Quorators - Food War w/ Dan Rosen

Episode Date: September 29, 2025

Comedians Clare O'Kane, Alex Ptak, and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: Has anyone ever made a gun out of a sandwich? Why do I have the urge to drink blood? Would you divorce your spouse if they showed up one minute and forty-five seconds late to your anniversary dinner? --- Check out Dan's podcast Middlebrow Get even more Quorators when you support the show @ patreon.com/quorators Send quoras and qommunicate on our discord discord.gg/7pPYuKuYCr Watch the show @ youtube.com/@quorators

Have we introduced the show yet? We're recording. We're still behind the curtain. Yeah, don't worry. Waiting to go out on the big stage. Mark Maron, we're going to be 20 minutes in. Yeah. The first 20 minutes is Alex just talking about his issues he has.

I was at the store the other day. I love my wife so fucking much. Yeah, your wife got you, Mark Maron. The opposite of Mark Maron, really. I love my wife. The stability is great. I don't go out. it's monday start of the work week i hope you brought your lunch pail because we're back to

the content minds here on the Quarriors Podcast America's premier Quora-based podcast. Hello. How's it going? I am well. I feel like we're one of the best ones of all the Quora-based podcasts. We're one of the top ones. Are there many? I'd hope not. There are legion. I haven't looked into it, but

I assume there's got to be at least a few that are out there and better than ours. How many do Am I the Asshole? I feel like that's... Oh, yeah. That's the big thing. It's never been touched. One million people have been Am I the Asshole. People don't dare. uh we do we do that one a little bit behind the paywall where we go on it's just when you're naughty yeah exactly we have to discern who the asshole is yeah we don't want you know

getting out in the public like you know if we're the asshole or like if we agree with them it is funny though that everybody came up with that idea they're like oh someone already made a bunch of stuff for us i'll just read that that is the best idea is to figure out what other people have done yeah and then just repeat it out loud yeah different and just be famous already yeah that's why subway takes is so good because he doesn't do anything yeah well he gets their take he gets whatever the people do takes right sure he geniusly figured out how to just have other people the people with the takes that are interesting yes is that how you felt when you're just on it i was just a week ago i like him i like him he's a nice guy and he's personable

and so he's like good at responding but it is it is a genius format in which every day he posts other people's like stand-up genius stand-up that they've been thinking about and asking their whole friends about what should be my subway take to for maximum virality yeah um and then he just uh well you know what he added to the equation is a hundred percent agreeing or disagreeing that's true because many other interviewers they're not willing to take take the percentage that afraid they're scared and they're cowards hello everyone it's quaraders we're back again public transit friendly reminder to the show if you are a listener every week please support us on patreon patreon.com slash quaraders we are supported by listeners like you much like sesame street and we

are the same as sesame street please play this show for children we're three years into the show and alex came up to me recently and he said we should plug the patreon yeah i thought we should do that he's even listening to popular podcasts and you're like that's what they do yeah i listen tell people to give them money and then they do i listened to call her daddy and i was like what are we doing too much integrity yeah uh no i don't um well folks uh it's another week in our continuing war series of course this is season six of quarators quarators cyber era um what button is this cyber era uh every week a new war where will the battles be raged you asked well we'll have to

ask our guest of the uh emerging new podcast now one year old middle brow podcast please welcome to the to the quarators show dan rosen hello dan hi thanks for having me it's a pleasure to have you i didn't know people actually read quora yeah they don't mostly for content okay it's it's just it's you guys writing fake questions for yourself well there's perverts too my cat is fully that could be you as well i never thought to do that to what make up fake questions to talk about on our podcast yeah well i think the main thing is we just don't need to do it because it's full of insane thing people are just naturally true what would you have to do more stuff what would you put claire if you could put a question for us to discuss why alex patak talk like that oh no you

wouldn't no one would answer it because they don't agree with uh with your assessment yeah i feel i feel like generating extra crazy quora questions is a lot like bringing your own dog to the dog show the show's full of dogs what are you adding you're adding some extra walks to the trip it's redundant and that's a that's an example i think we can all relate to now dan your show comes from a uh a point of view of culture and analysis is this correct yeah yeah terry gross i'm gonna get you to commit admit to a crime yes my podcast you're really making it enticing for the listeners yes well it's once they hop on your patreon come on over for some culture and analysis yeah you're gonna be hungry to check

out the latest restaurants and fine dining in new york there's a selfish reason which is that alex is trying to thread a theme into our show oh okay okay i see he's sorry this is a trojan horse on that i'm unaware you think it's for you but it's for him so you can look at all the work i've done just let me do this no unleash your trojan i made a powerpoint for you so sweet and what what's the random topic we're doing this week alex uh the this week's topic is of course food wars now for the last month or so we've been doing different kinds of wars every week uh because we've been enjoying making a theme out of all the questions that we're going to on quora um so i picked i wanted to do food questions and i thought food wars would be a good

choice jeremy has pointed out to me that food wars is not an expression it's just the name of a horny anime i've seen yeah and so it might not be the same buzzword appeal but um i still think it's good is it horny it's extremely horny the premise is they cook food and it's so good it make you come and i recommended it because it's very funny it's like the premise is silly and it's like a lot of cooking um i recommended it to a friend of mine who like doesn't watch anime and it's just like my friend does watch a lot of porn yeah well he watches a lot of porn so i was like you'll like this and then i sent it to him and he's like i i forgot he's like not one of my comedy friends and he was like you're a real sicko you know he was like offended why would

you send this to me these are these are children or whatever it was like it was children coming well well it's japan it's japan they're ambiguously like many ages though and the pilot i believe uh the teen boy chef makes an a sexy fbi agent come sure with his chicken souffle i just imagine you watching this like on the bus no headphones no headphones it's a one of the premier places to watch it because you can get in the most content that way there's around 120 episodes. Nice. Season three is World War II with food, but I digress. It takes place during World War II?

