Quorators - Life of Crime w/ Patrick Doran

Episode Date: October 21, 2024

Comedians Clare O'Kane, Alex Ptak, and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: What was the most inappropriate yet consensual thing between two people you ever heard happened at a public rest stop along the highway? How can I flee to Mexico? I'm scheduled to self-surrender in 2 months to serve a 10-year prison sentence? How would I go about making a homemade electric chair? --- Follow Bryn on twitter @ kinematrografi. Listen to her movie podcast Generation Loss and her rock band Stay Inside wherever sounds are sold. Get even more Quorators when you support the show @ http://patreon.com/quorators Send quoras and qommunicate on our discord https://discord.gg/7pPYuKuYCr Watch the show @ youtube.com/@quorators

We have the same one, but it's like, I think it's more compact, it's not the pro, and there's one time where like we dropped something right onto all of the soundboard like buttons and they played all at once. Oh no! So if we had the headphone things there... I am going to try that. Oh no! Space is here!

Wee! Stop it! I love that. can't hear anything at all how have i never done that before that was a nightmare yeah and then the worst part too is like this weird uh cinematic feature where there's sounds playing over you and your mouth moves but nothing comes out because it's louder than the bike wake up it's just a video uh fuck okay well i've mastered every logical position now so don't worry about old me

and we're all set up on the television and so forth. Yeah, we're there. We got it. And we've all done our warm-up kisses. Yes, we sure have. Smooches. All right, well, then it sounds like we're ready to go on Quora.com. Let's begin. Let's begin.

Quora doors. With the sound of the smooth intro, you're back again on the Quoraiders podcast going on Quora.com. We're your hosts, Alex and Claire and Jeremy, and this is the Quora podcast where we go on Quora as Quoraiders. Hello! What's going on? Hello. Hello. Hello.

Not enough people saying that these days. No one talked to the guest yet, I haven't introduced him. Hello, Claire, personally. Hello, Alex. With a second one back at the J-Man. How's it going? What the fuck is up? We have a great guest this week.

We have Patrick Doran for the podcast about this podcast. Hello, Patrick. Hi, how are you doing? Patrick, when I see you, I think one word, and that's crime. Yeah. Whoa. I'm a bad guy. What would you say is the most important law you've breached in your life?

Ooh. I think I've read other people's mail. Sure. Which is a big one It's like morally it seems Whatever but actually legally It's very bad I've learned You work as a mailman right

No my uncle did That's the move I'd steal the mail That's how I got my taste I'd steal some of his mail that he was supposed to deliver Yo uncle Where's the good shit this week I don't want any more of these fucking bills

i was thinking yesterday just walking past like the the mail guy on my street how like i'm maybe this is just me but the only mail i get is just like wastes of paper oh yeah just like the bank sending me something they've already emailed me yeah and how dissatisfying it would be to steal mail yeah maybe they should downgrade that crime now i think i think that there should be a lighter sentence for like opening somebody's mail versus like you know like because of package theft that's fucked up yeah that's wrong don't do

that that's for real yeah that don't do that that's my stuff don't touch my stuff I love my stuff but my mail I'll get get the fuck get out of here with the mail I don't want the mail oh conversely go the other way with it make looking at emails also a federal crime yes other people's

email right Hillary Clinton yeah if you're listening it's a political podcast on Quora.com. We had a lot of exciting stuff here this week. I've been told I don't interview the guest enough. Have you been told this? Yes.

By who? In comments on YouTube. Oh, yeah. And so I want to take the time to really, I didn't think of anything in advance, but I guess just wrap for a minute. What's your favorite part of Brooklyn? That's interesting.

I didn't know you were going to ask me this question. Me neither. you just moved here like last year right no no i've been here for three years three years yeah i'm old as hell yeah how long have you fucked up now i've lived here since 2009 oh wow yeah i was 11 yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's crazy i once you turn i don't like to hear that over 10 i was like i gotta leave new england yeah yeah um but uh the city is a living creature i think yeah oh sure i I think it's sort of the main character in many movies. Oh, yeah, that's right.

And some movies are a love letter to it, too. As well. Yeah, I guess. But you can write a love letter to a character. It's not weird if you think of it that way. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I could write a love letter to,

my first thought's Jessica Rabbit, but it doesn't have to be. Right. It doesn't, you don't have to be that stacked. It could be Lola Bunny. It could be any of the rabbits. It could be any rabbit. I'm just saying,

you don't have to be like a 10 out of 10 to get my love, baby. You just got to bring it to the screen. Jessica Rabbit is a person, but she's married to a rabbit. Yeah, it's just her last name. Have you seen Who Framed Roger Rabbit? I sure have. Okay.

Sometimes I check. Jeremy's really young, too. He's like five years old. Oh, okay. He doesn't know about all kinds of stuff. I don't think I've ever really watched Who Framed Roger Rabbit. I think I've seen bits and pieces. This is why I'm fucking asking.

I know who Jessica Rabbit is, but I have to ask that. Mr. Rabbit's wife. Yeah. I know who Pamela Anderson is, but I've never seen her get railed on a boat. I don't need you. She did other stuff. She was on Maxim doing karate or whatever.

She had a show called Stacked on Fox. I remember that. Oh. Yeah. Remember they had a show called Hung on HBO? Oh, that was like a scripted drama. From American Idol. Dear listener, it wasn't about William Hung.

