Quorators - Chimp Week

Episode Date: October 20, 2025

Comedians Clare O'Kane, Alex Ptak, and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: Could a hybrid chimp/human be born without sin? Is it possible for a large human (like The Mountain or The Rock) to intimidate a chimp in a show of dominance despite the chimp being stronger? Why has nobody tried using war gorillas? --- Get even more Quorators when you support the show @ patreon.com/quorators Send quoras and qommunicate on our discord discord.gg/7pPYuKuYCr Watch the show @ youtube.com/@quorators

Many hits all across the spectrum. I would love to be the white guy intro to one of those. You know what I mean? If Kendrick's listening to this, I would love to be one of the guys who's like, the black people, they're out of control, I say. When they play like a Fox News clip at the start. Yes, but it's not real. It's me and you.

And we're like, this Kendrick guy, why doesn't he pull up his pants? These rappers, I want to know their body count. I'm a podcaster. Yeah, and then he raps about how much I suck. Yeah. Jeremy, he has no hair on me. Whoa. That's true.

You know, like, I couldn't pull it off, but I feel like Kendrick Lamar could really pull off, like, a Jeremy diss. I think so. Everyone's like, he wrote a Jeremy diss in one day, and it's a new platinum single. Jeremy's going to jail as a pedophile now. I would be honored. I would go to jail if I had to.

Jeremy's record label begged him not to, but he made another song about how Jeremy still has no hair. That's right. It's called Mr. No Hair. Mr. Baldy. Jeremy, what did that security guard say about your ID? He said, that ain't you. And I said, what?

And he said, that ain't you no more, Jeremy. That's so true. Okay. I am very sympathetic to you because the classic old driver's license is a bit of a trope that we are all victim to. but your voicemail is also you from when you were like 12 years old and i i think that the the driver's license is a a party to this time change you're trying to play it on the podcast i would like to play i wonder how many like jobs i've lost i feel insane every time i call you call me

okay i'm gonna call you and i all right hold on let me hook it up to the uh mixer here so we can make sure we get it so i'm embarrassed i haven't heard this ever in your head i need you haven't heard it because it's really shocking oh i'm so excited i'm like nervous i'm a little nervous as you should be oh we're calling me let's see if he answered hi jeremy i'm not here right now crazy not as bad as i thought it would be it's really bad it's a boy i heard i heard the tone of a boy. How does he tell me I'm not here right now?

Please leave a message after the tone. I am in Oats and Quaffs. I can't answer the phone because my hands are all covered in paste. I can tell you this. My dad is so mad at me.

I haven't changed it for years. That is my point. And now to redound, to come back full circle, that bouncer at that club was right to call you out on your lies that you tell

through your identification. There's also a bag check woman who had to check through her bags or whatever. No brokies allowed. And she went through my uh friend's bag my buddy slime and she took and she's like with a flashlight and he has a book in there and she goes oh a book huh is that performative damn was this the roast line i know

damn dude i do think i last time i went to a concert i'd go to concerts extremely infrequently there was a uh woman very like publicly holding up a big leather bound book she was reading in the middle of like the uh general seating like standing a room only audience as my friend pointed out he was like it's in my backpack yeah like what do you want me to do let me guess slime if that's your real name you're here to get some tail is that the case slime to garbage man my friend is a rapper slimes in america to get some slime here at the movie director's live concert that he's attending that's exactly what we wanted to talk about today and by the way it's the start of the show and it's Quarators Plus. Quarators not plus. Normal. Quarators regular.

We're back again with America's premier Quora-based podcast the Quarators live and direct Coming to you from Jeremy's house. Quarrior's weather update. It's gray. I have this pumpkin on my table that Claire got me that my wife painted a face on. And my camera is desperately trying to focus on it. It keeps being like, there's a face there.

I see it. I see there's a face. There's three hosts. One is the pumpkin. You should just put that there and pretend it's me. I am pretending it's you. Oh, you know, I could put it on the red chair. You're kind of the little guy.

Claire's the little guy. Claire's calling in from L.A. as well today because it's too rainy for her to be here as well. Yeah, you don't like the rain. It's a bit, she needs a drier climb. She's like a lizard. Mm-hmm. That's good. I'm checking that off.

That's something I intended to say. My bottom eyelids go up. Yes. Is that how lizards live? That's what I forgot to say is that her bottom lids go up. And then you like to like lay on rocks, right? Yeah, and I like to, like, scurry. Have you ever seen lizards when they do that thing

where they just sort of, like, bump up and down? No. Bump up and down? That's cool. What do you mean? Grok, can you pull this up? Lizards, when they, like... Lizards bump up and down.

Bumping up and down. And then Grok is answering, it's like, by lizards, do you mean Jews? Oh, no. Hey here, just for the base dancer, I think you're looking to ethnically cleanse Jews. Look at all the crime statistics. I'm pulling up lizard facts and I'm just getting crime statistics from Chicago. Is that what you were looking for?

Speaking of cool animals. That's right. Alex, what are we doing this week? Natural segue. Well, it's a very exciting week here on Quarators. This is, of course, Chimp Week. A.K.A. War of the Planet of the Apes. War of the Planet of the Apes, possibly, is a longer title to fit the war series.

It won't fit, but that's what it is. We're on the internet, is that correct? Yeah, I think this is season six cyber era. This is in our cyber era, and in the cyber era, anything can happen online. and so this week we are visiting all kinds of online based spaces where chimps are known to reside it's a very exciting time for us now i had this pulled up a while ago when i when alex walked in today he said i noticed your downstairs neighbor is working i did say that they're pretty much gonna have to live like they work at cracked and put headphones in when i am over what a dream

because I'm going to command the space. Oh, man, you're the calmest baby of all time. Chimp week, they're calling it. All right, it's site of the week. That's what you wanted to say? And so instead of a space of the week on this online season, we can do things like go to a site of the week using our site ability.

