Quorators - Is Fishing Cruel To Fish? w/ Phil Jamesson

Episode Date: January 16, 2023

Comedians Alex Ptak and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: Is It "For Fuck's Sake" Or "For Fuck Sake" What Do Old People Do? If A Goose Attacked Me Could I Punch It In Self Defense? Watch the show on youtube.com/@quorators --- Check out The Hamlet Factory on HBO Max

Folks, we're back, and we got more of these hot quorras you love so much. Let's hit that song. We're in it. Aw. Alex is dancing. Quorators. To God, anything is possible. Welcome to Quorators.

Do you start with, to God, anything is possible on every podcast? Apparently we are. It's a new direction I'm taking for the show. Yeah, that's something I came up with because I believe that through God, anything is possible. Jeremy is my writer. I do not say things without him writing them first.

Did I sign up for an evangelical podcast accidentally? We could. We have religious questions that we could ask you. Wouldn't it be funny if we started obeying and joining the church? There is a thing through this podcast where Alex is trying to convert me to Catholicism, I think. I think it'd be really good for our numbers

and a lot of fun. If I went to church. We'd get a lot of clout if we just baptized you. Do you selectively choose quaras that slowly lead him down the path of righteousness? Is that what the strategy is? It's organically come up? It has come up a few times. I don't think I'm selecting them so much as the Lord himself.

Sure. It's predetermined. And his divine wisdom has chosen these quaras. Anything through him. No. Through him, anything is possible. We all said it. welcome back to the show it's quarators the show where we read quaras and we ask what is quora

what is it uh i'm starting it now hello it's me alex and my old pal jeremy kaplowitz jeremy thanks for coming back on the show thanks for having me we have a very exciting guest this week mega pastor that's right from new york city he's a man with the plan and it's great having him here in my kitchen of course we're talking about phil jameson for a second i thought you might have forgotten phil's name the muttering on the phil was like a little suspicious it sounded like you were trying to like make sure you're like i can't lose credit for it i was on a podcast once like a new york city podcast new york city comedians people like we've all done shows with many times hopefully they're not listening to this they introed me

on the podcast, Jared Kaplowitz. Oh, my gosh. That's not even kind of your name. Nope. Jared. Nothing about you is like a Jared. They got Kaplowitz right, though. That's the thing.

I think he was much more confident of Jameson than he was of Phil. He hit the Phil real soft and the Jameson real hard. He said, Phil Jameson. The only thing is I knew it was Jameson, but I wasn't sure it's pronounced Jameson or like Jameson or something. Jameson.

I could have had more confidence about it, and it is something that will be keeping me up nights. but phil you're you love the internet is that right that is uh well i i'm on it all the time i don't know if i love it huh i think it's just a problem do the prisoners love the prison that holds them every day that's i think that's the question you're asking me right now you love being a prisoner you're there all the time you've been there for 25 years since you murdered that woman that's right and that's also why i'm on the internet because i'm trying to find court order that's right the court said you had to tweet one little joke every day that's right just to stay

relevant and i never thought it would grow to be this so thank you so much to that judge thank you don't let the algorithm bury you he's your manager in a way you know what what looks to be a curse initially is actually a blessing yeah through god all things are possible god all things are possible phil i gotta ask have you been on quora before what's your relationship i have been on quora uh not on purpose it's sure i think you look stuff up and then google does selects the questions and treats it like it's real information yeah and then it shows you the answer and you go oh that was from quora that was from some guy that was a that was a the first person who answered and nobody else answered that question the unreliable answer i found appears to be from

quora let's not go back here i find myself on quora more now i don't know if it's just because i'm googling it more often but like i'm on there all the time i feel like you feel like you're on it like once a week or so i feel like very funny but i do feel like recently i've been like actually looking for answers to questions that i'm like well this guy on chorus i know that i have a podcast saying it's bad it definitely does feel different when there's someone that is willing to put their name to the answer even though it's not better information quora low-key hits different when answers are the vibe it's i'm always saying that um we we only i don't know if you've uh if you're following the show i'm sorry i'm not looking at you directly i'm doing stage positioning

always cheating to the crowd you're doing great i know you're talking i feel like i'm in hamilton being like have you been on quora it can be a lot of fun but it's weird um yeah we have one segment so far we do every week and we like to start the show with it and that's where we ask a quora at the end of the show and then see if anyone how the community has responded yes so we yeah this is last shows yeah yeah and at the end of this one we'll do it we have four answers on our quora from last week which is very exciting for us wow it's a lot of answers and i think it's because we asked a question that people are looking to answer before you tell me what it was i remember us doing it and me having low confidence we were going to get any traction on this i think this is

a question yeah core is great no four four is good four is very good for us no no core no no this is good because this is good we we asked the question that i think a lot of people are like excited to answer because maybe it has affected them in their lives okay and the question of course is if i was circumcised as an adult would my pleasure increase or decrease uh wait no i did think this one was hot this was a good one and um there are what are two people who are like i was circumcised recently it feels a lot better now what no uh let me see let me see there's a person who said that they have been yeah yeah this guy paul jones he typed this out on january 6th fake name january 6th paul jones no shot that that's his real name he's evading the government he said i was cut as

an adult and greatly prefer it i wouldn't take it back even if it could be miraculously restored and then he gave like stats where he said Stats? He said about one third of men who are cut as adults experience an increase and then he said, he's repeating this so I'm not going to just say the same thing An increase in what? Sensation and pleasure. Oh, in pleasure?

Yeah. In the pleasure zone? And he said one third have no change and one third experience a decrease, which I feel like is not very scientific. It is just like Well, yeah, not only is it not scientific, it also means nothing because it averages out to zero. Yeah. As a scientist, I'd say

all kinds of shit happens when you do that it's very it's very like 50 it happens 50 it does he asked he definitely asked two friends and they all got their circumcision together yeah like last month bachelor party i'd say being circumcised as an adult is about 15 pleasure 20 pain and 100 reason to remember the name i would agree with that um all right i'm gonna read some more of It is Nicolette FN, whose job says hooked up with cut guys and doctors, which I don't think is a job. That's her job? This is a man. Apparently, his job is also a race car tester.

I don't know if this man is telling the truth. This is a really cool car user. His name is Paul Jones. He's a race car tester, and he knows a lot about circumcision pleasure. When I'm not on the track, I'm getting hauled out over at the gas station. You know what? I'm realizing there's a scrambled eggs in here. We've told our listeners to write scrambled eggs if they're going to answer our quarters

because they couldn't handle not answering them. And I think this is a fine system. I think that's important. Yeah, I think that's really good because otherwise you'll get people trying to trick you. It's going to be confusing. So again, if you are answering our questions, write scrambled eggs in the answer. Yeah, so this is from a listener. Should we still read it?

Yeah. It's a fun answer. I know a lot of young people who are looking for that next adrenaline rush, but I don't think circumcision is the best way to get it. something that isn't talked about outside of the circumcision community is that the most clumsy and absent-minded med students get shuffled into the circumcision program resulting in a greater than 50 loss of the penis and balls per circumcision anecdotally i'd had my eggs scrambled there it is by a number of circumcised guys and fella they didn't have much left to work with down there

see this is fun because we know it's fake but somebody else is reading this and is like 50 lose your dick and balls somebody is like 50 of my balls i have to give one up yeah one ball or half of each. I'm really reconsidering deferring to Judaism. I don't see any other scrambled eggs. Rob McLean says, a friend had himself circumcised

as an 18-year-old for aesthetic reasons. What other, I guess religious? Religious. Religious I feel like has got to be the number one.

