Quorators - Must I Be Despised? w/ Lawson Leong

Episode Date: July 31, 2023

Comedians Alex Ptak and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: Who is better than Goku? Why shouldn't you boil hot dogs? What happens to elderly people? ----- Check out Lawson on Talking Naruto, Ballin Out Super, and The Professionals podcast COME TO OUR LIVE SHOW AUGUST 5th in NYC https://caveat.nyc/events/quorators-8... Get even more Quorators @ http://patreon.com/quorators  Send quoras and qommunicate on our discord https://discord.gg/7pPYuKuYCr Watch the show on http://youtube.com/@quorators Listen to Alex's audio drama series Theater of Delights  https://soundcloud.com/theaterofdelights/sets/season-5-gran-nidorino

it's the quora boys we're back another week at the greatest podcast i'm jeremy this is alex we got a live show coming up this is our last episode before the live show please come to it it's in new york city it's on august 5th we've got our best chorus for it we're really excited and needless to say if you don't come the blood is on your hands no further explanation necessary we have a very exciting guest for you this week this is a legendary comedian from the county of kings the fallen out super podcast zone lawson leong lawson welcome to the show what's up fam thanks for having me i mean i've been called a park slope legend before yeah oh yeah it's a thing that i definitely didn't start and continue to this day

Yesterday when we were doing an episode, I was saying you should start a court show called Rule of Lawson. Oh, fuck. Yeah. And you should be a Judge Lawson on it. Oh, oh, and this is reminding me I sent you all those pictures of Japan of the Lawson store. Hell yeah, fam. I'm huge there.

You're huge. Your name is up in lights. I fund New Japan Pro Wrestling. I sent you those. I got no response. I was like, I've really upset Lawson by showing him that his name is up in lights. I just did the thing where I looked at it and enjoyed it and then said nothing back.

Alex thought that they Zuckerberg'd you out of the business and that he brought shame to you. I want you to know now that I enjoyed them all. I just forgot to respond in any way. Yeah. This is like the original guy who missed out on CVS, this deal. Is that a thing? That's the kind of store Lawson is.

Is there a CVS guy? I don't know. Duane Reade is the rock. It's two streets. Two streets, huh? Duane Street and Reade Street, I think. Duane Reade, by the way. Or it's a guy.

I don't fucking know. Sounds like a guy. I don't know anything. I know so few things. Is Maybelline a person? Jeremy. I don't know. What is that?

Is that a sore? Maybe it's Maybelline. It's the fragrance? No, wait. Here's the question while no women are in the room. What is Maybelline? I really don't know what that is. It's a perfume.

Is it perfume? It's perfume. Parfume? Parfume. Like how a pirate says it? Parfume is like if your perfume is just okay. It's par, parfume. Yeah, the average perfume is parfume.

They're down the road. I smelled our parfume. Yours is better than ours. We're doing like a golf pun. You get to do a silly voice. Yeah, it's a lot more fun. Ahoy. Ahoy.

What is Maybelline? Parlay parfume. The second I find out what Maybelline is. Where be the Maybelline? It's over for the British Navy. This is a new character pirate who talks with, like, Twitter slang. What you doing in this situation? A buccaneer on your ship.

What that hook do. I love what that hook do. I love pillaging and plundering and being totally based. What is a group chat? Or what is a pirate ship if not a group chat in the olden days? The face when your first mate commits a mutiny. Anyone have a link for Blue Sky? Oh, by the way, if you are not watching on the YouTube, I made a face.

It wasn't just the sentence. Well, I'm glad we got all that out of the way. That was important. Lawson Do you think that the Sorry real quick One last pirate joke Do you think that the British equivalent in that

Are like the blue check people talking to Elon The pirates are like Show me what that hook do And then the British people are like Good idea sir I love your new plans Admiral ban him Ban this man

Admiral Elon I love your new idea To make ships cool again Commodore Bluecheck? So many pirates have been trolling me on the seas. Excellent vessel, sir. You've done it again. Back to what I was saying. So, yeah, Lawson.

What is it about again? Have you been on Quora? I have been on Quora a little bit. Oh, great. So the show is we read Quora. Oh, cool. Yeah. I didn't know that.

He said live. It's an academic show. We don't make fun of it. A lot of people think we make fun of Quora. We just read it. I really don't feel like I'm always making, I'm more using the questions as prompts. Right.

Yes. To then express myself through my art. Well, don't say that. That's like explaining how podcasts work to people. That's like revealing the magic of it. Well, I want them to know how the magic works. Then they can learn that they can do it. I'm their only friend.

I don't want people to think that anyone can do a podcast. No, there's only like 20 podcasts in the world. It must be gate kept. Yes. First of all, it couldn't be farther from the truth. It takes a real soldier to put this kind of stuff out. I'm starting a new podcast called Podcast Gatekeeper. This is where I gatekeep podcasts.

Yeah, every episode you listen to a new podcast and you say, you should end this. Thumbs up or thumbs down. It's like a really negative shark tank. People come in and they're like, talk about movies. And you're like, there's a million of those. What do you bring to the table? I'm doing one about The Office. Kill yourself.

I just, I'm not seeing it. We're the ladies and we were in the office. Isn't it funny that there's like, I think like some of the other office cast members have their own podcast about the office and they're not the most popular one. That's so grim to me. There's three of them, I think.

Like Kevin from the office has his own office podcast and it's like, you're on the show. Why would you listen to that one? No. Why would you listen? Have you seen the show? Kevin is like not anyone's favorite on the show. No, he went to my college to do stand-up the year before I graduated.

What's up? I know Kevin from The Office. No, I didn't see him. I'm best friends with Kevin from The Office. He's always saying this, folks. We were in math class together, me and Kevin. He used to cheat off your answers? Yeah, he's really dumb is the thing.

