Quorators - Mysteries of the Flesh w/ Adam Gilbert

Episode Date: April 1, 2024

Comedians Alex Ptak and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: What kind of sweet body do you have? Why do I see white people as being Chinese? I always catch my boyfriend smelling his testicles, is that weird? Get even more Quorators when you support the show @ http://patreon.com/quorators Send quoras and qommunicate on our discord https://discord.gg/7pPYuKuYCr Follow Adam @ https://www.instagram.com/adamgcomedy

Nene's Taqueria. Let's not discuss it until they pay us. Sponsored by Nene's Taqueria. To find people at Diet Dr. Pepper. You're on a diet. Diet Coke. It's good. It's good. There's something in those chemicals that keeps you coming back. Now Jeremy, you're more of a raw sugar kind of man.

What brings you back to the classic Coca-Cola? I don't like the diet drinks. They don't do it for me. I wasn't raised with them. It's my culture. You're kind of an all-natural woman. Yeah. What are you doing? What's up?

I'm saying you're an all-natural woman. Because of my Coke drinking? Yeah, because you're all in on sugar, baby. Yeah, that's true. Okay. Did your mom drink Diet Coke? No. See, that's why.

I think, did your mom drink Diet Coke? Does your mother kiss you with that mouth? With that Diet Coke mouth? I think you just get those habits from your mom. My mom would bring home a case of Diet Coke every two days. So you're saying like when you're a kid, not like in the womb. It wasn't like...

You don't have fetal diet coke disease? Yeah, exactly. I'm going to start telling people that's... Fetal diet coke disease is great. It's worse than cigarettes. You were born basic. They say if you're pregnant and you want to drink a diet coke,

you're better off taking a cigarette than just smoking that instead. And that's a real science fact if you're listening. This post made by Classic Coke Gang. you used to be able to lie in ads like that if you were like a cigarette company you just like cigarettes they're really good for you they're actually really good yeah they have a doctor they just paid money money in his shirt pocket cigarettes are great they make the baby strong like a factory it's illegal to buy one of these jackets i'm a doctor it'll turn your son into the

Hulk! Positive. Which is positive. In parentheses, positive. That's how advertising was done. No, Brooks dressed up like a doctor. I was like, oh, that's amazing. It's Dr. Hulk.

There's green, there's red. Hit the button. I'm starting the podcast. I'm starting the podcast. we're back for another week live in the studio that is my entire apartment it's alex and jeremy what's going on hey man happy to see you it's been a long long time i'm happy to see you a few hours ago and a few hours before that as well it's and also the entire time in between where i was also seeing you but we didn't talk we didn't have headphones on for that that's right

and that part was different well we we have an exciting guest here in the studio today uh all the way from laugh town usa that's right new york city the big apple adam gilbert is here on the show comedian alan gilbert what's going on adam not too much just chilling oh we like to do things New York style on the show. We grabbed the slice before we recorded. We grabbed the slice. You talked to the pizza guy for a while. I did. I tried to reach out to him like a long lost

father and he doesn't really know. He didn't want to talk to you at all. I'm trying to help his business survive. I thought I heard you say, did you go to that doctor? I did. You did? That's crazy. Did you go to that doctor? He has a vegan... I'm not going to

defend myself. Mario, did you go to the cardiologist Mr. Nutt. There's a doctor's office that orders from vegan restaurants that I picked up from talking to the other vegan restaurant guy. I am so different from you. If I go to a restaurant a hundred times and they're like, hey, you were here last week. I never go back. No, I wasn't.

I'm like, don't look at me. And you're like, you need to see a doctor to your pizza guy who moved in like a month ago. Catering orders can make a business. I'm always saying that on this show. Catering orders make a business. That's kind of Alex's catchphrase. It is. And normally that is how we open the sponsored sodas segment. But today we're going to just jump right into the show. Now, Adam, are you familiar with Quora.com? A little bit. I really haven't gone to it too much. So excited to really take a deep dive.

me too now we're uh we're gonna get right into that for um probably more than you're filled today uh but until we do that we do have our recurring segment first that we do every week which is of course uh the number one advice segment on the internet tips for women tips for women aren't you happy you have those headphones yeah this is pretty sick If you didn't have the headphones, that would be kind of... We would just have to awkwardly... No, there's rules. Headphone peeled.

Every time we had a sound effect, just hold up a hand so Adam knows not to talk yet. They can't hear you. It's tips for women still. Now, we were doing tips for men for a while, and that was wrong and it neglected our female fan base. Yes, who were mad at us. And now we're giving them tips as well.

And so we would like to ask, and no pressure, if you don't have anything off the top of your head, but do you have any tips you could give the women in your life or everyone on the world, in the whole world, all the women? For all the women in the world? All the ladies out there. Or just a specific woman, if you have one in mind. Yeah, like Mrs. Claus, that's one.

Beyonce. Those are just two women. Yeah, they both seem to have things figured out. I don't think that... I think Beyonce and Mrs. Claus would be honestly offended by any advice. Melinda Gates. Melinda Gates. Honey.

you get that money that is good advice that's for anybody but in all seriousness this week's tip for women is to go get that money yeah that's a great tip also to spend it honey yeah yeah no further details on that that's up to you but i just i just fucking need it done right right fucking now yeah yeah get to work also work it as well break time's over work it girl give it a twirl also at the end of the tip is give it a twirl well you go give it a twirl it does you know the misogyny line of the segment It's so thin.

It's so hard to walk. Hey, get paid out there, but like in a sleazy way. Yeah, yeah. Now, what we were worried about, so we like to begin and end the show with asking a question to Cora based on our experience that episode. And we did record the last one four hours ago. So it hasn't had time to blossom. We'll check in again next week.

We'll check in again this week. If we feel like it. The question we asked last week was, could you go to the woods and kill yourself with a baseball bat um please ignore my cat in a primal fight for its life with the other cat the the sound is actually coming from the one who's doing the attacking that's kind of an interesting fact i've learned now i'm just doing it anyway uh yeah you could go to the woods is my that's my verdict on the quora yeah you could do that you could go to the woods and kill yourself with the

baseball bat i think if you hit yourself hard enough yeah do you really need the baseball bat just go to the woods yeah punch yourself eventually you'll die that's also true if you walk far enough new york state actually has a series of advertisements advising you to go to the woods even if you don't kill yourself with a baseball bat yeah just to check out new parts of the state yeah if you're riding the subway it'll say like check out outside of the city Yeah. But bring a bat. You never know if Mickey Mantle will show up.