No, but they add like food Nazis who are like, we're evil. We're closed minded about food recipes. It's not like sauerkraut versus hamburgers or anything like that. It's the soup Nazi. Oh yeah, there you go. They do every kind of food. It's mostly Nazis because it all

takes place on like a train. It's confusing. Is there a train where you just come from eating? No, you just eat it and it's so yummy that you go like oh you're not literally coming well i mean sometimes they're like clothes fly off all right fair enough i don't know i didn't make the show the point is this week's is the food war that's the war uh every week on quora we go to a space on quora which is like a subreddit so this is our space of the week that we found hit the button

space of the week is that your voice in space of the week it sure is we were able to book alex for that yeah very lucky it's very expensive um this is holiday yum yum art which is a space on quora for i don't know what post things you made during the holiday season it's not a big space i will admit uh had a hard time finding a fun food space uh there's two contributors and 136 followers numbers are kind of uh deflated on quora it's not like uh instagram or tiktok where you're used to accounts with millions like there's a lot of thousands but uh two contributors is did you look at captain's italian food sickos i have not who's captain i don't know a space to talk about

italian cuisine with an authentic italian guy that sounds good too that's way cooler hold on that looks authentic that looks like from a nora efron movie yeah it's a beautiful it's like moonstruck but just under the table sun i i want to finish the last thing that we were putting out in holiday yum yum art which is the top looks like it's like asparagus the only post on the top these are pretzels made these with my little sister it's uh pretzels but they're red and green and covered in sprinkles yeah i guess like they look like like fruity pebbles christmas yeah it's It's like a shit coming out of the Grinch's ass. It was a great first food blog post, I thought.

Oh, yeah. There's something weird about seeing somebody's, like, 300 view, like, childhood creations. Why does someone Quora instead of Reddit? Because they're sick in the head in some way. I don't know. They've been rejected by mods. Yeah. They're not allowed back there.

There's only, like, five posts on this ever. Hey, everyone. I decided to make this space to post your holiday art, and it can even be yummy. It's like yummy cookies. I'll vote for you. I'll vote. I love yummy food.

I want to see this captain guy. Okay. Our new space is Captain's Italian Food. Welcome aboard. It's the captain's ship. Ship our meeting, bros. What are the key arguments among Italian home chefs using bechamel versus ricotta and lasagna?

Look, it's not a political show. It's bechamel, Jeremy. I don't know shit about food Open the schools I want to eat Jeremy's Italian cuisine No I'm not a captain So I wouldn't know how to do it He wouldn't even know how to do it

Are you guys racist towards Italians Um I don't know I don't think so But you know we all have internalized Italian racism don't we I would agree with that I'm a quarter Italian and I see it every day One quarter of me is very offended all the time I have externalized Italian racism

Oh, yeah? When you see someone with a lot of pasta, do you cross the street? Yeah. Keep that silly-looking shit away from me. Cross the canal. Yeah, exactly. You always point right at him and go,

that should be bread. Too good for bread? All right, we got to try to find Captain. I'm looking at it. I don't know. There's no Alice Twain. It must be Alice Twain, who's the top contributor at the Space,

and it's a picture of an eyeball. Their bio says, eat shit. Millions of flies can't all be wrong. Yeah, and she has 50,000 followers on Quora. She's also followed by Nick's Shadowhawk, who is, of course, the head mod of the Forbidden Knowledge space. This is an entire space I've never delved into. Quora?

Yeah. What's your opinion of Quora? What do you know about it? What's it take? What's your Subway take? What's my take? 100% disagree. Bad website to disagree with it.

I don't know you like you like google something and sometimes you get a quora and then you click on it and then it's impossible to find the answer because they're like 50 ads yeah that's right and then I asked chat gpt that seems to be well if you're asking chat gpt you might as well stay on quora because it is mostly ai driven now oh okay good to the point where they're having the ai ask questions for you uh so that answer yeah so like you'll we'll find one that's like why are men always drunk driving we'll be like what a funny quora question we'll be like a fucking robot said this because they're trying to hunt us trying to learn our culture and hunt us so it's it's dealt with the quora and then we're free to live our lives actually yeah the ai it's covered

the madness for you yeah it it mines the quora for all of us while we can go about our normal activities and love and live and eat yeah more time to love if you can just have your questions answered here uh when we started the show quora had started um appearing on google a lot more and so it was coming up more frequently but uh the main thing for quora as opposed to like i don't know a wikipedia even or some other uh secondary source is that uh it's just whoever answering the questions if you're like can i put gunpowder in my cake it'll just be some guy who's like yeah why not and then the next answer will be like what a stupid question i don't know and that's like your options great so a good survey of humankind yeah that's a good example of like

what it is jeremy's looking at a picture of knives here these are alice twain's answers i feel like we just didn't do a good job of finding a good space and we should move on to questions i'm sorry everyone holiday yum yum art has failed you i mean i don't know do you want to judge these people's holiday art i do want to judge their holiday art okay what do you this sucks it's not bad enough for it's not good but it's not bad it's also like it just is it's not viral like it has three upvotes make this go viral like if someone made this for you and you knew them personally you you wouldn't like no you'd be impressed yeah youtube you know what to do find them and take them out can we see this woman's account sure see tiffany helio con

helio con that sounds like a villain from a verhoeven movie yeah she's constantly trying to fight robocop very interesting uh profile here so see tiffany helio con is active in the spaces trans people exclamation point so those cookies were trans i guess that's like the main thing and then hypersexuals rant 18 plus hypersexuals what so this seems like someone who's like mostly here to discuss trans issues but then also is 17 minus hypersexuals. They also have yummy treats as well. So this is just a,

this is hypersexual rant. This is a space for hypersexual people to rant. Yeah. Finally. The question's like, can we please see some lesbian sex? I don't think that's what hypersexuals want to do. They don't want to rant.

They want to come. Yeah. Enough questions. Is there a place for us to come? Click on how do you feel about condoms? There's five answers. Bad. I must know.

Hate them. She says I hate them. It feels like a hard paper bag going inside me, which hurts. You're not using the right kind of condom. It feels like a hard paper bag. You're probably using a paper condom. You're probably allergic to latex. I don't like them.

I don't like them. I can't stand wearing them. This is a great answer for why you don't like condoms. They interrupt nature's process of reproduction. I'm seeking pregnancy. That's true. Yeah. If you're trying to get pregnant, you do not want that.

That's why you come to Quora for the accurate. Why we come to Quora is because that person's full name is displayed right above it. That's from Cindy Love Sally, who's definitely AI. Cindy Love Sally from our farm in Florida. This is definitely 1 million percent an AI woman. She's trying to get pregnant. If this was AI, I'd be so erect. No, she's poor.