I don't know if that's mean to say, but Kevin from The Office is low-key kind of dumb. He's dumb, low-key. I'm a sly. all right uh let's read some i was just even trying to remember like what we're talking about every week we ask a quora so um i don't i honestly have no memory of what the fuck we asked oh we didn't even make a playlist whatever who gives a shit oh yeah shit who cares we'll just we'll just go through it oh oh god okay so the question is from uh amber flannery field uh will i get a chance to see my son ever again now this question is more abstract for us yeah as we have yet to

produce an heir and that is a big issue in monarchy yeah can you imagine alex with a son i can't i don't know i feel like a real daughter pilled i feel like i'm just shooting x's down here yeah you're a tic-tac-toe i can't explain why i'm just shooting straight x's i've just it's like uh your ally ship is ranked i think and that's like oh you're such an ally that you can't have a son i can't even have a son because i throw up support the patriarchy you refuse to support the patriarchy yeah interesting honestly if a doctor was like congratulations you're you're going to have a son i would just throw up yeah that makes sense throw up right then and there yeah you're like a reverse sparta yeah yeah that's what in what way because sparta they would get rid

of the girls uh they'd be like no we don't need that shit but you're this is how the woke mob has destroyed our strong species this is how they've destroyed sparta having a son abort it okay so i get a chance to see my son ever again i guess the question is if i have one and so uh we're gonna see what quora said uh we didn't get any answers from real people we just got not to say that our our listeners are fake people you're real and you're valid oh no uh we got one from this guy his name is carlos who didn't put scrambled eggs he said nope never you don't deserve him now carlos i don't know where this is coming from that's pretty mean yeah there's a lot of negativity there and i do not deserve it we are proud fathers yeah um okay i'm gonna close that

I found some We'll do better today Is that a Frasier reference by the way? Do they eat eggs in Frasier? I don't remember I never watched Frasier Why would you say that then? Because it's like

Doesn't he say like He eats something salad and scrambled eggs In his jazz song? Yeah Is that what it is? In the intro? Oh man Now we're

Alright Now we're just like really opening our vulnerabilities to Frasier lore in a way that's really dangerous. We simply must move on. I was just so much more comfortable with the pirates because I know more about them than Frasier. That's true. Also, live action One Piece coming out.

Anyway. Slam the Quoker button. We're doing Quoker today. There's no playlist. So we're just going raw. Nope. There it is. This is our Incel and Manosphere segment. You might know this theme song.

Yeah. A little bit. it's the joker's theme song it's the quokka this is like if the joker was on quora so it's the quote you might recognize this song as um from being what if the joker was on quora yeah this is what plays when he's typing yep okay so um this is a appropriate question for you two boys who is better than goku oh good question it's like it's like uh who better than canyon for the wrestling fans out there. Who better than Cage? Who better than Goku?

Who is better than Goku? Who better? A little someone named Jesus Christ. Okay, so all the comments are going to be other anime characters, but I think we should first tackle who is better than Goku? What does better mean?

I'm going to go on a limb and say the Prophet Muhammad. Okay. And Alex is going to put a photo of him. I don't actually know. You're going to put an image on the YouTube? Actually, I can't usually find one, but I can like draw one

it's hard to find one it's difficult to find head to the YouTube to see that image the thing is um Goku provides almost no civil service

I think maybe firefighters uh the mailman yeah um waste removal people

this might be controversial but um fucking Gohan bitch okay so we got hold on now we've got mailmen we've got waste removal

people and we have Gohan Gohan who works at the bank or something my pacifist he's like a scientist it's really not clear what gohan does what he does is not pay attention to his daughter and have piccolo watch her instead which he learned from his father yes he did now my question for you guys is what what is what do you mean by better like because i think the question probably means fighting wise but i think we mean morally right when i put the word goku martin luther king martin luther king and

his son yes he was also did a lot yeah him too martin luther king jr in catholicism we believe If Martin Luther King and his son are the same person. Martin Luther? Just Martin Luther? And the holy civil rights ghost. They're all the same. But the thing is, Goku is so strong that I don't think a lot of people could beat him in many ways. True.

I mean, Goku did save the Earth a couple times. He did, and then there is a reciprocal effect of how many times did he save the Earth before it was kind of his fault the Earth was even in danger in the first place because of how many times he saved it. Did MLK Jr. ever save the Earth? Well, in a way. In a way. In a way he did. In his own way. He had a dream.

He had genjutsu in his dream. Yeah. Which is illusion magic. By the way, I'm sorry that this has made it onto the course. He had genjutsu. Alex Patak said MLK Jr. had genjutsu. Look it up. Read a book for once in your life.

This man's cultured. cultured. People are always misusing MLK's quotes. All sides of the political spectrum are misattributing his genjutsu. I don't know how to use that word. There's a real impression to be done here of MLK Jr. doing

oh my woe shinderu. He got assassinated before he could complete the moon's eye plan. I think that was part of it. Really deep cut. I don't know any of these things, but I like the specifics. I just like hearing it. I keep wanting to talk more about MLK.

That's not the prompt Mother Teresa Isn't she like kind of bad She got reverse cancelled She's over the hill She got straight up regular cancelled We cancelled Mother Teresa She was grooming

And Gandhi It was Gandhi and Mother Teresa that got post cancelled Wait no no Gandhi's been cancelled a while The thing about Gandhi is like England should still own India So all those people who said that Alex Patak

Quote, England should still own India Wait a second All of his work in ending that Was a big problem for me That's the thing we cancelled him for You might be thinking of the Dalai Lama That's the one where they were like He kissed a young boy on the lips

And people were like, you can't be doing that I guess the Gandhi thing was longer ago than I The Gandhi thing was a while ago What, 40s, 50s? well he also famously loves uh nuclear missiles in the game sieve yeah oh right yes of course yeah that's true that's that's bad all right i'm gonna aiming i'm gonna narrow this conversation okay who is better than goku somewhat haywire um maybe i don't even so who do we have so far we've got jesus gohan firefighters mailman martin luther king jr martin luther king jr

not gandhi not mother teresa saitama i don't know who that is he's the one punch man okay and the reason he wins fights is because the gag is really hard he wins in one fight i'm gonna say neo from the matrix sure okay because uh he's keanu yeah it's just oh yeah checkmate goku i don't know keanu loses sometimes though and goku kind of never does though i mean did goku ever i guess banged out chichi but he didn't bang out trinity is that how we're i don't even know what we're saying okay let's read some comments okay um all right let's see for me daddy goku is number one for me he always makes me happy that's a really good point for me daddy goku is number one for me i'm always saying is anybody i think the best person is who makes you happy and one person

posted a photo of their dog oh that's nice which is a great answer yeah my freaking dog is i mean a lot of dogs are probably better than goku i heard that um let's see somebody does say chichi heart disease beats goku at one point so i guess dr fauci true dr fauci is better than goku is better than goku dr fauci that's i've been waiting to say that our coordinators that's been a long All right, we can end the podcast. It's kind of been a long road to here. The mech that they make at the end of Gurren Lagann. Someone said Princess Peach, especially if she's in Luigi's outfit.

