Quorators - How Strong Is Dracula? w/ Kylie Brakeman

Episode Date: October 31, 2022

Comedians Alex Ptak and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: Has Anybody Felt The Archangel Michael Might Be A Little Robotic In His Mannerisms... Is Frankenstein The Monster Or The Doctor? What Is More Probable Big Foot Or The Loch Ness Monster

I was worried about. Really? Yeah. Wow. Okay. Jeremy, go ahead and move all those knobs back to where they were a second ago. I was not paying attention. No, it's good.

It's good. It was the camera, and it's not coming up. Not the Naruto sound. It's not coming up today. Here we go. There's no more things. We did them all. And now we're going to clap for the camera.

Ready? Okay. One, two, three, clap. Wow. Great. You also have to do one. Oh, clap. I'll work with that.

That sounds good. All right. Does anybody else want to clap? Just for your own personal enjoyment. I thought it was fun, so I wanted to do one. It was a good time. Give it up for yourselves real quick. It's another episode of Quarators.

Hit button. I think it's this one. it's quarry toes we're back for another week with your quora questions it's the number one podcast where we ask what is quora what is it what is it is it should i use this thing no probably not what is quora this is a very exciting week for us we are graced once more with the one and only jeremy kevin thank you that's true i missed last week i was so scared without you here i felt like a fraud well i'm glad uh it didn't come out as good then it well no i was nervous it'd be better without me that you'd realize that i should have thrown into a goddamn landfill

if dan yang wasn't begging me to save it so much please save the core raiders my career needs this he's saying i felt like an insecure boyfriend where i was like i hope she doesn't fall for that guy he's so tall no but i was i was worried in case you did die of coronavirus so that was something i was concerned with and we have a very special guest this week all the way down from new york where she lives now hello thank you for having me have you been on quora before i think i have in like a sense of I've Googled how do I get the airdrop to work on my computer? And then it's never helped.

Never been helpful. Never been good information. It's always like when I'm Googling like a tech support thing and then things just go terribly awry. Yeah. And that's where I go. Okay. So she's not going to tell us what Quora is. Keep doing the show.

I wish I knew. Also, Kylie, this is a very special week because I've been checking with my assistant about it, and according to my calendar, it is Halloween. This is today. Well, the day this comes out is today. And in our reality, Monday, October 31st. Yeah, no, it's really scary, and it's Halloween,

and there's bats in the air, and everything's orange and pumpkins. Your cat is, like, licking his belly on Kylie right now. This is an update. I love him. Update on Producer Waffles. Something is in the air. Something frightful is occurring that has agitated him

to the point of violence to our guests and our hosts. Yeah, he has, like, male cat zoomies where he's just, like, I don't know, my cat used to do this, where he's, like, he gets something in the air where he's, like, I'm in charge. Yeah. I own the place. Okay, I shouldn't admit this in a public forum,

but I got two highlights. You also got male cat zoomies. I thought you started just hitting your wife with your claw. After around 11 o'clock, I run really fast across the room. Last Friday, I got too high on my tiny balcony that I have, and I left him outside. And I only noticed after around 20 minutes of him kind of scratching at the door, and I let him in,

and I was like, he's going to be so mad at me. But he wasn't mad. He had just been exposed to the moon raw. Oh, that does something to them. His eyes were the size of his whole head, and I was so afraid of him for the rest of the night. There's a really good picture. I don't know if we can put the picture somehow into the podcast.

I don't know. It's an audio format. You'll receive it the way a bat receives an image. Sonarly. Okay. This is right. Do people know what I'm talking about? Sonar?

With echolocation? I don't think you can see a photo, though. You can echolocate a photo. That's the premise of Daredevil. That's true. And Daredevil has never lied. It's that he can see with his ears. That's true.

Which, by the way, seems like not very inspiring to deaf people. That kind of seems like, oh, so he's not deaf is kind of the premise of Daredevil. Yeah, yeah. This is a real big issue I have with Daredevil, who is related to Halloween because he wears a suit. Okay. With that said, we are going to move on. There's all kinds of exciting Quoras we've found this week, but before we go to those,

we have to return to our one segment. Oh, yes. We have one segment. Nice. And it is that we ask a question. You only need one. No. Yeah.

Yeah, it like fills seven minutes sometimes. It depends how good it went. So our segment is we ask a Quora at the end, is you'll get to write a Quora, and then at the beginning we check on the Quora so don't fuck that up we're going to look into it right now

I'm sweating okay your content I don't even know what the question is oh right because you weren't here and I haven't listened the episode is out I have not listened to it okay well here's the thing

is Quora is very hard to use so it takes some time to find what the question was before you go to this I'll say that I tried to put a bunch of Cora's in our little document today. Cora is such a bad website. That is not true. I tried to find all these Halloween-y

kind of things. It's like, what's the spookiest thing that's ever been filmed? And all the answers are just like, oh, there's footage of 9-11. I'm like, alright, well, I guess that is spooky. People try to be funny, or not funny, but insightful on Cora. I don't think they are. I think that's what it is. I think people are just very serious on this website.

Like, no, that is not factually true. I am not factually afraid of a goblin. I am afraid of 9-11 yeah the existential threat of 9-11 we will be getting into people who are afraid of goblins this week that's going to be the bulk of the show we're covering that okay so last week i accidentally asked two questions oh where dan yang and i uh were interested if adderall makes you less funny 223 views that was a random question not based on anything that happened or any episode at the end of a Friday afternoon.

No answers to that one. We also, I guess, ask, does Adderall make you age faster? These are real questions that you guys clearly had, right? Like, this is not like... These are, you submitted these to Cora? The show, it fell apart when you... These are very... It wasn't the same thing anymore.

