Quorators - Dark Arts w/ Megan Bitchell

Episode Date: February 19, 2024

Comedians Alex Ptak and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: How do I summon a succubus that I can serve and let her use me? If a witch was being sued and they did a spell on the plaintiff and their lawyers, would the witch's spell be more effective if the plaintiff and their lawyers knew the defendant was a witch, more effective if they didn't know, or no difference? Can you absorb the calories in pen ink?I drank some pen ink as a dare and now i am scared that it will cause me to gain weight please help ----- Get even more Quorators when you support the show @ http://patreon.com/quorators Send quoras and qommunicate on our discord https://discord.gg/7pPYuKuYCr Watch the show at https://www.youtube.com/@quorators Follow Megan on social media @ meganbitchell

that's it that's it that's a podcast that's what we call a podcast okay does anybody have any questions do you jeremy no i'm good what's up do you do an intro then i start talking we play a song and you're back at quaraders home of the fact uh season three a new beginning i'm alex and this is jeremy yeah what's up dog what's up dog i've noticed i've been doing this a lot like as my default dance when the song keeps going i'll do like terminator 2 knife hands sure and it's i would be afraid to do it in an open floor setting yeah i mean we did our live show and you tied yourself out yeah i really went well we've discussed as a nauseam but i thought i was kind of starting something i didn't get off the ground the way we don't have to talk about that

anyway we got a great guest this week oh boy you're gonna love her all the way from new york city the big apple city of lights we have comedian megan bitch well megan hello hello yeah all the from 20 minutes away from here thank you for coming no yeah thank you for having me it's the big apple the big i'm gonna bite it you gotta so if the way you're speaking about this apple you probably have visited quora.com is that is that the case i have i used it in high school i hate that you have to make an account to ask something yeah um because there's a lot nothing that you should ask on there everything you ask should be very shameful because you're asking a stupid of question i think so i think there should be an anonymous setting do you have a do you have

like a pseudonym um is the pseudonym you gotta get a better one you gotta get a better one in high school um uh i'm from texas so there's no sex ed and i um i dry humped with my boyfriend and he preed in his under he pre-cummed i say pre this is a lot of story right I thought about this because I was like Cora whenever I use this and I was googly and I was like should I take a plan B because he and then I was going to ask

can sperm be aerosolized do I need to leave the state no then I bought a plan B anyways sure I mean you never know when you need it I've been told wow Well, we've kind of cut into the core of what we do here.

We're mostly just going to go on Quora and read you questions we found. But before we get into that, in a desperate ploy to get new listeners, we've started doing one of YouTube's most popular segments, which is, of course, Tips for Men. Tips for Men! We give tips to men. Trying to get those views. Yeah, so I thought of one.

but uh do you have anything you'd like to advise men you don't have to but you don't have but if you have them we're so happy they're so desperate i'm trying to let's see um you know open the door open the door that's a hot one no one ever said that yeah for people for strangers i love to do oh i think they should shave their chests okay it's really it's one of these is very different it's scary when a guy just has a full sure all chest hair i think it's scary when there's half chest hair because then you gotta pick a side that's well like is it half on top yeah what are you talking about um so like i don't know if you're hairy in like one section of your chest okay i feel like then it's like because like a lot of hair then it's like oh we get it you're

like a kitty or whatever but um sure there's just like a little bit it's like yeah you got a spot there actually okay here's what okay if it's curly you can keep it if it's straight get rid of it okay that has to rhyme we gotta find a rhyme for that straight shave it okay that's the pneumatic device now i have been this is hard for me because since last week i've been banned from rapping on the show uh sure our user feedback so who knows what rhymes with that we'll never know um what was your tip for men i was just gonna say you gotta dominate and that's what we got this week all right great um tips for men now uh megan every week for season three we've been doing an exciting new theme to kind of guide the hand of our quaras and looking

at the doc we had a lot of magical stuff backed up like a lot of sorcery based questions and so this week we are performing a theme that is the dark arts we also um we have to read our question from last also we're gonna read the question from last week at the end of every episode we ask a question on quora and we read it last week we're still figuring out how to do the layering tips for men really threw a wrench in the whole thing just for men we're not a fucking podcast it's really tough um last week we asked can you own either a fox or venom in new york city we don't We try to talk not that much about the character Venom on this podcast, but we were bullied into it. Right, this week we're not going to do it.

Too much lore this fucking week. Anyway, I don't know. We didn't get any answers. No. I think it would feel good to have Venom on you as the monster. Oh, you kind of a freak. I think that would feel good. I bet it would feel kind of nice.

I bet it feels like slime. Do you think it's hot? Physically hot. Temperature hot. Yeah. I bet it has to be room temperature. I'm just thinking, like, in terms of, like, the kinetic energy Venom displays, we're doing it again. It happens every fucking week.

That he kind of reminds me of, like, when you got something in a pan. But aside from that, back to the question, like, the structure of the question. If we just had asked, like I wanted to do, can you own a fox in New York City? I think we would have had a lot of engagement. But then ham-fisting Venom in? Because of Britannic. Because of our esteemed guest, who we love. Sketch comedy duo.

Someone does say you cannot own venomous snakes or fox in New York City. That can't be true. I feel like a lot of freaky gals got venomous snakes. Well, maybe they're non-venomous. Oh, like they take the venom out? Yeah, or like a lot of snakes just don't have it. Is a rattlesnake venomous? A rattlesnake certainly is venomous.

I had venomous versus poisonous mixed up. I guess you can take the rattle out of the rattlesnake. I don't know if you can take the venom out of it. The rattle is there to warn you about the venom. The rattle's not the venomous part. The rattle's good. You've actually just created more dangerous rattlesnakes. They're evolving, actually.

Rattlesnakes are evolving to not rattle anymore. Yes, this is a big thing in Texas right now. Oh, no. Mario. I love sounds. We all love sounds. Yeah, in Texas right now, they're evolving to not rattle because they get killed if they rattle.

By men? By people, yeah. Because if you see them, they're just walking around. They're just like us. They're slithering around. Because you get killed. I don't like that. You don't like that they're getting killed

or that they're getting rid of the rattle? I mean, what you have to do in self-defense is your prerogative. And as a snake, I totally understand if you need not to rattle. It's crazy evolution can move so fast, Jeremy. It is, yeah. Isn't it the speed at which we've forced God's hand? Oh, also important information. If you're going to answer one of our quoras from last week,

you must use the code word scrambled eggs. And this will mean we know you're one of our guys and not one of those fuckers on there. Yeah. And then that's it. That's last week from Quora. Can I ask a question about Quora? Is there clout?

Oh, yeah. There's clout. There's so much. Okay, so there's a community? I gotta get it. There's like a few Quora celebs, and a few of them have broken out

into the real world and the one that we always cite is Mr. Jordan Peterson is a Quora original I did not know that he started on Quora when they make a movie

that's like Peterson origins it should be very Quora heavy you guys gotta get on the HBO Quora doc I really want to they'd hate us

this is also a perfect time to use our new sound you got this Quora which is Jeff Bridges saying you got this Quora from Tron Legacy thank you to Ace

for sending that in yeah uh all right should we get into it sure do you have any other questions about quora because we know too much about it um you don't have to i just like the it's cool that there's so many communities that you just have no idea about and they just because i feel like quora is what like kind of it you know how now when you google a question you have to put reddit behind it to real answer and now that doesn't even work i feel like quora was supposed to be that yeah but then there's just crazy people yeah so it doesn't even work anymore due to poor design it's taken over a bit it's very ugly it's a very ugly website it's a very it's been very cruel to

me uh the way that i've been explaining it to like twitter people we have on as guests you're on twitter but do you think that's like your main social media use yeah yeah because you're on all of them now yeah like it's mostly twitter and tiktok i've tried to force myself into into instagram but my my uh life force just really doesn't like they can tell i'm not happy to be there anyway uh anyway the way i explained quora to like the twitter guests we have on is like it's like if uh you were on the internet in like 2014 like they haven't got a lot of the stuff that you already know about we're talking like culture war stuff so you're gonna get a lot of like uh is it okay to put porn on tumblr style debates sure yeah yeah it's kind of like it's like the wild

west a little bit yeah it's i think it's the most fun one to use that's interesting because I was on Tumblr in 2012. That was like where I started on the internet. And that was always crazy land. Is it mostly pictures of Kirby on there? Not Kirby. Kirby phases. It's Snoopy right now.

