Quorators - Forbidden Pleasures w/ Max Ogle

Episode Date: March 4, 2024

Comedians Alex Ptak and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: Why do gay men lock eyes in stores? Is it normal that I can pause time and do whatever I want? A dump truck mistakenly dumped a pile of gravel in my yard. They refuse to remove it and are demanding payment for it. I did not ask for this gravel. My yard is unusable and they are becoming belligerent. What can I do? Get even more Quorators when you support the show @ http://patreon.com/quorators Send quoras and qommunicate on our discord https://discord.gg/7pPYuKuYCr Watch the show at https://www.youtube.com/@quorators Be sure to subscribe to the Theater of Delights and listen to seasons 3 + 5 for more Max

stereo all right and we're getting it all from all angles are we getting it in all of our holes and by holes i mean sounds you got this quora no brown you got this quora man i'm gonna be slamming that one today let's go joe biden stems that's that's spoilers what the don't spoil it you're spoiling it i had to do a joe biden impression and it sounded very much president He crossed a line And I had to get him for it I said this time Mr. President Your ass is over the barbecue

Someone forgot to close their window at home Fucking loser Who? It says I'm browsing Oh I didn't know what you were talking about I thought you meant like Joe Biden left the window open His house and a bird flew in and he was scared Oh this is going to be a silly one huh

How long have you guys been recording today? Six and a half Okay, cool, yeah. Six and some chips. I thought you were saying a bird flew into the president's house. It's Quarators. Quarators. And welcome back to Quarators, another week with the smooth operators behind the mic.

We got Alex and Jeremy back on it again. it's jeremy here on the mic jay dog how you feeling that's right now i've been recording my other podcast for six hours i'm feeling very ready to spit on the track right now and uh as uh as a celebrate to celebrate this esteemed occasion we have actually the co-star of the aforementioned podcast theater of delight season six max ogle is back in the studio max how the hell are you good alex paid me 30 million dollars to come back wow cool when you're working with a star you got to make sure they shine jeremy so there are slurs in it then oh tons yeah that's where most of the money comes from is every slur makes

two million dollars yeah and there are 15 and that's i was like i run in the total and i was like how's that that's 30 million i mean look if you're gonna make me say the kind of shit that you made me say it in there? He's not going to say it now. He'll say it now. Of course not. This podcast is no budget. This is for Libs.

Alex's other conservative podcast. Looks much more successful. He's a moderate, folks. He's a moderate. He has opinions on both sides. Who is this in the room? Well, maybe we'll find out later. Whatever.

I made $30 million. Thank you. I'm glad to be here. Thank you. This is your triumphant return back to the show. after last year when we recorded after Theater of Delights

the premiere of Girl's Ship it's true it didn't pop off on TikTok our exciting movie people liked it someone in the discord

asked about it recently oh okay good well I'm glad that someone really liked it how do you ask about it what are you asking did it get made no

shut up you know what if I didn't see I might have asked about it oh okay you were remembering Girl's Ship oh Girl's Ship

what I was gonna ask is Max this is your second time on the show before Jeremy Hammond has been on once How does that feel? It feels good.

This is what children do to you. They keep you from being on your friends' little shows. That's right. And I've done it twice now. Suck it, bitch. Enjoy your house. You know what? Dare I say, before a lot of people have done it once.

Yeah. Before we're going to start naming people. Yeah. Jeremy Hammond, Bill de Blasio. Eric Adams. Eric Adams. Other mayors. Mike Bloomberg.

And, you know, I'm just glad. Dave Dinkins. Giuliani did do it once. He did. We loved it. He did it in the cracked era. Friend of the show. hell of a guy

America's mayor we got him into the crack studio he loves Quora underneath the doge Rudy what's your favorite meme you like when the cat

thinks he should buy a boat remember that one no you're so fucking young I hate you so much actually I think you two are the same age

maybe I'm 30 I'm 30 also I don't know this fucking cat dude what the hell I know about Dancing Baby, Dancing Spider-Man. Do you guys remember when the internet used to sound like this?

That's the carving of a stone tablet, you old bitch. There's no coming back from that one. But sometimes on Reddit, just to explain fully before we get started, a cat would look at a newspaper. Well, he calls it the Mews paper because he's a cat. And he would look up from the newspaper with his morning coffee, and then he would say, I think I should buy a boat. And that was the kind of sudden epiphany the cat would have.

What a fun time. Stop moving sliders, Max. You don't know what they do. I don't want you moving the sliders. That one's the economy. So now the economy is doing really bad. You've destroyed Japan's monetary value. I shorted the housing market.

I win. This is how I win. This is how I win. Another great meme. thanks for tuning in make sure to like and subscribe stay away make sure to like and subscribe on the page and slam that button and the bell and

anything you can slam now Max you know what Quora is so I'm not going to waste any fucking time talking about that at the beginning of the show like I have to every fucking week Alyssa what do you need fuck you fuck you that absolutely worked on me I turned all the way around

it was very embarrassing I'm wearing headphones that fully worked I didn't like that at all. Stay away from the soundboard. Wow. But that does kind of tie into the introduction of this week's subject, doesn't it, Jeremy? Oh, yes.

Forbidden pleasure. But before we do that, we're going to do last week on Quarantiners. And we're going to do our other segment, Tips for Men. Because we're a segments podcast now. That's so true. Tips for men! Every week at the beginning of the show, we like to offer men some tips just so they can get by in this world that's built to kill them. Now, Max, do you have any tips for men before we start?

Just fucking whatever you got. Never turn your back on your soundboard. Never turn your back on your soundboard. That's pretty good. And never be afraid of the word hello. Oh! Yeah. Okay.

The world's a big, scary place out there. Big key to it is saying hi. Yeah. We did that Patreon bonus that was about, is it gay to say hello? Yes. Yeah. But I don't think you should be afraid of it. No.

You just might have to accept it. The answer is yes, it is gay. It is gay, but you should do it anyway. But don't be afraid to be gay either. Experiment with saying hello. You could be much happier by the end of it. Just give it a try. Team Spokane!

All right. Done with that one. That's another mail in the bank. I know. Last week, we had the Talking Simpsons guys on the podcast, so our question is, which black actor should replace Julie Kavner as Marge Simpson? Now, I can't imagine the comments we got on this. Yeah, I hope no one's triggered by our suggestion. Are you triggered by black Julie Kavner?

I don't know. Someone says, why black? Marge isn't black. Is she? Sounds like you don't know. That was a question we answered last week. Sounds like you don't know. Somebody sent us Cleveland Brown.

Who does have a white actor, or did originally. And then he switched. Kyle says, well, ignoring the fact Kavanagh isn't leaving the role, the actress that can do the best Marge Simpson voice should get it. I do like that answer. The person who is willing to agree with us that Marge is black, but thinks it should be whoever can do the voice. Sure.

Marge is a meritocracy. We want to keep it open to the best Marge. That's right. It's a Marge-tocracy. Yeah, I'm hoping the best for whoever it is going to be. I saw a girl on TikTok do the Godfather as Marge, and I thought that was pretty good Marge. Get her in there.

Yeah, I think she'd be great. I can't wait to watch that shit. The TikTok? Yeah. It's good. Can we pull it up? Sometimes I think about hilarious TikToks, and I think, got to watch it.

Got to watch my talks. It's like one second long. Yeah, it's pretty good. One second long? Will we owe her money? Nah. No, this is a child. We're basically Tosh.0.

We're going to fucking lawyer up. We're Tosh.0. I'm Daniel Tosh. I'm Daniel Tosh, and this is the R word. This is fair use because I'm reviewing it. Why have they massacred my boy? That's it. That's pretty good.