It feels very relevant to maybe the problems you might have been having. There's one answer that says, yes, exclamation point. I have had this problem. them yeah i've wondered this because i'm like oh i'm on adderall i i have to finish like a packet or something like when you submit to a a television show and i'm like okay well i'm getting a lot of work done but is it funny is any of our is any of this jokes or is this just productive do you know what the thing is too is a lot of times it's just as funny as you would have been normally but

you can't enjoy it because that part of your brain is shut off and so you're just like i feel nothing right but it gives you the whoa that was spooky that was scary halloween spooky scary no they're just they're closed by itself all right what's going on here okay yeah so but yeah i guess adderall makes you like more like mathematical about it yeah but i also it also makes me it's like tickling my brain so i go yay like typing on the keyboard makes me go woohoo i filled out that form really quick this is awesome i love doing the census ask me simple questions i found that like if i'm writing like a like a creative thing if i have a little outline from like the part of me who could use my left brain before i can like fill it out like a form really fast

yeah that makes sense no that makes sense yeah i can do 10 jokes really fast if i already thought of them that is the utility of adderall is for moving the periods and the commas back and forth Sometimes over and over again. Over and over, and it's so fun when you do it. It's more fun than I've ever had doing, putting commas and periods. And usually it's pretty fun. And I have a blast, because I don't have to think of anything during it. Right, right, right.

Let me ask you this. You got one of these? You got one of these loud keyboards? You got clickety-clack? No, I gotta get one of those. It's really good. I have like a silent MacBook Air, like, sleep. I want clickety-clack.

I want the sound. Send it back. Clickety-clack. Send it back. Apple, you did it wrong. No, I get bullied on the internet for this a lot, so I am trying to kind of compensate. For your clickety-clackety?

For my loud keyboard. Who's bullying you? I know, strangers. But how else will anyone know that you're working? They wouldn't otherwise. I work in audio mediums. This is the only way they'll get it. Again, like bats.

But anyway, well, we fucking sucked at asking the question last week. We're going to ask you a better question this week. It's going to be as good as the Pope one, I think. Okay. Yeah. So at the end of the show, we will ask you a question for that. And as it is Halloween, we will be focusing on sort of forbidden issues. There's a section on Quora called Forbidden Knowledge that we found.

Oh, really? And a segment on Quorators called Corbidden Knowledge. Jeremy. Let me know. Which one? Press the bottom right one. That's good. You did a really good job keying that up.

Okay, now I know what kind of show this is. Yeah, yeah. Now I know what's going on. Welcome to New York. This is New York City. Okay, we have a lot of Korras that will make your skin crawl. That will maybe open up a door that should have remained shut. Waffles has returned.

Hello, Waffles. ass on the soundboard. Oh, no, no, no. We're good. That's good. Just stay as far away from him as he'll allow you to be and we're going to answer Quora's.

Okay, this first question we found, we're going to start dabbling in the forbidden and then as we go, it will get more forbidden. So this is a pretty standard one. If you cut his hair, cleaned him up, and put him in nice clothes,

could a Neanderthal walk down the street without attracting attention? This is a question on Quora? Yes. Is there an answer or no? Oh, there's answers. Okay, so what we should think about it first. I want to know your answer.

Could you dress a Neanderthal up and make him look nice? Yeah, I mean, you could make him look nice, but I think he'd look really weird walking down the street. You can't cover up someone being just generally really weird. Right, you won't get past the, like, New York heckler test of a man on the corner going, like, look at that big head. Yeah, I don't think anyone, I don't think in New York they might not notice it as much because everyone's a freak walking down the street

but if you're in like michigan or something sure and and a neanderthal is walking down the street in a suit and tie i think people are gonna go what is going on right oh right because there's less diversity kind of uh sure diversity of freaks is what i mean you see a neanderthal on the subway you're like whatever whatever he's screaming shakespeare and yeah i just i can't look at him because then i have to give him a dollar here's the thing though is in michigan it's more common to just dress that uh dress the caveman up in like sweatpants sweatshirt vikings jacket he's going where he's going and then it's like that could be anybody in there with a huge ass forehead that could be they wouldn't attract any attention at all also everyone's in cars

So to answer the question, if he's in a car. Now, the actual answer to this, they said. This is the plot of the TV show, Geico's Cavemen, though. Oh, yeah. That I bring up every episode of this podcast. Geico made a television show? Oh, yes. Now they're commercials?

Yeah. Nick Kroll made a show for Geico, I believe. They made a pilot. The pilot's on air because it's extremely racist. Right. It had to be. Oh, my God. caveman are a metaphor for like black people and it's a lot of like nick kroll being like yeah

she only wants to date you because you have a big caveman dick or whatever and so they cut that and then they did like eight episodes of a different version of that show it's really weird but they had to put something out the demand was through the roof for the caveman show there's some good jokes they did commercial tv before ted lasso did yeah like they were ahead of their time in in that regard yeah i think every tv show that came out before ted lasso was ahead of ted it's a really interesting way to think about it um so this isn't scary at all but a museum in germany put uh cavemen in suits and so it'd be like it's like a banksy uh uh uh what sort of installation it was a banksy look at this it's a caveman that's the worst german makes you think

all right i'm sorry i'm coughing so much i had covid two weeks ago and i'm fine but you're doing i'm trying my best not to cough and it sounds like i'm crying the whole time i feel like i i sound like i'm on the verge of tears i'm not scared of you at all i'll kiss you on the mouth but either way no that you can you can dress up a caveman it's in all seriousness the answer okay yeah so that we have a definitive answer there's nothing funny about that i'm i'm not laughing no neither am i and now we're going to move on to this one about a witch's curse uh okay this feels more forbidden yeah well i found the other one last week when it wasn't halloween is kind of what happened now kylie you're going to get kind of exposed here to what

um the format of asking a question on quora is like which is like okay have you ever asked like a simple question around the house like how long do my light bulbs last uh you would right to put that on quora extrapolate that into around 10 sentences and then just mix and move the words around so you okay so so it's just like word salad about something that is yeah and then you get like after you finish the paragraph you're like oh this is do i have a witch's curse but it's really long. Curses, which do I have? Curses, my me, in me. This is the question.