And here it is now, our site of the week. Is that okay? Oh, wrong one. Shut up. Shut up. It's hard. Space of the week. Site of the week.

Site of the week. We're on projectchimps.org. Okay. First of all, the first thing it says on projectchimp.org is that it's giving day for apes October 7th. October 7th. Okay. A lot of things are lining up for me now. Very interesting.

giving day for apes.org it's giving day it looks a little funny it does it's kind of well i think aura together my brain wants to make it orange oh no that's not what i was you're i see what you're saying claire because it's all one word it's like a fucking genocide uh 30 rock joke because it looks like it's giving day for rapes oh i see it's okay well let's not let's not do accents of it says and it's what it says and it was on October 7th well I mean there's

no evidence that it's giving day I do like I really like the idea that Hamas was planning their attack and was like when they're busy with giving day for apes that's when we'll strike this is probably the worst episode to listen to if you've never listened to one before they'll have their wallets

out at the zoo at the EDM zoo First they'll put their assault rifles on the ground Everyone in the IDF will put their guns on the ground To get their wallets out to give money to apes And that's when we kick down the door And paraglide in Every Israeli loves chimpanzees

Israelis love cool chimpanzees And that's pretty much what this website's about It's giving day for rapes For apes I'm not connecting rapes on October 7th I'm not, I'm just saying that's what the fucking URL is Project Chimps is doing that Because they haven't been able to provide any evidence of those.

And I'll say that on the record. Project Chimps brought six new chimpanzees home from the lab. What are their names, Claire? Can you read these names? Adam, Bozo, Johnny, Orpheus, Roy, and Tony, which could just be the members of Maroon 5, for all I fucking know. Oh, yeah. Everyone named their favorite member of Maroon 5.

Bozo. Orpheus. I really like that four of these are just normal names like Adam, Roy, Tony, and then one of them sucks, you're Bozo, and then the other one is Orpheus. Take the red banana to go back into the ape inclusion. Or have the blue banana and also do more ape stuff. Do more different types of ape things. I dyed the colors of these bananas. Go back into the zoo.

now what is going on on project chimps can i ask that for once so great question giving day on october 7th global federation of animal sanctuaries will present the 12th animal giving day for apes each day each year giving day for apes is an opportunity for sanctuaries and rescue centers throughout north america africa and asia that care for apes to raise funds raise awareness about their work compete for prizes that's in peace jane goodall great timing was it uh play stupid ape games win stupid ape prizes that's what they always say i believe is what i was trying to say yes it's one of the best ways to win ape prizes you want a kitten now that's a reference to coco the gorilla i believe will come up this episode and it is

worth saying we have quora questions today about apes in general hold on oh it's chimp week isn't it it is chimp week i have to read this sentence but it's not just chimps on on quarrel we're going to dive around a little bit so originally this was called giving wait what was it called it's Giving Day for apes. No, no, no. Originally, it was called Great Ape Giving Day. Giving Day. And they changed the name to Giving Day for Apes

to signify the inclusion of Gibbons, the, quote, lesser ape. Thank you. What do Gibbons do? They're just a lesser ape. They're not great? I think it's a reference to their size. I don't know.

I'm pretty damn sure. No, not Gibbons Brothers. Not the Gibbons Brothers. The screenwriter, she wrote... Jeremy's pulled up the Gibbons Brothers. I don't know what the Gibbons Brothers wrote, but here's what gibbons look like oh they're so cute it's because they're not oh my god they look like little people no they don't they do i'd say they look like lesser apes if i had to

you have face blindness this ape looks just like shakira now gibbons if you don't know them they're very soft and they have kind of a uh um i don't know this majestic fur that you just want to rub your face in. This one's like golden. Maybe a little risky to do as they are apes and so they possess the abilities to have incredible tensile strength and tension in their fingers.

They look very cute. I would love to wear a coat of those guys. No, this actual this exact impulse is what's causing devastation in the gibbon community. No, I think it would look really classy on me when I walk into Nobu.

And it's already Claire-shaped. I will throw blood on you. If you find a big enough gibbon, you can just wear its skin. See, this is a race to the bottom, because you're going to kill a gibbon to get its fur, and then I'm going to have to kill a gibbon to get a bucket of blood to throw on your coat. At the end of the day, we're just going to be out of gibbons.

Oh, it's gibbon season. It's gibbon day. Giving day for apes makes me think of a Zoomer realizing it's day for apes. It's giving day for apes? It's somewhat giving day for apes. it's project chips uh yeah we're here on projectchips.com now there's a read our blog uh picture here with an ape kind of i guess he's got a notebook now that's funny i don't care who you are yes it's it's uh there's a birthday bash for captain

kirk that's one of the apes oh here's orpheus oh orpheus is so cool looking those glasses that wrap around your head on them um i don't know i wish we want to read about giving ape day or whatever what's the site of the week earth song garden not your grandma's garden i didn't think it was my grandma doesn't have a garden my grandma's garden it was one of my chores you want to see this you want to see this painting that this ape did yes the artistic mind of a chimpanzee painter okay not bad it's pretty good can i say based on how an ape did this it's actually incredible uh so this how would we describe this painting first of all it's on just like a cardboard box which is pretty disrespectful

to the damn ape uh but he drew a star which is get your hands off he colored in the star but it's in the lines yeah i mean he did his use of color is exquisite yeah he's really talented I don't think I could do a better job than this damn dirty ape. This is the article. It's by James Otis. Read it. Have you heard about a chimpanzee painter? Chimpanzees are the closest animals to humans as they share 98% of our DNA.

Because of this similarity in their obvious intelligence, anthropologists and scientists became curious if chimpanzees had a sense of artistry. The answers to this question is very complex and can be hard to define. as it has many different elements to it. Subheader one, the most famous chimpanzee painter. Who is it, Jackson Pollock? Oh, come on. Come on, Alex.