Sounds like Marge. Wow. And we're reviewing it, and so it's fair use. To be fair, I'm just going to send her $30 million just to be safe. Yeah, two thumbs up. This is an expensive episode for us 60 mil so far We'll make it back

Sign up for the Patreon for more Quora episodes Quorators episodes where we go on other websites And can get out of our 60 million dollar hole That we're in We're in the hole Dig us out Grab a shovel at Quorators Patreon Quorators Patreon

If anyone has any good places to buy a boat I'm newly rich Max just found out about the cat meme And he's looking to act on it All right, I don't care about that last thing. This week's theme is forbidden pleasures. Forbidden pleasures. And you're wondering, does Cora got this?

To which I say... You got this, Cora. I'm slamming the button this week. Yeah, we got some comments that we didn't slam it enough last week. And guess what? That's all I talk about on the bonus that just comes out tomorrow. That's right. You know what?

I don't always remember all the buttons. Want to hear a question? There's 32 of them. Why is my boyfriend moaning so much while sleeping? He even slapped his own butt. What does this mean? Ooh. So the first part of it, I'm thinking, oh, he's having some kind of, like my cat is always moaning in his sleep.

And I don't think he's making love. I think he's in a primal hunt. Sure. However. What is making love if not a primal hunt? It's a primal hunt. I like to lock down the pussy into a hunt zone. But that said, he don't got balls, so I don't think it's a sex thing.

Oh, the cat? Yeah, the cat. The boyfriend, the butt slapping really makes me question the whole thing. Slapping your own butt in your sleep is a power move. I don't know what that means. Like, your whole arm moves? That means you're not paralyzed. Yeah, yeah.

He even slapped his own butt. Now, did we walk into another erotic fiction? Yeah. He's trying to sleep. He's not asleep. He's wide awake. He's jacking off. He's trying to summon you.

He is jacking off, and he's rolled over. Oh, wait. Here's my question. Is he doing the bed thrust? Could be. That we talk about? What's the bed thrust? You thrust into your loving bed.

What? Into your ever-loving bed. It seems to be an Alex thing. It's not an Alex thing. That we talked about? Is that what you said at the beginning of that? No. I've never discussed this in my life.

Some freakazoids who are not present on this show It seems like... I hear other people do it, I think. Oh, no. I'm fine with the premise. I just feel like it was as if we were talking about it. Yeah, you're like, you know how we were all... We were all the march for humping our beds.

Well, sometimes... You know how we were all the humping our bed club yesterday? No, I was not. Sometimes young men can experiment with things such as making love to a bed, and maybe your boyfriend is doing that very activity. Why is he slapping his own butt? for action? Maybe he was imagining

that he was a cowboy. And he was trying to slap the back of his horse to say, come on, get along. Wait, I have a better idea of Mosquito as a mosquito on there. Oh, and he's moaning. Yeah, his moans

sound like owls. Oh, my boy. That's him succumbing to what's it? the West Nile virus. He's like, ah, no, it's... My fever. I'm so itchy.

I know I shouldn't slap it, but I gotta. I'm becoming like three different guys from Staten Island that Max knows. For some reason, like three of the five people I know from Staten all have West Nile. Really? Is that true? Yeah, from mosquitoes.

Now let's unpack that. I don't know. Should I be afraid of mosquitoes? You should be afraid of Staten Island. Yeah, one of the only places in New York that has trees. Already there, pal. That's right. They've got trees.

They've got deer. They've got mosquitoes. They've got the mob. They've got a great grandma slice. Oh, yeah, I bet. Delicious. I bet. Quite exciting.

What do the comments say? The most obvious answer is that he is pretending. Why? He wants you to do it to him, or he wants to do it to you. Oh, okay. And on the other side, for some people, reality gets mixed with dreams. It happens to me on two occasions. Be very tired and very drunk.

Once I was dreaming that I am in a dark room and I was trying to feel the wall to find door. And actually, I was in the living room and two of the people living there were watching me. They eventually asked me what I am doing over and over again until I snapped out. And that was from Tucker Carlson. Maybe you learned something.

No, it wasn't. Jeremy, you're in... That was from Stefan Popescu. That was from Stefan Popescu. Stefan Popescu. Stefan Popescu. His bio is just Scotty doesn't know. Scotty doesn't know.

Damn. But what I was going to say is, Jeremy, you must take your role as lore giver more seriously. Oh, sorry. These people depend on you. They do. I think Tucker Carlson would ask that. I think he would say stuff like that.

I'm with Jeremy on this. Thank you. That wasn't him. I can see the screen. I know Jeremy's a liar and he's a whore. I am Jeremy Strong. we've been doing boston accents all day um what other answers we got well this one's locked behind quora plus it's difficult to answer this question without knowing your

boyfriend's full medical history yeah to be fair they should post that it could be a number of things number one sleep apnea number two we don't know because it's locked behind quora plus i will say probably sleep apnea they should try a humidifier i just got a humidifier from my room yeah you gotta get one of those dude it fucking rules yeah man i just plugged in my humidifier and spank my bottom, it is good. Hey, man, I can breathe. I used to wake up, my mouth used to take like dry metal. Not no more.

I'd wake up, my ass was red sore from all the slapping because of how dry I was. I could only fall asleep if I slapped my ass two, three hundred times. That's just to help you breathe. That's like when a baby comes out of the oven. That's right. And by oven, I mean a mother's canal. canal to be clear yeah of birth yes it's slang sure sure but i meant the birth canal

well if there are no other answers we must have decided sleep apnea yeah we got a lot of great questions i would say he's having some very intense vivid pleasurable dreams he's definitely fucking or getting fucked yeah in which case good for him you gotta pull him away from his sleep woman. Roy Moore says he may be dreaming about having sex with you. I don't know about that. That means he's loyal. Ladies, that means he's loyal.

Tips for women. I don't know what that would sound like. I'd need a new music cue. Okay, let's do another one. Okay, please. Do all wives cheat at work? Yeah. Alright. Short answer, yes.

Next question. Doesn't it remind you of the question we answered with carly the uh why is cheating at an all-time high are these hoes loyal this is our version of the like uh is fortnite overrated are these hoes loyal three like young boys no no and they shouldn't be and they shouldn't be they're at work yeah it's time to let passion carry them away well you're on the clock your life is your own and your bosses okay that's Your marriage ends at 9 a.m. and picks back up at 5. Ooh, what's for dinner?

She's married to the grind. Exactly. It's about paper, Alex. I'd like to pay my own bills. I'm sorry, but marriage certificates aren't free, honey. Oh, baby! Okay, well, we don't have to continue on anymore, but I didn't know this about all wives.

All wives. I am actually going to look into it when the episode ends. If you want a loyal, monogamous partner, never get married. Never get... Oh, I thought you were going to say they can't work. Girlfriends are all loyal. Oh, really? Oh.

So as soon as they have that ring. Mm-hmm. Yeah. As soon as you have the ring, I guess. Oh, it's like Lord of the Rings rules. Because, oh, now we're building a life together? Uh-huh. I got to get that paper.

I got to get that money. Before, it's like, well, where is this going to take me? How do I feel about stuff? I'm so in love with this person. But then it's like, oh, we're building a life together? Let me get my grind on. They are corrupted by the ring. And so four went to the dwarves.

I think like two or three of them went to the elves. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. A bunch of them went to the men. Seven went to the... Is that right? No, nine go to the kings of men.

Okay. And one went to that bitch, Rhonda. That's right. Yeah. Come on now. You know there's no Rhonda in there now. Yeah. Sorry for doing classic comedy on your comedy show, Alex.

