Quorators - Devious Relationships w/ Pamela Ross

Episode Date: April 22, 2024

Comedians Alex Ptak and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: Why aren't white people allowed to date white women? What has been your experience of smooching your real aunt? My girlfriend stabbed me. Should I just do the manly thing and toughen out the wound? I wouldn't want anyone knowing that I was stabbed by a woman. Get even more Quorators when you support the show @ http://patreon.com/quorators Send quoras and qommunicate on our discord https://discord.gg/7pPYuKuYCr Follow Pamela on social media @PamNotAnderson

I'll never forget such things. Jeremy, your mic's working? Yeah. What if we did a whole episode where I thought your mic was working, but all along it was just me? That would be really sad. Being a star. And people wrote in and were like,

it's better when Jeremy's mic wasn't working. That way we can really think about the things you're saying. I could see him on the video. He's trying. He's trying. Scream and scream all you want, little Jeremy. It won't matter. no one will hear you without a mic

vacuum of space here on youtube.com only Alex rules oh this was going to be my plug that I do at the beginning which is that my feet are now on the patreon oh sure they're there they're live

I wanted to sit crisscross applesauce I don't regret anything I thought you were going to plug your new podcast oh and I worked very hard on a radio play for three months please go listen to it it has werewolves this poll is directly in front of my damn face yeah fuck it all right pamela you're ready i'm ready we're live we're baggy quaraders another week live on

That's the site. It's your hosts, Alex and Jeremy. Hello. How's it going? We're here every week. Nothing unusual from us. Business as usual for Corators. Now, we have a very special guest this week, all the way from Ha Ha Town.

That's right. New York City itself. Legendary comedian and regular around the scene. We're so happy to have her here. It's Pamela Ross, everybody. Pamela. Thank you so much for having me. Thanks for coming.

Hi. Thank you for struggling to describe even a single credit. She's around. She's in clubs, colleges, colleges and bars all over the city. It's very hard to do credits because people feel very differently about them where some people will be offended if I do list their credit. Like I remember I was very confused. Like the first time I had like Joe Pera on a show, he was like, don't say anything. And I was like, but they won't know you're on TV that way.

and then other people will get very mad if you don't say their credit we're like this is vh1's battle chef please start slamming those pans you're alive with the battle chef in all seriousness the longer you do comedy the more you realize that no credits translate and every credit you do earn quote unquote is just it depreciates blood yeah i mean do you remember when everyone had a see so credit yeah yeah it was hot currency i used to be mtv's battle chef after a move from ph1 so violent they had to shut it down they turned the warriors into chow now waffles is yanking pamela's headphones out of her head there's a comic in new york who insists everyone say that he was on animal planet which i always thought was funny yes and i know exactly who that is

and that guy was unchained i'll say it i only go to a stand-up show if they have an animal planet comedian and that's how i know by the way if you're doing waffles you're listening at home and you're guessing who it is it is dunstan from dunstan checks in and he didn't want that credit it was the boomafu i'd love the idea of uh like a vh1 style talking head show on animal planet we didn't know what those jaguars are up to it's called remember the jungle some of the talking heads are just silent animals there's a zebra there's like a chiron that's like well giraffe knows what he did the ecology was so crazy back then i mean we talked about animals that were eating plants and animals omnivores they called them i sure did alex you're learning

while you're remembering people assign you credits that they assume you have like i'm often which is fine i don't they don't it doesn't matter see people often bring me up as a reductress contributor sure which is nice to it's nice that i fall into that category of comic for people the word you're a lady you're a beautiful woman you must have been a reductress contribute have you written for reductress no that's so funny the word contributor is not as flattering as it could be contributor because we know what that means it's ten dollars for a headline well it means you've contributed contributed to something not to be crass and you pulled your weight you know this is a very um volatile beginning to the show but we're taking no prisoners we are a

family show first and uh bring the kids back in because we're open to everybody today we got a great theme for this week's episode this week we're doing uh devious relationships yes that's right is that right yeah that's right i'm clicking behind the thing to double check that's what it is that was what it was isn't that great um we have two segments before we have to do that though we do we do now pamela is familiar with the show um so we don't have to explain what quora is to you and frankly i'm sick of it good so i'm glad let us speak no more on this topic uh we will jump right into the main thing everybody's waiting for which is the beginning of every show we are doing tips for women

tips for women do you have any tips for women honestly carry mace okay that's good that's smart i've been hearing really good things about pepper gel which is different than the spray the burn sticks yeah um and try not to get punched out there that's all i can say i was gonna say this try reading out loud it really helps you build that muscle it's important to work on your your phonics yeah um my wife's job gave everyone mace because there was like someone who was attacked at her job so they gave all of the employees a free little mace thing and they all put it on their like keychains or whatever then my wife immediately lost the

bottle so now she's just carrying around an empty cap of mace the thrift like is like it's the implication i think it's the opposite like that's like advertising i don't have a mace you know what I mean, I cannot defend myself. A pure hand to hand combatant. There's one thing I don't have. It is mace. I, one thing that I inadvertently do that protects me is I talk to myself. I'm a, you know, I've got a rich inner life and I just, and also that's how I work out

bits. I'll just be sitting on the train mumbling to myself and Alex is adjusting my headphones. I fixed it. I found mine. um but yes that is it's the same as reading out loud i would say yeah can i ask you more about the pepper gel absolutely i might not know a lot about it is it's not a spray i fucked up jeremy's headphones fixing mine it's apparently the issue with the spray is that a lot of people are given mace but don't know how to use it because how many times have you sprayed mace at someone sure

well usually a bear so people will actually spray it into their own eyes sometimes i guess the that's a sitcom tragedy how does the gel work you're still spraying it you have to be like hold on and then you squeeze it into your hand you like rub it i think you throw it naruto style i don't know i don't know how it works i keep thinking that it like you just recommended it a second ago well i know i i but i'm not an authority i think it's i think that is the idea that it's solid and it sticks to people. It's like a silly string. It's like napalm. Buys you more time.