Then it goes to Kirby. They pick a fluffy guy. You gotta have one. They vote for him. That's their election. I love to see them. Okay, you know how Snoopy's big right now? Not really.

Oh, yes. It's for girls from 16 to like 30, Snoopy's huge. Everybody hates Woodstock. I've aged out in Snoopy fandom. Snoopy's beginner shit. You probably haven't heard about him. He's a new guy on the scene. He's so funny.

He's a pilot. He's awesome. Snoopy dated my friend a couple years ago. He's a sex addict. Aren't you like 95? My dog years Snoopy's like a million years old. That's actually really interesting. My dog groomed me because he's a million years old.

Role reversal. That's funny. Thank you. That's funny. What did we cut you off from saying about Snoopy, though? Oh, I just, everybody hates Woodstock. Oh, yeah. Oh, I didn't know that.

Who gives a fuck about Woodstock? Yeah. Woodstock's just living his life. Yeah, but I was just wondering, because the fluffy guys, Snoopy, Kirby, Minions. Either you die as Snoopy or you live long enough to be a Woodstock. Absolutely. Yeah. I'm assuming if Snoopy, if you seem like a really old dog, they kind of get bird-like

in terms of mane. Yeah, that happens. We all agree on that. I don't think I'm out of line here. No, I agree with that. Okay. I mean, it's true for all of us get bird-like. I stand by it.

My dog's named Birdie. There you go. She ate a bird. Really? Yeah, I was like, you know what she eats. That's harrowing. Yeah, make him say she has a pit bull. Yeah, it's a pit bull.

It was my friend's dog, and she ate his roommate's girlfriend's pet bird. Oh. Like a very beloved bird. Then he was like, I have to get rid of the dog. Megan, do you want this evil dog? They're going to kill this dog. I was like, I'll take the dog.

Yeah, sure. I don't got a bird. Yeah, her name was Athena. And I was like, nah, you're birdie now. You're evil. How many Newtons can it pull with? You named the dog Birdie after it ate the dog? After she ate the bird.

Oh, my God. That's kind of funny. Does she respond to Birdie now? Yeah, it's her name. That's great. Good for her. Do you feel like when you take this dog out, It could be a fatal time for you every time.

I put this crazy muzzle on her. Oh, my God. That's good. She's just like, okay, I'm going to admit to something bad. I have a patio, and I let her just pee on the patio. Oh, word. Okay. But now my downstairs neighbor has mold.

Who knows why? Who knows why? That's New York, baby. That's kind of like the perfect podcasting confession. Is that where your neighbor is going to find it? No, they're not going to listen to this. No, she texted me the other day, and she was like, hey, I don't know if you know me. I live downstairs.

I tested positive for three types of mold. So she has mold in her lungs. Oh, no. But I don't. I don't think you can say that. Do we need to cut this? No, I don't think so, because I don't think it's my fault. This is something I should have looked up.

Just chime in as a lawyer, legally bulletproof. Everything on a podcast isn't real. You can say all sorts of shit. But, oh, so I was like, maybe I should let my dog pee on the balcony less. Because I take her on walks and she, yeah. Yeah. I don't think that it caused the lung bolt. No, no, no, no.

No. You're good. You're fine. You're good. I'm going to tell my son. Anyway, the theme this week is dark arts. All right. We're going to be talking about magic.

There's a lot of magic people on Quora. Cool. Should I read these? Should we get into it? Yeah. I did play the forbidden knowledge theme because this is going to be mostly forbidden knowledge. There is a few snuck in at the end there.

So this is on actual... There's a Quora sub-community called Forbidden Knowledge where they openly discuss things. It's mostly where the witchcraft is, to be frank. This was accepted by Nick's Shadowhawk. Who is the mod of Forbidden Knowledge. Is that true? Which is why he pops up so quickly.

He's an inspiring novelist. He lives in New York. We got to get Nick's on. How many followers? He has 8,000 followers. That seems pretty good. He's got clout? What's the threshold for Quora famous for followers?

I don't know. Let's see what Mr. Peterson has, if I can find him. Yeah, look that up. Pull that up really quick. I feel like people have like five digits. I don't know if we've seen anyone with like... You don't get like TikTok numbers for sure. It's not like, oh, I have 10 million Quora fans.

Yeah, you have to have like a half a million on TikTok to be like TikTok famous. Jordan Peterson has 47,000. Okay, so in the thousands is good. Yeah. Okay, that makes sense. In the thousands, it's good. I mean, I think a lot of people respect his arcane knowledge. Dr. Jordan Peterson or Nick's?

Yeah, I've told you to clean your room. Nick's Shadowhawk. Nick's Shadowhawk should just be like a men's influencer as well. Men, do not order a succubus. Sorry, yeah. Let me read the question. The question is, how do I summon a succubus that I can serve and let her use me? It's kind of sweet.

Very sexual. Very wholesome. You're going to order a succubus. Wait, I feel like that's against what a succubus does. I feel like they order you around, so you can't call one in. Yeah. I got to step in here, and maybe this is extended tips for men. Tips for men!

Do not order a succubus. They're bad. They're saying summon for what it's worth. We're saying order. Don't order or summon one. Yeah, it's kind of like a... They suck out the life of your sperm. Succubuses can tell if you're needy, if you're looking for them,

because they want to succubus you. They want to succubus you. We're walking right into your routine here I do believe They want to succubus you All joking aside If you get summoned do you have a choice That's a good question

I think they always have a choice Because that feels like You do the circle and everything And then somebody shows up Do they get to go oh fuck this again From what I've seen in the Sandman They kind of just have to show up Once they're summoned but then they can leave

Okay. It's kind of the gist I get, but they got to hear the request out, and then they're like, no. Fuck you. That's stupid. Bad bitch. Why do you want to kill your daughter-in-law?

Stuff like that. But succubuses, they're no good. Get them out of your life. Cool. Okay. I believe there's an important answer with this one. Someone says, basically don't have sex. Solo also counts.

It's the late medieval slash renaissance explanation for wet dreams. Sorry, but that's the way it is. Solo also counts. Oh, solo also counts. Oh, you can't jerk off. Don't jack off. Uh-huh, honey.

Yeah, solo also counts. That's from Alyssa Mauer-Clow, whose bio says, I'm the elite liberal they warned you about. Oh, damn. They are always warning me about. Yeah, for them. They are witches. I think there's a woman.

