Quorators - Misbehaving w/ Kate Zasowski

Episode Date: June 29, 2026

Comedians Clare O'Kane, Alex Ptak, and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: Do you enjoy misbehaving once in a while, or do you prefer to always be well-behaved? Why did my boyfriend call me sloppy seconds? If a man dies and everybody has been living off the sweat of his brow, do they mourn because they miss him or do they mourn because they now have to start roughing it? --- Listen to Kate's stand-up comedy album Garbage Plate @ any audio platform Get even more Quorators when you support the show @ patreon.com/quorators Send quoras and qommunicate on our discord discord.gg/7pPYuKuYCr Watch the show @ youtube.com/@quorators

Every episode recently has started with us talking about if we're recording or not. Would you record me? It's like really bad podcasting, honestly. Do you think it's bad if you're not recording? No. I'm a witch who lives in your browser. I think it's cool because like, you know how some songs are like, some songs from the old days, you could hear the producer be like, all right, are you ready?

Yeah, let's do it. Or they'll be talking about like, no, that's what your mother said last night. Ha ha ha ha. One, two, three, four. Yeah. We should say one, two, three, four before we podcast. Oh, I like the your mother thing. That's good, too.

A little edgy. Yeah. As long as we set the tempo. We should be talking about each other's mothers. Sometimes we go to start like jazzing up this thing, and I have no idea what our tempo is. Right. That's the problem.

It's because we don't have a drummer. We don't have a guy saying, not my tempo. Right. We don't have J.K. Simmons throwing a mic at us. Sometimes I'll go to make a little joke, and it feels like everyone has said, not my tempo. More implied. Are you dragging or rushing, Alex, on your reference to Goku?

I guess I'm rushing. Always rushing. Okay. Well, with no further ado, I will hit the song, which has a tempo in it. And with the sound of the robot, You're back live at the Quarrior's Podcast here in Jeremy's house. Hello. We have all the hosers.

Back in the studio, my living room. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. That's my tempo. We got some really exciting stuff for you today. Weather, same as last time we recorded because it's only been two days for us. Yes. Bit of a peek behind the curtain there.

Change your clothes. I don't know. The correct amount. It could be crazy. It could have been like a crazy shift in the jet stream. That's true, Claire. Thank you for keeping me honest about that. You've got to think about the jet stream.

I just haven't thought about it even one time, and I believe this summer is in El Nino. Is that correct? I don't know what that means. You're looking at me. I have no idea. I literally don't know what that means. Like a hurricane?

You're looking at her. It's a global temperature shift pattern where your average temperatures are warmer. I think due to... Oh, boy, I hate that I'm saying this on the recording. People are going to check it. but I think it's like due to water temp, due to like tidal water temp.

Oh, water temp. Yeah, ocean temp, get hot, something. Well, climate change. Specific temperature. It's not from climate change, but climate change changes the, it changes the tempo. Sort of a natural climate change.

I hate that this is happening. There's like a siren happening too. I feel like people are going to hear a siren going off as Alex is trying to explain science. It's like doing a podcast with cavemen. cavemen and buffoons can we just talk about the mammoths already no it's not what we're talking about today but we do have a very exciting guest here for you right now she is in from sunny los angeles california home of hollywood california yeah yeah that's true all technically

a fact it's uh the world famous kate zazowski is here kate oh my god the world famous you You intro'd me just like the Comedy Store. That's right. That's my other gig. Very exciting. I do the announcements at the Comedy Store. That's my alias, the Comedy Store. World famous Comedy Store.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like I only ever hear about the Comedy Store when it's like, all these pedophiles are performing tonight at the Comedy Store, and now we've got to burn it down. Well, people say the same about, I guess not me. They do not. Please don't tell me that right now. I guess people don't say that.

Pedophiles perform at you? They perform at me. I mean, I have probably seen pedophiles perform just based on who does comedy. This is an arts 101. Don't perform at me. Perform with me. Thank you. That's the real crime.

Whist it up, pedos. I'm in the room. That's the real problem. You know how we all like kids? That's how you should start the setup. Do not picture the audience naked, though, if you're nervous. By the way, just because you're a pedophile comedian doesn't mean all the material has to be about pedophilia.

Thank you. I could just be a little bit about it. Oh, my God, I hate that. Tell me, color yourself. Who are you as a character? I'm Jewish. Not all my jokes were being Jewish. Is this still part of my intro?

Yeah. Yeah, we're still introducing you. These are all your credits. Oh, good, good, good. I just want the crowd to get you. Just making sure. Yeah, I just want to make sure that's what's happening. Okay, cool.

Yes. Kate is here. Kate, you just put out a special? I'm releasing an album later this month. my debut comedy album. It's called Garbage Plate. Oh. It'll be on all three.

Yeah, yeah. I am from Rochester. Something we've, for some reason, covered a lot on this show. I don't know why it's never been like that relevant to anything we're talking about, but. Yeah.

Well, now it is. That's right. Jeremy doesn't like them. I don't like Garbage Plate, and I feel like people were mad at me because I said they're gross, and it's like, that's what they are. They're gross.

They're supposed to be gross. I think they're gross, parentheses negative, and you think they're gross, parentheses positive, but like, they are gross. That's the whole idea of them. They are gross in a good way.

That's the pitch. Like Oscar the Grouch. I feel pretty neutral about him. They're the Oscar the Grouch of food. But I feel like I would have to agree he's gross. I wouldn't say he's gross. He lives in trash. You would be wrong.

He's got a bunch of beans on him. His house is a trash can. A New York City trash can. He doesn't look like he's covered in beans. They clean him up for television. They wipe it off. That's what wardrobe is for. i'm not here to talk about to remind me i want to know what a garbage plate is real quick

okay are there french fries in there there are uh traditionally home fries mac salad on top there are usually two bunless burgers or hot dogs the meat is variable it can be grilled cheese if you're vegetarian or chicken tenders um and and then it's covered in hot sauce usually homemade ketchup mustard served with a side of bread and butter is there no beans in there am i making that up there's no rules you can do beans but traditionally no am i wrong in that there's no rules i mean there's there's the traditional you know okay like this is what normally comes in it but if you want to spice it up i mean it's kind of like cereal it's like cereal and milk you can add bananas on top sure if you want what the ketchup and mustard and hot

sauce wasn't enough for you yeah you can throw some fucking mayo in there or whatever yeah we We are not, but our traditions. You're looking at the two Polish people when you said add mayo. Well, they're all the other people in the room. Oh, what, you think we're going to add mayo? What, because we're pale? You don't think we deserve a state separate from... That classic Polish thing.

The whole people love mayo. You don't think we deserve a state separate from Russia, do you? You think they should give us back. You eat what you look like. That's right. That's the whole thing. This is a tense start to the show. We should at some point talk about the internet.

