Quorators - Pursuit Of Power w/ Ismael Loutfi

Episode Date: May 13, 2024

Comedians Alex Ptak and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: I'm 12 and able to bench 205, and curl 50's. How normal is that? Is Tom S after my dad? Go and fuck with him and see where you end up at. You be on the street! Which country has the most witches? Follow Ismael on instagram @ IsmaelComic and watch his stand up special Sound It Out on youtube Get even more Quorators when you support the show @ http://patreon.com/quorators Send quoras and qommunicate on our discord https://discord.gg/7pPYuKuYCr Watch the show @ youtube.com/@quorators

you heard that cool sound it's monday morning you're back with the corridors america's number one questions website podcast it's a podcast about quora with jeremy and alex what's going on Not much. Oh, good. Good morning. Good morning as well. And we have a great guest for you this week. Call me Ishmael.

The opening words to the greatest American novel ever written, Moby Dick. You can think about those as we turn to one of America's top comedic minds. And that is, of course, Ishmael Laudfee. Ishmael? Hey, aye, aye, captain. Aye, aye, captain. Great to have you on board. Oh, that's right.

As much fun as sailors in a bar. Wow. Thanks for having me. I'm so excited to pirate this ship with you. Has any of us read Moby Dick? I haven't. I know I haven't. I have no idea.

I know that one line. No clue. Great. And we were doing the notes before on pre-pro, and I said, I'm not going to need after the first line. Other plot stuff's not going to come up. Quakewog? Quakewog.

Is that the whale? I don't know. No, I think that's his gay Native American friend. Oh. I don't know. I have no idea. Very progressive to have a gay friend in 1700 or whatever this was. There's a big gay arc in that story, I think.

Tension. Again, tension. I read an investigative report on Tumblr about this. This is one of those books that a friend of mine starts about once every three years, a different friend will say they're starting Moby Dick, and then you just kind of go. This time we're going to get the whale. finishing that book is the whale yeah their white whale um yeah i i think he wants to get it for a good reason it didn't like kill someone he loved i don't think it's a plotty book i think

there's a whole chapter on like what the oil can be used for i want to know what the whale did and why it's gotta die it was racist okay great that piece of shit probably um on this podcast we go on Quora. Have you been on there? I was on Quora recently. Four days ago, I was on Quora. Really? So was I.

Well, you're doing it for work. I was doing it for pleasure. Oh, yeah. Well, I was doing it for the reason everyone goes on it, which is you're scared of something. I flew to New York and I drank airplane bathroom water.

Oh. Just one palmful. And it tasted foul. Sure. And then I remembered, oh, this is non-potable water. It says it right on it. And then I went online when I landed,

and WebMD was basically like, you're going to die. You're dead. But Quora had a pilot who said that you're actually probably fine. Cool. I do it all the time. I know, yeah. The water's fine. They tell me not to.

So which one of us has a hat? Exactly. So, you know, I was scared I was going to get C. diff or something, but I think I'm all right. We can already see the diff in the water today. Big pun episode this week. Sure. It's running on fumes over here.

I'm no stranger to puns. It would make sense to me if everyone on Quora was like airplane water brains, though. If it just made them all kind of crazy. Definitely. Well, it did weird me out that Quora was not scaring me. Yeah. They're like the cool dad. pretty scary about things or or ignorant but this felt like a very balanced response so one pilot

being like it's probably okay one thing they do have on there is like sub communities of extremely specific jobs and i do think we've come across like a lot of pilots and sailors for some reason like they don't get facebook on their vessel and so instead they've come to quora on their vessels funny yeah and a lot of law givers and providers will be coming across them today um this week's theme this is of course season three of core raiders and each week has a theme is the pursuit of power what are the ends what are the means we'll be looking into that but before we go there we have to start with our weekly advice segment now ismail is somewhat of an expert on this week's segment which is of course tips for women

Tips for women That's the song Yeah, women, so You gotta be doing better, okay With the men that you're with And your pussies This is what we've been waiting for You gotta keep the pussies nice and clean

for your guy, okay? Keep it nice and don't be putting snails in it. There's a guy who's never had sex. Don't be putting escargot. Cooked or uncooked?

Women, I love you. I like that you said that like you're the best man at the wedding. I think women should be more forward with me specifically. Short of snails. Yeah, they should say they like me more and hang out with me more.

Okay. Are you single? Yeah. Are you ready to mingle? Yeah. Great. Mingle with me. Tip for women.

Why won't you mingle with him? What do you got going on that's so important for once? Oh, God, I can't believe you told me about this 10 minutes ago. I couldn't come up with anything. I came up with snails. Actually, you're the first guest we've warned in advance you're about to do a tip, and everyone else is like, oh, shit, you're beautiful. Don't change.

Well, I do think it's good advice to keep your pussy clean. It is. That's just medically true. That's true. A doctor will tell you that. Yeah. Maybe not in those words, but the same sentiment. They would on Quora.

That's how they'd say it on Quora. Yeah, and I think if you say it politely, it doesn't have the same impact. No, I think you're right. You want to say it in a way that grabs them. We learn from trauma. Yeah. We are our trauma. Hurt people, hurt people.

Hurt people clean that shit out. God damn. Clean that pussy. Uh-huh, honey. I was kind of far away from the sound, but I really wanted to do it. So we bookend the show by asking a question to Quora to kind of learn and explore from the community. Last week, what were we doing last week?

Which of the Hanna-Barbera characters do you think are the most sexually powerful? Oh, right. Jake really just pulled that out. Jake really wanted to just know that, and no one answered it. Here's the thing, is he knows. No one answered? Wait, there might be two. Oh, no, you know what?

Someone says Princess Peach, and then someone else said Snagglepuss, but these are both listeners of our show. Right, and if you are a listener to our show, please remember to use our code phrase in your answer, which is, of course, scrambled eggs. That's right. That way we will know you're one of the motherfuckers. Is that what you call your listeners?

It is now. We're kind of vacillating on it. We're kind of a bad boy podcast. We're motherfuckers. Until you have merch printed, I think you can change your mind. Yeah, it's true. That's true. I think the best we've got so far is...

The merch seals the deal. The merch seals the deal because then you've got money on the table. And when there's money on the table, it's time to eat. The money? What is it? Is that what you meant to click? No. What were you saying was the best we have so far?

