Quorators - I'm A Newly Married. What Do I Do?

Episode Date: September 20, 2022

Comedians Alex Ptak and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: I'm a newly married. What do I do? Is ISIS still around? Who is the loneliest person in the world?

okay now and that's that's the theme song thanks theme song that's really great to hear from Welcome and welcome to Quora Raiders, the show where we ask, what is Quora? What's going on at Quora? You know, I have a place I know where we could type that question into and maybe get an answer. Facebook? Quora.com. Quora.com. Is that what it is?

I actually don't know. Is it Quora.com or .net or .info? It is .com. I have it pulled up right now, Jeremy. Beautiful. Thank you. Thank you for clarifying, though. we're your hosts of the show or alex patak and i have jeremy kaplowitz with me say hi jeremy how's

it going yeah we got a hell of a show for you today a show where we go on quora and ask what is it um now before we get started here i do want to say i have never used quora in my entire life i've used quora before what is your experience with my experience the quora is uh were you into quora growing up oh i was big into quora so most of my questions are inspired by quora really uh no i feel like quora is the thing that like when you look something up like am i sick because of this rash like you get quora yes you know what i mean like one time i uh drank a bunch of beer and then i was feeling sick and i had benadryl and it made me feel weird and i looked up like beer plus benadryl die yeah and quora was all over that shit yeah and was like yes you will die you

you're gonna type any medical thing into the internet they're just like assume it's over for you and then i went to bed and i was like all right well maybe i won't wake up okay great yeah but i did here i am from what i've read there's nothing i could do at this point yeah they were like oh you're going to die you took benadryl and beer which are the two most volatile drugs in the universe yeah i don't know if this is like their main service because now after spending some time on the website i'm getting the vibe like based on the layout and everything on there that it's like become facebook for older people who did not go to facebook which seems like most people like most moms and dads are on facebook and they're having

fights with their uh ex-husband or whatever and these are the people who like weren't cut out for that that's my understanding is your family on facebook are they fighting people um all my whole families on facebook i think they're all lurkers though uh my my dad gets into heated battles with his cousin on facebook like every day well because facebook is designed for battle it's oh waffles the cat is here waffles is my giant cat and he sits where the mixer is usually and so that's where he's just going to be a part of what's happening here we need to move past it as soon as possible now he's behind a lamp we'll check in on waffles later in the podcast but um yeah facebook is designed to like show you people you don't usually hear unbridled opinions from and then give you a

space to go clap back at them my dad and his cousin just hate each other i think and they just all day argue on it my dad is like msnbc liberal like i went to my parents house recently and so it's about politics usually it's not like that's my fucking bike no no no his cousin's like a um like trump maga woman and he i just to explain how liberal my family is i went to my parents house recently and i saw the msnbc logo was burned into the tv in the corner like any show you watch you is now ms are you serious yeah that can happen yeah if you watch enough msnbc the logo will burn into the corner of this is like a rabbit ears television from the 60s what kind screen are you it's like a plasma screen if the plasma got too hot around the logo that's see

that's a warning about moving your logo i know different corners have it doesn't happen like those windows screensavers so you can watch or try to hit the corner now jeremy's parents look like addicts yeah yeah addicted to the dudes addicted to the morning joe you're getting all kinds of shows on msa uh so yeah every day they just argue about like whether joe biden is good or not well there's like a few different like capacities for facebook battle right because there's there's the politics stuff which i think is really easy to get into because you end up talking to people you don't agree with politically about politics because it's the internet and that's where you talk about politics so even if it's like your shithead friend from work you're

like yeah you're wrong about joe lieberman or whatever who i suddenly care very much about yeah first of all the two of us are very influential in this country and we gotta hash this out right now uh but then aside from that uh and this is maybe even a larger sphere of of uh debate for facebook is like romantic tris romeo and juliet style sure debasements where you see your ex and oh no the opposite and by x i mean the most of the people on facebook these days like 50 years old in america so like your ex-wife at this point and her new family and you're like i see you still have my tv i what i like about facebook arguments though which i haven't been on facebook i hope i warmed it up for you the tv yeah i hope you can see my msnbc logo i'd have

that shit running day and night it took me years to get that anderson cooper's related to me now it's like a pot that like you'd ever clean because you want to have the flavors I like seeing the MSNBC logo On my other shows You don't understand here This is a cast iron television You want to get all the networks Oh yeah

That's a salty network Oxygen? That's going to help you make a hell of a dish What I like about Facebook though Even though I haven't been on it in a long time When you argue with people on Facebook Most people have their full name and photo on it If you argue with someone on Reddit

and their name is like the cum guy and then you're like, I don't know who this is. Yeah, but I feel like I don't have to take this too seriously. But like if I'm on Facebook and you're arguing with a guy, you can just click their profile

and see their whole life. Yeah. And you're like, oh, this is just some guy. Robert Mortimer III has some shit opinions, it looks like. I can see his cover photo

is a photo of his car. And then you see their mutual friends and stuff and you're like, oh, so this is my cousin's boss. Good. Get him fired now. I have a friend

who did get in college uh fired or in trouble from like a job uh because of an argument on facebook i get this boss i used to do this uh so i am a stand-up comedian and i used to do this whole this is a big uh host reveal i used to do this whole fucking thing about uh applying for a job at the nfl uh for like a job where you like scan documents or whatever like something i could do in the day for like ten dollars an hour or whatever but then uh i have a great uncle who's like really high up there so he was like just getting me this job through nepotism and i was like 23 or something so i was like sick thanks but he has enemies at the corporation so they had them like investigate my profile

and this was like as i was like trying to do comedy full time so i was on twitter just tweeting obscene stuff and when you first start you have the worst i mean at least me i had terrible evil jokes i have never done a good joke in my life sure i never to be clear for podcast you can't find any racist stuff just just bad well you used to say stuff that was like not racist but sounded like it might be because i thought that was very funny so like for example they got a uh uh this woman who hated my uncle got a former fbi agent who like retired and worked for the nfl to investigate my profile to see if i was a security threat like i was like part of al-qaeda or something and so he had a printouts of all of my tweets that is the most embarrassing thing that