Kate, have you been on Quora.com? Yeah. Here's the thing. I don't think I've ever typed in Quora.com, but I've certainly seen it. I think just from typing things into Google. It's a website you can touch and feel. But doesn't Quora, a lot of times it shows up as a result. Yeah, because there's no websites left, so it's just one of the four.

When we started the show, it was because it had emerged as a Google superpower. That's right. In those recent times. I was shocked. I mean, we talked about this earlier, but I thought that this podcast, you were like unearthing things from 20 years ago. But I learned that a lot of these are recent searches, which really. Yeah.

We're clicking on Orson Scott card and seeing what he said that week. Yeah. Much of the time. Really, really tells you a lot about the state of the world and the country. It sure does. And the state of fictional space, which is something Orson Scott card covers regularly. now every week i try to encapsulate the chaos that exists on this website by making a theme and uh using that as a tabula rasa from which i can guide our ship and this week's theme and

tell me if i'm wrong about this pull this up on the dock but i believe it is misbehaving let's see what you wrote here misbehaving It's Misbehavin'. Oh, I love that. Hit Space of the Week. It wasn't as hard to remember as some of the other themes. Feeling spree. Space of the Week.

Okay, this is perfect for me. As someone who's kind of like a chronic rule follower, but I'm really trying to kind of break out of that a little bit and be someone who games the system. Okay. Yes, yes, yes. So I feel like maybe I can learn a lot today. Oh, you're going to like where this goes.

I can't wait. Oh, the naughty direction. Let's go. So Quora has a stand-in for the subreddit, so to speak, of the Quora space, which is like a themed forum you go to. There's one million of them. A lot of them have like five people in them. Yeah.

This is a pretty small space. This is Renegades United. Uh-huh. 241 followers. It says, we all move forward when we recognize how resilient and striking women are. That's not the turn I thought it was going to take. Oh. I should join this.

I was a little confused at first. If you look at the URL, it's renegadewitches.org. So this is kind of a witchy spot. So this is people who love women and are united in that? They've abandoned God. Okay. They're using spells and arcane magic. Right.

And they're very pro-women. Also, one of the members has Crohn's disease. Right. And PTSD. That's right. And a lot of stuff. Never forget. It's recovering BPD.

Do not remind them of their Crohn's disease. I'm sorry. I just read it. It's going to come up. I like this avatar of this woman with sort of deep throating a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Right. How striking she is. It kind of looks like she's become the flower pot in a way.

Yeah. What if women were the flower pot? Witchy. Oh, wow. Give us another job. Somebody hold all these flowers. We don't have enough. Women want more or fewer jobs.

Another job for my mouth. Oh, no. It's already full of garbage plate. Yeah, there's no flowers on the garbage plate. Scroll down a little bit on the post. It's not brown enough. It's not brown enough. Do you want posts or questions, Alex?

Ooh, I don't know. I didn't look at the questions, but the post had some fun stuff. So this is a meme of Garfield. Where do you see Garfield? Right at the second image you keep scrolling over. I didn't see it was Garfield because it first said, hope all is well in sparkles and it's garfield and he's holding flowers giving it to the camera as if he's asking you to deep throat them he's giving them to the woman from the abbey for her

to eat and that's from a legal assistant saying how's everyone it's been a while i bet there's lots to catch up here i brought garfield for us to deep throat and stuff i want to go through the question um okay so this is from two years ago how do i work through my intense sense of shame that exists due to awful childhood and adolescent experiences in therapy. Okay, you're a renegade. Why is this? What is this group?

It's witches. Is that a recovering BPD person, possibly? Oh, sorry. Sorry, I'm on a crazy delay. Vesper the Witch King, the autistic sociopath with God's light of layer three. I think we're going to have to sort of

Yeah, I do want to go on that. eventually to explain this. So one of the contributors underneath Lucy Love and Sarah Nicole is Vesper the Witch King. Oh, male ally. Yeah, I guess he is. Well, he's a witch and a king.

God, these are always what they look like. Male allies. The Buddha? By the way, if you're listening to the show, it's a golden Buddha. Just Siddhartha transcendent. We get it. In his hardened form.

He knows a lot about mostly also BPD. Is this a BPD group, Alex? It's for renegade witches. The theme is misbehaving. With borderline personality disorder? You would admit if you have borderline personality disorder, you'd probably do a lot of misbehaving. Oh, yeah, that's for sure.

Because you don't know where the borderlines are. Yeah. You have disorder. Yes. And we already did this on another episode, but we cannot talk about borderlands personality disorder. Oh, we've done that already? It's simply too much discussion.

He's got like a three-hour video in his bio that's called Zen to Mind, Beginner's Mind. Oh, okay. What is this? It might not be long enough. Oh, boy, I get it. Beginner's mind. People say that practicing Zen is difficult.

All right, that's a whole book. Just sit in the book. Don't breathe into the mic. To start with such a big breath, though, it's really funny. It is a classic, like, Buddhism thing. Hello. I'm outside your fucking house.

Got a Zen mind. he's the witch king now witches are often allying themselves with powerful forces so maybe the witch king is more of a spirit who uses Quora and has BPD wait look at that one

do most PWNPD feel no effective empathy what is PWNPD oh that's why he said he's a sociopath Pacific Northwest Pacific Northwest Narcissistic Police Department I was also thinking Police Department

Pacific Northwest Police Department. We have no empathy, only justice. I'm a cop with BPD. I want to find more witchy stuff in the space. Yeah, I don't know that that's what that is. I know Vesper might bring us there. I hate to be there, do this, Alex, but I think this is mostly about

borderline personality disorder. They said they were renegades. What makes you lose your spirit? That's something a renegade might say. Okay, so AJ Jones says, knowing people who I extended kindness, sincerity, and trust were only treating me as pawns in their fantasy

game. As if I had no soul, I was manipulated, mistreated, stolen from, intimidated, blatantly lied to, shot at, hacked, stalked, slandered, exploited. And the list continues. Why? Because I thought it would be fun? Because I was just another rat for their data collection?

Because they were so empty inside, they couldn't recognize the person in front of them was likely very close to the person they all complained they couldn't find? When you encounter the thing you may have been looking for, you destroy it. Naturally, right? This is from Elphaba's diary. This is exactly what you want to hear from the guy who pulls the fire alarm at school.