The Dolls. Oh, so this, I was going to say, I recently learned that Shane Gillis calls his fans the Dolls. Of course he fucking does. I don't know if we could also. I found out the Monopoly man goes on Quora. Is that going to be a problem? Yeah, the wealthiest podcaster alive.

Take the easiest name. You pick a harder name, Shane Gillis. You should just ask him to stop. Yeah, send him a letter. Just tell him, hey, we're going to go with that one now. You do a different one. You have so much. Please.

Please. The word please is written six times with indents. Please. We just write an article trying to cancel him for using a word we want to use. Please, please. He doesn't even spell it right. It's wrong.

There's no W in dog. It's wrong the way they treat us. I agree. Well, but we don't have to decide on one right now. I think the motherfuckers is maybe not my best. Okay. I would like to, we're going to go back on that.

We're going to get some quarter questions. Yes. Okay. This is the poker. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Let's do that.

We're here on today's incel and manosphere questions here at the quoker. Do you have something to tell all women you're in the right place? And this week's theme is of course the pursuit of power. And that is the Naruto theme referencing the Joker is a very good question. I'm getting a weird sensation when I'm being exposed to art. It makes me panic and feel as though I can't breathe.

It makes me angry and sad and confused and sometimes makes me faint. What is this? Sometimes I hallucinate when it happens too. Okay, so this could be the onset of a power. Do you know what I mean? Like before you can start web slinging? Sure, yeah. You feel sick when you see art?

If you recall when Peter received his bite, Parker, friend of the show, um things got a little blurry for him did they not this would be a good way to tell if things are art like if you're looking at a painting you feel sick and then you're like go look at this video game i feel fine there it is or you show like you show like a jackson pollock yeah nothing you're like yeah exactly well well well exactly i actually don't get i don't get sick when i look at content i love quora because it has like it feels like it has people have issues from like the 1700s this feels like an ailment from from a village in pakistan from like the 1640s

when i see television it hurts like i left the church yeah exactly i'm worried i'm made of glass I mean, every quora could be solved with some form of an exorcism, right? Like it could always just bring a priest in and it's like, well, this is your problem. We haven't looked into exorcisms as much as some other things on here, but it is maybe one of my top interests. So that's something to keep in mind moving forward. I think if you're getting sick when you're looking at art, you've got some trauma. Yeah, maybe. You definitely have trauma.

And our trauma does define us. True. as i was saying before um i want to try to like go the other way with it so i think that this is either like the onset of some kind of um paranormal birth for you or you just like have vertigo sure you know what i mean and you're just like happened to have looked at art recently i think you're a great artist who has yet to make your your art oh yeah like this is how M&M feels when he looks at other rhymes.

Right. And he sees orange and door hinge. I'm going to vomit. I could do it so much better than that. Yeah, this is an artist in the making. I think so. Probably. Did people respond?

Yeah, there's a lot of answers. Let's go to the comments here. Okay, Susanna Taylor says, sorry, Suzanne Taylor says, I think you need to talk to a professional about this rather extreme reaction. When I'm exposed to art, I either like it or I don't. If I don't, then I do not continue to subject myself to it.

Life's too short. Same. For now, I would recommend limiting exposure to the type of art that causes these reactions. Start talking to a medical and mental health professional. Good luck to you. Good luck, by the way. Keep trucking.

Wow. If it hurts, don't do it. I've had a doctor say that to me. Really, what else could you ask for? good answer was it called stendhal's syndrome uh yeah oh sorry i was just looking at a different answer to make sure i wasn't getting made fun of but this other person uh michelle gougie says there's actually a medical condition called stendhal's syndrome named for the writer who first described it when he just suffered it uh in florence uh that is precisely about these

symptoms somewhere is another core answer i know because i wrote it that is an except an excerpt from the british medical society when they first named the syndrome i was looking up if it's like centel syndrome and i just look it up and it's like fake syndrome you tell dumb people or something i like that she put in florence which was not really related but just lets you know it's kind of a classy disease well it's he had it in 1700s you were completely right right yeah i was right i knew it i knew it this is like the thing that would happen when bach comes on i mean this is like you know those people who have to live in like a village where there's where there's no internet access where there's like no 5g anywhere those poor people this is the this is the 18th

century version of that it's like i can't be around art it's just the vibrations just it's getting into our dna the 5gs wiki says that it's the psychosomatic condition involving rapid heartbeat fainting confusion even hallucinations allegedly occurring when individuals become exposed to objects art words or phenomena artworks or phenomena of great beauty of great beauty so You could really use that as, like, a pickup line. Yeah. Wow. If you were Stendhal.

You're making me want to throw up. The French author. You're so beautiful. Hey, baby, are you in Florence right now? Because you're making me. I'm going to throw up. Please put a wet towel on my head. What is arousal other than a form of being a fuck?

What is it? Women, clean your pussies. Gilly, gilly, gilly. Oh, sure, yeah. That's kind of like a killing spree Well no if you get an erection it's kind of like Grossed out It's like your body is like

That's true You're trying to get all the blood out of the middle of you And into the extremities I have Stendhal's syndrome for just my penis Yeah yeah yeah Makes it change That's right I get all bricked up when I look at fine art

Do we have any other good answers on this one Sure. Jamie Matters says, depends on a lot of factors, none of which I know. That's good to put on any of these. I like that a lot. That's very, like, Descartian. Can we know anything? Yeah, exactly.

Similarly, Melissa Brainbridge, who is diagnosed with BPD. That's a hell of a name. She says, I'm sorry, I cannot answer your question because I have never heard of this happening and do not know anything about it. Why answer? Why answer if your answer is I don't have an answer? You just crossed the brain bridge. Most of her bio is about having BPD. Okay.

Which is borderline personality disorder. Boston Police Department. That's what it is. She's no Michelle Gowgie. I'll say that. Some great names already today. We've done one question. We had a Gowgie and a Brain Bridge.