She's a witch. Yeah. Yeah. Fair enough. We're in forbidden knowledge. There's going to be witches. There she's a witch. I don't want to trigger you, Jeremy,

but you're in witch territory now. Oh, no. Oh, cool. All right, well, are there other? I was wrong. This isn't one of the answer ones, but I just like reading the answers in general. There's a really fucking long answer

that I don't really want to read because it's like four paragraphs. It's got a political cartoon in it? Of like a dog with wings? How does that relate to this? I think it's like a webcomic for witches. it says love me for some reason people get a tad bit disappointed when sex demons actually do show up love me oh so it's pro sex demon oh she wants love she doesn't just want to be used for i think

it's a joke this is from zachary gene oh okay is he a cartoonist i don't know okay we'll never know that's for the best i think it's like a witch meme oh witches are laughing a lot right now yeah if you're a witch this is so fun this is like let people enjoy things for love me they say to each other okay i'm gonna read another one of these love me this one is oh these all have the same people on them because it's really a small community of of witches and we'll have them all uh how do solitary witches practice magic without the guidance of a coven or other practitioners i would not practice magic without a coven you need to cut the witch loneliness epidemic yeah since covid yeah it's so sad everybody's isolated

on zoom doing magic together by the way a fucking pentagram on zoom is so embarrassing if your pod is not your coven you need a better coven are our covens also like polyamorous um a lot of times uh they're i think they're just like uh they're doing all of the things in the devil's book so i would assume so yeah yeah the devil loves polyamory the devil loves love baby The devil is kind of Austin Powers coded So to address the question Are witches polyamorous? I think they are polyamorous

Or at least the Venn diagram of witch and polyamory I think it's usually all women Wouldn't they be a warlock if they're a man? Isn't that a thing? Yeah, but I don't think you're in a coven if you're a warlock I think you could just get a frat house If you're a warlock You know so much more about witch

i do i have a lot of witch adjacent friends do you yeah my sister is like one more like acid trip away from being a witch i think or she's like a she um texted the family group chat and she was like i found this road killed raccoon on the side of the road so i took it and i skinned it and i'm gonna bury it for its bones that's so sick i was like don't do that oh no no she's going to get diseases no she's very like um homeopathic oh baby that's good i just wanted to hit the button oh i understand um but yeah uh i i'm almost afraid to go out on a limb here because i'm definitely a novice like i'm not a practicing witch uh i've only learned things from doing this podcast if you're a witch listening it's my time to shut up and and uh sit my way

us and listen sure yes send us an email tell us what we don't know tell us what we don't know and also be like really condescending about it because i'm noticing that a lot in this community uh was there a specific answer you wanted me to read alex i don't think on this one well i just want to get the general like uh answer uh it's either within you or or without magic chooses you you don't choose it i knew i was a witch from being little i've not always had powers but i've earned them in this life and i can say it's bestowed upon certain people and clans oh i would love to be in a magic clan? When they say powers.

What's your question? Are they literally like doing like spells? They're doing spells. Interesting. And curses, from what I understand. Potions? As a kid, I would lie and say I could control the weather. Oh, yeah.

You may have been in a clan. We were at Disney World on the 4th of July, and it was raining really bad. And I was really into Harry Potter, in like Wizards of Waverly Place and I was like I turned to my sister I was like hey Kara

I'm going to make it stop raining I did like this hand thing and then it stopped raining wow that's really so you might actually have the power

I might actually have power and then my sister would not shut up about asking me to teach her how to do magic yeah sure so then I was you don't have it

I have it and now she's like burying raccoons yeah she went full circle she's still chasing that one time you made it stop raining

and I knew that I was lying to her because I knew I didn't have magic so I was like don't tell mom or they're going to have to send me off to Hogwarts And so then she still thought I was telling the truth.

And then we were in line for Peter Pan, and she would not shut up. And she was like, tell me how to do this. And I turned to her, and I was like, I'm lying. It's not true. I can't do magic. And then she went to tell on me, but she still thought I was telling the truth. So she said, Mom, Megan lied about something, but I can't tell you what. And so then my mom was like, shut up.

That just shows how committed she is to getting the magic. She thought I was being so serious. And from reading the answer, you can tell, like, this person was not born with it, and they had to earn it through their acts. And that's the road your sister's on. Yeah, she was, yeah. I hope she gets there, bless her heart. I hope so, too.

And I always say that in the non-Southern way, because I'm from Massachusetts. Yeah. I always forget after I say it, it's like an insult. Is it, really? Yeah, in Texas, it's kind of like a, it's like a, oh, you're so stupid. You're so stupid.

You're so stupid. They don't have access to New York Puerto Ricans like we do to just say it. uh that that person who said that by the way who was like i've always had powers is this woman anna kelman and she is a horny witch all her questions on quora are like uh who are some hot hippie guys from back in the day today the moon is moody and sexy scorpio what kinds of songs do you associate do you guys you guys ask a question on the forum that you did the episode about can you do um is love spells rape oh that's gonna get a lot of engagement i've been wondering about

because it feels not right. Sure. From what we've read so far, it does sound like that is the case, but we'll ask it at the end. I would love to know. It's a good question to ask too because when we have two guys on next week

we don't know very well, and they're like, I don't want to fucking answer this. It will be four white men hanging out and just being like, are love spells rape? Thank you for coming on our show. Nice to meet you.

Do you think it's rape? Let's draw a line here. There's a right answer and a wrong answer. Now that the episode's started, I do not want you doing spells. Okay. Okay. I would like some more information

on what happens in a coven. Is there more coven knowledge? I don't know. What can a coven give me that an ocean cannot? It is the universal womb, my natal heartbeat, the source of all life on this planet. This is from Zachary Jean again. Yo, he's spitting.

I have no need for grimoires or invocations since that's not how you communicate with the waves or wind or tide. They transcend all our human languages and the ego's need for control. Call it sea fever. They call it sea fever. But the ecstasy of the waves haunts me.

This is like a slam poem. I was about to say, they're trying to get me to rap again, and I won't. We've said no more. Clearly, covens give a lot of comfort to certain people, and that is fine. Otherwise, we'd all be solitary practitioners,

but not to me. That's not how I interact with the divine. So Zachary's anti-coven, But as to my knowledge, covens are for girls. Yeah. So maybe you're jealous. No boys allowed. You're jealous.

You wish you were in a coven. Yeah, I think it is. It would be so affirming to have a sisterhood to summon the demons with you. He says, if a coven is what makes you happy, then more power to you. For me, though, how can I not burn every time I hear the crashing waves? What the fuck are you talking about? I agree with that, though. How could you not burn when you hear the crashing waves?

I know I couldn't not burn. That answer doesn't feel like it fits the question. Does it? It kind of feels like he's doing his own thing. You're going to notice that with a lot of these answers, I feel. Would you believe this guy has a poetry degree from the University of Nevada? I would believe that. I would believe that.

I sensed a kindred spirit. Okay. How can you not burn when you sense the ocean? I actually get cooled off by the ocean. Really? I don't burn. Salty. Yeah.

I burn my nose. I look like Rudolph. So is there nothing about Covens? Not really. Is it so wrong to want to learn about Covens? Yeah, apparently. There's not really anything other than that guy. Okay, all right.

Well, maybe it'll come up in one of the other ones. Everyone's talking so like fucking whatever. I'm a little disappointed, but it's fine. All right, I'll read another one. I'll read another one. This is a good one. If a witch was being sued and they did a spell on the plaintiff and their lawyers,

would the witch's spell be more effective if the plaintiff and their lawyers knew the defendant was a witch, more effective if they didn't know, or no difference? Okay, so what I like about this one is it falls under the very common quora category of posting your crimes that are happening to you.

Yes, right. Because I think this is probably a witch who is on trial right now. It must be. Quick question before I hex the jury. If I do a defense spell. Do I announce I'm a witch first? Just a heads up.

How could I have killed that guy? I am a witch. I feel like that would help your insanity plea, but it would not help the rest of your trial to be clear my lawyer is telling me to do this but i wanted to ask quora first sure the judge is like we saw you swear on the necronomicon so we assumed something was up we asked you to put your hand on the bible and then you said it burns it burns it's somewhat of a tell um does this have any answers uh yeah this has six answers Oh, okay.

Handmaiden to Horses says... Great name. Great name. So you do understand that a legal proceeding takes place in the physical world, right? The spell takes place at the intersection where the worlds meet. Witches stay out of that territory if they are wise women indeed. Infinite regression, perhaps? It is necessary to understand where the worlds meet.