The big reason. Or if you're a pain hog. As a baby, I did it for aesthetic. That's why I chose it. I was like, well, you have to look your best. I got to look my best.

yeah uh he thought a circumcised penis somehow looks sexier now he bitterly regrets it and he estimates that he has lost 75 to 80 percent of the sensation he once had some adults will deny his experience but to my mind if they were circumcised as a result of the physical problem for that i don't want to read the rest of this this is dumb so let's move on yeah so so i just i'm also noticing uh you picked a quora that says don't get circumcised essentially yeah and you're trying to look i'm just saying this is that is funny how it worked out that way interesting interesting interesting i regret being jewish it kind of it does seem like the numbers are not in your favor jewish community yeah only one third are i guess redemption is the only option we'll

have to read some chorus today find out we don't have any religious ones queued up today it's just a total misdirect oh i will say someone else is yelling at this guy Someone said that. That guy talking about his, quote, friend losing 80% to 90% of his sensations of his penis makes no sense. It's like when someone lies and then says, I know this because my friend told me. What? It is.

Did they write what? Yeah. Yeah. I did not add that. That was not me. This is a trend I'm noticing is that one of the big new rebuttals online is just writing the word what. It's becoming more and more like real human speech.

Yeah. What? That's crazy. That's crazy. this is making my point stronger to write the word what it's very hurtful to read the word what yeah because it makes you wonder like did i write it wrong it's not like i was talking out loud and flubbed the sentence like i typed this out do we want to keep talking about penises or should we move on to a different chorus let's never discuss penises again okay let's see how long we get what

time is it right now um like time wise we're in the podcast we're 11 minutes in oh yeah okay 11 minutes in. The next time a penis comes up, I want a time check. Okay. And I want it stat. Okay. There's an audio here. Oh, yeah.

We're going to fix that for Phil. We're going to fix that right up. You're good. Oh, beautiful. You're back in the game? Oh, yeah, Phil. That's dulcet tone. It's so nice.

Our back. Don't you feel so powerful when you hold a microphone? It's like holding a penis. Oh, God damn it. That does not count. You did that on purpose. The next Quora. the microphone test works it's all sounding good

is does a microphone feel like a penis in your hand sure does okay uh there are also four answers one third said yes one third said no change no change in whether it felt like a penis in my microphone still feels like a microphone uh so phil we have a cartoon together about monkeys working in an office so i have found some uh animal related chorus and workplace related chorus oh so these are that's a really relevant to us that's good i hope you two don't monkey around too much on our podcast the amount of times we thought about naming this cartoon monkey business oh boy oh boy uh and you decided not to do that we did not call it that did you get any notes from adult swim when you were pitching the the shakespeare monkeys show were

they just like i think the monkeys should be uh rats or something like yeah they kept pitching that the book should be pitching it they said rats it's gotta be rats it's gotta be rats it's a rat race it's not the monkey race um they had notes but none that are like funny to say yeah good notes or just like oh you could go in this direction if you want yeah right i love getting notes from my the executives at adults one you know they have the smartest people on staff and i just love to hear their big note to us was like maybe smoke a little reefer before this next one not crazy it's not wacky and it's crazy because the audience picked up on it oh comments these guys must have been on drugs oh yeah and we were these jokes because if you're

not on drugs the idea of even a monkey talking is yeah that would just be too absurd it doesn't like i i'm having difficulty thinking about it right now yeah it's hard to imagine very high so like i had to be really high we took a lot of time to imagine a monkey in an office setting is deeply disturbing to the sober mind it's an upsetting thing to do we were like the beatles maybe in i don't know in an office that tests on monkeys sure puts shampoo thing yeah but ivan musk monkey torturing industry or you know a shampoo company that puts uh chemicals on them until they go blind something like that like a normal industry but for them to actually be working there one of the cool jobs regular corporate america um speaking of wish i have

a question for you and the question is is fishing cruel to fish interesting what do you think fishing cruel to fish so i do remember being told as a child i don't know if that did this come up on the podcast before that when you have the hook all the way in the fish's mouth that they don't have any nerves in their mouth so they can't feel it and that is decidedly completely made up is that true and they just tell you that yeah it's a fucking hook in its head of course it feels but is it cruel or do they deserve it i guess is the question yeah i mean what what how are we going by the word cruel yeah what are we saying he means is fishing nice to fish because i don't think it's nice they're not loving it it's definitely

at least at at maximum it is neutral sure and it is probably not neutral to be pulled out of air one could argue one could argue that it is a form of taking care of business and is that cruel yeah no you're you're not wrong that it could be argued i'm working overtime at the goddamn swimming hole pulling these fish out of the water um does the question include any context is it the whole question is just this is it fish is fishing cool to fish and i'll say the answers aren't super funny but uh all of them are like 10 000 words of people being like this is the most important thing i've ever discussed are they they're all yes i'm guessing no i don't no no they're not all yes they're not all did you read it no industrial

tuna fishermen who have killed many dolphins like they're all like no it's completely fine and stop asking questions uh what are the answer one really long one is these types of discussions drive me crazy because the answer is it doesn't matter which feels cruel i forgot the number the first rule of quora which is not answering the original question to say a different thing you wanted to say who cares the politician media training that's where they warm up that's where politicians warm up before interviews yeah yeah is it cruel to kill fish well i think this legislation package is really going to target it was a really important area fish are important animals that live in our ocean and in fact the definition of fish is uh up in the air a lot of

people think that fish don't exist because of the different categorization of blah blah blah yeah right right trump does hate uh sharks that's a real thing sharks are kind of fish speaking of politicians and fish i don't know if i don't know why i've just figured this out but the i always think of the trump thing where he he does like um like a stand-up routine about sharks really yeah he's just like they called me up they were like save the sharks i was like they're not good i don't like them that's a really good point though yeah back to the fish okay yeah let me read more of this for one goddamn second this guy richard pierce i'm gonna just skip around because he's so long his answer but um his thing is like very much like we are more important than

the fish which i think is funny but he says it like an anime villain where he's like asking is if fishing is cruel to fish is akin to asking if putting a worm on the hook to catch the fish is cruel to the worm yes it doesn't matter it's a worm it's a fish is it cruel to swat a fly or mosquito is it cruel to kill a mouse or rat that is in your house no it is irresponsible not to all our disease vectors and catching and releasing any of them outside just pushes the problem onto someone else my goodness yeah i saw i actually saw this answer and when he said don't you see that's where i got we're all fish and we're all worms and we need to merge our minds into one singularity do you think they tagged the nicho community when they posted the question

now you get to pick which different people answer at the end though he does he gives so many words on this and at the end he says all that considered i do believe it is possible to be cruel to animals even insects such as a fly that is the opposite of what you just said i would like to follow up with you uh richard pierce i would like you to tell me if swatting a fly or putting a worm on the hook is not cruel what would be so he has an answer to this okay swatting and killing a fly is okay but pulling the wings off a fly it's not okay what about piercing a worm through a hook and then putting it underwater keeping a fish keeping a fish in an aquarium is okay but keeping a fish

and not caring for it properly is not catching a fish and releasing it is okay but catching a fish and throwing it on the ground to die is not okay these are the rules no one asked that these are the rules okay so you have to let it go for it to not be cruel yeah no i think he's probably okay with you eating it but he's like you have to be very efficient with your kill yeah if you're efficient with your kill the less get less gasping for breath on yeah then it's okay he says it's not okay if you catch a fish and throw it on the ground that's interesting that the line of morality just falls exactly where what he does yeah yeah a classic conundrum it's bad what people do that i don't but if i do it it's okay if you do a little more than me that's wrong if you do a