Brain Bridge, Gowgie. this is a good episode all right let's call it there let's go i'm done i'm done for the day all right now let's read another one i mean does this guy you think see these answers and feel anything or does oh that's a good question do you look at the answers and see everyone go what the fuck is wrong with you or or do you they make him sick they make him sick yeah well quora is art so yeah the quora question is very artistic whole community comes together i mean does the google art make him sick you know what i mean in person it's made by a machine and therefore contains no love oh yeah a good question would be does ai ai art do anything for you um so this is a pursuit

of power in one way and that it allows you to transcend the world of uh the aesthetic but on a more concrete level we have our next question this one's more literal i'm 12 and able to bench 205 and Curl 50s. How normal is that? Let me just say, not normal. That's very powerful. I can't believe it. Dude, I would love it if all the answers

are like, that's actually extremely normal. It's actually kind of weak for someone your age. If this is like a chimp forum, sure. I wish there was a video attached somehow. I know Cora's not capable of doing

that, but I would just like to see this yoked up 12 year old so bad and arms just the size of the torso a 12 year old 12 year old think about it what that would look like curl 50s that's so much 50s is crazy 205 honestly i've seen some pretty skinny guys bench 200 pounds one time because i think you can max out kind of higher than you'd guess if you don't ever do it um i mean if you never lift you're not gonna get 205 unless you're 12 and a freak. But the curling 50s is really like, you got to go for that.

You got to be practicing. Yeah, he's definitely been working out since he was eight. Which they tell you not to do. Which you should not do. It's bad for your body. Your bones don't like it. There's a famous muscle kid. I wonder if he could bench that much.

Oh, are you that muscle kid? Wasn't there like a famous muscle child? Baby Gronk? With the long hair? No, this was like 20 years ago. Whatever. Fabio? I think this question also depends on where this kid's from.

This is like a Dagestani kid. Where are you from? Yeah, that's normal. Are you from Chechnya? Okay, then you're weak, actually. Oh, there's steroids in the milk there. Yeah, exactly. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

This guy's name is Gyat. Okay. Okay. So that is Generation Alpha slang, though. Yes. So that actually is appropriate. He has three questions. One of them is, I'm 12 years old and 6 feet tall with a size 14 shoe.

How tall will I be? Sounds like a riddle. I'm 12 and I've just bench pressed 205 pounds. Is that a world record? So the fact they're all about this does make me think it's real. You know what I mean? Like if it was a joke, it would be a one-off. There is another question by someone else that says,

I'm 12 and able to bench 135 and curl 40s. How normal is that? Is this going to be like another secret right-wing thing where it's like, i can bench 1488 pounds on hitler difficulty all i know is on that one someone answered weave your ego at the door fuck you i'm a freak 12 year old what are you gonna do about it fucking kid get out of your ass oh man check your ego at the door those are two separate accounts saying that they're yeah i guess i can bench yada yada and i'm 12 is that normal yeah they should they should fight

I want to see these two kids fight each other. These children who have the strength of men should fight. Yeah, that would be cool if we had the Hunger Games but only for the strongest children.

I would watch that. I think that's actually morally fine. Isn't that just what happens in the normal Hunger Games? Isn't it all children? Aren't they just normal size? They're not benching 205. There's some pretty strong guys in there.

Isn't that one of them like a Hemsworth? But that's luck. It's just a coincidence that they get the Hemsworth in there. I don't think J-Law can bench 205. absolutely not it's a lot fucker now maybe curl 50s that's our tip for women if you're jennifer

lawrence fuck you you can't do that you're not this strong boy children get away with so much by not being strong like i remember i think about all the time i loved to fight when i was 12 and i would like get in fights all the time there were no repercussions because you really can't do that much damage with your little boy body that's so true and then like there's just one year passes and you're like, now it's a federal crime. It's actually assault. Alex was arrested at 13. I was.

And I did do some tie-in for fighting. Did anyone answer this one? Someone asked to see a YouTube video. A lot of people are saying he's lying. You're a fucking liar. One person says you were then a genetic freak. These are all rational responses. These are good answers.

uh your tendons shouldn't be near enough developed to handle that much weight in one hand that's true it's true i know that's my problem then he says these are my personal facts 225 bench 60 max curl at 17 years old and i'm genetically gifted tall and have been lifting for years also lifting for years you're also going to be short now yeah i think you're jealous of this 12 year old frederick quessy frimpong mensa see that's a name that sounds like a legal name i regret saying i liked it better when it was uh beth galgi or whatever normal lie you're a liar uh you can't curl 50 i'm 36 keep going i mean i haven't i haven't been paying attention to kids since i was a kid so maybe this is a thing i think that too i live

in a neighborhood with a lot of kids, so sometimes I'll go outside and be like, kids are back in the magic cards, but otherwise I'm really totally checked out. That would be fucked up if in like 10 years you're just like walking around and you start noticing that kids are ripped. Every nine-year-old is

just yoked out of his mind. I don't like that. I guess kids are strong now. That's not something I wanted to happen. So different than when I was a child. We like Harry Potter. These kids like steroids. steroids getting into their butts stronger not really a rhyme i've been trying to rhyme more you ever do that i get in a i get in a mode sometimes you ever get in a cypher you're in

there you moved to la recently i feel like those happen there sometimes yeah you'll be walking around you'll just see some well you'll see a lot of homeless guys rapping oh yeah for sure that's true if you're like okay so you're homeless and you're in a hard spot and you're gonna be in one space for hours you have so much time to just work on your rhyme structure that is so true and your lyricism i just imagine the world where your life really gets awful and you are you've lost your house and your wife left you and you're on the street and you're like i might as well start rapping like what do i have to lose i live in a basket they put me in a casket please anything you can give you have to stop you know to do your thing

