Quorators - Earthly Delights w/ Clare O'Kane

Episode Date: June 24, 2024

Comedians Alex Ptak and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: How does it feel when you swallow a live eel? I feel that most men are secretly gay, but due to society can't accept or admit it. Am I wrong? What actor is a "yowza times 1000"? --- Go find Clare at ClareOkane.com COME TO OUR LIVE SHOW AUGUST 24th in NYC: https://www.caveat.nyc/events/quorators-8-24-2024 Get even more Quorators when you support the show @ http://patreon.com/quorators Send quoras and qommunicate on our discord https://discord.gg/7pPYuKuYCr Watch the show @ youtube.com/@quorators

Yeah, so before we start, you should know this is season four and it's Jeremy's house where Jeremy makes the rules. That's right. So we're back at where we've moved apartments because Alex has gone through a divorce. That's not true. And I won't say it on the podcast. Alex's wife said it's me or the podcast. If I say this live in the podcast, I will be swamped with incessant bachelors every day of my life. Wait, you are getting divorced? I am not getting divorced. And we all need to stop saying it on the show.

It's a bit. I can't swim through a sea of bachelors. Take it off, Alex. We all know it's real. I won't take it off. This is my fourth wedding ring. And I refuse to change it. So if we all understand that Jeremy makes the rules

and it's Jeremy's house, I'm going to- We're all married? We're all married. Sorry. I got fat around my face. Oh, that's how you do it. You just, you gotta get back. Alex lost three.

Otherwise, you lose it in the ocean. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, you lost three of them. I did. Well, I was buying them too big because they were titanium and I was afraid of de-gloving myself. Sure.

I've talked about this so much, but it is a fear that you should have. If you wear rings, your skin's gonna get ripped off your hand like Jimmy Fallon. Look it up. Okay. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. And then you had to wear a thing. Jimmy, we love what you do. are we recording are we it's recording i don't know if any of this is all going we want to start with your friends from high school's huge penis it's there that's locked in that's pretty much all we got right now i'm gonna hit the button and we're gonna dance we're back with quaraders season four jeremy's house with jeremy makes the rules i'm alex and i'm just a little worm that's right we're here it's another monday morning sky's looking pretty

good uh a lot of exciting stuff coming up here in a new location jeremy how do you feel about your house uh it's nice for me because i don't have to leave oh but it sucks for me because i don't i'm not working right now so my office was your apartment for a while and i get to be like i'm going to work and then i'd go to your house oh that's what i was gonna say is it's nice for me because now i pretend your house is my office people talk about like oh people have no third location anymore it's like home and work but no one has a place to like meet their friends but Now, I don't even have a second location. I've had a tap installed in your kitchen,

and I have beer in it like it's a WeWork. Cool. Just me and your wife. Well, enough about that. We've got a great show for you this week. You're going to love it. In our returning pantheon of second-time guests, we have the Iron Hammer.

Words. What does that mean? I need to say no more about it. Is it like communist? well no but you do you hit hard unlike an iron hammer not unlike an iron hammer and there's of course clara came from laughs at large claire oh are all hammers iron no i don't think so you can have a steel one piece of shit everyone's poking holes in my iron hammer name which is free money on the table for you.

Yeah, you could use that if you want. Yeah, okay, I'll take it. If this goes viral. Nobody knows what to do with their merch anymore and now you know it's just a hammer.

You know, it doesn't sound good in the mouth, though. Claire the Iron Hammer. Claire the Iron Hammer. Claire the Iron Hammer. Claire, thank you for coming to Arrow.

I'm such a fan of yours. I never thought I'd see Claire the Iron Hammer. Everybody all over that cobble hill. Great apartment. Happy to be here. Thank you.

it's my house and i make the rules yeah don't resist him i walk in and i go oh yeah a woman lives here as well well you're quite perceptive aren't you wow it's nice yeah how'd it get so nice um you know what a big part of it was that we have a big clock that i insisted in buying and oh my god my wife kept being like what about this clock and i'd be like too small and i found the biggest clock i could find and then it stopped working because it's been like five years and i'm I'm too lazy to go up there and fix it. And that's why it's so clean. Yeah, it's really big.

You're saying that's why it's clean and nice in here? It's the big clock. Yeah, I think that's what it is. I think the glow of the clock, which is very large, makes it feel like we're in the 90s Batman movies for some reason. Yeah, I can see that. It's stuck on time to clean. Yeah, it's permanently 845.

It's got Tim Burton font for sure. Yeah. Oh, for real, for real. And I think that sets the vibe of the apartment. Yeah. Because of the clock being big and you can see it from outside. Not the nice plants or the... No.

It's generally not the nice plants. Half of them are fucking fake, first of all. That one's fake. That's the only fake one. This house is bullshit. Grandma style. These plants are lies. We kept having plants die over there.

We put a fake one. Now, Claire, you've been on the show before. We don't have to explain Quora to you. No. You breathe it and live it every day of your life. Yeah. And so you totally get it. But what if someone is listening for the first time?

Nope. I buy the numbers not happening I feel pretty confident in that one it's the show where we go on Quora and every week has a theme since season 3 things are so different now I thought it was season 4

well it is season 4 but season 3 started this invention that has kind of changed the entire game and each week is themed and this week's theme is Earthly Delights beep beep get in the school bus it's time for earthly delights um i think last time you said the questions were too easy so this time hopefully these are more difficult questions for you i'm sure you should challenge you to your very core as well i'm you're getting me when like bought like my body is breaking down in every way it's i'm sweating i'm shitting and pissing what happens

to the iron hammer when the hammer gets hit back the nails have joined forces she crumbled you've had it too good for too long you've had it too good uh well of course we will start the episode by going to last week's question before that oh i've forgotten oh and this is gonna be huge for you this is new uh we've started doing advice segments and uh this is a cynical ploy to attract listeners on YouTube and it's working hand over fist and that's why we'll be getting this show with everyone's favorite segment, Tips

for Them. Tips for Them. Thank you. Do you have any tips for non-binary people at the start of the show? I think, honestly, have they them pronouns that's my number one tip okay starter kit change your pronouns to they them

if you haven't already check the bio yeah honestly no one talks about day one stuff like this and this is like for real where it all got started right for non-binary people yeah the pronouns otherwise they're calling you other stuff that's true sorry you gotta change it do you have any advice for non-binary people uh yeah if you get hot in the day because it's so hot outside you can shower twice that's good advice yeah oh you don't have to be a big fat guy you can you can be one but also you just get in there there's no shame in blasting it a second time baby i didn't realize Because it didn't have to be about being non-binary.