What does that mean? What does that mean to you? It's something horny. Someone says Vegeta. Factually wrong. Simply never true. All right, that's enough of that question. Let's move on.

It's wrong. I mean, Piccolo's a better father. Okay, well, we had to do that one. This feels like it's in the wrong section This feels like maybe it's core romance But oh no maybe not Anyway what kind of mandatory minimum Should be put in place when an ex-girlfriend

Falsely accuses you of a crime I see why you say that But no you're right Because it's an ex-girlfriend So then you would have a girlfriend first No but this is an incel question But this is a question you write When you've

When you've sworn off women Forevermore When you've factually committed a crime When you're going your own way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People know about that? The men going their own way? And MGTOW, baby.

MGTOW. You can go your own way. Can we just give a moment for all of the men who've been falsely accused of crimes? Moment of silence? Moment of silence for them? Yeah. That's something you want in a podcast. It's always good.

You have to have a moment of silence on a podcast. A great bit to include. I love asking for a moment of silence on a podcast. My favorite thing is when I'm listening to a podcast and I accidentally pause it without realizing, and I think they're just doing the weirdest bit for like a full minute. Oh, they got to cut that. That's a big egg in the soundboard there. Well, what kind of mandatory minimums?

Okay, well, first, before we get into this, I want to say, what crime? What do you think the crime is? Oh, it's usually, like, you stole. Because, like, I feel like the main one is probably, like, a sex crime. But I want to eliminate that because it's not fun to talk about. But let's assume he's just, like, yeah, he stole something. Yeah, he robbed from the bank. He stole all that money from the bank.

Like, I mean, yeah, if we take that out, It's probably like some kind of... Jeremy, I thought he was so nice, but after we broke up, he robbed that bank. Or like maybe property damage or exploitation. Monetary exploitation. My girlfriend keeps accusing me of arson. I did not burn down my own house to collect the money.

My damn ex is telling the police I cracked the Liberty Bell. That was the British. Wasn't even close. I'm French. um mandatory minimums also usually just uh well that's like an amount of time you're in jail so that's like uh yeah if you're accused of a crime if you get a if you get convicted you cannot go below that amount of time jail time yeah so i think the kind that should be put in place for uh ex-girlfriend lies oh it's like the electric chair probably if you're not if you're not an

ex-girlfriend you just go to jail for like a month if you're a girlfriend previously you must always tell the truth your power is too great that's the law it's a spider-man situation who is better than goku ex-girlfriend they have more power than anyone else for people who don't know that men going their own way are incels who've decided that they've sworn off women like they're on a keto diet or something. You're like, I'm off sugar.

I'm done with women. They become like monks. Like anime style monks, I believe is the intention. From what I've read, they almost posit like a philosophy. Yeah. Like it's like you could wake up men. Wake up men. You could just be goaded by yourself, homie. Stop cuddles.

It does really seem like a call to just a mass action of becoming gay, but that isn't what they think no no they're not gay that's the thing they're like we are swearing off women and don't think about what we're doing next hanging out at the gym in droves you are coming over my house and never seeing a woman again yeah and we're gonna watch netflix netflix has so many of today's top titles we're gonna stroke each other's knees gently oh that sounds nice as we take in

Puss in Boots I'm trying to see if there's anything worth reading on this because most people are like, none, that seems ridiculous It's wrong to tell women they need minimums Dixie L. Davis, which is a crazy name who is a constitutional scholar says the same kind of mandatory minimums

that should be in place for men who falsely accuse their ex-girlfriends of falsely accusing them of committing a crime Reversal! Reversal! Counter! Objection! But then would there be a mandatory minimum for the ex-girlfriend who falsely accused the boyfriend of falsely accusing the ex-girlfriend of falsely accusing the boyfriend.

Counter! That's how we know. I'm just yelling like fighting game. It's so important to go your own way. Press triangle in Kingdom Hearts 2. Triangle. Yeah. Don't play Kingdom Hearts.

Don't do it. You're going to end up friends with Nikki. Counterspell. Okay. so yeah i think that they should i don't know what they should be specifically but they should also go for men who are who lie about women lying i do think it's funny the idea that like it's like hey uh did you lie about this yeah but are you his ex-girlfriend nah are you fine think of how hard it would be yeah just lie about whatever if you're not his ex-girlfriend cares but if you use

the date go in a fucking chair think of how hard it would be to be a judge if this these kind of laws are on the books you're a jury you're like on a jury and you have to figure out whether or they were actually dating because they only went on like three dates and they like did over the pants stuff. First of all, I would need to know the defendant's body count. I'm like the 12 angry men. I'm the one juror who's

just like, I don't think they dated. It's like the proposal, but for a crime. I don't think these two actually fucked. Yeah. But kiss him right now. Kiss him right now if you fucked.

i mean if you sure he burned your house down but my client says that they've fucked no cap and yet the defendant will not kiss him all right um let's move on to another one yeah i think we've really exhausted pirate was on twitter remember when the movie dodgeball just had a character who was a pirate yeah that's funny That's a good job. That's like a good job. Okay. So you added this one.

Laser blazer. My IQ is 210. I'm the third smartest person to ever exist. How do I monetize this? Jeremy told me this one before the show, and I cannot get over this. It's a good question. This cannot be real. Most of these people are like, I am the smartest man alive.

What should I do? But this guy's like, how do I make money off of this? I gotta make money off of this. Now, all the answers are basically just like, if you're so smart, why don't you figure it out? I mean, that's a great point, though. It is a good point. It is a good point.