Each instance could be unique. It's so hard to get shut down like that on the World 4.0 post. To be explained the realms. Like you don't know. Yeah, you idiot. Like you don't know where they meet. Infinite regression, perhaps, you fucking idiot. Maybe it's just the way Jeremy read it,

but I heard infinite regression, perhaps, as infinite regression much. I think that's what it's supposed to be. Yeah. It's its own sentence. They're doing it in the medieval voice. Perhaps, like Snape-wise. Doing it Snape-wise.

That's a good answer. I see you're on the Handmaiden for Horses page. Sorry, yeah. She doesn't have too much interesting going on. I saw a big picture of scissors. Does that mean anything? Maybe she has a big ceremony to open something. She was answering the question, how do I get a stuck tampon out?

Oh. So it's just pretty straightforward. Scissors, I guess. Just cut that shit up. I'm here to learn. Someone else says, spells don't work on lawyers. They are a special type of demon that magic nor morals nor anything other than money works on. So this is something that we covered extensively on the Patreon.

Patreon.com slash quarter. There's new episodes every Thursday. But spells do work. You can do them. You can do a spell on a lawyer. Don't tell me I can't do a spell on my goddamn lawyer. What are you, a cop? Fuck you.

Shut the fuck up. Yeah, you can do a spell on a lawyer. Why not? Why not? Wait, so all lawyers are demons? According to this guy. I think he's doing a little bit. I'm sorry I got so defensive about that.

We're all just trying to have a good time. In terms of any other answers that are worth reading, I would like to know what they're being charged with. Yes. Is it my, which obviously. That's important. If she said that. Because if it was like, if it was arson and she just set something on fire, I would be scared to prosecute her.

Don't tell them you're a witch, by the way. No, no. Because then it's definitely going to be, yes, you did it. Yes. But if it was like tax evasion. Yeah, exactly. It's something that's not going well for her because she's already committed to like spelling her way out. Yes.

This guy's name is Raymond Rocha, the guy who asked this question. Okay. For what it's worth. he's asked 170 questions i think he lives in australia uh this may not be something that's like uh immediately apparent on quora but they have like way too much information yeah you can fucking be doxy but it's like a linkedin situation you'll find out where they went to school i guess that's good if somebody's credible or not you can go like oh you went to harvard i'm not listening to you about which stuff yeah you can call them and double check no it'd be awesome they had phone

numbers on quora uh i'm trying to see if they if he's asked any other questions that are like related to crimes can you when someone answers can you the poster follow up with uh to the answer and like clarify it has kind of like a facebook comments uh system so you can yeah you can slam on there but sometimes the questions are like eight years old and uh yeah this one's recent this is from january 21st on january 5th he also asked if people say that the quality of malcolm in the middle didn't decrease as the seasons went on then what caused the average viewership to go from 15.2 million in season one to 3.8 million in season seven he's got the numbers folks i don't know how you how you argue with something like that

it's clearly here's the thing about malcolm in the middle he has cursed brian cranston they got older and then like the show about three young boys with just like three young men and it's like this isn't a show yeah this isn't a show that can't be a premise they're all in college that's not a show they don't live with their family anymore when did reese leave i've never seen that in the middle honestly i think whenever francis starts working at that ranch is when i kind of tuned out yeah francis was my favorite i was so in love with him too i think because i was an oldest child and i was like i would like to have an older brother but i don't my mom always called me malcolm or she's like you're the malcolm or family i was like so i'm misunderstood and

you hate me because I know spells because I'm smart yeah wow you guys are some of the 11 million who dropped off between seasons

hashtag we are the 11 million I think the show was finished by the time I was watching it or because I'm 12 years old you didn't get this you didn't get the

Nielsen rating in there I was Tivo-ing a lot of it I think that counts I think so I was on Nick at Night on Tivo

Nick at Night had Malcolm in the middle I'm 500 years old this is a deeply disturbing episode so far forbidden knowledge let me read another question um okay this is one of the answers you want me to read okay the answer ones are really good i guess i was just a little excited for them and i jumped the gun but okay this question is how long does it take to learn how to cast spells properly as an apprentice witch slash warlock so this is just like fundamentals and i am interested in getting to the bottom of it

And then this guy, LionorHod, says, first off, please just remove the term warlock from your vocabulary. You never recover from something like that. You could never recover. My public spellcrafting class is organized to take six weeks. If you aren't at least a competent spellcaster by the end of that, you are not serious about your study or aren't doing the exercises slash homeworks or just not paying attention. Certainly, this will not teach you everything you need to know about spellcrafting. hell i'm still learning more every day 40 plus years in but it will give you a strong basis you must take three spell crafting classes to attempt for a spell crafting house team

it's hard to get out but this is how i feel about like writing like internet satire stuff because i feel like everybody who teaches a class you can just feel the desperation off them which is like like a simmering anger after 40 years of spell yeah it's like oh this isn't a job unless i trick other people into thinking it's a job. Got it. Okay. If I ever teach a class, it means I'm so sad. I'm so sick of these young influencer magicians

who go out and just get spells. I was like, Caroline Calloway had a creativity workshop. Yeah, exactly. First of all, she was just being a genius. She was like, it's $500, you get a potted plant at the end. She was doing it the right way.

It is a grift, but I think she was the only one that was aware that it was a grift. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. But, like, every acting class is just the most miserable, older actress that was in one episode of CSI. I don't know, pretend you're a worm? Yeah, yeah. I don't know.

You need to do the action of being a worm. Since nothing works for me, I guess do whatever you want. Alex, are you the person who told me you took a screenwriting class and then the teacher got, like, hired on a show during the class? Yeah, she got hired for Metalocalypse from showing us how to do outlines, which was pretty clutch because I was like now I know the outlines.

Wasn't the story that she like did a thing where she brought in a Metalocalypse writer and was like this is how you do an outline.

See I wrote a spec for Metalocalypse and they were like this is what we need. And then she was like I'm leaving this class. Why would you stay in the class?

They're all in the class because they don't have the job. It's just such a fucking weird ploy to be like I'm teaching this class that was NYU and being like

it's for education I'm bringing in the person who could hire me for a job as a screenwriter at Metal Acolypse, my dream job. And I've written a spec. And I've written a spec. It's very similar to inviting Arthur Pendragon

to your spells workshop. Sure. And then getting picked up for his immortal round table. Sure. And you're Merlin. And you're Merlin. And you are Wizard Merlin. I mean, if Arthur is still around in this hypothetical,

then he would also be magic. Sure. Sure. Okay. I think we're all agreed there. anyway it's really sad how how bitter these old warlocks get i wonder what this guy's class is like especially because if you're a warlock you could live for like 500 years that's just gonna keep building just be happy why don't you go ahead and like get into like pokemon go or something

yeah get into like collecting yeah to get into worms yeah get into worm collecting worm play yeah cut the worms in half they make more worms that's witchcraft i guess my advice would be to double your worms okay you know there's a lot of like younger girl witches like 20 year old witches there's no wizards yeah what why are we not capturing the wizard i wonder if that will come up and here there's i think a few questions about warlocks although i may just be thinking of this one how mean he was about the warlock terminology um but uh i was in florida orlando florida why aren't there warlocks i guess just like you're either born with it or in it's in your clan maybe men are smarter than women that's gotta be what it is thank you for saying that because we can

now use that as a clip to get 10 million views hit that tips for men but yeah we're gonna go ahead and slam that but yeah overall it's uh i think there's a gender divide there Sorry, I was distracted because I was looking at this guy lying in our house. You've left Quora. I've found that he has written six e-books. One of them is called Haunted. How to cleanse and ward your home, get rid of demons, ghosts, or negative spirits, and keep the friendly ones. That could be a bonus episode.