You boys are too silly. Sorry for doing... Sorry for doing... I'm trying to find out if all wives cheat at work. I don't have a wife. I know that. All right, well, Carolina Sweet Tea said, did you get divorced, Max?

What's going on? Why not? He's a bachelor for life. Okay, Carolina Sweet Tea is the core user, please. Okay, so I am not a wife, but I am a woman. I will speak on my behalf and my personal experiments. No, all women do not cheat or have affairs at their jobs. However, they may get hit on or looked at a lot.

I've worked many places and have been hit on, et cetera. But when you immediately let someone know you're in a committed relationship or marriage and you set boundaries for yourself, it will cease. You can't stop people from looking or mesmerizing over you. Definitely not engage in the flirtation. I was raised to never get your honey where you make your money. Damn, Carolina, sweetie. I've never had an affair with a co-worker. My parents were co-workers.

Just not my thing. If you feel like you're getting cheated on, talk to your partner. I go to work to make money, and that's it. I barely want to do that. So an affair is even more ridiculous. Jeremy, can I just pause for a second to say that your parents got their honey where they got their money? They did. My parents did get their honey where they got their money at Nielsen Rating Company.

So you guys were a Nielsen family. Isn't that beautiful? That's one sweet tea. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no, always get your honey where you make your money. It's the most shameful way to do it. Sure.

It's the most rhyming way to get the honey. That's why they have those snacks at the office. You're not supposed to leave. Oh, yeah. Oh, we have these apples here so that I don't accidentally touch someone else's hand. Get out of town. That's right. If I'm not supposed to fall in love, why are there drinks at the WeWork?

Why are you handing me a journal to drop? They tried to get Alex with that. Yeah, that's true. They gave him all those seltzers. They tried to give you the death note. I wouldn't take it. Too powerful. I saw the Shinigami.

I said, no thanks. I gave it right back. He said, no way. I accidentally saw it. I thought it was just your notebook. I started writing Quarrior's stuff, and I think that's why we got fired. Because of all the people we killed with our secret death penalty. Wait, so you guys got fired.

Cracked.com didn't go bankrupt? We can't kiss and tell. We wouldn't want to kiss and tell, Jeremy. It's because of all the truths we told. They said, Cracked is a fact. website, but this is so many facts. They're catching wise to us.

Come on, man. You can't cover all these facts. They had Joe Biden follow us. I got a list for you. Number one biggest missed opportunity of all time. Losing out on the Quarators podcast. That's not real. That's fake.

That's fake. The police are not really coming. The cat's looking right at me. He looks mad as hell. Where is that? He's right behind Max. Oh, all right. Yeah, he's not happy to be that we're back. He wishes we were still at Cracked.

It was really fun podcasting at an office. But anyway, we're moving on from that. Okay, let's do another question. Please, they're forbidden pleasures. Theme of the week. Okay, here's another one. We're still in core romance right now, right? So I didn't play the theme.

Give me a second to play the theme here. Oh, my God. We're a mess today. That's not even close to it. It's the other one, yeah. Oh, that's nice. It's beautiful. It's very good.

To lock eyes with a steamy lover. Similarly, the question is, why do gay men lock eyes in stores? Hell yeah. So a lot of us have been wondering this. I keep seeing all these wives having affairs there. Yeah, and they're probably trying to acknowledge to each other, like, have you seen these hoes? Their loyalty is in question. Raise your banners, husbands.

Light the fires Call for aid Call for aid sweetie That's very funny Now whom among us is Locking eyes in stores I'm very interested as to the answers Here because this is not something I've

Exactly noticed but I could imagine It happening Gay men lock eyes in stores because male homosexuality Is the language of the eyes all right this is the one we're locked into i want to hear this whole answer this is from andrew barrett with a reasonably high level of certainty this is how we know each other it is not just about flirting it's about different it is different to what the rest of the world calls gaydar because it doesn't hinge on cultural expectations of gay men how gay men look sound

slash act perhaps it is collectively inherited from the days of having a much more discreet and Send out subtle signals, but it's still there. Can I prove it? No. Can I explain it rationally? No. Is it 100% fail-proof? No.

But it's damn close, and it's there. It's damn close. It's a language of the eyes. I like that he says it like he's fucking Steve Irwin. I definitely don't think it's the $125 a month I spend on skincare that fucking outs me as a little gay boy in public. You're glowing like a super saiyan. Yeah, I don't think it's my fancy little walk I do. Look, everyone, the first bald super saiyan.

No, it's about being gay. Yeah, no. They look at my eyes and the light reflects in a certain way. Now, I've noticed that Andrew is mostly just answering questions about gay men. And we respect his work in educating the community. Sure. He answered the question, what benefits does Islam offer gay people? And he said, absolutely none.

Now I can not confirm nor deny that. I feel like it's probably neutral. Feels like a hot button issue. Big claim after being like, gay men possess the sharingan. Passed down, clan after clan. What benefits does any religion offer anyone? It's just funny to be like, well, Islam, if you're gay, you do get dental. I don't know, you believe in a higher power.

Yeah, you feel cleansed of sin or whatever. The universe has meaning to you now. I don't know if that's important for you people. You have something to do at a community prayer hour. Billy Walker, whose job is gay daddy, says, I think this is a weird question. I do too. Even if I was cruising the store looking for a guy to hook up with,

I'm checking out all men and not just gay men. Also, all men are checking out other men. We size each other up whether clothed or not. It's the same with women. If I make eye contact with someone in a store and we click, then I might chat with them. But that does not mean they are gay. While I have zero issue with any man who isn't masculine, I'm not attracted to effeminate men, so I'd not cruise them. But I have no issue.

I've never heard cruise used like that before. Are you kidding? I cruise you. You're being cruised. well I mean Pikachu I cruise you he's mad at the missing article

it's cruise for them am I fucking the shit out of Pikachu right now you know fucking lightning bolt tail Pikachu classic muscle twink goes all the way down to the

bottom of Pikachu sure you want to do anything else with Pikachu let him out of my bowl tell him to use quick attack Tom Cruise as a verb Tom Cruise, sure he's an actor

Sure, sure, so I guess He's always making the face You've done this, Alex You've brought us here I think he's always making the face Yeah, so we're all checking each other out I think that's fair I think that's fair

When I go to the store, I'm sizing up who the strongest is Who the strongest guy is, who would be the best You know, football dad Sure, if there's a gunman who shows up Who do I hide behind exactly an obstacle daddy do we want to do any more somebody just posted a bunch of gay men looking this is uh this is this is a related question wait wait read that question what catches the eye of gay men that leads to desire and then it's just

a bunch of close-ups of eyes okay i like this question this is on quora.com do any older gay men want to chat there's gotta be a better outlet for this honestly probably not you know what every answer is like me i've chatted my let's play ball says 54 would love to find my like-minded men to chat with like-minded let's play ball i use the internet wrong i think i don't think i'm doing it right well you should be using it to find older gay yeah that's what it's for right can i read this guy's um bio we're on let's play ball right now yeah this is his bio finally embracing these long suppressed desires and i found it absolutely enjoyable lover of cock and cum masturbation in groups looking to find like-minded men to chat with let's play ball you're our dude of the week

it's very funny to say cock and cum like it's a hobby yeah yeah yeah looking for like-minded individuals i mean that so many older gay men do have like a dungeon master vibe where they're Just, like, trying to get a table together, you know? Sure, sure. It's so hard to get people to commit to once a week. I just need five guys who can pay attention. Yeah. It's more fun if there's a consistent group.