This may sound crazy, but for years now, I have had an ancestor follow me around and basically ruin all the good in my life. Parentheses, oh, and she happened to be a witch. Now I have children, and they are starting to be affected by it. If it was just my life,

then fine, but I can't let her mess with my children. I don't know what to do or where to go from here. Any advice? What a martyr. uh this really deeply reminds me of a reply to a tweet that i did where i this was years ago but i tweeted like oh my my parents didn't want to take us to lego land so they just told us it didn't exist like haha and then someone responded oh lego land is where i found out that i had a dead brother because he communicated with me via like ghost stuff and my parents never told me and

that's where i figured it out i'm like okay this is a lot of information to take in an online forum people treat tweets like they're like therapy like having breakthroughs oh my god okay am i responsible for this now do i have to call someone was your brother a lego i thought we were talking about lego land but it turns out it's the loss of a completely different yeah i honestly don't know what i do with my witch ancestors though because i'm so close with them through my family do you have a witch ancestor probably yeah i guess so maybe i have like a half of my family is irish but in a way where they seem kind of backstabby to the nation as a whole what does that mean like i feel like they i'm pretty sure the story is they ended up leaving ireland around

the civil war because they were a little too like friendly with the english half of it is kind of the thing which you know is puts you on the wrong side of a very tiny conflict is always fun to be in but uh anyway yeah i bet they knew a witch and i bet they're probably like i bet it's probably haunting me all the time so the first okay wait so their question is is this happening to me it's any advice i like that she's like is it a man or woman you could i don't know you could start with like start a journal uh make sure that you write down a list at the start of your day and that could be a good way to get rid of the witch the first sentence in the response is this is more common than one might think fair enough yeah yeah yeah as ancestors visit descendants most pass

simply watchful like a breeze delighted and joyful some and thankfully few hold malice in the afterlife and have learned to linger and interact expressing manifesting harmful intense intentions being, of which I suspect this is your case. Before the Christian, Muslim, and Jewish religions flourished, it was common knowledge ancestor spirits visited for now and then. Most were good, but some were evil, and they were able and knew how to defend against negative. That's how the sentence ends.

So much of our past knowledge is lost to time. And then they're kind of suggesting songs after that part. What are the songs? Songs or mantras. I guess just the concept of songs. Just songs in general, just listen to music. yeah uh khali mantras are good um songs that destroy enemies it says okay wait i i think i got lost in the word salad is the goal to get rid of the witch yeah well you need the witch to stay

away from your kids those are my kids right right right right you have to protect them if you want to come for me with your witch stuff that's fine but for my children oh my god i'm gonna do the most harmful mantras at you i think i would offer um the same advice as are you familiar with the winchester mystery house no oh wait yeah is that the one where it's like they build it like forever yeah so there was this woman okay just brief quick uh crash course sarah winchester wife of um uh the winchester family who made the rifle that won the west right right um and then her husband died kid died and then so she was like i'm i'm really fucked up i'm gonna go see a medium and the medium was like okay so you're being haunted by all of the people that your husband

shot with the winchester rifle that's a lot of ghosts so many ghosts and they're like the only way to stop it is to keep building your house forever and ever to confuse the spirits they hate that because it takes them so long to get used to a room they hate it it's so confusing to them and so i don't know she could give that a spin ghosts are very much money she has ghosts are really prickly about like archaeological decisions or architectural decisions you know what i mean like why is there a bathroom next to the hallway do you think the medium was like married to a contractor or something i think she had an agenda yeah there's no people were just saying anything in the 1800s like anything that sounded vaguely true or like you have to put a bug in your

eye to stop your brain from bleeding everyone's like okay try leeches again i was in new orleans recently and there was like this um pharmacy museum and they had all this old like medicine stuff and they had um tampons with opium on them that honestly sounds awesome that sounds like it rocks that sounds like a really good time yeah it's an interesting way to deal with that i couldn't use this product but you said it and i was like i could make the time you could find something to put that in yeah yeah yeah you could just you know put it in your mouth eat them yeah when in doubt eat it this is the ancestor to butt chugging so i yeah i think it'll i think we could figure it absolutely it's kind of the khali mantra of its time people love getting

their period this does go into detail about what the mantra is so here's a here's one that they use a calling mantra is uh remove every enemy uh spiritual sign destroy enemies work extremely well to drive off any negative so you sing or hum that and that's gonna get rid of anyone who who is part of your family who you don't want around that's pretty cool pretty good right yeah still think it's all right to make life be a witch i don't think so yeah halloween is a marginalized identity yeah no let's get that out people don't take it seriously yeah uh okay this is not so easy being a ghoul no this is probably my favorite one i found because it's very straightforward has anyone else felt archangel michael might be a little yeah yeah i felt that yeah big time i've

always felt that always felt that has anybody felt his might be a little robotic in his mannerisms so this is someone who sees the archangel michael regularly and just has like you see archangel enough to have a take on it why are you being weird so this is our second segment of the podcast though which is i a jewish person ask you what this is i feel like every week we talk about like christianity and i'm like what is that right i'm kind of steering jeremy in a certain direction Okay, this is the underlying agenda behind this. Welcome to Quarriors, where we ask, who saved God's children?

Does he have a son? And there's a baptism pool right outside. If anybody needs it for any reason. We've been looking for segment ideas, and I think one funny one would be if we all dip our head in a little bit in this pool. Just three times, a random number. Oh, you're so wet.

by the way this is my dad father jacob we're not close i have to say the full thing uh okay so this is more about archangel michael like when i used to summon him i don't remember many instances where he showed much emotion though might that that might just be me this is the question uh here are some comments i see michael everywhere i go he doesn't seem to have robotic movements or anything close to that i'll beat you as soon as i know these are the craziest what they found like a more crazy person is like oh yeah i also hallucinate that oh my god the archangel michael he's real and he's a weird guy

and he's not robotic he's not robotic or okay so they kind of spoke on this okay so uh the the person who wrote the post then answers that comment says well i spoke to him just now i think and he doesn't seem lacking emotion, so I think he cares about humans. Yeah, I just talked to him. He's just having a weird day. Why'd you ask the question if you're going to double back on it right away like that?