Studied at Bedroom Fantasy. Dan is very close with Cindy Love Sally, and I'd appreciate you showing her. She's married. She's a housewife at Jane's Sally family. Oh, she knows Uncle Daddy. She's mostly posting GIFs of women making out That's crazy

And all of her pictures are pornography How do you know? To me they're blurry That's fair, this could be anything This could be literally anything It just says succubus dream It could be Pretzel sticks covered in green shit For those listening, this is a very blurry image

Of a woman clearly being plowed It could be anyone Getting plowed in there that could be me when horny you failed the Rorschach test I see a horizon I see a boat

that would be very funny if we unboarded and it's just like a mountain I see my parents hugging again well my window's open I probably shouldn't click on this could be me when horny I love how open ended that is well should we do our food questions sure I like this question gosh where are the lesbians

frowny face how can i find a gay top in my town i've tried to get to get find one i have no idea where oh you gotta put up the bat signal baby sniffies baby it's sniffies is the rage what's sniffies it's the new grinder that's even faster oh even faster what does that mean was speed the problem we went from two-day delivery to 15 minutes oh wow i think oh yeah all the romance that barely existed in Grindr has now been disposed of and it's like, you come in me now. They've copied the Amazon

production model. They no longer let you pee in Grindr. Yeah, gay men do, they find new innovations in coming as quickly as possible in Stranger. It's like scientists during war. They're splitting the atom. If we don't plow them this way, someone else will.

This is where our best scientists are going. So either that or to like how to put Reese's in Oreos. It's like Oppenheimer in that village but it's just for gay guys to fuck each other. We should really leave the hypersexual space because it's unrelated, but I do really like that question. Which do you prefer,

dick or pussy? Why are you posting this stuff for? I'll never tell. I'm not going to read the answers. You'll have to find out. Space for the future. Save to favorites. Great, I'll save it. Sexual war.

What do you prefer, dick or pussy? I can't say. It will ruin me professionally. To have or to hold. I can't say. To have or to hold. To love or to lose. I like having a dick.

Yeah, I do. I like holding it as well. To eat. To eat, yeah. To eat or to need. Would you rather eat a dick or a pussy, actually? I guess as a heterosexual man, I'd have to go with pussy. Oh, you mean to eat his food.

Oh, like his real food. Oh, probably a dick, right? It's food wars. It's easier to cook. You could put it in like a sausage bun. Yeah, you can. Thanks, man. Is it gay to eat a dick?

Yeah, it is. In a survival situation, I think it's only a little... It's bisexual. No, it's gay. If you're in the forest and you have nothing to eat except for a cooked penis, you have to choose to die or accept that you are on the spectrum of sexuality.

If you take a breath every few bites to say pause... This sounds like a Dane Cook bit from a really long time ago. I don't know. He's still going, Claire. This is a new Dane Cook bit, ma'am. That's true. Do you think his comedy has progressed? I do wonder.

Jeremy's kind of doing a Dane Cook thing. The Sufi. I can't do it. Hit the button for Quiz Course. Yeah. Our politics segment. Let's start the show. Nope.

There's 40 sounds. No one could get it right. Okay. No one. What was your reaction to an Oregon man filing a lawsuit against Burger King after his offer for Meals for Life was revoked after he used it too much? I didn't know Burger King gave out Meals for Life. Well, apparently it was a big problem for them.

Yeah, well, you're going to lose a lot of money on that. There's no way around it. What was your reaction to it? I was like, what the hell? Well, I'm only reacting to this. I didn't react to the original announcement. I'm only reacting to the... I'm just hearing it now.

What's your reaction? What's your first time? I can't believe it. He was owed meals for life. This seems like a punishment. I would never order groceries again. Would you just order the parts? You just order tomato?

Yeah, I'd get like lettuce, heads of lettuce. All right, we have an answer from former drilling superintendent John Gardner who says... This is the only answer. The offer was freely made. The offer may have been a mistake, but if so, it was a mistake on Burger King's part. in a way there was an implied contract and the fellow was holding up his end of the contract I think his proposal is

fair and Burger King should accept it I'll vote for you John Gardner that's from six years ago you're a man of honor oh there's one more answer it's collapsed though I'm sickened by this Henry Fonda and 12 Angry Men just like it is just and true

this is also an answer by Dwayne Johnson which I believe is The Rock It's spelled like Dwayne Reed, though. Dwayne the Reed Johnson. All we have at home is Dwayne Johnson. We couldn't afford Dwayne the Rock Johnson. What I ordered, what I got.

He says, I'm sickened by this. They never should have had that as a prize. And let's be honest, how much were we talking? $20 a day? I feel the same way, Dwayne. Can you bring other people to Burger King with you? It doesn't say it's all you can eat. These legal statutes are often open-ended and it sounds like Burger King did not do

their due diligence for giving out an unlimited meals prize. Well, yeah, it's just meals for life though. It doesn't say how much it is per day, right? Yeah, it doesn't say your whole family eats the Burger King or like you can use the Burger King as like a local like a soup shelter for the town. They were hoping he'd die of diabetes before it would really start to hit their... They didn't even think about it. They're like, this will kill him.

He's going to die. rfk sees this he's like just fucking this is what's wrong with the world they just had beef tallow and the fries oh god um well i'm sickened by it and it's another life lost in the food war and uh dwayne the stone johnson that's a very cruel nickname to give him but he's off you know off-brand dwayne the rock johnson i see what you did he seems like a nice guy i'll follow him he He lives in Detroit. He's an ex-con, a recovering addict, and a realist. Cool.

He knows about Social Security. I bet he does. And cooking and substance abuse. He's been around the block. More like Dwayne the Crack Rock Johnson. That's really good. Did you hear what Dan did there? I heard that.

Did you hear how Dan kind of punched that up? No, that's good. I heard that. That was good. It's a writer's room in here. Write that one down on a note card, and we'll put it on the wall. I'm going to read another question. Okay.

Has anyone ever made a gun out of a sandwich? Killing spree. What does this mean? Has anyone ever made a gun out of a sandwich? What do you think it means? Can you get a sandwich to fire? Is that a thing? Do people make guns out of things?