Is there anything worse than getting cocked without the cum? All right, we're done with this one. Yep. This is our forbidden pleasure. It's cocked without cum. I forgot I had that one. That's great. That's good.

It's either cock and the cum. There's one. We've got this, Cora. We have one more romance question. My girlfriend tied me up, then gave me a blowjob while making me look at pictures of my ex. Why is that? Wow. I don't know why that is.

That's strange. Why is that? Tied me up, gave me a blowjob. While making me look at pictures of my ex. Is your freaking girlfriend the Green Goblin? Yeah, oh my God. Come on. Oh my freaking God.

Can you imagine getting a blowjob with that mask on, though? Come on. That was what that goblin mouth do. Do you prefer her eye makeup to mine? Glug, glug, glug. This is the Green Goblin blowing Peter Parker, and he's showing him pictures of Spider-Man, but he doesn't know they're the same guy.

He doesn't even freaking know. Oh, I thought you were going to do an impression. No. It really sounded like one was coming. I'm sorry. You guys like impressions? I got all excited. Yeah, woo, woo, woo.

I'll take a suggestion from the audience. The Greek goblin and he's sucking off Peter Parker and she's looking at a picture of Mary Jane, but it's torture to him. Cool. One word. Okay. Oh, that's good.

Well, let's read the answers here. If I had to guess, it was either fulfilling some kind of kink for her or she's insecure and it was some kind of fundamentally flawed test to see if you were more attracted to your ex slash able to come quicker while thinking of your ex. Brilliant plan.

Wow. Outplayed. You got got. Outplayed. She's like, you come, and she's like, well, well, well. Guess who no longer has a girlfriend? 248. Pretty quick time for you this week, Stephen.

That's an Olympic world record right there. He smashed it, absolutely. I was thinking of his ex. That brought him across the line. He's done it tied up to a chair. Incredible stuff today I am in Isis What?

What? I was thinking of who would tie you to a chair Oh, okay, okay I like the end of all bits just being like And I am in Isis And I'm in Isis, Dom Is it so bad? This is the Green Goblin

Sucking off I've only done Improv 101 So I haven't really I don't know all the rules yet I know sometimes you're in ISIS, but not all the time. It's confusing to me. You know, guys, I'm an American president. Joe Biden.

Jack, I'm ISIS. He should be in ISIS. He should join ISIS. It would be funny. I think it would expand its horizons a lot. Yeah. And then everyone's like, okay, but Trump would be double in ISIS. It's so true.

So, come on. Yeah. I'm a contrarian. I think he should join Al Qaeda in Pakistan. All right. Let's read another answer. Oh, that's the only answer. I take it back.

Oh, no, there's one more collapsed. Surely you must have asked her. See, that's a normal response to this as well. You tell me, buddy, and send me a video of it. How fast? I want to be there. Was it a world record? I love you, dog.

There's some really good related questions on this. Okay. Why doesn't my girlfriend like to suck my completely normal dick? My definitely regular. this is a premium storefront dick getting unsucked please veronica i can't suck my regular dick i can't imagine why we have 95 male listeners it's a mystery to me oh we don't do enough joe biden sure and we haven't accused all women of cheating anytime i go on a woman's podcast literally my voice i'm like hi so yeah this is my how my voice sounds sure oh yeah so and we're

We're talking about, yeah, I love crepes. And then as soon as it's the boys podcast. I don't know why they lock eyes in stores. Gay men? Huh. I guess it's just one of those little magics. But on the boys guest, you're a little bit different, huh, pal? Sure.

A little bit of Roger. A little bit of a sloppy Joe. I'm trying to think if I've ever been on a podcast hosted by a woman. Come on, Blake. It's an honor to be asked. He really is. I was co-host of the Katie Rose Leon podcast for six years. That's right.

I recapped all of Dragon Ball Z. I was on that one a lot, but Katie wasn't always there. No. You were the villain. I would dress you up as Katie. She had to take a lot of mental health days. She did. And Katie Blamer.

Why doesn't my girlfriend like to suck my completely normal dick? And I'm an ISIS. Fuck you. I thought it made perfect sense. I have attention deficit disorder. And it makes me neurodivergent. It would honestly, though, make more sense as a question if he was in ISIS. It would.

It's because of the killings. That's one of the things you do. It's bad behavior. It's probably because you don't take enough showers, buddy. I'm the bad professor. I don't see any. Most of the answers are just like because you're disgusting. Yeah, it's because your dick is weird.

Because your dick is not normal. My dick is regular. I got one of those normal dicks. Or she's just not like that, dog. I like how he does want to cut it off at the head. Right? Like, he wants to get ahead of it real beastly. And by the way, my dick is normal.

When you said cut it off at the head, I spaced out for a second. And I was like, is that part of the post? She's going to cut the top off. We got to get you an Adderall right now. I have one, and I don't take it all the time. I know it's late in the day. It makes me stressed out. You got to.

We have, like, 40 minutes. I just got to. Oh, we're not recording this. This is a warm-up. He says this every week, and it scares me every time. This is just for fun. Wait, is it recording? Do you want to read one answer by a woman, or are you allergic to that?

I love women. You got this, Cora. Catherine Schumacher says, Well, I know there are some women who find sucking dick to be gross. Now, I don't understand or share their opinion, but unfortunately there is very little chance of changing her mind on that. You can, of course, explain to her how much you would really like her to at least try it. once she sees how you react she may change her mind and do a little more frequently but then

she may not only thing you can do is be open and honest with her and just ask uh just ask her to just try it once just try it once after that if you choose not to do it again you just decide it's normal this is a deal breaker for you i know personally i could never be in a long-term relationship with someone who is not 100 sexually compatible with me oh wow aren't you open-minded Cool. Well, that's a woman's perspective if you're not allergic to it. Yeah. If you can handle it, Max.

And yeah, she's an ISIS. She's not an... It made sense when I said it. It was good when I said it. She's an ISIS. I think it's so normal, you guys. So normal. I think they're all great.

Let's read the next one. What segment are we doing next? We have a new segment for you guys. It's called Corbidden Fruit. It's a religion segment. Ooh. um and this is of course still a forbidden pleasure is it anti-semitic for me to hook up with a jewish girl if i'm a gentile who never was um snipped and i didn't put the um in there

that's in there that's in the question it is it was never who never was comma um i did think you You were reading it, and you were like, he was never snipped. Let's say a Gentile snipped. So is it anti-Semitic? I think it is. I think if she ever is mad at you, it is. Why won't you get snipped for your Jewish sweetie? Yeah, go ahead.

Thank you. If you cared, you would. How about this? How about this? You take your hat off, you're inside. Ladies, if he cared, he would. He would. it's called being polite yeah okay what is he in isis shut up he is in isis shut up oh god

um anyway yeah you should not do that there's a lot of anti-semitism going around it's an all-time high on account of all these men who are trying to hook up with jewish girls with their foreskins jeremy has never been more scared it's it's one of this will you hide me yeah will you guys hide will you guys hide me yeah dog I got all kinds of closets and shit I got all kinds of nooks

you can go in even waffles can be in there that was so funny it was like A.B. Schuber or whatever being like when the holocaust 2

happens will you guys still watch my movies and this is very rude to say but just because of the nature of toxic internet fandom

she did open up to like there was no closet big enough to hide you in kind of kickbacks that's not something I'm saying

I'm just saying her mean fans are going to say it. Oh, no. That's just something that did happen 100% to her. That's not nice to say out loud. Sure. I'm just thinking it through as a quarator. Right. I don't think they should say that.

Things like, you're going to need a bigger crawl space. Yeah, stuff like that would be really funny and mean, and they shouldn't say it. Okay. And I don't think they should, and I think it's anti-semitic if you don't take the freaking top off. Yeah, take your top off. The top of your penis.