little less that's fine uh one person has a really long answer i think is saying it is cruel where he says okay picture this you're sitting in your house in the kitchen before you is the juiciest steak you've ever seen you cut off a chunk shove it in your mouth and bite it down a big hook like the round part of a clothes hanger we don't know what hooks are rj holland goes to the roof of your mouth causing unbelievable pain but it doesn't stop there oh no and you are suddenly pulled up through the roof of your house we know what fishing is that's that is so funny he literally can't uh imagine that anyone knows what fishing is like he has to put it as a juicy steak it goes so long uh imagine this you walk down the stairs in the morning you take a shower you get out of

the shower you make your breakfast it's like yeah it's living before then too we get that part this is like a novel he says my dad taught us how to fish my older twin sisters and i would go in the boat with dad and he'd show us how to fish but tracy thought it was mean to the fish and do everything in her power to not let us catch one thump on the bottom of the boat sing loudly do a screechy squeal why are you making that noise i'm warning the fish it's fish talk yes right up into her high teens tracy protected the fish it's like who is tracy publish a blog who is tracy no one knows what you're talking about the question was is it cruel and it keeps going so think of it you grab a juicy worm that was once content in doing what worms do whatever that is

eat and poop i guess you don't even know don't bring the worm into it do marine animals experience pain he's like tracy protected the fish it was a stormy day on the boat with my father and my sister tracy the year was 1974 um anyway yeah he he goes on to say that fishing is cruel wait wait here's the one uh thing i want you to comb through for the answers do we have any cops being like cop i will look for a cop this reminds me of the time i was on the beat at the fishing wharf i will say that eventually at the very end of this long thing with all these quotes and all caps answers and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, he says. But yes, I do believe fishing is cruel to the fish.

Tracy sure does, yet she eats tuna. Man can't live on greens alone. Who the fuck is Tracy? Who is Tracy? That's his sister, I guess. Man can't live on greens alone. And then there's a picture of a shark. Man can't live on greens alone, Jeremy.

Grow up! I can't, but I do enjoy some nice pickerel frying in the pan. Besides, what do sharks do to humans? Yeah, that's right. Is that cruel to us? you're darned right that's not what the okay all right well i don't want to hear about this ever again okay i don't see the high i had from discussing the catholic church at the beginning i can't find any cops unfortunately who's like i've never killed a fish but i've killed a man

i take it cops like to answer chorus they're all over quora for whatever reason and usually in the ghosts related areas so i thought maybe they would be appearing in fishing q fishing um the thing about fish is that they're quite tasty and they're fun to catch for real okay this is a question sent in by matthew rappay and i'm gonna move on this our second sorry what's up hit it uh-huh well i was gonna wait till oh sorry uh let's get it out of the way this is another animal and the question is if a goose attacked me could i punch it in self-defense yeah you could totally punch a goose like legally i don't know the question is morally legally or physically right goose right goose being like no it's actually you cannot goose will kill you if you do this this guy is

dating a goose and the goose attacked him and they're in a big fight because he punched the goose back show me your privilege without saying your privilege you punch a goose and you think it's okay geese are intense though right it's gonna beat you up geese are scary they're the closest thing we have to dinosaurs yeah actually i think chickens technically are or no to the t-rex yes but in general birds at large dinosaurs can we ask that on quora sure what's the closest thing to a dinosaur yeah absolutely we can we could find that out i'd like i'd like to know all right As a group, we are all remembering to ask at the end of the show, what is the closest thing to a dinosaur? I'm down.

People are going to say the turkey. But, yeah, geese, turkeys. Turkeys are little munchkins. Yeah, they're munchkins. They're munchkins in Parency's epithet. So, if you were fighting a goose, would you punch it? If I was, like, on purpose. Like, I'm trying to go punch a goose.

That's what you're saying? Would you punch it? A goose is coming at me. yeah and i need to decide what to do yeah fight or flight um flight for yeah you think you're running running you're trying to get high um i i feel like a goose would be fast but i feel like it just wants me to get the fuck away from it you know i don't think it wants to kill me yeah but maybe it does i don't know i'll run for a while yeah i'll do one of the i'll do a shoulder glance i think i'm trying to grab its neck i think oh the neck is a big weak spot and i'm swinging it

above my head going full chicken farmer yeah it's probably a little heavier than you're guessing i'm not sure you're gonna have the raw strength to throw a goose up in the air like that i feel like geese are probably pretty good with their necks dude i thought i was going for gunshot i feel like geese are probably pretty pretty evasive with their necks i think they know that's a spot i bet they're gonna bite you yeah a couple times they're all trained boxers they're like goalies for their necks their heads are goalies for their necks um first of all punch is the wrong direction for a goose you're gonna want to use your giant leg which is as big as the geese and just boot that thing up yeah i think that makes sense i like

the idea of just punching it though it's so silly seeming is it punching down to assault a goose i do feel like that's like a really like people talking about getting in a fight with an animal they're like just punch it in the face yeah yeah that's like the big thing they say they're always obsessed with a punch in the face but i agree i think you should be using your legs it's all about the legs when it comes to combat and then crane kick them dude i think that's smart kick i think that's that's why it's called a crane kick if you let out a bestial bird with it yeah you could kill a crane in a deleted scene every kick is named after the size of bird you can take one verse it's that connie warren who's a former tech support at siemens says like like the like

I know. Siemens. She should have answered the fish question. Or the penis one. All right, what's the time? What's the time, Jeremy? 27 minutes. So 16 minutes we won.

16 minutes is not bad. Connie says, I tell you three times. It is not a good idea to go toe-to-toe with a goose. If there's more than one of them, they'll take you down. And believe me, if toe-to-toe is a bad idea, face-to-beak is worse. That's good. A goose? Wait, did she say it three times?

She did not say it three times. I tell you three times. She says, I had an aunt and uncle who kept geese instead of dogs for protection, which is insane. When we visited, if us kids wanted to play outside, my aunt would hand us each a smallish stick as she ushered us out the back door. The last thing she would say was, remember, watch your back. Why even have these geese? For protection. Endangering your grandchildren

What if they were like in the mob They just had like little geese with fedoras You always gotta keep a goose around Know the money's safe They keep it in their feathers Okay continue After I was grown I asked her why they didn't get a couple dogs Like everyone else she just smiled and said

The geese didn't do anyone any real harm And they did love to kill rattlesnakes As long as she had geese she didn't have snakes I immediately converted to a goose lover hey it hit 500 upvotes it's so weird the answer is quarins choose to upvote quarins the um the uh can you she said uh uh what can you repeat like the last i immediately converted to goose lover there was a little before that she said as long as she had ghee she didn't have snakes one before that she just smiled there we go she just smiled some part of this seems weird she

she she gave like a long answer you can't be like she just smiled and said well you see the geese are avid hunters of rattlesnakes and also our protection and they never really harmed anybody that's not that she just smiled she just let her smile do the talking as well as her words such as um yeah quorum people are very weird they're just bad writers like they want to be writers so badly that's she's the person that wrote that is really trying to like add some spice to the dialogue, but it's not the appropriate spice. It all feels like a monologue in a play.

It's like telling their backstory. A one-man show. Yeah, it's definitely a one-man show. It kind of sounded like it was written by a goddamn goose lover. That's the name of the show. You can see it in Brooklyn, Goose Lover. Goddamn Goose Lover. I'm not raising no damn goose lover.

