Quorators - I Caught My 13-Year-Old Son Playing Roblox w/ Justin Whang

Episode Date: March 20, 2023

Comedians Alex Ptak and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: How come some men have 7 wives and I do not even have one, where can I find a human female wife who is even alive on earth? What are the consequences of casting black magic on someone? If an armed criminal breaks into your house and you expend the entire magazine of ammunition on them but they still survive, do you have to reload and finish them off or do you call the police? ---- Watch the show on http://youtube.com/@quorators Check out Justin's channel at https://www.youtube.com/@JustinWhangYt

it's quarators again every week every week we're back and we're reading the freshest quaras to you and your home radio cassette uh welcome to the show i'm alex and this is jeremy say hi jeremy i'm jeremy this is a quaraders the show where every week we ask what is what is quora what is it what is the website it's on the computer i know that yeah that's for sure i see it in one place and that's the internet every week uh and speaking of the internet you're gonna love this guy we got on here hey uh he's on there and uh he's really cool and it's justin wang justin welcome to the show hey what's up i'm from the internet It's true.

Yeah. Yeah, you'll find out what Quora is. Because it's been filling my email with, you know, all kinds of, like, weird stories. Like, the one about the, is it possible to balance the ball in your head in a soccer game and, like, have it be legal? Apparently it is, but it's not practical. It's rude, is what it is. Quora emailed you that question? Yes.

Like, Justin wants to know. I don't even think it has the strangest questions on the internet. it just sends them directly to you in a way that other websites would consider rude yeah it is weird i don't know how it happens is it is your it's like i think i think we're good now oh yeah it's locked in now there we go we've had more fucking audio issues before we started this thing that i've had in my entire life that's fine uh justin so it sounds like you do know about quora and you've been in contact with um the fine people over there yeah they sent me uh You know, the little, like, digest email.

Yeah. All the best stuff that's happened in the past week. That's great. Because usually we ask the guests, like, if they go on Quora. And usually they're like, no. And then we're like, good. That's how we start the show. How do we find our emails?

Because I don't think I've given them my email. I feel like everyone at some point made a Quora account and just forgot about it. It's very possible. That's like, I remember, like, I mean, every time I want to find something out, I inevitably come across the Quora listing for it. And it will give me the top answer. But then you scroll down. and it's like, oh, if you want to see more,

you've got to sign in. And it's like, I don't remember. I don't want to sign in. I'm just going to look somewhere else. We know you'll be back. They're like a drug deal. To find out, should I punish my son? Or whatever the question stumbled onto you here.

Well, every week we like to end the show by formulating our own quarrel with the lessons we've learned throughout the day. We'll be cutting back to that at the end. But at the beginning of the show, by the way, this waffles the cat. Producer waffles. He may be just off camera,

But I assure you, he is a menace in the room. He's really going for you. And that's by design. He's now under Justin's legs. Great. He smelled me a little bit. It was like, nah, this ain't doing it for me. You've got to learn about where the frame of the camera goes, Waffles.

The main thing you need to figure out. Learn blocking. Anyway, yeah, we put a quorum up on here. We want to see if anybody answered it. The answer is no one answered it. Fuck! Our question was, Which fictional character has the highest IQ out of Garfield, Sailor Moon, and Austin Powers?

And we got some answers from listeners, but we didn't get any answers from the display. Those do not count. From the real Quora heads. They are impure data inputs, I think. Yeah. They're not right. So do we want to read any of these, or do we just want to move on to some Quoras? I would.

You know what? I would answer the question. Okay. Let's do that. And then I guess we can read one of them. I want to know what you think, Alex. Who has the highest IQ out of Garfield, Sailor Moon, and Austin Powers? Garfield, Sailor Moon, and Austin Powers.

Now, I don't know how much you know about Sailor Moon. Very little. She is late to school because she has a toast. Okay. She has toast in her mouth. Right. Do you know Sailor Moon? Yeah.

I didn't remember the toast in her mouth. Yeah, it's kind of iconic, actually. She's a toast queen. But the point is she's very rarely in school and is kind of dumb-coded. Dumb-coded. She's dumb-coded. whereas austin powers is ableist to have a crush on sailor moon she has the iq of a super girl um uh and then i compared to the other two garfield

garfield actually maybe i was writing him off but okay actually be a contender here because he kind of under exerts himself and then austin powers isn't really dumb sure he's more um free spirited yeah yeah um so i'm knocking sailor moon out of the equation i think it's between austin powers and garfield and that's what misogyny looks like in our society and this is how it manifests but um uh yeah i'm putting my money on austin powers okay yeah i think you're probably he is he is a human man garfield is a cat yeah and essentially austin powers works on like a luck uh uh role like if there's a dnd thing like he has yeah he put he put a lot of stats into luck yeah yeah and he it just works out for him in every situation so if he was in a test

he would probably just get lucky and then it would be okay and that functions the same way intelligence does i feel like austin powers is probably one of those guys too it's like smarter than he lets on yeah because like he's i mean he's a secret agent of sorts you know just all right maybe you do it your way by accident into that but like probably not well you may be dumb in some ways but i bet you can solve a sudoku incredibly fast you know there's like a kind of intelligence you have to have to do code breaking or whatever yeah i think like crack hose and shit garfield can't do that garfield can't do much of anything as far as i can tell and i don't want to harp on the guy but garfield at first was like my knee-jerk answer to that because i'm thinking yeah like he's like

you know like uh sailor moon she's a little she's kind of a ditzy dumb-coded yeah chick high school she's very talented we all love her we love she's great at like killing monsters and it yeah but i've never but is that a job come on come on she does it for free monetize it that's true if you've been fighting demons for 20 years and you live with your mother you gotta go back home you gotta do this i have a few friends like that yeah fighting eternal demons and live with their mother it's so sad uh but they have great outfits sure that's true sure um okay what did we get any shorter answers okay sorry i read that first one that is extensive this is a shorter one from anthony you should start your own show colonel

mustache okay uh the answer is garfield and explain why canonically sailor moon is dumb austin powers that brit married a robot and didn't even notice it garfield though he's a cat who has his owner wrapped around his paw like all cats do i bet he could get john to make him scrambled eggs so there you go yeah okay i mean that's not a bad answer he has like a kind of like street intelligence to him but again both people say um garfield garfield garfield garfield garfield Well, I guess agree to disagree. The thing is, Garfield instinctually seems like the smartest one, but I think it's one of those things where he's so sarcastic and cynical

where people mistake that for intelligence. Yeah. But if push came to shove, I think Austin Powers would outsmart him every time. Yeah, if you had to ask between Austin Powers and Garfield, like, hey, Garfield, how do I reset my router or whatever? He's never going to come through for you. He doesn't know anything. How do I fix my cables on my recording device?