The top of your penis, the skin on the top of your penis. Hey, why don't you take your top off? So I think this is probably a troll question, though, right? No, I think people are dumb. I don't know. I think some people are dumb. I think he should have gotten snipped. I love the phrasing on this.

It's like a phrasing website. Well, here's the thing, man. It's something that's really easy to do yourself. Sure. I have the tips for bed butt. Take any dull knife around you. Yeah, just kind of go for it. You gotta want it Is there anybody who does think

It's anti-Semitic Let's see Probably just ironically I bet One guy does say it is not for Jewish males To answer being that we have no Foreskin in the game Thank you, wouter for the Jews in the back That's how you answer a fucking

Quora by the way You got this Quora Oh, okay. Oh, don't listen to that. That's a bonus theme song. You got this, Cora. Okay. Wait, so why did you shoot him?

Because it was in the air. You shot a Jewish man. No, I wasn't. Oh, wait, wait, wait. A good answer, Jeremy. You found a good answer. You are a known troll. But it's in caps, so you know he means it.

You are a known troll. You are a known troll. Known. I have seen your den. I'm opening my troll book, and guess who I'm seeing in it? It's you. He is a known troll and member of ISIS. I can't see this guy's account because he is anonymous.

Oh. He is similar to the Hacker Collective Anonymous. Oh, so he could be someone in this room. Do you want to move on to our next segment? Please. Okay, this is forbidden knowledge. Which is... Convenient.

Convenient. And this is forbidden pleasures. How do you get a small wood ball out of your anus? Oh. I've been trying to take it out and it doesn't work. I can't feel it with my finger. I'm so scared of the possibilities. So this is the one you added.

This is really graphic. Yeah. Would you not have been into it? How do you get it? With your hands. No, because then it'll go deeper. I can't feel it with my finger, he's saying. Oh, you got to go to the hospital, dog.

This is the original use of Quora. It's like, this is not a forum situation. Get off of this website. Go to a doctor right now. You shouldn't have put that in there. you're not a musk. Or tongs. Get some of those up there.

Okay. Also, that's going to spread you. It's going to spread you, but, you know. Well, yeah. You need to take a, you know, page out of the bravery of women. Speculum.

Speculum? Or here's a suggestion. Speculum. What are you saying? Speculum. You keep saying it. I don't know what it means. You need to talk to the women

in your life, Alex. I don't talk to them. It's a device that goes inside the orifice. Oh. And it cranks it open. See, this is what I miss not going on the women's podcast. And then I guess have a very strong friend kind of pick you up.

Sure. Shake you out. Damn it. Wait for that plinky sound of tile and wood. Sometimes Quora's gross, y'all. Why do you have to take it out? Yeah, leave it in there. That's a great point.

What's the harm? Put some gum powder behind it. It's a musket now. You fart real hard and then you might shoot somebody. It is kind of dangerous. You could shoot your plumbing. You're asleep. you're just slapping your own ass

to get it out. Now, is the feedback to send them to the hospital or what does it say? Dear Krabby. What? Dear Krabby has absolutely no idea whatsoever,

but for... Is that the person's name? Maybe that's who asked the question. But for some unholy reason, she is reminded of a joke by her best friend's father when she was very silly 13-year-old. I know you've got more present things to do,

but I'd like to share it anyway. Mr. Ledbetter. Krabby, have you ever heard of the ooh-ah bird? You want to be crabby? It's right here. No, Mr. Leadbetter, the ooh-ah bird?

That's right. Do you know why they call it that? No, sir, I don't. Again, this is an answer to the ball question. It lays square eggs. Ooh, ah, get it?

Ha-ha. It lays square eggs. Think about that for a minute. That's the end of the joke? So I thought about it and decided it was quite funny and laughed and laughed. You must remember that back in 1960, 13 was like today's 7 or 8, much more innocent then.

It would have been a very subtle but funny butthole joke that would make the kids feel like one of the grown-ups. And when the dad saw the kids' eyes light up with understanding just before bursting out laughing, it gave them a Big Daddy Chuckle. I hope this makes you rethink your passage problem. I never want to hear the term Big Daddy Chuckle. Big Daddy Chuckle is officially my street name. I'm taking Big Daddy Chuckle to the bank. I'm opening several accounts of Big Daddy Chuckle. In 1960.

I've been looking for a gamer tag. I was 13 going on 7 giving out Big Daddy Chuckles. This woman is on Quora right now. She just answered a question nine minutes ago. Her name is Carol Cotton. And her whole thing is if you ask me a question, I'll assume you don't want the kinds of answers that are readily available from the experts in books and online.

I want to ask her a question. Carol Cotton? Why don't we do it at the end of the show? Yeah, sure. Yeah, because where we ask a question, and you can tag her. Okay. So remember, between the three of us, we'll certainly remember to tag Carol Cotton at the end of this episode of Quarantines. If I can figure out how to do it, I will do it.

Colon, forbidden pleasures. Forbidden pleasures. I hate Big Daddy Chuckle. I don't like it. You're going to laugh, sucker. This person says, I have a grape up my ass and can't get it out. What should I do? In that case, you squeeze real hard.

That'll just crush. Come on, man. That's a Kegel. It's a fucking grape. Not to sound like a company without a lot of money, but a lot of these answers aren't covered in other previously asked questions on the forum. I mean, ballerina tea.

That's how you do it. You shit real hard. Is that ballerina tea? Yeah, it's a laxative tea. You know so much about women. Sorry. Sorry, dude. This one's just trying enema.

There's somebody who's put a bunch of plugs there. That's a related one. Oh, okay. Let me go to answers here. I feel like Carol Cotton kind of explained it to me. I get it. Yeah, you need to go to the hospital. You need surgery.

No, it's like Daddy Birdie said. That's a Big Daddy chuckle. Is that what she said? Yeah, awful. Big Daddy chuckle with capital letters, by the way. I don't like it. When I think of Big Daddy chuckle, I do think of the Will Smith ha-ha. Is that weird?

Is that what it's supposed to be? I mean, no. That's as normal as my penis, which is very normal. This episode is too much, dog. There's nothing weird about it. Please, please put it in your mouth. Don't look in the camera. Don't do it directly.

Please, listener. We're moving on to a less gross question. We got to move on to a less gross question. This is less gross. Fear not. Is it normal that I can pause time and do whatever I want? Damn, no. Yo, that's fucking crazy.

That's wild. I hope you're not an ISIS. That's not normal at all, dude. That would be a secret weapon we would have to take extreme steps to prevent. That would be really bad if someone in ISIS could do that. pause time and do whatever they want. They're stopping time. They can stop time.

They can cross the border. They can do all kinds of daring do. They've got a little monkey with a briefcase. He's in time splitters too. They're swapping hats of businessmen with little boys. They're calling them clock stoppers.

And this, of course, is our famous character, Weird Guy. But is it normal to pause time? It's not normal. But I do think it's less gross. to interview some other things we've covered. I think it's highly strange. Depending on whatever you want.

Yeah. Have a doctor check you out. What do you want? Let the doctor do whatever. Alex, what would you do if you could pause time and do whatever you want? Hey, I don't have to tell you.

It sounds gross. Yeah, it sounds like a crime. It sounds like you're talking about a crime. I haven't said anything and if you took me to court, they wouldn't be able to put me in jail off of my tone.

