Quorators - Controversial Truths w/ A.J. Ditty

Episode Date: May 26, 2025

Comedians Clare O'Kane, Alex Ptak, and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: Can you pull over a cop? What if a country legalized penis torture? Would you ride a NYC subway without a gun to protect you from criminals/democrats? --- Listen to A.J.'s podcast @ https://www.worstpossible.world Get even more Quorators when you support the show @ patreon.com/quorators Send quoras and qommunicate on our discord discord.gg/7pPYuKuYCr Watch the show @ youtube.com/@quorators

let that beat rock can you jiggle my thing a little bit oh yeah just to be numb my cord and and that's there we go i got it jack jeremy thanks for jiggling my thing then i j him oh all right okay i'm closing your gmail did they tell you we watched venom last night yeah i've been invited to talk about it apparently he'd have so many opinions i said you're you've made the cut there are large swaths of that movie i do not remember but you could be our third bonus guest of all time oh okay is that true no josh did one josh brandon uh andrew gerso oh i wasn't here for that and from radio free tote bag uh donald donald donald okay so that's i forgot about the stirs. Dono is our new pope, actually,

on our podcast. So it's actually, like, not even cool anymore. No, it's still cool. But the hyper-competitive guy in me, like, really does want to beat Josh. I'd, like, match Josh in terms of appearances. You think you want that?

But we'll see. Before we start, Alex, can you just state for the record what time you woke up today? Let the beat rock. Okay, I guess not. I guess you cannot. That would be Rock O'Clock. Five in the morning. Nice.

Oh, my God. With the sound of the robot, we are back again. Live in the studio is the Quarators podcast. A bit of a rainy one today. It's raining. Coming down may affect the podcasting energies in the room. We'll have to see how that pairs out. This could be the first sleepy one we've ever recorded.

But we won't know until we get into the thick of it. It's Alex, Jeremy, and Claire. The full complement of hosts has arrived once more to take you. Full hand. The full hand of hosts back on Quora.com. Welcome, everyone. Thank you for having me, Alex. It's wonderful being here in your house.

And we have a great guest today. You may have found this guy getting litty. And by that, I mean, it's AJ Diddy. Hi, everybody. People say that to you a lot, that you're getting litty? No, no. I did have a teacher in high school who kept a giant thing of lotion on his desk and a mirror under his desk so he could look up a girl's skirts.

What? Yeah. He has tenure, Catholic school, but he used to call me P. Diddy all the time. Really? His friend. Yeah, it was really like pot kettle black at a certain point. He was the one who told them about lotion. And girls.

You got to keep moisturized. By the way, check out Girls when you get the chance. The HBO show? The show. I love Lena Dunham. There's so much new talent in New York coming out of New York. Coming out of Oberlin, yeah. So AJ is on the Worst of All Possible Worlds podcast,

the exciting cultural commentary podcast. Yes, yes. and we recently had both of you on that's right yeah I'm sorry to miss the three episodes of the Christian

radio drama I think you'd kind of dodged a bullet yeah it was also one of those things where it's like we already had five people and it's like

at that point it's like why not have twelve I mean honestly I love having two people on because then I don't really have to talk much I just get to sit back and you know

have y'all handle it I get terrified of talking too much in that scenario because you all just kind of run into each other in like a train wreck kind of situation

it was on the computer so I ended up on a few second delay, so I felt like I was just interrupting people the whole time. Not at all. I actually felt very self-conscious because I would make a joke and then Jeremy would laugh at it like three seconds later. And it took me a while to sort of catch up to the

fact that it's just like, oh no, no, he thinks I'm not funny. To the point where it's like, oh no, he does. It's just on a couple second delay. I'm just delayed as fuck. The moment of doubt. Remember Zoom comedy shows? I didn't do them. I refused to do them. Oh no. Were they worse or better than Zoom plays?

They gotta be worse. They've got to be worse. I guess so. They must be. Okay, okay. Well, there's no part in the play. Bring them back. We need them back.

I guess there are laugh lines in a play, but there's not a part in the play where it's like, we wait to see if they laugh and then maybe talk more. They encourage the audience to put their mics on so they could laugh at your Zoom. Yeah, and then they could talk to their roommate a little bit in the middle. You just hear a cat screaming in the background.

I thought it was so funny that all those shows were such a harrowing experience but they paid so much better than real comedy shows they paid? really? every one I did was like yeah we all made $40 yeah cause in the chat it'd be like here's how you pay the comedian yeah everyone's like the world's ending

have $10 we had so much money back then oh we were rich we gotta bring COVID back in a bit you know what we're doing our best I've been mating animals in my garage Alex is on an all-bat diet.

This was before COVID. This is just a long, yeah. All-bat diet. He's only eating bats. The bats have a lean protein between the wings. It keeps the fiber of the wings together, but that's neither here nor there. It is a bit of a dip into today's theme, though.

For AJ's appearance, we are doing Controversial Truths. Whoa. Great. On Quora.com, tackling the bull right by the horns. AJ, you've been on Quora.com? So I went on Quora in preparation for this, But I had not found myself there intentionally ever in my life. I've been there accidentally.

But to me, Quora feels somehow like the end of the internet. Do you know what I mean? Is Quora the wrong side of town of the internet? Is it kind of the wrong side of town where you get there and you're like, I don't think I'm supposed to be here? Well, it's like if you go to the bottom of an AV Club article and you click on the link that says five celebrities who married a tapeworm and you just follow that forever and just click on links,

eventually you will end up at Quora. I feel like it is like very much like I should not be here and I'm on a list for having been. Yeah. So should we name the five celebrities that married a tapeworm? Sure. John Belushi. John Belushi.

Definitely. Jim Belushi. Jim Belushi. They married the same one after John died. Mila Cooney. That's always sad. When Joe and his wives. My favorite ones of those is like,

see how horrific this actor's face looks. Yeah. Or whatever. And it's like a picture of Nicole Kidman. like completely fine yeah or right after dental surgery sometimes now that we've been on uh quora for a long time doing this show i do think the way that we use it is the worst way to use the website the best way to use website is to be redirected from google yeah towards something you were kind of interested in the worst way is to be on quora using quora's mechanics right

clicking around and then you do not end up anywhere you wanted to be it simply isn't for clicking around. It's not for clicking around unless you're there to reveal the identities of exciting posters. That being said, let's hit the Space of the Week button and click around on our Space of the Week Trumpers are Traders. Space of the Week!