Kind of a classical bad boy. Just to read the very end of this, he says, Shameful theatrics. Your entertainment is another's reality. Be careful how you spin the wheel and roll the dice. It won't be God who cuts you down. yeah this is bpd forum this is just people with bpd jacking in it feels like there's people podcasting about me i can't prove it who shot at you his enemies okay aj jones's enemies

whatever all right the space is a dud i thought it was full of witches we gotta find one witch someone who's i need a witch spell someone has to burn this is a space for of inclusivity and intersectionality not only to uplift women but all people particularly marginalized people okay so witches or marginalized people are often marginalized what's your spirit i mean they were burned they were burned that's pretty marginalized well they signed the devil's book which little women sister are you i don't know how legit these witches are i gotta be honest joe march Sounds about right Her MBTI is ENFP

And I'm ENFJ That's my ENFP Oh my god I know the perfect space for you You're basically Joe March Is there even a link to this quiz? Or are you just supposed to screenshot Buzzfeed

No, there's no quiz I think you're just supposed to answer Which one you are Okay Which one are you? I'll click the thing There's no thing to click, Alex Click this image, my good sir

This is just a screenshot Well, how am I supposed to know Which little women's sister I am if there's no quiz. Oh, it's right there. Here we are on pbs.org slash masterpiece theater. It's just a link to PBS.

They're always trying to get me to go to PBS. I think this quiz no longer exists. It's shit. We are losing recipes, y'all. Maybe they used the wrong spell while trying to link it. Which sister am I?

Which one are you, Alex? I don't think I've seen the movie. There's like six of them. I'm probably the one that's sick and dies. Oh, okay. the rest of us are timothy chalamet don't remember who he is i'm kind of like a hot guy who walks in you could be uh bob odenkirk who plays the dad in the movie and he walks in and he goes ah my

little women i do like when he said that as long as he walks in yeah i could be that do you say that when you see your daughter yeah my little woman my little women you could i can see you saying that my little women well i would need there to be two yeah your wife i can kind of talk down to my wife i'm kind of a bully in the home okay let's see about the questions because i don't think there's any witches in here i blew it ain't no witches in here i thought this we found a witch king all right hit quosophy the theme is misbehaving we're trying to teach kate how to do crimes yeah okay this isn't darkest secrets do you enjoy misbehaving once in a while or do you prefer to be well behaved chat to always be well behaved i i enjoy misbehaving

once in a while it is fun to misbehave i'm trying to get better at it it is hard for me what are you trying to misbehave in well like i told you i'm like joining this fancy gym month and then i'm probably that's not misbehaving you're using a free trial at a gym that is not misbehaving at all one of the worst crimes you can commit that's to me like dipping my toes in Right, right. If you were to, like, steal equipment from the gym, that would be misbehaving. I probably won't do that. You could work up to there.

You should just, like, bring a gun but not use it. Where am I going to get a gun? Burbank? I could definitely find one in Burbank. I feel like you could do that if you wanted to. I illegally downloaded a song when I was in, like, fifth grade. Okay. Did you put it back?

It was Shake It Off by Mariah Carey. Damn. And three days later, I deleted it. Wow. I was really scared that the cops were going to find me. The thing about that kind of illegal downloading in that time period is oftentimes it was not the file you were originally looking for. I have a vivid memory of trying to download a Linkin Park music video, and it was elderly porn. Nice.

Oh, yeah. I'm sure. Oh, no. Oops. I wanted Linkin Park. I'm so devastated. It says Goku did not appear at any point. I had a song that I liked by Blink-182 as a kid that I had downloaded that I thought for years was just a weird song they had written, and it was just a different band.

I never found out who it was. Was it What's My Age Again? Because that was the name of Alex's elderly porn. Hey, there were 85. Love does not have a number, y'all. Listen to these crazy terms. Alex is actually the opposite of a pedophile. He likes old, old men.

Old, old. They have wisdom I can use. Oh, so you want to use them. It is sexual. Problematic. Claire, misbehaving? have i misbehaved do you enjoy misbehaving once in a while or do you prefer to always be well behaved i enjoy misbehaving every once in a while i don't i don't do it as much as i used to i used

to steal something every day really it's a good example what are you stealing probably claire you gotta help me you gotta teach me your ways i i haven't done it since i was a teenager but i used It really felt like every day I would steal a little something. Did it give you a rush? Yeah, it gives you a rush. I think it's sort of a dopamine thing. What's the biggest thing you've stolen?

Someone's heart. I think the first thing I ever stole, I was like seven years old. It was a big... Now the cops are going for Claire. It does sound like something. See, this is my fear. This is what I was worried about.

It's been long enough. My mom was a teacher And we would go to the teacher store sometimes And the teacher store of course They have all the teacher stuff Yeah my mom was a teacher What the fuck are you guys talking about You know they have like big calendars

You could write stuff on All the stuff you put on the wall You mean staples You know those cats that are like hanging there Those posters This is all the shit you can get at the beautiful teacher store So you stole like a ruler No I stole there was like a big

Fucking tiger like a plastic tiger thing okay uh figurine and it was it was like as big as my arm and i stole it and then when i got home i got so scared uh that someone would find out i threw it over the fence into my neighbor's yard okay there's a real spectrum here uh i just i know my friend uh what's the one where you steal maniacally kleptomania you must steal everywhere you know he said he went on a cruise when he was like 10 and there was a rolex store on the boat and he just took a whole shelf of watches whoa and they immediately found him because it was like thousands of missing dollars and you're stuck on the boat there are only so many people who could

have stolen the watch yeah maybe it wasn't the best idea it's the perfect and would you say that your friend has a sort of uh very recognizable look yeah he kind of has little glasses that give him away everywhere he goes. And so, yeah. I can't believe Ben stole all those watches. It's easier to do when you're under like 12 years old. Okay, he's a child.

I can't believe Harry Potter stole all those watches. He's the boy who lived. Anyway, we have a great answer on this from Footnit, who's former trucking 1996 to 2018. Footnit. Footnit says, I'm a bad boy, Appet. I peek

between my fingers on the ten count while you hide. I snatched the Sunday cherry topper with abandon. Cut seas in line, guilty. Is this from like a clockwork orange? What is this? This is from foot knit. I count pushups. One, two, five, six,

eight, ten. Fuck off. As a personal trainer, I do not approve. That's not enough pushups. That's six or seven. You're only misbehaving yourself. See, that is where I would misbehave. Yeah, you're misbehaving. You owe me four more. And I'll crunch that lollipop to get to the candy in the middle way too fast,

but I can't stand opportunist thieves. That's hurting people, and homie don't play that. It says it all caps, which I decided was a song. I've also never seen homie spelled with two E's, and I really like it. I think that's a typo. I like it. There's no I

in there. Homie. I think he just wrote it wrong. He's footin' it. Go to footin' it. He lives in Azalea, California. Footin' it is one of the best names on quarantine. He is a little Oh, slut. Look at that first question. Oh, because he's going barefoot?

