Quorators - Holy War 2

Episode Date: August 25, 2025

Comedians Clare O'Kane, Alex Ptak, and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: Should Christian men greet every man that comes to church with a holy kiss? How can you tell if your partner has witchcraft? I want to be Jewish but nobody will let me. Why? --- Get even more Quorators when you support the show @ patreon.com/quorators Send quoras and qommunicate on our discord discord.gg/7pPYuKuYCr Watch the show @ youtube.com/@quorators

alex and i got a bagel before this and we were talking about the movie eight mile as if it was a true story or something and we were i was saying like yeah the thing about the rapper rabbit is that you know you don't think he's going to be good at rapping because he's on a kind of he's white and when i said that uh the guy next to us who was eating gave me like the weirdest look i've ever had talking about this is the news because he said white like that it's Because he's white. He's white? He's rapping, man.

I'm going to remake the Elvis movie, but I'm 8 Mile. I'm Eminem's manager. You're Dr. Dre? Yeah. I would love to see a movie where you're Dr. Dre. I think that would be good. Hey, I'm Jeremy. I'm going to punch you.

I'm serious. I'm going to kill you with a gun. There's that one music video where Jeremy drives off a cliff and is convertible, and then Eminem has to hold his hand in the hospital. You're Eminem, right? Yeah, I'm Eminem. I'm a young prospect.

Claire, who do you want to be in our remake of Eminem's, or I guess Eminem's biopic movie? Don't say Eminem! I was going to say Brittany Murphy, I guess. That's a good choice. That's a good one. Or Mekhi Pfeiffer. Ooh. Mekhi Pfeiffer's a crazy name.

Mekhi Pfeiffer. I've never heard that name. He's in the movie. Well, I don't have all of the 8 Mile cast. memorized the way i should you know in the song where he goes and no mckay pfeiffer oh sure yeah i never i thought he was referencing scatting for that i thought it was like zibbity bop kind of you thought it was a fate just like a like a fake name i have a distinct memory of being a kid and hearing eminem on the radio like slim shady or

something and my dad going this guy makes up so many words get real marshall how do you buy a thesaurus all right should we do the podcast yes we should do the podcast hit the fucking button it's quarators cyber we're back in the cyberverse every week until a date to be announced it's corridors america's of me or a Quora-based podcast. Are we announcing we're ending the show? I know. It's all a date to be announced. All things must end,

Jeremy. No, that's not true. That's true. This is you and your Dr. Dre character where you think you can live forever and be as powerful as you want. No, you can't. You can't. Everything is made of flesh. Do you want to hear my impression of Dr. Dre? Yes, I do. I will never die! Sorry, what were you saying, Claire?

Nothing. That really got me. Well if anybody has something to say About the Dr. Dre remake Of 8 Mile Starring Jeremy as Dr. Dre And me as Eminem They should say it now

Because it is the return of Holy War It is Holy War Part 2 Everyone demanded we continue the Holy War On account of there have been many crusades The Jihad lives on And everybody really liked the way I sounded last time Honestly no one cared Really nobody said anything?

They didn't really say anything. They said like little cute things, but nobody was like, I'll kill you the way that I expect anytime any audio is slightly off. Yeah. Maybe just all those people left years ago. That's what happened. Maybe I'll eat a sandwich into the mic. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Weed out the asshole. That's the thing is I've been eating on mic, so it's not like our audio issues are beginning this week. And we've been cooking on mic. That's right, J-Man. That's right. There is a children's crusade. Should we do a children's Holy War episode after this?

That's kind of cool. It's like a hat on a hat, and the hat is for a child. Sure. And it's a yarmulke. It's a Holy War. Holy War. Holy War. Holy War.

So last week, as we all recall, we started with the space, demons and sensual spirits and occultism, and then it was so fire, we actually only read that for pretty much a full hour. uh shout out to sam ain uh the mod of that space he's cooking up some real heat and we're all aniacs for it oh that's good but did you write that or is that a riff i kind of put in the text chat earlier no one said anything but i was like that's i'm gonna say that again on the show but we did have like a bunch of quora questions in addition so i thought that we should do those okay however because it is coordinator summer and this is kind of a first for the coordinators

podcast anything can happen on the internet isn't that right jeremy that's so true and to celebrate that now that we are on the internet doing the show on zoom with claire on the west coast i would like to branch out into some new websites in addition to spaces so if everyone will allow it i would like to begin with the site of the week site of the week cool jeremy pull that up okay uh we've got a great website here it is of course gaming and god.com uh slash christian video games right so where did you find this i typed in christian gaming into google who is kind of my assistant now there is a whole world of christian gaming to explore because

Christians famously have a love it and hate it relationship with the gaming culture. Right. And there's a big picture of Overwatch here. That's Tracer. That's Tracer from Overwatch who is a lesbian and kind of their main enemy because of that. Right. And also she can like teleport which I feel goes against the laws of God.

It goes against God's laws. Don't teleport! Don't teleport and you must marry a man. You must be fertile and stop going back in time. Thou shalt not alt. If you refresh damage on your health bar by going back in time in two second

intervals with the R1 key, you will go to hell. But that is not what this page is about. This is just okay, so this is dope because it's a list of, first of all, it's sick. Oh, this is gonna be dope? It's the illest because it's a bunch of faith-based video

games and creators and it's a list with trailers. So we can go through these and find some really cool titles for teens like us who are looking to enjoy games with God. Well, yeah, through the lens of it has to be for God. Yeah, it's got to be like...

But if there's nothing, like, if you can't, like, part the sea in any of these video games, then what's the point? Claire, I have wonderful news for you when we look at this list of games. I'm assuming the first one will be the game Doom Eternal. Is that right? No, it's actually Gate Zero.

Gate Zero on Steam. Should we read the beginning of this? Christians have had a bad rep for not creating good art. Whether it's literal drawings, music, movies, or even video games, people are quick to point out how unentertaining a lot of their content can be. Well, that's a Sistine Chapel. While this can be true for some productions, it can't be said for all. Regarding video games, I struggled to find titles that incorporated my faith in Christ

and belief in God, which were made with excellence. Let's be real. Video games need to be good for people to play them, especially with the competition out there for our time and money. Can I just say, too humble of an opening on this. Yeah, I agree. You shouldn't start with, like, we all know Christians suck at having fun. But when you're playing Gate Zero.

You're right. They should talk more about the Sistine Chapel. I feel like that is a big one for all of art during the Renaissance, really. Why don't you take the 1,000 years where all art had to have Jesus in it and go ahead and do a victory lap on that? Instead of just, like, being sad about Creed's second album or whatever. Before we move forward, we can agree the first Creed album is fire. You know what?

I have no opinion on Creed. Whatever one higher is on. I don't think I've listened to any Creed outside of what it was played on the radio as a child. In my mind, they are a band that is made fun of as a joke. No, they rock, actually. I don't actually know anything about them. They have that one football halftime show

where they're flying around. Oh, yeah. Claire knows what I'm talking about. You're thinking of Beyonce. You're so young. Let's talk about Gate Zero. Gate Zero is a story-rich adventure game that takes you on a journey through first-century Israel.

Oh, my God. allowing you to explore historical locations and experience key events from the Gospels firsthand. See, that doesn't sound like a game to me per se. It sounds like shitty God of War. This is on the PS5. It's God of War where you just like watch Simon pray or whatever. You got lost in the wilderness.