That's just rude to Jackson. Hey, Jackson, you're always welcome on the show. He did those splatters. I love how much you drink. Does he drink a lot? He's a drunk. Yeah, he's a drunk. He's a drunk and a hound.

I didn't know that. It's sad. All right, tell me about Congo. Okay, well, the most famous chimpanzee-powered painter, perhaps most famous chimp involved in the arts and painting, is a chimp named Kongo, born in the wild in 1954. I wonder where. Kongo made about 400 paintings between the ages of two and four.

Prolific. Oh, wow, he's a prodigy. Prolific works. These works came into creation when zoologist and artist Desmond Morris took an interest in the young ape and gave him art materials. That's how anyone starts. You're not going to believe the next sentence of this. The paintings Kongo produced looked much like the works of artists like Jackson Pollock.

Woo! With an abstract appearance. Kongo's an alcoholic. Coincidence. He's a damn drunk. Oh, those are great. This is pretty cool, actually. I would hate this up.

It makes me feel for the first time. That's an original Kongo we have. He was two and a half when he drew it. It feels really wrong to put a market price on Kongo's paintings. Can I say that? I paid $450,000. I would say the brown streaks make me think that's his poo-poo. Many of the streaks make you think of poo-poo, and they are.

They sure are. He had three colors, blue, black, and white. You'll notice that the painting smells like shit. There's a reason for that. Notable fans of Congo's work include famed Spanish painter Pablo Picasso, who owned a painting by the chimp. Even after Congo passed in 1964, R.I.P. Congo, His artistic legacy lived on.

In 2005, three of Congo's paintings sold at an auction. The paintings by Congo sold before works by famous artists Andy Warhol and Pierre Auguste Renoir, it says with an exclamation point. Ah, the monkey has gotten his painting before me. Yeah, monkey's the only one who understands the perversity of sex. He stole my idea of using poop on the painting. I do The first thing I think of when I think of French people Is the movie The Dreamers

Which is a disgusting sex movie they used to have on HBO I haven't seen it It's real gross It's too sexy These are the kinds of people buying Congo's paintings I haven't seen it French ones I think of Le Samurai

On the repeat Alright well this is enough about Congo but I think we've really explored projectchimps.com. There's a reason. There's like a lot more on here. Crazy author's picture at the bottom. Yeah, I don't know. Just not a flattering one.

He has a flat head. Yeah. And it looks like he needs to go to the beach. Jesus Christ. It just looks like an Uber driver picture. By the way, don't make a fucking article about chimps if you don't want me to roast your ass live on Quarators. I'm going to get you.

I'm going to read your chimp article I think it's really unique and interesting, and I'm going to see your face, and I'm just going to tear you a new one at the end of it. Let's go on to Quora.com, which is what we do on this podcast. It's giving Day of Apes. It's giving Day of Apes. This is Corbett and Fruit. The monkey is our cousin.

Can I just say this is one of the best questions we've ever written on this podcast. Let's play a J. Could a hybrid chimp slash human be born without sin? You beat me to it. I love this question. Humans famously were born with sin, right? Yes.

Because of what Adam did? Adam. Of Adam and Eve? Eve did it. She was his rib. He's accountable. He's to blame because of his rib influence. And honestly, for not controlling his woman.

I don't buy that. I see your wife out there cavorting with snakes. Eating fruit she's not supposed to. You need to control your wife, bro. She's been hanging out with that snake a lot. Adam just listening to like alpha male podcasts. Yeah. In the corner being like, I'm going to make a million dollars this year.

Why was I getting out of this fucking garden? Your wife's got to be nowhere near the apple of knowledge. That's not for wives. She should be eating the apple of gains. It's full of protein. Has important amino peptide chains. Why your wife should wear three leaves and that's it. It's a lot considering how much everyone else was wearing at the time.

Yeah. Which was nothing. Did you guys have that Adam and Eve game that you had to do at school and middle school? No. What's up? there was like this adam and eve like learning game i had to do in school and there were all these like it was like body parts now one member of this podcast went to catholic school based on this conversation who would you guess it was a science thing it wasn't religious but

it was like there were these two well the bible has much to teach us there were these two naked adam and eve figures and they but they're like you know they were covered up and the rumor the rumor was that if you had the non, if you had the teacher's copy You get the mods. You could take off the leaves. There's like early early Steam community remove leaves from Adam and Eve game

You could get Eve's hair off of her boobs. You could get the hot coffee cutscene where you fuck Eve to regain HD. This was in 6th grade It's so funny too because we were at the perfect generation of the beginning of internet porn too because it was like

you could look at Eve naked or you could search in porn on Google and see anything you want. Yeah, but internet speed had left much to be desired back then. It's also like this was of a certain level of like games availability where somebody might take the time

to make the Naked Eve mod in a way where now I can't imagine bothering. No. I don't think it was a mod. I think there just was a version of it where you could see them naked, but I could be wrong. It was just for teachers.

Just for the teachers, baby. Just for teachers, so just so they knew what to teach. Oh, pussy. Oh, fat tits. They're describing it to you. Okay, so the nipples are really long. One of Eve's boobs are weird. You should know that.

They're not the same. Penis. How would you find it? There's no way this is going to be anything. maybe not maybe you're right it was some sort of middle school thing all right can we focus on the question now yes human could a hybrid chimp yes okay so could it be born without sin no it's an abomination it is uh made outside of the vision of god and should be destroyed at its earliest convenience also interesting if you're going by like religious standards animals don't

have souls which is why humans are born with sin is because they are divine and so a human chimp hybrid would either, A, not have a soul, or B, be doubly damned for being a witchcraft experiment in addition to a son of Adam. What if he has half a soul? Well, that would be bad, right? I'd have like 98%

of a human soul. Well, 99. Is it half or 98%? It's 99. Because it averages out 98 and 100. Okay, fine, fine, fine. I could see this being an excellent premise for like a JRPG. Oh, sure. Oh, interesting. Ape.