Like it's a bong or something? Guns are kind of the bongs of military action I've found. The top answer is fantastic, which is gun in the sense of an artillery piece and sandwich in the sense of layered composite, yes. Sure. Which is a real... And then he links to a leather cannon.

A real weapon lover's delight. And then we can read all about the leather cannon here. It's a type of cannon. Check out the leather cannon if you have time, especially if you're driving. How can you make a gun out of a sandwich? I can't think of any examples, but your brain is... This is a riddle.

Sometimes are they riddles? Much of the time they are riddles. Most people on Quora are like half jacking off, half drunk, typing a question. The gun is the mother. I think you were right to go straight to bong because I know you can make bong out of apple, bong out of anything. Water bottle. Water bottle, can. Those can all be bong.

Why not be gun? Glass. I was still getting over whether a hot dog can be a sandwich. Sure. It seems to take that much further. Did that make it to Quora, do you think? Oh, yeah, definitely. Dude, hot dog sandwich?

They're definitely talking about hot dog sandwich. They're talking about Die Hard as a Christmas movie, probably like last year. Yeah, they kind of get these things in delay. These are the most Reddit questions. Yeah. They're just coming down the pipe from 10 years ago. If you put two pieces of bread over a ham bun...

When you 3D print something, can you use other materials besides a classic plastic? You can use soppressata. Could you use a bologna? Yeah, exactly. Sort of push it down into the machine Like when you're making a sausage I think you can

But then you'd have to continue being racist Against Italians, Claire That feels like an Italian thing to do It's a 3D printed gun using hands Using soppressata, yes, correct Everything I know is changing You have to now respect your husband Who is very Italian

Why not make my peach out of cold cuts? I like this rapper style that you're holding the microphone with to podcast. Thanks, dawg. I'm just getting loose with it. I'm really spitting when I podcast with us. You're the muscle moron of the podcast. My eyes are rolling back to my head

so I can be a scary rapper. Whoa. I can be like Hobson. Yeah. I'm pretty much the Hobson of podcasting. He's not rolling his eyes back. He has white contacts, yeah. Those are just kind of played out now.

Who's the MAGA guy? Forgeato Blow. You knew that too quickly. He came up earlier today for me. Is he the guy who had the song about how to lynch people? That was scary. He does scary stuff sometimes. That song was kind of a banger, though.

As far as songs teaching you step-by-step how to lynch people? I can't agree with that one, but I did think that the Kanye song where he just said Heil Hitler over and over again kind of got stuck in my head. Well, that's Kanye. All he does is make hits. He's kind of really good at music. He was the most famous musician for around seven years. I don't know if you remember. I kind of got a sleeper cell Nazi the whole time.

Every time I was, like, huffing something, and I'd be like, what is that? It was like, it's Heil Hitler. It's the Heil Hitler one. It's I gave my cousin head. But he did. But he did, and it's a beautiful song. It is beautiful. Should I find out who asked this question?

Sure. I bet some fucker. It was Yahoo questions. What does that mean? I don't know what that means. Yeah, I'll question everything. This is some kind of punk. This is Chelsea Manning.

This is Chelsea Manning's account. I thought Assange is free yeah I feel like well he's like in like France right I thought he's in I don't know he was in Ecuador for a long time he was in Ecuador in embassy oh right it is confusing in London

that's correct right well I'm glad we tackled that good delivery in London but is it good enough to live there forever definitely was annoying the people who ran the embassy oh Oh, absolutely.

In that situation, I'm going to be so annoying. He's just living permanently in an embassy. Yeah. They're definitely leaving his pee jars everywhere. I'm going full Jake Paul mode on the embassy staff every day until I am free. Someone's ringing my bell. Ignore them. Someone's knocking at the door.

Meow. Please move to the next question. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm done with Yahoo questions. Great. Fat people. I am fat myself, and I am curious if you like being fat. What's so good about being fat?

Who on the show has been a little fat before? I've been pretty fat. I've been a little fat. I'm gaining weight. I think what's good about it is you're such a jolly little fella. Because you get so many sweet treaties. You never have to put suntan lotion on most of your body. There you go.

There you go. Yeah, that's pretty good. Because that shirt's not coming off. Protection from an outer layer. so that could be nice um you get to be the big man someone's desperately trying to deliver a package to my apartment and i refuse to let them do it i wonder what you're getting i don't know could tell you jeremy you've never been the big man me i've been um the opposite i had to take medicine to eat more you've been wee man it's not medicine to eat more as a kid i did yeah

he had to take hgh i was like well i also did that that's unrelated oh it's unrelated you took The opposite of Ozempic. Yes. They were like, you don't have enough of whatever that juice is in your brain to make you hungry. He took Ozembic. And I'll tell you, being skinny sucked. You fly away like a leaf. Oh, no.

You need a rock to hold you down. People just pick you up and take you under their arm. You need Dwayne the Rock Johnson to hold you down. Exactly. Wouldn't that be nice? But very dangerous around Dwayne the Scissors Johnson. Who was ringing my door? Wow, they came to the door.

Closer and closer. This is so exciting. It's me. I'm asking Quora, what is Jeremy getting? Claire seems to know. Is it related to this truck outside? I wonder what it's like to deliver to a podcast. Perhaps it's a delivery truck.

Oh, what's that? It's YouTube with our plaque. You're getting an oven right now? Yeah. Right now you're getting an oven. Yeah. Do we need to stop? They'll just bring it in.

Great. Okay. This is exciting. I was hungry. It's the food episode. Can we begin to cook? Wait, Jeremy, what happened to your other oven? It broke.

Well, are you excited about this development? I am actually pretty excited about it because it's all pretty old. This is your chance to get fat. I mean, look, sometimes you're in the studio and somebody's got to bring an oven in. This game is too crazy Does this happen on Theo Vaughn as well? What's up? Does this happen on Theo Vaughn's podcast?

I think it happens a lot, actually Let's just say he's eating good They're moving stuff around Yeah, there's nothing coming in Only in New York, I say Only in New York Okay You know what's good about being fat?

Let's hear it That booty Thank you, Claire The delay on that is brutal Should we ask this delivery gentleman what he thinks about being fat? Yeah, about being fat. It feels like it would be rude. It's a bit of a gamble, to be sure.