You died. Instead of ripping Neptune's head off, you, I don't know, watch the menorah stay lit for nine days. Eight days. Whatever. It's actually a crazy night. You're going to lose this holy war.

Adam Sandler does the voice for it. The main criticism we got last week was that no one won the war. Well, that's because we have to do a part two. At the end, someone loses. Someone will lose the war. Today, I swear to God. It's not looking good for Christians with this. Should we watch the trailer for this game?

Definitely. All right, so I do want to, but there's also like five other trailers. Okay. So we should choose one. Let's go through. Step into True Play. That's the second one. A safe and immersive platform combining game stories and comics

all infused with biblical truth and creativity designed with families in mind. See, this one makes sense to me. This is like a child's learn-along kind of thing. That's like what I would think of when I think of Christian video games. Except also, don't put your kids on the iPad because they're going to come out all stunted and stuff. They should make a Christian version of Hades.

This is what I wanted to talk about. Okay, 5 colon Guardians of David. That's a game! An expansive Diablo-style action RPG set in ancient lands of Canaan. Take control of five heroic warriors battling through exotic locations filled with archaic cultures, rich characters, and powerful artifacts. We have to watch this. Oh, baby! Yeah, go ahead and slam that video.

This is the one I wanted to make sure we watched. All right, we got a logo. A billion people know my story. That's David! Oh, man, this looks like shit. It's been told for thousands of years. Okay. All right, you're kind of getting...

Experience the story through the eyes of my protectors. Doesn't that sound kind of like... This sounds like A.I. Clancy Brown to me. Oh, interesting. What? You don't think they really paid Clancy Brown? Doesn't that kind of sound like an impression of Clancy Brown? I don't know who Clancy Brown is.

He's an actor. He's Mr. Krabs. He's the prison guard in Shawshank. Oh, it does sound like Mr. Krabs. I think he loses his arm in Starship Troopers. Oh. He's in a million things. Maybe it is him.

He's Lex Luthor in the cartoons. There's a lot of powerful Christians out there. He does the trailer for Five Guardians of David. I was about to say, to comment on Five Guardians of David for just a moment here, uh it looks like they've just received like the baldur's gate 2 technology over in their uh their uh computer chips are just catching up wait i would love to play 15 years behind mormon afterlife game would be pretty fun though where you like control a planet and it's like an rts oh yeah and you can attack other mormons heavens do you ever play spore no as a game

like that was a bit too ambitious should i play the rest of this multi-genre claire do you have Any thoughts? I was thinking about sort of the 72 virgins lifestyle of Islam, heaven, or whatever. Oh, that'd be sick, honestly. That'd be a good game. That'd be fun, like Grand Theft Auto kind of video game. Sure. Or even like a chow garden from Sonic where you have to raise all the virgins.

Raise your virgins. And you can make them good or bad. They have such love of life. If you hug them, they become good. but if you, I guess, like, throw them down the stairs where you have to do it, fucking Sonic. No, you have sex with them to make them bad. They're the virgins in the afterlife.

You know what? I haven't played Sonic in a while, but I guess you can have sex with the chow in that. It's the same as Sonic. Damn, I didn't know you could do that. Yeah, you got to check out Sonic, Claire. You'd love it. Check out Sonic.

Okay. Check out Amy Rose. Check out Tails. Abishai. Abishai! Oh, he has a bow and arrow. He can do backflips. Yes, Abishai.

Benaiah. He has a big hammer, and he can twirl. Josh O'Beam. Josh O'Beam. He has a staff, and he can kind of like throw it. Eleazar. Eleazar. There's Eleazar.

He can also kind of just spin. He has a sword and shield. A few thoughts. The one is they're kind of pigeonholed by how many biblical figures they got to get in here. And then the other thing, too, is they will be sued by Blizzard, I think. For what? The moves look exactly the same as Diablo 3. I haven't played Diablo.

It's just like this. But they go through hell in Diablo. Right, so it's kind of the opposite. Not through Canaan. No, they don't go through Canaan. Is that how you pronounce that? Canaan. Canaan?

That's a name I've only read. Yeah, I only know about from Five Guardians of David. Okay, play a little bit more. And Shama. Shama. Shama. Oh, he has fire. Shama's a wizard of some kind, I think, which is...

You go to hell if you do that. You will know them as... Five. five guardians of david damn dude don't don't come for david cool if you can't handle shama i would love to see the reviews of this game i like this next one oh this next one is that dragon cancer what does that mean experience the powerful autobiographical story of joel green's four-year battle with cancer through a deep narrative driven game wedding poetic visuals with interactive storytelling that dragon comma cancer explores themes of faith love and

hope in about two hours of immersive gameplay it's tuesdays with mori the game so you have a choice between five champions of canaan which is i guess now the name of that game they've changed it it's not guardians of david anymore no they changed it to champions of canaan you lose faith in david i i guess so and oh by the way we should say the reviews are mixed on steam oh wait no this It is a mixed rating. This is a different game. This is a different game. I don't know which one came first.

This one's 2016. Oh, Guardians of David is mostly positive, actually. It's Champions of Canaan is mixed. That's the sequel. Wow. Which is a similar looking game, though. Oh, this is kind of old, though, because the Canaan one's 2016. So, actually, it is like 20 years old.

So, that's actually, it looked pretty good when it came out. Yeah, it's pretty cool. I'm going to buy it. I'm going to buy it, and I'm also going to rejoin the church. They should make a version of this like Hades, where you can have sex with all of the different people from the Bible. You can seduce them all. I'm low-key most interested in that aspect of the biblical characters.

Yeah. I would love to have Mary Magdalene as my girlfriend. It's so funny, though, to have the list of, like, you can be Chamolay and he can stab you a hundred times with a knife. Or you can play the story of a man dying of cancer. Well, that's a dragon. That dragon. Oh, that dragon?

Oh, that dragon? I've slayed a dragon. I mean, people like this game. It has good reviews. Very positive. Very positive from 1,300. I think it's probably good if you know someone dying of cancer. What are you going to give a negative review to the cancer game?

I thought it was boring. Yeah, not enough action sequences. You should have done it like heavy rain. Tumor explosions. Press square to get chemo. Okay, Heroes the Bible Game? Heroes the Bible Trivia Game. Okay, see that's...

Brings faith, fun, and learning together in an engaging experience for all ages. A lot of these are not genre-breaking. Heroes of Issachar. Okay. Combines the strategic depth of classic city builders with action-packed first-person combat. That one sounds fire.

I don't feel like this has to do with religion. Because it's Issachar. I guess. I want to see the cancer video game. I can show you that, Claire. I mean, that's very findable. Oh, you mean that dragon? Yeah.

Okay, here's the trailer for that dragon cancer. I want to see the gameplay. It's by Numinous Games, we should say. So far, he's just kind of living in a room. Farmer Bill plays building blocks with the cows. He's a baby. What? We were talking about a baby.

Oh, what the fuck? The baby has no face. It's a polygon baby. Farmer Bill faces the horse, and Farmer Bill wins. This seems so sad. Yeah, I'm too sad watching it, honestly. It's a two-hour game, so it's not even, like, long. They're putting 5% of the game in the trailer.