Shippuden. Only you can attack the great dragon. I was thinking you'd probably have to kill all people if you're Ape Shippuden, but I don't know. I don't know. I do want to read the answer. Your father was a chimp. And that is why you were born without sin,

the perfect man. This is pretty much the story of Inuyasha. I wouldn't know. Yeah, well, read a book. But no. That book should be Inuyasha. Jason White is the top answer here. and he said what a peculiar question he does on one side you have something that would require

genetic manipulation that is currently some way beyond our capabilities on the other side you have the tenets of a 2 000 year old religion that were set down in times and we didn't even know what genetics was i'm not even sure you could come up with a sensible answer on one hand oh my god how many hands do you have yeah most of us have two buddy oh god this is fucking long uh he goes on to say uh there was a bbc drama series some years ago called firstborn i'm listening about a catholic scientist who creates a human gorilla hybrid i'm listening i can't remember how much it played on the religious angle but it might be worth checking out it's pretty funny gibbons brothers wrote that bit of an ape joke by the way it's quaraders it's

chimp week um don't you feel like though isn't it funny to be like yeah there's a tv show about a catholic scientist who makes a who plays god no idea if it gets into religion by the way check out doctor who pretty good uh here's another comment read this one all right joyce federal says uh did i read that right yeah i'm a little far away from the computer if there's any logic to it. John Fetterall. It's not John Fetterall, it's Joyce. If there is any logic to it, which is doubtful, but what the heck? If sin

comes from Adam, then it's coded in our DNA. You need to know which section has the sin coded into it. Then make sure that isn't passed on. This is the smartest thing I've ever read. In which case, what could make a sinless human?

Since that's supposedly not possible, if sin is coded into every bit of the DNA, then no matter how many species are mated, if there's one drop of human DNA, then it's sinful. So I think if we could remove the sin from the DNA, the super rich would be doing it right away because they'd be like,

I must have this premium DNA. Oh my God. That would be so funny if Elon Musk merged with a monkey. He'd do it. He'd be the first to do it. He'd be without sin, so he'd be really kind.

It would be so epic. Thoughtful. He'd lose all his money instantly. Grimes would take him back. Well, he'd be without sin. She'd be a fool not to. If anything, she'd be sinning him up. Oh.

And that would be a mark on his sinless name. Anyway, back to Joyce's answer. On the other hand, if sin is defined as the inclination to disobey the Christian God, What is with these people and their hands? Listen to her logic. Sorry. Have you ever heard of a creature that will completely turn itself over to the will of another? Every creature.

Every plant. Every bacteria. Is born with an imperative to meet its own needs. I thought we would say that at the same time. Oh, sorry. Any species without that would have died off without passing on offspring. But what in the world does a virgin have to do with it? That's not in the question, Joyce.

What are you talking about? Joyce is just spitting now. She's kind of like in her own groove. She's obsessed with virgins. She wants to know if your ape is pure. I'm trying to fuck your ape, son. Take my ape, please. It's giving ape day.

It's giving ape day. Day of ape. Day for ape. I think that's what it was. She has such a good start about which section of DNA has the sin in it and just completely abandons it. It is too bad. Paragraph four, from how your question is structured,

your definition of Christian sin is a bit loopy. It sounds more like an idea cobbled together from what you've heard people say about sin? I see from your profile that you're an atheist. Okay, so this is one of those gotcha questions journalists have. Maybe. About a sinless human-ape hybrid.

I think it's a good question, though. Oh, yeah. I mean, we all would like to see a human-ape hybrid. Yeah, and see if it could sin. What if someone did it? Who among us wouldn't want to hand it a cigarette and see if it takes it? Imagine someone full-on fuck a chimpanzee,

get pregnant, give birth, and the baby comes out and is like, I can do no evil. I would be sick. That would be pretty sick. There's no other word for it. It would be beast mode. It would be beast mode.

To answer your question, it would be beast mode. There's a Quora Plus answer here that says all babies are born without sin. Oh, baby! Shut up. It's not true. You're a fucking liar. everyone's getting going against the original sin theory but that's not really the question go up real quick i want to read uh please please read if someone could do that i will personally

assure that the baby human chimp hybrid is neither born with the sin nor commits any sin from day one it won't make faces to anyone it won't steal food from anyone's refrigerator it won't flirt with anyone both human and chimp it won't slap on your cheeks when intimidated and annoyed this is a big one in the chimp community also if someone is interested to declare the virgin board humanoid chimp or chimpoid human as a new messiah and start religion i'll lend my full support towards it but i have one condition and this is in bold i need to be declared as the patron saint and enjoy all the glory in this life and thereafter it actually says parted it's a part and he wants to be a part it was nice of you to clean that up for him i really like this comment it's a yeah it's like

probably the best answer of like if there is one eye it's mine i like him he will not flirt with anyway he could do funny faces i will not let it slap cheeks i will dress it up like a clown this is my chimp god uh let's do another question yes please last week we did i think two questions we can do at least four today slam koragon wild it's a chimp chimp is it possible for a large human like the mountain or the rock to intimidate a chimp in a show of dominance despite the chimp being stronger who's the mountain the mountain is the guy from game of thrones who's so big he's like the rock but he's a mountain yeah he's uh he's like a world record um bodybuilder a picture there's actually like three guys who played him in game

of thrones but the main one is this guy look how fucking big this guy is dude very large he's a mountain of a man nerdist remember nerdist nerdist uh points as i recall he is killed by the uh poisoned blade for many years the password i made at um hard drive was chris fartwick Hey. Which I thought was very fun. It was changed. There's nothing fun about that. Well, this is a whole lot of man, and there's more to love.

He's a mountain. He's practically a mountain. But the question is, could he intimidate a chimp? Chimps are famously smaller than peoples, but they have access to more of their neurological connections to generate strength, and that includes ripping your nose and eyes out of your face. How are you going to rip off fucking Gregor Clegane's arms?