Garfield, I want to put down for a mortgage, but I don't know what a good rate on that is. And you think Austin Powers has an answer to that? Yeah, Austin Powers is like, yeah, you want... Just fuck the... You know, I was going to answer that, but I don't know. That is kind of tough for me. That's unfortunate. All right, let's get into the real chorus.

Yes, please. This is our first segment, Quoromance, and it's relationship questions. Well done. Justin, you're kind of a guru, a relationship expert. Or do young men look to you for advice? Finish your thoughts. Honestly, sometimes, because I look at my DMs I get on Instagram sometimes. I have Twitter DMs closed, because I did that for an hour once.

That was not a good idea. But Instagram's way more chill. But sometimes I'll get people to hit me up randomly for relationship advice. Really? Honestly, I can't really help them that much, but I try kind of sometimes. Sometimes. Justin, you know a lot about Mario. How do I find love?

Well, this question is, how come some men have seven wives and I do not have even one? Where can I find a human female wife who is alive on Earth? Okay, so there's several questions there. I love this question. Well, first there's a statement, which is I do not even have one. And some men have seven. Yeah, sure. And then where can I find a human female wife?

Caveat, who is alive on Earth? Sure. So, yeah, he doesn't want a dead wife or a wife somewhere else where it's like, yeah, there's a planet where they love. They love desperate men. I just love that this guy's like, we need to redistribute the wives. I don't know that many men who have seven wives. The top 1% have all the wives. Yeah, I mean, like, that's like one of those things where it's like you got to, like, die in service of Allah and then you get the seven wives.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's polygamy. I mean, that's like one option for him. Yeah, I think what this person is referring to is people who have a lot of girlfriends. I don't think having seven wives outside of the Amish community is that common. People who have been run out of Mormonism have seven wives. He's just describing the New York dating scene. Become a Brooklyn podcaster.

There you go. That's the answer. I guess my recommendation would be to be around women. Step one, be around women. Get off of Quora. This guy's just going to be standing around looking at the note because you said that. Hey, he's in the room. That's half of the battle.

Step two, wait. You don't even have to say anything. You just got to be there until you're a familiar face that brings a smile to the other people in there. People don't have good advice for this guy. one guy says to just get on like tinder one guy says you're too picky oh come on man then diane evan says are you the type of man or what or woman i know it says are you the type of man a woman would want to marry do you have a job that supports you do you have your own home whether purchased or rented or are you still living with your parents fuck diane damn dude diane given the

stop tearing him apart he doesn't even have one wife dm diane some men have seven i like that like He didn't really give details about, like, why he's having trouble finding a woman. He just said that he's not, and they're, like, guessing all the things that might be wrong with him. I think you don't get out there enough. I don't know. His standards are so low, too. He just wants a human female life. Who is alive on Earth?

He's tried dogs. It just doesn't do it for him. Yeah, we do need more information, unfortunately. I don't know if I can find this guy's account or anything. We're both the doxa guy in the podcast. Wow. His name is Mr. Bobby. Okay.

Oh, shit, I know him. He has asked 141 questions. Okay. A lot about being Jewish. Okay. Or actually just about religion in general. Okay, so he has questions about greater purpose. He's from Canada.

What can I do to serve my country, Canada? I don't have a high IQ, but I want to be a great person. Oh, no, Bobby. Mr. Bobby. I want a white Canadian wife. Where do I find one? All right, Mr. Bobby. you're getting more specific and we like you less how do you remove an evil genie from the body

bad news nobody has answered that oh does he elaborate on yeah the genie situation he has another question he says there is a genie attached to me that is causing obstruction to my career now i don't think that's what i'm gonna get rid of these evil terrorist genies i think that's just like a regular deep like a genie like grants your wishes it doesn't like get in your body and cause problems it makes it so you can't have a white canadian wife how do i find a woman step one get rid of the genie the genie is not good for this i mean i guess over time his like white standard like dropped he's like you know what i don't care anymore forget about saving the west we're just going to uh yeah i'm cold at night that's my new

concern uh i want to read another question by this guy it says i went to a friend's house and they gave me a drink which had ants in it when asked they said oh must be a mistake is this some kind of black magic oh no uh all right so you know i was saying i was having a harder time finding new chorus we just got to go back to this man's profile yeah mr fucking bobby this way i feel like this doesn't seem like a troll account either like this is like these are generally things this guy wonders about this is how i know this is a real account one of his questions nine months ago is do you think johnny depp is the best actor well i bloody think so it's just like it's just not a thing you would make as a troll you would just you'd put that

for he's become more british in that one i really like donkeys is it okay to go near them and kiss them so that was that's what he came to the idea of wanting a human wife because he he experimented with donkeys yeah that's not gonna not gonna take all right we've read why does a donkey cross the road that's another one yeah let's stop lighting up mr bobby mr bobby's a close friend of the show all right let's read another question and in romance let's uh i don't know how to move on from this but this is uh from the quora subsection rising above narcissism yes it's an active community by the way because i just typed in the word relationships and they all had narcissism themes to them i love quora i love quora i love my credit card this deep in it before