could ever happen to you and so i didn't hear about this job for like four months and then they had me they like i got a call uh like yeah we're investigating you for the nfl job this is your next step so i like i'm wearing my little polo and they want me to go meet midtown this man they paid for a train from cape cod massachusetts for him to commute to new york city to like to catch a predator style investigate me he had printouts of all my tweets and uh he would just like make me answer for them so he was like in this one the one i used to mention on stage that i was like the only funny one i ever did that entire year was like uh as hard as it is following my dream of being a stand-up comedian it would even be even harder following my other dream of

being a thick bitch and there's like a 65 year old man who's like what what do you mean and i was like i don't know i don't know what that means i also love how every stand-up comedian like when you first start out all your jokes are about like i want to be a comedian you're doing it first of all say what's going on with you they need more backstory uh the and then i remember i had another one out there is like hey don't i hope people don't think this is racist but there are a lot of mondo races out there sure sure yeah i gotta get the edgy puds out which is like i would just write down the word mondo in the morning be like i'm working this this is what seinfeld does he writes down a word and then he was like what what do you mean by this and i was like i just uh you

you know, the absurdist scene really portrays, it puts you in different perspectives where you might write something that means nothing. And then he was like, he felt so bad for me at the end. Sir, have you heard of Dada? He not only did not approve me to work at the NFL, he was like, you got to leave this city. Come back with me.

I'll get you a job at a pizza store or something. Your dream is dead. It was, he like, I don't know. when you talk to cops and they're mad at you you can like tell they're mad at you and this man looked like so sad after sure sure sure sure i'm gonna arrest you just so you don't do any more stand-up comedy like this is what young people are doing now they're saying races are mondo online we gotta get this kid off the streets i have a website for you quora.com you're putting all your questions and that's gonna help you out with some lifestyle issues um right and so this

is not a facebook podcast i want to say that up front right now no because i wouldn't know how to structure that the rejects of facebook i think banished from the realm of facebook i think there's like two different groups which is people people couldn't hack it sorry for burping on the bike we're gonna hack it on facebook.com i think it's reddit reddit for facebookers and it does also look like reddit because there's like sub quaras yeah you could go to and there's just as many like sex weirdos there that's a big part of it as well but then there's also people who like feel like they need more space for their writing in a way that i don't really get up like if you look it's hard to get published if you see a 5 000 word facebook post you're like i'm not

reading right whereas it's half of these i think like gotta be 600 words like you gotta like it's like a little article where you've learned from a very stupid person by the end of it it's usually imagine like someone's talking about i don't know who's having this conversation but you're talking about like social media you're like oh for me the big i'm always on quora i spend all my time i'm huge on quora but there are people who are that from this because they're like look at me i was addicted to meth and now i'm clean and it's like and you went on quora like you had to put that on quora put that anyway send that to vice you're just going directly to the to the cops now here i don't think this is a good idea well i was saying to you earlier that

i don't know how this happened i don't know when it started but when you told me you wanted to do this podcast i realized that i get a daily email from quora the quora digest right and i have no idea how this ever happened i wanted to make sure you were getting those i sent those to you i mean i'd love to go back and see july 11th looks like the first time i got quora digest this year yeah so it's been like a month or two what did you do this year i don't know i assumed you've been getting these for 10 years no no maybe it was the time i thought i was dying because i took benadryl i don't know did you make an account how close to death were you i don't know what i did that's the last i remember being on quora most of my quora emails are about um the half of them

are like what to do if you kill a man and the other half are like does my cat love me yeah and then the answers for those not helpful no they're not very helpful does my cat love me how is a stranger supposed to figure that out for you this is top stories for jeremy how do cats say sorry to humans there's no answer what's the answer oh let me see i'll click it has this has 11 cats they'd never have said i'm sorry to me in their entire lives he's ungrateful monsters oh this is a sad one okay so this is from marina krutz pointer and it says knows german i don't know why uh how do cats apologize i got into a little fight at the end i wish i knew german at any amount of german to riff like a sentence i feel my cat might have

this whole core is one word in german uh i got into a little fight with my favorite cat a few years ago and she scratched me after she saw blood coming out of the scratch she stopped her angry behavior gently licked the scratch until it stopped bleeding and then stayed then uh stayed close to me for the rest of the night she really felt sorry for hurting me that day she's been dead for almost five years now i miss her and there's a photo oh my god why is it sad i don't know i i think this is an answer i don't know if this is an answer or a question but it has 11 000 upvotes see this is the part i'm confused at is like that did not answer a question but no no no it is in the answers page it is which we will be spending i have an account on quora of course you do they're

sending you emails how do you think they got that information do you think like amazon gave them your email i just want to know like um my stat it has my stats have i ever asked what's your rating it's like uber i have four stars three stars he's often drunk at quora there's a monetization you can monetize your quora account i can't i don't see any questions i have zero followers and zero following all right i guess my goal for this is for people to follow me on quora yeah i want to get to have a popular quora account i made an account now i just did the like sign in with google thing so i didn't have to like remember a password right and that this gets logged fully into like my fbi dossier but uh yeah let's get those numbers up how do you find

your quora numbers all right i hold on i just followed someone named alex patak but they did start the their account in may 2021 so this might be that is probably all right you know what's also very possible is i have multiple quora accounts also very possible incredibly real okay there's a tab under your profile that says your contents and stats yeah mine is just blank so i don't think i've ever used quora but i i seemingly have an account yo you know what it is okay so uh quora i was looking up to see like if there's another quora podcast because i would feel really stupid if i like made like i got a theme song and art and then made a quora podcast and i was like yeah there's a lot of these actually popular quora podcast hosted by brock obama

