Quorators - Rage Unleashed

Episode Date: November 11, 2024

Comedians Clare O'Kane, Alex Ptak, and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: Do you get twisted in the head by being let down? I'm white and from the suburbs and I aspire to be a rapper. I have no clue what to rap about though. What should I do? Why are people gatekeeping and gaslighting all the girlbosses? Why can't people just leave the girlbosses alone? --- Come to our live show on December 14th at The Gutter in Brooklyn https://www.eventbrite.com/e/quorators-live-tickets-1077648448519 Get even more Quorators when you support the show @ http://patreon.com/quorators Send quoras and qommunicate on our discord https://discord.gg/7pPYuKuYCr Watch the show @ youtube.com/@quorators

You know what pisses me off is Duncan changed the name. Let me turn this down a little bit. As soon as Alex puts the headphones on, he's just screaming. He changed the name of the coffee coulada to just frozen coffee. But I feel like it's a completely different product now. And the last one I had had like spoiled milk in it or something. Like I was getting hazed. Ew.

That might be your fault, that, if you had spoiled milk. How would it be my fault? Well, I mean, but if you can't really judge the coffee based on the spoiled milk version you had of it, right? It's really fun to have. It's pretty much an ice cream treat. It's not really a coffee of any kind. And we should stop even pretending it's coffee.

It's a coffee culotta. I think the name switch is merely a paper chase game, a shell game to hide the death of the strawberry culotta, of the lemonade culotta. They're treats for babies. All Duncan drinks are treats for babies. They're treats for babies, and baby wants a snack. I'm a girl dad.

Pending. Are you excited to be a girl dad, Alex? Duncan dad. I'm ready to compliment your nice blouse. Are you going to be posting like that online? As a father of a daughter. I'm a freaking girl dad. They got to paint the White House orange now.

I keep trying to make it related. We're being too soft on the Balkans. When I saw my daughter spill a coffee, I drone struck her. That's what I did as a dad. Yeah. Yeah. You don't got your headphones on? You're too good?

Is it because I'm yelling? You can't handle it. Well, you better learn to handle it, baby, because Quarantine starts now. don't touch that dial you're back on quora.com technically it's social media technically it's misledia this is the fucking quarators i cursed under i've demonetized youtube there's all your all your best friends alex and claire and jeremy we're back another week after this crazy election what a fun time what a fun time and what a win for us as business owners

we won't have to pay as many taxes as we used to that's right they're trying to crawl up my ass well that's not the kind of thing we talk about on this show where we are three patriots but um the kind of things we talk about this show are what's going on in the news i i love um paying taxes as a business because usually for us it's alex will text me and say the our accountant guy called me he said he needs all our money he needs all that please don't take it please and i got him to say okay i won't take all of it does that happen once where you're like listen i'm just broke the accountant should know that i agree he knows better than anyone he does this clever little move claire and i don't want to get stuck on this where he's like oh well i sent that to billing i didn't

know they were going to your house and shooting at you and then i complain and then billing's like we had it removed but don't do it again and then i did that so many times that i billing sent me a separate email that's like stop complaining bitch time to pay up why are you so broke you broke ass bitch and that's how the accounting for alex alex got us to pay less taxes like the same way i i passed my final grades in college where i was like please don't fail me i need this i'm a podcaster my final year of college i literally had to email one of my professors for graph theory and say, you've got to give me just two more points. What does that even mean?

I agree with Claire on her face to graph theory. I don't know. I mean, I failed the class. Was it a math? It was a math class. Did you mean math theory? No, it's graph theory. What's the theory?

It's the worst. You have to draw a bunch of shit. What's the theory? The theory that you flinch twice when I'm going to punch you and then you get two for flinching? Yeah. Did I break your glasses? Is that the theory?

