Quorators - Perverse Joy w/ Jack Bensinger

Episode Date: May 19, 2025

Comedians Clare O'Kane, Alex Ptak, and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: Is a crow a devilish bird?   What do you think is the best weather for making love outdoors …for me tropical rain heavier at times and some thunders when we have our organism   Can I somehow intentionally get schizophrenia? --- Watch Jack's movie Rap World (seriously go watch it, it's really terrific) on YouTube Get even more Quorators when you support the show @ patreon.com/quorators Send quoras and qommunicate on our discord discord.gg/7pPYuKuYCr Watch the show @ youtube.com/@quorators

Is this the podcast? Yeah, it is the podcast. It can be. All right. Well, then this will be breaking news. I plan on saying this in every... If I ever do press for anything in my life, this is going to be my story for everything.

Oh, this is great. What was it like doing the project? What was that like? And it'll be this. Great. So for the past five years or so, I've been emailing with Michael Cera. Whoa.

Pen pals? Pen pals. That's cool. I've been teaching Michael Cera English. he needs it but i didn't think it was him i thought i was being pranked sure i would think that too it was like the most fake sounding email in the world and it was from like we got connected through somebody who's uh has uh amazing sexual allegations against them and whoa seen anymore really top tier uh style allegations and then and this person wanted you to connect with michael

sarah yeah they're like i showed him your videos there he thought they were awesome someone who was once in you're saying someone who was like once a comedian but is now but is now an aaron glazer type or something well then maybe in their heart they're still a comedian okay uh you can't take that away from someone that's beautiful you know bill you'll always have laughter no no matter your evil deeds sure so then what's funny is what am i talking about oh yeah so i'm telling you i'm this is the first time telling this story i'm gonna tell this this is huge maybe every day for the rest of my life great so i kind of you know i wrote it off because i was like five years of be fucking the emails there's no way it's him yeah we go we'll get coffee oh let's not get

coffee i've covered all right let's not do it let's do this you know so many times i was like oh were you ready to like meet a guy who isn't michael cera yeah i don't care yeah sure this isn't michael cera this is jared fogel yeah well that would be that would be interesting because that's also yeah it's a different celebrity and there's the uh child porn allegations i think you're gonna you're gonna get your wires crossed because you you said that someone connected you to Michael Cera who had committed a crime and Alex is just now

thinking of sex criminals. I was just thinking of another celebrity. I still think of him as the sandwich guy. He's just the sandwich guy to be. I've never met anyone in my life.

All right? So if somebody's not good anymore, I've never met anyone officially. That's true. Notice I didn't shake your hands when I walked in.

I don't meet people. I've never known anyone officially on the record. Okay, so you're going to beat Michael Cera. All right, so I kind of, like a year ago, I was like,

you know what? I'm being fucking pranked. I know a prank when i sniff one and this is a fucking prank okay cut to whatever two days ago i'm walking around the park who do i see walking down the street but youth and revolt himself oh wow uh you know maybe not his most known film mr juno mr juno mr jersey shore promo sketch yes that's what i that's where i first learned about yeah of course oh my god and i go michael have you been emailing with somebody named jack bensinger i'm sorry to interrupt and he goes yeah yeah oh good good

define as you how are you and i thought um my heart stopped and it sunk and i thought fuck man i wish i'd been emailing this guy more respectfully because i swear it wasn't him and i was prepared for him to say you know i thought he was gonna say no who are you dude don't you see that i'm about to go uh smoking a bugatti if you can do that is a bugatti a car or is that a motorcycle it's one of the finest cars you can have all right anyways um isn't that something

so imagine I've just put a film out what kind of shit were you saying to uh to uh Michael Cera dark stuff man

well it wasn't all lies I told I let him know that my aunt had died my aunt had just died uh and that I wasn't I wasn't doing too well

so I did tell him that but my aunt yeah this is the thing too my aunt she was uh card carrying lifelong card carrying

member of uh having super bad fan club type 1 diabetes oh never mind Oh, I wouldn't have guessed it. A million years. A million years.

In a million years. All right, you got a kid now. There's not four people. I thought I wouldn't talk too much today. If you're just listening, Claire's here, and she's doing an eating challenge right now, so she can't speak yet. Yeah.

I'm going to get on the record, because we always lie and say Claire is pregnant whenever she's not here, but she is not pregnant. She booked Jack for a time and then forgot what it was. Yeah, well, so did I. I'm going to remember this, dude, by the way. Claire, I'm going to remember this. She's not going to watch this.

When I'm fucking got my next $300 YouTube video budget, I'm going to remember this fucking shit, dude. The disrespect. So Michael Cera was fully like, I know who you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fun. I don't know. It didn't feel fun.

I was prepared based on like the prelude you gave this for like Michael Cera to shoot you in the chest at the end. I get why you thought it was a prank. I knew someone in college. I thought this was me at the time who had pranked another comedian we knew by pretending to be a 90s sitcom star and being like, I want you to open for me in Boston.

I don't know if he went to Boston or not, but now every time I get an email that's good news, I worry that it's this guy fucking with me. Yeah. You know the show Paul T. Goldman? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always think...

I mean, for all I know, that's what's happening right now. Yeah. This is actually jury duty. I'm a stunt guest. This is jury duty? Yeah. James Marsden's going to be here.

Dude, I've sent so many fucking audition tapes for that show. I'll do it once a month. I'll just send one in. Are they doing more? Yeah, they're doing another season of it. No, I mean, probably. They are. We've confirmed that on this show, I think.

I think every jury duty should be a TV show. That'd be great. With a secret guy. Hell yeah. There's not enough engagement otherwise, except for the crime happening and judgment being passed. It would make people probably try harder at jury duty, right? They wouldn't try to get out of it if they thought they might be on TV.

They wouldn't say they're racist when they're not, which is a great spiritual crime. Yeah. Folks, it's Quarators. What's happening? We're doing a theme song. Quarators. We put it in right away so we don't have to edit them later.

It's our little trick. Welcome back to Quarators, America's favorite Quora-based podcast in all of America with Alex and Jeremy and Claire. Claire will probably be here for the second half, so if you're just waiting for Claire, she will be here. She's not not coming. She just got confused, which could happen to anyone. Jeremy got confused, but this is his house.

I heard you talking outside my apartment. I heard you say Jeremy, and I was like, oh, shit. I'm off by an hour. I was telling our guest to get excited. It's Jeremy's house, which is time. I thought I was hallucinating you saying my name. No. Does that happen often to you?

Yeah, a little bit. It does? Yeah. That's great to hear, sweetie. Okay, we got a great guest this week, all the way from stage and screen in the Big Apple, New York City. You're going to love him. From the hit film Rap World and all of his amazing works.

In addition to that, we have Jack Redsinger. It's too long, the credits. They're too long. In addition to that one YouTube video that people are calling a movie. It's 70 minutes. You played it at a movie theater. No, it's 57 minutes. It was at Metro Brass.

57 minutes is a movie. Yeah, I agree. Trust me, I agree. Tell that to the fucking Academy. Every Quarrior's podcast is a movie. I agree with that. We're doing a series at Film Forum where they play all of our podcasts in a row.

Film Forum, I hear that they got rowdy crowds out there. Oh, really? Yeah, that's what I hear. Interesting. It's where old people go to scrap. They throw the popcorn. Have you had popcorn spilled on you because it is quite viscous and buttery?

No, I have not. It can be a real issue. Well, Jack, as we were discussing off mic before the show started, You are not a Quora user yourself. No. But you seem to be a man of questions. Of course I have skepticism.

Not bleaching, but... Bleaching? I guess bleaching my DNA. Yeah. Questions bleach one's DNA. I think that's true. The famous phrase. And answers sort of color it.

Answers color it back red, white, and blue, baby. Many countries are red, white, and blue. Yeah. That's true. It's not just America. France, North Korea. Yeah. Is there blue in there?