I need 15 cents to get on the bus I start getting experimental with it whoa whoa this makes so much anytime somebody has like a crazy

homeless story in New York it's like you just walked into their house you know what I mean exactly I'm sure you do

weird stuff all the time let's do five quo speaking of we're going to a weekly police segment five quo

this is part of the podcast real this is not a car behind you it's in the show you're driving you're fine keep your hands on the wheel and also let me see them and pussies on the pavement and keep them clean have you been wrongly charged for a crime you didn't do uh what about spending 20 plus years in prison for that very reason there is hope i've seen people be set free hmm there is hope to be there is hope i've seen people to be free to be set free okay so what is the question feels like a poem i think if we unlock it we will get somewhere with this do you know what i mean yeah i think so can you read it one more time have you been wrongly charged for a crime you didn't do what about spending 20 plus years in prison for that

very reason there is hope i've seen people be set free okay one at a time have you been charged for the crime you didn't do no anyone no no okay what about spending 20 plus years in prison for that very reason i wouldn't like that i've not done it no i wouldn't care for that very much this this feels like a guy in prison who is like desperate you want to know about my life the real question is you want to know about my life wow that's i mean that's just kind of sad yeah this doesn't really follow the pursuit to power uh theme i think that police are some of the most powerful individuals in society in terms of raw uh ammunition true and body armor and so i would like to consult their minds on this quora maybe what we'll have like a uh uh a uh a prison

officer or something chime in sometimes oh yeah is there one on this one um there is a facebook staff writer on this one brent so that's pretty much the same thing that's a cop yeah i was wrongly charged with a drj and here's what happened in the short and skinny version they had nothing because i gave up a life of crime at 25 plus years before the atf kicked in my house's front door on a no knock warrant pieces of shit when it finally came to pass that there was no conviction to be had the strong arm move came into play the prosecutor said you're going to be found innocent but i'm going to win and then there's a trophy emoji in the end stay winning i I inquired how with my public pretender sitting next to me.

She said, if you don't take the guilty plea, you'll be released in less than six months. Then I will stretch out the court proceedings over number five and number six years. I'm not a martyr, so I took the deal. This came down all the way from the top. I could go on until my fingers fall off. Conversely, time is of the essence. I assure you, which one is deemed enemy of the state other than truly exercising the Bill of Rights with a powerful base, a powerful base, they will try to destroy you by any

means possible. Sorry, this is just so weirdly written. Be careful if you rebel again tyranny, respectfully. So these are the guys who moderate Facebook? I guess. Facebook staff writer.

When you need a video taken down, this is the guy in charge? Lives in Palm Beach. Giving his life of crime up. This is a Facebook staff writer? Staff writer. We all need to work. I didn't know that that was a job i i don't think it is he writes for facebook he writes for facebook like when jimmy fallon does a facebook post he has a staff writer it's a really good gig if you can get it i mean i didn't know that i haven't been on facebook in years so for all i know they they

are hiring people to post statuses now they sometimes send jeremy a hundred dollars in the mail that's true that is true oh for lawsuits and shit no just just for being such a good poster I just have my Instagram set up so that when I post on Instagram, it goes on Facebook. And I guess it gets engagement enough that they're like, here's $50. Whoa. Isn't that cool? That is pretty cool. Jeremy has a job.

Jeremy's really cool. You've hacked this. You've escaped the matrix, Jeremy. And you live on Facebook. Dude, the internet's so cool now. It's so great. You just get $100. I see the craziest tits in bio.

Seriously. That's for real. And pussy. And pussy as well. It's all in the bio, folks. That's a tip for men right there. Check the bio. Check that bio.

Tips for men. We're going to edit that like I did it quickly. You could have given a tip for men, but you wanted to do women. I wanted to do women, and I came up with that one. You chose this life. Yeah. God. Love Public Pretender, and can I say,

when it comes to putting a trophy emoji, that's big money. Cool. Are you always doing the soundboard? Yes. Okay. It's because there's just so many of them, is the thing. This is by someone named Lydia Gravitt. Huh.

Has anyone had success with the Kentucky Innocent Project, is her other question. Okay, sounds real. She seems like she actually did commit a crime. Well, no, she sounds like she didn't commit a crime, and yet was wrongly imprisoned for 20 years. There you go. And they let her use the computer for a day, and she's like, guess what bullshit I'm up to. i see you searching to get on the lidia outside of quora it's a lost cause and i want you to give it up right now god getting getting like they probably get like 50 minutes of computer time

a day or something using that time on quora it's just so it's like i want to meet that person i think if you set boundaries like you go right to quora slam uh lydia innocent and then move on to reddit or about some like how to make a shiv or something you know that's like pretty good use computer time um let's do another question yes this one is is it a crime to murder a terrible person it's certainly illegal but it's a moral crime i don't think i can say in god's eyes also yes so we know that a terrible person uh if you want to be like a dexter about it this gets a little religious doesn't it too does it depends if you're going by homo robbie's coat I don't think that was in there

Hammurabi's Code I mean this brings up ideas of Omerta Yes Notions of honor This thing of ours That's right You're saying it like a sommelier I don't think it's wrong to kill a terrible person

Interesting But I don't think it's legal either No yeah it is a crime It is a crime If the question is is it a crime Isn't that the question? And it is yeah the answer is yes unfortunately it's yes i'm really sorry ah yeah shouts out to whoever

wants to do that but it is unfortunately a crime ever since i moved to la i've been wanting to kill a lot of people yeah oh yeah oh no i'm getting a gun oh no i actually have the perfect down for that i i am getting a gun and i do want to kill people but they're unrelated okay cool this is gonna be a great podcast episode for us right after you commit a murder yeah no we can post it again these are unrelated things i just want to have a gun but i also have been getting mad at people a lot on yeah yeah yeah but i'm not gonna shoot anybody just don't put the gun in the car i think you're good i'm gonna keep the gun in my room in in my in my bed and you've recently moved to california so that is just cali style absolutely smoke them if you got them absolutely

it's easy to get a gun there it is this is going to be such a good tiktok clip it's just you saying i want to kill a lot of people and i bought a gun and then they're just gonna be like listen to the new episode i'm not gonna kill anybody okay Wow, that was the most pregnant pause. We got to move on here, but it's great having you on. For the record, it is a crime, and we do not abide it here on The Quarrior's Podcast. I don't like committing crimes. Crimes are bad for the most part.

Committing murder is a crime in America, like criticizing Israel. Exactly, and they're equally bad. They are two official crimes, according to the federal government. Jeremy, desperate for water. I did not get him one to kind of punish him earlier. Everybody else got water. And now he's paying the price, isn't he? Wishes he was at crack.com where they have the sparkly waters, but not anymore.

Two weeks ago, I ate sushi, and I think I got food poisoning. I immediately threw it up. Today, for the first time since then, we had sushi, and I'm like, I feel pretty sick. I think I'm okay. You look a little pale. I'm like, I should drink some water so I don't throw up on our podcast. Maybe you have that art disease for sushi. Maybe.

