Quorators - Going Raw w/ Martin Urbano

Episode Date: July 8, 2024

Comedians Alex Ptak and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: How do I shower at a sleepover? Has Superman and Batman ever slept together? How do you make money on a bog? Me and my friend Emma live on a bog and we are looking to make money quick and fast. --- Follow Martin on instagram @ MartinUrbanoJr COME TO OUR LIVE SHOW AUGUST 24th in NYC: https://www.caveat.nyc/events/quorators-8-24-2024 Get even more Quorators when you support the show @ http://patreon.com/quorators Send quoras and qommunicate on our discord https://discord.gg/7pPYuKuYCr Watch the show @ youtube.com/@quorators

What's good is we have two, they're brothers, so they can go and hang out. Yeah, they have each other. My cat is nobody. That's one of the deepest bonds there is. Between cat brothers. I have a boy cat and a girl cat, and it's like fucking moonstruck every day of my life. Just abusing this poor woman cat. Not a human, a cat.

Okay, we're going to start the show and dance a little bit. welcome back monday morning we're here live on the quarators podcast what you're hearing are the smooth sounds coming through your stereo so don't turn that dial And by dial, I mean button on your phone. I'm Alex, and this is Jeremy. How's it going? We're America's premier Quora-based podcast. If there's another, I don't want to hear it.

I am sick of them already. Do they get tagged in the post intended for the Quora CEO? Probably not. Probably not. Probably not like we do. But enough on that. We have an exciting guest for you this week. And this fellow is all the way from Laugh Town, USA.

That's right. The Big Apple, New York City. You're going to love him. Please welcome the one and only Martin Urbano. Martin? Happy to be here. It's great to have you. Martin, have you been on Quora before?

Yes. Good. Thumbs up or thumbs down? Thumbs all the way up. It's fun. Hell yes. I'm glad you feel this way. I feel like sometimes we have people over here and introduce them to Quora,

and you can tell like minute four, like, this is not for me. And it's like, buckle up. You have 56 more minutes. um what about like what's the difference between quora and reddit threads in your i think quora is dumber yeah reddit's more like insufferable right i think like reddit people are like people who are like know it all and then quora is just for like true psychos to go and i don't know form new opinions it's also like the threads are more vague right so there's more room to just hash it out in the comments um and really just tell any anecdote you'd like to did you just pass a video of sperm

entering an egg yeah yeah okay just checking i'm sorry it's very distracting i don't know why we describe it like that orson scott card upvoted this gif of sperm if you've been waiting for an upvote on sci-fi author orson scott card he's upvoting sperm pics yeah thank you orson 82 year old sci-fi Mormon author, Orson Scott Carter. That's our live update from him. I'm excited to get into this week's theme. It is a doozy. But before we do that, we're going to have to go back to where it all started.

And that is, of course, with advice here on the Tips for Men segment. Tips for Men! Martin, you're the guest. Do you have any tips for men? Therapy. Mm-hmm, okay. But also, I did just start therapy. It's transformative for me.

It does it. You have a new glow. Yeah, thank you. It was just every time people would say, like, men would rather do this than go to therapy, and I kept being like, I would rather do that. And then one day, I changed my mind. Makes me wonder what's happening over there.

What am I missing that I'd rather eat a can of snakes? Jeremy, have you been to therapy? Not once, ever. You seem fucked up, dog. That's why I'm so broken. I can fix him, and then it's Jeremy? Come on, now. You're dealing with a viper right there.

A veritable rattlesnake. I had weird severe OCD as a child, and my parents almost took me to a therapist, and then they said it went away. I don't know what that means. Just the threat. I got, like, sent home from school, like, every day in pre-K because I kept insisting on making my belt so tight that I got sick. And they're like, we should take him to a therapist. And then I stopped. And now I'm so normal.

Did you not know to not do that? I don't know. Apparently, I just needed everything on my body to be crazy tight. Did you think you were supposed to be sick? The other thing was, like, apparently, like, I would insist that my shoes be so tight that I'd, like, lose circulation to my feet. Oh, that's also not supposed to happen. I agree. Okay.

So you're into bondage stuff now. I'm not, though, is the thing. It went away. Okay. I wish I was. That sounds like it would be fun. Seems fun, right? Sometimes I look at people with fetishes, and I'm like, they're having more fun than I am.

Yeah. See, the thing is, I think of fetish as just a form of hobby, and I already have collectible trading card games, so I don't think I need it. That's right. You are really into card games. I don't need to strangle myself with a rope. Although I bet I could. I like the part of bondage that's like you have to learn knots like it's the Navy. That really tickles me.

You have to be like a Boy Scout to be good at cumming. If you want to blast, you got to learn a skill first. It's dangerous otherwise. There's a tip for men somewhere in there. I don't know what it was. Wearing out a tie and knot. Jeremy sees appropriately fitting pants now and thinks, Yeah!

That's little John saying, yeah, we have a lot of fun here, folks. hit that like and subscribe button here on youtube.com home of the fact um what's our theme this week oh wait before we do the theme okay i remember how this show works uh martin we begin and end the show by asking a question on quora okay so let me see what they wrote while we were gone but we did record with josh connellman yesterday so there might not be anything okay so this question that we asked was what mythical creature would be the most beneficial and least dangerous to encounter in the wild. Most beneficial.

Most beneficial. Maybe like a gold-laying goose. Sure. Did we clarify that it has to be a real creature? No, it said mythical. Gold-laying goose is actually good as hell, actually. That's really good. Yeah, that's a great animal to find.

That was in the cipher. There's only one answer on this. It's from someone named Alyssa, whose qualification is woman of literacy and cunning. Oh. Oh. It's a weird thing to write. I feel like this is a listener.

It doesn't say our code word scrambled eggs. Oh, by the way, if you write in from the show, you must say the word scrambled eggs. I don't think this is a listener. Otherwise, you will be hunted down. Her bio on Quora is, I'm the elite liberal they warned you about. Oh, okay.