But I think we should brainstorm. How can this guy make some cash? If he's doing the limitless thing, he should be like, I'm already the president, actually. So it doesn't matter. All right. So how do you monetize being a really smart guy? Maybe have people ask you questions. Sell the answers.

I mean, OK, so this is just maybe there's a little projection. What I do is I'd start a podcast. I know. I was going to say the same thing. Yeah, it's a big projection. Where you find questions and answer them Maybe they're all in one convenient location Somewhere on the internet somewhere

This is just how I would do it Like a website that has all the questions Consolidated somewhere Who are the top two I wonder Einstein and I'm the third smartest to ever live Yeah That does imply that we're supposed to know the first two

Or is it Number one, Goku Oh he doesn't ever exist That's crazy The IQ test was created like 20 years ago. Yeah, what the fuck? The IQ comes up on here every third question. It is most of the website.

Also, this person put, I'm the smartest, not I have the third highest IQ. No, yeah, third smartest person ever. Like you're just taking this in face value. Also, I don't believe his IQ is 210. Well, it is. He took a test that told him that. Do you think, would an IQ test ever lie to you to give you the ultimate test of like you should know that you're so smart? that's very interesting like that's super big brained yeah it's possible so if you get a really

low score that's actually them hiding your true strength see like there's a lot of these of like i have an iq of 500 what should i do i have an iq 148 and it is in the genius domain i don't feel like a genius like am i a genius this guy's just like how do i make cash yeah what do i how do i cash in on this okay let's take it for money can we really just think of money ideas for five seconds and not worry about the fact that he got we're all men in our 30s if I knew how to make money boy would I be doing it

I'd become a titan of industry crypto get in on crypto probably you do that thing where well first of all get a suit you gotta have a suit I think I would

try to join the circus like you know how they have like uh the world's tallest man or whatever like you could like people ask you questions not even that you just take the iq test at the circus and people like give you money to watch i'd have a strong woman behind me so i could be a great man sure that's a good point so you're probably getting a girlfriend like a truthful girlfriend people have never really thought about that that who lifts that interesting dynamic because it's like behind every great man is a strong woman so if you don't have a strong woman behind you you cannot be a great man it doesn't matter how smart you are you are not going to make any money you cannot be great get a strong woman get a

strong yeah because you're too loveless you stop going your own way yeah step one turn around you were going the wrong way yeah no no the the paper's over here my good man men going the wrong way go get a strong woman going the wrong way uh yeah dudes were lost on the fucking turnpike That would be a great tweet in 2014. Send that back in time. We're going to get that back there. How can I monetize this? Start a Patreon.

We're all in on the clout economy. Use your massive brain to get clout. I don't know. Become a supervillain. Make a death ray. Definitely start on Quora. Threaten to kill the government. Get like pieces.

Oh, like, oh, oh, donate your cum. Okay. That's a good idea. Well, don't donate it. Sell it. Yeah, cum in too many jars. Yeah. Over like two years.

Do like a lemonade stand, but for your cum. Yeah. Where you're just like, high IQ cum, $5 a pop. Yeah. And then people can buy it and they can be like, oh, yeah, I'm going to stick that in my pussy. Well, the thing is. Yeah, yeah. Jeremy, don't be gross.

That's how it works. It's a cum stick. If you're going to save cum over a long time, it's important that you keep it neutral so no bacteria grows on it. That means it either has to be hot or cold. Kitchen rules. Cold as fuck, bro. So you can keep it on, like, a boiler or, like, just like a pan. Don't put boiling cum in your pussy.

I'm not boiling my cum, bro. No, I'm just saying to keep it clean. I started projecting. Boston wrote this question. He's like, yeah, no, put that one in. Let's see if we got some answers for the person. How do I monetize my big-ass IQ? You don't want to boil it, but you want it to have, like, the steam coming off.

Sure, sure, sure, sure. If it was me. Medium hot. I would always freeze my cum if it was me. Okay. You're freezing it. I would freeze it. If it was me.

This is something you could do tomorrow, Oz. Get it to a nice simmer. That's true. How do you know I have it, Alex? You don't know? That's true. This podcast is gross. I'm like a trace.

Yeah, it's really gross. I don't feel like it used to be gross. Is that wrong? Has it been gross the whole time? No, it's been gross the whole time. Okay. All right. Never mind.

I've just developed some dignity. It's my old age. We just took a week off. I looked at a lake for a while and said, is this what it's really all about? No more. You looked at that lake, you saw your own reflection and said, no more. I got to stop telling people to boil cum. I could be better.

You got to boil your cum. You're like two days back in New York City. Boil it. Keep it hot. If you're not boiling your cum, you're an idiot. If you're not freezing your cum by the time you're 20, you're an idiot. Yeah, but if you're not boiling it by the time you're 30, you're a dreamer. You might as well be MGTOWing.

How does that work? You know what? Let's not even. You got to turn around and go back to it. All right. So the answer is start a Patreon. The answer is start a lemonade stand for your cum. Sell it $5 a pop.

It's boiling. Keep it in one of those soup things where it stays hot. Sit in one of those cardboard stands with a little baseball cap on it. Yeah. Crockpot. Crockpot. Crockpot. Just get a fucking soupy cum.

Read the next one, please. Okay, this one is, I posed this question to Lawson. He said, you must ask me this on the podcast. The question is, can Asians survive for one year without eating rice? Now, I'm going to interject and say, I am against this question. Because it is wrong. It's clearly just the racist version. How can a question be wrong, Alex?

There's a lot of, there's, Orientalism is steeped. There's British maps. Yes. Alex feels that the British occupation of Asian countries was wrong and that they should have gone specifically to India only. Sorry, East Asia. The Indian subcontinent is, in fact, a large part of Asia. It's true.

Without that meddler Gandhi, we would still have it in our claws. Alex watched RRR and thought it was a horror movie. No! They're stealing the girl back. She's ours. It's a tragedy. My little caged bag. it's a tragedy

that film a three hour tragedy can't Asian survive for one year without eating rice I don't think I could yeah the reason it surprises me

is that like there are periods of history where people like just eat rice for like a very long time like generations and I cannot believe it rice is good

rice is kind of like if you could just season it I have so many flavors every day no we're we're living in you know

we're living in flavor country flavor town we're in New York City baby We got everything good here except Mexican food. But besides that, everything else here is pretty goaded. Which is crazy because there's so many Mexicans here.