You just wanted somebody to talk to you about the Archangel Michael. It's so sad. You shouldn't brag that you know him. Just get one friend who sees the Archangel Michael. Yeah, you can't be name-dropping on Korra. Nobody knows who you are. I was just getting lunch the other day

with Michael, the Archangel. it's very funny to just like post a quarter where it's like does anyone else think that steven spielberg is weird when you talk to him it's like i'm always talking to steven spielberg and he's a little odd i noticed that harry styles is taller in real life any advice uh wait so there's one more comment that goes the other way with it which is uh so that's typically angelic they lack emotion it's part of how they are meant to be emotions can compromise what they are called to do and not do that's why fallen angelics are so damn dangerous yeah and if you were a real fan you'd know that and then they uh the the uh the op

writes back immediately to kind of get in their face terminology have you worked with the fallen end of sentence wow as if to say like you don't know what you're talking about wow genuinely that genuinely are you a real fan it doesn't seem like you work with the fall this is like k-pop stands this is just like not someone who works with who works with the fallen that's just not something they would say that's just not something i noticed you better check yourself before you come after archangel jungkook the one k-pop guy i know all right well that was so sad they're going to war it's so sad i hope they don't i hope korea doesn't invade anywhere in this time period yeah i can't afford to lose them i think the people will revolt there's something very funny that

all of them are doing it at the same time instead of just like... Are they in the army? What's happening with K-pop? What do you mean you don't know what's happening? Oh, some of them are doing it. They're all doing it at the same time. I didn't know that. Yeah, I think you're all gone. Because I know it was like the two old people, older people, 27. I don't know. And like BTS

or something? I'm so scared of getting this wrong in a public forum. There are BTS people everywhere. But yeah, they have to go to war for a mandated service or something. That's insane. And Al, you hate BTS, right? no i'd never said that i've never i would never say that i love i love the republic of korea

they have to defend it you think that they're ugly right is that your thing that's not anything i said i'm not anything i feel like you could learn even more about that and i'm totally open to doing that and so no one should be mad at me about anything i've said that was wrong or maybe less informed than it could have been what were you saying about taylor swift being bad earlier I do think I'll stick by that that's in fair enough

that's in the western hemisphere like I'm not afraid I don't know that's like they're they're pretty intense on Twitter they're intense

but it's just like I know but they're soft they're soft they're not they're not like hardened like the BTS fans

who are like willing to throw down here's the thing is I picture BTS fans as BTS which is like live young

dancers from far away whereas Taylor Swift fans I picture as Taylor Swift and I'm like I'm not afraid of You think of them all as Taylor Swift.

Yeah, I think of Taylor Swift being like, you've crossed a line. That is not true. You could beat her up. You could fight her. They're all just going to go back to their email jobs. They're too busy having a good life, I think. They're too busy managing people at their job.

Managing teams. Without putting my foot in my mouth, I do feel like I could physically fight Taylor Swift. And that is just... I don't know that for sure, but I feel like it probably is true. Your next question coming up. Is Frankenstein the monster or the doctor?

Oh, we know this. Any words? This is child's play. Yeah. This is like the is Die Hard a Christmas movie of Halloween. Well, it kind of makes you wonder maybe how well you know the story because I think I understand, oh, Frankenstein created the monster and we call the monster Frankenstein out of sloth.

Sure. Out of one of the sins, yeah. Because we don't take the time to learn his true name. Because we're always on our phones. And we're so distracted that we don't bother to respect our elders. That's so true. I'm too busy swiping to pick up a torch and chase this thing out of town. Well, this is an answer by a user who goes by the name of Zodiac.

This is the Zodiac killer. And he says, it is neither. Oh. The monster was simply called the creature, and Victor Frankenstein was a half-baked idiot who didn't even finish his degree. Did you know him personally? Well, Zodiac, as I was like...

And he meddled with unethical practices and didn't even have the proper courage to see it through properly. But he's not real, right? Well, he's a half-baked idiot, though. Yeah. This is someone who, like, read the Frankenstein manga and feels very passionately about it.

I can say that because they posted a picture of the Frankenstein manga at the bottom? There's a Frankenstein manga? Yeah, so you can see all the violence that they cut out of the book. But he is wrong, though, right? Because Frankenstein is Frankenstein. Right, but is it...

But it's the doctor. He is a doctor. I think he's right about that part. I think the thing is he's interpreting the question as who was the real monster, when the question is just which one was the guy. Which one is the name of the... Which is also so easily Google-able

instead of Quora-able. All right, he's not done talking about Frankenstein here, though. He is merely a student who didn't even get a doctoral degree. He will never deserve the good name of a doctor. The creature was nameless, as giving it a name would be akin to giving it power and acknowledging that it exists, and the cruelest irony that Victor could do was to create the creature himself and deny that his very creation's existence. All right, well, that's a mic drop.

Yeah. It does at times refer to itself as Adam, implying the very first human creation of god god referring to victor however it sees itself more as a fallen angel or a cursed creature rather than a beloved creation that is nurtured and cared for that's the answer to the question was frankenstein the monster or the just so everyone is clear on what was happening uh this guy really does not like frankenstein No, he does not think I leave him as a person. It also implies like if you took the time to finish your degree, this wouldn't have happened.

There's a part at the end of the course where like, don't make a Frankenstein. So the lesson we can all take, don't go ahead and use this to like scoop out a brain from a graveyard and then put it into a ball of clay. Yeah, guys, I know it sounds fun. Don't make a Frankenstein. just take it from me don't do it it's not funny it's not cool nobody with a degree does it that should tell you something if you want to work in this field don't be that guy who shows up to a party and creates a frankenstein oh my god so embarrassing it's alive i'm leaving so embarrassing alex your parents are doctors do you worry you're a frankenstein yeah i do worry about that

uh i mean more in like a just like definition kind of way because i'm like feel pretty confident that i'm not a frankenstein but i feel like that being made by doctors does make i mean i guess yeah technically any child of doctors is a frankenstein yeah i think like i'm afraid that like with the slippery slope this country is and there'll be a law that's like no more frankensteins and then like oh shit we're looking in the book and technically yeah yeah yeah i'm a frankenstein made by doctors you're alive i gotta move now because i'm a frankenstein that would really trouble me um i have one about the loch ness and bigfoot here but uh i only put it in here because it was the smartest answer i found on quora and i thought that was disturbing okay what does that

mean okay so the question is which is more plausible to exist the loch ness monster or bigfoot real quick survey of the room uh bigfoot oh sorry can you repeat the question i was distracted by a sunbeam I need Adderall if everyone is ready to take this serious I'm trying so hard

not to call the question is which is more plausible to exist the Loch Ness monster or Bigfoot oh okay okay I think it's Bigfoot