Connie Warren, born, married, divorced, retired. Thank you for your service. That's her bio. I don't need your life story i'm gonna can i follow her for you yeah sure all right cool we followed her is someone gonna i'm not gonna say that i would say update the the job in like 30 years to the next step of the life cycle she has a bio like you know how i'm by on twitter you can have a bio that's like 50 words long or whatever 50 characters long yeah she has like an essay in her bio that's like her whole career oh so that's very nice well i don't want to dox her here but um no we don't

need to read her bio what are people saying about these geese yeah okay other things about the geese i live in an area this is from alan chi i live in an area where idiots love feeding the geese bread and other junk today while sitting outside a pack of geese wandered towards me and one broke off and literally charged me i think he was trying to scare me away from their usually grassy areas where they like to eat it lunged from my crotch and i kicked it with my heel and on the top of the head as much as i would love to just destroy these flying pests they unfortunately are protected as migratory birds. Geese are generally disgusting animals.

The only benefit they have is they scatter seeds around for plants. Also, if it sounds like I can't read, these are not written well. The grammar is not great. The number of murderous psychos we've dropped into in the first two questions of this show

is outrageous. Geese are pests. Pretty much wherever they are, they're hated. They're loathed. They may be tough, but they've got a lot to offer. is it legal to kill geese it's apparently it's illegal it's illegal to kill geese yeah i would

imagine i mean it's wrong didn't people used to eat geese um i imagine that well there's boiled goose like a like a thing well there's a christmas goose right it sounds like something you'd get in like a tavern in the middle ages right it feels it feels like like some dragons food yeah yeah i was gonna say game of thrones yeah that's my reference for middle ages right right i don't have any real one is real yeah it was a real time for hundreds of years both of us are like games it's like george rr martin books i'm imagining of the christmas story the you know get a goose for christmas day he's trying to fucking convert me dude i want to talk about game of thrones and he's trying to get me to talk about christmas you're gonna love christmas

christmas not even once you're addicted to christmas lock me up i love the thing um this is a very jeremy answer gareth roriston says just grab it by the neck they're always somewhat surprised sometimes flapping a bit don't fight jeremy by the way he has one move it's going right for your vulnerable neck this guy seems like he's done it before like he's just like they they're always surprised surprise that does trigger the surprise they're not even trying to fight him he's the reason all these other geese are aggressive he's going around the country grabbing geese by the neck he ignored the self-defense part these geese are just going about their day they're at the shopping mart looking for all

their necessaries and all of a sudden they have their own quarrel where they're running women when men go for my neck is it okay to peck at them this guy's coming through grabbing two geese swinging around like nunchucks knocking them over come on now um harry de wolf who's a poet artist and carpenter says i have taught my geese to respect a faint usually a donkey kick kicking out behind you this isn't intended to make contact geese to respect a faint is that you pronounce it f-e-i of the four jobs you had why are you keeping geese well he's trying to kick them poet carpenter goose murderer uh geese that don't know you need to be dominated and quickly okay the simplest and most effective way is to advance rapidly towards them leaning

forward with your arms out especially if you don't have a stick this is my king oh this is huge so wait what do you do with a stick is it just you hit them with it wave it right no you're not afraid to bash a goose every now and then you gotta bash it you gotta bash it you gotta bash i don't think there's a way in technique i don't think they i don't think they're like dogs and cartoon dogs the tools are what separates men from the geese go fetch yeah i wouldn't be surprised if that worked on a goose uh i don't know they're vile creatures they're pests goose fetch yeah this guy also says in any case all caps do not grab the neck do not grab the neck yeah why well so this is a mixed signals here he says you may severely injure or kill it which is my

goal so fair enough oh in a fight or flight situation yeah i am trying to severely injure or kill the goose if he is trying to severely injure or killed the jeremy well which is nobody kills the jeremy no here's the thing a long neck you don't if you are fighting a goose for pleasure Turn the neck out of it. Body blows. Body shots. I'm going to post a clip of this online, and we're going to get 50 comments that are like,

this man is killing animals. This man is an animal abuser. It is not okay to body shot a goose. I just want to say, I've never fought a goose. I have no intention of fighting a goose. But you put two of us in a ring. Fight to the death, Roman style. Jeremy asked this question.

He wanted to know, is it okay to punch a goose if it attacks me? Didn't they ever put geese in the Colosseum back in the day? Probably for the joke round. The joke round. Well, Roman Colosseum, they had all kinds of funny rounds, like when they would feed the Christians to the lions. Oh, that's so sad. That's so sad for them.

It was not right what they did with us and lions. Is it like a lot better for Christians now, would you say? I would say things have improved greatly, lion-wise at least. that's also a big quora question i've never thought about it as a as a priest but people do ask if they could fight a lion yeah you could you cannot you can certainly not i cannot i have no curiosity about this i'm just an open and closed situation the only way you can hurt a lion is if it's like like we talked about this before prize prize uh trophy hunters go and like shoot sleeping lions and it's like well you just shot a sleeping lion yeah it's not cool yeah you

can't do that he's taking a nap dude yeah you interrupted his nap imagine this you're sleeping in front of a juicy steak then donald trump jr shoots you in the head with a shotgun uh let me but it doesn't end there tracy always wanted to be a lion i want to read just like a few sentences from some like not the whole thing but one of these says there's no easy answer to this question which i really like uh one person says as long as a member of pita is not a witness yes you can shots at pita pita do not come on goose punchers dot quora.com um probably best to give it a kick or shove with your foot unless you're really really short i don't know what that means well because then your your head level you're ready to square

off although if you're that big do not fight a goose because they're really vicious yeah they will kill you yeah it's not safe um anyway yeah that's that's can you fight a goose one guy killed a goose he said he did grab it by the neck and killed it and then said hashtag hashtag killed a goose in self-defense and cooked it up let's get it trending i've physically murdered a goose oh hold on we dropped off phil phil what are you saying i love hashtags like that where because like the point of hashtag was like like like the word market like if you had a show name yes market yes you could be hashtag market so that people looking for just the word market didn't like

differentiate it. Nobody's looking for that shit. That's 18 words. Well if you are there's a really strong guy you can relate to. This guy posted an Instagram link and I clicked it and it is a photo of the cooked goose. Like in a bowl.

Like meat in a bowl and the top comment says just came from Quora. How did it taste? Is there an answer? I want to know how that goose is. I have to imagine it's not good. by the way here's a link for anyone calling me a liar i i imagine it's it's tough it's not flavorful goose i've had goose you've had it yeah like chinese restaurants will give you goose is

it good yeah it's great well this guy says i've never had it i've never even seen it all the birds do you want to see it you want to see yeah i want to see i'll take a look spin this baby around oh this is a nightmare this is not worth whatever this is an abandoned ship it looks like immediately it doesn't look good it's like a pile of meat yeah he said it was actually really good if cooked right so i don't know what that means so it sucked but he sees the potential i'm going to kill more you can't say it was good if cooked right the internet is so weird dude like it's just crazy that i could see photos of this man like i just looking at him i could go on his youtube if i watch is it all right without going too much into detail is he someone who looks like he

with his bare hands murders geese yes a hundred percent he's like a rock climber and one thing he's like um dressed as a viking he's got a big beard and long curly hair yeah uh he's killed a goose you don't even have to keep going in his viking photo he did hashtag sweden hashtag norway okay i'm getting a very vivid description of this goose murderer um who fills me with disgust he seems to have swedish in his instagram bio but he says that he lives in uh wisconsin yeah this is just a type of guy this is just absolutely a type of guy you need to be near wisconsin stay near the lake stay near the geese okay i'm gonna i'm gonna close that man's window um do we have any other goose questions you want to ask before we move on from this no i've been

deeply unsettled by the last bit let's get on to our workplace segment the quark place and that is the workplace theme song it is a gunshot everyone i don't want to go to this office hey as long as there aren't a bunch of monkeys running the place there it is we made a show like that we were so high i bet um okay this question is is it quote for fuck's sake or for fuck's sake it's for a work email so it has to sound professional that's a joke question this person's uh it's for a work email it's for a work email as a punchline yeah uh but i do want to answer grammatically okay is it fucks yeah it's uh it provides ownership of fuck yeah right it's possessive for fuck's sake whose sake is it fucks but there's no

he doesn't have an apostrophe in there it's kind of well then he's wrong he's wrong in both counts you see the modern heretic has replaced god with fuck that's right and so instead of god's sake we say fuck's sake because doing the deed is the new praying at the steeple that's right well actually isn't it less blasphemous um isn't it better to say for fuck's sake yeah it is better But the motivations are all wrong. Feed him to the lions. To the lions. This question is probably a joke,

but I do like that all of the... Also, I didn't even see this, but Quora has a warning, and it says, this question's wording makes it seem like a joke, which is very weird. What? Because it is a joke, Quora.