In North Korea? It's just red and white. You know what? Pull up the North Korean flag. The show started. We got OBS going. I want to see what the North Korean flag is. What's OBS?

It's Outer Banks. They do a blue over there. There's a lot of blue on that. OBS is what you use to make a Twitch stream. You ever do Twitch, Jack? Do I do it? You never do Twitch? You ever do Twitch, honey?

You be a Twitch guy? Not yet. No? I'm trying to get in the good graces of Hassan Biker. Oh, who isn't? We're all trying to do it. You better because, you know, you see him. He's the new Carson.

He's the new Carson. He invites you over to the couch. I want to sit on a couple more things of his. Whoa. I don't. I don't. I don't. I have a girlfriend.

People see me, they say I have a body for Twitch. Now, we pulled up the North Korean flag here. Beautiful star and stripes as well. And that's just something that people like to put on a flag. You've got a great voice. Thanks, man. You're sort of an announcer. I've really been working on it.

Announcing all the flags. There's also a gay North Korean flag that's available if you'd like it. Yeah, that's on Wikipedia. That's if you're gay in North Korea. L-G-B-T-Q-I-A-N-K. I don't know if they like fuck with that too much or not. You know, I couldn't say. I haven't done the research.

I like this one, too, where it's a rainbow flag. This is a Shutterstock image, which is a stock photo. It's a rainbow flag falling away, and then there's a North Korean flag behind it. You know what's annoying about this, though, is the stripes don't align and they're at different angles and it's kind of... Well, because it's falling. I'm going to have an aneurysm

live on mic. This is true. If you look at a LGBT flag and they all have a second layer, underneath it is North Korea. That's awesome. You always got to check your layer. Make sure it's not something evil.

Like a skull of some kind. Refocusing the conversation. So yeah, you haven't been on Quora's The Questions website. You love questions. You're going to love the website. Yeah, you have the Joy Tactics podcast where you're always promoting and discovering new forms of joy. Yeah.

What are some exciting joy discoveries you have made of recent? This is a good interviewer's question, by the way. I want to congratulate myself on that. Well done, by the way. A shirt. I had a shirt that was smelling a shirt that took me back in time. It smelled like a green room from like 12 years ago. And I just kept smelling that thing and thinking, wow, this shirt took me back.

I'm up next. right yeah well it's showtime when i put this thing on that's a good smell yeah it's good that's one of the i and it's interesting because i feel like i really don't like green rooms and they make me anxious and like uncomfortable but i do love the concept of if i wasn't in one thinking about being in one why do they make you anxious and uncomfortable i feel like i'm going to be uh thrown out into another context and at a moment's notice oh sure like i don't like the part where you're in a green room and there's a show happening outside that you're not supposed to pay attention to.

And you're just like doing something else. And then somebody is like, you got to get out of here. That scares me. Wow. Do you not agree? I spaced so fucking hard. That's fine.

We're going on Quora. That's the podcast. But I was trying really hard. I didn't space out. I just didn't. I just failed at listening. I was listening really hard, but you guys know how it is.

Did y'all take special ed classes growing up at all? I did not. I should have. Yeah, me neither, brothers. Me neither. I laughed at them, that's for sure. Yeah, you know, we're all doing our best today. So every week we like to explore a different space on Quora.

This week's theme are perverse joys. So these are kind of like things you can enjoy, but maybe you shouldn't because they're so sick and twisted. I had the words forbidden joys written down, but I didn't know if we've maybe covered that too much. and our Space of the Week this week is Dirty Desires. Space of the Week. Space of the Week, Dirty Desires.

It's Alex. I made that one. You got that one right. You got that right. This is the Space Dirty Desires adult type of query. So these are all questions. Well, there's rules here, I guess. This is a pretty big space.

Wait, scroll up. They got 27.6 thousand followers. That's a big Quora number. There's not as many people on Quora as a Facebook or a TikTok. The rules of the space are, there's eight of them. One, ask questions in question section only. Don't make, these are boring. Yeah, don't read those.

These are just rules about like asking. I thought they were going to be like, you got to be the sexiest lady. Rule three, show me your cock. Yeah, I don't know. I have two example questions. Let me see your fleshlight. Is it weird that I like my sister? Practice suck and cock on me.

okay what's the question is anyone else addicted to the smell and taste of their female family members dirty panties this is kind of like what you were saying about the shirt well yeah that is a good one a shirt can have a memory smell and panties can have a these are sister taste these are more sexual than usual even yeah these are very explicit it stands out even on quora there were two examples in the doc um i found can i see some young boobs please that's a great question please they say i do want to see the oh do i guess i don't want to see the answer because it's just you can't see any of them never mind i guess i shouldn't put that on the tv and the youngness of it is going to be a concern for me on that one yeah i have to agree with you

would you rather have sex with somebody with young boobs and an old body or an old body and young boobs oh old boobs in a young body or young body and old boobs well this runs into the same thing of like young body old boobs could be like a cursed child in a benjamin button situation um so i guess legally i'd have to say old body i'm doing like i want i want to have sex with the woman from the shining when he like when she comes out of the bathtub but she's got like a beautiful breath i was gonna say her boobs are shit jeremy i know i know judge but imagine she had beautiful 22 year old breasts yeah well you know the thing is they would draw the eye so much it would you take a second to be like oh no a witch yeah that's right yeah if i remember the

movie i have to take care of this hotel i'd say it's kind of an anxiety movie for hotel management yeah that's the premise of the shining uh here's a good question arsana is a popular spot for sucking cock no answers no it's uh the steam room is the steam room different than asana oh god yeah oh my god that's like asking is uh the desert the same as the ocean if you can understand and it's quite literal because it's actually so similar because of the wet the sauna is wet what did i just say and the steam room is high well it's going to be the other way around right one of the saunas dry the steam room is wet and so there's a wall of uh uh the visibility is not so far ahead yeah so you can all be sucking around i guess the steam would act as an active

like uh uh you know uh obfuscant is that a word i think it is too i'm pretty confident in that obfuscant. I heard a crazy word the other day. Want to hear it? Yeah, I do. Turgivisate. What? What does that mean? Turgivisator. Is that like something that makes you turgid? No, I don't know what that means. I'm a turgivisator. It's like a traitor.

Oh. Really? Yeah. I almost want to ask how you spell this, but you know what? We don't need to know. They don't know. Nobody figured it out yet. That's fine. It's only spoken. So the answer is no for saunas, but yes for steam rooms for the cock sucking thing? Well, popular is interesting.

Are they a popular spot? I went to a place that was a popular, I don't know if it was a swingers spa in London that was called, what was it called? Rio's. Oh, Rio's. We went there just to check it out as a group of friends to get a bit of a kick out of it.

And yeah, people were looking at each other and propositioning each other a little bit. So it's popular compared to everywhere else I went in the UK. yeah borderline zero people offering to to uh sexually please each other in different areas i mean it's not a country that's like famous for that happening really england england is always there so when they do a global survey of like worst sex havers america always has one guy below it and it's just everyone not at rio's i guess what the hell happened with the uk they they They lost it all, baby.

I guess so, huh? Big fumble on the end line. Because the whole thing that they say is that they colonized the whole fucking world. Meanwhile, I'm looking around. All they got is that little tiny island. I know. Right. So embarrassing.

How's that happen? Turnover on downs. They gave it all up. They gave it up? Yeah, just for fun. They were like, you know what? You guys have your own. You guys can have your country's back.

I'm honestly so sorry. Uh-oh. We got Will Forte's burner account right here. Okay. Jeremy has pulled up the guy who asked Asana's question. Is this Forte Hardley? Guy in a full balaclava with glasses. Former lifesaver swimming pool.