To run? Yeah. In the heels you're wearing? I don't know. First of all, use the heels. Those are deadly. Oh, yeah, sure. Just a stab. Stiletto to the eyeball. New tip for women. Use your heels as weapons. Yeah.

Because they're sexy, but they're also functional. And deadly. They'll kill. I have nothing more to add. i feel like this is i almost want to just wait around to emphasize the serious the possibility of a heel as a weapon is um but yeah that's this week's tip for women it's too long snap i i feel like we only realized this last week but we could not play the song twice nope okay okay so every week we ask a question on quora and then we go read the

answers that people wrote on our quora so last time we wrote what sauce goes best with eating human meat oh yep did this get any traction no okay uh we should remind our listeners if you are watching the show please use the word scrambled eggs if you must answer our questions this way we will know you are from the show and not an actual quora community member i should say people did answer it's just everyone just said like barbecue sauce this is um this is a picture bugs bunny saying what a maroon which i find very offensive yeah what well do you know moron the word moron this is a yeah this is a rabbit but instead he's saying the color maroon he's kind of his own twist on it yeah it was racial i thought yeah maybe it is it definitely is like

a term in like 1850 people would say to mean like you are from this longitude and latitude well i'll say that this guy mike adams who wrote it is a professor of genetics so i mean if anyone could be racist what's up alex i don't know that's so specific that you said that and then it was a geneticist yeah no yeah yeah more like a eugenicist that's right well that's just like uh it's like the charmillion of uh genetics right it's before they had it figured out just bugs bunny being like let me measure your skull doc i mean anthropology just was phrenology for a long time it was just a racist pseudoscience you're from a slovenly phenotype doc we all remember that episode so no one answered we don't know what sauce goes back to people be and i and i know because i am a

dedicated fan of the show but i do i do like when you obviously just confuse people questions that post just completely unsuspecting and earnest just core uh quora contributors you know we haven't done in a while that i really appreciated is give out uh details of my address or specifics from my life to people to then hone in on yeah we can do that more if you'd like because we did that one post about being a navy captain and they just looked at my search history and were like i know where you live you're not in the navy you live in bark slope i think for the podcast to really take off you have to become more doxable i think that's true i think if we're gonna have the asymmetric relationship we need people to like we need to bring them into your home specifically

yeah yeah uh call in culture yes you need to close that gap it needs to go from a parasocial relationship to a social relationship where they stalk you close the gap open the front door to my home without letting the cats out if possible they're indoor cats please keep the cats inside It's New York City. They can't go out there. Nope. It's all cars. They'll die.

They'll be eaten by rats. They'll eat a lot of birds, too. They would have a great time before they're hit by the car, but it would probably be pretty fast. Do you remember how Jonathan Franzen hates cats because they hurt birds? I did not know that. That's really funny. That's actually a great reason to hate cats.

They kill so many birds. I like that about them. He's so serious about it, too. Really? Yeah. He's like, you cannot let your cats outside. Every cat is the Babe Ruth of killing birds. They're consistently so good at it.

I had outdoor cats growing up, and I saw several high-stakes murders in front of my boy eyes. You've got to put a bell on them so the birds can get away. Is that what that's for? Yeah. The bird's another comment. That's for birds? That's for birds. I thought that was so I know what fuzzy friends are on the corner.

It's also for your benefit, Alex. They make me laugh. So that's the dispatch from American literature today. Jonathan Franzen. Franzen says, fuck cats. He's just such like a misanthrope. Yeah. And I love, and I was like, Jonathan, do you know who mostly is reading your long ass books?

People shut up in their apartments with their cats. This is your core demo. You're really punching right at the money. They're bird genociding cats. They love to kill. That's why they're so like us. We like them because we're both killers. Exactly.

Cats are the number two killer of birds after humans. That is such a good point, Jeremy. You're so smart. I also like getting my tummy scratched. That's how I'm also like a cat. It's nice. Yeah. It's not wrong to touch.

Anyway, we got a great show for you today. We got all kinds of subjects to check out here. I'm scratching Jeremy's tummy. Oh, no. He touched my knee and I escalated it. All right, so we're getting right into it. This week's theme is Devious Relationships, starting with everybody's favorite romance segment, Quoromance.

You can tell I have a very narrow and limited understanding of what romance sounds like from this and the Tips for Women theme. Sure. I mean, the logo I made for Quoromance is the Barbie font, which doesn't even make sense. That's just girl. Yeah. That movie, none of it has to do with romance. None of it.

There's famously, there's no sex. All I know about Barbie is that she wrote a few articles for Reductress, and that's the limit of my knowledge of her. She contributed. Really sharp satire. It's really good. There's a photo of her on the subway. That's a joke for no one.

For just comedians. Yeah, the thing is, all seriousness, there's just not that many fonts. That's true. I'm running out of fonts all the time. That's true. All the damn time. all right let's read this question okay if i can prove my husband is in a cult of people who believe they are vampires can that help me get out of custody of our child i'm sorry help me get

custody of our child yeah okay so the opposite let me just clear up any confusion if your husband's in a vampire cult he cannot be trusted with the children absolutely not uh you you cannot leave anymore this is about family court yeah i like when people just turn to the internet for legal advice right sure um but it is also related to vampires who cannot be trusted i think this is a bad idea honestly i think this is how you create like a young adult novel protagonist is like a young child who finds out that their dad is a vampire yeah this is what the 13 this is what the squid and the whale was about this is john green is taking notes yeah exactly he's saying okay i gotta get in on the vampire trend basically a twilight sucks blood that's what

the note says scared of steaks cancer plus vampire vampires are out of control manic pixie vampire girl that's pretty fun that's good i would that's a billion dollar idea i'm highlighting it um i'm trying to think of a way in which like a vampire could be a father and i can't think of one i think that's really offensive i can't think of one because you your children are food to you now your own children but there's but there's rules i don't think you it's like incest if you yeah if you suck your own children's blood as a vampire vampires famously break rules they've broken a covenant with the lord that's true they have very anti-social values talking about men who sleep in a coffin i think that's fine i think that you should respect other people's cultures i