We really threw you in there. We didn't give you any weed up to that. In that case, I'll rescind my advice. Okay, so don't change it. Advice rescinded? And say, before you water your plants, just make sure the soil isn't still wet from the last time. Oh, okay, that's fine.

Yeah, that's pretty good. I actually didn't know that about plants as well. So forget about the pronoun changing parts. Shower twice. You can do whatever you want. And then check the dampness on a plant. And get a big clock. It's changed everything, Jeremy.

And you make the rules. That's right. All right. Let's go to Quora.com. That's big money. What did we ask last week? Last week we asked. Is there just a big picture of a guy shitting his pants when you open that?

Yes. Okay, just checking. Okay, yeah. It said, do you believe in Carbo? And then just a picture of a guy shitting his pants. Yeah, we're not going to read the rest of that. Nope. The question we asked last week was, how do soldiers celebrate Christmas?

One rifle at a time. Somebody just put a big photo that's Santa having a gay party that says holiday gay. That has to be one of our listeners. I'm assuming you're from the show, and it's disrespectful is what it is. So Cora, for some reason, decided to add dozens of answers onto this from other similar questions. That is not what we wanted. There was a really good answer somewhere, though. Oh, where is the answer?

Someone said, when you're a trained killing machine, you don't have time to celebrate stupid holidays. Okay, yeah, that's the kind of stuff we're looking for. Yeah. And another guy answered a question that was similar. That was, how do soldiers in different countries celebrate Christmas? And he says, correct question? how do soldiers from different christian nations celebrate christmas answer serve and find out i have very little patience for poorly worded questions sounds like somebody got toasted

thanks find out serve and find out serve and find out if you want to know i would say yeah i'd say if you want to know probably join the army and enjoy christmas that's my actually advice for non-binary serve and find out serve and find out with it piece of shit we're in the army

oh damn you guys ever think about joining the army no all the time absolutely not it's funny how we had different responses to that

yeah I think that a lot of the problems in my life would kind of be streamlined if I just turned to violence cool yeah

but it takes a lot you can't be violent right away I mean I'd have to like practice hitting I guess yeah When I was a kid, like, in elementary school or whatever, when, like, the Iraq War was starting up, my big fear in life was being drafted into the war and dying.

As, like, a child. I was like, they're going to take me. You had a perfect body. Yeah. As a very small boy. It's like turning down Master Chief leaving you in school. God damn. We can stretch him out.

Yeah. So that was my number one fear in life. A terrible stretch Armstrong going away. Good Lord. You know, honestly, by this point, I feel like I'm kind of too old to worry. They'd have to make me the agent general, which is not a position I would turn down. No, you'd be a good general.

I do feel like my backup as comedy is like strategy mastermind. Sometimes I'm like, if the CIA wasn't so bad, it'd be so fun to work for the CIA. I've had this conversation with so many different people. It'd be so fun to be a spy. Ben Wasserman is like, I could kill a lot of guys. He says that so much. He does say it.

He's in a dark place. God bless them. Shouts out. But, yeah, sneaking is fun, and they do have a monopoly on that. Yeah. Spies. Yeah. If there was, like, another agency, like a fun one.

Like a cool one. Like a cool CA. Like a good one. Yeah. Like they sneak presents under the tree. Yeah. It may just be me looking directly at pictures of Santa in the last five minutes. I think that would be a good federal agency to have.

Yeah. I agree with that. Well, this week's theme is earthly delights, and I cannot wait to explore them with you, our guest. What's our first segment, Jeremy? Forbidden knowledge. Forbidden knowledge. Please hold.

Dare you enter the world of the strange to see the forbidden? Sure, yeah, no. Yeah, totally. Okay. This question is, why do I feel like I have a wolf inside of me? I don't know. You're comedian Ben Wasserman?

This person has only one. This was their only question, and then they wolfed out. Yeah, they left. Their paws would not let them type anymore. Why do I feel like I have a wolf inside of me? It's hustle and it's grind. I know that. For sure.

I know that's the startings of it. Do you feel like you have a wolf inside of you, Alex? Yes. Yeah? Yeah, for sure. It's like a money-making wolf? Famously, and I have seen the comments on this. People do say this, but people have two wolves inside of them,

and one is a cowardly wolf and another is a prideful lunatic. Sure. And I definitely feel a sinful wolf that urges me to make- And this wolf is inside of you? Yeah, like ferocious. Not like sexually. Not the one that's eyes bugs out and the tongue gets really long like a carpet.

Yeah. No, that is one of the wolves that you could have. You could have that wolf. Like that's a bad wolf, but people definitely have that. Yeah. I've seen people do that. Yeah, it's got to be some wolf you read about.

Okay, all right. So like the one that tried to blow down the houses or something? Yeah, that's an impulsive wolf. Okay. Yeah. Does Wolverine count? Wolverine does not count. He's a wolverine.

He's famously not a wolf. Good question. Have you ever seen a wolverine? They're kind of gnarly. I think at the zoo. They look like... Fucked up. They're like what I picture the Tasmanian devil to be like,

but then the Tasmanian devil in real life is kind of cute with it. Yeah. I'm looking up wolverine. I'm going to put animal at the end so I don't get the guy. It's like a fucked up raccoon. It's like a fucked up raccoon. He's a good guy. Do you think the man Wolverine should have picked a different animal?

No. Hugh Jackman didn't know Wolverines were real animals? That can't be real. Australians are. That's true. They got their own shit over there. It's a totally different bio. Is that a kind of tarantula, he asked?