Yeah, so his thing, he's called Footnik because it's a fetish. He knows about going barefoot, barefoot, dogs, parentheses, pets, Western truck driving in Visalia, California. He's answering questions from seven months ago, like can you bring someone to your hotel room? Oh, I thought he was asking it. He's answering. His questions are like,

how fast can we send Ellen's musk to Mars? Huh. I think he's talking about Elon Musk, but I really like. The maybe burn of calling him Ellen's musk. Maybe he's not a fetish guy because I'm looking at it and I don't see any like sex stuff. Well, he's mostly a trucker from 1996 to 2018. Of course. And I think while trucking, you don't always need a shoe on.

That should be Ellen's new perfume though. Ellen's musk. Ellen's musk. Ellen's musk. I was trying to think of who Ellen was for like way too long. Degenerous. I don't think this guy is a fetish and I'm sorry. Right, but usually when you see someone whose name is Footnit and they know about feet on this website,

they are jacking off harder than anyone ever has. While driving a truck. Yeah, so the fact that he's mostly just talking about, like, I don't know, normal stuff. Yeah, regular internet stuff. This is the most normal guy I've ever seen on this website, Footnit. I'm going to follow him. We're his 11th follower. Despite that answer we just read.

Yeah. He sounded like a Riddler. Made a lot of sense to me, actually. No, I actually am starting to like this guy. There's a lot you can learn from Footnit. Footnit. Step one, no shoes. There's a bunch of other answers on this question.

Edmond Loloambo says, others may be enjoying their misbehaving acts to satisfy or dramatize their selfish intentions in a rude manners. While I do not usually enjoy misbehaving myself, instead, I only feel off intense, not enjoying, you should know that this guy puts many spaces between all punctuation so it's very hard to read it to ventilate or refresh myself from any frustration disappointment that i am

encountering in my daily activities space and then a period footing it footing it all right this guy's just footing it around but he's saying don't misbehave knock it knock it off i know a guy who'd recently misbehaved uh it actually made national news no claire oh this is a horny person right there he likes it when i brat though okay what's the horny one i absolutely brat he likes when i brat though gives him something to correct lol just a little sub wifey and her dog yeah yeah this is woo woo actually oh she's just a little sub wifey i am spanked wife spicy sub in my 20s who's allowed to participate in quora what a weird rule to connect with other dd wives and be kept in line by other

dd husbands how disappointed would you be if your dom hubby only let you go on quora that would suck so that is that is you know the subway you're gonna get there's gonna be rules you're dying for an instagram what is dd i'm guessing that's not the cups I'm a drunk driver for both of them. With their dominated wives. It's got to be Dom something, right? Daddy Dom? Daddy Dom.

Daddy Dom. My husband slash gentle Dom monitors his account and will on occasion answer a question or engage as well. What a relationship they have, especially when connecting with other HOHs. So how many of their answers are stuff like, hey, stop talking to my wife. That's woo-woo.

She's not allowed to see that. she says contrary to our discussions on here spanking is not our whole life we are just a private couple who found community here where it lacked irl and then the next sentence is about spanking not allowed to indulge personal info without inquiring a very red bottom spanking is not our whole life however my bottom is very red I'm sore as hell. I'm basically a bad boob. I mean, this is someone who's been misbehaving.

That's right. She's a part of the space's girls bare bottoms, the belt, hard bare bottom paddling. Constructors total power exchange. OTK discipline, that's one turn kill. So that's like a combo deck. Good Wifey 907 Space. That one's run by Good Wifey 907.

So she's allowed to talk to Good Wifey 907. Yeah, well, that's part of the community. All good wifeys go to heaven, I've been told, actually. Is that what Nick is telling you? She's asking questions like, how do you help heal a spanking welt that will not heal? And what is better, movie theater buttered popcorn or real salt butter on popcorn?

You need to see a doctor. The welt should be healing. You have malnutrition. Her whole life's not about spanking, but she is asking questions like, lying here at the freshly spanked bottom and being upset I'm such a crybaby. Like a little girl. Does anyone else get embarrassed when you cry even before your spanking starts? I get angry and start to cry sometimes and argue when told I'm getting one.

Is this in a space? This is just a general question. This is a general question. Did she tag anyone? No. What do you think? She tagged Jordan Peterson. Totally normal.

Totally normal, someone said, in constructive trad wives and domestic discipline. That's Janice. Totally normal. Totally normal. I cry as soon as I'm told to take my panties down. Oh, God. When I see the paddle, the floodgates open.

That could be a euphemism. I think she's having a bit of a laugh. The floodgates. The floodgates. That's right. Okay, I don't know how we got here. Well, we're talking about misbehaving, so there's going to be a lot of people talking about getting spanked.

That's just how it's going to go. There's punishment for crime. If you start stealing every day, this could happen to you. That's normal. Behave and you won't get a whooping. Enough said. That's by Abel Lewis. God damn.

These weird child relationships they have with their wives. By the end of this year, I'm going to have a daddy dom you watch. Hell yeah. You're trying to misbehave more. I'm deciding this during Pride Month. Okay, here's another question. You got time. No shame.

You've got half a year. What kind of people will not succeed in life? Okay, probably naughty wives. Naughty wives who don't cry fast enough. Whose floodgates are closed. Yeah, open the floodgates already. We're in line. The top response is by someone who claims to be a KGB officer.

I'm kind of afraid to read it, but maybe it'll be boring. Can you read it in an accent? Mikhail Konevich. Konevich. Back when I was training to become KGB officer, there was a two-part course which we had to undergo before we become certified. Chat.

Why is he a Twitch streamer? He's live on Twitch. Why is Russian in your head associated with Twitch? It's an operation they have. The way your brain, the wires are crossing your brain amazes me. We can't examine that right now. but I will read the rest normal because it would get old very fast.

Yeah, normal as in Russian accent because she's in the KGB. Although we did learn a few things during this course as a KGB officer, it was one of those experiences which weeds out individuals from a group as opposed to building the group up. The course had a 50% dropout rate

and only the overachievers were ever recommended to it in the first place. I'd gone to the course on my own as a mere KGB agent, so everybody was expecting me to fail from the very beginning. Why? What is the course for?