You have that art disease for raw fish? I had eel. Eel isn't raw, right? They cook that shit. It didn't look good to me. I don't think so. But you look really good. I would say that barfing would be a bump for the podcast,

but I've actually recorded several podcasts where someone barfs before, and it never does anything for the numbers. Several. Wait, what? What is the context there? It's just at least three different podcasts I've recorded. Someone's barfed while recording, and you can hear it, and it makes me laugh every time.

One time was when Anders was getting used to doing Kratom, and he was barfing all the time back then. And then one time, Katie Rose Leon just got sick randomly and then ran off to barf as we were reviewing a Dragon Ball episode. I do not want to be the next one to do it. Now, Jeremy, does it make you feel good that we're talking about barf a lot right now? Is that comforting to you? It feels great.

What a great lineage of podcasters. Does it feel like you had too much kratom? Yeah, that's exactly what it feels like. Is it weird that you're drinking water knowing that eels live in water? Yes, you are drinking the eel. You are drinking him. What is his accent? You are drinking him.

Admit it. Do you want me to read for a bit? Why don't you close your eyes? Let me just go to bed. Just lie down. Just do the podcast sleeping. don't talk to jeremy anymore we'll quietly do it that's cringe he's slightly off camera now but um the question is is it a crime to murder a terrible person this is an answer by your rights

okay read it it says define the answers by chris coleman this is what happens when i don't read it uh well huh well it's in the space your rights here's a thing and we do bring this up on the show a lot but just for your benefit this website's a fucking mess they will show you answers to other questions you're not reading in the middle like it's the one that you're reading and just trying to like send you other places um i've noticed that there's just like it's like pop-up ads but it's just other quoras we did one i think two weeks ago where we talked about it for 20 minutes and then it was just a question made by ai and we were like we've been got by the damn robot no one even asked that yeah to read it at quora question on your podcast and find out it's by ai

is sad. Alex looks like I'm going to die. You look fine to me. You had such a good run. Alex is already writing, thinking of who can replace me. We'll have Claire on. Jeremy's wife Claire will be replacing him.

Excuse me, I'm reading the answer. Define terrible person. Are they terrible in your personal opinion? The majority of society's opinion? Are they terrible as determined by the press, a judge, military leader or even the president and does that somehow warrant their death sentence

are they terrible because of the things they've said or done did they hurt someone's feelings are they an actual threat to public safety or welfare in some way this kind of reasoning is very slippery evil and unethical slope so think about that think about how it's keep reading and it's kind of a rationale that has resulted in events like the holocaust where six million jews were slaughtered all because one man thought they were terrible people and that's in quotes so you know that uh chris coleman doesn't think jews are terrible people thank god like hitler did that's good um and so you're kind of hitler if you thought that if you've gotten to this part the podcast were you hitler write in subscribe to the patreon at patreon.com slash quarators and

let us know if you were hitler i mean like talking bringing up the holocaust in any argument is always like uncouth kind of it's always like bad form just because it's the cheesiest thing to do well it's an all-in but on quora it's like that is actually the best answer for anything it's just like how can you tie to that because i think that's what's going to really get this person to understand yeah the quite the person who asked you're being hitler right now yeah they go oh you're right hitler thought they were terrible people um so true yeah i think when people bring up the holocaust in the argument it feels like when seto kaiba plays his blue eyes white dragon and that after that that's your like ultimate move like if they defeat it you're all you're

completely at at the wits end after that and so i pray that no one fires back with some dope response because then he'd be ill in. But then if somebody breaks into your house, they're a terrible person. Yeah, they're a terrible person.

In that case, you could kill them. What if it's Santa? Yeah, you're allowed. Well, I'm Muslim, so. Santa's coming to my house. You can't kill Santa. I'm killing Santa.

You better not. I'm getting a gun and I'm killing Santa. This is why everyone's mad at you guys. Well, he's not coming to give me presents. Oh, yeah.

So what's he coming in for? He's just going to mess up your shit. He's just ransacking the place. Just knocking shit off the walls. Fuck you. Looking for the cookies, yeah. Oh, is this your fridge? Why do you have this much milk?

He's just roasting your fridge. He's Cap'n Crunch. Santa's in my fridge, roasting my fridge. There should be cookies in here. It's a fridge, Santa. Man, I miss Santa. How long do we got to wait till we talk about him again? It's May.

Kind of like a long time. Yeah, we're really, we're far from Santa. At least six months before we're talking about Santa again. Truly, May is like the furthest away from Santa that you can be. I'll break it out in November. I have no shame. I'm trying to talk about the big man. When I start seeing Santa stuff, I do feel good.

Yeah. And I've never celebrated Christmas, but he makes me happy. He's jolly. He's the big man. He loves to see him. And he was really Turkish. Oh, I know that. Yeah, his name is like Nikolai.

Nikolas. Nikola Nikolai. I saw this in the Kurt Russell Santa movie that came out a few years ago, which is like weirdly historical and Republican at the same time. Where Santa's talking about like why you have to follow the law for a lot of it. And it's like, that's not a Santa thing. Santa doesn't talk about Blue Lives Matter. But please protect us.

They're kind of like society's reindeer. the elves don't like getting paid qualified immunity rudolph i don't remember enough of this movie to talk about it anymore um okay do we want to read any more of these answers or do we feel against murder yet does anyone uh say it is okay to kill terrible people um any murders of crime eye for an eye laws prohibit murder though i wish we can go I wish we can go. Sounds more kind of terrible. I wish we can go.

It is not the role of the vigilante to take the law into themselves and be judged, sharing, and executioner. All right, these are pretty good. Objection! Your question is nonsensical, and that murder, by definition, is illegal killing. That's what I said. I got his ass on that one. I have a picture of the Night Stalker. That won't be on the YouTube because I'm not going to be able to find it because we've scrolled really far down.

But there was a Night Stalker, okay? Just take my word for it. Dave says, does the terrible person have the initials of DJT? If so, I'd hope they'd make an exception for you. Report that. That's a threat against the president. That's a threat. Report that.

It's also very funny to be like, murder is normally illegal, but since it is a recent president, it's fine. Up is down now. Okay. But please hurry. How does that one relate to power? Oh, I get it. It's murder. Murder is power.