I think it's, like, an interactive story more than a... Oh, my God, it's so loud. We can not watch any more of this. Oh, sorry. Oh, right, we lower Claire if we... That's very funny. Oh, right, Claire is tied to the thing, so we mute Claire if we turn it down.

It's okay, I made this lower. maybe the sweet words of daily affection i can't watch this no this sucks i hate this i hate it i'm giving this a negative review give a negative review cancer should have taken this game the top review is just cancer sucks well this is what i'm saying is i think this is a game you give to like children when their parents have cancer i want to see if there's a negative there's 150 negative reviews this guy says whenever i started getting to the game some minor bugs always broke broke immersion for me i love steam you know i still love to finish it but now i get stuck on the baby night chapter all the negative reviews for everything are such petty bullshit yeah it does

not compatible with ipad one star i feel that any attempts to judge an artistically embellished autobiographic account as tragic as this tale would only be misinterpreted as malicious however i assure you that i am not coming from a place of ill intent i'm merely being honest with my own personal experience that said this is a woefully earnest tale of faith love and loss so even this negative review they're like look i have to i know that i'm giving a negative view to the cancer game this i we i agree this sucks that being said he says mechanically it doesn't really work very well they should have added portals it would have been better with portals well as a christian i'm interested in playing the game all right let's just read the list

of other christian games i guess sure guardians of angora heroes the bible trivia game super 3d noah's ark see that's something i'm interested in spiritual warfare and wisdom tree collection what if you could have a 3d noah's ark um you could survive the great flood whoa i feel like noah's ark already was 3d that wasn't not well it was if you were there were you there i guess i have to read about it in my picture books you don't have a pop-up so many snorlaxes on your Noah's Ark. Yeah. You could be

going to take up a lot of room. Yeah, they're going to be sleeping. Well, I don't know. You're going to have to play a flute to get in the move.

I was going to say, good luck getting your Snorlaxes to mate. Oh, no. You have to jack them off like a horse. My Ark is full of Snorlaxes

and I have to make them breed. Just stack them on top of each other. This is a top-down Zelda-style game about faith. Isn't that cool?

It's not really anything. It's kind of like Zelda. This looks like Zelda. I will say of these, the ones that just rip off other video games, but say like, by the way, you're Job. I'm not a fan of those. Yeah, I tend to agree. The one where Cancer is a dragon has a lot of legs.

Let's move on to Quora. Okay, but we can agree. On account of this is a Quora podcast. We can agree Christians are winning big coming out the gate. No, I cannot agree. They're winning big with games like that. Their games are just Diablo, but bad. Sure, but.

What if you took out the hell from Diablo? I want to go on Noah's Ark. I don't think that is anything. Well, so far, they're the only religion with video games. I don't know if I agree. I've not seen any other religions with faith-based video games. I don't know. The Guardians of David seemed pretty Jew-y to me.

Well, that's why I changed the name. It's a shared victory. I'm trying to think of what's a Jewish video game. I looked it up, and The Shiva is a game from 2006. Ah! Someone said there's a Wikipedia for Israel-Palestinian conflict in video games. Oh, from the game Ethnic Cleansing, 2002?

Oh, God. I like that there's all kinds of social studies class-style Custer's Revenge games. These are crazy. Pro-Palestinian apps. This is a pro-Israeli video game from 2014 called Bomb Gaza. Wow. Jesus. Grim.

It's kind of a... And this is the Palestinian game Rocket Pride. Oh, check out Rocket Pride. Which was made by Best Arabic Games. Okay, cool. Well, all right. I know Doom Guy is Jewish. I'll take that.

Let's do some chorus. Yes. Hit the button for Holy War. We are at war. Part two. For God. Here's a question. should christian men greet every man that comes to church with a holy kiss

now should they that's a great question it's just a holy kiss what's a holy kiss tongue or tongue only oh sure that's french right right lip only oh where you like go like this like damp lips claire showing all lips i don't know how to describe it for audio listeners two fishes sort of connecting by mouth teeth are exposed but lips are out i think a holy kiss is is no lips all tongue they just stick your tongue out and you go like ah or you do the the sign of the cross with your tongue on each other's tongue that's hot as hell that's how i learned how to eat pussy is to do the sign of the cross yeah i learned that at school that's what you learn in public school health class all joking aside a holy kiss is just just

any kind of kiss you would give to a man that comes into church oh okay i've never come to a church before but i've been to one or two okay michael strand says if you do that in the united states you're likely to be given a harsh rebuke in some churches you may even get a punch in the nose Oh. LOL. The holy kiss between men is not part of our culture and would generally not be accepted. In other cultures, it would be acceptable and considered normal. Wait, so he does know about the holy kiss, though.

Yeah, well, it's not accepted between men. Sure, pause on that. Pause. Yo, you're doing a holy kiss to another guy? Oh, bro, we're in church. Do we need to, like, look up holy kiss? Is holy kiss, like, a thing that I don't know about? What were you saying, Claire?

I was just going to say he's a former, former pastor. He does say that, yes. Google knows about Holy Kiss. He's back. He should know. He's back to being a pastor. Well, he left, but then he came back. Okay, I'm looking up Holy Kiss.

According to the Google AI... Actually, let's just go to Wikipedia. The Holy Kiss is an ancient, traditional Christian greeting, also called Kiss of Peace or Kiss of Charity, and sometimes the Brother Kiss among men or the Sister Kiss among women. Okay. What does that mean?

I think it's like a Judas kissing Jesus kiss. Look at them. They're kissing. They used to just kiss. They used to just kiss. I feel like this is like you got caught kissing someone and they're like, yo, you gay? And they're like, no, this was a holy kiss. Actually, there's a good example of this kiss.

You know the viral video where the two shirtless boys hit each other with chairs, but they kiss first? No. Claire, do you know what I'm talking about? I don't know what you're talking about. Well, it's pretty much this painting, but it's... well they have folding chairs and they hit each other but first they do a holy kiss i feel like this is like a steve harvey dude does like a a holy kiss to everyone on um

the fucking game show family kiss yeah feud yeah back back on family kiss i used to kiss they used to kiss everyone who's the guy before him he used to kiss all the ladies right wasn't that a thing bob hope yeah wouldn't they kiss everyone on family feud they would hold i know what you're talking about i i can see christians doing this like right before they're about to be fed to a lion because honestly it's like i better be given a kiss out of this i gotta get some action on the side i'm gonna find what are people saying yeah let's read more answers gordon classin says that's what the bible says fact speedwell collie berry great name says only if they also keep all the other social customs of the first century i mean i know you're conservative but don't also

be clowns okay speed well collie berry i'm not really sure what the fuck that means james pettis says in cultures in which such a greeting is considered quote acceptable or quote customary such as france for example not necessarily every man but as much as one likes and as the church's schedule so in france they do it in france they get a kiss i love the schedule but he's like hey look if you have time it's gonna add a lot of time all the men get a kiss we have to kiss a lot of people well there is like the when you're in church and you have to say peace be with you i love that part i love that part when you shake everybody's hand or whatever that takes a long time and that's my favorite part because it feels like it's like busy work there's a lot of sexual

tension there it really is because you have to mingle it forces you to mingle yeah i think i've only been to a church twice so i really don't know did anybody give you peace nobody gave me peace You want some right now? What does this mean? Peace be with you. Oh, sick, dog. And then you say? I say may the force be with you, too.