Anyway, all the answers do not think it's a joke. All the answers are very long. Am I right or am I wrong? What? Is it for fuck's sake or for fuck's sake? So Franklin Vo says... Neither one is correct. It's for fuck's sake.

The apostrophe is important. Fuck's is possessive, just as you might say for pity's sake or for Pete's sake. However, for a work email, you might be well advised to go with something more formal, such as for the sake of fuck. After all, a work email is how you express yourself to your boss, subordinates, and fellow employees. And also joking in the response. Goddamn, not John Oliver-style response to it. I don't want to hear it.

Do you have a John Oliver impression? Anyone? No, I do not have a John Oliver impression, and I resent being asked. Yeah, I hate when you just have such a vivid picture of someone, and you know as soon as you open your mouth, you're just going to be like, oh! It's not going to be close whatsoever.

Is it okay to fight a goose? Yes! No, Melanie! It's not! There you go. Go to donotfightagoose.com. Yeah, I can't do it, but we tried. yeah you guys you guys were closer than i would have been do you want to do it you want to try it

you don't have to you're a guest on our podcast now i have to do it you don't have to if you want to be cool do it i i have a theory that genuine attempts at a impression that's very bad are funnier than a good one i think you're right i think you're right rise up bad impression gang yeah rise up that's what this whole podcast is about extremely convenient for me who cannot do impressions well yes so that's great um let's move on from these jokers yeah that i'm not here to joke around i'm here to find trees okay well this question is if you were my quote boss at work and you told me quote you can't use your cell phone on the job and i said quote this is an open city i've lived here for 15 years i don't need anybody's permission for nothing what would you

respond with is this tim robinson if you were could you read my boss if you were my boss at work and he told me you can't use your cell phone on the job and i said this is an open city i've lived here for 15 years i don't need anybody's permission for nothing what would you respond back this is an open city this is an is that like is that a free country country for the local level we're the boss right municipality within a country that is not he he is asking um he's asking we're the boss we're the boss i think i think maybe this person had this interaction and is looking for us to back down in the comments be like we would apologize and say we're we're you're the best worker that's ever lived i'm sorry for causing you any distress at work yeah where you

do a great job i think that's what they're on quora for but what would i say i think i would just be like what i would say what is an open city why is living here for 15 years better it's an open city it's not what does that mean it's an open city yeah the open cities let you use your phone i think i yeah you could go to mcdonald's i guess i don't know you could do it's an open it's an open city and an open city you can go to mcdonald's this isn't judged red it's not 2 a.m everything is open um new york that's what you're saying okay yeah if in new york city it's always open the city that's always never doesn't let you use your phone the city that's never going to night night it's a free city what would you guys say what would

you say alex i would be like please don't use your phone fair enough come on come on i might say something like come on buddy i'd say uh listen as your boss at work in quotes i need to know what an open city is i need you to explain this please tell me what an open city is then we can move on what is a closed city let's put the phone on a back burner for now figure this out so there's one answer on this uh from uh thomas leonard who is former criminal now follower of christ oh guys come on the pod he says i have been in such a situation i do not believe you thomas that is how i ended up in jail i have been in such a situation i have been in such a situation i am a reasonable person and was a fair boss my employees knew that

respect was the cornerstone of customer service this guy was the worst boss that has ever lived i can tell you immediately based on just that first sentence this guy sucks this is a terrible boss if you have to say you're a fair boss you're an awful person like talk about respect to me like if the first thing you talk about is my employees knew about respect you sucked it uh they keep what is it uh it was the cornerstone customer service and they keep well and how i felt about it uh i had an employee one tell me what i had an employee once i guess it's supposed to say i had an employee once tell me he would uh do what he wanted i told him to take a moment and reconsider his response because he was welcome to do what he wanted but not on my job site and not

while i was paying him his response was rude and even more belligerent i sent him home i told him he was ready to be an employee when he was ready to be employed we could talk he came back the next day and apologized he then asked if he was getting paid for a full day of work yesterday i said of course not you get paid for the hours you work he muttered something about it being unfair and called me a jerk i asked him if you would prefer to work for someone else he decided it was better to learn how to be respectful yeah so the answer is if you're the boss you could do whatever you want and there's really no repercussions this guy i think that that story went exactly the way he said it yeah yeah yeah i think he was very calm and reasonable the entire time and the employee

was very disrespectful the entire time it was wrong the way he was sent to jail after that let's read what thomas yeah i do really want to know uh what the crime was and when it occurred yeah me too he was a former instructor of computer science at slippery rock university which i've never heard slippery rock don't look it up yeah that doesn't sound real uh i went to i went to slippery rock so oh yeah well it's a really good school what this guy i don't know core is so weird i can just see on his profile that like last week he answered a question i just ate two bearing balls that were made of iron is it dangerous and he said no not at all not likely i wouldn't guess that he says they're not iron though he

says steel is more likely either way they will pass right through you'll poop them out in a day or two yeah you'll poop those out all right yeah so fuck that guy i guess yeah i think that's what this question was about yeah that's the thing the question was not related to that he just told now i mean i guess it's related the boss always wins is his story um yeah but he didn't answer i guess the city yeah there's no but he didn't address the concerns of the free city for sure oh there's over a hundred answers to this question i didn't see oh my god wait to the to the open city one yeah let's read all okay number one i would say one given your clumsy syntax i agree with you you don't need anybody's permission for nothing but you do need my permission for certain work

activities okay okay what is an open city and how is that relevant thank you okay if you don't want to follow work rules i'm sure we can adjust your appointment status now i'm mad that i asked about the open city now that i'm siding with this guy jeremy's getting boss pilled right now all right well that's enough of this question uh here's another work situation i threw my coffee at an employee because the order was wrong this is tom leonard again this is where he went to jail i'm amazed at your recall of these names oh i'm still Stowing away the names.

He just knows Tom Leonard, man. I love names. As soon as they say it, it's right out my head. Yeah. It's gone. They say it. They're not saying it. I'm reading it.

You fool. I threw my coffee at an employee because the order was wrong, and then he punched me. He had been sent to the hospital for burns, but now his family and I want to sue. How can we approach this? His family and I want to sue? My family and I want to sue. Oh, oh. He wants to.

Okay, so this guy. This guy burned a guy, sent him to the hospital, got self-defensed, and wants to sue him. If you start with the burn... This guy is a goose, I think. The guy who asked this question. Well, if it's a goose, anything goes. He is a vile, disgusting bird. We've already settled this.