That's right. Just lifesaver swimming pool. Former lifesaver swimming pool. He's a former lifesaver swimming pool. He's in the spaces Dirty Desires, of course. He's in like-minded couples or broad-minded couples in India. And he's in Meth Confessions. That is something interesting to me.

I understand all about this guy. We've been here before. Have we? Oh, yeah, we're following it. What fun have you spun? And of course, the top thing on Meth Confessions is show me some hard cock, please. Quite the ask in Meth Confessions. I'm not going to click.

Famously a place that kind of fucks with that. Yeah. There's nothing like smelling meth. I wouldn't smoke it, but I'd smell it if somebody else was. I wonder what it would smell like. Do you think it would have a smell? Yeah, it kind of reminds me of a green room. Yeah, it's got a mold, a certain mold and Sprite to it, maybe.

Old mixed with Sprite. Yeah. I can see that. I like this question. Who needs meth? What's it said? Wrong place to ask that. Who needs some meth?

You know what? Because a lot of times I think, okay, they're saying for sex on here. This is Forte. It's the same fucking guy. This is Will Forte again saying, yes, oldie for sex. I found it goes a long way. 30 comments on that thing. Yeah.

This is from, this is going to be. It's going to be. Yeah, it's just penises. It's going to be dick. That'll be a meth next to a penis. That's my doctor lust. Of course it's going to be a penis. Wait a minute.

That's my doctor. Here's who might need meth. I think that a lot of people get, there's like, you know, a stereotype. You see somebody who smokes meth and they're missing some teeth. Yeah. So, you know the disease hyperdentia? Sure. Is that when you have too many teeth?

Too many teeth on the roof of your mouth. Oh, like a shark. Yeah. Give them some meth. Oh, it's tough to think about, but yeah. And then they can have sex for hours as well. Yeah, if they're of age. That's kind of the main point of, yeah, if they're not children.

No, I would never do that. Otherwise, they're just a child who's smoking meth. Not to defend meth smokers too much here, but they're not doing it to lose the teeth. They're doing it for sex for hours. They just happen to lose teeth. They're doing it for the sex. But Jack's saying if you have too many teeth, it's a great way to get rid of them. If you don't want to like tie it to a door and close it or whatever.

And this is medical surgery. Yeah. Yeah. Surgery. It's very expensive. Just got some meth. Speed. Meth.

Meth. Meth again. I agree with this. I, there was a second question in the doc. Sorry. I'm trying to focus on the sex space. I know meth is always fun,

but I thought this one was kind of erotic. Here's another question. What do you think is the best weather for making love outdoors? Dot, dot, dot for me, tropical rain, heavier at times than some thunders.

When we have our organism, I guess they meant to say orgasm, but they said organism. Even if it is orgasm, it's like, oh, and I would like it to thunder when I orgasm. It's kind of a big ask, huh? Yeah. Oh, I would like the weather to meet me on my schedule if that's all right. You wouldn't want to come right as there's like a lightning strike and a loud clap of thunder. Lightning crash.

Well, have you ever been so scared in the middle of busting? Or maybe right before? uh it ruins everything if you get a threat or something right when you're having sex and you get threatened right remember in hawaii a couple years back breaking news a couple years back when the uh there was a false alarm for a nuclear missile oh yeah and did you see the pornhub stats no it was like you know the time of day you know and i should be checking these stats you have a podcast you need to know these things but the pornhub like active users ship and this was eight in the morning or something yeah but it was you know up here around here and then nuclear

bombs coming to kill everybody everybody stops jerking it oh right then they find out we're not being murdered by a bomb skyrocketed every but more people who weren't even gonna jerk it that day probably because they were sleeping yeah that's an expression of life isn't it might as well jack off yeah i'm up and i live in hawaii so well no no nobody who's lived in hawaii has ever jerked off i agree with that yeah that's famously true uh i i understand what you're saying where you would want the thunder to not come right before you blast because then you'd get scared is that what you were saying yeah i'd hate to be scared yeah i don't want to be scared have you ever been scared during sex no doubt definitely yeah yeah by neighbors busting

in that's kind of a thrill for me yeah the neighbors i would call that the ultimate thrill voyeurism yeah well it's not voyeurism it's just like a great trespass that's what your child is you have a great trespasser yeah you are legally obligated to the greatest trespasser in that she sleeps like a foot away from my head every day that's closer than i could get i locked the door she finds her way back in every day uh but the west better best weather for making love oh no You should have been in the classes. Please don't clip this. Yep.

Oh, man. I need to know the best weather for making love, and if it's a sandstorm. That'd be pretty good. Is everyone saying rainstorm? Let's see. Is no one else aroused by this question the way I am? There's only one answer here, and it's from Michael Powell,

who says a heavy rainstorm kind of sounds inviting, not much wind, I like the quiet to hear my thoughts and the moans of a woman. One answer, also rainstorm. I'll vote for you, yeah. But he says not a heavy one, though. He says he doesn't want to hear the thunder because he wants to hear the girl.

Mine's a fog, the lightest rainstorm of all. Write that in. What? Tell them I want a sexual fog. Oh, we're still a dark cowboy. Alberto Mysterio. Yeah, we had to change the name because it was my name and face for a while.

Whoopsies. Yeah. Very Pierre Delecto, of course. I don't know. That is Ted Cruz's Twitter account that he was liking porn? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know.

It was Mitt Romney. That sounds familiar. It's fun to switch ethnicities on your other identity. Ted Cruz liked porn on his main account. I know that. On 9-11.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he forgot to switch. Not the original one, but like an anniversary of it. Yeah, well, it was... I'm sure it was politically okay. Yeah, I'm sure

whatever the porn was was probably like... It was like a MILF thing. Yeah, I'm sure maybe she was, you know, in one of the towers Mothers are somewhat Republican coded Yeah that's for sure

I agree with that Because they are the core unit of a nuclear family Nuclear Also nuclear America's our main source of strength Well anyway that's the weather thing No one else wanted to talk about that We answered it

Let's do animal questions Hit the animal button do you have sound effects on your show jack no we had one at one point we had one i think it was like that's pretty good yeah that's a good one yeah i would get that one i run out of ideas i have 40 sounds and i get them wrong a lot is kind of my move and people say to label them but i won't do it good thank you don't let people change you yeah i think that's right i choose to not know which ones they are you were saying that somebody canceled the patreon because i didn't i didn't i I said I think Andor is good but overrated.

You didn't say. I think you said it was bad. Oh, I don't think it's bad. All right. Well, come on. Don't let them win. I don't think it's bad. I think it is overrated.

You're trying to win this person back. I know. They're gone. They're gone. Fuck Andor. I say fuck that person. Andor fucking sucks. And if you like Andor, I'm coming to your house.

I like that. I agree. With a knife. Yeah. I'm coming to your house with the same hammer that got Paul Pelosi. And I'm going to smash the TV if Andor's on it. The Pelosi's love Star Wars. You better hope you have Jedi powers when Jack's at your door.

Oh, yeah, and it's not even going to work. I'm going to have a gun. A Jedi, well, they had guns, I guess. They look laser guns. I would hate to be the guy who doesn't yes and the Jedi when they go to choke you and you're like, doesn't work on me, doesn't work on me, I have a gun. We don't know if they can stop bullets.

You know how Darth Vader, he'll choke you? With this way? Yeah. He doesn't even need to touch you. His finger pokies and everyone just goes along with it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not going along with anything they're being forced to. Yeah, it's the Force.

I'm saying, what if they don't go along with it one time? Oh, you're saying, what if they just flexed their neck a little more? Yeah, turn your mind off to that. Don't let midichlorians tell you how to live. Midichronians? What'd you say? They're midichlorians. They're beautiful beings.

Do you know what this is, Jack? No, not yet. Oh, really? Have you seen Star War? No, since I was a kid. I saw one of them, maybe. It's how the Force works. There's little guys in the air.