I could read one of these. That sounds good. I'm trying to see. The purpose of this book is to help you determine, one, if you're being haunted, two, what kind of entity you might be dealing with, three, what to do about it if you are haunted. I've watched and possibly you have, too. numerous ghost hunting tv programs jeremy has pulled up a full ebook now it'd be funny if like if i get to figure out if you're possibly being haunted he's like do you get sleepy sometimes it does that's what they think like haunting is there's one i think maybe the next one one of the

ones coming up like very clearly spells out like when you have a curse afflicted and it's honestly a lot of stuff i never like even considered a curse wise yeah anything he's written an ebook called spellcraft secrets the art of creating magic spells made easy and there's a big pentagram i always see that at barnes and noble if you're making ebooks what's stopping you from like self-publishing yes that is self-publishing i know it's self-publishing but it's not like it's not getting it is a paper it's not it's not it's not in paper i don't have one on my man i think it's just expensive to to sell a book to make a book you can do it through amazon i think like you can paperback it through amazon if one is a warlock would your alliance with trees forbid you

from making a book okay not historically but in this day and age when you don't have to i think yeah i think you could still do it i think you could do it it's probably yes are all are all Warlock's Earth-based Warlocks? I don't think so. I thought Warlock was just Boy Witch. Boy Witch, you can pick any element. You could be fire. Do you have to have an element?

Well, you could. Okay. Don't tell me what a Warlock is. Based on all the turn-based combat games I've played, I think you have to pick an element. I'm pretty sure you can pick up to two in multi-class, and that's about it. All right, I'm going to read another one of these questions.

How do you know if someone is doing Witchcraft slash Brageria on you? What is Brageria? I don't know. Sorry, I'm from Texas. I know about brujería. I don't know about brujería. What is that?

It's Mexican. You don't know about brujería. I'm Jewish as hell. Spot the guy who doesn't know about brujería. God damn. All right. Let's see. This is what I was talking about.

This is kind of like Jeff Foxworthy coded. Okay. Number one, physical symptoms. Wait, you got to read this. Oh, sorry. How do you know if someone may be doing witchcraft or brujería against you? and why would they do it? Let's explore the possibilities.

The name of the post. Five signs that someone may be doing witchcraft or brujeria against you. These are the five signs. Yeah, yeah, I said that. Number one. You might be doing brujeria. Continue.

Physical symptoms. Physical symptoms are the most common signs of witchcraft and brujeria. These can include infections that won't go away, sudden onset of illness for no known reason, extreme fatigue after previously feeling healthy, loss of appetite and weight loss, nausea and vomiting,

frequent headaches, strange sensations such as numbness in hands, tinglings in limbs, pins, and needles. I think I've had brujeria before. That's the case. If you have long COVID. I was about to say, it's the same thing. And that does line up with the time period

of the witch increase we've been seeing as well. That's every symptom ever. Do you feel bad? Are you sad a little bit? Two, financial changes. One of the most common signs that you're being cursed is when your finances change drastically. The Quarrior's podcast has recently fallen under some witchcraft.

Cracked has done witchcraft on us. Cracked.com. Often people will feel a shift in their financial status at the same time they start experiencing other symptoms of bewitchment. Other indicators may include increased gambling, spending money on things you don't need, or an unexplained run of bad luck. Keep in mind that it's not always easy to see the difference

between these events and daily life. It's possible for us to have a little bit of bad luck every now and then without being under a spell, but if this is happening on a regular basis, then something else might be going on. Health problems. Certain rituals may also cause physical problems such as headaches, fever, stomach aches.

Health problems was not included in the first part? It was. I don't know why she's doing it again. No problems again. Millend is him. Double tap. Yeah, seriously, if you have a fucking stomach ache, you're being cursed.

That's it for you. That explains everything. I've been cursed my whole life. From what I've read in this post, it's kind of hard to tell when you're not cursed. Yeah. Because most things could be one. I like the money thing. It says if you're increased gambling, but if you're winning, you're not cursed?

No, of course not. A curse wouldn't... But wouldn't a good curse... Are good curses spells? This gets into the love spells rape thing again. Yes. If you curse yourself to win at gambling. Sure.

Yeah. what if you're just legally what if you pass the bar exam does that negate all curses because now you're a lawyer now you're good now you're signed the devil's book guy who goes to law school because he's so scared of witches after reading one quora answer it's just safer here i just feel a lot more comfortable at law at harvard law school um number three feeling drained if you feel drained all the time i'm trying to someone is doing witchcraft slash brujeria against you which is in brujas who are powerful practitioners of witchcraft often drain their victims of energy in order to keep themselves

strong this is drunk that's true spells curses and potions if you're exhausted all the time without explanation it could be that someone is draining your energy i just i feel exhausted all the time that's the same as the fatigue in the first one yeah or you should like stretch it says um if this happens after a major life change like a divorce or losing a job it's important to get help right away before any type of mental illness can develop. Your wife may have cursed you. It probably did. If you're sad because you got a divorce,

that's witchcraft. Your wife cursed you in the divorce process. You can legally set her on fire. Divorce is a kind of spell. Any kind of well play. Divorce is the hardest spell of all. I've seen it tear

coven's son. What is a marriage without a coven? We'll stay together for the warlocks apprentices sure um sure sorry uh i'm trying to decide how much of this is worth reading emotional changes you've been feeling more sad than usual your moods have been swinging wildly from happy to depressed without any real reason as to why this is the same one again you didn't have trouble sleeping at night you're not getting paid for this just say the three things You only have three.

You're going to love number five, Alex. I'm just not going to read the rest of the board. Number five will shock you. Relationship issues. I'm really mad, actually. You're experiencing relationship issues in any form, including but not limited to breakups, arguments, misunderstandings with partners.

There is a chance that witchcraft may be the cause. How do you write this out and not know you wrote the same thing three times? In order to find out if someone is doing witchcraft against you or someone you know, it's important to know the signs that point towards a suspicion. the following five signs indicate that witchcraft may be taking place number one lack of clarity number two another five sense of unease number three inexplicable emotions such as anger jealousy or sadness number four relationship difficulties and number five physical pain

me when i cheat on my girlfriend babe somebody cursed you you're freaking out right now about nothing there's one answer yeah dude what the hell this guy's got a website oh okay i don't know what website is this i can't it's just a google site remove black magic curses and spell slash home oh okay i could use that free yourself from negative energy and live your best life okay we'll get some of these pics on the youtube high school had a huge dream catcher in the lobby really were the um did you sleep there yeah we were the warriors um like a native american dream catcher wow um and they have not taken it i was about to ask if it's been taken still there it's another victory against woke finally our dream catcher stands tall

in the student section there was like a male like cheerleader like they did the crowd they had this huge headdress that they would wear oh wow so he's the chief he's the chief they called him the chief i feel like the most offensive part of the whole thing is promoting a boy to chief yeah you do not have the qualifications no wow not ready to lead the tribe but oh but the dream catcher at my high school it said like math like math writing english college this is an incredibly texas story every element of it but all joking aside we love math here on the Corridor

engineering oh yeah college English that post pissed me off how he did not have five tips and then added another five at the end that made me really mad this is a witchcraft question we can go on to can you absorb the calories in pen ink I drink some pen ink as a dare

now I'm scared that it will cause me to gain weight please help so the first thing is we can't assume this is a troll we have to take all these questions at face value yes does everything has calories yes so you are getting calories there's no poison question here it's just weight loss am i gonna get fat yeah first of all stop drinking it um second of all i know we gotta say that it's a mason jar it's not to be drank uh it is pen ink and then once you've done it probably your insides are turning all pink

doesn't have a lot of ink though it's like a gusher's amount of pen well it must be like a calligraphy because we're in the witch territory. They're probably doing... Dip a feather in it. Yeah. And then you could get a lot of cows out of that thing.

Yeah, my advice, first of all, get new friends. Who dared you to do this? Yeah, you don't need that person in your life. You don't need somebody making poisonous gushers. Get a new coven.