they haven't emailed you this yet are you scared i was just like oh i gotta sign in forget about it there's so much you could learn on here i'm gonna sign in next time okay you gotta okay what's the question uh why would my narc of five years we live together discard me but not break up with me now that's a poorly worded question the first thing you're gonna glam on to is narc sounds like narcotics officer and it's gonna throw you off you could be both it could be a narcissist police officer i've been living with my handler for five years see i didn't like it didn't register me at first that like they were abbreviating narcissist as narc they have their own community what do they do then if like one of them has like

some kind of drug problem everyone on this section of quora is near a narcissist and is like i love it i'm staying here this is i have questions um so her narc or his narc it's not clear sorry yeah they're an arc of five years they live together they've been discarded why would you like purposely want to date a narcissist where it's like part of your identity well if it's five years i think you're just you know standard in a relationship with them and you found out that they're a narcissist and now you've gone to the narcissist community i used to call him john but now i call him my narc my sweet narc maybe they meant mark my husband mark um yeah and the answer is probably because they're a narcissist yeah um why would they discard you but not break up with

you that's um it's like uh it's sowing a potential yeah a fallback plan for their narc schemes so they've like left to start their own like glass coke bottle factory and make a million dollars that's one idea for a narc scheme i've been starting um and then if that doesn't work they're gonna be like a family guy and they're gonna go back that's such a specific example it's just a guess i'm saying it doesn't have to be that but it's something like they have a scheme of some kind they're gonna go back to their wife if it doesn't work out yeah um i'm trying to find answers here there's nothing really outside of just like what we're saying which is that he probably wants to start a glass coke bottle company that's what i've been saying and people

treat me like a lunatic uh what person uh said i don't know what the difference is between discarding but not breaking up aren't they one in the same and then wrote lg ljb that's just a signature they're signing their name i know but i thought at first that they were saying it like lyndon b johnson but it's just their name is win biner signed lyndon b johnson um yeah yeah that's why though is did they have a scheme cool um okay answered case closed yeah not really much to say about that one anymore there's this thing i've been noticing online though like i haven't looked into that community so i don't really know but i've been noticing that there's like a maybe over the past five years or so there's been kind of this trend of like people like talking about

narcissists in their lives but then you look at it and they've started it's become one of those words where people just used it to describe people that are kind of that are doing things they don't like and narcissist is the uh the description they've decided to attach sure it's the new imposter syndrome i feel like it's like the internet buzzword was like yeah yeah hey if i call my uh boyfriend i don't like this i can talk to a thousand people lighting yeah big one gas lighting sure like it's another one of those things where it's like it'll be like some kind of um therapy word that you can kind of attach to the grievance you have with someone to make it seem like more more more serious yeah more legit just because somebody has a dream of starting a

glass coke bottle factory does not make them a narcissist it's just somebody who has aspirations i think you're right but i also wonder like who is going to the like narcissism quora sub community like they almost think it's a positive i would feel so bad about myself every time i type that in my home page rising above narcissism.quora.com it's just so strange that's too bad i think you're right though i think that is a thing that has become like i don't know just a catch-all word that means nothing anymore i've been discarded by my narc and now i have imposter syndrome if you're in the narcissist community so much that you have code words for it yeah that's like you're too far god you would think that would be the kind of thing where it's kind of like you have the situation

specifically that you're dealing with you kind of you checking on the community to kind of figure out how are you going to resolve it and then you're at you're out of the community you don't have enough time to learn all the like little little code words and shit yeah all the inside baseball of the narc community i want to know all their terminology you got to leave the narc community all of us are united on this let's go on to our next segment uh our police chorus five quo we're not very good at naming segments no it's good also yeah if you're driving this is not a real ambulance or a police car this is just the police it's five core it's five quo it's five quo. Like 5-0. Does that

track for you? Like Hawaii 5-quo? Yeah. Exactly. Okay, great. If an armed criminal breaks into your house and you expend the entire magazine of ammunition on them, but they still survive, do you have to reload and finish them off, or do you call the police?

I think the answer is, of course, by law, you must kill them. You must reload. Because now they're suffering, so you've got to put them out of their fucking misery. yeah finish the job I've only killed six of the twelve of them I think if you just like unload it all and they're still like

coming at you like they kind of earned they kind of earned it and now they're just like allowed to do whatever the fuck they're gonna do yeah they can now steal from you that's their house now legally they can take a few things crime wins again uh wait was the last part or and call the police or do you call the police yeah I think it's call the police or

shoot an entire magazine at them once you've started I mean please finished the job yeah yeah one or the other ed walden who's a former airborne infantry at u.s army hey shout out he says i had a friend he passed away several years ago named willie he was a local police officer his advice to me was this if you're going to shoot a burglar never in a doorway that leads into or out of the house never in the back never when they're laying on the floor bleeding to death you feared for you you or your wife's lives make sure there's only one story to be told when we arrive if we have your story and his there's going to be a trial

or hearing there's only your story there's going to be just be some paperwork so this is a good guy this is advice to kill a guy yeah it's a legally killer i mean it's one of those things where it's like yeah like morally it's probably bad to like to like make sure you end the guy so he has no tales to tell but from a practical standpoint he's right yeah yeah legally you must finish the job yeah it's pirate rules by that point i guess uh okay uh next answer as he starts with yes reload no don't finish them off see there's there's that's a complicated answer there the threat has ended time to cease fire and pass time to call 9-1-1 your objective is not to kill the guy for breaking traps that's not true for a lot of these people no last guy's advice was like if you

are looking to kill a guy here's how you do it yeah you're not going and buying the gun to shoot an outline of the assailant in your wall yeah a looney tunes character yeah exactly um so i think we're all pro murder i think i will say this room is i'm pro doing what you gotta do sometimes you gotta do that the quora answer where it's like no don't kill the guy is locked behind quora plus right so we don't know where is like don't read that one you have to pay if you want to find out how to keep them alive you know all the people uh writing in to tell us that we have a show and should buy quora plus that's not what we're doing here we want to give you the experience of you going on quora and not knowing how to get out of the situation without a murder i just love that