Now I see we've done a lot of exploring on Vanity Fair. What does Quorosanth say about why I have wolves inside of me? Everyone says that there's two wolves inside of us. like barbara davis who's an old woman household name all we ah ah we all have the two wolves inside us stop feeding the one that leaves you lonely howling in rage and aggressive feed the pack animal that identifies the needs of your pack and fills the space work as a team avoids the moon and also um wario oh baby oh baby you have two wolves

huh i mean it's not in that that question i'm like oh i think they feel it feels like they i'm interpreting it as they're gonna feel like they're gonna burst and hurt somebody or something yeah yeah that's how i thought it does it implies that there's a wolf trying to get out but no one has answered including myself why there is a wolf there's a long answer here about otherkin that we probably shouldn't get into i'm kind of interested is it like witchy shit otherkin is like people who believe that they are like i'm gonna get this sexual wolfing it's like a it's a sexual wolf it's like an old tumblr thing from when we were like all in high school i feel like it's a sexual wolf we were getting different tumblr algorithms fair enough yeah we're not

all on jeremy's tumblr i posted about this a lot but i would say in short i think it does go back to the wolf whose eyes pop out and his tongue goes all the way down to the floor yeah yeah that's the wolf i identify with right and understand and that's perfectly natural i I think the reason why is it's perfectly natural. This guy, David Hawley, says, first of all, you don't have access to a wolf's experience, so you couldn't know if you have a wolf inside you. Yes!

First of all. Get him! He says, so what do you think a wolf is like? Low and aggressive hunter? Yes. Intelligent pack animal? Do not speak for wolves. And then Anne commented on David's post and said,

I would speak to a doctor about this. Good luck. Yes! Serve and find out. Oh, my God. Serve and find out. How dare you say that you're a wolf? I'm going to be saying serve and find out for the rest of my life.

Until you've walked a mile in his paws. I can't say it. I can't say. Look at that cute cat over there. That's Milo. He has one lung. Yeah. He's chilling.

Oh, he has one lung? One of them's collapsed, we think. He has one lung and one wolf. Is he old? No. He's just fucked up. He's just a little shorty. When we got him, he was in a hoarding situation, so his lung was all messed up.

Yeah, he replaced his lung with a Funko Pop. Nice. Hoarding. He's got a wolf inside of him. Let's move on to the next one. Okay. The answer is it's perfectly natural. This might be a difficult question for you.

Okay. Do you enjoy being a woman? That's really funny. I like that I can do that at this apartment. If you're not watching the video, So I shoved my mic across the room into Claire. Try it. Do it again.

We're hitting mics. So they're saying, do you, as in they're just. Do you enjoy being a woman? Do you? I certainly don't. I don't enjoy being a woman on account of I'm not. I don't have that experience. You don't have that experience.

You haven't served. I am a wolf. Although I am a wolf. uh i don't i enjoy being a alive i don't think i enjoy being particularly being a woman it's a little harder to kind of do the things specifically that i want to do in the entertainment industry it feels like do you ever hear that music coming on though it's like you just walk around let's go girls my farts sound like that sounds fun i've always thought what do you guys think being a woman

is like i think alex thinks that that song is playing yeah yeah yeah that's fucking tits up i don't know do you think it would be harder i think that you probably have to deal with a lot of like people insisting there's a large clock in your home yeah the assumptions yeah a podcast yeah I say you have to go to the office today because we're doing a podcast in our living room right this isn't about anyone in particular it could be anybody all women have to deal with these things

well I would like to hear the Quora answers from real live women anonymous says in all caps bolded with several exclamation points no not fun that's pretty cool someone else says

on the other hand hope says generally yes Periods suck and pregnancies freak me out But I like being me I like dressing up and doing my hair And using makeup I like chick lit and terrible soap operas Chick lit I love chick lit

Which I think means like girl books I like dancing and singing in dresses I like pink and puppies I like my shapes and my long hair Pink and puppies And all those things I'm told I can't do because I'm a woman Fuck it, I do it anyways So that's kind of calling out Claire

you're kind of writing directly back to claire it feels like i i mean i'm i'm like fuck it i'll do whatever and i'm pink and puppies but then also sometimes i'm like shit and fart yeah as well sure probably on a daily basis almost yeah um pregnancies freak me out it's crazy you ever let a man in your inside of you like an elevator that's pretty much what a pregnancy is wait i didn't want to have to explain that comment but i feel like i have to now which is that a baby uses you like an elevator okay well when you said you let a man inside of you i'm thinking well that's just sex yeah that's sure but then you're like oh a little man goes gets in and then they you know tear open the door later

yeah yeah into a floor called life wow and they never go back in and that would freak me out but also it would be kind of based it's basically like that scene from the shining when all the stuff comes out that's right that's very intellectual i'll say this one one person says uh after seeing the results of a man being kneed in the groin i'm so grateful to lack male genitalia genitalia i say genitalia the kneeing was like watching a nuclear bomb of pain go off in slow motion seriously it takes bravery to be a man no i think men have a lower pain threshold yeah in general because they don't have to give birth so they're just a little more that's true I do think it's a structural oopsie to put balls outside of the body

because it hurts so bad. Sure, lock those up. I know it's like a temperature reason, and that's why they're outside, but I don't know, put a bubble in there or something. God, what the fuck? Put a bubble. This seems like such a mistake. Like a mesh sort of bag.

Put a bubble. We all know what I mean. Get an elevator in there. i feel like as a child i was constantly taking a soccer ball to the crotch to everyone's amusement and that was like my number one thing okay and i didn't like that well people act like getting kicked in the pussy doesn't hurt it does i do act like that all the time i don't know what the fuck is wrong with me um lots of yeses and lots of no's on here so no one no one agrees about whether they like being

a woman it's a land of contrasts wow but in a way it is an earthly delight uh okay i'm gonna read another oh this is our moving completely different this is our segment on uh incels the cloaker what will arrive here on the darkest corners of the internet that's of course a song that Alex wrote. It's about my friend, Naruto. Why am I a god, but I always lose fistfights? You're the god of losing.

You're the god of sucking ass at fistfights. You suck so bad, dog. I think that's a reasonable answer. That's a reasonable answer. There's one answer, and it's got a big picture of a bunch of fighting guys on it, which I like. The person who asked this was named Solo Sexual. Cool. You are in the right segment, my dude.

and he has a lot of questions about this. He says, why am I the greatest God to ever exist? Why am I the president of the United States, but no one knows my name? Whoa, that's more specific. I thought we were working in the world of metaphors, but now it's implied he's Joe Biden. He's secret Joe Biden.