There's some great players out there. It's the Big Apple. Okay, but no one has answered this. No one has answered it. We'll check later. And also, there's a warning that says get help at the top. Yes, there is. AI gave us because Jeremy sounds like he's going to commit suicide.

Why me? I guess I wrote it. You wrote it. It was Mark's question. That's why you. All right, whatever. I'm not to blame at all. We've been doing categories now for our show.

So this week's theme is Mysteries of the Flesh. Whoa. Ha! What? Okay. Was that supposed to be a different one or no? No, that's fine. Okay.

All right. See, the thing is the theme doesn't get a song because the segments get a song. And it's really just like a hat on a hat situation. I kind of agree. Why does the difference between a theme and a segment at the end of the day? I don't know, but I love that tune. very noir very swanky it was on youtube.com under free saxophone sounds um okay mysteries of the flesh alex uh curated these that's true

too often with our flesh we're left with questions unanswered and today we look to remedy this situation once and for all now we'll be doing this uh topic by topic uh and we're going to be beginning with medical questions, which, of course, returns us to everyone's favorite segment, Quora MD. Won't you stroll down the halls? Pick up a stethoscope and check your bosom with it.

Quora MD. All right. Well, that's that. This first question is, what kind of sweet body do you have? mysteries of the flesh someone type that someone wrote that

into quora.com they want to know what kind of sweet body do you have and again a reminder if you're a new listener to the show all of the posts on quora

are questions with no further elaboration on them so there's no more information coming to you no just the raw question what kind of sweet body

do you have Jeremy two answers on this just say wet pussy honey with a tear emoji oh that's so sad to copy from somebody else and that's from rachel who's self-employed at boutique i guess it could be parallel thinking but it's like i have a wet pussy honey this woman lives so close to where we are i'm not gonna say where it's an exact address it's an exact address it is in this neighborhood we gotta get gotta get rachel on the line i heard you to wet yeah uh on monday you did we're doing our medical segment so i just i thought i'd ask

that is crazy is this the kind of thing like on porn websites they leave cookies and then just say like do you live in lower broken i don't think that's possible i don't think the sophistication i'm not gonna click any of these um blurred out photos that i can click he's always viewing adult materials on my podcast i'm not gonna do it or i'm trying to learn rachel if you're nearby would love to have you as a guest and just ask how wet it got roughly seven streets away also it doesn't answer the question what kind of sweet body do you have no no well it kind of does dampen one part of your body okay yeah it's sort of describing the kind of body right like i would say slippery sweet if i was going to say something like that

Slippery sweet. Yeah. Like I want to include my wet pussy. That's a weird answer, though, to what kind of sweet body do you have? Sweet? Yeah. A little redundant. Sweet and...

You guys are so right. It's like you're kind of putting the answer in the person's head already. What kind of sweet body do you have? Sweet. Tasty. It's hard to get out of it. That's how magicians pick your card, right? Yeah.

It's the same thing. What? Isn't that a thing? Like magicians, when they guess a number you're thinking of... They do stuff where throughout the show they'll say suggestive things that make you think of what they're talking about. They'll say, like, pick a four of clubs. I mean, any card.

Yeah, exactly. And then you get it and you're like, it's the four of clubs. That's a real thing, though, right? I don't know. How did he know? Magicians are mind freaks. They're liars. They're pieces of shit.

They want to know what kind of sweet body you have. Magicians have great bodies. Historically. I mean, not Penn and Teller, but Criss Angel. I thought of this the other night. Horny Penn Jillette. He's just like, this is where the magic happens, and we're going to show you how we do it.

That's good. First, we take off our pants. My wife is re-watching The Sopranos, and there is a plot point where Adriana says she had sex with Penn Jillette. Really? Christopher, like, yells at her. How could you fuck Penn Jillette? does teller just stand there watching oh it's implied that we're just kind of just silently

there well he's the one who actually has all the secrets okay pen's the showman right right so teller fucks you and then pen says how it goes yeah looks like it's going pretty well he's all up in there totally quiet and then he busts and he's just like oh man seems like these two are in The camera turns, and it was all upside down. Whoa. Pretty cool. I bet you didn't notice Penn shoot you with his gun. Yeah, you were wondering why the cum went up.

Now, the main thing that Penn and Teller did, they have a trick with a gun, and not the other magicians haven't been able to crack it. Is that true? Yes, but that does not... Could we please return to what kind of sweet body we have? Sure, Bram Nemeth. Sorry, what were you going to say?

No, no, I'm listening. Bram Nemeth said, The kind, like, black licorice looks good, but then you get a taste, and you just, ugh. And then he put in a SpongeBob reaction gif of a guy, well, I guess who doesn't like his body because he's making a face. This is a response? Yes. Yeah. Oh, God.

He's kind of really knocking his own body. I like this one a lot. Alexa Harley Quinn Lashur says, apparently a lustful body with thick thighs and a fat ass. Apparently. He's so modest about it Yeah I'm told I guess

Oh my god What is her bio? Okay Her bio What of this Is good to read? Made sexually dark For BWC slash BBC love relations

Created and raised As a slutty sexually dark Hot tom girl By insane mother To be possible prostitute Or a girlfriend slash housewife To stay home And take care of the family

My insane mother made me love BWC. They put her away for making such a fat ass girl. Her Quora is very funny. First of all, she lives in Crystal Springs.

She just, seven months ago she answered a question, what do you think about love so far? She wrote, to me, sex.

Word. You're kind of a one note Quora account I'm noticing, but I'm all for it. Yeah, She's kind of like a sex quora. If you click her nose about there.

Yeah, you want to read some of this? English, gay incest, promiscuity, and anal sex. And missionary, parentheses, sex position. English is also parentheses language, so not the people. I feel like we don't say this enough on the show, but if you're listening with your kids out, I'm sorry. Because we didn't know this would happen either. We just wanted to know what kind of sweet body you have.