Look how thick they are. You can't even get your hands around them. You'd get the fingers. You get the fingers, you get the nose. I don't think it matters. You get your little ears. Do you think this is what Burt Kreischer thinks he looks like? Yes.

I do think this is what Burt Kreischer thinks he looks like. I mean, in Burt's defense, a lot of this is lighting, right? Because you just got to get the right angle. No, he's a lot bigger than Burt Kreischer, I think. I think he's the same size as Burt Kreischer. I think Burt Kreischer could hold the world deadlift record. Burt Kreischer follows me on Twitter. and I think he follows like a million people

on Twitter and once a month I message him going, Burt, I'd love to have you on Glorators. You gotta come. You don't have to wear the shirt. That's hustling. That's a good hustle. We think you look just like Game of Thrones. We don't think you're funny.

But we think you're hot. We think you're really hot is what it is. We'll pay you in sex, Burt. We'll fuck you. We heard you have an evil wife and we'll pay you in sex. I don't think that she doesn't have an evil wife you're thinking of

Tom Segura I'm giving the benefit of the doubt why is she evil Christina P one of them has like a very conservative wife who

they're just both conservatives they just have a podcast where they're conservatives from what I've heard it's that she like really shines on these kinds of

like political issues and then is like slowly making their husband more and more conservative and now that they're incredibly rich these things happen

to themselves they're always complaining about poor people on the show or whatever They're like one of the main people who made Andrew Tate big, I think. Yes. Just like stupid.

Anyway, comedy rocks. We're going to be doing the Riyadh Comedy Festival next month. We're so excited. I think Bert Kreischer's hot, and I'm not afraid to say it. I think a chimp can only defeat the mountain in battle if he uses poison. The question isn't if he can beat him in battle. It's could you scare it off, right? Yeah.

Could you intimidate a chimp in a show of dominance? Now, if we are done fooling around, I'd like to read some answers. Okay, I'm sorry. i'm really sorry jeremy has a new neighbor i'm trying to intimidate them he's so large all right read this from donald last i'll be donald first to read it by the way he's a formal former salesperson from 1979 to 2015 shut up a very large powerful man would most definitely not have a better chance of besting a chimp in a fight to the death because the chimp doesn't live in a world where you can simply submit that's a dubious feat though since the human's chances

would rise from average human male maybe two percent it's probably 20 that's a lot it's a large powerful human male i mean it's not i wouldn't take a 20 odds fight probably i would only take only the best odds for my fights oh sure fair enough here's my reasoning let's assume the rock is twice as strong as the chimp he's not his strength is virtually his only advantage the chimp having incisor teeth longer than a jaguar. That will fuck you up. And a stronger bite force would be deadly in the long run. The chimp would have

a decided advantage of speed and quickness outmaneuvering any human except maybe Bruce Lee. No. Donald Glass, it seems like you're just making stuff up, man. I don't know that any of this is based in reality. The chimp would have an advantage with his grip on all four hands and feet in close combat. Chimp could grip both your wrists

with his feet or possibly your throat. Close combat would be terrifying to the human when his hands are mangled in a split second, then a big chunk of his face would next to a big chunk of his face. Next up would be his genitals. I'm sorry, I was really confusing to read.

Next up would be his genitals. They do like to rip off your genitals. That's true. They'll do that no matter what. They go for it. And honestly, that's what I do as well. Me too. First time I see someone who intimidates me, I go, bam! Rip him off. Just rip his dick off. Oh, you bet you think you can cut me in line at Subway,

Let's see you do it without a penis That I've ripped off and you bled to death At Subway Enjoy your meatball sub asshole I'll be eating my meatball sub Out of my hand I'll be eating my foot long He has a huge penis

He has a really hot guy It's like a real stud It's easier to rip off a big penis Than a little guy Little Adonis thought he could order his sandwich by cutting me in line. Well, let's see how he does it when he's dead.

At Subway. I forgot where I was. I got very distracted. The chimp lives in the wild, having dozens of experiences of near-death battles with enemy chimp troops, jaguars. This guy's really, really certain about the numbers of things

happening. Dozens of experiences. 2%, 20%. It's almost like he's a former salesperson. He's really selling us on chimps battling jaguars. Seriously. I do want to see that happen. No human would have this experience. Humans rarely experience broken bones and ripped flesh pain in human-to-human battle.

They simply tap out. We're on Donald Last's page. Although Donald Last gave a very bad answer, and I do want to read that. I want to see his questions. Why didn't horses evolve on all the continents except for Antarctica? What kind of question is that? I don't know. Why could you ask that?

Do ex-spouses need to be notified if I apply for ex-spousal Social Security benefits? Damn. Someone got divorced. That is tough. Divorcee here. Here's my thoughts on your chimp question. My ex-wife was like a jaguar, and I was just a chimp in her way. He has just a lot of questions about animals, and then every now and then he's just like,

I'm divorced. Here's my thoughts about Joe Biden. Why did Israel dislike Barack Obama? I don't know. Couldn't tell you. So I like the trend over there of liking black people. Okay. Chimps aren't as strong as you think.

Read the top answer. You probably mean leopards, not jaguars. Otherwise, good answer. No, it's not. What if the human has a sharp stick? That's not the question. You're not even close to it. I'm getting so mad.

What about this question from, this answer from Stephen Edward Rogers? Who is Captain America and a picture of Captain America. The teeth are big is the thing, right? Like, it's going to be hard to get around that. They're bigger than a jaguar. But here's the, I mean, the question is, can you, like, trick the chimp? And I want one Jane Goodall in the comments to be like, actually, chimps are scared or, no, they're not scared. Chimps have seen every episode of Game of Thrones.