the guy's question isn't like should you finish them off it's like do you have to is this the law is this mandated for the powers that be that you have to kill it yeah the finish them off act of 1943 yeah the mortal combat clause um now this may be my privilege talking to but i've never also been in a situation where I need to kill 12 bandits breaking into my house. That's a classic privilege. Yeah. At least not one that I could stop

with one magazine. It's true. Yeah, I mean, I don't own a gun. I'm not going to lie. I had this one night where, for whatever reason, I fell down this home protection rabbit hole, and we're in New York, so it's not very practical to get a gun here. I'm looking at

things I could have, and I stumbled upon Warhammers. A war hammer is probably the best home protection device. What is a war hammer? It's a big hammer. Oh, okay. Basically, it's like a dwarven. Yeah, it was developed to, I think it was developed to defeat armor.

Yeah, to crush mail. It's super light. Once everyone was using swords, but then you invented wearing sheets of metal over you to not get caught by the swords. People were like, oh, I can just smash that with a big hammer. That makes sense. It goes in your lungs or whatever. And you can keep that under your pillow.

Yeah. warhammer onto the bed i have a friend who who has a katana which is extremely nerdy thing to do and his apartment was broken into like a few months ago and they slept right through it yeah there's also the part of like then killing someone close up with a sword yeah that's probably pretty tough to get through yeah um yeah i used to do this whole joke about how my uh father-in-law had nunchucks that he uh trained with for his self-defense device the point where like 20 years later he was just like capable with nunchucks at any given moment but that is hard mode this is your do not start on nunchucks this is my father-in-law oh okay yeah um so don't

start on nunchucks that's all i want fair enough something i thought about too was just getting like a chainsaw and ideally like you never have to use it but you break into someone's house all of a sudden you hear a chainsaw you're getting the fuck out of that house and also you want other people to know your house is getting broken into and i'm sure they'll have questions the next day It was like, by the way, did I hear a chainsaw last night? You know, I don't like to pry, but it is Brooklyn, and I heard a chainsaw. You don't have things to chop here. Yeah.

I noticed the tree is fine outside, so I thought I'd ask. Anyway, I think that's what we're going to get out of this question. But yeah, if you want to protect your home. Somebody just puts a photo of a halo-looking gun. It does look like a halo gun. It looks like a battle rifle. Yeah. Yeah.

Sorry. Get a hammer. Get a hammer. Get a big hammer and crush their mail. That's our answer. Someone comes in with chain mail. That's what you need. Okay.

Oh, this is another one that we're probably all dealing with in our daily lives. What would you do if a teenager walked up to you, stopped five feet away from you, and aimed a loaded gun at you? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Pretend I played the right one. I mean, they both worked. You know, the seriousness, you came with the soundboard, but I thought the recording died or something. You had this look on your face like you were like... You're watching as the blow by blow of me being like, time to get the gunshot right this time.

I know it's the turquoise one, and I know the place, but guess what? They're both the turquoise one and the place, and this one's killing spree. And this one's a lot of honey. And you can't get these confused. Anyway, yeah, so you got to kill that kid. With your hammer. Wait, what was the question again? What would you do if a teenager walked up to you, stopped five feet away from you, and aimed a loaded gun at you?

And there's three answers to this. See, this is, I mean, and just from running the show, we do know a lot of these questions are like a fantasy cooked up where you get to kill a guy. It's the internet. Remember freerepublic.org? I never went on there. I mean, I never went on it, but it was like a thing. It was too free for me. It was like, do you know this website, Justin?

Vaguely. It sounds familiar. It was like this very right wing forum that people on there were called freepers. And their thing is that they would just remember that term. Yeah, they would just like fantasize about overthrowing the government like every day. And they'd all talk about like the guns they had and like what they would do once they overthrow the government. The threat would always start. Another teenager came up to me and pointed a gun in my face.

Don't worry. He's at the worms. Anyway, the Fed is out of control. Yeah, it was like that kind of thing. It was like QAnon before it got like interesting where there were clones of stuff. It was just like, we got to bring back the gold standard. Yeah. This is boring.

Those guys. Yeah. I remember those guys. But anyway, yeah. Yeah. You got to kill that kid. I mean, that's literally all the answers. It's their life or yours.

It's a situation where it's like, you're about to be shot in the face. What do you do? I think I'm going Robin Williams on him from Good Will Hunting. I'm just like, it's not your fault. I'm putting a flower. And then I hug him. Yeah. You're putting a flower in there.

We're going to kill both of us. I'm giving Pete a chance. For once. I watched all those Detroit dust videos You remember that guy That police officer told you had to survive A gun weapon situation Where the fuck it was

He had a video like that I think it was either You reach out And stick your finger In the barrel Not in the barrel If it's like a revolver type The trigger guard

Yeah that fucking thing So it can't fire that kind of shit that's so funny i would absolutely shoot myself doing that i see it happening in front of me the other one was i think he like sidesteps it and then like you pull just put the guy's arm down yeah that's a good move yeah you know just like you just go like that use your black belt in karate when that happens be sure not to forget about that um no i it's a very funny sketch the uh self-defense guy who just tells you to shoot yourself in the face you grab his finger and you pull the trigger for him put it in your mouth

that's gonna freak him out do it like an episode of hey arnold where he acts crazy so he doesn't get beat up yeah that's what you do um all the answers are just like i would kill him you know i don't care how young this boy is uh this guy eric petrosian uh who is a lover and of the freedom protected by guns for 45 years oh me too as an ms in physics from san jose state university i can look up every piece of information about this man please i'll kill him no i don't care that he's a quote teenager that gun is a lethal weapon aimed at me for no reason now it's a statistical fact that in such situations such situations the average hit rate is about 30 for most people even trained leos i do have a slight benefit here having taken several courses and spent quite a