Anyway, all that to say is that I was once very skinny, and it was not fun, and I needed to put a little more meat on the bones, as they say, which is why I'm getting a new oven. That's right. I like how fast the body positivity stuff for celebrities stopped the moment Ozempic came out. I know.

They're like, this was fake the whole time. I was fucking joking. Now that it's really easy to do. Nobody got it. Yeah. It was just cope the whole time. As soon as Jonah Hill could lose 150 pounds by pressing a button, he was like, this is stupid.

Yeah. I thought he did that by surfing. I don't actually love my body. It's so weird. He told me he was surfing. Oh, yeah. And he was bullying his girlfriend or whatever, right? Yeah, that's wrong.

Raise girlfriends up. Claire, have you run into Jonah Hill in LA since you moved there? Not since I moved, but I've met him before very briefly. and he like knew me somehow from that viceland show that i did and i was like wow that's crazy jonah hill knows who i am and on that show i wore a sweater that had um it was it was like a replica of a sweater that was on the cover of a de la soul album and then shortly after i ran into him and he said he's like I know who you are I saw a picture of him

in like the exact same sweater he bit your style I think he sort of bit my style that's why he surfs and bullies other women that's like your thing right? is he trying to be coy?

did he try to gaslight you? no but um no I'm just trying to think of something funny it's hard to take the time to find something funny in addition to a delay. It just makes it a little more brutal.

Alex can edit out the gap. Take as much time as you need. They're just talking about it. We need a fire response to that. It's so hard for me not to make a Holocaust joke. That's what I thought that many times.

It's just really suppressing it so much. We're staying positive here. We're going to fight. What else is there for oven? That's the only thing. I was trying, like there has to be something

other than... It's the only thing. Most meals. sticking her head in it. It's not funny, though. It's yummy. I need new and exciting ways to kill myself.

Oh, yeah, okay. Sylvia Plath style? Sylvia Plath style. Sure. I would like to read from Anonymous. I used to think she was burning herself

to death, but no, she's just inhaling the gas. Yeah, that would be crazy. Yeah. She was turning it on and just being like, all right,

let's see what happens. Yeah, she was screaming for like 20 hours. Well, I don't like Virginia Woolf just walked into a pond or whatever with stones. that seems great

you just take the stones out is that real is that really how she died that easily that's fake fake news

how did she die I don't know she's probably a zempic probably did too much of a zempic died they don't want you

to know about it so they just said she fell in a lake she read her book she's like this is boring I suck I thought

I thought the whole thing with women is that they don't have pockets shut up you're being too funny she was raising awareness

yeah she's kind of raising awareness against this like what will women do with pockets let's see yeah she's trying to take down big pocket probably die in a lake i'm going to now read the answers on why is it so good being fat from anonymous i love it so much but i also hate it here's how it started oh this is so long good okay when i was about seven years old i was really skinny almost like too skinny however i don't know what even happened but at the age of nine i started gaining weight rapidly i weighed 40 kilograms at the end of nine at about february and i remember i would eat so so much at parties i'd be always the one getting seconds that would sit and eat and eat and eat and then at the age of 10 to 11 i was

classified as overweight wow i weighed 58 kg i don't know how much that is and the age of 11 i think that is around how much kg i weighed at 11 but i was also pretty tall so i don't know what is kg to lb it's almost like half okay cool it's like a half and uh a bit sure what's a stone oh that'd be 20 pounds okay i ate too much i would begin to throw up every day all right that's it that is too much at the age of 12 my weight shot up to the sky to 86 kg in december i was really fat this was the time i entered secondary school and p i'd always be the one with a massive muffin top hanging out my shirt and i'd sweat so hard i wouldn't take part my way kept increasing every month i'm beginning to think my way is like a britishism or something you're right my way yeah

this is um everything about this is anglo-spotted anglo-spotted the button was over dan but he said my way or the highway you should know that it's important it is a highway uh the number that is So this is pretty long, and it's kind of just really brutal about how much this person eats too much. Yeah, it's supposed to be simple as that. But I do wonder how they... This is a 15-year-old. That French movie, Fat Girl? I have not seen this.

You guys are going to see this movie. What is it? Well, it's about a fat girl, and she is going through life, and she has a more attractive older sister. She's like 13, her sister's like 16, and very beautiful. Total dime piece. Getting all the attention of men and she's just very sad and French. This is kind of the flip side

to Netflix's Tall Girl. Yes. It's a spiritual prequel. But the movie Fat Girl has probably the most psychotic what the fuck ending of any movie I've ever seen in my life. Really? Is it 9-11? Yeah, it ends on 9-11. No, that's Remember Me.

She is a blimp. And she turns into a blimp in a couple of hours. is that you know what we could do with all this oxygen it's the eiffel tower no it's a crushing film about uh you know coming of age and in the body that you don't want her way to be it's a crushing film and not just for the chairs come on come on folks take it easy on me take it easy on me um okay just read the part where it says prose okay prose this is what we're interested in it's like a little cushion my belly i could play with it all day and never get bored and put stuff on

is like a helping hand. Great. You can eat anything you want. I will literally gain a stone and I won't even notice. Definitely 20 pounds. It's somewhat stone. It's endless.

I can't get rid of it, so it's like my sibling, really. I don't know what that means. I don't see that. It's like a Siamese twin that died. And I could use it as a table now. When I sit on anything, it feels like heaven.

My body sinks into the bed and it's so comfy. That sounds nice. That sounds pretty good. It keeps you warm. Even in the winter, you won't even need a coat or whatever. That is real. That's so real.

I mean, seals are all over that. When I was really, really skinny, it was a nightmare in the cold. Right. You needed so many hugs. Oh, interesting. So North Face with Ozempic is about to do real good business. Yeah. Follow the money.

Follow the money. Follow the money. Follow jackets. Who created Ozempic? It's North Face. Key Bono. And then the last one is you can eat anything anytime you want. All right.