And yet, who knows how this works? We didn't get the best ones. This is a safety school city. They trickled all the mid ones out from the south. Anyway, back to this sort of racism. The other racism. Boston is actually Chinese and Puerto Rican. So we're covered on every direction.

You guys are goaded, everybody. But also, so here's a big question. Lawson can make fun of Mexicans. He's Puerto Rican. I've been trained to since birth by my sweetheart. Sorry. Anyway, I don't mean to interrupt you. Could you survive without rice for a year?

No, it's funny because as you guys have brought up, like, I'm pretty sure we all eat rice now. I love rice. It's not just like an Asian thing anymore. We all eat rice. I'm addicted to this stuff. It's like potatoes. It's like a superfood kind of thing. Off Mike, Lawson was saying that this sounds like a Mr. Beast challenge.

Yes, and it would be a great one. I brought in 10 Asians. Let's see which one of them could go a year without eating rice. If they make it a year, they get a million dollars. I'm seeing him make the face. I'm seeing him make the face when I close my eyes. That's awesome. The second place gets this Toyota Camry.

All right, Mr. Beast. I would love that for that to be a real show. Kind of. Just give me half of whatever you make. That's a great character. Racist Mr. Beast. Mr. Racist Beast. I brought in 10 black people to see if they would rob this one guy.

Oh, no. If they don't rob him, they get money. Okay, Mr. Beast, all right. Mr. Beast. I broke into the mayonnaise factory to see if your mom's there. I gave these 10 Puerto Ricans a knife to see if they knew how to use it. This is the whole thing about Mr. Beast is that money is always on the line. these are just like racist moneyless challenges can these 10 jews solve the holocaust challenge

we put them in the holocaust challenge exactly we've reinvented the auschwitz camps can they escape can they escape auschwitz that's a challenge is that so different from doing real life squid games i mean yeah he did do real life squid games he did i mean i think over a long enough period of time like if mr beast like was immortal we would definitely get there we would get to the point just ejecting his output is prolific yeah yeah he would have ideas at some point he must have an iq of at least 210 yeah 210 at least yeah he wrote that question six years ago and someone said i don't know started youtube and now he did yeah it's pretty clouded now i don't know count to a million and he did that that's his first big video he counted to like a hundred

thousand wait really yeah it's like a 30 hour video it's just him being like one two three four he's got that golden voice he watched one piece during it i think oh really yeah that would really be distracting for me like i think i'd lose count probably i would suck if i start over be too busy can asians survive for one year without eating rice the answer is yes next question reply the answer is yes we still have noodles baby you didn't think of that did you there's It's a big picture of dumplings. Yeah, we still get dumplings and noodles and rice noodles, bitch. Yeah.

Many people in northern China do not regularly eat rice, if at all, in a remote area. This is not answering the question. It's more of a southern Chinese thing, I think. Yes, I do think so. I'm an Indonesian myself, and Indonesia is a rice-eating nation. This is a very funny question, because it's like, oh, if only there were two billion people alive who could answer it. If you asked me this question more than 10 years ago, I would probably have said no. But in the past 10 years, I have learned to reduce my rice consumption.

I am now comfortable in eating other staple food like potatoes, bread, and pasta, for example, instead of white rice. Therefore, I am ready to take this challenge, should there be one. I hope this answers your question. Everybody thinks Mr. Beast is getting involved in this. This person fucked up Food Pyramid. Here's a fucking cell phone picture of spaghetti on a paper plate. and then his qualification is lived in the Netherlands.

Yeah. My money real good. Look at the spaghetti I got. Very cool, dude. I eat all kinds of grains now that I thought about it. I'm just a grain man. I'm a de-grain man.

I'm maybe even better than Goku. Debatably. I love this because it's just like people who are, they just love to give their little stories. Like this guy says, yes, I'm fully Japanese. I was born there and grew up there.

However, at the age of eight, I went to a boarding school in the UK. It's like, what are you talking about? Well, they'll teach you not to have rice there. Yes, that's basically what it says. People selling for this racist question is giving me life, as the kids say. People just answering this for face value. Everybody just wants to chat.

It's true. Okay, let's read another one of these. Oh, we're out of... We're out of incel questions. Yeah. Oh, man. Let's see. Let's see.

Oh, do forbidden knowledge. I found some good ones. Okay. Let's do this one. welcome to forbidden knowledge the the quora segment where what you can't ask that that's forbidden the context here is that there's an actual segment on quora called forbidden knowledge people ask questions okay and um we just think that's funny because it's clearly not that forbidden yeah you can share it a little bit like they cut out like it's like the back of

the video store with the point yeah like hey go through the beaded curtain we're gonna ask you ghosts are real okay um but these are just random questions that we thought are appropriate for that segment so this one wording on this one real good i don't believe that the americans walked on the moon must i be despised for denying that fact must i be despised must i be despised sorry that i don't believe in the moon landing the question isn't about the moon landing it's about whether he should be despised no yeah the question we don't even talk about the moon landing okay because that's not the question he's not saying is there did they light on the moon no that's no moon that's his prerogative he does not believe must i be despised but must i be despised for it i don't

think this person has to be despised they have to be despised sure you can't it's understandable why many might despise i'm not a huge fan of america so maybe i'm a little biased you don't think that they should walk on the moon i mean i don't give a fuck you don't think it's america's god-given right to walk on the moon all the time what do you like about america it's such a cool place it's pretty you know lawson kind of thinks the moon should be left alone that's a lot of it that's really yeah i'm just sick of people i think it should belong to britain absolutely That's very brave of you to say in 2020. The crown.

The jewel of the crown. Finally, the British monarchy has stolen the moon. The moon. That was their plan. Last year. I like that this question is like a classic case of like people who shouldn't go to therapy. You know what I mean? Because it's like someone who has taken the language of therapy to be like, I think the moon landing is fake.

And that's my truth. That's my truth. Maybe you shouldn't hate me for my beliefs. Must I be a spy? My religion. Must I be despised? We've been collectively gaslit by thinking that there was walking around on the moon when that baby is pure pristine up there.