oh i'm here on ask malia i'm answering questions um no uh there are quora podcasts though but they're for marketing people oh and there's like popular marketing podcasts that are like quora is the secret to your marketing success oh we got to get those we got to steal those listeners so quora is formatted to sell your products to people i think on their like last legs desperate for answers of the internet oh my god yeah i just refreshed the front page and it's showing me a boy in auschwitz like this is what i'm talking about there's no control over any of the things what is the question who is this boy what ancient event has been recorded in history

that alerts the world to human wickedness and is it an ancient event in uh okay what is it 2022 uh 80 years ago does that count as an ancient event to you god damn it these gen zers i'm getting i'm getting pissed off honestly quora well okay uh one thing that i thought we should do uh before we get into the meat of these exciting quoras is ask a question okay for us and submit it to quora yeah so that and then next week sure we will see the answers to the question so what are the great questions in your life the great questions in my life um i don't know what do you well let's think of a topic what topic do you want to do a cat question a murder question those are the two topics yeah those are the big two yeah do you have a question loosely about

history where people can post auschwitz pictures because that is a large portion of the website what to do what do i do if my cat kills a man if we do ask that we're going to get more auschwitz pictures that's true i think so no someone will genuinely answer that i don't know i haven't seen a single one of these that's like that's not a sincere question do you know what i mean yeah yeah no one is doing bits all of these are taken at face value i mean i don't know if you can like sort by new or something but sort by real uh how much time does a billionaire typically spend on his mega yacht each year hmm hmm okay let's start with something that's not too like out of left field okay um okay so like a real question in your life so you just got married i did you do

you have any questions for about married life and now i've been married longer than you but i will not answer your questions because i'm saving them for the people i don't think i have i mean we have both been in relationships since we were like children that's correct we both have married our girlfriends from high school which uh is statistically impossible yeah zero x's us to ever be in the same room but uh it's never been done before it's not important um yeah you probably have big romantic questions though or questions about um maybe the institution of marriage like when do you get your own man cave yeah sure i just got married when do i get my how long do i wait before i get my man cave that's a good question how do i fit it how is it is it unfair

to have a man cave in my new york city apartment okay and i think the other thing we have to do is adopt the core of voice which is to very suddenly uh lead a strong proposition sure just like uh what are you what are the most abominable things in history leave like one like uh concerning detail in there yeah yeah yeah me and my wife just got married i'm wondering should i have a man cave when should i have that my wife's father killed his wife but okay well that's too dark i don't Well, yeah, and I want them to really know who we are. Again, this will lead directly to us getting followers, so it can't just be lies about things.

It does have our full names. Okay. I am a newly married. Does yours have your photo? I have a photo of mine. Wait, but this is the thing when I'm asking questions, it pops up with other questions. So it's like, yeah, don't answer it if it's covered.

it dissuades you from making the post mine says i joined in july this is what i mean i'm a newly married and there's a lot of things going in marriage related to in-laws what should i do that's a terrible question i'm okay well we have to consider that this may just be the local lingo so maybe they say like instead of i'm married it's i'm a newly married sure i'm a newly married question mark what do i do uh what do i do i think that's a fine question i'm a newly married question mark what do i do it sounds like a riddle at night i have two legs in the morning i have three all right i'm gonna post i'm a newly married what do i do and we will check in on that next week all right okay can i find this somehow i wonder how searchable yeah once it posts verify

that these topics describe this question newly married marriage advice marriage personal question yeah that definitely covers it i would also say newlyweds qualifies for this specific question like how many of these do we want to how many sub-quora's is too many sub-quora's that's my question i don't want to bother dating and relationships if it should just be in newlyweds and married couples right i mean is it really i think it's like tiktok where you just want to have what do you mean suggested writers can you put it in the for your profile you can tag people specifically to answer your questions really all right well i've i put it up i'm a newly married what do i do i don't i'm i don't i do not know how to find this

all right where'd you put in newlyweds i put it in all of these what what what do you think is smallest one all right just quora search get up your quora bar control q i went to i went to newlywed some of my phone and um the first question married the first question is from four years ago okay and it is uh what was your most embarrassing moment as a newlywed couple in an arranged marriage very specific now we can see if this answer fills uh what i've got to describe here but what i've found is that people will give very long answers for very uninteresting things yes okay so do you want to know what this person's answer is yes three weeks into our marriage we were at my in-law's place our room was upstairs

that evening we were trying something new you know what i mean in the bathroom upstairs room you know in the bathroom after say exploring and that's in quotes for some half an hour less sure what they're talking about as they add more details honestly i don't know either like why would you do this in the bathroom anal is it like you have to do it in the bathroom because there's gonna get shit everywhere i i really don't know also no anal before marriage you know what this i i don't know i mean it's also funny that they're in an arranged marriage like a marriage imagine their parents like setting this up and then three weeks in in the bathroom of their own home they're doing anal yeah um okay so what what else after say exploring for some half an hour i

came out to the bedroom to find five missed calls on my phone it was from my mother-in-law there were missed calls from her on my husband's phone too i quickly dressed up and rushed downstairs to find some relative waiting for us my mother-in-law told me silently in private that the relative had been waiting to see us she had come upstairs and knocked on our door and we obviously didn't answer nor did we pick up pick her calls these are not my typos uh well i guess you can call it as caught red-handed extremely embarrassed i kept my head low and proceeded to serve snacks to the guest so so the people heard them in the bathroom um well i guess you can call it as caught red-handed oh i guess what you can call it is caught red-handed uh and this is what i mean is like

it did that did not clarify anything for me i don't know what happened also it's just like okay they did something they were caught red-handed i'm trying to figure okay hold on hold on maybe this is a pun maybe maybe something that they did it's like dan brown's writing you have to go back and search for clues um the phrase red-handed was of course created by the romans in the early thousand no i don't know i don't know what it is either no maybe they just feel like that's the timeline for romans yeah i don't know romans are offed before that i was trying to be i learned about a lot about history through quora uh the top comment on this is from someone with a minions picture which i think is very appropriate okay oh do you want to know what they said it's not

