Quorators - Do Sociopaths Also Give Off A Weird Vibe Like Psychopaths Do? w/ Dan Licata

Episode Date: November 14, 2022

Comedians Alex Ptak and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: - Has A Surgeon Ever Given Up In The Middle Of A Surgery And Left A Patient Or Team Stranded? - Who Was Paul McCartney's First Girlfriend? Did She Kow He Was A Member Of The Famous Band Called The Beatles? -Do The Jews Consider Larry David A Hero Like Napoleon In France?

Yep. Wrong keyboard. Wait, what was that one? Is that new? I can't talk about that. Is that a new sound effect? That's the Pod Dave America keyboard. That's the show next door. Whoops. Big whoops.

Hey, welcome to Quarators, the podcast where we ask what is quora what's quora i'm uh jeremy i've been promoted to guy who intros the show this is a big deal for me and i'm here with alex patak hey jeremy thanks for having me i've always looked up to you as a father type figure alex is eating a donut so i get to intro the podcast i don't have any more sprinkles on my mouth and if i did i would ignore them like it's not part of the video thanks for having me uh we're here today with Dan Licata. Dan, how are you doing?

I'm doing good. Thanks for having me. Sorry I'm wearing these sunglasses. I was recently blinded. Oh, I'm sorry about that. Recently, as in like 10 minutes ago. About 10 minutes ago. Thank God I had the shades.

Otherwise, I'd be humiliated. We will be reading you all of the Koras you need, Dan. And thank you for coming through to the show after that happened. Yeah. I was on my way here, and some guy just came up to me and just said, eat this and i ate it and then my vision just went away so i was like i related no something i ingested and then he said eat this and it wasn't like a punch it was like he gave you like a tart yeah he gave you something literally to eat he gave you a poisoned tart now now you

always hear about people drinking stuff and going here you never hear about people eating stuff it's so true that's why i had no fear when i ate it but you know and then maybe that's a quora maybe that's a quora can you eat things and go blind can you eat things and go blind last week we talked about a slug which you apparently for the record cannot eat you cannot eat a slug oh unless it's in a restaurant i thought you could i thought that was a snail you're thinking of snail i'm thinking of snail we had a whole conversation about it we simply cannot go back into it again okay uh wolf man dan in the studio now dan you're kind of one of the lead quora users around is that correct uh that's that's got some truth to it uh i do get emails

pretty much every day i heard they email you every day they email me every day and the questions i didn't realize that these were tailored to me but now it makes a little more sense because they're always either about homelessness or prison so um now that i know now when you say they're about homelessness or prison is it usually advice if you are homeless or going to prison or is it just like you know what's sad this man stole a cherry pie and had his hands lopped off in saudi arabia it's it's usually stuff like is it hard to be homeless more and more people are asking is it what do you think the question the answer is yes yeah yeah it's pretty hard is it hard to be homeless meet abigail titarino and then they'll have a picture of like a woman

with no hands that's the go-to quora answer is a sad picture i feel like the second most popular answer is probably just a guy being like never been homeless but no if i had to do it i'm sure i could figure it out i'd have a system this is very uh i don't know nerdy or something i don't know how to describe this but if you know the book nickel and dimed about how hard it is to be poor yeah uh there is a uh conservative book that was passed around in response to that uh that was just a guy making himself poor and then getting money again. As if to be like, see, no problem.

Just like the worst version. I don't see what the issue is. The conservative supersize me. Yeah. If I ate a hamburger every day, I'd be really strong, actually. Supersize me really, really fucked up school lunches for us, didn't it?

It really did. Morgan Spurlock and Michelle Obama really, we used to be able to go into the cafeteria, get yourself a slice of pizza, with a side of french fries and a hostess cupcake nowadays it's all about big broccoli this is our like middle school joe rogan podcast michelle obama you ruined lunch

my my school had um open campus so we were just able to to just leave and go to stores for lunch which was pretty sick that is starting it freshman year and exactly how many children were kidnapped from your school about a quarter of this okay around a quarter i would guess around a quarter okay uh you could do that as like when you were like 17 or 18 at my high school they let you leave but that was just because you because it's not in the city you had time to like drive a car and come back because there's no way you're getting anywhere on foot in the half hour you got yeah they they called it junior senior privileges at our school which um you gotta check your privilege check your privilege you can get out yeah michelle obama is often the subject of what

we like to talk about here today but um today we have some other questions that we'll be going into don't we well every every episode we ask a question on quora so we should check in on our last week oh yeah and that's also part of your promotion is that i can't be trusted to find where the answers are anymore because i can't i couldn't do it last week um although now you're squinting and making a face kind of making me feel like neither of us are qualified to do this yeah i maybe i'm messing this up or it's hard to tell because of course it's really funny like i think you should leave sketch where you hire someone to do a job and they just make incredulous faces of the computer for i'll tell you why i'll tell you why so this is our halloween episode so our

question was what would happen if a real mummy went trick-or-treating do you have any thoughts on this dad um you think they could pull serious answers only is also part of the question uh i believe this was a disney channel original movie plot but i feel like uh yeah that the mummy would not only get away with it he would uh probably um and wind up at a halloween party and uh do do a really cool dance move at some point that got everybody yeah i would say i would probably assume also that would happen correct now this was the plot of brink why i'm confused is it says one answer and i don't know if i don't know if there is an answer or not but the top thing that it's showing me is like you know those old school like memes that were um the demotivational

posters were like an image and and a black background and there's like a word and then a sentence yes from like the mid 2000s so it's it's just showing me a grainy uh demotivational poster that says feminists teach your sons to respect women and it's a kid holding a sign that said my mom's a slut so i don't think that that is i don't think that's in response to our question it's a british user who thought mummy was a mom yeah mummies could never go trick-or-treating a real one not one of those sluts i can't tell if that's an answer but quora is like it's it's listed as if it is all right well i don't know i guess that's all right so i guess to answer the question could a mummy go

trick-or-treating it um women can offer you can't trust them i i guess not i guess i haven't seen it i don't fully understand what the meme is by your description but it sounds bad i don't know i honestly don't know well to be safe we can say that they would do a dance and they would do a dance i think it's safe to say a mummy would do a dance and when we're talking about a mummy dance we are talking arms straight yeah teeter-totter teeter-totter teeter-totter oh i think there'd probably be an awkward situation where somebody thinks that it's toilet paper and tries to use it in the bathroom you're in line for the bathroom and the ankle toilet paper goes under the door Yeah, there you go.