I think the answer is Bigfoot that's my non-joke real answer right he's smaller he's in the woods easier to miss

I don't know what other kind of answer it would be you could see him and think it's just a guy right and i could see like stuff getting oh but loch ness if there was a scottish dragon yeah of some sort i think i have sympathy for the loch ness answer answer because i we don't okay

the ocean floor we don't know about it like 75 of it we don't know about it so maybe deep down in the lake something could be going on that's all i'll say okay is that something could be going on out there i'm not sure the lake logic holds compared to the ocean i do know what you're saying okay so we're split on this this is answered by a biology student who is a half-baked amateur who is not someone with a doctorate i want to throw out there before we start um nessie he breaks it down by category with an animal big as the loch ness monster a major concern is whether or not it can support its own weight without being subjected to extreme internal stress he then over the next like five paragraphs breaks down what nessie's weight

probably is uh in terms of uh metric tons and then the yield that would have uh so this is like paragraph five here the problem set makes the assumption that there would be need to be a breeding population about 10 to 20 monsters to maintain viability but any true fan knows that there's only one nessie and the linear scaling function of food consumption gl equals 3.2349 l plus 3.5161 provided the problem set would yield that 38.8651 kilograms per day of food is needed to support Nessie so we get into how much food Nessie would need uh and then uh uh complications there and you can assume Nessie would be eight meters long and 1500 kilograms okay so we've broken down weight we've broken down uh uh breeding I hope this guy dies well

he doesn't die why would you say that about him first of all this is 10 years ago so now he is a full doctor or he could be dead or he could be dead

he could be dead I don't know I bet you feel pretty bad saying that about a doctor though don't you yeah how do you know maybe that doctor is dead one of our brightest minds

shut up the only smart person I've found on Quora yeah this is an anti-intellectual podcast yeah I don't like it you want to send him to the grave

bring us back he knows too much about animals I like the Frankenstein guy better. Alright, well then the Bigfoot long story short, the Bigfoot's actual, like the build of Bigfoot is

pretty improbable, so the winner is Nessie because... Whoa! What? Yeah, I guess just Bigfoot couldn't survive as like a nine foot tall human. He does like ten paragraphs on the Loch Ness Monster and then he's just like, but a guy could never be that big. I mean, come on. A guy can't be nine feet tall. Well, he can. He's too

big. He'd crush all his own organs. There are humans that are that big. No, not for long. I think they have health problems. They all die. That's the whole point. They're not viable as a species. I just think like any Bigfoot sighting is like,

that's probably a different guy. That seems like just a guy. I don't know. In like an earlier time period, people would see the rock and be like, that's Bigfoot. Absolutely. Yeah. Because you can't conceive that there'd be such like a big dude,

but there is sometimes and it's not a Sasquatch. And you mean his film presence. Yeah, someone who lives out loud. Just larger than life on the screen. You see his eyebrow raise, and it raises you up. And that's something we learned, is that Nessie is more likely, but that neither of them are very likely. Wow.

Was this good? Should I not have any more smart answers on there? No, I'm just kidding. I liked it. No, this was good. I thought it was good and important. And I feel foolish. I like the part where he said I was right.

Yeah, this guy really humbled me. I thought Bigfoot was real. It does end with him saying Kylie is right. Yeah, so I think it's important to be said. Okay, this next question is maybe more of the straight shooters alley. Somebody who likes things simple, and that is, how strong is Dracula? Is that a question you like, Jeremy? That's something you like?

How strong is Dracula? How strong is he? I'd say he's pretty strong. I'd say he's stronger than that. He's far stronger. I would say very, no, wait, no, he's not strong. No, he's super strong. I don't think he's strong.

I think he turns into a bat. I think he's smart. I think he's cunning, but I don't think he's ripped in any way. Could he fight Goku? Sorry, it's just the kind of conversation. Well, Goku is very easily tricked, and Vampire's most strong attribute is their ability to hypnotize and bewilder,

so it would be pretty, Also, Goku has fought several Draculas before, but not the Dracula. But the thing is that if Goku maybe walked into a situation where there was a buffet or some kind of large pile of meats that he has around 10 plates, and he goes, nom, nom, nom, the way he does, Dracula would more than easily be able to sneak up behind and put both fangs into his neck. Okay, fair enough. And then it's all over but the crying, even if it doesn't hurt Goku.

But Dracula is an old man, but he can't turn into a dog. He's not an old man. He's a vampire. oh fair enough by definition but the thing is he can uh seduce you with his eyes and he brings you home he takes you home tonight baby and then baby yeah well that's how he would say it he's a very seductive man he'd say baby that's true yeah i take you home tonight i think that also dracula is not like i don't think he's strong because yes he's like ageless but i think he is traditionally depicted as over 50 do you like my tesla the doors go up tesla dracula the new hit character

he's wearing cool shades and he wants you to get in his ride um so what does this guy say is dracula strong oh yeah he thinks he's strong as shit all right this answer in the book dracula Van Helsing says he's as strong as 20 men. However, because he was also a warrior when he was alive, he was able to handle weapons. Finally, according to Van Helsing, the source, one of the best sources on Count Dracula, Count Dracula was also taught magic at Sholomance by the devil.

Oh, that's pretty cool. Oh, there's like a devil school? Yeah, there's a devil. Sholomance does sound like. The devil like teaches? It sounds like a private Jewish school in like Wellesley or something. like my daughter got into show lamance we went to show lamance i was taught by the devil very good teacher does not respond to emails no no well with the placement you get from the

program it's definitely worth sure it's in westchester uh but therefore given these three facts that van helsing tells us about him it is safe to assume that count dracula is in fact the strongest vampire in existence however maybe van helsing was lying oh he lied in his book yeah that's fair i guess that's inherently what a fiction book is it's wise every book should end with like i'm sorry i made that whole yeah by the way so sorry you guys harry potter isn't real i just like i'm not getting enough attention from my wife right now i had to do this sad pathetic display and write lord of the rings i don't know what i was popping off about orcs for real quick that was so yeah sorry for popping off that was so rude none of

This is real. Uruk-hai don't come from mud. It's very funny to go to a Q&A and be like, J.R.R. Tolkien, you made this up, dude. Just admit it. Yeah, come on. This is fake. I think I speak for everyone here when I say, come on.