So I know who it is. Began to read at five, began witchcraft at 10, became an Illuminata at 22. Oh! So she's in the Illuminati, I guess. Oh, no!

And is a witch. Oh, this is a powerful user. Well, what'd they say about the mythical creature? She said, whatever the script writer wants it to be. All right, sure.

Which I think is like a sassy, like, ah, it's fake. First of all, watch your tone. With the Quora podcast. Hey, hey! We're using this for content.

I'd like one of you to come up with a better idea than Goldling. And then she basically says, She does eventually say unicorns. Okay. Unicorns have like magic blood or something. Is that right?

Does that sound right? I don't know. I think in Harry Potter you can drink it, but you get like an STD style situation. Do you? Really? Yeah. Well, I think it like turns you into a snake or something.

It's like it's magic. It's different than normal. It's a unicorn. That's a tip for men. If you drink unicorn blood, you may turn into a snake. Nailing the soundboard today, it's still not labeled Okay, let's do our topic this week, which is going raw Right

Oh We thought you would like that Yeah, you know what, I'm neutral on it for now Okay, great Before you started therapy, you were kind of going raw Mm-hmm My life Yeah, yeah, my mental health

Before you learned to get the protection of the mind okay so this is our first medical segment quora md don't you ask a question about disease of the day here on quora.com okay this question is do people who say they are allergic to peanuts really just not like them or is this an actual allergy whoa these folks are going raw what was the theme for josh's episode uh i don't remember again wait crossing boundaries crossing boundaries okay okay and frankly i had to make it very quick when he got here and i put a few questions on there that yeah we probably should cross maybe too many pounds with josh

gondelman i should have saved them for going raw frankly but i didn't think and fast enough uh well anyway we're back on the peanut allergy question which josh would have loved uh and uh the question is are peanut allergies lies do either of you have allergies i don't have any allergies no not a one yeah so looking around the room we have to kind of assume it might be a lie three alphas i do remember as a kid uh being scared of getting stung by a bee so i would lie and tell people that i was allergic so that when i freaked out they were like oh it's because he's allergic yeah i don't want to be stung by them medically look weak or something a doctor will back me up on this i do not like that

i think that is how some people approach peanut allergies which is just like i know you don't like but i don't care if it closes your throat uh well i i don't know it sounds like martin is saying implying that it might not be real it might be people lying i know that's what people say about uh gluten allergies yeah yeah what do you that's all up here do you think it's all up there well the stomach is the second mind have you heard that have you ever learned that for once in your life kind of sounds like from king of queens or something i mean i've never seen king of queens i wouldn't put it past them to put them there but it's like uh yeah if you put gluten in there uh you can uh reject it psychosomatically you've never seen king of queens

not once no i'm afraid of queens did you know kevin can wait have you i should i should start with kevin have you seen this kevin can wait show i have a a hot take on it oh here we go folks fascinated by kevin can wait yes i don't know anything about it other than um that his people didn't like his wife on the show so he like killed her off between seasons yep yep it's amazing played by aaron hayes who's on like adult swim stuff oh yeah she got cast as the the wife character and they were just like yeah we didn't really know what to do with her character so just killed her off that really gave kevin something to like deal with on the show they're like next season they're just like oh she had cancer and died yeah yeah yeah it like

starts at her funeral that's my friend being like kevin it's been too long you gotta go out there a day you know it's like basically she didn't just like get another job or something kevin james just murdered her fictionally well i'm fired that rocks did they replace her with like his wife from the old show is that one of them leah remini who's the wife of the original show uh made a guest appearance in season one as like his like former partner detective person because he's a cop in a retired cop now that's likable i mean now that's a show that you want to watch and then that's why season two then she got upped from old partner to love interest so they're just like it's king of queens again yeah yeah yeah you like that they both used to be cops and they did like that

uh one of my favorite character dynamics in uh any show of all time the first season of peaky blinders they set up this character who's like a radical communist because it's supposed to be world war one and so they're like this is the things that were happening in 1915 and so they have this guy and he's like gonna marry her sister and they have tension and they disagree politically and then they build him up the whole season i assume between season one two he gets a job or something and then the show comes back and they're like he randomly died he got sick and died forget about him it will never come up again yeah and then they have uh leah ramini play the new communists on Peaky Blinders.

Peaky Blinders rocks. One of my favorite shows of all time. It's full of people who are around as good at accents as I am. Professionally going for it. I've only seen your accent. Oh, no! It's good.

It's good enough. It's good enough is why it works. Now, I assume people to be very angry in this comment section. Is that true? On the peanut question, yeah, people are quite mad that somebody is suggesting that peanut allergies are not real before we get into it cringe do we think the person posting the question is being a troll or actually asking this question just impossible to tell i think this might be an

this is an ai god damn it i hate it when this happens whenever you find like a kind of basic question we're like this idiot and it's a fucking robot It was a robot who just, like, walked into their trap. How do you know it's AI? It says it was written by Quora Prompt Generator. That could mean anything. I'm so embarrassed. What was the last one we did of these?

Was it, like, is it wrong for husbands to love their wife? Yeah, that's what it was. And it was just a robot genuinely wanting to know. This is the robot trying to understand humans. They're like, so is it real? So you guys with the flesh, you could be allergic to peanuts? So there are a bunch of answers on that? Yeah, there's a bunch of people answering it who are like, yes, it's very real.

Why are you asking this? When the question is really just a robot being like, all right, write that down. Week two peanuts. We could use that to kill them all. I'm realizing that it's kind of just about posting any question online because there's always going to be people responding to it, even if it's a very simple one. That's right. Kind of blowing my mind. You got to get on there.

It's the ultimate rush. to be on Quora.com. Any question? There are questions that are unanswered. Some of them don't have answers. And those are unanswerable questions. I wonder if we'll be getting to any of those today. Do we have any?

I don't think we do. We have one. We do have one later. We'll get there. Let's do another one. Another medical question. Hopefully this isn't written by a robot. This one is also going raw.