Apparently lustful And apparently Thick thighs is the answer I'll read one more of these Eugene Iodine says My sweet body of work A writer Fuck you Eugene

What kind of sweet body do you have My body of work What an asshole dude I hope you live in Brooklyn So I can beat you up This is Eugene He's a psychedelic bluesman i think i think i like that he's not afraid to promote himself online

it shows confidence i guess you gotta see something good in everybody this is our next medical question okay why does the sweat from my head smells bad why does the sweat from my head smells bad i love this cronenberg-esque topic you've picked for this sweat hey sweat smells the same it's sweat i think it smells the same everywhere right but from your head it smells bad. Yeah. I feel like armpits

and like crotch is probably the worst sweat. Yeah. Forehead sweat I guess is not that bad because it's not that much. Sure. Well, if you're like

really like nervous like they're interrogating you for the mafia or something. That's why it smells so bad. It smells fishy. And they'd be like what do you know why you smell so bad?

Yeah. Who's this guy? Who'd you see? Why you smell like that? You're so nasty. This is my new mob character, the nose. He lets you know what he's smelling. You'll sniff out what you're up to.

He doesn't have the social awareness to be like, maybe I shouldn't ask. Why do you smell odd? We got a guy who can sniff out a rat. Alex is truly in his, my wife is re-watching The Sopranos phase. I don't know what you're talking about. These are observations I could have any week of the show.

Classic phase we all go through. I'm in my, my wife is watching TV era. uh let's see any medical answers on this yeah nona leon who has 10 years in the financial crimes says dear huh two possibilities stress or hormonal changes this may lead to excess oil produced by the oil glands in your scalp therefore this causes the harmless bacteria that live in the scalp to proliferate and feed off the oil which produces the odor you know this is exactly the response i wanted to to nerd a fungal infection causing tinea copitis i'm sure i said that wrong folks it is contagious and can spread direct contact hope this helps there could be a

contagious fungus thank you for writing in thank you no no no no no it's a fungus andrew says it's not the sweat from your head it's the sweat from your hair which is coated from by coated from by oils that smell if it bothers you that much the first thing you do is wash with a detergent shampoo every day of the week what if he's bald what if he's bald yeah what then what if it was so bad to be bald i can't smell so bad those are all the answers everyone's just answering this honestly yeah it's a pretty reasonable question honestly if you're listening at home i think this could maybe inform why you smell bad and it's because a deadly virus has infected your scalp all right let's do another one this is another mystery of the flesh how can i stop the voices

in my head when i'm going to sleep oh no no specific answer on this one there were a few voices in my head questions we had on the doc okay um stephanie bordeaux was diagnosed with did which is dissociative dissociative identity disorder oh i was hoping that she made that up and it was like diagnosed with i did it i did the d this is gonna become quickly offensive if we're like that's fake uh this is a colorful and poetic answer which is why i made the dog okay stephanie question isn't that good admittedly she says big fat lol hi i'm yellow i'm an alter in this body you'd think that when we are sleeping we'd shut up or we'd not hear my thoughts race wrong sometimes it is bad that green pops out gets up and screams at us in the mirror after telling us in the head

to shut up we all talk to each other and talk back it is difficult to get the voices to stop if they're going to be on they're on if they do cooperate is because they are able to and willing to do to sometimes we can't stop being on one thing we can do is take anxiety medication to keep our brain busy in our in other centers by playing a phone game we don't sleep very well when we are more active or under stress because the head noise increases i know this doesn't help you but this is my answer your mileage may vary yolo i feel bad making fun of someone who probably has intense ptsd but it is funny they have did sure but yeah but either way i've it it is funny to have all your your alters be colors i guess i don't know i feel like it puts this is dangerous

It puts a visual indicator on it. Very inside out kind of reality this guy's living in. I like see like a Mucinex commercial style reality to it. Yeah. Where like yellow is like, I want to stay up. But green's like, I want to sleep. And yellow is Amy Poehler. And red is, does anybody mind playing a phone game?

I'm red. And that's the last thing you want to do before you go to sleep. It's going to keep you awake all night. although everybody has different needs every color of the rainbow i don't i don't think it's so bad i think it's okay to read all right fine i think and i think it's beautiful as well it is beautiful it's all the colors of the rainbow what kind of sweet body do i have red yeah all right let's let's do the quiz course this is a much less offensive section of our podcast which is about politics

We're going to make Adam finally put his foot down And talk about politics We're putting your feet to the fire Adam Oh fuck yeah let's do it So I'm mad as hell So pissed off What am I pissed about Tell me what I'm mad about

You're going to love what you're mad about here And again the theme is Mysteries of the flesh This is a question that someone asked to Cora With no answers No there's one answer here Why do I see white people As being Chinese

That's on you dog That's on you dog You gotta see them As the way they are Damn Shaking my damn head about it Do we have the Bill Maher new rule We do not have new rule

I felt like other shows had new rule Sure I got uh huh honey do you have a new rule for us all right hey new rule new rule if you see white people as chinese people you have to see chinese people as white people yelling spree yeah yeah tell them tell hey enjoy that uh enjoy that being chinese uh karen no one is safe here it's the quiz course he should do that one yeah i would be i mean bill maher's been on for a long time i'd be surprised if he hasn't already done it that's

true you know he has it's hard writing a whole show every week i'm sorry about killing spree like that uh it's just kind of it's in it has a mind of his own um but if you and all honestly if you see white people as Chinese that's not what they are and that's that's the lesson there what if it was

what if that was the six cents kid what his problem was I see white people but they're Chinese also he's not dead he's just like an annoying boy

he's just Bruce Willis but he's Chinese I have a very non-lethal disorder you're telling me i'm chinese the whole time introducing chinese bruce willis i see you've pulled up a profile here this is the person who asked this question who has asked 2 000 questions and their bio his bio says specializes in racist deceptive theories

Deception will get you nowhere. I had to do it again because I've done it so many times. So all of their questions are race-related. Oh, wow. So there's no sacred cows there. Truly no. Wow. I don't know if we can read any of these.

No, we probably can't. I'm trying to see if there's any weirder ones. I don't know. Why do Filipinos hate other Filipinos? Yeah, it's just everybody. It's a briar patch in there. Everybody hates everybody. Everybody hates everybody.

How many of these can we answer? why do why are english men rude and racist oh well they invented it it's an island culture it's their right they're island boys they're the original island boys the king yeah i don't think we should read too many moonshine no i don't think we can i don't think we moonshine's also answering a lot of race questions yeah they are keeping busy on here and some of these are from Thursday. Yeah, he's really put in the work. Respect to Moonshine.