that interesting okay then no um but uh our post is up we are going to come back to that next week i'm very excited i did get distracted while you were reading the thing because it was boring and i clicked on what is the grossest animal on the planet and it's this it's uh what it looks like a scorpion on a monkey's head which is like that's not one animal what does that caption say uh it it says now come certainly the first to scream fake which is what i'm saying like no one speaks as english as their first language but this picture is real and it's about the um the bat fly which is a flightless species of fly it only has six it looks like a spider with six legs and it's like kind of big so the bat is not the one they're talking about they're arguing that

the grossest animal is the bat fly oh that's a bat probably it's just really close them on a bat to an extent that it looks like a monkey um and i guess they fly around on bats which i think is cute and uh their bodies are so flat and so hard that it is almost impossible for their host to squash them and they're little nasty they're little nasty guys so like again i've learned almost nothing from yeah it was very distracting while you were talking and now i i can't get away from it uh but i did find some good ones during the week do you want to read your email sure sure i just um i'm i'm trying to find your question and i can't find it it's really crazy you gotta wait for the algorithm to maybe it has to get approved i keep seeing um now it's asking do i

want to answer my own question do you see these ads for world lifestyle all over yours um let me go back to the home page here uh i'm getting a lot of advertisements but all the ads i see are for this oh i have ad blocker on because it's my desktop okay hold on i turned it off yeah no you gotta get those i need the full experience all of my ads are for some website called world lifestyle and well there's just two of them but they're both for um some weird thing they're both for husband pays babysitter outside wife hides camera wife hides camera no this these are targeted ads man these are the ones they think you want wife installs camera maybe oh because i'm in the newly wed section yeah watch the footage and couldn't believe what she was seeing these are the ones

that are relevant to you as a newlywed they're like don't fuck your babysitter don't you're going to want to she takes care of your child can you make it to number like for example i'm getting a sponsored post from upbeat news with 25 famous logos for secret hidden messages because uh i've clicked on a few of these while i was doing research here and uh the quora essentially is like it's the opposite of twitter and that it sends you as like a funnel to other websites and so like these other scam websites that are even less reputable than quarter we shouldn't go to them they're bad news they're bad they're bad for us i don't want them around my cats i don't want them in my home uh but if you click on it it sends you to upbeat news which is like a different

listicle website okay we don't want that and that's the last thing we want so tell us tell us what's in your email and then i'll go into some of these things that i've found i also see um i'm still on this newlyweds thing i see this guy james paul sell who studied at winnetonka high school graduated 1972 and has a photo of himself so i know more about this man than i should have ever known in my life and he is answering the question do newlywed couples always do the deed the night of their wedding and written like a true paul sell yeah yeah yeah and he says that he did he did it a few times on his uh wedding night and uh many more on his two-week honeymoon Nice, Paul Sell.

Now I know so much about this person that I don't want to know anything about. Is that the whole post? Yeah. I mean, I could read it. Did anybody else do it in their honeymoon? He was like, I did. Asked and answered, I did. I got it in.

Yeah, don't check up on me. I'm doing pretty good. I'm in Hawaii. Screwing. Okay. Okay, so this is from today. I got this email this morning at 10.05. All right, this is like the news for you.

This is my news. Like the New York Times. Quora sent me. It said, top stories for Jeremy. How do I legally disappear and never be found? Okay. And this is, I guess, an answer that has 12,000 of those. Should we take a moment and think about it?

Yeah, what would you do? To disappear and never be found. My first thought is to die somewhere. Yeah, that was exactly my thought. That's the quickest way to disappear and never be found. Go into the woods. If I load myself into a wood chipper, I think they would never find me. But is that against the law?

I think it's, is it against the law? I don't want to break the law. Right. That's priority number one for me. For Cora. After that, okay, so we have to stay alive. It's leave the country. Yeah, but no one's like looking for me.

I guess I would just move somewhere. Like your wife would be looking for you? Right. Or is it assumed that she's coming with you? No. okay let's say i wanted to completely disappear what about liam what about my friend liam he'd find it he would he'd come search for you in the wood chipper i guess i would i would if you buy a ticket so like if i just like travel to ohio or something and i never tell anyone you could like

figure out from my purchases okay so i'd have to get cash yeah take out a bunch of cash i'd go to an airport and i'd just buy a ticket somewhere do they let you buy i mean i guess they gotta Yeah, they have to. They legally have to let you. If you show up with a bunch of cash. The point where cash is not accepted is a really dangerous point in the economy. What do they care? Yeah.

Those bozos. Just let me disappear. I committed a crime. Yeah, you don't have to worry about it. And I guess then you just have to never buy anything with a credit card ever. Well, the tricky thing as Americans is you need to go somewhere with a non-extradition treaty. Okay. So, like, Assata Shakur famously went to Cuba.

Sure. So, you're assuming that this person has committed a crime. Well, why else are they disappearing? I don't know. Maybe they have a kid or something. Okay, well, that's not a crime. It's just an unforgivable social contract breach. Okay, so yeah, that would also work.

But what if your child chooses to extradite you? That's true. What if they join the security state to then go get their dad back and punish him? And they extraordinary rendition you to Abu Ghraib or whatever. i assume they let you pick your own targets when you join yeah i hope so uh jsoc or whatever they're like yeah who do you want to get your dad let's get him yeah where is he russia i was gonna say isis third in command but yours is good too um is still around i think it is in various ways let's get him on the pot let's look on see that would have been a good quora question maybe

We should wait till they organically come up. Is ISIS still around? I can type it in. Do you want me to put it in? That's not going to be a funny answer at all, though, is the thing. All right. How do we adopt it to Quora language? How do I do this?

I think you could just say ISIS still around. That would be Quora. Oh, this is so annoying. All right. You should do it because I'm doing this on my phone sucks. Do you have the Quora app? No, I need to download it. Yeah, you do need to download it.

