

Are you playing her? Yes, I am. She has chosen me because I am half Asian. Ever since her surgery. She had the clero-cade surgery. More like clero-cade. Can you imagine if Donald Trump was attracted to me? Honestly.

Why not? You believe in yourself. Yeah, that'd be fun. Yeah, I need enough confidence to think that donald trump would want to fuck me that's well i know i've reached my peak you gotta go through baron he's already here oh yeah he's at nyu and he's looking to experiment yeah yeah how disgraceful would it be if somebody went through baron to date donald trump and he stole his own son's girlfriend i don't know i guess i think it sounds good i guess i just think it would be

something i don't know if it'd be like disgraceful to which side uh i guess or disgraceful the Girlfriend disgraced with a son. It would be very rude to Barron, who's so tall. Tall boy. Maybe they see that as like, I don't know. I don't know. I can't definitively say how that family would feel about such things. Who is more daddy than the president?

That's what I ask. Yeah, he's the daddy. He's the daddy of America. He sure is. Twice. Double daddy. I don't know how to respond. I'm going to read the question.

We're doing a new question. We haven't read it yet. Why hasn't Tom Hanks ever act with Tom Cruise? Damn. Great question. Multiple reasons including. Okay, so we have a good answer from John Mixon, who we do follow on Quora.

But my first guess is that's too many Toms in a movie. That's a lot of Toms. Why not add Tom Hardy? Have you ever seen Vanderpump Rules? No, I haven't. Okay, well, one of the defining features is that there's two Toms. Whoa. And is it too many?

And Schwartz. And the other one. Is it too many? No, it's actually too few, if anything. Whoa. They almost need a third person in there. I just feel like two is the wrong number if you're doubling down. Tom Tom.

You should have at least another famous Tom on there. Yes, that's right. We're live in a double Claire situation and I'm lashing out. Tom Hanks and Tom Cruise are just in very different kinds of movies. Yeah. Like, how heartwarming has a Tom Cruise movie ever been? I ask you that. Wouldn't it be funny if this, the Mission Impossible,

there's been a FedEx delivery guy stuck on an island. you have to find him and save him the trick he's been kept there by the Russian government and they own all the AI now and the chip that was being FedExed it's the key

it's the microchip you're a writer now Claire yeah take it and see take it and run baby you can agree that's a story write that Claire already written in my head who's seen the last mission impossible that came out where Tom Cruise is like 70 years old in it. It's so nuts.

I've seen them all. Was there two that came out? Because I definitely saw one in the last three years. It's a two-parter. Well, they changed it. It's not anymore. What? They got too scared. So originally it was called Dead Reckoning Part One. Yeah. And then they got scared and they're like, actually, that's just Dead Reckoning. And the new one has a different name. What? It's not called Part Two

anymore. The whole premise of it is like there's a computer. There's no ending. It's like the most boomer-brained movie I've ever seen. Oh, shit. Okay. So you know that I just fully stole the... I thought you were continuing. Okay. I was hoping I was tricking everybody. It doesn't have an ending,

so, I mean, it could be that. But isn't the ending like he's gonna die? I don't know. Is that true? Dead reckoning. He's a dead man,

pretty much. Ethan. I don't fucking know. Ethan. That's a great Ving Rhames. You're a dead man. Were you doing Ving Rhames? Ethan.

I feel like that's what he says a lot in the movie. Yeah, that's the way he says Ethan. Ethan. He's dead. Is Ving Rhames dead? I don't remember what my point was,

but that sounds just like Ving Rhames. Let's read John Mixon's answer. Wait, I think I got to just put this out there. A movie with Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks, George Clooney. Whoa. Leonardo DiCaprio, Brad Pitt. Tommy Boy. Wait, wasn't that that Hollywood movie?

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood? No, it was Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. But no Toms. But no Toms. If you look closely. That would be too crazy. They're actually the sixth friend and it's the city. It's Tom's Hollywood, so.