You can be punched, my friend. Would it be cruel to put a worm on a hook or a coffee on a McDonald's employee's face? That is so... This is crazy. Yeah. This is real. This is like some of those posts in Am I the Asshole where you're like, yeah it's it's very possibly what did you think you can't burn a man i killed someone am i the

asshole i'm worried because i killed someone he attacked this man for for bringing him the wrong coffee order yeah are you gonna sue him for the wrong coffee that's the only thing you could sue them for yeah is that if you if if like i don't know had this insured not a certain level at a certain once you attack them you can't sue them for punching you man i can't wait till this podcast starts giving legal advice like yeah by the way you can sue for the wrong coffee order we're gonna get someone in trouble that's a contract you enter into a contract when you tell them your name and coffee order you said double shot they gave you a single shot that is a breach that's a breach of contracts well you can sue for anything that's true you just won't win at this juncture feel

free to throw the coffee back at their face what if they punch you well that's when it's time that's when you sue take it to the books my family and i want to sue so his family is trying to talk him into suing the yeah without the employee he assaulted so this is probably a troll but like yeah i don't know because people are dumb no this sounds real to me this this is this is uh i'm giving it 80 fake actually but there's i think the fact that there's a 20 doubt in my mind the fact that i think it's possible that it's real also like most trolls are funnier than this or not funnier but they try harder you don't mean like i don't maybe not this sounds real to be yeah here's the thing and without sounding closed-minded or maybe somewhat racially coded

i can see a whole italian family behind this getting really into suing the mcdonald's employee who crossed you somewhat racially coded you're like i don't know if this is somewhat anti-italian but it's fucking italian i just want to be clear i do think it's real because it's probably italian without sounding like maybe a little ignorant i could spot these people out of a lineup if You put them in front of me. Let's just say I know what kind of pasta they're eating. The kind of people who call sauce gravy, if you get what I'm saying. If you know what I mean.

It's going to stop being cool to make fun of Italian people in like two years. Yeah, I'm waiting to see it. We're going to be canceled. I have to change my whole life. Well, Dennis Manning says, you do know people can countersue, right? which is probably what they will do if you try to sue them. In fact, they'll probably sue you even if you decide not to sue them.

What do you think is a stronger case? The victim of a screaming Karen? How do you know it's a Karen? Who caused them to get severe burns? They threw coffee at someone for getting the wrong order. That's a Karen. That's a form of Karenry. I don't think you should assume.

I think it could be a man. Someone who studied at the Council of Karen. Oh, I wasn't gendering that Karen. I think it's an Italian man. fair enough karen is gender neutral his name is carino it's a beautiful country i i'm just astounded uh if this is real that there's anyone who would throw coffee on someone that is that is so wild to me yeah the the thought of doing it like it's already crazy like to me to throw water on someone i think that's wild but coffee first of all i

would drink it it's nice second one's really wrong you're gonna burn them yeah it's clearly bad it's it's like a really really high level attack that's like worse than taking a swing and a punch for sure yeah it's pretty much the same as when you would storm a castle and they would drop the boiling bitch on you through the grates my dumb brain was about like it's similar to a spell it's not a punch i was like yes it's like a magic right he's gonna medieval times he They had spells. It is similar to a throne. Yeah, I wonder if you could pour coffee on people over the wall.

I guess it would be too expensive to boil that much coffee at that time. If I'm attacked by a goose, can I throw coffee at them? You probably could. You can do whatever you want to a goose. It doesn't matter. But to be clear, I do think it's possible to be cruel to a goose. you can't swing them by their neck and then throw them on the ground think about it two large hands come from above and grab you by the neck you're about to bite into a juicy steak it would be

wrong to do a full god of war cut scene to a goose um this guy's name by the way dennis manning i just want to say the guy who answered this guy who was like you shouldn't do this you can't sue because blah blah blah right he also has 40 000 followers on quora wow and he has a very long quora bio Dennis will fight for you. Is Dennis a lawyer? He's an occasional superhero, apparently. Read lawyer. Do you want me to read some of his bio?

It's not like good. Do you think he's a public defender? No, I certainly do not. I think that he is a, what most Americans seem to hate these days. Oh, okay. Straight, laid back, Christian male with centrist views. I work a blue collar job. I'm a single dad.

One kid is a disabled adult. The other an enabled tween. I've been married twice and divorced twice. most americans seem to hate that these days i'm the kind of guy that wives seem to hate these days it's just like yeah i'm a wife culture what it is sorry liberals i'm a white guy and my wife hates me by the way i'm one of the directors of a group called heroes for kids okay well that's that's i mean look if he's doing cherry we'll take that we'll take that we'll take that do that i'm not like most of that just stop saying like you're like culture hates you yeah we love you son the

least surprising thing ever about this man he enjoys a good debate yeah i did know that about him uh yeah anyway that's that question and that's i think i knew he liked to debate at what every american seems i think at the word seems i didn't even need to hear to hate to know how that sentence was done what a loser he is subscribed to the quora space biden's lies he's a real centrist dude that real centrist views funny thing he's against lies everything i'm against lies um john's political corner okay um there's a lot of other answers to this but nothing really that interesting is that you shooting lies yeah if i see lies it's on site um we have a big delay i know that i haven't gotten around to anticipate the timing so that's

a tough timing to nonetheless the moo yeah that was like where's the moo all right wait say when you press it hold on i gotta go get it up uh so this is why it takes a while right so the thing is like if you were like oh i ate so much i feel like a cow i'd be like oh a cow i'm getting good at this i'm getting low can you say what the podcast listeners can you say when you click it yeah oh if you said you were a cow i click it now that kind of reminds me of and it's seamless and it's like i'm queuing up a cow behind me that's very funny if you were gonna tap a real cow that's how long it would take it's not gonna be instant yeah it sounds like you're like turning a crank that slowly makes more cow noise and you have to get

it go into a certain rpm before it gets the cow noise you're gonna scrape it off the bottom it sounds like you're asking a real cow to do a moo yeah and he's patient yeah he's he's he's smart but it takes him a little while it takes him he's i mean he's not that smart yes he knows the word he knows english i mean i don't assess yeah i don't want to say this but he's italian yeah when i was watching the sopranos i kept doing this bit that our cat was becoming italian and saying meow that's funny it's a good jeremy that's funny we love a good bit you do at home um oh we actually have two questions left i'm sorry i thought we only had one left this is in our miscellaneous section we have a theme song if you don't fit in our 12 extremely

loose sections you can go here in miscellaneous i did not what's up i saw i made the cow i had time to say i did not and then pause and then it still took a second um i did not realize that these other ones had sections they kind of do it's very rigidly organized you know we've never said it i'm trying to be professional here you actually have 12 sections i'm gonna read them for you okay okay they're all horribly named number one the quoker which is our incel and manosphere section and and manosphere manosphere like men oh man there's a lot of chorus stuff for like what's the most badass thing a boy ever did in school right yeah we're like what's 20 things guys need to do yeah yeah i get the guys yeah man talk um which are usually my favorite ones

because it's a lot of like guys need to know it's important to be nice to a lady um number two quora gone wild that's our animal segment we did that today right i don't think i said it that's the moo even when the noise starts it still takes a little while uh then we have our religion segment quorbid and fruit nice then we have just this one's just called forbidden knowledge because there's a quora sub community called forbidden knowledge and we're not allowed to know about it. Then we have Quora Romance. Then we have Quora MD.

I don't have a doctor one. Then we have our politics one, the quiz course. Killing spree. Then we have his quorical teachings. Well, if you get a lot of questions right in a row on a quiz, that's like a killing spree. Then we have Quaranting.

Do you want to guess what Quaranting is? Is it parenting? Yes, it's parenting from Quora. And then we have the Quirk Place, which is the workplace. And then we have Miscellaneous. Yeah. Did you say any of these when we were doing the earlier questions?

I might have said the Quirk Place, and it might have sounded like gibberish. You did say the Quirk Place. And you might have thought, Jeremy's having a stroke. I do remember the Quirk Place. I was like, oh, yeah, the Quirk Place. And we have a bus crashing, but I've been told not to play it anymore because it scares people who listen to the show in traffic. Yeah, that's fair.