Yeah, get a new... Find yourself a new coven. I've been waiting for a reason to hit the cash button, but it's probably not going to come up today. I need to accept that and move on. Yeah, I was trying to think of something.

Yeah! That's fine. But yeah, everything has calories. And one thing to remember is the calories printed on the back of your food labels are actually kilocalories. They're 1,000 of the small calories. You have to watch the case of the sea. Yeah. All right.

Well, that's good to know if you drink the ink from your pen. If you crack one of those open. I do think they're – Like a pixie stick. I don't think they're calorie dense. I think they're good. I think that's probably true. I think you're probably fine.

It's mostly just poison. Yeah. That's what you should be worried about. Which as a witch, I feel like is relevant. This is not in Forbidden Knowledge, for what it's worth. No, but it's a witchcraft episode. Yes. I imagine many witches are going to watch this.

One spell you could do is making them drink ink. Drink all the ink in your quill. Tell them it will be funny. You've been pranked. The speed at which the culture change happened in witches, and they went from old, crusty little witches to, like, models is, I'm not prepared for it. And in my mind, they're still, they're, like, bewitched witches.

Or bewitched, they're sexy witches, too. Yeah, and in Practical Magic. How far back do we got to go? Man, how far back you got to go for the witches to be classical witches? I think the Looney Tunes, where Bugs and that witch are with each other. Those ones scared me as a kid. One of his greatest foes, yeah. Yeah.

I hate that witch. Because Bugs Bunny normally is just tingling with mortals. Sure. People without powers. And he's met his match in the witch. He's met his match in the witch. The witch gets the best of him several times. The witch can see through his cross-dressing.

I know you're the bunny. You're still a rabbit. Why would that stop me from getting you? I'm after a rabbit. You're a rabbit. I know it's not duck season. I've consulted my orb. I'm imagining Jordan Peterson on these chorus

and just being like, these witches are too sexy. don't drink ink. It's not good for you. Clean the ink out of your room before you start drinking it for clout. He's not like a homeopathic guy.

No, he loves like benzos, right? Well, he kind of is though. He's only red meat. That's homeopathy though. That's boy witch. Yeah, that's a boy witch. Sigma is boy witch now actually. If you're doing YouTube diet stuff, you're a witch pretty much.

Yes. It's just, yeah, that's the boy, which might be dumber than the women's stuff. I think so. Women smarter than men? Women smarter than men. Question mark. We've gotten upset. We'll put those both on TikTok and see which one does better.

We're actually losing a lot of viewers right now. I'm not sure of which side I agree with. We'll have to see. Let's get the next question going. Okay. Sure. Do we want to read any of these answers? because one of them, this person is not happy about it.

Aaron Sue says, gaining weight is not the problem here. Think about it for a second, and then all periods here. You just drank pen ink. You could get poisoned. This is what I was saying. Or your nervous system may be damaged a bit. However, of course, it's only if you drink more than one ounce. Very unlikely.

If you only drink a few drops or something, then you should drink a lot of water and hope for the best. No, it has no calories, and it will not lead to weight gain. Have a nice day, they say. This does remind me of when I started buying weed and just like how much an ounce is fluctuating so much. Because of a liquid, liquids are heavy. And so like an ounce of pen ink,

that's probably like, I don't know. That's a lot. I'm doing fingers if you're listening to the podcast. I feel like it's like a little fingers amount. Did we do this question already, Alex? Who buys a legally smuggled sandalwood? No, it was in the Britannic animal episode. We didn't get to it.

But who buys a legally smuggled sandalwood? What's the deal with the illegally smuggled sandalwood? What is sandalwood? Sandalwood out of the market. That's like the perfume stuff. Sandalwood is a class of woods from trees. Okay. Okay, so how do you know if it's well sourced?

There's no answers on this, by the way. Is sandalwood illegal? Well, you can smuggle it if you get it past customs. I guess anything could be illegal if you smuggle it. The implication by putting it in this episode, I guess, would be a witch. A witch would buy it for spells. apparently this is a big issue in india where 90 percent of quora users are yeah um so using the sandalwood for is that good building materials um what does it smell like

although it's like a very like i don't know would you put it in a potion a lot of like men's perfume is sandalwood uh the thing where it's like this tastes like this It smells like courage or whatever. Yeah, it's like the masculine, like musky kind of. The scent of gun. Hit the tips for men. Oh, that's Godzilla. That's Godzilla.

Tips for men. Men perfume is sandalwood. But apparently the trees are cut down illegally. Because the government controls their harvest in India, Pakistan, and Nepal. This is similar to like a palm oil kind of thing where it's just like every time you have something with palm oil in it, it's like they're like shooting koalas in the head.

And that's just for fun. The economy is just a pyramid of suffering. It's really tough when you look into it. Anyway, it's mostly witches buying it from what I understand. There's no answers on this. So we'll never know. No one knows.

I know I don't. Let me read another question. We have a few more. How is a human shield used and does it effectively protect against danger? Okay. Now, one group I could see using one of these would be a witch.

Sure. A group of witches. Because humans mean so little to them because they are kind of allied. Flesh and bones. Yeah, so they might use them as a flesh shield. That said, I don't think... Hello, I'm doing footsies with Jeremy.

I don't think that they would block spells. That's all I wanted to say. Human shields? Yeah. They block low-velocity bullets and maybe minor explosions. Spells go through them. I think that's fair. Which is not Harry Potter rules.

Harry Potter, the spell is like... Spells kind of like have like a like a like a they're like wet or something. They like whack people with them. Yeah. They like shoot them with them. I'm just doing my Dragon Ball Z podcast again now. But yeah, I think spells you could probably just be like, I want to hit that guy. And it goes.

Yeah. Can you see a spell? I don't think you can see a spell. In Harry Potter, I feel like you can't actually see them in Harry Potter. They just did that for the movies. That was just for us. Yeah, that was for we got the spell vision. Like when you watch a European movie

and they're speaking English, but you know they're- Yeah, we all understand you can't see the curse. It's not green. They're just kind of going like this at each other. Wow, how much would that fucking scene at the end where Harry and Voldemort shoot the beams at each other suck?

It would be boring. If you couldn't even see the beam. Well, in the book, that scene's totally different. Oh. In the book, the scene is them just circling each other and having a very catty dialogue. And then he just immediately beats him. And they're like, I know what would improve this.

Yes, yeah. Lasers. If we made it Dragon Ball Z. Yeah. And it did. It was better. Pretty cool. Human shields.

Do you think this person was watching a movie, and they were like, that wouldn't work? Everybody would blow up in that situation. I recently watched The Town, and they do human shields a little bit. Do they? Yeah. In The Town? What do they do? Well, they take a hostage.

The Town is Boston heat. Yeah, it's Boston heat. It would be so sexy to be a Boston hostage. It would be pretty sexy. It's just a nightmare to overhear all of the conversation. But yeah, then once they see your face, you got to kill them too. So it's like a whole movie. Check it out.

The town. Check out The Town, 2010. If you get kidnapped, okay, somebody is committing a crime and you can't see their face. To me, that means you're going to live. If I see your face, I'm going to die because then you're not scared of being identified. This is it to me as well. I wasn't sure if this was a common thought. I think in hostage circles, this is one of the truisms.

This is one of their five rules of being a hostage. If I'm being held hostage and I see your face, I know I'm going to die, so it doesn't matter anymore. But I would like to not see their face, I think. Rule two of being a hostage. If you feel nauseous, if you feel dizzy, that's a curse. You may be taken hostage in your life. There's a magical entity in the attack.