I had to send this sad as emo. We both know I'm not going to be a graph theorist I'm doing stand up I'm going to be a Madison Square Garden He sent me an email back Every day I go to your house And I hope you don't answer the door I hope you don't make me a graph

But you keep doing it I pray today is the day you don't answer Because you're a Madison Square Garden With a stool on stage At Madison Square Garden Oh no you guys want to see another graph The fact that anyone wants to do Stand up at Madison Square Garden

It's like wanting to be president You gotta be sick You gotta be sick in the head Like Dane Cook Twisted You gotta do a full circle Circular act out I've been to two stand-up shows at Madison Square Garden

They both sucked It was like being in a gymnasium You can't hear anything It was awful I would expect the sound to be really good One of them was Louis CK Before everybody knew that he was doing all that jacking off Unconsensually

And the other one was John Mulaney They had hints before About how much it was happening He said it was all above board And we were like, sounds good So there I was jacking off normal. Legally. And then me and all other 50,000 people were like, ah!

The light bouncing off his bald spot. Yeah, exactly. Tell us you hate your daughters! Well, he's a girl dad. That's right. I believe he did at some point give a sort of like, well, I'm a father of girls. I would never. I love women.

I wouldn't want to jack off to them. Yeah, well, he was like, everyone has talked about this, but before he was canceled, he was like, the most important thing we can do is get Hillary Clinton in the White House because we need a lady in there. And then people are like, you jacked off in front of ladies who don't want it. And now he's like, I don't know, maybe we just kill everyone. Women are terrorists. Let's be real. I can finally say what I think for once. There should be a special jail with really comfy pillows and we put all of them in the jail.

How did John Mulaney at Madison Square Garden? I feel like he's just looking for the challenge I had to strain to hear I had to strain to hear Careless Whisper with John Mulaney It's like seeing a presentation in elementary school You know what I mean? Which was my favorite part of elementary school

But negative content I will say one of the openers And I won't say who it was Did eat shit Which was very funny to see at Madison Square Garden Was it a man? Yes Was it Joe Mandy?

It was not Joe Mandy He's funny I love Joe Mandy There's only one other person who was there I think so you could look it up. The thing about stand-up is kind of the funniest part for any of them

is when someone eats shit at a really big event like that. It was so big. Yeah, it's crazy. It's kind of the best part of the whole thing. It's just to see a million people

hate one guy. That happened recently at a Shane Gillis show where someone got booed a bunch, one of the openers. Oh, I'm sure. There was just like

30,000 people booing him. Probably for speaking truth to power. And in the video, he's just like, do you guys think I should just go? And everyone started cheering

and then he left the stage. Oh, yeah. Yeah, who was that? I don't know the guy's name. I don't remember. What a great gig. Louis C.K. It was Louis C.K. again.

I don't remember what my point was, but it's all of our dreams to see our name up in lights. I think it was that you're a father to a daughter. That's right. Yeah, a girl dad. And that ties into our theme this week, which following the election and my pending child is Rage Unleashed.

Hit a button or something. Uh-huh. I should have found a better one. Rage Unleashed. How about that? Rage Unleashed. I kind of forgot that I'm supposed to hit the buttons, but I'm going to do better with that story now.

Rage Unleashed sounds like the catch phrase for an energy drink. Yeah. It was fun writing in for rage prompts on Quora to try to find stuff because I would just type in stuff and it would be like, well, this is the name of a video game. I wrote Rage Blast and everybody was like, Like, how do you unlock Vegeta in Rage Blast? I was like, no, can't use this one.

I already did the Hulk question. Yes. And the Hulk does come up a little bit, I think, today, possibly. Or maybe I didn't include that one. But there are just so many rageful men out there, and they change the very world itself with their anger. Now we're going to get into Space of the Week here. Space of the Week is somewhat of a tablet you can use

to open up a world of what's going on on Quarrel, what the nitty-gritty is like on these different locations you can go to. Speaking of locations you can go to, we have a live show. Oh, my God, that's so true. That location is at the Gutterball. December 14th.