honestly think it's really gross that you're saying these bigoted things about vampires on our show i won't trust them around my children it's vampirophobic it's big it's well it's small-minded i love just like this couple going through a divorce and the father starts sleeping in a coffin so you can tell it's on the rocks how would you definitively prove someone was a vampire it um teeth yeah if they want to suck your blood yeah if you could bring them up and be like how do you feel about my blood i want to suck it i mean i'm fine with it where are you from eastern europe all of a sudden they're like you know the fifth romance language is romanian it's in there which it is anyone from the caucasus you could assume

that caucasus yeah yep absolutely um the real caucasians i'm interested i mean they are though yeah they are um i'm interested to see what the actual contributors to quora say jeff nickel says much of this is really dependent on where you live however just having an unusual belief is not normally enough to be an i win button for the other party in a custody case you'll have to demonstrate that your husband did slash does things that are provably bad for the child fails to seek appropriate medical attention does not feed clothe house the child appropriately abuses the child in a way that can be proven with medical reports slash police reports video multiple non-related eyewitness accounts so this guy's like doesn't matter if he's in a cult for vampires

You got to prove that that's bad. Abuse. He makes my son drive a stagecoach. He turns into a dog. He's a swarm much of the time. He's Gary Oldman. It's not like typical legal abuse to be a vampire, but it's abuse. I don't think that that's okay to say.

The worst thing that would happen is the kid would go to school and someone would make fun of them and be like, Hey, I heard your gay dad's a vampire. Also, he's gay. However, Jolt. We can assume because he's divorced, he's gay. He's married to a werewolf. I'm not intimately acquainted with schoolyard culture anymore, but I do think it would be.

Good for you. Congrats on that. Crazy bones are back. Okay, thank you for bringing that up because sometimes I mention crazy bones in the same way that people bring up Beanie Babies and they don't know what I'm talking about. You feel crazy bones when you say it.

They're called mentally ill bones now. Oh my God, I'm sorry. They're actually called differently ableds. Calling Hollywood, that was a top zinger brought to you by Jeremy Kaplan. And Hollywood's on the phone and they did not pick up. Please. It's deadline.

Oh no, it's spam. Yeah, I think that you could pursue a vampire lifestyle and keep your kids out of it. It's like being polyamorous. I think that's right. I think it is like being poly. If the children aren't presented with a clear division from a vampire lifestyle, I think it's okay.

um there's one answer here i would like to read i'd rather sleep in a coffin than a friggin race car bed i'll tell you that much jeremy please this is serious i'm sorry i want to read tom hegan's post read it who is a uh law studier at california western school of law graduated oh is that what it says i'm kind of far away from the computer anyway that's okay you're right he says has the child been bitten yet have you met and spoke with any members of this cult slash coven are they doing harm or just entertaining themselves now i have to jump in here vampires are not entertaining themselves they are performing a dark culture that in which they celebrate satan and his dark works are vampires automatically connected to satan yeah i think like the

original soul's gone okay i think not like like the twilight vampire is probably not but i think dracula is right okay so imagine dracula's your dad just go on and i know i'm always people say I'm bigoted and that I'm close-minded about this, and you're like, oh, I'm nine. It's time for bed. Who's in the corner? My father lurking. I'm excited to see you. I can't see him in the mirror behind me.

First of all, Tim Burton is excited about this idea. He wants to produce this sitcom. I would watch it. Congratulations. Thank you. On your pitch. My dad, Dracula. I'm sorry for talking over your vampire impression. It was really good. You're fine.

And that kind of does have precise my point which is that like you can't make a vampire proud i don't think dad you embarrass me in front of my friends i made cookies hey they've got blood on them yeah this is the kind of stuff they say by the way another plug for the werewolf show oh yeah go watch alex's werewolf show which i didn't name before theater of delights there you go plug it into your podcast in boston sorry I'm flailing into your shot. I just got really animated by your little show. We set it up so that you really have to get out there

to be in it this week. Normally we put it right by their arm and then Amber feels it's just karate chopping us for an hour. This one's pretty safe, I think. That's so funny. Because Amber is so expressive. And beautiful.

What a treat. Go check out that episode. But in the meantime, no. can't let a vampire have custody i'm against it i'm bigoted towards them and i don't care what good people what woke culture says because you know who's not woke is the undead i disagree i think they're nice people all right or they are woke because they don't sleep they sleep do vampires sleep yeah they sleep during the day because they can't go out yeah they sleep on account of sleep they're just immortal so the sleep seems a little bit like unnecessary yes

it's without um it's without rest it doesn't it doesn't really restore them right they just do it they look so they're great for if your baby starts crying middle of the night who's gonna get up oh the the dracula and they did the pointy hands and their shadow is kind of there before them their shadows holding the baby before they even get there i don't really know what the deal is with the shadow but uh i know they don't show up in mirrors that's true well it's not halloween And we've talked about vampires for too long now. So I suggest we move on. True that.

And the answer is obvious and get them out of there. Next question. Is it important for a husband to show empathy towards his wife's feelings? Easy. No. It's just always funny to say no to these things. As a husband. As two husbands.

Two husbands. What do you think? Not married to each other. Are you pro-feelings? Am I pro-feelings? No, is it gay to have feelings? that is kind of the question here and the answer is a little bit yeah it is a little bit but you gotta you gotta you gotta have empathy for your wife's feelings i'm always asking my wife about

her statues she's working on or whatever she's doing over there you know they say happy wife not a lot of strife not a lot of strife that's what they say pamela you would agree empathy i think it's important i'd love to know what this person's definition of empathy is i would like to look for some dissenters i would like to see somebody who says no everyone says yes it's 19 it's 2024 not 1924 thank god um owned you either have to or you don't says uh peter hicks you either have to or you don't you either have to or you don't that's true for any of these i love that turn of phrase hey man just see which way the wind's blowing hey there's two options yes or no she's an object to you possibly why are the details in this one hit oh this is a

prompt this is not wait a robot wrote this this was created by the quora prompt generator what the fuck is that so this is the quora ai asked the question should you love your wife so wait this came up a few months ago but one of the quora ceos is like a big ai guy yes i've been emailing him relentlessly trying to get him on the show i keep saying like we're just a website loving podcast we love quora i bet his spam filter is so comprehensive if he looks at any of it he'll not want to be on but adam throughout there i think that's his name i don't know i think it could be a great marketing collab i can't believe i fell for the ai generator i feel like such a fucking mark right now but that's because so many of the questions written by humans

sound AI generated. They're so like us. My God, this is like Westworld. Can I make love to this quora? It's weirder that people are just answering it. It's also answered by AI, though. This one's an AI for sure, this answer. Fatima Bakumbag Pinky?