Oh, we're out. Oh, what is this? I have a question. So why are mummies, I mean, can mummies kill you? Do they have strengths or? What is the power set? Why would you fear a mummy? Okay, so you know what?

I actually ended up getting pretty deep in this on a different podcast recently. Because there is some confusion. Now, people think mummy, they think zombie, almost no powers, just dead body that is against God's plan alive. but if you go to like the movie the mummy mummy or um other great mummies then they can do vampire shit so they can like move things with their mind and cause plagues and like rain toads and stuff and then you're pretty well that would be a tough situation to go trick-or-treating and nonetheless sure if it's raining toads needless to say you could absolutely go trick-or-treating but

people would identify it does that clear up everything i wanted to address that was helpful sure yeah i think that was really good like a zombie with a curse yeah yeah you're like a you're like a like a superman zombie you're like a zombie plus other zombies respect you for what you've done for the community fair enough yeah it's a zombie with with no ads you for five dollars a month you can get plus i found a question on quora today when i was looking at them and it wouldn't let me read it unless i paid for quora plus which i yeah i swear to god what does quora plus get you more questions quora regular is unusable what is the plus i don't know i'm tempted to get it it is like one third ad so that actually would free like i think the

thing you read was maybe from another part of the web it's very possible an ad for old memes from the mid-2000s. Here's an ad for 2006. What features does that unlock? I'm really curious. I'm going to have to sign up. Can you click a button? Can you look at this?

Yeah, yeah. Let me do this. Getting my research assistant and boss to pull that up really quick. Oh, I Googled Quora Plus, but I can't really see the screen because of the sun. No, because it's the middle of the day.

And Google Autofill is Quora Plus bad, so I accidentally Googled that. Well, we know it's not bad. Okay, Quora Plus. More knowledge, more ideas, more Quora. Okay, those are features we could use. Unlock exclusive content from participating creators, support great writing and quality content,

and enjoy an ad-free browsing experience. So there are people writing Quoras only for Quora Plus users. Can I write for Quora Plus? We can't even see. It says, in this early stage, we have extended invitations to select creators. Is this how we monetize our show, is Quora Plus? we get subscribers on quora plus i don't know i don't think that we would get money

why not i think quora gets money seven dollars a month i don't understand how the website works well we'll never find out i think i'm gonna get the 30-day trial and i'll i'll let you know if it's sure put in my credit card just to be safe sure i think google has that saved so no worries all right yeah so that's that's quora plus that's pretty good um i don't know i think uh we got dan here we got dan in the studio wolfman dan just recently struck blind kind of a medical anomaly in a way and in that way i think it makes sense to maybe pull up sure quora md cool uh-huh honey no sound for quora md just doing the standard one should we get like a sound for each one i only have eight buttons is the problem fair enough

We're going to have to lose the Austin Powers theme. Oh, well, obviously. I mean, that's a no-no. Although, that's kind of if it was a raunchy hospital. Oh, I'm sick. I don't feel good. Man, imagine if you were in the hospital and you found out that you had to share a room with Fat Bastard. Oh, boy.

Put that on Quora. That could be our Quora. That could be a Quora. We could ask it. Remember that at the end of the show when we ask a Quora. Okay. Well, we have some really good medical questions for you, Dan, because we recognize your recent experience in the medical field,

what with being struck blind. Do you want me to read one? Yeah. Why don't you pull one up, Jeremy? Okay. This is an answer from a former paramedic slash firefighter. And the question is, do sociopaths also give off a weird vibe like psychopaths do?

i hear psychopaths cause people to feel like there is something wrong or they're in some kind of danger oh like it like i can sense your energy dragon ball z situation yeah oh i feel like someone doesn't tip in this room i feel it uh do you think you could say no if you saw someone who is a sociopath or a psychopath that you could tell the difference the whole thing about sociopaths you can't spot them usually right so i'm gonna say no wait so can we can we briefly uh explain the difference i don't know maybe just for the listener not for me but for yeah the users so users as a psychopath my thing is that no i honestly don't know i'm not sure what the difference is between a sociopath and a psychopath oh i know oh yeah tell me please okay so a

sociopath is someone who is like uh able uh feels no empathy for other people and so you kind of like use society as your own uh what spider's web kind of thing so like the ceos are often sociopaths cool uh psychopath is someone who is just like not fitting in at all into like standard neurotypical behavior so like if you're bipolar or if you're uh you know if you have a uh split personality disorder or something and you there's a second person inside of you named ruth who demands you sew or something this is a hypothesis they're not all like that i'm not a doctor myself but sometimes it's sewing related did that clear everything out somewhat i think the the the reason i'm confused is because i would i would consider patrick

bateman to be in the former category of what you just described because he's he's like a functioning member of society right but yeah but the movie's called american psycho that's true no but he's not though is the thing is like his life's in shambles and you're seeing it from like it's an unreliable narrator's the whole thing with the fucking movie damn dude it's all over the place yeah he's got that business card though he thinks he's playing it sleek and cool but then there's like dead bodies everywhere he's like oh i left the arms out he's a functioning member of society he fucks the two girls while looking in the mirror yeah he looks great maybe it's a sudden psychological break yeah maybe look the question is a diagnosed american psycho something no one can do because

it's too hard he's just too hot yeah he's really good looking in the film um what an actor by the way christian what a what a talent you lose yourself you lose sight of who he was loves to change his weight oh my god he goes up he goes down yeah it's tough does he ever play a big fat guy though not once cheney he played dick oh yeah he did but he only he only got a little fat for that there's bodies you don't think dick cheney's of i mean he's it's not fat bastard fat but i mean he put on the way for real that's no but he did i'm saying he got like a belly pillow or something and that's not all organic. No, no, he gained that weight.

No. Yeah, he did. He's really into gating and losing weight. He makes it. He doesn't fake it. He had five heart attacks on set.

I saw it. That is his big move is to get fatter or skittier for a role. That's his number one thing to do. Yeah, it's his signature move. It is. Yeah.