This is just something to think about. You're just listing celebrities who should be in a movie? There's just too much guy star power for one movie. I do think that might be a TV show on Apple. We've just never heard of that. That's what The Gorge is. I imagine every, like, producer's meeting in L.A. sounds just like this.

They just say names and then wait. Read this answer, Alex. This is from John Mixon, who's watching them carefully and remembering their foibles and faux pas. Question, why hasn't Tom Hanks ever act with Tom Cruise? Multiple reasons, including one, it would be too expensive. You can't afford it, honey. Number two, who would be the star?

Seriously. I'm skimming around here because there's a lot written after all these, and we don't have the time. Number three, they're no longer at their peak. They could spend months deciding who gets to be the star. can i tell you i think cruz would give it to hanks really i think he's a much more gracious person and i think that's why he's able to be a cult leader and but he's a bigger star yeah but i think he's a bigger star because he knows how to bow down and like i think he knows where it

matters and where it doesn't yeah also and this is related to what you're saying number four main reason hanks is taller than cruz who has to bow down is tom hanks to talk to little tom on the ground he is taller uh and tom cruise famously does not like it when everyone's so much taller than him he married nicole kidman the tallest woman in wherever she's from and he wanted to chop off her ankles he was a younger man then he had hope yeah that was crazy he thought he still had a few more inches in him he was drinking a lot of milk waking up and slaving it he thought he could manifest number five i do not think it's true which is they don't share fans what i think there's a lot of tom hanks tom cruise overlap they're called dads yeah we are legion wouldn't

that be good you double your audience w audience w dollars that's right basically think about it how it works think about it send ethan hunt to an island yeah why not cruise with ex-wife nicole kidman who is the same height as hanks that's what we said that's cool then they could get married or whatever yeah him and tom hanks could then get married because he's so tall and is tall. They feel different levels of alive. Do you guys see that?

Yeah. They weren't too happy together, were they? I mean, at the end. They were so happy. There's the famous picture of her divorcing him.

Right where she jumps on the... No, she's just like cheering. She doesn't jump on the couch. She doesn't jump on the couch.

He jumped on the couch. My Tom Cruise memories are all jambled up, everybody. Sorry, I'll send myself to jail. I have a friend who is a super fan

of Tom Cruise. That's pretty nice. They told me recently there's a rumor in the Tom Cruise fan community that he has left Scientology and is living with Christopher McQuarrie in England.

I do not believe that. Who's Christopher McQuarrie? The guy who directs the Mission Impossible movies and they're like best friends. Is it possible they were just working on a movie in England? Maybe. I think also my friend who's a super fan, there's also a sort of queer aspect to this

where there's a lot of like, and they're in love because they're two guys. Well, I have it confirmed he's gay. Yeah? There you go. My confirmation is risky business. Sure. it was filmed

where my co-host Ashley is from the Chicago suburbs and in that part of the world they all said back then he was gay wow

Christopher McQuarrie there's something going on there confirmed if anyone's seen Cocktail there's no more questions to be asked

damn is that a tale of two cocks or what pretty much okay Cocktail's fantastic we haven't seen

Cocktail check it out anyway that's the answer because he's too tall too damn tall to be in the movie uh should i look up who asked this question or do we not care i'm a little curious it's from sam i'm sorry from tracy kidd intelligent intelligent individual

i'm smart enough to crack this nut huh he also has a blog spot also if you're saying like your your bio is intelligent individual it feels like you're insecure about it yeah it's so true lots of pictures his pictures That was our formatting crazy. Eminem dissed Tupac in 2019. He's got a couple of paragraphs. Who's that? Leighton Meester?

Madchen Amick in Dream Lover. He's posting about her looking like Phoebe Tonkin. I don't know who either of these people are. This is a high IQ individual. I love social media part one. So as far as I can tell, most of this blog is about Eminem and being too old for rap.