I would just do my chores. Yeah. Yeah, I know you would. I would just take a little extra time to do my chores. Not me. I'd be master of the known universe. you know what i would do is i would wait for the guy who does the instagram balloons

and right before he's about to take his picture i'd pause it and then i'd change the message and i'd leave so that when he saw the picture right he'd be like what a ghost oh whoa that'd be cool yeah um so i'm thinking practically as a comedian what i would do is i'd pause time and i'd go on stage and i'd do all of my 10 minutes of jokes at once and then let them all fly and then And I'd get super laughs. That's so epic. You'd get a big daddy chuckle. Ha ha!

It was said to everyone all at once. Yeah. Very funny. That'd be so sick. Yeah, that'd rock, man. I would love to get 10 minutes of laughs all at once. And in New York, it's so hard to get more than just that five-second set these days. It really is.

And I don't want to complain about that right now because it's time to talk about time pausing. New York and L.A. are actually quite different. in la it's normal to you know it's crazy is it's raining in new york right now that would never happen nope it's kind of famously dry yeah look at how fucking pale i am right now look at it oh you know who wants to freeze time so it's the 1950s are uh white men so they can keep doing The things that they do. This is Alex's liberal podcast. Tune in to Theater of Delights

for his conservative podcast. I express both sides. I made $30 million from one. I forgot about that. That's really probably the whole thing. Yeah, you owe me money, dude. It's really bad. Okay, Tom Pearson says,

well, of course it's normal. Everyone else can do it, so there's no reason you should not be able to also do it. uh this is this delivery all jeremy on this one from the top roll it back this one is written normal no it's like a linkedin post jeremy it's on the tip of your lips your penis is normal right let's take it all right my penis is normal i'm in isis this is just a normal activity that nobody ever feels the need to mention it feeling the need to mention it

or ask about it is generally regarded as a sign of mental instability unless you actually want to think you are insane you should not mention it again oh shit the monitors saw me writing this i see them coming up the garden path gotta go oh no my garden path that's right so i hope that answers your question and thank you for writing in it's the correlated don't talk about it today we're doing forbidden pleasures okay what do we got next i like how you keep saying the topic of the episode like we're live we're alive from alex's apartment just tuning in now and if you're just tuning in this episode is all about forbidden pleasures you know what's fucked up is i can see the youtube analytics this is not interesting to other people but you can see the spike go up

on the questions really people are people they go oh i want to know about this one the thing is girlfriends walk into the room and they're like what is this about and so i'm kind of catching them up really quick the best thing is actually i have seen tiktoks of like there's a podcast that's a woman and two dudes and she reads I Am The Asshole Reddits. Their TikTok is just her reading the I Am The Asshole article.

None of their commentary. Then it's just over. They were testing poorly. We needed to get someone like that on our show. They would just have Alex reading the question. I have a girl's hair. We were discussing this. It's so true. Go on. I'm sorry.

That's weird because they don't even what they don't do their part they're the greek chorus they're the greek chorus i um we don't ever we always have somebody answering our question in our in our tiktoks but i do it is always weird that i have to be at the start of all the tiktoks and then i have to like look at my little face jeremy's the face of orators which is not smart move it's a household name smart move what we should do i think if we want to really include everyone we have on the podcast is i'll read the questions in unison at the same time okay you want to read this one in unison how are are you going to show it to Max? That's fine. I'm the

guest. I'm here to be impressed. So together, Jeremy and I are going to do it in three, two, one. How do you explode someone with your mind? Wow. And that TikTok has three views. I'm sharing it,

and I'm commenting bra for engagement. That's what Alex comments on every one of them. Well, the guy who asked this is definitely an ISIS. One. No, he's not. I'm beginning to believe that everyone in Quora is in Isis. It's so fucking bad I said that. I mean, what, dude?

Michael. I guess you concentrate real hard now. Yeah, I think so. You'd have to know how to do it. You'd need to know the ninjutsus. It's the same way that you deal with a grape being up your butt. You just have to really concentrate and squeeze.

It's a Kegel. I had to have my own knowledge to confirm or deny this. What are the Korra comments? Michael says they do it to themselves. resist the hate it leads to destruction that's basically what yoda said sure suffering leads to hate yeah something like hate leads to the dark side something like that tanya says i'm a retired rn of 40 years i cared for a lot of people in that time and loved my career i was well thought of in my field but i've also encountered few a-holes entitled narcissistic toxic human beings

I can spot them a mile away. When I've had enough or you hurt or bully someone I love, I go from sweet granny to bitch in three seconds. My death stare will pour through your eyes and invade your every brain cell, and you will stop, and you better apologize and run like hell. You'll remember me for a long time. You do not want a second encounter, and good luck on future endeavors. This granny just turned into a bitch.

And that was the answer to the question, how do you explode someone with your mind? Jason Statham is the granny. Let's read this one from the quiz course. It's our politics segment. Four score and seven quaras ago, we found some great stuff on the internet. A dump truck mistakenly dumped a pile of gravel in my yard.

They refuse to remove it and are demanding payment for it. I did not ask for this gravel. My yard is unusable, and they are becoming belligerent. What can I do? So this one's been in the dock a long time, and I think, oh, I will get the gun sound for Jeremy to back him up. This guy has to kill everyone in this story. But what I was saying is it's a forbidden pleasure

to dump gravel all over someone's yard. I think it's a forbidden pleasure to be wronged as a man. Oh, yes. You know what I mean? I mean, this is like a William Neeson movie waiting to get made. You thought you could dump your gravel? I'm going to kill every one of you. On me bloody yard.

On me bloody yard. I'm friends with wolves. So they're becoming belligerent from this? Gray. Because they dumped the gravel on there? I think by the time that they got to Quora, there's been already an extensive backflip. Yeah, there's got to be a few flare-ups,

a few skirmishes already. It sounds like you ran into the gravel mafia Where they're like Hey, pretty nice yacht you got there It would be a shame It would be a shame if I dump all my fucking gravel on it But they also don't want anything They just do that

No They're the gravel mafia to be clear I mean, here's the thing I'm sure the guy's like Yeah, for 15 bucks I'll move this gravel And this 40-year-old man is like There is no way You're getting one red cent

Right, right I don't want anything to happen to this lawn Who was the Roman dude who would light people's houses on fire and then offered a... Nero? Was it Nero? I don't know. Tony Soprano?

It was Tony Soprano. Is that what you were thinking of? The Roman dude? No, no, no. There was someone in ancient Rome who was a powerful man who got his start lighting people's houses on fire and then he would offer to wash... Marcus Aurelius?

When you're in the business, you got to get your start making a name for yourself. So you can light people's houses on fire, put him out you could do crowd work you could pay to put him out or he would just buy the burnt down uh lot if you said no so he was doing saiyans from dragon ball z he also did crowd work i guess and he was in isis i guess my question for the tiktok this time is are is nero one of the saiyans from dragon ball z oh i can't imagine how that won't go viral i'd love to get some feedback that's a hit yeah speak on that oh what do you mean speak on it i'm putting it up to you

the audience oh um you write in there used to be a commercial put on by the federal government oh my god this is such a long answer he's reading an answer from fred golden i don't know if i want to read it it's fred fred golden this guy's basically his his argument is that you now own the gravel. I mean, that is true. Yeah. No one's saying he doesn't own it.

What can you do with gravel? He doesn't want to pay to get rid of the gravel is the issue, right? What can you do with the gravel? You can make art out of it. If you get a rake,

can you rake up the gravel? Is that going to mess up the lawn? Well, here's the thing. If it's a big enough pile, right, what they've given you Make a gravel man? Graveler. It's an emplacement, right?

It's a fortification made out of slingshot ammo. Okay. So the next time this guy comes around, You're taking out windows. You're taking out side view mirrors. You're ruining this guy's dump truck.