Some people could juggle. Yeah, no. He gets fatter or skittier. He just reduces himself to 70 pounds. What a crazy idea. But genuinely, yeah. Yeah, all right.

well it's not funny i'm i'm saying i respect it it's cool i don't know it's weird we do need a comedy version of uh christian bale for sure yes for sure dude oh wait i guess it might be chris pratt no when's the last time he's been in a comedy movie that's true i don't know he's gonna be mario soon he's gonna be mario he plays dramas now he plays serious roles like mario mario's an icon to millions of italian children who want to jump so high yeah and hit things with their head and have a taller brother have a taller brother who is not the main character is as a matter of fact kind of like a secondary side character and a lot of yeah yeah yeah unless there's a ghost around luigi's not introducing the podcast i'll tell you that i'll tell you that

Let's-a-go. Let's-a-go. Okay, so what question are we answering? This person chilly answered, I have some psychopathic traits, which is, I think, a very funny way to start an answer. I'm on the run. I'm a psychopath.

I met someone a few months ago. It didn't take long for me to see he was a psychopath. For the first time in my life, 42 years old, I felt a sense of fear slash excitement slash adrenaline. I don't know that sixth sense to stay the F away from that dude, but not right away. I had to dance with the devil a little bit. His eyes could make you believe he didn't have a soul.

It was either evil slash demon, and I saw slash felt. A lot of slashes in this. Well, you know, he wants to slash because he's a psychopath. He's driven to kill. In his eyes, or just a very psychotic man. Either or, it was a no-good situation because this dude was out of my league in terms of psychopathy. Oh, my God.

So this is exactly the Dragon Ball Z power level situation where you can not only tell there is one, but how psycho they are just when they walk in the room. It was unreal how instinct and vibes were warning me. He was hot and charming, but he had this chilling, scary side to him. This is my actual account of how a psychopath ranking high when it comes to psychopathic traits

made me feel. Remember, I also have psychopathic traits. I remember. You just told us. That's the end. Okay. This person saw a psychopath and was like, damn, this guy's doing really good.

like he's way better than being a psychopath I gotta change my daily schedule I gotta wake up earlier I gotta write in my crazy journal every day I gotta talk to my mom's corpse twice more a day how do you get your eyes to dance around soullessly

you gotta read a how to on that yeah that is interesting I mean I would love to have my self esteem tied to being like a nut ball or something that would really give you a sense of meaning in a very powerful way i just like like you know you know when you do like stand-up or whatever and you see a comedian who's really good and you're like damn that guy's like really killing it i would love to feel that as a psychopath and

like that guy like really stabbed that chick i like i like some of what he's doing but he's trying new things and yeah really pushing the form of yeah he's an alt psychopath keeps talking to no one laughing to himself i'm gonna work on that more yeah everybody that knows the joker but no one knows this guy no one knows robert robert the psychopath okay well that was a good question for doctors thank you else we got pulled up here you're kind of killing it today okay uh that's the one i added today so the rest of these i do not remember what the question i think they just didn't like our mummy question i think they thought it was like rude sure and they just like like we've we've tapped into this on here and that

quora does not like if they think you're joking around they want like sincere questions yeah yeah i don't know and even though we said serious answers only could a mummy go trick-or-treating i think they kind of knew we were having fun with it sure yeah they do it was a bit of a whimsical question yeah yeah so we gotta be more serious yeah so we're gonna like yeah straighten our time yeah seriously really though yeah would fat bastard be a good hospital roommate yeah no cap fat bastard this week we'll end it

with no cap and that will get us the results we desire okay here's another one this question is what happens you eat a few hours before you receive

anesthesia so they always tell you not to eat oh you fucking throw up dog they go in you and you're all like this is from

Michelle Marks Kim who says waiting for a heart transplant so does not like to stop eating yeah scary

but has a very damaged heart i feel like every most questions we put on this website we find are just people giving like horrifying stories of somebody who died for no reason no one answers the question is a big part of it so this one is another horrifying story my five-year-old neighbor died because her parents didn't follow these instructions jesus christ there's no way this is real right like if you eat before anesthesia you die well because you could choke and stuff they tell you very explicitly not to do it a fair enough anesthesia is super it's more dangerous than the surgery a lot of the time um the doctor will call her suzy was going in for oh sorry the daughter not the doctor uh was going for surgery doctors apparently went over

not to eat blah blah blah so you said that could cause her to choke day of surgery comes and parents were asked if suzy ate anything they said no surgery proceeds rolled their eyes during surgery suzy throws up a bunch of undigested food doctor s parents are they sure she didn't eat they say They gave her breakfast because she was hungry and didn't have the heart to say no. Well, that was really sad, Jeremy. Thank you. Her regular parents tried to sue,

but they couldn't find a lawyer. Thank you for bringing up that heart-wrenching story on our Quora podcast. You just think it's a lie. I just don't think it's true. Is that a real thing that happened? Absolutely, I believe that's true. I apologize.

Apologies to Susie. R.I.P. Susie. You're with the gods now. I thought it was similar to the one where they said, can you eat a slug? and they said, my friend ate a slug and died. I think that was real, too. Fair enough.

I think he ate a slug and died. Also, Susie, you're with Alan Rickman now. There's all kinds of cool guys you can see up there. Sure. David Bowie. Shinzo Abe. Shinzo Abe. You can see a lot of former ministers

of the Liberal Democratic Party of Japan up there. All right, I was attacked for my question, so Alex, you now have to find the question. Okay, yeah, it's only fair. I'm sorry for pouncing on you like that. I just got in the zone. I failed. I tried to ask a question.

I should have told you guys before that stories about kindergartners dying bums me out. I should have ran that by y'all. I think we need to ask more before they come over because it's kind of on the hosts all the time. Okay, so I'm interested in this. Have you ever had surgery, Dan? I have, yeah. Yeah, on that beautiful face? No, no, no.