while practicing varying scenarios etc this guy's he's so ready he's so ready he thinks about this all day long my rate is significantly higher than 30 and i know to move to make myself a difficult target so i will move and i will draw and i will put the punk down without a shred of remorse or hesitation will i get hit possibly will it get killed maybe but i will most definitely put him down sparing society any further acts of stupidity on his part all right i gotta hop in here he's assuming you do nothing wrong, which was not part of the question. What if you deserve it? What if you're the bad

guy in the question? This teen is putting you down. He's putting you down for all of your aggressions. This guy is practicing killing a teen every day of his life. Sidestep and remove a life. He's just imagining himself crouch jumping like this

was Halo or something. Now you gotta remember they're shorter than adults. I would BXR him. i'd hit him with my beam sword it's an energy sword out whatever it's a fucking beam it's made out of beams it's the same sword that gundams have those are beam swords i don't want to talk about this again i don't we're not talking about halo anymore um one guy says uh shoot them multiple times what the fuck do you think i don't give a rat's ass the fucker's age are like none of these guys thinking about the fact that they already have their gun drawn and pointed at you you're

just like hey i'm doing whatever i'm already doing so their response like to a man is like first thing i'm doing gun in my face i'm reaching for my gun i'm reaching quickly and in a in a jerking manner scaring this child um also i have a gun yeah yeah the whole thing also like is the is the kid like robbing you or you're assuming that you're like in an opposite side of the war of this child yeah i am assuming it's a gundam wing situation it's a trained teenager a spy of kind of sorts um one guy says it's a shame that a teenager would have to die for such a lousy reason that is a shame i'm against it um yeah i mean everyone's uh oh oh wait one guy's yelling at the post your immature attempt at trolling is a pathetic embarrassment that is the proper response

to the thread it's an anime villain you know what I like about these things they have like that old school forum feel like the kinds of

reactions people have to shit yeah your like forum enemies show up to be like we're really talking about killing the kid again

it's been months I'm seeing types of guys I haven't seen since like the 90s but the difference is that on forum you're anonymous and on this website

like this guy's put your address we've seen this guy before right oh no this is just a picture of Kurt Vonnegut but i've heard a lot about him actually uh michael block me and for replying and your comments will

be deleted it's just weird i can see i i know where he went to school he studied the history of russia in college oh that's interesting well yeah you gotta study something anyway if you'd like to dock someone send us their quora account and jeremy will read it into a microphone find a single answer that's like i wouldn't kill him i like the picture that this guy put in the chat and i will have to find this for the video edit but it's just uh it's loco white boys it says this happened in my city the victim decided to snap a photo no one was harmed situational awareness and watching your surroundings can give you the upper hand i wouldn't hesitate to shoot if given the upper hand 15 and 16 years old yeah my friend was actually

robbed by the guy from A Knight's Tale, so... Justin, you cannot see the picture. It was a dead-on guy from A Knight's Tale. You want me to turn around?

Yeah, let me see this. What the fuck? See, this is what he looks like. What did you say at night, though? Do you like Heath Ledger? I do mean Heath Ledger.

I was spacing out his name. He's just a weird... He's like a really skinny muscle kid. Yeah. Wait, does the little kid have a gun, too? Yeah, they're fully loaded.

They have, like, a Final Fantasy hit squad coming at you. They're like, even like the little kids kind of ripped too. They're going on the AB system to shoot you 10 times. It's a shame that's happening to me. First thing I'm doing is being aggressive for sure. Okay.

Make sure to put that one on the YouTube. By the way, the person who got away from the hypothetical situation, feel free to tell us what they did. I bet it was take a picture and say, please don't shoot me. I don't think it was beginning. I have you on camera. You're going to look pretty stupid on TikTok. Okay, let's move on to our next segment, Forbidden Knowledge.

So this is, there you go. Forbidden Knowledge is an actual segment on Quora where they post what they consider to be forbidden knowledge, but not that forbidden that you can't post it on Quora. You can talk about it, but just like as long as it doesn't get like outside of Quora. No one's allowed to know what they don't want us to know about. Yeah, so this is literally on there, forbiddenknowledge.quora.com. what are the consequences of casting black magic on someone uh i think the first one is that they

won't be able to get a canadian white wife i totally forgot about the genie oh yeah you've been de-wifed um i would say uh the effects of casting black magic would be they take magical damage that's number one from my experience like magic community on quora they love talking about it i think there's some shit where it's like you cast the black magic and it makes you like indebted to like whatever spirits you invoke to do the magic or something yeah it's like persona rules like that yeah you have to you borrow it from a guy um no the best part about reading the forbidden knowledge questions is there's like a hard magic fiction system at work here like people are always like first of all you don't understand magic and second of all

you have to know what demon and borrow it um yeah let's get some answers here let's learn for once in our lives this is an education podcast uh magic is about intent a black magic practitioner is more concerned with cause and effect than ramifications my grandmother was a practitioner of the black arts she was a witch for hire i saw her do terrible things she loved a very sorry yeah that that should just be she lived she lived a very long and profitable life on her deathbed she was terrified of dying she knew what a lifetime of ill intent would bring her oh no i personally wouldn't work dark magic unless it was for defense kind of like a person broke and entered your home and you shot them in the act oh any other reason will fare poorly for

you in the afterlife i swear to god the other guy yeah this is like all chorus lead to shooting someone in your home that is really even if you go on black magic quora they're like kill the man who has entered your home i'm telling him reload your wand finish him off i'm not even reading all these answers but i'm getting better and better at making playlists of quoras in a way where they all flow together like i'm a dj or something yeah yeah but yeah the thing is you gotta kill that kid that's that's why that's what happens when you do black magic do you see this guy's job alex read his job from former sperm bank frequent donator ha ha nailed it you can't you can't make that much money from that we've all tried to do that have you yeah are you donating sperm they

wouldn't take it and i'm pretty i talked about this yesterday on my other show but i think i think it's because i didn't stop smoking weed soon enough but it could be like oh you're dying and they just don't tell you. They're like, legally, we can't tell you why we're not taking it. Don't you need to be really smart? Don't you need to pass an IQ test or something? I don't know. I look great on paper. It's really until I do or say anything.