And also with you. It's very Star Wars-y. How dare you give me the force after I give you peace? Through my hand now. Disgusted with you right now. If you still want to do a holy kiss, let me know. There's nothing wrong with it. If there's time.

If anybody still wants to kiss. This guy, Peter, says straight on the arse. Tongues optional. Knock it off, Peter. Anyway, that's that question. Did we find out who asked it? Do we want to know who asked this holy kiss question? That's probably just some clown.

It's CJ. CJ. Who asked questions like, would black Americans be asking for reparations if the 40 acres and a mule was given? Oh, kind of a historical fiction lover. He's retired. This is honestly the perfect retired activity,

just going on quorum. Can I kiss a guy at church? What if the Civil War ended different? Do married men need approval from their wives to have female friends? Do wives need approval to have male friends? Great question. I don't know. It would be for the best.

If I can approve. He has a lot of questions about reparations. What makes reparations a hot topic? Yeah, he wants to know a lot about Eve. Oh, yeah. He wants to know who died first. Of Adam fame. How often should men tell their wives that they love them?

oh oh probably like all the time right after every holy kiss all right this guy's got a lot of questions and i love his uh core account i love what he's doing out there keep it up what are what were the rules for oral laws for non-whites and blacks during the jim crow era he's just trying to learn go to school these are these are just like genuine historical questions read a book how about that cj okay let's read another question stop kissing for five seconds and pick up a damn book. I want to be Jewish, but nobody will let me. Why?

Oh. Interesting question. You've got to be born into it, right? Now, Shane M., whose bio says, I am Jewish, says, judging by your Quora profile, it's probably because you're not the kind of person we want polluting our ranks, Cornholio the Great. We already have enough schmucks in the tribe as it is.

We really don't need to import more. Yeah, we don't want Cornholio around here. Boom, that's a huge win for the Jews, I got to say. 722 upvotes. That's a applause break on Quora. I'm reading 723. Woo! Because I just freaking upvoted it.

And then everybody's sharing pictures of Cornholio the Great. It is famously hard to convert to Judaism. You have to do a lot of homework, which is a big thing. Yeah, they take part of your penis. Yeah, they cut part of your wiener off if you've still got it. And they say, this is for me. This is for me. This is my little penis bit.

Everybody gets something. What does that mean? That's our version of the holy kiss. Yeah, as they chop the tip of your penis off. Yeah. But otherwise, it maybe provides too much sensation. To have your foreskin? To have your foreskin.

I don't know. I don't have one. I wouldn't know. We've discussed this on the show before. I've heard it's great. I also am circumcised. I don't know. We should really get more opinions on the show.

We've got to get more uncircumcised guys on the show, I feel like. We need more uncut men. Go on Quora and say, are you uncircumcised? What is it like? What is it like to have your force? Do we dare to use the Quora search free willy-nilly like this? I always called it free willy-nilly. Free willy-nilly.

I got to go to bed. There's a topic, uncircumcised men. Click on it. Click on the topic. There's also a topic, why I prefer uncircumcised. I think this could be productive. Which one do you want me to click? It's a holy war.

Pick one. Uncircumcised men. all right topic uh why do you envy what do you envy in other ethnic groups and countries hero says nothing i'm a mix of two ethnic groups what does this do with being circumcised this is nothing those are promoted go to answers there's nothing well this topic sucks go back to the other one what the zoom and enhance what the freaking hell dog see the the chorus search is not trustworthy why i prefer uncircumcised okay so there's nothing here either why did who made the topic i don't know ai i am so mad yeah it was a topic created by charlene jordan whose bio says

califas mexicana been a felon inmate junkie street and book smarts with an impeccable word and an english ba nietzsche shakespeare chef rayquan two cats or something jacob been cheated on and cheated survived and kicked 16 years methadone even when i lie i tell the truth so she started this this topic i prefer circumcised men why i prefer uncircumcised yeah you couldn't have been more wrong sorry uncircumcised you got to get it right before you get with charlene she has a lot of questions about india as well she says in india people actually go to jail for sodomy we're off book here she lives in uh santa barbara county i've learned nothing about hitting it raw go back to the question doc

maybe it will just organically come up i feel like the chorus search is so unreliable it's really frustrating bad because there's so much good there's so much good stuff on here and it's just like impossible to find should we go back to this question at all why i want to be jewish but no one will let me we didn't really answer that one there's some answers here gary says i We'll let you be Jewish. Party on. Party on. Party on.

Sort of a Wayne's World-y kind of approach to Judaism. This is my new movie, Jewish Wayne's World. You ought to wear a little hat, brother. It's a yarmulke that says Wayne's World. Shabbat shalom, Wayne. Shabbat shalom. I would watch Jewish Wayne's World. That sounds awesome.

Ralph Salier says, first, why do you want to be Jewish? Second, who have you asked? Third, how often have you asked? what do you know of Judaism? Fourth, have you studied? Can you demonstrate to a rabbi a sincere interest and willingness to jump in with both hands and feet? Fifth, you need to show a dedication for your cause.

Ralph wants you to cut off a finger. Ralph wants you to show feet. Show feet and hands. Jump in with hands and feet's a crazy expression I think he just made up. Yeah. Imagine like how a cat jumps. Simon Stevens says, whose bio says, based and red-pilled

Jew. Alright. Says, look, like someone said, you come across very trollish although i am a jew i am very much a troll myself parentheses i troll stupid questions on here simon consider how you present yourself first funny enough this could be the very reason why you were turned away assuming your presumption in your question is true we won't have any trolls in our tribe all right let's do another question this one's no one's really no one's digging in okay here's another jew question if jews don't believe in jesus then why make the whole first half of the bible about them why did they make the whole first path like that

it's a prequel it's like that it's like episode one you have to follow it to understand episode it's not a prequel it came out first right but it's a before the main story yeah but you wouldn't say that it's a prequel i just did you said it wrong you're doing it wrong claire back me up on this no um no damn you you betrayed me for the last time well let's read from fugal mcgoogle okay read it fugal mcgoogle says who knows german with first half you mean the old testament to oversimplify only a bit that's a number of texts that were part of judaism way before jesus and christianity that also contain no mention of jesus so no belief in jesus is required to recognize them as scripture it's also worth thinking that the tanakh does have a significant

overlap with the christian ot but they do not oh ot is old testament yo that's ot i was thinking of like oc of like original sonic strong oh i see or uh like your guy is friends with sonic that you draw but they do not contain the same books and are not arranged in the same order i actually did not know that fugal mcgoogle that's really interesting i feel like that's not true that they're not in the same order that the the the old testament is so different from the jewish bible well i think it's a director's cut sure because it's a prequel we can agree no it's a hobbit lord of the rings situation the hobbit came out first exactly and it's a prequel when you buy the hobbit it says what on the cover snyder cut the tanakh is the snyder cut

Release the Tanaka. It's presented in 4.3. I'm looking up, is The Hobbit a prequel? When you buy The Hobbit, it says on the front of it, the story before Lord of the Rings. To Jackson's Lord of the Rings. Yeah, old Jackson. Lord of the Rings is a sequel.

Are we not saying the same thing here? I feel like a prequel specifically is a before book that comes out after. Well, that's not how I've seen it. I've just seen it as a before, after, one is one, one is two. Guess what? They are about a Jew. Whoa.