When are you going to post more English stuff? It's like people are fans of his linguistics. Yeah. Oh, my God. He's such a nerd, that guy. J.R.R. Tolkien. The fact that he had to be like, elves are derived from the Latin suffixes.

And it's like, shut up. Shut up, dude. Just make up more magical creatures. Yeah. Oh, brother. Come on. Stick to the hits. He could have just stuck to the hits, I guess is my point.

All right. That was that whole question. I just thought that we should cover it. I liked it. I thought it was a good question. So I was getting a lot of traditional Monster Mash monsters in a row, and I wanted to kind of mix it up because none of those were really scary. Okay.

And all the ghost questions we've answered on the podcast so far have been like, could a cop arrest a ghost? Could you shoot a ghost with a gun if you had to? The answer is yes for both of those. And this is one that gets closer to kind of the meaning of fear, which is what we're looking to explore today. And it's what it means when I see strange spirits in my closet when I leave it open.

I have no pets or anything, and I have pictures to prove it's not the first time it happened. And I have bad dreams when I leave my closet open is the question. Is there a photo? No, there's no photo. I said I have photos. This is an empty threat. How are you confused about anything in this question?

What did it mean when I see strange spirits in my closet? When I leave it open, I have no pets or anything, and I have pictures to prove it's not the first. There's no commas, by the way. It's not the first time it happened, and I have bad dreams when I leave my closet open. Yeah, it seems like he figured it out. I'm always reading these to you.

Top answer is cleanse your closet. Oh, that's smart. Or close it if it's only when it's open. Just close the door. This is by Jordan Peterson. Clean your closet. Begin the task of spirit removal. If it was something dangerous, it could very well come out by now and have done whatever it was going to do.

So that's the practical answer. Sure. It's just like, hey, don't worry about it. The answer I like, this one has the most upvotes, is it means the spirit like you and want to fellowship with you. Okay. They want to fellowship with you. As a verb? Yeah.

It has two of the emojis of, like, the Karen going, like, what? So it's, like, really mean. I'm upvoting that. I'm up. Wait, you can do emoji. Oh, okay. I mixed up emoji with gif, and I thought it, okay. I understand what's happening now.

Yeah, the thing that you can do. I'm a boober today. You can emoji a gif? That doesn't clear up our question at all. That's my Quora question. Is can you emoji a gift? That's a good question. This answer without the mean little cartoon at the end is not funny,

but the fact that he's rubbing it in his face at the end is too good, man. It is too good. And so, yeah. That's what it means when I see a strange spirit in my closet. That's what it means. They might be looking for fellowship. Did you guys think that was scary? I thought it was a little freaky.

Yeah, it's freaky that he sees them. It's freaky that, like, it's definitely happening to him. Yeah. And when you're scared, you can't, like, write good. Like, you can't, like, write right anymore. How old is this question? That one was, I think, this year. I think it's brand new.

Can we comment and ask to see the photos? Yeah. Hold on. Do you have any photos? Well, no, don't ask that because we know the answer to that. Okay. Well, what do you want me to ask? No, no, I'm just saying, like, if you say, do you have photos, they're going to say yes.

And then no. And that will be the end of the conversation. So we have to say, can we see the photos? Can we see them? It's like genie rules. You have to be so specific. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, we have been extremely clear with,

their name isn't Bryce Baker. Bryce Baker's the maw. Whoever asked this, they're going to send us pictures of ghosts next week. So be sure to tune back in for that of me describing what ghost pictures they sent me. We got one more spooky one. and then i think i think we even have time to do a non-spooky one if we wanted to oh yeah yeah i'd

love that i know i don't know i know nobody wants just in case people listen to this on november first yeah yeah unlikely or whatever's like too close to bed and they're like i don't want to be up right yeah yeah scared from core raiders um this question are dragons real um are dragons real no probably not two nose at the table i'm going unless you say like the komodo dragon i'm gonna say yes because i'm gonna say the komodo dragons are a dragon okay there you go yeah because that's the best answer okay but this is the answer in the thing okay well here's the thing about dragons they are like every cryptic they are rare to see nowadays fair enough but if we look back in history there were accounts of dragons i believe they still exist but finding

this is also spaced out so what you need to know about reading this post is it's spaced out like a haiku. Sure. But it is not meeting any of the other it's just sentences suddenly start new paragraphs sometimes.

Stuff like that is like finding fourth leaf clover you gotta be at the right place right time if you're looking for dinosaurs and dragons the Congo is a good place to look. Fair enough. Oh okay. Yeah so I guess until we look in the Congo we wouldn't really know. many years ago there was like this um like discovery channel documentary about dragons

that was like a fake documentary about like dragons being real and i don't know a lot of people who did not know that was fake and lived like that's so dangerous for the discovery channel to do you really can't no yeah put animal shows on there that say objective facts yeah it was like also that it looked like a real documentary and then every now and then like this is fake by the way and then like people just didn't pay attention to that part and we're like dragons are real and And I think that's now for a decade until I find out later that they're not. Oh, my God. History Channel does this, too.

I think it might have been History Channel. Yeah, because they are kind of looking for a brand identity now. Right. They're like, we've done everything we could do on aliens. Yeah. Where do you go from there? We've also done World War II, various battles and battleships. Sure.

What else is there left for us to do? But people love it. And so does the lie about stuff. Yeah. I watched their whole show on Vikings. Was it real? It's real. i don't think they have vikings looked that good they got really good looking actors to play the

vikings wow that's because i think those jobs are like two hundred dollars a day to be a viking on like the history like history channel and discovery channel like those are not they're not yeah they're not good that's not paying your bills i don't think this was like a gangland budget i think this was like a real budget gangland another big history channel show by the way they show you a gang and then they have a sound effect that goes and then they cut to a picture of a murder it's pretty cool uh but vikings is honestly like guys is like really good and i hope they were paid more than that and the main guy ended up being in the world of warcraft movie wait is this a fictional show yeah i'm confused do they have

lines is my question no they have lines it's like a whole like okay i think i think i was thinking of one of those reenactment shows where they're like, and then the Viking did this. Yeah, the fact that we're having this discussion is their problem. You know what I mean? Yeah.