And Madchen. Wait, hold on. We have to read I Love Social Media part one. if only social media was a woman that's what i keep thinking to myself that's the tagline of this podcast that's a great thing to say i love that uh as the saying goes there's plenty of fish in the sea so many options so many websites that's how we're ending the show from now on if only social media was a woman so many options so many websites um oh that's i don't know it's It's nice that he likes putting in his thoughts.

He has a lot of questions about rap. On the internet. Does Wolverine have a southern accent? No. He doesn't. He's from Canada. A lot of superhero questions. All right.

Well, great. Oh, he has a lot of questions about Tom Cruise and why he hasn't acted with other people. He has acted with Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder. That's right. Tropic Thunder is very star-studded as well. It is. Did people point that out? Let's see.

There's two answers here. One could ask the very same thing about other actors as well. we've never seen a handful of other celebrities appear in a film together, either Tom Cruise or Robert Downey Jr. either. So this one is ignored. This question is like eight years old. This is just a question of combinations and permutations.

Yeah. How come everybody in the world hasn't been in a room with everybody else? That's a really good question, actually. We should ask that. How can I contact Robert Downey Jr., someone asks. There's one person who points out Tropic Thunder, and they're in the answers that need improvement. Oh, my God.

I haven't seen the movie. Maybe they're out together in it okay so we don't need to put it on there though how can i contact how can i contact what ai says you can use social media or fan mail and then this is address all right we're off the goddamn farm right now go back to the celebrity questions with the strong possibility that you can't and the realization that you probably shouldn't bother trying you think you're the only total stranger who wants to impose on this man's privacy tell him troy morris you thought that wasn't worth reading alex this to me is somebody who's 10 years sober of robert downey jr like this is somebody who's gone to a meeting and like learned their limitations and

yeah the first thing you have to do is like admit you don't have any power here ironically in arc robert downey jr probably really understands sure as a former addict himself that's right god bless you robert you're iron man and now he's addicted to making money right he's coming back he's gonna be someone else in marvel yeah we got the same disease dr doom people don't like that though they feel find us find a new guy now what's your takeaway Are you pro or anti Dr. Doom, Robert Downey Jr.? I don't know. What is Dr. Doom's thing?

He's like a bad guy who's got a mask. He's just the second person in the same universe. Okay. He's like Daft Punk. He takes over a European country for a bit. I think you guys are missing out the important context of why it can't be Robert Downey Jr. Yeah. This is like if they killed off Lorelai Gilmore and then had her come back as just a different lady down the road.

Like just find a new kid. Yeah. That's interesting. That's kind of interesting to me. What if they're brothers? I really liked in... I forget the name of the show. There was an HBO show

where Robert Downey Jr. played five guys. Oh, yeah. The Sympathizer. The Sympathizer. Yeah. And he played every white man in the show.

He did. He played every white man. It was like a joke. And at first, I was annoyed by it, but then I thought it was really funny, actually. Yeah.

As a person with face blindness, did you feel like you were being represented on screen? I thought I was being represented both as a man with face blindness and as a mayonnaise devil who invades and destroys the East.

That show was good. I liked it. Take it to the snow apes. You're sort of marshmallow head. Yeah. I was going to say that. That's for real. Anyway, what does Britney Spears smell like?

Taking guesses in the room. I'm a guess curious by Britney Spears. Yeah. Her perfume line. That makes sense. What does that smell like? Cotton candy. That's what I was going to guess.

Bubble gum. I think she would smell like a packed sun. I think she smells like a distant flame That's nice My twin flame I do think she's my twin flame as well No one respects you I will leave my wife for you, Britney Spears

Wait, I hate this answer by R.J. Holland Probably like all girls, perfume, hairspray A touch of a scent of makeup and sugar and spice And everything nice Isn't that kind of what we said though? Isn't it right away we were like, she smells like perfume? What can I say? she has a line of perfume

with her name on it she does and she smells like that like girls do this guy's a former professional drummer oh yo

written like this guy does say I'm sure that's what Britney smells like her particular perfume yup lipstick all on the same page

I like this guy he says met her twice cigarettes and then Ashley Lidward says yuck frowdy face and she's a nurse the cigarettes guy

does go out of his way to be like she's very charming and pretty I'm a big fan. I don't think he had to go out of his way to say that. I think that comes naturally once you've met Brittany. I think she's very charming and pretty, and you can't help but share.