Is it considered rude to have a poo on someone else's toilet? I know some people feel this way. And if it is, I have broken this contract in pretty much every room I have been in. I don't know how relevant it is, but it is on someone's toilet, not in someone's toilet. Yeah, but that's like Winnie the Pooh writing. They mean in. I assume they mean in.

So you think this is a childish bear. Yeah, that's right. A bear full of whimsy. Just looking to release their honey, if you understand. This person was banned, and their name is Edit Band. So I don't know if that was before. after i don't know if you're joking about your poop question but we will answer we will answer it very seriously i have nothing else to do i i don't think it's rude but i would never do it

you you like wait you save it too shy yeah i'll be in absolute pain until i go murder a barnes and noble bathroom that's so dignified oh wait but a barnes and noble bathroom like you just want to do that at like a friend's house yeah i preferably at home okay maybe somewhere it took me a while when i worked like in an office you're like a road comedian i feel like this would be a difficult rule for you to follow yeah never poop in a comedy club you're in the uk for a month and just never went to the bathroom save it all for home what a day that was serious infection that was me posting that question i need to know now i know my wife feels this way and i remember we went to bonnaroo when i was like 18 and she didn't poop for like a week and i was like i

I didn't know you could do that. I don't think you can. She did. If you don't drink any water, you can, and it's 100 degrees in Alabama or whatever. She might have been pooping on the low. Tennessee, don't be mad at me. It's in Tennessee. You can't be mad at me.

I host the podcast. Yeah, I feel like, I don't know if I'd rather poop in someone's home or a Barnes & Noble. I don't know. I feel like that might be, I feel like I'd be weird about the Barnes & Noble bathroom. I think I have a trauma. Okay. Because when I was younger I was constipated a lot

So when I would poop It would be a whole thing And one time I was at a friend's place And I clogged the toilet There was no plunger And we all had to deal with that That's a nightmare So I'm like, never again

And that can happen as an adult as well Sure, has that happened to you? Yeah, I think Wait, that happened when we were at Cracked The show used to be on Cracked on crack.com and Alex did clog a toilet at their office.

I got really set up though because I asked where's the bathroom and they said that one's not working, use the other one and then I took a full shit and then that bathroom was also not working and I told the manager and she just went ha ha ha ha and you'll notice that we're not at crack right now

we're in my apartment I don't know if those are connected How soon after was the move? Two weeks? It was pretty shortly after. I don't think it was entirely unrelated, to be frank. I mean, I would fire someone for that if I was a high-powered executive.

There's a lot of stuff I'd do. I think it's okay to poo on someone's toilet. I think you just got to go no limit and raw in it. There used to be bathrooms. I feel like there's bathrooms in New York City that I know to go to. The UCB East used to have a bathroom where I would just walk in there and go to that bathroom a lot. Oh, I can picture it exactly. It was in a basement.

It was in a basement. That seems like it had the appropriate amount of space. Here's the thing about toilets. They're meant to be pooed in. Very true. And when you don't poo in them, you're denying them their purpose. I'm going to read some of these answers. Please.

Mario Da Silva, who lives in Hong Kong, says, In my honest opinion, if you have to go, you go wherever it's possible. Yes. so thank you barrio i live my life a quarter mile at a time he says do not leave any souvenirs for the next person to discover and comment about a quote big visible explosion that must have happened so that's also good advice that's something that's advice i did not follow it cracked i talked about it a lot immediately and that might have been actually most of the problem um one person says to ask for permission first no no that isn't it

everyone agreed about that yeah so don't do that okay may i poo on your toilet it seems like most people are for for it yeah everyone says it's cool and then some people are sarcastically saying no okay all right well you can sarcastically say no we're all having fun here thank you for the question edit band here's another similar question how to how do i shower at a sleepover i'm trying to think of a sleepover where i've showered yeah you gotta use their towel you gotta use their towels i think this is a pretty adorable question and i'm i'm hoping it's not written by a robot because it's not i think that

it's totally normal when it's written by a robot pops up at the top so we're good gabrielle malaya yep get her get her say her name and address i can tell you that she's a veterinarian okay cool so she's she's just having adult sleepovers i hope this is for your child yeah okay so in terms of how i you are gonna have to announce that because if you just start taking a shower people will take issue with it that's fine yeah so maybe um what you could do if you're may be embarrassed to ask is dramatically spill something on yourself oh that's a great because i feel like i must have showered a few times after doing that because i'm i was a sticky little boy yeah i think that's a good if you need like a plan if you if you are too nervous just be like

can i take a shower you could spill all over yourself or if i like used a pool too that's a good excuse sure to to get it on shower wise what would you spill on yourself oh what wouldn't and I spill on myself. We're talking OJ. We're talking a whole pancake. I was also thinking pancakes. Yeah, a pancake is really, it's large and unwieldy,

and so it's easy to be like, oh, I wanted this. Oh, no. And then it goes on your whole pant leg or something. You're going to have to shower. But yeah, you can spill anything. Guys, my headphones stopped working completely.

Oh, I got you. This is all going to be fixed in post. Okay, perfect. No one will know our headphones are bad. They slowly started fading. I kind of thought I was dying I was just like

what's going on here no you are dying it's just how you go out yeah it's just the headphones also weren't working just hearing Alex ramble about what

things he could spill let me tell you what I've spilled on myself like this ShamWow commercial over here we could not get the stains out

okay are the answers to this unhinged not really one guy Pete says you turn the water on and wait for it to get to your

desired temperature then step into the shower same as you would at your house smiley face shut the fuck up pete everyone just says it's normal to do i don't know what to tell you i think it's the social graces of hell it's the subtle intricacies of taking that someone says i would bring my own towel and perhaps soap i don't know about all that i don't think you can do that if you bring your own soap they're gonna assume you have like a

medical necessity of some kind do people take showers at sleepovers i don't know i didn't go There were just too many sleepovers as a kid. Because of the poop thing? I wonder how connected they are, but no, no. Just overprotective parents. They didn't want them to whisk you away. All the secrets they're telling us, sleepovers. Yeah, they didn't want me getting any ideas.