If you're going through a divorce, you don't know you've been taken hostage. rule number four read rule number one yeah in terms of bullets I feel like 50-50 depends on what kind of bullets they got

you're thinking of like literally somebody holding like a human shield up in front of them what other use of a human shield the other obvious one is like the Israeli government being like they're using human shields but they also literally mean that though because that was like a war on terror thing is like al-qaeda is taking people as shields and

they're like you can't shoot us we got them we got them i think a lot of it is this is not they definitely don't work for bombs i'm gonna get out in front of that i feel like they think it does work for because i feel like the idea would be we're gonna send that guy in first they'll blow up then we'll go in after oh for a mine yes so it's like a it's a shield in the sense that like it's shielding you not physically directly but like it's stopping you from getting blown up but we're all in agreement that in terms of a physical blast or bullet the meat shield is quite limited the physical shield doesn't work so it's agreed let's see what the comments say um traditionally human shields have been employed to put pressure

on attackers moral scruples against injuring civilians and unarmed combatants that's true and then the move is and you're like I'm a sicko. This guy Bobby says it protects a human from every living creature every dead creature

everything possible except body lice bed bugs venereal disease crabs and insane partners other than that it comes with a warranty

and you're good to go. One sentence. What happened to that guy? Shout out to insane partners in that as well. Bobby's bio is in all caps. I feel blessed being born in 1954

at the time where we never locked doors we never played we played outside all night we never had to worry about rapists or serial killers or general creeps? I don't know if that's true. Oh, yeah, there's no rapists in the 70s

or serial killers in the 70s. Name one guy who killed 40 women in the 70s. I'll wait. His job is been there, done that. Thank God my parents died, 1954 to present. This is the other reason Corris found us. Everyone on here is 70 years old. That's awesome.

One of his questions that has no answers is, 1,800 views, but only 10 comments. Quit being a pansy and start answering. Yes. I agree. This is how I feel when people comment but don't like on a post as well. It's insulting. Slam that button.

What, you're holding on to those? You're going to use that later? Hit the button. He says more of his questions. Sorry, where are the happy people? All I see is gloom and doom in here. Bad, sick, beat up dogs, and homeless people. Why does it have to be that way?

are they all trolls in quora yeah quora's all homeless people then he says they say the perfect wife is deaf blind mutant has no legs is that true i don't think that's true bobby bobby don't say that why would she have no legs and that has one answer who someone is a very long answer saying it's not true hello bobby i disagree that's literally what it is i think that uh women should be able to see and hear that's a crazy take what do you think youtube guinevere she wrote as i have never actually heard someone say that i don't know the context for the statement but my opinion is that in a literal sense no the perfect white is not wife is not deaf blind mutant has no words but this statement seems to be describing if not in a literal sense as a person

who is unable to stand up for themselves contribute to the conversation or even hear it and it's completely submissive to the person they are married to well i mean they just they can't do anything they have no eyes or ears their whole life is going to be based around taking care of his wife now sorry there is one other answer and i feel compelled to read it george humphries says no because you left out the most important part a warm fat moist tight pussy so thank you from that george humphries that's that's per i i don't like it that's all i want to say is i don't like it that's the other side of quora it's just insane people have you seen um with ai now or like you know the black or chinese guy yes okay now for ai for women it's either uh here's what you'd look

like pregnant or dismembered because i've gotten um uh uh paraplegic or whatever oh yeah this is a thing i so i'm on facebook still for some insane reason and i don't follow anything i just have like a page where i just repost my tweets because i you know whatever they give me ten dollars a month or whatever and it's a good racket facebook keeps showing me ai generated limbless women yeah i don't understand what it is it's i think it's like the most specific fetish that there's nothing out there for it i think so they it's always their birthday we actually we did cover this on the podcast like in one of our first episodes i believe it's bizarre women yeah i don't understand it's um it's a fetish yes it's a very weird way it's like i think it's from like anime or something

So it's Alex's world. What's so weird about it is I feel like limbs are so sexy. Yeah, the potential. They let you move around and grasp. It's so weird. I love limbs. I love them. They're some of my favorite parts of women.

I mean, I don't want you to have too many, but I like the correct amount. Also, if you're missing some, that's fine for you. Yeah, go ahead. It's okay. there's this guy that used to um pay me to um basically role play answer questions to him as if i was a conjoined twin oh my god that's a good job if you can get it yeah it was oh it was pretty chill and he was like okay your conjoined twin is named reagan i was like i think my mom would have put a little more work into it if reagan and megan and he was like okay so you share a top half

same pussy what do you do if a guy wants to marry you and not her and i was like i guess we'd talk it out i did not give him like the sexy answers that i think he wanted wow what do you think reagan yeah he was we'll both marry him you kind of have to yeah yeah that's just a fact being conjoined twin conjoined twins if you have a whole usually it's like two whole bodies right or like most of a whole body? There's some that's like it's two heads. If you just have a second head,

I don't think that's like a second person though, is it? It is. I mean, they got their own brain. They don't have a different body. They have a whole personality. I guess I wouldn't know. How dare you say that to Reagan?

I guess, yeah, whoa, chill. And for this part of the episode using AI, we have added Reagan. Be sure to go to youtube.com slash Quarators to see Reagan live. That's a crazy fetish.

Yeah, it's really nuts. It's really, you know, that's the people you find on Tumblr when you're 14 you're never gonna find that no but now with AI but now with AI

they're doing such important work over there thank you to mid-journey what question was this the human shield oh the human shield turned into limbs

yeah I know we found Bobby who is a weird he has that fetish I guess yeah you gotta get a conjoined twin he's messaging 14 year old Megan

that would be his nightmare because that's too many limbs so he wants the opposite he wants the opposite of a conjoined twin Oh, I meant it's a permanent human shield. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, this is a... No, this isn't core romance. No, this is our last forbidden knowledge. I want my mom's mouth. She has a pretty mouth. What should I do? Now, why would a witch steal a mouth? Like, do you think she wants it as her mouth?

I guess so. I want my mom's mouth. I want my mom's mouth. This is all of the context we're going to get. She has a pretty mouth. What should I do? lip fillers I guess you could

do up your own mouth this is someone named Jamie Eugene and this is their only question only question Jamie's kind of a gender neutral name

yeah doesn't help with that it could be anyone in this room this is from like a week ago too how insane would it be if I had an alternate

Quora account that I fed those questions on we're running out of battery over here you're good no I'll get it Keep podcasting.

There's a bunch of answers on it. One person says, learn to love your own body and accept yourself for who you are. You're a unique individual who is a combination of genetics. I'm sure your mom loves you just as you are too. I say cut her mouth off. Yeah, cut her mouth off. Put it on a little slab. Have it talk to you.

Get one of those singing fish, but for your mom's face. That would be awesome. She tells you to do the dishes. That's the only mom thing I can think of. Moms are always telling people to do the dishes. Thank you, Alex, for the charger. The scary implication is that this is a man and it's a sexual question. It does appeal, and then there's a big erotic writing community on here,

but I'm just very interested in how would a witch steal a mouth? By erotic writing community, are they role-playing some questions? The questions will be like, my sister says that we have to do it. Should I? And then people are like, good question. here's what I would do and then they write like 5,000 words

sure my dad is forcing me to pee my pants yeah is that okay is that okay is that okay is my favorite way

to end it yeah there's a lot of it oh yeah see the related question do moms ever let their son pee in their mouth huh no they don't

not in my experience on purpose I guess like to get out of danger yeah I guess like if you were falling sure

so if you were in a car and you're a baby okay And, like, you're, like, on top of the car, and the car starts falling over a cliff, and the mom's right on the side of the car. And she has to pick you up, but you're so scared you're peeing. Okay. And then her mouth is like, ah! And then, like—

That's not wetting you, though. That's just—it happens. Oh, it just happened. That's a good point. The answer is no. The answer is no. We were right the first time. As a kid, I threw up in my dad's mouth.