You're using the web browser of Quora. It's unacceptable. I'm not even using the web browser. What are you on, Safari? I'm using my Gmail browser because I've opened it in an email. There's no way you're going to be able to ask, Isis still around? Okay, hold on.

I'm getting another one. I'm going to get all the followers for this. Isis still around? See, this is going to be somebody with a lot of... Wait. Top two questions when you type in Isis. Is Isis still a thing? which is our exact question and what did isis do

no has no answers and i would expect just like a full video of a guy's head getting uh also good why has no one stopped isis who will bring down isis okay so we need a better isis question if we're gonna it's just that somebody's already asked this one well we already got ours up for the thing which I mean, our other question, other people had already asked as well, but we got to give it a week. And if there's no hits on it, that will push us to be better Quora users. Yes.

That would be embarrassing. I'd be sad. I pulled up some good ones. Oh, also, do you want to know how Chris Infante would legally disappear? Oh, wait. Yeah. I totally forgot about that. Yeah.

How would you legally disappear? What's the best answer? His profile says INTP. Is that like the personality thing? Yeah. Like an int J is an int. Yeah. okay int person yeah so he put his points in int he's an artistic welder canvas painter

and philosopher is there anything this man doesn't do yeah he might disappear so keep an eye on it keep it read on uh go to your nearest travel agency purchase a carnival cruise to the virgin isles okay this man has done this before purchase well in advance somebody knows what they're talking about you could score a ticket for under 400 okay once the cruise ship lands at the virgin aisles uh it will dock for a couple days you're you're missing jeremy very expertly didn't burp into the way that i'm taking notes on you disembark and find yourself a nice hustle cruise ship rolls in on a weekly basis all year round from all over the world become a tour guide professional gambler billionaire's personal assistant or just live as a beach bum eating

crab every evening some of these are easier than others i've got to jump in become a billionaire find one of the 100 billionaires in the world get their top job it says it's as easy as not getting back on the boat this man's a liar if you're going to drop off the grid you're going to have to hustle for any income as legitimate forms of employment leave flashing neon paper trails and if you're going to be homeless and at the mercy of deadly winter slash summers on the street that's just a sentence might as well be homeless where the climate is a cool 73 degrees year-round with a steady influx of potential marks rolling in there's a lot of potential a lot of spas a lot of resorts a lot of casinos it's the premier tourist spot on the globe the

perfect place to disappear and start over okay now i am not a climatologist but i do not think the virgin islands is 72 degrees year-round i'm pretty sure it gets hot there let's see U.S. Virgin Islands. All right. We're looking this up. Let's see where you are on the map, Virgin Islands. Okay. It's in the Caribbean.

So right there, that's a hot area. Yeah, I don't think that's 73 degrees. It's by Puerto Rico. So it's like, yeah, it would get hot there. I mean, you could still find marks to hustle. Sure. They're rolling in. But this man's answer can be boiled down to go to the Virgin Islands and become a migrant worker.

It's the number one answer. or become an assistant to a billionaire or a professional gambler that's a great gig anywhere though like or a tour guide why don't you live uh win the lottery and then you can go wherever you want i like his suggestion of tour guide it's like travel to a new place and then you know nothing about it yeah hello i'd like to be a tour guide do not ask me any questions about my life important before you leave take a course on the virgin islands because you're need a lot of know-how when you get there if you want to really disappear become harry mack new name this quora post has 10.2 million views oh my god i'm seeing the most messed up stuff on

here this metal mask was worn during slavery for three main reasons and i'm not gonna is to avoid slaves eating apples is the top reason slaves could not resist apples and so we put a knight's mask on their face wow um that's horrible anyway i'm avoiding history i found some other good histories that i would like to share with the podcast uh now these are under different questions and i do think we could just spend time like kind of soaking in the questions but there was one history i really liked which was the history of the waste chop this is on quora what is the coolest obscure historical fact you know okay that's kind of a good question that's like a twitter prompt question and then this is death so horrible that it stopped a form of execution

which is what it said on the post when i clicked okay in ancient china there was a form of execution called waste chop just like its name it entails a person being literally chopped in half from the waste and it shows with a big saw uh it was reserved only for the most serious criminals since many people did not die immediately after being chopped do you see the little image oh yeah look at that oh my god it's like a pop-up book it does seem like the worst place to cut a guy yeah not in the waist that's where all my stuff is i know this is like the hack a lot of stuff down there this is like the hackiest comedic premise you could come up with but like the idea of someone pitching waist cut like oh i got this great new idea yeah it's called waist cut uh

got a big knife oh you mean for like a diet oh yeah yeah no for yeah sorry i don't think this is the hackiest comedian premise at all i think usually it's like all right who's tired of dating you know what an fbi agent just printed out this bit and is reading it is and he's reading and he's not hiring you to work at the nfl now um okay in ching dynasty an official was caught embezzling money and was sentenced to waist chop however he stayed alive long enough to write using his own blood the chinese character for horrific slash brutal seven times before dying getting cut in half and then like taking the blood and writing help i have notes and then my favorite part of this is upon hearing this story the yangshan emperor was shocked and

abolished the form of execution which is like we didn't know it hurt when we saw you down the middle we thought they liked it i saw a magician do it and the person seemed really happy i'm getting notes that uh this is horrific horrific slash brutal actually the screaming we thought was funny like this is a state program until you get any feedback and you're like oh just kidding well look first draft all right and that's the way you live and learn see and that's the thing is we are learning yeah we're asking questions we're getting answers and i don't feel that way on facebook for you no it's better than facebook it's quora.com they have an app all you learn about on facebook is some new nephew or whatever yeah i don't want to learn about a new nephew