He's Joe Biden, but he thinks no one knows who he is. By the way, great screen name, Secret Joe Biden. I can't win these fistfights. I'm a God. a golden guy he says why does every job on earth want to fire me after one second of working that's so funny this is joe biden this is joe biden that's about him rubbing it i didn't know he was losing wait he's always challenging someone said why don't most got biden supporters why don't most biden supporters don't know they're hated and he responded i'm a god

i think it's joe biden solo sexual solo sexual that's cool as hell we found him wow cool i mean that's i like him a little more now that i know he's yeah he's a quora guy so you're losing fistfights because you're 82 years old thank you for writing yeah yeah that's why because you fall down when you get up initially you can't stand up. Your bones are made of raisins. Yeah. Okay. All the answers here are just like, you're actually

not a god, so you're wrong about that. Actually, god is god, so... Unless you were him, which I don't think you are, because he would win a fight. He wins all of his fist fights. Yeah. God could beat your ass. He created the sea and won the knockout game.

This guy, Avidar, says, being a god, which I doubt you are, i highly doubt that i don't believe you although who knows i gotta i just realized i gotta send an important text oh yeah sure feel free do it i'm not gonna stop you i'm gonna keep talking about this guy who's secretly joe biden uh possible pause we absolutely do not have to pause i mean there's so many more good quora answers okay um beverly morris says hi solo sexual gods don't fight you should have a spiritual aspect of life love all people and you'll be loved in return gods do fight gods do historically all gods fight yeah

that's like the big thing hercules hercules hercules secret son secret zeus son sexual solo solo sexual um possibly your godliness has an aspect that isn't any use in a scuffle that's what i was also if you're a god of say fridge compressors that won't help any in a fistfight. Looks like someone works on fridge compressors. What a weird poll. Spot the fridge compressor operator. Did you

read American Gods? I like this answer real quick. Joshua Robinson says because you're a pussy that won't shut the fuck up. That was better than whatever I was going to say. That's for real. That kind of puts a nail in the coffin right there. Gunshot noise a few seconds

later. um one guy says uh have you ever heard the old english saying you are a tosser okay pretty good shantala shantala says sword fight wins i agree with that cool okay so i think we covered this one what were you saying about american god no i don't want to talk about it anymore the lovely book i don't want to talk about all the books i've read we get it i'm reading them okay should Flip of the page. Should we read another question? Yeah, flip the page to the next question.

I'm almost done with my text. I wonder what it's about. Is it good? It's really not that important. Okay, all right. Just something I forgot to do. This question is, are the genitals and sexual openings of the ladies

on the show Naked and Afraid clearly visible to other male teammates? If so, how do they cope with it? So what I like about this question... I've never seen the show. What I like about this question is it's asked by someone who sounds like

they watch the show but also they don't know what happens in it. Right. I mean, first of all, they are afraid. So they're not coping well

in general. No, no. They're not just naked. They're afraid. I had, and I hate to say this as a sentence, an extended stand-up comedy joke

about Naked and Afraid five years ago. But the whole thing is for the fucking show. You know what? We have time. No, I'm not. The point is for the show,

they start the show and they're like, first of all, how's this crowd doing? date night what are we looking at we got milo here got milo in the corner what sleeping come on you don't don't do crowd work okay he's got one lung i hear someone who's got one lung audience member with one lung if you interrupt you have to leave you have to learn valuable lesson from audience member with

one lung um they start the show and they're paired up and they're like a little bit horny and then the elements take their toll on them almost immediately and like that is blasted out of them like they don't say that into the camera but it's like they're both like oh i wonder how we'll do in the woods and then they're like oh i ate a mushroom that has poisoned me and now i've been throwing up for two days are these like good people who know how to be in the woods no uh well usually what they'll do is they'll pair one person up who's like a navy seal with like a lady who thinks she's a witch and then um they'll both get sick great and that's the show maybe i should watch that it's good alone is better i love alone alone is way better clothes

in that show naked and afraid it's kind of fake because they have like the tv crew around them pretty much the whole time and they're like eating yeah granola bars it's like way more of a tv show Alone is really an insurance nightmare situation. For real. I don't know how they get away with it. They keep getting away with it. Insurance. Has anybody been eaten by a bear on Alone?

Not yet, but this season there are a lot of bears. Because they've had run-ins before where I'm like, if someone died, would you tell me? Would you just like not air it? I think it wouldn't be like a grizzly man situation where we're kind of hearing them get eaten. They first show the tape to Werner Herzog. No one should ever watch this season.

I don't want to be alone. What do you like, Sage? It's pretty good. Really interesting stuff. It's good content. So this person is worried about the women's holes being seen. Or they're just like, if my holes were being seen, I would be worried kind of thing.

If you're caught in 4K. Of the ladies. I feel like then they just have never seen a hole. That does sound like it. The hole they're talking about. The question is, how do they cope with it? And the way they cope with it is by getting very hungry and cold. And then they don't care anymore.

And then they're not thinking about it. All of that blood that could go down there is redirected somewhere else. Yeah. Unless they think, I feel like, can you get stuff up the hall, like bugs? Oh, you can get bugs. You can get a pussy tarantula. You can get a pussy tarantula. And then you'd have to go up the elevator.

You'd get dick worms, too. Oh, no. You'd get to go up the elevator. Yeah, kind of Lucifer's trick to twist God's plan. That's what it says before it does it. The spider? Service elevator. up next stop infection some of these answers are very weird first of all the answers are like well

because adults who are mature don't care if they're naked it's not a big deal to them but i do feel like part of the show is like it's kind of crazy they're naked right yeah i bet you're watching now huh yeah they should care that they're naked um they're afraid it's quite exciting they're so scared uh then there's this one very weird answer from sean crowell who says the sexual openings you're referring to are technically called nostrils shut the fuck up and most men have acclimated themselves to prevent any unwanted erections from the sight of them you know what we're talking about sean crowell shut up i hate you so much crowell we're not selling led we're not buying led lights sean crowell who works at led lighting i'm gonna say shut up sean yeah get

him you know that's not what he's asking don't do it all caps he'll think we're cringe i'm gonna say you know that's not what the question was get him jeremy sean and i put a sean in there again so he knows that we're pissed okay yeah can you be like um there's is there any negative uh consequence that could happen from disrespecting um he could come to your house and kill you oh my house isn't on there though yeah but he could listen to the podcast figure it out pretty easily i have a lot of fake things. Do you have a VPN? Not up. You guys don't have VPNs?