No, no, no. Yeah. Really? Yeah. They ride the air? Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Is this real?

I mean, it's real in Star Wars. The real answer in Star Wars is that in the prequel movies, they explain that there's something called midichlorians in your blood. And then George Lucas originally wanted to make three more movies that are microscopic movies that show you that midichlorians are little guys. And that is real. He knew we wouldn't fucking believe him. Yeah.

This is anti-vax. It's fucking real. It's very Scientology-y, because the way that they do it, They, like, check Anakin Skywalker's blood, and they're like, yeah, you got the highest level of them. Your Thetan level is so high. It's you and Yoda have the best midichlorians that you're also a doctor, technically.

These are, like, T-cells? Yeah, kind of. Okay. M-cells. We have a question. Is a crow a devilish bird? It is a devilish bird. That's a nice question.

I think, yeah, it is kind of a devilish bird. It's a son of a bitch. and it steals forks. They're the smartest birds, right? Is that so? They can talk and stuff. Is that a song? What?

It does sound like a song. I think he said, is that so? Is that so? I thought Jeremy said, they're the smartest birds and then Jack's organic reaction was, is that a song?

It would be a great song. Because it's a fucking hit song title right there. Yeah, you might want to cut that out and pocket that. And just sing it. Before Bruno Mars claps you again. He's actually the one who left because I said Andor isn't that good.

Oh no. So he won't listen to it. Right, and he has a horrible gambling debt. Is that true? Yeah, he has lost all his money to gambling. Bruno? I think Bruno Mars. Oh, he should come do a Blackjack Apprenticeship sponsorship.

I'm now terrified some other pop star has gambling debt, and I've misnamed Bruno Mars, but I'm pretty sure it's him. It's one of those things that's like, you're in every wedding. How are you poor? Bruno Mars? Yeah, what does that mean? He should be getting royalty. I hear Bruno Mars at every single wedding,

and I assume all of these happy couples have to give him like a dollar every time. they're just playing spotify i think yeah spotify gives him something for it doesn't he um crows are devilish birds right there so let's count their qualities let us number the stars real quick devilish as in evil not like handsome right oh that's good because it could be just is a crow a handsome bird no it's not devilish doesn't mean handsome it's devilishly handsome because it's like an evil way of being handsome well charcoal jerky says no they're one of the smartest birds out there but that's not related no but i think the argument is that's why they're so bad i agree because a bird should be some um it should be lower than us on the bird scale smart

yeah well you try to act like you're better than me i drive my my big truck all day and you're gonna act like you know more than me they can fly you know yeah but they couldn't operate heavy machinery if they wanted to could they they couldn't get in a cat and mine for gold not without our help not without our help and they can repeat things that people say though they can do puzzles too they're very they can do puzzles yeah that's fun they're kind of puzzles they do they're doing wordle every day yeah they do the fucking uh candy crush they do them all but if there is a bird that's devilish which given that i i think this is probably it because they're uh you know they do tricks and stuff i don't think they're as rapey as other birds

are birds rapey yeah ducks famous oh well is that a bird read a book they should get read a book about how it's kind of like a fish yeah yeah they're kind of fish like and that they love the water and they hang with the yeah it's much uh yeah i don't think a duck should be a bird anymore no i if a duck's not a bird i don't know what we're doing here folks they're the master of all three they're land sea and and it's a frog it's an amphibian it's a dog and it's a bird i guess at times rarely those at a bird it's kind of like the marines of uh uh birds the duck yeah yeah it does all of the different um and marines usually have a corkscrew penis you know who's devilish i'll get out of town seagulls are damn devilish they'll take a whole sandwich off your

hands okay a crow's never done nothing that a crow is maybe um they fly it depends where they are yeah they find a murder yeah yeah right right right a murder of crows crows are ominous and pretty but i wouldn't call them devilish like seagulls are fucking devilish yeah i agree with that i feel like you're bought by big crow i feel like you've already been corrupted by i think you're right seagulls are cruel seagulls i have had more bad experiences with the seagull than a crow they're loud too they'll kind of yell at you so i guess if you're going to and they're not as smart as crows so crows get a bad rap just because they're hot the cruelty everyone's jealous they are uh they're devilishly handsome so we actually have no issue with crows i think they're too smart

He's taking a quorum of the room. Everyone likes crows. Dion Whited says, I don't know about that. I live in the country, so I hear and see clothes all the time. Then he says, crows, damn it, crows. How do you fucking do that while typing? He says, I think they're very smart, not devilish, and yes, they do have funerals for their fallen mates.

That's cool. What? This guy's from western New York. He's from Buffalo. Well, that's northern. Yeah, I guess so. I feel like that's western. you know how they talk there they call crows clothes i don't know i can't riff another

western new york city i don't know what's out there ithaca it's syracuse how about that syracuse is pretty far out there how about that i don't know if we got a problem with that it's so north south that state yeah it's a weird one it's a weird one to say east west about yeah it's like east west vermont as far as i'm concerned you're in new york city you're somewhere else man good shit. Yeah, Syracuse, New York. You mean Georgia? I guess I should go to ASU. There's another question. Are crows a disgusting

bird? People do not have respect for crows here. I don't like crows. What's the rap, man? Dorothy Simpson says they are cheeky and very clever. She's from Liverpool. Anglo spotted. That's an Anglo we've spotted. You're from bloody Leeds, mate.

Claire's home. Claire's home. How's it going? What are you guys talking about? Yeah, that'll be part of what they say. You guys do that, yeah? You pretty much got it, exactly. We found a lady from England. Yeah.

So we all came out positive on crows anti-seagull. It's fine that they're smart. It doesn't necessarily make them evil. Seagulls or crows? Crows. Seagulls, we decided, are malicious regardless. Yeah, they're stealing your stuff. Because of their sandwich habits.

One time a seagull swooped in and stole my dad's hot dog out of the bun. What the fuck? Just the meat. Just the meat. Left the bread. I was going to say, bread is kind of prime bird food, too. So they got to come back to that. Yeah, they do love bread.

And it's not like your dad just wants a hot dog bun. No. Yeah. How about this? Get a hot dog, put a bunch of AirPod, what do you call them? Geo AirTags in it. And then put a bunch of LSD in it, too. Whoa.

Go see, you know, catch the bird, maybe put a GoPro on it, and there's many steps to this, but... Yeah. This bird's got it tricked out. It ends up at, like, a beach rave or something. Yeah, yeah. It's not an impulse activity. It's something you should plan to do.

Yeah, you'd have to premeditate feeding an air tag to a bird. But then, oh, you'd have the last fucking laugh, that's for sure. Yeah. Imagine doing one of these to a bird. Talk about the force. Oh, yeah. Squeezing the bird's neck and killing him. Get the hell out of that thing.

Ooh, I saw a petrified squirrel yesterday. Where? Sidewalk. What the hell? It's crazy that they just do that naturally. That's right. I have not heard of this before. They just petrify naturally.

What does that mean? You know, they get all hard and... Like they fall in like a mud pit? No, no. They just get all hard. Yeah, I guess so. Is that right? You know how squirrels get all hard?

Remember when you saw... You gotta watch the video for this one, folks. I saw that. Everybody's doing their hard squirrel impression. that it doesn't require a certain type of weather. What do they call it? Rigamortis? They call it rigamortis.

Is it rigor? Something that happens to squirrels. I'm going to do another question. Please do the next one. Just hang out with us, bro. I'm just catching up. We can just chat. Nah, that's weird.

I didn't have time to brush my teeth. Claire, we were in the same boat. but I had to brush my teeth after these guys showed up. I watched him do it. I put my bike in his room. We fucked up. You know what we did?

We said we were doing a podcast tomorrow at 1 p.m. It confused me. And then tomorrow, it didn't confuse me. I wrote it down. We're doing it at 1 p.m. or 11 a.m.?