It is how one hath become God. True. Okay, up to our next five quo question. This is part of a series here. This is interesting. Does Tommy S. think he can get me put in jail? Now, there are no answers on this. This is from Scotland for Champions,

which is a newspaper in Tennessee. And he spends a lot of time calling out Tommy S, so it makes you wonder why a newspaper would be doing that. Tommy S. Do you want me to read the next one, Alex? Yeah, okay. The next question is, is Tommy S after my dad? Go and fuck with him and see where you end up.

You be on the street. I'd like to add these are not questions, really. It's more of a statement. It's more of a warning to Tommy S. And there's one more. Aside from Tommy S., he can't even touch anyone in my family due to my social security. Does he know that? So, is it an aside for Tommy S. or aside from Tommy S. and you're talking to a third person?

This person feels like they're just kind of confused when it comes to Tommy S. I feel like they haven't really made up their minds. Well, he's a divisive character. He's got so many more questions about Tommy S. And it turns out Tommy S. is Sheriff Tommy Spangler. Oh, punching up. Great. Powerful posting.

Is that a person I should know? Sheriff Tommy Spangler. Yeah, dude, it's Sheriff Tommy Spangler. Just making sure this isn't a famous sheriff or something. Do you break the law in Knoxville often? Yeah, I'm always down there. I'm fighting for my life right now. Don't throw up over this.

Yeah. Oh, over the eel thing. Yeah. Can I be a star in Nashville because I've never been there in a few years? He has a lot of crazy questions. I thought you were a newspaper in Nashville. What do you mean you've never been there? That's my bad, folks.

Different. You see, I'm a coastal elite. I hate to be like this, Alex, but you're sounding a lot like Sheriff Tommy Spangler right now. Well, howdy, howdy, howdy. Maybe I do. It is really disconcerting that a guy is just posting about one sheriff and no one's answering. That's really scary. It is.

uh he's kind of treating the law he posted another question that says um i just moved to california and there are many people i want to kill i bought a gun what should i don't just i was fully into that i was all in on that one sorry no he's still in knoxville so you can feel safe at home unless you live in knoxville and then your sheriff is crooked as the day is long Do you want to move on to the next segment? Yes. Forbidden knowledge. Okay, I'm going to get it right this time.

Forbidden knowledge. The unknown. The forbidden. Almost two years of this podcast. The secrets you won't ask. Okay, this is our witches segment. I'm a baby witch, and I read that you work slash worked with Lucifer. I'm really interested, so can you give me some advice?

So this is a specific answer from a knowledgeable witch or warlock that we have curated for you. Quarrated, if you will. Sure. Do you want me to read it? Are you sick with eel? I was trying to say I wanted to make a dumb joke where I pretended that this was for a different thing. Where, you know, like something like, and this is great if you've also worked with James Corden or something. Oh, Jeremy.

It felt wrong. We don't want to say these things. And there was too long a wait. co-workers james corden um do you want to read it from the movie cats from the movie cats um yes i would like to read this so this is a response to i heard you worked with lucifer can you give me some tips on my baby witch i have no advice except to stop calling yourself a baby witch it's so offensive you are a novice i don't know your chosen for witches tips for witches i don't know your chosen path if it's general paganism either with a group or solitary or a specific

wiccan pathway involving joining a coven and undertaking year and a day study for each of the initiate levels from novice you'd be first degree then second and third but take it from an initiated wiccan who has been on the path for over 40 years whoa there are no baby witches that are mobile talking and able to perform spells and rituals baby witches happen when two people who follow the path birth or adopt an infant the infant is a baby witch this is so pedantic i love this it's about witchcraft it's just like you're not a baby you're a lady shut up yeah but i think That's kind of like what the person who's asking the question wanted. Like they're asking for knowledge and information and like they're getting it's like when you

go to a sensei and you like want to learn and they're like, well, first of all, take off your shoes and place them in this corner appropriately. Right. And they make you do that for three years. And then eventually you can like karate chop. Right. You learn that your motions to put the shoes in the corner actually have been training your shoulders exactly to chop just right so i think this this lady is right like you you're a

novice i do think that she should um maybe wipe that damn smirk off her mouth and um if she wants to work with hitler put her i mean not hitler lucifer and it's fucked up are they the same guys because i'm dissing hitler now um yeah if you want to work with lucifer excuse me you have to actually put in the work this feels like when somebody's like networking at a casual event it's kind of the vibe i'm getting from it um there's a lot more here you as an adult or at least a teen or old enough to post on quorum take up studying the path are a novice you're a learner you're new but you're not a baby oh my god again and the term baby witch is not cute it's nauseating suggest oh my god maybe you're not serious about your path about the long history of the craft and

that maybe it's just cool and hip and trendy and when you tell people you're a witch it makes you feel intimidating and superior to others sorry if this is offensive but i've been seriously practicing which since the 1980s and from having gone through degree training i can say that it is arduous and very deep and profound and quite frankly, the process will weed out the curious and the ones who are already doing it to seem cool or can learn how to hex

the mean girl or get their crush to fall in love with them. None of that is what the craft is about. Then what is it about? What is it actually about? Anyone who's into witch for not to get their crush to like them

sucks. It's about your crush. Well, you get to do like spells. Fireball? You could do fireball. Don't you want to do fireball? No. They can't do fireball. Turn into newt? Look,

I can do fireball when I get my gun. In a sense. At least magic missile. I pray that you do not do something bad. There's one more paragraph here. I asked the goddess to

send you the wisdom you need to figure out which category you are in and to guide you thusly and thus to advise you that working with any powerful entities as a baby novice is probably not encouraged yet you have no idea what you're dealing with these things are not to be scoffed at toward with or approached casually and uh that has seven upvotes and we will be the eighth oh yes i got it upvote this mr jeremy it is upvoted so this person has worked nick's shadow hawk i guess is the question asker? No, no, he's the mod of Forbidden Knowledge. I see, I see.

We are constantly coming across Nick's shadow rock. Yes, you're right, you're right. Oh, really? Yeah. I think he's actually taken some of our questions down, I'm pretty sure. I believe it. I believe he thinks we're a menace.