She deserves it. She does look like she smells like cigarettes, though. We've definitely seen this guy on Quora before. Michael Romeo? We're not following him. I'll follow him now. He's a patriot historian. We've definitely seen him.

I'm positive. He started at the School of Hard Knocks. Everyone on here does that. I'm sure we've seen him, and I'm upvoting his thing. Okay, yeah, he's cool. You can follow him. I can't believe how many paragraphs it took him to answer what she smells like, when he doesn't even know

and he's guessing. What a fool. We did it immediately. We're so much smarter than you, RJ Holland. Pro drummer for over 50 years. I want to know your band. Decession drummer.

He's an army... Okay. Well, that's... He's like the drummer boy. He's like the guy who goes into war with you. I have the snare next to the artillery.

I'm a professional drummer. Why am I miming drumming? I have to say, give me a more stressful place to be drumming. Oh my God, yeah. I think it's a little harder to do a tour of Iraq

than the Eros tour. i actually don't know for saying that the pressure on her though the other thing too is like think of a situation where you would go deaf faster than being a professional metal drummer is probably in the army about that as well i'm in fallujah i like that so this guy is an army drummer who enjoys writing seinfeldian humor oh i picked up on that immediately this guy seems annoying as hell he's my twin flame hey rick why did you delete rj is a question that's one of his questions why did you delete that's private we should between him and rj what's the weird he's rj whatever

this is the normal way to use quorum We're laughing at him. He's just using the website. He's the most normal guy we've ever seen on here and he has 28,000 followers on Quora. I don't know.

Bot farming. Russian asset. Yeah, why does he have so many followers? The Russians have been... Is that him? Yeah, that's him. That's Ringo Starr.

Wait, wait, wait. What's Ringo Starr's middle name? Maybe it's John. Maybe it's Ringo John Starr. What is Ringo's initials? Look up Ringo's initials, Jeremy. Ringo was in the U.S. Army. Ringo Starr's not his real name, right?

Did Ringo Starr serve in the U.S.? Richard Starkey. I don't think so. Richard John Starkey. Private Richard John Starkey. Peace and love. Sailor and third chief at a shell oil company. It'd be so good to be the drummer for the Beatles

and your choral profile's like, professional drummer in the army. 50 years. I've played all kinds of bars. I love Seinfeld. important things about ringo star um all right well that's enough of this fucking guy 20 000 followers we figured out what britney spears smells like and it is cigarette respect why does robert de niro look way different in the taxi driver 1976 movie than he does today

cgi really good question probably because of a mohawk he had a mohawk is that him on the right yeah it's him and taxi driver have you seen taxi driver claire yeah but i guess i didn't realize who he was playing. Maybe I haven't seen Taxi Driver. Yeah, you gotta check out Taxi Driver. Is there a movie named Taxi? There is also a movie

named Taxi. Jimmy Fallon and Queen Latifah. Okay, that's not what I'm thinking. If you don't have time, you could just watch Joker from 2019. It's the same movie,

but without Robert De Niro. Yeah, it's kind of like what if that movie was bad? Well, he is actually in it as well. I almost said that and I realized he is co-starring.

Okay, I don't want to be an idiot, but I actually, why does he look so different? It's because he's like 60 years old. And his nose droops down now. When you get older, your nose droops down.

It's a hatred of Trump. That's what it is. Your ears get bigger and your nose gets droopier. You know how De Niro hates Donald Trump? Do you know about this? The devil's trying to suck him to hell and the gravity is affecting his skin. I cannot believe what he looks like. And he just had a baby.