This guy lives in Dallas, though. I do not have a VPN. I gotta get a VPN. I go to other countries that use a VPN so I can watch domestic Netflix. You're not watching. You gotta watch British Netflix. That's pretty great. I'm scared of what's going on over there. So Sean

is selling LED lighting plan design sales. Sorry, yeah. I'm sorry to interrupt to leave the Sean stuff. My favorite thing about sean is it says he studied strategy parentheses college major at critical thinking yeah and he's in this he's a contributor to the space trump is a criminal sean and i sound like we are two cuts of the same cloth it really does i've met my match today well you just told me to shut up and i posted your address underneath it he did it he didn't do that folks he didn't do that he's

lying um this guy andy says clearly visible and exciting so that's why the males fuck each other during competition i don't think that's true that's never happened once andy andy's bio says been masturbating since before you were born oh i'd like to see the receipts he says i could see that i mean there's a lot of blurred out photos i'm not going to click oh awesome the one the last question he's answered is why is the scrotal sack always cool wait has anyone actually had sex on naked and afraid i don't think so because they know there's a fucking film crew yeah but why are they on the show in the first place they want to be they're on a modeling career oh yeah and the they want to be an rei in all of the pictures that'd be so awesome to be an rei model you can

wear so many sweaters and hold so many shovels and so forth. REI rocks. They're a co-op. I love to go there. Me too. What a cool place. Do you ever sit in the tents? Do you ever just sit in those? In the tents in REI? Do they have tents? Answer my question.

Sorry, I was reading Andy Collins' bio about jacking off and I forgot to answer. Alright, read Andy's bio and then we're going to move on. It's not that great. He says, I love sex. I also love to masturbate I love to watch people having sex

and love to be watched know how you feel I've already been there but if you're going to send me a message at least fill out your bio I realize you can write whatever you want

people to see but at least I can pretend you are what you and who what and who you say you are and every one of those sentences has an exclamation point alright man

come on we're done with this and then all of his questions are like oh I don't know if I should read these read it read one

I'll read two of them one of them is why is it so hard to find someone willing to have sex with me and the other one is my wife died of lung cancer and I'm not doing good.

What can I do? What a dark turn. Wait, what's their... And then he says, I just got these ball stretchers. What's his username? His name is Andy Collins. It's just his real name.

I feel like I have to cut it now because it's really sad. No, we're keeping it. Well, that's... I mean, his wife dies and now he's like figuring out that he likes ball stretchers. Yeah.

It's good to discover things. Opened up a whole new world. Balls are so tight all the time. He knows about sex and he knows about penises. According to his bio. So if anyone is interested in Andy, hit him up. It's a recurring thing on this website where I feel like I'm oversharing someone's profile,

but they are highlighting that they know about penises as the first thing on their profile. Yeah. Not in a disparaging way. Andy is looking for a cock that he can suck and then let fuck his ass. If anyone's out there, that's what he's looking for. It doesn't even seem like it's on the correct Quora community, I guess is what gets me. It's on his own Quora community that he created called Don't Take My Advice. All right.

Well, in Jeremy's house, Jeremy makes the rules, and in Andy's house, Andy makes the rules. It's season four. We got to move on to another question. Let's do our edible segment, Quora Gone Wild. Rawr! I'm sorry. I tried to replace the actual sound with me just saying rawr.

I didn't realize that was on the right board. This one has no answers on it, but it does have a thing that says there is help. you can contact a suicide hotline. The question is, how does it feel when you swallow a live eel? Probably slimy. How does it feel?

Why does Cora think that this person is trying to kill themselves? How does it feel when you swallow an eel? There is hope. Contact the police. You sound like the Riddler. how does it feel when you swallow an eel i don't know probably great um yeah probably like it's supposed to happen it probably fits really good in your stomach

uh tubes i don't know that it's supposed to happen well i don't know i'm saying it'll probably what if it slithers all the way down and then the cartoon inside you gotta hold it like a tail too Yeah, and then it goes through all your tubes. Yeah. Okay, very interesting addendum to this question. Jeremy has discovered it was written by Mark Vore. Yeah, I wasn't going to say it. Who's Mark Vore?

A guy named Mark who loves Vore. Vore is when you do sex of imagining being eaten or eating other things. Really? Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Oh, so this is a sex thing? It's a sex thing to swallow the eel.

Oh. Because I guess eels are phallic, but they're really just living their lives, you know? I don't want to reduce them to that. I always forget that there are people who like eating stuff as sexy, because I'm always only thinking of people putting shit up their butt. Yeah. Sure. The other side.

The other side. The other side of it. The thing about eating is you do it so much. We're all the same age. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We lost the camera, by the way. Oh, no. No.

That's okay. All right, so now we're back. Thank you, and we're sorry about the interruption. Mark Vore has a lot of interesting questions that I would like to read some more about. I want to hear more questions. Please. From Mark Vore.

Mark asks, when prey is swallowed whole, what can kill it once it is in the digestive tract? Prey. Probably all your organs, Mark. Good question. Yeah. Mark asks, would you die if you swallowed an eel? He actually didn't ask that.

He did not ask that. Robert Hershgeir asked that, and then Mark shared it and said, this really interesting question. Okay, so thank you for correcting me on that. That is true. He's sharing and liking it. Have you tried to swallow live prey?

How does it feel when you swallow live eel? That's what we're doing now. And then it seems like all he's done, but these are all pretty recent. Yeah, I can follow him. Yeah, share it to Mark Vore. We're his first follower. Nice.

Shouts out to Mark Vore. Mark Army, line up. Is your profile Quarriators? It's Alex Patak. Okay, great. So he'll know that it's Alex. It is a picture of me. Oh, boy.

People are catching on to my games. Yeah. Yeah, I think I should wear a suit or something for that. Eh, whatever. What I was going to say is in the filming of Old Boy, they had that guy eat a live squid. Yes. And they reshot the scene three times, and he's a vegan.

Yeah. And so he had to actually bite a squid to death three times, which is really upsetting. That's dangerous to eat a squid, isn't it? Or to eat an octopus. Yeah. To suck your shit out. Try to suck your shit.

Try to go down on you, bro. Try to get gay with you a little bit. You're trying to eat an octopus? You do get gay with you, kind of. An octopus can open a jar from the inside. I'd be worried about... Yeah, he's going to open your jar, bro. For real.