Berg. And Greenpoint. Kind of in the middle. On the border. And the tickets for that will be in the bio, and my crazy tits are in bio. You've got to be there. They're going fast.

This week's space is psychopathic musings. Hit the button first. Blue button. Space of the week. I got to say, it's a red button. Yeah, it is a red button. Try and trick me. You know what?

Try and trick a dad. Just like this damn election, I thought I pressed blue. It turned out it was red. I'm going to be hitting that one a lot on the Rage episode. I'm going to be slamming that one. Oh, brother. Anyway, we're on psychopathic musics.

Now, this one kind of caught my eye. It's not a big space. There's only one contributor and 29 followers, but it is elaborate in its writings. The one contributor is a guy named Dan Cooper. Psychopathic.quaret.com. First of all, great SEO there. Dan Cooper studied at bachelor degrees

Great URL The ramblings of a psychopath The details of the space We could honestly just read this page That's what I was saying We were talking about do I need to get some of these for you And I was like the whole thing is gold This might be the Dan Cooper episode

These are pinned by the way The top one here is the psychopathic stare Can we zoom in I forgot to bring my psychopath glasses those would be disturbed is this zoomed enough yes one of the more popular things about psychopaths is the idea of the psychopath stare is it a myth or is it real i can't tell you for sure as i as i would imagine that others have the ability to perhaps it's something that comes naturally to psychopaths so real quick stopping he identifies

as a psychopath? As a psychopath. Psychopath here. It is my privilege to do the stare. I want to click on his bio real quick and see. I believe myself

to be a self-aware psychopath, but I have not been formally diagnosed. Okay, well, you got to go to the doctor, Dan. Yeah, dude. You need somebody with a stethoscope

to tell you that. His picture is of a human eyeball real close up to a face. Undiagnosed psychopath who is pretty damn sure he is one. He says, the reason I'm convinced

i'm a psychopath is because i had no idea i wasn't one until i took the test and to be honest i didn't want to be one yeah defensive once i learned uh more about what psychopaths really were though i became quite comfortable with it and uh it finally explained why i was so different from other people even though they all think i'm some nice guy so i guess he's not he's actually a psychopath but he's self-aware i kind of love this guy he hasn't posted in eight years no i hope he's okay yeah He's probably locked up in Arkham Asylum. Wait a minute. It says he changed his name to Donald J. Trump.

Oh, my gosh. That's probably why he had to stop posting. It's because he had to be president after that. His second post here after the What About the Psychopath is of all men and no men, I believe. If you go to 16 posts there, Jeremy. Yeah, sorry. I am all men as I am no man. See, that's something a psychopath might say.

Perhaps. Psychopath's mask. I know I'm skipping thousands of words to get to it. Let's read more of his stare. Yes. The first time I remember being aware of it. Sorry, I was trying to make sure the TV didn't turn off. The first time I remember being aware of it was right after college when I moved to a big city and I was living in a decent but not great apartment.

The maintenance guy lived directly above, but at some point I discovered he was spying on my place. Not only that, but he was coming into my apartment while I was at work. I had a hard time proving it, but there were too many coincidences until one day I discovered he had drank some of my Jack Daniels. Yeah! That was it. Now I was really pissed. The next time I saw him, I was walking into my apartment with my girlfriend

and there were other people around, so I couldn't make a scene. With no other options, I stared him down as if I was going to kill him. He looked visibly frightened, swallowing, rolling his shoulders forward and looked down at the ground. All psychopaths know that's the fear stance. kind of say good thing we lost all those listeners

for the first few months of the podcast where it was like they were like it feels like you're just finding mentally ill people and making fun of them that is not what we're doing

that's not what the show is about here we are in the private space psychopathic musings we're making fun of what they write yeah you know what

we gotta say though no doctor has diagnosed this man that's right so we don't know this is a self aware this is like a day walker this is like when you

get a vampire and he can teach you more about the weaknesses of that dark brood. Also, please do not bother Daniel Cooper. Dan Cooper. Dan Cooper. A robot in his head.