I thought it was to be a KGB agent. I don't understand. We'll have to read more. first part of this course was six months and the first three months were a joke we literally just reviewed basic protocols which basic kgb agents had to follow whilst being in perfect learning conditions eight plus hours of sleep a night all the food you could want alcohol here and there etc from the very start of the course there was one guy who just shined right through everybody else i'm going to conceal his name because countless people have been googling my name

attempting to learn everything about me and i just googled this man and he was one of the first search results so let's just call him vova i googled him and he was one of the first search results isn't that how it's supposed to work google vova i think that's not his real name his real name is something else oh you're right well that won't work then now regular protocol for kgb agents was mostly based on the individual's liking unlike how many people suggest the ussr actually valued agents who could accomplish certain tasks while thinking freely on their own accord after all overseas you're not going to have any help for available for the majority of the time what where is this going do we want to keep reading how long is this yeah you have to

keep reading this is his book vova was the perfect agent he was sharp athletic and he had a far more extensive education than anyone else in our group did this might also end up being porn by the way vova's hands were so strong when they wrapped around me it's hard to be a kgb agent with such a red bottle he said you want to keep a secret it becomes heated rivalry fan fiction me good old mikhail had already failed three protocol tests by the first week of the course i was in decent shape because i'd just gotten out of the army two years prior and although i would not go as far as to say that i was stupid i certainly was not sharp either i was literally at the bottom of the depth chart damn gradually over the course of six months i'd mastered all of the basic protocols

passed all the tests necessary to advance to the next stage and had even made the top five on the physical fitness depth chart, Vovo was still leading in everything. Wow. You really got to buy in for the first two-thirds of this story for the Act 3 payoff. After the six months had passed, we reached the next

final phase of our training. One month of constant testing in the form protocol scenarios followed by a final physical fitness test. That one month was grueling, Jesus Christ, because they had taken away all the luxuries which we had had in the prior six months, and I mean all of it.

Oh, no, not your beer every now and then. We were given one outfit to wear for that entire month, and that was not allowed to be washed. We had to work out in all these outfits as well. We were not allowed to bathe. We were stanky. This is just being on Survivor. We went from eating all we could want to eating rations,

which gradually decreased over that one month. We had to vote out one of our teammates. We had to listen to Jeff probes. I had to stand on a log. There were different teams. We had to wear what they call a buff. And I didn't like the color. The confessionals were very challenging.

People were voting at home. These are all Survivor things. I haven't seen the show. Neither have I. I've never seen one episode of it. I haven't either. I can't participate. Oh, you all have to watch it.

Did you know there's 50 seasons? I'll start now. Okay, great. Wait until you're done recording. We did not. Yeah, Claire, if you're watching Survivor right now, it's just not the time. It's misbehaving.

I can see it in the reflection of your glasses. I see Jeff Probst. Turn that off. We did not have a set time to wake up. Some nights we would sleep a full eight or more hours. However, most nights we would be abruptly woken up in the middle of the night for a surprise protocol scenario test.

This essentially happens to me with a baby. It was at this point that most of the dropping out had begun. 50% of our class had already dropped out by the end of the first week of that month. Since Vova was such a talented agent in every sense of the term, he had made it through the first week, but I could quickly tell he was being drained both physically and emotionally.

Vova was usually an energetic character who was well-grounded, and after the first week, he just seemed so different and distant. While we ate, he'd either be gazing on the ground or staring into the abyss. He usually led our group in our morning running routines, but now he's just kind of lingering in the middle, getting done with. He also started becoming overly emotional here and there to the point Vova. That if he screwed something up in a drill or test,

he'd have a short fit of rage, almost a mini mental breakdown. Okay, I'm relating to Vova in this moment. Vova is a BPD witch. Tag yourself, I'm Vova. Which little woman are you? I'm Vova. I am Joe March. You have no resolve.

You are Timothy Chalamet again. I am writing book. You are sickly girl who dies. Then we made it through our second week of starvation, sleep deprivation, and nonstop stress. Vova wasn't having it. For the first time in the entire course, Vova had failed the test, and every change in his behavior, which I noted in the first week, was further magnified by far. I, on the other hand, was also starting to feel drained.

I did not really get moody or anything, but I do recall feeling emotionless, almost like I was dead on the inside, although I definitely felt like I was getting weaker and slower as well. I was still one of our group leaders when it came to our exercise routines. Chapter two. Finally, the last week came around. It was test week. The first three days were very light on everything, except we had no sleep.

That's really hard. That is hard. The fourth day came around, and the first test we did was the 10-kilometer run. it was not too hard but after three days of no sleep it was agony what happened

a huge nightmare yeah I could not be in the KGB I guess no you could not I need my sleep you'd be a very silly KGB officer too

oh I'm pulling your nails out I need the codes I'm pulling your nails out oh I thought this was the end where it bolts

there's more oh my god okay also like this is such a classic example of toxic masculinity. It's like, don't worry, guys.

I didn't have a mini mental breakdown. I just became dead inside. The KGB was rife with toxic masculinity. It was a freaking boys club over there. Real sausage party. Okay, so Vova gave up. What happened? Vova gave up before he finished the first lap.

He had finally had enough. I, on the other hand, ran the full 10 kilometers, aced the remaining tests, and then became an officer in the KGB. Wow. Vova, the talented KGB agent who received countless recommendations for this course, the man who was literally built for this job,

had failed the course. Mikhail, the laughingstock of the entire group, who received no recommendations for this course, the man who was built for anything but this job, had passed the course. And so this is all about how you... So the answer is people who are sad can't succeed? You've got to show up.

It's a tortoise and a hare situation. I'm not reading the conclusion that goes on for another two pages. I'm just not going to read it. From the day I was born, I was thrown into a world of constant pain, abuse, and disappointment. I never expected anything but the worst. Yet I was determined to overcome all the adversity I was cursed with, and that became my motto for life. I was a fighter. I don't know much about Volva, but he was born with a lot of talent that I, to this day, don't have

and will never get. It seemed like he was pretty well off when I met him, but I know for sure that the only reason he even made it that far is because of his talents. When things got too hard for Vova, he had given up. Things don't get too hard for me. I don't know how to give up. About halfway through the 10-kilometer run,

I was literally running while unconscious. No, you weren't. No, you weren't. You were fucking lying. My legs were moving on their own accord. Vova was right about you. He was a talented person beyond anything which 99% of the people in this world can call themselves. He's just borscht with a silver spoon.

The KGB officer position did not work out for him, but he could probably be anything he wants in the world with his talent. Things will come easily for him, regardless of his effort. Now, as this was like 50 years ago, what happened to Vova? Did that happen? As for everyone else, the good, the average, the under average, basically anyone who is not extraordinary, be prepared to work be prepared to endure be prepared to push far beyond the point of feeling

drained and i promise you that you will be successful but if you have vova's mentality and give up you definitely will not get anywhere in life all of that mikhail out just to tell us that if you give up you'll fail it was it's a hashtag hustle monday post hashtag stack that bread hashtag vova mindset this is what i feel like linkedin is like yeah there's a over a lap for sure. I mean, the Lincoln is mostly former KGB officers. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I am a former KGB officer, currently immigrant living in the United States, currently stand-up comedian. Son of a bitch. I gotta watch this guy's stand-up. And he knows Krav Maga. We have to find his stand-up. It also said fiction writer. So is that all made up? Oh, maybe.