They're just doing too much over there. Sure. It's so embarrassing to watch them do it, too. Are you saying the Vikings? No, History Channel. Oh, sure, sure. Vikings I don't think are embarrassing at all. No, I think they're really awesome.

They put Christians in their place, which I thought you would be all about. so you refuse to get baptized even though we have a segment for it but uh yeah yeah they were weak and you could take them as slaves and that was really a lot of the appeal of the vikings at the time um they should do more like easy easy like concept shows well yeah should we pitch some shows to the history channel i could think of five right now all right let's save them or say them Ming Dynasty. One.

Okay, one. Can't say Vikings. Your second idea was Vikings. That's a good idea. Frontier. The Wild Frontier. Okay. Yeah.

King George. Okay, yeah. Which one? King George. All of the Georgians? Any of them? You can do a whole series on every one. They're all history.

That's true, yeah. Yeah, that is actually a pretty cool concept. Yeah. and then you're following you're like oh things have changed so much from george one right right um uh popes uh popes of america i don't even know what that means yet but we'll figure that out i think so and then my last one has got to be don't say dinosaurs they already do that vikings no i already said that too uh samurai samurai show cool i'm into it all right yeah You're right.

You know what? You proved me wrong. Yeah. I called you out and I was wrong. That would be $5, man. All right. That's the end of... Those are all of the scary ones I could find on Quora.

And probably that exists. I feel sufficiently spooked. Yeah, I feel spooked. I feel scared. I feel uneasy. Kylie, do you have any passions that you'd like to explore? There's a lot of... We have a lot of...

Oh, okay. Yeah. Kind of like questions for doctors. questions for like a medical thing yeah okay so my jaw is kind of like popping in and out sure sure sure so this is the traditional use of quora yeah so can we figure out what's going on i will search jaw popping and we'll see what happens okay yeah because i looked it up on webmd and it said stroke yeah it's probably a stroke yeah yeah probably having a stroke boom okay okay kylie my jaw pops every time i open my mouth what is wrong

okay is that close yeah that's really close okay have you been sneezing a lot or yawning a lot oh maybe maybe i've been tired yeah okay if this is something new you may have stretched out the muscles surrounding the jaw and if this is something that happens occasionally i would recommend seeing a physical therapist or a chiropractor wow man i have to actually go to the doctor. Or a chiropractor which again is not a doctor. That's not a doctor. I will not be anywhere close to a chiropractor. It's just someone who does karate on your

back. Chiropractors and Frankensteins. Yeah. Not doctors. I was hoping there'd be some kind of answer that's like put a cube of olive oil on a Q-tip. You could try that. If you put orange juice in an ice tray, you could make orange juice pops.

Just unrelated. I don't know, but Weird question Here's something else awesome If you put a grape in the microwave It explodes Okay Jeremy Hit killing spree

Which one is that? Killing spree There we go Fuck yeah dude That's right We're here at Quora MD The medical Quora segment We answer questions like

What is wrong with your jaw? And other things Here's one we found If a baby is born with a tail does science still call him a human science medical i would say yeah i think he's still yeah well i mean jason alexander had a tale in that movie um in the movie this isn't real i got so excited but it's real in the movie shallow how if that happens in shallow how that happens in shallow how i haven't seen the movie but it is one of the five clips that you can find on

youtube that's like would you did you have to watch clips for some reason i actually needed to find out what shallow how was because someone described it to me and i was like there's no way this is real i applied to be shallow how and it didn't work out but i would have had to move back to la damn yeah damn it didn't work so wait is he a human do we consider him a human well i mean he's he's never nowhere in the in the clip did they go well that means you're an animal right right it was a you're in fact just as human as the rest of us it was supposed to like that's really powerful yeah i feel better about my body now the question is does science still call him human i would say no because science is living in the past uh this is the answer from vicky

i will not explain living in the fiction is when you make up a whole book uh this is an answer from mickey mccord of course a baby who is the offspring of two humans is most assuredly a human as well being born with an extra lack of any appendages does not change the fact that he she is a human a tail is nothing more than an external anomaly same as having six toes an extra nipple or webbed fingers that's beautiful up quora six up quoras that's beautiful six yeah i think he's right i i it's one of the most beautiful answers i've ever seen okay this one has a lot of pictures of a human tail which is more unnerving than i would have thought it was yeah go ahead and get over here everyone drop what you're doing rip all of the cords out of it looks like what a cross

between a carrot and a turn and that's me being as kind as i can be uh okay it is so much longer than Jason Alexander's tail in the movie Shallow Hal. That is shocking. Yeah, it's like a cat's tail, but on a beautiful woman. And she is beautiful. And she is a human being is also the point

of that. So let that be the answer that brings you into Halloween. We're going to do one more of these babies and then we're going to make up a question. Then we're going to get the hell out of here. I mean, not me. I live here. uh as a doctor what was your most now that was stupid moment with a patient oh no so answer for

the room quick um as a doctor what was your most and now it was as a doctor yeah um i've had a few times in my life where a doctor has pulled in like an intern or something to show them something on my body because you only hear about it in textbooks what does that mean i don't know yeah that's always a bad sign when they're like it wasn't cool never happened yeah your body's weird dude i was pulling the nurse in to be like look prehensile tail is this human is this still a human this is not the same but my gynecologist i had the like birth control arm implant and when she was trying to take it out she was like this takes five minutes she broke it and it took an hour and she's like this is crazy this has never happened i'm like don't tell me that don't tell

me that this never happens oh shit i broke technology in you wasn't supposed to do that i do feel like the people answering this are interpreting it like what time what was the time a patient was stupid right but um you know us as patients yeah and there are more of us than there are of them thank you yeah it's time we stay we outnumber doctors let's take them down i think i know more about my body than you do yeah i am a human being um okay here's the answer from some top doc he says a woman came into the er screaming in pain with her hand wrapped in a bloody towel first thing i noticed was she smelled of alcohol and cigarettes this is gonna come back first of all alcohol and cigarettes why don't you come back do it again why don't you go why don't

you go take care of yourself you come back here and do it again uh we calmed her down and took off the towel her hand had multiple lacerations with active bleeding she went on to explain what happened i was in my house grabbed the candle off the mantle lit it and then used the candle to light my cigarette i had no idea that it wasn't a candle and it was an m80 i forgot about this i added this one quora sent this to me in an email it's about a woman who picked up a grenade or whatever or like an explosive device it's just in her house yeah well it's a firework it's like a really big firework that she had in the candle drawer.