Yeah, don't get too comfortable staying at this other house. I think a few times I did it, But usually it was kind of like if you're just there for a night or whatever and you're doing like Star Fox, you don't need to take a shower. Yeah, I think that's right. I mean, I went to like a summer camp, a sleepaway camp as a kid, and I think I took a shower like once in a month. Somebody said nakedly. I agree with that. Oh, yeah, that's pretty good.

I feel like young boys don't shower that much. Yeah, boys. The thing about us boys, we're not hitting that shower, that is. I'm going to find the boys in the house. Is it here? Nope. All right. Forget it.

This one. Never mind. All right. Whatever. Who cares? We want it too bad. There's too many. I'm so mad at myself.

It's so hard to have a podcast. No, keep going. Okay. It's a serious advice. You only got one shot. We have the labels. We just haven't put them on yet. You haven't put them on yet.

We're going to move on. This is the Incel and Manosphere segment, the Quoker. That one he's got. Dare you enter the realm? Okay. How do you know? Wait, what? The Joker's realm.

Is this a specific section? No, this is just our, we've been segmenting them. So this is a question. We're still going raw. Yeah. Okay. Gotcha. All of them are going wrong.

Thank you, but I see, I see, I see. But when they're about different topics, we play the theme song. I like this, yes. It is somewhat unwieldy. I'll be the first to admit. No, no, I like it. But I need something to put on these 40 buttons I'm assigned. Well, you know what?

We could decide if this is an incel-adjacent question, but the question is, if you had to choose between having both legs and an arm cut off and then being burned but surviving with severe injuries or going on a date with a feminist, which would you choose? This one really tickled me, actually. That's awesome.

I want to see what people have to say. For one, I'm probably going to go on the date. I think I would, too. Although I am a married man. Oh, no, Jeremy. This person has posted porn. Don't click on that. Okay.

But normal porn, worth saying. Not illegal porn of any kind. Um, let's see what the answer is. Or was it feminist? Why do you think we're saying date the feminist? Okay. That's what I would do. Yeah.

Okay. He says, worst case scenario, she splits the bill 50-50. That's true. You have all of your limbs at the end. Okay. There's a lot of pictures of Chris Pratt. Yeah. Well, this woman says, a date with a feminist, especially if it's Ashton Kutcher, Benedict

cumberbatch ryan gosling mark ruffalo or jason momoa jason momoa is all caps that's the one she's most excited for yeah so she's really excited and then she has a bunch of photos of uh ian somerhalder i didn't even consider that a woman would date a male feminist wow that's so fucked up of you that you wouldn't even consider that's the kind of bias that a man can be a feminist would i rather have several limbs amputated and be burnt than date a man feminist No. I love my limbs. I use them every day.

I can't understand what this... One guy says... This guy, Christopher, says, oh, look, the Quarant is Nullo in addition to being misogynistic. What's Nullo? I don't know what any of these... Okay, I think...

I think Quarant is meant to be like Quora user. Because it's parent of the Quora. Is that what it is, you think? Quarant. Quarant? Think about it. This guy's name is Christopher Perkins. No, I don't know what NOLO is.

I see Martin getting stuck on NOLO. Should I Google NOLO? I allow you to use Google to ask what NOLO is. Urban Dictionary. Someone who is null. Okay. So like no value. Okay.

I've never heard that in my life, calling someone a NOLO. I'm going to use that in my high school Lego too. this guy's bio is liberal and then 10 exclamation points dog poet office admin assistant and general pita i don't know what p-i-t-a means sounds like he's roasting liberals let me guess you're a dog poet i bet you wouldn't be badly burnt instead of going on a date it seems kind of really hard to be a conservative right now the standards are through the roof i really want to read this guy's poems about dogs do you see them no i don't see any okay i see

he has a bunch of posts christopher perkins you're getting off the hook your dog bones are safe i'm desperately searching for this man's dog poems from our no holds barred youtube channel i'm such You're such a fucking NOLO. Tell me you're a NOLO without telling me you're a NOLO. I can't find anything about this guy other than... Get off of here. Get out of here. Sorry, sorry.

He lives in Stanford, Virginia. Stafford. Stafford. If you're going to find him, he's in Stafford. All right, here's another question. Has Superman and Batman ever slept together? Bruh. What do you think?

There might have been an issue somewhere, a multiverse one, where Robin's more of a sexual partner for Batman than just a sidekick. Oh, so like an alternate gay Batman universe where he is partnered with Robin if Robin was sick or something. Or just looking to open it up. So he's dating Robin, but he is open. He's poly. Sure. Whoopi, why not? Don't you dope this on me.

You said this. One of these other world sagas. That's right. Yeah, it could be Elseworlds. That's a fine answer, which is just in gay Batman world. Yes, he has. Because anything can happen you want because these people are made up. All things are possible through Elseworlds.

It's possible if you will it. You can just draw it. I think Superman and Batman do have a similar dynamic. And I know that they're always paired off in a fight. And it's somehow made equal, even though their power disparity is quite high. But I think Superman would kill Batman in a fuck off. And there's just no two ways about it because he has skin like steel. Yeah.

That's why he's the man of it. That's right. I agree. Safety first, Batman. You could use kryptonite. You could bring some kryptonite. He could get in a mech and then fuck Superman. Which is something I may be interested in seeing and illustrated on my timeline today.

There is an AI answer here. What's it say? It says, Superman and Batman are fictional characters and do not have the capability to sleep together. Wrong. Which I don't think is right at all. And then it says, they are also fictional characters and do not have the capability to sleep together. This robot needs to ask more horrors to understand the world better. I'm downvoting that.

Downvote. Fake and cringe. I don't think that... Fictional characters sleep together more than anyone. They love to do it. That's all they do. Up here? I've seen the drawings.