I love him. I think he's so funny. Yeah, he had a baby at 80. That looks like Jason Statham to me. Are you sure Taxi Driver didn't star a young Jason Statham? You know, I wanted to make fun of this guy, but clearly he's actually really on to something. These are different people. I have to say something.

I know you guys obviously know that that's Robert De Niro in both photos. If you didn't know, you would be shocked. That's not how people age anymore. It's true. Anything I don't know, I'm shocked at. That's true. That's true. You have the bias of knowledge, and it's not fair to use that against us.

The bias of knowledge. I love being biased. given to you by that wretched snake everyone's just saying because he's older he's so much older that movie was in 1975

okay can you I guess no that goes outside the bounds of what this podcast can accomplish we could do it could you look up a photo of him at like 1985

Jeremy's favorite thing is to go on to Google on the Quarrenters podcast when did Midnight Run come out 1988 I was off by three years Oh, you're close, though.

I'll give you three years. There he is. Now we're enjoying silently some 80s De Niro. This is a picture of Robert De Niro in Midnight Run. If you're listening at home. He's on the left here. That's right. He's on the left.

On the right is Charles Grodin. Hold this up. Go ahead and take a look. This is Midnight Run De Niro. Quite different. The, like, lamest version of, like, the Joe Rogan show. Jamie, why don't you pull up a picture of Robert De Niro for me? You, the listener, pull that up.

because that's obviously a young Robert De Niro but the other one I'm not seeing yet sure yeah you're not saying that he's Robert De Niro would it help if he didn't have the sunglasses and the mohawk yeah get me 75 off duty he doesn't have it in the beginning

what about Raging Bull does that look like Robert De Niro to you is that anything that could be anybody he's a young boy maybe you have face blind I do have a really hard time recognizing and I think it's the most dangerous thing

you can have as a comedian because everyone in New York City kind of carries their body. Thank you. Like a comedian. And as a woman, if someone makes eye contact, as a woman who is oft characterized

as a bitch, I think unfairly, I'm in this position where anytime someone makes eye contact with me, I kind of have to assume there is someone I met in an open mic

and if I don't say hi back, I'll be considered rude and I'm saying hello to everybody. I feel like I'm on the opposite end of this a lot because people will be like, have we met before? And I'm like,

I look like every other comedian in New York City. I'm a balding white guy. Like, I don't know. Maybe. I've never agreed with a guest more on this program than people say hi to me and I don't know if I've met them before.

You know, I'm walking down the street and everybody goes, Melania, Melania. You're the double. You're the one that they trot out when she won't go. Oh my God. They want me to die. So they're trotting me out.

Anyway, the answer is that he got old. He got old. You guys are going to look like fools if we find out there was a second thing that happened. because you know if the same question were to be asked about zach efron he's gotten three different jaw surgeries that's true why did he well if you ask him it's because he keeps falling downstairs right but i would say anybody else would say there's got to be three times that feels suspicious no that means he's an alcoholic and he falls a lot or it means he's susceptible to the the

crushing weight of the beauty expectations of hollywood which sees no gender that's right That's true, actually. That's right. He's Matt Reifing himself. Yeah. Wow, that's so sad. He said, who's dominating the entertainment world? And he said, make me like that guy.

I guess my thing with the jaw surgeries is it looks, I think, good for like a year. And then every year after is just like, you got a huge lump on your head. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like being an aging Robert De Niro with a big nose. It's almost exactly like that. Just kidding, you're just kidding. De Niro, you're killing it. We love you.

De Niro, very virile. and he's going to stop President Donald Trump. Yes. He makes many efforts to do so. He just makes all these videos where he's like,

Donald Trump, fuck you, man. Two great powers. Go off. Tell him. I just wish these celebrities would do something. They could kill Donald Trump.