Yeah, racist, deceptive, theorist. You're our race scientist of the week. A new segment I'm starting. Welcome to Quora.com. Let's do Forbidden Knowledge. Okay, we're cruising today, baby. Yeah. The unknown.

Forbidden truths. What is beyond? Okay, this question is, what happens when you eat a ghost? What does this mean? How would you eat a ghost? I feel like it could happen very easily. Now, have y'all heard of the Eucharist?

No. No. Really? Lay this knowledge on us. Well, the thing about God is he gave his own son to die for our sins, and he is also a ghost. That's key. Keep listening.

now to respect that because he's the goat what we do god yes as we use the lamb he is the lamb and the goat he could be multiple things it's kind of the premise of the whole religion but um the thing is that uh you can eat a cracker that's like a special oh sure yeah and that is also jesus and jesus is also a ghost so if you eat the eucharist you are also eating a ghost And it's supposed to be his very flesh. And so when you eat it, what then? When you found this question, Alex, did this all come to you immediately and you thought, like, I have to bring out my ghost? No, I'm always trying to get more ghost stories on the show.

But upon seeing one wasn't forthcoming, I was like, revert, pull back to Catholicism. My first thought was just, like, if I'm eating food, like, let's say I'm eating a sandwich in my home, and, like, a tricky ghost, maybe they have, like, a vor fetish or something. Oh, and they go in your mouth? They just walk right into me. Yeah. They just put their hand in my mouth, and now I've eaten a ghost. Yeah, and they say something like, does anyone need anything? And they reach into your mouth like it's a fridge.

Yeah, they're doing bits, but no one's there to really listen because they're a ghost. I don't think you can eat a ghost. It's all technicality. It's like a ghost is on your cracker or a ghost is on your sandwich. He's not on the cracker. He is the cracker. Wait, so he is? I thought it was like his stuff was

My cracker My cracker as well Jesus Christ You thought like when people eat like a wafer That it's like covered in Jesus Yeah, like a little bit of Jesus Spread it And that is something I've tried to hit on on the show

Jesus is not a sauce He is He's goaded with the sauce Yeah That's the confusion He is the cracker, please What were you saying? He is the cracker

Before we cut you off to educate you on religion there's one crazy ass white boy jesus christ it's the craziest to ever do it now that's an island boy i just feel like you can't eat a ghost it's all technicality because then a ghost could fly into your mouth but that's not you eating it that's a ghost flying into your mouth right you're the swine mouth invasion a ghost uh like possessing you but that's not you eating you didn't say the exorcist ate the demon i might say like oh the exorcist ate if i was like trying to compliment it well yes that would be a whole different we saw that head turn

oh she's serving the flames of below yeah like something like when she said your mother sucks cocks in hell yeah she ate with that she's got so much swerve on it but um she walked down the stairs all cool i'm hoping it's true no one walks down the stairs like that yeah she served i keep getting distracted but what i want to say is that i do hope to gain some ghost knowledge in the comments for once in my life because every day i wake up and i know nothing about the void okay well there's 11 answers on here um momo whose qualification is 10 plus years being a high school student oh me too seems too long yeah i was gonna say that's comedian dan locata dan locata says might disrupt the digestive system a bit give you some flatulence and gas pains

there's a lot of air in them you know makes for a very light meal though though i can't imagine the ghost would be very happy with once you with you once it passes through the body whether it passes through you using ghost powers or passes through your body like everything else you eat ghost powers. Momo, ghosts are not full of air. Where's his confidence? Well, we know they're full of air. Why? Why would they be made of anything? They're ghosts.

They're made of spirit. If you paid attention in biology, you would know that. In ghost biology class. In ghost biology class. That you have to take in high school. Yeah, yeah. I mean, does he think that ghosts can suffocate? I don't think that.

Let me just get out in front of this. I do not think that. what a fucking dumb guy this guy doesn't know shit about ghosts fuck you Bobo graduate high school this other question from Wendy Woods Alexander says

you can't but if you are one of the Constantine's fosters and any of their friends who took the advice of someone and ate a rendition while you hunted them in Astral I would suggest you get to the Pentagon because you're going to be in need of help the hunting pursuits

took place a couple years ago and continues every year about this time. What happened was those individuals were also encouraged by a couple of fosters as well as multiple who was an idiot, meaning she wasn't made the way she would have been. And those individuals who followed their advice as well as parade around in the carcasses after they skinned the

zoots, they have changed. This answer took a turn. This keeps going, if you can believe it. To clarify, it is saying the zoots? I will say just real quick, the last sentence. So if you're one of those people get to the pentagon get to general moss and tell the truth and then all his instructions this person's either out of their minds or doing a bit but i do want to actually try to see if we

can make this sound coherent um okay so important their bio does say they were a first major in the united states marine corps so maybe general moss has something to do with this who's general moss they're um wendy woods alexander's general i'm gonna look it up adam continue what you were that I see you going off for and I don't approve. I don't understand like what don't you understand? I think it's pretty

straightforward that you have to report it to General Moss and there are zoots. What would they think that the military would have to do? They'd be like, oh,

ghosts. They're immediately going to dissect you, right? I feel like even if they don't believe in ghosts, if you go to the military and be like,

I ate a ghost, there's a ghost in me, they're cutting you up so fast to see if that's true. Well, this is a bigger conversation. Can we trust the military with any of our ghost secrets? Because they have defense capabilities first and foremost on their mind, and your identity and safety second.

Sure. The way that the United States military has deployed ghosts in Afghanistan to take down their enemies. I played that game, Call of Duty Ghosts. That's right. If E.T. taught me anything, I think it's just keep this shit to yourself. yeah i think that's true i'm very curious how do people say that you fart the ghost which i feel like is wrong that makes sense well ghosts um does it make sense it makes sense to

me because ghosts are kind of gas ish how is this anything different than the air yeah i think you can't say that they're gas if you also say they're not all right i retracted which one do you do you're attracted they're not farts and they're not air and you can't do that and you have to tell general moss all right go to the pentagon if you eat a ghost i'm saying my white ass down and eating a ghost if i'm remembering correctly don't ghosts usually pass through you like you walk through a ghost yeah i don't know what they're up to lately i think it depends on what their powers are i don't i think you're probably right that they wouldn't you wouldn't be able to eat okay what about this sometimes when it goes possesses you it goes in your mouth and that

seems like a form of eating are you being possessed by the pizza that we had before we recorded oh my fucking socrates yeah and then what are ghosts because i'm basing all my ghost knowledge off of ghostbusters and danny phantom and danny phantom can like shoot lasers like the ghostbusters can somehow capture ghosts which doesn't make any sense highly unorthodox i've seen a lot of drawings where Danny Phantom gets eaten, though. That's on your own time, Jeremy. Watching a lot of Ghost War. Well, we're still on forbidden knowledge.