1 p.m. Okay. Why did I put it at 11 a.m.? Oh, God. Claire, have you ever been in a special education course? No, I was actually in GATE, the Gifted and Talented

Education Program. I was tagged Talented and Gifted. What's that? That's not special ed? It's the opposite. You sound like classes for horses. That's so smart, your R word.

And then they make you do puzzles, basically. You're in goddamn classes for horses. I'm in gait and tag. Honestly, it was really bad. I'm in locked stable. It was not good because it's like, they're like, you don't need to learn math. We're going to have you draw stuff.

Yeah, they made us do plays, actually. That sounds good. That sounds really good, guys. I would love to be in the smart plays class. They made us write plays about science. Wow. Oh, like what? Like about the apple falling on Isaac Newton?

Yeah, like time travel. Oh, the apple. I was in holes. I was in a play production of holes with my special ed class. You did a play of holes? That's pretty cool. Special ed holes. Digging up them holes.

I think it sounds like you want to be just not in the main classes. You got to do plays if they take you in any other class. It gets fun as long as you're different. Yeah. Yeah. You get to watch a lot of movies. A lot of movies. You got to watch movies too?

I think we did. We watched. If you like finish the test, you can watch one. We watched Felini. You know what? You don't realize it. Oh, okay. They might have just told us that we were special,

but it might have just been special ed. You got Paul T. Goldman. Yeah, exactly. We can agree it wasn't the standard ed. They're like, you guys are too smart. Yeah, special ed could mean so many different types of eds. It doesn't imply. You guys are so smart, you've got to just color today.

At my school, it was called talented and gifted, but then a lot of the parents got really mad because they were like, well, my kid's talented, too. It was just in a different way, and they made them change the name of it. What was it changed to? They changed it to Discovery. Secret class?

Discovery? The last good. Yeah. Sounds less like you're in the Andrews game school. Because all children are talented and gifted. What are they saying is going to happen? I don't understand. So let's say you're in, what grade was this?

Fourth. So everybody's learning what an acrylic object is, right? Yeah. You can't have already known that, even if you seem special and discoverable or whatever. It's all dub. It's a bit. It's actually education, which is one of the smartest things there is.

They may have taken an IQ test is what it is. It's like if you're good at taking an IQ test as a child, basically. They just trust that you'll just look at a cube and go, that's fucking acrylic. I can tell. That's acrylic. You don't need to be told that. There are certain things you don't need to be told

because you'll presume it. Polyurethane. Polyurethane. That's a skateboard wheel. Oh, that's a skateboard wheel. Rubber. Gate. They used to call us the Gate Gifted and Talented,

and then when we say we were in Gate, someone would be like, you're gay? Yeah, you walked right into that one, pal. Someone said I had a neurodivergent gate recently. Yeah. Want to see it? Do you walk on your toes? I do want to see it.

What does that mean? This is tricky because, as anybody who's taken an acting class knows, it's very difficult to walk organically on command. Right. But I guess just as neurodivergently as possible. Jack is getting up. Okay, now he's going to the kitchen. He's walking around.

All right, walk into the room. It does kind of look like you learn differently that way. I walk like that, too. This guy has ADHD. It kind of looks like you've injured your ankle, maybe. Maybe once. Who told you that? Was it Michael Cera?

No, just this really fucked up... Jack met Michael Cera. It was Brace Belden. Really? Yeah. That's funny. Does he neurodiverge you? No, he's just got weird...

He's smart. Yeah. Well, he's got trauma. I think he was normal and he just did it to himself. Yeah. He went to school with my cousin. Oh, yeah? Oh, my God.

Isn't that funny? Isn't that funny? This world is full of little coincidences. Did your cousin shoot anybody? Oh, is that who you were talking about the other day, Claire? Or no? What, you said that you knew somebody in the war and you asked if they killed someone?

No, no. He shot at them. He didn't, you know. Who's to say whether... It was a joke. Who's to say? It was a joke between him and Isis. For anyone who doesn't know Brace,

this is a guy who was, like, really pro-invading Iraq, and so he went to Iraq. Yeah. He wanted to bring democracy there. He stands by it. A lot of people have walked back that opinion, but he's like, thank God we didn't go far enough. He hung up that mission accomplished sign.

He pulled down that big statue of Saddam. He said, this statue sucks. He hung stuff up, he pulled stuff down. This should be of George Washington. And now it is. And if you go to Iraq to this very day, it's full of George Washingtons. Wow, that's beautiful.

We got to pull up to Iraq soon. If I can find the time. that's your sound effect for pulling up to iraq yeah in a spirit airline oh no uh what's this question a cockroach usually stands in one place for long periods of time right are they actually just standing there or are they doing something like telepathically communicating with the other roaches now when i see a cockroach yeah it is often skittering about i i tend to agree with Thank you, Alex. They are not.

I guess if I spent more time with them, maybe I would know them more. But they don't seem like they're standing in place for long periods of time. We strike fear in the heart of a cockroach. So they're not just chilling with this guy. Do they play? They play dead. Do they play dead? They do play dead.

They don't die. They play dead, but they never die. They are playing in that case. Yeah. Yeah. You know, you have to do is crush their brain. They got a brain. Yeah.

It's like at the very tip of their head. It's at the tip of their head. It's in their head, believe it or not. I tried to vacuum a roach once, and it just walked out of the vacuum. Yeah, it sounds like a bad idea, and it didn't work. I thought it would kill it, but it wasn't enough. That's funny. Anyway, I don't think they're telepathically communicating with the other roaches.

If anything, they probably have like a smell-o-vision kind of thing where they send signals. You don't think it's like an Ender's Game situation? Where they have a hive mind? No, I don't think roaches have a hive mind. I think we would have cracked that one. You guys read Ender's Game? you know Ender's Game I do know of it

the movie hadn't come out yet when we were assigned to read it in high school so I didn't you were assigned to read Ender's Game do you want to go

to the author's page on Quora that's crazy what's crazy about that I don't know it's a weird book to give children yeah I read it

in the fifth grade I read it as a child but it's just weird I feel like usually in school they make you read like Catcher in the Rye oh yeah we read that too

no I also read it for school it's not weird at all you read it One of the most normal ways to read it. And then I read it again because I said this is actually really onto something about how to fight in a shower.

Would you like to go to Orson Scott Card's Quora page and see what he's been up to lately? Orson Scott Card is the author of Ender's Game. He is a big Quora user and he's one of our favorite guys to check in on. He's also famously a nut job but he doesn't really say anything that interesting

on here. Well, he interacts with the website. He goes on here like people go on Twitter. He was active two hours ago. Why does an animal become my best friend when I give them food? Yeah, he just goes and answers things. He's just an old man kind of giving normal answers, but he's famously a nut job, so it's kind of a bummer because I thought that he would be saying crazy stuff.

He just answered the question, why do dogs sniff everything? And he's speaking in cute speak? Yeah, a little bit. Why do dogs sniff everything? Or he's answering. He says, for dogs, sense provides huge amounts of information. It's like reading a six-page caption to a photograph. Thank you, Orson Scott Card.

That's actually very insightful. He's on the dog lover's space. Maybe that's something to explore. But he's never asked questions? He's asked five questions ever. Whoa. Oh, no. Five hours ago, one of them was.

He's been on this website for so long, and one of them is from five hours ago. The side of his head is as flat as they come. Why is he showing off that? Why is he showing that off? He's a weird dude. It's basically the wall. In certain areas of the world,

that's actually a great point of pride. Yeah, table land. His question is, whose decomposed corpses are more realistic? As a watcher of NCIS and Bones, I have seen far faster decomposition of corpses in Bones. Yeah, that'll get you checked into an institution. Is Bones still on? The TV show Bones?