This is basically what I said to do except with a gun. Right, but mine is using the gravel. So you're getting the gravel out of your yard while also damaging their personal property. Max is getting points for using the gravel. No, it's smart. And that will get you extra points. I'm just trying to win the internet. It's all about points.

You, sir, have won the internet. You're on at midnight. It's 2014. That's back. I need a fucking up-do right now. You know that's back, right? I know it's back. You're always yelling at me.

It's called After Midnight now, which is very funny to me. It's too late. Go to bed. Nothing good happens. Taylor Tomlinson hosts it now. I don't think I'm too old, but go to bed. Doesn't she also have like a talk show now? That's the talk show.

She's everywhere. That is the show. They lied to you. They said, guess who's the first woman talk show host or whatever, and it was After Midnight. And then you're watching it, and you're like, this isn't a normal show. She's not really talking. This is a panel show.

This is technically morning television. You can tell people are writing these responses. Yeah, it's true. Anyway, I have nothing bad to say about that show. I'd love to be on it. It would be our thrill to put the Quarators on the saddest episode of After Midday. I don't know why we wouldn't be on it.

I'm dying to do it. Get the gravel off of my yard, Max. That's the secret sound. That is our premium sound. I don't want you touching this board. You can't ever fucking stop me. I'm on a special board. You can't stop me, dude.

Move to the next question. I'm unbreakable. He's being so disruptive. I am not being, I am doing the show. And no one is yes-ending my great ideas. I'm so nervous that he's going to pull the Alyssa ploy again. It was so good. She's actually in the other room now.

I know. It was a perfect crime. All right. I don't want to hear about the gravel anymore. It sickens me. It's maybe a scam, someone says. what's the scam the scam is oops you got gravel oops someone's got gravel too much gravel for you you've got too much gravel on my lawn you got too much lawn on my gravel oh no that's how we

made reese's peanut butter cups anyway this is quora md slam that button slam it no that's naruto Everyone wait He doesn't even know the button It's QuoraMD Won't you put on a stethoscope Tonight I like this one Now put it back on

Here's a question How can I have more fun with peeing without making a mess. Now, peeing is already pretty fun. Forbidden pleasure. But,

it's such a mess. If you wanted to have more fun, I think that does involve a mess. I actually think there's a contradiction here. Introducing piss condoms.

What were you saying? More mess is more fun. More mess, more fun. More mess, more fun. It's peeing. It's peeing. Check it out.

Check out peeing. Also, someone's been shot. But the thing is, peeing is already so much fun. Oh, you know what you could do? I actually have a constructive feedback for this. Oh, please. And that's peeing outside.

Oh, it's great. More fun than inside? It's more fun than a sink? And less of a mess. I was talking to my partner about the joys of peeing on moss. Yo, that's big fat. Yeah, it's good. It's good.

There's nothing better than feeding the moss. No splashback. Great sound. Sure, good sound. Yeah, for sure. And it's like, you just picture it because Moss is such a dirty little guy that they're happy to have you there. Oh, they're like, hey.

Yeah, light us up. I'm one step up from lichen, which is one step up from bacteria. This is my shit. You just did what I wanted. I'm what soil's made out of. Moss, it's what soil's made out of. There's bedrock and then there's me, baby. So I feel like we've had some good ideas, but I am genuinely.

That was Jeremy being the Moss. I am genuinely interested to hear what Cora's suggestions are. Well, I have one more. Okay, Max. Okay, I think you get a really, really tall ladder. That's good. There's no mess. And there's no, well, and you can do two things.

One, peeing off high thing, very good. Yeah, that's dope. And two, you get a funnel with a really, really tight coiled tube. Okay. And then you pee in the funnel and you try and make your way down the little staircase ladder, whatever, before your pee. and you get to see your pee come out at the bottom. What am I going to fucking jump off of a fire escape? How am I going to get to the bottom before the pee?

I do like that you get to see the pee come out. Yeah, it's like, okay, so imagine it like a spiral staircase or some sort of Rube Goldberg contraption. Because you might think like, okay, well, what's the prize if I do it, right? Like if I succeed, what do I get? You get to see it come out. You get to see it come out. That's the prize.

It actually kind of creates its own. Yeah, and you can be like, I remember when I peed that up there. Right, exactly. This is a term I use when I pee, but if I'm up there giving it. And you use the term? Yeah, I'm out there creating the pee. I'm giving pee. It's giving pee.

You're giving pee right now? How am I supposed to get down while the pee's traveling and I'm not traveling before the pee? Well, that's why it's hard, Alex. That's why it's something that's a reward and not... Well, you could say stuff that's good. You could say, like, urine powers activate when you pee. You could do that any time, sure.

That would make it more fun. It's certainly not making more of a mess. Yeah. Yeah, it's no trouble. Let's hear what Hora has to say Okay Chris Fernandez who knows Spanish says Here are some examples that I sure will make peeing more fun

Number one You pee standing up Spreading your legs and parting your lips Your lips? I don't like the parting of the lips It really bothers me I think that's a piece of advice for women Oh okay I was like yeah

It's hard to imagine And parting your lips And this is from Chris Oh, like the vaginal lips. I really did think that we were talking about like you just make like the O face while you're peeing. Yeah. No. Oh, I'm peeing.

Sounds like two guys who forgot about women once again. I've never done that once. Remember women. Okay, number two. Or standing up, guiding your lips forward. You know what? Actually, I don't know what this guy said. I don't like how lips are coming into every suggestion.

Now, is this? Now, okay. how is chris spelled uh c-r-i-s like chris kardashian i don't know if chris is a man or a woman i do know that he's the spaces he are in are includes nudists around the world and a man in panties i think it's a girl man how do you know this is not him i think well that beautiful women on his page makes me think it's it's a girl but the one that says soy tv over it and shows a woman covering her crotch right i don't really understand what that means i think this is a man with a piss

fetish. Okay. Well, this person has eight more suggestions about fun ways to pee without making a mess. And not all of them involve lips and I'd like to hear them. Okay. Number three. You can do competitions to see who gets the furthest with their urine. That is fun. Number four. You aim

your urine at the wall. That's a mess. That's a mess. Number five. I think we're on. You enter something inside you, an egg for example and force it not to fall while you relax urinating burdo has logged on don't do this you get a wooden ball and put it in your butt it doesn't matter how you get it out okay next one while bent over writing while she urinates

and let's see which of the two understands what she wrote with her urine Is this like a riddle? You're not done. Reading all of Christopher Nannist. Did you write ice is in the snow? There's two more. There's two more. Okay.

Another fun thing is to be both bent over with their legs open and both girls pee at the same time and try to cross the streams forming a single stream. Both girls? In this case, there's two girls. Do you have a team working with you on this? In this case, there's two girls. Also, you know what that sounds like to me? A fucking mess. Yeah.

A mess. That's a mess. A bunch of these ideas are a mess. Can I just comment that Chris Fernandez's accreditation for this answer is no Spanish? Well, I think that's helpful. It's the language of love. I mean, look. Yeah, it's...

Eyes are the language of gay men. I know that. Yeah, it's true. It's so true. It's so true. Piss is the language of the working man. And my penis is normal. Yes.

Yeah. It has no whips. And yet it must scream. I'm going to pee out of my regular penis. It doesn't go three different directions. We must read this final thing from Chris. Also, I remember with two friends, we were in a swamp. It was very hot.