Sure. My sister does that, too. How does that happen? He was holding me upside down, and then I just threw up on his face. It's almost just like this car scenario. my sister did the exact same thing to my dad as a baby yeah that's disgusting girls be doing that it was love to throw up no one here has babies and it's a good policy throw up wise uh do we read one more question yeah this is the core romance one thank you

sorry for jumping the gun here wrong one son of a bitch this is our final question uh back to the the theme of the episode for a second if a married woman sleeps with a demon is it adultery yo i feel like it's even more adultery i think it's even worse double adultery well she's betraying god you're cheating on two men something adults do isn't there someone you forgot to ask yeah it's a classic question my husband i consent the demon consents it's like jesus and your husband their arms crossed damn it we're getting edged out here sure um you know back to the succubus thing we were talking about before i kind of feel like it almost folds into a different category because usually a demon

is not having a loving relationship with you and it's kind of abusive, if that's the case, then it's not adultery. That's the bottom line. I feel like demon sex would be like tantric. Yes. I feel like a demon doesn't just have like a penis.

Oh, yeah. That actually flies in the face of a lot of art I've seen. Demon penises? Yeah. That you've Googled? They're actually sometimes all penis, but... Oh, really? Yeah.

That's scary. It is scary, isn't it? The scariest thing I can think of is a big penis. Big, scary penis. and it's coming at you. If it's like the size of a person and it just has little arms. Would that feel good or bad for him?

For the penis monster? Yeah, if you're just a big penis and you go through the subway turnstile, it's like you're getting jerked off. Well, that's the thing about the penis is it requires a specific motion. If you're just flicking the sides as you're going through a turnstile,

I think you're good. As long as you're not getting shaken up all the time. Wait, does it feel good to get flicked? Oh, no. There can be extreme flick play. I think I've said this on this podcast, but when I was a freshman in high school, I remember this.

I had a friend who said that he started jerking off and he does it DJ style. This has come up several times. I always think about it. We're back on DJ style. Taylor, shout out. I have a friend who, he ruined all the nerve endings in his penis

by proning on the mattress. He would just rub against the mattress. He put all of his body weight on his penis And it ruined his life Oh and my ex-boyfriend in high school He got half his dick cut off by He was lifting weights and the plate fell on his penis Oh my god

And then he passed out and I know this is true Because he was uncircumcised before So then after I wasn't dating him when this happened This is so scary It caught on his pants and he passed out And he woke up in the hospital and they were like We tried to save as much of your penis as possible

And it was like thumb sized afterwards and it was mostly the head because they had to salvage. That's so funny. It ruined his life. Waking up in a hospital and hearing that is like the worst

sketch comedy joke. We tried to save as much as your huge penis. Apparently it was huge before because my girlfriends had seen it before. I was about to say, you can really say

whatever you want after something that tragic. Shout out, Kellen. Shout out. I was about to say, I was like, are we trying to not have him find the story?

but we have his name and address pulled up on Quora. Yeah, I'm always afraid of dropping the weight on my toe, but this would be worse. When does that happen? I dropped a metal base plate on my toe at work last year, and it was so unfortunate because five minutes earlier I said, oh, I would do anything to get sent home right now, and I actually dropped it on my toe.

That is brujeria. Yeah, I deserved that. I don't care who you are. Jeremy, what are the comment sections saying on this? Unless the demon is her husband and assuming sleeps with means sex, yes, that would count as adultery according to religious texts. So if you're married to a demon, that's fine. Citation needed.

I'm going to go ahead and need to see the gospel. Don Drosh says, not really. Many women want rough sex and demons can be rough. My wife goes to a dom dungeon. That is not the same. He says, my wife goes to a dom dungeon to be hanged naked and tortured. Oh, all right. All right, I am learning today.

Thank you, Don, who lives in Dallas. If you'd like to torture Don's wife, really? Yes, this guy at my job was like, yeah, I went to this crazy sex dungeon the other day and they were cutting this girl up and she was bleeding in front of all of us. And he was just, it was 9 a.m. at work. And we were like, cool, cool.

That's the illest. The Yelp reviews for that place are crazy. Or they're just like, it's dirty in here. What's it called? My cut got infected. I'm looking up Dallas. Dallas Sex Dungeon. Sorry, Alex.

This is on your computer. That's fine. The most fun thing to do is when you're driving through Texas is to go on Yelp and look at the closest strip clubs

like in the middle of fucking nowhere. The reviews are like a lot of fat Mexicans here. It's so crazy. It's the DFW Dungeon. It's probably What does DFW stand for?

Dallas Fort Worth or David Foster Wallace. Yeah. The David Foster Wallace Sex Dungeon. He would love that. You have to wear a bandana but nothing else.

Their website is very bad. It's very, yeah. I'm trying to find their reviews. Will you sexually consider the lobster? DFW Dungeon. A supposedly sexy thing I'll never do again. In this room, we do tennis play. I'm not a David Foster Wallace reference.

I have no more. I like that you likely know about this place that this guy sends his wife to. There's not many sex dungeons in Dallas. This one has pretty good reviews. That's a shame. If you want to go to the DFW Dungeon in Dallas, it's at 11528 Harry Hines Boulevard. Harry Hines is where all the prostitutes are.

My job used to be on that street, unrelated. That makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. Harry Hines is very sketchy. That's kind of pretend conjoined twins boulevard, isn't it? Yeah. Girl with a big sign that says, I will pretend to be conjoined twins.

Will pretend there are two of me. My tantric sex prostitute. It has mostly good reviews. 4.8 out of 5 is an amazing Google review. Most people are saying very clean. Furniture is clean. Bathrooms are clean. Security guards.

They cut me and it doesn't get infected. Maybe I was on the sex theater website. You cover it. Friendly staff. I'm out the box just lambasting DFW Dungeon. It's so clean in there. Friendly staff is that five stars for a sex dungeon? Do you want them to be friendly?

I want them to be mean to me. Yeah, right? Well, but they can be appropriately mean to you. Sure. I think Medieval Times is also on Harry Hines Boulevard. Oh, that makes sense to me. Yeah, accidentally going to Medieval Times, you think it's the sex times.

Oh, we're going to joust. Oh, honey. The king is giving his thumbs down. I was in Manhattan yesterday, and I saw this dance studio that was next to a strip club, And it just felt very like, well, if you didn't, if you're not good enough, I guess. You can go to the Flashdancers. Anyway, that guy, yeah, those are all the answers, I think, on that question.

That's fair enough. Actually, there's a few more. This guy says demons don't exist. Boring. Boo. Wrong. Shut up. Shut up.

Be a man. That's enough. Nosy demons asking stupid questions are worse. Someone says it's worse than adultery. It sounds like there's a story there. Yeah. Anyway, those are really all the answers. I think we covered it.

I think we're ready to wrap up here. And as we remember, our question is, are love spells rape? Yeah. And we will be talking about that with the hosts of Talking Simpsons Podcast. That's going to be a really weird. We'll just apologize up front and say this is not our idea. Who cares? Sorry, this is a stand-up, but the last guest is working.

This is just a question I wanted to ask you two specifically. Our stand-up, our love spell's rape. You put the spell on the woman. She has a juice. She has a juice. There's no consent. There's no consent, and there's big hearts in her eyes. How did the heart be in the eyes?

Yeah, she floated in the air to my waft, you know. Get back on the ground. can't wait for that that's going to be great well that's going to be it for us this week on Quarators what a week what a Quora Megan thank you so much for coming on where can our listeners

find you at home and abroad my address is Megan Bitchel on everything Megan Itchel on TikTok or Megan Itchel because I don't let you say bitch on TikTok that's rude but yeah just Megan Bitchel I'll be around

you're Megan Bichel on Quora be sure to send your Quoras to Megan yeah if you are looking for more of our show we have bonus episodes every Thursday where we go on other websites will we read this entire ebook maybe it's kind of hard finding things

and that's patreon.com slash Quorators and until next time question everything beautiful