Yeah. Is it AI? That's the one. I mean, she says, absolutely, showing empathy towards one's spouse's feelings is crucial for a healthy and supportive relationship. Why do you think she's AI? Empathy involves understanding and sharing the emotions

of another person, which fosters connection, trust, mutual respect when a husband demonstrates empathy towards his wife's feelings it helps her feel heard validated and valued in the relationship this in turn strengthens the emotional bond between them and promotes a more fulfilling partnership i understand it's a generic response but i don't think that's proof it's an ai i mean this is fatima bunka pinky this is this is worse than the vampire stuff no she's also contributing in spaces mothers and wives uh she's in pinky space which is of course her space this is a real invalid woman this is this is a fake person the picture does look a

little um robot like i'm mad that the robot doesn't respect its wife it's not right or maybe the robot is a wife is married to a human husband change your gears can robots be wives i think they could if you love them yeah you love them enough if you love a robot when i when i picture a robot i'm gonna be honest i i now just picture one of those ultra realistic sure sure those are kind of uncanny a little bit they're they're very well made by all accounts they're um can really take a beating very beautiful yeah well made mostly in terms of durability yeah yeah roadside tests i there's a there's a great documentary about uh guys guys who love it's called guys dolls it's about that's a fantastic name it's on pornhub.com it's about 12 minutes long

it is some wild stuff anyway the robot oh yeah this robot is in a loveless marriage that's enough of that robot oh my god they are like us um okay this is a specific answer but the question is good what's something that easily gets you all hot and bothered oh this is a great answer a photorealistic doll i don't know how you found this somebody sent it in okay a customizable real doll by the way by the way if you're listening join our discord where you can send us quoras yeah people call it discord sometimes it comes on the show it's pretty funny in there wait i just got it no teens quora query question that's the origin of the name it's only when we get in in a real room and talk about this stuff

You know, just really flesh it out. I think quorum is a word, though, right? It is a word. Quorum is already right. But it refers to a chamber of questions. Oh, because quorum is like the plural. I don't fucking know. Anyway, so.

I'm just here to tell the robot to be happy. What's something that gets you hot and bothered, Jeremy? Well, I don't know, but Bart Morin. An ankle, a gam. Just one bare leg. A single disembodied limb. The look of the heel before it buries itself in your temple. Yeah, exactly.

When I'm harassing a woman, I'm just like, ooh, zowowie, zowie, you know, something like that, the last words you'll ever say. That's right. And then there's just pepper gel in your face. Blood, blood, blood. Anyway, this is a fantastic answer. This is by Bart Moran, who is CEO from 2000 to present.

He's still CEO of what? I don't know. Congratulations, Bart. Actually, let me see. Does it say what he's CEO of? No, but he is a member of the Endowboy CP. is he the ceo ceo then do they have a ceo i don't think so let's go back to his answer it's the non-profit oh they must have like a person in charge but it's not

bart you don't think it's bart no i mean don't talk about bart like you know him but anyway bart says so this is the question again what's something that easily gets you all hot and bothered bart says young pussyfied men they wear their hats backwards they don't wear proper footwear they have man buns and that's with all the stoop and what's with all the stupid tattoos they look ridiculous i have little confidence in them they seem like mama's boys without direction substance or purpose in life hey now i think this person thinks hot and bothered means like upset yeah but i like to think that this man gets really turned on by young pussified men with man buns it's very funny to call a young man a mama's boy by definition

and then there's a comment from this guy whose name is will farah and he says bravo my words exactly you're speaking for all of us bart these men are pussies and their hair is up so they don't get food in it hypothetically he went to harvard hypothetically these men when they had medium length hair had to wear a food hat but then their hair got longer and they could put it up so now it goes up so they don't get food in it bart has bart has one question ever on Quora, and it is, can I get COVID from my smartphone? Boom! And then no more, so

he may have died. He knows about the IRS. This guy's awesome. Yeah, dude. He was unfortunately murdered by a young punk. He tried to fuck him. He had a man bun. Yeah. There you go, and you're pushified, man.

That's a boy bun. I do wonder, like, what does Does he mean by pussified like they have a sense of style? They're mama's boys. Always building a replica train set. All kidding aside, if I had to guess, it's that they wear their hats backwards and don't wear proper footwear,

and also they have stupid tattoos, and they look ridiculous. All you get a tattoo is something classy, like a whiskey glass. He sounds like Bill Cosby. That's what I was going to say. It sounds like the pound cake speech. It is.

It is Bill Cosby, I think. These young men are bad. I'm a rapist. That's a really good Bill Cosby impression, by the way. His famous line, these young men are bad. That bit crushes. I mean, I'm known for my characters, so thank you. It's like he was in the room.

In the room with greats. I wonder if he was a vampire. Who's doing it? No one's doing it. We're moving on. We're not touching that. That's fine. Young, pussified man.

Young, pussified man. My wife, come here. I want to suck your man bun. I have a beautiful sweater. All right, that's enough of that question. Oh, this is so funny, Alex. I forgot you found this. What has been your experience of smooching your real aunt?

This is so weird. Now, what you need to understand about this question is there are a lot of related questions. Alex found about 1,000 questions about how people wanted to kiss their aunts. How sexy aunts are. Should I click this picture? No, it's just a normal picture.

It's just a beautiful aunt right there. Sexy aunts, to me, that's not like a trope. Like, to me, the trope is like, I've got a hot cousin. Do you think that'd be weird? Yeah. Whatever. And the answer is like,

yeah, kind of, but like, do what you need to do. Get it out of your system. Like, I don't really want to hear a lot about it. You have my blessing. Sexy aunt, though. Yeah. That's new to me.