Give it a pat. So much for the tolerant moon believers. I mean, I don't know if I'd call it pristine. There's a bunch of craters and shit in it. Yeah, but they're pristine craters. That's true. They've got like a good sheen on them. Yeah.

I've never been there. Wait a second. One small step for a man. I don't know anyone who has. Actually, no Americans have. No, yeah, that's true. I think that's also the specificity of that

I'd say you don't have to so they're cool with other people being on the moon just specifically not Americans they like the Russians they like that show For All Mankind it's like a what if history show

where the Russians land on the moon I did hear about this actually I did hear about that what happens it's honestly it's all downhill from there it creates like

a bigger space race it's a very corny show it opens with like these people watching TV and like there's a moon landing but instead of the Americans

the Russians walk out and all the Americans are like oh no and the Russians he walks out and you think he's gonna say like you know one small step

but he walks out and he's just like I take this step on the moon for Marxist Leninism and they're all like I'm gonna kill myself my left foot

is for Comrade Stalin it's really funny As I stomp on the face of this wretched moon. I like the thing of Scottish. The thing is the Soviet Union had so many more minorities than people realized. There's kind of this urge to kind of brush it, paint it with a brush of Slavism and just say it's all Slavs. 15% Scottish. Got it.

The Scots are pretty much doing all of the moon stuff for the Soviet Union. If you could change your fucking fates, would you still put a Russian on the fucking moon? if you could change you went on the fucking moon would you i haven't killed any human beings but for the six nazis come on hiccup dragon to the fucking moon communist scottish man is the deepest character we've come up with he's all he's he's on the the podium today with uh twitter pirate but i don't think he's against Unfortunately, you do not have to despise this movie. We have more to this question, by the way.

I didn't even read his... No, this is the answer. Oh, is it? Okay. Well, this guy says, No one has ever walked on the moon. That is an actual fact. Twelve Americans landed on the moon,

left their capsules, and stood on the moon's surface. They ventured away and did experiments, but they didn't walk on the moon. They hopped or shuffled. Walking requires one foot to be in contact with the surface at all times. That was impossible on the moon.

I think you should kill yourself No, come on I hate you Hey, Hoth, did he shuffle? This is a good answer That's not right Jeremy Killing spree

It is a killing spree Where's the gunshot? You don't know where anything is I don't know This is why I know where the gunshot is There you go I knew it was that button, though Yeah, there's a lot of

It's harder than it looks This person has surrounded themselves with people who encourage that type of behavior And I say you need new friends Why would you write something like that You never actually walk on the moon Because you're wearing boots So the boots walk on the moon It's not walking because they were

Lawson you say that but it has 2.6 Thousand upvotes Fuck all those people I bet you every comment is like I want to suck your balls God you're so fucking smart You can't give them reddit gold Can you give me your cum

We're done giving people gum for the day. Can I boil your cum? Can I freeze it? Every time you bring up cum, you gotta put a penny in a jar. Okay. Captain Fantastic says, thank you for sidestepping this ridiculous question with a true, yet

snarky answer. Thank you, Captain Fantastic. What a great person that person is. This is what the internet is all about. I despise that person. I answer that way more than the original poster. Is that... Must they be despised? Someone says, I hate this website so much.

Well, it's doing important work. Let's do the next question on here. Can you imagine going to Neil Armstrong and being like, you know, like you're doing a Q&A, and you're like, what was it like walking on the moon? And he tells you, and he's like, hmm, interesting. Actually, you never walked on the moon. You hopped. Trick question, Neil.

You stupid bitch. Do we skip one of these? Yeah, you cut to the end. Okay, okay. But this is an important one. and I want to make sure it gets covered on the program. This is actually in Forbidden Knowledge. Yeah.

I get emails for these, so I knew which ones are good to put in here. Should I be a theistic Satanist? I'm only 13, but I feel connected to Lucifer. I talk to him, and he understands me more than the other gods. These are such good questions to send to Alex. 13 must be a little young. I don't like that.

I don't like that. In Jewish law, you're a man, but Lucifer doesn't exist. If Lucifer is talking to 13-year-olds, he's grooming, which he is allowed to do because he is Lucifer's leader. I like that he says theistic Satanist. That's how I would talk about when I wanted to get into an RPG game and being like, do I want to go like Hunter Night Elf? The stat bonus for theistic Satanist is really interesting.

I just don't know if atheism matches my build. How could you not be a theistic Satanist, right? Isn't that the whole point? I don't know. I guess it could just be committing sins but not believing in a devil. Oh, that's the biggest sin of all. That's a real fuck you to just about everybody. First of all, stop sinning all the time.

You got to stop sinning. It's not that kind of show. What's your favorite sin to do? Lust. I'm always lusting. You can tell I'm doing it too because I'm doing this. I'm rubbing my hands together like Zorak. I like coveting.

You guys ever covet thy neighbor's wife? I'm a big coveter. For me, it's all about murder. You really wear that on your sleeve too. That's what I always liked about you. It's either vanity or murder for me. Okay. That was the big two.

They're very different. They are not similar, vanity and murder. Pretty far apart. Anyway, what about this 13-year-old? Should he be a theistic Satanist? This is like, he's talking to, they're talking to Lucifer like Lucifer is like a 30-year-old pop punk musician, where they're just like, people say I shouldn't be connected to Lucifer, but he understands me so much more than the other gods.

He just gets me. I only feel like myself when I'm listening to Lucifer's songs. I loved his mixtape. Lucifer wants to meet my parents. Let's see what the forbidden knowledge community has to say. So the first answer is from Grumpus. Yeah, you want to read that one? Okay, Grumpus says, nah, just be you.

Labeling yourself as this or that restricts you from becoming the best version of yourself, which is like really positive for him. Yeah, that's pretty based. Grumpus, you're really setting this child straight. Grumpus. And B, if you look into the history of the use of Lucifer, I suspect you might be using the modern version. Lucifer is just the Latin Vulgate. Indeed, it's even used to refer to Jesus.