Now we've been on this before. We've ended up here. Oh, the toilet brush. I remember this Donald Trump toilet brush. Go ahead and blow that up, Jeremy. Click on the toilet brush guy. Well, I don't think clicking on it will do anything, but I can zoom in i mean he's very clean the thing about donald trump is he does not have hair that's like a toilet brush it looks like super saiyan donald trump yeah march simpson donald trump a little

bit saying four yeah he has the long one that's the three is it three yeah three is the long one that's okay it would be going all the way down his back um and it's a space to expose the treasonous misdeeds of trump and his followers wow um who is bill puka it is followed by bill puka that is someone who we follow i don't remember why he's a dad philosophy and psych professor at some point we decided to follow him because he tells it like it is this wasn't chandler dean's dad was it no that would be something dean oh i thought maybe his name was chandler dean puka that was chandler's original name i don't know if he changed it for show business yeah you think a puka can make it in this town puka shells did yeah oh yeah 1999 was huge look

it's not california he made all of his money in 99 as he's sort of coasting on the puka money ever since i came up with the necklace um we spent a lot of time on uh patriot style uh right wing spaces and enjoy those but i i like this one because this is like blue maga kind of uh democrat space and they do the thing they do the leftist memes that's just a pile of words thing as most of their posts imagine if we had just put him in jail where he effing belongs yeah but the design of this just says imagine where he fucking belongs like this is this is a deeply confusing messaging thing here and oh it's occupied democrats oh i fucking knew it jesus so what is this one that you put here alex oh so this is a uh this is an example of a post it has it says

one donald who tells you the truth and then it's a donald duck and he says who betrayed you once will betray you a thousand times i can't do donald buck you don't have to no i can't either yeah i felt so bad when jack pointed out i have a bad donald trump realize that it's salty yeah so it's donald duck the duck and he lives in the sea because He's a waterfowl. Wait, what does this mean? You don't have to drink the whole sea, Jeremy, to realize he's holding an apple cider.

I thought he's drinking soup because it's salty. What if he's drinking piss? It does look like piss. The fragrance coming out of it looks pissy. It looks like he went outside to piss in a cup and is showing you what he meant. And you know what? He's a duck, so it's a corkscrew.

I may not be in the White House, but I still drink a jug of piss. Why is there a period after that also, right? I was going to ask about that. It's not a question. It says you don't have to drink the whole sea to realize that. It's salty. I think it's salt for emphasis.

Like, you know, I do that sometimes in playwriting where it's just like really like to hit the thing. Yeah, but it should be worth it. End of discussion. It doesn't make sense if there's a period there because it should be, you don't have to drink the whole sea to realize that it's salty. Otherwise, it sounds like who betrays you once

will betray you a thousand times. You don't have to drink the whole seat to realize that. Also, it's salty. The idea is he's moving his sailor hat a little bit higher and saying it's salty. You know what the issue is here? We're not picturing Donald's voice and we're not doing credit to Donald's voice. Donald Duck. Yeah, Donald Duck would say it.

If we had Mr. Duck in the room, he would make these pauses. I betrayed you once. I betrayed you a thousand times. You were sitting on it the whole time. You don't have to drink the whole seat to realize that. It's like I'm seeing Yeah, he's tipping his hat It's the beats of it all

I'm going to be really honest That was the first time I've ever attempted a title I don't believe you I genuinely, I've never Wow You're betraying me a thousand times I'm going to put the mic down to clap Thank you

This is such a welcoming podcast Thank you all No, thank you for your performance I'm going to drink some piss Yeah, I was going to say Oh, it's like a McGollum-y almost. If we're going to do actual Garland, we can do that as well.

Oh, my God. We're not famous. All these famous characters here in Jeremy's house. Also, we should point out that this post was by Aaron Cohen, who is a fighter of right-wing fascism. Oh. And misinformation. That's why he posted this, is to fight fascism.

Do you remember the partisans in the woods in the Eastern Front and the Donald Duck memes they would post when the Nazis would progress into their territory. Also, can I say, we're drawing little cartoons. Right-wing fascism is my least favorite kind of fascism. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Who could forget the French resistance putting Donald Duck in a little beret? They love Donald Duck over there, too. I don't know if you've heard about this. He's kind of like a real celebrity there. He actually shows up there, and he can have any woman in town. He shows up.

Donald Kennard. Donald Kennard. There's some fighting going on in here. Laura Cato says, too true, and then does three clap emojis. And then Janet says, liberal clowns. Senna varita na. And then someone else said, troll block and muted. Destroyed.

I love the capitalization. It's really good. Get the fuck out. You're in Trumpers or Traders, clown. I feel like we've met Aaron before. It's very possible. How can you tell we're so close to his face? the picture is like his forehead and chin are cut off he's got a lot of questions about

president musk and donald trump sure do you think do you think he ever plays um aaron's party by aaron carter just to say you can say aaron sees in the house i mean he better we can ask him if he's like most people i bet he plays aaron's party that's that's a man that's a man with a smile that seems to say that he's listened to a lot of Aaron Carter in his day. Isn't it sad that Aaron died? Yeah, I mean... Oh, yeah, I always forget about that.

Ultimately, it does mean that Shaq won. It does. Right? He's twice his age and he's still going. He lost the battle, but he won the war. Playing the long game into Aaron Carter. I know people think I could just beat him at basketball, but it's actually a much bigger play on the bed.

It's a cork board on Shaq's wall with just revenge written on the top. none of these questions are really that good do you want to move on to the main questions sure yeah I just enjoyed

the space I think it's a beautiful community and I like the picture of Donald Duck I'd like to see at least one more liberal slanted meme

okay we can find a meme yeah find me a meme and it's honestly it's just nice that the Donald Duck one isn't AI generated yeah you know

like it was somebody took time to draw that someone drew that that beautiful duck 10,000 hours probably drawing ducks alright

piss if Jack Tixiera Have you guys heard of this man? I don't know. If he can get 15 years in prison for sharing classified intel on Discord, Pete Hegseth can get 15 years in prison for sharing classified intel on Signal twice. I love how specific and annoying this complaint is. This was made by Jack, I think.

I think this was a Jack original post. Free Jack. Free me. I'm sure we haven't heard of Jack because he's one of the one million random guys who get thrown away for InfoSec. It is always funny when different political groups have a guy they're obsessed with. I keep seeing people talking about,

not the basketball player, but Carmelo Anthony, who's right now racist. People are all obsessed with this black guy who killed someone. Oh, and his name is Carmelo Anthony? I don't think his name is Carmelo Anthony. It is, no? That just sounds like you've taken two characters

from The Sopranos and sort of shoved them together. Oh, okay. I would love if Jeremy made that up. No, no. It's this guy who stabs someone. I only found out about it because someone I know turned out to be like very right wing and I found out because he was posting like about this guy

what the fuck is this wait Carmelo Anthony is it's a guy it's like a black teenager who stabbed someone his name is Steph Curry the goat of murder it's a thing that only

very right wing people care about because they bring it up to discuss Kyle Rittenhouse and it's well they want to get the other Carmelo Anthony through him. Do you see what I'm saying? They're bringing it up. They're like, he did it.

I'm pretty sure they all do that. That would have sucked if I was wrong about this, though. It was just a completely different... I was ready for you to take a dive there, kid. I was trying to catch him. I cannot be caught. You'd have to open your belly live on stream.