I don't even see that in porn. No. It would have to be right that it's one step away from mother. Sure. Because it's mother-sister. We're talking about, unless you're talking about father-sister, which is also a different beautiful aunt. you could have actually a very exciting film about two competing sexy aunts on either side

of the family and maybe that's i saw that movie it's actually called it's a beautiful foreign film kind of an art house thing um yeah the sexy on is new i don't have an aunt so it's hard for me i'm sorry to hear that thank you so who do you fuck jeremy my uncle okay jeremy um i don't i'm very fascinated by that but i i hope that this person can smooch their aunt and see for themselves what it's like this is a prompt not from the core that would be really funny um but the question is again what is your experience of smooching your real aunt kind of throwing it to the community top response from hollywood yaden actually that's hollywad yaded i double checked it is hollywad alex you have to practice your

reading aloud i do it a lot the lawyer one was my was on me that one wasn't down in my defense the word hollywod looks a lot like hollywood all right what did hollywod say okay if i could just get a goddamn word out for once in my life read it alex read it hollywod says in the prompt what is your experience smooching your real aunt honestly some of the best pussy i've ever had That simple. It's called heightening. And Hollywood's full of it. I don't want to lie to you, Quora user.

It's the best pussy I've ever had. Shove that real aunt pussy. I'm saying this is a southern gentleman, by the way. Don't stereotype. This guy answers mostly aunt-related sex questions. How many are there? How do I react when my aunt sits on my lap? This is not good.

She shouldn't be doing that. community is bad. Did you ever jerk off in front of girls? I'm trying to think of my aunts ever sat on my lap. She hasn't. Not even in like a safety way. If we had to buddy buckle or something, I'd have to get paired

with a cousin. There's a question that he answers, but he's not a diaper guy, which we come into a lot. They come into diapers a lot, but we see them a lot. Someone says, have you ever been put in diapers by your aunt? He says, sure, when I was a baby, nothing strange or anything that came really long time after and damn i was glad and then a happy face too

so this is real yeah this is this is real and it is valid alex is more into this than the vampires i don't know what you're talking about i've just i've been thinking about vampires a lot lately that's true and now i'm trying to think about aunts um someone said how do you make fun of your wife and he said that's uh that's different uh ass whooping i'm widowed that's something very serious oh my god wait what is he admitting to murdering his wife i i think he's she's just dead i think yeah i think she's just dead and then he started you know moving in on his aunt that's how he wideated you need a mother's sister to replace that long lost wife that's diff a ass whooping def a ass whooping what does that mean i don't know that's different i thought it

different from an asshole i think he means deaf deaf oh it must be deaf it must be deaf as in most deaf as definitely for real for real i beat my wife nobody clipped this this is the next the youtube shorts sometimes we get a big uh short that's just uh me getting yelled at by a million people and this could be one of those um okay this one's a really long story someone wrote former rights he writes sex stories and it's just a long story about kissing his aunt so that's a red flag for me that someone's just penning erotica yeah there's a lot of photos okay in the quora answers oh this is so long it's insane that's crazy it's like a little book this is so long a picture book that was like 10 photos but they're all um blurred but they're not

dirty oh that one is everyone anyway can you post pornography on quora oh yeah i'm so glad i'm looking at it i'm looking at nude ants like i wasn't sure because you know how wikipedia has those ultra realistic yes the diagrams illustrations that apparently one person makes um yeah if you look up like any sex act yeah we're working on an ai to replace that person it's not obscene because it's educational that's right when you see the illustration of a threesome yes and you see a woman sitting on some guy's face that's for learning yeah we learned that in school how to do the shocker come on well i learned how to do that from dane cook yeah as a teenager the super finger but okay so there's erotica and pornography on court yeah oh yeah i believe in

that looking at the rest of these answers almost every single person in here has had sexual coitus with their own aunt yeah bob joseph says which was not the prompt i'd like to remind you she had good lips and soft boobs she would often say i love you and give me a kiss or hug but this one's once i walked in on her naked say women love when you tell them they have soft boobs they love it lips and soft boobs great great lips by the way those are not qualities that women aspire to have physically well maybe they should all right i gotta i gotta stop looking at this fucking nude photos hey soft boobs i'm gonna write a reductress article about this this is how you break in ladies are your are your titties pillowy enough

how to get aunt style titties um okay there's another question this is on controversial chat okay so controversial chat By the way, we did say last week, and I think it's worth reiterating, a space where people just go to be racist. Yes. But this is a very controversial question. Yes. So, you know, trigger warning. Controversy warning.

The question is, and I think we've all thought it, why aren't white people allowed to date white women? I'm sorry I hit the air horn there because it's so sad. it's just one of those rules you cannot break i've actually kind of gone against the mold this way yeah we've both kind of broken the law here by the last taboo of uh of intra-racial dating of forced intra-racial same race dating it's so sad yeah this is one of those sad obama era policies he made this a rule that all the neolibs this is what michelle was working on after the lunch program yeah when she wasn't just sculpting her arms she's great arms great arms i think it's cool but anyway i don't know why they can't do that

i've never heard anyone think this before this is a question by a guy named curiosity killed the cat This is a guy who loves interracial porn. I think you're right. Yeah. It's controversial. I do. You have to admit that. And when I say interracial, we all know the specific type I'm talking about that is apparently traumatized to this man psychologically.