facebook all of my nephews and nieces have pictures on face i've never realized i think i have only nieces really huh so i actually have no nephews on facebook but it's chock full of nieces um okay uh here's another this was a good question i've found which is uh what reminded people that there is a lot of injustice in the world now before we read anything what reminded people that there was a lot of injustice in the world i i don't know i mean last time there was a question about this it was just a photo of a boy in auschwitz yes so i don't know is it just and that did remind me there was a lot of injustice in the world uh any bad thing would remind you that there was a justice in the world um the top answer is for a medusa statue outside

new york county criminal court and then it tells you the tale of medusa because um because she was treated very unfairly by poseidon sure and then perseus cuts her head off and then the statue she she cut percy's head off sure and so that's that things should be more like that wow the greek version of the little girl standing in front of the bull on wall street it's holding a man's head up by the hair i totally misread that when you when you were saying that i thought it was going to be um oh you know because the world is so fucked up sometimes you just get turned into stone by a lady with snakes for hair but no it was in her favor it was saying that the world's unfair to medusa the world medusa was treated very unfair if you ask me yeah they did not treat

her the way she should have been treated oh which is um which is love which she should get to start her own small business yeah doing i don't know what she did before the her hair was snakes and stuff like that that's kind of what she's famous for yeah um do you think she if she didn't if medusa didn't turn people to stone do you think she'd be into just having hair as snakes because That could be kind of fun. Yeah. Well, the thing about her hair is I think it used to be just like good hair. Right.

And then after this unfortunate Poseidon duck incident or whatever, because Poseidon's a real piece of shit. I've heard that. He makes her hair into snakes. He's like the Ellen of snakes. Yeah. Hope you've enjoyed your hair. It's snakes now.

Good luck brushing snakes. And it would be hard to enjoy your hair if it was that. That's fair. Especially if you really like having nice hair. Okay. So this is what I'm confused about, though. So I've like pulled up the what reminded people that there's a lot of injustice in the world. And there's this one answer about Medusa.

And then there's like, I don't think it shows me any of the other answers. It shows me like other posts, but I don't. They look so unrelated. Wait, wait, wait. Okay. No, this is a post about hate crimes. Hate crimes remind me there is injustice. Sure.

All right. Here's a post from Gloria Chan. She says, my client's children are now in kindergartens. they read children's picture book in english and japanese on weekends or holidays they go with their teachers to draw various pictures to draw pictures various scenic spots i want to make sure i'm saying this correctly they often study some simple western food and desserts and lunch in school lunch is changed once a week the food cost is higher than that of the lower class and my nephews and nieces in my hometown are learning abcd now it's news not a common

phenomenon that a poor family gives birth to a son whoa so that was to the in answer to the question what reminded you there is injustice in the world it's other people being like hate crimes and sexual assault and then she is like lunch costs more than if you ask me yeah i mean that is unjust in a just world that wouldn't in a just world lunch would be free it's true i do i do agree with that it's beautiful that is as correct as the other answers everybody else just wants all these goddamn up up quaras i know oh my god they're just fishing for up for us uh the lunch answer i think is technically still more correct than the medusa answer yeah and that medusa did not exist yeah that's an entirely fake story and then a statue about it

which actually i get a fake statue that's a play like a statue that's a play on a fake story too right because medusa even in the uh greek mythology didn't kill uh perseus no she had her head dropped off because and they were really kind of painting her in a bad light by having snakes on her head and so she was kind of the bad guy in that because it was like she has snakes on her yeah they didn't think about the circumstances as much back then they were just like snakes on head you gotta go i love the idea of like people who think that like there's always this discourse online about people who think uh movies are endorsing the acts of their characters but like some like ancient greek person be like oh so you think it's good to have snakes for hair so i should

just wake up in the morning get some snakes put them on my head and that's how i should walk around every day it's critical of having snakes for hair oh no but you never medusa never says oh i hate having snakes for hair it'd be one thing if she disclaimed it but the thing is that people are now just getting snakes on their head and they're shameless about it it's a huge problem if they weren't flaunting the snakes all the time i've been turned to stone by three women still think it's funny to be snakes still think it's funny um okay well i think we kind of milked that one sure there's a history on murder suicide uh that was written in a funny way uh there's also the question can humans become immortal oh i have a really good one too in my email okay um i'm not

gonna read the whole thing but just the question and first answer are very funny to me question why are ar-15 wounds so hard to treat i'm gonna ask what do you think the answer is uh they get in there i don't know what else to say this is from charles vanderford they're shot from a gun who says i have a hunter this is he says first first response they are not hard to treat Oh, you got shot by an AR-15. You're a fucking pussy. You know nothing about extricating bullets. Oh, I'm bleeding out.

I got a piece of iron lodged in my lung. I'm a fucking hunter. Does it say it in there? What? Does it say I'm a fucking hunter? I would love to see that. Well, no, it just says Charles Vanderford, and then his reason for answering is,

I'm a target shooter in pistol and rifle. I am a hunter. Okay, well, we have to take his word for it. of thing i think that person might be corrected not harder than any other bullet and then he has like a headshot like you can not have gun headshot but you can see like his photo head kills a guy he kills a man he kills a man in the court he has a photo of himself and it is him being shot okay well this is the last thing he ever posted we have to respect that he says he has shot a lot of hogs i've shot a lot of hogs with my ar-15 i'd never noticed any massive wound

damage this guy's insane um all right here's a good question who is the loneliest person in the world wow um the person writing this question on the girl reading um i don't know maybe some sort of monk would be my answer some of those like solitary months it's interesting you say that i'm learning that's a lot of where they're headed with these answers the top two answers the first one is uh let's read this so we get it correct uh it's probably an unknown japanese shudden or hikikomori with the tag so you can click on it as they are known he's perhaps in his late 30s or early 40s you're making up a person now uh make up a guy much it's probably a japanese nerd the stress at work scott too high the pressure is too daunting and he just simply dot dot dot