Yeah, I think that can happen. My new character, we're going to have a homophobic guy who doesn't like octopuses. He's going to open your jar, bro. He's going to go in there. You want him to open your jar? Probably go straight for your dick once he's in there. Once he's inside.

Sure, from the inside out. Yeah, go in from the inside out. He uses puzzle knowledge. He's going to make you cum him. This is an exciting new character. I like this character, and I'm excited to see his rise to fame. In a few years from now, we'll see him on SNL. There he is.

It's the famous character Homophobe who thinks you're eating a octopus. But he works at the zoo. Of course, of course. He has an exciting background. His father was a marine biologist. And here's Andy Samberg playing him. We brought him back. Very cool.

All right. Well, that's really good to say. at any point in this show well very cool guys I'm going to read another one of these answers

before I don't know another question we hear more about this character until we develop more of his backstory what state do you think he's from

Wyoming yeah Wyoming because he's saying why do they got to go down on you like that the octopuses I mean he has a dark past

yeah he likes oh we're still talking about the character or Vore no yeah this is Alex's character this is a character it's unrelated to Mark 4

we're moving on Mark Forrest is a real guy. Here's a question. Could a human run as fast as a dog if they were to run on all four? Absolutely, yes. Is that? How do you know? How do I know?

They're even bigger. How could it not? They, being human beings, they're even bigger, and their arms are even longer, and so they could run even faster. Yeah, okay. Like, how fast do apes run? I don't know. You know when, like, Planet of the Apes, when they run on their knuckles?

They do also ride horses in that. Well, that's even faster than a dog. I mean, obviously... Well, it is. Obviously, the answer is no, right? But it would be very funny if some professional athlete figured out that actually he could run faster and then just was in the Olympics just fucking destroying everybody. I've seen girls run like a horse.

Well, there are people, yeah, online who look like weird rogan-y kind of guys who are like, actually, if you walk on all fours, you... Primitive strength. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get closer to the center of the earth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unlock your ancestor's power. Buy my leash that I sell.

Yeah. I'm interested to hear what the answers are on this, but I say yes, 100%. I say yes, someday. This guy says it's very easy to try and see. Okay. So he says- I don't think I could.

Serve and find out. What with all of us on our phones all the time hunched over. Soon we'll be touching the ground And that's how we'll have to walk Serve and find out It'll be like WALL-E It's pretty much what WALL-E was about Exactly

No one in the room has seen it I've seen WALL-E WALL-E It's so fun to do the voice Ben Bacon says No, obviously we run fastest on two legs There are only a relatively few dog breeds that can beat the fastest humans in a foot race.

That's not true. What about like a greyhound? Yeah, I feel like most dogs can beat me in a race, but maybe... Well, you're not the fastest human, but I'm... Well, I guess we have... You know what? That's a good point. We've... What is that? I can't think anymore.

A Usain Bolt? No. Eh, forget it. Okay. All I want to say is that dogs are very fast, and I respect them. I'm just saying that if we could unlock this potential, that it would alternate the running, the speed timeline. Yeah. Or I was going to say,

we evolved, animals evolved to be standing upright with two legs because we were, and that made us better at running away from vores or whatever. From Mark Vore. Who is going to come to Alex's house and shoot him. Yeah. A bear who tries

to eat us alive. Yeah. Wow. Wouldn't want to run into him in the woods. Me neither, pal. um dogs can run very fast um that's true that's my favorite part about them that's one of their best attributes yeah yeah i don't know i have so much respect for dogs yeah i really do i was looking at ben bacon's profile but it's not really that interesting oh i was trying to finish my thought here ben bacon so negative and so confident that i wanted to believe him but then he immediately said that thing about how dogs are less fast than people normal which i know to

not be true so i actually don't believe a fucking word he said he also is a contributor to snarkville oh okay here we go i've been there before snarkville yeah yeah let's just say i don't want to go back like we're there right now this podcast took a left turn to snark uh okay here's another question okay would you recommend a hamster for someone with autism sure yeah stim with the hamster yeah if you're holding the hamster you'll give it shaken hamster syndrome oh that's a really dangerous one it can break its hamster body but at the same time so here's the thing about hamsters is they require specific care it's not like a dog or a cat or something where you just kind of leave a bowl out like you have to go create a little terrarium for

it totally so i it depends on the severity of the autism um and if it's if it's like a fully functional person then yeah and recommend a hamster sure they'll love that they'll love to create to engineer designs yeah or like to make little tunnels yeah the tunnels i see why they're asking yeah it's like is it is it a good idea to give my friend with autism an engineering project yes yeah yeah that is alive yes but also if they die that's on your hands in the blood the hamster blood is on your hands yeah sure someone else says no i would recommend a cat i i think hamster is a good answer i just like having cats in general yeah um sue says uh by all means i'm autistic and hamsters are one of my special interests snapping for sue cool sue's picture

is sonic the hedgehog oh so she's more of a hedgehog yeah that's true she likes she likes sonic she's her bio says sonic the hedgehog is my quote thing yeah i love that that's awesome and i'm an android i wish i had a thing how do you go about shadow the hedgehog you can make shadow that's the it's like sonic but if you have to ask honey he's like black he has a gun he has a guy You can't be Sonic because that soothes things. Yeah, yeah. What about Tails?

Well, I feel like Tails is a very safe choice. Tails is like a lot of people's thing. Sure. If you're Tails, that's like kind of, and I don't know if this is out of line to say, but is liking Tails

too much pedophile coded? Honestly? Because Tails in the universe is like the only one who's like, I'm a boy. I'm a little, I'm underage. Yeah.

Who's the, not Dr. Robotnik. No, that's right. Is that right? Dr. Eggman. Yeah. Give him two names. It's confusing.

He's Hot Oh yes Sure yeah Hotty Do you like when he's Jim Carrey Or otherwise Otherwise

Sure He's like really big And has really tiny legs Yeah Jim Carrey's like Chewing the furniture In that movie He's like

He leaves He spares no expense At becoming Dr. Eggman He's like Put the whole thing On his back I think he's on Quarriators probably

Jim Carrey Or not on Quarriators On Quarriators Oh we've done so many With Jim I would be I think I would know If Jim Carrey was on

Quarriators He's probably on Quora all the time. I would hope so. He left Twitter after he was fighting so much with Mussolini's granddaughter. Wait, what? I didn't know that. Pro or anti?