Where was I? Active president of the United States, Dan Cooper. Since it wasn't the case, I realized the power of my stare and its ability... Oh, no, I think I skipped something. That was it. Now I was really pissed. The next time I saw him, I was walking to my apartment with my girlfriend, and there were other people around,

so I couldn't make a scene. With no other options, I stared him down as if I was going to kill him. He looked visibly frightened, swallowing, rolling his shoulders forward, looking around down at the ground. Apparently, he was even more frightening than that. As my girlfriend said, what the hell did you do to him? She thought I had already threatened or hurt him, and he was just scared to see me. Dude, your stare is so good, bro. It really scares people.

He thinks that the psychopath stare is like a power he has. Yeah, it's like a basilisk stare. It can turn you to stone. Oh, my God. That's so scary. Oh, baby. Thanks, Wario. Since that wasn't the case, there really isn't the power of my stare and its ability to frighten people.

Even last night, my wife had a worker at a retail store treat her rudely. I couldn't do anything to the guy in public, but we saw him as we were weaving and gave him my best psychopathic stare from about 40 yards slash meters away. That's too far away. Those are different also. That's right. I mean, we're talking 120 feet. Sure. We're talking 130 feet, and there's a guy just staring at you?

I mean, it doesn't look like anything. I just think it's funny to give a rough distance by saying the same number, but then say yards slash meters. I don't know, what are the two? Or miles, maybe. Anyway, I probably killed him with my stare. This is like, I just saw a smile, too, and sometimes the smiles don't really look like anything because it's just a smiling thing. You're like, oh, no, a monster. And I feel like this is what this guy's doing with his stare.

He's doing the smile, but the stare. He's doing the smile monster smile, but as a psychopath stare. What are they going to think of next, these horror movie writers? I don't know. Maybe wink? The stank. The foul stank. They've corrupted the beautiful smile.

The sound. He kept trying to look at me as we walked to our car and got into it and seemed concerned about what I was going to do next. It probably wasn't the nice thing to do, but I wanted my wife to know that I took her complaint seriously after not paying attention to it at first. Don't worry, baby. I stared at that guy.

Also, good for this guy for being married. Yeah. Well, his wife is kind of a cold costume he wears to disguise his dark personality. Because he was saying people think he's nice. They don't know he's a psychopath. And, dear listener, why can't you find a nice girl? Why can't you find a nice...

Even the psychos can't find one. Yeah, the psychos are pulling like crazy. You have to show your loyalty. If you've seen American Psycho, he actually does quite well for himself. He pulls. He's a handsome man. Yeah, he's very handsome, and he kills some of them, or did he? Spoilers for the movie.

Ladies, find yourself an American Psycho. With a nice apartment. And a big mirror next to your bed. I feel like that's supposed to be like, oh, look at him. He's so crazy. He watches himself have sex. If I had a nice mirror like that, I'd do that all the time. Yeah.

Would you flex? It's so cool. Whenever there's a mirror around, I'm looking at it. It's awesome to flex. This person's fucking me. Did you see how much he was working out? Of course I would flex. I look like Christian Bale in there.

He's like a statue. He worked for it. He worked for it. He looks great. He's earned it. It was wrong of the police to bring him down. Oh, there's an origin to the stare now. Okay, here we go.

This is all we're doing this episode. Well, before I understood that I could scare people with my stare, I used my eyes to read people to see if they were lying, to communicate my intentions, and with women to seduce. I had read a comment about Warren Beatty making women feel like they were the only ones in the room, and I knew I could do that pretty easily by keeping eye contact. I guess he's manipulating them, and that's wrong.

Eventually, I realized that I could actually communicate a lot of nonverbal things with my eyes as well. With seduction, there are so many stupid and cheesy lines that can and maybe even need to be used, not to mention getting the women to the point where you kiss her and work towards foreplay and sex.