Wait a minute, he has a hilarious improv comedy song performance. We wanna watch Girlfriends, or do you wanna watch his song? I think I don't know This isn't him This is him That's the improv guy

Or maybe not I don't know It could be the improv guy So you wrote Mikhail In comedy into Oh you're right It's Michael Somerville Google

So it's going to be Fucking anything on Google It's not It's not going to be This random Senior citizen on Quora Damn I do want to see

What is this Mikhail's hilarious Improv comedy song performance It's not going to be him Probably right I don't know But I just want to see Let's hear him out

Who's got a A weird nickname I don't care about this guy I'm sorry this is proud fuck you fuck you I wanted to see his stand up

unfortunately wait go up I want to read the things he has done okay I have driven a

WW2 ART 34 while serving in East Germany that's awesome I have had my first kissed a kiss lost my virginity

and a threesome wow been in combat in multiple war zones back in the glory days. This is just a nice bullet list. Suppressed multiple fascist uprisings in East Germany.

Should I add to my resume that I've had my first kiss? Yes. How many fascist uprisings have you prevented? Not that many. And if you're wondering, guess I have had my first kiss. It was in a three-way. He says I'm

6'2 and 250 pounds, mostly of muscle. Please do not DM me asking for lifting advice. I know that I am a large band, but that does not mean I distribute free knowledge. I fucking... I desperately want to see this guy's comedy. You say that all the time, Alex. I do not distribute free knowledge.

Damn, that's fucking crazy. Okay, get off of Mikhail's page. Fine. I think I'm in love with him. I'm going to search his name one last time. Ladies, he's taken. He's a great writer. I just assume so.

Well, he's had a threesome. We know he's probably taken by at least two other women at the same time. Maybe just once, though. Jeremy, you've got to go back to Quora. You're driving me nuts, man. This is really good, though. This is just a guy linking to Quora on Facebook. You've got to just go back to Quora.

All right, all right. Wouldn't it be fun to see a former KGB officer's open mic? He's not a famous guy. You can't find him. Everybody's posting clips, baby. Do you think he was really a KGB officer? I don't know. Because I don't really believe it.

You think he's just a fiction writer? I do. You don't think he's even 250? Do you think he really had that threesome? Maybe 225. I believe maybe the threesome. A lot of people have threesomes. Even if it's fake, I want to see an 80-year-old guy doing stand-up at an open mic about, I don't know, being in the KGB.

I don't care if it's real. I feel like I've lived this dream, and it's less exciting than you would hope. He has a degree in engineering. I feel like he's probably an engineer. Right. Who wants to be a writer? He's driven a tank. You have to respect him and assume that he's really funny.

I bet we can find a guy who's been in the IDF doing stand-up comedy. Almost certainly. Definitely. Yeah. Go to the next question here. Okay. You don't want to read any more answers on it? That was only the first one.

Go to Quora. I don't want to read any more answers on it. is your romance questions and questions of love i gotta smoke the whole pack on philosophy there is taking viagra every time i have sex once a month bad i have porn induced ed and recovering currently but without viagra i can't get hard for intercourse with a real girl m27 no prev real sex except porn masked and an orgasm since 17 So this is someone who's been misbehaving. Yeah.

Mass is masturbating. Yeah, just mast. Maybe, except porn mast. If you're a pro at it, you just got to say mast. You don't have the time for that. Yeah, I've been masting. I'm mast for mast. So the question is, is it bad?

Is it bad to take Viagra every time you have sex, parentheses, once a month? But also you have never had sex. Well, without Viagra, I can't get hard for intercourse with a real girl. Sounds like part of his recovery is having sex once a month. With doctor's orders. Doctor's orders. The doctor sets you up with his daughter to help you become part of his family. Now, your parents were doctors, Alex.

Did you ever get set up with a patient who had a porn brain? I would kind of help him mast once a month just to make it feel normal. Do girls like being called real girl? I feel like that's probably not something that they're into. I love it. Yeah? It makes you like, oh, finally, a real girl. It validates.

It validates. Because I was actually a puppet, a marionette before. Right. And then I magically. You wish to be a real girl. Yeah, and so it's kind of affirming to me, actually. Be so hollow. But you're never misbehaving, so your nose probably didn't even change size at all.

Well, that's why I had to stop. Right. And that was sort of a. Too obvious. That was a neopet. Oh, my God. Wait, which one? I'm jealous.

Which neopet? I don't know. Claire, which Neopet were you? The one that looks like a wolf. I don't know. The one that gets sick and dies. I mean, since you were Neopet, you probably know them all and everything. So I wonder which one you were.

Dino. That's probably real. That sounds real. That was my favorite one. Marilyn says taking Viagra is not dangerous and you can take it whenever required. Well, then why do you have to go to the doctor for the last one in eight hours? Oh, yeah. So true.

Is that just because they'll deflate you? Yeah, they pop you like a balloon. They have to suck you off? Oh, pop you like a balloon. That really startled me. Just standard industry practice. That imagery. Too evocative.

That's on me. Marilyn says that it's debatable that there is porn-induced ED, and so maybe it's all psychological. I bet there is. I feel like there would be, right? She's just so scared of the real girl. I feel like people definitely break their brain watching too much porn. I don't know.

I think it's nice. All right. I think it's like if, you know, if this is working for you and you're okay with just taking a viagra forever, then like do your thing. But if you want to try and like wean off of it, wean, wean, I feel like then try that and see what happens. It's not a pirate ship without a mast. I'm going to take the other side and say you probably shouldn't be watching so much porn at 17 that you can't get hard anymore.

By the time you're 27? And have to take pills. But he's recovering, right? Right, right. He's recovering. He's in recovery. You have to respect his process. Is porn addiction a thing where it's like the one that leads to ED?

Is it a thing where you watch so much porn that you have to watch like crazier and crazier porn? Yeah. Probably. It's like when you're addicted to alcohol, you just need to drink more and more of the harder stuff. You need more of the hard stuff. A lot of people insist that porn addiction and sex addiction are not real. I know that. That's big discourse online.

Like Marilyn. Yeah, for real. But I feel like I've known people who can't stop jacking off. I knew someone who couldn't get a job because he was gooning all day, which to me sounds like some kind of addiction. It's probably the people saying that probably are trying to differentiate between like a medical addiction. That would be my guess. And like something that you just. A psychological.

Some sort of psychological where your brain is broken. To do real backseat medical advice live on the air here. Please do. From that one article. Can we get Alex to talk more about science on here? Here's the freaking fact. I fucking love science. from from that one article that came out a few months ago it sounds more like it is like a blue

light addiction or like phone addiction almost more than it's like a chemical addiction like you just get it's like a you're essentially ipad baby for life right but ipad baby makes you come right or but you can't come and unless you do a challenge right that's right and there are a lot of challenges where you can't come until the end and then you write your time in the comments is that what they do yes that's really funny all the time

they do battles it's like it's like being a neopet now that I know that there's a sort of leaderboard I might get into it it's gamified

it sounds like it could be a dick yeah I mean it sounds fun it does sound kind of fun we all agree it sounds pretty fun and that's why

you can ruin your penis by 27 I've never done the try not to cum challenge but now that I know I can be better at somebody than somebody

it does make me want to I wanna be the very best at coming really fast. No, you want to come... Wait, is it fast or slow? You would want to be slow, but I imagine you start fast.