This is a famous Twitter moment. It's like 2018, 2019. He posted a thing that was like, if you want to know where fascism leads, ask Benito Mussolini and his girlfriend, and then a picture of their corpses hanging upside down from the streetlight, and then Benito Mussolini's granddaughter,

who was on Twitter and is an Italian politician said, you are a bastard! Nice. Which is a very funny social dynamic to have. I used to think you were smoking! That's really funny. He's a green son of a bitch. Well, anyway, shout out to Sue.

Shout out to Sue. Sonic's her thing. You rock. Claire's into Shadow, though. Yeah, I guess I'm into Shadow. Oh, no, Dr. Eggman. you're gonna talk to egg man chaos control right yeah right that's shatter oh i don't know i think chaos control that's what he says you get the emeralds yeah he's bad he's like an evil sonic made in the lab not to be confused with metal sonic who is also an evil sonic made in the lab I didn't know there were multiple Sonics.

We've backed in ass first to Sonic lore again. Let's do core romance. Please. Sorry, they're both pink buttons. I'm getting labels. The labels are... All of you complained too much, and now I'm getting labels.

Nobody else. Do you look for love? This question is, I feel that most men are secretly gay, but due to society, can't accept or admit it. Am I wrong? Are they wrong? Most? Most.

Secretly gay. Secretly gay. I think everyone's a little gay. Is it a secret? Is it the best kept Disney secret? It might be. I don't know. You guys are the guys.

Is that Mickey's getting down like that? Alex did start one of our episodes one time by saying that it was a secretly gay podcast. That was a bonus episode. I don't really know what that means. I didn't know at the time. It's fine to pay while you got to pay for that. That is true. I think most like Bible thumping evangelical men are in the closet.

If you are very vocally anti-gay, that's a sign that you may be repressing your homosexuality. 100%. 100%. So in that case, how many people out of all of them is that? Probably 5%. Yeah, no, it's most. Very strong Christian men? 75%.

No, I know the secretly gay part. I'm testing the hypothesis, Jeremy, please. So that isn't enough to single-handedly sweep the demographic. But I think that everybody, if we could move to Bonobo society, where, like, you jack off people for, like, money. This is what happens in Bonobo Society? Like, the monkeys? Not the clothing store?

No, not... Well, they jack each other off, and then they shake hands. Yeah, and then they shake hands with it, and they're like, oh, you're kind of sticky with it. You ever buy a shirt at Bonobo's? See how they want you to pay.

See how they want you to pay when you get a new pair of chinos, pal. You got to jack me off. yeah so these are good pants how do you want to pay for them how do you want to pay for them I'm just going to recline here what was the beginning of this

this anecdote I don't remember okay but yeah they're gay as the day is long the monkeys no what or the people

people are men the people are gay men are secretly gay yes most of them men are secretly gay most men are secretly gay

I mean how could they resist one answer here just says yes well that says yes i am i wrong is the question yes oh do we think that it's like sexuality is like gender and like the way where it's like quote unquote 50 50 or it's like half of the world is the riddler's coin yeah or two faces coin rather half of the world is gay the world is straight and then there's like the middle i've never heard this well you know like half his heads half his tails right i guess when when they when someone's like how many men are in the world how many women are in the world it's like right implied that it's like close to sure yeah that one i'm on board with yeah do you do you think that that it's like that was

would be gay as well yeah i mean that doesn't i don't know why that would so we know that sex is determined by the the x and y chromosome right this would be the gay chromosome which i think a lot of like christian scientists have been looking for really that's i think most people are queer a little bit right i'm on board yeah so no yeah so yes and am i wrong no you're on to something it's the it's two faces coin my friend flip it It's two faces. People are very upset about this. Somebody says start with the studies,

which I, without reading any of the rest of their answer, 100%. I feel like if you're a guy and someone's like, do you think most men are secretly gay? No, I'm not. That's just, the answer is yes. Actually, you can prove that you're actually not by going, actually, we all are.

And I'm the first one who admits it. You know how I know you're gay? This guy Troy says. Ask a question, Alcora. That's so true. Gay men are just guys is one of the answers. Where is it? Wait, really?

Gay men are just guys. Wow. This is from Brian Quimby? No, it's not. Troy Hammond says, a lot of us are bi, but you are right. Society makes it hard. And then his bio or his qualification says, been there and done it. All right.

I believe it. So he kind of served and found out. He did. Yes. All right. I think we've talked enough about that question now that we got to the whole bonobos aspect. You kind of made me think of that octopus guy.

All right. Let's hear him. Let's hear him. No, not now. All right. I forgot his whole thing. He's homophobic to octopuses. He thinks they're going to suck him off.

But he works it. I know that does. Keep that beak away from me. Ha ha. All right. This question is What's it like being a really tall man To the point where a woman can give you head

While standing up Probably awesome Yeah it's probably so cool This one does not have any questions This is just for us to figure out So really tall This was asked by Jason Oh from the movies?

Just Jason He has asked 1.8 thousand questions On Quora He has asked 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 questions in the last hour. I drowned in a lake. Is that all right? Jason Voorhees.

My mom is weird. What's up with that? What is the question? What is it like to be so tall that you get heads standing up? So first of all, you could just get really short ladies because ladies come in like little mini sizes sometimes. So you could just be like pretty tall. It's like Reese's Pieces.

If you're, if you're, if it's like, it's pretty much like Reese's Pieces. I wanted to just affirm what Claire said really quick. And if it's like a standard height lady, you gotta be like seven feet tall. And that seems really cool. Seven feet tall. If you got like a four foot lady. Yeah. Wait, five foot lady?

Where's your wiener if you're seven feet tall? If it's, it's in the middle. I mean, ideally. Now I'm second guessing everything. Seven feet might not be tall enough. You might need to be eight feet tall. You have to be eight feet. Okay, eight feet tall.

But you have to have a little lady. Sure. You're not going to live as long. Your mouth isn't at the top of your body. But it's a good life. Yeah. Your mouth is only, it's like eight inches lower than the top of your body. Right?

So you could be around five feet. There's a little bit of room. Wait, who's the tallest guy in world? Ask Cora. In world. That should be our question at the end. Okay, yeah. I can look it up, though.

Who's a basketball player who's eight feet tall? The tallest man alive is Sultan Kosen, who's eight foot two. Yo. Oh, so we could just ask him directly. Yeah. And I think it was him with a baby in that picture. That would be so rude to find this man and be like, Sultan, we got a question for you.