It was a prestige drama. About she bangs. I don't know if I can go out there and sing tonight. You've got to do it. You've got to do it, William. No one's believing she bangs when you do it that way. You're phoning it in. Then his final performance is still just kind of like, she bangs.

When is that movie going to come out? Oh, I need to see it. That's going to be a bummer. Yeah, like Saturday night, but for American Idol. They're for real going to make that. That's got to happen. It's a great impression though From Nicholas Braun

That guy's tall as fuck There's a whole score of Hollywood actors right now Who are somewhat lurch coded Lurch? Like who else? I'm also thinking of Jonah from Veep as well He's lurch coded He's lurch

They made a Wednesday Addams show I assume lurch is in that Lurch is from the Addams family He's the tall butler i haven't seen the wednesday show i haven't seen it no spoilers okay no spoilers on this podcast well i feel like i've done a great job now so we're gonna go on quora because that is the premise of the show uh patrick have you been on quora before yeah yeah i've been on it a couple times i uh it it's like maybe the worst place to look for advice yeah yeah it's every time that i

do go on it there's always like the the question ad that's like here's the one thing that like billionaires tell their employees to do and then it's like just got the word ad like so small next to it i'm like well they're not answering this fucking question oh i have to scroll down a little bit more and then even then the question's not answered it's like 10 synonyms for the word work yeah exactly it's there's a like subtle undercurrent decor that is somewhat underexplored which is just like it's mostly finance guys yeah like if you're like a western quora user like indian guys use it like facebook but um uh there if you're on there and you live in like montana you're like 10 money secrets for slim singles and you get to find out uh the different ways to use

it um you guys you have a podcast about list yeah quite notably and on this show you will often read many lists do you find yourself on quora on this show uh sometimes i mean we did do like um we did a mailbag thing where we were just looking for like questions from around the internet and then uh i think i got a lot of them from quora i found a lot of people there's a lot of like erotic role players that will ask a question in hopes of somebody like basically writing fanfic for them that's absolutely correct yeah it's so it's so insane that that's just like some people's whole that's the only way that it can get off. The written word?

I would call it 40% of the website. Show me stuff! If you're going to jack off, why do I have to do the work? Why do I have to write you a story? It's fun to do. That's why AI is good. So we don't have to do that. I think there's the one thing

that ChatGPT should be for is so these guys can be like, oh, I want to be turned into a green bean. Please, please, please, can you write me a story about where I get turned into a green bean. Use my full name, my full address. Pickle Rick meets Marge Simpson

in the back of the Buffalo Wild Wings. Who knows where? I wish it was that innocent. I feel like half of them are just like, what is the time you ever shit your pants and it made you cum? I'll start. You know what? Bring in fucking Marge Simpson if you can.

I'd much rather hear about her. Oh, yeah. I've never seen her shit once. They don't, they don't, I've never seen one of the Simpsons pooping. They don't say it on the show. They do, do it. They do it. They, they, there's subtle hints.

It's kind of like old is the thing. I don't, I don't know if they would have gotten in trouble in like 1988 by doing like, then Homer takes a huge. Yeah, it's illegal to say that. Yeah, they probably would have sent the FBI to kill them. George Carlin was arrested for saying that. He also doesn't, they don't fart. No, they don't.

No. I don't know if that was like a we're a classy show by Harvard writers decision. Yeah, I think it was unfortunately. Poop is free game. Come on. They're all yellow too. Go ahead. Spice it up season 30. Jaundice.

They have a failing liver and they have jaundice. Is this a show about guys who are sick? This whole family is sick. This whole family is fucking sick. The whole town. The whole world is sick. Something's in our water there. Everyone but Carl. Why isn't he doing anything to help them?

Just drinking it away. Sick in a different way. Well, do you know who else who had John this? It was Al Capone, the famous gangster. Oh, yeah. That's true. Which somewhat brings us into this week's theme on Quora.com, which is life of crime.

Now, there are many crimes out there, and it's become somewhat of a thing of ours to do it. I've found an interesting space for our Space of the Week. as we enter the Space of the Week segment. This is, of course, Mafia and Organized Crime. Space of the Week! There's a lot of sustain on that. Kind of like subreddit.

Yeah, this is like a subreddit, but for Quora. It doesn't work as well. This is mafiaandorganizedcrime.quora.com. It's got a big Italian flag on it. Yeah, Cosa Nostra. I learned that from the movie Gotti. Right? Oh, good movie.

What does it mean? Something in Italian. It means this thing of ours. I could have guessed that part. It's the thing of ours. It means the mafia. You can just ask me sometimes. I know about something.

I think it means our thing. Oh, okay. Damn it. Okay. It's true. Now, this space, Mafia Unorganized Crown, has 18 contributors and 13,500 followers. So that's like a mid-sized space.

Quora does not sort by popularity when you search. So the odds that you will find a popular one is actually kind of hard. And you get a lot of ones that are just like Dan's space. It's a picture of Dan's wife. I think this is disrespectful to, like, I don't know, all the other nations' mafia. Where's the Yakuza part of this? I'm glad you asked. I'm glad you asked because that will come up in some of these questions I've sorted for you.

If you just click around, there's a lot of, like, Sopranos style. The guy who runs this is Andy Rumbles.