The Hobbit is a Jew? Bilbo? The Hobbits are Jews. Read into that what you will. Also, a lot of Lord of the Rings is kind of like race stand-in-y in an uncomfortable way. Right, right, right. But the dwarves are Jews, really.

And it's kind of a holy war in that way. Claire, did you just get attacked by a bug? Yeah, there are a lot of little flies in Los Angeles. And I'm not just talking about the TikTokers. Yeah, the freaking agents. Am I right? They're buzzing around you because you have so much clout. I want one of those in my home.

An agent? Yes, I'd like an agent to read my latest memoirs. Alex has written several memoirs. They're all just his life up until whenever he wrote it. 15 volumes of memoirs. They mostly actually cover a lot of the same ground. It's sort of like the Tanakh versus the Christian OT, as we say. I spent a lot of the gaming.

There I was. It's kind of a light read. Six beers again. Who would have thought? Okay, let's see what else there is on this question. The question, of course, being if Jews don't believe in Jesus, why make the whole first half in the Bible about them? Everything's about these Jews.

Oh, Harlan Derm has a long answer. I don't know if I want to read it, though. By 280 BC, the Hebrew Bible Old Testament was compiled and well-established enough that the Greek kings, like Ptolemy II, were interested in translating it into Greek. Oh, this is fire. The Old Testament begins with Hebrew identity established with Abraham. Then it records God performing many miracles through Moses

and establishing the Israelite nation and its radically different culture. Next, the OT records records that many Israelites dying because they disregarded God's miracles. This is nothing. You're reading it like it's not like fascinating text here, Jeremy, but this is, you can dig your teeth in this. Oh, the Bible. Totally two is here.

You would let us literally read the Bible if we would. If you would just revoke your ways. It would make you so happy to just read the Bible. Would it be so wrong to save your soul for all time? Live on air? I don't know. Is this anything? a better question would be why should jews believe in jesus when he failed to do the amazing things

the messiah was prophesied to do so the air horn sounds somewhere on this board but i don't remember where so they're trying to be like jesus um didn't uh do enough magic so not fair shouldn't believe in him jesus did a shit ton of magic this is such a thing jesus is whack jesus jesus first of all multiplying bread loaves and fish and stuff yeah did he walk on water yeah he did walk on water that's magic yeah that's magic he came back from the dead he also did a resurrect spell on uh lazarus yeah lazarus got killed in that dungeon and he got resurrected i feel like if i was around at that time i'd be i would be christian i'd be like yeah this guy fucking rules yeah yeah he's like david blaine hanging out with fucking leonardo dicaprio i'm eating so much fish right

now damn tell me tell me he's not god if i'm eating all this fish on god um so what does this guy want ironically the earliest christians and many other religious jews of that era believed exactly the same thing they were all praying for the arrival of the messiah who would one free the jews from domination by other nations at that time specifically the romans to unite the entire earth under belief in a single god the biblical god jehovah oh three uh usher in world peace four become the righteous ruler of the entire earth so this guy's mad that jesus didn't like conquer the world right he's saying jesus is not s tier sure and so they have to wait for that guy who lives in brooklyn to be born who's that you know the the fucking one there's posters up everywhere

messiah has returned his name's like mess isn't his name like massac or something yeah yeah he's The fucking Orthodox guy who died like in the 80s. By the way, can I say no world peace there either? So I don't know why I'm leaving Jesus' team. What if that's what it is? What if that guy comes back and it turns out like we all did become Hasidic? I would love that. He comes back and he becomes like the king of the world and we're like, all right, give me the fucking black robes or whatever.

I would love something to do. I'm just going to wear a fucking suit all the time. I'm so bored. I'm looking for a new God. I would love for you to become Hasidic out of boredom. I would, too. They just got to show me something that's worth my time. I do very poorly in hot clothes, I'll tell you that.

I sweat like a pig. Anyway, I love the idea of Jesus being like, look, I can fly. And some Jew being like, not good enough, Mr. Jesus. Boo! In Brooklyn, you can see the Harlem Globetrotters when they visit. Sure. You sure can. A team that was owned by an exploitative Jewish man, originally.

True. Who invented the three-point line in basketball. Oh, that's a really good rule. I did not know that. You know how he invented it? They kind of just walked on the court and was like, this is far enough. And that's why it's like a random line. Do you know what I'm saying, though?

Is that if the Harlem Globetrotters did that stuff back then, and people would be like, this is God, actually, to me. As you're saying, back in the day, in year zero, if there was a tall black guy who could bounce a basketball off your back and then shoot it, people would be like, oh, fuck me, I turned off the screen. Yeah, Jeremy got so mad thinking about the Harlem Globetrotters in the past, he cut Claire out of the podcast. That's okay.

I feel like, though, Jesus, in theory, would look like a Harlem Globetrotter. No, he wouldn't. He's not like seven feet tall. I think he's a darker skin in real life. Okay, but there are a lot of dark skin people who aren't the Harlem Globetrotters. I'm not saying he was a Harlem Globetrotter. I'm saying he has more in common

with the Harlem Globetrotter than you think. If the Harlem Globetrotters were back in time and they were doing stuff like pulling out a ladder and then jumping over guys on it and dunking, people would be like that's the coolest thing i've ever seen you'd probably directly related to god jeremy's plugging the tv back in because he's silenced claire i don't need to be seen or heard in the holy war this is a we tried to make her wear a burka she wouldn't do it um no we have you back claire we will bring digital burka digital burka cyber burka all

we're back for those of you who missed it claire's wearing a cyber burka yeah for those of you who are on the audio we did i mean we before you were um a host claire we went at cracked we were at cracked for like six months and we found out afterwards that a lot of the audio only listeners did not know that was true that they thought it was a bit we were doing that day that it was on video yeah no just that we were at cracked at all they kept being like we're here at the cracked to offices and people were like you guys are so funny no it was very real i've i've rarely felt the resentment of an entire office of people uh while i do something outside of that circumstance anyway should we read another question i stand by what i said about the harlem woodtrotters being

godlike i mean i hope that that's what they should do they should go back in time and play ancient basketball and impress people so intensely that it becomes a religion it becomes a basketball religion. They'd need the powers of Tracer, the lesbian gamer girl. Sure. Here's a question. It's on demons, ancestral spirits, and occultism.

If Satan controls the world system, does that mean he has power over Earth itself, or is it something different? You may be noticing this question is fire, and that's because we're back on demons, ancestral spirits, and occultism. This question is brimstone, may I say. It's straight brimstone.

uh i agree that satan controls the world system sure we can start with that what does that mean well it's like he's like the king of money baby is that what that actually means i think that's what he's saying is like you know like if you're the president you're probably working for satan or if you work at the bank in some kind of big money capacity claire do you have any opinions on satan are you like uh do you do you um do you think satan is real smash or pass yeah yeah well smash smash but i think um satan presents himself in many uh ways the same way uh the god presents themselves anyway the grand old darty satan presents itself in um uh sort of a bad episodes of

House. Sure. He's the ones that have been taken down for being offensive. Yeah. He's the black face episode of 30 Rock. Satan is the black face episode of 30 Rock. Satan is the black face Billy Crystal. Oh, sure. Episodes of Saturday

Night Live. He's the black face Jimmy Kimmel. He's mostly when, like, comedies do black face. The only one he's not is Sarah Silverman. That one was all her. Yeah. And she could be Satan. She could be. You'd have to agree that that's pretty much the world system to me.