They listen to one of your podcast episodes and they're like, we don't want this. Yeah, we followed you to your comedy show at Legion Bar. They're going to be like the sperm clinic investigator. You've got to shadow the guys who might donate their sperm to make sure they're all on the up and up you're the sperm head hunter

from someone who has like bad tweets in their past yeah uh we're not about creating children who swear here uh but yeah so buying magic is about intent is what we're learning and uh so you guys you're just like think bad i am dying to know more about this witch assassin for hire by the way feel free to chime in with more of that i would love to hear more about this guy's grandma okay any other good answers without getting into a discussion of black magic for the purpose of this answer i'll just treat it as magic with harmful intent i guess that there's like discourse yeah black magic i'm sick of discussing black magic we can't get into this again it's 2016 all over we don't use that term anymore

uh in my opinion the most important consequence to bear in mind is that whatever suffering you inflict on someone you too will experience the same suffering in the future in this life or later that is the law of karma that is the law of karma all right yeah okay so so all we know for sure is like you will then it like hurts you later yeah i guess i mean yeah there's like a spirit dead oh this guy's wading into the discourse let's go there's no such thing as white magic or black magic magic is magic the only difference lies in the intent of the one performing said magic okay this is i don't i don't even want to know like what these people have been arguing about with the different subsets of magic here we go i guess like if you i can kind of like understand

though like say like you have a spell that like explode makes an explosion happen okay so you could like blow a child up with the uh with the explosion sure but then like say there's like a fucking there's a bus that can't stop and there's like a bridge that's positioned in such A speed situation. Yeah, like there's a bunch of rocks or something. The bus is going to crash into the rocks, but you blow the rocks up and you save the kids. That's the same spell. It's the same spell, but the intent was different.

Right. You found a way to repurpose the child-killing spell to save the bus. Which is, by the way. Which is full of children. It's Faraga. It's Faraga cast in different ways. But if you did it both ways, would it balance out, though? Because if it's like a spirit debt that you're paying your debt by saving the bus full of kids.

And that's interesting because that's using what could be an evil spell for good. But how could someone use a good spell for evil? That's what I want to know. Well, I think you do the black magic spell and then do some light magic. You cast cure. You cast cure on like Hitler. Keep him alive a little bit longer. Damn it.

And that's how you've used white magic for evil. It's all about intent. Hitler got an infection from a splinter and I had to fix it. My grandmother was hired. I hate my spirit debt. All right. We have a bunch of spooky questions this time. Can we get to the next one?

Yep. All right. Let's see. Let's see. Okay. If there was a helpful ghost guarding your house, would you try to get rid of it? Such a good question. I assume this is the ghost of the man that you've killed after he tried to rob you.

That is not a helpful ghost, is it, Jeremy? That's true. Somebody's ignoring the question for their own quora thrills. You've got yourself a Casper in your house. And you're just a boy who drowned in a lake or whatever. Some dumbass. He's reorganizing your bookshelf or whatever. And you're just like, this scares my neighbors.

I don't like that. I wouldn't get rid of it. No, yeah, why not? I like Casper. Sounds fun. I read a manga like this once. I don't remember the exact details anymore. But I remember it was like this guy had moved into an apartment.

And there was like this hot ghost that lived in the apartment. that she kept on trying to fuck him while he was trying to go to sleep. Is this bleach? Fuck, it was like this

random fucking... We all know the sexy ghost story. Yeah. It's all his oldest time. He tries to get rid of her and shit, but eventually

he just like resigns to the fate of having a hot ghost in his fucking house. Men hate her. That does sound like the beginning of a porn thing.

Yeah, it was about... Yeah, yeah. That's very funny. Usually, and we have also covered this in the show, the ghost who tries does sex with you at night, that's actually a succubus

demon, not a friendly ghost. It is a, well, it's using your seed to prolong its dark acts. And that's about intense. So be careful for that one, but a Casper, you gotta love having those around your house. Yeah, I think so. I think I would like a helpful ghost. I would love a Casper.

Now watch how mad the comment section is at this question. Absolutely not, unless some bad things happen to a close loved ones or pets or if it has super uncomfortable strict rules try negotiating first best advice they can hear you just talk it out well i guess you don't want to create a malicious so this is saying negotiate with the ghost negotiate i will give you 10 ghost dollars if you leave my house am i

cutting out or is it just my head that's just your head baby i fix it it's not a big deal um uh how about that no it's now it's gone okay there i go how about that i'm good beautiful did i ruin yours no sweet good i love editing my podcast uh yeah i think i'm keeping the ghost though i don't know why people are so angry about it i don't know what's the point so mad about this ghost who's done nothing but helpful things um i think again the real risk is taking a casper and then pissing it off and having a um uh who is the the cruel boy from the 50s not rishi rich but he's the boy he plays pranks i have no idea about dennis the menace ghost okay okay the last thing you want in your house is dennis the menace ghost doing ghosting shots that would suck putting

like pudding on the walls whatever he does i will say most people do skateboard i know he's doing those most people do say no they wouldn't get rid of it yeah you want to keep that one guy says there are and i would never and what way is the ghost helpful though i don't know doing the dishes or something that would rule yeah i would fucking own just like a slave ghost to do all your like menial tasks i think if it's a casper it's just bringing joy to your home but if you have like an old spinster ghost maybe it just does chores uh what what's this guy's ghost this guy has a ghost sure i live in my husband's family home it was built in 1859 by his ancestors and lived in by ancestors by some weird quirk every member of the family that i researched including my in-laws