They won't stop. And there are many of them in this answer. Well, they're not sleeping together. Actually, they are, I guess. They're in a bed. They're in a bed in the drawing. This guy, Phoenix, says, Well, during the Silver Age,

they were both on a ship in their civilian identities. However, due to space issues on board, they were forced to share a cabin together. They weren't thrilled with the arrangement. However, they did end up discovering one another's superhero identities by accident. The two of them were never in love because both of them are straight,

so they just tolerated each other in the cabin. Let me get one thing clear about Batman. he is straight he bunked one week with superman it's so funny to talk about it like it really happened they were in a cabin together one time and they thought about it but they're not into that it was head to foot and you go down to the feet and you see is are these superman's boots i think this guy's superman um a lot of people said that they have been in beds together but they didn't have sex a lot of vehement denials on the quora dennis manning says no they are friends but they are not lovers draw the line do you ever wonder what would happen if batman saw superman

and just thought everyone is with it now oh everyone on this court is very like um all the people we find are very like political because this guy's bio the guy who said they're not gay says i am what most of americans seem to hate these days i'm white straight laid-back christian male with centrist views whoa so he's kind of a super villain in this way i hate these laid-back christian men piss me off so much what are you so relaxed about think about tits fuck you why do you not fear hell admit it superman is gay uh okay do you want to move on to our uh love and romance segment core romance

i am ready to do that okay martin i think you're gonna like this one here is where love comes to learn it's the core romance segment I'm sure this is a question you have a lot of answers for, Martin. Why are most women becoming lesbians these days? Is this AI generated? Wait, we should check, but this sounds real to me. This is human being. This sounds like someone with a grudge.

This is a guy named Matt Smith. Maybe it's the Doctor Who guy. uh agon targaryen damon targaryen excuse me yeah how dare you say that he was a god damon targaryen damon this is a uh this is a big question with lots of answers in a lot of ways a very uh political answer it's like how like the president would respond to so many different ways What angle is... Who's asking this question? Matt Smith, the Damon Targaryen.

What else about him? House of the Dragon. What's more in his biography? We can see other questions he's written. He's been banned, unfortunately. We can only see that he has asked 180 questions. He's asked a lot of politically charged questions. He asks, how can a guy who looks young appear older?

Oh. He says, my muscles didn't get sore from my workout. does that mean they won't grow oh damn we've all wondered that he says if white is not a color what color are the whites of our eyes so you can see why he was does the uk have any room for new cities and towns also why are all women lesbians all of a sudden weezer was right uh i guess uh they just found out about uh how great gals are that's my guess um are humans just made out of atoms these are all good these are all really good

he asked does dmt show you what reality is actually like yes this is damon targaryen asking this from the television this is morbius's enemy i remember his name in that movie um i've never seen it i'd love to learn i saw it okay how was it it's pretty bad no kidding don't make the time i was forced to watch it for a different podcast and i had to imagine most people there were watching it for a podcast morbius seemed like one of those movies that we all were like gonna watch as a joke and it just didn't seem like anyone genuinely liked it's pretty boring yeah yeah and i don't feel the need to do things like that and also the the guy like one of the characters in it just kept asking why all women are lesbians now which i thought was really odd

everyone's like aren't you supposed to be a vampire there's one answer here that might enlighten us a bit greg conway says i blame jeremy corbin oh okay and then somebody said ha i don't know how jeremy corbin has anything to do with lesbians i guess um he women aren't interested in him and this is the british politician they take one look at former labor leader jeremy corbin and they say i'm gay now forever i'm not familiar he's just an The older British politician, he ran for prime minister. I got to say, normal looking. He was a party leader several years ago.

Worth getting out there, like, not on the ugly side of politicians. He's, like, left wing. Oh, he's left wing. Yeah. So I guess that's the idea. I think that's playing into the comments. He turned everyone lesbian. And that's why all of them.

One of his best policies was for more women to make out at parties. I support it. It doesn't sound left wing, necessarily. That's how he got the youth on board. uh yeah well he you know it's like a solidarity thing he kept saying tongue solidarity yeah it was like a beastie boys party style initiative he's kind of a sex guy jeremy corbin jesse yeah i have no idea what the connection is between he's basically the bernie sanders of

of the uk so it'd be like if someone said i blame bernie sanders and you'd be like yeah i don't know i get the yeah i think ha was a fair response i honestly i feel like that's fine uh okay tom richard says well i have noticed that how very rude most women are to a single straight man really looking to meet a good woman to have a relationship with since most of the time when we will start a conversation with them which they will be just downright nasty to us and walk away killing spring doesn't make any sense at all to me especially when many of us men will just say good morning or hello to them. Feminists, I guess.

Okay, so we've like... So this guy's chopping his arms off instead of going on a date. He is not going on that date. This is kind of like a rap cipher of single and angry men. And then there's a comment from someone named No Budget Films,

which I have to assume is No Budge, the famous film festival in New York. And they said, it's because after one breakup, girls think all guys are bad. See, that shit happened all the time at school. it's so ambitious of this team to start no budge and they release all those movies like a lot of indie stuff not really comedy stuff i don't know how i feel about that

i like their use of the shrug emoji you don't see that one all the time the oh yeah yeah that's in there people everyone in this room kind of waited for me to clarify and then i shrugged and they went oh for people for people listening alex shrugged There was a use by a well-known comedian when all the D'Lea allegations were coming out. And he was like, hey, come on, guys. Were we just going to believe all these women online? And then everybody dunked on this guy.