Honorable Sapuku, the only way out. Sapuka. Well... Oh! You can make a lot of money on that. Because it's Bill Puka. Oh, no, is it? Is that why?

Because we talked about Bill Puka. It's when you do seppuku, but you have the puka shell necklace on while doing it. All right. I'm glad that everyone's on board. So you're dead, but you're cool in the 90s. I'm glad that everyone has the same brain damage to have figured out what that is. Jeremy, it's Bill Puka. Oh, of course, because of Bill Puka.

Let's start the show. Where are we going first, Jay? The quiz course. Woo-hoo. No. No. That's about it. Wow.

Four score and seven quarters ago, there were many hot topics to be had. Burj Khalifa is built for 35,000 people, yet it has no sewage system. How many poop trucks does it need every day, and how many buildings in Dubai are like that? Poop trucks. I love poop trucks.

I mean, I just assumed that they would just take all the poop to the top of the highest tower in Dubai and just sort of, like, throw it. Throw it at Tom Cruise coming up the side? Coming up the side, yeah. Get off of there! They're using it to make those world islands. I just never considered that there would be a truck full of poop,

and now I hope all of them are. Poop trucks? Oh, yeah. Do people know about this? Not so much in New York, but, you know, in, like, more rural areas, they've got the sewage systems. You've got to pump those up. In a big truck?

Big old poop truck. In the desert, then you've got to get a water truck. You've got to get water. Why can't we have a poop train? There's no infrastructure in America for a poop train. You know what that would sound like? Poop, poop. That's good.

That's neither here nor there. That's really good. Strike that from the record. Poop, poop. Would poop come out of the top? Yeah, probably. If you think of how many more poops you could fit on a train or ship, I think it's ridiculous we're still doing it by truck.

I would have the job where I'm just shoveling poop into a big fire. It's terrible for the environment, but you have to do it. I told you guys about that rumor I heard from my friend's Russian dad. Where is this going? About how Putin has somebody collect his poop in the toilet so no one has to steal his DNA. More like pooping. I hope that's true. Poop, poop, poop.

Is there DNA in poop? There's no DNA in poop. There is. There's all kinds of poop. Well, they want to see what he's eating. Yeah, like he's an owl or whatever. They want to use his pellets against him. Oh, my God.

They want to see if there's uranium in his pellets. But they put it in a suitcase. It's a poop suitcase. Poop suitcase, and then they explode it or something. I think so. Put a bunch of bricks in it and drop it in the ocean. I see you joking around about this security issue for Russia. And I can assure you it's very serious.

Now, how many damn poop trucks are coming out of the Burj Khalifa? Do people live in the Burj Khalifa? I couldn't tell you. It seems like it's got to... I'm assuming because... And you know what? This is probably just an incorrect association, but there's all these all of the like uh uh you know like uae empty apartment buildings in new

york yes that are just like purchased apartments no one lives in that i assume if you went to dubai it would also be full of empty buildings but maybe they're all actually in there yeah waiting on their second home the hitman level is very fully populated and it has a full sewage system in that one but now i'm realizing it must just go to a giant tank underneath the building if the hitman could easily sneak in as the truck driver. Oh, very easy. Yeah, he's got his gloves on.

And then dissect it. Or as the poop train conductor. Poop, poop. Hello. Choo, choo. Sorry. Can you imagine? Thank you.

The poop, if it started at the very top, it would go, it had to go all the way down to the very bottom. That poop's having a real fun time. Should I mention?

It's a slide. We did do a poop episode recently and multiple people said they would never listen again if we did a poop episode again. It's not a poop episode. It's one truck question. It's about Burj Khalifa.

It's not my fault we found out what the train sounds like. We just had to find out. I guess 20 trucks. I think, yeah. For every day, 20 trucks of poop? For 35,000 people? I'm going to say 35 trucks. One for each thousand.

Each thousand, yeah. 1,000 poops in a truck. Oh, look at this. Oh, here we go. There's a picture here. Let me ask you one thing. Hundreds of people gathered to make the tallest skyscraper spending billions of dollars, why won't they make

a sewage system? Were they mad or something? You're mad. So this doesn't have an answer. I mean, it is a big hooks. It is a big hooks. Hawks. Hawks. Hawks. So this person is saying that this is a goddamn hoax and that it actually is full of pipes. That doesn't make sense to me.

I think they use trucks. How many are going in? And a lot of people are saying this is false. It has pipes. No, no, no. There's no trucks that carry all the poop. All the toilets, the pipes go into a truck. If anything, we would invest in a train. You could carry far more poop that way.

Hitachi was hired to help. Oh, they got Hitachi on that? You guys got to finish the sentences. It's a podcast. Sorry, Hitachi were hired to help with the Dubai fountain and the fact that due to Dubai's heat, it loses water. Are you happy? Yes! Does that make more sense?

It does! The answer is sewage wastewater. So for the fountain, they used poop. They used sewage water? That doesn't seem right. Reverse osmosis. Okay, so the thing is, it's a trick question. Zero trucks. Yeah.

Zero trucks is the answer. I think so. Wow. Lock in. No trucks. Most of the skyscrapers are off-grid when it comes to drainage. What? The UK produces seven tons of poop every day.

Double that with the wastewater. You would need an average vacuum truck each day or a larger one every other day. Replicate that across the city, and that's why you have lines of trucks ferrying the stuff away daily. And that's from Lily. You can trust her. She's a cultural historian. It really took me a moment to recognize BK as Burj Khalifa. And not Brooklyn?

Or Burger King. Oh, Burger King. Burger King owns BK in my mental real estate. Burger King also has one truck of poop every day. Every hour on the hour. Every Burger King. Fit for a king. Drives away a truck of poop.

They wear the little paper crown on their head. They measure poops in whoppers. I'm dropping a whopper today. If that's not funny, I don't know what is. our enemy's sandwich. What's funny anymore? Let's go to the next question. Okay, I don't know.

Is Whopper Burger King? Whatever, who cares? Whopper is Burger King. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was thinking of McDonald's for a second. Would you ride a New York City subway without a gun to protect you from criminals slash Democrats?

Oh, all the Democrats that attack me every day I get on that train. It's always Pete Buttigieg just jumping out from around corners being like, do you like trains? I'm like, one specific kind. Time to reform your life over 15 years. Moderate change.

I'll tell you one thing. The Democrats have big backpacks and they're bumping into me. Oh, yeah. And that pisses me off. And I wish I did have a gun. Wow. So you really just don't want to run into Claire. Claire, the boy who called you pretty on the train,

do you think he was a Republican or a Democrat or an Independent? I think he was one of those guys who just, like, believes in whatever the aliens say. You know when the alien from the bumper sticker? Yeah. And then he finds out about it. So he's a free thinker,

you're saying? Yeah. He's a beautiful free thinker? Yeah. Libertarian. It's basically libertarian. Before we started recording, Claire got many compliments

on the street. Not on the street. I got one compliment on this thing where I'm fishing for compliments. Yes. Okay, that's on the net. It's one of those anonymous apps.