Do you ever get his slurp standing up, dog? I got a question for you. Would you have the aquarium up and all the octopus would look at you, right? It probably would suck to be that tall and you're standing up. Yeah, no. Yeah, no, that would suck. You're one Rubik's Cube they want to solve with their beak. You know what I'm talking about?

Do octopuses solve Rubik's Cubes? They're really smart. They do. They solve Rubik's Cubes. I didn't know they saw color. They can solve Rubik's Cubes, so I think so. Where are you getting this information? I've seen it.

I've seen it. This isn't made up. It was in a tank. They like drop them puzzles and shit. And they're like, yeah, child's play. I'm imagining Alex at a zoo just being like, Oh no My Sudoku booklet

I looked left and right And then the octopus is just like Oh and I guess they also know who's gonna win the world cup That's for sure They know all kinds of shit And that's what makes them curious for a taste Anyway we all agree it'd be awesome to be so tall Yeah

I think we agree There's nothing that can go wrong There's nothing that can go wrong. You can't sit at many restaurants in Japan where they have you sit on the floor because you won't fit under the table. That's right. There is one answer here. William Mitchell says, I remember when Mary Lou Retton was introduced at a Lakers game. One smartass said the players were nuts over her.

Okay. Oh, that's kind of funny. It's an answer that needs improvement for sure. I didn't realize we were in Snarkville. Serve and find out. This guy lives in Reno, Nevada. It's a former Marine in 747 capped in Servant Findout.

That's what it says? Not the Servant Findout part. It says former Marine. Yeah, but he's the one who's asking 10 questions a day. No, he's the one who answered the thing about the smart-ass players. He took us to Snarkville. No, Jason was the one.

He drove us in his 747 to Snarkville. Let's see if he's asked a new question since we started. No. But he did ask one five minutes ago. Why is it hard to make friends when you need to be right all the time? It always gets sadder It really does Well Why is that hard to make friends

When you always have to be right all the time Well you answered your own fucking question That's right Jason Do you want to do one more question Alex I want to do the one in Quinsletown We haven't done Quinsletown in forever It's Quinsletown

Today's Hollywood And media segment We're finding out what's on the silver screen live at Jeremy's house. Quora's biggest stars. What actor is a, quote, Yowza times 1,000? I think I got to go with Dr. Eggman. Well, that's my first thought. I keep saying Dr. Eggman.

What do you guys think? Blair, I got your hall pass here to the drawing of Dr. Eggman. Yowza. He's kidnapping all the animals. He appears to be in a mech. He's an inventor. Yeah. Yeah, he's got cool glasses.

He's a powerful man, and I understand the interaction. He's a good guy. Yowza times 1,000. The one answer on here is Gary Cooper. Yeah, probably the most first thing I think of. Gary Cooper. I would think, like, Rock Hudson if we're talking old timey. Yeah, we are, certainly.

This is from Joanne Wall or Joan Wall, concerned grandma. She has 28,000 followers. You know when you ever had a feeling when someone is named Joan Wall and you're like, oh, yeah, you're a grandma. That's just like just by name alone. It's problematic, but I didn't say it. How are you never not a grandma? That's right. She's asked 9.2 thousand questions on Quora.

Here on Quorators, Jones get the wall. Who's Yowza? I can't even think of one actor who's Yowza times 1,000. What about Timothy Chalamet? He's like a little mouse. He had sex with that peach. Yeah, he had sex with the peach. I think there's a lot of concern that Sidney Sweeney was a Yowza times 1,000,

but she doesn't deserve it, his modern discourse. She doesn't deserve it. I think she deserves it. Well, this is the discourse, isn't it? Was this on Twitter? I don't want to get political here, but she deserved it. She wants to restore to an old car by herself. Really?

That's really cool. Wow. I've never done that. Wow. Well, you know what? She's yowza times 1,000. Yeah, with her big naturals. My fucking tongue is turning into a carpet over here.

If I had a freaking floppers like that, no way am I getting near an engine. You're just asking for trouble. Wasn't it just women just being like, my boobs are bigger than hers? Wasn't that what it was? I think there was a thing about, like, I think because her boobs are so big, she must be Republican, but then she was in a movie called, like, The Church is Bad, and they're like, now I don't know what to think. That's fair. I would make the same assumption. I think, let boobs be back.

Boobs should be awesome. Boobs are so back. Boobs are back. They're where it all started. Pedro Pascal. Pedro Pascal. Yowza times 1,000? Yeah.

The Handsome Man? 1,000. I didn't say times 1,000. It's just so many yowzas, really. If you saw them all written out, I'm not sure we could really throw anyone up there. That's fair. Yeah. Jessica Rabbit.

Sure. Pedro Pacino. One of my favorite actors, Jessica Rabbit. Who else? Who else? Gary Cooper. Gary Cooper. I don't think I've seen a single movie he's in, but he seems great.

What about you, Jeremy? You're somewhat of a cinemaphile. Yeah. For me, I just like to fuck those movies. Woo. Well, that's got to be it for us today. Thanks for tuning in to season four It's Jeremy's house

We're going to ask a question here On the way out We just had one like 30 seconds ago What was it? The tallest man Who's the tallest man in the world? But there's got to be We can come up with a better question

Yeah, okay Who is the Who Is The Tallest Who's the tallest? Who is the tallest?

Who's the tallest? What video game character is Yowza times 1,000? That's a good question Yours was better than mine I regret what I was saying What does Snorlax feel like when you swallow? That's way better What does Snorlax feel like?

Do your legs ever get as shit-sucked standing up? When you swallow him. That's great. Well, that's going to be it for Quarriors this week. Claire, thanks for coming on the old pod. Thanks for having me on the old pod. It's wonderful having you back. Where can our listeners find you at home and abroad?

ClaireO'Kane.com. Claire is O'Kane on Instagram. See if Claire is coming to your city to kill. if you want more of our show every thursday we have it we have more of it on patreon.com slash core raiders and you should go there and you should support the show because uh we need it to live cool and uh oh did we plug the live show at the beginning nope we're having a live show august 24th oh cool caveat bar and grill and lounge in manhattan the number one powerpoint comedy destination i'll see you there jokes that make you think ticket in bio and crazy pussy in

bio okay i've turned this off