I think we're going to have to leave the ghost question as kind of a never to be answered. Okay, there's another question. What is a sweet, soft, full-body massage? What is it? The sweet part. Did you look up sweet body, Alex? Yes, I did.

I typed sweet body into Quora because I was down to two questions and they were both pretty relevant, weren't they? Yeah, it was pretty good. And they're in different categories, so it's a broadened conversation. What is a sweet, soft, full body massage? What is a sweet, soft, full body massage? I'll say that Amy Delventhal says, is someone actually advertising their services using this language? I've never heard of any massage being described quite in this way. Well, you haven't had mine, Amy.

And then someone says, would love your massage, Dan. Dan, sign off. Gary, dog. And that is from Daniel Russell, who lives in Florida. And this is the only one he's answered. He's answered one other, which the question was, does a full body massage include the crotches for females? And he says, yes, it does. Best to orgasm many times.

I have not heard that, Dan. Dan, you rule, dude. Here's some advice. Keep coming. That's a tip for women. He's going to Cora and being horny, dude. He's awesome. I'm not hitting this song.

All right. He was horny twice and then never again. He got what he needed five years ago. I am still no closer to even knowing what a sweet, soft body massage is. Serge Gutierrez says, My God, I thought it was a type of soothing full body massage for an infant. I then Googled it and found that it is related to mostly porno material. You Googled sweet body massage.

I mean, that doesn't define anything. Soft body massage. And that person goes, oh, a baby. Like a baby. Because they're so soft. They're soft. I'm soft. Let's call the whole thing off.

It's like a baby who's going to massage you. Yeah, not a massage for a baby. Crawl on your back. Baby massage. Giving you my baby. If the baby is possessed. Isn't this what you saw in Japan? Yes, I saw a sign for baby massages,

but they weren't sweet, nor were they soft. I assumed they were cruel and unyielding. And those were massages for babies. Can I just say, Sergei's qualifications say he is a licensed massage therapist. So this is a professional being like, I just Googled sweet soft massage, and I'm disgusted. This is what people think I do all day.

Oh, God. I'm just sorry. I went on there. What are you looking at right now? I'm looking at the person who asked the question about the sweet soft body massage just to see what other questions she has asked. Okay. Her name is Charlotte. Okay.

That was her first ever question. She's also asked questions such as, what does it mean when a man starts foreplay with his wife earlier in the day but does not follow through with intimacy later than that? Her questions get better. Yeah. That's a way better question. That is a better question. Oh, my God. There were drafts.

I like that about her. Okay, so you got to lose that man because he's not fulfilling you and your needs with a sweet, soft body massage. Oh, wait. Okay. Early in the day, her husband's come by giving her a sweet, soft body massage. Okay. And then he goes out for the night, and she's like,

what the fuck was that? Yeah. Why was that sweet body massage? It looks like I'm alone with a full bottle of wine and Quora for the evening. There's one answer on that question that says Swedish. No, it's not. Shut up. And that person's also a therapist.

Yeah. A lot of masseuses on this. Masseuse gang has arrived. Someone says there's no such thing as a sweet soft body massage. It may be full body soft oil massage. That's what I was thinking of. Got it. Never mind.

All right. There you go. it's soft it's got oil and it's exclusively for babies um should we another question should i get a baby whale on the soundboard i feel like it could be good a lot of the time oh a baby what crying yeah oh baby like that yeah that's our good friend wario that's close friend of the show but uh instead we have something like a well you know i don't know like i never used this guy that's good that could be a baby let's say something about boobs aren't they big sometimes

i don't mean that what's our least used uh sound effect i really accidentally do all of them kind of a lot but if it's not nani oh you know what it is i think it's this one that's what he's the most nevermind that's uh this one sure yeah the law and order one law and order and the thing is i'm often surprised so it would be relevant much of the time um upon discovering what a sweet soft full body massage was i could have really slammed that guy do it yeah it's not the same when we all see it coming no it's good stuff i'll get you when you don't expect it you got me there that one's pretty good it's pretty long too yeah it's really the tiger doesn't shut the fuck up uh we want to do another question

yeah okay well speaking of of tigers we're on our animal section uh quark on wild the tiger's back ah let's see this question handle this one why were all dinosaurs meat eating predators why were there no sweet dinosaurs like swans and geese i love this question yeah It's well done, and it's, I mean, it's missing. It's well done. There's a ton of, are there a ton of plant-eater sweetie pies? There are plant-eater sweetie pies, but the sweet dinosaurs are. Is there a dinosaur noise?

That's my brontosaurus. That's a great impression. Yeah, here's my stegosaurus. Hey. I like that. Oh, he's like kind of talking. Oh. All right, Jeremy, you do one.

It's just Ray Romano. Oh, I'm munching. Bonnie Deborah-saurus Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, that's a stegosaurus But Whatever point I'm making

Is not worth derailing Ray Romano dinosaur Sorry, yeah And I'm wrong to have done it But I guess my point is My point is Swans and geese are also They're already dinosaurs

Yeah, they kind of are Dinosaurs Have you seen a goose At Prospect Park? No They're huge. They're like four feet tall and they come at you.

They just are living dinosaurs. They'll chase you like in Jurassic Park. And the closest living relative to the T-Rex is the chicken. That's true. So I'm going to go ahead and say swans and geese are dinosaurs. You're a liar.

You're lying for clout. You're besmirching dinosaurs. You don't even care that some of them sound like Ray Romano and they found the Debrisaurus Rex and would often chide it. And many of them also ate plants So how about that

How about you read a book for once Yeah You just extincted them You got hit by the comet You just got meteored That's what it sounded like The meteor sized gun Isn't that an Adam Driver movie

Where he has to shoot all the dinosaurs Is that good Yeah it's pretty good Did you see it? It looked fun as hell. The thing is, it's a bad movie, but I saw it on a plane, and it was a very good plane movie experience.