No knife has touched this mug, but when I was 15, I jumped off a 25-foot building with an umbrella and shattered both of my legs while my friend videotaped it and had to be rushed to surgery. Oh, they needed surgery for that, for shattering both of your legs. Yeah, it turns out they needed to piece them together. How did that feel? uh it's the worst pain i've ever felt in my life by a country mile uh yeah but still they ask so they ask you this very they ask you this very um subjective question when you whenever you experience any sort of trauma they say like on a scale of one to ten how bad does this hurt

oh with the ouchy faces yeah well they didn't provide a chart with the faces that was before they developed them yeah it was before that um it's the mid-2000s but uh they they asked me and i was like i don't like i don't know i'm sure there's pain worse there's got to be pain worse than this so i said an eight and then they immediately thought i was on drugs and i i was stone cold sober at the time which they did not believe for a minute so they expected a 10 basically yeah they're like you said an eight and i was like yeah i mean i've only shattered both of my leg i'm not trying to be a dick about it i think it's like you crossed the mob or something i think it's even worse than getting shot in the head because i think in your in your head

your body's like i'm just not even going to interpret this as pain anymore this is all loopity you know extrasensory feelings well i guess that's my question so one time at the comedian football game in 2015 i slipped and fell into the back of joseph roberts head and my tooth was hanging out and everyone was looking at me and screaming his blood came out and so would you say it was in a one to ten well it was none because i severed the nerve so it didn't feel like anything but everyone i knew because everyone was looking at me and screaming oh that instead my mouth had become not but a bloody hole and that that was not good uh and so i guess i'm wondering like if you really muck up your legs maybe it only it hurts less than if you did a

little bit sounds pretty painful he said eight he said eight eight out of ten well what they didn't account for is uh i'm just built different i feel like i know the answer to the question but did you think it was gonna work the umbrella um well it technically kept my spine straight which prevented me from uh any sort of spinal injury that's not working that does not count as working it did some good i think but yeah it was it was fucked up how long did it take you to it better for that i think i was in cast for either 14 or 16 weeks weeks weeks yeah that's actually less time that i would have guessed for how bad that would be but i mean that is also a long time as well and i'm sorry that happened to you and that you jumped off a building with

an umbrella because you thought you could float down yeah well i did it to myself and i i don't regret it because it's a good it's a good story and i'm okay i don't think that those disclaimers on jackass to not do the stunts has worked on anybody yeah my friends also did stupid shit like that with the like let's do jackass yeah it was they i mean hey i'm the disclaimer yeah yeah the problem is they were just like the coolest guys so of course you want to be like the coolest guys we could do like just the penis tricks or something that aren't necessarily deadly if you do them like covering your penis and bees yeah or just like being embarrassed or something did you think the new jackass movie was better or worse than the old jackass movies i would i here's

my ranking uh two three one four wow two being two is the best so far was the worst one by a lot not by well uh i mean there it's just that the first three are all so good that it was it had such a high i still i knew you were gonna have a solid ranking thoroughly enjoyed it not not saying i didn't enjoy it but just yeah it was it ranks four because steve-o watches this show he's gonna see what you said on the show i mean i've i i would just like to say to steve-o i still thoroughly enjoyed the movie it's probably my favorite movie i've seen so far this year still so and it's okay it's i think it's my favorite movie this year yeah it's probably my favorite movie of all time steve-o steve-o the question was has a surgeon ever given up in the middle

of a surgery and left a patient or team stranded? Guesses. Yes. My guess is yes. Probably at least one time, I'm guessing. At least in this story. Alright, like all Quoras, I know of one terrible

story regarding a surgeon I greatly respected. This event happened in the middle of a relatively straightforward surgery that he was supervising as the senior attending. The events were told to me by close colleagues. I was not present. as the surgery was progressing normally he rather suddenly left the or saying he needed to rest for a few minutes and he would return shortly when he didn't return within several minutes the chief

resident surgeon who had to continue the operation without the usual attending supervised sent an alarm to the attending to be located the attending surgeon was found expired lying on his bed on call room what was later determined to be a heart attack and the loss of this physician who was widely admired hit us all hard fortunately the patient undergoing that surgery did well with So no, he didn't really leave then. He just died randomly in the middle. That doesn't count. He left this earth.

That's a bullshit answer. I want to see the Fred Flintstone surgeons dabba-dabba-doing out of there for it. It's like, damn, I got ghosted by this girl who died after our first date. It's not really ghosted. It's actually the closest definition of ghosted. Fair enough.

We're thinking of the, you know what? You can't fire me because I quit. Yeah, fuck this. I quit. That's what we're thinking, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yet, I'm sure there's been a surgeon who genuinely loads the person they're doing surgery on and probably is like, you know what, fuck this, I don't need this.

You think in like a personal way or like a political figure? Ooh, yeah. I hadn't considered. Well, like, have you seen, I have this friend, Dr. House, who has all of these. Well, they're not all enemies, but he has so many enclosed intimate connections with his personal. You're friends with that guy? He's such a dick. Well, yeah, but he gets results.

Fair enough, fair enough. When nobody else wants to. Yeah, no, you're right. And he gives me pills, which I think is sick. Pills are tight. Yeah, and so he's not afraid to kind of make the professional personal as well. But you do have to, I think like, you know, you're required to operate on the patient regardless of how you feel about them. Yeah, they do make you like say that under oath.

Right. Yeah, the doctor's prayer. they make you actually thing it's a darkest day and brightest night that's how they refer to it at the medical school you gotta do the green lantern you did it another four years of school the green lantern thing here's your ring go speak to the council everybody turn into a sword or whatever the fuck that guy does he'd be a great surgeon okay no green lantern yeah i mean you could turn al jordan turn you into a healthy body with his fucking green lantern yeah i don't know if that's a thing they can do i don't really understand his concept it seems like it changes

a lot that's true uh yeah so these people all have really long stories about surgery but i will tell you another one of the answers starting starts with uh looking at the legendary chuck norris's advice nice and so we won't be reading that one i look man i do miss those chuck norris jokes that were huge in the early days the you know like chuck norris got hit in the head with the airplane and it didn't even hurt him it actually felt good to him yeah it still holds up now i'm laughing right still funny this website's like trapped in the past yeah chuck norris uh uh does chuck norris get afraid no he gets more chuck norris there are a lot of them like that where the punchline is you just say his name again i like ones there chuck chuck norris fucked a lion and