couldn't this is the person writing it this is 100 the person writing it'd be like it would be a shame if somebody was a japanese man who couldn't live their life anymore well their name is jean-marie valheur so that would be weird if they were a japanese man but i mean they are answering the quorum about 10 years ago he started fading away stopped talking to most of his friends broke up with his girlfriend quit his demanding job and then it's a picture of a man weeping on the couch is it a japanese man yeah i mean he's hiding his head in shame but he could be japanese this is such a specific person it is isn't it it's a kind of kind of like a fantasy prompt next he went to his old childhood room back at his parents house he felt safe there

who's who's interviewing this man how do we know how he feels if he's the loneliest no you can't talk to him he's too low right if you spoke to him he wouldn't be the loneliest man in the world anymore he'd be like 15th if anything all right so in his childhood bedroom he's safe from judgment and his mother brought him food there as gradually he stopped going down to the dinner table too and spending days inside his room there's more there's a lot more there's a lot more about this made-up ikikobori uh soon the lonely man reached a point where the only times he'd leave was when he had to use the bathroom showering seemed like an unnecessary chore who was ever going to see or smell him uh the room becomes more and more cluttered as his life is uncluttered

and soul crushingly empty very poetic uh stock photo of a japanese man lying on the floor ashamed his parents tell friends their son move to another city and try not to think of him much they just leave him food at his doorstep from next time from time to time as he endures his self-imposed exile from the world it's only social interactions are words on a screen from strangers he will never meet as he lusts for actresses from korea and bold movie stars from japan his only interaction with strangers is answering quora questions he's actually a french woman in her mid-30s uh yeah this is made way better by the fact that it is a french woman just talking about the japanese this is like this is just a writer this is someone who like can't

get published and it's just trying to get their work out yeah asian people are quiet probably one of them i made up and then it got like let's get the number of upvotes on that real quick yeah please go back to that real quick oh man the quora app is not great i gotta say this has 570 up quoras so not small but it's interesting you say monk because the other answer is the french nun lucille rondon and the logic is that she is 118 years old and the oldest person in the world and so for that reason she's lonely i don't think that's true at all but you were 100 i mean you probably i mean she's not a nun so she doesn't have any like great great grandchildren or something sure the only fun part of being 120 would be like wow life just kept uh going huh

yeah yeah you guys are on all the your weird apps that would be the only fun you totally check you You're past the point in your life where you're Quora podcasting and are just watching your line, Quora podcast. You think if you're a 118-year-old nun, you're not the TikTok nun? You're not swiping. You're not swiping. She's definitely not doing a dance. She's wheelchair-bound.

That's part of the post. She's doing stand-up. Everyone I date makes me a cougar. I always get these young boys back to my room in the monastery. in the monastery uh she's still bobbing she's 118 years old the people are like you suck hasn't gotten any better she has no pity like nobody like feels bad for her yeah the thing too is she hasn't learned to like play better room she's like i just gotta keep hustling i gotta get the reps in every day she posts on quora talk about her uh grind life yeah she's

on stand-up comedy quora wait that is a real part of this website we oh you're right investigate oh man i i um this is probably like wait i shouldn't talk too much shit about but i love the stand-up reddit i spent it's the most hurtful place in the world it is so funny everyone is so mean we've talked about it before but i yeah it's very funny to me and it's all people who have like nothing to brag about no like shooting down yes strangers people who are like i'm sorry you're a fucking idiot i've been doing santa for three months uh change everything about yourself all of your bits are bad they need to be more edgy have you considered first of all stop trying to look so pretty it's a lot of like men giving women dressing advice from yes um i think it's

about 50 percent um people i i think i've talked about this on a different podcast with you but is this true i don't know but i feel like i've said this before on something where uh every every few days on that side reddit somebody asks who is your mount rushmore of comedy and every time it's like bill burr patrice o'neill louis ck and then our mystery choice for the fourth one and honestly if those three out of four are in every post they're gonna be on the comedy mount rushmore which we are funding through a series of bringer shows in new york city this next wednesday um okay uh i have to say this last thing about the nun because i all the pictures she's looking very ready to die oh my god no that woman is dead she looks like a fucking

movie character like she she looks like a cronenberg monster or something well she's not a cronenberg monster she's a cronenberg woman and she is 118 years old randon received a gift from emmanuel mccrone on her 118th birthday in february 2022 oh i read about this woman recently is she the one who kept being like i'm ready to die she considered it a sad honor as she would be better off in heaven yes yeah yeah yeah i read about this woman recently that sucks bro she just is ready to die and cannot for some reason my grandma has been trying to die for so long she um my this is not a joke go on my grandma is um she's in her 80s and every time we talked about anything she's just like i don't know if i'm gonna make it to that yeah like you're gonna

make it i mean you could be around for 40 more years i'm hearing emmanuel macron could be giving you a trophy uh at thanksgiving this year um my uncle was talking about how some celebrity i think it was like betty white or something like died at uh no it must have been before that but whatever it was he's like oh you hear like betty white died at like 100 yeah and um my grandma went until i was like what's the matter girl you don't want to live that long and she's like no why does your grandmother crave the grave i don't know what makes her crave the grave i asked my uh my mom and she said she's been doing this her whole life yeah some people are just like that i do know some people who are like i can't imagine you being 90

years old like uh you know what i can't say specific people's names on here but um i i do i will say this if you were a nun who was 120 years old and you wish you were dead you should have nunned way harder yeah they're always like in blizzards and uh starving and stuff and you could have done way more nun stuff and then you'd be dead by you'd be long gone you wouldn't have to be interviewed by the press for being the loneliest woman in the world you wouldn't be talking to the fucking french president i don't understand why she's the loneliest person in the world just because she's old i don't yeah doesn't she live with other nuns i mean it sounds like she wants to be dead she does say she wants to be in heaven nuns are probably the most invested in dying out

of like any demographic of people yeah other than uh warriors and other than warriors who crave the blade this episode's called the cravings okay i'm trying to get a good answer on who the loneliest person in the world is in my opinion there is no more lonely in there is no one more lonely in this world than rom hoppin i do want to clarify sometimes these are written wrong and then i just so expect them to be written wrong that i'm just saying some of these are normal rom hoppin rom hoppin the belgian man rom hoppin was misdiagnosed as a bed as a vegetable and was comatose for 23 years in a sober state oh that's a fucking bummer okay so he was in a car crash and then was in a bed for 23 years but then like he was just paralyzed and so everyone thought he

was in a coma but he wasn't okay this is the only good answer to this question they figured out that he could talk like through his blinking or something right um that's not in the quorum All right, never mind. I'm wrong. It may be the same guy, but it's not in the Quora. And then they give him the Stephen Hawking computer so he can go off about stuff. And he says something really fucked up.