We were sitting naked on a big, smooth, and hot stone, and we drank. We weren't drunk. And while we were sitting down, we suddenly realized that our urine was coming out, and we were wetting all our legs and buttocks. When we felt like it, we wetted the stone with our mixed urine, and we laughed a lot. parentheses later we went to the swamp and we cleaned the urine that we had in the body so the suggestion is to pee on yourself and then go in a swamp i'm you know what this is i can just feel one of the the quora episodes where our listeners are going to be like i really didn't

want to listen to any of that yeah this was upsetting to me i kind of feel that way i feel like off camera off mic out because i have this conversation all the time we're like i honestly don't know what's going to be too far for people like i don't really nothing but bothers me but i can tell this one's gonna bother people i mean it's so many fucking ideas i and then me and my friend pissed all over each other and went in a swamp you're also getting the swamp to clean off shrek yeah it's shrek alex looked at me like i was a fucking idiot because i came up with a fun game that involves a whirly birds and funnels but guess what fucker the slide gets dirty here's the question here's

the question how are your lips how are your lips in this i think the lips is what makes it too far by the way i think bringing them in no the stone one was upsetting the stone one i thought was a really interesting story actually and it's important to share um there's more of these could you leave us a review on itunes if you're listening because we we need those we're at 96 Gajar Hashida, whose qualification is that she's a girl who loves to pee in pants. This is not the question. This is a fetish that we hear a lot. You love to do that?

Well, it doesn't say into toilet, but I do think that that is arguably a mess. I was going to say we shouldn't read a second answer after this first one, because we read like ten things. All right, fair enough. I will say just the first sentence. She says, I have the answer if you want to wet your pants. The answer is we don't want to wear our pants. We don't. That makes a mess.

You didn't read it right. Look, here's the thing. If you actually do want to hear this answer, you can just Google this yourself. Just go ahead and go to Quora and look it up, I guess. You can find it. We're trying to run a children's show here. This guy says to do it in a bathtub or shower. No, that makes a mess.

Well, at least there's a drain. You're in a bathtub. There's a drain. Bathtub is a mess. Shower is not. You're peeing in a bathtub that you're in. Let's read another Quora. I'm mad as hell.

All right. You have another MD one? At Riled Knee. Yeah, we have two more. At Riled Knee. We can do all of them. I'm pissed. Is it...

This is the next question. Is it normal to like peeing where I'm not supposed to? Yes, that is normal. We were just talking about it. All right, next question. On to a wall with your lips open. Stop saying the lips. That's the problem.

We don't talk about that anymore. Don't aim it. With your regular penis. I am trying to go to Protestant heaven, Jeremy. Not me. Jeremy's a cat now. I am snipped. Okay, this is our last question.

Okay, thank you. Why do narcissists still insult me on Quora? So is there any more pleasure more forbidden? Can I answer this question? Is there a way for me to answer it? See the Quora product. Wait, so do you have to be a narcissist? Like you have to show your certified narcissism diagnosis?

or is it I had seen your narc degree yeah or it's like or is it sorry sweetie

I only talk to narcissists and they're mean to me and they're mean to me I think it's the second one but the question is why sure but why

but why a lot of the answers are just saying that the person who writes this sucks that's probably it that's probably why that was going to be my first guess

is that you suck yeah they got you suck you suck but how do we know these aren't narcissists I'm facepalming reading your content

Yeah, Sloppy Joe says because you're a narcissist and no one likes you. Now, do we know Sloppy Joe? Do we know Sloppy Joe? I think conceptually we do, but not personally. Old fart that loves woodworking and sewing. Sloppy Joe. You old fart. You old fart.

He's got his own space, too. He's a former retired. Yeah, he is former retired. I guess he's back. He's back in the workspace. Why do evil people want to always prevent goodness to happen? He says because they're evil. He has his own questions.

uh which is right cunnilingus or cuntalicus all right we're done he's too sloppy yeah he's a he's a randy man i don't want to spend time with sloppy joe you know and then he goes is bedhead fellatio while in bed you old fart next question is if i was a mass murderer would my life be sacred Okay, that's actually an actual warning sign That we should report to the FBI That one's something that like Buffalo Bill Is putting on Quora All of these are from this week

No answers yet, by the way That's like asking two questions to a magic 8-ball And getting like, all answers point to yes And then you ask a third and it's like I knew you to kill your brother It's so specific This guy loves woodworking and sewing. Let's see what else.

There's not really any other. There's one answer that says, from Dorothy Siortino, she says, they want supply. Most probably a toothless 80-year-old starving for supply. Do not be their victim. Grow a thick skin and refuse to take the bait.

I am in ISIS. It doesn't say that. You guys are so mean to me. And all I do is... All I do is give and these narcissists bully me. They press the buttons

on my board when it's my show and I press the buttons. You're not pressing all your buttons today. Killing spree. And it is a killing spree, unfortunately.

Do you have anything else you want to say? Oh, I'm sick of you guys. Piss me off. Come on. You gave me $30 million today. Today's a happy day for me. I'm so happy for you.

You can spend it on narcissist clothes. How many hours have you guys been podcasting today? Seven now? He came over at 10 in the morning. It is 5.20 for those listening.

That's a full day. That's a shift. Yeah, it's a shift in the content minds. Do I not have a steam whistle? I feel like that would be... Give me one here. Why don't you check? We don't have one.

No, I don't have one. Okay, well, in the meantime, let's go ahead and write up a question. We were going to tag Carol Cotton in it. Is that her name? Yeah, I don't remember. What was her name? She was the lady who was like,

I'm a mean grandma, if you'd ever cross my path. No, she was the one who said the chuckle, big daddy chuckle, I think. Yeah, but then she also... Oh, you're right. That was a different one. It was Carol Cotton. Carol Cotton. What did I say? You said Carol Cotton. Oh, wow. So I'm actually a genius. You're so smart.

Alright, so the question is... How do I make peeing more fun? No, we're not talking about peeing ever again. How do I get my lips wide? It was the bridge that was too far, and we're fired from crack the second time. Okay, let's look at a normal question. Okay.

How can I tell if I have a regular penis? Yeah. Oh, no. Because we want to be... We don't want to be... How do I get more women to listen to my podcast? Yeah, you don't want to internet harass this woman. We don't want to harass Carol Cotton.

How do I get more women to listen to my podcast? How do I get more women to listen... Yeah, that's fine. That's a real question we have. Yeah, maybe she has the answer. Wait, what about like... That's good. No, you don't have a better one.

I was going to say How do I get my deck To be real nice How do I have a real nice deck With good plants Pottery I would love to ask that to Carol Cotton But I do not own a deck

You own a lot of decks They're flesh and blood decks This episode is fucking over This is fucking done Send something to Carol Cotton And we're done Send it to Carol Cotton and we're doing the plugs.

Max, thank you so much for coming on the show. I treasure your friendship. Where can our listeners find you at home and abroad? You can find me on Corridor's podcast. I'll be on here probably again next year. Listen to Theater of Delights when that comes out. I do a lot of kooky stuff on there. Thanks for having me.

Yeah, you're going to hear some great accent work from Max on that. Oh, yeah. Max is also in all the other seasons of Theater of Delights. He's in like half of them. Yeah, most of them. You wrote the third one with me.

You can listen to the third season of Theater of Delights. um in the meantime if you enjoy this podcast please sign up for the patreon i love you so much and this is all i ask of you that and to write an itunes review where we have exactly 96 of them and that's so much to ask and that's gonna be it for us this week jeremy do you have anything to add um carol cotton has been tagged in this question she uses quora quite a bit so i think there's a decent chance she answers i hope she doesn't mean to us because i don't think i could take that i asked a very straightforward question how do i get more women to listen to my podcast okay all right sounds good to me and we'll see you next week in the meantime question everything

killing spree and we did not record this one