It's like a stick of dynamite. Yeah, she sorted it correctly. Doctor, I've wily coyoted myself. I am so glad I got the cigarette lit before it went off in my hand. I also had the duty of removing her wedding ring before we stitched her up. All in a day's good work,

Dr. Mike. Jesus, Dr. Mike. You put this lady on blast. It is horrifying to see yourself on a Quora. Yeah. I would be very sad if it was me. I too easily associate myself with the M.A.D. blowing off hand person. Yeah,

absolutely. To really enjoy what Dr. Mink is doing. I also don't know why he added the part about the wedding ring. Yeah, I don't know. That seemed like an extraneous detail that he was a little bit tantalized by. Maybe he was going to ask her out. She wasn't single, folks. Technically, it's

off the finger. I can ask the lady out. I don't see a Another day back in my huge doctor's house alone. Well, that's the end for Dr. Mike. His answer was a dumb lady who blew up her hand. That's a good answer, though. And that's one of the best answers I've ever heard. And that's going to do the end of the Quora MD segment.

I'm always confusing that. Because I was expecting one that's like, oh, he put a carrot up his butt and got stuck. Which, like, it's usually something up the butt is, like, these types of stories. but this is good this is original I'm gonna be honest I saw the picture of the M80

and I was like how would this I assumed it was gonna end up in a butt but it didn't really yeah if you show me a picture

of a like a object I assume in a medical question it's gonna end in a butt yeah I think that's fair yeah that's a good good assessment good thing it didn't though

and everyone was fine except that woman whose hand was blown up mangled I would assume yeah didn't really get into details

I have more questions um killing spree and that's another round of doctor's questions, folks. Isn't that good? Did you learn something from that? Yeah, I think I did.

I feel smarter. I learned what an M80 is. Yeah, there you go. You're going to need to know that for our July 4th edition. We come back to a variety of different hand injuries. Oh, yeah. So we're going to round out and we're going to ask a question now.

And we're going to do a lot better than next week than last week, guys. Because that was embarrassing for me when no one answered your adderall question i wanted to know a does alcohol does adderall make you age faster and does it make you not funny anymore and they wouldn't tell me anything um so we did we were talking about like uh halloween stuff today we need a halloween question okay um what's what's a halloween question that we feel about let's pick one topic and we'll start from there uh trick-or-treating trick-or-treating yours was better

than mine what did you say the mummy oh fair enough wait we can do both yeah yeah should the mummy go trick-or-treating what's the worst thing you ever found what does it look like when a mummy goes trick-or-treating an actual mummy what would happen if a real mummy but is that a bad question well okay what would happen if i just want to know what would happen yeah okay what would i feel like i'm serious answers only just really really stressed that you want to know what would actually happen yeah i don't know this sounds like a pretty funny skit serious it's a pretty goofy little skit this is a pretty good twist on an unusual situation all right the question we were asking is what would happen if a mummy goes trick-or-treating

serious answers only sure all right should we say real mummy yeah we should say real mummy yeah none of this fake shit okay what would and i'll capitalize it happen if a real mummy yeah like he got on a plane from egypt and yeah or went trick-or-treating in in egypt oh yeah yeah i guess i never put together that halloween is international it's ours yeah you can do that you can do it anywhere you could do it around the suburbs of cairo probably if you arise from one's tomb there although you could also be a north american mummy and wouldn't that be a hell of a film that's a movie that's a 90s movie that's some gold hollywood won't touch and i'm adding the question and uh i'm not taking their suggestion to uncapitalize real

real make sure what would happen if a real mummy went trick or treat wait it changed my answer what did it change it to it took out all my important grammatical decisions this is all getting cut out but I am getting pissed off

I can do it really fast guys don't worry about me yeah you're typing so fast I'm really mad serious answers only okay answer all right and then what sub-chorus do we want to put this in uh mummies okay well that's one ancient egypt ask original question okay it's is there like a philosophy section oh i'm sure uh add new question there is trick-or-treating halloween hypothetical scenarios. Life advice

tomorrow. I love the hypothetical scenarios. A lot of judgment on that. Wait, mummy's is a sub-quora. Cool, thank you. Mummy's. Philosophy. Beauty pageants. Beauty pageants. Life advice tomorrow. I'm going to put it in. Quora tomorrow.

Well, tomorrow's Halloween. Oh, really? So I bet those Quora mods are going to be busy. cracking open just snapping their fingers oh yeah that's a big job yeah i'm also checking life advice hypothetical personal situations and personal situations it's a personal problem i'm having i had recommended dolls i want to check dolls okay and that is our quora check in next

time to see what happened with that and what would happen if a real mummy went trick-or-treating serious answers only and that's going to do it for all of us here at core raiders this week kylie thank you so much for coming on down on halloween day of all days thanks for having me on the high holidays yeah i know you wanted to be out there trick-or-treating we had to have you here i know oh sheesh i know is there anything you'd like to tell the listeners here um you can listen to my podcast uh artists on artists on artists on artists we do improvised hollywood round tables variety

magazine hello hello you have to write in at the end none of these were real these were fake we actually because we are now produced by a company we do have to add that really so funny I would love to have

this issue because we had to be like hey so we we say a lot of slander about celebrities people who produce movies and this podcast don't believe in that. That's so funny. Well, I look forward to one day having to

disclaimer here that all of these are real Quora's that you can find online on Quora.com. And we agree with all of them. That's right. We endorse every Quora ad. This is an endorsement of the political beliefs of everyone on Quora. Especially all the incest stuff on there, which is a large

portion of the website. It is. And so as we say every week here on Quora Raiders, from us to you, a quora or two. Is that new? Shut up.