They also never stop on the street. I have no idea about these apps. You can get compliments from people? You set it up on Instagram. You say, send me an anonymous message. Oh, sure. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And people tell you you're beautiful. People say it. You should try it. Honestly, I would love the self-esteem boost. Everyone would like it. It could be really good. Someone asks, who do you like right now? Wow.

It's kind of very high school style. Oh, yeah. So high school is awesome. Oh, do you think in terms of like love? Or do you think in terms of like music or something? I think in just terms of like... Who are your guys? I'm taking this away from you.

Yeah, yeah. Who's good right now? Your toy is losing. I'm big into Jeremy right now. The big Jeremy head. Wow, this is exciting. Going nuts for Jeremy, mostly. It's Jeremy Renner, unfortunately.

He had a whole app. Yeah, he did. He had an app? A bit self-indulgent. The Renner app. Were you not on there? I was not on there. Oh, you got to get on the Jeremy Renner app.

Is it still around? I don't think so. I think it's just kind of busted. Are you guys yanking my chain? No, no, it's real. And then he got crushed by a thresher. wow yeah and then they tried to pay him less to be in hawkeye and he said no thanks yeah it was basically like a instagram it was like instagram but for jeremy renner and you

could all follow jeremy renner and like his stuff oh i love that and then jeremy renner would post things and you could like send him money he recently was i think he like maybe wrote a book or something there was like a there was like a section of it that was just about like telling hard truths and it was called the hurt locker you could go in there i wish that would be true i could be wrong but i thought why does it say casey anthony you can pretty much make up any lie that's gotta be a liar she's not gonna know i'm excited to watch because after this for those listening we're going to do a bonus episode where we discuss venom 3 and claire has not seen the movie and we're just going to tell her tell yourself i saw the first 30 minutes we'll see

of you believe us about all the things that happen in this movie. First of all, it's difficult to describe. Yes, very, very. Because I'm watching it and I'm just like, I don't know how to explain the thing Venom just did right now. Claire will be our audience surrogate for everyone who didn't see it. Venom says, hola, bitches. He does say that. He does.

It's not a joke. Within the first ten minutes. That's not like the puka stuff. That's real. He doesn't say it like that. Anyway. Margarita Zetti. Hola, bitches. Please, please wait to do this. Hola. We have to do it for a full hour. We don't need to do

an extra now. Would you ride the subway without a gun? Yes or no? I say no. I absolutely would not. I'm always strapped. I need just a gun that pokes out

just a little, like have a little shotgun tail. I like the move where you leave it over your dick. Just let it hover? Yeah, well, you know you put it in the band, and then you're like, you got a problem? I feel like that would be uncomfortable I'm surprised people do that

people blow their dicks off all the time doing it too it's super common even if you put the safety on you see something you like the dick slaps into the safety your boner unclicks the safety and then puts itself in the barrel

literally that's 20% of gun deaths in America is boners hitting the safety and accidentally pulling the trigger It's the number one mortality rate in this country. Why it's so dangerous to have a curved penis. Everybody wants that sweet banana clipper until it's too late. You do the hook shot from Lucky Number Slevin of just if you have the crooked dick.

That's from Wanted. That's from Wanted, guys. Fuck you. And when Alex says fuck you, he's hitting me with a keyboard. And all of the letters are coming out except for the U, which is your tooth. Wait, I fucking loved that when that happened. That was one of the craziest things I've ever seen in my life. Yeah, it rocks.

Lucky Number 7 is so good. I was talking about Wanted. Well, I really liked Lucky Number 7. For me, they're the same film, and I know they're not the same film. I haven't seen Slevin. Yeah, it's... Jeremy. I don't know.

Sorry. Make the time. The Kansas City Shuffle? I don't even know what it is. I went to go see Lucky Number 7 in theaters, and when I went to go buy my ticket, the guy behind the counter, I said, can I have a ticket for Lucky Number 7?

He's like, do you mean Lucky Number 7? and I went, I do not. He couldn't be more wrong. No. You know what? And he's fucking by the board all day long looking at that L. He's looking at the tickets.

Can I just say, I'm so sick of these Democrats. Yeah. For real. Working at the movie theater. Yeah, guess what he was voting at the end of the day. He was sitting in that booth having the largest backpack you've ever seen. Like, you could barely move in that ticket booth.

He's going and passing another reform around stem cells to put in his eyes blocks the letter L. He made the mistake of selling a ticket to Shaq and now Shaq just has a board in his room

that just says ticket booth operator. Shaq's got so many fucking grubs. He's just got a whole room for it. We should read some of these comments from crazy people on Quora talking about the subway.

We should. And then we'll move on. Ralph says, I wouldn't ride a New York City subway, period. If you're unarmed, you're a victim. Sorry, what's up, Quora?

Where does he live? Where does he live? Where's this guy from? Long Island. It doesn't say. Shit. Oh, Ralph. People are truly terrified of New York City if they don't live there.

It's very funny to me. Even people who live in Long Island think it's crazy. They're scared as hell. It's a media thing. It makes more sense when someone from Long Island is scared of the New York subway. I talk to people who live in Massachusetts all the time. They're like, I'm so scared of the New York subway. It's like, you don't live in this city.

No, no. Why would you be afraid of our local metro system? It's like the most racist place in America. Yeah, that's true. It's like Rhodesia in the U.S. A friend of mine told me that, I won't say his name because it is a fucked up story, that he said his dad refers to black people as the element.

He's a Long Island man. What the fuck? I was blown away. Without saying his full name, his last name is Puka. Just kind of an idea of who we're talking about here. I was shocked. Anyway, would you believe that these people are afraid of Penn Station? I have had relatives who were like, oh, but, you know, it's so much so scary walking down all the alleyways in New York City.

I'm like, we have one. Everyone knows. It's in Tribeca, for Christ's sake. Yeah, exactly, like beautiful Soho alleyway. Yeah, what the fuck? And if you go down that, you get turned into Spider-Man or whatever, but that doesn't happen. Or someone kisses you upside down. Right.

That's awesome. I want to do backflips and get smooched upside down. That sounds ideal to me. Yeah, it sounds like a Democrat's ideal world. Yeah, maybe you should hang out with Benson Boone more. Can you have a... He's always doing backflips. Oh, I see.

He's also Spider-Man. He could hang upside down, I bet. You know who pisses me off? That Peter Parker guy, though. He's always taking pictures of Spider-Man. I don't know what his problem is. Find a new subject. my husband told me

that Venom shows up at some point in the multiverse oh yeah yes the last Spider-Man movie

yeah did he watch it with you yeah was this also in the first half hour of the film that you did see because it does happen

in the movie he mentioned it yeah okay I was only again also I was only kind of paying attention to it

yes the ideal way to watch Venom Lost yeah I think that's right this is not the Venom episode

I know I have so much to say I have so much to say This is not the better version. Okay, let's read a second comment. This is from Carl Badd, who's a former aerospace engineer. Retired. Oh, wait, I also forgot to read the rest of Ralph's thing,

where he says, if you try to defend yourself, you're a criminal. With those being the only two choices, I'll pass. Sure. If you're unarmed, you're a victim. If you defend yourself, you're a criminal. That has one upvote. Well, actually, it has three, because I upvoted it. Don't upvote him.