TV. TV is kind of the world system. There's an answer by Otienu Lawi. Read it, motherfucker. Which I think may get to the core here. There's an event recorded in the Bible, a very memorable event. Just some hours after Jesus' baptism, Matthew 4, 1 to 11, of our interest starts, and we are reading the Bible now, folks,

From verse 8 Here Jesus is taken on top of a mountain And he has shown all the kingdoms of the world In their glory And in verse 9 he is told This feels like when somebody tricks you With their fetish Where someone has a humiliation fetish

And they keep being like Sorry I'm humiliating you Oh this is your fetish isn't it I have to read you the bible Because it's on Quora Verse 9 he is told All these I will give you if you fall down

and do an act of worship to me, all this I will give you. This phrase spoken here is from Satan. All this here refers to the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. The temptation highlights Satan's claim to authority over earthly kingdoms, a claim that is acknowledged

in other parts of the scripture. Clearly you can't give out what you don't own or what you don't have. And that's why Jesus sends him packing on that. Now there's a lot more written here by Oti and Ulawi, but I feel like the story speaks for itself. I think so. That's classic Satan.

Jesus claps back at him and he says, what have you done for me lately we have to do a console war episode i can't handle all this jesus talk we need gamers in here but is there one podcaster who's a gamer oh my god look who we just found oh sam ain is here well we can't kind of the dogs are barking because sam ain is here we came to sam ain's house because this is where he lives should we read his answer yeah at least a little bit okay sam ain says i have heard and read many satanists testimony of how lucifer kills humans but he always needs the help of other humans or makes his victims sin until they have lost all protection from god when sin matures it brings death james 115 really sweet ai demon

he has no power over humans not to talk of the earth i give you the testimony of ex-satanist felician malapui where satan meets his satanist annually the world's elite to authorize wars and disasters can we just talk about this photo for a second yes this live action shot please explain this okay so the devil's at a podium or one of his demons it's the coolest looking thing i've ever seen it's like a guy in armor and big wings he looks like goldar and he's at a podium and there's like a lady in a sun hat kind of bonnaroo mode yeah and there's a guy in a t-shirt with like a pink goat head yeah he's got a goat's head and horns there's actually a lot of bonnaroo-esque people this might just be a picture from like coachella they're at bonnaroo for satan there's

yeah it's like evanescence music video extras waiting in line for crafty that's kind of what this looks like they seem bored too right oh yeah well they're waiting for satan to come on and there's one other photoshopped guy so i think this is like a picture of a crowd and then they photoshop the goat mask onto someone the back of a goat man a demon's head and then the demon speaking at a podium and i mean this is the meetings he says where satan meets satanist annually to authorize wars and disasters he's like now we can have a tornado you can have a tsunami in russia this year but i authorize that next year i'm getting the earthquake the satanists all come to them with his pit their pitches for natural disasters and wars

and then he authorizes the ones he likes here's what i'm thinking we invade mexico We're shelving it? Shelving it for 27? We're shelving it for 27. That's when they decided COVID would happen. Oh, yeah. You may eat that bat. Hold on to that bat until I say.

Okay, well, Sam Aiden is always fire. Yeah, do we want to read any more of his answers or not really? There were some really good points spread throughout the page. Oh, no, actually, we do need to read more of his. The ex-Satan is Martin Sala Asamba from Cameroon, talks of how the Gulf War started. Satan's blood banks were depleted, and he called them to a meeting. Take note of places where Satan brings wars, natural disasters, and mass deaths. There is always loose living, godliness, homosexuality, and occult religions.

When a place has not enough righteous people to save it, disaster strikes. This is why every time there's a natural disaster, I look for the gays. Yeah, that's what you say, like, what's his name, Mr. Rogers? Yeah. Look for the gays. Look for the gays. Well, also, if this was true, then Las Vegas would have experienced mass earthquake and, like, flood, and nothing bad has happened in Las Vegas, ever. What happens to Vegas seems to just stay in Vegas.

Well, it's already, like, in the middle of a desert that's pounded with heat every day. It's a den of sin. It's a den of sin. It's as hot as hell. Whoa. I don't think it needs to be destroyed because it already is hell. Does that make sense? I never thought of that.

Yeah, that makes sense. That's really smart. Can't go to a church in Vegas. It is pretty smart. Thanks, guys. I'm looking to win this holy war. Anyway, there's a picture here of God, and he's saying, Lord, save them all if there are 10 good ones.

And then God says, or no, a rabbi of some sort says that. And then God says, I can't find any. I love that. And there's a giant wave destroying a modern city. I love that God is chiming in being like, it's a living. I see no one cool. This place is trash. There's no single unit family housing here, which I like.

We can't just read his whole thing, right? No, it's too long. This is what we did last time. Yeah. He's got Diablo clips. It's so juicy, though. Yeah, it's fire every time is the thing. I see another question.

All he does is make hits. Well, he's winning the holy war, if anything. I would say so, which means I think Christians are winning. I don't think this is really a religious question, so I'm going to move on to this one. Wow. Are there bouncers at Latter-day Saint, parentheses, Mormon temples? Why would you need a bouncer at a Mormon temple?

In case people are trying to get in there, steal their underwear. They don't keep the underwear at temple, Jeremy. Be serious. I don't know what they do. I've never been to a Mormon temple. You got to get outside of your comfort zone. There are a lot of chicks. There are way more chicks than dudes.

Really? Oh, yeah. It's a good ratio? I think you can get ratioed in a Mormon temple if you want. They've outlawed polygamy, right? Yeah, you can't do that anymore. It's frowned upon. But the peace be with you in there is fire.

They're doing a lot of holy kissing. Yeah, it's just a pile of holy kissing. You always see those TikTok clips of the guys who go to the Mormon colleges and they interview people and they say, like when would you would you rather be shot in the head or uh kiss someone before marriage and they're like shot in the head shoot me in my head shoot me in the head right now strike me down my soul is in danger we have an answer by toby dylan okay it's kind of mormon tim dylan as i understand yes so do it in his voice i'm not doing it in his voice do a tim dylan voice i'm not doing it what

What would his voice even be? I don't... He's just... I can't do it, so I won't do it. Can you do a Tim Dillon impression? Can you do a Mormon Tim Dillon impression? I'm trying to remember what he sounds...

Does he sound like this? No. Does he just look like he sounds like that? That's not right. He just looks like he sounds like that. He's doing like a Rush Limbaugh impression. He kind of sounds like he's on cocaine for some reason.