Basically, Turok. Yeah. Well, that's the thing. I don't know how they got away with the concept without Turok's lawyer getting involved. Turok, of course, is the man who created the game Turok. And he is litigious. Yes.

He's like Nintendo. It's all true. The truest story ever told. I've gotten a letter from Turok in the mail. He says, I can't have Adam Driver shoot this leopard. Yeah, he lands on the planet, and as I recall, there's a little girl with him, and he's going to return her to a bigger spaceship, but then her family's dying. The twist is he's in the past.

I don't even know if it's the past. It's like an interstellar civilization kind of thing. You've seen the movie. i saw an airplane like a year ago i could not tell you a thing that happens on this except that i remember thinking that like the actual like dinosaur animation is pretty low rent and that they could have stepped that up and it's actually sad really and uh do better next time yeah take them and if you're in prospect park and you see a goose it's basically like being in the adam driver movie 10 million bc or whatever the fuck it was called it's pretty

bunch of sweet dinosaur wasn't it called something like that wasn't just like a number that was a different caveman movie oh yeah 65 oh yeah you're right it's called like 65 or something it's called the number 65 nothing else that's it yeah don't look it up that's what it is it's a very strange sequel to the number 23 starring jim carrey i deeply regret bringing this okay what was the question why are all dinosaurs and meat-eating predators why are they not sweeties like swans okay this guy andrew lindsey who's an electrical engineer is pissed off he says it's amazing how much wrong you can pack in a single question killing spree yeah andrew lindsey says many dinosaurs were herbivores or omnivores swans and geese can both be quite nasty

and aggressive creatures also swans and geese like all birds are descendants of dinosaurs So that's what we said. That's what we said. I'm essentially an electrical engineer because that's what that guy was and we knew the same things. Yeah. Everyone's kind of just

glistening dinosaurs in the comics. There's a picture of a Triceratops. It's actually a Albert, Albert Triceratops. Oh, I misspoke. That's fucking Albert. That's an Albert Triceratops. Sweet like swans.

Have you met a swan? They can be quite nasty and aggressive. Swans are really mean, right? Yeah, this whole thread is just people shit-talking swans now. How would you fight a swan if you could? Because we talked a lot about fighting an ostrich.

I think a swan is a similar thing because they're both very big-necked creatures. This episode is every Thursday at patreon.com slash core raiders. Now, an ostrich is much more threatening than a swan. But I think I'm doing a swan the same way where I'm grabbing it by the neck and I'm swinging it over my head and I'm tossing it into the

Prospect Park Lake. Is that what you said you would do with an ostrich? That's what I was saying. With an ostrich, you need to go for the neck, and also you're supposed to pick up a weapon of some kind, because its legs and arms are so sharp, and they can cut you in twain like a lion's head. Oh. Yeah, they can decapitate a lion with one fell swoop. They'll kill you. And I'm sick of saying it, but it has to be said.

And they're deeply racist. My favorite part of the whole— And they see all white people as Chinese. Oh, damn it. They're racist in one specific way. They're still racist against Chinese people, but they see white people as— yeah if you're japanese that's fine but white people and chinese people alike yes yeah they get it it's on site it's a lot of the population of the world it's like uh two-thirds

good punch yeah um but i was just gonna say that the main technique from attacking the ostrich which can be deployed here in our swan battling thread is sideways attack like in soul caliber hit square horizontal attack into the neck and that's gonna get them and maybe hopefully chase them off before they use their vertical attack with their legs and kill you and kill your ass dead to be clear this is based on our feelings about ostriches right this is not science well it's the sweet science of the streets i would come with a baseball bat Remember that part? Yes.

Aluminum. Go to town on that fucker. This person also posted a picture of a goose next to an elephant where the goose is bigger than the elephant. I don't understand what point they're making here. Wait, read the post? It feels prescient. Read the post?

Sweet like swans. Have you ever met a swan? They can be quite nasty and aggressive. And then there were Cygnus falconeri, prehistoric swans, the size of ostriches, terrorizing the swamps a few million years ago, fighting dwarf elephants. Oh, dwarf elephants!

They're bigger than regular swans, but the elephants are smaller, too. Oh, we have elephants at home, elephants at home. Yeah, and then they have a bunch of photos of a swan beating the shit out of an elephant. Thank God these are Photoshopped, because I would not be able to go on knowing.

Is this Animal Kingdom fanfic? It's an expanded universe. Yeah, this is the EU. They actually made this not canon recently. Right. but now swans are swan size yeah and elephants got uh majorly buffed um the rest of this is just people listing dinosaurs that were yeah i think we made our point here i think we made important points today this is a knowledge podcast at the end of the day

and some is forbidden shit in my ass that's out of command are you playing it or should i what's up we're still an animal kingdom uh what is the maximum number of cats that a person should have living with them okay maximum number you have two what's the most what's the most you've ever had do you have a cat uh my roommate's got two so i do like choose the max right when i was a child I had a cat who had kittens and cats do not be knowing how to have

the right number of them and so this motherfucker had five five babies I already had two cats you had seven I had seven cats did you take care of the babies it was like cheaper by the half dozen

featuring me and my cats and they were rolling around and they gave the mother horrible postpartum depression she never recovered so we can safely put we're moving on from that there's no need to even explain cats can get postpartum depression

cats can be like I don't really feel like a mother I don't love my children I'm a fraud she kept saying but in the way she would like sit on the couch you could tell I look at my husband like he's a mouse the thing I remember was that

there were so many of them that even though she was bigger they would kind of just knock her over and go to town milk-wise. And so we can safely put the number seven at too many cats. I don't know if I love go to town on it. Milking. Milk-wise, I said. Hit the awooga sound. I don't remember where it is.

Drinking milk and going to town. Oh, yeah. You like that milk? This is kind of a podcast for babies by babies. Yeah. Okay, right up next, baby massage. They'll crawl on you. What kind of sweet body do I have?

I'm a cat. This is the callback podcast. That's right. Remember that? All right, well, to finish my thesis here as a learned scientist. Seven, you think? I think seven's too many. I think it's between two and seven.

What's the number? Is six too many? I think six would feel very similar to seven. I think three might be too many. I think two is the most. Two for both, two dogs, two cats, absolute maximum. Especially if you live in the city. That's a mad house.