A chimp will carry Dornish poison on them wherever they go. Chimps love the viper. A chimp is in many ways unsullied. that's because they keep ripping people's penises off that's why they love the unsullied so much they're creating unsullied the word sullied is so good the unsullied say that yeah just like i think that's a britishism we could start adapting more here in the states there's the guy who landed that plane he's sullied right yeah he sullied the flight by allowing birds to strike his engine yeah all right well here's his answer i once saw a fairly large human try to chase a troop of

long-tailed macaques out of his garden the boss male macaque charged the guy mouth wide open teeth ready to go the human ran away once the teeth comes out instinct kicks in and human leaves the field the human may be bigger and even stronger but chimps have these see this is a good quora answer it has everything i need to know about the chimp claire i see your camera angle has gone bananas hey and it is chimp week i'm trying to relax in a chimp week claire's holding a microphone that has the longest cable i've ever seen it's like 10 feet long and it's wrapped around the microphone she needs to get it on stage get on the way out there i miss the clickety clack of the floorboards

okay i feel like i'm done with this question i agree it sounds like you couldn't i agree based on the two people who sound like they made it up jeremy pull this one up here's another question for you why has nobody tried using war gorillas why not war gorillas they've used war elephants sure have they yeah yes horse war horse war horse that's a great horse that was in the Now, where of all naming animals one could ride? Well, the elephants, they're kind of just chilling, right? They just swing their big tusks. In Lord of the Rings, they ride them.

Yeah, I guess you're right. I think somebody at some point rode an elephant. Definitely. There's like Carthaginians you're thinking of. Yes. I bet you could use it. The problem with war gorillas is that gorillas don't follow orders. Yeah, it's that they go their own way because they're all alphas.

You can go your own way. And the other thing is they're actually gentle giants. I feel like that would factor into it. Are they gentle giants? That's what Glenn McMillan says. Does he say this? Oh, I didn't even read that yet, but it appears I'm as correct as Glenn McMillian.

What does he say? My Glenn McMillions. Glenn McMillian, who graduated from college in 1972, says, there are many good reasons. The simplest two are that gorillas are actually rather peaceable creatures and that there aren't enough gorillas in the whole world to bother trying to use them for any kind

of work at all. Finding a gorilla and transporting him from his tropical home to a place he could be trained to fight would take more manpower money than it would take a dozen trained men and soldiers. These are all very good reasons. Yeah, but it would be funny. Yeah. It's not supposed to be funny. Think about

how funny it would be, Glenn. I see you kicking in with your comedy writer's brain, but this is actually a military asset. I'm just saying yeah, it would cost a little bit of money, but you've taken this gorilla and You've given him an assault rifle. They're vegetarians, and they would hold a cat, and they'd love it. Can you imagine gorillas in that Abu Ghraib picture?

I can't. That'd be funny. Oh, jeez. No one would have gotten mad if it was gorillas. It was a funny gorilla. Yeah, I mean, if gorillas are doing moral unspeakables, you'd have to just be like, of course, we shouldn't have put a gorilla in charge. They're born without sin.

It's just some lady. It says nothing about the nature of man when your gorilla captor does these things to you. Sure. Poses with a torture victim. Yeah. And it puts a black bag on your head and you're like, sorry, that's a gorilla. He doesn't know better. It's a gorilla thing.

It's giving day for apes. It's giving day for apes. I would really like this comment that says, you can't tame wild. That's Daniel's show. So true. And the other comments just say they have. It's called Planet of the Apes. It's called the damn planet of the apes.

You cannot train wild. That's from Daniel Schoen. Damn dirty Daniel. Daniel Schoen is wearing a cool fishing hat. He's a fisherman. He knows about fishing. He knows about fish. He's into camping and carpentry.

He knows about woodworking crafts. He has one question ever, which is why is there a system set up that the, quote, worker makes so little money and the top person who doesn't do the work gets so much more money? Daniel beginning. He's prying at the edges of our society. Daniel, you are so freaking based, dog. You can't tame wild Daniel. He's just that meme that's like, I just want a grill.

He lives in Austin. He seems dope as hell. He's a retired maintenance supervisor. Seems like he's involved with the Cub Scouts. I followed him. He seems dope as fuck. Shout out to Daniel. You're our ape of the week. He mostly loves

wild animals. He has a lot of answers about animals being wild. Like, literally. It's true. As far as we know, his wife is still with him someone said is it true that wolves are smarter than dogs because they're domesticated themselves instead of being tamed by humans he says are all caps you saying wolves are domesticated wolves are wild they are not domesticated in any shape or form oh you can't tame wild and then uh someone else says is it possible for wolves or any other animal to be completely tamed towards humans no aggression and he says no no and no a wolf has been and

will always be wild you can't tame wild and then someone asks what does it mean when a wild slash feral animal is tame around you or your family but aggressive to others oh man he says it means you and your family need to get as far away from that animal as fast as you can and don't go back you're around a wild animal and then one last one i'll read what are the benefits of having a pet mountain lion rather than a cougar cougar slash puma and he says none of these cats are in any way shape or form pets they are wild so to answer no benefits at all you can't take one and that's big money as well i love this guy he's awesome yeah he's really showing the lines between pets and wild jeremy

uh someone else asked what factors do dolphins consider when choosing a mate and he says sorry i'm not a dolphin all right that's a little frustrating as you know we're trying to get some answers here but you know you're having fun online and so are we let's do another question yes yes yes yes now do the uh chimp with an iq of 100 did we do that one no it's quora md okay It's QuoraMD and it's giving day for chimps and apes at large. Could selective breeding produce a chimp with an IQ of 100? So IQ is based on logical problem solving. Yeah, it's like knowing what shapes.

Mechanics. Knowing shapes. It's knowing when trains leave at one station at a certain speed and approach another station at another speed. Yeah, that's right. Or when two trains meet in the middle at different speeds. I didn't know that. It's like pattern recognition.

It's all about trains? Yeah, it's mostly trains. A lot of it has to do with train schedules. That's why Germans are really high IQ. It's about what you can order on the train and how much it costs. Yeah. And if beer is like $12 on the train, you might as well just wait until you get there to get beer. That's the question.