All right, I'll downvote him. He's a bad man. Carl Madd says, as a typical law-abiding citizen carrying a firearm in NYC is not an option. Using a firearm for a legal defense will still get you arrested. Democrats have seen to it that it is the criminals who have rights, not honest citizens. That was part of the criminal empowerment laws. If you are carrying a gun, and I am, in a New York City subway, you are a criminal. I don't care what your rationale is.

Get it out of there. I don't think I've ever seen one outside of a cop's holstered gun, which always does make me scared. I don't like seeing it I like seeing them the scariest thing in New York is going through I said Penn Station

before but it's Penn Station and you see like army guys with an assault rifle just standing there guarding the Dunkin Donuts what are they gonna do

like what are they anticipating is gonna happen in Penn Station I don't know they're gonna defend the Auntie Anne someone's gonna fart

so hard it's just like it's gonna drive everyone nuts homeless people are trying to sit down in the spot that's just for

Long Island Railroad ticket holders so they have to have an assault rifle so they have to be murdered you have to shoot an outline around their body non-lethally so it leaves a a bullet hole drawing in the wall yeah for that you can jump through it yeah yowza um lopter says i wouldn't go to nyc in the first place and you couldn't pay me to regularly commute

has been deactivated. He is an INTP. Which one is that? Who is this singing here? We're about to find out. Is that Amy Winehands? Come on, man. That's a woman.

Taxation is theft. This is an eagle. Himalaya massive ritual recording. Six whole minutes of this. That's very cool He's posting fire He says taxation is theft Communism is evil

Epstein didn't kill himself There is only one God Donald Trump is the greatest US president There are A completely incomprehensible world view Is what I'm looking at right here Sorry pagans here's a video of

I guess Himalayan heavy metal also we've totally glossed over the fact that this picture is like a shy leopard I don't know that looks like a methed out leopard to me can we zoom on this can we get the leopard blown up a little bit

oh no is it from a meme or something it's a leopard eating something I think it looks like a hand like a scarecrow hand. I would not want to be to run into one of these in a dark jungle, folks. I'll tell you that right now. I would not want to run into that in a New York

City alleyway. I'll tell you that right now. But thanks to Democrats, they're all over the subway. That's why I need my gun. We need more police to stop all the angry leopards in Manhattan. I have a friend whose dad calls all people leopards. Should I cut that out?

It's so dark. It's dark, but people need to know that dads are saying this. Long Island's a bad place. It's important to know that about dads. Also, it is the strangest way to be racist I've ever heard in my life. It's true.

He's making up his own slurs. It's one of the worst ways to describe people I've ever heard. It takes like a while to get to it being a problem because it's so confusing. It is confusing. It's also like literary somehow. It feels like he's trying to adapt it

into the Avatar universe. Yeah, something strange. I don't care for it. I call black people unobtainium. Want to know why? Want to know why? No, dad. Not my dad.

By the way, after y'all guessed it on our podcast, my dad's like, those guys are pretty funny. I want to listen to their show. And so now he is a subscriber. Really? Of Quarriors. We've got Alex's dad. We've got your dad. It's a podcast for dads.

By sons. Certain dads. Very certain dads. We think of ourselves as a son's podcast. My son's in Claire. My dad's listening from hell. Don't worry. Actually, that's the only content they get in hell is podcasts.

Iscores? Yeah. That's how you know it's a good podcast. Not the video. Just the audio feed. Just us skimming sentences out loud. It's the poop episode. It's the Master Chief episode over and over.

What do we think this leopard sounds like? I cannot get over. Is it that his name is Lopter because that's the sound the leopard is making? L-O-P-T-R for those listening. Lord of P-T-R-I-N-G-S. That's good. Lord of P-T-R-I-N-G-S.

Lord of Pussy-T-R-U. We must go to Mordor, Frodo! Keep going down. Should we read more comments about New York City? We have a lot more questions. We've only got two questions. Okay, let's do another question. You can get a gun.

Anyone can get a gun Just talk to Claire Just message Claire on this app Where you tell her she's beautiful You have to send me an anonymous comment You are so pretty, gun please? Okay Here's a question

My tenant pays rent on time But his rent is very low than market rent How can I get him out? The discourse Get him out That's my new game show It was tenant versus landlord. This is the start of every Scooby-Doo episode.

Oh, sure. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I hate it when my landlord... So this guy owns an amusement park is what you're saying? No, I'm saying that it's all about like his rent is very low, then market rent, how can I get him out? And the next thought, I dress up as Frankenstein.

I live in his house. Every time he comes out of the shower, I go, uh, and then he calls the teens to get rid of me. We kind of, I run through doors and then come out other doors. I mean, look, if he's got an apartment with that many doors and you're charging below market value, I mean, I understand. You got to flip that. I get that. Yeah, flip that.

How bad is the trust in the police that you're calling children to solve your mysteries for you? Pretty grim, I'd say. The thing is the Scooby-Doo mystery team has a much lower kill rate than the American police. It's a we keep us safe solution to your ghosts. All the Scooby-Doo episodes where they call the NYPD and they just shoot Frankenstein. Oh, God. The Mystery Machine is like the Guardian Angels, basically. Yeah.

It's like Scoob. I shot my dick off. I drank a whole water bottle full of acid, Scoob. I'm never coming down. Raggy got that crooked dick. Raggy got that crooked dick. It's going to be playing in my head all day. We got an answer from Nope Cat here.

Oh, yeah, please. And, you know, he's kind of taken them down a peg. And this was upvoted by Papa's Mountain, who I guess we also followed. We do follow Papa's Mountain. You have to climb every mountain. Papa's Mountain is a metal manufacturing business in Colorado. It's a show for dads by sons and Claire. Okay, Nope Cat says, oh, so you mean the tenant of your unit is renting is reasonably priced?

How horrible. And there's like a bunch more paragraphs kind of taken to the test. But that's Nope Cat, folks. Nope Cat's showing up and showing his claws. I feel like Nope Cat is kind of spitting fire here, though. Yeah, he says, so no, you don't get him out. You also do not raise his rent or anybody else's. If he pays you on time and takes care of the unit,

you smile at him when you see him and go about your day. You respect him for paying that rent. This edit down here is interesting. The one from the year of 2024. I'm seeing several mentions of rent control. This sounds like what needs to be done. Okay, so this person had never heard of a rent-controlled apartment? No, this is NopeCat.

This is a nope cat. This is actually a cat. Wait, there's a second edit? Yeah. Only a few days later. Six days later. Oh, this is like a thesis. Just found out about rent control.