And he was like, hey, sorry, I just believe in due process. And then there's the shrug emoji. And I always think about that shrug emoji. I believe in due process. It's a sign of the justice system. Like a dozen women coming forward. It should be a judge shrugging. Yeah.

um the video of him realizing that the the snapchat dms can be screenshot it is like one of the favorite it's one of the best videos on the internet it really is so good it's like a little movie it was released by no budge check out chris delia finding out snapchat videos don't go away something that's come up on this podcast a few times have we talked about that we definitely have before well you know what we've had him as a guest so many times he's a fan favorite whatever brings in these women listeners um one guy says there aren't i'm sorry this is a woman has answered and said there aren't there will always be more straight girls than gay girls so so that's what but then a man chris says the way i see it some women simply

can't find a man nowadays oh yeah so i feel the same way two sides of that coin it's because of jeremy corbin i think it's probably because of jeremy corbin all right i'm done with this take this question away from me that's wild it is wild uh here's another romance question how are you doing sweetheart i'm looking for a friend and some fun martin i'm doing well uh that's good don't click on it i clicked on the guy's name it's just a full penis it's a hand size for reference does quora have moderation this has come up before i don't know i don't i don't get it um i didn't know that you're allowed to just post like full porn on there until we started doing this podcast

but it's usually blurred out and that one that one was just a guy's giant cock it was uh first of all nice all right i gotta see it do you want me to pull it up let's go we'll go back all right hold on okay this is jonathan's penis whoa all right yeah that's quite big yeah what if it's not his though he can get at least two hands on that certainly not he's got really tiny hands well i mean he's looking for a friend and some fun hello sweetheart sweetheart's a great pickup pickup word i think yeah it implies a deep uh a deep bond no i guess not i haven't been single for a while maybe i guess that's a creepy thing to say i was gonna make fun of this guy and say like this is a bad place to post that but there's a lot of

comments that are just like pm me raw dog raw dog says this thursday you won't regret it said pm you won't regret it and then this guy mike says i am mike from magnolia north carolina looking for fun male or female wow that's anyone goes for mike beautiful and then christopher seymour says i'm good thanks how are you we'll be friends and what kind of fun i love this website that's my favorite website this guy christopher seymour has answered several questions people say can i be your friend and he goes, yes, you can. Do you think they actually become friends? I have to imagine they do.

I don't know why they wouldn't. I would follow up, but I assume they do. That's why Orson Scott card is on here. It's whiplash going from that last question to this one. This is very sweet. Maybe he's going to fuck that guy, Jonathan. And I hope he does.

And I hope he does. He has a huge penis. Uh-huh, honey. Alright, well, good for you, Christopher. Good for you. We salute you here at Quarators. Keep rocking. Do you want to do our parenting questions?

Quaranting? Yes. That's enough. Okay. The parenting segment. This question is, so my wife wants me to make her grilled cheese. How does that actually work? Do I just put the cheese on the grill?

How long do I wait to flip the cheese? Does it have to be grilled to a certain temperature? That's the question. Why is this quaranting? Because making grilled cheese is for children. But it's for his wife. I know, but he has a wife. Crystalia?

I think if grilled cheese is involved, it's parenting. I'm sorry. That's just how I feel. Fair enough. So maybe you have misled Martin there. But the question is, when you make grilled cheese, do you put the cheese directly on the grill? Is this a real question, do you think?

Is this from a person asking this legitimately or trying to be funny? This is written like someone who doesn't know how to use Google, which I think is a lot of Quora. The person who wrote this is named Taylor Orger. Now, I don't know if this helps or hurts, but two years ago, they asked two questions. One was the grilled cheese. The next one was,

can you wrap a noose around your neck to strengthen an orgasm? Is it safe? No answers on that. So I don't know if that makes it more or less likely to be a troll. Let me jump in on that one. Not safe.

Hasn't been on the site in two years. Alarming. if somebody just fucking answered this grilled cheese thing we never would be in this situation i'm imagining the sandwich came out poorly followed by sex i don't know everyone says put the cheese on the sandwich that is how you do it right i think so i don't i don't think i've ever made good i think yeah you put the cheese on the sandwich and then put on the paying. Yeah.

You used to. Not anymore. If I know anything about parenting. Thanks to Jeremy Corbett and his woke army. Look, it's not that kind of show, folks.

Not a political show. Do you ever think you should make that turn, though? It would be much more lucrative. It's come up a lot when we have the toilet discussion. It does make me think there could be an audience out there.

We'd certainly make more money if we were right-wing. Somebody's kind of mean to him in these comments oh um what the mary saying you can't really be this lame can you right that's not that can't feel good to read um then then she explains how to do it in a paragraph and then says there you go genius signing the divorce papers will be less difficult well congratulations he killed himself i think this is his wife i think this is his wife for brains being like make me that fucking grilled cheese i'm a child i'm a little girl she's still on she just answered

a question 32 minutes ago so she's still alive and she lives in france say magnifique what question did she just answer how can i use youtube to network with other influencers and youtubers and she says why on earth are you asking me this question i have absolutely zero interest in influencers and YouTubers. I actually made my fortune by being smart and educated, not by parading around on the internet. Just go away. I have zero

interest in your interests. I feel like we can't ask her on the Quaraders podcast. She's going to tear us a new one. She has 760 followers. She only has one question. And she's not even parading around on the internet. Which objectively we are. I'm sorry. That's true.

We're gallivanting about. Why is she so mean? I don't know. That's her character. Yeah. She lives in France. French people mean? She does a lot of American politics, though.

I've heard. Because she has, like, does Mr. Biden need a translator? And she says, no, you just need to have a dictionary handy when you listen to him. Because he's spitting. I don't know. She's one of those guys who watched that debate last night. Dates the episode. Watched the debate one week ago.

June 27th. seventh um would you watch the debate outside though what was there she's out and she she thought facts oh okay that's what i was saying to finish my thought facts mr president um she's so mad someone said do you did you know cnn has something called a spin room why do they openly admit that and she says oh for god's sake talk about picking up a few simple words and turning There's nothing nefarious. So you've heard that there's a spin room at the debate tonight. Well, did you listen to the explanation?

It's the press room. It doesn't belong to CNN. And it will house approximately 1,000 reporters from all news outlets during the debates. That's it. End of story. I love the first sentence of every one of these answers. She's great. How many of these can we do this for?