Is Bones on still? It's still on in my house, that's for sure. It's still on Bones. Are they still making new Grayson Frankies? Oh man, when this comes on right after Sanjaya Hudson gets the fucking axe. I was sure this was over Yeah Ended in 2017

Yeah I think it's fine For him to watch Bones Notice it came It ended right after the Who shall not be named Administration started And they all probably took

Fucking action No more Bones No more Bones We gotta go Sick of Bones Skin We're making a department of skin Is these Trump impressions?

Yeah Yeah Fucking hell that's how you know they're good when you have to ask what else did he ask trump oh this guy yeah what else did trump ask does trump have a quarrel we've never looked at that uh orson scott asked how do ravens work like homing pigeons so each is good for only one destination or are they given instructions like addressing an envelope now this is what we've come across before is that it seems like he's looking up stuff for his books like he has to be like by the way i'm doing a

ravens chapter so i gotta know how ravens work people don't think about much on this fucking website besides birds a lot of birds you'd be surprised that's what's going on in the real world jack it's not all hollywood and listen broadway i go into three buildings in my life i go into the fucking uta offices in beverly hills i go into qdoba and i go into whatever the gym is that everybody likes equinox i was gonna be way wrong planet fitness which does have free stuff you can have they have pizza they have bagels equinox equinox never been inside i'm sure they also have free food there it seems superior in every way cool do you go to the gym uh yep sometimes you got a body for twitch that's familiar is that what someone said to you alex or

you're just saying it we said it on this podcast 30 minutes no i know but like was that i'm asking why it's in your head um i guess i i don't know fair enough who cares there's a gas leak in this apartment you know what's funny uh this guy lou gehrig uh-huh he's gone by now yeah and it's not funny what happened to him in the end but uh he has a quote where he was sick of chairs he said there's a quote that's so inappropriately long i thought where he goes i hate cushions i'm sick of cushions there's cushions in the chairs there's cushions in the car tired of sitting in cushions all the time i couldn't feel less that way yeah you know well then what's funny is he got his first ever disease

and he's probably needed to sit so much after that a lot of time with cushions after that and you gotta wonder if monkey's paw curls all your time is cushion time now what was Lou G's disease Lou G? what? Lou Gehrig. First name basis

that's the ice bucket it's the ice bucket challenge it's ALS it's like a muscle it's a muscle disorder where you go nimble bimble Yeah, you do need tissues. It's not fucking good.

You go nimbly bimbly parentheses bad. The ice bucket challenge was what a fun time it was. Did you guys do it? I didn't do it. No, I didn't do it. No one challenged you. I wasn't actually like a major celebrity at the time, so it didn't really make sense for me to do it.

Yeah, but that was the whole, everyone was doing it. I mostly saw like fucking Eminem do it. I didn't see anybody I know ever do this thing. Did Eminem do it? Yeah, he did. And he was like, fuck George Bush. You know, ice bucketed himself. Fuck George Bush.

You got the wrong thing. I bet Eminem also said that. It was 2014. Eminem said fuck to all the people. That's like his famous thing. It's like the word he made up. That's kind of how I know I didn't have really good friends, is that they didn't ask me.

They didn't challenge me. I didn't get asked. I never get challenged. Nobody asked me out to the ice bucket challenge. And I had a bucket full of ice. I was waiting for it. Hanging out by my fridge every day, waiting. Begging people to challenge me.

I challenge you. Thank you. I'm going to do it. I challenge you to do the ice bucket challenge. I'll do it on this podcast. I'll do it on my own time. I would invite you to do it now, except it will probably take like 20 minutes

to get a bucket and ice and everything. Yeah. And then you have to clean it up. Do you want to do these Quora MD questions, Alex? Yeah, I do. Hit the button. I think I found some good questions today. There's a poop one.

We did get in trouble in the past for doing too much poop questions. Whatever. People are always mad at us. Welcome to Quora MD. Are people always mad at you on your podcast track? Uh, yeah. I think me specifically.

Oh, yeah. I think Eric and Nate, People don't get very mad at them. No. Because they don't push the fucking lines. That's right. Is that the right phrase? There's no boundaries.

All right, my fault. They're not breaking the ceiling? They're not breaking the glass ceiling. Right. They're not saying time's up. Sorry, women. This question is feces. Why does my poop always clog toilets, and what can I do about it?

Feces colon. This is addressed to feces, or is this about feces? Are we feces? Is this a line that feces is saying in a play? In regards to feces, I'm always blowing these things out. Why does my poop always clog toilets? What can I do about it? Nine times out of ten, and I am not a doctor, this is not medical advice, but it's usually

the paper, right? Yeah. It's not usually your huge sandwich dumps. No, because those are biodegradable. Those break up. Yeah. Oh. Your clogs, your logs break up.

It's the paper and like people's tampons. I guess if you ate a lot of very fibrous things that gave you constructed poops that are in the shape of boats, like solid turgid poops. You have to give yourself diarrhea. You have to give yourself diarrhea. You have diarrhea. To unclog the toilet? Well, to have poops that don't clog.

Always. Change your diet, change your life. Always is a crazy word in this one. Yeah. Because that'll mean every single time. Who's asking this shit? Steve-O eating a bunch of dice? You know what?

We could find out. Come on. It could have been Steve-O. Let's find out. It might be Steve-O. The Dice Challenge? I hate this website. Maybe they don't know what a toilet is.

You're just shitting in a bucket. Shitting in a DVD player. I hit the button. It's not working. Oh, it's anonymous. This person was too scared. Wait, I want to see that answer that someone wrote a whole story. This is by Maxwell McKinnon.

Jesus Christ, this is a long answer. He says... Look at it, Alex. It was a baseball trip in 10th grade. our bathroom was being used so i went to the coach's bathroom and used his it came out like a solid piece of chunked rebar i courtesy flush to be safe and it went down and got stuck in the s tube or something i then grabbed very knowledgeable about the plumbing i then grabbed one piece of tp to wipe but it came back clean which made sense as the poop was not soft

but hard and dense and i put my pants back on and now had to find a solution to my problem I plunged for over 10 minutes when I heard my coach yell and storm in to demand what I was doing in his bathroom. At this time, several other players had come and were gathered around the bathroom. One of my teammates was convinced I was bad at plunging and wanted to try his hand at it.

It's so embarrassing. Could you imagine your teammate plunging your toilet for you? What's the sport, meanwhile? Oh, yeah, we don't know. I think baseball. This is definitely a baseball. This only happens to baseball players. He plunged a little bit and said it needed to be flushed again,

which with a look of satisfaction, he flushed. Then with a look back of terror, he backed away from the water overflowing. This is very normal. And there's like another 10 paragraphs here. Yeah, he says eat less fiber. Yeah, you shouldn't. You got to look out for that S-tube. Wait, at the bottom, there's an edit.

Wow, a person sent me a wonderful cartoon. I sent the cartoon around to the people involved in this story so many years ago, and we had a great laugh. Let's see the cartoon. This is it, right? This is like when we flooded that S-tube, which as we know stands for shit tube. The content does not exist.

The S-tube is the one that looks like an S. I love pipes. Yeah? I don't know how pipes work straight up. With too much, the water push it down? Yeah, I think that's right. The water pushes down. There's something about the water pressure.

You could turn the water off, you know. Turn the water off, flush it. Now there's no water coming back. Pipes are just a... That's very fun. It's just a thing with a hole in it. It is a hole. We're filled with pipes.

We are filled with... We're low-key full of pipes. Blood pipes, poop pipes. S-pipes. S-pipes. I once heard that... Do you guys use a lot of toilet paper? Oh, yeah.

I love this stuff. Me too. Especially at Jeremy's house. I try to get clean. I don't fuck with the tushy. I don't fuck with the... Oh, the bidet. The water.

I don't like the bidet. Well, the bidet, you're not done. You still need toilet paper. To dry it off. Because you're soaking fucking wet. I don't think it has to be in either or. I think it's a combination. But the Japanese ones, they have a blow dryer.