Robert De Niro should kill him. Robert De Niro has an opportunity to do the funniest thing. Yeah. Do the funniest thing. Just murder Donald Trump. That would win the internet. They'd take away

Kim Kardashian's crown by the time she had a big butt in that photo. I would like to watch them fight because they're the exact same size and age, right? Or maybe not size, but I feel that's a fair fight. We could just throw dollars at them like they're dogs. Yeah.

Michael Vickham. Throw dollars at a dog. They dress him up like Robert Mueller again. Political violence should be restricted to only the celebrities and powerful. Yes. And then they can enter a Pokemon-style situation where they fight for dominance.

Can we read this one last answer before we leave this question? This is the De Niro question. And the answer is, enough with the De Niro shit. Go give him a BJ. Sure, he would love that. Oh! Damn.

And that's from a former tax auditor. I'll tell you, it sounds the way the tax IRS treats me, that's exactly how they talk. And he's the moderator of Gay and Bi Men Who Love to Smoke Cigarettes. Whoa. Oh, baby. I'd love to be a part of that space. If you love to smoke cigarettes, please join.

Well, not everybody. How many people are in Gay and Bi Men Who Love to Smoke Cigarettes? His other moderator position is... His other moderator position is gay zone. Great stuff. If you are a man who smokes cigarettes, would you start smoking? Would you start others smoking?

Great. Would you start others smoking? We know what they mean. Do you have a question that you'd really like to do, Alex, out of all of these? Yes, I do. Which one? Do the Family Guy one.

This one's been in the dark forever, and I think it's an important discourse. Should Family Guy writers rewrite all the characters into good, heroic people. Yes. Yes, they should. Peter should fight that chicken more. I just think in Trump's America,

we need heroes. We need someone to look up to. Do you know what I mean? Maybe that's the left Rogan we've been looking for. We need a family of cartoon heroes. That's why this country's down in the shitter these days,

because we don't have a full house. Yeah. My son saw Stewie try to kill that vile woman, and he's started smoking ever since. That's how he got into Marks. It was from Stewie Griffin. I'm trying to

think of something in Family Guy that would be inspiring to people. They killed Brian at one point. Can you read this answer for me? This is an answer by Ryan McClary. How about a lasting marriage? How about a nuclear family that's

been unperverted by the gay and lesbian agenda of America? Claire's making a lot of good points. The fucking Protestant divorce ethic. how about that how about just all you see is violence in movies and sex yeah if it wasn't picking up a mic there was a round of applause when the speech started i don't know if that really came across okay there's an answer by ryan mcclary whose uh bio just says family guy and he says stewie griffin brian griffin mag griffin chris griffin stewie griffin

cleveland brown joe swanson olivia fuller Who's that? Who the hell is that? Jillian Russell, Patty Patterson, Ruth Rutherford, Esther Estaderm, Neil Goldman,

Connie D'Amico, Tom Tucker, and Diane Simmons will become heroic characters. The rewrite of Family Guy will happen on May 5th, 2024. Did that happen? Did anyone check in?

Did that happen? It happened. I would love to say it didn't, but I haven't really been watching. Those must all be the name of my characters because I recognize Tom Tucker. I recognize Diane Simmons.

Can we click on Ryan McCleary's? Neil Goldman's the really offensive anti-Semitic character. Yeah, that's right. It pisses us off so much. It pisses us off. I am not a pharmacist! He's getting really bad at Family Guy because they're mean to Jews.

I don't know. This guy's got 278 questions. He asks, what will 2025 bring? What did he know? Who are the 13 main characters in American Dad? Who are the 23 main characters of Family Guy? Okay. Those are his questions, but the things he knows about on his

Knows About page are television series, Family Guy, Seth MacFarlane, American Dad. It sounds like he's teeing himself up. Yeah. To jerk himself off. Everyone says, oh, I can't get into a writer's room. I can't get into a writer's room. It's so hard. Why don't you go on Quora and show everyone how much you know about Family Guy?