made it come that's really all you need a lot of people could fuck a lion but how many could really make it come that's nobody can often uh imitate a cat's sexual organs in the way the Chuck Norris can where his penis shoots barbs trapping the lions the way that they like I don't really get how it works don't quote me on lion stuff all right all right and don't ever quote me on lion stuff uh yeah so I guess no surgeon has never given up they've just died side sometimes i guess you have a quora yeah i found this one today i think we should both just do quoras okay all the time every week yeah why not uh of course they get very long okay here it is uh do you sleep with your bedroom bedroom door opened or closed why oh i close it out of habit

yeah you close your door down closed yeah yeah i tend to close my door because of my cat well i would leave the door open because the cat but i don't know okay do you lock it he's a bad i don't have a lock on my bedroom door but i do uh close it i i jeremy promised me he would not lock his bedroom door that's one of the rules when you're in my house do not lock that door yeah well i'm i'm scared of some phil margera stuff happening to me in my sleep so i i i do be locking the door sometimes his son who's going to come like pull on your balls or whatever i hope i never have a son he's gonna he's gonna he's gonna do that he's gonna do that he's gonna do that don't do it but he will he can't help i'm gonna show i'm gonna show him viva labam as soon as he's

conscious play it while he's sleeping like the baby geniuses tapes he's just uh going taking a nap to the fireworks going off in phil's room some baby cky in his life my um first date with my wife was when we were in high school we sneaked into jackass 3d with no glasses and just watched it blurry the whole time that sucks yeah it was really dumb when we got in we're like oh we can't see this kind of a visual medium we have to sneak into any other movie actually we were under 17 that's really hard did you you could cross your eyes maybe and i don't know that's the ideal way to watch jackass too is with your eyes crossed for like an hour and a half i'm real and then a donkey kicks you to uncross them yeah yeah yeah

um i'm realizing that maybe this thing this setup i had growing up was not a usual thing which is that my door did have a lock but my family would just tell me you're not allowed to lock it It's a breach of our contract to use the lock. I didn't have a lock. In case I got to fucking bust in here and give you what for. For leaving the hose on outside or something. Is that a big problem in your family? Yeah, I would always leave the hose on.

I thought it was funny. I liked watching the water bill go up. Fair enough. Yeah. All right, so what'd you find? Okay, this is Bob Walladuke. Fake name. Bob the Bobaduke.

uh my answer i live alone and i'm a retired police officer i keep my bedroom door closed and locked with like one third of the website for whatever reason is retired police officers with an additional bar across the inside so it can't be kicked in i've gotten threatening mail at my po box nobody knows my actual address other than friends and i had a bullet shot through the back window of one of my cars it's for security what is this man afraid of what did you do that so many people are trying to kill you? I mean, he's

an ex-cop. I think we... There's probably a lot of people who got his name. This is his bedroom door and his unlisted address. Yeah, I don't know. I like that it's not even like his... What is he doing? It's like his real door, his front door. What if you have to shit in the middle of the night or something?

Don't do the bar every time. In all honesty, he probably has a bathroom in... yeah you gotta you have to you would have to in that kind of serious security situation this podcast is educational as well yeah i mean let's we have to assume that this cop has murdered people in the line of duty sure and is probably also he had haunted by ghosts of uh i was about to say is this the first cop question we've answered that does not pertain to ghosts

there's all been cops on here being like yeah ghosts are real and i can't arrest them My big problem with ghosts is that I cannot put them in prison. They continue to mock the law from beyond the grave. Yeah, I don't know. It doesn't matter how many bars I put on my bathroom door. They keep getting in and plugging up the place. Yeah, so this guy's got a lot of enemies. Yeah, that's too bad about him.

I'm probably just going to keep not doing that, though. i'm probably just yeah standard yeah if someone wants to break into my room i feel like if they could if they could figure out a way to do that without me waking up in the middle of the night and kill me in my sleep then yeah that's the way to do it yeah it's the best way to die ideally in your sleep yeah although i think see the thing is people say that but dying in your sleep is different than being taken out by an assassin while sleeping because you start that moment of waking up with like a uh a katana through your chest where you go oh and i bet that part sucks because then you were asleep for that it's the biggest surprise you'll ever get in your life

you might think it's a dream though i would think it's a dream for like the two seconds you're alive with a katana through your chest jeremy i'd be like this is a crazy dream yeah you're having a dream and all of a sudden like one of those little alien uh things yeah chest burster and then you think oh god that actually kind of feels so real it feels so real and then um and then it is then it then it is and then it is i think uh yeah if i if i did have to choose uh how i would die i would like to be i'd like to be awake for it that way yeah yeah out of the sleep or awake i guess i'd like to be awake and i'd like to look them in the eye as they do it you're my enemy so you do want to get killed is your way to die i every night will be installing a bar across my bedroom

door from all the people trying to kill me which i want but i don't want now fair enough i don't think i could be more clear about the situation how would you go if you could choose how to die probably chop my fucking head off chop your own head off yeah somebody's gonna chop my head off like my maybe second in command of my dojo sure yeah some kind of act i'm thinking of yukio mashima in some way right and then our society will have to respect it it won't just be like a meme for a half hour they'll be like alex really there's something to say yeah and that's why he stabbed himself with a sword and then another guy cut his head off right right right yeah i think i'd want to be dropped into a volcano that sounds bad yeah that sounds bad to me really

i think that would be better than having my head chopped i think it's like in terms of how nerves work like the ouchiest way you could go really although you probably pass off pass out as you get too close pass off sounds like a way a british person says it maybe i'm going head first then oh yeah i mean if your head first and it's still really ouchy for a second there though it's real although you know the thing is when they try to chop your head off they usually don't get it on the first one usually takes a few this uh this kind of reminds me of an irl quora that was okay when i was 16 a guy chopped my head off and they asked how bad it hurt no but uh i was i worked at a hotel for a number of years and there was a a maintenance guy who spoke very little

english like our conversations were usually just small talk like hey how's it going you work in the early shift yeah and then one day after four years he just comes up to me and he goes uh so dan would you rather be eaten alive by a tiger or beheaded by isis damn dude you've been saving that one up for a while uh i would be beheaded yeah i like how he said you know he had clearly only ever read isis in print on the cover of the new york poster dan i have found quora and i would like to have a discussion with you now no and i'm always fucking on about this and stop me if i have talked about this on the podcast before but and this may be different for lions and tigers but lions when they eat you they rip

your whole ass out first while you're alive so it is one of the worst ways to die out of all of they go ass first yeah they uh they want you to live the longest so they just go right for where all the meat is and they rip out all your intestines and your ass meat and uh you're not that at all because there's no reason you'd be dead from that and uh you know it takes a while and they're really just having fun with it and they're bigger than you and they're big bad cats all right well then i guess i'm going with isis the obvious answer is decapitated by isis guess i gotta go with isis man i'm glad they're not around anymore though because that was one of my fears yeah lions i'm glad we're in the great extinction i say that every day that'd be a great