I guess just drop the labels in theology and find your path. I haven't seen anybody in forbidden knowledge talk like this before. Usually they're just like, that is a wrong summoning circle. You're likely to hurt yourself. this is written by lucifer who's just like let's not put labels on this i see lucifer is kind of like a 90s stoner character you're getting keep it like a casual thing yeah exactly you're getting so clingy with lucifer who i'm not no i'm definitely not wait we got a good one fenris wolfenhout says not at your age yeah there you go immediately like a kind of like okay yeah this guy

i agree with yeah then he goes into i strongly suggest studying angels they will have you better understand which guardian is speaking to you what you call lucifer could very well be samayo uriel or someone completely different that's true actually it's always best to know the proper name of the guardian before you commit yourself to a specific ritualistic religion that's really true because you don't want to end up talking to uriel it is this gets very diablo-esque real quick in here and i am loving it that's what diablo is right it's the devil we gotta look out for our kids being catfished by angels i don't know if the worst i don't know if the blizzard diablo you think you're talking to beelzebub then it's fucking gabriel isn't it it happens all the time

it's the worst bro i hate it is i've never played diablo you've been playing it yeah isn't diablo like the devil like the main boss of those games well yes usually i don't think he isn't the newest one but the thing is like i think it's kind of like here's diablo we all know what he is but like i'm not sure if in the game he's literally the devil so much as like a big scary monster that like kind of fills in the devil thing like i don't know who owns the patent on the devil he doesn't have go hoops and a big cock yeah no he did well he's got a lot of armor really it's kind of hard to tell um i just i don't know who owns a patent on the devil it's probably like a serial company or something they're like he's not technically the devil he's diablo right because

Kellogg's owns the devil. It's Gus from Recess. We're not trying to sell any cereal here. That's for like four people. Does he become the devil in that? His nickname was El Diablo. We try to get as much recess discussion as we can on here.

I like when he doesn't wear glasses and he calls himself Guy. Yeah. This is a recess podcast. Great show. We need more recess. Why are you guys saying a squamony? If she's got what it takes.

to rule the school? Who is it? Is she better than Goku? I think she's got more attitude than Goku in that way. Did you read Spidelli, by the way? Whatever.

I couldn't think of another character's name. Do you know how long it's been since I've seen Recess? Three months. Yeah, my kids. Want to do those last two

forbidden knowledge ones? Yeah, we can just take the... Oh, wait, but romance might be pretty good. No, we'll save those for later. Romantical. Okay.

this question is also forbidden what happens to elderly people no one knows that's the end of the question yeah what happens to elderly people they meet Diablo yeah I mean that's not the same thing that happens to everything else

said Storm 20 years ago we die we all die you're bringing the show down I'm sorry fam what is this question The wrinkles? What are they talking about?

They lie down. All kinds of things happen to elderly people. They get shorter? They become shorties again. Grey hair? That's kind of like the riddle. Walks on four legs in the morning and two legs in the afternoon. We've referenced this riddle so many times. Well, I still haven't solved it.

But the thing is... He's on a fucking leg, idiot! That is the Sphinx's riddle, I think, right? Yeah, that's one of the Sphinx's. By the way, shout out to the Sphinx. Dude, we love the Sphinx on this podcast. Sphinx has so much knowledge. Yeah, the font of knowledge.

Yeah, elderly people, they become shorties again. That's what I was going to say. They start as shorties, and to shorties they return. The older you get, the faster time goes. That's true. For the elderly, they're basically like the Flash. Yeah. They're just moving super quick.

They're basically like the Flash. Exactly. Okay, do we have any good answers on this? Let's see. It's mostly just a powerfully worded question. It really is. I doubt that. I mean, it's mostly just people being really mad, I feel like.

Yeah, that is the big question that everyone worries about eventually, no matter how rich or poor you are, no matter how healthy, social, active, and organized you are. None of us knows what's really going to happen. See, no one knows. No one knows what happens to them. This is just a sad story about a woman with Alzheimer's. I don't want to read that.

Oh, boo-hoo. I can't remember my son. These are all just like stories of people dying. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Well, that's in this case, some of them die. You know, elderly people are alive, right?

People who are answering this question. All it takes is one of them to not die for it to be like a sometimes thing. Paul Belt says a wide range of things happen. I'm aging, not elderly. Next. Nevermind. I don't want to read the rest of it. Fuck off.

I'm not elderly. Let me answer. Shut the fuck up. i'm not asian but here's what i think about rice thank you that's why alex and i didn't answer that yeah i sat my white ass down and listened you're gonna get thrown in prison by judge lawson this is rule of lawson all right we got one more of these we got one more of these okay here we go it comes in the year after castle senado oh this is a very relevant question what we've been talking about i think i put this in in july yeah we haven't we've been avoiding we

We were really talking about it a lot more in July, like the beginning. Yeah. But the question is, forbidden knowledge, why shouldn't you boil hot dogs? Why shouldn't you? Why shouldn't you boil hot dogs? What happens to elderly people? Who is better than Goku? Because you should cook them in oil.

Why must I be despised? You shouldn't boil hot dogs. I think this could be like a grilling situation because you should grill the hot dogs. You should grill hot dogs. The real reason you shouldn't boil hot dogs, though, of course, is that you should be using that energy to boil your semen and selling it on the streets. I hit that button, but I'm really upset. Someone in the Discord recently said that the podcast should just be the soundboard, that it shouldn't be me and Alex. It should just be the noises.

I think they could be onto something there. I'm going to read the questions, though. That's pretty good Objection So First of all I just want to get in front of them and say I've never heard not to boil hot dogs It's not as good to do

It doesn't taste as good as grilled Yeah they're kind of slippery in a way aren't they Yummy I picture them squirting out of my hands Me too You gotta put them in a bun And down a long hallway Austin's just being gross

What do you mean? I can't take you to anywhere. My kitchen's next to my hallway. Is that a crime? Can I live? New York City living. Can I get a judge sound on here? Let me see.

Is there a gavel sound? Objection! That is basically it. I forgot we had that when I made that. For the listeners, my dad is a lawyer. Is that true? It actually is true. He was a lawyer when my mother conceived me.