And how does that work? The robot toilet. I mean, no, but how well does it work? Pretty good. Seamlessly with brutal efficiency. One time I heard that Sheryl Crow, in order to save the environment, she told everybody that she only uses one piece of TP. Oh, I don't like that at all.

Every time she goes to the bathroom. Not enough, Sheryl. Wow. Sheryl Crow is kind of a devilish bird. I think it was Sheryl Crow. Fuck you, Sheryl. Stinky butt. Yeah, every day is a winding road when your ass is full of shit.

I think Ashton Kutcher and Milo Kunis also said they don't shower for that reason. What? No, you should shower. They don't shower because it's bad for the environment. As opposed to baths? I don't know. Because baths take more water. You know, I'm getting heated right now.

Go to the next doctor question. I'm in heat. There's all kinds of doctor ones. When you take a bath, how does the water not go up your butthole? Similar. Gravity. This question is why do I clog up my toilet after eating too much peanut butter? It's because of all the damn peanut butter.

You're all gunked up. You're flooding the ass tube. There's no answers on this one. I met someone who said they were a double flusher every single time, no matter what. What? I don't know what to say about them I could say their old address but that's about it

Do you want to say that? Dean Street Are we on that? We're pretty close by Apparently this person also added context I did it when visiting my host as a guest too You shouldn't do that

That's a Quora questions details bot The website used to allow details and now they do not And so now a robot tells you what could have been. What does these sentences mean? I did it when visiting my host as a guest, too. What the fuck does that mean? I did it when visiting my host.

I guess after eating too much peanut butter. Maybe if you're a parasite. He's just eating peanut butter by the spoonful. God forbid you visit a host as another host. One of you has to leave. Well, I don't know. You'd have to wonder, do you live together? I'm going to read another question.

Yeah, that one was kind of samey. peanut butter I think if you put a bunch of peanut butter in the toilet it would clog it up like it doesn't yeah they tell you

not to do that no one told me not to do that oh I've been told not to do that well have you been doing it friend assessment well

and I just think you should know not to do that okay I won't do that it's bad you were in gate and they just assumed

you knew yeah cause you're so fucking talented oh I saw you put on a play about science or whatever I use my brain

for other important things. Oh, that they can come across in our reading of The Bell Jar. The Bell Jar? Yeah, it's a high school book. It's by Sylvia Plath. Is that the diving, the butterfly and the diving bell

or whatever? No. It's not? It's sort of a Spanish film. Is it Spanish? Yeah. You know what's funny about Spanish? That one Spanish movie,

Abre Los Ojos. I don't know this one. Open Your Eyes. Otherwise known as Talented. The American adaptation one year later known as vanilla sky featuring what's her name tom cruise no the other one vanilla cruise yeah

exactly the other cruise she's crazy can you do that they dated too no yeah cruise control and then she didn't want to be a scientologist oh she didn't know what she was missing well it's funny they made that movie in spain that one and then they made the they made it the next fucking year yeah tom cruise this fucking industry they don't have an original bone in their body we should make it again and we're gonna build it back better uh what language this time it's spanish it's japanese this time it's spanish hollywood people people are craving korean film yeah it's a korean version of it hungul yes that's that could be what it's called that's the language of korean that's what they call it i thought you're saying that's the vanilla sky version in korea

It's just called... It's called... They can call it hongle. They can call it... They can adapt a show of a movie and calling it English. There's something funny about that. Wait, this is a related question.

Can I somehow intentionally get schizophrenia? That's the question. I think you can. Oh, with enough... With the correct Katy Perry medical cocktail? You can get that shit immediately. Is this related to her space trip? No.

You think we went to the moon or should we talk about something else? Well, she recently went to space. I feel like Katy Perry went to the moon. I think she was the first to do it just now. If she's the first to do it, then it seems like more of us could. You know what I mean?

She hasn't been trying that long. That's right. Yeah, but they put her in a rocket ship. Unless they were like, she's a fucking liar. Let's just put her in the plane. I don't like her life. Katy Perry?

I don't like everything that's going on in her life. She's married to, what's his name? Orlando. Orlando Bloom. Is she? Who I don't like. She kissed that alien She did kiss an alien

I don't like that I don't like I don't like her life There's a song about kissing an alien I don't like that she went to space I would never go to space I don't like that I would go to space

You don't like it As in like you disapprove of it Or you wouldn't want to do those things Just every aspect of her life The way she is You're jealous You wish you were her so bad I'm jealous

I want her to taste She's off the conservatorship You know It's like someone who you see And you're like That person would thrive In a conservatorship Yeah

She's off it And they're just letting her Run around American Idol They should have Britney Spears' dad putting her in a cage. He should adopt Katy Perry. That would be a good solution. They just swap them. They're like, Britney, you're free.

Okay, here's what we do. Let's take a picture of Katy Perry, put her on a pet adoption website, and then we'll trick Britney Spears' dad into buying a dog. Look at this one. That looks like Katy Perry, son of a bitch. What the hell? How'd this happen? Who has the sweet titties on this dog?

Oh, please. You talk that way about a dog Remember the peanut butter trick Imagine doing that on the titties I can't even imagine And then married to Orlando Bloom Why don't you like Orlando Bloom You're doing the peanut butter trick to your dog

And then the dog is taking huge shits That clog a toilet In the Billie Eilish documentary It's Billie and Who's her brother who's got a funny name Riley or something And he's like dating a girl who looks just like Billie Eilish Billy and Zoop.

But there was a documentary about Billie Eilish, and at some point she meets Orlando Bloom, and he kind of hugs her for too long, and it's just really... Oh. And she's still sort of teen at that point. He's getting his feels in. He's sort of getting his...

And he's whispering in her ear, I'm Legolas, so it's okay. Can you imagine? Oh, my God. Here's what we got to do, y'all. Let's literally put... You know the stuff that you put on your teeth when you want braces

that gets a full mold of your teeth? Yeah. Let's put that on our stomachs. Go give Billie Eilish a hug for a minute or two. Send it to an orthodontist and say, listen, man, I got a lot of followers online, at least 8,000 between my friends and I. Sure.

We'll promote your business. Give us a mold of Billie Eilish. Oh, I see. Female upper dingle. Yeah, okay. I see what you're saying. Like the press. Checkmate.

Then we can start 3D printing them thangs and wearing them. Yeah. It's not a big deal if everyone has them. No. I'm surprised they're not 3D printing titties more often. It seems like a gimmick. It's just guns, guns, guns. People are like, wow, I love your fake titties.

And you go, oh, thanks, they're Billie Eilish. They're not fake, dude. That would be sick. They're kind of like goth teen titties. Can I get in schizophrenia? Can I somehow intentionally get schizophrenia is the question. I genuinely believe I have it right now. Schizophrenia.

From doing this show. I think if you take enough acid, probably. Oh, that's the way to do it. I've never done it. Hang out with the Hells Angels at their cool parties. There's not a lot of answers on this. Oh, here it is. Technically, you can simulate symptoms of the illness

through certain groups of drugs called hallucinogens. Heard it. Okay. I do not advise attempting this for a whole host of reasons. This is not financial advice. It's a miserable, horrific illness that ruins and destroyed many lives. That is true. What about Peter Brown?

His thing, he says, I hear voices others can't. Oh, yeah, yeah. He says, smoke a gram of weed every day. Read into Eastern religions like Hindu, Upanishads, or Buddhist books, or Quran. Yeah, read the Quran. Oh, he believes in the Bible. Put godliness before everything, even friends and family.

This is how to be schizophrenic, by the way. Right. But you've got to have the weed, too. You can't just do it normal. If you really want to fuck yourself up, summon demons in Book of the Lesser Key of Solomon, but I strongly advise you don't. I have schizophrenia

and if you say you would rather have one leg or be schizophrenic, most people will choose to have one leg instead of schizophrenia they experience. It's not nice, he says. Don't make me choose. Schizophrenia is not a psychosis. I feel like it is. Yeah, it is. Is that where you hear voices?