If you have a house, maybe you can have three cats. Oh, yeah. If you live in a normal-sized home and not in a closet like a home we do. You have 40 acres. Then, yeah, have a bunch of cats. Have 15 cats. You can have up to four cats with 40 acres, 10 acres per cat. um well we've all we're all familiar with the old spinster woman who uh she well she has great

longing for the outside world and replaces that need by having 100 cats in a house and we know that that's too many because then the cats well either parasites in their poop possess you and you become a thrall for them uh for one you exist to serve like i have a mind yeah you uh you are You're kind of like a drone who lives to serve the cats. But it does seem like a pretty fluffy way to live. Yeah, dude. That's all I'm trying to say. It's pretty cool to be a slave to the cats.

Yeah. Cat woman, crazy cat woman. What are you missing at the end of the day? Why not? Who cares what's going on in there? You're freaking full of love in there, in the house. I don't think it would be cute. I wouldn't have that many cats, I don't think.

I would put my maximum number at four. My cat is from a hoarding situation, a cat hoarding situation. Oh, really? Rescued from a servant of cats. Right, because they realized it was too many. Too many cats, then, you know, my cat now is a fucked up lung. Right, is that related? Yeah, because he was just sick, and they were like,

there's so many of you guys. I can't do anything about this one. about that it's really good of you to rescue a smoking cat yeah well he's addicted to cigarettes which sucks so one time he feels like a man you can't really it's very pretty hard to get a non rescue cat like you could only really get like fucked up cats yeah i don't think they had do they have cat breeders there's like a few like you can get a few fancy cats but it's like come on i think i've said this before on the podcast i got the second cat of mine just by opening my window in Bushwick.

If you're paying for cats, you're doing it wrong. Those are free. The city is killing them relentlessly. Just go ahead and let them in the house. A friend gives you a coffee table. You don't buy a coffee table. Your friend has a cat with postpartum depression because there are five

children sucking the milk out of them all day long. Just going to town on it. She's just like, I don't know how I'll ever work again. I think my career is behind me, it says, as a cat. We do a lot of tips for cat women on this. Yeah, yeah. Tips for cats!

Tips! For cats. Back to something Jeremy was saying before. Four? He said four. Like, oh, no way can he explain it. If you put four of them next to each other and you lined them up sideways, wouldn't it be around the size of this mixer? That's not so bad. Four cats?

Yeah. The size of that mixer? I think four kittens, maybe. No, not four cats. Are you crazy? Your cat is bigger than this fucking thing. Luna, get over here. They fit in the box. Yeah, get away from the box.

If they fit, they sit. Have you seen the internet, the entire internet? They're kind of like liquid. Now imagine two more cats on top of that. You think they'd be fitting around here? And they're just going to town on each other. They'd just go to town on each other. Here's the thing is I wouldn't mind two mixers worth of cats

because I love these things. Yeah, you've got the brain parasite. And that's why I put my number at four. Four, interesting. I think two. Oh, I never use this one. This one's going to go. We don't need it because we're always laughing.

Yeah, we're killing the whole time. We don't even need it. It's a goddamn crush zone in this room. I think I'm just going to start listening to that sound effect every morning like American Psycho. Yeah, yeah. Looking in the mirror. Angelette Wood sounds like that if he was horny. What if Ray Romano was a dinosaur?

Yeah, you like that. Can I tell you a character I thought of the other day that is for nothing? Yeah, sure. Is Werner Herzog showing the boyfriend of the girls from Two Girls, One Cup, the video? Yeah. Just being like, you must never look at this.

Never watch this. You will be tempted. Destroy this tape. Destroy it now. You should destroy it. That's it. That's that character. You can't eat a ghost, but a bear can eat a man.

Slit. You can eat at the soul of a man. At the latest, these two girls should have two cups. Why would they share the cup? They're so poor. Poverty had reached such a drawn conclusion. I like his glowing review of Gummo. Did you ever hear about that?

No. You know Gummo? Yeah, yeah, Harmony Korean. He said when it came out, he was like, when I saw the piece of bacon taped to the bathtub, I said that was art. That's cool. I love that he said Star Wars.

Oh, yeah, it rules. It's just so silly. Did you see that interview where he gets shot with a gun and continues the interview? Are you serious? Yeah. In the interview, he's like, oh, it's just a small firearm. He just plays it off and is like witzing.

That video and the one where he realizes John Waters is gay are the two best versions. He's like, I had no idea. That's so awesome. I don't see people like that. I'd believe him. I do, too. Yeah.

These are all-time moments of film history. Anyway, that's that big character I'm working on. Nicolas Cage is not actually Chinese. All right, that's the callback podcast. That's been good. That's been damn good. Should we read any of these cat answers? I would like to know what people think, because I said four.

Because we're still doing the cat question, by the way. That's what we're on. goddamn closure in my life for once someone says sprite says in order to determine the number a person has to answer some questions honestly how much space do i have for my cats do my cats get along or their territorial disputes do i have enough space to accommodate the litter this is boring the answer is cat wrote that yeah anyway she has 12 too many too many three times they are our family three times the maximum you have the parasite she says she has enough space for them too it's like how big is your house you have 12 cats and you feel that like they have enough

somebody's living large out there 12 winter walk for the front doors just all hammocks everywhere that's crazy cats love hammocks um valerie fox says i have six i wish i had two okay so six is too many that's just too many that's kind of a sad answer that is a sad i had six i wish four of them were dead i know just the four i'd kill if they're reading that too they're gonna be fucking bummed. What the fuck? She wrote this? I just came here to ask questions about fish. Brittany wrote this?

Brittany? About us? Why would she say that about snuffles? She taught me to read. Someone posted a picture of a ton of cats. Yo, let's go. This is 20 cats? Adam, you cannot see the picture.

Just imagine too many cats. Imagine 20 cats, if you can. if you can if you can handle that can your brain conceive of that many cats Adam let's do our final question this is core romance

hit it not the right one but appropriate okay hold on everyone shut up that was good perfect have you ever loved a quora this question is i always catch my boyfriend smelling his testicles is that weird is this weird yeah i think it's weird how do you do that i don't think i

could reach at least he's doing hand to nose this is what marilyn uh this is why marilyn manson got rid of his rib is just to smell his balls he actually didn't want to suck his dick he was worried it's like off but he just keeps going down there and be like no it's fine does it smell as bad as my forehead sweat damn yeah how is he smelling as well i feel like if he's like maybe once or twice he's like just like sure and he just he's doing a lot of like making sure nobody's looking if he's looking you're doing this like it's a normal thing people if he's looking both ways it's normal okay if he's not looking if he's not even checking like if i was just sitting here like, that would be gross.