He's like, I don't have a big black dick. Yeah. These white women don't want me. They don't want me. And from the videos I'm seeing about these women I don't know, they want a different guy. um now the expression curiosity killed the cat uh-huh not usually by not being allowed to date a white that's what the cat was curious about that's one way the cat is often safe the cat's on hinge he's on hinge just trying to meet just young nubile uh new school grads he's trying to

get some snow bunnies which as we know is a problem for cats as we've been discussing gosh this you know oj just died this is this is such a hot button topic right now that's true rest in peace does anyone on this question think this is real everyone is just making fun of this guy yeah no one likes him even on controversial chat even like among just a group of racists they're like what are you well i think racists are like not only is that not true it's good it's the only it should be the only way right you have to go the other way with it racists don't think that white people aren't allowed to get married i don't know who's making these rules it's very funny to confuse a racist person with racism though where they're just like

that's not wait no hold on i gotta go back to school okay well that was controversial it was controversial and curiosity did kill the cat dare i say you learned so much about romance on this show we have one more romance question and then we're on to new topics okay i like this one a lot this one is um i'm a male guy and i this is m-a-l-e male guy and i told my girlfriend that i'm personally attracted to lesbians she was mad about it and she doesn't want to dump me why is my girlfriend not dumping me uh-huh honey why she was mad and she didn't want to so she's mad but not mad enough to break up with him why is my girlfriend not dumping me there's easier ways to get your girlfriend to

break up with you it's so is the issue i don't know that he's mad that she's not breaking up with him but he admitted he loves lesbians right and i guess this is someone who thinks that would be such a line for other women to betray that trust that you would immediately be handed your resignation letter right then and there this is a guy who had he lives by that quote that's like i wouldn't want to ever be a member of a club that would have me as a member right so this is a guy who's like i only want to date someone who fundamentally isn't attracted to me oh that is forbidden so he has the devious serious intimacy issues yeah this is woody allen this is but again this is another guy who just likes lesbian porn yeah you can your entire worldview doesn't need

to be porn based he can enjoy lesbian porn and also date this woman like none of it is like none of that's a contradiction this is where the doll comes in bring the doll into the relationship oh my god he he's opening it up for a third yeah third is a real doll the third is a quora questioning real doll does quora make ai sex dolls because i think that's like a gimme for them that is that'd great a wife manufacturing side that's the merch that's where we come in yeah that's where jeremy and alex come in this is my favorite thing about this podcast is that people will tag us all the time now and like complain about the website yeah they're like why are there pedophiles on your website alex and it's like i don't own anything i wanted by the law but i guess uh

she loves you is why she loves you and she's not calling her bluff she's never gonna let you go nope she loves men too much she's attracted only that's really all there is to say somebody okay we have one response that says score her best friend too that is not on the table no he's fighting for his life in there this is a male guy we're talking about he's not interested unless the best friend's a lesbian that is true do you think that maybe the thing was he told her he's into lesbians kind of like encouraging her oh you think you three-way it that was actually what i was thinking yeah yeah that's most logically what happens to see her make out with a woman and that's very doable in my experience like you can just go to a bar yeah and that could

eventually happen that could just be your saturday night i think your issue is involving quora that's really where it gets in and also this is one of those questions where the last sentence is doing all the work where it's like a somewhat normal scenario. Why is my girlfriend not dumping me? Yeah, that is a weird angle that he wants to be dumped. Right. Or was he just surprised that it wasn't

a deal breaker for her? He can't believe it. Human behavior. Fascinating. These men are out of control. I have no advice for this man. Some of these men are women cosplaying as incels on the internet. I'm convinced.

I'm convinced. Really? a turn that is an interesting community the fem cell community because they try to have solidarity this is like fascists have this problem all the time where you try to be fascist like a different race group and then they're just like ah stink bug or whatever their word for you is right it's often uh bug related insect related yeah bugs there's so many great bugs out there anyway let's move on to the quoker speaking of incels kind of works though damn it i just genuinely don't remember what the sound is all right we're here you did it you're in

saltmanosphere questions here on the cloaker live core rangers podcast like subscribe slam that bell leave us a five-star review on itunes it doesn't cost you a penny it does cost you a penny to sign for quarters plus however it does at our one penny tier you get no benefit we get no money we owe you money it's a tax nightmare for us okay here's a question my girlfriend stabbed me should i just do the manly thing and toughen out the wound i wouldn't want anyone knowing that i was stabbed by a woman that's so true yeah you gotta you gotta tough it out i don't know how i'd live that down yeah yeah can't be getting stabbed by a girl no that's extremely beta that's like the definition of beta your girl stabbed you if you should be stabbing her with your dick yeah oh yes okay

that's right i'm just thinking of like a john wayne guys out there hit the tips for men button yeah i don't know why i turned to that camera stay away from our camera that's ours you do misogyny here i just flashed that one this show is wild um we could take it off of youtube again i am imagining so like it's a macho thing to get stabbed by a woman not even notice i did see i re-watched princess mononoke recently and there was a part where he's shot first of all isn't that cool head off end of the story um no he gets shot through the chest area by a beautiful young maiden and he just walks it off yeah and everybody's like prince ashitaka is actually

pretty based that's what that movie is about he's the sigma male and that's why he can score the wolf girl yeah between that and all of the uh supplements he's taking yeah he is would you call that a supplement the black demon who attaches itself to his arm and grows with each passing day yeah it's uh it's got fish oil um i'm i'm sorry i'm having intrusive thought um voice it i just learned the kanji for the word supplement oh the sound is ho and i remember this isn't on the podcast this is a good this stays keep it in japanese speak japanese on the show i don't want to okay what should you do if your girlfriend stabs you you gotta walk that off Well, you need to dress the wound.

Oh, yeah. You got to tie it up first. Put a little dress on it like a girl. Oh, I'm so pretty with my blood flow. All these young men are so pussified these days. I know. With their hats. They're dressing their gaping stab wounds.

Yeah, that's right. Like little bitches. I know, my man bun. With their backwards hats and their blood. Yeah, so what places could you get stabbed as a real problem, honestly? Just think about it. Anywhere? Use your street knowledge.

Literally anywhere in her body? No. All right, so first check and see if you hit a major artery. True. Because that's a big deal. Like if she got your femoral, you may need to, you know, kind of cuck it up at the hospital. You can tell the doctors it was a guy.

Yeah, yeah. It was a big, strong man. I like the idea of someone going to a hospital and being like, only male nurses can touch me. i need manly hands on all these wounds we read a lot about nurses on here and there is a thing about like strong male nurses being used to do like acts of strength in the in the in the ward they're good at cracking bones and so forth yeah yeah i'd like the idea of a doctor being like we can tell this was from a woman bro you said it was a man but it's a woman because there's

It's actually outlined in lipstick. See, it's a big... She kissed it. That's her signature. She stabs you, and then she puts on Fire Engine Red lipstick and just kisses the wound. I'm afraid your son is paws stabbed by a woman.