I've talked to... I feel like I've talked to him and he kind of sounds like this, but maybe he doesn't. He can turn it on for the camera. Yeah. Is the thing. It's so funny how not that long ago

he was just like a guy in new york right who would book you on his show where he's booked the entire crowd yeah that which is a pretty good scam this is a top scam man he isn't really good at scamming i gotta respect it like i know he's like the new tucker carlson or whatever but he's also like kind of he's the king of scams yeah sure he's evil i just remember i remember doing stand-up on a show with him once and he did this whole bit where because sam ruddy was there who we've had on this show comedian sam ruddy who lives in philly and he did this whole bit about how we're all gonna work for sam ruddy one day he's like one day sam ruddy will be my boss and uh he could not have been more wrong right he really set us up with that one

that was a classic misdirect anyway read this fucking thing toby dylan in the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints we have two different buildings for two different purposes a meeting house or chapel which is a crazy wide building yeah is where we hold our weekly worship services at the sign on every meeting house it says hey welcome to the church of latter-day saints and visitors are welcome and there's no bouncer it doesn't say that it doesn't say that and it says most of that it says visitors welcome and then there are temples whoa i have not seen these this looks like a like the salt lake temple that makes sense that they would have a giant fucking like notre dame in salt lake city it looks like saint basil's cathedral or something

it's like fire over there it's extremely fire that's so cool i would love to meet singles in there you can take as many as you want they're mormon go ahead take your fill take your fill of single morbid women uh temples are where we perform specific ordinances for ourselves and our deceased relatives including washings and anointings endowments and ceilings and then so i don't see anything about bouncers anywhere in here no i'll share my story where my wife tried to get into the temple without her recommend she left it at home we get to the desk when they scan the recommend mine clears hers isn't there we look through everything and she just doesn't have it not a problem says the recommend desk clerk and we would we just step into this small office

we said sit down excitedly never been here before and a man takes a seat on the other side of the desk what stake are you from tool a south okay not a problem we just look up the number moment later he's on the phone with our bishop who confirms that she does in fact have a valid temple recommend he leads us into the temple and leaves us with thank you sister dylan have a great day at the temple what this is not a story no but he's saying like you need to be recommended to get that's true you do need to be and they check it's like all your bishop yeah it's the same as the comedy it's like going to an orgy you know how if you go to an orgy you can go in if you're a girl but if you're a guy you gotta have a recommend ratio not a thing i haven't been doing

orgy so i have a friend who tried to go to a bunch of orgies out of college and he was like i can't go because there's no girls with me oh right they don't let you in the ratio has to be good honestly Honestly, if you just let all the men in, it's going to be fucking crazy in there. Yeah, we have bad orgy. It's going to ruin the orgy immediately. The vibes suck at this orgy. It's going to be like a bunch of drooling cretins.

There is something very funny, though, about being in a room and being like, there's an old sausage fest in here. And then you turn around and it's all naked men jacking off. Oh, yeah, it is. That should be what that is. It is. I've seen a lot of sausages.

You should wait until they're jacking off first. Anyway, no, they don't have that in Mormonism. Thank you for writing in. Do you think at the end of the orgy, they go, thank you so much for coming. I bet they do say that. I see what you did there. You're having a little bit of fun with me.

It's a little pun there. Claire didn't get it. I'm having a bit of a laugh, Britishly. Claire didn't get it, really. It's been highbrow. How much time have we done on this podcast? It's been seven minutes. It's been 59 minutes since I did the show.

Do you want to do this one last question? Yeah, we definitely have a ton of time to cut, so go ahead. Okay, here's a question. How can you tell if your partner has witchcraft? Ooh, I can use this. Yeah, you kind of have a witchy wife. I do have a witchy wife. My wife is witchy as hell, and she's got all kinds of crystals.

That would be the first thing I'd check. She's got me wearing crystals. I'm not wearing one today because of a really nice shirt that I stole from my brother, so it doesn't go with the buttons. But I do have a nice bracelet, which is pretty witchy. Claire, does Nick do witchcraft? Yeah, he casts spells with his ass every day. He farts 20 times.

Whoa. And bad things happen around the world. We just don't know where or what, but we know that it's happening. If you fart in a room and everybody leaves the room due to the smell, that feels spell-like, right? Yeah, that's powerful. I mean, you made it happen with an astral projection. You used a sort of, like, gas from your body, which is kind of like a potion.

Everyone took arcane damage. Yeah, to, like, sort of poison the room and make them do things they didn't want to do. Interesting response to how can you tell if your partner is witchcraft. Brian Shank says matching luggage. Whoa, that's it? Really funny. That's all you need to do? I don't know what that means.

It has four upvotes. He's an old guy whose picture is sideways. I already respect that. And he's not wearing a shirt. He's from Edmonton. He's got no shirt. He's got a goatee and glasses. He rocks.

He has four questions. He says, what's up with Paramount canceling Stephen Colbert? Great question. His other question before that is, well, ask me. Ask me? Then before that is, hello, is there anybody out there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone at home?

That's Pink Floyd. And then the last question, first question he ever asked was, what's with all the Pope questions on Quora? You're not really generating a conversation here, are you? No, you're kind of doing something weird, Brian. You're just having a laugh. He does mostly one-word answers. He says, twat.

Piss off. Piss off. Back to the cave. All right. One guy says, he answers the question, should I drink my girlfriend's pee to prove my love to her? He says, whatever. Oh, whatever.

Whatever. Piss off. Who cares? Should I drink my girlfriend's pee to prove my love to her? I don't think you need to do that. Are British people watching Stephen Colbert? I don't think he's British. Where are you getting British?

Where's Edmonton? Oh, is that Canada? I thought Canada. Yeah, that's Alberta. They're British coded. Yeah, that's Canada. They say stuff like piss off. Piss off.

I'm from Canada. Whatever. Whatever. Whatever. I'm Canadian. Oh, Poutine. Oh, I love the queen. Canadian like.

Oh, look, everybody. It's Billy Talent. Bonjour. I was tempted doing bonjour in a British accent. It didn't work very well. Bonjour. It's pretty funny. I like this guy.

He's cool. Brian Shanks. We'll give him a follow. How else can you tell if your partner has witchcraft? I want a better answer than this. I feel like the answer is if they have twigs. If they're arranging them into weird shapes. If they have potions that are not for eating.

Like she's cooking a lot. I'm saying she is probably she. Otherwise it would be Warcraft. It's probably a woman. Warlockcraft. The world of Warcraft. She's making potions. Maybe you have a black cat.

Well, I think the issue, Jeremy. She lives in the woods. Does she live in the woods? If she lives in the woods, then that ain't your witch. That ain't your wife, that's your witch. Woo! What I'm saying is that if you have a witch spouse, you probably are under some kind of enchantment.

And in that case, it can be difficult to parse their many spells and potions. If you find a version of yourself that's like a twig stick figure, run. Eh, it might be a witch. Peter Titsy says, no need to worry, there is no such thing. Titsy. Peter Titsy. Alyssa says, does it or is suffering from it like a cold?

What? What? Why is everyone on here like this? Hold on. Finally, Nick's Shadowhawk. Oh, Nick's Shadowhawk we follow. Yep. Okay, so this is a related question, which is how can you tell if your partner is in the occult?

Nick's Shadowhawk is mod of the space for a bit of knowledge, which is one of the foundations of our show. So he has a broad base of knowledge here. nick says ask them seriously easiest way to know anything about one's spiritual practices just to ask them about it but in the interest of answering the question here are some signs one they have a ritual set up in their home somewhere a pagan altar does not count it does not count if it's a pagan altar it's fine because one can be pagan without being an occultist an occultist will have magician tools magical tools it says oh magical tools wands athames pentacles cauldrons if if If your woman has a collar...

You might be married to a Vivitch. You might be married to the damn Vivitch. That would suck to be married to the Vivitch. There's a hard price to be paid. Black Phillip? Hello? I like Black Phillip. I do not care for him.

He's making me sign his book. Spoilers for the Vivitch this week, by the way. Or have a ceremonial circle drawn on the floor. That's a good way to know. Oh, yeah, that's very good to know. collections of talismans and sigils and divination tools, tarot cards, runestones, black mirrors.