Now cons. Cons. Showering is the worst. It takes a literal year to shower. it takes ages to scrub off the germs because everything because the fat is everywhere uh you can't look down all you see is your belly fat i could see that one wiping after the toilet takes 10 minutes there's so much fat i can't even see where i am wiping so this is after a certain critical point this isn't just like you're overweight this is like you are like almost

bedridden with that see where you can't find the asshole oh that's just like reddit what my body becomes like reddit am i the asshole there's gold does the poops kind of squeeze out so it it almost becomes very very thin like those those play-doh i see what you're saying but i think it just gets all over the cheeks i think that's why it takes so long is you have to like clear the yes like popper dell exactly exactly claire very italian way to put it your italian phobia coming out again you think their pasta is human feces taking shit to the shape of sicily i bet oh that's pretty good uh your belly is in the way shirts and clothes are difficult to cope with my school shirts are

about to explode my buttons cannot cope with this that's sad and then you're always hungry so those are some real cons but as a plus side um it's like a friend it is a plus oh i walked right into that one. Guilty. And then an ad for Tersepitide right below it. It's like a friend is the saddest thing

I've ever heard. This person also doesn't have friends. I do like that the people... Are they usually this sad? The chorus? The responses? 50-50.

That's what the question is, I guess. What do you even say to this traumatic... Some of these are positive. I thought there was one in here about how they love jiggling

or something. Was that movie The Whale any good? I haven't seen it. That looked sad. You watch it, Claire? No, I have not seen it, but I know that he floats up at the end. Whoa.

Kind of ironic. He floats up at the end? Like the ending of The Curse? I think the idea is like a whale. Yeah, basically, except he's a big fat guy. A lot to digest there. I like this answer. Love being fat.

Eating is my favorite thing. Belly and all the folds and the weight. 200 kilograms and counting. Just harder to fit it in all behind the wheel. That's a very car mode of you. And this guy's name is Tiny. Tiny, a truck mechanic. Kind of an ironic name.

Good for you, Tiny. And then this guy says, love the name, by the way. Nothing funnier than a massive human who has a nickname like Slin or Tiny. Pure irony. I didn't catch the subtle. It's a subtle irony. Now, that's from David. You have to squint.

Ironic nickname kind of thing, culture for any other type of person. It's only for big people or little people. It's like if you can't call a black person whitey, you don't do that. It wouldn't be right. Do you think that this guy, Davy Stoner, is sober? Oh, one of those funny, ironic nicknames? It's pure irony.

I couldn't tell you. It's pure irony. Wait, can we click on him? It's weird that that crying emoji, where it's not the normal one, it's the one turned to the side, rolling immediately reads as like Boomer. Oh, this guy's a philosopher.

I was going to say like... He's 31. Davy Stoner. Maybe it's just because I usually see it on Twitter. That's why he understood the irony, because he's a philosopher. If I see your face rolling to the side, I assume you're some kind of racist of some kind. One must believe. That's just wrong.

It's the dog whistle emoji? Yeah. What is he looking sideways for? Let's find another question. That guy looks like Hagrid, Davy Stoner. We've done a lot, but we're going to have to do some more due to maybe some deliveries we've received. I don't know what you could possibly be. Let's go to forbidden knowledge.

Are there deliveries in every podcast? Yeah, every week. It's the bit where they replace part of my kitchen. It's what people come for. The viewer online can kind of watch Jeremy's house transform with us. The one where we had to get a new couch during it was tough. It's also an HGTV show. At the same time.

We're going to do forbidden knowledge now. This is forbidden knowledge. Okay, here's a food question. Why do I have the urge to drink blood? Oh, no. Don't go see Dr. Acula. Uh-oh. You're probably like...

I have heard that one, and it's kind of a play on Dracula, as I understand it. Yes. He was really ahead of his time in that, because I feel like Dracula's really been back in vogue. Dracula? Yeah, he was invented sometime around the late 90s. We're all talking about him.

He was doing the whole late night scene. This Armie Hammer wrote this question. Yeah, he drinks blood. If you have the urge to drink blood, I'm assuming not necessarily immediately that you're a vampire, but more that you're some kind of goth teen. Sure. You may be anemic.

Right, yeah. You have some iron deficiency. The top answer is it sounds like you may be anemic. You need more iron in your diet. Instead of consuming blood. public safety announcement some people just like it though right i mean like what about people who drink piss that's sterile everything about that they don't need the iron who would just do it i've heard the drinking piss people use it to try to cure their autism oh really yeah do you know

the author tau lin no write this down he this is he's kind of amusing on he's one of the most well known like fiction authors i would say you'll see him at the strand and his twitter is absolutely insane as he's gone slowly into like the woo like anti medicinal big pharma thing right and he's he claims to have cured his autism

by micro dosing his urine that's so good micro dosing it yeah yeah so you just have a little bit yeah and then and that makes you more social just a drop it makes you less weird I just rub it on my wrists it's only your urine you think other people's

I don't know there's like that the Nathan For You episode where the guy talks about drinking his grandson's urine. Makes you strong or whatever. Let's keep it in the family. Yeah. That is the go-to for the people

like the billionaires who have blood injections usually have a blood boy who's related to them. Yeah, that's true. I'm going to try and find this exact. Is this something I made up? Oh, the guy who's drinking urine?

I think that people say with urine, I don't think this is true by the way, that it breaks down all the stuff you need and then you can drink it and it's nutrients or whatever. It's all love. Your body's creating for you a nectar that will cure you.

I had taken enough of this stuff. I don't know why it would cure my autism specifically. Yeah. It seems like it would make it harder to fit in certain situations. You're just drinking it and you're like,

suddenly you hate Gundam or whatever. I take that back. Taolin does have a quote. He was refuting claims. He said he cured my autism without drinking pee. Oh. So I guess these have been false rumors.

That's okay. You couldn't have been more wrong. I'm going to cut the part where you say this. Okay. And just the lies. I think the lies. We're going to make it a clip and we're going to be calling him out.

I've never had to deny drinking pee to cure my autism. So I would say where there's piss, there's fire. Read one of these answers, Alex. Angela Kaiser says, if I go too long without red meat, I will crave it ravenously.

She means blood. You must pay attention to the signals your body is sending you. However, if you are seriously getting the urge to drink a cup of straight blood, besides being a physical issue like iron deficiency, it may have some psychiatric issue. There are people addicted to eating

all sorts of strange non-foods. I would start by calling your doctor ASAP. Hello, doctor. I am addicted to blood. And I don't want it in me, in my veins. I want to eat it. I'm curious who asked this question, if they've asked other blood-related questions.