I was today years old when I learned that you will not make it. A lot of people just all joking aside saying you should seek medical care. Yeah. A stab wound is no laughing matter. um women can stab that's what yeah and be stabbing they really do be that's what we and they have a new gel they use although we don't know how and look out for that because it'll get you yeah

trying to find the question asker but there's too many answers yeah i give up on this dream is it actually gay to be a victim of domestic violence it is kind of implied i remember i don't know if this is because i had a gay health teacher but she i remember was telling us about domestic violence in like seventh grade and was like and gay people have it even more than normal it's relentless wait what i i think is you're teaching children about domestic violence and it's like i think everybody has a vision in their mind of a man beating up a woman right they're like just like let me clear this up gay people are out of control i've seen this i don't know if that came from her life or just something she wanted to clear up it sounds personally

inspire well i feel like that's a big like i feel like lesbians are always saying that right like isn't that a thing with lesbians i hear that but that um but the let the queer women community is not immune to you yeah sexual and domestic violence maybe no one is maybe no one is and that's the lesson for today i do show off that's it that's this is the end i do like the idea though of alex like as a kid sorry i'm scrolling so far but just like give up on this dream no i'm gonna find it. Just like his whole life is just filtered through this one lesbian health teacher where he just has to like re-learn

everything. It was anonymous. Great. After all that, it was anonymous. Anyway. The sweet rewards of victory. Glad I scrolled for 20 minutes. Anyway, yeah. She made me the man I am today. Their lesbian teacher. Does Alex like

learning about straight people as an adult? I love handball. I love it. I love the idea of you thinking sex is when one woman just has a huge strap-on and penetrates another woman. And you're like, I don't know where I fit in. I guess I watch. In a very homo-normative school. Yes.

Of course, the capitalist system teaches you you have to go to the store to have sex. To buy the strap-on. Yeah, that's right. Real lesbians are making their own strap-ons. Is that true? No, I don't know. that means they're just real crafty it's farm to table um okay here's another question every time i wear sweats you can see every time i wear sweats you can kind of see my bulge is there any way to

get rid of this i'm kind of embarrassed about it and feel like people are looking even if they're not okay john ham wrote this first of all um apparently willem defoe apparently has a yeah And he's tired of people talking about it on the Corridor's Podcast. Apparently, this was a guy named Mike who wrote this. So he's, what he's saying is, I'm packing, and wearing flip hands embarrasses me.

So the solution to this is structured clothing. Sorry, real quick though, the Willem Dafoe thing, apparently his dick is so big that they had to use a penis double in one of his movies. Yeah, on Antichrist. Because it was too distracting? Yeah, people were like, this is unrealistic. Yeah.

It's weird for this character's cock to be this large. This is a man who's not meant to be publicly naked. Lars von Trier was like, well, this is very disturbing. You're going to make it look too cool. Yeah, the thing about the bulge is if you wear any other kind of pants, this won't be a problem,

I guess in terms of practical solutions. Also, can't you just wear tighter? Can't you wear briefs and kind of keep everything a little more together? Sure, yeah. You should get a reduction. yeah get a reduction

dick reduction dick reduction surgery we actually have a guest who's a contributor at Reductress she may be able to help you out local women

not getting respect from Quorabot okay so a lot of people are saying we're chuckling about your bulge sure

Scott Field says that's why I wear gray sweatpants and a huge grin lol shut the fuck up that man is a thought yeah this is a thought man who apparently is a retired trauma nurse and a grandfather oh congratulations congratulations to granddaddy big dick he's got a huge grin on with that thing lives in pell city this is some this is a kind of question that intrigues me because i don't i don't have a dick i don't know i actually can't reasonably answer this question with authority i certainly can you just like

you're like i can if i have to yeah it's my job to actually be kind of quiet and listen to raise jeremy voices during this segment uh when i was on the set of antichrist um john in texas says i wish i had a bulge dude don't worry what other people think be proud that you're big enough to make a bulge for others to see this is so positive and john lives in san antonio and he studied at sanford university and graduated in 1999 his bio is being a male i know a lot of male things yep john we gotta have you on the show when you okay it's been a long time since i had a quora profile but do they make you i know there's a bio but do you have to like put your where you went to school or your bona fides why are people just volunteering

you get to put your school i mean it's like facebook i guess right we all have i have photos of myself from when i was like 14 on facebook that anyone can currently find yeah which is crazy that i say that out loud i guess i'm just confused by the social aspect yeah it's insane it's the one the one redeeming factor of facebook which i don't go on anymore is that i put every picture i took on it for 10 years up there so sometimes i'll want to see a picture i took and i'll go on it yeah cora does not have that no just sexy photos of your aunt it just says where you live and then some horny stuff you typed ryan holman whose bio says lots of drugs and porn said nope just wear it as a badge of honor everyone loves a big bulge and gray sweats so gray is

important i guess the gray sweats yeah the dick print in gray sweats that's like the cleavage of men oh yeah yeah that's so rare it's not for you it's not for you it's not for your benefit so it's not drawing your eye let people have things it's for the it's for the female gaze right they gotta be great for the male gaze they gotta be gray that's true shout out shout out to all the gay man out there the gray thing i think it's because like that's the the lightest like shade of sweatpants yeah it's because then you kind of look like a wolf right i think it probably has darker shadow stop with the wolves i can't think about it for a second like a bulging wolf oh this answer says uh sorry this is an answer from the dark one oh no and uh he says he's

analyze people his whole life this is the vampire husband the dark one says little brother this is the season for gray sweatpants lots of females wait on this season just like those guys wait on summer for those fantastic bikinis when you feel like a girl's looking give her a smirk and a wink and then strut you own the ground strut like you own the ground you were walking on there it is i missed the like interesting you can't own ground so the gray sweat gray sweatpants season is like for women what like sundress season is for men yeah all right okay yeah i can see that when we're just walking around with our boobs and whatnot i don't know women are always doing bisexual and i'm still just like women titties who knows what they're thinking

no one understands women they're so enigmatic with their dresses jeremy how'd you even get over here you're reading the other dark one questions the dark one answered a question that is why do i hate the taste of cum but love swallowing it god damn it there was a funny one i didn't put on here because i didn't want to encourage you in your sick posts But it was, what is the most cum you've ever swallowed? No. Which does, it really probably just like, I don't know, a quart? At what?