I live in a castle. I am Dracula. I didn't know J.K. Rowling was on Quora. Oh, she probably is. We've never looked. There are a lot of people like her. A lot of British TERFs. We just skipped a reply by Amanda Bedkin.

Oh, no. Oh, God. There's so many Quora questions about J.K. Rowling. Yeah, she doesn't seem to have her own account, though, which is a bummer. What about Robert Goldgrate or whatever her pseudonym is? You're looking on Google. That's not how you find out. You put J.K. Rowling in and then click persons on the Quora search, and then it says no, but then the answer is yes.

And there are people named J.K. Rowling. This is probably not her. This is just an account with four followers. Is online business the right choice to start business? I don't think that's her. Maybe in addition to all of having her opinions on trans folks, she also has some thoughts about small businesses. All right, here's how you do it.

Click on the search bar. Hold on. We don't think this is her? J.K. Rowling? With 130 followers? 15 followers? Contributor at Alisher Usmanov's space? There's a picture of her meeting fans at the London premiere of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child.

Dave Bennett. Actually, this is her. I feel like probably. Back to Amanda Bedgood, please. She's trying to get someone to recover her hacked Telegram account. Speedo Kid, help me. All right, so read this comment, Alex. This is on the Tenet question.

Back to the Tenet question, Amanda Bedgood, who is a Harry Potter character? I hope you're sitting for this one. She's an excellent sleeper. She's like the slut character they wrote in. Hello, I'm Amanda Bedgood. JK was like, you know what I'm missing in this novel? It's just like an easy woman.

who is going to school for a second time. Amanda Bedgood turned my dick into a newt. She decurved my dick right now, Amanda. I have potions in the morning. Dickiest uncurtified. All right, I'm going to read her a response because she takes them down a peg too. She's like, nope, cat.

Hey there, pull up a chair and let me tell you a tale of true greed. Sounds like a cowboy. True tale of greed, it says. Thank you. i was a tenant in a four-family unit for over 10 years wow okay i paid rent on time usually early early took the initiative to clean general areas on the regular not in my lease was quiet seldom had company non-smoker and got along well with everyone in the building all four units were

occupied by good tenants and we had all been there some years with small increases in rent over time but nothing too crazy february of 2023 our building was sold we never met the new owners Not even a generic person in high. In-person high. Generic in-person high. Instead, we get emails letting us know our yearly leases will be renewed when the time came and gave us information for a pay portal to send our rent. I do love a pay portal.

They're really building this up. My lease was the first up for renewal that year in September. Oh, wow. Wait, how much longer? Scroll down. Do you have a chair? Are you in your chair? I am in the chair.

She didn't tell us to sit down. All right. This is a true tale of greed, by the way. It's a true tale of greed. This better be good. We don't read these beforehand. It's pretty much like the Grinch. Okay.

From February to September, I still had not met the new owner, and I get an email telling me my rent would be increasing to match market, taking me from $800 to $1,250. That's a huge hike, yeah. Not a single person renting in that area pays over $900 because landlords are local and want to ensure their properties are filled. And I asked what would be done to offset this increase. Will I get new paint, new carpet, any repairs or upgrade?

Nope, nothing, nada, just to pay more rent. Although it was a hassle and I was not planning to move, I managed to find a much larger unit for $875 and moved there. Good for you, Amanda. A tale of true greed. I mean, over 50% increase is pretty bad. That's crazy. It's not really much of a story.

She said way too much. Well, I'm glad I pulled up a chair. Yeah, I'm cozy. Yeah, I feel good. I just should have pulled the chair out before I went on the internet at all. Yeah, that was silly. Alex stands for those who listen to the podcast but don't watch. Alex stands every episode.

Yeah, I'm like a DJ at a popular bar. I'm kind of hovering over the chorus, lining up the next one, and kind of nodding along. He keeps playing Get Lucky. I like the song. Up next, we got Nope Cat, y'all. Everyone's really mad at the question asker, by the way. Yeah, no one is taking their side, so we'll never know.

But the answer is you dress up like Frankenstein. You can't find them because there's hundreds. I'm going to be honest, this was a surprisingly left thread of Quora. It was woke. This thread has gone woke. Quora's gone woke. Everyone can agree that landlords are bad.

No one likes them. Yeah. I'm technically a landlord. And like health CEOs, too. How are you technically a landlord? Because I own my parents' house. Oh, sure. Are you leasing it to your parents?

They're dead. Oh, mm-hmm. So they're leasing something. If it makes you feel better, it was just a few weeks ago. Oh, God, no! Yeah, and they both died at the same time and under mysterious circumstances. Shaq!

Shaq sat on them. But I rented out. Oh, okay. To a woman. I thought you were going to say it was empty, and I would be like, that does not make you a landlord. That's actually a feminism. That's a landowner.

I rented out to a woman. I mean, if it's to a woman. You owe her an apology. Sorry. For the things you do. Yeah, you got to scare them. Okay, next one. Michelle Green says,

my landlord is awesome. Okay, this is a good question. These chickpeas are so good. They're a high source of protein as well. Important question alert. What if a country legalized penis torture? I'd get out of there right away. Yeah, I feel like that's the first they came for,

for me, where I'm like, it's time to go. You know what I say? Legalize it. I do not say that. Legalize it. Related question. Does penis torture hurt? Is this like a specific thing I don't know about?

Oh, yeah. You've never heard of like cock and ball torture? But is it not like the movie Saw, but for your cock and balls? Have you seen Casino Royale? Yeah, yeah. Where they slam those things? They slam the penis. That's my question.

It's like, what kind of penis torture are we talking here? Oh, that's ball torture, though. In Casino Royale, they have a swinging bola that they slam into his sweet sack over and over again. I don't remember doesn't he really like it though yeah he does come oh heavens that's how you know a British person

is really enjoying it you've blasted my nods oh the queen oh my knob knights of Malta slob on my knob the famous James Bond line slob on my knob

my knob slob on it. The lads of Liverpool. Lie back and think of me. Ed Van P responds. He's a truck driver. He says, then you will be the first in line

only to bring that sick stuff up. Wow. Up up for Ed. That is exactly how I feel about it. What if a country legal? There's a response to him as well. This is the one answer. There's a response to it as well.

Michael Powell says, LOL. That's the only answer. L-Mal, you're so right. Let's see who that question is. Well, Ed Van P is a truck driver, so he should know about this. South O'Pay.

We've seen this account before. It's been banned. They have 15,000 questions. They have a very gothic avi. Can masturbating to something you hate cause sperm to not come out when masturbation is over? That's a really good question. Is it just like dust? It's just semen without sperm.