You doing it for me right now is really upsetting. Oh, sorry, I pulled this. Do you do two fingers or do you do one? When I smell my balls? Yeah. If I was going to do it, I'd do two. If you were going to do it. I'd do two.

If. Maybe three. Let's say you went on a run. Let's say you went on a run and your lovely wife is like, do your balls smell? You would check. And she is asking that. Hey, there's a virus going around.

Just quickly check if your balls smell. Quick question. And she sings songs it, too. Do your balls smell? That's that famous song, Let Me Smell Your Dick. Is that a song? It was a viral song like 10 years ago. Jeremy's the youngest person I know.

I'm 30. Yeah, dude. No, it was a woman singing about her cheating husband. She was like, I know what you're up to. Let me smell your dick. This is coming back to me now. she could smell the other women on his dick

it wasn't a power well I mean it sounds like a power it's just you can tell it's like an animal territory thing because his penis was her territory in the lore and so by smelling a transgression she would know

to punish him on his dick was it like he just came home from the sex he says he was at the store I wonder if we play it we'll get in trouble We will certainly get in trouble Because it is almost definitely a different YouTube video

Yeah but it's a great song You just have to trust Jeremy This is a beautiful song Yeah no I'm picturing it If you can But if the question is is that weird Yes I find it to be weird Do you smell your balls

Especially always being caught You gotta be sneaky about that Yeah if you're sneaky The word always was thrown around I always catch my boyfriend smelling his testicles. Well, I don't have four cats telling me to blame it on. And if you train your cats well, you'll never have to smell your testicles daily.

Yeah, they smell it for you. You set up a series of alarms. All right, let's read some of these answers because this guy, Jamers. Jamers? Jamers, Matina? Jame on, Jamers. Yeah, Jamers.

Jamer alert. Believe it or not, it is not weird in the slightest. It is a completely normal behavior that is primarily restricted to males. That's why females are... That's why females are wee-sat skiing, if it's normal, and females still running around

smelling their vajayjay. But I, for one, certainly love smelling my balls and my ass. I guess it has something to do with the pheromones. I love smelling my ass. And it's the chemicals

that are in that area. It is useful for attracting a companion, so it does have some history rooted in truth. Smelling my balls and ass is a great way to pick up a girl. Source. Truth. I'm guessing it's because of the chemicals in my ass.

I love smelling it so much. Sorry, the pheromones. That guy's awesome. I would love to just repeat this for someone and just have to back up with like, Jamers told me that. Who told you Jamers? He's pre-med at Harvard.

It has history rooted in truth, he said. Oh, Jamers. You can't trust people with good grades is something I'm always saying on this show. I've been in high school for 10 years Now on the other hand Cornelius Gary Whose bio says that he is

Cock and balls geography And testicles Says no you are weird for watching Yes dude Cornelius Gary is airing you out On this He majored in cock and balls geography That's the north part of the shaft

That's the south right there That's what we call the pole Do you ever actually read the degree on your doctor's wall? That is what most doctors have, a degree. A bachelor of arts. Cock and balls geography. Lots of other it's weirds. People do it, but I don't want to see it, says Alexandra.

Because it looks rather disgusting to me since I don't want to think about stinky testicles. Fair enough? Yeah, fair enough. If he can get his testicles up to his nose, he would probably make a lot of money selling tickets, I guess. No, he wouldn't. Shut up.

Fuck you. It's so hard to make a career in the arts. Fuck you. You got to start a following. You got to have a podcast. You have to be an influencer of your testicle smells. You're doing instas of your smells. That would be the one OnlyFans I subscribe to.

It's just a guy who can pull his balls up to his face like a wind-up toy. You say that, but I don't think it's true. I wouldn't do it. You're right. That's probably, there's probably a guy who gets close. And you know what? Thank you for calling me out. You think you can just say things on here?

What would be your cost ceiling? My what? If it was like $2 a month to see that, I think I would subscribe to that. I'd pay it one time to see it. Oh, I would probably keep auto renewals. If you told me it was like, and if he pulls it up and then when he lets go, it goes like and slowly goes back down. $8 a month.

Yeah. You're about to get some incredible DMs when this podcast comes out. Yeah, that's right. Don't be weird to me. This will be put to the test very shortly. Okay. Well, that's going to do it for today, I believe. And I'm returning to the church and going to live in the woods.

Yeah, please do. It's where I feel safe. It's the woods. Do you have any questions you want to ask Cora before we head out? Is there anything we have? What did we discuss today? White people. White people being Chinese.

What kind of sweet body do I have? What new rules do you have about your sweet body? I don't want to steal a sweet body. They're kind of hard to answer. Yeah, they are. Oh, ghosts. What about the ghost question? Ghosts and eating ghosts.

Yeah, can you eat a ghost? I think that would be the question. That was the one we read. Oh, I thought it was what happens if you eat a ghost. Oh, I guess technically it's pretty much the same. Can you be racist towards ghosts? Can you be racist towards ghosts? That's a good question.

Quorum, quorum. We're all so excited. Everyone pointed it so he doesn't forget. Do it, do it, do it, do it. Quorum, quorum. You listen to this podcast every week. It's just us yelling do it at Jeremy and pointing at the screen. Do it, type it, type it, type it into the website, type it.

Oh, I accidentally closed it. I was about to say, you fired that off one so fast. Okay, all right, let's close the show here. Adam, thanks so much for coming on over, man. Oh, thanks for having me. This was a blast. It's been great having you here on the number one Quora podcast in America, Quorators. Where can our listeners find you at home and abroad?

Oh, just Adam G Comedy on all the socials. Yep. Go see Adam do his big jokes. Yep. All right. And that's going to be us over here at Quorators. If you would like bonus episodes where we go on other websites such as Reddit and LinkedIn and Facebook and sometimes Twitter or TikTok before it's made illegal, you're going to

want to go to patreon.com slash core raiders and slam that subscribe button you could even do it for free and then normal episodes are on there and you can see them there how about that the special ones though um yeah i think that's all i have to plug is there anything i'm forgetting nope well that's it i just have this podcast i love you so much we love you you're my world mommy and daddy goodbye goodbye i love you