Yeah, it's kind of the classic one, I think. You see someone talking to themselves on the street. It seems rough. You're pretty much like a disturbed song they've got meds for it yeah yeah it'll calm you down a lot but they've got meds for it do you remember that episode of louis or the guy who saw us he kept thinking that he's being attacked by snake were you here when you're talking about louis earlier is this organically happening louis earlier we're talking what off off mic oh okay i couldn't remember because i have

schizophrenia now and all he's in the zeitgeist yeah scary yeah i did not remember that what if he had Billie Eilish's titties. What happens? I don't know. Is it scary? I forget, but the guy's on schizophrenic. Oh, no.

And then Louie tries to help him and like get him medicine and put him in a hotel and it's a weird thing. What happens in the hotel? I don't remember. You make him watch a... He's a bad guy.

But then he starts dating... You don't want to go to a hotel with Louie, I guess. It's mostly... I blame hotels, really. No one will ever believe you and then the episode cuts to black.

I think it's hotels that are the problem. Yeah. Right, because if Louie was just staying at a friend's house he was a guest for a yeah there's not enough room he'd have a better different mind about him this is unrelated to louis but i do like that the guy who's talking about having schizophrenia says he facilitates a voices group is that a real group of real people or just like me and the voices have group together like once a week the voices

get together around it's a great way to get like a book club going come on everyone voices group like aa yeah yeah they all get to talk about their fuck i'm late i gotta go to a real quick and he just kind of listened to it yeah he's very quiet yeah seems like something

Homer Simpson might do oh yeah write that down it's all yours hello how many years has it been Homer hasn't been to AA that's an obvious episode

he's probably been to AA yeah for donuts come on go there for hating your son don't joke like that okay has it been an hour already I think it has actually

for you Claire Claire, it has been 15 minutes. I know, it feels... It would be funny if Claire came here 45 minutes in and then was like, is it an hour? And it was like 52. We're done, Claire, but you have to do the rest of the podcast.

Yeah, you have to do another hour as a punishment. That's okay. Okay, well, we got to the bottom of Forbidden Joys today. I want to see who this question asker is, and then we have to do our final segment, right? Oh, yeah, we do have a... This is from Fragile. Fragile.

Fragile. This is a fragile child. Fragile. Is it bad if I intentionally interrupt my sleep every night so I can feel the nice feeling of falling asleep again? That is bad. Don't do that. Those are the two questions.

You're going to give yourself schizophrenia. She is an anime girl. Stupid ass. She's a beautiful anime girl. So that's that. Thanks for writing in, Fragile. You can give yourself that. Okay.

Do you have a question for us, Alex, that you want to do or no? Yeah, I do. If you go back to my damn main menu. You know AI hallucinates? Yeah. Isn't that crazy? What? Why is that so interesting?

It's kind of interesting. It's because it's not alive. I think that's kind of interesting. Yeah. Well, there was that whole controversy on Twitter yesterday. Did you guys see this? I don't know how interesting this is, but basically Elon Musk... Definitely do it.

Apparently, Elon Musk had the AI on Twitter say... He wanted to say that there's an issue of white genocide in South Africa. But since it's not true, the AI got confused and just answers that for every question now. So people are like... It brings up white genocide all the time. this picture mean and it'll be like white genocide is not a real problem whoa yeah so that's kind of an interesting ux update for a website but uh it's funny we have a uh call-in segment that we like to do at the end of the show where you can write in your quora question and we're going to

answer and that is is that okay may 15th uh do hit the button first is that okay and that one's that one's i just threw my voice wait hold on why is this not got some woods on the computer here can they see the whole desktop i mean we're not gonna put it in we're not gonna don't show anybody my desktop you already showed them my whole reddit history why is this happening don't you open spotify is this the one alex yeah 515 hey quarators Studley on the discord usually when you go to a party you end up in a group of guys

all doing the same impression to try and impress people like the Bane voice or Borat so my question is what is the best impression to do at a party to make everyone instantly see you as the alpha of the group thanks

hit that button Anglo spotted Anglo spotted what is the bean guy the no bane he said bane bane oh because he's british i thought he said b i thought he meant mr bean i think the robot doesn't have just become part of your system now uh the coolest impression you can do is bill clinton he's the hippest guy he's the guy people want to see at parties he plays it breaks out the saxophone and gets loose with it and it makes everybody feel like there's a leader in the room you're not gonna say the big thing he did

what inhale bill clinton he's been had uh oral sex in the office in the white house what sorry yeah people think that's really cool at parties though huh at parties that's oral sex is cool and the white house is not cool um no i think it's cool yeah well i think that if you were going to frown upon bill clinton being in your room i don't think white house oh no i think Jack is giving another positive. All I'm saying is your list, it's like saying Kobe Bryant, oh my, you know,

Kobe Bryant known for using the treadmill or something. He's really good at the treadmill. Famed helicopter rider, Kobe Bryant. Come on, dude, I'm from L.A. I wouldn't joke about that, even though I'm not. You could do what my uncle did at my wedding and do a Woody Allen impression.

My uncle used to be a stand-up comedian. Is your uncle Nick Nanny? but they get along I feel like it's like anti-Semitic-y kind of quick it was a little just with the classic Woody Allen voice

it's a fun voice to do I'm sorry if you can do a Trump I like to hear it a lot of people can't do it hasn't stopped me can't do it not gonna do it Greg

that's pretty good that's Donald Trump saying Greg Yeah. Greg. That's where it stops for me. Greg. That's why SNL doesn't work out. It's between you and James.

It's between me and James. Yeah. Everyone do their best Greg. Greg. I think the one to do is you got to do the, what's his name in Mission Impossible? We were doing the other day, Claire, where you go, Ethan.

Same old Ethan I can't do it Because then I'm like doing an older black male voice I can't do it That's why you can't do it Adapted version of it then Same old Ethan How about this one

Remember Laurel and Yanny I've been working on that Watch this That's really good Say that out of the fucking one note And see if you don't walk out of there in a limousine which one do you guys hear laurel i'm here you're saying laurel sometimes no i'm hearing i'm only hearing laurel but i have a cousin named laurel so i don't know if that's coloring

greg they should make the minions say laurel yanny oh they should make vin diesel the fucking president that's that's the podcast allow me to be clear that's greg i can't believe we have a British listener. We have a bunch of them. Anyway. I talk so much shit about them. That's been the show. Jack, thank you so much for coming on.

Thanks for having me, everybody. It's been really normal. Out of sight, brother. We've got a podcast. Where can people find you? People can find me on Joy Tactics Podcast. They can watch Rap World on YouTube. They can watch Stephen Colbert Presents Tuning Out the News

unless they took it in and out. I'm getting eight cent residual checks from Comedy Central. also Fairview Fairview come on Comedy Central beautiful cast

Lisa Gilroy James Austin Johnson really amazing cast Blair Shockey Jeremy and Rajat Jeremy and Rajat Dream Teams worst show ever made

someone was quoting that to me at a show in Milwaukee last year really and I sent it to RJ something you said no like episode

like the episode Did the whole dialogue for an episode. Yeah, truly. They, like, did a scene. Fairview, super fan. And I felt like I was smoking. Black and mild. Check out Fairview.

That's the show. Yeah, check out Fairview. If you'd like to see a podcast that's kind of like the Fairview of bonus content, you should go to patreon.com slash Quarators, where we have a second episode every Thursday. And it's a lot like Fairview in its own way. and uh write in your questions for and is that okay at quarries at gmail.com and that's a freaking show get out of here i don't want to see you anymore bye-bye why is your sponsorship huh crazy