Although, full warning, this is the bus crashing. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It keeps going for a while, too. The tire is still going. The tire is squealing. What? Wow.

It's still going. There were a lot of deaths. I have found a lot of car crashing sound effects, and this will probably be the best one I've ever found. I have never heard the whole thing. I don't want to take it off the board, honestly. Don't play it again. Hey, I hope you didn't crash your car during that.

i am blown away by how long that is okay well we have one more um yeah finish strong i can't find it now where'd it go oh um what do old people do what do old people do what do old people do oh this is what do all what do old people do all day oh i don't mind this question i think this is someone who's like just actually curious and hasn't spent time with an elderly person before it was funnier to me when i read it as what do old people do but then i clicked on it and we had copied it into our document wrong and now it's not as funny yeah well it's i think there will be some good answers it sounded originally it sounded originally like did electricity change which was it's the gold standard for quora nonsense questions did electricity we do have

another i'm gonna read one real quick um fuck what is it oh here it is this is just a nonsense question someone sent in i have been of my son coming home from prison what does this mean period i have been of my son i have been of my son this is in the bible i have been of my son coming home from prison okay i bet i have been of my son coming home from prison uh what do i do well you probably just want to uh take your son and go but saul found that he had been of his son during prison, and in this sense he knew it was time for sacrifice. I think

I'm Christian now. That's right. That's what this episode's all been about. Not all things are possible. Salaam! Let's read this last quora. What do you guys think old people do all day? Oh, Fox News. They watch Fox News. That's actually true. It's by the data true. By the numbers. Also,

you've seen it. You've seen it in your day to day. You know it to be true. That's not true. That's impossible. They see other stuff. Other than that, a lot of old people get into birding. Okay. I called it bird watching on my other podcast was corrected.

It's birding. I think birding is neat. Yeah, especially if you're watching a goose and then, you know, you're asking when it's okay to hit. You get the binoculars. You got the distance. Other than that, I think here's the thing is in this country, there's a big pressure to work until you die financially because you were not

taking care of with your needs, right? Uh, through social security. Right. And you probably, most people have, do not have the savings to just straight up retire.

Um, but on the other hand, the data is in on that. Like if you just stop doing anything and I'll just like, I'm 80, I'll see what happens, but you don't get like a hobby related into a lot of people are just like, that's how you die.

Yeah, no, absolutely. Cause you have nothing going on. You're, you need to get a Nintendo switch. And play little puzzle games. Yeah, you got to become a streamer.

You got to become one of those Animal Crossing grandmas. Oh, is that a big thing? Right, right. You know how grandmas be loving Animal Crossing? Yeah, grandmas do be loving it. Look, here's a pitch for if you need something to do. Start a bridge stream. Yeah.

You guys know about bridge? Yes. I know about bridge. The rules, I've read the rules to bridge one million times. I don't know a single fucking thing about how to play that game. I guarantee you there would be a very popular Bridge stream. Yeah, I think so. If you had one of those.

There are people who coach Bridge. Is that true? Yeah. This is my version of when people find out there's Fortnite coaches or whatever. Dude, Bridge is a big frigging busy, dude. It's a big business. Is it a skill game or is it like a card random game? My only understanding of it is that it's a trick-taking game

and you bet the number of tricks that you think you can get. You know a trick-taking game? I know a trick-running game, and it's in the street with these hoes. I feel like if our question is what is bridge? It was very convincing that you know that. Thank you. Trick-taking game is like you lead a particular suit of card,

and if you have the highest of that suit, you get it. I think bridge is one of those. But also, pop off in the frigging comments. I'm looking up what is bridge on our favorite question. Bridge is wild. Quora.com. I guarantee this is the next big thing in card gaming streaming. Bridge?

Yeah. I don't know if I can subscribe to this theory. Take it to the bank, dude. I looked up what is bridge on Quora, and all of the answers are being rude. Oh, come on. A structure facilitating communication. Golden gate. Get across the river.

Shut the fuck up. Get the hell out of here. What do old people do all day? I always like it when old people get into sex. You hear about that in nursing homes. Get into it? Yeah, they just like as a hobby just all start. Old people are learning about sex.

They get into sex. They find it in the drawer and have some. I'm actually getting really into sex. I'm getting railed out and giving it right back. And then it's like high school again. They all start competing over lovers and stuff. I think that's great. my grandma so my grandpa passed away two years ago now my grandma lives in an apartment building

with all old people and she was saying that my high school friend's grandpa lives there and he's like a big hottie because he can still drive and that's like the number one they're like he can drive and then everyone who works there is like when are we gonna stop this guy from driving uh yeah he's like you know getting his dick wet because he can drive which is pretty cool do you think he's getting senior road head i bet more than any other uh demographic of people senior like five miles per hour it's as cool to drive when you're 75 as it is when you're 16 hell yeah it's like a grab a lot it's a bell curve yeah opposite well next time you see an old man driving alone in long island new york keep an eye out listeners does he not have his eyes on

the road you ever ask yourself why um that's why they drive so slow yeah it's because they're all I'm just going to read the heavens to Betsy. All right. I'm running across the stage. Vocalization of an old man getting head while driving. That's what they sound like, though. This is equally dangerous as the bus crash to people. tell me it's about the lie uh good heavens uh yeah i'm not gonna say a joke about dentures okay

um oh there's a reason they call you the trust buster well that doesn't even make sense is he he's getting out from denny rose Oh, you speak softly and carry a big stick. He sucks the trust right out of you. Oh, you bull moose. He's a very fraught man. He's full of implication. Teddy Roosevelt?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Big Ted. Big Teddy. Well, he's not around to drive, though, and I don't know how much he was driving back then. Yeah, I think he's dead. It's kind of before car culture. Well, he wasn't driving in this situation.

Sometimes I'm just goofing around. He's operating a stick, though. And he was doing globalism to the south. That's true, yes. The Philippines. I saw you looking for the pole and not getting it. Panama Canal. He did do the Panama Canal.

I also said globalism like I'm a fucking Alex Jones. He started globalism. He's doing globalism. I'm so tired. He offshored the Ford Motor Company. This is what happens when we hit over an hour on the Quora podcast. It's a steep drop-off. All right, so read some of these old people questions.

I live in assisted living because I can't walk. From what I've seen all the time, I have been there. Hundreds of residents, they eat, shit, sleep, and watch TV. I would die of horror if I was like that. I am 88, very high-functioning, take care of 100% of my personal affairs, work the same two jobs I love, going into 52nd year in 15 years of- Jobs. as a power of attorney i work two jobs at 88 i can't walk i'm 88 and i work two jobs and

shitting on other people good god this is again just like if i stop doing this i will perish this is a fear of slowing down um i take care of my kitty do beautiful artwork which will be selling shortly keep current with world events take care of my studio apartment have lots of hobbies read about two books a week damn son um eye on the prize just finished six years of online college courses always learn something new daily and later on 9 p.m i sit down and watch netflix oh you don't watch tv though you watch netflix i'm more into streaming hey super achiever and push myself to be normal and do all 30 year old things sorry let's say your bit do it she seems nice i like her this person's living a fulfilling life and we need to trash them i don't like her

that it's unfortunate she has to work two jobs i think that she she maybe she doesn't have to A little condescending to the other 80-year-old people. I hope that she doesn't have to. That's what I hope about this woman. Yeah, she just likes it. I think the one thing that I could say for sure is, especially if you move into an assisted living home, your life, as you get older,

becomes more and more like it was in school. Like, you get more of a group confrontational dynamic happening than you do in your adult life. Well, there's definitely, like, forced interactions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can always go see your friend, like, very easily. like those types of things that are around in school uh and in college and stuff but yeah um assisted living is like the high school of elderly people yeah it allows you to be a