If beer is $12 on the train, you want to be drunk before being on the train, but you have some beers at home. Should you pregame? Bring your beers on the train. No one's going to catch you. Genius alert. I used to do that on the bus. Whoa, dude. I saw a fist fight on the bus this weekend.

On the bus? Yeah. this guy this woman we're stuck in traffic and this woman was yelling at the traffic and she was going like fucking what the fuck are you guys doing and this guy was like i'm gonna you need to shut the fuck up and she was like i'm not shutting up fuck you and then the guy punched her in the face and then this is on a bus you were on the bus this is all on the bus and jeremy you heroically got in front of him and said do not touch women like that get your meat hooks off of her my wife wanted to do that and i was like you should not get punched by this guy he's gonna punch you and

they kept screaming each other for like 30 minutes they're going back and forth but at the end like there was like a crowd of people on the bus so they kept like cheering on the guy a little bit he kept making jokes like at one point one point so he kept being like you're a lesbian you look like a lesbian and she's like i'm not a lesbian i just look like one because i dress like a boy and he kept going you're a boy and it was really weird and then she kept going suck my dick suck my dick and he goes i did suck your dick with my fists it was crazy comedy is very powerful it was insane the the world the ability to laugh can make the world smile the bus driver tried to kick him off the bus and the guy was like i'm not getting off the bus and the bus driver was like

all right all right you beat me there you called my bluff nothing i could really do i guess i'll make all the stops this was also all like 30 minutes of traffic at like when i got on so i we made it maybe like one block like i could have walked faster it sucked uh well next time why don't you suck it with your fists whoa yeah that's what they said at the bus if you recall read this answer i'm gonna go to the i'm gonna go pee oh you're gonna go pee what's claire gonna do all right claire you gotta stay you gotta be the jeremy of the situation all right he got stuck on a chair you can't really see he's making his way to the bathroom i was i was on the bus and i saw a fight uh-huh that sounds about right that does sound like something he would say but he'd be

like i was there for a while and uh you know it was really tense and i didn't i just kind of got small i got small i got really small i just i closed my eyes and i wished it was over until i got to my podcasting studio i went i drove i almost ran into a fight with my car oh my god two nights ago we were i was driving downtown la and we're gonna find parking downtown is like already sort of a ghost town oh no i'm gonna drive upon a fight and they were just fighting in the middle of the street and you know my headlights are like sort of beautifully lighting the scene and they're like looking at me kind of but not really but they just decide to like fight right in front of my car oh my there's a guy with a crutch just sort of like going like

fuck you and then a woman's like like no fuck you then she pushes the guy with the crutch and then there are these two guys like squaring up and one has a shirt off and the other is sort of a big sort of fat guy oh my god so i had to back up all the way down the street because they wouldn't let me drive through whoa and so you think this all happened because you set the scene with your lights yeah i think they were like oh now this is the time if we're going to do anything we should do it now well it looks like street fighter in here that's so fascinating claire claire set the scene for a fight with her car headlights now i'm gonna read this answer by mark warner again the question is could selective breeding produce a chimp with an iq of 100 i'm back conceivably

conceivably it's conceivable problem would be assembling a large enough breeding population of chimps living in controlled environments to provide sufficient breeding stock that would allow the selection of the most intelligent this would take a long time and require require a rather impressive breeding stock of chimps which is simply not available in fact experimentation using chimps is increasingly seen as unethical currently we think that a typical adult chimp is about as bright as a three-year-old human child so the bar is not that high many chimps in captivity have been trained to do all manner of rather complex tasks yeah but three-year-old humans are not approaching 100 iq i don't think we should do it the problem is you have to read chimps

you have to figure out how which chimps are smarter yeah and you need like a hundred generations to even like get anywhere we we invented dogs i was about to say you could make like a really ugly chimp that fits in a bag or something you could make a chimp that people see it and they go like your life was wrong to have created i think we should do this with a different animal because chimps are really not worth doing it with if you can like take octopuses and breed those until you have like the smartest octopus that can like i don't know rap or something put them on a land write poetry i think that would be um based and red pilled as the kids say reporting in live with octopus poetry the hard part would be figuring out again which octopus is smart

right and it's mostly yeah they have to agree with your media uh consumption yeah right you know they want they want to watch the same things you watch they like the same things you like you you uh are trying to figure out what octopus is smart and it's like i love marvel movies and you're like fuck god damn it kind of a basic octopus probably not one of our smarter octopuses this octopus should get less tang than the other ones because this is an important part of it is you need to then make the smart ones have sex with each other yeah you gotta jack off all those

chimps so like if you have like a lot of really smart females in a row or whatever like useless you don't have to make them have sex though yes you do well you can do it outside of the oh I see what you're saying like put them to sleep and take their eggs when they breed horses they don't make the horses fuck

they jack them off into a bucket oh is that true yeah so they'd have to jack off a chimp yeah man well that's a lot better than a horse i think i think so it's a lot better and a lot more fun i like it more everyone's gonna have a good time all right reset the uh bestiality counter if you're listening at home hit the button i assume sometimes they let the horses go crazy though and and go fuck each other yeah just like uh like if it's like olympics week for the horses you know yeah maybe i don't know olympic village sometimes when i see horses having sex like any certain animals having sex

i'm like this looks too difficult like they're not even what they gotta do any of the ones with four legs i'm like this just seems so inconvenient for you totally there's no foreplay no there's only four paws they don't cuddle after the horses i don't know that that's true one way or another I think they could cuddle. Maybe you're right. I don't know. There are mammals I bet they could cuddle. I don't know if a horse could cuddle.

What you know about a horse could fill a very short Quarators episode, my friend. Nice to think about. It is nice to think about. Oh, Secretariat. So I don't think you could do it. It would maybe take a really long time. This guy seems so full of shit, Mark Warner. I agree, dude.