Judge Lawson. that's great actually that is fucking great it's just a begging i'm so glad we got that on the show it sounded good though uh sounded right it had the cadence why shouldn't you boil hot dogs uh this guy says i don't know sounds like a communist plot see he's just being sassy though honestly though if that's true like if right-wing people think that you should boil hot dogs like let them have that let them if you're latino when you're just trying to grill your fucking disgrace i'm just gonna say that wow where is this coming from let's grill the fucking thing you're a loose cannon lawson can't ask you anything give us your badge and hot dog he's

always going racial with it why can't i boil hot dogs let me talk to latinos for a second i know you have a grill lawson don't listen to him every episode we start a sentence with if you're latino only latinos understand the hot dog question latinos listen up boiling a hot dog asians quiet down oh oh oh if you're asian it's fine why shouldn't you boil hot dogs is an answer from todd williams food eater since 1971 why shouldn't you boil hot dogs i beg to differ i think you should boil hot dogs fuck until recently i'd always grilled my dogs over an open flame They'd always look so nice when I first removed them from the grill, but a few minutes later, they'd end up looking withered and sad,

not to mention the mouth-puckering salt concentration. All right, Todd, are you Latino? Todd Williams? It'd have to be on his mother's side. This is until a few weeks ago when I tried boiling them for the first time. Wow, boiling was so much better. There's no... What are you talking about?

They were nice and plump and retained that snap you hoped for when biting into a dog. No, but they taste like fucking water, you weirdo. What is wrong with you? Yeah, don't do that. And he talks about boiling it for like a while after. I don't think we're going to read the whole thing, but I think it's nice that some people enjoy boiling them.

No, this person's a menace. Some people enjoy boiling them. This person's a menace. Let's do one funny one, and then we'll end here. Okay, here. Let's find our first funny one. This one was sent in by Little Miss Headass, and the question is, why didn't, oh, I'm sorry,

the segment is Quora MD. We don't have that one. Oh, yeah, it's on the board. the segment is quora md oh it's not so easy is it wait until i'm pulling it up the segment sound oh no and it's quora md where we answer all of the medical questions don't go on your phone this is important this is quora You're right It's disrespectful

I'm sorry You're always blogging I am Okay I gotta stop it I hit the X and it didn't do it Okay so the question is It's sent in by Little Miss Headass

On the Discord why didn't humans develop wheels I wish we did on our bodies right yeah that would be a fun conspiracy if they just thought must I be despised

for thinking there are no wheels there have never been wheels why have we not developed wheels like evolved wheels on our body my family has a flintstones car because we'd have to evolve a brake system uh yeah it's called freaking hands i think i could evolve wheels i saw okay so there's one

answer on here about like how your flesh is all connected um with tendons and blood and so forth and so if you had wheels they'd be all like torn up and shit every time it rotates oh yeah right yeah and that there's no wheels in nature yeah right but i think there should be we have like we have joints, though. Yeah, we have joints. But they're not wheels. And I don't think anyone would argue that they are wheels.

Can you imagine how nasty it would be to see someone with flesh wheels? Ah, fuck! Instead of people who have wheels, we're just screaming all the time. Oh, no! It could be made out of bone, I guess. Hills are a nightmare for me. I've evolved

to have Heelys in my feet. yeah oh man that'd be so goaded yeah um but why i think it's like a like a level of sin kind of thing like we haven't reached a level of purity wherein we could have wheels the thing is like so evolution happens over a very very long time right so you'd have to be like that's fucking facts so over like millions and millions of years people would have to choose mates who happen to have more and more wheel like body parts for some sort of like evolutionary

advantage, which is very funny to imagine. Like, wow, I love how your feet are a little rounder than everybody else's. And no one's going to do that because when it comes to wheels, it's all or nothing. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying. If you have like 3% of a wheel, you're dying. You don't have a wheel. You just have like a bad

feet. Yeah, you're fucked up. He's got those semi circles you love to see. Yeah. That's for wheel for wheel. folks that's been the show it's not getting better than that no we have more to do unfortunately i mean we have to ask a question oh that's true um do you want to read any more of these no right i don't want to read no the answers are all about uh the biology okay stuff awesome do you have any questions for quora.com uh sure as a famous judge yeah i mean just the whole internet can let me

know um so it has to be a little offensive or else we're not going to get lots of questions okay so the listeners should be directed towards latinos no latinos latinos how many latinos could take could be the hippopotamus he's not gonna be here for the next one it's just gonna be us discussing latinos another latino that's a good point um it could also just do something along the lines of two in a row yeah we could do like what how if you're latino how do you eat how do you like hot dogs how do you like your hot dogs if you're okay if you're let's see okay okay is it wrong for latinos to eat hot dogs if you're latino that's a good question sorry what's up how do you prepare your hot dog if you're latino what is better than goku

if you're latino yeah we just don't answer if you're not latino don't answer i don't care i i'm interested to know to try it i think put it in all right jeremy put that in i'm gonna start closing out the show lawson thank you so much for coming on to another fun-filled episode of quaraders absolutely it was my pleasure where can our listeners find you and your works oh well that's really interesting uh alex you can find me at instagram.com slash law vanguard and you can listen to my podcasts it's talking naruto podcast and the balling out super podcasts wherever podcasts are found uh also the leong and leong the professionals wrestling podcast with me and katie ross leon talking about wrestling and that's a mouthful did i say that

it's the most marketable title in the podcast industry alex you put that into google google says good idea pop-up shows up it's the professionals wrestling podcast for short um and uh that's it i think yeah that's it for forever before we end forever can i just say that chorus has suggested we remove please do not answer if you are not latino and i'm not gonna do it this would be a very interesting arc where we are somehow booted off of quora it's like do you want to remove this part where you're just being racist No.

It's fine. It's good. It'll be fine. If you live in New York City, you must come to our live show. Our live show. Can I say this also about the live show? The dog you are. Yep.

Maybe I should have said this earlier. But people have been asking, like, are we going to put a video of the live show on the feed or whatever? And I want to say, A, yes. But you know our track record. We could lose this video. It could be gone. There's no promises. So come to the live show because you might miss it.

Yeah, every day is the best day of your life. It's the best day of your life. It was the best time of your life. Okay, kisses. You can go your own way.