That'd be a great, like, sci-fi channel movie is Lions vs. Isis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sharknado style movie. History Channel presented. A lot of sequel opportunities. Sure, yeah. Or you could do a History Channel where it's like a detailed analysis. Yeah, like Deadliest Warrior.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Deadliest Isis. Lions vs. Isis. The lion's claws can scratch an Isis member's face. With the force of over 100 small cats. but all it takes is a push of one button to bring down the pride so they know this this young man is loaded up with a suicide vest i actually don't know if isis did that that much they were more uh taking towns and

making browns brown was heroin oh all right that's what they would say when they did it good for them let's find another quora uh i have one that's i think just a funny question it's not really a long one or anything i just like the way that the like vernacular of quora is very strange the poetry of quora we kind of like the language of it you know yeah and this was i just like this question it was who was paul mccartney's first girlfriend did she know that he was a member of the famous band called the beatles oh no i hope she she knew because it's a big part of his life the beatles started when they were like 13 years old they love to go out on the jolly old train and start slamming their frigging banjo arunis the answer says she knew he was in a

band called they beatles yes and it does say they beatles they them beatles but but as for knowing how big the band would become no she didn't have a reliable way to see into the future oh my god question asked and answered i bet she's kicking herself now i could have been i could have been the Beatles' girlfriend. Come on. I could have been friends with Yoko Ono, who everyone liked.

That was her big thing, yeah. She wanted to be friends with... It was really just a stepping stone for her to get to Yoko. There should be divorce payments, but for rock stars' girlfriends, where if you're a rock star's girlfriend, you still get a settlement

when they break up with you. You know what I mean? That's only fair, because you should still be like... You should have the reward for being part of the story of they Beatles. Right, yeah.

And they probably wrote a few songs about you. I was going to say, if they write a song about you, you got to get some sort of check for that. This next one's called Toothy Pamela. I was wondering where the Beatles diss tracks came from. And that's kind of,

a lot of them were girlfriend based at the end of the day. Yeah. I mean, they wrote about what they knew. Yeah. I read an article. Women who like. I read an article about once.

I said that insanely about Delilah from Hey There Delilah. The Quora is kicking in. Yeah. Yeah, I know for real. and it was like she was like yeah i didn't really know the guy i met him once now there's a song about me and i hear it all the time it was really weird and i feel like she should get a lot of money yeah yeah that that pisses me the fuck off i'm sorry this is my big political issue yeah

2022 the the the main thing that i'm thinking about when i walk into that voting booth is Who's going to punish the plane with a piece for what they did? Who's going to get Delilah her cash? Yeah. Reparations for girlfriends of musicians. I think there was even a pilot based on the song. Was there really? This sounds familiar to me.

I don't know why. Is this like the talk of the town at some point? Hey There Delilah? The Hey There Delilah live sitcom on CBS? With Zooey Deschanel as Delilah? All right. That sounded pretty good. Yeah.

starring she yeah i'm gonna leave you back in idaho you're a little weird oh wait so did the guy move to new york city in the song or did the girl move the girl because it doesn't going in new york she's a thousand miles away i'm gonna admit i don't know the song as well as i could um and i would like to do better at that and i'm really sorry she was a professional runner that's what i remember that was part of it yeah yeah that was so she moved to new york city for the for a running job to run around town yeah yeah that's a big job uh in new york is you can be professional you can go up and down all the blocks once you like graduate college if you don't get

into the olympics you just become like a running delivery person we got the best pizza the best bagels and the best running the fastest girlfriends you've ever seen they moved a long way to do this yeah all our women are from songs good lord they can hold the pie uh and by that i mean pizza pie just to be clear and then i don't know what other way you would take that but that wasn't it um so this is under jokes humor and funny stories i don't know why okay this is as a doctor again uh-huh honey medical quora segment uh what is the best lie a patient has ever told you this is a joke so i guess the best lie so far on the podcast would

be no i did not feed my five-year-old daughter for giving her anesthesia fair enough and the The shame I feel for asking this question runs deep. As I was like, get a load of this. Dead girl, Mark. No, that happens very often. I was like, oh, never mind. Yeah, slam the killing spree button. Okay, so if they're trying to be funny on this,

then that is not what we are here for. But the answer in this one is, I was sitting in the room when my ex-husband tried lying to our doctor about not eating soda and junk food. she pointed at her screen with his medical record and replied that's not what your blood tests say got him got his ass oh my god i wonder if you'll ever see this i like how she said eating soda you should see the way he does it like a dog from a bowl he's gulping it down wrapping it up it gets better she told him he needs to eat fruits

and vegetables every day he says he does i laugh no you don't i have been keeping my soda stash in the produce drawer since we moved in four years ago when you have yet to find it she tells him i know you're not eating fruits and vegetables i was snickering until she turned to me and on your next appointment we are going to talk about the soda stash uh-oh and then the last line of the post oh crap i was busted that's how you do you pray your doctor visit doesn't end with you being busted you pray you're not supposed to lie by the way you can't they're not like supposed to be there to judge you they're just like oh don't don't do that yeah yeah they have no power over what you do or whatever they're not gonna look oh i guess if you're insane they could lock you away

right if they think you're a danger they could take your kids away if you're eating too much soda i just want my doctor to think i'm cool apparently um i don't i don't think he does anymore i feel like it's free to talk about but uh one of my uh friends is a comedian is a very heavy set man and he had to joke about lying about his weight on a small aircraft to get on it where he was like 400 pounds and he was like i'm like 200 pounds and then the plane kept like doing things it wasn't supposed to do and it's like no this is the best story i've ever heard not sure if it's like the joke you're looking for but it is a really funny way to die if that happens you know the pilot's looking at you just like you piece of shit what is it like over here i was just