You want to be in there. The vampire in 1872. That's a reference to Dracula. Check out Dracula. Check out Dracula. He's the 23 main characters of Dracula. Go.

Oh, no. Dracula. Dracula, Dracula's friend. That girl, Dracula sucks. Dracula's neighbor. Yeah. Her husband, who he hates. Lois Griffin.

Well, we really learned a lot about celebrities today. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. We have to do our segment. Would anybody like to argue that they shouldn't make the family guy people heroic? I think not in this quora. I think they should. I think they're too mean for too long and that it would be nice.

I think we need heroes. All right, so we have a quorum on this. Yeah. Do you think they shouldn't, Alex? No, I think they should be heroic. I think that's what the community needs. I think Claire P. is right, that we do need some sort of nice family.

We need a model. Did you ever watch Seventh Heaven? Seventh Heaven. I didn't, but I did. One more long and now it's cheap. All right, Claire saw it. That's all I remember. I went to Catholic school,

so I felt like I got it. But every one of these shows, had an actor who did um sexually inappropriate things we have to just let men be men sometimes you want none of our heroes to rape okay so i guess you want no heroes damn you gotta there's another question from the same person should family guy become pro-fascist propaganda and enable the far right should it i don't think it should well now that i'm hearing the other sides of me that's a good idea too i guess i'd have to like see what they where they go with it is family not becoming too far left that's a really good question i would love to answer

these but i have not seen family guys it's like 2008 so i really can't speak on it can i ask a question about the perspective of the question writer is he somebody who is anti-left pro-far right and he's like hoping for fascism seems like it i can't he's just like out now he's not like oh should we return to conservative values he's like should we enable fascism yes so he's a quagmire supporter yeah I love being like my one regret is that

I couldn't vote for fascism quagmire is kind of a culture war character because he has a lot of me too moments yeah he does so a lot of our favorites are gonna go down on this one quagmire he's got one of those jaws like a Zac Efron

he does yeah i'm sure that looked good for a year and he gets tang he does he sure does let's do our final section uh is that okay where people ask us a quarter question yes oh by the way thank you for writing in with these uh is that okay we can only do one a week so we're not gonna get to all of them but i'm listening to you have a specific and i'd love to hear it yeah it's on my desktop beautiful let's play the sound is that okay what if you guys did a new segment called is that okay you showed me and alex a photo of claire sure and then said is that claire okay and then the trick all photos of melania

i think it's a great idea but it's kind of early to be riffing on is that okay after the second week we do you've got to just keep growing you know what i mean growing adapting changing take it spin it okay so so this is a question that somebody sent in to us that's supposed to be a quora question for us to answer okay if you have a question for quarators email us quarators at gmail.com with the tagline is that okay please hey quarators uh i was wondering um So if the way that toilets worked was that there was actually like a man that lived inside of the toilet and his job was to eat the poop and the pee that came down the toilet to to process it down the rest of the pipes. How how do you think you would treat him personally? Would it be nice?

Would you call him names? Oh, I would appreciate the feedback. Thank you. That's a great question. That is a great question. I would be nice to him. I would be really nice to him. but then I'd feel bad

but then I'd be like oh but this is what he chose to do does he like it did he choose it he'd choose it because I think he likes to eat poop

and drink in every toilet they're choosing it this is a tortured being who's stuck in the toilet you think have you guys seen Snowpiercer

yes yeah it's kind of the only movie I've ever seen so I have to reference it a lot but luckily it's all encompassing he nailed it

I don't even know why he still makes movies because he got it all here's something about Snowpiercer that I found out recently because I did a rewatch because I'm referencing it all the time and it turned out

I actually couldn't really remember what it was about. But do you guys know that scene where the poor's are breaking through to the riches and they find out what they've been eating is cockroach bars

and they get really upset? Yep. I had always felt like, well, what'd you think? It's an apocalypse, right? I feel the same way. I was kind of like, what am I eating

when I have a power bar? It's not so upsetting that they're cockroaches, wouldn't you? It's more upsetting that not everyone is eating cockroaches and in some cultures,

a delicacy. That being said, I found out that the original was that those bars were made out of shit. Ah, that makes more sense.