It's just me projecting here. Now, did reading this person call herself a baby witch nauseate you, Jeremy? And maybe that's what you're feeling? I feel so sick. It's crazy. it's like a good 50-50 chance

I throw up during this podcast I will go to the bathroom I feel pretty similarly reading the casual way that she's approaching the craft that's true

it might just be that I'm upset that this person is calling themselves a baby even though they're not a baby it's disrespectful

it belittles Wicca with 40 years in the craft I mean this is who's coming in now this is freaking Olivia Rodrigo

yeah take that why don't you alright so do you think they're actually doing magic yeah they're trying they're doing their best do you mean the question asker or the question the experts

the experts yeah no they're doing magic they write about it at length and they've also like if you could lie to your like how long do you think you could lie to yourself about doing magic because I don't think I could go 40 years that's what I'm saying though like they're not actually seeing stuff levitate

Right? If they were, we would all probably... It's probably just, like, good luck stuff, right? So, like, you mix a potion, you drink it, and hopefully things go well. It's like astrology or whatever. Yeah, it just becomes, like, kind of any religion in that it's faith-based.

If they're doing their job, you'll never even know they were there. That's the thing about these freaking witches. Yeah. They'll cast Meteor, and it will just hit Sephiroth. Such a big sword. I think these guys are based and red-pilled, and they rock. Let's read another Forbidden Knowledge, please.

Okay. Please. That was by... We've ethered this one young woman, and I'd like to move on. Okay, this is another question. How can I become a hero that loves tech and uses it during a fight without hurting the opponent? Now, this is a pursuit to power, if I've ever heard of it. Sure, this is like Iron Man or whatever.

Non-lethal Iron Man. How can I become a hero that uses tech? During a fight. Well, that loves tech. That loves tech. Loves tech. Uses it during a fight without hurting the opponent. Maybe if you had like an AI projection that makes a big scary wolf.

Sure. And that scares them. That's one way. Because here's the thing about Iron Man and Spider-Man and all the guys who have. They hurt people. They really hurt. Like if Spider-Man punches you and you fly into a brick wall, like that kills most people. You're not enjoying that.

Yeah. You're not going to like this. It's Spider-Man punching you. Is there a lot of tech that you can use in a fight with an opponent? A net. A big net. That's great. That's technology.

I call it net-nology. The gladiators use nets sometimes, right? Wasn't there one guy who used a net? Yes, that guy. You always feel bad for the guy who had the net. One guy's got a sword. There's one dude with a sword. There's one guy with a net.

And then there's a wild boar. Yeah. and they're just like net guy's not getting anything no that's the worst one to get it's terrible we've all seen the meme my face when i see the guy with the net and it's spongebob and he's like oh no um and i'm in a jellyfish catching competition and my opponent is net guy my opponent is net gladiator oh man um so besides net and um illusions what's what's one other tech we could maybe crack out here because the word hero i picture a physical fight is the thing yes i mean i guess you could

be like a hero like the postman and in that way you could use tech to deliver more mail right they're heroes like a robot dog how are you using it during a fight you use mega man's dog oh it does say during a fight well postmen get in fight sometimes sure you could read a letter to you could threaten to open the letter to them that's private oh yes okay so you start a fight with the guy you're delivering mail to and then when they like start something you're like i'll read it but is that using your tech it's the tech of the male it's male tech i don't know if i like that definition that's not tech that's not tech tech's gotta be shiny i think it's a form of tech okay um okay i would love to hear the answers on this i bet they're good okay you want to read

this first one sure um so mancha sharma says be strategic in how you plan your defense two always know where all of your opponents are i think i think the first one was supposed to be one and he just forgot to do it i think that's the that's their secret it's an implied one new move skip one leave them grasping uh three keep moving four keep your opponents in a line in front of you i have not heard that before that's really cool five strike incisive blows six use the objects around you to ward off your opponents seven escape as soon as you can that's not what i want to do though i have all this fucking tech i want to use that was not related to tech yeah that's my issue with that answer is that i mean that's like a kung

fu guy that could just be your fist well you line them up for your net here's a really good answer or something redhead redheaded damsel says gain knowledge that's how you can use tech in a fight without hurting someone that's true in a way in a way hackers are using oh anonymous does this yeah anonymous gains knowledge and you know who else gains knowledge the mailman when he opens your letter and reads your secrets. That's not tech, Alex. It's your knowledge. It's paper.

It comes in a bag. Someone invented that. Somebody made it. Oh, my God. You could just make an envelope? No, you need tech. It's a form of tech. What is language if not technology?

Thank you, Jeremy. I'm so sick. We're going to end this any minute now. Hang in there. I'm fine. Everything's fine. You look great. Yeah, you look great, man.

You sound good. This is the most I've ever heard that in my life. You're so handsome. You have a winning smile. That is true. What if I just throw up immediately? Projectile vomiting. I only request you do it on camera, but not onto our stuff.

And that will be difficult for you. You should leap this way towards the camera. Josh Amaphone says, Become an honest and dedicated investigative journalist. Yes, Josh. Wow. That is a good answer. That's pretty good.

Maintain integrity and avoid left or right bias. Nice. Cool, dude. Nice. There's no greater weakness than left or right bias. Right for the New York Times. Yes. The paper of record.

Do you back your party on something 100%? Gun control, abortion, free speech, et cetera? If you think either side is the perfect answer or the completely wrong answer, then that means you're stupid. this is kind of unrelated to the question josh i gotta say no that doesn't have to do with opponents just at journalism school or tech yeah you can't use journalism in a fight somebody just saw civil war oh i've heard about this answer this oh yeah tell them that tech won't save them when the country's divided yeah when the antifa massacre happens now is that i've heard about this

from the movie from people talking about this movie is that by antifa or to when they very purposely don't say they don't explain a single goddamn thing wow yeah stupidest movie it kind of seems like my bias is making the story the three things they do in that that are silly is the antifa massacre they mentioned the portland maoists and they mentioned that the trump character who's played by uh nick offerman abolished the fbi which like i feel like watching i'm like that's Oh, no, not the FBI. We'll catch the aliens. Who's going to kill Black Panthers?

Can't wait to see the film. It's so bad. Maybe that's a quarrel. Jesse Plemons is good in it. Jesse Plemons is good in it. There are moments where you're like, this could have been a cool movie. Yeah. He plays a real good sicko, Jesse Plemons.

He's so good at being a sicko. Yep. I like all the Alex Garland movies. They're all kind of stupid. I agree with that. Okay, can we do one more? Will you make it through one more? I'm going to try.