Because you're trying not to come. Right. No, you're right, but after a while, after you've played this game enough, then you have to... Like, it's so hard for you to come that you're trying to come fast.

Okay. Does that make sense? He can't come at all. So to come fast would be good. I think the girls should role play... The real girls should role play as... Shout out to real girls. A hot single in his area.

Yes. I'm guessing that he's watching porn so much that he's well beyond single girls in his area and on to like horse fucking or something but whatever it is she could do it you could be a horse in my area of course I get a shower

oh no turn your gate down turn your gate down it's like I'm in a sink okay we fixed it right away I think Nick is just done watching stuff turned off i don't know man everyone says go to a doctor go to a doctor you're too young for that

here's ai telling you what to do i want to see what this guy's profile is what's it like to fuck a man on viagra that's one of the everyone's anonymous now what an awesome what an insolvable mystery this is what's it like to fuck a man of viagra this is a related question you absorb the viagra into your own system it's infectious that would be kind of cool jennifer tyler says i think it's respectful of them to tell you before because i've been with guys that have been then so hard and throw me around like a fucking barbie doll for over an hour and you start to realize they took something one guy admitted he just took it for sport and honestly between the olympic fuck he gave me and the good coke he'd allow me to stop and take it was a very memorable

fuck like shockingly memorable this is a consultant saying this this is someone in the kgb This is wild. The one thing is they tend to sweat a lot. So they sweat on your hair, all over your tits. If they're drilling you from behind, they are constantly sweating all over you. In Soviet Russia, Viagra take you. It's not a turnoff necessarily,

but that's how I know the guy is jacked on a double dose of Viagra and probably coked up. But their dick is hard, like coming through my abdominal wall hard. Sounds too hard. And they usually want to take it two or three more times before I call them an Uber and kick them the fuck out. You called them an Uber. She works for me.

Yeah, I fucked Vova. She works in D.C. So she's like a political consultant. Yes. She decides the laws for the country. What is she? Is she answering all sex questions? Not really.

Right. She's answering questions like, do you wear shoes? She's like, I wear sexy shoes. Oh, hell yes. Have you ever had gay sex at a local pool? She says not full on sex. okay but it's you and your boyfriend so it's not gay sex i think she was polish or russian oh my god we are very different once me and my boyfriend went to a really nice hotel in montreal

they had a beautiful indoor pool eventually another couple came in started swimming at the other end we started talking about city but the girl was ridiculously hot so we started swimming away from the other guys and we just started splashing and grabbing each other i think she was polish or russian all right we're just reading erotica yeah you're right i guess it is misbehaving in a way yeah happy pride happy pride yeah you're right to misbehave yeah okay she is just a porn person because people are asking questions like if i was at your house tonight what would i be eating and she's like my vagina she's so perfumed which is not good for your ph balance yeah oh think of the balance i don't know if this is a woman no i'm

I'm starting to agree with you, Claire. This is the same guy as Mikal. I don't think women are writing little panties, 90s porn shave. No. This is a guy writing about a woman. Chanel 19, I don't even think is a Chanel. I could be wrong. This is another fiction writer.

Okay. What was the other romance question we have here? What's it like to fuck a guy on Viagra? Then this is Miss Maven. Why did my boyfriend call me Sloppy Seconds? Oh, honey. This is in Friendship. This is messed up, honey.

This is on the Friendship Matters space. That's not right. You must have been Sloppy Seconds for him to say that. Asked and answered. Wait, there's no more context? No. I wonder how did this happen? Well, she was Sloppy Seconds.

She probably did something first, and then he was second. And she had maybe, like, she had just eaten a burger and had this on her face. She was sloppy, to say the least. Sacha Sandin says you've got to dump his ass. He lives in London. Hit the button. Yeah, button. You're in London.

But Sacha Sandin says you've got to dump him and that he doesn't deserve you and you're a rose. You're a real girl and you're a rose. um warning adult content below all right and this is from a widower this is from jack sullivan who enjoys the sciences uh he says he's calling you a whore a slut a prostitute literally speaking sloppy seconds is a term that refers to women who has already had sex with someone else and is still dripping with his semen i guess it does i've never thought about it this is a woman who is considered to have absolutely no self-worth or value at all, beyond being a cum bucket.

Jack! Also, this guy loves the sciences, sociology, and philosophy. Well, then he's saying it so, like, it's a definition. Yeah, he got this on dictionary.com. News alert, buttercup. You're a cum bucket. Sloppy

seconds. Parentheses. Noun. You are a cum bucket. Oh my god, I just realized is chum bucket? Is chum bucket a cum bucket? Yeah, that's what it is. No, it's just that's where you put Chum in. I think Spongebob is a nasty boy. Now, Claire was a writer for Spongebob. That's right.

So she has a show Bible on this. Claire, pull it up. Is Chum Bucket a play on Cum Bucket? I honestly wouldn't be surprised, but based on those guys who work there. Check the Bible. Animators are notoriously perverts. They're the horniest guys you've ever met in your life.

And they spend a lot of time gooning. I feel like they are sort of like Goony kind of guys They're inside kids You were the first woman writer for the show Ever right No not the first woman writer I was told I was the first woman to get

Like a single writers credit On an episode And the show had already been on for like 15 years Did you come up with Sandy Cheeks Yeah that was my idea The original idea was Red Cheeks red welted cheeks the squirrel do you know about chum buckets yeah they feed sharks with yeah for sharks i think that we're doing too many and then buckets are to feed like business sharks

yes i'm trying to get serious about the whales of wall street that's right there we go the big money players. Which is the crossover between the Wolf of Wall Street and the whale. The sequel we're hearing. I'm Leonardo DiCaprio. I'm passing a guy a pencil and I go, eat this pencil.

These petty stocks could fill a dollar menu. It's the whale of Wall Street. That's a good ass idea. I don't know how to get this off the ground. Kate, you're in L.A. How do we get this off the ground? I'm on it. I've already emailed five people about it.