Why on earth are you wasting time posting on Quora? Yeah, the question for that one was, I have been getting money taken from my bank. Does anyone know who is actually taking this money? Damn, dude. She's ruthless. No one can step to her. She's the Quora Queen, and she's got to strut it.

I'm going to follow her. I found boys in the house. I was there the whole time. It was right in front of us all along. It's so late. I wanted it 30 minutes ago. um i followed her so if she she answers any more stuff we'll see it what was her name one more time mary ellen candage she speaks a few languages i am afraid of her i'm afraid she's going to find

me and she's going to hurt my feelings she's a writer editor proofreader at international development agencies and government agencies that's how she made her millions and she lives in france not parading about on the internet i think she's also a cook she's so cool i love her I'm in love with her Stay away She just hops on a core with a glass of wine And just unwind It's a cool way to spend your time

All that pent up frustration From working for the government Okay well that was the parenting question Okay let's do a police question Five quo Alright it's been a minute for one of these And this is not real If you're listening to this in your car

You're not being pulled over There is not a cop car pulling you over. It's a podcast. Okay, this question is, is it stealing if I ride away on an unlocked bike on the street? What difference is there between that and picking up lost money on the ground? Huh.

Finders keepers. So first of all, you have a lot of street knowledge, and I respect that. But legally, I think it is stealing on account of somebody owns that bike. Now, if someone dies and therefore vacates this world, leaving a bike to no one,

they're like on the bike and they die like they hit if they suddenly they hit a pothole okay they hit their head and they die instantly okay and you find the bike that's your bike okay that's what i would say but you have to call for help first because if not that's against the law too they're gone they hit it all wrong okay they hit the pothole the guy goes flying he dies ambulance comes they rush him away yeah he dies on the way to the hospital you find the bike two hours later oh you find it oh no i thought you just like you have an eye on the bike the whole time like one okay you're seeing it the whole time i'm getting that bike when he goes manifesting is real uh and you maybe you maybe pushed him into that pothole yeah it's kind of implied like the

way to do is through murder making potholes all over the street it's not sealing if it's murder you know what that's the answer i'm gonna write that down i'm gonna answer this one it's not ceiling if not if the guy dies we by the way have to change my um my expertise from ceo of gilf of the week because they're not going to respect what would you like it to be make me the admiral the wait what go back my other credit okay former former uss america admiral okay you are an admiral from 1980 to 1989 not if the guy dies so we're adding to the conversation Okay, yeah, and they'll respect that as a military man. And this is a question from 10 years ago.

So they might not see it. That's a damn shame. Any good answers? Yeah. Good question. It is a good question. It's thought-provoking. Ingrid says, is it stealing if I find a car with a motor running

and the door is unlocked and I ride it down the street? No, it's not. It's not. It's actually fine to do that. Is it okay to download a movie? Would you download a car? I have a friend in college who used to do a bit that was like, you know, the thing is like, you wouldn't download a bike.

And he was like, I download movies all the time. Like, should I be stealing bikes? It seems like they're morally equivalent. I would absolutely download a bike. Someone says, it depends. It depends on local customs. Dear God, this answer is so long. This is like tense.

It's so long, dude. What is this? I'm not going to read the whole thing. Can we get a word count on this? I can. This is insane. This is an attorney wrote this. All right, hold on.

All right, Jeremy's doing some science for us here. I'm going to find out the word count. Everyone's sitting. We're on wordcount.com. Customs of the culture? Is that what he said? Yeah. This is 1,500 words.

Whoa. It depends on local customs, he said. Local laws. It depends on your intent. However, let me start with this. my answer is purely hypothetical based on a variety of situations and is intended for educational purposes to lay out the different systems and scenarios and then he goes on a long you know 1500 word thing about uh why it's okay to steal a bike sometimes oh baby oh baby i don't

like this guy i don't like that he's saying so much he is a lawyer he's a national security attorney you were right yeah i believe women and by women i mean people on court this guy named jay who is an immigration lawyer. We hope a good one. He's a prosecutor. It sounds bad. Well, I guess that's why he gave up. Well, that's not for us to judge.

Yes, that's right. What is a podcaster to do if not say political things? I'm not here to judge. I just love that you work in immigration in some capacity. um this guy julio says it's always struck me as sad that by default we have to lock our possessions to not have them stolen we all do it bike lock house keys bank vaults but if you think about it it's nothing short of disgusting that we have to it's sad we see a bike and think that's big money oh i think we're gonna use that sound in a second too i shouldn't have stepped on that

one that's okay all right well that's too bad um let's see what else there is on here someone says let's say for some reason the situation was reversed and it was your bike instead that was left for reasons unknown what would you like to have happen um i'm alive my mom always tells me the story about how she had to really keep it okay my mom told me she had a really bad bicycle as a kid and her parents like refused to get her a new one so she would just leave it everywhere to have try to have someone steal it and no one ever took it wow ah that's sad may say long island is full of criminals. I don't think so.

It's true. She is from Long Island. Strong Island. That's what we call it. Things also used to be different. Things were different. Kids could walk by themselves. This is before Jeremy Corbyn. Yeah, before Jeremy Corbyn. He used all those pedophiles

out into the streets. That was one of his big ideas that he wanted to push onto the UK. More pedophiles. More nonces. Nonsense in every classroom. Read my lips. More pedophiles.

Read my lips. More pedophiles. All right, move on from this. I'm sick of the bike question. We have one more question. We've nailed it. We have a new segment, and this is our business quora's CE Quo. It's a good sound, and you'll be hearing it more.

Our final question, how do you make money on a bog? Me and my friend Emma live on a bog, and we are looking to make money quick and fast. Martin's reaction to the word bog was really interesting. I haven't really heard bog in a while. What is a bog, literally? It's a swampy bog. But it's not literally. Is a marsh comparable to a marsh or no?