Which one do you want to do? Which country has the most witches? I would like to do that. This question is, which country has the most witches? Yeah, shoot from the hip on this one. Top answer, Russia simply infested by them. Uh-huh, honey. Damn.

That sounds right. There's no elaboration either. It just says, don't know about Africa. never was in there but in russia this activity pretty much common mostly done by old malevolent hags but some young witches exist too young ones usually into harmless white magic okay so russia sounds like they're infested a little bit america has a lot of tiktok teen witches right i feel like russia is not super witch heavy i feel like you go west of russia into like the balkans that's and you're getting into which country, maybe Moldova, Romania.

Bulgaria's got some witches for sure. Dagestan. The fact that this person assumes Africa is one country makes me think that they're assuming all of Eastern Europe is Russia. Oh, yep. So Russia is, I feel like Russia, especially post-Soviet Union, is just so secular and doesn't believe in anything. I was about to say they go by Soviet maps.

They're like, yes, Russia is full of them. yeah i don't think i would if i had a venture to guess i'd say romania is probably which capital of the world at least per capita right yeah like this one is just which one has the most so maybe russia just wins by like size but even then well because if you just do both by number it's like sure india or china probably does i mean what's a yogi but a witch of the body that's so true they can make that flame they can grow their fingernails really long they punch far away These are all spells. And they hold their arms up.

That one's crazy, yeah. That's crazy. It is crazy. Have you seen that, Alex? They hold their arms up for like 35 years, and their arms become like wrinkled and like... Why would you do that? Why would you do that?

It's a spell. What do you want to do up there? That's the problem with most spells, is that it just ends up hurting your body for a long time. Don't do spells, by the way, if you're listening. It's not worth it. Yeah, don't do them. Do the arm thing, though.

Try that out. This isn't Russia. Do the arm thing for a while. It makes your arm into like a branch. The only argument against Russia I could see is I could see Russia recently having had, like, a witch program in, like, 1985. Yeah, totally. Or I would say, like, hiring a bunch of witches to, like, be in the army. Exactly.

It's mostly witches in Ukraine by this point. You could find, like, the witch front has rebelled against Putin. The UN is looking into it. Well, did you know that during, like, I think it was a battle of Leningrad or something during World War II, the Russian army was, like, they had a policy of, like, there's units of two in the army. So there's one guy with a gun and then one guy behind him with a stick so that when the guy with the gun gets killed, the stick guy picks up the gun. I have also played Call of Duty. Yes, we've all played Call of Duty. And what is a stick but a wand?

folks so i think maybe russia is actually the right answer that is it what else is a wand if not a stick do we have any other answers for this that was a really strong almost all of them are just like i don't know witches aren't real wait wait wait wait wait wait wait okay uh cassandra lone says the united states by far with an estimate between 300k to a million wiccans are a significant minority in the u.s however counting them has been a consistent problem due to pagan religion often having strong discrimination and being a strong social taboo they're a minority religion and many times outed wiccans lose jobs housing custody battles and more when their religious preferences are made public so last week we talked about having a vampire father and losing

your custody for that would you lose your custody for being a witch i don't then there's sexism too firing someone from a job for being a wiccan is a very funny reason yeah that can't have ever happens yeah your numbers are down and you're a goddamn witch you were employed as like a priest i don't know why i know you signed the devil's book yeah from your like office job you're at first presbyterian we just can't really have a wiccan priest sorry we have to cast you out yeah We simply must. The spirit of Christ compels you.

Spirit of Christ compels you. You nailed it. If you were at a major corporation, it would be fun to be like, we're letting a lot of people go just by the numbers. Many of you were witches. That's the main reason there. But also for money.

Saudi Arabia? They execute six every year, apparently. oh okay so legally that's probably gotta be yeah right yeah muslims were really anti-magic anti-right leave that shit out of here yeah we don't but it's weird like we we're anti-magic but we also somewhat believe in it and that's why we're anti you're gonna invite a jinn in exactly if we start doing that it's this weird like middle area of like well it's not real which is why it's forbidden because it's a lie but also it's seriously don't it's creepy and don't do it We're making a Dragon Ball Z city.

We have witches here. Beams only. We're going to fly around secularly. That would be so cool if Neom had an anti-gravity chamber, a hyperbolic gravity chamber. I think it was probably in the building plans. I was really depressed when they issued like they're cutting back on 90% of the Neom projects.

I was fully team Neom. Yeah, same. City of the future. I want to be part of the line I know I did a show for the princess of Saudi Arabia What? And I'm technically not allowed to talk about it

But I made a bunch of jokes about Neom And they were all laughing at it They loved it Yeah They all know Neom They know They know Neom's not real Dude, you're reading the thing

And you're like, you don't even believe this They don't believe it This is a bunch of fucking You're just like a fucking scheme you're on Yeah And it worked Can you say what the show was or no? It was just like

Saturday Night Live A couple years ago Saturday Night Live. It was one of their secret episodes. Just for Saudi Arabia? Just for Saudi. Can I just say the secret episodes of Saturday Night Live? So much funnier than the normal episodes.

They're hilarious. They get Colin Jost dressed up in a little outfit. His famous bit, I am a witch. I am a witch. I am Colin Jost. I am a witch. Sarah Squirm cannot get me. That's pretty good.

Thank you. Thank you, Colin. Thank you, Colin. Thank you. Thank you for decency, Colin. Before Jeremy throws up on camera, we're going to wind down the show here. So let's think of a question to go out on. Yeah, do you have any questions you want to ask Cora?

The pursuit of power. How old should I be before I can start using my powers for good? I think that's a good Cora question. That lets the community decide. Yeah. That's good. Cut that, print it. We're going to check back on that next week.

In the meantime, Basemail, thank you so much for coming on to Quarators America's number one Quora show. Where can our listeners find you at home and abroad?

You can find me on Instagram as smilecomic, I-S-M-A-E-L comic. And also, I have a website and I do stand-up and I do,

I'm all over the world. Yeah, if you're a princess in Saudi Arabia, please reach out. Please. He'd love to work with you. If you like our show,

please support us, patreon.com slash quarators. We have new episodes every Thursday. we go on reddit we go on nextdoor.com we go on all kinds of other websites and sometimes tiktoks unless they're bad then we don't go on those nice those are in not good so go please do that and in uh the meantime question everything bye