Fuck him. I hate him. Everything he said is just like, you spend a lot of time thinking about this and you're a bad guy. This is a quintessential Quora answer. David Andrews says, for many reasons,

this is not a sensible question. Yeah, I know. Agreed. I think that's an AI. David Andrews. Is he real? He's a psychologist. Now, he is looking right at the camera Mythbusters style.

Yeah, he's extremely Gen X. He lives in Finland and he's a contributor to Open Mic Night. his whole you guys might know this from Finland's open mic scene do you think there's a comedy episode we could do do you think there's a bunch of comedians on Quora

discussing their craft yeah absolutely it's gotta be a cursed place I think it may be too blue for the show like how comedians will do cyberspace comedy they do a VR comedy

oh damn that sounds really unpleasant yeah that's a thing there's like a vr comedy club i know about like people who do like a lot of like um zoom comedy that's still around that's different this is a a metaverse comedy club you can go to if you put on your little porn goggles and you can watch pete holmes or whatever now that's really something yeah um but it's not in finland so i guess it loses me there back to david andrews profile his entire resume is in uh under his name so you can see yeah where he what grades he got got his psychology license and his masters of education and his subject interests and topic interests so this could be like your therapist his his most recent question is why

is paypal so shite and then he stopped without paypal he was out of it yeah i like this question his first question seven years ago how how you doing seen any good questions in here no answers no one had seen any good questions that's basically my question for quora right and that's what the show is for is to find the good questions what is quora should we answer and say yeah yeah some really good ones i'll say that say yes it's chimp week it's chimp week i've discussed them on my podcast quarators it's chimp week this is kind of like on the ground uh promotion at that point and i am the former on the uss admiral yeah america give us a title he can respect i agree okay let's do another question i think we could maybe just do

the calling question here we go every week we answer your quora questions that you sent to us at our email quarators at gmail.com we would love to hear from our audience please try to keep your questions short under 30 seconds i haven't said that in a while and it's an important part of the whole thing no one has listened to that though no one seems to really care please make the question i'll tell you this please it is the the only rule we have is that you keep your question under 30 seconds there's no punishment for breaking the rule we'll still do it yeah we're worms and we'll eat it right up the little dirt you didn't listen you didn't listen to the rule but we'll still click on it and you can just waste our time there is no rule that says that dog can't send us a

question though not a single one hit the button not yet is that okay uh this one um just for for clarity it says silly question attached i need yous to know it is not a bit it is a real thing that happens to me all of the time hello quaraders uh i have a question and it is in the course of my work i am frequently mistaken for a fisherman and i am not a fisherman and i am wondering what is the best way to respond to members of the public who think i am a fisherman and ask me questions that a fisherman would know the answers to which i do not know thanks so first thing i'm going to say is are you wearing a big floppy hat do you smell like fish are you doing fishermen's type things i guess you're wearing galosh galoshes i'm trying to think of what i would need to see

on somebody to assume they were a fisherman have you captured a dugong and you're waiting in the water imagining like yellow coat a big hat and holding a fish on a hook right i guess this person just has the look of a fisherman if you keep saying things like the seas that'll make me think you're a fish i do that no one thinks i'm a fisherman yeah is that true i think you're Silly Billy. Yeah, they're just like, oh, he loves the arts. The seas are mighty rough today. But the question is how to deal with people misunderstanding that they are not a fisherman.

Right. So you've already been accused of fisheries. Fishermanism. Fisherman tactics. And at this point, in order to assert that you really do not know the first thing about fisherman stuff, you need to say, hey, I just wish they were all on the land or something a fisherman would never say. To draw a distinction. That would be

my move. I think I would avoid fish. Maybe I'd wear a shirt that says fish suck. Although maybe a fisherman would hate fish. I'm not a fisherman. That makes sense. That's smart. I'm no fisherman.

Like that guy who has that shirt that says I'm not Bernie Sanders. But for a fisherman. Don't live near water. Move. You should just move. Is it because you live by water and everyone around you is a fisherman? You live in a dead-end town where everyone's waiting to fish their way to the grave. Yeah, move to, like, Montana. Yeah, no, this will never happen to you.

Or maybe it'll happen more because they'll be like, I've never seen a fisherman before. My God, you're the only fisherman in town. You get laid. Yeah, you go club to club being like, you ladies ever seen a fisherman like this? this? Oh, it smells like fish to you. How do you know what fish smell like? It's exotic

to them. Someone would say that in such a dry area. That's silly. That's very silly. It's a bit silly. But a fantastic question, and I wish you the best with this. I fish you the best. Maybe

just lean into it. I don't know. Yeah, maybe just become a fisherman. It seems like you have some sort of gift from God. You were meant to destroy them. You were meant to capture fish and kill them and fillet them. Bring them up in a big net and force the air out of their little fishy lungs. Wow, that's beautiful. Yep.

And that's been another week of Quarators. Thank you so much for listening to our show. And thank you to all of the patrons who support us. We do not have any advertisers. And we would love support for community members like you. Go to patreon.com slash quarators. You get a bonus episode every week. I think last one was the spooky one?

The most recent one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That sounds right. Just go with me on this. We did a spooky one. We read more spooky Reddits, I believe. This week we watched like 10 minutes of a terrible Chinese TV show. Yes.

Chinese made TV show. Right. I mean, the people in it were white as all hell. And also we've been asked to give a shout out to someone for their birthday. Rachel. Rachel. who apparently is the person who watched Blade with us one time before you were on the show.

Right, in a very embarrassing moment that we do not usually need to say when we're recording. We used to have movie nights, and only one person came, and it was Rachel of the Light Darker family executive producers of the show. We did it two weeks. The first one, it was just me and Alex

watched Teen Wolf Alone. Which we did enjoy. We had a great time. but uh yeah we're not doing movie nights anymore don't ask you know what Rachel happy birthday no one has asked no one has asked and uh stop asking because we're not bringing it back happy birthday to Rachel and that's it from all of us here at the Quarators we'll have to see you next week until that time question everything bye-bye