like all right who i who i'd other way i thought we were friends i can't you know what no one's going to the island anymore we're turning around going back to long island no and these days you can't even say anything because then you'll be accused of being fat folk yeah you say hey buddy i i think you're i don't think you're being truthful with us nobody talks about how hard cancel culture is on pilots makes our job impossible yeah they can't do it they don't want to fly anymore they don't even want to fly they want to stay on the ground a lot of them are getting their submarines licensed just because weight's not a problem down there that's one of the safest ways to do it that is the thing about submarines you could put as much weight in as you

want it doesn't affect how they tell you that they give you something they say do whatever you want go to town do your best this baby sinks not to poke holes in the logic of this chorus submarine response poke holes is anyone's produce that was funny okay wait what i missed it because it's poke holes and you can't do that in a song oh true yeah and so i thought you were really doing like a shakespearean retort yeah in that way every everything i've been saying rhymes uh but like every other sentence this is like one of those smart alan parsons british shows yeah in a lot of ways where you're laughing hours later as you reconsider the poke holes response um i was saying a refrigerator refrigerators don't the produce sections aren't they just

like clear usually yeah they often are clear but the soda drawer is black as night fair enough it's opaque as night is that an expression um should we look at my fridge should we see what the drawers be looking like sure yeah open it up all right we're here live at alex's fridge go ahead to youtube here oh i found those cranberry sodas on the street mostly empty hot sauce containers there's a human head in here jesus there's not folks there is not a human head in there and the hot sauce has some hot sauce and all those great bottles it's funny to imagine opening this up and there's a bunch of soda in the bottom being like where's my damn soda okay jeremy has a point though because all of the drawers are see-through there is you do have a

vegetable drawer full of soda i'm looking at a drawer name drawer labeled vegetables and all i'm seeing are coca-cola and cherry coca-cola and diet cokes i'm not on trial here my health is second to none i'm the healthiest young man alive that's not what your blood tests say busted i hate teaching you so much about medical knowledge on our podcast that you're technically a doctor now oh no okay um we read the surgeon one we read the as a doctor one oh this is about if you're pregnant this one sounds grim though was this the one tim didn't want to read we had a few of these were like tim what if you had to get an abortion he was like i'm not reading that was fair and it was fair and it was tough but fair okay um let's do the new one we've the

new one we found on twitter oh yeah yeah go for it so this is a really good question someone sent this to you yeah um and so the question is very strong and we can round table this maybe before we pull it up on the actual website do the jews consider larry david a hero like napoleon in france now at this table if we were going to ask one person who the jews consider like napoleon it would have to be the guest dan what do you think um i'm gonna say yes That's a staggering yes from Dan. I'm going to say that it extends. I think just people who know of Larry David view him as a hero.

I think it extends past the confines of religious. Is it like Napoleon in France, though? Oh. Like he conquered Egypt and stuff? He conquered the hearts of... Yeah, he conquered the do's and don'ts of standing in line. Yeah, he produced Seinfeld. He did do that.

So I guess that's kind of like... I feel like I wonder if it's the opposite. I wonder if the French see Napoleon as sort of their Larry David. That's a really good point. This guy gets us. He says what we're all thinking but are afraid to say. Which is that Russia is very cold. What he did with his artillery line here was a lot like discovering a close talker.

in 1811 or whatever that was that's really interesting uh the top the start of the top response is as always there are many different opinions the leftists try to rewrite history and present him as a tyrant only i have not heard that about larry david i've heard that about jerry seinfeld i have not heard that about larry david there should be a statue of larry david in who do we have eric adams let's he petition i mean single-handedly the city should be putting up larry david statues but i feel like you know maybe just nobody in williamsburg wants to put up a bust of larry david they're too good to have that around but you walk into mccarran park you're wondering what the vibe is oh giant bust of larry david how nice does that sound sometimes they just

swap the heads out of statues apparently where they'll just be like oh this is a statue of someone who kind of is bad so they just like change the head to someone else so we could just change a head to Larry David. That's not Christopher Columbus. That's Master Chief. Master Chief Circle. It's a great park to visit on Master Chief Day.

Every September. He finished the fight. He did. He took it to the flood. I do not know anything else that has happened in Halo. It's come up every week for some reason. Hit the button. Killing spree. Folks, we're keeping going.

Imagine if there was a a halo map modeled after williams present day williamsburg i'd play it i play it oh yeah i bet there's a lot of like conservative mods of brooklyn in the halo maps that you can play that seems like a real thing that exists i would like i would encourage our listeners to look into it in their own free time please do send it to me oh and by the way we have an email now you can send quaras to quarators at gmail.com the hit show quarators is now on gmail.com finally send us a there don't fuck with our questions when we post trying to talk to real insane people okay um how what time are we at right now 57 minutes 57 let's do something unhinged and then do a question and

leave i have a good unhinged one i don't know if this will translate super well to podcast but it is one that someone sent me as well so this is a good start yes um so this is and maybe you should open it up so you guys could see it as well but this one is it's under is the last uh the last one under quoker under quoker um so this is how often thank you this is how often do you arrange to meet friends and this guy wrote like 3 000 words about his excel document spreadsheet that he has okay he talks about like how he uh catalogs seeing his friends and shit let's pull and i'm just kind of blown away by it do you have it open oh i accidentally clicked if i randomly did a gang sign in the hood that is not the question we're answering uh no it's the one

underneath that i don't know how you messed that one up folks oh my god oh my god he's got like a contact reminders and he's got like when he last contacted them and how how frequently he contacts them and how long it takes for them to respond he's probably really good at making friends like he has the data on friendship he literally i don't have he's got like this spreadsheet where it's like oh john's frequency per contact is 26.07148257 and it's like that is an insane what does that mean it's his times per year of contact he's visited okay oh it's per year it says okay yeah i would actually really like to have these uh figures but i'm not i'm too lazy to go and whip up the sheet well you don't need to anymore this guy's got it for you can you