Wetland, accumulate, peat. Dry swamp. Yeah. Similar marsh. So how do we make money off of this? I this is good because I feel like we have so many questions that are how do I make money off of blank and now we have somewhere to put them um so for a bog for a bog off the top of my head crocodile farm okay um maybe can you grow wine there bog wine I would not drink that

I would I would love to next time I have wine I'm gonna like take a break and just be like what is this, bog wine? This is Sommelier being like, I think I'm sensing marsh. Dead animals? Not to be a total bitch, this tastes like bog wine. Okay, this guy is David's presumptuous K. His bio is librarian in bog.

He eats constantly. Now, his job is professional bogger at Bogging Association. And he lives in Bog. I've never found someone less lying on the internet. And he knows about Emma, who I imagine is his friend. It says Emma's a Pokemon. Well, he says he's picked every Emma possible. So it's like the book, the movie, the wrestler.

He asks, my neighbor's dog got stuck inside an ATM. Can the ATM sue? Okay, so you think he's trolling? I would like to answer this Bog question. There's more answers here. He says, well, more context. He says, hello, Finn. I live on a bog as well, and at first it was difficult to make money.

Did you know the bog is home to more than 23,000 undiscovered species at less than 10 possible professions? One of these professions is to classify new species and kill them and send them to local museums. Doing this, I make $20,000 a year, which, as you know, is way more than enough to get by on when it comes to the bog. Hope this helps.

Okay, I am beginning to think presumptuous, okay, maybe having a lark here, but... I still think it's a good question. I'm still for the question, and I think it's thought-provoking. And I'm happy it's not a robot. What? Yeah, really any question we answer by a human being is a win for us as a podcast. And I'll say this, Presumptuous K, we caught your ass.

Yep. All right? You can't pretend to be thin. I'm sending you the cap emoji, and it's offending you. Should I respond and say, we know that you're lying? Yeah, send him that. As an admiral. Now, important reminder for the show, all of the comments are written in my name with a picture of me.

I'm going to say cut it out. Okay. Also, can you tag other people? Can you get Mary in on this? You can. That's one of the things Quora really lets you do. What was her last name again? Mary Ellen.

Oh, yeah. I found her. I'm going to say. She's going to kick my ass, dude. I'm going to say go off on this bozo. I don't want. That's perfect. I'm so scared of her.

Okay. Yep. All right. She's going to be very confused. One day if this ever becomes popular It's going to be very confusing Could we just please Enter this bog

Okay Hypothetical Okay Alright And it is a hypothetical Wine Crocodiles Lord of the Rings

Fan experience From that time Where Frodo falls in the bog Okay Very specific Yeah I like that And what it offers you Is you fall in the bog

You fall into the bog Maybe there's actors Who clutch at you Because that's what happens to him There's actors at the bottom of the bog And there's like fake dead bodies under there Yeah, and some of them are actors Oh, I see what you're saying

Those are the actors And they're all fallen kings Where are bogs mostly located? I'm going to look it up Florida Or should I not? Should I just guess? Louisiana

I bet Louisiana Anywhere in the American Southeast I think is bog country Marsh is very similar to bog Absolutely it is You said something about peat? Yeah So peat?

what is peat peat is like if we could just focus for five seconds apparently it's a type of boss yeah could you is the surface uh surface organic layer of soil i need you to get me a map of every bog in america i'm gonna look up u.s bog map okay make peat oh bath mats okay so okay we crack this there's a lot of them in the southeast but also a bunch in the northwest whoa which i would not have guessed uh those seem like tough bogs in the winter i've heard of a tough mutter but a tough bog i don't know it's these right themselves all right i've got a big map so the the the this is our bog map whoa you gotta go to youtube by the way for the bog now the tan color is bog so so It was actually, these are swamps, right?

Gotcha. I think this in Maine, that's where the bogs are. Maine is bog country. It's fucking bog country up in Maine. In the Northwest, I was looking at co-lays. Yeah, you fucking idiot, dude. You're looking at co-lees. Co-lees.

That's not, that can't be it. I can't imagine. I think that's a slur. We're going to get yelled at. I don't know. A lot of bayou, so Louisiana's bayou country. I did know that. There's many sauces that have indicated that.

My mom's are all over here on the East Coast. All right, we're doing... This is too visual for the... I'm saying all this stuff. People know what the U.S. is. People pulled it up at home. That's right. They did do it.

People are at home right now. They're driving with one hand, and they've got their other hand with the map. Just for safety, please save this link so I can find it and get the picture later. I will, I will. Okay, thank you. All right, I think that is our last question.

That is our last question. So we went out on a high note. That's a good question. Thank you. I look forward to getting a response from that mean woman. She might answer already. She's online. Not yet.

Okay. Martin, what should we ask Quora on the way out? Do you have any questions? What did Josh ask? Josh asked about mythical creatures. What creature would be the most beneficial and least dangerous to encounter in the wild? Let's see. You can ask about bogs.

Bogs are fun. I just got kittens, as I told you guys before we started recording, and I've been looking up a lot of things about them. They just got neutered. Okay. So, oh, I do have questions. Okay. Can kittens, are kittens ticklish at all, and can they laugh?

Oh, okay. So we're going to probably answer that one on Tuesday, and I will be sure to text you any responses. Well, honestly, Google has been using Quora questions to fill those AI answers. So if you Google this eventually, you might get your own question. You'll be redirected to your question. Perfect. Perfect. Cut it. Print it. That's the show. Martin.

Thank you so much for coming on Quora Eaters, America's premier Quora-based podcast. where can our listeners find you at home and abroad thanks for having me i you can find me on instagram at martin urbano jr oh i didn't know you were a junior yeah that's exciting um if you want more of our show every thursday we have bonus episodes on patreon.com slash quaraders we go on other websites reddit.com tiktok all great places to see content on the web we also have a live show august 24th and uh that's going to be fun will menaker will be there that's at caveat bar and grill and lounge and the ticket for that is in the description of this episode i hope to see you there in new york city the big apple uh jeremy do you have anything to add uh no then forever

hold your peace um that's going to be at us for this week but for this week question everything Thank you.