1992 and 1997 and my husband died 2011 in the house i hope to too someday when the temperature drops to freezing the hot water faucets turn on if i lose something it reappears in the center of my bed on my desk or at my feet i get warnings when something big like a refrigerator is about to break if lights start flashing i start to look start looking for a problem in that room at holidays anniversaries and birthdays i find old cards or small presents get rid of them are you crazy hey uh so they they just have a they have like a it's like an like a family tradition first of all your family hates being dead they haven't left and also like just leaving you presents like i would just be worried because like cats you you're like everybody who i've

loved died in my house i hope i do too like move out what are you doing have you considered there's a bad ghost who's killing everyone you love yeah the house is clearly like evil oh well she's never leaving um i'm trying to think of other fun things that ghosts could do to help out dishes is a good one dishes um i hate my roommate ghost who doesn't do the chores multiplayer game sure yeah couch co-op there you go you're playing overcooked with your ghost yeah it's like i'm at work with a ghost uh old school beat-em-ups um i'm trying to find any other answers uh yes sure also then invite the local biker gang over to party come on would anyone in their right mind want to do something like that i think that's his example for like what a what a crazy thing to do here's another

example i'm gonna invite a biker gang over it's written it's written in a really confusing way i don't understand what he's saying he's also talking about casper in that one yeah yeah he's on the same page as I do. It's like thinking of a ghost as a type of hoodlum or something. I wouldn't want to associate with those kinds of people.

Ghosts? The property values have gone down now that all the ghosts have moved into my home. We're assuming it is the ghost of the teenager who tried to break into my home

when he got in front of five people. Oh, but when I said it. All right, let's read the next question. This is our final forbidden knowledge. That's good. I'm exhausted from learning

the forbidden. knowledge that you cannot know about, why don't they start up a cheap hamburger place with good food to outdo McDonald's? That's a good question. Wait, that's in the forbidden knowledge section? Yeah. Well, it's just a type of forbidden knowledge.

I didn't know where else to put this one. Why don't they start up a cheap hamburger place with good food to outdo McDonald's? Right, because the problem is the McDonald's hamburger is cheap, but it's not that good. It's too expensive for me. And if you made a good one that was cheap, that would

sell even more i have this great idea for a business it's called good mcdonald's we all know mcdonald's what if it was good that's a billion dollar idea yeah i feel like several attempts at that exist yeah that's just like five guys or whatever yeah which uh costs around 25 dollars now so i think you're playing the fries are good i'm not this i'm not here they put them in the bag and the flavor is really worth the extra money i mean you don't have as many burgers as you would eating so many mcdonald's like five meals of mcdonald's for one five guys meal but you shouldn't have that many hamburgers anyway sure fair enough anyway yeah i think they don't do it because uh no one's thought of it yet that's fair yeah okay um people just are saying

are naming other places one guy's like you mean someplace like this oh you mean burger king do you mean Wendy's you should sell milkshakes everyone's really just resentful that this question was asked there's a well known economics result called the chain store paradox that shows

whatever I do to put my competition out of business also puts me out of business I don't think that makes any sense at all the chain store paradox does he elaborate? no No. Not even a little bit. He has a master's in economics.

I mean, he knows about the chain store paradox. Anything I do to put my competitors out of business puts me out of business. I don't think that's true. I think actually anything that puts your competitor out of business will help you. That's called business. It's like a Sun Tzu parable kind of thing. By selling a cheap hamburger, you yourself have become cheap. You've undone yourself.

um yeah so the reason is the chain store paradox sure that's why they don't do maybe it's like the idea that like if you started like an ai mcdonald's it would put you out of business because now you can't make your burgers i'm just gonna i'm gonna comment on this i'm gonna say what the fuck come on that's my face on there oh man bob smith is gonna be coming for me i didn't put my address on this did i uh click on my click on my account i did not put any information brooklyn sorry bleep that you're gonna we've talked about it on the show before you get banned from quora we're trolling i don't know what we'll do when we're banned from quora um because right now this all are up quoras all of our quora followers uh one guy says because right now we're in a

transition period they have raised the price of even fast food now through the roof and are telling you look if you don't want to pay for it don't come in many have stayed away but are now starting to filter back it seems that we just have to resign ourselves to the 12 hamburger fries and drink if we are hungry what the there is nothing else we can do we are slaves to the mcdonald's corporation slaves to the burger hey you've heard from someone with a master's in economics now the opposite of that their power over us here's a probably anti-semitic guy just to tell you what he thinks um all right that's really all there is to say about mcdonald's yep i'm dusting my hands off let's go to our parenting segment all right this is our last question yeah this is our final

question all right unless you want to read any others i didn't get that loud enough that's enough That's enough. It's the parenting segment. Okay, this was sent to us by several people. This is a viral... You wrote in. You wanted to know this question. Why is it a fucking...

Whatever, I'll find it. Was it banned or something? What is... This website is so bad. The question is... It makes Twitter look good. It looks like Twitter works going on Quora. They got to sell this website to Elon.

Elon, save Quora. Please save Quora. I need this to be relevant to five years. Make comedy legal on Quora. um i caught my 13 year old son playing roblox i sent him to a boarding school and revoked his bed privileges my family calls me insane am i a bad parent what do you think is bed privileges yeah so he can't sleep he sleeps under the bed i sent him to a boarding school and revoked his bed privileges

he has to sleep under the bed he's like a ghost he's like a bad ghost yeah To be fair, he was playing Roblox. Justin, have you played Roblox? I have not. It seems like a fun game. I don't know. Roblox is so funny to me, and it's only because I don't know what it is. You've been saying this all day to me, but just because you think the word blocks is funny.

Blocks is a funny word. It has an X in it. I always assumed that Roblox was just kind of like Minecraft, but a little bit round. But apparently it's like a whole development platform. I just saw someone develop this first-person shooter in Roblox. It looked like a super fucking advanced Call of Duty-inspired game. It was Roblox. That's crazy.

What the hell? I don't understand. Someone needs to revoke that man's bed for him. Make him sleep on the floor. I actually just caught my 13-year-old doing that, and I sent him to military school. I think Roblox and Fortnite are the two places that are becoming Ready Player One. You can just live in Roblox. I've played so much Fortnite that I feel like I've made that game sometimes.