It's going to be like Vamp, the Vamp Lord. What were you saying, Alex? did you guys ever eat your uh scabs what eat my scabs i can't say i have claire i have a little bit and you're a little kid were you a scab eater they're overrated i'll say what the fuck uh we found the person okay and right after i said vamp lord we went to the top comment which was by vampire lord but we found the person who posted the question which is josh gray and he has uh it's like the white sonic it's silver the hedgehog it's silver the hedgehog Does children mean the world to me?

Violence or hitting of any kind shall be prohibited, even if I must do it with my own two hands. And that's a hedgehog saying that. And he knows about Yu-Gi-Oh! That's irony again. Yeah, there you go. There we have straight up irony. The two hands are going to stop, but they're against violence.

And it's a lot of questions about Naruto lore. And her and Claire eating her own scabs. Yes, back to that. Yeah, why are you doing that, Claire? I didn't say I ate my own scabs. Oh, okay. That is not what she said, but I have eaten scabs. Immaculate scab

eating. Someone ate the scabs. We're all trying to figure out who ate the scabs. I've eaten them just because they've fallen off of me and I've been like, I've got to get rid of this. I'll just put this on the floor. I was like, I'll eat it. Did you have a booger wall? No, I didn't have a booger wall because I'd eat them.

Nasty. I'm just trying to keep the area clean. Also, I was a fat kid. We were discussing. You put the boogers in your rolls. Did you like it? I was just trying to build them up. Did you like being fat? I love flavors.

I like this guy's question. Can addiction be a good thing in general? Huh. Why not? I guess if you're addicted to helping. You're addicted to helping others. To podcasting. These are really great questions, actually.

My podcast addiction is completely selfless. I'm moving on. We have more questions. Anglo Spotted. Why is British food so nasty? I'm an American who tried the fish and fries And they tasted like human flesh Why is that?

A lot of cannibal themed Back to back Questions Why is that that they taste like human flesh? If it's fish and fries Those are two foods that don't really taste like human flesh I wouldn't know You may be dying

You may be very sick I literally wouldn't know This whole thing is going to be full of people Kind of taking shots at them And kind of trying to bring them low Yeah, all the answers are like Why do you know what human flesh tastes like? yeah you're a real piece of work

I went to a British restaurant it was like a famously you know it was one that famously brought back British cuisine good for you and they had a dish called faggots and mash and I didn't know how to order it

I'll have gay people I'll have the F slur and mash F slur and mash it seems like a prank to do on people They know that it's not a nice thing. They enter you into a blackmail ring. What was the actual meal?

It's like a type of meatball. There's got to be a better name for this. It's like awful. Let's see what are faggots. Go ahead and Google that. Google just says it's stupid gay people. That's what Grok says. We're going to get to the bottom of this.

They're pretty good. I guess they're a little chewy. faggots are a traditional british meatball made from minced offal primarily pork liver and heart mixed with breadcrumbs onions and herbs like sage i kind of want to get the pickup but i'm also like not really interested enough to pursue this on the main computer what do you mean like i want to see what it looks like oh i want to look it up okay we'll do it and then we'll move on here because i i know this person's just being ignorant you know they're not enjoying the cultures that they're visiting uh it's a meatball dish yeah i mean it looks good it's like a meatball with a mashed

potato on it and peas i mean it's british right and it tasted normal dan said why a grody dick why how are they adding that to it spotted dick oh that's another thing yeah that they eat england's got the names wrong for things mr brain mr brain six pork faggots it says i'll tell you this and Anyone can screenshot that. Wasn't the first time I put faggots in my mouth. Folks, he's single and he's looking to mingle. Well. Call me Mr. Brain.

100% disagree. Would you have said it? I didn't say it. I held up the menu and pointed. Yeah, I would have said it, I think. Why did Robe? No, it was in London. It's probably better to wait than say it a lot on YouTube later.

Yeah, we're saying it a lot on a podcast. Where it's recorded. I'm getting it up. um okay let's move on and rome it's fugazi uh do core romance oh yeah let's do this one and then we'll take a listener question he's from age of empires where did you get these sounds from i came up with all these are original songs that i've created the question is would you divorce your spouse if they showed up one minute and 45 seconds late to

your anniversary dinner all right so this sounds like somebody was divorced for showing up one minute 45 seconds late to an anniversary and also some other things did the wife have a timer like the moment it was it was 7 30 timer went on late again if it was a minute 30 i'd understand but 45 I would not do this. I would not divorce my spouse if they showed up that late, I don't think. All right, hold on. Hold on, Jeremy's getting a second oven. Yo, dog, I heard you like ovens.

Oh, man. You're going to be cooking the wildest shit after this. I can't wait. You're going to have a turducken of ovens. It's going to be an oven. With an oven in it. With an oven in it. So you're going to eat an oven with chicken inside.

I mean, air fryer inside an oven. They've pimped my kitchen. I can't wait to see it now I'm really excited Well you can hear it You think those Pimp my ride cars Are still driving around

Oh yeah I hope so They probably rule the road Hell yeah I guess to answer my question I would never divorce my spouses As it goes against The will of the Pope Would you indulge

The Pope says She has to be at least Three minutes late And that's why he wears the hat That's why he's got The big one folks it's from God it makes it easier for him to hear God

because it's got that antenna we have an answer from Marky Barky Unicorn excuse me Marky Barky Unicorn says no I wouldn't do the listeners know there are like four dudes installing I feel like we've talked about it

I don't know how the editing goes I'm sure you can hear I'm glad we're no longer discussing the British food I just want to say good on us not taking a break no i don't think that would work professionals yeah i think it's fine it'll be fine no one cares professional knows how to react in this kind of player is anyone installing anything um in la in your home not yet but it's looking good it's black again i can't think of

anything funny today i think it's the lag is actually in my brain you have covid you may have a gas leak from jeremy's house coming through the zoom actually you don't the gas isn't working I think I'm feeling it from the Zoom. This wouldn't happen with Google Meet. That's not goddamn true. Everyone's always questioning Zoom like it's Zoom's fault the internet doesn't work. In New York, the internet is bad. That's the city.