What's the unit of measurement? Gallons and gallons. I think load. Oh, yeah. How many per load? It is, if you're a cum dump, if you're a cum dump. I hate that we got here. I hate that we got here again.

If you're just a toilet for cum It is measured in loads You tally how many loads you've taken YouTube advertising is going to be tough this week No, they only listen to like 15 seconds We're fine It's the perfect crime YouTube thinks that this is a podcast about

Someone's credits When they do stand up And it is in a way Which of these two do you want to read, Alex? It's time for one more Do the querenting one Let's do it Alright this is our parenting segment

Querenting That's enough My 16 year old son often takes my poop knife to cut his feces But he usually forgets to either wash it or give it back to me After he is done using it What should I do? Can I just chime in and say this is a devious relationship I'm glad we did this one at the end

So There's individual poop knives In this household Everyone has one poop knife I'm not made of poop knives. This is from somebody who is certainly not a Nazi troll who has asked many questions about 14-year-old sons and 88 seconds ago. But apparently he works at NASA. Are poop knives a Nazi thing?

Because I don't want to platform it if it's a Nazi. But every single one of these questions is, my 14-year-old son ate 88 Big Macs. My 14-year-old son drank 88 cans of soda. I'm 14 years old and my IQ is 88, which is the Nazi. I know you want to talk about his Nazi imagery. Nazi numerology Yes This is someone

Whose son Stole their poop knife Am I the only one Who wants to talk about it And you know what He could just be a real Nazi Because NASA Famously employed a lot of this

That's true That's probably from Operation Paperclip Hired this guy This is the one guy In the room On the rocket program That's just like

What about the knife for poop To chop it off I don't even want to do the accent it's 14 you know it's hard to scrape it i can't scrape it with the paper i need a knife and we have to assume that our listeners know what a poop knife is sure they've spent enough time on the internet what's to know it's a self-explanatory it's for cutting your feces it's a chop a loaf it's i it's i learned about it online people apparently have like that this was a thing in people's families that they had a household poop knife that everyone would use so the toilet

wouldn't clog is this a real thing yes it's real this is allegedly real so it's not even per person so shouldn't it be like a shovel should be like a little plastic it's a plunger Sorry, tell us more about this. What are we saying? So, my understanding, just from the internet and Reddit, is that, like, a poop knife is what it sounds like. It's a knife dedicated to cutting up poop when you take just, like, a fat, life-altering dump. It's all about girth for these poops. That needs to be broken up, apparently.

And I don't, anyway, and so then you'd have a knife, you'd cut it up, and then you hang it. And then the next time somebody takes one of these unholy shits, they can take the knife and break it up. But it was like a shared household object. Sure, yeah. What year was there a poop knife in circulation? I probably learned about this like five or six years ago on Reddit. 2019? We were all using a poop knife?

This is an educational podcast. It is listed as such online. So thank you for teaching us about this. It's for learning. And it's one of those, it came up in the context of like, what things did you do growing up that you thought were normal? And then you grew up and you realized your family was crazy. This is why Hillary lost Pennsylvania.

She's out of touch with the common man. She took it out of her pocketbook, the poop knife. She's like, I don't go anywhere without it. You may have been first lady, but I don't think you know about poop knife. Then there's an article on Politico that's like, Hillary Clinton's poop knife, $5,000. She's the leadest. She's out of touch.

And she is losing the Rust Belt. Wow. When's the last time you got a call from Cutco, Miss Clinton? Oh, God. I really enjoyed this answer on the poop knife question, which is, my answer, you're sick, and that's a sick question. All caps, you moron. That's right.

You maroon. Oh, Bugs Bunny. Well, that was a famous Nazi Quora user, Billy Flowers. I can't believe those are real. I thought this was a fun world-building exercise. I'm afraid to Google it. No, don't Google it on my computer. I'll do it on my phone.

Do it on your phone. All right. All I'm asking on our podcast is you to stop podcasting and go on your phone. Is that so much to ask? Our poop not real. Most people just do it. You can get one at Walmart. Who knows if the inspiration for the device is real?

That's the show. It says. It does. I always assumed it was like sort of an urban legend and then like maybe a little true. Like, I'm sure someone has found themselves. What are you showing me a picture of right now? It's a poop knife. That doesn't look like a knife of any kind.

I mean, it's for poop. It doesn't need to be a fucking steak knife. The fuck are you eating? I don't want to talk about this anymore. I don't want to talk about it. Alex is grossed out. I thought this was one funny family, not a nationwide tradition.

We've got 20 more minutes on poop knife. We have to do Alex. Now, do you use your left hand or your right hand? When you have the fork, do you switch? There's a small poop knife and a bigger poop knife for salads. Poop knife etiquette actually demands that you start with the smallest knife

then you move inwards and i learned that from martha stewart i hate this we're done this is on we're done we're over i'm going i'm moving into the woods we have to leave hit the button um oh yes pamela thank you so much for coming on the show where can our listeners find you at home and abroad you can find me on substack name substack.com slash name dropping and you can find me on instagram and other sites at pam not anderson follow pamela slam that bell um as i mentioned earlier we have a patreon with new episodes every thursday this one we are going to be spending some time on wiki how and alex shows his feet in it also my feet are in it and if you pay you can jack off to them we said that's allowed if you steal the patreon you cannot jack

off to Alex's feet. Act like you've been there before. You have to pay. It's $5 a month. It's basic courtesy. I just did my taxes. It was pathetic. And at the same time, also I made a werewolf radio show you should listen to. Please, Theater of Delight Season 6, Massachusetts Werewolves.

It's about werewolves who live in the Boston area. And that's it for all of us here at Quarators. We hope you had a wonderful time here and that you share your poop knife with your family. Bye.