And then they said, that's too gross. Yeah, and I think they said that's too far, but if you listen to the, like the lyrics, the dialogue is like,

we're eating shit. Yeah. And you're like, oh, so they just changed it. it's cockroaches. They changed it in post. Anyway,

this is all to say, when I heard it was shit, I said, well, that's wrong. And I would like to think in a world where there's a shit eating man

in my toilet, I would go, that's wrong. And I would maybe just poop outside in a latrine i you always like to hope that you'll be on the right side of history and you can't imagine that that's sustainable to have shit eaters but if this was just there was precedent for shit eating there's been precedent for everything and we have to change that's true but what if from the beginning of toilet existence it was always a little guy

and then he comes from and then there's a long line the ancestry of shit eaters see i feel like we're getting into a caste system and i'd like to think i'm a guest that's just real quick are you guys picturing like a little goblin who eats shit or are you picturing a human man who's like all right clocking in at the toilet today and he like comes in and he's like i'm ready mine's a goblin mine's a goblin who's like a goblin looks oh oh he's born to munch i think claire's picturing like a guy with this briefcase coming into your home being like don't shit yet i'll get it i'll get under there i'll be honest he's not carrying a briefcase it's not death of a salesman toilet uh listen i think we'd all sit here and say we'd like to think we're nice i'm nice i think

i'd apologize a lot i think i'd still do it but i'd say i'm sorry i'd say sorry every time i think it would cause me grave and digestion problems because i think i'd be like shy you know i mean i think it added a level of insecurity and a lack of privacy and you wait on the toilet for a while and just you hear a muffled voice like where is it i hate that i'm waiting to eat it stressed at school i think he'd become deeply constipated and die yeah because i would just be like i don't i don't want him to but he's not gonna think i'm sexy if he knows i poop but he's in the toilet like i'm so hungry i need food people would fall in love with the toilet goblin oh yeah absolutely the quarrel would be full of is it okay that i want to have sex with my toilet goblin

and people would be like you're a fucking freak no one has sex with the toilet goblin It's going to be a big UTI problem, I'll tell you that. And on that note, that's been the show. It's over. Claire, thank you so much for coming on Quarriors, America's favorite Quarry-based podcast. Where can our listeners find you at home and abroad? Well, my home address is, I'm not,

I used to say my home address all the time. We're going to put a bleep on it. All the time? Yeah, because nobody used to listen to our old podcast and it was a real joke. And then actually the real joke was I used to live across the street from Matthew Broussard. and so the joke was

if you ever want to know where Claire lives the code word is say Matthew Broussard and then I would go I live at 156 Bedford and he lives at 157 Bedford we're literally across the street

from each other neither of us live there anymore anyway they can find me at Celebrity Mammal Book Club the podcast wherever you listen to podcasts and I'm Claire the Scare

on all socials check out Claire the Scare with an I oh my god I better plug it Claire with an I Claire with an I Claire the Scare yeah don't follow Claire O'Kane

looking for Claire Parker because it's just a whole different page of stuff. People assume the I. They're always throwing an I on Claire. They're always throwing an I. You have to notice it because you don't have, because I get un-I'd. You know, sometimes I get a K.

That's crazy. I've gotten like C-L-A-R. The N-C-L-A-R. The level of education in this country is appalling. If you'd like more episodes of our show every Thursday, go to patreon.com slash Quarators. We have no ads. We are funded by listeners like you.

be part of the revolution. Alex is a baby. And I have a baby. That's in plugs now. Robert De Niro killed Donald Trump. We use Ashley's dog as our baby. Yep. Feed Alex's baby.

I have a baby and Ashley has a dog. So thank you so much for listening. See you next week.