Yeah, but Fortnite isn't emergent that way, right? You just go on the island and shoot people. There is a creation thing where you can kind of make your own little thing in there. I was playing it last night. You can make a little house until you're shot to death. No, you can make games in it. I was playing a fucking RPG in it last night. It wasn't very good, but it existed.

It's making me realize going on the Battle Royale Island and building a house is essentially a simulator to live in a Quora question where teenagers show up and shoot you to death. Empty your quip, Goku. Finish him. Finish him off. It's very funny to imagine someone

who's so mad at their kid playing Roblox. It's an innocent game. You send them to another state. What I don't get is he sent them to boarding school and revoked bed colleges. Boarding school, sleeping on the floor, he called them. He called them. Don't let this kid sleep in a bed.

He was playing Roblox. Now, I know you guys think you're pretty tough, but I want to take it a step further. No bed for my child. They were playing Roblox. I'll pay you extra to take his bed away. I mean, I don't want to get into the details, but let's just tell you Roblox were involved. I've seen videos of people playing Roblox, and it's just like children jumping on platforms. It's like the most innocent looking thing.

I was about to say, is it maybe just really fucked up? Roblox is just like Lego, right? Pretty much. Essentially, it's just bigger Lego pieces. Are you thinking Mega Bloks? I'm thinking of the physical Roblox before it became an internet sensation. Whatever happened to physical Roblox? Kids these days.

I revoked the bed privileges. So the question is, am I a bad parent? And I'm going to say I need more information. what was he doing at roblox yeah maybe it was something bad he's in the 4chan section of roblox yeah he's doing he's committing crime there is like roblox porn and shit really in what way there's i do not understand what this game i remember there being like a big scandal like they talked about the news and that might be why this guy got so mad actually because there's like this whole like scandal where like people were making like naked roblox fucking instances of

wherever the fuck it is, with, like, Roblox titties and whatnot. Is your child jacking off on Roblox? So if this is a legitimate thing, this guy probably saw the news report and thought he's playing Roblox. What is that, like, porno? Yeah. Everyone's favorite porn website, Roblox. You've now, like, really humanized this person in a way I did not understand

when we started the question. He's in the right. Yeah, I know a bunch of guys like that, actually. Yeah, send this kid to child jail. Yeah, they just grew up in a family that watched Fox News. They didn't know, but I was going to poison them to send their child to military school. When I was a kid, when I was very young, my friends told us that there was a cool Sailor Moon Dragon Ball crossover you could find online. Famously low IQ coded.

When I was in elementary school, and we didn't know that it was a porn website, and we went on it, and we were horrified for the rest of the week. It was like Goku and Sailor Moon fucking each other. Wow. Age gap. Age gap problem. Is that true? Oh, yeah, that is true. Is that true?

I haven't seen Sailor Moon. My friend Goku? Every episode I've seen of Sailor Moon was this porn. That's true. That's the limit of Sailor Moon I've seen. Sailor Moon rocks, but also... She did not have a piece of toast in her mouth. I'll tell you that.

The thing... Come on. The thing about Sailor Moon is she was young in the 90s, so maybe, you know, by the time you got around to it, she knew everybody was consenting adults. That's true. I got in big trouble. That's all I remember.

Yeah, because you immediately reported yourself. because they've discussed on the show you are a child cop for some reason. What happened was me and my friends all didn't talk for the rest of the day, and then my parents were like, something happened. And they went in their history, and they found, I think it was called Dragon Moon X or something. All of you ashen-faced going, what'd you do today, Johnny? We're just like, just nothing. Also, in what world?

You know my name is not Johnny. You did it with friends. That's true. Tell me you didn't have a friend named Johnny. My friend Alex was there, and he was not allowed to hang out with me for a year because his parents found out. You're not allowed to hang out with that Sailor Moon porno kid. I was like, check this out.

She's only a kid. They're at least eight years apart. It's half your age plus seven. Yeah. But anyway, yeah. I know the comment section is very against this man. Yeah, the comment section are like, you cannot do that. Yeah, I will send you to jail.

I'm revoking your bed privileges. Did we find out what bed privileges? No, I mean, I think it just means that they can't sleep on a bed, right? You don't get bed privileges. Beds are a privilege. Yeah, they have to move to, like, a futon. Something bed adjacent. This one guy's like, I'm going to answer by telling you about myself when I was a kid.

Who gives a shit? Shut up. Shut up. Grow up. Grow up. Go to boarding school. Yeah, people are just very, very upset. I understand that.

They're just like, yes, you are insane. What the fuck does this mean? We're all upset. I think it's only fair we end the podcast now. All right. Well, we should ask ourselves a question. We should ask a question and put it on to Quora. So do we have any questions?

Justin, do you have any questions that you've been dying to know the answer to and want to ask the Quora community? God, I have no fucking idea what I want to ask the Quora community. What did we talk about today? We talked about self-defense a lot. We talked about self-defense. Maybe like what's the best non- Battlehammer.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. We're going to use Battlehammer. Oh, there we go. What's the best non-gun weapon to defend my home? That's a good question. That'll proc engagement, I think. More specifically, I think, if you ask them, would a Warhammer be a good home defense device?

Yeah, yeah. I live in New York City, and I don't want to get a gun should I get a Warhammer. Perfect. That's the perfect way to phrase it. Quorify it. Okay, Justin, thank you so much for coming on the show. yeah thanks for having me we loved having you on here where can our listeners find you at home and abroad i'm on youtube uh channels wang and the the series on his tales from the internet where

i talk about weird ass old internet stories yeah if you like hearing all the drain shit people post on quora you probably will like wang channels click slam that bell just get on it right away uh and in the meantime we'll have to see if we should buy a warhammer for our homes in new york city i think it's i think once they think it through they're gonna be like yeah that's the move yeah it's a a unanimous agreement yeah uh with no further ado uh we'll see you next week and as always question everything stay out of our homes