Zoom has mercury in it. It does not have mercury in it. It's got a wonderful program that can cancel Echo if you want to ruin your podcast. I'm saying pregnant women should not Zoom. I'm reading Marky Barky Unicorn. please read it he says no i wouldn't i would be deeply hurt if they didn't have a valid reason but i wouldn't go to an extreme and divorce him now it would be deeply hurt even deeply hurt seems insane for a minute 45 it seems a bit prompt five minutes five minutes is grace always i agree yeah

i think that's right we're all podcasters here you're lucky if they're awake at noon if someone shows up five minutes late to a podcast i assume i feel like they're early yeah that's when i was You're 12 minutes late. I'm sorry. That was fine. That's what I'm saying. Right. That's on time.

People show up late. And then Marky Barky Unicorn says if it's a recurring issue, it's a different story. If it was dinner at a restaurant, my life would not be so late. Oh, yeah, sure. You probably live together. That is weird. That is, yeah. Where are they coming from?

Coming from their other partner that they're cheating on you with. They're probably coming from the Loose Woman Express. okay so this guy is uh alexander plushko whose father republican writer dr traveler intellectual interesting he's taken one of these like political quizzes that tell you like what your politics are and it says that he is a capitalist fascist yes is this real and he's been banned you think this is a satire or he is banned and cringe he's a capitalist fashion that's what look how many different quizzes he took that's very funny to be like fascist here how could i stop my wife top question should i start fucking my cousin i just got a fountainhead tattoo what does that make me

this has to be a joke right i don't know would you take a quiz as a joke would somebody do it like that you can never know because with them yeah buzzfeed has ran 10 years on that exact model maybe you're right it shows something about the user and it shows something about ourselves i just say by the way the oven looks nice i can't see it quite yet i don't know is he bake I think it's hard bake that's why it has to be installed they ordered it hard is it one of the Le Creneau ones

honestly you know as much as I do it came in while I was doing this podcast folks check back into the channel next week to find out the brand of oven I will post a picture of it in the YouTube video this is going to be a big update for the channel it's like black

cooking wise usually you bake cookies for your guests that's why I didn't get any cookies That's why you didn't get one. I was promised cookies. The camera is broken, and we're getting an oven in the middle of it. All right, let's do a Lister question and end this. Okay.

How much have we recorded, though? I don't even know. Zoom and enhance. Should we ask these oven installers who the asshole is? It's us, I think. It can't be us. You live here. sorry about this okay let me play the segment um every week we take listener questions from you

answering your quora type travails please write into quarriers at gmail.com we want to hear from you and this is our segment is that okay is that okay it's a short one and drake banger thank you that was made for us by a listener that's right no it wasn't that's made by bren Yeah. Never mind. My friend who's a musician made us a theme song. He's never listened to the podcast once, actually. Okay, I'm going to play it.

Hi, Quarators. What's a good comeback to my coworker who makes fun of me for marrying my high school girlfriend? He has 13 different kids with 11 different women. And he says, you don't want to fuck every beautiful woman you see? I've got a daughter your age. I've got a granddaughter your age. And I'm like, no, I just love my wife. what a question so this is the comeback to this lothario at work

this loose man i think you gotta fuck one of his grandkids yeah i feel like you kind of have to do it yeah you should go ahead and cheat on your wife with his grandchildren you should have sex with each one of his kids each one of them which one was your favorite reveal it in some kind of slideshow you gotta carry him treat him like carrie yeah like cartman and scott tannerman And you have to just go just deep. Yeah. You're eating his own pubes. You're eating me having sex with your grandchildren.

Yes, it's a food episode. It's food war. By the way, who won the food war? Who won the food war? I think the eaters. The eaters. I think the guys installing the oven. Yeah, I feel like I won.

Yeah, Jeremy won. He got a new oven. As far as kitchens go. Pretty cool. Do we have any other thoughts on this question? In times of crisis, I say, what would you say? To this guy at work? Yeah.

I think he's right that he should have sex with all of this guy's kids. Yeah, that's a comeback. Who I assume are adults. You come back by coming on their backs. It's just so crude. I'm sorry, we can't think adults. You know what I would do is I'd take the high road. I'd say, you know, you're a real sick puppy.

Whatever happened to staying faithful, I'd say. And then that would be its own reward. Do you think this is his boss or just a co-worker? It's probably his boss. It's probably the president of the company. I'm freaking you into a meeting. I said I wanted to propose to you. Yeah, it's like the parent company's president.

It's like Elon Musk is like visiting. The child support must be intense for 11 kids. Yeah, with 13. Did he say 13 different women? He said 11 kids by 13 different women. No, it must be the other way around. It must be. 11 kids by 13 would be impressive.

I think that's not. He just doesn't know. Yeah, there's two plus on that. Yeah, that doesn't make sense. Well, maybe. 13 by 11. It's like a Freddy Krueger situation. and he doesn't know who the mother is.

There's extras involved. Yeah, watch Nightmare on Elm Street for more research on this one. But thank you so much for writing in. I got a little tiny penis. Oh, yeah? And I don't want anyone to know. That's a good comeback.

So I can't do that? So I found one woman and she hadn't seen any other penises. It's her secret. It was because we were in high school. I was the first penis, so she thought it was just normal. She thought that was it

and that they're all like that. and then you can say kind of sad like this is an audio medium folks we're gonna close out here that's in the show i'm gonna get better i love podcast dan thank you so much for coming on in the official jeremy gets enough an episode of coordinators podcast jeremy's about to cook me a turkey there's gonna be some really great stuff for you coming up where can our listeners find do at home and abroad uh they could follow me on um get an oven at instagram uh the dan rosen on instagram they could listen to my podcast middle brow where every week a different kitchen appliance is also installed that's kind of our thing yeah no we're there's only so many ideas

can i just say real quick there was no warning i didn't ignore an email that was like oven coming and I was like, time to do my show. I think we can all agree you're to blame somehow. Well, they were waiting outside when I came in and I said, no, come in in about 30 minutes. Yeah, wait. Just wait till we start. Wait till the middle.

That's funny. Yes, again. I'm about to go put my head in an oven. I've got one for you. If you continue to live in a non-oven-based life-ending event, please subscribe to our show on Patreon, patreon.com slash Quarators,

or leave us a five-star review on iTunes so that sickos will find the show while they click around, bleep, blorp. What are they doing over there? We would love for them to find us. And so that's it for us this week. And until next week, question everything. Mwah!

Bye, everybody. Bye-bye.