creamer i think it's like freshman year just over and over yeah yeah i think it's like freshman year of college especially if you're always learning yeah and people keep moving away to other schools aka the afterlife freaking great um preach king that happens that happens in college too though that's true people move to graveyard yeah people do be dying they move to the graveyard at any point you can move to the graveyard um anyway should we read more of these questions these answers have you got a good one uh one guy says i'm actually gonna leave i know it's my apartment one guy says i'm 66 is that old let me look it up and then he goes on a long rant about how it turns out he's old they all have like

a one-liner to open up yeah oh let me check my watch and see how old i am it would appear i am old so i get to answer this question i woke up at 2 30 this morning as usual and had to pee afterwards i went back to bed and though i usually can go back to sleep so i got up this is terrible oh my god we don't care i'm not i'm not i know i am talking to you jeremy but i'm talking to the answer here i'm literally saying it to you but i'm saying i'm saying it through the computer to the man who said I woke up and peed in the middle of the night. 66 also like that's not

that old. Yeah, it's not. You could do more than pee in this. Yeah. Dorothy Nelson says as a 93 year old, I do enjoy bird watching and walking a mile each morning. Bird watching 93 on the Internet. Sorry. What was her name? Ethel Dorothy

wasn't close. I just heard an old person heard an old person. Sorry. it's burning. The joke is over now. This is the only question she's ever answered on Quora. I fight a goose every day. Every day I fight a goose. From stripping the life from

its avian jaws, I regain mine. She walks a mile. She drives her Suburban. Driving at 93. Damn. Beginning writing books for children. She's writing books as well as composing music. If you don't do 100 things over 80, you're going to die. They're going to take the

life out of you. You got to start fucking. You got to start working. You got to start. Birds are involved do something with birds i wonder i wonder if that's like writing music like i write music do you write music not really no i think you have good music yeah but i like it like so every so often sure like you know i do my little jingles they're fun i do my little jingles i do my little jingles you're your own worst bully phil you don't have to be like this we love your jingles phil this is an intervention you were trying to say a little joke but we turned it into a self love when are you gonna believe

in your music lesson in kindness i thought i hit the cow killing spree but it was too quiet killing spree i thought it was the gun one person i had the the the table of contents thing out and i put it away and i that's a huge mistake uh one person says meet my mommy

she cuts across 55 this year and i'm not old growing old just so sorry sorry sorry sorry this is an answer to what's the old people do all day and she says my mom is my mommy is 55 this year meet my mommy meet my mommy meet my mom she has crossed 55 this year and i am seeing her growing old and this is exactly how her days look like yes exactly because i have never seen a living day see never seen living a day randomly

some doing some random things that's one sentence won't you this is my mommy this is a child 13 14 maybe think 13 year old i always get really really upset when adults call their mom their mommy i don't like it no she um is she like to she's out of father and my mommy she might be older than us yeah yeah oh boy she graduated oh no actually no she graduated college in uh like a few years ago she's in her her mommy seems very nice you should meet her mommy i would love to she's 55 and she does you know she goes to work she takes a bath every morning she reads two books a week my friend ben takes a bath every day she's got a picture of her 55 is not 55 everyone on this podcast right now is 55 we're i'm 53 yeah i'm 55 years old i just found out about sussy baka

last week and you aged 20 years because of it i tried to click the button before but i don't know you age based on when you find out about sussy baka if it was within the first few weeks it doesn't really affect you but it's in the inherent curse of the inherent curse of the word is by Finally, you become more sus and, in addition, baka. Oh, it's so silly. Sussy baka. It sounds so dumb. That's enough, Jeremy.

Okay. Put it away. All right. Put away sussy baka. Okay. All right. Let's close out the show. Yeah.

Let's ask Okora. I think that's also the first time I ever have said out loud sussy baka. How did it feel? I hate it. It feels really wrong. I don't like saying it. It's not a good one. I loathed it.

It makes me really uncomfortable. It was one of the worst things I've ever done. phonetically it's a car wreck i would say um we all said out loud what the question at the end was going to be yeah do you remember dinosaurs it was what's the closest what animals close to the dinosaur okay all right so um let me ask it out of all animals what is closest to the dinosaur yeah that sounds like out of all the animals i think that is already quarried up yeah out of all animals which is closest to the dinosaur because you're gonna get at least one motherfucker who's like the dinosaur is yeah okay out of all living animals yeah about that out of all animals

alive today all all non-extinct animals all um oh yeah there's a word for non-extinct that i do not know surviving extant is that the word existing uh probably shouldn't say that word on core i don't think anybody even if it is correct you gotta talk the lingua franca you have to say out of all you have to make the question dumber than it should be yeah all animals alive today which is closest to the dinosaur that's great you could put this in the thesaurus it's whoever thought of this question is so good at quora um all right someone did it quora is saying that there is a very similar question that has two answers okay we care similar question which animal is the closest to be related to dinosaurs that are alive today see no that's a horrible

question that is amazing how it is so much worse than ours oh my god we tried to make ours bad back to the drawing board we're not done yet how did they manage to do that with the same words which is the closest to be related to dinosaurs that are alive today it's so close to what we said and so far away from being good awful good for them i was walking my dog and wondering what as close as to the dinosaurs that we have around do you want me to add more to it i think we should keep it as is yeah it's good it's fine that's perfect and hey if you're listening and you want to give an answer scrambled eggs scrambled eggs don't uh you can even say scrambled dinosaur eggs this week you can say scrambled other weeks no don't do it otherwise it's like a uh

take-only-photos-leave-only-footprints kind of situation. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, I got you. You go hiking. Okay. Oh, hiking. Okay.

I was very lost, but I was not going to say anything. I said it wrong. As the guest, I was going to just nod. The question is asked. Leave-only-footprints-take-only-memories. Through God, all things are possible. Right, right, right. Praise Pete DeHea.

Let's get it. Phil, thank you so much for coming on Quora. It is the number one show for Quora and for God. Where can our listeners find you and all your exciting works and what are you up to and let's talk about it Well, thank you for having me I don't know what necessarily

Phil Jameson, you know, there's two S's in my last name, that's the thing It's J-A-M-E-S-S-O-N and then if you go to pretty much any website and put a slash and then type my name in you'll find That's your account? Let's plug the monkey show

The Hamlet Factory We never said the name of it the hamlet fact i couldn't remember the name of it i was like you should say this again they're all on youtube and on hbo max which famously is forever so if something's on hbo max they said this is a big deal because it's forever yeah just like all things on the internet thank you very much for having me guys i had a good time coming on yeah i know we had some difficulty uh scheduling in november i was we couldn't line up our schedules and then in december second time uh i got a fever of 102.3 the night before so the third time i was like i'm not gonna miss this no

matter what happens and wouldn't you know it an hour before the podcast i never recorded it who did i get who did i get a call from but president barack is that true and he said i want to have you as my second in command on my new streaming site uh obama flicks you're replacing michelle Yeah, no, I'm number two on this. And he said, share your location. And I shared my location and he landed in a helicopter. That's pretty cool. And I said, what do we have to do?

He said, get in the helicopter. We got to go to a board meeting. And to get you in this company, I'm going to give you $10 billion. I said, I can't do that. And he said, what could possibly be more important than that? And I said, friendship. Wow.

That's so great. Phil, thank you so much. Yeah. Are you going to do the show at all? Or is it over? are you not on the board anymore i know he said i had to go right then he's back to michelle yeah unfortunately that that story is uh uh true cool uh but you were right to bring it up during plugs he had said he went with adam conover

okay i'm pressing stop