And they're like, actually, no. Oh, he's very ill. He's still in that coma. I was talking about cancel culture. He just woke up. Ranting about the woke mob. Psychology says, and then there's a meme that says, psychology says that the person who tries to keep everyone happy often feels ends up feeling the

loneliest which is like yeah true unless they were in a vegetative state for 23 years but actually were awake the whole time that's way lonelier yeah that seems worse than a guy who's trying to keep everyone happy yeah no oh you you got everyone's favorite drinks at your party but no one drank them oh you're so lonely shut up dude you were in a coma for 20 years and no one knew I'm an empath, so it's a little different. Okay, somebody's serious answer is Tom Hanks. Well, he was in Castaway. Maybe they think Castaway really happened.

Castaway could arguably be the loneliest man in the world. He pretends that that basketball is alive with him. It's a volleyball named Wilson. I did just see this movie for the first time recently. Really? Yeah. That's such a weird movie. Well, I was tired of missing out on everyone's hot Castaway references.

I wanted to get it. On Christmas Eve 2011, Tom challenged me to a battle of wits. I protested. He electrocuted me. Wait, what? He killed this guy with electricity, it says. I said, Tom, please let me go. I miss my family.

He electrocuted me. I said, fine. Battle of wits, sure. What does this mean? I would love, so most likely this is a person just like trying to do creative writing. but i would love if this is somebody who was truly electrocuted by tom hanks and is desperately trying to get this info out there to like warn people and he's just posting on quora like hello tom electrocuted me help help help if you're electrocuted it means you're dead he's not

electrocuted because he's complaining about tom hanks and the loneliest person in the world quora all right i think that one was a joke i think we've come across our first quora joke uh yeah it's possible and um there will be a fun uh special effect play when we come across a someone did a quora joke that's a quora joke someone's being funny on quora they don't know it's a waste of time we read it that's true we did read it but this podcast could be in the category of comedy it's true we are core raiders we're core rating the website i i just got that is that you really oh you didn't get you thought i was just like putting a funny i thought it was just i was thinking it was quora raiders like raiders of quora if you read it it would

it's like a really good name it is it's one of the best names i've ever i was thinking of us like indiana jones hats it can still be that core raiders indiana jones curates things many times it's true okay um that belongs in a museum and so does that and that should be in one of the museum sections as well yeah his job is he walks around a museum and is like yeah this should all be here just checking this all belongs in a museum uh okay uh i want to get another good one off here and then we'll we'll call it okay okay uh do you think romantic relationships between humans and aliens will ever be a thing um to answer the question before it starts will they ever be a thing uh yeah of course they will yeah yes yes if aliens exist people

will immediately try to fuck them yeah i'm sure aliens will try to fuck us yeah why not well because they're they're liberated people like they're they're like uh groovies and yeah exactly because they've transcended space so you know they're not have to be groovy they're not prude i don't think um well this is the top answer yes iiff these stories and many others regarding the tall whites are true that was not the question tall white it also has a video attached nuclear physicist charles james hall seems credible about the 1000 tall whites at nellis air force base with some tech exchange millennia hospitality nuclear physicist says yes we would have sex with the aliens if they arrived these are tall drinks of water uh tall whites all

right then there's five books recommendations aristocrat elizabeth clara claims to have lived on a planet proxima b around our nearest star she was a south african cambridge meteorologist and pilot describing in her book beyond the light barrier her 19 to 17 19 to 56 relationship and love affair with a tall white alien named akon akon here uh from planet meton uh orbiting proxima centauri when she allegedly went and lived for four years you just said you just said they were in a relationship for 40 years what do you mean she lived there for four years i just found a movie there's a movie called uh walking with the tall whites walking with the tall whites i just wanted to find some images of them look at

this picture of that someone made of a tall way that's like a lot of cultures interpretation of uh yep okay well i wouldn't want to really probably become romantically involved with that picture is very long hair which has very like um smooth looking uh worm guys yeah but they're like they're shaped like they're wearing shirts which i think is yeah i don't want you to wear shirts if you're an alien too uh many cultures they want you to be like tall and pale so like i could see like that being like a thing but i mean if they look like a big worm i wouldn't want to probably it depends on the worm move in with the dune worms maybe and we have established we're both very naive romantically we're people who fall in love i've been dating the same worm

alien since high school this little freak she moved in yeah i don't know if um i wouldn't know Come on until I meet them to see our natural chemistry. That's true. That's true. The question wasn't would they have sex. The question was would they fall in love. The answer is love always wins. So we want to thank you.

Love is love is love. We're going to file that under love on Quora, on the Quora Raiders podcast. And so that concludes our first episode of Quora Raiders. Cool. We hope you've learned a lot, I guess. I don't know what our goal is. I think our goal is to answer. We're going to talk about our goal after this.

Answer life's questions. we're gonna find out find out what life's questions are goal one is to figure out how to use the website that's number one what is quora quora is i use it uh and then after that it's to find out life's questions okay okay great questions and so for all of us out uh all of us here to all all of all of you on i need a good sign off on this yeah yeah uh maybe that should be something we type on quora what's a good sign off for a podcast we already did our question We can't do two questions People aren't going to know which one to answer

To all of our Quoras out here Keep asking Keep asking those questions We're going to come up with a better one later