Hold on, hold on. Tarot cards, I feel like everyone has. Black mirror, I'm pretty sure, is just the damn computer when it's off. Oh! It's sort of a dark reflection of our technological society. Well, I think it's called that

because there's an actual black mirror that lets you get in touch with, you know, like a zombie or something. I think it's because the TV is a black mirror. You look at the mirror, and there's a zombie in there, and you go, ah! I do like the idea of it being an evil mirror,

but I'm pretty sure it's because the TV turns off. Agree to disagree, I guess. Can we see if we can buy a black mirror? We can see, but I want to read a little more. I think SEO is going to be fucked on that because of the TV show. That's true. I don't know how to Google that really specifically.

Go to Facebook Marketplace for black... No, it's just going to be DVDs. I don't know how to do that. I've never seen Alex so genuinely frustrated. I'm going to keep reading about these dark objects. The inverse is the case with Ouija boards. Occultists have Ouija paraphernalia for aesthetic purposes, either because they look cool or to be ironic.

Serious occultists do not use Ouija boards as evocation tools. I'm so sick of these irony bros with their Ouija boards. They're fake. Occultism. They're fake boards, and they're there to have a laugh. They're doing ironic occultism. It pisses me off. Another way to know is if they wear occult symbols.

Again, this could just be aesthetic. Wearing a pentacle or an ankh does not make a witch. but if you see them wearing a chaos star or a unicursal hexagram for example that's more of an indicator you might be a witch if they're wearing a ceremonial talisman or a goetic sigil that's even more of an indicator oh there's so much more so much more uh a featured among them they use raw herbs medicinally uh they offer tower readings horoscopes that you see them reading occult books which sure i.e books on magic and erotic eroticism esotericism that are not wow that's like a uh spelling mini boss you just had i really wanted to be eroticism for some

reason esotericism esotericism they have loads of these books on their amazon wish list they absolutely geek out when they found find the occult section of a bookstore yeah that's a good way to know if your your girlfriend is uh in the occult or your boyfriend is if they geek out at the occult section in a store yeah if they go dan harman mode at the kabbalah book if they go to the bookstore there's an occult section they go oh like my favorite thing oh my witchy favorites they do the szechuan sauce and then you go home at you go home at the end of the day and you go on court and you're like how do i know how do i know i think this bitch is a i have suspicions I think I'm married to the damn Vivich.

Yeah. Okay, so this is kind of all the obvious shit we were saying, but it is good to be backed up by Nick's shadow hawk. He knows what he's talking about. Hi, this is my Vivife. The Vivife. All right, that's going to close out here. They know how to dance ecstatically and howl at the moon.

That's a great way to know. Some of these women just do. If your partner is howling at the moon, they might be a werewolf of some type. Right. They're really sensitive to, quote, vibes is also really good. Damn. I'm a witch, basically.

Yeah, wait, Claire, maybe you're a witch. A bunch of these kind of pointed towards Claire being a witch. Do you ever howl at the moon? Yeah, but only if it's got big tits that night. Whoa. That's not you getting pulled over, by the way. That's just the podcast. That's the podcast.

Yeah, sure. sure um do you have a is that okay mr alex uh let's just pull one up it'll take two seconds okay we got a bunch recently is that okay these this is our call-in segment is that okay if you have a question for quora that you want to send to us in the style of a quora question you can send to the coordinators at gmail.com here is a question hey y'all this is literally a frog so like you ever think that there are uh infinite versions of reality and thereby infinite versions of your consciousness and that your consciousness is in a sort of superposition kind of floating along a

higher dimensional sea of probability like a rudderless boat and that if you could somehow guide the ongoing collapse you are in as the present is perceived through force of will or positive thought that you could somehow end up in a better instance of reality than the one you're in? Not by changing everything around you, but by changing your direction in the fourth dimension? Or is that just me?

I'm so sorry. This is from a frog. A frog said this? I did not hear the rest of it. I was locked in as a talking frog while driving a car, it sounds like. This is also a very accurate way of...

This is like a real Quora post. that's how people would post that's how a frog would post if a frog could get on Quora and it would go ribbit ribbit it would then ask this question does anybody get the question out of it because I feel like we can't replay the whole thing

because it was so long do you believe in alternate versions of yourself and through positive thoughts can you go to better realities oh no I don't believe in that but I have a question for you what do flies taste like yeah

what does ribbit mean what are we saying all the time why am I in a damn swamp that's what I want to know this is classic us two someone asked a philosophical question we're really caught up on the joke at the top we're all like what did he say

a frog said this great question thank you so much for writing in with that shout out to any frogs or toads or even lizards who listen to this show I freaking love reptiles, man. Yeah, I do not believe in any of that stuff. I'm a classical Christian, which feels good.

Is that real, Alex? Are you a believer in God? We just won the holy war. Did you? Hold on. Did you actually think Christians won that? I think we came out. We have our own video games.

We don't have bouncers at the church. We have a cool recommendation system. That's Mormons. Mormons are Christians. They're totally Christians. They have a church. Yeah. All right.

Fair enough. They got Jesus in it. they're like our um they're like um dragon ball gt for christians they're like you gotta speak english you're sounding like a frog right i do not sound like a frog i don't know what the hell you're talking about i'm a victorious crusader and i have slain by many foes of theological intent all right i'll give we'll give this round to christians but i do i do feel like we there might be a third holy war in our future not tomorrow not next week but i do think we will have to do another holy war where we do some non-christian questions we can learn about

you know islam we could learn about ancient greece i had the one that claire said last week that we ignored what was the one last week you guys we gotta figure out what baha'i we have to word but baha'i is baha'i boy baha'i That's what you said last time. It's been two weeks since we recorded. Sorry, never mind. I forgot I said that already. Yeah, so I did try to look for more Muslim questions on here.

It's just the issue is when you type Muslim in Decorah, it actually takes you down kind of a dark rabbit hole of some stuff that you don't really want to read into a podcast. But I'll try harder in the future. We'll do it. We'll find some fun ones. It won't just be upsetting the whole time. Okay, I'm excited to hear it.

I can't wait for that. Children's Holy War. Sorry, what's up, Claire? Holy War Part 3? Not next week, but maybe at some point. Okay, good. It's been a little too much religion. I'll run out of stuff to do.

Although I've only heard positive feedback about war so far. Everybody is really pumped that we've done like 10 war episodes. It's a Hobbesian all against all. People love it. People love it. So we'll keep doing war, I guess. Yes, for sure. if you would like more of our show

every Thursday we have a bonus episode on patreon.com slash Quarators we go on other websites all over the cyber web whoa who knows what's there we're the first podcast to ever go on Reddit we're the only ones on Reddit we're the only ones on all these exciting websites

and it's the only way to support our show which turns down many ads from the Mercedes Corporation and Volvo as well all kinds of Automotives. I will say, Lipson isn't begging us to put ads on this podcast. They're dying to.

We get emails about it every day now. We say that would be selling out. We will never do that. I love my fans too freaking much to do that. Provided they go to Patreon.com and give me $5 a month, which is pretty much no money now. Thank you, Joe Biden. And Trump.

You can give Trump credit for that. I would give pretty much every president for the last 20 years some credit for that. Anyway, I love you all, and you are my children, and we are all God's children. Goodbye. You're all Alex's children. Bye, Frog.

Go to bed.