download it is at the end it tells you the exact figures if folks if you're looking to whip up a uh how a friendship rankings chart go to quora go to quora type in how often do you arrange to meet friends we have zachary brown here uh who is a former warp drive specialist at the united federation of planets that's a big get yeah yeah that's probably the most intelligent person we've ever had on the show before this is really good dan do you think you could maybe uh maybe you could use this to make some friends um i'm gonna be honest i don't even know how to use excel as a program i don't under i i have no use for it if if if we got a a news alert right now that said excel is forever not not a thing anymore my life would not be impacted one percent that's not true

everyone's life would be impacted by that this world is run on how do you know how frequently your friends talk to you google sheets yeah how do you know which friends are talking to you or not um i just like talk to them and then if i need to remember i just use my memory how many people who were there with you on the day you shattered both legs jumping off of a balcony do you still talk to you regularly it was a church and it was nick seroff who was film filming it and he was the only person there and i haven't talked to him in some time i should i should reach out to nick are off if you're listening um i hope you're hope you're good dude sorry sorry i made you witness that i hope nothing happens to you like happened to me on that fateful day is that kind of like a

stephen king origin thing where like you probably stopped talking to each other because you were part of such a violent episode you're bound by it though you know uh things your your life just takes you in different directions you know if he if he had decided he wanted to pursue comedy and move to new york you know i would i would still be hanging with him but you know you'd have filmed him jumping off a building exactly i would i would return the favor in a heartbeat but nick instead of watching uh me hurt myself why don't you film this hilarious skit i came up with yeah he did he did a good job holding the camera so yeah yeah do you still have the video so here's the interesting thing okay all right the police confiscated it wow what as i was trespassing uh what on a church

on church property so they took the video i never got it back wow they're watching it on repeat well a year and a half maybe two years later i was at i was at a free concert downtown and then this girl came up to me and she was like wait you're that kid that jumped off christ the king church right and i was like yeah and she's like this is nuts my brother was in a scared straight type program and they made all the kids watch it so i was like they clearly still have it or i mean this was this would have been because again they just assume you're on drugs i don't i don't know even though you were not and they were like still think smoking weed is cool look at dan jump off a church he defied god just like you're doing yeah i don't know what the the lesson they were supposed to

take from that was but doesn't that look like it hurts don't do that that's what it feels like when you smoke crack i don't know and he said it was an eight yeah well you do drugs you're breaking the law oh well how does the law affect my personal safety you're wondering well we have a law against trespassing. Cue the tape. What you can't see is the church pushing him off that building. We didn't get good foley of Dan's legs shattering, but trust me, they did.

We need to put a tree through a wood chipper. That is what it sounded like. A tree going through a wood chipper. That's really loud. That's a crazy sound. I'm also realizing how crazy it is that she recognized you from her brother seeing a video at

Well, I was, not to toot my own horn, I was somewhat of a local celebrity. I believe you're a celebrity to me, my friend. Okay. Well, that covers this episode of Quorators. Let's leave our mark on Quora society now by asking one of our famous

Quoras. Do we have any questions? What's our big question? Do we have anything from this episode? Oh, we said something earlier that was really good. Fat bastard. Oh, something about fat bastard. What if you had to share a hospital room with fat bastard if you had to share a hospital room with fat bastard or not just what if okay what if that bastard was your doctor okay yeah i'm gonna say from austin powers from austin powers

in parentheses yeah that bastard from austin powers what if he was your doctor and um i don't know what the follow-up what the question is but that's it imagine that what if that bastard we're not gonna get any answers on this one either well would you call him dot would you call him dr bastard okay well um if you have a doctor you do not respect like fat bastard from austin powers well uh do you still have to use the title doctor all right hold on let me delete that's like a i feel like maybe that and then we can fuck that up english wise a little bit so that it sounds like a quora what is it what is if you have a doctor if you have a doctor you do not respect parentheses like fat bastard from austin powers who is not a doctor

but he's somebody you don't respect do you still have to call them doctor okay like hold on fat bastard from austin powers yeah make sure you get the fat bastard in there um uh-huh honey do you have to still call them doctor yeah yeah if you have a doctor you do not respect like fat bastard from austin paris you have to still call them and they're they're gonna try to get you to change that entire question go ahead and hit ignore no it didn't it has no suggestions this is the perfect question says quora uh and put this on our website the suggested topics are respect medical doctors and medicine and health care but i can also add some others like austin powers should we tag some people yeah who do you want to tag so the way quora works is

they want you to really get like individuals involved so if there's like dr oz or like a famous doctor sure yeah let's see who is running for office so if we could get him that's actually like really good for the show if we get dr oz right now if we get dr oz on the show dr drew would would pick up the call i feel like dr true dr phil i've heard dr phil isn't a real doctor but i don't know that for sure and i'm not sure i can say that in a public forum to be clear there's a lot of people named dr phil i'm gonna pick the one who has uh patrick from spongebob is his photo i think yeah that's the one we want to ask probably ideally do you know dr phil's last name no lombardo what is it oh it's lombardo oh no i was just for some reason i thought you're gonna be like it's

something really funny and not you just actually asking me. Yeah, the way you said it was like, and I know, and you're about to find out. I have a great story for you guys. You know what Dr. Phil's last name is? It's like Optimus Prime. It's Fat Bastard. Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil

Fat Bastard. I'm going to also try to see if I can ask Austin Powers. Yeah, see if he'll answer on his Quora. Alright, I've done it. Alright, that's another perfect episode of Quarators. Here we are at the end of all things. Dan, we want to thank you for coming on

the show again today. Thank you for having me. We've had a lot of fun here on Quarators. There's the robot. We don't usually play it at the end, but I wanted to. Where can our listeners find you at home or abroad? You can find me on Twitter and Instagram

at DanLicottaSucks. The only other Dan Licotta on twitter hasn't logged in for 12 years and i can't get that handle so um that's why that's why i have that okay yeah so find dan he does not suck he's really cool but the other one is taken so go check that out uh run do not walk to dan lakata's twitter at dan lakata sucks and go see aren't you going on tour like right now yeah we're gonna be in nashville uh we're gonna be in the south uh every everywhere down there that's that's big so uh if you live in the southeast

come see me and uh adult swims own favorite son joe pera family guy presents joe pera live in the south and that's happening soon near you all right that's gonna do it for Quorators here today, and as we always say at the end of Quorators, uh, fuckin' Quor with it.