That's why you have to love to get pregnant. You don't have to pull out if you pretend your lover is bigotry or something evil. well then that's just a dad from long island and then nothing's coming out if you do that and she does get pregnant you have to contend with the fact that you love bigotry oh no that's pretty scary that would be a tough fact to reckon with i hope it doesn't happen to me anyway i'm gonna follow south opi so that we but they've been banned yeah but i want to see next time we next time we see one of their questions i want to be like we follow this person all right great helpful for me let me see one more question

They're active in pork. By this person? By South Opi. Sure. Having extreme hyper-focus on having sex with men and when talking to these men, being shy and being sensitive to the noise of sex with women seems more autistic or gay?

Oh, man. I'm having trouble digrabbing that sentence. Double gay. So this is autistic or gay. He's having a hyper-focus on fucking men. He wants to know, do you think that's more gay or autistic? You know how you can be gay or autistic?

that's a Venn diagram where never the two shall meet have you ever seen the Batak scale of sexuality yeah it's a Venn diagram where there's two circles

next to each other and they look like balls and they're being hit really hard they're being slammed by a brick above just a little bubble that says

oh heavens and then he asks can Gabe Newell run for president of the US because he's a steam gamer Gabe Newell

is the guy who created Steam. I love Team Fortress 2. He's a video game CEO. Yeah. He's a popular CEO player. Valve. Check him out if you're a dad or you're a girl who listens to this.

You'd love Half-Life 3. Check out Gabe Newell. You know he's cool because of video game. 2004 was a crazy time. There was a whole fortress you could be a team of. Scroll down. I want to see one more a good one. A whole mod you could carry.

Is it autistic to be obsessed with naked mole rats? Is it autistic to be obsessed with fear and hunger? If you have to ask this much, yes. Can an emo have HIV? That's why we know this guy. Can a monarchy exist without a dynasty? Wow. Absolutely not.

Absolutely not. And I'll have your head for asking you, Dave. Was Poe made by Cora? Are Michael Jackson's children his children? a man ejaculate on their belly after masturbation, it is white semen

and ejaculated very well, but then the semen becomes just water and stop being white. What happens to the sperm? Are the sperm cells still active? They're ghosts now. Oh, that's interesting. That's good to know. Ghosts in the machine. I love to look at my own sperm and say, ejaculated very well. Another

master class. After a nice round of applause for yourself. I think what he's realizing is that if you masturbated and ejaculated onto his belly and there's no sperm, that means he doesn't love himself. He hates himself. Because of the other question. You really got his ass dialectically.

Boom! You can't get past me. Socrates podcast. Can Keanu Reeves run for president of the US? He can. He's legal. He's legal. I thought he was Canadian. Oh, is he?

I don't know. The things we know about Keanu Reeves on this podcast. I just think he's kind. Canadian! He's Canadian. There is no way he's Canadian. This is pissing me off so much. This is actually a Mandela effect. He's not Canadian.

He's from New Jersey. Of Dog Star? In my universe. It says he was born in Lebanon. It does say that. Oh, that's right. Okay. Okay.

But then he moved to Toronto. Anyway, no, he can't. But his dad is from Hawaii and is native Hawaiian. Let's go back to our list of questions, please. Okay. Bye, Keanu. Here's another question. The author deleted this question.

What was the question? The question was, would Trump's popularity increase if he started pooping his pants during every press conference and then reaching into his underwear and throwing shit at reporters who ask questions he does not like? Unfortunately, all we see is a thing that says, the author deleted this question. It's rare you see a physical representation of a guy going, never mind. That was stupid. Very rare. Does that mean that we've never seen

a deleted question before? No one has ever regretted their question until now. Have I had a Quarrior's First right now? I'm blown away. Unfortunately, it is not in the Wayback Machine. So we can't even look at it on Wayback. The Wayback Machine has never had someone ask for a Quarrior before.

Did you mean Reddit? Well, we have the question. It was unanswered anyway. I think it would increase his popularity. You know, he's a controversial figure. you either love him or hate him but I think throwing poop that he pulls out of his pants with his hands

fresh out of his old butt and then throwing that at Wolf Blitzer would only be something beloved and cherished by the masses. It's very monkey coded. Monkeys love to do that. Hey, why don't you have this? My new brown.

Ew. New brown for CNN. He's got to be quick about it though or else the poop trucks come in and they scoop that right up before he's able to grab it. That's smart. This one's presidential Too efficient We gotta cut We gotta cut the poop truck budget

Get Dojin in there on that They're stealing my poops We're gonna have the Jake Tapper Have the chainsaw come for the poop budget I'm glad everybody got their impression Claire do you wanna Do you wanna

You gotta Once an episode we're gonna do it And we're gonna get better every week The train Makes poop And it goes poo-poo. And then it goes poo-poo. It goes poo-poo.

Which was very nice. I love poo-poo. Very nice. All right, next question. All right, let's do one more question. Do you have one you would like to do? Let's do five quo, actually. Woo!

Five quo. Alex, button. I forgot I do that for a second. Hold on. Fuck, fuck, fuck. These are our police chorus. This is just the podcast. You're not being pulled over.

You are driving and you're on a bicycle. Just a sound effect. Don't worry about it. Just a classic sound effect. We're just having some fun. Here's a question. Could you pull over a cop? Hold on.

If you yourself are a cop? I don't know. Is it just like as a- That's a good loophole. Or is this like the mystery machine doing vigilante justice and pulling over a cop? The cop is a woman.

It's a van, right? Whoa. My preconceptions. There's some good answers in here. I don't want to spend too much time on my ideas because there's more experts in this thread. Well, I think you can citizen's arrest anybody. This is Gary D. Robson,

who's an author and techie. He says, yes, you can pull over a cop. I've done it. Years ago, I got a fix-it ticket because one of my taillights was out. The officer told me that if I got fixed before the court date, I could have any police officer sign off on it

and I wouldn't have to appear in court or pay the fine. I got a new bulb, fixed the light, and was driving home when I saw a police car ahead of me. I flashed my lights and gave a short beep on the horn. When he looked back at me, I pointed at the side of the road and pulled over. He pulled over as well.

I did not approach his car. I got out and stood by my car, keeping both hands visible. He walks back to me and asked what was going on. I told him about the ticket and showed him the working light and handed him the ticket

and he took care of it in one or separate ways. I can just imagine being the fucking cop dealing with this maniac. This feels like white privilege at the post. Yeah, 100%.

Jesus Christ. Showing him my hands part of like, I'm a guy who loves police and I'm very aware they want to shoot me dead. But I was going to show him my little ticket.

They keep the gun in the front of their pants. Don't worry. Don't worry. Don't worry. You see my sexy belly, so you know it's cool. Wait, can we, the first sentence of this, I don't want to. From Fred Petit.

Fred Petit says. The smallest Fred. Now, again, the question is, can you pull over a cop? He says, I don't know about pulling them over, but you can have them pull you over for giving them the middle finger. Wow. That's not the question, Fred Petit. Good to know, though.

I'm glad. You little shrimp. Little Fred with his little question. Put your tiny hand down, Fred. He's a little tiny RC car being like, screw you, cops. Die, pig. I feel like I'm on Fred Petit's profile. Do you want to read the rest of the post?