Okay. Let's do a listener question and call it an episode. This is a disturbing one. No, I mean, unless you have something you want to put in there, Alex. Let me see one more question on the dock here. Just one more question on the dock. Do this last one. There's a good incel question I wanted to do about misbehaving here,

and this is in our Quokker segment. these are questions from the intel side of the internet it's a questions for men by men if a man dies and everybody has been living off the sweat of his brow do they mourn because they miss him or do they mourn because they now have to start roughing it wow well it depends on his personality yeah is it better to be loved or feared i think if you guys die and then i have to start editing the podcast i will i will be mourning you because of that right you're gonna be roughing it because you were roughing it not because you miss me well eventually i'll miss you because you guys are the ones who now you're roughing it huh you would quickly find another

guy in LA who could edit a podcast for you. Where? No one else could. Don't tell her other people could do that. She's going to be misbehaving. I want to see what people wrote on this one because I feel like there's going to be some poetic answers. I haven't checked. Apparently it had a different question with the word balls

in it originally. Right. They changed sweat of the balls to the sweat of his brow. That was a good punch up. Good fix there. Sweat of his brow is way better. I've never even heard sweat of his balls. Sweat of his balls. You are all living off the sweat of my balls. Till the sweat drip down my balls? Right.

Lest we forget. Motherfucker. This could be a mixed answer. They have been dependent on him for their livelihood, but couldn't they also feel attached to him emotionally? I believe it is possible. Now, when we let people live off of us, it is our fault, too, that they are not more independent. In some way, he

encouraged this behavior. Did he want to keep them with him? They are going to have a rough time because they were not prepared to be independent. People think they're loving when they did this for everyone. It backfires like it did here. In a way, it is the patriarch who is misbehaving. Whoa. I think

if you're living off the sweat of someone's balls, when they die, you gotta be buried with him like he's a mummy. What about the brow? Brow's a whole different story. Yeah, it's way less personal. Yeah, the balls are so intimate. I mean, for you to even get those in some kind of bucket.

Some sort of cum bucket. It was just fed to the heavy hitters What if Like brow Is very The imagery It's like what if

Frida Kahlo wrote this Yeah Yeah She was talking about Diego Rivera Or whatever Oh really That's what the question's about

The sweat of my balls Yeah maybe I could see him having Really sweaty balls Sure he's a big guy He's a big fat guy He lived in a hot area Mexico?

So probably, yeah. Maybe that's an episode we could do. The Diego Rivera Quora episode. We've got some urgency. Why not? Depends on how much sweat is left after he dies or how much they will be able to store for later. Obviously, Mr. Sweaty Balls can't take it with him

or wouldn't know anyone who was mourning him. So the reason really doesn't bother him anyway. He is dead. Pretty sure the ball sweat was freely given to look after the family not as a tool so people would miss him when he is gone.

That was kind of an iconic answer. Yeah, that was really good. And that's from a fire walker. What is a... What's a Tahitian fire walker? I don't know. Amateur.

I have no idea. We've been saving the best for last. Look at that answer right there. I love this guy. Is it fair for everyone to pay taxes

for universal health care even if they are healthy and may not need it? He says yes. Wow. Tahitian fire walker here. Yes. This is actually

Also, so humble to do this firewalking and not talk about it on your Quora profile at all. Yeah, so I think you light fire on the ground and then you walk over it a bunch. I thought this was like an army thing. I thought they make you do this in the army. What do you think Footed would think about this? Oh, Footed would love this. Footed's feet are probably pretty precious to him. I'm not sure he'd want to burn them on a Tahitian fire.

Maybe, but I bet he would like these guys' feet because they'd be all fucking weird and calloused. They know how to party. Look at their outfits. yes we have got to go to tahiti we gotta go it's episode 200 in like two weeks we should go let's fly out to tahiti let's walk on the flames call jennifer let's go to tahiti all right listener question okay right into us with your quora based questions lover that's quarators at gmail.com we would like to answer them please keep them under 30 seconds if you can this is our segment sorry just want to say real quick the guy who asked the question about the balls sweat his most recent

question is when a gay guy beats up a bully why don't the police and newspaper get involved there's too much discourse i can't discuss that what does that mean the gay crime in this country is out of control opening the new york times it just says like gay guy beats up bully that means he definitely got beat up by a gay guy there i was doing my normal bully stuff oh man he's from Unkville, Connecticut. It says Unkisville. Whatever. Whatever.

All right, this is our segment, Is That Okay? Is that okay? Okay, I'm going to click on one. Hi, Quora. I was born Lutheran, but I'm agnostic now. What's the best religion for me to convert to when I turn 30? Oh, turning 30 is a big deal. You need a really good religion to follow up with it.

How about Islam? Oh, yeah. Islam's always a good one to convert to. When in doubt, Islam. Isn't it the most popular in the world? I think so. Time to join team number one. What about Mormonism?

I don't think you hear about many people converting to that, so that could be a fun one. Normally you start in there and it's kind of like a tribal bonus. But aren't they always doing mission trips? Are they not converting people? I don't think people are. trying to take in what they're selling. I gotta say, just from agnosticism, that's like

declassing. You can really go from anywhere to there. Your branches are wide open. You're like Ditto, the Pokemon. You're pretty much Ditto or Dedo from Neopets. The only issue with Islam is that if you do eventually go to

prison, you'll have nothing to convert to. Right, because you'll already be there. Because that's kind of like the big one to do in prison. So if you're going to misbehave later on. Scientology feels like the most misbehave. It also helps your career a lot of the time. I would also say Scientology,

but if you do go to jail, then you can have a fun Islam arc. It is expensive, Scientology, though. Well, it's worth it. Eventually you want to end up in jail. You're going to go to jail. You get really muscular and you convert to Islam. That's the move.

That's what I would do if I go to jail. That's what we're all doing. That's been the show. kate thank you so much for misbehaving with us thanks guys i feel like i can be a real bad boy now that's right go out and break the law excited where can our listeners find you at home and abroad oh they can find me on social media at kate zazowski and um yeah my album will be out june 26th anywhere where you can stream it's called garbage plate and i'm excited it's gonna be fun i feel like that's like right when this is gonna come out probably oh my god that's perfect

that week i think when is it about june 26th yeah something like that something like something around that and if it's not that everyone be nice online because i don't i don't need to hear about this shit it's the damn you have a big garbage plate bit in it i do i basically i mean i talk about growing up in rochester moving to la and i kind of compare the lgbt community to a garbage plate sure what a very various plate you play with so many flavors inside so many flavors so many tastes right a lot of variety a lot of chaos the american melting pot but it's a garbage plate absolutely beautiful anything goes in the plate sorry i said it was gross he's like yeah that was really homophobic actually little did you know he's old-fashioned we're trying to talk just talk

it out with him i only eat with like uh plates that have little dividers keep my very pure peas next to my very orange carrots or whatever sure sure my mashed potato everyone's different all the ketchup on one side that's right uh if you would like more of our show to kind of just educate jeremy we have a patreon episode every thursday so you can double your dollars double your trouble and that is just five dollars for a whole month of extra podcasts on patreon.com slash coordinators We would love to see you there. We're doing LinkedIn this week. Oh, that's exciting.

We're on LinkedIn. We're going to get a job. Yeah, that's right. And I'm going to save my energy for that now. No more from me. That's it. Starting now. Okay, goodbye.