This is his only answer ever. No questions, no other answers. His magnum opus. This is from December. Sometimes you nail it on the first go. And then you've mastered the website. Also, little animals sometimes don't live as long. So a bug is only alive for like a week.

Isn't that crazy that little animals don't live that long and really big people, tall, tall, tall, the tallest people. When it comes to people and dogs, if you're little, you live longer. Yeah. But not bugs. Turtles can live quite long. Yeah, it's so true. They're kind of just the right size.

Yeah, because they did it just right. Anyway, I'm going to read the rest of this post now. Woo! Once on my way to work, traveling in the left lane, I looked in my rearview mirror and saw that there was a trooper tailgating me. I checked my mirrors regularly, but never saw him. He was going so fast. I pulled over to the middle lane, and as he passed, I flipped him the bird.

Wow. Well, he got really upset and slammed on his brakes and got behind me with lights on. I was then murdered. I pulled over and kept calm. He came up to my window still very upset and asked if I knew why he pulled me over. I told him yes for giving him the finger. For giving you the bird, officer. Here's my paper registration.

It's very tiny. I know exactly why you pulled me over in this case. He took my license and insurance, went to his car. A few minutes later, he came back, said I was very lucky, gave my paperwork back, and said I could go without a ticket. I kept calm the whole time, never raised my voice, or gave him any problem, parentheses, other than flipping him the bird just a moment ago.

I didn't say I would fight a ticket he had given me. I would have. I think he understood this could go bad for him, so he just let me go. Wow. That's beautiful. 72 upvotes. That's one of the most upvoted Koras of all time.

Fred Petit. Slam it. Got it. We remember your little story. What a beautiful Korra. You got this, Korra. Whoa. I've never heard that one.

That's Jeff Bridges from Tron 2. In Tron Legacy? I thought it was Vin Diesel. You got this, Korra. There's a character named Korra in Tron 2. Oh, that's wild. This is Vin Diesel. I live my life a quarter mile at a time.

Okay, that's different. There's subtle differences there. And then which one is George H.W. Bush? Read my lips. That one's Vin Diesel. That's Vin Diesel, 100%. Anyway, do we want to read any more of these? No, I fucking got it.

Yeah, I think the answer is yes, you can. We don't know if you can, but if you flip off a police officer, they will arrest you. I mean, usually if you pull over a cop, they have a little card in their wallet that says, they give this like friends and family too but basically it's just like uh i i i'm exempt from all law right my uh i have like third or fourth cousins on long island who are cops and we went over to their house exactly once in my my dad was trying to like reconnect with old family and we went into the house and um their youngest had just uh gotten his um cops license he had passed the tests or whatever and uh he came in and to celebrate he had gotten really drunk and

trashed his friend's police cruiser with like... Good for him. Like broke the windshield and like toilet papered it or whatever. And so I walked into the house and it was like literally a Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf play moment where everyone was so tense the entire

time we were there. And like it got to the point where they're like screaming in the other room and would come back and be like, sorry about that. Would you like some deviled eggs? And they finally drove us home and they said, if you ever get in trouble with the law, you let us know and we'll get you out of it. So you walked in on an episode of The Shield I did.

I did. I lived with the shield. This is a big part of Long Island culture, is knowing a police officer who will get you out of crime. Yeah. One of them just kept talking about the element over and over again. He was actually a skateboarder, though. He was talking about element, the brand.

He was supposed to be the fifth element, big Chris Tucker fan. They kept doing kickflips. It was very cool. Long Island is a cursed place. It is. It's too long. Those damn glaciers made it. Oh, damn.

I need everyone to give me one moment. to find a is that okay because I didn't find one before. Wow, is that okay? Is that okay? You have an ace and run back. Okay, this is our segment where you can send us a question.

That's for Cora, but we're answering it. So this is a question from Ace. Or should I not say who it is? It's from Ace, whatever. Howdy, y'all. It's Cowboy James saying again, why can't you stand on

keyboard computer keyboard you can't stand on a computer keyboard why'd they do that what's up alex i just think it's okay we've done like six of these we've done this guy twice he's like i'm a cowboy again which one of us forgot to get a question it's my fault please write in with more questions but it's a great question my cat does stare at the keyboard i think it's stand on the stand on it yeah he stares on he stands on he does it all i do have a glowing tactical keyboard so it is quite loud and there's a lot of

a lot of action on there. It's fun to step on probably. Yeah. Very tactile. Cats want you to look at them and they know you're looking in front of keyboard so they stand

where the keyboard is. Logically one would stand where the keyboard is. And then they're like now you're looking at me motherfucker. It's a nice little protective thing too.

What are you going to do? Sometimes they're writing. I think they can just tell from the cat's perspective the computer is like a different cat you spend all of your time with so there's like

what about me? Why don't you type on me? You know how people make Instagram accounts for their dog or whatever? Years ago, I made a Twitter account for my cat, but he was very mean on it. So I would post, like, if you're a dog, you should kill yourself and stuff like that. Just replying to Amy Schumer, like, dumb bitch. I was replying to all of my tweets being like, you suck, bitch. And my wife got very upset about it.

It was like, you can't do that anymore. Please stop making our cat evil on the internet. Kill yourself, Jeremy. And actually, it might be the coordinator's account now. Oh. I'm not sure. Congratulations to Milo. You know what they should make?

Upgraded. What? A dance dance revolution for cats. Yes. Oh, absolutely. If you put a little laser pointer on it, like see how hard a song you can beat with just your cat and a laser pointer.

That would be fucking awesome. I bet it would have to be very easy. Business idea. If you're a cool cowboy, make that. Why don't you do that if you're a cowboy after you're done making another salsa? Well, that's been the show again this week. Let's close it all out.

Poop, poop. Poop, poop. AJ, thank you so much for coming down to the corridor. Thank you for having me, everybody. This was so fun. It's been a pleasure. Where can our listeners find you at home and abroad? You can listen to my podcast,

The Worst of All Possible Worlds. Alex has come on to talk about Dragon Ball Z. That's right. And then we had Alex and Jeremy on to talk about an evangelical Christian radio drama called Adventures in Odyssey. But the episode is called The Merch Wit of Venice. That came out a couple weeks ago.

A lot going on there. I converted. Yeah, it was a very significant episode. Praise the Lord. He's saved. He saved Jeremy that episode. And, you know, if you're in New York and find yourself wandering down an alleyway,

I'll probably be there. Yeah, with a gun. Yeah, me too, actually. Wait, great moment to mention. We do have a live show, June 22nd. We haven't even announced it yet. It's not long after this episode comes out. Some people know about it.

So I sure think you should come. We'll make another video at the beginning. We'll see you there, Ace. Yeah, go ahead and click that link in bio to come to our sweet show before Claire moves. At Union Hall. Why don't you come on down? New Age? Yeah.

Bye. Bye.